Manhood Matters Podcast
Conversations around challenges dominating a man's journey through life. These topics are explored by real, everyday friends, with a lot of experience... And we have the occasional expert guest.
Manhood Matters Podcast
Mentorship: 100 Black Men Of Dekalb Standing In The Gap
When a child lacks positive role models, they'll find their own path—shaped by whatever influences surround them. But what if we could change that trajectory through intentional mentorship?
Leon Cohen, a dedicated member of the 100 Black Men of DeKalb County, joins us to reveal how this remarkable organization has been transforming young lives since 1963. Founded by luminaries including Jackie Robinson and former NYC Mayor David Dinkins, the group operates on a powerful principle: "What they see is what they'll be."
Through their Leadership Academy, they're cultivating tomorrow's leaders with practical skills often missing from traditional education—financial literacy, public speaking, conflict resolution, and even formal etiquette. Unlike one-on-one mentoring programs, their group approach reaches more youth while creating meaningful connections that last a lifetime.
The conversation takes an emotional turn when discussing teen violence and the urgent need for positive male influences. As Leon explains, "Standing in the gap" means providing guidance when fathers are absent or overwhelmed, showing young men possibilities beyond what popular culture offers them. The results speak volumes—from shy, directionless teens to confident young adults with clear educational and career goals.
Whether you're already mentoring or feeling called to make a difference, this episode delivers profound insights on meeting young people where they are, speaking their language, and modeling the behavior that creates lasting change. Because in the end, we're not just building better individuals—we're cultivating the next generation of leaders who will lift entire communities.
RESOURCES:
IG: @100BlackMenOfDekalb @100BlackMen @JustinTheMentor @StephaneAlexandreOfficial @LeonCohen
100BMOD: https://100bmod.org/
Joshua Byrd: https://alumni.gsu.edu/40under40-profile/joshua-byrd/
Email us at manhoodmatterspodcast@gmail.com
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Host: StéphaneAlexandre
IG: @stephanealexandreofficial
Music by Liam Weisner
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I can't lose the multitude to save one right. That was Jesus's philosophy right. He would go back and save the one. I am the opposite right.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to save the multitude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, if I lost one, yeah, you might want to try to catch up, follow the breadcrumbs and get back with the group. You know what I'm saying, but you know come back when you're ready, but you know there's so many.
Speaker 3:Today we are having a conversation about something that can literally change lives. If you had someone to look up to when you were younger, consider yourself lucky. Most young men and women are desperately in need of mentorship that, more often than not, comes either too late or at a very high cost. The 100 Black Men of America is an unbelievable foundation, changing lives through leadership, education and brotherhood. Today, we highlight one particular chapter in the Atlanta metro area the 100 Black Men of DeKalb County. Leon Cohen is our guest. As a longstanding member of the organization, he has been on the front lines of mentorship for years. I never do this alone, so joining me today is my business partner, little brother and returning co-host, justin the mentor Bradford. Welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get to it. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, you know those opportunities I never saw.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so growing up for me it was an organization called AKA Teens which was through the AKAs, and they would mentor us on Saturdays and we would come out, we would go to college tours, we would talk about different aspects of life.
Speaker 3:So, with you growing up, you had something to pull from because you had these mentors. I didn't, and I had a lot of the opposite. There's a lot of bad influence, not bad in the sense to where it wasn't like drugs and gangs and things like that. That's not the case. It was just like there was no one of substance, there was no one that was smart, there was no one in my environment. Things that I ended up learning, I learned at a much later age For me, that's why it's so critical, because, from my perspective, from my vantage point, I need to give what I never got. Now, justin, I know that you have what's your Instagram name again, justin, the mentor.
Speaker 2:Tell me about that and what inspired you to be that person? The mentorship I was blessed with at the age of 12 and 13 from somebody decades older than me, a lot more successful than me obviously a lot more successful than a 12 year old, but no, just like, in the grand scheme of things, he was paying a lot of things forward and it wasn't like there was any monetary exchange, even all the way to like. My football trainer, justin Miller, trained me in football for months, never asked for a dollar. He was just like paying it forward, ways to pull me to a new height. And I know how fortunate I am to receive that Now, because I've been blessed with all this knowledge, that I've experienced it in the real world, to take it and ball it into actual wisdom.
Speaker 2:Now I feel like I'm in a position to where I can distribute a lot of it. So, instead of just being on social media for the fun of it, my fun is more so like seeking fulfillment and that's from like giving it back. So like I like to almost be the person I wish I had when I was at my lowest. So like it's paying it forward and that's why, like I rebrand not rebranding my Instagram but but change my username, continue putting out the positive content and still in good words. Then, obviously, I mean I get countless amount of DMs of people just like trying to give flowers but also get help and that's the biggest thing. Like giving giving flowers. I'm like that's awesome, but like what are you struggling with? Let's not just sit here and shout praise. I'd rather like dive into something more meaningful.
Speaker 3:Dope. So today we have Leon here, and the main reason we asked Leon to come on today is to highlight an organization that I never even knew existed. They're pretty big. From what I've seen, it's amazing. It's called 100 Black Men. So I'm going to tell you the irony in your statement, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the 100 Black Men actually started in 1963 in your hometown, new York City, new York City, and I was right there. Yeah, and it was started by David Dinkins, former mayor of New York Mayor. Yeah, of course. Yeah, robert Mangum, first black mayor of New York. Yes, sir, yeah, robert Mangum. Dr William Hyling, nathaniel Goldston, langston Wingate, andrew Hatcher and somebody you may have heard of before, jackie Robinson. Wow, andrew Hatcher. And somebody you may have heard of before, jackie Robinson. Wow, so you know. They started this organization in the 60s because they felt like our youth was, they needed something, they needed some guidance, and black men as a whole at that time were catching so much hell that you know they wanted to have an organization where they wanted to show us in a positive light. And then it developed later on into youth mentorship and what you see now. But it was really to highlight black men in a positive light and to galvanize communities.
Speaker 3:So it was black excellence before black excellence was even coined, correct?
Speaker 1:So you know, the mission of the 100 is integrity, respect for family, spirituality and justice is the principles that they were founded on in helping the African-American community and the youth of it. So, with what's happening, you know, with families, nowadays, 50% of marriages end in divorce and maybe in, you know, black culture. I don't know the numbers, but it's probably higher than that.
Speaker 3:I talked about this in the last podcast, or one previous podcast too where the marriage rate among the black community is about 30 some percent. It's pretty low.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the whole respect for family, the spirituality and integrity piece are something that we continually highlight no-transcript men, that there are other things out there and how to view uh, view that in a positive light and not look at it as lame or square or you know that is that is insignificant to their overall success, cause most of them are going. There's going to be more of them that are going to be like us than they're going to be like the famous basketball player, athlete rapper, that percentage is less than what it's like 0.1%.
Speaker 3:Yes, I like what you said standing in the gap. What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1:Standing in the gap means is that, yeah, we all have fathers, but they may not be there for various reasons, or that relationship may be strained or may look different, where they don't have the time to spend one-on-one with this child because they may be out trying to put food on the table you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So therefore, you know and Justin spoke to this as well his dad was a professional football player and they, you know, the relationship was different because he was always going on the road but he never wanted for anything but the important thing, which was the attention and affection and that relationship, yeah, and I had. My story was similar to Justin's is, you know, my dad was an engineer. My dad was gone four days a week and he traveled, you know, from state to state as an engineer with the UAW, always implants and stuff, and then he would pick me up. He was. His travel schedule was either he'd leave Sunday, come back Thursday, or leave Monday, come back Friday. We'd spend the weekend together somewhat and I would be back at home. So you're talking about Friday, saturday, sunday he's leaving out, and that went for the first 16 years of my life. Right, dad was a great dad. Right, he never missed ball games, stuff like that, because those happened on the weekends. I'm not going to say he was super involved because he was old school my dad was 50 when I was born, right, so our relationship was much different than a younger dad. But everything that was important he never missed.
Speaker 1:But when I got 17, getting ready to go to college. I'll never forget this and I think I said this on another podcast is I was packing to go to school because I was starting school early. So school started for me in July versus the late August, september. And I was in there packing my stuff up from his house and he was like what are you doing? I was like Dad, I leave in a couple of days. He was like what do you mean? I said, dad, I'm going to school early and the program starts next week. And he got this look on his face and he said, damn, I missed it. And at the time, you know, I kind of looked at him. I'm like what do you mean? You missed it. And I just kept putting the stuff in the car and then it didn't hit me, probably until maybe, well, my daughter's 16. It hit me probably about 16 years ago. What?
Speaker 3:what he meant. Wow, yeah that he missed your entire childhood.
Speaker 1:He missed me growing up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it went like that.
Speaker 1:It does go like that yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, I was this little boy and he blinked and I was this grown man getting ready to go off to college, and he's like. You know what happened, because he retired when I was 16. So he thought we were going to have all of this time together. And then you're gone. Yeah, that year and a half flew by like this, and not only am I going to college, I'm out of state.
Speaker 3:What inspires you to do what you do is really clear. Do you want to expound on that a little bit? Yeah, it's a little bit. Well, first, how long have you been with the organization?
Speaker 1:This is year three no-transcript kicked out of school for truancy or fighting, or had teen pregnancy and couldn't continue in a traditional school, or the school had no value. It was almost not a GED program. It was a way where they could actually still get a diploma, but we had to teach them in nine weeks when most students learned in 18. What was unique about it was all of these students wanted a diploma, but they really had no goal or foresight of what that meant. It was just getting a diploma, because everybody told them they had to get to the diploma and there was no plan after it.
Speaker 1:Occasionally I'll still run into some of those students, 10 years later almost, and they will be like, wow, I didn't realize the impact of what was happening then, but I thank you for what you tried to give to me. I'm working a regular job, this, that and the other, and some of that is because of some of the things that you helped me to see. You know, and that's without a college diploma. So it triggered me to say, hey, I need to go deeper. So you know, there's a saying that everybody has heard before but they don't always put into action, which is if you're not part of the solution. You're part of the problem.
Speaker 1:Yep, once I had my daughter is what activated me toward going beyond teaching and getting into mentorship, because, as I started seeing the quality of young men that were out there that she was going to have to date in the pool, and I was like oh no, no, no, no, no, this cannot and will not be acceptable being brought home to me. So therefore, not saying that I mentored young men to date her, but but I've mentored these young men. Yeah, I mean, I mentor these young men because we all have daughters as men. There's more women in the world than there are men. And then when you started peeling the onion back on that quality of man and we were doing podcasts on dating and what's out here for these young women, it is a problem that is just epidemic. These young women don't feel like they have a quality mate, so therefore they gravitate toward each other and it's just like a vicious cycle.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, it's sad that, like as an adult, right, I'll go in certain circles and I'm complimented in a way that's offensive, meaning oh, you speak well, and I know what they mean. For whatever reason they think it's a compliment, it's a backhanded compliment. But what happens is I find that I'm a little guilty of it myself. When I run into a young brother who is articulate, who is intelligent, who has a certain mindset and is on a certain path, I see them as the exception. Does that make sense? Yeah, you know what I'm saying, because I see them as the exception. That's why I'm like but they are, and I want to point.
Speaker 3:Well, that's true, but it's so sad and I'm like am I wrong, am I no?
Speaker 1:Like I said, it's sad because some of it it's systematic in how our society is, as you can see with President 45, 47, whatever you want to call him where they're getting rid of DEI. They're making it harder for these young men to go to college, it's harder for them to get jobs. We're building a society of dependent. I don't want to call them indigents, but it's taking the black male, the strong black male, out of the household. Taking the black male, the strong black male, out of the household, you know, goes back to as far as the Willie Lynch letters, where it was an actual design and they just renamed it Project 2025.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, but they took a lot of tenants out of the Willie Lynch letters and they're doing it without actually saying it in the form that he said it, which was we take the black man out the home. We make the woman more powerful and make her head of household, and now she has to basically bear or cast this burden of playing a dual role. She can't teach a man how to be a man, but she can raise one, and so what that looks like is what we're seeing now is that we have so many black women that are starving for mentorship for their young sons because they can't be and they can't serve both roles. And they don't figure that out until that cute little boy becomes a 13-year-old brat. And now it's too late. Now I need to ship him off to a father, but the father ain't been in his life, he's just been a vessel for child support. But now it's like here you take him.
Speaker 3:Like you said? You just made that point. She can't teach what she doesn't know what she doesn't know, right? So the hundred black men are standing in the gap, but without someone standing in that gap, that child is picking up something and filling the gap themselves, and that is what they see on tv, is the cultural norms, it's music, and none of it is positive.
Speaker 3:I shouldn't say none, but majority yeah well, the positive is, you know, common doesn't make hits. There's a reason that the rapper common doesn't make hits, right like it's like I don't know what song it is because it's exactly. It's positive rap. There's a lot of people who are doing something positive, but you know, the positive side of it is not propagated, it's certainly not going to sell. So all they see is the stuff that helps us to cannibalize each other and, just like, destroy our own societies.
Speaker 1:Well, what's amazing about what you just said is the motto of 100 Black Men is what they see is what they'll be. I like that. So can you expand on that a little bit.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. It goes to what you said, right. If they see positivity, if they see productivity, if they see a man that is strong, that is supporting his family, that is invested in the community, that is a righteous stand-up guy, then that's what they will want to be, Right? But all of the role models that you're talking about, all of the negative images when they get filled with that, that's what they gravitate to.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what they see what they see. It's not so much what we teach. It's what they see what they see, so we have to model the behavior and be that so they can see it. You can just sit in a classroom and say hey guys, go do X, y and Z. I mean, imagery is powerful.
Speaker 1:When you look at movies, you're more stirred to emotion than if you're hearing a record or if you're listening to something. So a lot of people were affected by the Jim Crow laws because when they actually got to see it on TV, what was actually happening with the water and the dogs and how inhumane it was over in other countries, and they're like, hey, y'all telling us how we need to be in you know, y'all not even take care of your own people. That was impactful for the United States to make change, because you can't be the moral compass when you have no morals, and the fact that TV started to capture those things is what changed it. The fact that we sat in you know, the other day and you saw in the White House one world leader, disrespect or another world leader that impacted people. You know they already had heard things that Trump was doing, but now to actually see him, you know, disrespectfully address this world leader and almost come to blows.
Speaker 3:It's like you know school them point like a child. Yeah, it's like wait a minute, hold on.
Speaker 1:Now wait a minute. You going too far when it had been too far, but you're reading it or hearing it and you weren't actually seeing it. It wasn't giving it the proper context.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so model the behavior that you want them to emulate Correct.
Speaker 2:It almost sounds like you're coming to them from a sense of they're already trying to like fight against something that's been set up against them. So, like, what is the approach towards mentorship you guys take? Is it more so not only like breaking bad habits, building good imagery? Is it showing them like the dining experience? Is it showing them the betterment of articulation? Like, what's the actual mentorship that you try to take these guys through?
Speaker 1:So I became the education co-chair this year, right? So our flagship program with the 100 in our chapter is called the Leadership Academy, and so we're building that next generation of leaders is the mantle that we have taken on. We have breakout sessions. We meet two Saturday have taken on. We have breakout sessions. We meet two Saturdays a month. We have breakout sessions where they learn financial literacy, they learn African-American history, they learn health and wellness, economic empowerment, you know. They learn public speaking, they learn entrepreneurship. It may sound like Saturday school, but what we're doing is we're actually giving them real world hands on application, telling and showing them you know these aspects of life, but then letting them put it into practice. The county and it was about violence prevention.
Speaker 1:So myself and my co-chair this year decided to put on an etiquette training and we did that through a three-part series where our closeout to the end of our semester we normally take our students to have a holiday party, so it's around Christmas time. So we took them out to a place Stars and Strikes which is similar to like a Dave and Buster's, where they could play games. But part of that was you had to go through this etiquette training first Before that they came in, they sat down, they learned about formal dining habits. We had a four course meal where they actually had to practice putting a napkin in their lap and learn different things about etiquette, you know, pulling out a chair, opening doors, things of that nature. Two weeks later we got them to put it into practice by taking them to a fine dining restaurant called Davio's. So they had to dress in a professional manner. So they're in suits and ties and dresses.
Speaker 3:So there's some young women in. So it's not just women, no, it's young men and young women.
Speaker 1:Gotcha got women. And so it's not just women, no, it's young men and young women gotcha gotcha. Yeah. So my daughter's in it. So, okay, you know, yeah, there are some other young ladies in it.
Speaker 1:So it was so spin forward to valentine's day and we had what was called our valentine's day respect and resolve, valentine's day social. And so they are in tuxes, they're in gowns, and you know we had a speaker that was dynamic. His name I'm giving him a shout out His name was Joshua Bird where he was speaking to them about violence prevention with dating Right, which was it was kind of a piggyback or a carry on from the dinner where, you know, I spoke to them about teen violence and dating and about domestic violence. From a dating perspective, it's a lot more prevalent than what you would think. I'm not putting my business out in the street, but I had a family member who just the other day, had a boyfriend attack her. He's locked up now, but he's got kidnapping charges, among other things. She's 19 years old and this young man is probably like early twenties.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know the person that it happened to her. Her father was, like you know, in a fit of rage, of course, as I would be if it happened to my daughter.
Speaker 3:Correct, you know, and, and, and it goes from a whole bunch of shit just already went through my mind about my resolution for this.
Speaker 1:But okay, keep going yeah, yeah, and and and. You know there's a fine line between, okay, mentoring, because this young man obviously needs help, and revenge. You know what I saying, because you didn't hurt a family member of mine, you know. And so you know you have a dichotomy that you have to deal with at that point of how do you handle this situation right, there are so many emotions and so many things, especially when you see the graphic nature of the damage he inflicted. You know there's a deeper issue here than the physical violence. It's a respect thing, like how did you think that this was okay? That somebody's trying to leave? You don't want them to leave, you're pulling weapons on them and all of these other things that are going on in this situation, and she's 19.
Speaker 3:So when you talked about what's it called Respect and resolve, Respect and resolve is what we named it.
Speaker 1:So basically, just to give you some context to it, the county gave us money and said hey, we need you guys to put this toward a violence prevention initiative, and so it was actually a grant. And so our idea was called Respect and Resolve, where you learn to not only respect your fellow man, woman, but you learn how to resolve conflict.
Speaker 3:Without violence. Without violence, yes, or even escalating it to a certain degree.
Speaker 1:Correct and it started with learning etiquette, politeness, learning conflict resolution, learning how to date. And I think that that is a big part, or a big problem for our young people is that they don't know how to date, and I think that that is a big part, or a big problem for our young people is that they don't know how to date, everything is, you know, my Instagram or how I'm projecting versus the value of how this relationship is formed. Once the relationship is formed, you know how do we interact with each other, how do we go out with each other, how do we eat with each other, how do we act in public with each other. So we had an informational, which is our intake process to the organization. So to get in our organization, to become a mentor and to become a part of it, you can't just join, you have to be sponsored. So in order for you to get in into the membership, the member sponsors you and then you come and you learn about the organization and then have to be accepted by, like a whole bunch of interviews.
Speaker 3:Correct, it just falls in. Correct, go through a background check Background check and hold on.
Speaker 1:That's right. During our informational, when we were talking about the Leadership Academy, one of the things I told the gentleman was you know, there was a story where we have an initiative that we're doing called Walk the Hall Wednesdays, and that's at a high school that we have our headquarters at, and we went into the in-school suspension room and it was probably 50-50 boys and girls, right, and so there was a young man that I saw who got put in there and I saw why, and he got mad at the administrator because she said he was following this other young man around and he was like I'm not a follower, and so there was words that were exchanged between the two of them and she was like you know what? I'm not going to sit here and argue with you, just go ahead to the in-school suspension room. So, fast forward, about 45 minutes later is where I end up in the in-school suspension room after walking the halls, and I see this young man and we're going around and we're talking to the different young men and women about what do you want to do with your life? What are your goals? Where are you trying to go? What are your goals? Where are you trying to go, and the reason why I brought this subject up to them is because, whatever your goals are, they're not going to start or be possible as long as you continue to end up in here.
Speaker 1:This young man, you know, kept his head down, wouldn't answer the question Right. So before I left the room, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to come outside. I introduced myself. I had on my 100 blazer. I told him I to you. I said I saw how you ended up in here.
Speaker 1:I said you got mad because she called you a follower. He's like yeah. I said he's like, I'm not a follower. I said okay. I said that's good. I'm glad that you want to be a leader, but you need to know what leadership looks like. I said first of all, men are supposed to be pragmatic. You got emotional because she called you a follower. I say yeah, you're on all the social medias, aren't you? Yeah? I say well then you're following people, correct? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So if you're in the hallway and this young man is walking around and he appears to be leading you, which is what it appeared like, why would that upset you? Well, because I'm not a follower. Okay, cool, got that, but you don't compound that by making it worse, by getting into an argument with an administrator about following right. You have to learn to de-escalate that or it ends up in those violent situations. So that's what I was trying to teach him and he and he recognized that and he received it, which was the only thing that I didn't care whether he agreed with it or not, I just wanted him to receive it and think about it. Baby steps, that's it, yeah, yeah. And unfortunately, schools are Baby steps. They are looking for babysitters, which is I need somebody to take care of these kids for eight hours, just to get them back home to their parents. And you know, if you can put a little bit into them, cool, but if there's some conflict to resolve, I'm going to need you to let them win, nah.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't know much about this, right. I don't know all the facts, but when the educational system in the United States was designed, it was never designed to empower and embolden and enrich people's lives. It was designed to create laborers, exactly.
Speaker 1:And that's what I explain to kids now is that you have to decide early what side you're going to be on.
Speaker 3:What does the 100 do in terms of maybe trying to convince young men and women that they need mentoring? Is that something that you're actually doing? Are you going out of your way to pluck them from the crowd and just say, hey, you need this mentorship?
Speaker 1:I will say yes and no. The reason why I'm saying yes is we actively engage. We do open houses in the schools. The event I'm going to today we're going to the College Park Skyhawks game and we are going to have a table set up to let the community know we're going to the College Park Skyhawks game and we want to have a table set up to let the community know that we're out there. You know, when our academy starts again in the fall in August, that we're able to help a handful of students, and when I'm saying a handful, I mean we've served over 1,900 students. Our chapter's been around since 1991.
Speaker 1:And in that time we've, you know, served over 1,900 students. Right now we got about 100. We got 210 on roll, but like 173 active. It's always someone asking us hey, can you talk to our students? So there is an engagement.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying no to is that once they come to the Leadership Academy and you witness me say this, I tell those kids listen, I want volunteers, I want I don't. I want volunteers, I don't want hostages and I stole that from Mike Tomlin. That's one of the greatest lines that I've ever heard in life. I want people that, Rick, that want our help, that want to be here, that I don't have to pull teeth. And then you know, look around to see that you are not where you're supposed to be, Cause we only got you for four hours. This is not meant to be Saturday. Four hours twice a month, yeah, and then the outside stuff. We do like these events. Right, we got a college tour coming up here in August and they have a mission trip that they're going to Costa Rica at the same time for spring break. So we do a lot of work with these kids and if you're not coming for the right reasons or you're not a certain type kid that wants to get better, then we're not the organization for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but does the kid understand that? Do they get that? Because you know I was a pretty smart kid, right? I don't know that I would have totally understood that as much without being pulled aside, someone having that conversation. So when you see that, do you?
Speaker 1:do anything. So what I, what I tell parents, is that we're not big brother, big sister. We don't do one-on-one mentoring. Okay, right, we do group mentoring, gotcha, and it's by design, because of the liability of it. Right? You have so many litigious people out here where they want to say that you did something to their child, inappropriate or there was inappropriate conversation.
Speaker 3:So we don't engage in that right where it's one-on-one. Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:I thought there was an aspect of one-on-one mentorship you will have some kids that gravitate towards some mentors where they will ask for help, and you know whether it's referrals or recommendations, things of that nature right. It's mentoring, it's mentoring the multitude. That's why I deliver the message the way I deliver it, which is hey, listen, I want volunteers, I don't want hostages. I have three core values right that I live by Don't waste my time, don't waste my money and don't mess with my family, and not necessarily in that order right.
Speaker 1:It just depends on how that comes.
Speaker 3:There's this old adage it's, you know, it goes, goes. When the student is ready, the master will appear. So can we afford to wait on these kids to be ready? Because a lot of them, by the time they're ready, like myself, by the time I realized I needed mentorship, I was grown, not like 18, but like I was in my 20s, realizing so much that I've missed that I that I don't know. So are there efforts by the 100 Black Men to really reach out?
Speaker 1:For sure there are. So you know we do like tying events, right. We have so many young men who don't even know how to tie a tie, so we're going to a middle school that is, you know, one of our feeder schools to teach 61 young men in middle school how to tie a tie.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right, so just basic stuff that we learn Little things like that to kind of give them a taste of what it is, so they can seek that mentorship later on.
Speaker 1:And unfortunately, you're going to have some kids who get it when they get it. Sometimes they get it at 15 or 12, like Justin. Sometimes they like you, they get it at 30. Right, but they still get it Right. So it's kind of like when you are with your kids and you think that they're not listening, but then they come back and repeat something that you said, like, oh darn, I think they heard me, you know, so they may get bits and pieces of it, right, I mean, we can't be everything to everybody and we don't try to be and I don't try to be right. I try to give you what I got while I have it. We are an organization that looks to help at what we call at risk youth, but if you're not ready for what we're giving, I can't lose the multitude to save one. Right, that was Jesus's philosophy. Right, he would go back and save the one. I am the opposite, right.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to save the multitude, yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, I mean, if I, if I lost one, you might want to try to catch up, follow the breadcrumbs and get back with the group. You know what I'm saying, but you know, come back when you're ready. But you know, I know there are so many that need it that I have to try to help the multitude and when that one person doesn't get it and they don't get it and you've known me for, like I said, said almost 20 years you know I'm the same way with kids as I am with adults. I'm a strict disciplinarian and that's what it is right.
Speaker 1:So we had a young man, unfortunately, that wasn't doing the right thing in the academy, and I gave him chances. I gave him three. I was trying to encourage another kid to steal snacks. Right Now we're here teaching leadership and you're encouraging a student to follow you to do something that you know is wrong. So I kicked him out of the academy. I told him, I said I'll revisit whether or not we're going to let you back into the fall, but you're not exhibiting what we're teaching you. Me and Justin had this conversation while we were offline, which is the cost of mentorship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, talk about that a little bit. Yeah, so I get it right. When you pay for something, you have more of a value to it. When it's given to you for free, then you just kind of haphazardly deal with it how you want to deal with it, right, because it has no value to it. So when people are mentoring you and you're paying for their time, you're going to be a lot more attentive than when I'm giving it for free. And so you're asking how do we reach those kids If they have to pay for it? I bet you they would pay a hell of a lot more attention than what we're doing for free. Yeah, right, but we don't. We choose not to have them pay for it.
Speaker 1:Right, we do a lot of things. We've taken kids this year to space camp in Huntsville. That wasn't cheap. We took another 30 kids on a college tour to Alabama State. We're taking kids to Houston for spring break. We're taking kids to Costa Rica on a mission trip. We're taking kids to Portugal Right, these are experiences that the average kid does not get Absolutely not. And you're getting this for essentially free. All you may have to do is fundraise or friend raise, right, and that's in addition to the breakout sessions where we're teaching you about public speaking, financial literacy, health and wellness, entrepreneurship, african-american history All the things I wish I had. That's what all the parents are like oh I wish. Why didn't our kids learn this in school, this, that another?
Speaker 1:well, that's what we're trying to give them out of school right now, and they're sitting up here not giving a value to it, right, and you're getting it for free and you want to bring johnny or suzy to three of the sessions instead of the six and thinking that it is going to be as impactful as if they had been in the whole six.
Speaker 3:Sounds like the parents need mentorship.
Speaker 1:Well, some of it is that we encourage our kids to be in other organizations and to be busy. We get it, but we want there to be some balance between it or to be a workaround. Don't always make us the stepchild.
Speaker 2:What do you feel like is the worst advice most parents give to these kids?
Speaker 1:I think the worst advice a parent gives is don't listen to this person, right? Don't listen to that person, right, because everybody has a value right In what they say good and bad where, if you're only listening to positive people, you don't know when you're hearing BS, you follow what I'm saying yeah, take what's valuable or that can help your game, and the things that you don't think are valuable, throw them out. It's the same thing in life for me. Right, there are some people that are going to give me great information and all you people that's listening to this podcast, some of you guys are going to take some of the stuff I say and you're gonna like, oh, that's great information, I'm gonna take that. And then you're going some other stuff. Oh, that's bs. I don't believe in that. That's, that's, that's, that's not valuable for me. You're gonna throw it out.
Speaker 1:Cool, I think that parents baby their kids too long. Right, that was the one, one of the most valuable things my parents did not do for me. My parents are straight. No, chaser, they don't sugarcoat anything. I heard cursing before I knew english. I mean so, but that's real life.
Speaker 1:They need a conflict resolution yeah, well, I mean, I mean. But if you look at it, more people curse than don't. Yeah, sure, sure, and to shield your child away from that. And then when they hear it for the first time, they're like oh my God, it hurt my feelings, I'm going to go into a cell and go ball up for eight days and never go back to work again. That's real life. They don't know how to deal with failure. They don't know how to deal with conflict. They don't know how to deal with somebody talking to them in a way that's not politically correct.
Speaker 2:You're talking about the realism that comes from people hearing one thing but experiencing the harsh reality that they didn't expect. I want to flip this to Stefan. What do you feel like at any stage of your life? Is advice that you got, poor advice that you followed and the reality smacked you like a bag of concrete and you're like let me toss that out?
Speaker 3:Oh God, worst advice probably for me was follow your dreams and follow your passion. And it's going to sound crazy because, right, that's exactly what we tell people and that's exactly what they should do. But I think that stuff is seasonal and I was following dreams and passion when I should have been following a living and then making sure that I had my feet under me first. I needed to be doing what I needed to do before I can go do what I wanted to do. But I was led to believe at one point that just really, as long as you're passionate about something, man, just go do it. So I would give the opposite advice now I would say screw your passion, bro, Just set that aside. My advice would be whatever you're passionate about, that's great, that's wonderful. I'm not telling you to toss it away, but I'm saying that you need to be doing what you must do first.
Speaker 1:And I would agree with that, and one of the things, like I said, I tell kids about school is something that I wish I had learned. To your question, school is a necessary evil. It's a means to an end. Right, I'm not saying you don't need an education to be successful in life, because there's a lot of people that are highly successful that are highly uneducated, but that's not the majority of us. The majority of us will be workers for someone else.
Speaker 1:Your schooling is your training ground. You don't build habits by accident. So being able to discipline yourself for the eight hours a day, to discipline yourself, to study, to get your grades to separate yourself, I took no and as a parent, I told my daughter early you're getting good grades, not for me, you're getting good grades for you, and the reason why you're getting good grades for you is because grades are a separator to determine how trainable you are and where you will be able to go in life. Right, if you're working for someone. Now, if you're working for yourself, grades don't mean squat, and I'm glad I learned this early. In order to be a leader, you have to have been a follower, because you have to have followed good leadership to know what it looks like to, in turn, lead other people.
Speaker 3:That's a great perspective. Yeah, we all start out as followers. Yeah but even as a leader, though, there's still an aspect of your life or a portion of your life where you need to be following someone else or something else right, a greater cause, or whatever it may be. You can't just be like, well, I know it all and I'm just going to focus on just me leading, and never listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, something was passed down. I always tell people the cliche of like, if you want to be a good general, you have to be a better soldier, Cause it's like that's how you get the basis of what makes people good Social media, like the way that people put out their highlights, like we talked about, not really their low lights.
Speaker 2:They put out a lot of cliches, one-liner, they don't really peel back the onion and let people know what's real from fake. But is nowadays social media helping or hurting? Mentorship, and then in that case would influencers be considered the new mentors, Because that's what people are getting their information from?
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's work backwards. Yes, social media influencers are the new mentors, right? You can go to social media right now, or YouTube, and find everybody who's an expert on everything. Is social media hurting mentorship? I would say it's the opposite. I think it's helping mentorship, because people are starving for information. They are looking for someone to follow, they are looking for someone to gravitate towards because they have no clue in how their navigating life is not working for them.
Speaker 1:Now, whether it's our type of mentorship that we do at the 100, I can't necessarily say that that's the case. But what has helped our mentorship is the time that parents have. Back in the day you had a one parent income and the other parent was kind of raising and developing the family dynamic. You don't have that anymore, most parents working eight to 12 hours a day. When they come home they're tired. There's no conversations with the kids. It's kind of like okay, I need somebody to talk to this kid, cause I don't, I don't know how to relate to them.
Speaker 1:They were 10 and I could just give them some bubble gum and a book, tell them go, sit down. And now they're 13, 14, 15. And I really want to talk to them to see what they, what they're, you know where they are in life and they don't want to have nothing to do with me. So I need y'all to reach out to them, because I can't reach them no more because at the time they were reaching out for me, I wasn't there. And now I'm reaching out for them and now they're not there. Yeah, that happens. I think social media has developed a need that people are needy now and they're willing to put themselves out there to say and make themselves vulnerable to say hey, yeah, I need some help. Our generation was probably like nah, I don't need to be mentored, I don't need the help, I'll figure this out on my own, this, that and the other.
Speaker 2:I want to build off that because that was a good point you made and I actually say it kind of reverse. I say people are drowning in information but they're starving for wisdom. They don't have people that are qualified, that have the credentials, that have actually been through the ranks of earning this position to now preach back to people. So when it comes down to qualifying your mentor, some people can say, oh well, if you swap lives with them would you be happy Because they have the Lamborghini or that, but they don't have the substance right. It's like how do you qualify a mentor's substance before you actually get their sermon?
Speaker 1:It's ironic that you say that for me, because one of the reasons why I mentored is because I never had a mentor growing up. My parents were my sounding board. My parents were my mentors. You mentioned the AK earlier, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was as a teen, right, but I'm talking about as an adult, right? Okay, a lot of the wisdom things that I gave you guys when you were you know, a quote, unquote employee of mine was based off of some of my experience and some of the people that I worked for, but I wouldn't necessarily call them a mentor, necessarily call them a mentor.
Speaker 1:I've always, like I said, been a watcher of people, right, and I later became an information junkie where anything I want to know is at my fingertips, right, which is why I don't understand our kids. It's like you have a computer in your hand every day but you lack the knowledge and information that you need. But where I was going with that is that most of my mentors came more from sports than they came from the common everyday walk of life, right, because I never trusted people's success. I would get to know people that were supposed to be successful and, after peeling back the onion, I would find out that they were really not who they presented themselves to be Right, and so that kind of made me pull back from trying to find a quote, unquote one individual mentor.
Speaker 1:The one thing that I can say about me is, even though I can't claim like just one individual person to attribute some of my success to as a mentor in the business world, is that I've always been a person where I didn't have to experience your mistakes in order not to make them. The biggest one I got is people who do drugs, right. You've seen all these countless crackheads and coke addicts and alcoholics. I've never understood that. I really haven't, and figured that you're going to be the special one that crack's not going to pull in, right. Or you're going to do cocaine all of these days, but you're not addicted to it, correct. Or you're going to have oh, I can have one drink, and one drink turns to 15, but you're not addicted to it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, damn.
Speaker 2:I want to ask this question to both of you. I'll start with you, stefan. If you could be mentored by any historical black figure, who would it be? And, in one sentence, give the why.
Speaker 3:That's a super hard one because there's so many. Damn. I feel like no matter who I say, someone's going to be like you didn't pick so-and-so you insane, I got mine. I already knew, yeah, so for me it is a historical figure and he's still alive. It would be Barack Obama.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm not going to say yours. Mine would be Muhammad Ali.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say. I knew you were going to say that you were going to say Muhammad Ali. Yeah, I was going to say Barack Obama or Michelle. I think she's probably even sharper and smarter. Yeah, mine is Muhammad Ali because, even though he wasn't quote, unquote, unquote classically educated, he was a boxer.
Speaker 1:He was probably the most enlightened yeah, yeah, that's the word for him. He was, he was articulate, he was enlightened, he was. Once he, you know, joined the nation, he was just this fountain of information and wealth of knowledge, man, and he just touched so many lives, whether it was through, you know, his athletic prowess or through his mental capacity and what he could retain. He's phenomenal, and when they say he's the greatest of all time, that's what that means to me. He was the greatest of all time, in the ring and outside of it.
Speaker 1:That's what iconic means to me, because no matter what facet of life he was in, he was transcendent.
Speaker 3:Do you have a success story? I know you probably have a whole bunch, but is there one that kind of sticks out to you from the 100? Do you have a success story of, like, one particular young man or woman that came out of there and you guys are like super proud of?
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, man, We've got. You know. You have the kids that come in that are pretty much right on the edge, where they just need a little bit more polishing and they become highly successful. But then you also have the kids who come in and they're introverted and the parents are uncertain about their future.
Speaker 1:So we have a young man that's in this current academy I'm not going to say his name because I don't have approval to say that but there's a young man in our academy this year and he was just talking about the accolades he gave us, about how he was shy and introverted and through our public speaking class, now he is looking to, you know, speak publicly once he goes to college. He was unsure about where he wanted to go for college, but after we took him to Alabama State, he wants to be in aviation and now college is actually a realistic thought for him as far as where he wants to go and what he wants to do and things of that nature, man. So those type of things are the things that make me proud and that's why I do it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what do you think other men listening to this can do in their own way to start mentoring, even if they're not part of the 100 or any other program? What can they do to kind of start mentoring and helping in their own communities?
Speaker 1:The biggest thing, man, as a man, is when you see these young men that you know need some help is, instead of judging them, is to have conversations, right, even if it's your child's friends, or just being able to engage young people Just because you're not in their hip circle and you don't know what Instagram is or what have you. There are so many young men out here, like Justin has said and Justin is that look for that older male perspective on life. They're trying to figure it out. They don't know how to ask and because they don't come the right way when they do come, because it's so different, it makes them shy away from coming back again. I don't think there's enough conversation. I think there's too much teaching, if that makes sense, right. It's hard to teach a student before you even know what their weaknesses are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that makes sense. You're on the path to be doing the exact same thing that he's doing, but using a different platform or different, on a different scale.
Speaker 2:So any key takeaways from you teaching people to broaden their vocabulary, helping women with proper leadership, helping men with getting out there and boxing to learn the harsh reality of violence and what it actually entails. So, like all the things I'm doing, I think it was great. But, like the biggest thing for a listener to take away and things that they can digest, that they can apply to see results from, is what he just left off on. It's if you're somebody who feels the calling to do something bigger than yourself, which is mentor first, to know and not to do is not to know. If you know something is good and you're not doing it, well, then you don't know it's really good. You have to get the wisdom, not just the knowledge. So I think that's the biggest before you start mentoring people is have the credibility, have the experience, have the ability to relate it back to your own testimony Cause if not, you're just fraudulent, you're just regurgitating something that you've heard on the internet. So that's like the first part. But the second part is when you're going to meet people. Meet them where they're at, not where you want them to be Right. It's like speak their language.
Speaker 2:I have a lot of like football friends who are now making millions of dollars. But when they reach out to me, I don't say or start speaking on a bunch of business etiquette and philosophy. Instead, I'm talking about yeah, well, if you do this, I mean, dude, you might go to the Super Bowl next year, you might score a touchdown if you make this investment or if you leave that girl. So, like, I'm talking their language. But yet again I'm relating it back to the fifth grader. Like you said, you can't try to put yourself in this position of power, because then over time it gets very um, it's less empowering for them to see somebody so far apart. They're disconnected from it. Yes, telling them you can be right here too, but I'm a million steps above you, so medium them where they're at. But then also, like he said, million steps above you, so medium them where they're at. But then also, like he said, it's not about just telling them what to do. It's more so questioning why they're doing it. It's like the process before the promise. If they can't see the finish line, the race is never even admirable to run. It's like all the people that you would tap on the shoulder, pull out of ISS and say hey, what do you want to do with your life. Maybe they've never been asked that question before because a mom gets home she's too tired. Every time she asks him he says I don't know and she stops right there.
Speaker 2:So actually making him feel heard, feel listened to, feel valued that could be the first time it's ever happened, but it sparked something in them. The first time I ever saw myself being more than just an athlete changed the entire trajectory of my life, because I was like, oh, I'm just a leader on the field or on the court or on the mound, I'm the leader. But then I got into business and I was like, oh no, I'm more so of a mentor because I can do that and I've been successful there. And that's when pieces started to click. All because one person spoke life into me, didn't belittle me, but instead he showed me all the tools I had and just how to be more resourceful for them, and gave me accountability too. So I think for anybody to mentor, do the work on yourself, for yourself, and then go serve others with that same prescription you just healed yourself with.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. That's awesome, well said. So here's a challenge for everyone listening to this podcast. Right, it doesn't really matter if your calling is mentorship, if you're a man or a woman, based on what you just said and what inspired you and the person who spoke life into you. If you could do that for someone else this week you know this's out on a Monday morning, you're listening to this on a Monday. You've got five days to find the one person that you can speak some life into and you don't have to keep mentoring this person forever and ever. I'm just saying, if you just, you'll be surprised what a conversation can do, what. Just something as simple as a few words of encouragement, just making sure that the person you could see a certain path for them that they don't see for themselves and just kind of say, hey, this is what I see, you see some greatness in them. Just give them those words, just help them in a way that it makes sense. That's a challenge. Uplift someone this week.
Speaker 2:I want to hit two more good things on that, because you just sparked something in me too, because I got challenged on this See, that's what I'm talking about yeah, this is exactly why See how quick it works this is why what you just said is so good, to take action on it right now, especially if you feel like I'm not in the position.
Speaker 2:To who am I to say I'm still fighting the same problem. When you reach that point of prosperity, it's almost more problematic because now you create too big of the gap. But now one of my friends, luis, he challenged me to start recording the development of our business because he said, dude, I'm going to be honest. He said that the space that you guys are in and what you're doing, if you didn't exit in the next three years, I would be shocked. But now, when we exit in three years, that conversation is going to be a lot harder. Now we can't tell people about our struggles because they're going to be easy for you to say. Or when people say, money doesn't make you happy, easy for you to say, denzel Washington.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. It's like easy for you to say the person who's already solved the problem that I'm going through. I still have the problem. So if you document yourself, if you're helping other people and you're showing them that I'm no different than you, but you're actually documenting it, because now we live in this digitized era, you have your phone, you have a camera, you have a computer. If you don't, I'm sure somebody else would take a video too and save it on file. It's documenting your process, because that's the thing that can't be duplicated and that's the thing that you want your children and their children children to see. Cause, having like the files from my grandfather to where I can see the videos, I can see the history, I can listen to his interview with Malcolm X and be like that was, like that's my grandpa, that's the difference maker in my personal life, to where, when I hear other people say it, it reminds me the power of your presence and of your process.
Speaker 3:Dope. Well said so, leon. As far as the 100 is concerned, people listening to this how can they volunteer if there's such a thing? How can they donate? Can you speak to that a little bit?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so our organization is where you have the 100 Black Men of America, which is our national chapter, headquartered here in Atlanta. But we have probably six or now seven individual chapters within the metro area. But my particular organization is the 100 Black Men of DeKalb County. So if you wanted to donate you could go to our website, which is the number 100, bmodorg, and then there is a button to donate. We are always looking for donations. We are a nonprofit 501c3. So we are always looking for donations, whether it's community donations, friendraisers, fundraisers, things of that nature.
Speaker 1:To become a member, you have to actually know a member and get sponsored member. You have to actually know a member and get sponsored. So we have events on our social media that they can gravitate toward, which is our 100 Wednesdays. They can come out, get to know someone, meet and greet some of the brothers you know, develop relationships with some of our brothers you know, through community service or just, you know, kind of getting to know us and see if someone's willing to sponsor them.
Speaker 1:You asked me about volunteering with us or we're volunteering with other organizations, like we do our Turkey Drive with the NAACP. We did our voter registration with the NAACP as well and with DeKalb County. We've done college fairs with DeKalb County and National Coalition of Black Women. You know several other organizations State Farm, south State Bank, amazon, bank of America so you know, if they are an employee of those organizations and they want to get those organizations partner with us, they can do that as well. So we're on Instagram the 100 Black Men of DeKalb. Okay yeah, so every like I say, every chapter is individual. So if you just go to the 100 black men of america, that could direct you anywhere.
Speaker 1:Specifically, our chapter is the 100 black men of the cab so, which is what you're hyper focused on, because that's the community that you're in, obviously correct and if they want to help their, their own individual communities, then they can look up the 100 black men of america and see you know what chapter in their their area to either join or associate with.
Speaker 3:If you think about it, if you go there and you're part of that group, you're going to get so much more out of it than you're giving, and I think it's like that with anything else. Yeah, as long as you're willing to give, because you know that's. That's just how you know the ebb and flow of things. I want to thank you guys, man, for being here spending time speaking about mentorship. That's a very, very important thing. It's my great cause. Thanks for you, leon, for speaking about this and again breaking it down for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no problem, I appreciate the conversation. It's not talked about enough and I do what I do for no other reason, but I'm trying to build that next generation of leaders, that next generation of young men to earn the respect that we deserve. Right, we have to start earning it. It's not going to be given.
Speaker 1:I like that, yeah, earn the respect, not get the respect. Yeah, not just walk into a room and say, oh, respect me. That's not what this is about. You know, like you said, you walked into our informational and you left with a different respect, and that was because we earned it right. We came in and we handled our business, we acted accordingly, and that's what we're trying to build it's funny because I thought of you justin when I was there.
Speaker 3:I was like, man, he'd be an awesome addition and then I was like, oh, he can't be in it. Yeah, he's too young. He's too young, you have to be 30 I'll be a guest speaker.
Speaker 1:we do have our. We do have the emerging 100. Though he would be, he would be awesome in the Emerging 100. So if he wants to take a look at that, going through our national chapter, they do have a group that's called the Emerging 100. That 20 to 35, range 22 to 35, once they get out of college and they're doing phenomenal work too. But another thing I will tell somebody that's getting into mentorship is that and I said this at the informational if you're going to get in and be a workhorse and not a show horse, don't get into it for the pen of the organization or the cloud or whatever it's going to go on your resume yeah, the things that you're going to get out of it. If you're not into it for somebody else, the mentorship doesn't work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, awesome. Well, this was a great conversation. If this is your first time listening to us, absolutely Please follow the show. Send us an email at manhoodmatterspodcasts at gmailcom. Give us your thoughts, feedback, some things you agree with. I would love to hear you disagree with Leon on certain things, or even just come after Justin, just whatever it is, just if you have a, because I've been getting some great feedback and I do want to thank you guys, by the way, for that. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man, absolutely. I'm glad you were here. Guys, let's wrap this thing up. Talk to you guys next week.
