The Lulu Essey Podcast
Welcome to The Lulu Essey Podcast — a raw, unedited space for honest conversations about building a life that feels deeply aligned with who you truly are.
Here we explore the full spectrum of well-being: mental fitness, emotional resilience, authentic confidence, and the courage to create a life on your own terms. Through lived experience and evidence-informed approaches, you'll discover that transformation is truly an inside job.
Each episode offers practical tools and tiny, consistent steps for navigating anxiety, uncertainty, and life's challenges. You'll learn how to build confidence from within, find calm in chaos, and deepen connection with yourself and others — one small, powerful action at a time.
Come as you are — no judgment, no quick fixes. Because creating a meaningful life isn't about perfection; it's about progress with self-compassion, acceptance, and the willingness to embrace both light and shadow on your journey.
The Lulu Essey Podcast
Why Saying No Feels So Hard—And How To Stop People-Pleasing
People-pleasing isn’t just a bad habit—it’s a nervous system response rooted in ancient survival instincts. In this episode, we unpack the hidden neuroscience behind your fear of disappointing others, explore the emotional cost of Approval Addiction, and show you two powerful tools to help you build boundaries, reclaim your energy, and stop saying yes when you mean NO.
Ever said YES when every fiber of your being was screaming NO? That sick feeling in your stomach when you're about to disappoint someone is your nervous system treating potential rejection like a life-or-death threat. In this episode, we dive into the neuroscience of people pleasing and approval addiction.
Using groundbreaking research from Dr. Naomi Eisenberg at UCLA, I reveal why your brain literally treats disappointment like physical pain—and how to rewire these ancient survival patterns for modern relationships.
🎧 Press play to learn how to build the courage to disappoint and break free from approval addiction once and for all.
🔥 What People-Pleasing Really Does to Your Brain
✨ Your amygdala can't tell the difference between "my boss might be annoyed" and "there's a tiger chasing me"
✨ Social rejection activates the same pain centers as breaking a bone
✨ Mirror neurons make you literally feel other people's disappointment as your own
✨ The more empathetic you are, the stronger this response becomes
🎯 Why Approval Addiction Feels Like a Drug
🧠 Ancient wiring: Rejection from the tribe meant death for our ancestors
💔 Emotional contagion: You're experiencing their pain as your own pain
⚡ Approval addiction: Getting a literal high from making others happy, devastating crash from their disappointment
💡 Powerful Quotes
"Disappointing others is not a character flaw. It's a life skill."
"Your worth is inherent, unconditional, and completely independent of other people's approval."
🛠 2 Practical Tools to Stop People-Pleasing
Tool #1: Disappointment Tolerance Building
Tool #2: Values-Based Decision Making
🎁 This Week's Courage Practice: Choose one small, low-stakes situation to practice a micro-disappointment. Notice what happens in your nervous system. Track reality vs. fear. Remember: every time you say yes to something that doesn't align with your values, you're saying no to something that does.
⏱️ Episode Timestamps:
00:00 – Welcome + the fear of disappointing others
03:15 – Why saying yes feels safer than saying no
06:40 – The neuroscience of people-pleasing
10:18 – Mirror neurons and emotional contagion
14:00 – Why approval feels like a drug
17:32 – 2 Tools to break free from people-pleasing
20:15 – Courage Practice: Micro-disappointments
#peoplepleasing #boundaries #approval #sayingno #neuroscience #mentalfitness #disappointment #selfworth #authenticity
Until next time, Beautiful Souls...
Stay connected and keep growing with me:
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✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide
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THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!