Whole-Body Gratitude 3/4 "Forming Habits That Stick" (feat. Jenna Zint)

Good intentions fall short when choosing to form new habits, even a gratitude habit! Instead, we need concrete handholds that we can place around our new habit that will empower us to see it through until it becomes effortless. That's what we're talking about today with Jenna Zint--the habit queen! 

It's not about finding habits to incorporate; it's about naming the habits that are already forming us, and then choosing how we will be formed moving foward. Pull up a chair 🪑 

SHOW NOTES

Episode 1 in the "Whole-Body Gratitude" series.

Episode 2 in the "Whole-Body Gratitude" series

CONNECT WITH JENNA:

Instagram: @jennazint

Habit Lab podcast with Jenna Zint

Marriage Lab podcast with Jenna & Aaron Zint

Schedule a coaching session here.

Benefit from her teaching gifts by purchasing one of her e-courses here.

Here are a few of the most impactful Habit Lab episodes I've listened to:

Part 1: Breaking Free From Over-Responsibility (listen to parts 2 & 3 as well)

Quit Mind Reading! (Stop Assuming. Start Asking) The title says it all!

Learning to be On Time(ish)--This is way more about showing up as your best self and learning how to face pain from weaknesses than about just being on time. 

Offended? Check Your Boundaries If you're going through a painful situation with a loved one, this will guide you through your pain and help you find a helpful next step forward.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

I gotta be honest, when one of my kids tells me, Oh yeah, I meant to do that chore, takes everything in me to not get angry. Because as we all know, good intentions are not good enough. It doesn't get the chore done, it doesn't change things in your life. So as we're talking about forming a habit of gratitude, we need a different way to do it because good intentions are just not good enough. Today we're going to be talking about forming habits. And if your road to habits have been paved with good intentions, but nothing that has actually changed, then this is the episode for you. Pull up a chair and let's talk some more with Jenna. Hello to all my faithful listeners. I just wanted to jump in real quick and let you know that in practicing learning how to do a podcast with two people, I have learned a lot, which includes sound. So I know that the sound is a little wonky in places in this interview, and I just wanted to let you guys know up front, hang with me. We are trying really hard to give you the best listening experience possible, and there was just some places that we could not fix. Thanks so much. Welcome back to the mentors table. I am really looking forward to this episode because it is packed with so much good insight and wisdom about how to form a habit that sticks in your life. If you are like me and realize that the habits don't just magically happen, this is a great episode for you. Lots of really great practical insights. But of course, before we get started, I wanted to take us a minute and be still before the Lord and center our hearts and our minds so that we have a chance to really be in this moment and pay attention to what the Holy Spirit is leading us to. So if you guys could take a deep breath with me, let it out slowly. Lord Jesus, we welcome you into this place. Relax your shoulders, close your eyes, open your palms and surrender to God. And take another few deep breaths as you focus your mind and your heart in the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, you are welcome in this place. We thank you for your presence. That you are a teacher, that you are a comfort, that you are our guide, and that you give peace. And I pray for peace for all of my listeners as we jump into this topic. Thank you. Love it. Okay, you guys. Today we're talking about habits that stick, specifically talking about a gratitude habit, but we are talking to the guru herself. Listen, I have to be honest with you. I have read a lot of habit books. I've read most of Atomic Habits. I didn't True Confession, I haven't gotten all the way through it yet. I've also read Craig Rochelle's The Power of Change, which is a very similar view to habits, but with um uh Christian integration. So he talks a lot about where those principles come in the scriptures. And those were great. I've listened to a lot of other people talk about habits, but it wasn't until I started listening to Jenna talk about habits in her podcast called The Habit Lab and took an e-course, a couple of different e-courses from her about habits. And this is something that has been linked in the show notes, and I'll continue to link it in the show notes, but has been a big game changer for my life. As well as I started, as I've said many, many times before, she has been my life coach for the last year and a half, and really I would call her more like a counselor. Even though she is branded as a habit coach, I gotta tell you that in our sessions together, it is so much more than that. But the reason that habit coach is important for her to put in that branding is because she understands something that I am just now starting to wrap my mind around. And that is that just as John Mark Comer says, it's not just that we are looking for something to form us, but we are already being formed. And similar with our habits, it's not that we're looking to create new habits, we already have a bunch of habits established. We are already using what we have patterned our brain to do that when we see some sort of a trigger, we have a response that is guided by a habit and or in the words of neuroscience, a well-worn path that we are able to or that connects us from the thing that we have experienced to the next thing that we do. And so, regardless of if you want to call it a habit or like Jenna pointed out before, really the spiritual disciplines are Jesus habits. They are the things that we can purposely integrate into our daily life rhythm that form us. Right now, we're already being formed and we've already got a bunch of habits established. But it is important to recognize and name what habits we've already established, and then reroute those if those habits are not bringing us to our best life that God has designed for us. That's where Jenna comes in. Her teachings, her courses, her podcasts, her coaching sessions are all about recognizing what is already forming us in our lives and naming those things, naming the pain that's involved in those things, and then finding different ways to show up, different habits to form that really will change your life. I cannot recommend Jenna's coaching sessions enough one-on-one. This girl has got some fire, and her secret sauce is she's led by the Holy Spirit. I'll talk about that more later. But today, as we jump in, I want you to be listening, not just for the practical aspects of how you can form habits that stick, but see how there are so many layers to habits that Jenna understands that really go back to the way that God has designed us. But as I want you to hear, there's more to it when you have a personal relationship with Jesus and you are cultivating that relationship with continuous communication with the Holy Spirit, then those habits are more than just a thing to check off of your to-do list or a thing to schedule on the calendar. They are the things that are forming you. And we want to be careful to watch what we are choosing to do that is forming us and how we're being formed. I cannot wait for you guys to hear Jenna's tips. So let's get started. Welcome back to the mentors table. I am so excited to bring you Jenna once again. Today or this month, we are talking about whole body gratitude. And today we're going to talk about not just creating a gratitude habit, but what are some tips for creating a habit that is actually going to stick? And you guys, I've brought Jenna in because she is the habit guru, the habit queen. This woman gets it. Not only does she get it, but she is so eager to share it with everybody else. And you'll hear as she talks, she doesn't just want to share a step-by-step guide. She is sharing her heart, she is sharing her journey, she is sharing all the things that she has gone through and a lot of vulnerability to form the habits that she has now and what she has learned that works and doesn't work along the way. I gotta admit, when I first was introduced to Jenna and heard that she did habit coaching, I got a little confused and kind of hung up on that. Like, I'm not sure if I need coaching on habits, I just need coaching on life. But as I've already said, I learned that the two are integrated in such a way that you can't separate the two. And so, really, when we're talking about getting coaching for habits, you're also getting coaching on how to form your life. Jenna, could you get us started by just giving us some of your top tips to make a habit that sticks?

SPEAKER_00: 9:18

Oh, that's thank you for asking me such a personal question. It's funny, yeah. I think sometimes people get too zoomed in on habits, but I'm like, habits just feel like the how to apply. So even in a sermon, I'm like, okay, what's my application? Like, what's my maybe call it homework takeaway? But I'm like, it's it moves from information to application, and that's where like I see and like, oh, now it's you know, it's giving me something versus staying on my bookshelf of my brain. Um so I would say for habits, like some of my basic points would be really specific of the win of like the W H E and the timing of when you're gonna do it. Um, because there's a actually I think someone one of my clients said this once and I was like, I'm stealing it. And I wish I remember who, so I could give them credit, but it was not my words. She said, if you say it could be whenever, it's most often never. And I feel like that's so true. Like, okay, great, go practice gratitude. And you don't have a really clear when you want to practice, then it's often like forgotten accidentally or in the busy of life. So getting really clear and earlier in the day is usually better. They talk about how the bookends of your days are the most successful for consistency habit stack. So either your morning routine or your your afternoon. But it could be as simple as um when you're driving to work, you know, turning the song on or not playing, putting anything on for the first like one minute until you actually feel like you pick one gratitude that you emotionally you chew on enough that you connect with. So I think sometimes people think they have to be really like, I don't know, fanciful or find a gorgeous five minutes on your back porch with your coffee and you're snuggled in a blanket. I'm like, no, actually, anything that happens on a regular basis, just literally attaching it to something. So sometimes common mistakes, maybe someone would be like, okay, great. When I wake up, I'll do my um gratitude, you know, the new, I'll practice gratitude for whatever area of my life. I do think sometimes it's helpful getting specific of like if you're financially in a hard spot, maybe practicing gratitude for what you do have or for your finances or for a relational, like it helps to kind of narrow in where you're starting, even if it's for a week. Cause then you understand it's not a it's not general. And I hope this helps. It's not like a multivitamin. It's like, I know why I take magnesium at night because it helps me sleep. Like I'm very clear on its benefit. So I think sometimes being more specific on what you're going to have to gratitude for, you think then you think of it like a weapon versus this is one more thing I should do. You're like, no, I actually know the fruit it gives me and when I need it, I'm like, pick up that tool because that's what we're needing. It's it's purpose right now. So I would say instead of saying um when I wake up, that's too general, even though it sounds specific. I'm as specific as okay, when I sit down at my quiet time after I have my Bible and my pens or whatever else, my hot water next to me, then I practice gratitude. So when my butt is situated and I get all snuggled in, that's when I do gratitude. And so that's for me. But put my husband on his way after he drops the kid off kids off from school, because a lot of times it's not, you cannot, I would not be able to do super grateful, like get to that spot with the kids in the car. But as soon as they leave, the first things I do, you know, would be like one thing that I feel grateful for in whatever area I'm looking for. So getting really specific verses in the morning or when I wake up, be like, nope, when I shut my Bible after my quiet time, I'm not gonna move on until I think of one thing in this area to be grateful for. And the other thing I would say, like even you had said thinking about you have to, it's not perfection. People mistake consistency with perfection a lot. And I kind of tease it's the ugly stepsister of consistency. Instead, think of it as practicing. You have to get enough reps in that you know what it's it does and you can benefit from it, but perfection, it gets again to all or nothing. And then if we miss a day or we don't do the thing or we don't experience it, like um, I love John Mark Comer, and you do too. But one of the things he talks about in the spiritual disciplines, which maybe some of us would call Jesus habits, but he talks about don't judging, don't judge the result based on your emotions. Like don't ask, is it working? You just kind of almost have to disassist. We like want so instant results that we have to like in a week, did it make me more happy with my husband? Like, nope, Jenna must have had a different experience versus like you can't, you have to do it long enough, consistently-ish enough to see fruit. You can't use your emotions. Do I feel happier for my husband? Did he change? You know, like that's just too quick to expect. It's not overnight overhauls. That's the beautiful part about not going after perfect, is it's consistency over time is gonna be an effect versus I did it for a week, I don't feel anything different about my husband, or I did it for two weeks and I don't feel different. It must not work. You can't actually judge it that quick, or you'll you'll get skewed results.

SPEAKER_01: 13:59

I love it. That reminds me of your catchphrase. We are going after little bits of butter. Can you say a little bit more about that in regard to gratitude, but also starting a new habit that will stick?

SPEAKER_00: 14:14

Yeah. Again, going back to this black or white perfectionist, like to be to actually nail a habit. A lot of us really make perfection the goal, even though we say actually I would say that sometimes our Christian ease is excellence. But I'm like, when you dig under excellence, you're like, that's perfection. You know, the under the surface is actually like black or white, I failed or passed. And I'm like, there's where's the grace? So for me, just even remembering that as I'm growing or practicing an area, I have to like I cannot self-sufficient. Like the self-help culture says like try harder, dig deeper, where actually like the gospel says, like leaning into grace, like I'm gonna go after consistency, but I've got like two widows' might's worth of effort. This is my contribution. Grace is gonna have to do the rest. I'm showing up and the Lord is gonna do his half. But I think sometimes we actually accidentally mistake being responsible and stewardship for changing or redeeming ourselves is on the effort, like a direct correlation to how much we put in versus like, no, I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna be faithful and consistent enough. But like there's gotta be grace to cover the gap of what I can do and the redemption that I need internally. I know it sounds silly, but I'm like, well, a lot of times I look at things when I'm starting, I'm like, there's a big gap. Okay, Jesus, good thing I'm not alone in my manpower here.

SPEAKER_01: 15:36

That's so true. As a recovering perfectionist, I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00: 15:45

So true. So I would say actually, one more thing. I think a lot of people are like, How long does it take for a habit to stick? And I'm like, they actually say, like, I've read enough different behavior scientists research to say there's not a one size fits all with a habit. I think 21 days was thrown around back in the I don't know, 2000s, whenever that became popular. But actually the amount of because there's not just people think about behavior habits, so maybe like sitting down and writing um gratitude, but actually the other half of the equation we don't think about are our thought habits, which we know like scripture backs up, you know, renewing in your mind and and all the things. But I think there's such a correlation of what you believe to be true is evident in what you do, and what you do reflects what you believe to be true. So after if you're going after a habit, but there's a thought habit that like you can't do this or it's impossible or too hard, it will sabotage you. So why I think that matters is that maybe one area of your life, it only took you two weeks and then it got roots, and that was great. And that's probably because you didn't have a lot of resistance. But maybe there's an area over here that you have been told you're not good at for your whole life. It's gonna maybe take a little bit longer. The action isn't hard, but the resistance in your thought patterns of these deeply worn, you know, thought patterns that you have is gonna take a little longer. What it doesn't mean is it's not possible, but it's just that there's more thought habit work you're gonna have to do. It's not just execute the behavior, which is so much that's why we get so judgy to ourselves. We're like, I hear all the time, I know what to do, but I'm just not doing it. And we're like, okay, then probably that's your cue for Holy Spirit to ask like, what are you believing, what beliefs are sabotaging in you that you don't even know? Because if you know the action, it's gonna be like a belief or emotional something under the surface that's actually hindering you.

SPEAKER_01: 17:27

Oh, so good. We could talk about identity for days, but we're gonna keep on going and see how gratitude contempt. Yeah, no, it's so true. I think that one of my recommendations is and this is from my own personal experience for all the type A Enneagram ones out there. If you're having trouble feeling some sort of like consistency with it, go back and make it smaller. Is that accurate?

SPEAKER_00: 17:55

So good. Yeah. So if you're like five minutes of gratitude and it should end in tears, you're like, nope, I'm just gonna notice one little that's one of the reasons I'm like, what's one little bitty thing he did in the last two hours? Actually, making it really small that's helpful because it made me notice how much I took for granted versus like, well, he didn't do anything big, he didn't do anything the last 24 hours that I could be happy with. I'm like, oh, you're actually that's more evident of how not used to noticing you are versus so I think sometimes there's even benefit for the really small, specifically with a gratitude habit.

SPEAKER_01: 18:29

Isn't that so good? That is a solid 10 minutes of packed with good insight and inspiration. Go back, listen to that again and again. I guarantee each time you listen, you're gonna learn something different that you missed the first time. And notice all the Holy Spirit components. You guys, this applies to all habits. You know, we're talking about the Holy Spirit, we're talking about our spiritual formation, we're talking about gratitude, but this goes all the way to our habits for not just our spiritual habits like uh reading our Bible and praying, but also our physical habits like exercising and drinking water, all of those things. They all come into play when you use these principles, and these principles are what are going to make your habits stick. Jenna actually has this thing called an emotion habit, which means that she has kind of outlined already um different steps to go through and process some pain that you're feeling or an emotion in general that you're feeling. Um, or you could just say like a situation that you've recently been through and you're trying to figure out like, why is this bothering me so much? I have gotten a ton of great fruit from following her emotion habit as well. I will try to link in the show notes an episode that talks a little bit more about that from her habit lab podcast, but I can't say enough about her coaching. You guys go schedule a call with her. You have two options. You can schedule a 10-minute call for free where you can just really kind of get an idea of what she's all about as a coach and see if it's a good fit for you. I highly recommend that. But I think that maybe even more effective would be for you to listen to three or four of her Habit Lab podcasts, and as you hear what she's teaching, if that's resonating with you and that's stuff that you're like, man, I've never thought about it this way, or oh, I really want to dig a little bit deeper, and I'm not exactly sure how to apply that to my life, that's when you know that she's the right coach for you, and scheduling a session is going to be worth your while. It's not even as expensive as it would be to get an hour with a counselor or a therapist, and I can't recommend it enough. I do have to say one more thing. If you already have a therapist or a counselor, that's great. I'm not trying to take you away from the person that you're already working with. I do want to say that in conversations that I've had with other friends who work regularly with a counselor or a therapist, there are wonderful lessons and things that they discuss and strategies that they create that are really helpful and beneficial for the person. But I have also had conversations where it felt like that person was kind of hitting a wall and they were they had kind of exhausted all that therapy could offer for them and still weren't quite sure what direction to go from there. That is when I highly recommend, in addition to your counseling sessions, booking Jenna because she's gonna bring the Holy Spirit component that your therapist and counselor, if they're not Christians, do not have access to. You guys, I know it sounds cheesy, but the Holy Spirit knows everything. You know, like that is the key. This is the God that we serve. He has direct access to the Father and to Jesus. They are three in one, and the Holy Spirit knows you better than you know yourself. And so when you are in an environment and a conversation that allows the Holy Spirit to speak and uh and guide your words, you are able to tap into a new level of healing that you just can't get to with normal counseling or therapy. Okay, I've done enough. I have fulfilled my role as a self-appointed Wyoming ambassador for Marriage Lab and Jenna as a uh life coach. Additionally, if you are interested, there is um life coaching that her husband Aaron offers, especially if you are married to somebody who struggles with a porn addiction. He specializes in walking you through getting deliverance from that and naming the roots of that, not just the symptoms. Or they work together as a couple's counselor and you can book a session together. All of those things are fantastic and I highly recommend them. We are sadly coming to the end of November, which means that we only have one more episode left with Jenna. I hope you guys have been enjoying these episodes as much as I have. Next week we're gonna talk about a really interesting principle that I first learned on Jenna's podcast, and that is what the phrase I can't do in our brain. It is so fascinating. And I feel like this applies to gratitude because gratitude is something that we are looking around for motivation and fuels so that we can keep moving forward and um and growing in as a person and in our walks with God. And when we use the phrase I can't, there is a major disruption that happens that I didn't even understand. It is a message that you are not going to want to miss. Be sure to follow us if you don't already, and we will see you again around the table next week. Have a great week. Nerd alert, nerd alert. Guys, I am such a nerd. I geek out on show notes. So if you ever want to know how to contact the show directly, how to find us on socials, links to books or anything that we mention on the show, go to the show notes. And at the very bottom, there is always a link that says support the show. It doesn't matter how little or big or how often you want to give, it's super easy to do. And I like to consider it a way for you to take me out for coffee and say, Hey, thanks. And you know what I say? Thank you. You guys are the best.