How to Cut Yourself Some Slack with Guest Anne Dawson

Are you beating yourself up with regretful "if onlys..." and "what ifs..."?

Midlife can seem like an endless round of potentially life-changing decisions. Not easy choices, because we don't have a crystal ball. So how do we make the choice, when certainty only comes with hindsight?

My guest Anne Dawson embodies the phrase "It's never too late to start again", and I'm delighted that the former QVC presenter and now founder of trueNorth with Anne Dawson joins me to share how she has navigated huge Midlife changes in both her personal and business life.

Tune in as Anne reveals how cutting herself some slack has helped her overcome emotional upheaval and a major career pivot  - and declares she has "never been happier". 

And she shares her lessons learned for how we can use life's lemons to our best advantage - and explains how the motto "Life is not a dress rehearsal" is driving her new endeavour. 

Connect with Anne

https://truenorthwithannedawson.com/

https://www.facebook.com/annedawsontruenorth

https://instagram.com/annedawsonTV

https://linkedin.com/in/annedawsonintegrity

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you're not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, midlife can seem like an endless round of potentially life-changing decisions. Not easy choices, tough ones often, in fact, because we don't have a crystal ball and stuff does happen. So, how do we make the choice when the only time we'll get certainty is with hindsight? Well, my guest today has faced huge midlife changes in both her personal and business life and embodies the saying it's never too late to start again. Because I'm delighted to be joined by Anne Dawson, former QVC presenter and now founder of True North with Anne Dawson to talk about how to cut yourself some slack. So welcome Anne. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Oh, it's so good to be here. I've been really looking forward to coming on your podcast, Kate. So thank you very, very much for having me. That's quite an intro. That was quite a drum rolled moment there. Who's coming on? Is it me?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Well, that's what midlife is all about, midlife unlimited too. Celebrating us, celebrating us. And you just embody that your energy, your aura. I love it, I love it. Because it's never too late to start again. It's easy to say, but it's hard to do. And one phrase, it's another well-worn phrase that springs to mind when I look at you. It's that when life gives you lemons, you just make the most glorious lemonade with it, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

You do, but you don't actually recognize them at the time. You don't even follow a recipe. You know, somebody might have handed you lemons, you're not even looking thinking, okay, so I've got six lemons here. What do I do with it? Or what do I do with them? Very often we're just in the moment. And as you said a moment ago, hindsight's a wonderful thing. You know, we can all look back and think, oh, yeah, oh, that was a good decision I made there. Oh, I'm glad I did that. And then other times you think, what the heck was I thinking about? You know, what on earth was going on? What possessed me to go and make that decision, to choose that relationship, to go down that rabbit hole? So hindsight is a wonderful thing. And I would love to sit here and say, Do you know what? Several times in my life, I've had a load of lemons chucked at me and coming from Glasgow, we know how to make lemonade. And do you know what? I actually don't say that lightly. You know, there is something about north of the border, and I have not lived up there for gosh, I think it's like it were about 45 years since I lived in Glasgow. Yeah, but there's something about north of the border, and particularly Glasgow, I find that they're very good at um making lemonade from lemons when when you know those situations occur. And part of me actually finds it quite sad. I actually, when I go to Glasgow, on the odd occasion I do, it's like you just see that, you see a resilience there in the people. It's why they used to, you know, in in comedy, uh, there would be, you know, you'd have the likes of Billy Connolly and all the rest of it, but a lot of people find Scottish people quite funny, and the same from certain areas like in Liverpool, and they're usually areas that have suffered a lot of poverty, or it's not necessarily been a great, easy life for everybody. And I do apologize to any listeners who are up there in sunny Glasgow thinking, I've got the life of Riley. Well, that good luck to you, because for a lot of people that isn't the case, but there is a resilience, and I would I would love to just take all the credit and say, Well, you know what, Kate, this is just me. Give me, bring on the lemons, and I will get the ice cubes out and let's have a big jug of lemonade. But it's not, it's not like that. I think a lot of it is to do with your background, and a lot of it's to do with, you know, who you grew up with and who you saw in your, you know, in your upbringing, whether that was family members, friends, whatever, where you because that's imitation. And where we see, you know, if you see that your mum is scared of wasps, that's a whole other rabbit hole I could go down here, then everybody is petrified of wasps. Oh, absolutely. The cold conditioning of ah yeah. Absolutely, and but I think because my mother, she was is an absolute saint in heaven. She was just amazing, and the things that she contended with, and if I can do a fraction of what she did, I would be honestly more than happy, more than patting myself on the back. Sorry, I went a little bit off track with my mother. No, absolutely. Not at all, though.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

No, because you're you're encapsulating everything that we're here to chat about. Because we chose the phrase and you're going to be sharing your, I won't say top tips, I'll say insights and lessons learnt. Not as you say, we don't always learn for them and act on it. We just sometimes sit there and think, why, why? But why not? Why not? But how to cut yourself some slack later on, because we can beat ourselves up, can't we? When we're faced with these decisions, we can get guilt attacks, we can get the old what will everyone think, the comparisonitis. And I think it's fair to say, I mean, listeners, you may well have read some of Anne's story in the telegraph, I think it was a few months ago. Um, but that's part of it as well. You've not just been through big changes, but you've been doing it in the public eye to a certain extent as well, which gives that other like, what will people think? Fear of judgment, all these things that us midlife fabulous women the inner critic starts creeping in, doesn't she? Oh, totally. Let's delve a bit into your story. I say lots of viewers will be familiar with you from QVC. I'm a bit jealous because it's it's one of those jobs that I always think, I'd love a go at that. I'd love a go at that. So take us back. How? How did that come about?

SPEAKER_00 7:01

How did it come about? Right, okay, so um don't worry, I'm not gonna go once upon a time in a line colour. Why not? Diddle-do, diddle-do, diddle a day. No, we'll we'll go back to the year 1999, which is when I joined um QVC, I think, or was it 90? Oh, look. See, that only seems like a blink a blink ago. I know. That was just the other day, wasn't it? Yeah, exactly. But what I was doing at the time, okay, so I'm gonna go back uh a wee bit further than that. I'm on my own with uh two boys under five, single mum, had a very successful career um previously, worked for the Roo Brothers um when they were the only Michelin star chefs in the country, and uh I was front of house at the original Gavroche after the Gavroche moved to from uh Chelsea to Mayfair. That restaurant then became Gavers, and I came over from the south of France to London. That was my whole reason for being in London. So again, I will I will fast forward a little bit. So here am I, age 23, with more front than Brighton Pier, um, front of house from Glasgow, in a Michelin star. Well, it what that wasn't a Michelin star, the original Gavroche was, but still huge name of you know Albert and Michelle Roux. And uh I was working, I was working there, then from there I went into upon Albert Rue's recommendation. I didn't want to stay in the restaurant business all my life. It was, yeah, it was exhausting. And also uh I just knew I wanted to do more, I wanted to do other things. And I said to Albert Rue, what do you think I should do? And he said, Well, you have to do sales, whatever you do, you have to do sales. Uh, he was talking about iced to Eskimos and you know, Santa Arabs and all the usual cliches, and so I thought, okay, um, and then I entered into a world of sales. Oh my goodness. Um broken marriage during that, that change of career, broken marriage, other relations, relationship, not the best. We can go into that a little bit more if you want to later, but as a as a consequence, two children, and uh I'm on my own, single mum, and no money, have had a really good career. Uh, and just thinking, what do I do now? And in order to um get some money in, I started taking in ironing. Well, I was actually doing the ironing for this lady in an ironing shop. Yeah, you didn't read this in the telegraph, not because there's much they can print, you know, it's the Encyclopedia Britannica. You saved it for our listeners, that's what it is. I saved it, I saved it for the podcast. So I was doing ironing at £1.50 an hour, and I ironed every day except Christmas Day and Boxing Day for about is it two, two and a half years? And it was with the these wee boys, you know, just very, very young. But I it's like, so there's a big bunch of lemons for you. If ever so here I am looking back at this career um and thinking, now I'm doing the ironing because I can't afford to get anyone to look after the children. Uh, what do I do? I couldn't even go and clean, you know. I I'd love to have had a cleaning job because it paid a lot better than doing the ironing. £1.50 an hour. It was like, do me a favor. Anyway, um, so I'm doing all this, I'm doing all this ironing, and I've got the boys there. And as I used to iron, I used to, I used to think about how am I going to get out of this? What do I need to do? So start with the end in my when I think about it. It's like, right, so what do you want to do? And I'm thinking, I'd love to be an actress. Okay, so here I am ironing the shirt at £1.50, whatever. How do you become um an actress? And I'm thinking, well, I've left it too late. How old was I? I was 33. You know, what the heck? But anyway, oh, I've clearly left it too late. So what could I do? And I think I could do presenting. I know I could do presenting because you know, by that time I'd done enough work standing in front of people. Also, the restaurant business is like choreography. You work a room, you work that room where because these were not these we had some big names come in there in terms of the city. I was gonna say, yeah, in terms of you know, royalty and all the rest of it. And so, you know, I was only so young, I don't know what the heck I was doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

But you had to be unflappable as well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Yeah, oh well, I probably looked unflappable, and you know, it's it's like what is it? The swan or the dart, it's the swan that goes along disgracefully gliding, and then absolutely look under the pond, and it's another story. So that I because I I I didn't really know what I was doing in the restaurant business, if I'm totally honest, but I could talk a good talk anyway. Um so I thought, well, I don't know, how could I become a presenter? I thought, I know what, I need to get a training job, a job in the training department of somewhere. I mean, what on earth? So I started thinking about how could I do that? And lo and behold, long story very short, I ended up applying to BUPA. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I got a job, and a friend of mine offered to help me with the children. She said, Go and do it for a few months. And she said, I won't charge you, lovely friends. And she said, and I'll look after the boys, and you know, if it works, then we can come to another arrangement. And that's exactly what happened. So I got into the training department. They did, sorry, I am all down. There's so many rabbits around here, never mind lemons. We like, we like a rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

We like a rabbit hole. So I'm waiting. You bumped into the QVC presenter, or did you literally just like right? No, I'm going to apply there.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

So, no. So I was I worked at um at BUPA, and then I started thinking, right, okay, now I've got some uh, you know, some good official training, big talks. I then went and started my own business after having my third child married again, had another child, started my own business, and that is when I thought, right, we're going down the presenter mode. So I would do training contracts for very various big companies, but it was the days of fax. Oh gosh, yeah. A fax came through one Friday when I was on a training course when I was delivering training. I think it was to Lloyd's TSB regional managers. I don't even know why they even listened to me, but anyway, there was a lot of them in the room, and I saw this this fax come through for um QVC are looking for presenters. Um you know, the nation's number one shopping channel. I'd never, I'd never, I don't even know why I'm whispering because this is a podcast, but I'd never heard I'd never heard of QBC. It said um sales experience uh beneficial but not essential. But what is essential is to be familiar with the QBC method of presenting. Well, we had an annie at the time, she knew about QBC, the old VHS. I said, go and tape some shows and bring them in. So I went. It was um it was an open audition over two days. So I think there was something, there were hundreds, hundreds.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

I was gonna say, I bet it was really hands up, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

And they were bringing six of us back for a second audition, and they phoned me up. And when they phoned me up, I actually dropped my mobile and broke it. But again, another rabbit ball that we're not going down. So ended up, went in for the second edition and nerve-wracking, but I was convinced I got it. And attitude, sorry, I'm going back here is everything. When I applied, I just want to cut in here with I phoned my mother in Glasgow when I when I phoned up for the open edition and I said, I've got a new job. And she said to me, Oh, what are you doing? I said, I'm going to be on QVC. Have you heard of it? She said, No, I've no idea what you're talking about. I said, Well, don't worry. I said, I'm going to get this job. I just, I was convinced.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

I said, I love that because it really does then shine through in your attitude, in the way you present yourself, in the way you hold yourself. But I mean, in manifesting maybe by, you know, in some form, but no, by telling yourself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Some people might say it's that that I manifested this. To be honest, I you know, I thought I I was focusing on, and some people may use those words interchangeably, but I was focusing on the road that I wanted to go.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

You know, it's a little bit like when you if you're driving in the ice and it says you drive into the skid, you don't try and avoid it. You go in, you drive in the direction you want to go.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

And that's what I was doing. So I phoned my mum up and I said, Hey, I've got this job. And then I got called back for the second interview, and I was I was really excited, but I wasn't shocked. When I went in for the second um audition, though, that was another story. I came away not knowing for a fact if I'd got it, because that was a different ball game. It was tough, and they were going to choose two of us out of six out of several hundred. Yeah, and then I got it, and another presenter, I'm sure he won't mind me saying Charlie Brooke, who's still on there, came off the same batch, and we were like best presenter friends. Oh, yeah, just because we both started at the same time and everything, and yeah, and that's how I got the job at QVC. And my mum used to watch me on QVC, and she used to talk to me on the screen. She used to say, Anne, I've got to go and start the dinner now. So she said she felt rude walking away from me when I was on the television. It was hilarious, but she was so so proud of me, and uh yeah, uh, it was a very, very different world to the world I'm in now. I'm just going to stop and you can ask me.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

No, but what you just said now about your mum, watching you that just proves to me, and I'm sure listeners are thinking the same thing here. That proves that you had that wonderful ability from the word go to be yourself, and that's how you made the connection. Because it's not, I know it's selling, but it's not. You you've you've literally you're talking to just a camera, aren't you? But you're letting your personality and people are trusting you, they're putting their trust in you because they can't touch these things, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Absolutely, and you really don't get to do that for 26 years unless people are trusting you. And you know, a lot of people will see when they hear about QVC, oh, so how do you love everything? And I would I would I mean, I I would say you don't hear me say that. I never say that unless I genuinely do, but they'd be like, but you do, and I'm thinking, no, if I'm saying for example, and I can say this now, if I was selling a dress that I wouldn't go and empty the bin wearing. Do you know what I mean? I think this is just not me. It might not be me, but somebody out there is watching this thinking, this is the best dress I've ever seen. Yeah, that's the woman I'm talking to. I'm not talking to all the ones that are like me and go, no, I wouldn't like it. I will talk to so you're only ever really talking to one person. Yes, it's the masses out there, but it's not like, hey, welcome to news at 10 and my name's Trevor McDonald. I am not, or this morning, or anything. I am not addressing the nation. I'm talking to the woman who's doing it irony. I'm talking to the woman who's catching up with a bit of housework, and I want her to come into my world, no matter what I'm talking about. So that's how you do it. So if you were saying you loved everything, then you would soon get caught because the same people watch time and time again. And if I was there saying, Oh, Elemus, this is my absolute all-time favorite moisturizer, and then the next day I'm on with Gatineau saying, This is my favorite moisturizer, you'll get picked up on that. But what I can say, and this is and tell the truth, tell the truth and shame the devil, that's what my mom used to say. I would say my Elemis, and this is still true, is my go-to, it's my default. You know, we have to try a lot of things at QVC, but when I go back to my Elemus, it's like coming home, and that is the absolute truth, and people resonate with that. But if, for example, the next day I'm selling Gattineau, then I'll be talking about the different things I like about Gattineau. And I'd say, you know, the this particular texture or whatever, but you'll not hear me say, Oh, you I talk like I'm still there, 26 years is a long time. No, but I love this. You will never hear me say, I love this, I love that. I remember once, way before social media, and I think the old days where your viewers used to write letters to you, and I remember getting a letter from I think she was 93, and it really made me sit up and take notice. And she said to me, I'm really pleased that you told me this, that that mop you were selling the other day was quite heavy. She said, I didn't buy it, she said, but I found another one just like you said, and I just thought you have to be honest because yes, your sales can be through the roof, but what are your returns like? Well, that's it, isn't it? If you hard sell, you know, buy this, buy that, buy it now. And people go, you know, is it really selling out? Well, it is. I'm sorry, we're not allowed to say something selling out, or it's limited stock, or we're just making that up, you know. Um, what was it going to say? Ofcom would be on us like front of brakes. They are listening. We are live, there is no take to. So you have to be very careful with that. You can't be going, oh, such and such is limited stock if you know there's several million.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Is it constant in your ear? Is the director in in your ear saying, right, you've got so and so time?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Come on, well, it's I would say it's not strictly like what you've witnessed on The Apprentice because the Apprentice don't come into QVC. They did once when they first started, um, but they tend to go to other shopping channels, and that's all I'm prepared to say about that. Um, it does, it's not an actual reflection, it might be a reflection of if you're in a like a price drop thing, which QVC isn't. So I can't say, Oh, look, we've only got three left, it's 300 pounds. Oh, two left, oh, the price has now come down to 150. That's not what the the price that we will be bringing on that comes up in the screen is the price we're going to be selling it at. Now it might have been reduced from a month ago or whatever, we might have a Special price today, but that price isn't going to change. The only urgency that might come in is me saying this is selling out, and if you want this, you will have to move fast because we're down to X amount. We started with this, we're down to that. That's the truth. That's not pressure, that's just a fact. Gosh, it's like an advert for QVC here, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 22:19

No, no, I'm loving it about so many people are going to be interested because I'm sure, like me, they've watched that and thought, I wonder if I could do that. Now, we've used one word several times that I know is important to you and it's important to me, and that is the word trust. And I'm sure listeners won't see this coming, but well, they might have done if they've seen part of the article. But trust is something that has played a big part in the changes and the choices that have been forced upon you or have risen at this pivotal time, haven't they? Because obviously you forged this fantastic career of over a quarter of a century, but other things were happening that really bowled you over, really, or literally made you need to cut yourself some slack.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Yeah. And uh cutting yourself some slack is I think the biggest if if people only take one thing, excuse me, away from this podcast, it's you have to be kind to yourself. You have to cut yourself some slack. And that begins with oh gosh, it sounds so cliche, but it's so true. You have to forgive yourself. You did what you did, either rightly or wrongly. You made good choices, bad choices, some better than others, but you did it at the time, either rightly or wrongly. You did it for the reasons you made those choices for the reasons that you did. You took the evidence at the time. We're all out self-protection and self-preservation is paramount. We always look for the safe place to be. That's that's your natural defense. You're gonna look for where am I safe? And some women will stay in places that they're not safe. Um, and whether that's a natural relationship or not, that's you know, that's a whole other program. But you need you need to keep yourself safe. And the way you relax your nervous system, the way you look after your health, the way you look after your mental well-being, it starts with going, do you know what? I didn't get it all right, but I did the best I could with who I was and what resources I had at the time.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Absolutely. I mean, you've just literally nailed one of the principles of NLP, you know, part of the coaching that I did, which is we all make the best choice available to us at the time. Now, that doesn't mean that we're going to other people will necessarily agree with the choice we made. And it doesn't mean, as you say, further down the line, when we've accumulated more information or we we've accumulated a different viewpoint, we'll look back and say that, but at the time, that was the right, or the the best, not necessarily right, the best choice for us at the time.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

And that's the key. It's might not have been the best choice for everybody else. No, it might not have been the best choice for a partner, for your children, for whatever, but you made that choice, and and in all honesty, Kate, most of us make choices on behalf of other people. There's so many women out there, they're not sitting there going, well, what's best for me? They're very often thinking, what's going to be best for the children, what's best for, and they're frightened. And so they make these choices and they stay in places that maybe they needed to have left earlier. They need to forgive themselves from that. They need to forgive themselves for staying in relationships, not only just choosing the relationships, but staying there. Very often women can look back and see how they were treated and think, my goodness. And I think that's a thing that comes with age. What the heck was I thinking? Why did I let somebody treat me that way? Why did I let somebody talk to me like that, you know, anyway, let alone in front of my children? Why did I allow all these things to happen? And it's because you were still making choices then. The choice you were making is it's better to do this than to do anything else at this moment in time. And we look back, you've got to get rid of the guilt and the shame. The guilt and the shame has to go with the forgiveness. The forgiveness will allow you to walk away from guilt and from shame. And if there's people, and I'm not I'm not into necessarily go and tell everybody that you've ever harmed, you know, that you're sorry, da-da-da. I think you have to be careful with that. Sometimes other people aren't ready to hear that. And sometimes that can be a I know it's part of a lot of programs, but it can be a little bit like, okay, so I'm all right now, I've salvaged my conscience, I've told the world everything I've done.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

That's what it, that's what it is, isn't it? A lot of the time they're they're doing it for themselves, not for the person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

But you have to be careful because I think be self-forgiving, be um get rid of the guilt and the shame, but be careful how you do that. That's something that you should, whether you're a person of faith and it's between you and God, or you're not a person of faith and it's just between you and what's between your ears and your heart and everything. But I wouldn't necessarily involve the world in that. There could come a time after you've made that choice and you have forgiven yourself that situations arise organically and subjects come up. And I think that you take as a cue to saying, Do you know what? I recognize at that time some of the choices I made, you know, maybe they affected you or they weren't the best. But that has to be done organically. I feel I'm not saying I'm right, I'm not some kind of specialist in mental health.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

No, but you're talking from the heart. That's the that's the whole reason. I'm delighted to hear.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

This is the cut yourself some slack, because sometimes, and I you know, um, well, if you've read the article in the telegraph, you'll tell us, tell us what happened.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Tell us what happened.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

My father was an alcoholic, and my mother didn't have the easiest of times. He was a larger-than-life character, and um, yeah, life wasn't yeah, at times it might it wasn't all bad, nothing's ever all bad. My sister followed in his footsteps, um, and she became uh an alcoholic, and uh, she died at a very early age in an accident, age 41, which was just tragic. Obviously, the knock-in effect on my mother. You talk about lemons. My brother had a breakdown, a lot of people would attribute that to my father, um, when he was just 25 and never recovered, and then he had physical illnesses on top of that. And for the last 17 years, up he I was caring for him once my mum died, and then in 2024, when he died, that sorry, I've now gone whoo right the way over here. But that's when I made the decision, and that's when I said, right, there's nobody left now. All my family had died, and I just thought kids have grown up. Yeah, this is not a dress rehearsal. To be honest, it wasn't even about the kids growing up then, it was just about the fact I can talk about certain things now and not hurt people. I can talk about things and no, they're never gonna come across them. Do you know what I mean? Because if my mother was listening now, she would probably be like, Oh, I should have left them years ago, da da da. Do you know what I mean? Just get it all out the way, and that's when I decided, you know what? I'm gonna go and try and do what I'd like to do. It was it's scary. 26 years at QVC, it's very scary to get out the boat without a life jacket, because I didn't have a life jacket. And by life jacket, I mean financial security, a good pension, lots of money. But a lot of people maybe that know me from QVC maybe think that that was you know what I was doing.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

I remember you said as well, it was the whole lifestyle with QVC as well. When you needed your hair done, that was covered as well when you needed because that was part of your whole image, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Your brand image, yeah, your nails, your your hair, your makeup. It you know, you get used to that after 26 years. I don't know, I can imagine. Um but having said that, because I've now had a change of direction, but it's very much studio-based. I even think it's more studio-based since the last time we spoke. Um, I'm back in that world. I'm back in the world, I have to have the nails done, I have to have the hair done, because I still have to show up. The difference being I don't have a multi-billion corporation funding it, it's me.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

You know what I mean? Sorry, I went off on a tangent.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

No, not at all. Because I was thinking obviously you had the the the change career-wise, which in itself is a huge, huge shift. But that did it, did that coincide with your marriage ending, or was that the two I would say that I would say the marriage that was quite well, that was a shock, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 31:31

That was very much a shock. That wasn't even uh a little tiny shock. That was what actually happened there is I we'd been together 23 years. Wow. And you know, um, yeah, was it perfect? No. Um, but I I just didn't, you know, divorce wasn't an option. It just I didn't even I didn't even think we needed that. I didn't, I just thought, yeah, you know what, you end up when you've been together a long time, you start drifting into your own life. He was running up mountains and I was doing what I was doing. I like to travel as well. And it to a degree it started to um kind of be separate lives, but towards the end, we actually started making an effort. We were going to the ballet, the we were going to the opera, we were doing things, never been to the ballet. I mean, my ex in the ballet, really. Um we were doing all these things, you know, not a bucket list, but we were we were traveling a bit, we were going on lovely holidays.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Finding a common denominator or trying new things because I think so many women like us, we get to this and we're like, we've got this curiosity, and I think that's why a lot of relationships do get the spotlight thrown on them now, because we've started to go down different paths. Yes, they might be settling, and we don't want to. We we want to be trying new things, we're feeling excited, we're feeling sexy, and I mean sexy in terms of for life, for living, and like, yeah, I'm not I don't want to be sitting there and settling, I want to be trying new things, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

And I think that I think you're absolutely right, Kate. And so so my mindset, we were on that road, but then for a period of about six weeks, things got really bad. And he he turned quite nasty and we're picking arguments, and it was just like, what the heck is going on here? So, as we always did in the marriage, anytime there was friction, one of us would always say to the other, we haven't been out to dinner for a while, let's go out for dinner. And it was a way of it was almost like a white flag that was going up. It was saying, you know, can we just put the guns down here? Um, and let's go out. And very often we go out for the meal, we wouldn't even talk about what the problem was. We'd be that was the way like enough. Yeah, draw a line, yeah. Absolutely. So this time, I mean, it was particularly bad, and I said, I think we I think we need to have dinner or whatever, and he said, Yeah, all right. And he looked at his diary and he gave me a date for about, you know, two weeks away, or you know, like I can fit you in then. And I just thought, right, he's busy, fair enough. Um, so we went out that night and uh we we went to a local restaurant that we used to go to a lot, sat down, they handed us the menus, and he was still quite distant. And I said to him, Um, I said, Look, I said, I think we need to be a bit kinder to each other. I said, you know, things haven't been great, and then he said to me, I've got something to tell you. He said, I've met somebody else. And I I mean, honestly, you you talk about being winded. I I really felt that I I'd been kicked in the stomach, and it was like he was not a womanizer, he was not a flirty type of guy. He's the last guy that you would um imagine that kind of thing to happen to. So anyway, I said to him, Well, who is it? And he told me, I said, But you've only known her, what, just over seven weeks.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

So you were familiar with this, you heard of the name?

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Yeah, she worked for him. I knew of her, and two of my sons did as well, because they helped train her in a certain thing. And I was like, But you've only known her. And he was like, Yeah, but I'm sorry. He said, I didn't mean for this to happen, and then this was the bombshell. No, I'm laughing, probably nerves, but um, he said to me, You know what? He said, I never meant for this to happen, and he said, But this is just like when we first met. And I thought, Am I meant to say at this point, oh well that's okay then? Yeah because I remembered how in love we were, and I remembered all of this, so gosh, gosh, really, is it like that? Well, I get it.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

I was floored, and I just said, What is it you want to do? And he went, Well, obviously, um I want to get a divorce, and I was like, This is just too quick, and he said, Well, because I want to marry her. I want to I want to be married, and I said, But you are married, and then I just got up, left the restaurant, waited for him in the car. I was very reasonable. I didn't scream and shout and all the rest of it.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Really?

SPEAKER_00 36:24

No, I didn't. It's that's really not me. Um, but I was told I couldn't tell the children for a while because they were at university and he yeah, but that was really hard to carry on two days later. We were out celebrating a birthday, and I thought I looked at and they were all growing up, but I'm you know, I'm looking at them. They'd know, they'd know, looking at mum. Yeah, but no, they didn't, they really didn't. They actually thought, not a chance, nothing. Mum and dad are solid as a rock. They did not see this coming, but I was looking at him and I was thinking, you are about to drop the biggest bombshell on this family in a few weeks' time, and it it did, it really, really affected us. So I did have some time out of QVC for that. They were brilliant, and can I just say, if anybody's watching, QVC, the hardest part about leaving QVC is the people because they are the best bunch of people, honestly. They are amazing. The other presenters, the the people that you don't get to see, it's such a supportive environment, and they were absolutely lovely. So, yeah, go through divorce, and that went on for that is just interruption.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

That is the sorry, I don't mean to talk over you, but I'm just thinking that would have been the choice for you to leave then, because you that's your security blanket, the team at QVC, with you know, were there, they knew you, they got you, they were you know reliable, supportive. So for you to choose to leave that as well, wow, wow at that point.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

I didn't choose to leave because this was a few years. The point that I chose to leave, because I couldn't okay, I couldn't choose to leave because I had you know he took all money, and you know, it was uh yeah. Sorry, I'm I've kept I think I'm talking to you, Kate. I keep forgetting this is a podcast. I don't think I don't think my ex is going to be listening to Midlife Unlimited anytime soon.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

We're not we're not dissing him anyway.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

Look, these he may say I am not saying I'm innocent. He, you know, okay, it could have been dealt with differently and all the rest of it, but I would never say that. There's obviously faults on both sides, but you know, maybe it could have been dealt with, as I say, and worked out a little bit differently. But yeah, I needed the job at QVC because you know, he he was very well earning, and uh I was thinking, what am I going to do? And uh yeah, so I was on my own from when he left, which was I said, if there's no way of of resolving this, he said, What do you want me to do? And I said, Well, I want you out. Because if you're I'm not, you know, I'm sorry, we're not going there. And he was more than happy, which worked out better for me in the long run. So I said, I'm going to Italy next week. When I come back, don't be there. If you've decided that this is what you're going to do, then there's no point. I'm willing to give it a go, but if you don't want to, then when I come back from Italy, I don't want you there.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

Was that the first time you'd been away on your own for a while as well?

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Oh no, I used to go away all the time on my own. So that yeah, I was used to going away on my own. I mean, I cried all the way. Honestly, I'm sure the people on the plane and people on the train when I got to Naples must I bought on you. I remember treating myself to a new pair of sunglasses because I just couldn't see my eyes. I just couldn't, you know, I just looked totally devastated. But that is a big bunch of lemons. But you know what? And there was there's a lot here I'm not telling you. Um just purely, not necessarily because of the law is a big secret, because maybe if we go on again, I will tell you. Um, but you know, the podcast is only so long. Um, but you do get through it. You do get through it. I did have some therapy, I you know, and I was able to kind of navigate my head through it, the divorce, and and I had a fantastic solicitor. So that all, but then after that, we had to sell the or I had to sell the house, and then I moved out to currently where I am now, and yeah, really happy. But now where I am at the moment, I've started new ventures, I have, you know, all my savings, everything has been invested into what I'm doing now. Now I didn't have to do that. I and this is when you're when you're talking about well, some of the things we're talking about in terms of cutting yourself some slack. I think one of the best ways of cutting yourself some slack is getting out that boat. You know, I really do. I think think of what you really want to do. Nobody is going to be on their deathbed going, and no disrespect to QVC, but I wish I'd sold another Dyson hairdryer. Nobody is going to be saying that. Seriously? But you would feel like I wanted to try the acting, I really wanted to see with all my sales experience and previous corporate experience. Could I really go out and do this on my own? Could I go and make something? Because I knew I know I've got it in me.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

And you know, you talk about it. How did you go about? Was it did you do lit? Are you a list maker? Are you a pros and cons maker, or are you a right and I'm doing this?

SPEAKER_00 41:54

I'm doing more of a right and I'm doing this. Uh, pros and cons, I never think work because you know, I could write down if I do a pros and cons, I can have, you know, 10 pros and one con, but the one con, if it was on a balance, would far outweigh. So I'm not really into um, I mean, I might think about that in my head. I might think, what's the worst that could happen? Well, the worst that could happen is I lose my house, I have no money, I have no pension. Uh, but you know what? I'm not gonna end up on the street.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Well, that's it. I always say that's one of my favorite phrases. I'm delighted you used it. Because I always say now, positive catastrophizing. What is the worst that can happen? And then if you ask yourself that, and as you just say, lose everything, then well, what would I do if that happened? As you say, you wouldn't you wouldn't be out on the street, you'd find a way, you would then take these steps.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

Absolutely, but another, another really helpful way of doing it, I kind of jumped to that and I think, what's the best that could happen? So the best that can happen is I do this, I'm doing this for myself, I'm creating something. I'm nearly 66, I'm not sitting with a knitting, I'm gonna have a lot of grandchildren by Christmas. I've already got um, so I have to think, I've got five grandchildren already. I love that one. Yeah, many. That's really bad. But under five, there'll be there'll be what is it, six grandchildren under five by Christmas. Oh my god. That's a lot. Um sorry, how do we go on to the number of grandchildren? But yeah, I was saying, I think about okay, what's the worst that can happen? What's the best that can happen? I do this, I can bless my children, I can help them, I can help the grandchildren financially and be in there. And I want to not I want to leave an inheritance, and an inheritance is not just financial, it's a legacy, yeah, it's a legacy so. So that's the best that can happen. It goes swimmingly. That's the worst that can happen. Now, more often than not, you're going to land somewhere in between. More often than not, are you going to get your you might? But if we go realistically, you're not going to end up in the street, you're not going to do this. You might not be, you know, I don't know, the next Alan Sugar, but you'll you could be a very successful businesswoman being with her grandchildren, living life and loving life, and that's where I intend to go. I love this. And cutting yourself some slack along the way. Well, you can't do it if you don't cut yourself some slack. Because you have to get out that boat saying, okay, sink or swim time. But you know what? I remember I had a few lessons a long time ago. I haven't been swimming a long time ago, but I remember I had a few lessons. Let's see if I can do this. Because what's the alternative? Staying on staying in the boat and looking at everybody else swimming around and having a wonderful time. You can't do that. Life's too short. Life is too short. And I just think it's like the number of people when I told them what I was doing, you're mad. Why are you like QVC? And but then not long after it, they'd be like, I'd love to do what you're doing. But then I would think, I wouldn't always say it, but sometimes I would. But like, well, why are you not? If you really would love to do it, why aren't you? And don't get me wrong, there's a lot if they've got partners. Would I have been allowed? Actually, I don't know what he'd been like. Depends on how much money he was making. I don't know. But I'm doing this and I'm totally reliant on me. But I feel this sounds so arrogant, and I really don't mean it to. I think I'm a good bet. I'd bet on me. I would. I'd bet on me.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Come on then. True north. What you've you're birthing again, aren't you? You've got grandma. This is this is your new baby. And I I feel it, I feel it because I've been there with my podcast, my coach. It is just, it is like giving birth again. True north.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Absolutely. What is it? So um when I left QBC, I'm thinking, right, okay, loads of sales experience, both obviously on camera and uh beforehand in the corporate world. So I will go and help, you know, run sales courses and all the rest of it. So that's what I started to do. And you can, you mean you still can. There's not very many of them now because I'm busy, I'm more kind of leaning towards something else, but do mentoring, uh business mentoring. So where somebody sat with their business, it's not just how to sell better, it's like I can take them on such a deep dive. I don't mean they're lucky to know their own name at the end in a horrible way, but they'll be coming up with things they've never even thought of. So it gives them a complete you lift the lid on what it is they're doing, why they're doing it, and all the rest of it. So there's that. But then at the start of the year, somebody said to me um in a networking event, and you know, yeah, I need to come to you because I need to know how to sell, but I need to sell this now. And can't you just sell it for me? And I'm like, no, I can't. What do you mean? You know, it was some app or something. Um then somebody else was saying, I wish you. I said, I cannot be the person who just pops up going, hey, buy this, buy that, buy the next thing. Yes, I did that at QVC, but that's not where I am now. And then somebody else said something that absolutely talk about divine intervention or a light bulb moment, said, Yeah, but you could help them do that. And I just immediately thought, I have spent 26 years getting the best out of people on camera and promoting products and brands that were nothing to do with me. Why can't I do that with people's businesses? Why can't I bring people into a studio? And why can't I have spent time with them? Okay, it's not like 13 minutes on QVC, but spent a lot of time with them beforehand doing a deep dive on their business and all the rest of it. They come in a studio with me, which I've now set up. It's true North Studio with Anne Dawson, and what we do without a script in sight, there's no script. I know when I'm going because I always knew where we were going at QVC, but I bring the best out of them so that they can put that on their website or whatever. They're not like the ones down the barrow going, hey, I'm a beauty expert, and listen to me because I've been doing this since before I was born, or whatever they're saying. There's no cringe because they're not talking to the camera, they're talking to me. Now, a journalist can extract a message, they can ask great questions and they can extract a message. Salespeople can sell, but it is another skill set entirely to extract a message and sell it on camera for the person. So they take this, that goes on their website, they get different reels that they can put up in social media. So they I'm interviewing them, but that's a way for them to promote their business. It is absolutely everybody is just loving it. Everybody's loving it. The website's about to come out, you'll see testimonials, you'll see the interviews that I've done. I've done everything from people who take photographs of pets to financial advisors and pension specialists, to HR, to um somebody who's written on fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, to I mean, you name it. Sorry, I'm trying to think of some of them at the moment, but they're very diverse. I love and that I'm in my happy place because I'm in a studio, and that's my and that's what I realize. I, you know, I can do the calls to action for them. I am in my world, and that is my world. Yes, I will still do Zoom groups and teach people how to sell. Yes, I can do one-to-one mentoring and all the rest of it. But the true, and that is true north. The true north studio is my happy place. Why is it called True North? Everybody thinks, oh yeah, true north because you know it's your own true north, and that's of course, it's your own North Star, it's following your direction, but also it's a little bit of play on Glasgow because I'm Oh, we've come full circle as well.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

I love I love it when a conversation comes full circle. And can I just say, A, congratulations, and B, what a wonderful lemonade you've created there. It's a fizzy one, it's not fluffy. No, I like I like the kind of slightly cloudy, and I don't mean I don't mean cloudy as an overcast. I like the kind of the old traditional the wheel. Do you know what else? The bits of lemon that are still in it. There's a bit of piss in there as well. We've got to be a bit pithy. We've got to be now. Obviously, there's gonna be people listening, men and women, thinking I need to get in touch with Anne. And we'll be sharing your details in a minute, and obviously, all your details are on the show notes for our episode, and you have your rather gorgeous photograph and your guest profile on the website. But before we go there, you know what's coming. I am going to be asking you the same three questions that I ask each of my fabulous guests. So if you're still sitting comfortably, first question is what is your midlife anthem?

SPEAKER_00 51:34

My midlife anthem is titanium. In fact, I've gone on stage. That's my music. If I'm doing any keynote speaking or going on the stage, when they say, What music do you want? And I know everybody is all a bit of an anthem, it's all, but it is titanium because that is resilience. That is what titanium is. You shoot me down, but I won't fall. Yeah, it's resilience, it's the ability to, I don't know, bring me back in a year's, well, maybe not bring me back in a year's time, but if you were to bring me back in a year's time, and I was to say, no, that didn't work out, I can guarantee, Kate, I will not be sitting with my feet up the walls watching loose women eating donuts.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

But we might be on loose swimming.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

The two of us, the two of us might be. But you know what I mean? I won't throw in the towel and go, okay, I'll knit the little granddaughter a cardigan or something, and that's what I'm doing today. I know I'm not a big one on retirement. I'm not. For me, not for everybody else, no judgment, but for me, what does retirement even mean? Retirement for me may well mean that I'm not actually earning any money for what I do anymore. Maybe it will be charity work, but I will not retire as in stop doing. So titanium, no matter what life throws at you, yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

Keep going. I will not. So I want to know then. I might have a I might have a little feeling what it might be. Your midlife mantra, the phrase that you say to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 53:12

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

SPEAKER_02 53:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Life is not a dress rehearsal, and that was my if you were to say, what was your pivotal moment? Do you know what? Uh leaving QVC, it wasn't the divorce, it wasn't anything that happened, and all the other losing family members and all the rest of it, it wasn't that years ago. What it was was when the last direct family member died. I'd cared for him for 17 years. When he went, I just thought, right, do I just carry on, you know, carrying on and doing what I'm doing, and it was facilitating a nice life. But at some point, what are they going to have me selling eye cream when I'm 90, 12 years old? I don't think so. But um, do I just carry on with that? And I thought, no, if anything, this has taught me is life is not a dress rehearsal. Just get out and do it. Cut yourself some slack, give it your best shot, get out there with a little bit of titanium, and if you fall down, get back up again.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Absolutely, absolutely scabby knees and all. So, the final question before we share your contact details what is the title of your autobiography?

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Q An as in not Q as in QVC, QN as in C U E. And that is because it's been such a big part of my life that I've had somebody in my year saying, coming to you in five, four, three, two, one, QAN. And that QN means take action, you need to speak, you need to talk, you need to do something. And cue also means you're using your voice, and we've all got our own individual voice, and you've all got your own cues. And what is going to be? I would love to do a book about how you find your own cue. What is your q Kate? What is your q Mary? Your Q, whatever. Everybody has got, and that's what I would like to really say to everybody. Q, and then the name, that means get out and do something.

SPEAKER_01 55:17

You're on. You're on, you're on. It's your time, it's your time now.

SPEAKER_00 55:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

Oh, I love that. So, Q Ann. As I say, all your details are on the show notes, and you have your guest prof on the website. But how can listeners get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00 55:33

Well, to northwithandorson.co.uk. That's how that's the main website, and you'll see a lot about the studio in there. I haven't quite finished it because there's I've still got to put out the bits of the other things that I do. And the other thing that I have been doing is I do do a lot of keynote speaking. I I hosted a book launch for somebody, major event, fabulous event up in Holborn in London. So I was MCing that. So I do that as well.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

But at the moment obviously, you're going to be part of our book launch for Midlife Unlimited as well. Watch this space viewers, watch this.

SPEAKER_00 56:06

I should mention that. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry, I'm going to be quiet because I think you've gathered. I used to talk for the nation on QVC, and I could still talk for the nation. It's been an absolute joy.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

It's been an absolute joy. Listeners, I would love your feedback on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review, a little thumbs up, a like, a subscribe, and you can email or text me via the link in the show notes. And also you'll find details of the website link with how you can work with me one-to-one or by joining more M-O-R-E exclamation mark, which is my award-winning all-in-one coaching programme that's all about adding life to your years, and that's what we're all about, isn't it? So thank you for joining me, Ann. It's been an absolute pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 56:57

Absolute pleasure. I have been blown away. I feel like we've been talking for five minutes. Seriously. Well, I look forward to the video episode as well. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Fantastic. Thank you so much, Kate.

SPEAKER_01 57:12

That's all right. Um, I look forward to your tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Anne. You've been brilliant. Bye.