Conversations At The Barberhosp

Inside the buzzing atmosphere of I Heart Barbershop, we drop in with the 100 Black Men of South Metro Atlanta for authentic conversations that cut deeper than any clipper. Three Black men open up about masculinity, mental health, and challenging the toxic expectations society places on men today.

• Mental health in the barbershop - how barbers create safe spaces by opening up first
• Finding therapists who reflect your experiences and understand your cultural context
• The true definition of manhood beyond financial expectations
• Powerful statement: "A man is who you are and nobody can take that from you"
• Unpacking the lies told to men growing up: "men don't cry" and "more women equals more manhood"
• The GOAT debate between Jordan, Kobe, and LeBron and what their legacies teach us
• Building personal legacies through financial responsibility and proper planning
• What we hope people will say about us when we're gone

Support us by sharing this episode with friends and leaving an honest review on Apple Podcasts. It helps the show grow and keeps these essential conversations going.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to the Barbershop
• 2:46 Mental Health in the Barber's Chair
• 8:58 Defining True Manhood
• 15:31 Money, Status, and Masculinity
• 21:47 Lies We Were Told About Manhood
• 23:47 The GOAT Debate: Jordan, Kobe, LeBron
• 29:12 Building Legacy Through Habits
• 32:17 Final Reflections and Outro

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Like. A man is who you are and nobody can take that from you. Nobody can define that for you. The person that says you have to make a certain amount to be a man is a person that's not qualified to speak on what manhood is. Manhood is walking in a room and looking at your child and not having to say a word, and your child sit down when they've been jumping around with mom all day long.

Speaker 3: 0:23

Man is being able to go through so this is definitely one of the coolest episodes we've done so far. Instead of being at home, where we normally record, we were at the I Heart Barbershop in Atlanta. I would apologize for the background noise the incessant buzzing of the clippers, scissors, barber chairs being raised and lowered, and even the interrupting phone call from my daughter. But you know what? I won't, because it's real man. That's what happens at the barbershop. We were invited by the 100 black men of South Metro Atlanta as they gathered at this barbershop to get a fresh cut and just chop it up, Pun intended.

Speaker 3: 1:15

These conversations were held between LaDra Gilbert, the organizer, Mike Skills, a master barber who is reserved and laid back, and Kelly, a military veteran and former firefighter. We touched on what it means to be a man and the expectations to the NBA GOAT debate, to mental health and expressing vulnerability. This is a conversation you will thoroughly enjoy and if you find that I'm right, support us by simply sharing this episode and this is free. Just send it to a few friends and leave us an honest review on Apple Podcasts. It helps the show, it helps us grow and it keeps the conversation going. Welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get to it. Physical strife, hustling heart, repulsive life, grace, love and the entrepreneur's climb.

Speaker 4: 2:26

Real talk echoes in fine time, experts and friends a powerful blend tackling issues that never end. From our perspective, we're all true, a podcast for all but our point of view is I got you, I got you. Forgive me, all right.

Speaker 3: 2:39

So first thing I want to jump into is mental health. Yeah, we're going to start with you, Mike.

Speaker 4: 2:43

Okay, jump into is mental health. Yeah, we're gonna start with you, mike. Okay, well, mental health man, the barber shop helped me and I don't seem to help other people. Like I don't see people coming here open up about things they want to tell their family friends, stuff like that.

Speaker 3: 2:55

So dre said it earlier too it's about picking the right barber yeah, yeah, because that's true I was saying earlier that I don't think that people truly open up in here, because I know I've been reserved, I've gone to a barber shop and I kind of hold my tongue. I'll say certain things that are funny, that I can share, but I don't want to be embarrassed. So if my girl just cheated on me.

Speaker 4: 3:14

I'm not going to tell y'all your barber got to open up to you first something about they self. And that's most times that we'll get the clients to open up. And there's most of us in here. Man, we just keep it 100, we just whatever going on with us that day we tell you hey, man, I just went home and this happened, I got caught doing this or doing that, so and we talk about it. So and that make other people open up, because we open up first and make other people comfortable.

Speaker 3: 3:43

So really, really. Yeah, but you're a little clown on people, though. I mean, if someone says something, I'd be embarrassed. Yeah, man, if they say something we'll laugh at them, but it ain't going to be that serious.

Speaker 4: 3:51

We'll let them know that we're just joking around.

Speaker 3: 3:53

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 3:54

Hey because, I'm going to tell you something embarrassing about me. To get it off of you, yeah you're right, that makes sense.

Speaker 3: 4:00

And, kelly, why don't you tell about your experience with mental health?

Speaker 2: 4:09

Yeah, yeah, I seeked it professionally after, you know, I lost my job as a firefighter and went through a divorce. I think it's very important to have, you know, a professional, go to where you could just let everything out and then focusing on a person that that looks like you too, you know. I think that is an important aspect of choosing a therapist, because you want to feel comfortable, just like going into a barbershop. They look like you, you know, and you know that they went through some similar issue that you went through, so hearing it from them, it makes you feel more comfortable, like, okay, it's not the end of the world. I can move forward on X, y and Z, but it's really good to have that guidance from an outside source to help you push through the difficult challenges that you face. Yeah, so what?

Speaker 3: 4:57

I'm hearing also is well, maybe they haven't been through what you've been through specifically, but at least they can relate to it. Yes, so I remember like at one point I was going through marriage counseling, you know, with my ex wife.

Speaker 1: 5:11

I knew I was right, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 5:14

Of course we are. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 5:16

Yeah, so what I wanted to do was to make sure I was like look.

Speaker 3: 5:20

I want a woman to step in and I wanted to deal with just a black woman. At the time we went through a couple and I went to a black woman, then we went to a white lady but at the end of the day nothing helped because we were supposed to stay together. But I do understand that mindset because today I could talk to any professional. But I'm really I'm looking for someone who hasn't just read a book and been through his dissertation or her dissertation. Looking for someone who hasn't just read a book and been through his dissertation or her dissertation.

Speaker 3: 5:47

I'm looking for someone who's kind of lived my experience.

Speaker 2: 5:49

Yeah, life experience.

Speaker 3: 5:51

So I get it. That makes sense. And how about yourself, Brother Dre?

Speaker 1: 5:54

Yes, sir. So I actually had an opportunity to go through mental health therapy for some things that had been going on in life. Like I said, it was a stigma before. Where I'm from, you know, north Florida and the country is more so. Like you know, you pray about it, keep it to yourself, don't tell people your business. Yeah, man, but you know, you get to a certain point where you start going through certain situations and you start realizing that like, hey, these situations are changing, the outcomes are the same and I'm the only like constant that's here. So what is it about me to produce the same situation? And so I started to do like, use you know therapy to examine myself on the inside and find out. You know what my weaknesses are.

Speaker 1: 6:34

And, man, once I started to learn my weaknesses and accept those weaknesses and then start to like turn those into strengths, it just unlocked a whole different level of me. Like I became like on a basher. Like I mean, like I don't worry about. You know, I'll tell a woman. Like you know, in the day, you know, hey, I got narcissistic tendencies. You know, I got main character syndrome. You know I'm the only child I mean, I'll tell you, but I'm working, but these are the things I'm aware of. Working on these things so that I don't try to make everything about me. I'm not always viewing this relationship through my own lens. I'm trying to see your perspective and hear what you have to say, you know, even though sometimes it still doesn't make sense, but yeah, but all jokes aside but like, yeah, knowing yourself and being able to handle those things better, man, it like takes you to a whole different level.

Speaker 3: 7:20

Yeah, it sounds like a superpower, a superpower brother. I mean the second. You recognize your weaknesses and you understand those and then you can use them. But one thing you just said. Some people might hear that and go oh, you said you got narcissistic tendencies, let me run away from you. But what they don't realize is that I think most people do in a very selfish way, but if there is one person who can tell you and they can recognize it right, that person is a person you should run towards and not the other way around.

Speaker 1: 7:44

And that to me because of that superpower you call it a superpower. Yeah, that's why I'm thankful because I have saved myself from so many headaches, because I was real and my realness pushed the other woman. She took off and I was like, ok, ok, now I know it's not, know, it's not my loss. It's like, okay, well, hey, you saved me a headache, or you saved me, you know, six months of us getting here and then you're not willing to take accountability for yourself or do the work that I've done for myself. Okay, so, all right, appreciate you.

Speaker 3: 8:15

And when do we stop working on ourselves? Whenever, when they, exactly, when they pull that blow yeah, we don't stop, right. So it's just having that self-awareness to realize that we are a work in progress, right, we recognize it and we can articulate it right and it makes sense. So, yeah, I love that very, very powerful stuff. Next question is what is your definition of being a man? So, and and the way I like to phrase this is, if a six-year-old came up to you and said uncle dre, uncle kelly, uncle mike, know what does it mean to be a man? Or if a struggling 20 year old, who's basically looking for his own identity, comes to you saying look, I'm doing things out here and I'm not really sure that I'm on the right path, what does it mean to you to be a man? How do you answer that question?

Speaker 2: 8:59

to be a man. How do you answer that question? I would say, uh, take ownership of yourself, take ownership of your life. When you grow up, there's going to be plenty of mistakes that you want to make.

Speaker 2: 9:12

I look at I look at life as like a pop quiz. So you know how you go to class and you don't know the information. They just want to see what you know. And you take this pop quiz and you going through, going through the quiz and you're asking pop quiz and you going through, going through the quiz and you're answering these questions and then you know, you turn it into your teacher and you get it back. You're always going to miss at least one yeah question or two questions. That's how life is. You don't know all the answers, you just you're just making a choice and it's okay to make those mistakes, it's okay You're going to learn from your mistakes on that pop quiz and then you're going to ace the test when you get the next test.

Speaker 2: 9:52

So I just say, go through life on a path of taking responsibility for your actions, of your attitude, being a provider for your family, for yourself, because, think about this Men constantly provide for other people, right? We need to take the time to provide for ourselves. And that ties back into the mental health aspect. Right, you know, going to the barbershop, getting that fresh cut, feeling good about yourself, going out to the restaurant, taking your wife or your girlfriend out, it gives you a boost of confidence, right. Taking yourself on a trip, going to a spa, getting your nails manicured, pedicured, all that good stuff.

Speaker 3: 10:35

So I say this don't be afraid to make a mistake because all men do, and don't be afraid to take care of yourself as well. Exactly, that's something that we don't think about. We just I think we're all on autopilot, Like we just face our responsibilities and we go go go, go, go, and we don't really stop, we don't go no more.

Speaker 1: 10:52

There's not a me day, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 10:54

Like we don't have a, that's the me three hours and shit, because I'll just be out here trying to go, but then I end up leaving the course more upset than I came in. So I'm not sure, but it's a great answer. Are there other examples of what it means to take care of yourself in that equation?

Speaker 2: 11:14

Yeah, I would say, take a moment every day for yourself, at least 10, 15 minutes of just being in silence, just not worrying about. Okay, I have to look at social media, I have to look at work emails and I have to get up, get ready for the shopping, cut my clients hair. Just take 10 minutes out your day and just be in the moment in this existence of life. Yeah, because once you pick up your phone head out the door, you're, you're fast paced, yeah, you're moving. I will say, you know, provide some time for yourself, awesome.

Speaker 3: 11:49

How about you, dre? What is that definition for you, if you had to break it down for someone who's seeking that guidance from you which, by the way, a lot of people are seeking that guidance from you, right, because you are one of the members of the 100 of South Metro Atlanta 100 Black Men of South Metro Atlanta, which is an amazing organization, and so when you stand there as kind of that beacon or that lighthouse and you have all these eyes on you, maybe they're not asking the question, but if you are asked directly, how do you answer it?

Speaker 1: 12:18

So what I would tell a young man in that position is the first thing about being a man is understanding, like who you are and being comfortable with who you are. Right. That's, first and foremost like. No one on the outside should be able to influence how you feel about yourself, and being able to master your own yourself, your thoughts, your emotions. Second thing about it is is being able to take care of your responsibilities and own up to your responsibilities. Like you know, you have different things that that belong to you. About it is being able to take care of your responsibilities and own up to your responsibilities. Like you know, you have different things that belong to you. For example, I always say about my children, because those are the best things about me.

Speaker 1: 12:50

When my children came in this world, my life changed, the way that I moved and did things change. I haven't always made the best decisions, but I try to do the best I can. Like you know me, being here in Atlanta and then being in North Florida means I got to make some trips sometimes. I got to get on the road sometimes and go down there and do different things. But so it's just about making sure you're managing your responsibilities. And also, too, I think one of the things about being a man is that, like, you got to get to the point of comfortability and when they ask for help, when you can't do something, being a man doesn't mean you have to be Superman. Yeah, you know, you don't have to always have the right answer, you don't always have to have the solution. You can't always do something by yourself. It's okay to like ask for help. It's okay to look around and like resources and say, hey, what can I? You know, help me get to where I need to go. And being okay with that no-transcript essence of a man.

Speaker 3: 13:52

Yeah, and I think some of the best minds, the most accomplished people on this planet are people who had help. Right yeah, how about you, mike? What's your definition of a man?

Speaker 4: 14:03

Accepting challenges and understanding wins and failures. If you winning all the time, you don't really understand defeat.

Speaker 3: 14:11

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 14:12

You just know win, but when you understand defeat, you know how to win and understand the win that you're going through in life. Yeah, so, accepting your challenges and taking them forward.

Speaker 3: 14:29

How about when it comes to our financial expectations in terms of the outside world looking in, can you be a man making 60K a year, 65k a year? Can you be a man in today's society and make that kind of money, when social media has made it super popular that you're not even a man unless you're making 150, 200k a year? Don't ask me out, don't talk to me, right, and all that other stuff. So what are your thoughts on that? Like, who came up with that? I think, there's, honestly, I don't know.

Speaker 3: 14:54

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I believe there's some crazy person playing puppeteer conditioning, you know exactly.

Speaker 3: 15:02

Who's sitting there behind the scenes destroying society. And there's this gender war. Right, men versus women really is not even a real thing, but it gets clicks. But unfortunately, there's a subset of the population, there's a group of people who believe it, because I've seen it way too many times. I've seen too many people just not just women say it, but men put that pressure on themselves. You could have a great job. Maybe your calling is to be a school teacher. As far as we are concerned, as far as men are concerned, the expectation is you make a certain amount of money. Can you be a man? Can you provide making 65K?

Speaker 2: 15:36

I feel like you could be a man at any class level lower class, middle class, higher class and it all depends on what your goals are in life. What is your purpose? Some men's purpose is not to be a millionaire. Some men's purpose is to have and raise a family of three and just have a nice job as a school teacher and have a firefighter. As a school teacher and have a firefighter, have some time to spend with his family and that's it. Have, you know, little vacations here and there. Because life is short.

Speaker 3: 16:13

You busy trying to get to that million dollars and you're missing all of your life in there. Stroke out, yeah, you're struck out.

Speaker 2: 16:18

You know, so you know. Yeah, I say, at any tier level, you can be a man, as long as you step up to the plate and take responsibility and be a beacon of light for the people or the men coming after you. Gotcha Dre, what are your?

Speaker 3: 16:35

thoughts.

Speaker 1: 16:36

All right, I've been at both spectrums, like I've been, you know, a millionaire, and like I told you guys before I've been living in my car. I've been on both sides. I said both sides of that file, right. But here's the thing Whether I had money in my pocket and could fly anywhere in the world I wanted to go, or whether I was at McDonald's trying to scrape some change together to get a double cheeseburger, I was a man.

Speaker 1: 16:57

A man is who you are and nobody can take that from you. Nobody can define that for you. The person that says you have to make a certain amount to be a man is a person that's not qualified to speak on what manhood is. Manhood is walking in a room and looking at your child and not having to say a word, and your child sit down when they've been jumping around with mom all day long. Man is being able to go somewhere and just command respect. Man is opening the door. Man is sitting with your back, not facing the door, so that you see what's going on. Man is making sure you, when you walking with your woman, you putting yourself between her and cars that are coming, or when strangers are coming, you position yourself so if something were to go wrong. She has a way.

Speaker 1: 17:42

I remember one time I was on a date and a lady had her door open and she was sitting in a car and I kind of like cornered her in the car. She was like oh wow, you know. You kind of I said, no, I'm putting myself in a position, I'm focused on you. If somebody comes from behind me, if something happens to me, you have time to now get away. I'm positioning myself between you and danger. Get away. I'm positioning myself between you and danger.

Speaker 1: 18:02

That's being a man, even knowing that sometimes a man knows when to be quiet. Sometimes a man knows when nothing has to be said at all. And I think that's one of the biggest lessons that I've learned. 40 plus is like you don't always have to speak up, you don't always have to be seen, you don't always have to get your point across. Sometimes you just recognize a fool is a fool and you don't want to confuse anybody as to which one is which, and you just let them talk and you just say, okay, fine. But I think that the essence of a man can't be defined by anyone except for who you are as a man, as carrying the essence Powerfully said Ladre.

Speaker 3: 18:38

That's what's up, brother. Yeah, I got a question. I want like maybe Just one sentence From each of you. What lies were you told Growing up About manhood?

Speaker 1: 18:47

Hmm, I'll say it Um, men can't cry. Yep, hell, shit, like my dad. I only seen my dad cry twice. Yeah, he had hernia surgery and he was trying To get up out of bed and he started. He wasn't boohoo crying, but I seen a tear fall down his face because he was in pain and then when his mom died, he cried. Other than that, I never seen my dad. My mom passed away. He didn't cry His dad passed away.

Speaker 3: 19:11

He didn't cry. That's how tough it was. I didn't see him cry.

Speaker 1: 19:13

I think that, like, crying is release it, Because if you don't, it's going to come out one way or another. Like you said stroke, heart attack, aneurysm it's going to come out. So you have to get that emotion out.

Speaker 3: 19:26

Yeah, how about you?

Speaker 2: 19:27

Kelly, you know, growing up I had two parents, that's police officers. My uncle, he told me to when you're out in the community you have to put on this like almost like a mask, you know, to shield your emotion. And every time he went out for like a police officer's funeral or firefighters funeral or or someone who who's close to him, he had to speak about that. He never cried. He never cried, he never showed like he was hurt. But you can hear it in his speech. But with me I'm like I do cry. I'm not going to say I'm a cry baby but, I do

Speaker 2: 20:08

I do cry, but I got to a point where damn I'm. I'm like my uncle now, like I'm holding that in and masking it. But it is a lie, because even with Obama he started crying and that was the first time I actually seen the president like cry like that on some issues. I forget the speech it was I think it was someone who passed away that sticks with me till this day ever get to a point where I have to public speak or at a funeral or something like that. I can now tell myself like it's okay to share the tear or two, correct?

Speaker 3: 20:49

it's okay to connect with people on a human level. Yeah, for me, the biggest lie that I got growing up as a man was the more women you have, the more of a man you are, oh yeah, it was about that and you know what's crazy is?

Speaker 3: 21:03

I believed it to so much, but then you start lying about it to you know, your teens. You like I got this girl, I got this girl, no, you don't Right. And and I found that I started living that lie. So, when I was in a position to, I started living that life, only to realize that's not who I am. Yeah Right, I'm a monogamous man.

Speaker 3: 21:21

I want to be in one relationship, but I forced myself to be something I was not because I thought that was the expectation. And when other men would look at me, I would feel like I'm more of a man, because I'm lying to my girl here, cause I got this other girl here and it was just the stupidest thing. Yeah, mike, what's? What's a one lie that you were told as a man growing up?

Speaker 4: 21:40

Well, they kind of cover the keeping feelings to yourself and not crying, because most times they say men don't cry, men don't show their feelings. But when men don't show their feelings and don't cry and open up, men explode. So, and one thing I learned like when I got older I started opening up, I started feeling better about life, everything. But the more I kept it in, the more anger I was. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:05

Can I add one more thing to what you said about that lie? Yeah, man, just think about how much time, energy and opportunity you wasted Big time.

Speaker 3: 22:14

Oh, I know.

Speaker 1: 22:15

Because I can look at myself man and just be like man. I've been engaged twice.

Speaker 3: 22:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:20

Right Married once and because of that thought process was a big contributive factor to you know why I'm not married now and how I had to go back and reset and understand like the energy transfer, like it's more, it's more than just you know like you sleep with these energy transfer and what you're giving up man. So you had to go back to hit a reset on that lie.

Speaker 3: 22:40

Yeah, because that's definitely a lie, because I still have kids at 16. Yeah, I mean think about the way we treat our young boys versus our daughters. I have both boys, sons and daughters.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Right.

Speaker 3: 22:50

There is something that is still a double standard, that is, you know, it's an implicit bias and it's in me, and what I mean is I'm a lot more protective of my daughters, right, it's just that I'm less concerned. So still, there's something left in me if that makes sense, you know what I mean when I still feel like men can get away with certain things that women can't. So I still have that lie that I'm telling myself and I have to learn to.

Speaker 2: 23:15

I guess I need some deprogramming about that lie that we talk about Deprogramming. That's a good one. I'll follow my son too. Hey, both of them, oh yeah.

Speaker 4: 23:26

I want to see how my son conducts himself as a man while he's out on his date Right on. So I want to tell him I ain't going to let him know I'm there, but when he get home I'm going to let him know how he conducts himself.

Speaker 3: 23:35

Oh, now, now he knows it would not be a barbershop if we did not talk about the GOAT. Yes, sir, so it ain't funny that we'll say who's the GOAT and no one has to question which sport we're talking about. Nope, nope.

Speaker 4: 23:54

Already know no sport Already know, we already know why LeBron he's an all-around player and an all-around person, so that's why I don't see all three of them play. But when it came to LeBron, he was more visual with the things he did and stuff like that, and on the basketball court shoot, he could play almost all five positions.

Speaker 3: 24:18

He's a freak athlete, right? Yes, and that's why I gave him the gold. Yeah, it's very hard to argue that point. Yeah, yeah, but I know somebody will Go ahead, dre.

Speaker 1: 24:28

What made you guys think that way? So we're blessed to have been in that generation to be able to see all three play. So when I think of the Goats, I think of Michael Jordan, I think of Kobe Bryant and I think of LeBron James. And for a while I would make that argument for LeBron James only because LeBron James was born to be what he is Like. He was given all the gifts to be what he is. He came out the womb to be what he is.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Mike had to work at it, kobe had to work at it Very hard, but LeBron was, you know, as long as he did what he was supposed to do. He was going to do that and so I was watching him and, like you, I was like you know what man I see Mike and Magic, I just see it all the complete basketball player. But that one thing, man, it was an all-star game where I think it was like at the end of the game and it was like Kobe was like begging LeBron, like take the last shot, come on, come at me, come at me, come at me.

Speaker 1: 25:28

I saw it, I saw it and he just like he didn't. And at that point I had to go back and like, wait a minute, you know. And the last dance didn't do any favors to the other side. But I think at the end of the day, man, like I watched Michael Jordan night after night after night after night get to a certain point in the game. It might be like you know what F it we're about to win and nobody could do anything about it. Like either you know, his teammates backed up because they knew, mike, we're about to win.

Speaker 1: 25:58

And so just watching somebody control to that level of the game, you know Kobe was like almost there, like he was almost there, but I didn't quite see him get to that level. Lebron has won and he's gotten the records and he's gotten the points and those type of things, but he just didn't have that killer, animalistic, like I'm going to destroy you. Kobe had it, but Mike just had a whole different aspect. So that's why I'm going to always say Michael Jeffrey Jordan, not just because he's my frat brother but I really truly believe that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player to ever play the game.

Speaker 3: 26:38

Yeah, and LeBron was always interesting with his size, as impressive as he is as a human specimen, that he's not going to say he's soft, but he's not as tough as the other guys were.

Speaker 1: 26:49

It's almost like you kind of are glad that he isn't, because if LeBron had that mentality that Kobe had for like man the league.

Speaker 3: 26:58

That's what I'm saying. Let's say he had that Carmelone toughness in him, yeah, it would have been over, it would have been a whole yeah, how about you.

Speaker 2: 27:05

Kelly, hey Kobe, yeah Kobe, all the way. And, like you said, that killer ass game he had man he came to the game to play. Yeah, and that was it.

Speaker 3: 27:15

To me it's a question of impact more off the court than it was on the court. So in that sense, to me, on a personal level, it was Kobe. I've always admired Kobe. I've listened to the lectures and watched the interviews and, as an entrepreneur and someone who's always aspiring to better myself, I always look to him. If you told your son, hey, look at this person, it wouldn't be a bad example, right, I feel the same way about LeBron, for social issues and things like that. But as far as the game itself, I'm going to be with you, dre. I'm going to say it's got to be Mike man. Yeah, you know, because there was something about me showing up and watching those games and the 90s. I'm watching the game. You get a certain level of excitement, right, that I just don't get today. I don't care who I'm watching, right, I don't even watch basketball until the Conference finals. Exactly that's what I'm watching.

Speaker 1: 28:05

But bro, you know like one more thing really quick. I know we got to move on, but I just wanted to say I've been waiting on this conversation, man, but like, when you start looking at, like Mike's opponents, the way they talk about him, like how they feared him, like how they had names for him, how, like the psychological warfare they had to prepare themselves, we came yeah, he took me out to dinner one time and he came back and bust us for 45.

Speaker 3: 28:28

No, I ain't going out to dinner with you, no more.

Speaker 1: 28:29

No, I'm not going to play golf. You know, like you had to stay away from him until the offseason because he was just that competitive, right, that's right. But like and then I see cats disrespect LeBron man on the court, you know, oh yeah, nobody can do that to Kobe. Right In that documentary where they were talking about the Redeem team and Kobe Bryant, everybody had gone out to party the night before and everybody was coming in at 4 o'clock and Kobe was lacing them up getting ready to go to the gym at 4 o'clock when they came back in from the club it took me to a whole other, different level of respect for Kobe Bryant.

Speaker 3: 29:02

Exactly, speaking of legacy, what is one habit you're trying to build that would support a legacy that you're trying to create?

Speaker 1: 29:12

So what I'm doing now is I'm being more cognizant of how I am with my finances, because the legacy that I want to live for my kids and for other people is not gonna say solely, but it's based a lot in financial things, things, and so I'm being cognizant about how I spend my money, how I invest, what my dollar does for me, how can I put my dollar to work, and so I'm just being more cognizant in the way that I spend a dollar so that you know, down the line, my children have something that I'm leaving to them as well, as you know, preparing for my grandkids as well that's what.

Speaker 3: 29:47

What's up? One habit, kelly, I would say, or even a mindset or principle, rather A principle that you're now adopting, or a habit.

Speaker 2: 29:58

Proper planning prevents piss-poor performance. Let's go 12 Ps, yeah. So when you properly plan you show up on time. There's a sense of respect, right. So in showing that to your children is only going to set them up for success in the future. Because if you show up late and you saying things like hey, I'm going to do this and don't do it, then you're creating a reputation for yourself of no one's going to trust you to do anything. You know you're not even going to trust yourself.

Speaker 2: 30:35

I got that from my uncle. He taught me that because you know, my background is coming from a single parent household who was disabled. She has sickle cell anemia and of course I had my brother, my older brother, my older sister. They moved out. My sister moved to Minnesota for college and my brother went to the Navy. And I was 12 years old, stuck down in Miami taking care of a sick parent. My father was never in my life, wow. So I used to walk home from school instead of taking the bus home, just to save a bus fare to get us food.

Speaker 3: 31:13

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:14

You know what I'm saying. So, coming from that and I was I was always bad with my grades, I was always late, all this other stuff. Moving from that to a structured household it was like it changed my life forever, like he always taught me proper planning prevents piss, poor performance. He was in the military, he was in the army, and I just adopted that throughout my life and it just molded me to who I am today. So, no matter what situation that I'm going through, if you have the proper peace, you will always find your way back on your path. That's what's up.

Speaker 3: 31:52

Great answer, brother. Thank you for sharing that. All right, just a couple more questions we have. Oh, my God, I need to tell her. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry, I got to, um, I got to call you back, okay.

Speaker 4: 32:07

I'm working.

Speaker 3: 32:07

I'm working, working so if your life ended tomorrow, if you know it's gonna end, what are three things the people closest to you would say about you?

Speaker 4: 32:18

well, that was caring, loving. I always showed support, I was always there for people and I always was the center of attention caring loving showed support and was the center of attention.

Speaker 3: 32:32

Caring loving showed support and definitely the center of attention.

Speaker 2: 32:34

Oh yeah, all right, and you said all the good ones, man.

Speaker 3: 32:36

I mean, you could repeat them. That's you, that's you.

Speaker 2: 32:38

Caring, loving, I'd say self-sacrificing discipline.

Speaker 3: 32:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:45

Always on time. Yeah, I don't see that.

Speaker 3: 32:48

See, that's a hard one To stay on top of man. That discipline, brother, yeah, it does the most Challenging thing. It is yeah, how about you, dre?

Speaker 1: 32:55

Man, I would pray, man. I pray that when I die, man, somebody get up at my funeral and say one, that he was a man of God and he lived it. I would pray that Somebody would say that you know he was a decent guy, like he was a good guy. He really you know was. You could depend on him. His word meant something. And three, I pray that somebody has something to say about how I impacted their life in a positive way beautiful beautiful what is something that you guys would like to unlearn before it's too late?

Speaker 1: 33:27

I'm gonna say this because we've already touched on it, man, go for it. Like I'm going to say this because we've already touched on it, man, go for it. I'm 43. Yeah, like I said, I've been married once, engaged twice, and I'm at the point now where I'm ready to get married. I'm ready to settle down and spend these next prayerfully 40 years with the woman that God created for me to be with right. I have to unlearn what has happened over the last 15 years of what dating looks like.

Speaker 1: 33:51

Now. When, I you know, we grew up, you had to go up to a girl and get a phone number and then you had to call the house and then you had to talk to grandmama or you had to talk to mom and then, when you got her on the phone, they were listening on the other line. So it was like a process of having to actually get to know, but like just the interaction. Like I had to have something interesting to say to this girl when I saw her so that she was willing to give me her phone number in the first place. Yeah, now it's just so much. Access is so much.

Speaker 1: 34:22

I feel like it just diluted the entire courting process. So I have to unlearn all of this toxicity on both sides, like we said, that person sitting behind that keyboard, that person sitting and it's controlling everything, all that toxicity has been created like and believe the light my wife is still there and that when I find her she's going to be the woman that God created for me and been preparing me for her, and that I am entitled to those 40 years of love, happiness and just family and peace yeah, so yeah, I got to put this, some of this stuff that's online dating and all the other stuff, man, I got, I got, I got to unlearn that toxicity, man, that's been created between black men and black women.

Speaker 1: 35:05

Man, I do say black women because I love my sisters, but I'm all about my sisters, a thousand percent, never giving up on them, no matter what hey, man, they haven't given up on us, bro, that's right on.

Speaker 3: 35:13

Yeah, you know, and we haven't always earned it shit right, you know right, that's right, that's true. Some dudes out here is just saying some crazy stuff about black women.

Speaker 1: 35:20

Yeah, listen to that stuff.

Speaker 3: 35:21

Yeah, that's pretty insane yeah, you know they who we want, whatever, but maybe just maybe shut up about that.

Speaker 1: 35:27

Yeah, don't do that, you're right.

Speaker 3: 35:29

But yeah, I feel like there's a puppeteer, whether it's on purpose, but you know what Stupidity catches on. An individual is intelligent. A group of people is usually pretty stupid. You know, I have a friend who said this on a previous podcast where he said you look at a group of people rioting. If you pluck someone out of that group and you pull them out and say what are you doing, more likely to be like yeah, you're right, that shit is stupid.

Speaker 2: 35:50

Right, right.

Speaker 3: 35:52

But in the group they're going crazy, right. Right. So there's, like this puppeteer and I don't know if it's one person or however the agenda started, but now it's so much, like you said, so much access where it's so easy to propagate nonsense, right? So they created this idea of there's a war between men and women from talking about roles, from talking about the expectation, about the whole. Do you make enough money? What's the standard for certain people, et cetera, et cetera, and it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense and it's stopping some good quality people getting together. My wife said this on a podcast.

Speaker 3: 36:29

She said your soulmate said hi to you two years ago, right, but you were too busy looking for that dude who's six feet tall.

Speaker 1: 36:36

So you missed it. Right, right, right.

Speaker 3: 36:37

So, whatever it is, you missed it because he was only making $50,000 a time, right. That was then. You don't know his growth and his path, right?

Speaker 2: 36:46

right.

Speaker 3: 36:46

So there's a lot of that going on. So I I I like what you say when you talk about just unlearning, but it's really watching just what people are putting out out there right now into the ether and you just have to maybe unlearn but also block it all out. All right, anybody else?

Speaker 2: 37:01

Well, I'm already married, so but for the, the ones that's out there, like every pretty face is not the one, it's a thousand of them out there. But all because they have a pretty face doesn't mean that you have like this fantasy of if we get this sexy woman and we get with them, we have these expectations of, yeah, they're going to do this for me, they're going to be there for me, they're going to do this for me. But we have to guard ourselves when it comes to that, because yeah, they're going to do this for me, they're going to be there for me, they're going to do this for me. But we have to guard ourselves when it comes to that, because yeah, they look good and everything, but do they make you feel good? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 3: 37:39

What's a final message, keeping in mind that this is Barbershop Venter? What are we missing, mike?

Speaker 4: 37:47

Goals in life. Yeah, that's really what I try to give people. Man set their goals to get out here. Man live life, love yourself, man create new things to do, don't stay just in the box. So most of the time when people come in here, I'm just trying to make them venture out to new things, because new things open up your mind to better things.

Speaker 3: 38:10

I appreciate that, brother. So something that I do traditionally on the show is on the outro we have one of us. We normally flip a coin. You know, when I'm home in the studio, we flip a coin and whoever loses out of the four of us is a person who had to, who has to read the outgoing message. Right, okay, that'd be easy. You got to read the outgoing message doing an impersonation of someone so what are you?

Speaker 4: 38:39

you could be denzel. You could be kevin hart you could be the rock.

Speaker 3: 38:44

I don't care who you are. You could could be Michelle Obama, it could be Barack, okay.

Speaker 2: 38:53

If I get big, I try my best, I just do it.

Speaker 3: 38:54

Oh yes, what's up hey?

Speaker 2: 38:57

why not? I'll try to do Denzel. You're going to do Denzel, I'm going to try it, all right Go for it, man.

Speaker 2: 39:04

I like that Fellas. Today wasn't just about fades and fresh cuts. It was about getting a trim on your pride, a shape up on our purpose and a little off the top of the weight we carry around every day. We laugh, we challenge each other, we got real, and that's what brotherhood is about. Remember vulnerability ain't weakness, leadership ain't loud. And manhood. Manhood is about showing up for your people, even when you're still figuring it out for yourself. So, whatever you're in, whether it's a barbershop, boardroom or porch, speak your truth. Boardroom or porch, speak your truth. Lift another brother up and never forget. This is manhood manners. Yeah, baby let's go.

Speaker 4: 40:17

I tried.

Speaker 2: 40:19

Hey, I'm not, no, chad LeBosman appreciate you, appreciate you y'all gonna be famous.

Speaker 3: 40:38

We'll be back. Peace, I pointed you.