From Fear to Freedom: How a Retreat in Teotihuacan Changed Everything

In this episode, Tracy shares a detailed recount of a life-changing retreat in Teotihuacan, Mexico. She is joined by her friend Rhea Bailey as they discuss the journey of overcoming fears and the profound experiences that reshaped her perspective. The story includes transformative activities such as participating in a sweat lodge ceremony, facing claustrophobia in an ancient cave, and discovering the power of surrendering to the process. The retreat emphasized the importance of trusting your heart, pushing through mental barriers, and finding a sense of community and sisterhood. The episode concludes with a reminder of the significance of retreats in personal growth and connecting with one's spirituality.

00:00 Introduction to the Transformational Retreat
00:59 Welcoming Rhea and Setting the Stage
02:03 Facing Fears and Overcoming Challenges
07:33 The Sweat Lodge Experience
13:01 Lessons from the Retreat
20:32 The Cave Experience
23:22 Finding Peace in the Sweat Lodge
24:00 Embracing Ancestral Energy
24:32 Building Confidence and Presence
25:32 Connecting with Loved Ones
26:26 Overcoming Life's Fears
26:53 A Transformative Experience
28:57 The Power of Meditation
32:29 Returning Home with New Insights
45:42 The Importance of Retreats
47:38 Final Reflections and Gratitude

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Some of you may have seen the video I shared on social media about my transformational experience at my retreat in Teotihuacan, Mexico. That sparked a lot of interest. So today I'm excited to share the full story behind those emotions. And I'm joined by my dear friend, family, Rhea Bailey, who I first shared this dream with when it was just an idea in my mind.

It was just a thought, a hope, a dream. I felt so distant. Um, and now I thought, well, now that I've gone through this life changing experience, I'm going to bring it full circle and have Rhea back and have this conversation with her today. So, and Rhea will be back on a future episode to share more about her incredible story.

But for today, we're just going to kind of dive deep into the transformational retreat. But [00:01:00] welcome Rhea. I'm so excited. Oh, I've been waiting for this for weeks. I was talking to, to John, your husband, as you know, um, when he was on his way to the airport to pick you up and, Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And I was like, how was it?

He's like, it was, it was amazing. I said, well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get, I said, I'm gonna give her some time. I have to get the download. So I've been waiting for this. Well, thank you. And I appreciate it. And I appreciate you letting me record this because I thought I think this would be good because so many people have asked me about it.

And I want someone who's out there listening, who maybe has thought about doing a retreat or has never been on a retreat to maybe hear something in my story that resonates with them. So that's why I thought it'd be good to share it. But yeah, so it And, you know, John is so over hearing the story, it's just, I have not stopped yapping about it.

So it's nice to have fresh ears. So I appreciate that. But, well, I will [00:02:00] start, I'll kind of jump in and feel free to, you know, ask questions. But the thing is, Rhea, I thought that I was going on this retreat to enhance my own retreats. you know, retreats is something that I've always wanted to do. And I love to be, you know, a student of anything I'm interested in.

So this group, Wanderlust Entrepreneurs, that's all they do. Like they host thousands of retreats, uh, over like decades. They've been doing it forever. And so when they came up with a retreat for retreat leaders, I thought, Oh my God, that's perfect. I can go on a retreat finally, and then I can learn what it's like to be a retreat leader.

So that's why I thought I was going, I did no research on Teotihuacan. I'd never heard of it. I didn't know. I hadn't either. Yeah, not many have. Um, and Teotihuacan, it's an ancient city, um, in Mexico, and it's famous for its pyramids. It has three pyramids and they're 2, 000 years old, like just that it's hard to even [00:03:00] wrap my brain around that.

Um, so it's a very spiritual place and a lot of people go there from an archaeology standpoint or to connect with its energy, but I knew very little about it. And so I thought I was going there to learn about retreats, but the core lesson, I'll just skip to the end, the core lesson and takeaway for me was I learned that nothing has power.

Unless you give it power. And we'll kind of unpack that a little bit. Yeah, I want to hear what that means to you. Like, how does that apply? So quickly, very quickly, I realized that, um, I was really on this retreat to overcome my fears. That happened the first day. It was the second day, but it was the first full day.

Um, the very first thing that they wanted us to do, which I actually can't go into, um, details about, um, was something that it triggered [00:04:00] every fear in me. And I tried to do it and I refused. I said, I can't, I, I, I can't do it. And they were like, that's fine. I mean, this whole thing is up to you. It's your experience.

So I went and set. In a tent and waited for them and there was another woman who also was like, I, I too can't, can't do it. So we got a chance to catch up and I got to know her really well and that was beautiful. But the entire time that I was sitting there, I could feel in my mind that I was upset. I was disappointed in myself.

I was talking to her, but I was thinking like, Really? Like, really Tracy? Wait, let me, let me make sure I understand this. We came all this way. We invested in this experience. And we're going to just set the parameters of what we are and aren't going to, I mean, why are we, why are we here? This early. Right here.

This early. It was the first thing. It's like, if you have it all figured out, if you know all the answers, Tracy, why are we here? So we sat there and when people came up from [00:05:00] this experience, I could see it in their faces. I could see what I missed. in their faces. They weren't talking. It, it was, they were very, they were very kind of, you could tell it was just a lot of inner thought.

One woman sat down and started meditating and I was just like jealous. I was just, you could tell that it was, it was a huge thing for them. And so we left there what we actually stayed on the grounds a little bit longer by the pyramids and that entire time I was just thinking even going up some of the stairs to the pyramid again.

These things are 2, 000 years old So, you know, they don't have all of the regulations that you see over here where everything is safe and the stairs Yeah, exact even going up the stairs. I started feeling fear and I was like, what is this? So I had to pull myself to the side and I had to put myself in timeout and give myself a little bit of a talking to.

I was like, we're not, we're not doing [00:06:00] this. Clearly you are going to be met with fears. This is not some kind of spa retreat and we have to make a decision. Are we going to just say, well, we kind of blew it. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come. Or are we going to just surrender? And trust in something else besides your mind and just go for the ride.

The fact that you had, were able to even pause and counsel yourself in that way is, is pretty darn amazing in and of itself. Um, that, you know, you set the tone for your own metamorphosis over the week, it feels like. Well, and that I mean, that's a good point. I did have to catch myself and I'm glad I did because the old Tracy would have been like, well, I would have felt completely justified.

I mean, if I could have shared some of the things we were doing, you'd be like, yeah, I probably would have made the same choice. Um, but I knew that I was there for something. I had been called to that place for, for some reason. [00:07:00] And I also didn't want to be that person, you know, that the person that signs up for something and then doesn't do it or has to sit it out.

I was like, I, yeah. I kept wanting to explain to the people that I was there with, like, I'm really not this person. Like, and I thought, Tracy, no, you need to walk the walk then if you aren't this person. So this whole talking to was quickly put to the test with the very next thing. Later on that afternoon, like hours later, because they wouldn't tell you what you were doing until you were right up on it.

So on the, in the van, they're like, okay, everyone go back, um, get changed. So the next thing is, um, It is called, uh, Tamas, Tamas call. It's a sweat. It's like a steam lodge, a sweat lodge. I had never heard of it. Have, have you ever heard of it? Cause most of the people on the retreat were like, Oh yeah, I've done this before.

So I was like, okay, sweat. Like they, to be fair, they had mentioned that a little bit in some of our pre calls because they did tell us to bring a bathing suit. Um, they said, okay, most it's a purification. [00:08:00] Ceremony. And most people do it completely in their birthday suit. They do it in the nude. And they were like, so that's an option.

Or you could bring a bathing suit. So Tracy packed her bathing suit. I was like, yeah, the bathing suit. Right. We have, we have our, we have our limits. So again, I'm pushed up against that limit. I want to play all out. I just set out of the first thing. Hours later, I'm being told that we're going to go to a sweat lodge.

I don't know what that is. And clothing is, is optional. And again, I felt like what I just met these people. What is, what is happening? So I, you know, I'm on my way to the sweat lodge and I've got my bathing suit underneath and the whole thing is not sounding like anything that I want to do, but I'm like, I'm going to do it. So we pull up on this beautiful, um, the, the natural, um, landscape of Teotihuacan is just beautiful. It's surrounded by volcanoes and mountains and we pull into this very rural [00:09:00] area and there's like an igloo, like an outside igloo and, um, There's a man outside and he's putting all these coals on the fire and we're just kind of sitting in the van and then after a while they're like, okay, you know, they're, they're ready for you.

And you guys can take off your clothes. And I'm like, are there changing areas. They're like, no, right here. And women are starting to just go and I'm like, I could feel that feeling again and so I went and hid behind a little van and And stripped out of my bathing suit. Other women were just, you know, just, they did have towels, were, um, under their towels.

And I was like, wow. Okay. So we walk into this igloo and, um, they're asking us to kind of come in and go around. I was like, yeah, I'm going to just sit right here by the front door. I'm still trying to control. I'm still trying to understand what is happening. I'm going to need to sit right by the door.

Cause I don't know what's happening. And in case I need to, you know, bounce, I will be bouncing. No trust. So we come in and everyone walks [00:10:00] in and there's beautiful rose petals all over the floor and there's this huge kind of pit in the middle and they're bringing those hot, you know, coals that charcoal inside of the igloo and everyone's just kind of lining up and then they close the door and see a big part of what I, um, was very resistant about is I becoming more and more claustrophobic.

The older I get, I don't know what that is. And so, okay. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I just. Don't want to be enclosed. I don't want to be, I don't want to exit. Yeah, right. And so I'm watching them close off the door and I'm like, okay, let's breathe. Let's breathe. And then, um, but it was beautiful. So like, it was all the people from the retreat.

Plus there was a shaman who was doing the ceremony. They call him grandfather. And I believe it was his family that was in there with us. His wife looked like his daughter. Sons, an older gentleman. Um, they're playing drums and singing and it was absolutely beautiful. And so they start this ceremony and they start throwing, I think it was actually tea onto these [00:11:00] stones, these charcoal stones.

And the steam just starts rising and rising and it hit me in the face. And I thought, Women, by the way, were dropping their towels. Like they were just fully just, yes, hello. And so I'm like, okay. And then the steam starts hitting me and I could feel like a little bit of panic. Like, I don't know if I can do this.

Like, how long is this going to be? And then I just started breathing through it, just breathing through it. And you know what? Everything kind of went away. Like, I had a whole new found respect for these women that I was with. Because keep in mind, these women are in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. And I thought it was beautiful that they were so comfortable.

You know, we tend to sexualize everything here in the United States. It wasn't about that. It was about this is a purification ritual. They felt completely safe and was trusting in the, you know, the, the, um, the whole exercise process. [00:12:00] And I just kind of got still and I became very present. My mind finally stopped and I listened to the chanting and the drums.

I felt the steam. I started sweating profusely like a whole different level and all the fear went away. Everything else went away and I really got into just the moment and got into a very meditative state and um, it went on for probably close to an hour, maybe a little bit shy of an hour and when it was actually done.

And I was. Disappointed that it was over. I had gone from like, wait, what to, you know, I want it more. It was just so much meaning in it. I didn't, I didn't completely understand what was being said or the words that were being sung, but I could feel it. I could feel that this was something sacred that I was, you know, witness to.

Um, and then they opened the doors and we walked out and steam literally was coming, coming off of our bodies. Um, And then we have this beautiful tea ceremony and it was [00:13:00] just a wonderful experience. But the point of me sharing this particular experience was I had learned in that day. That my mind talked me out of the first experience.

I'll never know what I fully missed. I heard from other people, and it sounded amazing. This very next experience, same thing. Mind was right there like, this is some crazy, I don't, I don't, you know, what is It was telling me, and I would have felt completely justified to sit that one out. It was beautiful.

Um, it was like nothing I'd ever seen before, nothing I probably will ever experience again. And even if I did go to another kind of sweat lodge, it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be with that same group. I don't, it wouldn't be with that particular shaman. It wouldn't be in that location where they, this was something sacred to them.

Wasn't even the first time, you know, there's something also very, it was the first time, right. And it was your first teacher. Almost, right? Of this experience? Absolutely. Yeah. How often in your [00:14:00] 50s do you get to have that first experience with anything? You know, so you're absolutely right. It was something that I'd never experienced and that made it just that much more interesting.

So, so from there, that was probably my biggest shift, which I went home that night thinking, you don't know it all. And this mind, this, this, this voice that's constantly playing in your head, it certainly doesn't know it all. It can only draw from the experiences that you've had. It's, it's trying to constantly keep you safe.

This trip isn't about being safe. There's, there's a reason why I'm here and you just need to trust it. So I went home that evening, you know, back to, to where we were staying with that new sense. I was like, I don't know what we're doing, but I'm doing it. I'm, I'm going to trust in the process. And so from there, and I won't go into all, 'cause literally it was six days of just experiences like that.

Like that. Okay. Like that all . That's what I was wondering. Yeah. Was it, were your, were there lectures? Not lectures, but were people No, it [00:15:00] was just experiences. Yeah. So it was, well it was a little bit of both. It was, um, we would meet every day in this, um, lounge. They called it the salon. And we would normally meet, like in the morning after breakfast, the food there was.

amazing. Um, the people, the people there are so beautiful. I mean, they just, the kindness. Um, so anyway, we, we would meet and we would normally talk about the day. They would give us a little bit of an idea of what we're going to experience. They would tell us about, you know, the, the culture and the meaning behind where we were going.

So it wasn't like from an arche. archaeological standpoint of, oh, it's 2, 000 years old. That is impressive. But it was more so, this is the meaning behind where you guys are going. And then they would, we would go for the day, we would experience it. And then we would, you know, come back and we would normally have at the evening a time to kind of unpack and talk about what we experienced.

So it wasn't, wasn't like a workshop. It wasn't anything like that. Um, very experiential, very [00:16:00] immersive. But the other thing is about that first, that very first day, it rained the entire day. It rained from morning to night. It was just the whole thing. But to me, it was very symbolic because the whole day was a day of purification.

And so we had the rain nonstop. Then we went to the sweat lodge, hello, more water, more steam, more, you know, it was, so it was kind of like a very, like a cleansing and then the next day it was beautiful. It was sunny and The next day was about a pilgrimage. It was about going to Teotihuacan and walking the grounds and understanding the significance of the place.

And with each step, they gave us a meaning. We were basically shedding baggage. Shedding all the baggage that you have being in this human form. And There were yellow butterflies everywhere. There was so much life, so much energy in this place. Butterflies everywhere. And, uh, grasshoppers leaping. I mean, it was just the opposite of the day before.

It was just so kind of renewing and [00:17:00] really set the stage for the journey that was before me. Wow. They couldn't have planned that better. It's what I'm saying. But, but, but But the weather gods were, like, I mean, that is so symbolic. It is. And, and the entail is its own being in and of itself. You know, from the moment you, you talk about going there, they start talking about tail as almost as if it's a being.

And it's like, okay, that's different. But it really is. It's like it played its role in the whole thing. Wow. And I'll, I'll share one, cause I don't want to go into all, but I'll share one exercise that was powerful on that particular day. One of the things we had to do was we were letting go and we had to let go of attachments and the human form.

And we literally had to imagine, visualize saying goodbye to everyone that we love. Um, and so for me to have to think about saying goodbye to my sons, [00:18:00] it was one of the most painful. Painful things I've ever had to do. Um, yeah, it was, you would think, okay, this sounds horrible, but there really was meaning behind all of it.

It was, you know, in life, a lot of our suffering comes from being attached. And so, um, with that, it was so powerful though, because you realize what you have. The moment of thinking that you are leaving this earthly body and that you will you have to say goodbye to all of those that you love and that you know, it really makes you have an appreciation for these people, you know, in your life so that was that was kind of a powerful.

Exercise for me. Um, but I'll skip that. Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, cause that, that plays into, I mean, like you said that the attachment that we have is also like rooted in fear, right? There, here comes that fear again, right? Fear of loss, fear of, you know, being alone, fear of [00:19:00] perceived, you know, sadness or what have you like this.

And it's, um, it's in the, you know, it's these, these, I don't know what you call it, but they're not real, right? It's just, it's something we make in our head because it's not actual reality, but it's so powerful and oftentimes, at least I can speak for myself, like leads me, guides me sometimes if I let it, right?

This false narrative of happiness. Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I felt like I needed all of those people even at the beginning of the trip I kept thinking I wish so and so was here. So once I was here, but it was like no This is a journey you're here to take by yourself and you're gonna be you know Fine and and that was one of the lessons from that day was don't believe anything.

Don't believe anything, especially yourself Um, and you know, you get to a certain age, you feel like you can really rely on yourself. Well, I've got myself this far, but the idea of [00:20:00] questioning even your, yourself, I mean, what you really are questioning is the mind, you know, question the mind because the heart.

Question the mind, trust the heart. The heart knows and when we can get to that place where we can sink back into our bodies and start to really listen to a, you know, we're always looking for answers externally, um, but your body holds so much knowledge in it. And when my mind told me no to these things, my heart was the thing that was saying, ah, you know, we're here, we're here for a reason.

I think you can trust. Um, So I'll, I'll fast forward to my, my breakthrough moment. You know, um, couple of days then we went to, we went actually back to the same location where the sweat lodge was. We, I realized, Oh, this is the same place. I could see it off in the distance, the igloo. Beautiful, beautiful place, wild horses.

And we're walking around them enjoying the day. It's sunny. I'm like, Oh my gosh, this just feels so good. [00:21:00] And then I see that we're walking towards a cave. And I'm like, Oh, no. Okay. The whole claustrophobia thing, like caves, caves, deep enclosed. And so, you know, they, they, before we went in, of course, they told us like the significance behind it and why we were there.

And it sounded beautiful. But as we started walking into this cave and going underneath the ground, I could feel the panic coming back and my mind trying to say, you know, and trying to freak out, but I had. I told myself that I'm doing this. And so what I did was I grabbed one of my new friends who was a complete stranger days ago.

But I grabbed her and I was like, Michelle, I like, I need you. And just having that level of vulnerability with a stranger was new for me. Normally, I would think that like, Oh, I wish I could grab her hand, but I would be afraid to come out. But I was grabbed her hand, like it was, it was like, Michelle, I, and then instead of relying on that narrative in my mind, [00:22:00] I listened to her.

She is a beautiful yoga teacher. And she instantly started saying, Tracy, we're going to breathe. We're going to breathe. We're just going to breathe through this. This is good. And I started listening to her and I started, we forget to breathe so much. But while I'm doing this, Rhea, we're going deeper and deeper and darker and it's the walls are getting, you know, more enclosed and it's getting, there's no, so we finally get to like the belly, the womb of this, this cave.

And we go in and we take a seat and there's, there's some candles and there's some flashlights from people's phones. And then there's complete darkness. There's literally no sunlight. There's nothing. I am underneath the ground. It is my biggest fear. I have a fear of being, I have to be cremated. I cannot be buried.

Right. Yes. Yes. 100%. It's not an option. So this, this probably is at the top of my fears. And I'm there and I'm sitting underneath and they turn off all the lights. [00:23:00] And I just, I'm breathing so heavy. I know everyone around me can hear my breath. And I thought, I don't, you guys, I'm, you just have to hear it, but I just deep breaths, deep breaths.

And I was crying, not out really crying, but just crying to myself because I was so afraid. I was so afraid. I didn't know what we were doing. I didn't know how long we were going to be there. I didn't know if I could get out. I didn't know all of that. And I kept breathing and kept breathing. And I would say probably, it felt like a while, but it probably only took a minute or two.

I came back to that, that calmness that I found inside of the sweat lodge. I found this peace. I realized I was okay. And I was very present again. Just very present. Sitting in complete darkness. Complete silence. And I started to realize The air was so, um, cool and something that I, you don't normally feel when you aren't Deep [00:24:00] underground.

It was a coolness and a cleanness to it that I hadn't experienced before and it felt so good Especially with me being so worked up minutes before it was just cool And I started focusing on that and then they started all the ceremonies again They had beautiful words to be said they were drumming They were singing and I listened to that and I just got into a deep meditative state that I don't think I've ever probably been in before and after a while I started feeling almost like ancestral energy there with me.

If you're ready to step into your confidence, elevate your visibility, and build a powerful presence that gets you noticed and respected, then listen up. This is for you. Jayma Pantel is a luxury portrait photographer, educator, and the host of Living the Whole Picture, a podcast for ambitious women who want to own their brand presence and show up with authority, whether online, on stage, or in business.[00:25:00] 

If you've ever hesitated to put yourself out there or struggled with confidence on camera, JAMA has the tools and expertise to help. Visit www. jamapantel. com for free resources, expert tips, and ways to work together. You've worked hard to get where you are. Now it's time to be seen, heard, and recognized for your expertise.

Links in the show notes. Now, let's get back to the show. I, I know this sounds very out there, but when you're in the moment and you're in this kind of place, I felt like there were others there with me. And I tried to connect with my father who passed 17 years ago. And to be honest, I didn't, I didn't feel it. Um, and I thought about my grandmothers briefly, but then I started thinking about my mother in law, Mimi, you know, who recently passed this March.

And I've been thinking about her because she's buried. [00:26:00] And I can't, the thought of her being underground bothers me. So I started thinking about it. And when I started thinking about her, I started thinking about her. I started feeling her. You know how beautiful her spirit is, her energy. I started feeling that instantly.

And then I started laughing. I started laughing. I was just and I was trying to be silent with it. But I was like, I don't know what's happening. But I was so overcome with just love and joy. And I started realizing how senseless all those fears were. And All of the fears, my all the fears of my life, like they mean nothing.

They're not real and my heart, I think just kind of burst open. I was just in a different place and I was completely cool and calm. And then the ceremony was over an hour had passed. I had been underground for an hour. Yeah, and didn't even. I was fine. I realized, yeah. Two days ago, I said no to a similar experience, no, and now I had done it for an hour and when I came out of that cave, they said it was going [00:27:00] to be like a rebirth.

I came out and I was cheesing from ear to ear and I asked someone to take a picture of me. I don't like to take pictures, but I was like, someone needs to take a picture of me standing next to Abe because I need to remember this moment. The glow on my face, everybody, people came up to me and started, they were like, Tracy, we, we weren't sure.

Did you stay, were you, I was like, I was there and they were hugging me because they saw me two days ago where I couldn't do it. And so I hugged one of the retreat leaders and I was like, Oh my gosh. And he was like, we are so proud of you. And I said, I'm so glad I didn't know what the plans were today. He said, Tracy, we talked about it.

The three of there were three retreat leaders. We talked about whether or not we should tell you. And we decided not to. And I said, you made. The right choice. Wow. Wow. Oh my God. I mean, there's so, oh, there's so much, like, I feel like

when you were able to [00:28:00] transition into that phase of calm where you were feeling like that fullness, that is the first thing I thought about was that your ancestors, like those were literally like wrapping themselves. Around you. Like there's like, how, how else do you, I mean, I don't know how else to explain that level of, um, yeah, just that level of peace that you were able to find after being such in deep panic.

Right. That that's not just of your doing. Right. That was something much larger and much more powerful that was taking care of you in that moment. Oh, that gives me goosebumps. I truly, I truly believe it. I, I connect it with the energy that I felt things. I've never felt any place else. Um, and yeah, [00:29:00] I think it was, uh, it was like throwing yourself into the deep end of trying to, of, of meditation because you had to go to a deep place, deep, deep place, you know, to be able to overcome these things.

But, um, so I, Before yours meditation. Yeah, so this year I've really got into, I've always wanted to be a meditator, but I've always struggled with it because my mind constantly goes. I'm an over thinker. It's always there. It's always, you know, thinking and I always thought that meditation was you have to quiet your mind and that's just not the case.

Your mind is gonna do what it does. You just have to notice it. And just be aware of it. Oh, there it is doing, you know, and then just come back to the breath or come back to the sound that you're meditating on, but it does not have to stop. And meditation can actually be the way you live your life, which is my ultimate goal.

You can make anything meditative if you want to, you know, it's just really being present and thoughtful and being in the moment. Um, so that can be in. That can be [00:30:00] silence or it can be a meditative walk in nature. It can be doing some kind of movement, you know, or sitting in a dark cave underneath the ground.

I mean, it's just getting out of that, that, that thinking space and just really being present and thoughtful with the experience I think that you're having. So I think all the meditating I've been doing this year, in particular, I've, my practice has become much more regular. Definitely set me up for success on this trip because I had that tool to tap into, you know, whereas before I don't know, I probably would have just let the mind race and ran out of there.

But it sounds like this, these experiences even deepened that meditation practice and sort of brought you closer to it. It, it did. It's, it's a tool that I now know is real before I was doing it because I've always heard that people have said you should meditate and I wasn't sure if I ever felt truly the benefits.

I mean, yes, it could call me kind of while I was doing it, but now I know it's something that I can rely on at any moment, you know, [00:31:00] through breathing, I can, I can go back there instantly. Um, And something happens to me now when I meditate. I connect very quickly, whereas before I'd have to sit in it for a while.

Um, I don't know why, but now when I go into a meditative state, I start to nod my head. Instantly, and I don't know what that is. It scared me when I first started doing that because I thought I don't know why I'm doing it, but you know what, the why doesn't matter. But it's just like I'm in a zone, and actually while I was there in Tao, I meditated so much that there were some very sacred sites that we were Um, visiting and we would just stop and kind of meditate right there in front of a bunch of strangers.

I, I didn't, didn't care. I was there for my experience. And when I would go into these meditative states, I started to almost lift off the ground. Like my, my feet kept rocking to the point that I was like, what? Like, I felt like I was off balance. It felt like I was being pulled. Now that's never happened before, but, um, that happened several times while, while I was there.

[00:32:00] Um, And then there were times where I tried to connect to the spirits, you know, that were there. And, um, the head nodding, which I had started doing this year, I started asking questions and then my head would nod more and sometimes it would not at all. I thought, well, maybe this is, Maybe the nodding is the beginning of me being able to connect to something bigger than me and find answers, you know, that way.

I don't know, but that was something that, that happened while I was there as well. Um, but I, I guess I'll end it with, cause there's too many stories and it's, it's almost cheapens it by trying to talk about this experience because you have to experience when I came home, I was telling John, you know, my husband.

Even if I booked a trip for us next year to go to tail, he would never have the same experience because I could never recreate what we, you know, went through. And the guides that I were with, they had been going there for like 27 years. I mean, when I say they knew this place, they were deeply connected.

This [00:33:00] was almost a home for them. So I had the benefit of them. Helping me understand what was before me and what I was experiencing and what I should try to connect with that can't be duplicated by just, you know, hopping on a plane and walking, um, tail. So I, I will say that I kind of, I ended the, the, the journey with, um, kind of really rising, lifting myself up.

Literally, we went on a hot air balloon ride and. They were really, yes. They pushing it. They were pushing it. It was, I mean, and that was the one thing that I went into the trip thinking, okay, that I don't think I want to do because I had done it before. I'd been on a hot air balloon. Oh, 20. Probably three years ago when Maxwell was just a baby, I went on a trip with my mother in law, Mimi, and she wanted to do that.

And I was like, Oh my God, I'll totally do that. Like that sounds looks so peaceful. That is my kind of thing. I'm all, I [00:34:00] hated it. I hated every moment. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. I got up there so high. I'm in nothing but a little basket and I'm thinking about all the different ways this could go wrong.

And my little baby that I left So my mind once again, ruined the whole thing. Yeah. So for this, this was the one thing that I said, okay, when I go, I'm just going to politely pass. Well, now I thought you can't pass Tracy. You've already passed on the first one. You've told yourself you're, you're going to have to get in that hot air balloon.

Wow. Oh, we, we drive, we go out there and I just, I had all the tools this time. It wasn't bad. I breathed through the whole thing. It, you know what it is. You take. You stay present. Instead of thinking about all the what ifs and you just, okay, let me sign this waiver, signing my life away. Okay, check. Let me take a picture for the people, you know, let me climb, let me climb in the basket.

Oh, look at the back. Oh, there's the guy that I just kept it in little tiny stints. Like, okay, here's what we're doing next. And then it started to lift and it's beautiful. You go over the trees and you can see [00:35:00] everything. And instead of like looking down and focusing on, look how high I looked out. I looked out.

And I'm telling you, the landscape is Tao's like no other. I just looked at the mountains and the volcano that had just recently erupted the day that I arrived, but that's a whole nother story. I just took it all in and it was fine. It was beautiful. We had a really interesting landing. That was a whole nother thing in itself, but it didn't matter what happened.

I was in a place where I could, I could, you know, I could, I could do it all. Can I ask you a question? I wonder if Well, how do you think about it? So there's obviously, there are instances and experiences in our life that do bring us fear, sometimes rightfully so, right? You know, um, and even that experience could have been something like, you know, that's, you know, you know, maybe this is not the most safe thing, right?

Right, [00:36:00] right. So sometimes I wonder where the line is from like, Right. Being able to like, you know, banish the fear and say, this is, this is not a real thing. This is a false story. And then there are instances where I say, you know what? I do have valid fear here. And I still may say, hello, fear, you know, greet it and still do the thing.

Right. Like, and then there's other times where it's like, you know, this is not, not right for me. And so I wonder if it was, you felt complete fearlessness. in those moments? Or were you able to just make peace with it? Like kind of bring it along, right? Yes. As a companion and say, Hey, I see you here. You know, yes, we're good together.

You nailed it. I was able to take it along with me. It wasn't that I did not feel the fear, but I was able to say, okay, fear, I recognize you [00:37:00] and I understand you. I mean, all of these things that I'm doing are not your standard thing. You have every right to be feeling the way you want to do. But with that said, I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm going to do it anyway. And you can go have a seat and it's, it's going to be fine. So yes, there are moments where your fear is telling you something of value. You really are in fear and you probably shouldn't do it. But I think for me, I just knew that I came all this way. to experience something different.

And I was not going to go home with another situation where I've talked myself out of something. Um, and, and honestly, I trusted the people that I was there with those people, the bond that I feel with them is stronger than a lot of. The friendships that I've had for years because of what we went through and at that point, I learned to trust them and to trust the broader experience.

So I think you have to weigh everything, you know, individually as to what's truly, um, fair and what's not, you [00:38:00] know, I have so many questions, but I am. Yeah, I'll save them, but I wouldn't experience. I'm going to ask one. Question. Absolutely. Yes, please. Um, I'm curious, so now that you're, you're home, what?

You've been home for what? Yes. A month has it? Um, it's, yes, actually it's been a month on the 20th. It was a month, okay. Yes, a month. Okay. So how, yeah, what is, um, like what is staying with you, right? Yes. Thank you. What remains. So the lessons that I took from there were, um, you know, I needed to overcome my mind.

Um, I realized that my mind is very limiting. Um, and I understood the importance of pushing through that. If I want my life to be bigger than the way, the way it is right now, I have to push through that. that there's nothing I can't do. We are our own limitations. I really [00:39:00] now understand that. I also took away the human connection, how important I'm an introvert.

So I love animals. People, you know, I love them, but you know, it's, it's not like in spurts, you know, but I realized how much I do need that human connection, how much I do need sisterhood. Um, bonding with these women, um, there was a, there was a man, there was one husband that, that was on the trip. He was phenomenal.

It was wonderful having him here, there, and, and two of the retreat leaders were men, but besides that, it was all women. I need that, that those moments with women, you know, and that sisterhood and so I took that from it. Like I, it's something that really is, um, important to me. And then I also took away that the magic and awe of Teotihuacan, there is energy is real.

We're hearing about it more and more, but I experienced it. I [00:40:00] felt it, um, and it's something that I want, you know, more of. I want that magical, there are things that happen on that trip that if I told you, you'd be like, okay, she definitely was, you know, smoking something, but I promise you it's true. I believe it.

It was crazy some of the things that, that, that happened. Um, so it was just this magical place. And I think we need magic and awe in our lives. And that's why I created Beautiful Fix because I think it's important that you feel awe. It doesn't matter what, what point you are in your life. When you're a child, you have those moments of awe and wonder all the time.

And then you get older and you get smart. And you know everything and you have to discredit everything and there's no way that's true and oh my God, that's ridiculous. And you lose that sense of wonder, you know, you think of the movie Willa. I mean, um, the Chocolate Factory movie. That's what makes that movie so wonderful.

It's so I, I, I want, I don't want to lose that. And so I brought that back with me and I continue to wear, this is the, the necklace that [00:41:00] we got, this represents the flower, um, of tail and I wear it with me, it could be because of the energy of those experiences when we first got there, they gave it to us and said, keep this on you so that as you go through this.

Transformation, this journey, it will hold that energy within it and you can take it with you. And on my final day, I thought I lost it and I ripped the, the, the place that I was staying in the room and I sat down and just cried because I thought, how cruel would that be to go through this? I can't buy this.

I can't hold that energy. Then I got calm. I thought, Tracy, here you go again. I got calm. I started breathing deeply and I opened my eyes. It was right there in front of me. I mean, I was like, Oh my God. There's no way it was there. I ripped that place apart. Really? Yes. I'm sure the whole, you know, through the luggage I went and it was laying so perfectly.

So it wasn't like it was thrown in. It was right there. And I just laughed. I just laughed and put it on and it has so much more meaning because I had that [00:42:00] moment of thinking I'd lost it. Yeah. Um, so Since I've been back, that's a long way to say, since I've been back, I continue to meditate to connect to that energy, that spirit of tail that is within me.

Um, I have my jaguar here. The jaguar is revered in Tail Tewakan. It is something that is sacred to them, and they have something called jaguar energy there. And I felt like I connected, like I tapped into that jaguar energy. Um, I'll tell you one little quick story. Please. Toward the end, after I'd done all those things, I woke up one morning really, really early in the morning, like five in the morning by myself, you know, no alarm.

And I was like, what is that sound? I had been in this room now for five days and, you know, had similar familiar sounds. I could hear something. And I thought, it sounds like there is, that's the purring of a cat. I, you know, I [00:43:00] have two cats. I have a dog and two cats. I love cats, but it sounded not, not like one of my little domesticated house cats.

This sounded like the purring of a big cat, like a jaguar. Yeah. And it didn't sound like it was a growl or whatever. It just. It's like a content purring, but it sounded like it was in my room and I laid there. I just lay there and thought, there's no way I'm hearing this. Like, and I tried to think of all the other things that it really could be, but I was like, it, that's it.

That's what it sounds like. And it only lasted for a couple of minutes and then it was gone. So it was things like that, that would happen, you know, there, there could be a completely scientific justification for what I heard. Maybe there was a lawnmower outside. I'm sure not. I don't know. But I, I've never heard that sound except for coming out of my cats, but you know, at a much, much level that was definitely like, yeah, this was like a big, so deeper.

So I continue to meditate. I continue to try to connect to it. And when my mind starts to [00:44:00] tell me things, I will stop it. And say, Tracy, or whatever it is, you sat underneath the earth in a cave for an hour. Like this little thing, uh uh, yeah, ain't got nothing on that, right? Ain't got nothing on that, right.

Yeah. Mm hmm. Oh, man. Oh, you, you were supposed to be there. Right? Like we, you know, when we had talked about it. Like you said, so long ago or a few months ago, and it didn't seem like a possibility. Like it, it was divine. It was, it was meant to be right. This is what was in, yeah, the universe was conspiring to get you there for all the reasons and more.

Like, I'm sure there are so many other lessons and, and awakenings and. That you, that will have yet to unfold. Yes. So that was one of the things as they were closing out the retreat. That's one of the things that they said is this is [00:45:00] just the beginning. This is just the beginning. And there's so much more that will unfold, you know, over the, over the, the months to come.

So yes, I truly believe that this is something that I will carry within me. Um, and it's, it's weird to go from something like that and then to go back into regular life, you know, um, But, you know, going through the airport on my way home was so easy, like, once you've experienced something like that, it just, I don't know, it gives you a different perspective.

And I felt like my energy was completely, uh, different coming home and everything was just, you know, it was just very simple. Energy is everything. It is. It really is. I will just say to, you know, to close things out is. To those who are listening, I feel like a retreat a lot of times I'd always put it in the category category of it's a luxury.

It's a luxury item to go to who has time to go on a six day retreat, you know, and these things can, they're [00:46:00] not, they're not expensive because there's so much value to them, you know, it's not like just going and paying for a hotel room and paying for excursions like, um, But I will say I don't see it as a luxury anymore.

I see it as a necessity and you know, when someone can take that time, the point of a retreat is to pull you out of your daily habits, what you've gotten used to, we just get used to doing the same things with the same people with the same mindset. It's hard to pull your mind https: otter. ai

For a day or weekend or for a week. Some people go for two weeks. Do it and find, find the one that's right for you. Tao is not going to be right for everyone. Like I said, I felt like I was called there for this reason to overcome my fears that hold me back.

So, yes, if you can find a retreat that speaks to you, they have retreats for literally everything. I mean, you can go on a sewing retreat, a cooking retreat, whatever, whatever it [00:47:00] is, whatever your heart's desire, whatever it is that you need in the moment, try to find something that connects with you and take that time if you can, however, you know, short or long to go and kind of reset a little bit and learn, you know, experience something new.

Um, and then, and then from a fear standpoint, recognize that that fearful voice, it isn't you and start listening to your body and reconnecting more with your heart. When you feel that fear, breathe through it, tell it to go have a seat, you know, and, and, um, and, and overcome it. So this experience has shifted how I approach challenges and life, and it's helped me understand the power of surrender.

And trusting in the journey. Um, so. Thank you. Thank you, Rhea, for taking the time to listen to my story. Thank you for sharing it with me. Thank you for sharing it with [00:48:00] us, you know, with the larger collective. I think even for those, you know, who maybe aren't able to take a retreat right now or to, you know, just hearing your story and hearing about just the possible, not even just the possibility, even as we sit here, right, of, or the power of energy, right?

Of being able to call in what we need, right. At any given moment, um, whether, you know, whether we're in a beautiful remote location or, you know, sitting in the carpool line. Right. It's, um, that divineness I feel like it's within us and you kind of provide, you know, you, your story reminds me of that right of the power.

Yeah, it surrounds us. the power to transform is within you. It is [00:49:00] within you. And so it's just it's a matter of just taking that first step. Thank you so much. Well, thank you. And we will have you back in your story on a future episode. So thank you very much.