When You’re Afraid to Start—Do It Anyway (with Kena Siu)

This week, I’m joined by my podcast sister and friend Kena Siu—a self-love and empowerment coach and the voice behind the Midlife Butterfly podcast.

We’re talking about those moments that feel uncertain, scary, or like too much—when your mind says “not yet,” but your soul’s whispering “go.” Kena shares what happened when she said yes to something she wasn’t totally ready for… and how it ended up being exactly what she needed.

We dive into what it really means to trust yourself, sit with your emotions (even the hard ones), and show up for your own healing—one micro-shift at a time. Kena also opens up about the life-altering moment that sparked her midlife reinvention and how grief, self-care, and sisterhood all played a role in her becoming who she is today.

If you’ve been waiting for a sign to start something—even when it feels wobbly—this might be it.

00:00 Introduction to This Week's Episode

01:15 Meet Kena Siu: Midlife Transition Coach

02:45 Embracing the Unknown

09:55 Personal Journey and Midlife Butterfly

18:27 The Power of Self-Discovery

26:31 Navigating Grief and Transitions

31:34 Embracing Emotions Without Labels

32:07 The Struggle to Feel Emotions

33:12 Processing Emotions and Finding Roots

35:10 Understanding and Healing Deep Wounds

36:46 The Power of Self-Love

38:28 Accepting All Parts of Yourself

39:50 Unconditional Love and Self-Care

49:01 The Importance of Sisterhood

52:32 Little Shifts for Big Changes

54:21 Speed Round: Personal Insights

58:10 Conclusion and Special Offer

Connect with Kena:

You can find Kena at midlifebutterfly.ca, where she offers coaching, programs, and resources to support your midlife transformation.

🎧 Tune into her podcast, Midlife Butterfly, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

And be sure to say hi over on Instagram: @kenasiu

Bonus: Kena is offering 50% off a mini coaching session or online program to A Beautiful Fix listeners. Use code ABF50 at midlifebutterfly.ca/work-with-me

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Transcript

When You’re Afraid to Start—Do It Anyway (with Kena Siu)

[00:00:00] 

This week on a beautiful fix. I'm joined by Kena Siu Midlife transition coach, speaker and founder of Midlife Butterfly. We talk about what happens when you say yes to something you're not totally ready for, and the unexpected joy and growth that follows. We dive into fear of the unknown, grief, self-trust, and what it really takes to start again, especially when you don't have it all figured out.

And Kena's offering something special just for our community. You can get 50% off one of her [00:01:00] many coaching on demand sessions or online programs by using the code ABF 50 at midlife butterfly.ca/work with me. Link in the show notes. Now let's get into it.

 Today I'd like to introduce to you a special friend of mine and podcast sister. We're on this podcast journey together.

Kena Siu is a self-love and empowerment guide and the founder of Midlife Butterfly, a platform and podcast dedicated to helping women embrace midlife as a time of expansion, self-discovery and joy.

Through her transformational coaching and podcast, she supports women navigating life transitions, be it divorce identity shifts, grief or spiritual awakenings, guiding them to heal, grow. I. Reinvent themselves. 

Kena's work is about more than [00:02:00] healing. It's about expansion, helping women embody self-love, worthiness, freedom, alignment, and self-expression in ways they never thought possible.

Welcome to a beautiful Fix. Tracy, thank you. It is a real pressure to be here. I mean, our, as our friendship keeps growing for becoming a podcast sister. So, yeah, it's, it's, it's a pleasure being here. I can't wait to, you know, to dive in on whatever we're going to experience today. You know, we go with the flow usually, so, yes, I know it's gonna be amazing.

Yes, we have fun. We keep it easy. And I'm so excited to be talking to you. I, I have so much that I wanna dig into and I'm probably kind of going out of order a little bit, but I just listened to your latest episode all about, um. Just not being afraid of not [00:03:00] knowing, and it was so powerful and I wanted to, I guess, kind of start there because I just, as I was listening, I was just resonating with it so much because I think that fear so much, we just.

Especially the older we get. Well, that's not even true. Even my son, I, I, when you don't know something, when you can't control the whole situation. When you don't know for sure how it's going to go, we hold back so much. And you talked so beautifully about how you got emotional in it. Just the thought of, you know, holding back from just doing something just because you don't necessarily know.

Can you talk to us a little bit more about that? Yeah. The truth is that we limit ourselves when we are fearful of the unknown because we believe what our mind is telling us according to the experiences that we have before, and according to what we have [00:04:00] seen in the experiences of other people as well.

But the truth is. Most of our lives, but we have experienced, it's a unknown when we start walking, when we start speaking, when we were to school for the first time, when we got our first job, when we got married, when I don't have kids, you have kids. The first time you were a mom, all those. Experiences in your life, in our lives are unknown.

And I think it's more the lack of trust in ourselves. Trust in, I call it gas god, universe, or so source, whatever you want to call it.

[00:05:00] And. What I have experienced is the more I trust myself and the more I trust the divine, then the less fearful I become in a way, because there's always going to be that fear of the unknown. And the thing is, as human beings, that's our default. It's the protected mechanism of the human itself to keep us safe.

So that's why actually we are afraid because our mind is like, no, no, don't go there. You don't know what's gonna happen. Stay here. Stay here in the comfort zone. Even though many times that comfort zone becomes so freaking uncomfortable. But it's the familiar yes. And our ego, our mind likes the familiarity of things.

So the, and the best things I'm, I was gonna say [00:06:00] the best things, things are always the unknown. If you, if you just use the examples that you gave, walking, talking, being a mom for the first time. I think you mentioned your podcast starting your first job or any new role. I mean, it's always the unknown and, and what's waiting on the other side is always so much better than, you know, kind of just not doing it.

And you, you have to fill that fear and, and do it anyway. Yeah. And that's the thing is it's just welcoming that fear. Yes. And just embrace it, like with curiosity of, okay, what's gonna happen? You know? Mm. Like what I, uh, the story that I shared in the podcast was about me going up hill Yes. To an archeological side.

Right. And I was like, if I wouldn't know. That I was going to have a heal, I would not done it because I know I would've see like, no, my body's not gonna hold it. How, how the hell am I gonna do it? Like, no, I would just cancel that [00:07:00] plan. But I was like, okay, the plan was already there, so I was like, okay, let's go for it.

And,

and it's when, as you say, it is. When we realized it was worth it and it's like, yeah, I didn't know, but if not, would not have that experience of seeing, you know, of actually going up hill and then sweating and taking pauses and then seeing, you know, the sightseeing and, and the conversations and the whole thing that happened just going up hill while there was kind of like a struggle and effort and it took a lot of courage to do that.

Sure. Yeah. Right. And then. Downhill was the best thing ever. I mean, like, I love speed, so imagine going in the bicycle downhill and all these curves and stuff. And I was like, hell yeah. Like, yes, like this is a payback of this, you know, this effort that I did just before. [00:08:00] And, and the idea that you wouldn't have experienced that.

The wind in your face, the exhilaration of going so fast after all that hard work of going up. But you wouldn't have experienced it if you had known about it before. If someone had said, okay, now, okay, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna go uphill. You probably would've talked yourself out of it and mm-hmm.

I don't know about you, but I mentioned this in my, um, episode of Tale two Ocon, the retreat I went on. Same thing. If I had known, if I had done the research. Beforehand and really understood what I was going to be doing, I wouldn't have gone. And that terrified me more than anything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I listened to that episode is beautiful and as you say, you went in, you know, inside the cave and then you experienced at TE Cal for the first time and I remember what I did for the first time and you have your eyes wide open and you don't see anything.

It's dark. Like I've never experienced [00:09:00] anything like that. I remember the first time I was like, oh my God. I'm just, so for the, for the listeners, we're talking about it being in a sweat lodge. So you've you've done that before? Yes, I've done it. Okay. I've done it and yeah, the first time it was just like, oh my God.

Just, you know, what I did to just connect it back to my, to my breath? Yes. That's all I had. I was like, just connecting back to my, my breath and saying like. You are safe. It's just, it's just dark. I mean, you are surrounded by people here, right? Yeah. It's, the heat is dark. You not getting out. Right. But it's, that's interesting.

It's a lot of mindset work in those ones. It's all mindset. It really is. And it's interesting 'cause I had to do the same thing. I had to breathe through it. That was the only thing I didn't know. No one told me to do that. But something told me, Tracy, we're gonna need to breathe through this. If we're gonna get through the other side, let's just breathe.

So it's interesting that that was true for you as well. Can you share a little bit just about your personal journey, like what led you to create [00:10:00] Midlife Butterfly? Hmm. Well, it was the process. I was like, what, where do I start first? Um, well, midlife Butterfly really grew because of the idea of the podcast that I just started in January, this year in 2025, because the, the.

The name of my business is, uh, wellbeing Project and how I've seen how has Grown and evolved with the podcast and everything. I was like, no, I, this is shifting to midlife Butterfly. Mm-hmm. And it just turned me on so much because it's like the, yeah. Like this is, this is the time for midlife women to come out because are, are we midlife butterflies?

Yes, we are. Like in this, yes. Season of life, it's transition over transition and there's like, well the butterfly, I mean, what they [00:11:00] are really like doing that migration from Canada or US to Mexico. Uh, we think it's the same butterfly, but it is not. It takes up to five generations to get there. I didn't know that.

The, I discovered this now a long time ago, and I was like, wow. So it's not even, so the, the butterfly, the leaves from Canada or US is not the same that arise to Mexico. It's already five generations after, so it means that there were death and there was birth again. Wow. So that's what I love about the butterflies for, uh, I mean, us taking it as, you know, as humans, like those, the mm debts and reverts that will continue going through life.

Mm. And me the, even though the idea of my business was already on. On the, on the way, on the path, it was really [00:12:00] the transition of my father in September 20 19th, the passing of him that shifted my ha, my life completely. Because I didn't realize that I was living in a comfort zone. Mm-hmm. I was already in a relationship of almost 10 years.

I had a really good job. I was able to travel around, you know, no places. Uh uh. It was, it was great. My life was great, but I didn't notice. I was kind of like in a plateau like. Nothing like great to a level, but mm-hmm. We got stuck. I got stuck in there. Mm. So by the sudden departure of my father, then I started questioning everything.

Like it's really my, is this the marriage or the relationship that I really want? Is this the job that I want to, I was already like, you know, like I told you like in my business what I wanted to do. Like, so all [00:13:00] those questions like. The answer most of them was no, was, it was not a fulfilling life, the one that I was having anymore.

And uh, and then I was like, we don't know when life is gonna stop. We don't know where line is. Yes. And I want to live for something better. I want adventure in my life. I want it. Mm-hmm. Uh. To feel alive again because I didn't notice that I, I got numbed to tell you the truth. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wow, that's so interesting.

Um, so your father's passing, I know those are powerful, pivotal moments in your, your life. Um, for me it was the foundation of my father, just knowing he was no longer, um, here, I just felt like a hole, like the rug had been pulled out from [00:14:00] under me. Um, with your father's passing, was it. Was it just the fact that it shows you how fragile life is and how short we have on this earth, and the idea that you were feeling numb, that was kind of the catalyst to say, I, I have to change something.

Yeah, definitely. Hmm. So, um, sometimes you describe. Midlife is, you know, not a crisis. We always hear that it's, it's midlife crisis. I'm calling it midlife curiosity. Yeah. Uh, but sometimes you refer to it as a calling. Yeah. Can you elaborate on that perspective a little bit and how that shapes kind of the work that you do?

Yeah. It's, it's a calling to come back to us because I, I, what I have experienced and I have seen of course in other women and in clients is, is when we start wondering. It's like there's something else, like, there's something more like I, [00:15:00] you know, there's this kind of, as you said, this kind of curiosity of, uh, why am I not feeling good now when some, when I'm not setting my boundaries, why am I, like, feel like I'm, I'm off or, hmm.

What else could be like, there's so many things, but it's more about like feeling lost also. Like who am I now after all the roles that I have, you know, being, playing as a worker, as a mom, as a daughter, as a, uh, as a wife, and we have wear so many hats that at one point. We are the last on the list, then we don't know who we are anymore.

Yes. [00:16:00] So that calling is really the calling of the soul, calling back home to our hearts, who we really are. Oh, don't you start. Can have you start, I'll start. I will go in a minute. You had me crying earlier in your podcast. Um, but, but Kana, my question is, I think so many women feel, feel exactly what you just described, that sense of being lost, feeling numb, um, not recognizing your life, not feeling alive, but what gave you the courage to follow.

That urge to, to even dream for something more, to say that something needs to change. What? 'cause you could have just said, well, you know, I'm a certain age and this is the way life is and I have these responsibilities and I, I don't know, you know, there's, I just ha I'm just, I have to just continue doing what I'm doing.

So what, [00:17:00] how did you go from that feeling, that stuckness to slowly finding a new path?

Well. Uh, after the passing of my father, I decided to separate from my relationship. I am glad that it was a mutual, I mean, we were always on the same page, which it was good. Doesn't mean it was less painful. Yes, because we realized that we love each other more afterwards. But at the same time, we realized that we were better off, like in, you know, separated and.

The thing is, this was my second divorce and I was like, okay, the common denominator here is me. Mm-hmm. So I, for me, uh, the pandemic was a blessing because it is when [00:18:00] all this happened and I was like, okay, so let's take the time to dig in. To really like heal myself, to understand that period of self discovery, of really knowing which are my wounds, my beliefs, or which my patterns, because eventually I want to have a partner again, and I don't want to repeat the same story, right.

So that was really in the case for me, the wonder and saying, okay, if the common denominator of what is happening here is me, then I have to do the beautiful fix for myself.

Oh, I love this because I think you're touching on something that I don't know if we've talked about so far on this podcast is. I think when women are filling the way that you just described and, and it was the catalyst for me, I also felt that way. A lot of times we wanna [00:19:00] know how do we fix this? The how?

How do we fix this? Like what do I need to do? What's the next job? What's the next thing? What's the, you know, dink, dink d. Yeah. But I think it's a lot of personal work that needs to start first. It's, oh, definitely starting with yourself. I recognize the problem was me, you know, for sure. Because in my situation, my job was amazing.

I did not have this job that was this horrific experience. It was a beautiful experience, but yet I still felt the way I did. So I realized, like you were saying, it's me. And so I had to really do a lot of work on me. I'm still doing it and I will always be doing it. So I wonder if you can just talk about that a little bit more for someone who maybe hasn't.

Sometimes personal development gets a bad rap. It's like, it's woo woo. It's this, it's that. It's, I don't know, you know, but maybe talk to someone who hasn't started doing that work on, on how that helped you or why you think it's important. Mm-hmm. [00:20:00] The thing is, we have been thought that everything comes from the exterior.

Yeah. Right? Yes. To focus on that. Yes. And, and that's what we used to do. And the thing is. By focusing in everything outside and by blaming everything. Yes. And everyone outside then we are, we are victims. I was a victim for decades. Mm-hmm. One of the practices actually, that I started doing to start understanding.

Like what, like what was happening in me, like the beliefs and the patterns and all that. And I, I used to be, uh, a very grumpy person that I will get upset with things very easily. So one of the practices that I started doing is like, it's questioning if something was triggering me or somebody, like [00:21:00] what was it that I needed to learn from there?

Hmm.

That was one of the practices that really started for me Then. Then the self-discovery and digging in more and saying, okay, this person is pissing me off. What is this person doing that is mirroring me back? Because at the end it's always about the self. Yeah. It's not the other person. Like what are they reflecting me back that I'm not liking?

And then most of the time, at least when we are starting the healing process and working on ourselves, it's something that, I mean, if I didn't like something and the other person is because I was not liking in myself, probably I was doing the same or I was not accepting it in myself. Hmm. So [00:22:00] that was, yeah, one of the first practices that helped me to start turning things around so I could understand why I was getting trigger and, and why my reactions with other people, or also seeing, again, like my beliefs and my patterns.

That's how little by little started shifting and understanding, and then digging in even deeper. I love it. And here's the good news. This is not easy work. It's not easy to realize it's you, what it is the most empowering thing you will ever do for yourself because you realize you are completely in control.

Of everything of your life. And that's the beautiful part of, of, of working on yourself and, and admitting that I'm the one, whatever is, is in my world right now. [00:23:00] It is a reflection of the choices I've made. I have created this, but that means that I can choose different choices and create a whole different world instantly.

Yes. Yeah. It's instantly and its instant. I believe that the more aware we are or the more present we can be, then the better choices we can make. Yes. Because then we can make it like, kind of like right away, like say, oh, oh, I having this dot that is, um, judging myself, oh no, I'm choosing then this one. Mm.

Mm-hmm. It is the same with whatever we are experiencing. It's like, okay, I'm, I'm here, but yeah. I'm not feeling good here. Then I'm, I'm going there. Then I'm gonna go over there. Over there. Yes. Yeah. Or 'cause we also have, have a choice, as you are [00:24:00] saying. Sometimes it might not be the best choice that we want to, but it could be a slightly different choice that can make us feel a little bit better.

That's what's important. Mm-hmm. Turning back to what feels good for us. For us, not for the people in there. For us. Yes. Yes. That's our work is just to focus on feeling good. What, what feels good. And if it doesn't change it, yeah. Stop listening to it, turn it off, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, on the other hand, I want to mention this.

That doesn't mean like bypassing. Yeah. You know what our healing process really is. Mm. Right. Uh, because then I'm not gonna ignore if I feel sad or grief or whatever at certain moment, and no, I need to choose to feel good. Like, no, it's like no at the same time. If I have the time at that very moment, [00:25:00] okay, what's going on?

I feel sad. Okay, let's allow it. Mm, let's allow that sadness or, oh, I don't have time. Okay, I'll take a note at it. And later on when I'm home, I'm gonna check out on what was the sadness about? And probably we have to journal about it or just listen to a song to have a little tears, you know, to come out to process that emotion and then we move forward.

That's an excellent point because I think so much. People think about, it's all about being positive all the time, and that can be. Equally hurtful to, to give out that kind of advice. Emotions are good. They're good. It's, it's important that we allow ourselves to fill them when we fill them and then try to understand what is behind that.

Why am I feeling this way? A lot of times when you fill a certain way, you're not in alignment with something you're, and so it's good to say, well, why am I feeling this way? Oh, I just did this thing. I just watched that. I [00:26:00] just thought this thing, and then you can kind of correct it. So. For me, the goal is to feel good, to always move in that direction of what feels good.

But it does not mean that I don't sit with my feelings and I don't honor them. When they come up, I try to learn from them, what is this telling me? Yes. What am I doing right now? What can I do less of? That's making me feel like that. And yeah, so it's, it's not just about always, um, trying to be positive.

It is, it's absolutely honoring your emotions. Mm-hmm. So can, can you talk to us a little bit about, you help women with transitions of, of all sorts, and you've certainly experienced them, your yourself. How do you support women when they're navigating these shifts, um, in their lives? They're going through these transitions.

How do you help mm-hmm. Empower them? One of the first things that I, that I love doing, because [00:27:00] I think it's. I mean a transition, again, it means that it's the death or something and it says a rebirth or something. So I love to take them to that cocooning phase, if we can put it that way. Right. So really, okay.

What is in the, like digging in to understand what, is there more that is happening? It could be that there's a lot of anger, there is a lot of grief. I noticed that grief is actually one of the main things that we experience during a transition. Either if it's, if we change jobs, if we move to another country, if it's the, the, the passing of other one, if it's a divorce or separation, or is if the breakup with the best friend, whatever it is, there is grief.

All those transitions, [00:28:00] and one of the things that I learned through the transition of my father is that we don't only grieve the relationship with that person, we also grieve ourselves because with each relationship that we experience, we have a special bond. So by losing that relationship in any way that it is, we are also losing a part ourselves.

There's some bad something in us that is dying. Wow. And I think we miss that, that self grieving. We miss it. I've never thought about death in that way until now. You know, when, when you grieve, I always think of I'm grieving this person that I will never see again. And it's certainly that, but I, I never [00:29:00] thought about You're also grieving the relationship that has also died and is no more.

Yeah. Wow. Because we have this kind of like, you know, special moments that we share with this person. Moments and secrets and memories and. Uh, yeah, the memories are gonna stay there, but it's those little then moments and then that complicity that it dies with that relationship and we don't realize it.

And I think that's one of the hardest part parts. Ooh.

It's so true. When my father passed, I slowly realized I will never have this relationship with another human being in this way again. I will never, he, he used to have a nickname for me, and I thought, even if someone [00:30:00] called me that nickname, it's not the same. It's not his voice, it's not the way he said, it's not the intention behind it.

Um, there will never be another person that represents who he was to me on this, you know? And that was really hard. So how do you, how do you deal with something like that? How do you, how do you get past that, that kind of loss? We come back to the emotions. It's about allowing those emotions to come through.

Because the grief, it has a lot of, um, steps like. Anger and denial at one point. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, so it's about just allowing those emotions to come through because otherwise they get stuck in our bodies. And by doing so, then we can, we can create disease or illness. [00:31:00] Most of the illnesses are caused because, uh, there's something emotional going on that we don't want to process.

So it's by understanding those emotions and then, and, um. No, I don't know. I, I don't think the, the right word understanding them, but it's more about just experiencing them because sometimes there are a lot of mix of emotions. Like, I don't know, when I, when I got divorced, yeah. I was sad, but I was in time.

It was liberating and it was freeing, you know? Mm-hmm. So it was all these combinations of different emotions that. At one point probably it's good to label them, but we don't have to label them all the time. Sometimes it's just like, okay, I feel like crying. Okay. Just freaking cry. Right. And that's it. I feel like laughing, just laugh.

There's no, we, why do we have to put a reason? Why do we have to put a level, uh, a label all the time? We don't need them. We, I mean, the soul [00:32:00] doesn't, doesn't need them. It's just need to experience whatever is going on. Mm-hmm. And, and one of the things. That is coming through now is the fact that we were not taught to feel our emotions.

And that's why a lot of people struggle to do that. They don't know how to do it. I, I have had a question. It's like, so what do I do to experience the emotion? Like, what happens? So people are afraid because they're not used to experience the emotions. So it's really about just allowing and, and holding space for whatever is happening and then just, you know, come true.

I was going to mention something, but I just love the track that it was related to that, to that. But uh, hopefully it will come back. It'll come back. It'll come back. Um, yeah. You know, I just did the same thing. Oh my God. I just had her appointed. It's a midlife [00:33:00] show. See, we're just, this is what we, um, well gone.

Go on. I was gonna say. Yeah. Okay. Well if we think about it, we will. Um, yeah, we'll just come back to it. Um, oh, well, but I, continuing to, the question that you before is like, how do I, I help people. So one of the things again, 'cause this I, uh, is the life transitions, whatever do I going through, is helping them to process those emotions.

But what I like doing also, it's like. I had a client at one point, like she was very, very angry. Like she got separated and then she was, she become, um, a single mom again, needed to start working again after many, many years with two kids in charge. So it was very, very hard for her and she had a lot of anger in.

And what we discover is the fact that that anchor it not, it not only came from. The [00:34:00] divorce or the separation. I mean, it was kind of like the trigger of coming back to what happened behind. So we really, what I want with, to work with my clients or whatever, uh, you know, personal experiences really got to the roots of it because for her, that anger came back when she was a teenager.

So it was not, it was imagining. She had at least three decades of anger accumulated. Wow. So I like to work to find out the root of the triggers of the wounds because we have, I. I think as, as humans, we have different soul curriculums and in each of them we come to work different things. And some of them could be relationships, like romantic relationships, some other ones are money.

Like in my case, [00:35:00] you know, we come to work in different things and, and because of those experiences that we come here in this human experience, we. Come to get different wounds, either if it's abandonment or rejection, or, you know, being afraid of, uh, like in my case, my, my deepest wound is, is rejection. So for me, coming out like after so many years and allowing myself to be seen is been.

Quite a process, but I needed to go back and understand what am I afraid of being seen? And then until I realized, okay, is my wound of rejection that is not allowing me. And there's the thing, when we go to the root, like as, as a domino effect, many other things can heal. Or a list, you know, [00:36:00] change your perception right away because of one little thing that we get to understand to the core.

Yeah. Um. It's just powerful stuff. It it, it's very similar to when you are sick, you know, it, you need to get to the root of why instead of just treating the symptoms. Well, it's, you know what you're saying. It's, it's the same with us. We need to get down. It's interesting because I know I have that, um, fear of rejection.

I, I wonder if this is something that a lot of people, um. Have, because it's deep, it's deep within, I need to do a lot of work around that one. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the common wounds. Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. So self-love is kind of central to your work. It's a big part of what you do. Um, can you talk a little bit about just what's self-love means to you and how women, um, [00:37:00] should really cultivate it during times of change?

Yeah. Well after I separated, uh, my understanding that, that, oh yeah, I love myself. I have, you know, I have my practices. I, you know, I eat good foods, like, you know, like a, a health, an idea of a healthy, uh, lifestyle. Mm-hmm. And that was a way of loving myself. After I separated that, I started digging in and doing the self discovery.

Then I realized that, that I didn't, I, I mean, that was a way of showing myself how to love myself, but that I didn't love myself truly and fully until I came to. [00:38:00] Put the light in my shadow parts, meaning those parts that we don't want to accept that. Mm-hmm. Um, that we don't want to see, because then

the collective make us believe that those are the wrong parts. Right. Or flaws. Yes. So since I didn't want to look at those, uh, before until I went deep into my healing process. By bringing that light to those and understand them and accepting them. Until I started really accepting those part of me that I didn't accept before, that I didn't, that I was ignoring, that I was rejecting

until I didn't bring the light to those. I, I noticed that I, I was not loving myself fully. [00:39:00] Mm. So by accepting all those parts of me that I didn't want to look at it before. And of course, realizing my light and, because the other thing is that we are afraid of our own light too. Yes. So we need to be aware of that too.

Mm-hmm. Uh. By putting, by accepting and understanding all the parts of me and putting them together, that's when I truly start loving myself. And when I realized is that even when we say we love people, yeah, we love them, but we love them conditionally. Yes. And we talk a lot about unconditional love, but the thing is, love just is.

It's love. It's four letters, LOVE, that's it. [00:40:00] Mm-hmm. When we say unconditional, it means because we are conditioning one way or another. Hmm. And we start conditioning with ourselves. So once we start removing those layers of conditioning the love towards ourselves. It's the only way we're gonna start removing those layers to the love that we offer to others.

So good. It's so good. It's just so good because you know, I think sometimes when you think of self-love, you think of, um, pampering yourselves and you know yourself going to the spot or running the bath. Mm-hmm. And it certainly is self-care. It's certainly that, but. What I love is that you talked about really looking at the shadows, um, what some might call flaws.

Mm-hmm. And understanding them and accepting, and I think I wrote those two words down because [00:41:00] there's so much power behind both of those there. Look at your, what some may deem as flaws to un kind of uncover them, shine that light on it, but then understand. Maybe where they came from. I think there's power and it helps release it once you start to.

I was just in a session the other day, and you may have been in this, have you, were you in the session with Kathy and, um, Manu. Manu, I might be pronouncing. Yes. I was. Oh my God, that was so powerful. So powerful. Yes. But when he had us really looking at kind of those deep inner wounds and thinking about when did it even start and why, and what do you really think it's, its job is like, why is it there?

And I mean, just. All of these things. I never really did that kind of work before, but once I kind of understood that all of it was coming from really just trying to protect me, you know, as a little girl, highly sensitive, teased, and it would just hurt me. Whereas someone else, you might be [00:42:00] able to say something to them and they would just brush it off.

If you said something unkind to me, it could just. Send me into it as a puddle of tears. And I think being that sensitive, I just started to build up the scar tissue. This, this thing inside of me that's just trying to keep me safe. And once I kind of recognized that I saw it differently, you know? So I think that understanding is huge.

And then the acceptance piece that you mentioned, accepting it, you know, understanding it. Sometimes it's even being realizing it's, it's there. To protect you or it was there for a beautiful reason. It's not a flaw that, you know, I, so I just, I loved, I loved all of that. Yeah. And

the thing is, we tend to believe that we are broken. Mm. And, and what I, with the work that I've done, and also as you said, as Manu was saying, when we understand that these are protective parts of us. When we [00:43:00] accept them, it's like then those broken pieces that we feel we have, we bring them back to by accepting it and embracing them, we bring them back to us because they are part of us.

And by bringing them back, then that brokenness, then we understand it. And no, we are whole. We are always whole, always. It's just the fact that us, by not welcoming those parts, we feel that we are broken. Mm. Love it. Well, I went to, I, yeah, yeah. Can I mention something? Because please, you talk about, uh, self care before, and for me, everything is about practice.

Like I, you know, I, I like being practical and. To tell you the truth for me, what it brought me before, besides, sorry, doing the shadow work, [00:44:00] it's the self-care. Because the more self-care I did towards myself, the more I treated myself as my best friend. That's one of the shifts that I needed to do. Okay.

Like this is like, okay, if you are the common denominator of everything. Mm-hmm. We needed to start by first. What's your vocabulary? So I started by really putting attention what I was saying in into my mind, and until I chose to start treating myself as my best friend and say, not calling myself anymore like stupid or things like that, I.

And appreciating the time with myself and saying, oh yeah, we're gonna have a nice lunch today. Or as you say, taking a bath, you know, or going out with friends, whatever it is, that it was good for my self-care, for my wellbeing. The more care I took of myself, the more I that love [00:45:00] started growing. Mm.

Tina, would you say that love grew not only for yourself, but also towards others? Does it, did it make you a more loving person towards others, even a kinder soul? Definitely. Mm-hmm. Definitely. Because since I learned, I. To stop judging myself or being that hard with myself. I mean, after I, of course I still am sometimes, but not as I used to before.

I mean, we are human. Uh, but the less judge judging I, I, I, I became, and, and the more accepting and loving towards myself died, reflected back like this. Mm-hmm. And of course, like my relationships improved, but they did because I did it with myself first. Otherwise, yeah, you, it's like you always hear hurt people hurt people.

Yes. Hurt people, hurt others. And so when you love yourself and you take that kind of time with yourself, it makes you [00:46:00] able to love that much more. Of course, because I also learn to be kind to myself and compassionate. Mm-hmm. So if I'm able to do that to myself, I can do that with others. Yes. And of course, like if you, if I used to get triggered by someone before.

And I was like, yeah, no, that's the way the person is. I see it. Look, I used to be there. A lot of times happen. I used to be like that. I remember. So just thinking that kindness and compassion to that person because it's like, yeah, I know what you're going through. And it's just, it just shifts. Because then we're welcoming the other person with love instead of then coming back to that rejection part of saying, no, I don't want you.

Or of course it happens, that the more we evolve, we are more careful with our relationships and our energy and how we spend our time. Yes. But if we are interacting with something is just, you know, for a few moments and stuff, it's like, okay, I can hold space for you for a bit, but then I'm gonna be gone.[00:47:00] 

Well, let's talk about your podcast. Yeah. Midlife butterfly. What, what can people expect from your, it's so good. Um, what can people expect from your episodes? Hmm. Huh. Oh my God. It's, it has been such a amazing experience, that podcast, and I'm so glad that you've been there, uh, part of this journey. Um, again, the idea was.

The midlife butterfly, the transitions, really talking about the transitions that we go through life and those little shifts, shifts that we can have that create the whole difference in our day to day. So I do solo episodes where I talk more about those shifts or, and I also share about my story. And then I also bring, uh, guests who knows, uh, about the specific.

[00:48:00] Um, topics, let's say I have a, one of a dear friend of mine, she, we talk about pleasures in life. I had another, uh, a piece coming on soon about, we're gonna talk about hormones and how they affect our lives. Yes. And then I had a very beautiful conversation with another lady that, uh, her husband. Passed away suddenly.

Oh. And you know, and how she invited herself and then started, needed to start working. And uh, and then now she has a partner, a loving partner, you know, so over several years she was able to transform herself also by doing the inner work in between. And, and so it's. These kind of like stories about the cocooning phase of the butterfly and then how we come to to fly again and.

At the same time, knowing that the, uh, the healing process is not linear. It's just on spiral, [00:49:00] you know? Yes. And then, yeah, and, and then talking about midlife in general, like the podcast that we did about sisterhood and how important it is to have that support group of women in our lives. So it's about inspiring women to speak their truth.

Really about what they're experiencing and at the same time creating that supporting and nourishing community so they can have that, uh, yeah, that tribe that they can feel heard and seen. I think that one be, might be one of the most healing things we can do right now is to come together and sisterhood.

Um, find your people, whether that's one individual or a group of women. Um, I, I, there's just something to it. It's, it's just, it's powerful. It is powerful. That episode is so good and, and I will be sharing it on, on a beautiful [00:50:00] fix as well. Oh yeah. I'm glad. Yeah. It was beautiful. Yeah, and it's about that support and how.

How important it is, uh, friendship and having a, a sisterhood as, I don't know if it's more important now as midlife butterfly because, uh, midlife butterflies, all of us, because of all the transitions that we are going, and sometimes we isolate ourselves, so we think, oh no, this is only happening to me. And yes, if I, if I speak it up, like they're not gonna understand me.

And it's on the contrary. Even though the stories of other ones may not be exactly the same as us, but there's always similarity and there's always this understanding, and there's always someone who is going through the same grief or the same empowerment chapter or you know, there's always something in common that we get to relate to, to really create that connection [00:51:00] and that intimacy.

And we can grow together and fly together when we do that. Yes. Yes. I, uh, hosted a retreat earlier this year, and that was one of the things that blew me away was when people chose to share a piece of their life that they were, you know, going through. I was amazed at how the other women had not only experienced it, um, but were there to.

To offer guidance to them. And, and you could just see how seen this person felt, um, as their story was being validated by these other women. They were like, we've been there too, and here's what we did, and here's what worked for us. And regardless, even not having the answers we're here for you, you know, just knowing that someone else has walked the path that you've been on.

I just think it's powerful. Yeah. It is. And and that's the thing, by allowing ourselves to ask for that support, we give them the other people, I mean by [00:52:00] asking, we allow other ones to give. Yeah. And that receive, that receiving should is so. It's so nourishing and sometimes some things may not connect with us, but it, it's okay.

Like it's something is gonna happen there that it can help us make that little shift or perspective or that little practice to say, I have never, that never occurred to me. And by doing that little thing, it can shift a lot of things within. So, yes. Yeah. And I just wanna. Repeat what you just said. You've mentioned a couple times it's little shifts.

Yes, it's little shifts. It's little. I call them micro shifts and mm-hmm. I want people to hear that because sometimes we think when we're in a certain place in life, we think it's gotta be something major. I've gotta make, I've gotta make some big changes in my life. And it's actually these little tiny shifts that lead to this big, beautiful shift.

Exactly. And because the thing is. [00:53:00] We're, well, we call, well I call it self-care, but at the end, self-care, it is really habits. Everything is a habit, or at least 60% of the things that we do to our during our day is a habit. So the more awareness that we can have. To then to say, okay, no, I'm shifting this for that.

I'm choosing this for that because that this serves me better. Uh, is how we can start then creating better habits for ourselves and habits of actions, but habits of mind as well, which I think those are the most important because the more we are able to unlearn. Whatever it is that we know that that's in service and most of the staff, it's really to be unlearned.

Mm-hmm. What do we want to learn now that is gonna help us move forward to to live better, to have a more fulfilled life? Yes. [00:54:00] And. I think it's key to make sure that those habits are intentional because we get to a point in life where we're just, we're very habitual, but you know, we're unconscious about we're what we're even doing.

We don't even notice. We don't even realize that we've developed this habit and a lot, and sometimes they can be unhealthy. So yes, intentionality I think is, is huge. Yeah, it's key. Alright, well Canna, we are to the part of the podcast where I hope you will play with me during a, a little round, a speed round of a beautiful fix.

Questions. I will take a sip of water. I mean, absolutely get ready. You just answer, you know, whatever, whatever comes to mind. Sounds good. Okay. So what makes you come alive? Ah, music and nature. Hmm. Yes. What's a song that instantly shifts your mood or makes you feel something? [00:55:00] It's called Moments We Live For by, in Paradise.

I think it's the artist. Okay. I'll have to, I'm gonna start a playlist with all the recommendations. I'll, I'll have to, I'll look that up. Yes. I, I love that one. Is there a book that cracked you open or stayed with you long after the last page? Oh yeah. The, um, tethered Soul of Yes. Michael Singer. Yes. That book?

Yes. Oh my goodness. And, and. The practice. I mean, it's, you know, it's, it's the short book, but it's so potent and powerful. The practice that I chose to do, the second time that I read it, was to keep my heart open. Oh, and that, oh my God, that has allowing my heart to keep loving. Not matter how hard it is, or hard, joyful it is.[00:56:00] 

Keep it open. Because I mean, sometimes we can feel overwhelmed or be over love that we can receive. 'cause that has happened to me. I was like, yeah, I'm welcome to receive it too. So it's gonna stay open. I love it. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, that's, that's one that hasn't come up yet. That's one of my favorites.

Um, okay. So what's your, Dr, and this question will be interesting because you're a little bit of a nomad. You're always in these beautiful, beautiful, beautiful places every time I talk with you. But what's your dreamiest destination and what's your everyday spot that grounds or recharges you? Mm-hmm. My dream is I haven't been in Bali.

Oh, yes, I know that place has a beautiful energy Yes. And is still on my list, so yeah, I, I will say that one. Okay. And as you said, what, I'm a, I'm a nomad, so that's beautiful to [00:57:00] have a specific spot. But, but to tell you the truth, the spot is here and my home, uh, my home is in my heart When I get to connect to my heart and I know.

Because here is where my soul really lives. It's, that's my spot because I, we, I can get cut out in many things and all the things that is happening around the world, but when I come back home here to my heart, to my soul, there's always peace in there and inner peace. That's my goal. Oh, it's beautiful.

Yeah. What's your favorite little indulgence or guilty pleasure? Something that just brings you joy. I'm going show you. It's 90% chocolate ca cow. [00:58:00] It always comes back to chocolate. Yes. Yeah. I love that chocolate. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, Canna, thank you. Thank you Just so much for. Sharing your insights, your heart with us today.

And so for those who wanna connect with you or learn more about your work, what, where can they find you? They can find me at midlife butterfly ca, and also the Midlife Butterfly podcast. It's in any platform, as you know. Apple Podcast, Spotify, whatever other platform you prefer. And, uh, in Instagram you can find me at Ken Assu, K-E-N-A-S-I-U.

And yeah, so those are where people can reach me. Wonderful. We'll definitely check her out and thank you again for coming on the podcast. [00:59:00] No, thank you for having me here. Tracy has been a pleasure, a real pleasure. And, ah. What a beautiful fix of today. Just having this conversation. It just been so, yeah.

Yeah. Full of love and soul and yeah. So beautiful. It was absolutely a beautiful fix. See how easy it is to have a beautiful fix. It's just a beautiful conversation. Exactly. Thank you. Thank you.

If Kenna's story resonated with you and you're ready for your own midlife transformation, don't forget she's offering 50% off a mini coaching session or online program just for this community. Use the code ABF fifty@midlifebutterfly.ca, back slash work with me, link in the show notes. It's a generous offer and a beautiful next step if you're ready for more.

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