Real Girls Guide to Midlife: Author Angela Burk on Rewriting the Rules After 50

Angela Burk spent years being the good girl. The rule follower. The one who showed up exactly the way everyone expected. Then her forties hit and everything she thought she knew got rewritten all at once. A difficult divorce. A career leap into a pre-IPO startup with no safety net. Menopause she did not see coming until she was already in it. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, falling for a man who lives in Australia while she lives in California.

Angela is the founder of Real Girls Guide to Midlife and author of the book by the same name. In this conversation she opens up about the rulebook she spent decades following without ever questioning where it came from, the moment she realized the best parts of herself had gone missing, and what it took to burn that rulebook down and build a version of her life that actually belongs to her.

We get into self possession, the stories we let define us at work and at home, why no is a complete sentence, and the simple practice of saying out loud what you need even when no one else is listening. Angela also shares how her sons are responding to the woman she has become and why she has almost no regrets about any of it.

Plus Angela is giving away three copies of her book to three lucky listeners. Details on how to enter are in this episode.

If you are in the middle of your own midlife rewrite, or you think you might be circling one, this conversation is for you.

Connect with Angela
Book: Real Girls Guide to Midlife, available wherever you buy books

Substack: realgirlsguidetomidlife.com  

Instagram: @realgirlsguide55

Website: realgirlsguide.com

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Transcript

Real Girls Guide to Midlife: Author Angela Burk on Rewriting the Rules After 50 | A Beautiful Fix

Everything that I had believed about how I needed to show up, the roles I was expected to take on, the load I was expected to carry, how I was supposed to be peaceful and calm and agreeable and flexible and, in charge of everybody else's comfort and putting mine last on the list, it just kind of all hit me, and I was like, "That's not happening anymore."

Welcome to A Beautiful Fix. I'm Tracy Hill. Each week we'll dive into the latest thought gem, recharging and reconnecting with what lights you up and makes you feel alive. Let's discover your next beautiful fix together.

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Grab your free chart at abeautifulfix.com, and when you're ready to go deeper, book a one-to-one session with me. All right. Let's get into the episode.

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you realize the rules you've been living by just no longer fit? Maybe they came from your family, maybe from society. Maybe they were rules you wrote for yourself years ago that just no longer make sense. Today's guest is Angela Burke, founder of Real Girl's Guide to Midlife and author of the book by the same name.

Angela spent years doing what many of us do: building a career, raising a family, checking all the boxes. But as 50 approached, she found herself feeling something she hadn't expected Fierce, determined, ready to burn the old rule book she'd written for herself and make space for what she truly wanted.

Through her writing, her community, and her book, Angela's helping women embrace midlife as a powerful new beginning. Angela, welcome to A Beautiful Fix. Well, I just feel like... First of all, thank you, and I just feel like I need you to introduce me every day. When I just get up, I just need that to be playing.

Um- Just call me I will. We'll just- Call me. I got you ... we'll just do a little... Okay, thank you. Thank you for having me. Of course. I'm so excited. And before we jump in, I just wanna encourage everyone to stick around until the end, because Angela has so graciously, um, said that she's going to give away three copies of Real Girl's Guide to Midlife to one...

I'm sorry, to, to s- to three listeners. I was prepared for one. And then we're gonna share how to enter, uh, before we wraps up, uh, wrap up, so please stick around. But Angela, let's start with this line from your bio. Mm. So the, the, the whole point of, "As 50 approached, I started feeling fierce, determined, ready to burn the old rule book."

Mm-hmm. When I read that, I just laughed because I was such a rule follower. I mean, I was the good girl. I did what I was supposed to do. I was always where I was supposed to be. And when I left my corporate career, our backgrounds are so similar, but when I left my corporate career suddenly back in 2020, just kinda leapt, it was like I took that rule book and just- Mm

stomped it, burned it, threw it out. It was... So reading that was... So tell me about your version of this. Yeah. It's a really good question. Um, and for me it was kind of a culmination of things. I think that, first of all, you know, I write about midlife. Um, that's the name of the book, and the reality is midlife is not one magic decade, right?

It is just a period of transition. So if I go back and look at the periods of transitions that were the most heavy for me, my 40s were a big one. I was, um... I took a really big career leap in my 40s. I, I left a, um, a very financially stable and successful job to join a pre-IPO startup, um, so in the tech world.

I made the difficult decision to divorce. Um, I was, you know, trying to embark on this life as a single mom while making sure that my three boys, you know, their worlds weren't completely devastated, right? And, and that, that energy took a lot out of me. I didn't realize, uh, as I approached 47 how close I was to entering menopause.

I, at the end of my 47th year, I became post-menopausal, um, officially, but I didn't know what was happening to me in that lead-up. And then through all of this, I additionally met a man who lives in Australia. I live in California, so like just let that marinate for a second. And i- and all of these things were sort of hitting me at once.

And then, you know, to layer on top of that, there were, not tragic, but like appearance changes, right? As we get older, our appearance changes. My tolerance for things was changing. Um, the, the fact that I found myself almost like I would watch myself in meetings or, you know, with my family or behaving in a way that I had spent my whole life doing, and it was almost like I was having these out-of-body experiences because I was watching myself going, "Who is she?"

And the, the best parts of me that I loved about myself were gone, and I was like, "Okay, something's gotta change here." So it was a series of awakenings, a series of realizations, some of which I wasn't prepared for, some of which, you know, I, I did not see coming, some of which I, I architected. Um, and, and you know, it culminated into, hey, there's no one right way to do it, any of this.

And also, I am not alone. All the feelings that I was feeling, like, "Oh my gosh," like, "What's happening to my hormones, and what's happening here and what's happening there?" Nobody... None of my friends were talking about it. So I was like, "Okay, I must be failing at all of this. So I'm the one that, I'm the girl that doesn't know how to do it."

And it was like all of these things coming together where I realized everything that I had believed about how I needed to show up, the roles I was expected to, to, to take on, the load I was expected to carry, how I was supposed to be peaceful and calm and agreeable and flexible and, you know, in charge of everybody else's comfort and putting mine on the last of the li- uh, last on the list, it just kind of all hit me, and I was like, "That's not happening anymore."

I'm not doing that So, so Angela, when... I mean, that was so much. That, that, that's a lot. And first of all, during your introduction, I forgot to mention that in human design, you're a manifesting generator. I don't know if you're familiar with human design? I'm not, but I took the test and I was like, "I need to know everything about myself."

Yes. And, and we'll, we'll jump into it a little bit. Yeah But just manifesting generators, they just, they pivot- Mm ... and it's their gift. Mm. It's their gift, though. It's... They are the people that society has conditioned them to believe that there's something wrong. Mm. Stick to, to one lane. Can you just do one thing?

Niche down. Can you s- can you finish what you start? The whole thing. But literally, they're meant to just do s- to know themselves so well that they know when something's complete. Mm-hmm. To the outside world it might look like, no, it's complete when you've finished it, but for you, your body, if you learn to listen to your body, tells you- Yeah

we're, we're, we've got what we needed out of it, it's time to go to this next thing. Yeah. And it just keeps leading to different things. But- Yeah ... we'll get into that later. Okay. Okay. But just hearing this is so manifesting gen- But divorce, I had even take- Mm. I was taking notes. Divorce. Yeah. Menopause. Yeah.

Left a career, started a new one with an IPO and a startup, so there's no- Yeah ... guarantee- No ... to that. Um, the appearances changing. It, it was just so much. And you mentioned that, um... What were some of the, the surprises? Like, you, you mentioned that there were things that you kind of discovered- Mm ... um, that you were, that were surprising.

Can you tell us- Yeah ... about some of those? Yeah. I think one of the things that I discovered was- You know, I, I sort of... So I'll take the example of just my marriage and the family that I had built, right? I was married for a long time. I was married for 15 years, and I so wanted that intact family for my boys.

And I, as I, as I built the book, just a quick aside, um, one of the things I did for Real Girl's Guide is I interviewed a bunch of women who shared their stories across a variety of different topics, plus I layered on expert, uh, advice. And so what I'm about to share with you is not something that's unique to me.

It was a red thread that emerged as I was writing the book. But if I take my family, I spent, you know, a lot of energy and effort keeping that family intact because I thought that that's what I needed to give my boys. I thought that my job in bringing these three boys into the world was giving them an intact family.

And what I didn't realize was I was doing it at a cost, and that cost was a happy Angela. And it wasn't that I was, you know, dramatically and tragically unhappy, but the very best parts of me were, were almost d- you know, disappearing. And so I got to this place where, you know, what is it that I want my kids to see?

What is it that they truly deserve, right? Do they deserve this intact family that doesn't actually function, or do they deserve to see a mother and a, a role model of somebody who is radiating happiness and peace? Not all the time, 'cause I'm not perfect, but who's radiating happiness and peace and who isn't afraid to put herself first on the list.

That's what I want for my boys. I want them to enter whatever their, their adulthood looks like and whatever relationships they choose to have that mindset, not like, "Oh, you know, oh, I, I'm gonna be the ultimate sacrificer here. Everybody has to be." But it, that was a big one for me, that whole story, that script that my children deserved an intact family more than fill in the blank.

That was wrong, and it was, it was, it was just wrong. Um, and, and I had to break that. Angela, I have been saying this is the year where I'm bringing selfish back Oh, I love that I'm, I'm- I'm an... Yes, bringing selfish back I am, I am reclaiming that word because of everything you just said. I think when it comes to women, especially women in midlife, we've spent our lives doing for everyone else- Mm

and feeling like that's what makes a good mom. Yeah. You know? But it's beautiful that you saw in your sons, what am I really truly showing them? Is this version of what I thought was perfect, you know, really it, or is it a happy Angela? 'Cause when you're happy, then they're happy. They get to see mom happy.

You show up differently. I do, and- It's the most beautiful thing we can do ... it is. And I think, you know, uh, one of the topics I write about in Real Girl's Guide is parenting, and I'm going through tran- transitions of parenting little kids and adults, and it's, it's hard. I'm, I'm gonna admit, I don't have a, a playbook for how to parent adults.

But what I realized was even over the last, call it sort of four or five years, the version of me that my children are experiencing is a brand-new version. You know- Mm ... this version is relaxed. I'm happy. I don't apologize. I don't ask for permission. I don't shy away from saying yes or no. This version started playing the drums six months ago.

Why? 'Cause I, I wanted to. I didn't ask. That's, I, you know, and I, that's what I wanted to do, so that's what I did. This version of me wrote a book, right, in my mid-50s, having never written a book. This version of me has, you know, has just changed the way I experience myself in life, and they're seeing that for the first time.

And turns out they kinda like that mom. Yeah. Like, go figure How old, how old are your, how old are your boys? They're 23, 20, and 15. Oh. Yeah. No, so they like this version of me, and I like th- more importantly, I like this version of me. There you go. Mm. Wow, that is amaz- I have four boys, um, so I, I'm, c- Oh

that's what I'm saying. The parallels are- You know? Yeah ... just insane. So have they actually said to you, have they noticed things that they've told you, like, "Mom, I notice now this," or is there anything particular, or is it just in general that just you feels differently- Yeah ... to them? Um, they've, they've actually said something.

So when I wrote The Real Girl's Guide, I started writing that in April of '25. I also started a Substack, and that was really, like, I had no master plan here. I just wanted to write this book. I had this book idea 20 years ago. It got buried into a red folder, like literally and figuratively buried, and I found it when I retired in, um, late 2024.

Um, so I, I think that the thing that they've said to me is just the fact... I always tell my kids, I have a little, like all these mom mantras, right? One of them is, um, "If you're gonna take a risk in life, always bet on yourself." Mm. And so the, the fact that I found this folder, I opened it, I decided I was gonna write this book, and I did it, and so they kind of play that back to me.

Like, "Well, it looks like you tur- you took a risk on yourself. You kind of bet on yourself now, didn't you?" So that's one example, um, which, you know, makes me feel really proud because that's what I want them to see. I want them to see- Yeah ... that, you know, if you've got something that you believe in- Just do it.

Who cares? Like, just do it. So that's one thing. And the other interesting thing, I, I wrote about this in my Substack, um, last week, but, um, so, you know, I think I spent a lot of my time, and I... And again, threads through the book and through these amazing women who shared their stories, where, you know, there's kind of an inventory of things that I either wish I would've said or wish I would've said sooner that I didn't.

Um, and one of the things that I think I spent a lot of my time doing was apologizing, you know? And I was always the one who would rush to apologize, 'cause I felt like my job in life was you- I have to move on the quickest. I have to smooth it. I have to fix it. And even if I wasn't ready to apologize or ready to receive an apology, I had to, like, motor through it because I wanted things to just be smooth, and I wanted to get on the other side.

And not... What I've realized at this stage is not everything deserves my forgiveness, and I'm okay with that, number one. And number two, I was talking to my, my, my older son about this, and he's like, he reminded me of a time when he was probably five, and he and my middle son were fighting. And I said to my, my older son, "You need to apologize to your brother."

And he looked at me, and he said, "I'm not ready." And I was like, I remember the day in the house. This five-year-old is telling me he's not ready to apologize, and I was, like, baffled. What am I supposed to do with that? And, you know, as I was writing this blog, I was telling him about it, and he was relaying this memory, 'cause he brought the memory up.

I had totally forgotten about it. And I said, "What?" Like, "Like, why do you, why did you think about that now, and, and how do you, like, how do you process that now?" He's like, "Well, um, I'm really glad you didn't make me apologize, because I wasn't ready." And that's what he took away. So this thing that happened when he was five that I'd forgotten about, even when I was writing this, this article, I had forgotten about until I happened to talk to him.

So that's what I'm also seeing. I'm seeing the experience that maybe I either catastrophized about how I showed up for my boys or how I didn't, or completely forgot about, and it's, it's sticking with them or they have a different perception of it. Mm. And, and that makes me feel... You know, some of the perceptions aren't great.

Like I know during my rage years, as I call them, um, I didn't show up great for my kids, and, and they remember some of that stuff and, and, and I remember it. But also, like I, I wrote about something else too, about a time where I was in the middle of like all this hormonal stuff. I was, you know, single mom, all the things.

I'd driven my kids out to dinner, and it was a horrible dinner. We get to the restaurant, one kid's whining, the other kid's like, "I don't wanna be here." And I looked at them, we hadn't even ordered, I said, "We're getting in the car, we're going home." We went home. I went right to my room, shut the door, and I told the boys, "There's cereal."

And that was it. And that was my... Like that was a moment where I was like, "I can't do it. I'm, I don't know what to do here. I just have to isolate." And when I was writing about this in the book, I was talking to my middle son, son about it and he's like, "You know, I actually kinda don't remember that. I just remember that to get to the restaurant you drove us to our favorite beach."

Oh. And I was like, "You don't remember the, the havoc that I created after, the aftermath?" He's like, "No. I remember the drive to the beach." And I was like, "Okay." That's so powerful, 'cause imagine if you were sitting around beating yourself up just reliving that over and over again, that, "I did that and I told them there was cereal- Mm-hmm

and they probably hate me," and then making up this whole story- Which we do ... that you might just remember. Yes, that's what we do. Which we do. Yeah. That's what we do. So tell us about this book. I was looking, um, reading some of your reviews on Amazon. Yeah. Amazing. What do you think it is that is resonating so strongly with women?

Yeah. I think there's a couple things, right? If you look at kind of the bigger backdrop, there's so much more now being talked about in terms of menopause, perimenopause, midlife, all the things, and there's this layer of just honest, unpolished, unvarnished truths. So I think that's one thing. I think that, you know, I, a- as I previewed my very fancy podcast interview outfit to you before we started- Love it

I, um, I think I come a- at, to a lot of these subjects with a lot of vulnerability. Um, probably maybe a little too much honesty and, and bluntness. Um, but that's what I do because I felt so alone in a lot of moments and a lot of things that were happening to me. And also to, to your point, I was looking around, right?

And what I was seeing was, you know, everybody who seemed to be perfect and shiny and polished, and I was like, "Okay, well, I don't measure up there, so I, I'm an even bigger failure." So that was one. And then I think the second truth that I saw was, you know, I was seeing a lot of celebrities talk about all of these subjects, and I was like, "That's great."

Like, I love that Halle Berry and Naomi Watts are talking about these things, and Brooke Sh- whatever, but I'm not them. Like, I'm just trying to figure it out, and stumbling along the way. Yeah. So I think that there's an element of that, and I think the other element is with The Real Girls Guide and the Substack and all the things that I've tried to c- to build, it is this community of women who see themselves in the rawness and the realness of, of some of the stories.

And there's, like, a comfort in numbers. And I think that there's something about the law of attraction, right? 'Cause what I noticed was as I started writing this book and I was... You know, the Substack, and I was talking to more people about what I was doing, more people were coming to me. And then the conversations that maybe started l- you know, small started to grow, and then they started to get louder.

And then we were talking about these, you know, subjects that were super taboo, and then it was happening. And it just was like all of a sudden this thing kind of blew up, and I was like, "Okay, I'm onto something here. Something is happening." Mm-hmm. And so I think it was just a, a, a combination of those things.

I, you know, I think a big part of it, you, you, you mentioned it, is you are so authentic, you are so real, and I think that is so refreshing, especially when we're going through this time in our life where, as you mentioned, so few are talking about it. Yeah. Everyone is acting like life is perfect and great, and you're looking around.

I remember that feeling. I remember being in corporate with this great job and feeling the way I felt, and looking at... I would literally look at my coworkers just trying to see if I could read their energy, like, "Are you feeling this?" I felt so alone. Yeah. And to have someone... I loved how you showed up for the, for this interview.

You were hyping me up before we got on. Like, the world needs more of that. Now, were you always this way, Angela? Were you always this authentic, this real? I think- Or is this something that you've come into? I think I've come into it. Like, I think that... You know, I'm, I've always been an honest person, and I've always said, you know, kind of, "I'm the what you see is what you get," but I do think that I had to adapt a lot, right?

If I think about the roles that I adapted to in my family, at work, um, in my marriage, I, I became a... You know, I, I morphed into what was expected of me in those roles. And, and when I take a step back, right? And again, my 40s were probably my most change-filled decade. Approaching my 50s, things shifted, and they, they're continuing to shift.

Um, I contorted myself so much to be the kind of person, the kind of... And fit the mold that I believed was expected of me- Wow ... across all of these different dimensions, and it's exhausting. It's no wonder why I was so tired. It's no wonder why people would see me and go, "Wow, you look tired." Well, I wonder why.

I wonder why I'm tired. Um, so I, I think that on the one hand, I, I definitely have always been a, a very much an open book. Um, you know, kind of what you see is what you get. I try to show up at work and with my family and my children and my friends in the same way. I don't, I don't have enough energy to sort of adapt to that degree.

But I think the, the roles and the way I had to show up in some of these roles, I felt I had to be different. Mm-hmm. I had to adapt, and it was hard, um, because in the process I just lost parts of myself. So for w- for women that are listening to this thinking, "Oh my gosh, she sounds so much like me," what would you say to them if, if they're just listening to this in that place where they're just feeling a little bit lost, disconnected- Yeah

what would you recommend? Um, so a couple things. Um, w- one of the things that I do in The Real Girl's Guide is, you know, again, it's not only my story, but it's other women's stories. There's a lot of expert opinions that I wanted to thread through. Um, but at the end of the book, there's kind of a, a, a set of exercises, a little manifesto that, that you can work on.

But I think even before I get there, I think the first thing is you're not alone. Mm. Um, and, and I, I wish... I think looking back, you know, I have, um, two half-sisters who are in their late 30s. One is in her late 30s, one is in her, um, early 40s, and, um, I think I'm their crash test dummy in a lot of ways. So they read my stuff, and they're like, "Ooh, um, thanks for the warning."

Like, I now know. So it's... You know, I wish I would've had that message earlier, you know, when things started to feel a little bit different for me, whether it was hormonally or my physical appearance or my satisfaction at work or, you know, what I felt I needed in r- my relationships. I wish I would've paid attention to those signs early on.

I wish I would've noticed how often I apologized and asked for permission to do... just live my own life. I wish I would've noticed those things. So, A, I think you're not alone is a critical one. B, you're not crazy, and this is not in your head. Mm. You're not imagining it. Um, and, and I think, C, you know, start to notice.

You know, I, I... Nothing I write about is, like, advocating this massive life overhaul. But- Right ... start to notice what's happening. If you start to find yourself saying yes to things that you really wanna say no to, just take a pause and notice that. Or if you're saying no to something and you're following up with this long dissertation about why you're saying no, ask yours- why are you doing that?

"I'm not available," that's three words. Um, "No," that's a full sen- no is a full sentence. It's, it's a full sentence. Um, if you start to see that you're getting more annoyed and you're wondering why, like, just... I think one of the things that when you enter your 50s for a lot of us is the noise around us kind of starts to quiet down a little bit, right?

Um, you know, maybe the kids, you've got some kids in the house, some kids out of the house. You find yourself having a tiny bit more free time maybe, and, and that's just space where you can just, like, observe what's happening. And I think that those are really powerful things that don't require a big master plan.

They don't require a lot of effort. They don't require huge amounts of life overhaul changes. They're just small things to do in the moment. Um, and, and one of the other practices I started doing, which I think is a really interesting one- Is, you know, I spend a lot of time in this office. Um, I, I consult part-time and I, I still write.

But there are times where I feel like I'm tired and I need a break, and I can think it all day long and then not do anything. But the minute I stop and I say out loud to myself, "I need a break," it changes my thought pattern, and that forces me to go, "Ooh, I need to stop." And I'll get up and walk to the kitchen.

Mm-hmm. But it's not until I say the thing out loud. So I don't say it to anybody. I don't say it because I'm waiting for permission. I want to change the thought pattern. So I found myself lately just saying what I need out loud to myself. "I need a break. I need more coffee. Um, I need to get outside." Um, you know, "I need to not carry this negative feeling about something that just happened.

I need to scream. I need to cry." Like, whatever it is, I say it out loud to myself, nobody around me, because it changes my thought pattern. And if I c- can change my thought pattern, chances are my action is gonna change. Yes. And I, I feel like you're also honoring your body. Yes. You're listening to what your body needs- Yeah

and you're, you're leading with that. Yeah. Which... So I, I wanna, I wanna talk about your human design in a second, but- Yeah ... um, I was gonna ask you though, again, you went through a lot of changes. You made a lot of decisions- Mm ... in your 40s. Mm-hmm. Do you have any regrets now that you're on the other side of all- Mm

of that change, any regrets? You know, no, I don't. No. Um, and here's why. Th- maybe, maybe one regret, but, but generally, no. And the reason that I don't is I think I had to go through those experiences to come to the place I am now. You know, you talk about, um, um, you know, sort of this idea of, of being selfish, like bringing selfish back.

I, I wrote about this when I started the book, and it's this idea of, like, self-possession. Like, it is okay to possess your own self. It is okay- Mm ... to possess the things, and we've gotta take those things back, right? Yes. Um, and so I believe that every experience that I had, I needed to experience to get to where I am.

So I don't have a lot of regrets. There is one thing though when I think about, um, you know, a lot of the... Take work, for example. You know, I, I... And, uh, and I'll, I'll say this as another red thread that I noticed through the book with the, uh, women that I spoke to for Real Girl's Guide is, you know, c- take your career.

You can kinda pick any sort of vertical slice of our life or horizontal slice of our life, but at work, you know, I let a lot of stories that people wrote about me dictate w- the jobs that I put myself forward for, the, the, the positions that I felt I n- not only earned, but I deserved, and I let those stories sort of live in my head.

And I do wish that I would have challenged those stories, which were patently false, I'll have you know. And I... How did I discover that? I discovered that when I retired. So stories like, "Oh, you know, you're an execution machine. You get things done. Oh, you're not strategic enough. Oh, you're not visible to the right executives."

I had an answer to every one of those things, but I let those stories live in my head. And the minute I retired and I began consulting and I began advising and I was sitting with CEOs and CFOs and, you know, C-level executives and they're asking me for my advice and my counsel on s- topics that I actually didn't even have direct experience in, turns out I knew a lot of stuff.

And turns out I always did. So I wish I would have not let those stories dictate, and I wish I would've changed the question. So instead of like, "Who am I to think I could do this?" Or, "Oh my gosh, this is crazy," I wish I would've asked... I would, I wish I would've changed the question to, "Why not me? Why not this thing?"

Yeah. "Why not now?" That's what I wish. So it's not a regret per se, but I, I do wish I would've paid more attention to that stuff Hmm. So powerful, and I know that people are listening are soaking this in- Mm-hmm ... because I think we probably all have those stories of telling ourself a story, someone giving us a story- Yeah

and we, we, we accept it. We own it. We, we say yes, and just- Yeah ... and the fact that when you retired, again, you got a little space- Yeah ... you were able to test some of that and realize it's not even true. None of it was true. None of it was true. And why, why not me? What a powerful, powerful question. Yeah, why not?

And that's... If I, if I'm honest with you, that's even kind of how I approached this book thing, right? So had the folder, I started this book idea at 35. The folder literally gets buried on my desk. When I retired, I, I l- looked at this pile. I looked through the pile. I was like, "Look at this red folder." I opened it, and I was like, "That's the book."

So I spent two months... So it's... I'm not perfect, right? I still go through these same thoughts, but what I find is I can short-circuit them. So I gave myself a couple months after my retirement and finding this folder to talk myself out of writing the book, and I couldn't do it because all the questions were not like, "Who am I to think?"

and, you know, "Nobody's gonna buy this book," and I, you know, "This is crazy." It was all... The question became, why not? Why not write this book? Why not now? Why not the way I, I envisioned it 20 years ago? Mm. Why not? And, and so that was the new question. So even the drums, right? Who am I to think I can learn the drums at 55?

And that's crazy. And why not? It, it... So one of my favorite, um, country songs is by The Judds, Why Not Me? And it just, you know, she's talking about a man. Why, why not me, in terms of a man choosing me- Right, right ... but I like it much more in just, you know, why, why not me? That is, that is so powerful. Yeah. Why not?

Um, a- and I love that, yeah. And I noticed that your regrets had nothing to do with all those changes you made. No. None of those life changes. And I wanted to, to pull on that a little bit- Mm-hmm ... because I think as women are listening to this, and they might be thinking about making some big changes in their life- Hmm

you wonder, "Am I gonna regret this? Is this gonna be..." You did, made major changes. And like you said, lived experience. It's now, and Angela, if you had not done this, if you had not written this book, if you had not chose you to write the... Think about all the women's lives you're impacting- Hmm ... who are going through this, that are reading this, and they're like, "Yes, thank you."

Mm. "Oh my gosh, I needed this." So it just- You're gonna make me cry. Yeah. Oh, no. Um, you know, it's true, and I think, you know, a lot of these things feel so overwhelming, and they feel so destabilizing. And, um, you know, I, I can honestly say that, uh, and there were hard days. Like, I remember the first, for the first six months after my divorce when my children were with my ex, I would come home from work, and I would try to delay my entry back home from work as late as I could, because I would want to get home and go right upstairs to my bedroom.

I couldn't l- I couldn't be in the kitchen, in the family room. It was like one of those, like it wasn't big, but a small great room. I couldn't spend time in that space 'cause I, it wasn't a family room, right? My kids weren't there. And so for the first six months- Mm ... it was tough. Like, I would, I would literally do anything I could after work to just make it so all I had to do was come home and go right upstairs.

Or, you know, the first Christmas, right? When the kids are not waking up with me on Christmas morning. And those- Mm ... I, I think that, you know, th- there's, there, there are hard days, for sure. And- You live through them. And there's another side. And cha- you know, it's okay to grieve, right? Like, we don't grieve just people.

We grieve identities. We grieve the stories that maybe we wrote for ourselves and the, the life that we imagine, and you can be sad about it. I grieve that stuff, right? And the only way I can move to acceptance was feeling the feeling, and then allowing myself to transition to something new and something different.

So change didn't become a bad word. And I, I had to break this belief that, you know, somehow change was wrong and it meant that I failed, or it meant that I was weak, or it meant, you know, it was something scary. Change was actually beautiful. And I had to go through the stages, and I had to get to a place of acceptance, but good comes from the change.

Yes. And ch- and sometimes, you know, different is just different. Yes. And d- different is good. Who wants to wake up in Groundhog's Day doing the same thing? Oh, my God. We're expansive. We don't wanna just stay... We may think we wanna stay in our comfort zone, but we do not. We do not. We do not. We do not. Life on the other side.

Absolutely. So see if this resonates with you. Okay. And it's okay if it doesn't. Okay. But you are a manifesting generator, which we talked about a little bit- Okay ... which means that we have this... I'm als- I'm a generator, not a manifesting generator. But a generator, it's, we have this life force energy. We have, like, these batteries- Mm-hmm

that where we can just go, go, go, go, go. Mm-hmm. If, if, if we're doing something we love. Yeah. That is the key. If you're doing something you love, you can just kind of keep going. You have all this energy for it. But if you're not, it just drains that battery. But as a manifesting generator, as we talked about earlier, you can pivot, and pivot often, um, which we talked about a little bit.

It's also a lot of multitasking, doing- Oh, yeah ... you know, things all at once, and doing it well. Mm. Um, so all of that is ki- that, that's just a little snippet, but you have sacral authority, which we talked about a little bit. Sacral authority is where your gut- is, is, is your truth. Mm. Your gut, if you can quiet yourself and trust yourself, your gut knows.

Mm-hmm. And there are so many times in the story where you mentioned you s- you know, felt, "I need to rest." And yes, you verbalized and said it out loud, but that's r- truly you kind of listening- Yeah ... to what you need. So in the moment, your gut, if you can tune into that, it knows. It- And it's, it's going to give you, you know, kind of what you need.

And then the last thing was your profile is a 2/4. So the 2/4 is a beautiful balance between, um, needing time alone, solitude, and needing relationships and connections. Mm. So with the two, it's called either the hermit or, or natural, because line twos have this natural talent that is just so natural to them that it, a lot of times they don't even recognize it as a talent, 'cause it's like, "Oh, I just do this, you know, effortlessly."

And sometimes they need others to kind of tap them on their shoulder saying like, "You're really good at that" for them to even recognize like, oh, like, "Oh, this thing that I do?" And solitude is a non-negotiable. Like, it doesn't mean that you always wanna be by yourself, but it's like when you need your solitude, Angela, that is when you get to hone your skill, maybe your writing skills.

But it should be a non-negotiable, and you should tell your family, "This is not a personal thing. This is just what I need." And you will reemerge, just like the hermit crab. You will reemerge, but you need that. Now the four, I'm also a line four, but I'm a 4/6, and the, the, the way it goes kind of matters whether the four is first.

But anyway, you're a line four. That's all about connections and relationships. Mm. They are going to be key in your world. That's where your opportunities are gonna come from. It's, it doesn't mean that, um, you're like a networker, like you're working the room. It just means that your network is so key. So as a 2/4, you've got this balance between needing that solitude and, and honoring that, and then needing your people- Mm

and, and needing your res- you know, and finding that balance. So I'll just pause there. Does, does any of that kind of resonate with you? Uh, yeah. Uh, like all of it does. Um, I think that you're right. Um, a couple things that I wrote down, I think, you know, f- for a lot of my life I fought the, the strength of my intuition.

Mm. Okay? I fought it. Um, or I would try to rationalize, or I was afraid of what it was telling me. And yet, looking back on the times where maybe I was the most skeptical of what my gut was telling me, my gut never lied. Never. Never lied. So it's, it's wonderful to be at this place in my mid-50s where I trust...

I listen to it, and I, I trust it. And, and so that absolutely ma- uh, resonates. I think, um, you know, what you said about, um, you know, I, I, I love this stuff in, like, love languages, right? So my top love language is words of affirmation. You know? And I do think that there is a level of, um- Affirm- uh, you know, uh, uh, affirming and acknowledging things that I may, uh, come naturally to me but I don't see that.

And, and until somebody says, like, "Oh my gosh, that's really good," or, "Did you know that, you know, you're really good at that?" It's like, "Oh, no. Oh, no, I just do it." Like, I didn't even... So there's something to that I, I have a lot of, um, connection to, and I think you're absolutely right. The, um, I think one of my superpowers is my ability to connect and build relationships and, and nurture those, and I, I take a lot of pride in that.

And the solitude. Like, I probably in my 30s and 40s did not realize how much my body and my, um, soul and my energy needs that solitude. Yeah. Because I think I was afraid and in some way I think I was afraid of being alone. And I, and somehow I, I equated solitude not as a positive to re-nourish myself and re-energize and focus on me.

I saw it as, oh, then I'm a- alone and creating this distance from the things and the people that I want so close to me. So I, I, you know, there were periods of time where that idea scared me. Yes. It does not anymore. Yes. It does not. I think that's the other beauty of y- of midlife is you start to- Yeah ... like you said, you don't apologize.

You own it. No. But a lot of that is just conditioning. Yeah. Oh. Society tells us it's better to be around people, and to, and to rarely just sit with yourself in the silence and just- Oh ... be, you know? So that is the point of human design. It's just letting you know what your energy is so that you move with it.

Yeah. You embrace it. You don't fight it. You don't make it- Yeah ... wrong. Yeah. Um, but okay, I know I only have you for so long, so I just wanna keep it moving. I could talk about human design forever, but- Well, I could too now. Uh-huh. It's so good. But before we head into my speed round, I wanted to share a love note- Oh

with you from a previous guest. So it's something I've started, you know, just paying a little love forward, and this one comes from Susan Bratton. She's an intimacy expert, she's a bestselling author, and she's an advocate for helping people create deeper connection and pleasure in their lives. And, um, for those of you who haven't listened to her episode, definitely check it out.

It's a great one. But Susan's note for you is this: "One of the most important things I've learned about love is that we often think we need more of it, but the truth is that we tend to feel love most deeply when we're giving it. The more love we give, the more love we experience." So what comes up for you when you hear that, Angela?

Um, first of all, like, I'm fighting the tears, so there's that. Um, you know, I think what comes up for me is just my, my kids, you know? I think that these, these three humans, um- are my absolute heart and soul, you know, embodied outside my body, and I do feel, um, so full and lucky and happy and content and grateful for these, these three humans.

Um, and I do. I do. I, I... That's, that's what comes up for me. It's my boys. All right. Yeah, my boys. That's beautiful. Thank you. Yeah. Well, we've, before we head into our speed round- Yeah ... is there anything that we haven't discussed that you would like to share with our friends today? Um, no. I mean, we covered everything, and I think, you know, this w- writing and self-publishing a book in your mid-50s is a scary endeavor in and of itself, and a whole lot of, "What the heck am I doing now?"

moments. Um- But what I will say is if you have an idea, and y- it, it seems harebrained and crazy and, you know, people are gonna look at you and go, "You're off your rocker. This is nuts," um, but it's something you wanna do, I would just say do it. And I... Let, let this little story be an example of, of something that, you know, just might work out.

And why not? That's beautiful. Why not? Why not? Why not me? Why not me? What makes you, what makes you come alive? I think, um, being around my kids, being around my Australian man, being around my family. Um, I love it. I love being around my family. And, and, uh, the other thing is weekly family dinners. I have weekly family dinners- Aw

and I love them. Love them. What's a song that instantly shifts your energy or just makes you feel something? Upside Down by Diana Ross every time. Ooh. Every time. Love it. What's a book that just cracked you open or stayed with you long after you read the last page? Um, uh, I... It's a cross between The Outsiders.

I love that book. Mm. I don't know why. It is just something about that book. Um, and To Kill a Mockingbird. That, those are my two- Yeah ... absolute hands-down favorite, favorite books. Um- Yes. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Are you referring to The Outsiders that- I am ... they made a movie out of with Mr. Matt Dillon and- Yes, I am

oh my gosh. Yes, I am, ma'am. Ralph Macchio. Angela- Yes, I am, ma'am. Ugh. I love that movie so much. I lost my little mind. I remember calling in... or not calling in sick, but telling my parents that I was sick- Sick ... so I could stay home to watch The Outsiders. And I loved... Okay, who was your favorite? Oh, yeah. Who was your favorite?

I'm a Ponyboy. Who was your favorite in The Outsiders? I'm sorry. Are you? I'm Ponyboy. Okay. Yes. I don't know what it is. Yes, yes, yes. I, it was Matt Dillon for me, Dallas. Was it? Oh. I just, you know, the bad boy. Okay. I know. But- I know. I know. Yeah. What is your favorite little indulgence or guilty pleasure?

Natural Bliss sweet cream in my coffee every morning Ooh And, and I'm gonna say this, the other little guilty pleasure, which I don't think is guilty, I love having my first cup of coffee in bed. And for all the years I worked, I worked for 30 years, I somehow told myself that I could only do that on the weekends, and that there was...

How crazy was I to think that I could have my first cup of coffee in bed? Who needed me at 6:17 in the morning? Um, the answer- ... to that is nobody. Nobody. So now I have my first cup of coffee in bed, and I love it, and I do not apologize for it. With my sweet cream- Love it ... that probably has some chemicals in it, but I don't care.

All right. I love... But you know what? The, Angel, that's a great example of you could have been doing that forever. I... And this is the thing- You could have been getting coffee- Honestly. Why do we d- why do we do that? Why? It w- Why weekends and vacations? I don't know. And when I have coffee in bed, it sets the tone for my day.

Totally. It is my most favorite time. Okay? How I managed to convince myself that I was not worth 22 minutes, that's, that's my... I realized the minimum amount of time that I can spend is 22 minutes. My, my optimal time is 37 minutes. I've... This is now a science to me. What, what on earth? Unless one of my kids was, like, bleeding out and I needed to get him to the ER, nothing needed me.

Nothing could, nothing was as important as wait, that couldn't wait 22 minutes. That's right. Why? Why did I do that? And I'm so- Why? ... upset. So upset. That's so- There's a regret for you. Yeah. If you are listening to this, have coffee in bed. Do your thing. If that's your thing, do it every day. Do it every day.

Every day. Do all... Because I have found that I don't know if I would have had to make that leap if I had done little things like that throughout my career. Right. But instead, I made it this, "I can only do when I c- " you know? Yeah. Do the little things every day in your life. Please, and don't tell yourself that you can't.

Don't. That's ridiculous. Yeah. 22 minutes. That's- Have coffee in bed every day. Again, that rule book, gotta throw it out. Okay. Throw it away. What is one thing that always reminds you how beautiful life really is? Ooh, that's a good one. Um- I think talking to my mom, as I talk to my mom- Yeah ... multiple times in a day, I think that is a constant reminder.

Yeah. And, um, the sunshine. Like, standing outside and just feeling the sun on my person. Um- Yeah ... and on the days that feel really heavy for me or I'm overwhelmed or w- sad, whatever, if it's a sunny day, I just go st- stand outside, and the s- the sun hitting my body just makes me feel... Reminds me- Yes ... that everything's good, and life is great, and this too shall pass.

Well... Yes. Mm. Both of those things are free. Yeah. Um, the sun is such a gift. It is. I, I have to fight with my carpenter bees to sit on my sunny bench because- ... you know, it, we're, we're- Yeah ... but it's my favorite thing. You're battling. But the m- the mom piece is such a gift. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Anyone who, who still has their mom, it is just...

It's my favorite part of- Yeah ... of, you know, just spending, talking, hearing, seeing her. Yeah. Anything. Oh, yeah. Yes. And hearing her voice. I love- Yes ... hearing her voice. Yes. Yeah, I love hearing her voice when we talk. We, we talk every day, so yeah. Mm. So Angel, how can people connect with you- Mm ... and learn more about your, your, your world?

Yes. Well, you can buy my book wherever you love to buy your books, Real Girl's Guide to Midlife. Um, I write for Substack, um, so join my Substack. All you have to do is put in an email and, um, it's no cost. Um, realgirlsguidetomidlife.com. You can find me on Instagram, realgirlsguide55. Um, I'm still very, very new to social and very, very awkward, but I'm embracing it.

Um, and I also have a website, realgirlsguide.com. Perfect. And as always- Yeah ... we'll include all of those, uh, in the show link. Thank you. Um, and as we mentioned earlier, you are graciously going to give three lucky listeners a copy of your book. That is amazing. So for everyone who's listening, we're gonna keep this very simple.

To enter, just make sure you're subscribed to my Thought Gems weekly newsletter. All you have to do is go to abeautifulfix.com, scroll down to the very bottom, and you can just enter your email. That will enter you. If you're already, um, a part of my community, you're automatically eligible. And then next week, I'll give er- everyone kind of a week to listen to this, I'll send out a simple email that just talks about the giveaway.

You just have to reply. Tell us one thing that you loved about this episode, and you will be entered, and we'll just, we'll pick someone. Yay. Thank you. That is amazing. So Angela, thank you so much for being here and for sharing your story with us today. I'm sure so many women, um, it's, it's gonna help them just hearing your story.

Um, and you know, for those of you listening, have your cream and your coffee in, in the morning. Just, just do it. And until next time, keep getting high on life one beautiful fix at a time. Thank you, Angela.

Thanks for listening to A Beautiful Fix. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a quick review to help others find us. And if you'd like to share your own beautiful fix or join me as a guest, reach out any time at tracy@abeautifulfix.com. Looking forward to next time