On the Power of a Table: Tables As Peace Sanctuaries

In this current cultural moment, conflict and division are rampant not just in the world but in the Church as well. Yet we all have a reminder in our homes that can serve as a symbol of peace and laying down our conflicts. This isn't just some theology I cooked up; this has biblical precedence. Let's talk about it. Pull up a chair 🪑 

SHOW NOTES

Where Heaven Meets Earth with N.T. Wright on Blurry Creatures -- Another podcast discussing the power of a table (around minute 42:00).

The story of Laban and Jacob reconciling over a meal is found in Genesis 31.

Sitting At the Feet of Rabbi Jesus by Ann Spangler & Lois Tverberg -- Modern-day story of a table as a sanctuary of peace and a place where conflicts are laid down and not picked up again is found on pages 146-47.

Transcript

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My heart has been breaking lately for the Big Sea church. And when I say Big Sea Church, I mean the churches all around the world that follow Jesus. And just watching the division that is happening right now, watching the fighting that is happening online, watching the judgment, watching the the prejudice. And um I just feel like there is so much division that it is hurting God's kingdom and not helping God's kingdom, but yet people are doing it with this righteous indignation that, like, I'm doing this in the name of Jesus because these people need to know what the truth is. And I think that God has provided for us a reminder in our homes that we can look at on a daily basis that reminds us that we are not called to fight. We are called to love. We are called to live in peace. Now, I do not mean we're not called to fight as in we are not called to live as or that we are called to live as doormants. I do not believe that at all. But I'm talking about fight in the sense of we are brother against brother, dividing ourselves instead of first going to love and tapping into what God is leading us to. And our tables in our homes are daily, constant reminders that God is calling us to reconciliation with our brothers, God is calling us to lay down our arms and to live in peace with one another. So let's talk about it. Welcome back to the mentors table. I'm so glad that you are here. My name is Joy, and I'm the host here at the table. And like we talk about in all of our episodes, this isn't a table or a community and a place to gather unless you are contributing to the conversation. So please always, always, always take a second and respond, share, comment, get on joyabod.com, leave your voice there so that we have a chance to hear your voice at the table and to actively participate in your life as part of a community. Now, to get started, as always, we like to take just a moment to focus and be still and allow ourselves a chance to be present while we're listening to this podcast. So if you could put your feet flat on the floor, open your palms in a posture of surrender, take a deep breath in, release it slowly. Let's do that one more time. Deep breath in and release it slowly. Maybe close your eyes if you're not driving. And whisper so that the words of your heart with the meditations of your mouth. I choose to focus on your voice and what you're saying to me now. Amen. So good. Good job. Alright, I just want to jump right in. I have really been loving this deep dive into the significance of tables. I noticed recently in another podcast that I will link in the show notes, they were talking about the power of a table as well. And I thought, man, I just think that we need more resources about this. So I'm putting this out as a call to you. I have looked before, and I believe my looking, the extent of it was just searching on podcasts to see if there's anybody else talking about tables. And this was actually quite a while ago. And I just didn't see anything. So um, if you have a great book or a great podcast that dives into this that I could learn from, I would love for you to reach out and send me the link because I would love to hear about that and to do even more studying. I've really enjoyed this part of sitting at the feet of Rabbi Jesus that I've been teaching out of it. But it's just like one part of a chapter that we are getting into, and I know there's more out there, and I just want to keep on learning. So that is my request to you. But for now, let's go ahead and jump back into what I'm learning from this book as um we talk about tables not just as altars, like we covered the week before, and not just a place for community and a safe place to share and do life together, like we talked about initially. But today we're gonna talk about tables as peace sanctuaries. This is a place where you can come for peace, and we're gonna talk about that specifically in the context of conflict with another person. The table represents an end to that conflict, it's the place where you lay it down and you don't pick it back up again, and I'll explain that a little bit more um in just a moment. But let's start with the biblical precedence for this. So I'm just one gonna kind of recap. If you have a general understanding of the Bible, then you have probably heard the story before. So I'll just kind of skim over the details. If you are not familiar with this story, I recommend you go back and read it for yourself. I'm taking it out of Genesis 31, and it's the story of Laban and Jacob. So, real quick, Jacob came to Laban's home, fell in love with his daughter Rachel. Laban made him work for seven years so that he could marry Rachel, and then Laban tricked him, and on the night of their wedding, he switched in his older daughter, Leah, and Jacob ended up marrying Leah as well. And because he was partying hard, he missed and did not realize who he was consummating with. And so here we are the next morning, and he realizes what happened. He goes back to Laban, and Laban says, Well, she's my oldest, and I have to marry her off first. You can have Rachel, but you need to promise me another seven years of work. So at zooming to the end of the story, he's done his seven years of work, and Laban continues to try and deceive him and take away from him. But God's hand is on Jacob, and Jacob is able to continue to prosper, but finally gets to the point where he needs to just completely leave, and really he has to run away in the you know, in the dark of night. It's real exciting. I don't know how you do that quietly, honestly, with um two wives and your flocks of sheep and your children and all of your possessions. But, anyways, they all leave because Laban is not a man of his word, and it has the tension has grown so much at that point, and so Laban finally catches up with him about 10 days later, and then in Genesis 31, where we're picking up, um, when Laban and Jacob finally come back together, there's all this history, there's all this conflict, they obviously didn't even leave on good terms, but they come to an understanding and they share a ceremonial meal together, this meal of peace. So they gather around the table, and the table for them, and this meal that they have together is where they lay all their um previous problems aside and don't pick it back up again. The Bible says in Genesis 31 that Laban kisses his uh grandchildren and his daughters, he blesses them, and then he goes home. That's the end of the conflict. That's what that meal at the table represents for them, and then he doesn't pick it back up again. I want to read to you a more modern story from sitting at the feet of Rabbi Jesus that puts this in a um more current cultural context. Such meals still occur. A few years ago, a messianic Jew by the name of Ilan Zamir was driving through an Arab village in Israel. Suddenly, a figure darted out from the side of the road. Elon slammed on his brakes too late. He had struck and killed a 13-year-old Palestinian boy. Elon couldn't understand why the teenager had ignored the blaring horn and the screeching brakes. Later, he learned the reason. The boy was deaf. Haunted by the tragedy, Elon was determined to make amends by seeking the family's forgiveness. Other Jews who heard of his plan thought he was crazy. An Israeli policeman even warned him, saying, Man, that's dangerous. What you want to do? You can get into serious trouble. You're an Israeli Jew, and these people you want to meet are Arabs on the West Bank. Obviously that has ramped up even more now. The policeman was echoing what Elon already knew. According to Arab tradition, the family could kill Elon as vengeance for their son's death. But Elon persisted enlisting an Arab pastor who suggested he arrange for a Sula S-U-L-H-A, which it means a meal of reconciliation. Here's how Elon describes what happened when he sat down with the boy's family for the ceremonial meal. The cups of coffee remained on the table untouched. According to tradition, the father would be the first to taste from the cup as a sign that he accepted the reconciliation gesture and had indeed agreed to forgive. The tension in his face had cast a shadow on the proceedings until then, but at that point he suddenly began to smile. The lines of grief softened. He looked at me squarely and his smile broadened as he moved toward me, opening his arms in a gesture of embrace. As we met and embraced, he kissed me ceremonially ceremonially three times on the cheeks. Everyone began to shake hands with one another as the father sipped coffee. The whole atmosphere was transformed, the tension was at an end. But then something even more surprising happened. A spokesman for the family turned to Elon with this remarkable invitation. Know, O my brother, that you are in place of this son who has died. You have a family and a home somewhere else, but know that here is your second home. What a picture of reconciliation. A Palestinian family inviting an Israeli Jew into their own family. Come to think of it, this is a striking picture of the way God welcomes us into his family through the death of his son inviting us to sit down at his table and partake of the covenant meal. So, as we can see again, eating a meal together at a table is not just a sign of peace, but it's also a promise to not pick the offense up again. What if our tables here in our homes were the same? What if we modeled this to our family and friends? What if as if you're listening to this as a parent, what if you set the precedent as a parent for your kids that whatever conflict is going on at home, once you sat down to a meal together and took that first bite, that was it. That's the end of the conflict. We lay it down and we don't pick it back up again. And once that first bite is taken, then that means the rest of the meal is done in reconciliation. We're not eating and holding on to the anger, we're not glaring and giving dirty looks to each other. But we are not gonna start that meal until the reconciliation is done, and we are ready to set that down. It doesn't have to be just parents and kids. This is can be you with your peers, you with grown family members, you with members of the church, the your community, your spiritual community that you're doing life with. The table can be so much more than just a board with four legs. It can be a place where you train your body, soul, and spirit to remember that this is it. I don't hold on to conflict and bitterness and anger through a meal. I lay it down, or I lay down my pride and I invite that person over so that we can reconcile and then we share a meal together. And for you as the host, that meal represents you laying it down and not picking it back up again. I think this could change so much in our culture if we could view the table this way, and we could be that much more committed to not picking it back up again. Because that kind of to me, as I'm talking about this, feels like the key, right? If we can, I'm thinking about as I have taught my kids to deal with conflict. There's the obvious, say you're sorry, I'm sorry, you know, and I forgive you, not it's okay, but I forgive you. But then I think there's another step that I've missed in training my own kids and really training my own heart. That after you say I forgive you and you share a meal together, you don't pick it back up again. It's left behind. And we as representatives of God, as parents to our children, are able to model that for our kids and continually instruct them in that. It would change so much of our culture, right? I think the seed of bitterness is so powerful and so destructive, and I'm not trying to glorify it, but I want to emphasize what a big deal it is so that we are not tempted to hold on to it. If we can see and understand the pain and the destruction that it brings, bitterness, holding on to bitterness brings in our own life, and we can feel the the pain of that, then we can be motivated to not pick it back up again. You know, it's the difference between when your little kid reaches for the burner on the stove, mom or dad saying, Don't touch that, it's hot doesn't have the same weight of understanding why we don't touch it. And as if the child accidentally touches it, feels that burn, and then the next time they go to reach for it, they can remember, oh no, no, no, that actually isn't worth it. That hurts so bad, I'm not gonna put my fingers in the fire again. And the more that we as I keep going back to being parents, but this applies on so many different levels. If you're not a parent and you're listening and you are married and it's with your spouse, or you are a part of a church community and it's with the other people in your community, or at work, or with your friends, all of these situations uh apply to this scenario where we have opportunities to touch the fire of bitterness and hold on to it, and we can either allow it to destroy or we can learn from that pain and we can make a concerted effort to not pick it back up again. You know, I was reading in John, and it talks about how Christians or people will know that we're followers of Jesus by our love. And if you look at any of the other um religions and the standards and the different ways that they work as a community and communicate and have interpersonal relationships, you'll see that a lot of it comes with judgment, a lot of it comes with rankings and classes, a lot of it comes with this group is lesser and this group is more, a lot of it comes with prejudice, a lot of it comes with it's our way or the highway, or you must think this way, and if you don't, you're an idiot and you're crazy. But Christians, followers of Jesus are supposed to be set apart by their love. I'm not seeing this a ton in our society right now. Unfortunately, if we're talking about the big sea church, the church as a whole around the world, are we known for our love? Or are we known for our judgment, for our criticism, for our uh prejudice against other people? We all have opportunities to grow in this area, and God has put this precedent of a family um sitting together at a meal with one another, laying aside their differences and not picking them back up again, and then that that's what the table represents, and now we all have tables of some sort in all of our homes. We have reminders that we can see daily that remind us we're not to pick that offense back up, we are to break bread together, to forgive, and to walk in love. Let's get back to that. That is what is going to further God's kingdom more than anything. The division, the judgment, the anger, and the hate is dividing us, people, and it is hurting God's kingdom. We're not working for the right side when we're encouraging division and judgment and hate. We are working for the enemy because the more that we are divided, the less effective we are in sharing God's kingdom. Who I'm feeling fiery. Anyways, that is the importance of a table as a peace sanctuary, and like we've said over and over again, not just a place of peace. For the moment while you're eating, but a place to lay down your fences and not pick them back up again. In an effort to continue giving you some personal updates, I'll just jump right back in and say we have actually had multiple opportunities to host both friends and family here at our home. And man, I just love these opportunities. It's been really beautiful here in Jackson. We've had a lot of bluebird sunny days. If you're a local, you're probably a little sad that there isn't a lot of snow that's come with that. It's been a very mild winter in that regard. But I am loving having the chance to invite other people around our table and uh share meals together and connect our hearts and really just have time to hang out and get closer in our relationships with one another. I've been thinking a lot about this because since we have moved, which is about a year ago today, um we have had so many opportunities to host people, and I've wanted to be uh intentional to start keeping track of that. I think it's easier to be thankful when you have something to look back on and just kind of a log because we forget, right? We forget how many people come through, we forget in the busyness of life and all the things, all that happens throughout a the course of a year. So I'm here to ask you what your recommendations are. So I originally thought just kind of old school, obvious, is maybe I should just get like a guest book. You know, like sometimes Airbnbs or um bed and breakfasts will have a place where they have a guest book and you can kind of sign your name and then where you're from. When we were in Portugal, we went to a quinta and they had a place where we were able to do that, and it's so fun to go through something, you know, like a quinta where there's people literally coming from all over the world and see the different places that they came from to be there. But I want for our own family personally to be able to have kind of a log of the people that have come through. It's not gonna be as varied as the quintas guest book, but I don't know. Am I missing something? This is what I'm asking. Like, is there something more creative? Is there something more, I don't know, intuitive that you know of as a way to keep track of these things? Um, you know, there's the physicality of having a guest book to sign that and it can live in the guest bedroom that makes it a little bit easier and accessible, but maybe there's something else that I'm just not thinking about. You know, like there's of course there's, you know, you could do like a a map and have pins and people um put a pin in from where they're from, but I want it to be a little bit more um specific. So I would here's what is important and matters to me in this that there is uh a place to record names, ages, um, and then where they came from and the dates that they were here. Um, and then maybe like a place to like leave a little message like thanks so much, or our favorite um activity was going on a sleigh ride through the Elk Refuge. What are your thoughts? I bet someone who's listening is like, I know exactly what you need, and this is it. You need to contact me. I would love to hear from you. I want to be intentional in 2026 to make sure that I'm kind of keeping a log, but something pretty would be great. Thank you so much for joining me here at the mentors table, and I will see you here again next week. Nerd alert, nerd alert. Guys, I am such a nerd. I geek out on show notes. So if you ever want to know how to contact the show directly, how to find us on socials, uh links to books or anything that we mention on the show, go to the show notes. And at the very bottom, there is always a link that says support the show. It doesn't matter how little or big or how often you want to give, it's super easy to do. And I like to consider it a way for you to take me out for coffee and say, Hey, thanks. And you know what I say? Thank you. You guys are the best.