Podcasthon Special featuring Windmills charity with Guest Emma Hine

I'm delighted that Midlife Unlimited is taking part in Podcasthon for the second year. A huge thank you to my guest Emma Hine who joins me for Episode 74 to shine the spotlight on a charity very close to her heart - Windmills. 

Thanks too to everyone at Podcasthon for this global celebration of the power of podcasting for good. I am proud to be part of it.
 
 Connect with Emma

https://www.emmahine.co.uk

https://www.instagram.com/iamemmahine

 https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-hine

https://www.facebook.com/emma.hine.52

 Contact Windmills

https://windmillscharity.org/

More details about Podcasthon 

https://podcasthon.org/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, I'm a huge advocate of the power of podcasting for good. So I'm proud that once again, Midlife Unlimited is taking part in Podcaston, the annual global initiative that shines the spotlight on charities making a huge impact. So I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Emma Hein, founder of Emma Hein Strategy and host of the Simple Business Dream Life Podcast to talk about a charity very close to her heart, Wimmills. So welcome, Emma. It's fabulous to have you here. And thank you for joining me to share your story.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

My absolute pleasure, Kate. Thank you so much for inviting me to join you.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Well, what I love about them, am I going to say it right because we just laughed, I can't say it, podcasts on, is it's not just about the big charities that we hear about all the time. And it's great, I love big charities, but it's the small ones, isn't it? It's the small ones that just don't always get all the publicity. So that's why I'm delighted to talk with you about Windmills today, because obviously it's a Staffordshire-based charity, but as we'll mention during our conversation, hopefully, even if our listeners aren't local to Windmills, it will think, oh yes, is there someone local to me? And you said there are going to be other charities that offer similar support and similar services.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Yeah, absolutely. I I know that you know windmills are Staffordshire-based, but there is other charities that I've since come across that definitely do the same thing as windmills in other counties. You know, hopefully one day windmills will get to be a bigger charity and they can support more counties.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

No, absolutely. Now, what I love is the motto on the website for Windmills: turning grief around. And I know they they've had quite a profound impact on your family and your story. Now, obviously, listeners, it's it's a tragic, tragic story, but Emma talks about it in such a positive and empowering way, and that's why I'm so heartwarmed that you're here to talk with me today. So, could you share your story and how Wimmills came into your life?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so it's back in 2023. Um, we my my eldest daughter, who at the time was 31 with two beautiful children, um got diagnosed completely out of the blue with secondary liver cancer and was told straight at the beginning that it was um terminal, that they weren't going to be able to cure it, but hopefully they would be able to treat it to prolong her life. Um it was a whistle stop tour, I think that's the quickest way to describe it. Everything moved very quickly but very slowly. It took them a long time, which probably isn't a long time, it just felt like it when we were living at the moment, to actually work out what the primary cancer was. Now, I I felt very lucky that we'd had very little as a family experience of cancer. Um, you know, my granddad in his 90s got a little bit of skin cancer. My father-in-law has and still has prostate cancer, but his 90s controlled.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Um, but beyond that, nothing, you know, nothing that we understood. So I didn't understand that to treat a secondary cancer, they need to really understand what the primary cancer is, because apparently they treat that. Um, because that is what is turned into the secondary. I I don't know, I still don't fully understand the reasoning behind that, but that was tracing it back, I suppose. Yeah, yeah. They needed they could they could attempt treating other ways, um, but actually finding out what the primary cancer was was the best. So Becky was they were trying to work out what it was, um, but it was it kept coming back inconclusive. They couldn't quite get to grips on what where the primary cancer was within a body. They'd ruled out all of the main places, breasts, all the obvious places, yeah. Um, but they couldn't quite find it. Um, and Becky had got pain, she'd lost some weight, but she'd been walking, she'd been to the gym, she'd been, you know, quite normal things that go on in life. Um six weeks down the line, we were in Mar, we were in May. Um, she started to get, I can't say this word. Um, it's where fluid aesthesis, I can't say it. Sorry, it's a word I can't say, but it's where the fluid um leaks and you end up swelling. So she started to swell up, her belly had started to swell up. And this was gosh, it was it was May, probably around the 10th of May, something like that, that sort of time. Yeah. Um and so they booked it in to go and drain it. Apparently, this is a common thing that happens with the liver cancer. So they booked it in to go and have this drained on the Monday, which would have been the 15th of March. Um and that weekend, she just went downhill very fast. So she was she was a bit tired and all of the things, but generally she was Was she at home? She was at home. Yeah, she was at home. At this point, the children know mummy as poorly, but uh Becky had made a decision, which we all completely respected, that until she knew what it was she was going to go through in terms of treatment, and she could actually explain to the children properly what was happening. She didn't want the children to know all of the other stuff, you know. We were being positive, we were completely positive. Yes, they'd said the word terminal, but people can live for years and years and years with terminal cancer. So we were in this belief that they were going to give her this treatment, and then we can explain to the kiddies, mummy's having some treatment, and we can worry about the other stuff when we get faced with that. Um, so she went downhill very, very fast. Um, and then we had to make a decision to actually get her into hospital um because she was really quite poorly, and that was on the Sunday. So that was on Sunday, the 14th of May. Um, she had to go into hospital because she really was quite poorly. Um, so she went into hospital and we just thought they were going to control her a little bit to then um do the surgery on the Monday, which would get rid of all of the problems she was having, to then come back to where we wanted to be. Um, really feel like I'm X making this into a longer story than you perhaps want to.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Thank you for sharing it.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Um but anyway, it didn't work out that way. Um, we went down to see her. Sorry, her husband went with her. We had the children at home. Um, Lee rang us to say, you need to bring the children down. And I'm gonna take a deep breath now.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Um okay. So we had to take the children down, and um we found out at that point that she got 12 hours or so left to live. Um, it had literally so quickly, everything had just aggressively, and her whole body was closing down. And she had um her potassium levels were high, but they were struggling to bring those down because they said if we the medication, whatever we do, there's a risk we're gonna send her into cardiac arrest. So it was everything was against us in terms of how we could potentially get her through this.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Um, and it was that night that um we got the we know what the primary cancer is. Too late now, we know we can't do anything with it. But the hospital got the results about whilst we were there on the hospital. Um, but after this doctor had told us that we would, it was just a waiting game now, we were waiting for her body to do its thing. Um the girls that were in the ward, she was in an intensive care type ward. Yeah. Um, the girls that were in the ward said, Have you had any help from um windmills with the children? And we're like, Windmills? I've never heard of windmills. Who are windmills? Um, because we obviously knew now we we've got to tell the children.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

The children need to know that you know this this is because they fill in the gaps as well, don't they? With their little hundreds.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

And and and and at first, as a family, our gut reaction was no, we don't want strangers to come into what is the most difficult conversation that we are ever going to have in our lives. We we don't we don't want that. We just want to be able to, you know, hug everybody and and and and have that conversation. Becky at this point wasn't, she she she had been told she was very, very poorly, but they hadn't said you're not gonna survive the night because she was calm, she was settled. Um, and we've made that decision. Not if you know, if she asked, we wouldn't lie to her. No. Um, but she was still so positive we wanted to keep that for her. Um, and we didn't want her to feel like she was saying goodbye to her children. Um but at the very last minute we made a decision to say, might actually be quite good to have some help from some people to come in and you know, and talk to us with the children to be able to be able to fill some of the gaps in we can't fill. So windmills were on the ward within an hour. I mean, this was a random Sunday evening. They both, they it's a very small charity, a fledgling charity. Um, and they both still work full-time as nurses, you know, within whilst they're running this charity. But they were there within an hour, and um it was the most surreal conversation. And when I when I speak to um Leanne and Zara now, who who are the two women who run the charity, they say they don't think they've ever seen anybody look at them as horrified as I looked at them when they announced that mummy was gonna die. And it was just like, whoa, you just said that so literally in those words, you know, literally in those words, I'm like, where's the fluff? Where's the blankets? Where's the you know, the things that you're gonna make these children feel less scared, less, but you know what? That's the best thing that ever happened, and I think that's the one thing that we would never have done without Wynn Mills, because children actually want to know the truth, yeah. And when it comes to um to death and to loss, as people who love these children dearly, we want to wrap them up in cottonwool and say, it's okay, you know, it's absolutely okay. Mummy's just having a little sleep, you know, she's she's gone to heaven, all of these things. And I'm not knocking any of those things, but actually, somewhere within those things we're saying, there is this little bit in the back of that child's mind that says, So is she coming back? You know, is there a possibility that I'm going to see her again? And they just want the honest truth, you know, they just want the honest truth. And windmills on that night, on on the time that they came into you know, into the ward, they stepped in to do things that we would never have dreamt of doing. And we just went with they did hand prints with the kids and Becky, you know, so Becky was still awake at this point, you know, doing a hand prints with them. Um they had they had little teddy bears that that Becky kissed and gave to each of the children, you know, all these little memory-making things that we would never have done any of that, you know, we would never have dreamt of doing any of that type of stuff. And turning, and I think this takes this thing back to turning grief around. Yeah, they were making it into a positive experience as far as the children were concerned, rather than a horrific one, you know, rather than something that was that was not a nice experience. Now the children left, they didn't stay beyond you know, that doing that little bit, and they hadn't registered in their head that they weren't going to see mummy again at that point. Um but honestly, the things that we did on that night, we would never have done them. And now we've got those memories, you know, we've got those. The children have got what windmills then go on and do is they then go on and continue to support the children. So windmills, another thing that completely flawed me, they asked us if the children wanted to go and see Becky, you know, in the in the funeral home.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

And I was like, oh no, that's that's like you know, that's because again, we superimpose our own fears, I suppose, and you as a mum, what you were going through as well. Exactly. How you were able to even think clearly to communicate.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

It's just I I think it's just whatever kicks in, kicks in, doesn't it? This, you know, this natural to do whatever you need to do to make it all come together. But we sat back and reflected and we thought, should we be the ones that are making that decision for the children? You know, that they were they they were only young, but you know, they were six and and nine at the time. But actually, should we be the ones that make that decision? You know, if somebody can have that conversation with them and explain to them what is going to happen when they go and the fact that mummy isn't going to, her body's going to be there, but you're not going to be able to have those conversations and all of those type of things with mummy that you would normally do. And she might look a little bit different, you know, and she's going to be cold, and you know, just to be able to explain those things to them. And the children did want to go, they absolutely did want to go. Now, that might have been curiosity, you know, with young children. It might have been curiosity. But again, Windmills stepped in, Windmills took them to the funeral home. Now I went up to them afterwards. I was I was just round the corner in case I was needed. But Windmills did that because they knew that they would be able to take away the personal emotion as mum, grandma, yeah, um, that that anybody else you know wouldn't be able to have. And they would also be able to answer truthfully and honestly any questions that the kids have done. And again, how they do it, honestly, I honestly don't know how they do this. They turned it into a positive experience. This time we had footprints. We were taking footprints from mummy, and they were they were they were drawing pictures and putting them with mummy, and they took some of their favourite things. I mean, Becky, we we sort of giggle when we look back now. When I went in to see Becky afterwards, they put um a packet of sweets, they put, you know, the kids, you know, the things that they put um a bit humorous, really, because Becky was always like, What was that prime, the drink that everybody had wanted all the teenagers, all the young kids, and she's like, No, they're not having that. So that they got a bottle of prime and they put that with because they thought it was funny, you know. And it sounds it sounds strange, but it was what the children needed. They needed to be able to do that, and they can they came to the funeral that they were there to ask, you know, the children questions. They go into when the kids eventually went back to school, they went to see them in school to make sure they were settled and to help them, and they continued to build this memory box, and it just helped them to say what they were thinking because as much as we didn't want to upset the kids, they didn't want to upset us either. So they there were things that they are thinking that they think, you know, we can't ask that. And to be honest, if they had just asked us, we probably, rightfully or wrongfully, would have given the answer that we think they want to hear, or we'd have said, you don't need to worry about that, you know, all of those sort of things. So windmills, they supported us too, you know, they were they were there to stroke and hold our hands too, with like that's not what their their charity does. Um, but we couldn't have done it without windmills. I always say they are the people that I wish I had never had to meet. But boy, I am so glad when we needed them that they were there for us.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

What strikes me as so special about these two women is how they've just seamlessly slotted in so it because it could feel that they were almost trying to take over the situation because it's such a raw, I mean, it's raw emotion, it's hideous is the only word that I can think of. The kind of thing that no mum, no grandma ever, ever wants to go through. But the fact they just came in and didn't take over, they just amalgamated with you, and like you were saying as well. I mean, we've we've had conversations here on Midlife Unlimited before about loss, um, and about how bloody hard it is to have the conversations. But as you say, when you when you bring little minds into it as well, and particularly going back to school, you can just imagine the conversations, and a lot of the kids there perhaps hadn't encountered death before, or if they had, they'd had the gone to sleep scenario, which I know when we spoke before that's a very tempting line to use.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

But then when daddy goes to sleep, it's like, is daddy not going to oh exactly that, and it's and it's those things I would never that would never have even entered my head. We'd have been we'd have probably said something to try and make them feel that it wasn't as horrific as it was, but actually the truth is always the right way to do it, isn't it? But it is really hard to do that because we think we're making things worse for them, but actually, long term we're making things better. Now, just a a just a little bit of a rewind there. One of the people who runs uh the charity, Zara, she lost her dad when she was four, and she said it was very much don't talk about it, never mention it in front of Zara. And that's why she's so passionate about the charity, because she knows that actually she just needed to understand it, and you can't understand it if it's not factual. You know, you need you need to actually understand what's going on, so it's you know, it's her lived experience. I know she was only four, um, but obviously that's as she's grown up, that's part of her story, isn't it? You know what I mean? When somebody dies, you don't talk about it, right? You're making it a taboo subject rather than actually one where you know we involve them in. Is there any songs that you would like to play at Mummy's funeral when we needed photos? We were like, you go and find some of your favourite photographs, and all of the things that we probably wouldn't have done if we just got these two lovely voices giving us not saying you've got to do this, but have you thought about or would you think you would like to ask the kids to do this? Or Bobby has said this. It's one of my grands, my grandson, you know, he has said this, you know. Can we do something to enable him to bridge that gap? And it was it was having that perspective that don't get me wrong, they have feelings, they have emotions, and you know, we became very, very friendly with them. I've continued to support them. I became a trustee for the charity, you know. Uh they became part of our family, which I know isn't what happens with every scenario. Um, long term, normally it's just like a short window, six months-ish window that they're there to help and support. But I've continued to help and support.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Well, I love that about you as well, though, because you're in a position, obviously, with your community in the business world, to be able to write. And I know you, you know, you've done presentations at events and that kind of thing. And it's all about, I know people say paying it back and paying it forward, but it is just raising awareness because there's going to be someone sitting in that audience who thinks, well, A, they might think, Great, I want to make a corporate donation, for example, but they might actually think, hang on a minute, I know someone who, and like we were just saying, geographically, windmills may not be the perfect fit, but it's raising awareness that this help is out there. And as you said, when you were in that hideous situation, if it hadn't been for someone saying, Have you heard about, you wouldn't have even considered.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

No, no, because this is not something that that happens, it does happen a lot. You know, that's one thing I have realized that it does happen a lot, but we don't realise it happens a lot because it's not happened to us. So it's not a conversation that I'd ever had. I would never have been looking for charities like that. And you mentioned something, and and I can't remember if it was during the episode, or when we were chatting before, but you spoke about you know bigger charities. Everybody knows the big charity. So, you know, if it it was cancer that Becky died of, and there were so many amazing cancer charities, but none of those actually supported Becky. And that's not because of the charity, that's because we never had the time to have any of that support. They may well have done if we'd have, you know, lived a lot longer. But windmills changed lives during our time. So for us, they are the people that you know donations from the funeral went to windmills, and I hosted an event with money. Getting raised with windmills. We've done a ball in Becky's memory. The money's gone to windmills. To me, those smaller charities get missed because people think about the big ones. And sometimes what people think is people won't donate unless they know the charity. Um, which absolutely isn't the case, is it? They'll they'll donate to help and support whatever they do, but it's not a charity you're ever going to just come across unless you've been through something like this, because they support children through bereavement, not all of the other stuff that that sits around it.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

And as and as you said, it's so important to have the conversations. I just think it's amazing, I really do. And again, I I know I said it just now, but the fact that it was an almost seamless introduction. And these two women, oh my goodness. You say Zoe's experienced loss in her own life. But you were talking just about the funerals as well. And how many times do you hear a funeral's no place for a child?

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Now, I don't think we wouldn't have not included them in the funeral. I think we would have still have had them come back. But some people would think no, no, no, they've you know they've got quite an protect them and protect ourselves, yeah, yeah, because we are going to fall apart too. You know, we are going to fall apart at that funeral, but it was about them understanding before anything happened what was going to happen. So they weren't just put into the funeral and everything just happens, and you know, there's there's there's a a box, and there's you know, people are crying and and pictures of mummy are flowing around, and they weren't just thrown into that. That conversation was had with them so they they understood exactly what it was, and you know, they they were given the opportunity to be involved in the you know the planning and the organization of it, so they they could feel part of that because that's what mummy would have wanted, you know, she would have wanted them to be there as long as they were happy and comfortable, and they were absolute superstars on the day, and you know, when they came out, the first people they hooked was windmills, the first people they threw themselves at was uh Leanne and Zara because they they Zara, sorry, not Zoe, yeah. Yeah, they were there, I don't know if it's the word right word, safe space, or they were there, but they were just so relieved that they were there to grab them as we walked out.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Yeah, and we yeah, and what's beautiful as well is they they haven't uh built an association with windmills and sadness. It's it's a very positive, and that's what I love from the handprints to the teddy bears to it sounds like they've really enabled you and your family uh to build positive memories from this horrific situation.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Absolutely, and and you know, that that is what they continue to do through their time that they're there. They continue to build the children that they work with, they help and support, they all get a memory box and that they all they all work on putting different things in the memory box, you know, as as they're going through that journey of um healing, understanding whatever it is that they are doing, but that you know, and that then becomes theirs to to treasure and to keep and to to do whatever they want to do with it. But it's almost like it's their little box that if they want to open it and look what's inside, they can, but if they actually just want it to sit there on the side, they can do that as well. Um, and it's that they they make the experience enjoyable, which sounds really crazy for the children, but that's what children need, isn't it? They need a bit of normality, but also that honesty, and I think that for me is the biggest thing, you know. If anybody is going through anything like this and there is going to be children who are left behind, honesty is absolutely key. It is really, really hard, and you know, as I said, Liana Zara, say the look from me when they said that you know, mummy is gonna die, I think they thought I was gonna jump over the bed and lamp them. I really think that's what it must have been because I was just like, I can't believe you just said that to my grandkids. You know, I I can't believe you've just said that to my grandkids. But now I know that was the right thing to do. And if you think the alternative to wrap them up, yeah, and as you said, if mummy's gone to sleep, is she gonna wake up at some point? If daddy goes to sleep, does that mean daddy's gonna be like grandma goes to sleep?

SPEAKER_00 26:35

You know, it's just exactly.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

We don't we don't want to make them not understand, you know, what that journey is, but we would never have done that on our own. We wouldn't, you know, we would not even with the knowledge I've got now. I still know we wouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

I just find it so refreshing as well, because I think as a nation we do have such a taboo attitude towards death, particularly when it's not end of a wonderful life lived, it's just shit happening. And to have the awareness with the support of a charity like Windmills of what is possible and and what conversations we can, I want to say dare to have, and I don't mean dare dare in a brave way, but it's like it must be such a situation where you're torn between what your heart wants to say and what your head wants to say. And there's no right, is there? There's no right answer, and some kids are going to react differently to other kids. I'm guessing the younger kids compared to like early teenage years, where there might be anger almost issues, you know, as that they're a little hotbed of emotions. It's different emotions at different age groups as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Yeah, absolutely. And they support children right up to 21. Um, most of the children they support are, you know, like teenage years down sort of thing, but they they do technically support people up to the age of 21. Um but I was amazed how many other families were impacted by this. So for when when Myla went back to school and um they were going in to see Myla in her school, um, they tried to arrange it for convenience for the school on a day that they were actually seeing another child in the same school. So there was another child in the same school. This is just a little village primary school, you know, it's not a and and I was just it it I think that's what really hit home with me in terms of this is not something that just happens rarely. Clearly, it's a lot rarer than you know a lot of other things, but actually, there are so many families that are these are only the ones we know of that because they've got the support from windmills, you know, there's so many families that are impacted through bereavement, and for some, there is the opportunity to because windmills will if you got a diagnosis, a terminal diagnosis where you'd been given less than six months, they would come and do some work with your child with the children before to pre. But we didn't get that opportunity because well, we didn't know they existed, and and if we did, Becky wouldn't have welcomed that that at that time because she wasn't ready for the children to to know. Um but it's it's it's just something that we'd never ever want to have to experience, but it happens a lot more than we realise, a lot more than we realise. And charities like windmills, and as I say, there will be others, and I know there is in other other parts of the country, are just people to really do call on them. If if you ever find yourself in this situation, and I hope nobody ever does, but realistically, I know people will, um, then don't make the mistake we nearly made, which was saying no, we don't want the help. You know, luckily we chose to do it last minute.com, but um take that help, look them up, go and find the charities because they will honestly make the process easier than it has to be. Not going to make it easy because it there is no such thing as as navigating any loss is not easy, but it meant that somebody else was helping with the load with the children because we were grieving too. You know, he had lost his wife, I'd lost my daughter, my husband had lost his daughter, my other two girls had lost their sister. Um, so there's no easy way to do it, but that help, just that little bit of help, is you use it if it's there, use it.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

Because as you said as well, it's when when you're being flooded by this the this tsunami of emotion, it's having people there who've walked that path before and can say, as you said, they weren't saying you need to do this, you have to do this. It's just introducing, would you like to do this? Could this yeah, this has worked with other families? They found it very, I don't know if helpful is the right word, but no, there's so so many beautiful, beautiful pieces of advice there. And thank you. And we will be sharing Wimmills contact details later on. I'll just mention it now in case I forget, I won't, but windmills charity.org. Um, and I'm sure if there must be search engines, I'll I'll see if I can find a general search engine that I can put in the show notes in terms of finding support. But I I love what you said in terms of when when it must be, I mean it's unimaginable, but it must be a time when you almost, as you say, you want to shut down and just be with your loved ones. You want to just say to everyone else, just go away, leave me with my family. I'm here, I'm protecting, I'm grandma, I'm protecting my daughters, I'm protecting my husband, I'm protecting my son-in-law, my grandchildren. But then to have these gentle people just come in and come in and be there in a positive, beautiful way.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You know, they are that I don't know, they're they're that hot water bottle, they're that really cozy blanket, they're that thing that just they're there, but they're not in your face, they're not pushing you, they're not telling you what you need to do, they're guiding you. You know, like we do with our clients, we have our expertise from our lived experience. That's what they've got. They've they've they've got their own lived experience of of grief, but they've also got their um all of the people that they've seen, all the different things that they've seen people do, and all of the things that we would never even have thought about involving the children in, you know, that the children would have just been sat there amongst us just having conversations around them, you know, rather than with them. You know, all we'd have been doing them privately when the kids weren't around.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Yeah, exactly. And that they needed the space to be able to say something if they needed to say it, but didn't want to upset us because they obviously didn't want to, you know, dad as in their daddy, um, was broken, absolutely broken, as we all were, but he also was daddy still, you know. He still had to, I was still, you know, doing my role and we still had to do that for them, but they had their role as children, didn't they? And what Windmills gave them was that, you know, we'll just set in colour, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

We can set in colour, as you say, it's it's opening the doors rather than the behind closed doors. Oh gosh, leave the children in there. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, this this is just and I said in the introduction about podcasting for good, and I I'm so honestly grateful that you've joined me today. You've just been so honest and raw. And I I know it was a really painful conversation to have, but I really hope I know that people listening will have found that so empowering. And here's to smashing those taboos and actually having those conversations.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

But you know what I'm gonna say now, even though this is a special episode, you're not going to escape the same three questions that I ask everyone else. Just in case the easy bit. This is the easy bit. Well, do you know some of my guests say it's easy, some really struggle. So I'm as we go through, I'm gonna be quite interested. Your first question. Now, this is one that a lot of my guests get know straight away, but some struggle. What is your midlife anthem?

SPEAKER_01 34:22

I I I thought about this, and there's a few songs that always crop up, and I think, oh, I love that song, but it was like I love that song, it's not necessarily what sat underneath it. So I sat and had a think about it, and then I played a couple of songs, and I've decided on Rise Up by Andra Day. Now, I don't know if you know the song, I'm not gonna sing it because you really don't want me to do that. You really don't want me to do that, but but that song, when I look at the words and when I listen to it, sort of feels like um, I suppose a soundtrack of my my personal journey. It's almost like it's the the comeback when you've been through something.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

And I'll rise up. That's the one I'll stop now. I'll stop now, don't worry.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

That's the one. You did a better job than me. Um, but you know, when you when I've listened to the words and when I look at the words, it really makes me think of that's my journey, not just the loss of Becky, but my journey prior to that. Um, it's about celebrating, rising up and becoming the person that I want to be, and I'm midlife and I can do that.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

I love that. No, I I'm all about the words, I'm all about the words. Oh, ooh, yes. Right, your mantra, your mantra, when you're belting out this song, what are you saying to yourself? What does the plaque on your desk say?

SPEAKER_01 35:42

The plaque on my desk doesn't say this, but this is a plaque, it's gonna go on my desk. Um, the thing that I normally say is just because you can doesn't mean you should, but that's not what I've chosen. What I've actually chosen is because this is relevant for me, freedom first, everything else follows.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Yeah, yeah. And we're gonna come up because I know that is so relevant for you with your business hat on, and we're gonna talk about that in a minute because you're all about community and you've got so many exciting new things coming up. But no, I like that, and I also like what you just said, just because you can doesn't mean you should. I mean, I don't do shoulds, but no, absolutely just oh, oh now, this is something that might be you've already started writing it, Emma. I've got a feeling. Your autobiography, what is it going to be?

SPEAKER_01 36:30

I have a book out there already, which has got part of my journey in there, and that's called the calibrated life, but I'm rewriting that, and but it's not an autobiography. My journey is in there because my story cements why I do what I do and how I do what I do, but it's not an autobiography, so I haven't cheated and gone for the name of my book. Um, so so I've gone with against all odds, I did it anyway. Because if if you knew my story, my story starts with being told I'd never make anything of myself to building the seventh business, to walking away, to start it again, to losing my daughter, to starting again. So I think that is me. Against all odds, I'm doing it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

I love that because it is, it's a your business story is bloody amazing, actually. We need to get you back on to talk about that, although it's not a business podcast. As you say, you're a midlife woman, you're doing it, you're doing it right. We've mentioned the website for Wimmills, and I'll mention that again now, windmillscharity.org. Now, obviously, it's Staffordshire based. Um, and I will try and find a link or something else I can put in the show notes where all your details and all your links are, as are they on the website where you've got your guest profile. But please, I know there's so many exciting things happening with your business hat on. Talk us through how listeners can get in touch with you, what you've got coming up. Talk very exciting.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Talk very exciting. So, so with my business hat on, um, you know, I help people to build a business that supports their life instead of consumes it. And and that goes back to my story of building a business, a seven-figure business, but actually discovering that I don't actually like this. It's not giving me what I wanted, which is freedom, which comes back to the mantra that I've yeah, I gave earlier.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

No, that's what I was like, this is this is what it means. Exactly that.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

So I had zero freedom. I started the business because I wanted more freedom away from my corporate career, but it totally consumed my life to the point that I just closed the doors on a seven-figure business, which sounds crazy, but it's the best thing I've ever done. It really is the best thing I've ever done. Not that I'm advocating it, just to be very clear here, not saying very much go and close the doors on your business. But for me personally, it was the right thing for me to do. What I am passionate about beyond that is community and bringing people together. So my world is very much community driven. So I host events, retreats, um, I do something called lunch and natter, which is just where it's not a payable thing. People just come, business owners just come, we have lunch, and you just pay for your own lunch. Um, so everything is about community. Um, so this year I've got my event coming in December. It's a bigger event, but still going to be small enough to be very intimate. There's lots of time to just connect and chat with other people. Um, it's not as lots of people talking at you. We get stuff done, we have workshops, we have we have everything, but it sounds busy, but it isn't. It absolutely isn't. I plan it out beautifully. I've got my retreat in September, which I am super excited about. Beautiful house in the Peak District where we are just going to really spend three days just going back to who we are, what we want, and then let's have a think about how we can go and make it happen. Um, so yeah, some new things coming as well. I'm relaunching my book this year. My podcast is by the time this goes out, my podcast will have just been relaunched. Um lots happening this year. But if you want to come and find me, sorry, I nearly missed that bot. Um I am it's I am Emma Hein on Instagram or emmahine.co.uk.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

And your website is emmahine.co.uk. Oh, you do sorry. I'm too excited. No, I was just thinking because you're talking about your big event in December, and that sounds absolutely fantastic. And I must admit, it's been on my list of things to write, find out more about, etc. But what I love about you is, and there's so much in the social space at the moment. I mean, I I'm a speaker, I love speaking, and there are so many events where you think, hang on, all it is is going into a room and the stage is just full of random people who've paid to speak on the stage. And who is it for? What's it all about? But you are so crystal clear that this is a community event of like-minded people coming together, and it hasn't got that icky feel of pile them up, get them in, sell, sell, sell, because that well, it gives me the ick. I don't know about you.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Well, I don't sell at my event. You know, some people tell me I'm wrong for not doing that, but you know, my event is not about me standing up there and selling. My event will naturally be a lead generator for me, and that's why, you know, I say when I spoke about freedom first, everything else follows. Yeah, I'm I'm doing what I love, I'm helping people in the way I love doing it, and everything else just comes behind.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

No, I love that. I love that. And I've loved this episode, I really have. Listeners, I'd love your feed, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. It'd be fantastic if you could leave a review, or you can email or text me. Come and find out more about me too on the website. Obviously, Emma's um guest profile is there. You can find out more about me, all my links are there, and details of how you can work with me one-to-one or with my all-in-one coaching program, more for women that want more, just like Midlife Unlimited. So, thank you for joining me, Emma. It's been an absolute pleasure. Um, thank you for listening. I look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has at least one episode every Thursday. I say that because this month is actually a Thursday where I've done two episodes. Oh my goodness me. Uh, available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thank you, Emma. It's been an absolute joy. Bye. Thank you.