How to Futureproof with Guest Vicky Jones

How many mornings is your first thought “Really?” when you recall your seemingly endless list of tasks that await you. It can seem relentless. That constant pull on your energy.

How are we meant to plan ahead when we feel we are constantly chasing our tails?

How can we take control of our Midlife admin?

And how can we learn to recognise when we are trying to control things that are BEYOND our control… or no longer in our realm of responsibility – purely to satisfy our need to feel useful and needed?

All while keeping at bay that bubbling resentment that our time is being wasted?

If this resonates, join me and my guest founder of OurLives Vicky Jones as we talk about How to Future-proof. 

From the art of positive catastrophising, to the sandwich generation struggle, we discuss how it’s not the actual tasks we take on that’s exhausting – it’s being the one that always remembers them.

Vicky and I question why as Midlife women we tend to fall into this trap of wanting to be the person that everyone turns to as the life admin legend, and debate how we can adjust our realm of responsibility as our matriarch role shifts at this pivotal time? 

And Vicky shares her top tips and practical insights for how we can take steps today to start future-proofing and ensure we are in control of our life admin… and not let it control us.

Connect with Vicky

https://ourlivesapp.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-jones-2906ab83/

https://www.instagram.com/ourlivesapp/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis Coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, how many mornings is your first thought, really, when you recall your seemingly endless list of tasks that await you the minute you pull back the sheets? It could seem relentless. That constant pull on your energy, sapping you. So, how on earth are we meant to plan ahead when we feel like we're constantly chasing our tails? How can we take control of our own midlife admin? And how can we learn to recognize when we're trying to control things that are beyond our control or no longer in our realm of responsibility, purely to satisfy our need to feel useful and needed, all while keeping at bay those bubbling feelings of resentment that our time's being wasted by other people. If this resonates, then this episode is just for you. Because I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Vicky Jones, founder of Our Lives, to talk about how to future proof. So welcome, Vicky. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Thanks, Kate. It's an absolute pleasure to be here. And what an introduction.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

It was quite a long one, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:59

It's a very long, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

And I didn't stumble, which is actually quite fabulous. Because normally there's a word in there, and I'm like, why did I put that word in there? Why did I put that word in there? But yeah, this episode, I'm really looking forward to this because obviously we did an episode last year about death cleansing, death cleaning, sadmin, but we're kind of taking a different slant, we're not repeating ourselves, and anyway, even if we were, it's all about having the conversations. But you've come up with this brilliant idea, our lives, and we're not here to sell it, we're not here to plug it, but we're here to talk about you and the why behind it. So let's put some perspective in. We do bring a lot of shit into our lives, don't we?

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Unbelievable. Um we we're at an age now where one group of people who have been dependent on us, our kids, if you have children, yeah, uh they're now starting to go out and do all the things that perhaps we were doing as teenagers, perhaps not. Let's hope not, yeah. Let's definitely hope not. Um, but then a different set of people are now reliant on us, and we seem to struggle to kind of separate the the two, and everything is landing with us because you don't just stop being a parent because you're your your kids are are 19 and your your parents are aging, so we are in that sort of sandwich generation, um, and what we want to do is, and I I listened to the episode uh about the death cleansing and so on, and it's fantastic. And what I want to do is talk to people about the bit before that, yeah. The the bit where we look at all our individual lives, but there are so many universal truths. So things, and just to give you background, um, I've worked in social care now for over 25 years. My whole adult life has been working in social care, and when you spot patterns, you recognise things that happen to guaranteed to happen to all of us, um, regardless of how individual we think we are, because we all do like to think that we're these very special, unique people, but there are some definite universal truths.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

No, absolutely. There are things, as you say, that are part of, and I talk about signposts a lot in midlife, or in life in general, and often we we've got to this stage, our 40s or our 50s, like me, and we followed the signpost by and large, but now it's like we're at that pivotal time, as you say, so much is changing. Our relationship, if we've got kids or nieces or nephews, friendships are shifting, as you say, in terms if we're lucky enough that our parents are still around if we get on with them. Um, that relationship is completely changing from daughter to almost perhaps a carer role. And all at the same time, we're trying to keep our own life on track, whatever that track might be. We might be injecting new adventures into that. We may think be thinking, I've got no idea what I want now, I've got no idea. And when we say future-proof, we're not saying here's a crystal ball, this will tell you exactly it's it's almost the exact opposite of that. It's a phrase minimal, I don't know if anyone else uses it. I love the phrase positive catastrophizing because I used to be the world's worst. Well, if it was if there's anyone out there that's worse than me, come and say hello, please do, and we can help to each other. But you know, I've I've turned it all around, thank goodness, and now I call it positive catastrophizing because it is now doing it in a proactive way and in a way that opens up choices but helps us to plan because life will keep lifeing, stuff will keep happening, but you're passionate about putting things in place now so that we can actually enjoy moving forward. This is it.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

I like to get people to try and think about their lives as a project. So we're all gonna project manage our own lives. We cannot stop shit from happening. Life is gonna life, whether we like it or not, but it's looking at all the potential things, and I love your phrase positive catastrophizing, although I would struggle to say that too many times.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

I always do that, I put these phrases in my life, in my world, like metamorphosis. Why did I choose that word? I know why I chose that word. I talk about why I chose it, but you try, and I don't even drink, you try say so. Yeah, positive. I spoke over you, positive catastrophizing. It is, isn't it? It's like trying to plan as much as we can.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

What are the things? What do I want out of life? And some of us may not know, and I think this is the very difficult time to say, I want to do this for the rest of my life. A bit similar to expecting children at 16 to pick their GCSEs and A levels and know what they want to do, you know, because they're very young, and I think we're young, we're starting a new phase, we're kind of new to this bit, so it's almost like regressing back to that 16-year-old looking at all the subjects. An astronaut wasn't on there, so well, that's out, but that is what I wanted to do. Um, looking at what you want to do, and what are going to be the barriers to you achieving that? And it's things like your parents are aging, you're probably gonna have to start providing care, your own health may decline. Um, that there's preventable accidents that can really significantly impact the quality of your life now and for the next 20 or so, 30, 40 years, even. So it's looking about that, it's not about being depressing, it's not about thinking about all the bad things that'll happen, but you think about them, you come up with a mitigation plan, and they're less likely to impact you because they are still going to happen. It's you lessen lessening the impact when they do arrive, because they will.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

No, absolutely, because as you say, you know, the whole idea is looking towards longevity lifestyle because that that is happening, that is a reality. I did an episode with Wendy earlier this year. We are, fingers crossed, living longer, as are our dependents and our relatives, our friends. And it is about, as you say, having that, not focusing entirely on the future, but you know, enjoying the now, knowing that we have things in place. And you you mentioned health, obviously. And part of that I would have thought was to make sure that you're actually on top of all your health checks as well. Because how many how often do we think, oh gosh, you know, smear test, yeah? Oh god, I'll do that next week, and all you know, this and that, and you get tests through and the poo test, and have I sent that back? And I don't, you probably haven't had yours yet, but I have I'm in my 51, 56. I keep forgetting how old I am, it's terrible. Am I fifty? I'm 57 in June. Oh, absolutely, but it's where it's when people ask you, like, I don't know. But all these things, medical-wise, it's like keeping on top of those, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 8:54

It is, but the interesting thing is as well that they actually impact other areas of your life that you wouldn't think. So having your vision checked is going to prevent falls. And in the middle age, in middle middle age, sorry, another tongue twister there, is we start falling over more. We have changes in hormones, we have changes in our balance, um, our strength. And by having good vision, you're less likely to fall over. Because the outcomes for women in middle age when they fall are not great. You know, it it's a it's a it's a fast decline when we start falling, and the biggest predictor falls is, and as I know you've had on another episode, is whether you've fallen in the previous 12 months. So making sure your eyesight's spot on can stop you falling over and breaking a bone, you know, and you would never normally connect your eyesight. We think about it in terms of using our phones, the laptops, reading a book, being able to drive, but actually the the ramifications of not having good eyesight go so much further than that. Hearing loss indicates to dementia, but people think, well, I can't hear the conversations, and it what that does, then it sort of reduces your ability to socially interact with people, and that's a huge thing going forward um in into later life, uh even at midlife now. Uh, so really being on top of your health has much wider impact than we think.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Oh, I love that because I know later on I'm delighted, you're going to be sharing your top tips. But falling over, when we had a because listeners, I always have a pre-chat with all of my guests because I don't like going in cold. And even though Vicky and I have yet to meet in real life, I think it really helps just to start understanding each other a bit more, start getting each other. And I was talking about our beloved pup, he's not a pup, he's 15 now. The last Boston standing in our house. And obviously, I wear glasses, and the sides of my glasses are quite big. And often, because I mean he's he's blind. So between the two of us, I'll go into the kitchen and he'll suddenly appear. And as you just said, the whole idea of falling over, it's like, oh my goodness me, I almost tripped over the blinking dog.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Well, I I don't have the exact numbers on me today around how many people trip over dogs, but it's a lot. Is it a it is a problem because if it's anything like my dog, his favourite pastime is standing in the least convenient place he can find. And I'll just say on Friday, I was I was due to go out and I was just on my way out the door, and he came running out of the other room and he's managed to knock over a bucket of paint and run through the whole house. Whole house. It's what well, it's white now, it wasn't white before. Oh my goodness. So um but but but dogs are gonna dog, aren't they? Yeah, dogs are unpredictable. Um, so if your dog is a similar colour to your carpet, you're more likely to trip over the dog. Yes, yeah. So get a high viz. Get a get a coloured lead. Do something that makes your dog more visible to you when you're getting up inevitably for a pee at two o'clock in the morning because don't we all?

unknown 12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Oh yeah, and three, yeah. Yeah, and three, and again and again. But but that's when you're gonna trip over your dog, and uh, people laugh and think it's it's it's it's such a bizarre thing to think about, but actually, it genuinely does happen more often than people would think, and it but it's something that would never occur to you. Make your dog more visible.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

No, absolutely, yeah. I was saying you will, because there are lots more tips coming, listening. There are lots more tips coming. Before let let's let's go back a bit. So, our lives, how did this idea come about? Because I'm sure a lot of us have been sitting there perhaps watching TV or in the car or or zoning out of a conversation because an idea has crept in and think that's a really good idea for an app, and then that's as far as it goes. Yeah, how have you actually turned it into a real thing?

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Like I mentioned before, I've worked in social care forever. So you spot the patterns, and they and the overwhelming pattern is all the people that come into services, the majority of them wouldn't need to visit services or access services if they were just more prepared. Um, and and again, it's those universal themes, it's care of parents, it's emergency planning. How many of us have an emergency plan to what would happen in an emergency? We don't, and you know why we don't, because this is what we touched on at the very beginning is we we're so wanting to be loved and needed, and our usefulness, I think, for many of us, and I know I'm certainly speaking myself, is very much attached as part of my identity to how useful I am to other people. Yeah, yeah. And I know we shouldn't do that, but the reality is I I think a significant proportion of us do feel that way. We feel that um the love that others feel for us is attached to how useful we are to the outside world because we've been conditioned to do that. And much as I would love to come here and think, right, well, we should just uncondition ourselves. That's a huge long process that I don't think any of us are sort of able to undertake in the timescales it would need to happen. Yeah, um, so I was I it got me thinking about how we can organise people better, how we can organise everything in our lives. Um, it's been a huge learning curve because obviously I'm not the most techie person in the whole world, but it was something that you could add other people to, and that's probably the crux of all this is our lives platform itself, you add in all your insurance documents, your MOT certificate. Um, I went to tax my car and realized that I had no idea where my V5 document was. Not a clue. I found it six weeks later after I'd paid to get another one.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Well, didn't you say when we were chatting before that that was one of the most requested replacement documents? Ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

500,000 replacement V5s are sent out by the D uh D VLA every single year. We're all doing it. We're all doing it. None of us are getting getting away with this. We're we're all sort of because we're so busy, and a number of years ago, we would have perhaps women's roles were slightly different and we'd have been at home, but now we're all working, you know. We don't we don't have that luxury of parents are getting older and living longer. So times have changed, but the the ways that we sort of manage our lives haven't quite caught up yet. So our lives started out. I wanted a school for adult in, so it serves two purposes. One was to educate people about what you need, um, to future-proof, to minimize risk going forward, but the other one was to organize as well. So largely, largely influenced by my absolutely chaotic disorganisation. Um, so it's an online platform where we have um a portal that you can upload all your documents, your emergency plum, how for example, your key safe number. So if somebody needs to get into your home, do you know how many people don't know where their stop tap is?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Well, I haven't got a massive house, and yeah, we we do I we yeah, I think I know where it is, but it is that question, though, isn't it? Especially if you're out and someone else is letting the plumber in or whatever. And also another thing that we we mentioned obviously about the need, or the need to feel needed, the need to feel useful. And so often then, when we're actually thinking about all this midlife and admin, a lot of the stuff that we've taken responsibility for, we now need to be passing this information on if we've got kids on to our kids because they need to know where their national insurance number and they're this and they're that and they're all their jabs, they might need to suddenly produce their medical records with all the inoculations they've had over the years, and you know, all it's not it's not our information to be holding on to anymore.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

No, and this is absolutely key. So within the online platform, you can add trusted users, and that's people who can access the information. You might not want them rooting around in your bank statements or your details any of the time. So we have the facility you can add up to three trusted people, and should you be, God forbid, hit by a bus on your way to Tesco's, they can they get in touch and you share their permission so you can we can give them the details. And it could be things like just how to run your day-to-day life, it could be you're lost in the power of attorney, it could be your pet routines. Oh yeah. So when does Fido need feeding? What time does he have his medication? Who are his vets? It's these things that we don't think about sharing because we do, we hold it all in, yeah, and we've got all this vast knowledge in our heads, but that's the problem. It's a problem when we want to be needed and we want to be loved, and there's lots of tips. You know, we read a lot of these sort of women's magazines and sort of and it's saying, share the information, pass it on to people. But the reality is, and I know I speak for myself here, we don't want to because there is that fear, will will I be less loved? Am I less special if I'm not needed because I've got all this? And the reality is, and this is a harsh reality, and it's quite a bitter pill to swallow, is we are actively damaging those around us by not sharing that information. Because God forbid, if you do get hit by a bus, everybody's in the brown smelly stuff. Yeah. Because nobody knows how to run anything.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Well, it is, I suppose, if we if we if we build the parallel towards the corporate or business world where you know you're in a you're in a role and you dare to go on holiday or you dare to get food poisoning or whatever, so you're not in the office. That office, your role, should be able to run and function perfectly well without you physically being there. There shouldn't be any like, where's the so-and-so? And again, in the old hopefully it's not so much now, but you know, the old days, it was like you almost wanted to make yourself very important so that no one could fire you or make you redundant. But it's that air of don't shroud your life in this mystery because it's benefiting no one. And I can't remember where I read it. I was really having a little Sunday scroll yesterday, and the ad it was a piece of advice that if you do one thing, who's your next of kin? And I thought, hang on, it's my dad, who's 95 at the time of recording and doesn't know his own name, let alone anything else, because he's developed dementia, but we're still in the process of getting him identified legally as and he's my next of kin. Yeah, I'm guessing, because it doesn't work the other way, it wouldn't be my son, would it? I think, I think, I think don't don't judge me on this, don't take this as a gospel truth, but I'm pretty sure it works as in its your parents.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Yeah, so that's why less employer attorney comes in, because even as a next of kin, if something was to happen to you and you're in hospital, just because somebody's your next of kin does not mean they get to make certain decisions for you. And if you disagree that and if you they'll contact your next of kin, say if you something happens and that's who's listed, but actually that still doesn't mean that they can make decisions on your behalf, and you might not want your kid making life or death decisions on your behalf. You might that's you might might not want it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Yeah, I think I'd rather have my son and my dad. Yes, exactly. No, but these are all things to actually take the time, isn't it? To think, have I thought about this?

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Yeah, and we don't, because it it's really hard to get people to think about aging, to think about bad things that will happen to in the future, because we don't want to, because life's hard enough as it is, isn't it? To go back to what you said before about this um what would happen in like a corporate environment. When I was much younger, going back to even before I was in social care, I'm I worked in an office, and the office manager at the time, she used to run payroll, it was quite a traditional office setup. Um, she did what many of us do and decided to learn to ride a motorbike in midlife. And unfortunately, she had an accident and she was hospitalized, she was very, very ill, and everything came to a grinding halt. Everything payroll didn't run, invoices weren't paid, because nobody knew what to do. And I always think of us as the office managers in in our own lives.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

That's such a good analogy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

And whether it's whether we just want to go on holiday and not have constant phone calls about where's my passport, where's my socks, how does a washer work, um, or to the more serious end of it where you know you are indisposed for whatever reason, whether it's illness, accident, or any other reason, is we are the office managers and it's our responsibility to share that information with everybody. And maybe we're worrying unnecessarily about um how wanted we will be if we weren't. Useful. Chances are nobody's really gonna be trying to take on all that extra responsibility away from you because let's be honest, who does want extra responsibility? But there'll be no in so I think we have to reframe the way we think about sharing our knowledge and understanding rather than give it away and we're not useful anymore. I think we have to think about it as well, share it, nobody's massively interested in it apart from us.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

And actually stop and think a minute and think, you know, if we're thinking about kids, if we're thinking about partners, friendships, whatever, are they really valuing our worth because we know where the car details are and where the home is blinking at? I hope, I hope no one is valuing my work as a human being by this quite inane but essential documentation and information. So we're actually doing ourselves a massive favour by midlife admin, aren't we?

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Yeah, absolutely. And just getting it organized. And I think it's it's that initial step to sitting down and thinking, right, I'm gonna do this. It doesn't have to all be done in one day. You don't have to take a week off work and organise your paperwork, do it bit by bit by bit, or you may you may want to do it the other way around. But even if you just do one task a day, you find one document, go and find your passport, where is it? Tomorrow, go and cancel all your unwanted subscriptions because you don't need them, you're paying for them. It's systematically going through all the things in your life and just finding a place for them. Now, many people have like a paper filing system, yeah, which is great, but families don't look like they used to. Families aren't made up like they used to be. You could have siblings or children or friends, they live abroad, they might need to access your documents. They're not going to do that from 500 miles away. So we we do live in a digital world now. Um, so having those and being able to access them by people who don't live close by is ideal because you can make even in terms of caring, if your parents have all their things logged digitally, you can release them of the burden of care by passing on jobs that can be done from a distance to siblings who live in a different country or a different part of this country, even. There's there's lots of different functions, but it's just that central, almost like your brain for the family, the family brain lives online securely and can be accessed at times, times when it's needed.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

I love that. I love that. I think that's explained it so beautifully. And I say it would be great if we could move into because I'm guessing your your tips and your advice, some are things that have come to you recently, some will be the inspiration behind how our lives has come about. So, shall we break them down into areas? How how do you want to go through this? Because I it's obviously falling over was something that really struck me as well. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

So the falling over. So, my my favorite tip for this, um, and I run social media, so I have a TikTok account where I just give people my unasked for advice, which uh seems quite popular, uh, because people aren't told these things. So, one of my top tips is have a look around your house. Now, for anybody who's got a pair of glasses, get your glasses and go and smear them with Vaseline. Stick with me on this because this does work, and then have a look around your house and see if you can see the edges of your furniture, the edges of your carpets, the different rooms. Can you see the stair rungs? And I bet you can't, depending on how what your your own personal taste and decor is. Now, I probably like yourself, I'm quite maximalist, I do like the bright contrasting colours and stuff, and stuff stuff. Knickknacks, we do we do love a kick-knack, don't we? Um, but actually, if you prefer the sort of more muted, neutral tones throughout, there is no contrast, and as our vision changes as we age, that becomes a hazard in the home. If you have handrails for your parents put into their house, um, again, put the Vaseline on the glasses, go and have a look and see what they can see, because it's really hard to put yourself in those people's shoes. So, painting your handrails a contrasting colour to the wall, you can now see the handrails, making them much safer. But it's not something we think about.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

I just had a horrible thought. It's that idea, and I'm going to gesticulate now, and listeners won't know what I'm doing, but you will. That horrible idea of knowing there's a rail there, but going to hold on to it or grab it, and then toppling over in the process because you've misjudged the distance between us, particularly on a staircase, you've and it'd be so easily done. You've misjudged the distance between yourself and where you think this rail is. And oh my goodness, I can see horrible things happening. Catastrophizing, I'm catastrophizing people.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

But you're so right. Um, and it's it's if you have a very pale carpet with a very pale wall, your eyes are going to struggle to distinguish between the wall and the shape of the stairs, making it much more difficult to judge where the stairs are, meaning you mean increased likelihood of falling. If you notice we sit see on pavements where they they paint the edges, yes, they paint the edge of steps on public buildings, or they have the lights or the strips across the front. That's for a reason, it's to reduce the risk of people falling, and they create that contrast because it makes it easier for people to see. So that's probably one of my one of my absolute favourites. Plus, let's be honest, I just want everyone to have really brightly coloured houses. I love this.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

I'm thinking all the skirting boards in a really bright colour or a contrasting darker colour, whereas obviously traditionally it normally is get the white gloss out and everything, banisters, door frames, the lot is all, and as you say, if you're then embracing the greys or the taupes or the beiges, it all is just yeah, and you can still go for the neutral colours, but just go for a much, much, much darker one, just so there's a it's all about the contrast, it's all about the contrast, and that's probably my favourite tip out of all of them.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Um, probably a high viz outfit for your dog because it looks cute and you're not gonna chip over it as well.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Dexter, I'm coming for you. So, in terms of the actual structure then of our lives, obviously, we're going to be sharing your contact details later on, um, and they're on the show notes and on your guest profile. But talk talk, I know you've touched on it, but talk me through how it actually works for anyone thinking this is something that I would like to implement. And you did mention that it's kind of multi-user so that the whole family can get involved. And I say this isn't a big sell, I'm interested, I'm just interested, and it is people don't have to come and work with you, but it's it's just awakening ideas of what we can put in place to future proof. So, how does our lives work in terms of that?

SPEAKER_01 29:20

So, we have uh we've created what's called the we call it the life audit. Um, and what that means it's completely free. You can go on our websites and you can take our survey, it's a few pages long, and it covers your health, your likelihood of becoming a carer, what your carer experience will be like. Because if if you live in a in a lovely tight-knit family where there's six siblings and everybody wants to take equal responsibility for caring, which I have yet to ever find one of those, by the way. Yeah, your carer and all your pay parents' paperwork's in place, and you've done the home safety checks for them, your carer experience is going to be better than somebody who doesn't have that family support whose parents' paperwork isn't in place. Um, so it goes through a multitude of things, even covers emergency planning and so on. And then you fill that in and we email you your score straight to your inbox. So it gives you a traffic light system, it's nothing too heavy, so it just gives you a red, amber, or green. And what that does, um, going back to the very beginning, we do struggle to see our future selves. So, what this will do is say, Okay, you're doing great in health because you do yoga, you eat your five a day, you really look after yourself. So your dementia risk is low, um, your your heart risk is low, but actually, you're very likely to become a carer, and your experience probably isn't gonna be great. So then we invite people to free events again. So, again, it's not the hard sell. It is, I'm just so passionate about, I just want people to make a few minor tweaks now to get a few jobs done to make the rest of forever not better. I'm gonna say not better, but less worse, which probably doesn't sound too fearful, does it? I just want it to be less worse for people.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Well, it's just as you say, it's just peace of mind. It's doing as much as we can. And as I say, we know, we know that there are things beyond our control that are gonna happen, but it's controlling what we can control that we that was in within our remit. So not overreaching, not over-controlling, not getting frustrated because these are things that we want to control, but really they're not things that are our response. I can't speak responsibility anymore. But as you say, it's it's the old forewarned what can we do today rather than putting it off till tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

So just minimize the impact. That's all it is. It's because you're not going to stop things from happening, but you can minimize the impact they have on you when they do happen. So, what happens then is uh people if if they choose to join our lives, um that's great. You you've got your own dashboard, and that's like your your uh hub for managing life. So it's got three dashboards, so it's got your legal, so that covers everything that you've got in your household, your your car documents. It's easy for something to tell you what type of fuel all the cars in your household take and where the looking wheel nut is kept, because you talk to me about those.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

I have had an experience with those in the past, but we will not revisit now.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

I think we've all had an experience with with that, and that's why it's on there because it's such a common thing that nobody thinks about until it happens. It's a bit like if you've ever worked in an office and you've typed out 17 words of a report, and then in the olden days, before there was autosave, and then your computer's gone off and it's wiped it all out. Nobody thinks about that, but after that, you save it relentlessly. Um, so what we've done is try to almost take away the thinking about the future to kind of put it on a plate for you. So, all your legal stuff, so whether that's your last empower of attorneys, there's there's instructional videos on everything and why things are important, what you need to do. We've even got a section um for household. So, how does your dryer work? Do you ever think about that? Because my dryer, you have to switch it off to switch it back on again. You can't just twiddle the dial, you have to turn it to the off position and turn it back on. Now, if someone's come into my house for a week, this is phone calls, this is having to write notes, this is things that I take for granted day to day that other people would need to know should they have to look after it.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

But how TVs as well? So many people have got different smart TVs. I mean, we actually ours is linked to a PS4. How to turn the telly on? How do I get and which channels have I got access to? So they're not sitting there trying to get a channel that they can't actually get.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

Um well, I housed that for somebody um last year, and I I could that exact problem, I couldn't have the TV on. And then there was a PIN number to get onto Netflix, and I was like Yeah, but these these are all because why would you think of it? So it's like the household Bible almost, if you like. Um it's got everything that you need to run the house, the household. So what I thought this did, and this is part of the reason why we set it up the way we did, is you're sharing that information, but you're not giving it all away. So it's there should it be needed, but you're not sort of ramming it in into people's. You can dip in, yeah. You can dip in as and when it as and when it's necessary. We've also got the whole um the self, the future plan, which which does touch on sort of my future wishes, also covers things like digital legacy. You know, we're all online now. Um, what would we like to happen should we be incapacitated for any reason, with our Facebook accounts, with our TikTok accounts, with our Spotify. How do people access them? So it kind of covers all of those things as well. So it's right through from legal to household to personal. So it's got every single aspect covered. We have live QA sessions with with experts, and we've got a funeral director on board, we've got a women's uh health specialist, and that's regular QA sessions every month, excuse me, uh, to to just talk through things that affect us. It's very light touch, lighthearted. We're just launching a community on there so people could actually get in touch with each other and just talk because that's sometimes okay, isn't it? It's just talking it through with somebody. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

As you say, there are things you've mentioned now during our chat that people listening would be like, I hadn't even thought about that. Hadn't even thought about it. And even now they're thinking about it, they're like, Well, I don't know. So the fact that to actually speak to someone like-minded, they go, Well, not to not to not in a copycat way, but as in you you've decided, you know, how have you found this, or how did you get to that, or what no, I love the idea of sounding boards and being able to actually have the conversations without like you will do this, you will do that.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Absolutely, and I think some of those ideas are brilliant because it we're always open to new ways of of doing things. Oh, that's something I've heard. I had someone come up to me um a while ago and say, Oh, as a result of um the TikToks sending them, I've cancelled all my subscriptions, I've saved £70, £70 a month. That's it. And I replaced all my car documents that were from a previous address, and now they're all stored. And I just feel better for having done it. Because now it's something you think about it once, you've heard us talking today, just go away and do one thing, and then you never have to think about that again. And that's the beauty of it. It's a small task now, big impact in the future.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

I love that. I love that.

unknown 36:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Well, we were gonna share in a bit how listeners can find out more, how they can connect with you, but I think that's a great takeaway for now. Well, you know what? Now, you are gonna future proof if there's no guesswork here. Your three questions are a coming, and uh, I don't know the answers, listeners. So, drum roll, please. What is your midlife anthem?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Right, this is such an exciting part of the show. I love to sit where everybody should sit. Um, so my midlife anthem um is a little less conversation, a little more action, please.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

So, what I want people to do is is stop, just do it, just do the thing. There's me in my midlife, started up in app to to share information with everybody. Now I could have thought about it, or I could have just done it. So stop let's stop talking about stuff, let's just do things, you know, and I think that's that's it, it fits for so many of us. Just do it. It kind of fits in with the uh with with with my next answer as well.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

Oh, lead us through then segue, segue.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

There's a theme. So uh my sort of saying phrase is uh better to regret something that you have done than something you haven't. So true. So I love this. I I love this because actually if we do something and we fall flat on our face, it doesn't matter, we've done it. Because what I couldn't bear the thought of is spending the rest of my rest of life thinking, what if, what if I had done it? And that fits so well with our lives and what we're trying to achieve is just do it, just get the LPA, just sort out your documents, just have a conversation with somebody and tell them how to do something, you know, within the family unit. Because you'll regret if you haven't done it, but you very, very rarely regret things that you you have done.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Is that awful? If only, if if only I'd done that, and it's like, no, just do it, as you say, just do it. And and also by doing it, by taking that step, if it is going to be more complicated than we originally thought it might be, at least you're giving yourself the the options and the choices and the time, hopefully, to get it all sorted out.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

Doing it now is you're doing it at a time when you're calm, you have the time, you have the mental bandwidth to do something. Whereas when you do something when it's required, you're adding a whole bunch of emotional stuff into that mix, which means inevitably you're not gonna do it as well.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

And also, if if you if you're still shrouding yourself in all these other tasks that you need to do because that helps you feel needed, goodness knows how you're gonna go.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

It's um prevention's better than cure.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah, it just underpins the whole idea of what future-proofing in our lives is all about. Love it. So, before we share the details of how listeners can get in touch with you, your final question What is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_01 39:42

This one, and I knew this one straight away. The others I perhaps had to have a little bit of a think about. Now, my dad, I lost my dad uh when he was 44 years old, which has impacted this whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

I was gonna say he really has inspired a lot, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Yeah, it's a huge, huge influence on me. He used to say about me, there's the right way, the wrong way, and the Vicky Jones way. Meaning I'd get where I needed to get eventually, but it wouldn't be the right way. Wouldn't be the wrong way, but it would certainly be my way. And uh so that could, if I was ever to write an automobile career, that would definitely be the title.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

I love it. But I do love even more the fact that you've done it your way, and our lives is actually a thing. But over to you, Nikki.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

So you can follow us on Instagram or TikTok, and that's uh RLives40 plus. Um, you can visit the website which is www.arlivesap.com. Have a nosy round there, that'll tell you everything you need to know. There's a live chat on there, so if you've got any questions, um you'd like a quick answer to, we we can do that there. But you don't need to join anything, you don't need to become part of our lives to do that because we genuinely, genuinely just want to help people.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Check out the show notes and check out the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. I'd love your feedback on today's episode as well. So you could leave a review, or you can email me or text me via the link in the show notes and come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Again, the links in the show notes where you'll find the website link and on there you've got details of how you can work with me one-to-one or join my all-in-one coaching program more because what else would it be called? This is the podcast woman who wants more. I'm all about doing less to get more. Anyway, enough about me. Thank you for joining me, Vicky. I've loved our conversation. Thank you for listening. I look forward to tuning in next week because don't forget, Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcast. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited.