This Might Not Be a You Problem (It’s Your Nervous System) with Lori Montry

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same patterns…

overthinking, self-sabotage, burnout, or wondering why change feels so hard…

this might not be a you problem.

In this episode, I sit down with somatic healing practitioner Lori Montry to talk about something that’s changing the way more and more women understand themselves… the nervous system.

Because if your body is operating in survival mode, no amount of mindset work, discipline, or “trying harder” is going to create lasting change.

Lori breaks down what it really means to work with your nervous system, how patterns are formed, and why the behaviors you’ve been judging yourself for might actually be intelligent survival responses.

We also talk about her Freedom Formula, a nervous system-based approach to creating sustainable change by focusing on safety, capacity, and energy first.

This conversation will help you see yourself differently… with more compassion, more clarity, and a deeper understanding of what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why nervous system regulation matters more than mindset

• What somatic healing actually is (and why it’s gaining so much attention)

• How your body stores experiences and shapes your behavior

• The difference between your Adaptive Self and Expansive Self

• Why “fixing yourself” doesn’t work and what to do instead

• The foundation needed for real, lasting change

• How to start building a relationship with your body

Connect with Lori:

Website: www.LoriMontry.com 
Youtube: Lori Montry -Somatic Healing Practitioner
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/LoriMontry 
Instagram: LoriMontry
Free Book Introduction: https://www.lorimontry.com/book-intro

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Transcript

When we take the approach that we just need to figure out the right hack to make my nervous system calm down. That's why this stuff doesn't work for people.

Your system doesn't need calm in that moment. If you're having a crazy day at work and your body is just pumping out adrenaline and cortisol, and you just say, sit down, do some nice breathing and everything will be fine.

Maybe the body is in such a state that it says you're outta your mind. I don't trust you. I need to run. And that disconnect can breed distrust.

So it's that relationship between you and your body and your nervous system. That is the key to everything. 

Welcome to a Beautiful Fix. I'm Tracy Hill. Each week we'll dive into the latest Thought Gem recharging and reconnecting with what lights you up and makes you feel alive. Let's discover your next beautiful fix together.

Hey, real quick before we dive in, you're powerful and sometimes you just need someone to remind you what's already in you. That's what human design does. It's the difference between guessing and knowing so you can stop searching outside yourself and start trusting the answers within. I promise you, they're there.

Grab your free chart@abeautifulfix.com and when you're ready to go deeper, book a one-to-one session with me. Alright, let's get into the episode.

I feel like for years we've been told that if we wanna change our lives, we just need to try harder. Just be more disciplined, build better habits, fix our mindset, push through. But lately I'm hearing something different that if our nervous system is stuck in survival mode, no amount of mindset work is actually going to stick.

And the more I learn about this, the more I'm convinced that learning how to regulate our nervous system might be one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Because if your body thinks you're in danger or you're unsafe or something doesn't feel familiar, it's going to prioritize protection overgrowth every single time.

So today we're talking about the nervous system, what it is. How it shapes our behavior and why so many women walk around believing something is wrong with them, when their body might actually just be trying to keep them safe. So I have been really looking forward to this conversation today. I'm joined by Lori Re.

Lori is a somatic healing practitioner, the author of the upcoming book, you're Not The Problem. Overcome the Overwhelm, restore Energy, and Make Progress That Last and the Creator of the Freedom Formula, a nervous system-based roadmap for sustainable behavior change. Drawing on her background at Harvard Law, Lori has a gift for translating complex ideas about stress, trauma, and nervous system science into tools people can actually use in everyday life.

Her work helps people understand that patterns like overthinking, emotional eating, overachieving, or people pleasing, aren't personal failures. They're intelligent survival responses created by the nervous system. And when we understand the pattern, we can begin to change it. And in human design, Lori is a generator with emotional authority and a two four profile, which means she's designed to follow the energy of what lights her up and respond to what life places in front of her.

And with emotional authority, clarity tends to unfold over time rather than instantly. And Lori, nothing about what I just said surprises me because in your human design chart, it shows that you have this ability to recognize patterns in in people, and to help them overcome them. So Lori, welcome to a beautiful fix.

Thank you so much. I have been looking forward to our conversation, to sharing this space with you. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and love the space we've created here in the world. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. I am not kidding. I have been looking for someone to come on to talk about somatic healing and the nervous system because it's just something that I'm constantly hearing about and I'm just, I just think it's so important.

You know, we started with a couple of deep breaths this morning, but I would just kinda love to start at the beginning. So you are a somatic healing practitioner and I think a lot of people listening may have heard about that term, but some might be be hearing about it for the very first time. So what exactly is somatic killing?

Somatic healing, you know, soma of the body from, from the Greek word for body and really what it, what it is. And it can mean a lot of things, but mostly it means that the body and the body's wisdom and the body's messages are such a valuable part of understanding who we are and how to navigate life, you know, and the body can serve as, uh, our compass.

Um, we are really so much more rooted and, um, anchored in, in day-to-day life and, and trust in ourselves, you know, safety lives in the body. So as we start to tap into the, the body, we can, we can find that again. Um, and so the somatic practice needs is a, a way for us to reengage with the body. Gosh, I just love everything you said because it is so much about what I am.

Talking to women about, with human design, the importance of the body. It's, we have just been, I don't know, it, we've been, we've been, I don't know, what if the word is lied to, but so much importance has been put on the mind in our thinking and not, not so much on our body and listening to our body. And so I, I love, I love everything you just said.

So Lori, when, when people say you hear that, you know, the body holds the story of our experiences or it, it stores trauma in it, what does that actually mean? Yeah, that's such a great question. And you know, you mentioned that, you know, uh, have we been lied to or why, why do so few of us know about the wisdom of the body?

And, you know, I think we're, we're actually trained in our culture to ignore the body. Right. We're, we're told and, and taught, you know, oh, um, it's not lunchtime, so you can't eat right or, or, um, sit still even when the energy in your body wants to run and, and jump and do whatever, right? Yes. Um, oh, your back hurts.

Um, yeah, you can finish, you can, you can get up and, and stretch and, and pay attention to that in a couple of hours when you're done with your work, right? I mean, we're sent messages all day long, every day that over time teach us to ignore the body. The body is almost like an inconvenience, right? It's like, ugh, geez, I gotta, you know, pay attention to what's going on in there, right?

Um, and on top of everything else I have to do today, that can feel like a burden. Um, but, so I just wanted to kind to kind of name that, 'cause I think you're right. It, it has been, it, it is almost a lie because we haven't been shown the value and the, the intense, um, uh, help you know that the bo that the body can be.

Um, and Lori and I do wanna go back to the, the question about it being stored in you. But yeah, I also, I don't know if we need to wait for the aches and the pains to, to listen to the bite. That's when we start to listen. Like, oh, my foot's bothering, my legs bother. I've got this pain. Yeah. We need to start tuning into the subtle messages that are always there, that are, you know, if we work with them, we don't have to maybe get to that point where we're feeling the pain.

But yes. Tell us a little bit about this idea of the body, you know, holding these stories and this, this trapped trauma. Yeah. So your body is, you know, it's the, it's the. Reservoir essentially, of all of your experiences. So, and the ones that I love to bring up the most, because they're so obvious, is think about the time when, when you, um, met, met a partner or, or a, um, went on a date and inside your body you were like, oh, wow, there's so much excitement and you, you know, you felt the emotion in your body, right?

Um, or think about a time when you were driving and suddenly a, a ball, uh, went into the street or a dog, or a squirrel or something, you know, and you're like, oh my gosh, right? And then for a few minutes afterwards, wow, you felt that energy in your body, right? So, so our experiences are our energy within the body, right?

There's chemicals dumped into your, into your bloodstream. There's a lot going on in the body, and that's happening. All the time, all day long. And ideally what happens is, you know that that squirrel runs into the road. Our body reacts and responds, and then we realize, oh, it was a squirrel. Oh, got away.

Perfect. And then our bodies return to, to baseline where, where we want to be most of the time. And what can happen is that if we don't have the opportunity, if safety doesn't return and we're not able to process an event or an experience, then that energy is still stuck in the body. And it, it may feel like, um, you know, a, it can be, it can be anything.

And that's, that's what something that makes it a little bit hard to pin down because it may look very different in my body than it does in yours. Um, and so, you know, we can't have a blanket statement like, oh, if you have, you know, this event than you, you're going to, um, feel it in your right arm or your right shoulder's gonna lock up, or something silly like that.

It's, it's going to be very different, um, among different people and, and different experiences. But we know that essentially, you know, the work of, um, Bessel VanDerKolk, for example, in the Body keeps the score, um, endless pages an incredible science on, on how this works. It's, it's no longer, um, something philosophical.

It's very much, uh, studied and understood. The science is there for, for us to really understand what that means for experiences to be, um, lodged in the body. You mentioned something about if safety isn't there, then that's kind of when it stays lodged in the body. I, I never really made that connection. So if you can find a way, if you, if you experience something traumatic, and I guess it doesn't have to be an extraordinary experience.

It could be maybe something smaller that you experienced, but you still don't feel safe, you still feel concerned, you're still worrying about it. Is that the point where it stays in your body when you don't have that relief of letting your body know, actually we're, we're safe? Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right.

It's okay. It's, it's a matter of, uh, having, having your experience, um, you're able to process it. So trauma really, um, the best definition of trauma that, that we can use is trauma, is anything that overwhelms the nervous system of the individual at the time it happens. So that can be, you know, that can be not being chosen, um, to sit at the lunch table with the popular kids.

You know, it can be, um, you know, having to, um, grow up real early and take care of things that, that adults should be taken care of. You know, it can, it can be more of a moment or it can be something that accumulates over time. And I think that's really important for us to understand. And, and the language that I use around it is, is really more about, um, the adaptations that we make as a result of our experiences, as opposed to, did I have trauma or not?

Um, that's not to minimize, you know, the diagnosis or the, the understanding like, I've had this traumatic event, but to also, you know, kind of broaden that lens and say it, it doesn't need to meet some imaginary criteria. In order to be very impactful for the individual. And so we get to, you know, look at, look at our lives and understand that, um, a lot of these, every single one of our experiences caused some type of adaptation in us.

Some of 'em are awesome. We love 'em. We wanna keep 'em, some of 'em are not helpful anymore. They were brilliant at the time we formed them, but today in my current experience, this, this isn't helpful to me anymore. Laura, you, you mentioned the word adaptation. Mm-hmm. What do you mean by that? Yeah, so we're always adapting, right?

That's one of the, one of the main characteristics of us as humans. So I live in Denver, Colorado. We're 52 80 above sea level. So up here the air has a little bit less oxygen. My physical body adapted by increasing the number of red blood cells that I have so that I can carry oxygen more efficiently around the body.

It's incredible, right? Um, that's, that's a physical adaptation. But we also adapt with our, with our mind. You know, we, we develop adapted thought patterns and belief systems based on our experiences. We also develop nervous system patterns, adaptations based on our experiences. So, for example, you know, someone grows up in a home where, let's say they only receive praise when they do something spectacular.

You know, the rest of the time they're like, you gotta do better. You gotta, you know, just come on, um, be a better human or whatever. Then they do something fantastic and it's like, alright, that's the way to do it. Right? So they might develop a belief system that unless they are doing the most amazing thing ever, they're not worthy, right?

And then their nervous system is gonna adapt corresponding patterns. They're gonna be, you know, um, hypervigilant, they're gonna be on edge all the time. Am I doing enough? Oh, no. Should, should I, where's the next opportunity? Oh no, I didn't do that perfectly. I'm not gonna be enough today. Right? So, so that, that's a very simple example, but it shows us how our everyday experiences.

Create adaptations of the mind of the nervous system. And then of course, that translates into our adaptive behavior. That person is going to behave in a certain way because that's what they're thinking, and that's what their nervous system is experiencing. So they're gonna show up in the world, um, essentially wearing that pair of glasses.

So Lori, for someone who's listening to this, trying to think back on traumas they may have experienced, how do you know, is there a way to know that you have these, this, these trapped emotions, this trapped energy in your body, or that your nervous system is not regulated? How, how does one know? Yeah. It's such a great question and it's one that's pretty hard to, to honestly answer because it shows up in so many ways, right?

It shows up, um, in your inability to sleep maybe in chronic pain, in, um, chronic illness. It might show up as your inability to focus, it may show up, um, in coping behaviors, you know, eating, shopping, um, drinking, scrolling, overworking. Um, I can't keep a relationship, you know, my relationships always fall apart in this way.

It's the patterns that we see. Um, and, and sometimes it's not obvious. And, and especially when we develop these adaptations as very young people, that's just who we are. We think it's our personality and our identity, so we don't even know any different. So it can be hard, um, to identify them. Um, you know, not, not being able to feel at ease, just I have to be busy all the time.

You know, I have to have something to be listening to something or doing something or, you know, whatever it is. Um, not just not feeling either at home or at ease in your body. So it can be so many different things, but. At the end of the day, if you are not experiencing the life that you want to be living, there's an adaptation that's at play always.

And so what are, what are some things that people can do if they realize, okay, I need to regulate my nervous system. Yeah. And that is, that is one little piece of, of the bigger, of the bigger puzzle. Um, so let me just, just to kind of back it up and give a bigger picture. 'cause I don't wanna make it seem so simple.

Like, all we need to do is just regulate our nervous system because it, that is crucial, but it fits into a bigger picture. So in, in the freedom formula that I developed to help me, um, kind of re-adapt, right? Um, to, to identify my adaptations and to, uh, adapt towards more wholeness and, and, um, health and, and authenticity.

Um, the freedom formula starts with a really strong base of foundation, and that foundation is the nervous system work. And, and it involves three essential pillars. It's safety, capacity, and energy. So safety is developing that well-regulated, flexible nervous system, feeling safe, that felt sense of safety within the body.

Capacity is how much we're, we're taking on what we have space for in our lives. And then the energy piece is, is also crucial because if you don't have the energy. Your, your body is not gonna cooperate. And I'm talking about energy at the cellular level, the energy in the mitochondria of your cells, because years of living under adaptations, years of living in survival mode, your cells begin to function differently.

And so if you don't have the energy that you need to, to think new thoughts, to take new action, it doesn't matter how much mindset work you're doing or how much nervous system regulation you're doing, if your body is in, in shutdown, cellularly, um, you're gonna stay shut down. And so all three of those pieces are important.

And what we do as humans, you know, we want the prize. We want to stop the behavior. We want to start the behavior, we want to fix our lives. And so we go straight to the third step over here, which is, is our behavior, which is, you know, making the changes and realizing our dreams and everything. We just wanna skip ahead and, and do that work right now today.

Tell me how to do that. Right? But when we're trying to do that, um, the reason why it fails over and over is 'cause we don't have that strong foundation upon which those kinds of things can, can be built. So the first phase of the freedom form there really is, it's that solid concrete foundation of like a house, you know, the strong basement of a house.

And when you have that, you can build anything you want. Um, but without it, what we're trying to do so much of the time is build those second floor balconies, but we don't have the strong foundation. And so they crumble again and again. And then we tell ourselves. I'm the problem here, right? Mm-hmm. I need more work.

I need to, just like you were mentioning in the, in the intro, you know, what's, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get my shit together? What, you know, well, it, it's really has nothing to do with that. It's the strong foundation hasn't been built because nobody ever taught you about this or, or showed you how to do it.

So that nervous system piece is this, this first essential pillar in the freedom formula, and it's also the, um, subject of, of this first book. The, um, the book that's coming out at the end of April, called You're Not The Problem. Um, so regulating the nervous system is, is that, that safety piece?

I was just thinking through how. I don't know. It seems like so few people probably know about this or think about this, or your example about the house was brilliant because I think so many of us are starting on that second and third level.

We're trying to do these things, these outputs, and we have these same patterns that we just keep. Stepping through, it might be procrastination or self-sabotage, or talking ourselves out of the thing. And we're just like, what is wrong with this? Why can't I do this? Yeah. I have the information, I've taken the course and I think it just, you know, it's amazing that it starts with our, you know, this, this i, this idea.

So, um, yes, I definitely wanna talk about the book, but I was just curious, are there simple things that someone can do? Like we took some deep breaths before we started this podcast. Mm-hmm. Are there other things that you would advise women to do if they're maybe feeling overwhelmed or they are talking themselves out of something?

Is there something you would recommend that they, they try just to kind of settle themselves? Yeah. Yeah. Settling ourselves is, is such a beautiful way to, to think about it. And, you know, I'll be honest, um, there is a lot out there that's, but it's, it's more presented in terms of hacks. Right. On any given day, you can open your email and there's, um, oh, the one vagus nerve practice that will calm you in seconds or, you know, all these different things that, that make it just sound so easy.

And then it also makes it sound like the only thing you have to do in your only goal is just calm your nervous system and then everything is gonna be okay. And really it's not about that at all. It's actually about developing a relationship with your nervous system, with your body, and being able to hear from it and respond to it appropriately.

So, for example, sometimes people will, will share with me, they'll say, oh, you know, yesterday I had such a hard day at work and I, I tried my exercises and they didn't work. I say, oh, okay, well, well say a little bit more. What did you try? Well, I tried to calm myself down by doing X, Y, Z, and I said, okay, so your body was in a state where you felt like you were essentially running from a bear, right?

And then you told it, just calm down. Right. That doesn't make any sense if, if you were running from a bear and I jogged up next to you and I'm like, Tracy, the flowers look so pretty. Let's just sit down and smell them together. You'd be like, what are you talking about, girl? You're gonna get us both killed.

Right, right. That's what it feels like inside. So when we take the approach that, you know, we just need to figure out the, the right hack to make my nervous system calm down. That's why this stuff doesn't work for people, because that's not, you have to hear from your system and respond to your system.

Your system doesn't need calm in that moment. It needs to metabolize the energy that is, that's, that's in there, right? If you're feeling, if you're having a, a crazy day at work and your body is, is just pumping out the adrenaline and the cortisol, and you just say, just, just sit down, do some, some nice breathing and, and everything will be fine.

Maybe, maybe that will help your body. Maybe that's what your body is asking for and your body will receive that and maybe the body is in such a state that it says you're outta your mind. I don't trust you. You're trying to shove deep breathing down my throat right now and I need to run. Right. And there's that, that disconnect can be very, um, can be, can breed distrust.

And that relationship gets even harder to build because you are not responding according to what your body needs and is asking for. So it's that relationship between you and your body, you and your nervous system essentially. That is the key to everything. So I'm always so hesitant to be like, here's the tool.

Um, right, because that tool might be great in this particular situation, you know, and that's why we build a tool belt. A handyman does not come to a job with a single tool, with a screwdriver only, right? He comes, he's got a whole tool belt because he doesn't know what he's gonna find and he has to be able to pick the tool that's actually gonna, you know, um, meet the job.

And that's what we wanna be thinking about. So for me to say, here's the one tool, um, to calm your system, I almost feel like, ah. Uh, it's, it, I almost feel like that kind of information actually sets us up to, to fail with this. Yes. And because I have so many people who've come to me who said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I tried that. I tried meditation. It doesn't work. I tried this. It doesn't work. And so the message is, it either doesn't work for me or there's something so broken about me that these, these tools that seem to work for everyone else on the planet don't work for me. 'cause I'm that messed up. That's so good.

'cause it's so true. First of all, yes. We're always looking for the one thing. Just tell me the answer. What is the one thing I need to do? Mm-hmm. But we're so individualized. What works for one doesn't work for another. Or even in your, your example. One situation might be different. So then how do you listen to your body?

Because I, I know this is something that I talk to women about of, you know, we are in a place in life where we're not used to doing that. We almost have to work that muscle again. We almost have to retrain ourselves to stop and feel what certain things feel like in, in your body. So what would you recommend to someone who's like, okay, I, so I need to develop a relationship with my nervous system and understand what it needs in the moment.

How does one go about doing that? I mean, how do you do that? Yeah. And you know, again, this is, and the reason why the freedom formula works every time is because it's created by you for you. Um, the, you know, this is not me saying, here's your prescriptive 1, 2, 3, he, but here is how you open up to, to that wisdom and, and build this relationship.

Um, so the place that, that if someone is, is really just entering this work and, and thinking about it for, for the first time, where I am, would suggest that they start is by carving out a little tiny space in the morning, preferably. And maybe that space starts out as, as one or two minutes long, and in that one or two minutes, you know, going to the, to the same location, maybe engaging with some, uh, sensory cues, smell essential oils or a candle.

Certain sounds, something like that. And, and just building a, a little tiny practice and inside that, just checking in, you know, going through maybe body scan can be helpful here, especially if you're really not, um, you know, well versed in, in listening to the body. Something like that where you just start, you're not looking for anything.

You're not trying to solve the world's problems in this one to two minutes. You are just starting at your toes and working your way up and saying, did I notice anything? And sometimes the answer might be no. And that's data too. Oh, wow. Maybe that means that, that I'm, I haven't been paying, paying much attention and, um, I'm not, I'm, I've kind of cut myself off from that communication.

Okay. Um, luckily that's something we can, we can absolutely build, but having a little space for it just as a starting point, right. The ideal and the gold standard would be at some point to be able to get to, uh, a relationship with your body where you're very in tune, right. And no matter what you're doing, you are able to hear what's going on inside, right?

But, but that's something that's built over time. So just starting with that one to two minutes, you know, and then we go into our day and we're like, body, what? Body? Um, 'cause we're busy putting out fires and, and just, you know, reacting to the world. Um, but in that one to two minutes, it's a, it's a wonderful way to start.

It's, you know, not, um, just, and it can be, you know, there's a lot of, uh, barriers to becoming embodied again. Reembody. There's, there's a lot of barriers and, and I certainly, um, address all of those in the book because they're gonna come up for, for most people. And, um, we wanna know what they are and how to work with them, because otherwise it's so easy to give up.

This work is, is for the patient, honestly. Um, and I know that that's not very popular because we wanna be able to order my thing, um, right now and have it by the time our, our interview is over, it needs to be on my porch, right? Yeah. That's how we, we work. And so it's not, um, it's not what people wanna hear, but I'm, I wanna be, you know, fully transparent and honest about it.

It also explains a lot, you know, if you're tired of doing the same thing over and over for decades, then this really is the fastest way. And I love, first of all, I wanted to, and correct me if I'm wrong, but when you're doing that scan, when you're kinda listening to your body, are you doing that through a non-judgmental lens?

So if you do feel a little bit of a oh oh, my elbow is still kind of, you don't go down this rabbit hole of ah, I don't know why and start, you just, you're just observe. You're just noticing, oh, okay. So there's that little pain and, you know, is, is that correct? So important. So very important. Yeah. And, and we can turn, you know, especially those of us who have developed the, um, adaptations of being self-critical, right?

Yes. We, we can, or needing to figure everything out and needing to understand everything in order to feel safe, right? So we might come across something in our body and be like, oh no, is that, you know, the, the latest whatever, um, disease, you know, I saw whatever it is. So, so yes, it's very important to, to meet it in that beautiful, compassionate, nonjudgmental way.

Oh, interesting. My stomach feels tight, or, um, oh, I have some butterflies. And over time you're gonna learn to interpret those and they're going to become your, your compass. And so it's a, it's a beautiful process, but, um, you know, as a, as a starting point, just showing up, you know, and, and our nervous systems love regularity and predictability and reliability.

So that practice, yes, you're going to start to hear from your body and start to get to know it, but it's also just a beautiful act of, of self care. You know, there's a time in my day where I'm gonna check in with myself and you can count on me, man. That's what so many of us that were missing, you know, somebody can count on and, and paying attention.

Everything wants to be paid attention to your body does too, and, and carving out that special time. And what, what do you think about someone actually asking their body during that moment? If they do feel something, what do you need? Or, or is, is that not really a. Part of this, actually speaking. Absolutely.

It's absolutely beautiful. And I'm, and I just kind of holding space, like just start there. But yes, that's exactly what, what the next step might be. Um, and is, and that's exactly what, what I would ask my own body, you know? Oh, well that's interesting. What might that be about? You know, what is it, what, what message?

And, and sometimes when we're doing, um, when we're doing, um, practices together, clients and I, that's where we'll go. We'll say, okay, or maybe there's an image associated with that tightness. And man, there's, there's so much incredible wisdom and, and it's absolutely fascinating the kinds of things that we will find in our body.

It's a hot air balloon, it's a dark basement door. Uh, you know, it's, it's what. Um, you know, what, what color is it? Does it make a sound? Does it have a message for us? There's so much wisdom in there and, and also that's, that's how we will be able to find the places of, um, trapped emotional energy and be able to provide what's needed to, to release them.

I love it. And Laura, I do wanna hear about your book, but I wanted to go back to your point about it's not immediate and sometimes that's not what people wanna hear. And I just want it to say that I am starting to realize that the best things in life take time, that they come over time, and that we have to have patience.

Because if not, it's that pill that we get to try to fix it and, you know, uh, a minute. But that pill is not fixing it. It's just fixing maybe a symptom. This is stuff that we have to honor our bodies, realize that maybe we've been abusing it or ignoring it, um, or just not paying, you know, attention to it or giving it the type of attention it needs.

And then, and then just, it becomes a lifelong journey, a new journey of honoring yourself this way. So I think we start, we have to all appreciate that this kind of work, if you really are someone who wants to live a life that is not just dependent on a bottle of pills. You're gonna have to put the, the time in.

But what a beautiful journey that leads to. I would much rather go inward and listen to the wisdom within and listen to my body than be reliant on this external source that, you know, has all these side effects. So I just, yeah, if it could even work. I mean, you know. Yes. Because, yes, and I think the powerful reframe here is exactly what you're alluding to.

And that is, you know, the goal is not even to achieve the end result necessarily, right? Um, the journey informs the end. The real goal is to develop that relationship because once you develop that relationship, then life is gonna keep coming. You are going to, you know, have a different phase. This is gonna happen, this and this, and this, and this.

What's going to make all of those things navigable and, and so much more, um, you know, easy for you is this relationship. So it's, it's not kind of like a, oh, you gotta do this thing. It's right. This is the thing, this is the thing, this is the thing. And I didn't know that certainly when I started, I just wanted the fix.

Um, and, and man, I'm, I'm stubborn. I'm a Taurus. Uh, so I'm like, no, I'm just going to try harder. I will figure this out. Um, and, and finally after, you know, three and a half decades of that, um, that, that frame of mind, I realize, okay, okay, I get it. I get it. I'm, I'm ready now. Um, to, to build something for myself.

And, and it's not only that you get the thing, whatever it is, that, that, that leads you the pain point that leads you to the work. It's not only that you get that, but you now have, all of life is different. You, you stop having the same types of struggles because now you have this beautiful resource.

That's beside you a hundred percent of the time. It's a hundred percent tuned to you and it will never leave you. That's where safety and security and, and feeling rooted in life. That's where you get that. I, I think that developing a relationship with ourselves is some of the most important work. You know, it's, it's the, it's the basis of everything.

It's, it's just more understanding who we are, why we are the way we are honoring ourselves. Mm-hmm. Trusting, I mean, all of it. So, and, and meeting our needs. Yes. We can't do that if we don't know ourselves and our body is such an important source of information about who we are and what we need way better than our mind.

I mean, and I don't mean to say the mind doesn't matter. Of course it does. It absolutely does. We need both. We, we need both. I think we need to lead with the body, though. We need to lead with the body and let the mind follow. And it's one of the reasons why I'm really enjoying, um, my yin yoga these days, because the more I understand about it is it's, it's really an embodiment practice.

During that hour, I am dropping into my body. My focus is on my body. I'm breathing into these, these poses that, you know, sometimes can be a little bit uncomfortable, but I realize my mind stops. I'm in, I'm very present. I'm in the moment, and I'm really in tune with my body. It's maybe one of the only times that I'm really thinking about.

My body. So yeah, I, yeah, I agree. But, but Lori, tell us a little bit about your book. What, so what led you to, to write this, this book at this time? Yeah. Yeah. At this time is, is such a key because it's been on my heart for a really long time, but I'm so grateful that it, it waited for me, um, to be really ready.

Um, and, um, I, I don't think that I was really ready, um, to, to share in the way that I did. And even when I started the project, you know, I, I, it's a very raw personal account of. My life and the experiences that led to my adaptations and my journey out of, out of survival mode. Um, along with many, many of the brave, um, incredible clients who allowed me to, to share their stories, um, as well.

Um, but, uh, you know, when I first started the book, I, I had a little blurb in the front, like, yeah, I had some experiences and they were tough. Now let's talk about the work. And my editor, who happened to know me from a, a book project that I, um, did a few, few years back, um, she knew all about my, my background and everything, and she was like, oh, that's, that's funny.

Um, go back, try again and, and try again, and try again. Until I was truly laid bare, everything that I, um, had once thought made me so ugly and that I needed to hide from everyone, um, was there in the pages and, um. And really I was surprised at how little I felt I needed to hide. Um, there was a couple times when, especially when I sent it out to my, my early reader team, where I felt like, um, one of those dreams where you get on the bus and you realize that you didn't get dressed.

Yes. You know, like, oh my gosh, what? Okay. But, um, yeah, so the book is really, um, it's a culmination of all of these years of working with adaptations, you know, being able to zoom out and, and see the commonality with all of our stories and the, the roots of all of our stories. And it is a literal roadmap. Um, you know, from, from A to Z how to get from survival mode, which I, I also refer to as our adapted self.

Into our expansive self. Our expansive self is no longer, uh, who we need it to be, right? It's who we truly are when, when we're no longer, um, having to perform or keep ourselves safe. Who are we really? And that is the, the, the journey that we go on through the chapters of the book. Uh, how do we develop that safety, capacity and energy?

That sounds, that sounds like it's going to be an excellent read because, um, I always say that the heart is expansive. Your body is expansive. It's, it knows what you want and it's gonna continue to push you, talk to you, whisper to you. Whereas the mind is more about keeping us safe and just let's repeat what we did yesterday.

So I love this idea of the adaptive self and the expensive, um, self. Yeah. Yeah. It is, it, it provides a very useful, um, understanding for us. And, and it allows us to see that every single thing that you struggle with, every single thing that you, you know, have looked at in your, in your own life or about yourself and said, oh, what's wrong with me?

You are not the problem. It is a brilliant adaptation that you made in response to your experiences, your environment. And now we have the privilege and be able to look at it and say, is this working for me? Do I like what it is producing? And if the answer is no, then you get to adapt again, because we don't, we don't adapt once and, and then it's over.

We're plastic, right? So we can adapt again and again and again this time towards more wholeness and authenticity and, and truth and health and all the things that we're looking for. We have so much control. We are the creators. We are indeed. Yeah. Well, you know, I mentioned earlier when I was talking about your human design, that you have emotional authority and so do I, um, which is kind of how we make decisions that are in alignment for our own energy.

So with emotional authority, that just means that clarity comes over time. We need time to make decisions. We're emotional bodies. We have to ride what they call the emotional wave. We don't wanna make decisions when we're super excited and jazzed up and we don't wanna make, you know, decisions when we're kind of down.

Um, we want neutrality. We want just to wait for those emotions to fill them and for them to kind of neutralize and then we check back in with ourselves over and over again. Like, does it still feel like a yes now that we're not so excited? Does it still feel like a yes or is today more of a no? And so for us, clarity can, can come with that consistency of a yes on these big things.

Like it's, it's been a few weeks and it's still a yes, or maybe it's been two days, but I was just wondering how does that resonate with you in your life? Does that ring true for you? That if you think about like, yeah, I do need time, you know, to make bigger decisions, these are bigger decisions, or maybe no, I, I always tend to rush and feel that the urge to make a decision immediately and then I kind of regret it.

Has any of that shown up for you? Yeah. You know, it's interesting because when I think about my earlier life, um, my adapted life, I think I, I did, I rushed into decisions because it didn't feel safe to sit in the uncertainty. That was a very, very triggering, um, uh, place for me to be. And I think it is for, for, for all humans.

And so just to relieve myself of the discomfort of being in the uncertainty, I would just make a decision and as I, you know, began this work and could really step back and, and view myself. Um, wow. I noticed that that was what I was doing and why I was doing it, and so I got to, to work on, you know, being more comfortable, feeling safe in the uncertainty, which allowed me to then start to be authentic in my decision making, which is, um, you know, that process looks more like, you know, bringing all of my parts that have something to say about the subject.

Mm-hmm. And working with them and, and getting a consensus that feels like, yes, this is, everybody is on board with this. And so it's just, it's so interesting to think about, you know, um, and human design is so fascinating and if, if somebody does hear about their human design and it doesn't resonate, it could be something that, as I'm describing it, you know, my adaptations cause me to not be able to do things authentically.

Um, and that's a big, big part of it. Absolutely. There's so much conditioning that we go through. Yeah. That a lot of people are conditioned away from their energy from how their, their true self. So I always tell people, if this doesn't resonate with you, that's fine. It, mine didn't resonate with me at all.

Hmm. But I was, I was so out of alignment at the time that I found human design. It made sense. I was living in the shadows of my chart. But once you are aware of that, I could see that I was out of alignment and then I could work towards it. Like, for me, making decisions, I'm not one to make quick in the moment decisions.

I wish I could, I want to, but now I know. I just need to let people know. That sounds great. I'm gonna think that over. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm gonna get back to you a couple, you know, I just don't allow myself to be rushed. Mm-hmm. So it's that, it's that knowing, once you know it, it's powerful. Yeah. And I think that's, that's one of the other pieces, bringing in the body piece.

Um, so often the body will answer for me. And then I'll be like, oh, my body just, uh, was a full on. Um, like I have a great example that I, I shared in the book. I, I was, I had a mutual client with a incredible woman who does, um, some plant medicine. And so we had a conversation about, um, with the client's permission, of course, about, you know, some of our goals and what we've been working on so that she could have a, the best treatment that, that she could.

And I just adored this person. We, we just hit it off and we were like finishing each other's sentences and all the things. And then about two months later, she reached out again to, um, to have kind of the same conversation. And at the time, my mind said yes, and I actually picked up my phone to start giving her times.

And when I did that, my body was like, almost like tearing the phone out of my hands. It was like, what are you doing, girl? And I was like, what? I'm just, I'm gonna text her, we're gonna, and it was like, no, you're not. And then, okay, so I stepped back and I'm like, what is going on? Um, and my body was giving me the very clear directive, which was correct, that I was overscheduled and I really needed to honor what I teach with respect to by capacity and, um, what, what I could allow in during that season.

It was, it was book deadline time and I was, you know, writing, I was revising 10 hours a day and my, my children were on and all of these things. And I just, I realized, um, no, this isn't okay. So it was a great example for me of how the mind was like, do going one way, but the body knew the truth and the body held me back and said, girl, no, we're not doing this.

And it was just so, such a great moment for me because I was like, oh, thank you body. You're right. It paused me wrong enough to, to make the right decision for me. And she was great about it, by the way. Right? Well, the thing is, you, you want people to show up in their truth because then you're not, if you said yes and you, I'm just gonna push through it, you're not gonna be the same Laurie as someone who says, you know what, now is not the right time.

But as a generator, our sacral, we have the sacral authority, not sacral authority, but our sacral center will, will tell us we can fill it in our body if it's a yes, if we listen, or if it's a Uhuh. The thing is though, then on top of that, we have this emotional authority where you might feel that, no, but you still might wanna take, if it's something huge, you still might wanna be like, mm, I'm, this is feeling like a strong no, but I'm going to sleep on this and you know, see, does it still feel like a no in the morning?

But I love that. And once you can get examples of this in your life, instead of it just being me telling you something. But once you point to, oh my gosh. That's when it kind of gets legs and, and exactly. I, you go on this journey. That's why I felt it was so important to, to share fully about, you know, real day to day life.

Yes. This is what these tools look like. These are why these tools are hard. All the things with, with real people myself and, and, um, the, the clients who agreed to, to be part of the project. Oh, so good. And that comes out in April? End of April, your book April, yeah. Yeah. Is, that's the live book launch here in Denver.

Um, we might see it a week before on Amazon, just depending on how everything falls out. Well, congratulations. We will absolutely look for that. And well, just before we go to our speed round, is there anything that we haven't covered that you'd like to share or a message you want? Our friends listening to really make sure that they get Yeah, I mean we, we covered a lot.

We talked about a lot and I think if there's one thing that someone could just kind of take away is something that I, that I said earlier and we've been, been bouncing around between us, but whatever it is that you are struggling with is only the result of, of your adaptations. And, and it is not a function of you being broken or, and there's nothing about you that needs to be fixed.

We just going to return you right to you, to your wholeness, to the real you and the real you is Absolutely, um, perfect. And there's nothing that, that is, is broken because you're not the problem. Beautiful. I will, I will be the first person on Amazon to get it for sure. Because there's so many things in my life, there's so many patterns that I'm like, Tracy, I can just tell that it is from, you know, there's something else going on.

So, um, well, what makes you come alive? Oh, gosh, so many things. One of the things I, I really love about this phase and this stage in life is that it takes so little to, to just have a moment where you're just like, wow, this is so great. Life is so great. This happened last week. I was in the kitchen. I was just, I was making my food.

Um, preparing, prepping and, and preparing my food for the week is just a, a practice for me. Um, a beautiful self-love practice. And it was quiet and I had gone for a nice walk and I, I, Sundays I don't put anything in my ear and it was just so lovely and I just had this sense of peace and I just named it out out loud.

I was just like. Wow. Everything is just so lovely right now. And it was what? It was nothing, right? It didn't take something earth shattering. It was just that sense of, I'm, I'm right here. I'm I, I've got me. And all is, all is well. Oh, I love that. It's the little things. It really is. And it's being present to recognize that and to notice them and to fill them.

And again, as a generator, we have this thing, our signature theme is filling satisfaction. So it's not elation, it's not doing heart wheels. It's that moment that you felt in your kitchen. Yeah. When you feel that, you know, you're in alignment, you're completely in alignment. You can even say more of this or remember what that feels like.

Mm-hmm. And just try to do more of that. Yeah. How about a, how about a song that instantly shifts your energy or makes you feel something? Hmm. I've got a, a great song, um, right now that I just came across again, probably hadn't heard it in about 15 years, but it's the song, um, the title is Unwritten, and it was, I think it came out in the early two thousands.

Um, but I'm actually going to, I can tell you here, even though it's a secret to my, to my, uh, to my team and to the people who are coming to the book launch, but in the, in the song she says, uh, today is where your life begins, or where your book begins, excuse me. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten, and it's, it's such a, a, a meaningful line for me because that's what the book is all about.

The rest of your life is completely unwritten and we can write it. Any way we want. Right. We can write it based on our adaptations and our habits and all the things, or we can write it the way we actually want to live it. And so, you know, I'm listening to the song, I'm just like, oh, every, every, you know, spare moment or if I go out for a walk, I'm like, oh, I wanna listen to my song.

Yes. Yeah. Oh, that's such a great one. I remember when that came out. And first you just kind of hum it, you just kind of sing it. But then when I actually listened to what she was saying, yeah, it was like, that's so powerful. That concept of the list is the, the rest is unwritten and that we get to write it.

Yeah. Yeah. Why not write something beautiful, you know? Exactly. Yeah. And that's what the book is. The book is, how do I do that? How do I do that? Mm. So what about besides your, your new book that's coming out, what is a book that cracked you open or stayed with you long after the last page? Goodness. I am, I am such a book worm.

I'm always reading at least a couple of books. Um, no, just. As a, um, Martha Beck is, is one of my, my favorite authors, and she has several books that I just, um, devoured and, and they came, um, found me at a time when, when I was not yet familiar with myself. I think one of 'em is, uh, something about, uh, your North Star, finding Your North Star, something like that.

That was incredible and, and a, and a real classic that, that I, I came across in my darkest days. I return to Love Maryanne Williamson. Oh, reminding us who we really are and, um, you know, the permission to, to, to be that. And so, yes, that book will forever be my, my one of my favorites. I just did a solo episode where I read a poem from that book, um, that.

Your your deepest, you fear, your deepest fear is your light. Mm-hmm. You know, it's just, it's one of my favorite. It's just, I know exactly the, the, the quote you're talking about and it is powerful. Who are you not to be? Yes. That's the, that's the question for us. Yeah. What's your favorite little indulgence or guilty pleasure?

Quiet time by myself. And I'm taking a lot of it these days. Um, I protect it with, with everything I have. Someone asks for something from me in the morning and Nope, I can't do that. I'm sorry. No, I'm not available till 10. Yeah. Just, it's just too important and, and it is, uh, it, it is my lifeline. Lori, you can't make this stuff up, but you are.

So your profile is a two four. So that's made up of two different lines. The line two is the hermit. Yeah. And it's all about solitude time. It, it means how your, everyone, I think it's important for everyone to have a alone time, but when you're aligned to, it should be guarded with your life. It's sacred.

It's, it's when you line twos have these natural, innate gifts that sometimes they're not even aware of and other people have to kind of point it out. But during that solitude time that you give yourself is when a lot of those skills can really. Um, kind of come to life or you may become more aware of them.

And so, yes, when I, when I meet my, or talk with my line twos, it's like, that's not selfish time. It is your time and you will reemerge when you're ready, but you have to allow yourself to take that. So it's beautiful. I love that you just, you said that. Yeah. And when I, when I did took your quiz and, and saw that and read through the whole report of it, I was just smiling the whole time because it was like.

Yes. What, what, what is Tracy like? Is she here? Is she she watching? Because it couldn't, it couldn't have, um, been more, um, just spot on with, with that and that, that's where we go to, to make sense of, right. The patterns become clear in that time, in that quiet time where, you know, you were taking in all of the pieces and, and all of that.

So I just, I, I've just been very interested and, and curious about, about human design and, and, uh, since, since I took your quiz. It's so good. Yeah. Well, what is one thing that always reminds you how beautiful life really is? Hmm. You know, the first thing that came to mind, so it must be, um, is. The birds. When I am, when I'm outside, I do a lot of my work outside and or, um, you know, my breaks are are always outside.

I like to go for a walk and when I'm, um, when it's warm enough, I'm working outside and it's so mesmerizing to me. Um, with soon as I hear the birds, it's like this feeling like all is right. And what I didn't realize, but now know, um, in my research is that bird sound sounds are a, a huge cue of safety to our human nervous systems, which makes sense.

I didn't know that. Yeah, because if we were, you know, when we were living a. Hunters and gatherers and things, and we would hear the birds singing, right? What does that mean when they're singing? There's no, there's no threat, right? Right. There's no bad weather coming. There's no tiger lurking around, you know, so the birds tell us, and, and let us go about our business, almost like they're keeping watch for us.

And we were probably very attuned at some point, if the bird stopped, we might immediately, you know, have a watch, right? Like, Hey, what's going on? Um, so it makes sense to me now, and I just, I just love, I just, you know, thrill when I, um, come across the science that explains what my experience was already.

Gosh, Laura, I could talk to you forever, yet I didn't know that. But I just think about when I first left corporate America and I was so broken, and I would go, and I've shared this before, but, and when I would go sit on my deck, I would just wanna be still and just at peace outside of my backyard. But the birds, I started noticing for the first time and listening to them, and I ran out and got bird feeders and bird seed.

And so it's interesting that you, you say that because it mm-hmm. It's one of the things that made me feel safe. Yep. Yeah. Isn't that fascinating? Now, now, you know, you have the science under underneath it for Yes. Case. Yeah. How fun. Well, before, before we wrap up, I just wanna share something special. So at the end of each conversation, um, my guest leaves a message for a future guest without knowing who the guest is going to be.

Just a little note, little love note passed forward from, you know, woman to woman. The note left for you today comes from Dr. Karen Shanks. So Dr. Shanks is a psychologist, a leadership consultant, and author who helps people understand the internal patterns that shape their lives and relationships. So here's the message that she wanted to pass forward.

Just show up as your whole true, authentic self. That is enough, and that is what is most needed by everyone.

Wow, what a, what a beautiful message. Just thank you for sharing that. So fun and so true. Of course. So, Lori, how can people connect with you and learn more about your work? Yeah, I would love to invite them. I've made the, down the introduction to the book available to download. So I would love to introduce more of, of this work.

I go through the framework, all of the, the things that we talked about today. I'd love to share that with your audience. And so that'll be a downloadable link. Um, and the, and the website is a great place too. I, I, for myself, I didn't think that I was worthy of, of investing. And, and I certainly didn't wanna tell anyone on my deep, dark secret, so I never thought that I was worthy of having, um, working directly with somebody.

So I gobbled up everybody's free resources and they actually were very helpful to me. And so that was something I said that I was gonna be sure to do. So there's a lot of free resources on the website, a lot of, um, information just to kind of get started on a lot of the things that we talked about today.

And that's lori mon.com. Wonderful. Laurie Montre. And we will include all of that in the show notes as well. So, Lori, thank you so much for being here and for the work that you're doing in this world. Um, and to those of you that are listening, sometimes the most powerful shift begins when we realize we're never the problem to begin with.

We are the possibility. And until next time, keep getting high on life one beautiful fix at a time. Thank you.

Thanks for listening to a Beautiful Fix. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a quick review to help others find us. And if you'd like to share your own beautiful fix or join me as a guest, reach out anytime at tracy@abeautifulfix.com. Looking forward to next time.