The Night I Shed One of My Biggest Fears Under the Full Moon

What happens when you finally stop letting fear call the shots?

In this episode of A Beautiful Fix, I share the story of the night I shed one of my biggest fears — under the glow of a full moon. It was something I swore I would never do… and yet saying yes in that moment shifted everything.

We’ll talk about:

• The surprising connection between fear and freedom
• Why the things we resist often hold the key to feeling most alive
• How the full moon became the backdrop for one of my most powerful breakthroughs

If you’ve ever felt stuck in fear, waiting for the “perfect time” to take a leap, this conversation is your nudge.

🎧 Press play to discover why doing the thing you swore you’d never do might be the most life-giving choice you make.

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Transcript

Ep. 31 The Night I Shed One of My Biggest Fears Under the Full Moon

[00:00:00] But that night, under that gorgeous, beautiful, expansive full moon, something happened. And for the first time in 19 years, I decided to do the thing I swore I'd never do. 

[00:01:00] 

Confession time. We're all friends now, right? We've gotten to know each other. I can tell you anything. You guys can tell me anything. We're besties. I'm blushing just as I am thinking about sharing this, but here, here it goes. So I'm not someone who runs around all carefree without clothes on. Clothes are my friend.

I have four sons. I have neighbors. No thanks. But that night, under that gorgeous, beautiful, expansive full moon, something happened. And for the first time in [00:02:00] 19 years, I decided to do the thing I swore I'd never do. But let's go back. Let's go back. How did I get here? So, it all started innocently at a yin yoga class.

Um, one of the women mentioned that I had a swimming pool, and the yoga teacher said, oh, we should do a moonlight swim. And me being a generator in human design, I'm built, my strategy is to respond to life, to not go out in effort and try to force and make things happen, to let life send things to me, and then I respond to it.

And in that moment, as I was probably in a downward dog position, when she mentioned Moonlight Swim, I looked up and said, I don't even know what this is, but I'm men. And I had them over and it was a gorgeous day. And we [00:03:00] had the best time. We had the best time. We, we did all of the rituals that you do with a full moon of writing down what it is you wanna release, what it is you want to let go.

And um, we had great conversation and we did, we took a dip in the pool, but it was earlier in the evening and one of them mentioned. I don't remember how, but they mentioned that they had skinny dipped. And I said, oh, you know what? That's something I've never done. And as those words dripped off of my lips, I thought, well, that's interesting.

Just hearing myself say that's something I've never done. It's like the world pause for a second and. I thought, ah, something I've never done, and this is something that they've experienced. And I know tons of people who have done it, and I've never wanted to do it. There's [00:04:00] nothing about it that appeals to me.

The idea of stripping down out of my clothes outdoors where anybody could potentially see me uhuh. But as I was saying, I've never done that in the background. I could see my private swimming pool. And the irony kind of hit me like I've never done that. I was thinking, where would I even do that? When, when they said that, I literally thought, well, of course I've never done it.

Like what lake would I have access to? Or, or where. And I thought, oh my God, Tracy, you have your own pool. You have your own pool. And in that moment, the seed was planted. I'm gonna blame it on the full moon, but the seed was planted, I thought. That's something I should consider. I don't know, maybe one day I'll slip out here and I will give it a try.

Well, little did I know that I was hours away from doing it, but as they left, I decided I was gonna get back in the pool and I did. [00:05:00] So I got back in the pool and one of my sons joined me and we just had the best conversation. It was just a beautiful evening, and after a while he hopped out and I said.

You know what? Ask John, my husband, ask him to come out and join me. And I just knew he was gonna say no because it was starting to get late. The sun was going down and typically when the sun goes down, I hop out of the pool. And in that moment when I thought about getting out, I thought, why? Who? Who cares that the sun is going down?

You don't have any place to be. Why not stay in? You're having a beautiful time. And so my husband, I just thought for sure, was gonna say no. Why would I come out? It's getting late. La la, la, la. Next thing I knew, here he comes in his swim trunks and I was just like, yes, it was the best. So he joined me in the pool and we were just asking ourselves, why have we never done this before?

Our backyard became this magical [00:06:00] place as the sun went down and the evening kind of, um. I wanna say it got more quiet, but it kind of didn't because all of the beautiful sounds that you only hear at night came out and the water was like bath water. It was warm and inviting and we were just really enjoying ourselves.

We had great music playing, and we started to realize, this is so silly. We've lived in this home for 19 years. We have never, ever. Swam in the evening. We've, we've never enjoyed the pool at night and we started realizing how silly is that? And are there other things that are right in front of our face that we've just never done?

You know, you become adult and I don't know, you just, well, at least we do. You just kind of get responsible and it's like, oh my gosh, the sun's gone down. Let's go inside. And we just had a beautiful evening. And as it got later and later and darker and darker, and the [00:07:00] moon, it was a full moon started to really rise in the evening sky.

I thought back to the conversation hours earlier that I had with my friends and I thought I got a little smirk on my face and I turned to John and I said, guess what we're doing tonight? And he was like, uhoh. And I was like, we're gonna skinny dip. And he just started laughing and I started laughing. And then I thought, I don't know, I could hear Mr.

No in my head instantly. Like, you're not gonna do it. That's ridiculous. You have neighbors. What if they're looking? What about your sons, by the way, to my mom and my brother and my sons, who they're probably not even gonna listen. I just wanna apologize beforehand. But you know, I'm sharing. This is, this is, this is where I am in my life.

I'm sharing. So anyway, now I lost my train of thought. Where was I? Um. Yeah, so I started thinking about my sons. You know, one of my sons is all the way in LA so I didn't have to worry about him. My [00:08:00] other son now lives in Chicago, so I thought I'm pretty safe there. Uh, my other son just left for the evening and then my, um, youngest son was at Great America.

So I thought, Tracy, this is your opportunity, right? This is your opportunity. And just as I was considering doing it. I looked at my phone and I saw that I had a text from my youngest son and he was like, mom, I'm back. He was at his girlfriend's house and I thought, oh my God, he's so close now. See, this is exactly why you shouldn't do it.

And all the responsible, you know, ness of Tracy started talking like, this is why we shouldn't do it. And you know what? The delusional June Tracy. That you guys all met back in June. She was like, we're doing it. We're not talking ourselves out of anything. It's no big deal. People have done this forever. If someone sees, who cares, we're doing it.

And so with that, I turned off all the pull lights. There was nothing [00:09:00] but moonlight. I was already submerged in the pool. So yes, I took the easy way out of everything. I was already submerged in the pool and next thing I knew I had untied the bathing suit and slipped out of it under the water. And then John did the same and we were giggling and laughing like little kids.

It felt. So freeing. It felt exhilarating. It felt new. It was fun. It was Tracy's doing something that she, I guess shouldn't be. Um, but why not? That was the other thing that popped in my head. Why is this such a big deal? Why? My dog doesn't have clothes, my cats don't have clothes. None of the animals out there, like why is the human body something that we feel has to always be hidden?

It doesn't make a lot of sense. There's a tiny little bathing suit that [00:10:00] is okay, and then without it, it's not. It's just so silly. It's just so silly. And then when you travel to other parts of the world, you really start to realize how it seems like here in the States, we just. I don't know. We make such a big deal out of it.

But anyway, I loved it. I loved it. I was in the pool with my husband. My husband of, it'll be 29 years of, in October, you couldn't see anything. It was just. I don't know. It was just so freeing. And I realized at the time there was this beautiful song that started playing, um, about this woman singing about being free.

And as I was moving throughout the pool, enjoying this moment, enjoying the freedom, enjoying the fact that I did something, that I took the risk that I was enjoying life fully. I wasn't in my head, it was just all. So [00:11:00] beautiful. It was powerful. Um, and I was filled with gratitude and the song was about 10 minutes long and I thought, I'm gonna do this for the length of the song.

And then when the song was over, I grabbed my suit and I put it back on. I didn't want my sons coming home. I didn't want my son coming home, coming home, and I'd have to explain it. But the point of me sharing this story was. You know, sometimes when you think about your life, you think about you have to do something huge.

You've gotta go on a European vacation or, um, you know, make big life decisions. And I'm here to say, sometimes you just have to make a different choice. You just have to look at your every day and look at it with fresh eyes. You just have to respond to life. And when your friends mention something and you hear, you say yourself, say, I've never done that before.

Stop and ask why. We get [00:12:00] one life. One life. It's so short. We make everything such a big deal. I know I do. I know some of you guys are listening to this story, like, that's it. I've been skinny dipping since I was 16. I get it. I, I understand. But for me, never an option. I've lived my life being the good girl, taking pride in being the good girl, always doing what I'm supposed to do, never doing what I'm not supposed to do, always doing things that I can tell my mom, my father, my husband, and you know what?

There's just so much more to life when you just allow yourself to do the thing that you said you were never gonna do or just remain open to new possibilities. I mentioned in a, um, another episode where I talked about my retreat in Teo t Whan [00:13:00] and um, I mentioned having the opportunity to go to a sweat lodge and it was the same thing. I was in the sweat lodge with people. I had just met hours before and clothing was optional and I was one of the only women who chose to leave my bathing suit on, and that is still stuck with me to this day. It was a beautiful moment and I was a little envious of the women of all ages from easily 40 to 70 that.

I took off their clothes and enjoyed the moment, that freedom, that no shame, that this is no big deal, and it stuck with me. So anyway, I'm not here encouraging anything. I'm just hoping that someone will hear my voice and maybe think of that thing. That you've been holding back on, or maybe, [00:14:00] maybe you're not even aware of it, but the next time you hear someone mention something that you haven't done, I encourage you to just ask the question, why.

And consider, is it something that you should try and is there something in your everyday life that's staring right at you that if you just did the thing, if you just tried it, if you maybe went a different way, a different path, you made a different decision than you normally do. What might unfold. It doesn't have to be anything big, but man, it's so liberating and you realize that life is on the other side of your comfort zone.

Life is being adventurous. Life is saying yes. So my friends, my beautiful friends, that is the invitation. Look around, see what's right in front of you, waiting for you to say yes.

[00:15:00]