Manhood Matters Podcast
Conversations around challenges dominating a man's journey through life. These topics are explored by real, everyday friends, with a lot of experience... And we have the occasional expert guest.
Manhood Matters Podcast
Totality Wellness Workshop: From Trauma to Transformation
Warning: This episode mentions suicide.
What happens when we finally pause to address the part of ourselves we leave on autopilot the most—our minds? In this powerful episode, recorded at a community wellness day in Atlanta, we witness raw conversations about mental health that challenge everything we think we know about strength and vulnerability.
From the projects of Staten Island to Super Bowl glory, Dominique Easley shares how childhood trauma shaped his worldview: "I never thought about anything outside of the next day." Now retired from the NFL, he's pursuing a career as a therapist, transforming his pain into purpose. Alongside him, we meet Floyd Stewart, who faced a stage 4 cancer diagnosis not with defeat but with spiritual determination, creating Divine Luminance Juices to heal himself and others.
The true emotional center comes when Antoinette Roberts speaks about losing her son to suicide 21 years ago. "Resilience is BS," she declares, challenging the myth that has kept so many silent in their suffering. "I watched them put my son in the ground and I didn't crack a tear because of resilience." Her organization, the J Holman House, now supports suicide loss survivors while working to prevent future tragedies.
Stephanie Carnegie, whose Totality Wellness Inc. organized this day of healing, reveals a shocking truth: suicide is the second leading cause of death for Black youth ages 10-14, yet most remain unaware of this crisis. Her upcoming documentary "Butterflies Jump Too" aims to shatter this silence.
Through sound bowl therapy, guided meditation, and honest dialogue, these conversations remind us that vulnerability is our greatest strength. As Coach Munnn puts it: "It's not about making time, it's about creating the life you want to live."
Check on your strong friends. The ones who seem to have it all together might be struggling the most. This episode isn't just about awareness—it's about action, healing, and reclaiming our full humanity.
RESOURCES:
https://www.totalitywellness.org/
https://www.easleyfoundation.org/
https://divineluminancejuices.com/
https://www.thejholmanhouse.org/
https://www.atlantapublicschools.us/jlinvictus
SOCIALS:
Coach Munnn: https://www.instagram.com/coachmunnn?igsh=MWhkaW1vMTRxdmhoeQ==
Dominique Easley: https://www.instagram.com/easie91?igsh=MTl6anBwdWUyZTFrcw==
Steph Carnegie: https://www.instagram.com/steph.carnegie?igsh=OW5lamp6NGl2Ynpz
Totality Wellness: https://www.instagram.com/totality.wellness?igsh=bjg2anY5N2d3ODln
100 Black Men of South Metro Atlanta: https://www.instagram.com/100southmetroatl?igsh=aDRhMGE2MjNkYTJh
The J. Holman House: https://www.facebook.com/share/1C5rHkEvF4/?mibextid=wwXIfr
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Host: StéphaneAlexandre
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Music by Liam Weisner
Sponsored by www.OnsiteLabs.net
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Up until my junior year of high school, I never thought about anything outside of the next day. I never thought about what could happen five, ten years from now. You know what I mean. We just enjoyed the day, because that's where we came from, and growing up with that trauma made me a certain person. When I left Staten Island, when I went to the University of Florida, I wasn't open to people. I didn't understand what vulnerability was. I didn't understand how successful being vulnerable can make me, so I had a lot of great opportunities pulled from up under me because I didn't understand these things. I didn't have these tools in my toolbox.
Speaker 2:What's up? Family? You're going to love this episode. My friend, stephanie Carnegie, organized a day of community wellness at the John Lewis Invictus Academy in Atlanta. From guided meditation, sound bowl therapy, stretching and so much more. This day was designed to bring acute awareness to the part of ourselves we leave on autopilot and ignore the most our mind. June is Men's Mental Health Month, but not only are most men not aware of this, we do not even take the time to breathe or even care. This event, however, focused on every one of us, and we were honored to have been invited.
Speaker 2:So, instead of our typical living room dialogue, this will be a series of conversations. You will hear from Super Bowl champion Dominique Easley, who talks about his childhood trauma, his success in the NFL and now, as a retired champion. Instead of sitting back to enjoy his success, he's gone back to school with a much higher calling to become a therapist Unbelievable. You will hear from Langston Longley and Brendan Henderson, the school principal and counselor respectively, who both sacrifice perhaps more profitable opportunities to focus on a community where they are most needed. You will also hear from Jadel Hawkins, aka Coach Munn, whose philosophy is not just to master the body, but to raise our consciousness to a whole new level, as he puts it, finding higher intelligence in the body. Then there is Floyd Stewart, who was diagnosed with cancer four years ago and, instead of withering away in a corner, he has decided to face this diagnosis head on through spirituality, mindfulness, resilience and juicing Yep juicing.
Speaker 2:Also joining us, naeem Warrell, a successful mortician who has decided to turn his empathy into the gift of grief counseling. Then, finally, we will close out with two giants in the space Antoinette Roberts, founder of the J Holman House, who lost her son to suicide 21 years ago and has made it her mission to save the lives of so many other sons. And the lady who put this all together, stephanie Carnegie, executive director of Totality Wellness Inc. She shows the strength of a thousand men by using her grief, her trauma, to help others on this relentless journey. She's on changing minds and saving lives. So our very first conversation is with school principal Langston, counselor Brendan and coach Munn. Welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get to it Again. I'm Stefan, the host of the Manhood Matters podcast.
Speaker 4:Hey Langston Longley, principal John Lewis Invictus Academy.
Speaker 3:Brandon.
Speaker 5:Henderson. I'm Langston Longley's counselor here at John Lewis. I'm Coach Munn. I'm the founder of Build Different Wellness Coach. I find higher intelligence in the body. What does that mean? It means that most people do not know how to master themselves with personal development, and so I teach people through exercise, through stretching and through small behaviors, how to change behaviors about self in order to find higher intelligence, to be more cognitive in their health.
Speaker 2:Can you give me a simple example of what that would be like. If I came to you and I said hey, man, help me out, I feel stuck. What would you do?
Speaker 5:Absolutely so. Most people come to me because I've started as a personal trainer. What would you do? Absolutely so. Most people come to me because I've started as a personal trainer, but I have over 100,000 hours in mastery of the mind and the body due to anatomy, due to research of master herbalist, psychologists, things of that nature. So most people come to me in a workout manner. Once they come to me, I give them a consultation Throughout the workout.
Speaker 5:I can typically see what someone's going through and who they are as a person. Depending on their age, most people think that they're old due to their age and not understanding that it starts with their inner dialogue. So what you're feeding your body is what matures your body, which makes you believe and have a perception that you are older than you are. Right, and so, oh, I'm 40, I'm 50. I'm supposed to be stagnant. No, you've made yourself stubborn with what you've fed yourself mentally and physically, and so working on your emotional intelligence starts from personal development, hobbies, habits and disciplines.
Speaker 5:A lot of us just don't create structure within ourself, but we'll create structure at work or within a marriage or in a friendship, which is why we don't do good with communication, because we don't. We believe that it's cocky if I'm a better person than I used to be Right, or I'm a better person than my environment, but if I'm the best person in my environment because I worked on it, that's not braggadocious. Yeah Right, that's just me amplifying who I am. So I believe that if more people amplified who they are, they would walk in a higher stance and it would lead them to a better life.
Speaker 2:Not only that, but it puts you in a better position To serve others, because you're your best self, exactly Because now you're more vulnerable.
Speaker 5:Right. You start asking more questions, you start putting it out, and now it's coming back full throttle. That's what's up.
Speaker 3:Man Well, I just feel like I've been set up by Langston.
Speaker 6:Let me tell you Last week.
Speaker 3:Different. I was limping last week, man, I was in a bad way, okay. So I had a leg issue, man, I could barely walk around here, Langston said come on up here today. Man, come on, I think he set me up. I need to hear that. Man, yes, because you're right, I've set up boundaries, I've set up opportunities, I've done things right in relationships, I think, and in business. But is doing stuff? But my health?
Speaker 5:Everything external, you're excelling. That's usually how it goes. I'm on the back burner.
Speaker 3:with that man I eat late at night. I'm struggling. I need to come here and hear this conversation today. I'm struggling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Brendan, let me ask you this you know we can never tell blacks on crack, so I have no clue how old you are.
Speaker 3:So, if you don't mind, my asking man and I was limping and I attributed it to age. I'm like I'm just getting older man.
Speaker 2:You figured that's what it is. I'm supposed to feel that way.
Speaker 3:I'm just supposed to feel that way. But I don't think I am. I just think I don't eat right. I'm doing everything wrong. I mean I pull back on drinking, but I got to get out there and I got to exercise. I got to eat right. Yeah, I'm at the job high stress environment. When I go home to eat, I eat and I crash out.
Speaker 5:Yeah, After today he won't say he doesn't have time for himself any longer.
Speaker 4:We're on a wellness journey here, man. So even when your comments, when you were saying I kind of was thinking more along the lines of mental health, right, and what change looks like in your community, in your circles, so when you say that's a bad thing, people are like, oh man, you didn't change. I hope so, I hope I have, I hope I'm getting better. But we look at that as always, as negative connotation. You've changed or you think you got better. So in that same space that Brandon was in, you know, I've been there for the last couple of years and I'm now, maybe from January, coming out of that. So between January and April I lost like 35 pounds. Cool Congrats, thank you, man. But it started with the religious fast and then I was like, well, if I could do this for 21 days, let's see if we keep it going. And then I went to intermittent fasting and that just happened to work for me because the high stress, stress, stress, stress don't eat, starve your body didn't put the worst thing in as fast as you can find it and crash out. So you know those things are. But a lot better now. Actually.
Speaker 4:Just I moved to this building, to this school in april. Right, haven't only worked out once since april. I was on january to april on popping health, managing things like new environment reset. But now it's time to do that man. So I kind of inspire people around the building, the little things, but they think it's for them, it's only to do that man. So I kind of inspire people around the building and little things, but they think it's for them, it's only partially for them. I need people to watch me because the same way I'm hey, put that soda down. I see you ordered a wings for lunch, you know. Now I know people are going to look at me when I do it, like no, we've been waiting to catch you. You always saying something to us Double accountability, you know, in a fun way. So I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so you've been super busy as a new principal. Yes, you say you've only taken over here as of April.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I've been a principal for 13,. No, for 11 years. But I've only taken over this building.
Speaker 4:Gotcha, it's to get in the lay of the land, so I came into this space because there was an urgent need and so when I came in at first it was like I was put to fire a lot of late nights. But I'm also victim of when we're talking about manhood Mondays, right A lot of men. I'm always last on the to-do list for myself. I've got the fraternity things I'm doing. I've got 100 black men I'm mentoring. I got two boys, 15 and 13 years old. I'm at every game, every debate, coaching, training, we outside, running hurdles, doing the whole nine. So my list is I'm very low on my personal to-do list, yeah interesting.
Speaker 2:So, in terms of how this event helps other people and what you guys contribute to it, can you speak to that a little bit about what your expectations are and what you're bringing to the table here?
Speaker 4:So I'll jump out first. So Stephanie and I did a panel together with 100 Black men just talking to youth about mental health, mental illness, self-image, breathing things. So all throughout my career, even though I'm a school principal, trauma-informed practices, conflict resolution, wellness, self-image are really important factors. Right, those are things that have a lot to do. The same way, he's married that with the physical shape. That has a lot to do with your academics. It has a lot to do with your academics and your self-image.
Speaker 4:So I always believe in community wellness. I am a principal, but it's a mask, it's a front. This is my front. To have government money and resources to rebuild my community. Wow, amen. I'll just be honest with you. That's fully what my intention is.
Speaker 4:So you know, like the spook who sat by the door, you know, if you know events like this today, being able to come into this community, which good luck finding a grocery store, right, if you know where you are right now we're at John Lewis and Victus Academy, over on Hollowell Parkway. You can't find a grocery store anywhere in this community. Really, between here and the next two miles, I'll give you three liquor stores, five wing spots. There's even a strip club down the street but you can't find a grocery store, you can't get any fresh fruits and vegetables. It's a wellness desert.
Speaker 4:There is one park but it was kind of taken over so there's not even youth athletics, like none of these types of healthy things are in here. So when I can try to help bring quality events to the community, that matters and then, you know, make a lot of connections with people here, people that are doing wellness coaching, that are doing understanding, so I can start working on healthy eating, start working on gardening, growing things, just really just trying to educate the community. So it's a big space in a fun way. I love that, brother. How about yourself, brendan?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I just think about the mental health aspect of it. I just think about my own life. You forget that sometimes the kids that we serve here have mental health issues brought upon by things that may happen to your family. When I was a youngster, my mom was on drugs and although I didn't have a diagnosed mental health issues, I had issues, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Issues nonetheless, and it was people like Longley and teachers that I had, principals that made a difference for me. They noticed me. You know it's important that we notice these kids. It's important that we notice the needs of this neighborhood and Langston has it right on point. You know we are a food desert. Some of the teachers and I we talk in our clusters and we talk about how. You know there's nothing healthy around here for the children. There's nothing healthy for us around here. We're moving so much I don't ever get to uh bring lunch to school because I'm always doing something. So when I look to go get food it's always unhealthy food wings, fries, stuff I don't necessarily need, but it's quick, it's easy it's convenient, yeah, it's convenient.
Speaker 2:So I was driving in, I'm looking around, I'm yeah, this area needs some help, right. But then I pull up to this building and it's like an oasis in a desert. It's a beautiful building, it's a great facility and you guys are here doing this thing. It almost feels like this building was just put here.
Speaker 4:And that's the idea. So I'm coming from a feeder school, the elementary school. I was a principal there for the last 10 years and I tell people like jokingly, like I've done this work. So when I got there, I was principal four in six years. But in that space, you know, we built the trauma-informed practices. We built hydroponics, aquaponics, gardening, cooking. You know robotics, coding things that you know the community didn't have. And now I'm in the middle school and I can attach more space to that. But you know, it is what it is Like. We're going to be very honest, like, oh, it's down in Hollywood, the building is amazing, it's beautiful, the families are beautiful, the kids are amazing, but this is real Bankhead.
Speaker 6:This is real Bankhead.
Speaker 4:Bankhead Seafood is across the street. This is the community of T and a lot of beauty has come out of this space, but there's a lot of trauma and a lot of crime and a lot of victimization that's still taking place.
Speaker 3:And we see it every day, we see it every day with our students Every day.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we see it. So we have scholars. We have students who are currently unhoused and sometimes they leave. They don't know, that's on the.
Speaker 5:This isn't a.
Speaker 4:Some schools you go to like hey, we got that one kid, we're working on. We got like three or four per room. Wow, where am I going to sleep?
Speaker 3:tonight. That's real talk.
Speaker 4:Real talk. Is the police going to kick the door in? Are people going to jail? But you know, and I'm trying to do reading and math, but I've got other life challenges, and so the same way. Hey, you got to live it too, though Anything to add, Coach.
Speaker 5:I heard you twice say something about diet. You all are an influence at a high level for these children, right, when it comes to diet. It's about influence, right, and it's about moderations. So what, we're watching who we're around in proximity. So what, we're watching who we're around in proximity. So if we're going to help people, we have to help them to accept where they are and accept that this is the environment that we're in. These are the influences that come with that, and so we have to have moderations.
Speaker 5:If you learned how to eat bad, then it wouldn't be so bad for you to eat bad. Right If you fasted, intermittent fasting. Right If you upped your water intake. It's not about making time, it's about creating the life you want to live, and it starts at the moment that you decide okay, I'm gonna drink all water through the week and then drink Kool-Aid on the weekend. Right, that's a moderation, that's a start, that's getting going creating new habits right, and going creating new habits right. And then that's what helps the mind. That's when you start to create structure, that's when you start to learn oh, I'm more angry when I don't eat around this time. Let's work on that. Once you start to do that, you don't really have to tell people what to do, because now people are, you're attracting it. So look, there's a book called Atomic Habits.
Speaker 6:I've read it.
Speaker 5:It talks about patterns, and so if you created a system for when you you know that, let's just say, for example, at nine o'clock, when you're home, you're resting, right, you have a routine of I want to snack around this time, If you had a system, a face routine, a book you're going to read, right, the system would create the habit which would create a pattern which would help you get off of and then so you. What I'm saying is that, whatever it is we want to master, if you created a system around that, that's what will help.
Speaker 4:I feel like there's so many of us who keep learning this on our own Every time we become an adult now we 25, 30, 35, learning to take care of ourselves, learning to have wellness, learning to eat better. We have this grind mentality that we reinforce through the years, which is good for some things, but I kind of feel like there's a lot of black men who always have to figure it out on their own because there are conversations that we don't have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as they age, and they're trying to figure it out. Yeah, so, and you know, people always say there is no playbook for parenting, there is no playbook for life. But at the end of the day, what if there was? Isn't that kind of what we're designing here? Right, in a sense? Right, maybe, if you look at a white kid and there's no playbook. You look at a black kid, but there's no playbook. But they don't have ingrained in them the trauma through their DNA. They don't have the soul. And then I started from the same. You know, starting line. Starting line. Even if they might have grown up privileged, they have two parent household or they have even it's just the one. I don't like to say two parent household is necessarily privileged privilege. But because you still have crazy trauma there as well. But having mentors, teachers, life coaches, guys like you stepping in to do that, I think is amazing. How do we scale that?
Speaker 5:So I love that I have a movement right. I have an event coming up June 29th self-love in a safe space men's edition. So my events are about learning what you are accumulating, what are you doing the most of. Success is an effort, right. And so when you come to events where people are better than you, people are learning more than you or just as much, that effort in itself is going to accumulate to you being able to become and remember like okay, that is my, let me work on my posture, okay, you know what, let me work on my communication, versus trying to do it alone.
Speaker 5:Like you just said, we have to. We have to as black men, we have learned to, to not be influenced because of the jealousy or the insecurity, right, and they wouldn't. We wouldn't label it as that. We would label it as oh, ok, like that, he's nice, oh okay, that's cool, but it's like no, you have to borrow my confidence, because what I did and what I persevered through, you can actually borrow for yourself and implement it into your own success and learn how to be better. And so, once we start to see successful black men and we go towards it, it's impossible to be your own mentor If you, if you haven't had the experience of someone else who's already been where you're going, Is it for the person who would receive to know that they should walk up to people and just ask?
Speaker 2:And is it always a message for the person who has it to give that it can pour into others, to be more proactively doing so?
Speaker 3:And it may be the space you're into. We're educators. It's up to us to always reach for the key at first, because that's the environment that we're in.
Speaker 4:Also being a part of organizations helps me. Some people aren't organization people but when we talk about facilitating this movement, there's a lot of conversation around fraternities and those groups and those, whatever up and down. But I can say at least for like for the Qs, for the Omegas, there's a fatherhood movement that is national now that every chapter must do in terms of helping people fatherhood and doing that, mentoring, and the whole purpose of 100 Black Men is mentoring. So like that might be my space, but now what I'm saying is, if we roll that out as an initiative, every group in every city is actively doing something with that. If that's not your space, maybe it's sports. Yeah, coaching football at the park, like we are always looking and begging and trying to find good guys to come up and to coach sports, even if you don't know the sports that well, just being a solid man who shows up every day, you have an impact yeah, for this next conversation, my very good friend and co-host, Jabari Pride, is here.
Speaker 2:We get to speak with two amazing individuals Super Bowl champion Dominic Easley, a wonderful altruist, Also joining us. The creator of Divine Luminance Juices, the ever inspiring Floyd Stewart. Let's get it Again. I am your host, Stefan, with the Manhood Matters podcast. We have Jabari returning champ in the house, baby. That's what's going on, man. Thanks for being here. Man Appreciate you?
Speaker 9:Yeah, man, of course, of course, let's go.
Speaker 2:We also have Floyd.
Speaker 10:You want to introduce yourself, Floyd.
Speaker 9:My name is Floyd.
Speaker 10:Stewart. I'm from Kingston, jamaica. I grew up in a humble beginning, a place called Essex Hall, that's in the rural section of St Andrew.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this what is your business here and how does it relate to this particular event?
Speaker 10:Okay, our business is Divine Luminance Juices. This juice company started solely because of me. I was diagnosed with stage 4B nasopharyngeal carcinoma cancer.
Speaker 9:Okay.
Speaker 10:That's a cancer in the back of the nasal from 2021. Okay, yeah, so the juicing company started all because I couldn't eat food anymore. The food tastes like garbage and food tastes like cardboard. Yeah, so to speak.
Speaker 1:That's crazy.
Speaker 10:You know. So juicing have a lot of nutrients in it. I mean cold press, natural juicing at least.
Speaker 2:So I resort to that so you focus on your own healing, thereby helping others through this particular brand. Wonderful. We're going to talk about that a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir, focus on your own healing, thereby helping others through this particular brand Correct, wonderful, we're going to talk about that a little bit more. Yes, sir, and we also have with us Dominique, dominique Easley. I appreciate y'all having me here today. I'm with the NFL alumni, but, more importantly, I came here because I wanted to be a part of it. I'm big into mental health myself. I have a foundation, the Easley Foundation, to where we focus on vulnerability. I recently retired from the NFL. I played five years in the league. I was fortunate enough to go to the first round to the New England Patriots, won a Super Bowl and then I played for the Rams and then, unfortunately enough, I lost the Super Bowl to them.
Speaker 1:But throughout that journey I've had my own journey with mental health, and that came from where I grew up.
Speaker 1:I'm from Staten Island, new York, born and raised Single mom family grew up in the projects and I didn't realize I had trauma until I got out of the league, and that's when I started seeking help, to the point where now I'm about to finish school, I get my degree in December for my undergraduate, and then I'm going for my master's in family and council to be a therapist myself. Nice, so I look forward to that that's phenomenal.
Speaker 2:A couple of quick things. I'm from New York. I never met a brother from Staten Island before so I'm gonna tell you something about Staten Island.
Speaker 1:Everybody outside of Staten Island, y'all a bunch of rats that just threw in the barrel and y'all gotta share.
Speaker 6:everybody connected, y'all just all connected.
Speaker 1:They don't like us because on one side of the island it's just nicer, but on the other side where are we from? You know what I mean. So, that's why Queens, brooklyn, manhattan you know all of them Bronx they get mad at us because we have our own separate island.
Speaker 2:We actually thought of this because we were scared of gold digs and white folks. Exactly that was my problem.
Speaker 1:No, no, and that's the thing. People only look at Staten Island on the white side. Yeah, that's what I thought it was Because that's where the Italians were from, but not knowing, Nah Wu-Tang is from Staten.
Speaker 2:Island. Dude, I didn't even know.
Speaker 1:I swear to God, y from Staten Island. They from where I grew up, so there's a lot of people in the culture that has come from Staten Island, but that's right by the ferry. So as soon as you get on the ferry that's where everything is. When y'all used to come, we had to kick y'all out, so y'all didn't get the experience, trust me, I never even tried going because, like I said, this is new to me.
Speaker 2:I've always wanted to visit, but I'm always like nah, there's nothing there.
Speaker 1:People always think about it as the white people, but I get it, I get it, you know what I'm saying. I definitely get it, but you got to come to that side to see where it is.
Speaker 2:And then you talked about your mental health journey. Can you expound on that a little bit? In terms of where you come from, what led you on this path? You're an NFL. Be a therapist.
Speaker 1:Yes, so growing up, I grew up with a single mom. My mom and my father was my best friends, but they wasn't together. Since I've been together, grew up with my brother, grew up in the projects, my mom worked in the projects. She taught all my friends. She taught from like pre-K and under in the project. So that was our life. We didn't grow up with great relationships. I didn't see not one successful marriage. I didn't understand how to treat women because I came from a mother who was also abused by her father you know what I mean so who also had trauma on her and wasn't treated right by men. So she made sure that we wasn't being taken advantage of women.
Speaker 1:So she gave us what she gave us, which was I appreciate everything that she gave us, but that's all she could have.
Speaker 1:That's all she knows you know what I mean. So and then on the financial literacy side, obviously, growing up in the projects, I didn't. It's crazy because I had these conversations with my brother. He's not my blood brother, but we lived together in high school up until my junior high school. I never thought about anything outside of the next day, like well, of that same day, like I never thought about college because he was having conversations with his family about college and he would always ask me yeah, I don't remember never having. Yeah, I never thought about college until it was put in front of my face, like I never thought about what could happen five, ten years from now. You know what I mean. We just enjoyed the day, because that's where we came from.
Speaker 1:And growing up with that trauma made me a certain person. When I left Staten Island, when I went to the University of Florida, I didn't trust people. I wasn't open to people. I didn't understand what vulnerability was. I didn't understand how successful being vulnerable can make me. So I had a lot of great opportunities pulled from up under me because I didn't understand these things. I didn't have these tools in my toolbox.
Speaker 2:What you just touched on is not seeing tomorrow. You were just living in the moment. You know, and that's being taught today living the moment, living the now. But in your case it wasn't really out of anything spiritual or holistic, it was more. This is all I have. So why?
Speaker 1:help you overcome that. I'm a person that likes to be put at the bottom so I can soak in everything and then master it. So I seen a guy who was I was a sophomore, he was a senior, he was a top player in New York and his work ethic I looked at him was different from everybody. One day woke up I said I'm following everything that he does. Anything he does I'm doing Every day. I called him, woke up from school, wherever he worked out, I went to go work out and from there when he left, I separated myself from everybody at that point and that created a will in me and also seeing my mom work.
Speaker 2:Three jobs still make.
Speaker 1:I'm Haitian. That's funny, I'm a Haitian. Oh, stop what I say. So, growing up in the Haitian household, one thing that they do, they always cook. So, getting up in the morning, my mom always had breakfast, dinner, tea, and that's at three o'clock in the morning. She's getting up and going to work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I mean. So being able to see her work like that and I never seen my mom cry the first time I ever seen my mom cry was I surprised eyes so growing up, I never had an excuse, I never wanted an excuse and there wasn't no excuse for anything to be hard in life. So, having that type of mindset, just anything that comes to it, there's no complaint, there's no oh man, this is too hard, this is something I can't do. No, I get excited for challenges. I'm excited to beat something that nobody thought that either I could be, or even myself that I doubt it. That's what I live with on a daily basis and that's me getting better as a father, as a husband, as a friend, as a family member, in every which way.
Speaker 9:My emotional Intelligence, everything when people hear about your accolades, right, they're gonna assume oh he's special, right, he was just gifted with physical talents, or he was gifted with this hunger or this drive. He just had something special. Like, I can't be like him, I can't do what he did, because he's just different. Like, what do you have to say to those people?
Speaker 1:So I didn't start playing football to high school. Reason why I couldn't play football because I was too fat. I'm dead serious. So ever since I was in, I say, kindergarten, life been throwing challenges at me. It's crazy because they tried to put me in medicine because they said I was too crazy, I used to act out too much.
Speaker 1:My mom, fought against it. It wasn't happening. In the third grade I broke my tibia bone and I had to go to a handicap camp. I had to switch schools Adapted. By the time I got to the sixth grade, my brother started playing football for a football team called the Hurricanes and they just blew up. But I couldn't play, so every Saturday I had to run around the field, run around the track with a garbage bag, trying to lose weight. I'm in the fifth grade at this time Wow.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. And it never dawned on me like yo, I'm doing all this work and I still never got to play football until I got to high school. So that's four or five years of work and still never get into play. So, having that understanding, and by the time I got to high school I still didn't want to play football because I love basketball more.
Speaker 10:You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean so understanding, like who I was as a person and me being fat as a kid and growing up in New York. You know, if you went outside you played a sport and you wasn't good because it was cutting your ass.
Speaker 6:You was going to feel that, so every day.
Speaker 1:You had to be competitive, you had to go out there and try to win and me being me, I made sure that I worked at whatever I did, I made sure that I was looking to be the best. I found the best and I was looking to beat you. You know what I mean. And then I'm the type of person that I want to bring everybody with me. So if I learn something, oh, now he's learning it. And I'm saying this because I don't want to get this misconstrued of I find the best, I want to beat the best. No, I find the best. I want to beat the best and then bring them up to be better, because the better you are, the better I'm going to get.
Speaker 2:So Zumba class started and people were having a blast, we had to cut short our interview. Dominique unfortunately had to run out to his scheduled Haitian Creole language class. Hello, dominique, how are you Now joining us to discuss grief counseling is the charismatic Naeem Warrell and his super energetic four-year-old son mixing in with the background noise. Let's get it.
Speaker 9:Yeah, so today we have Naeem Warrell.
Speaker 7:Warrell yeah.
Speaker 10:You do a whole lot so I'm not going to try to sum it up.
Speaker 9:If you want to give us the brief what you do today and kind of like your journey to where you are now.
Speaker 7:Okay, so I'm Naeem Warrell. I've been a mortician for 10 years and I just transitioned into grief therapy. I can see how those two are related Very much so. So just in the community of just helping, I actually go to a lot of schools, elementary speak to the kids. It attracted me. The first time I think I went to elementary really close to my high school, just talking to the kids. It shocked me because each generation goes through more grief. I've seen more people die in my friend group than my mother did.
Speaker 9:Oh wow.
Speaker 7:And then going to the elementaries, I was thinking okay, these are second graders, you know first graders. I'm like okay, let me talk about fish dying Cause at that age.
Speaker 10:that's all I knew, yeah.
Speaker 7:So to actually see them actually go through grief they actually knew their uncle being stabbed or shot like that in the first or second grade. That kind of shocked me, put a culture shock. So I started talking more to the actual parents to see like, okay, it's early age to see a grief and the steps to progression.
Speaker 9:So I've just been in the community doing that a lot is it more so that you're having to speak with the parents to help the children, or are you speaking more with the children because they just don't know how to cope?
Speaker 7:uh, I'm dealing with the parents to help the children, or are you speaking more with the children because they just don't know how to cope? I'm dealing with the parents because it is a situation. They might not be religious. I don't want to put that on the children. So just kind of directing the parents on how to speak about grief and just seeing, because some of the children may not be as comfortable with their parents Like my kid, he'll be more confident to speak to other kids or other parents yeah so I can see that.
Speaker 9:So sometimes I just take initiative to talk to the kids before and then talk to the parents also it's funny you bring up that example, because I have a nine to seven and five year old and a couple years back we had a dog pass away, yeah, and I was just kind of like yeah, we don't have a dog anymore.
Speaker 9:Like I didn't really know yeah see, I, yeah, yeah, see I didn't really know how to have that conversation right and every once in a while they're just like like just a couple weeks ago. They're like I miss Blackie.
Speaker 7:And I was like yeah, so you want some? Cheerios. Yeah, you got to have fun and have a medium of just talking to them about it. You don't want to scare associated with that yeah so you want to have a controlled environment to talk to him. But at a certain age slowly introduce what you believe in and then go from there fortunately, we were able to get floyd stewart back.
Speaker 2:Let's dive into the mind of a true warrior. Floyd, welcome back, bro, give thanks. Yes, I wanted to ask you very specifically about your story. What I see is resilience. You were diagnosed in 2021, you said.
Speaker 10:Yes.
Speaker 2:So it's been four years. First off, how are you doing today? How are you feeling?
Speaker 10:I'm feeling great, I can't say I've got a hate auto 10. That's better than most.
Speaker 2:And your own product has helped you with the juicing Divine and your own product has helped you with the juicing Divine Luminance Divine Luminance juices. That helps you as well. Can you talk to us a little bit about your mindset? The reason I ask that very question is because a lot of people, once they get bad news, mentally they just plummet it's over. Why bother what's?
Speaker 10:made you fight and how are you overcoming All right? Growing up in Jamaica right.
Speaker 2:Normally when somebody have a situation or a disease or something like that.
Speaker 10:They started to decline. Sit around? Yeah. So I take that mindset and I put it in perspective. It's your mind. Your mind have to be strong. So I take it one day at a time. Eliminate stress, try to eat properly, try to exercise. Those are the things that a combination of things is going to help you push through whatever ailment or disease you have. Are you a spiritual person?
Speaker 2:Yeah, how does that factor into your recovery?
Speaker 10:It factors a major, major, major part, because you have to have God in you. You know, in all of this God plays a big role in my life. Knowing him for yourself gives you clarity and that kind of shows you the way how to go about doing anything. Say, for instance, the juicing. Each time I make a juice, I pray for it.
Speaker 2:Okay, Even the one you sell. Yeah, oh, thank God, I got some prayer in me. That's awesome. Yeah, me and my wife.
Speaker 9:And they're good too. Amen, very good, very good.
Speaker 10:I couldn't keep this to myself. I have to share it, you know.
Speaker 9:Yeah.
Speaker 10:So I would like everyone to just take a time out, get a juicer, start some juicing.
Speaker 9:Yeah.
Speaker 10:If it's too much for you, we're here to juice for you. How?
Speaker 2:do they find your business?
Speaker 10:Okay, we have a website Divine Luminous Juices.
Speaker 7:What are some steps that you can share if you feel overwhelmed in your day.
Speaker 2:Great question.
Speaker 10:When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I take time out to just do some exercise. My wife always says to me I'm not human, she doesn't know when I'm not feeling too good or too bad. She can't calculate it Because I might have the worst day and I still find stuff around the yard to do.
Speaker 2:Hey man, you're going to make me look real bad on this show because I try to avoid doing shit. I'm out of the yard on my best day.
Speaker 9:He's like I have a work day and I still have five things to do, because I plant some stuff too.
Speaker 10:I plant vegetables, okay, no herbicide, no pesticide. So, I try to grow my own stuff, juice as well, cook cucumbers, watermelon, stuff like that. My farm is therapeutic to me too. When I'm having a bad day, I just go in the farm, plow up some land and plant some seeds yeah, we just started to get into that a little bit cucumber.
Speaker 2:Well, I say we, my wife, um, I just, I just watch let's plant some easy stuff, yeah yes, sir, thank you, for I think that your story, story overall, is one that is inspirational. Instead of that being your narrative, you turned it into an actual business where you're helping other people as well through your own struggles. Yes, so yeah, thanks, man Appreciate it Good to meet you, Floyd.
Speaker 10:Yes, sir.
Speaker 9:And thank you for making great juices. It's been a long time since I had a vegetable that wasn't on a hamburger, so I appreciate that vegetable that wasn't on a hamburger.
Speaker 2:So I appreciate that. And for this last of our series of conversations, we are speaking with two phenomenal women. Antoinette Roberts, who dealt with immeasurable grief, the kind that would crush most people Just imagine losing your child to suicide but instead she found a way to help countless teens who might otherwise have faced the same fate. She also helps families of those she just could not reach in time. And finally, we are honored to speak with the architect of this amazing day, stephanie Carnegie, whose story is as inspiring as her mission is unrelenting. Let's get it. I love this background sound, this ambiance. Man, I wish I could just have that the entire time. I feel like I'm flying right now.
Speaker 8:Yeah, yeah, we saved the best for last.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what we've got going on. Right now, we have the person who has brought all this together, miss Stephanie Carnegie. Hi, how are you? Right now, we have the person who has brought all this together, miss stephanie carnegie hi, how are you?
Speaker 8:gratitude is my attitude I love it. Nice that's the space I'm in in this moment I love it.
Speaker 2:You know what's crazy here? Two things. One I didn't know it was men's health month. It is. I learned that from you. Um so, and the second thing is this is something that includes everyone yes, but you have a huge focus on men's health, in particular, men's mental health. You know everything that you're doing, so tell us a little bit about what brought this on, what led you on this journey and where we are today wow, that's such a loaded question.
Speaker 8:Um, so I am the executive director of Totality Wellness Inc. Which is a mental health and wellness community-based nonprofit organization whose mission is to one raise awareness on the importance of prioritizing your mental health, to in the stigma around mental illness and communities that are most impacted, and to work for policy and legislative change as it pertains to education and health care. When we're discussing mental health, we have a large focus on trauma-informed care, because our communities are indeed impacted with layers and layers of trauma that they don't get a chance to heal from, as well as youth suicide prevention, and so we believe healthy families build healthy communities. So we have essentially created an organization that creates programs, workshops, initiatives, and we do that through our partnerships and things like where we are today for our community day of wellness, to be able to encourage healing and wellness for the entire community, which is our men, our women and our children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's a lot. Is this your full-time thing? Because there's no way you're doing it on the side.
Speaker 8:It is my life's purpose.
Speaker 8:So my background I'm coming from working as a public relations specialist in the music and entertainment industry, so I did that for about 13 plus years.
Speaker 8:Prior to that, I was actually a speech therapist in the Department of Education. So you're talking about education, so working with the youth, so working with the youth, and then you're talking about working in the music and entertainment industry, dealing with a lot of people that have to be silent or feel like they have to be silent about their battles and the things that they're going through. So navigating both of those two industries, as well as always being transparent about my own journey in battle with depression and anxiety while working in the music industry and doing a lot of suffering and silence myself. When I got on my healing journey you know, getting into therapy and all of my wellness practices and started using my platform to share my experiences, is when I realized there were so many other people that were suffering in silence and just were looking for a safe space where they could get support and where they could find healing and know that they're not alone, and hence how Totality Wellness was created in 2018.
Speaker 2:You mentioned a path to certain legislative changes. What do you mean by that? What are you seeking and what are you hoping to have changed?
Speaker 8:changes. What do you mean by that? What are you seeking and what are you hoping to have changed? So I am originally from Bed-Stuy, brooklyn, new York. Yeah, exactly, brooklyn is everywhere, right? But less than a year ago almost a year now I relocated to Atlanta after navigating my own profound loss and grief is actually what brought me here.
Speaker 8:But working in the Department of Education and doing the work that I do throughout the communities with our mental health organization, we found that there was a lot that was happening with the youth. We found that there were a lot of educators in the schools. While great teachers, they were not equipped to deal with all the trauma that the youth were coming into the schools. But so when I say legislation, I'm currently working on a bill with a New York State Senator, senator Kevin Parker, and it's called the Tactic Act. So that's training and comprehension of trauma in children, and I'm not going to say if, because I'm going to say when.
Speaker 8:When that law is passed, that policy is passed, what it would do was it would mandate that there would be more training and more education around mental health and around trauma to the teachers, the school administrators and anyone essentially that was interfacing with our children so that they could be more equipped to support the adverse childhood experiences and all the things that they were dealing with. So that's what I mean when I talk about policy as well as healthcare navigating the proper resources that we need when we're dealing with our mental health challenges and being able to afford therapy. You know, all of those different types of things. Yeah, making sure that even the healthcare providers understand what it looks like, what trauma looks like, when they have clients that are coming in patients, rather, that are coming in and they're just not understanding the correlation between the physical and the mental.
Speaker 9:I'm sure there are a lot of people that have, you know, an idea of something that they'd like to see change in their community, but they're in a million years and never think that. Oh, I can reach out to my Senator and I can get a bill created.
Speaker 8:Right, exactly. So during COVID, right from my home, I ended up launching a show, an Instagram live talk show, called the Seat on the Couch, where I was basically having different people on interviewing, because the whole world has shut down.
Speaker 8:People were suffering and they needed resources on how they could still stay healthy in the midst of this global pandemic right. So I just started interviewing people whether they were therapists, psychologists, educators, parents, you name it the borough president on down, and so I ended up interviewing Senator Parker because of some of the previous bills I saw that he was working on and through that conversation he saw my conviction and my passion behind the love that I have for my communities and how passionate I am about wanting to see my communities heal and be well and be supported and thrive. And that conversation just led to me saying like I want to get into, like I'm not big on politics and politicians. I'm going to be honest, but I know that to make the impact and change that I want to see made, I'm going to have to get involved in some kind of level.
Speaker 8:And that conversation is what sparked him saying you know what, Come, let's have a meeting. Introduce me to the lady that actually writes all of most of his bills. And we got together, and that's how Minds was created.
Speaker 9:I think it's crazy because you hear a lot of people, especially our people, say it doesn't matter if I vote like my little, they're not going to do anything for me anyway, and the common thing that you hear back to that is well, okay, if you're not going to vote for the president, you need to vote for, like, the people in your county, the people in your city, your sheriff, everything.
Speaker 8:You know what? They don't know how important that is on the local level.
Speaker 2:It matters more.
Speaker 8:It, it matters more. Yeah, it matters way more because those are the people that are really able to like, push and make those changes. Like are you going to those community board meetings, are you finding? And they're not doing that, and so that's. I'm so glad that you brought that up because that's so important and because of the work that we do with youth suicide prevention. That was another real reason that I wanted to push that bill, because a lot of people don't understand that there is a crisis that is happening in our country as it pertains to black youth and suicide. Like, I hate to be the bearer of bad news and I say that every time I'm invited to like, but if it's the, truth.
Speaker 2:If it's a fact, then we're open to it.
Speaker 8:And I said I'll be the bad guy if that's what it's looking like in terms of bringing the bad news. The ugly truth is that suicide is currently the second leading cause of death for black youth ages 10 to 14. It's the third leading cause of death for black adolescents ages 15 to 19,. Right Black youth are twice as likely to die by suicide than their white peers. Right Suicide and black youth is one of the most overlooked issues in this country and, in fact, it's a public health crisis, if you ask me.
Speaker 2:Can I tell you something ignorant? I always thought it was the other way around, because I've always known that our people are so resilient that we survive and struggle through anything. We're not jumping out of the building because our stocks crashed. So you're saying with teens yeah, that's a myth that we're not jumping out of the building because our stock's crashed. So you're saying with teens.
Speaker 8:Yeah, that's a myth that we're dispelling because that's a part of the documentary and I'll mention that in a minute.
Speaker 2:You're so strong, you can't withstand anything.
Speaker 8:But that has been the myth and you know we could talk for days. I don't want to go there, but we talk about it in the documentary. That myth has even gone back all the way to the days of slavery, right, when the slaves were dying by suicide and some of them were jumping overboard, right.
Speaker 8:And they didn't believe that a slave could die by suicide, because they didn't believe that we even had enough feeling. So you see how later on it goes, to now we're too resilient, but back then it was because we weren't even looked at as human right so how could you have emotion and enough feeling to say I can't take this, you don't, you don't even feel, you're not, you're not even human.
Speaker 8:So that was the case then. And then you fast forward now and some of that trauma has been brought all the way into now. Oh, now we just, you know the strong black woman syndrome, the strong black man. They handle everything and carry everything on their back so they're not dying by suicide. That is a myth that we are absolutely here to dispel.
Speaker 2:We've been telling ourselves that for a long time, to the point where we believe it.
Speaker 9:Ms Antoinette, if you just give us a quick who you are, your business, because this is your topic.
Speaker 11:Thank you and I want to thank Stephanie for inviting me here. My name is Antoinette Roberts. I am the founder of the J Holman House. J Holman is Jermaine Holman. That's my son, who died from suicide 21 years ago, come December, and when my son transitioned actually because God said he did not die, he transitioned so that other sons can live, but actually because God said he did not die, he transitioned so that other sons can live, but my son took his life.
Speaker 11:People said to me are you sure that he was not murdered? Because black people don't die from suicide.
Speaker 11:Yeah, they don't believe that they didn't believe it, and so I'm here to dispel that as well and to say that resilience is BS. I'm the strong person in my family. I watched them put my son in the ground and I didn't crack a tear. Because of resilience Wow, because you got to show up for everybody. You got to be strong, and now that I talk about what I talk about, I have given my family permission to cry. Because they didn't cry. They waited for me to speak. They waited for me to cry because I'm the strong one. Resilience we are taught to swallow our pain. You're looking at a woman who's been through so much, and I carried that pain in my throat for many years.
Speaker 8:I felt like I wanted to cry and then, when I did cry, I couldn't stop crying and ended up on a therapist's chair because I had a nervous breakdown and that's what creating these spaces that we're in right now, today, are about right To let people know that it's okay to be vulnerable, to let people know that it's okay to be transparent about what you're going through so we don't have someone who spends years with the tears stuck in their throat because they feel like they're supposed to be too strong to cry, right.
Speaker 8:This is a place where you can come, you can release, you can feel safe, you can feel supported, you can be aware that there are resources out here so that you don't have to do that. Because I always say, see, when we do that, it's the trauma we're trying to break, the generational trauma, right? So in order to do that, we have to be in spaces where we can feel safe enough to understand that we can cry, that we can say no, I'm not OK. That we can cry, that we can say no, I'm not okay, right and no, I need support and I feel like I'm alone. But to know that you're not alone because I always say trauma not transformed, it's trauma transferred.
Speaker 8:Right and what we're here to do is to end that, to transform the trauma before it continues to be passed on and passed on, so then we don't have children. Like she said, her family didn't cry because they were looking at her right, and then if she didn't get to a place to break that, then those family members, then the next generation and the next generation that was going to just continuously be passed down. But now she's breaking all of that right now with the work that she's doing, and that's what we're here to do too, to just stop that stigma. You know, one conversation at a time, one room at a time, one safe space at a time, and yeah, that's true strength, what you're doing now, not what it was before.
Speaker 11:You know what's the crazy thing too, I always say that we are as sick as our secrets. Say that we are as sick as our secrets. My family is very secretive, and we are estranged, and not for no reason, we just are comfortable not speaking. And so we went to our grandfather's funeral and at the table was myself and two of my first cousins, and all of our firstborns have died from suicide. And we hadn't had the conversation, no one wanted to talk about it and we didn't understand what that even looked like.
Speaker 11:And now that I do what I do, my family has stopped speaking to me, because now I'm pulling the mask off, I bring gloom and doom. So now they stay away from me because I'm the spooky one now.
Speaker 2:Those are the same type of people who don't buy life insurance because they don't want to talk about death, absolutely.
Speaker 11:Or buy the life insurance and hide the papers in the wall and don't tell you where they at. Yes, that part you know what I mean?
Speaker 9:That's insane.
Speaker 2:So now, you're bringing awareness to it.
Speaker 9:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And healing. Yeah, because you know. Pardon my ignorance, but it sounds to me like it's happened to many members of your family. Is that something that's somehow genetic? I have no idea. It can be it's genetic.
Speaker 11:It's a lot of trauma, yeah, and we were first cousins, so there's a lot of trauma there that has been generational and hand down. I think also, too, suicide is genetic. They say that it's in the DNA. I want to say this, too, that my son didn't die from having a mental health issue. He died from fear because he was in a gang and he wanted to come out the gang and he had to kill someone. So instead of doing that, he killed himself.
Speaker 8:It's environment and in that case, it's also, it's environmental, your environment, and, like you said, fear, because that's what I talk about when we do our programs with the kids, right, when we talk about, just say, like community violence, right, violence that's happening in the schools, or school shootings and we had a conversation, I said so who is talking to the kids about how they're navigating, what they just saw, what they just heard? Right, if I'm a 12 year old kid who plays on the basketball court all the time and then one of my peers gets shot right and killed on that same basketball court, who's talking to me about? Did that make me afraid? Did that make me angry? What emotions did that bring up in me? How am I feeling? What am I thinking now and how am I managing all of those things? Right, because some may be fearful and may feel like you know what I need to get in the game, because the gang is going to protect me right.
Speaker 8:Some of them may just say you know what? I'm angry, so I'm just going to go find a way to get my hands on a gun. So now we're carrying a gun, and because you're so nervous as soon as somebody approaches you, now you don't pull out a gun and shot somebody. You've done that, like you said, out of fear. So environment plays a large role, I think, in that too.
Speaker 9:And that's what if you could explain what your organization does.
Speaker 11:So my organization supports suicide loss survivors. A lot of people don't realize the aftermath, the direct aftermath that happens after someone dies from suicide. We'll actually come into their space. We'll help them clean up. We'll send a biohazard there if the person has performed a suicide in their house, or we'll help them clean the space. We know that when someone has died, sometimes it's a long time to clean their space. It took me a year.
Speaker 9:Yeah.
Speaker 11:And I moved. I didn't even clean, I just moved.
Speaker 9:Yeah.
Speaker 11:You know, and so we come and support if they need someone to come with them to talk about organ donation, because that conversation has to happen, caskets to happen, caskets. Whatever it is, we're there, we also teach awareness.
Speaker 11:Awareness is so important before prevention. I didn't have a language for what I was seeing then, but now I do, and so we teach a lot of those things as well. I'm so excited about hearing that men are opening up about mental health, but I'm so over the spaces that they're providing without the resources, because now you had me open up all my scabs and then what? Wow, yeah what am I gonna do? So are you calling me and asking me do I need a mental health appointment? Do I need a ride?
Speaker 6:did you take?
Speaker 11:your medication today you know, you know how are you feeling, not how are you doing, how are you feeling. Those things are important and we overlook those things. So that's what the jay homer house does we actually support, because I believe that suicide is preventable and it's a symptom, there's roots. Nobody just wakes up in the morning and says I want to kill myself. Yeah there's roots Right, and so we have to get to the roots.
Speaker 8:That's right, and depression and anxiety is a big risk factor that a lot of people overlook, especially in the young people. Like you said, nobody just wakes up and wants to die, and even the ones who take their own lives. What I truly believe it is a sense of hopelessness. Right, because if I feel like there's nowhere I can go, like I had a conversation. So the documentary that we're working on is called Butterflies Jump to and it's all about the crisis of black youth and suicide in this country, and so we sit down and talk with families who have, like Antoinette who lost a child to suicide. We've spoken to suicide survivors I'm talking about. These are young people, 13, 14, 15 years old. We've talked to psychologists, educators, just, you know everybody you know that are part of this documentary. But one of the mothers, rosalind Tyson. She lost her son, trey Tyson, at 13 years old. He hung himself in his closet after being bullied in school. He took a pair of his suspenders and he hung himself in his closet.
Speaker 8:And his story is detailed in our documentary and his mother, who is a PhD. She is a PhD in nursing and she said sometimes you can't even see what's coming. And she said and it was so profound when she said, I wish Trey would have known the pain that he was feeling at the moment. That sense of hopelessness was a temporary feeling. You made a permanent decision for a feeling that was like temporary Right. And so I think that a lot of times that's what it is, especially with our young people. At the end of the day, they really just want to no longer be in pain. And what Rosalyn ended up finding out when she talks about in the document she found out that he had attempted and made like phone calls late that night to like his cousin and a friend. Nobody answered.
Speaker 6:Oh, wow.
Speaker 8:And she said in the document she wholeheartedly believes that perhaps, if one person may have picked up, she might be torturing herself with that thought.
Speaker 11:Yeah, but that's something that the J Holman House does as well. People write suicide notes, we write life plans. What does it look like? What's your safe word If I call you and say apples? I don't have to explain to you what's happening.
Speaker 2:I need you.
Speaker 11:Come. You know we talk about those things. Who are you going to call? How do I ground myself when I'm feeling that way? Because those things, when someone is in crisis, you don't know to do all those things because people plan their ending. So why don't we plan to live? I'm a nurse as well.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 11:And I worked really hard and you know that was one of the things that really got me, because I asked my daughter at the end of the day, am I a good mom? And she was like yeah, you know, we go to Disney World, we eat everything. You cook food, but you don't know if we eat it. I worked 16 hours a day, seven days a week, because that's how I dealt with depression.
Speaker 8:Because that was me when I worked in the music industry. When I started telling my story, I had clients and people that said, there's absolutely no way. Not the way you were showing up on video sets, not the way you were showing up for the press and media run when we had to go talk to the news people in the magazines about the project. That could not be you. And I said, yeah, I was showing up and not only showing up, I was superseding expectations. But then I would go home and sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed for three days and just really quickly to a point that you made and because I wanted to tell you it's not ignorance, it's just a lack of knowledge when you said, when I shared the statistics with you, yeah and you said you didn't know yeah.
Speaker 8:I have spoken on panels, done presentations in schools, churches, different organizations. When I share that information about what's happening with our youth and suicide, they are in shock. It's like completely over their head. They are completely oblivious that this is happening in our community. So it is not just you. A lot of people are unaware what is going on and that's why I'm grateful to be able to share this platform and be able to share this message and to sit down and have Antoinette a part of this conversation as well, because knowledge is key and that's why, when you look at my banner, it says stop the stigma, start the conversation. It starts with having the conversations, one conversation at a time.
Speaker 2:I mean if it's happening in our own community. How do we not know the stats? We should know that this is an epidemic, well one, because our families say you know black culture.
Speaker 8:You don't talk about what. Are you kidding me, Like you don't talk about what goes on in my house, and then you have parents that they maybe the ones that do see signs.
Speaker 8:I've seen some parents say, like you said when you said you asked your daughter am I a good mother? Right, because if my child child is dealing with depression or have had suicide ideation and have attempted suicide, you know. You have parents that are saying well then, what does that say about me as a mother, as a parent, what am I not saying or doing enough of? So it is definitely both. It is the stigma People are just don't even didn't used to like to talk about mental health and what they were dealing with Nevertheless, like a child dying by suicide or the rates of suicide in the community. So I think it's a culmination of things. It's a lack of the knowledge and then, yes, also that stigma and the secrets that prevent people from talking about it when they should be.
Speaker 11:And it's a shame. One thing that Jay Homer House comes up against every day is shame and guilt. My son has been gone 21 years. It has kept me in a space that I would not even launch forth, the j homer house, because I had so much shame and so much guilt like how could he do this? What kind of mother am I? Why would you even do something like that? How you even be a part of the gang? I'm a nurse. What are you doing? So it's a whole lot that you know. That had to come and I have no shame at all anymore, no guilt anymore, and I and I believe that we really need to conquer that shame and guilt, because that's what keeps us from even talking about the conversation.
Speaker 2:I want to send you all of my, my strength, my love and also any kind of way that I can assist, and we'll stay in touch thank you know I want to be part of that movement as something I'm already spread thin but I'm like any capacity, whether it's through this particular podcast, whether it's any kind of thing that I can do. You two stuff. What you're doing here is amazing Putting that together.
Speaker 2:And there's so many different people here from all kinds of therapies, and we've met so many wonderful people here. I've interviewed a whole lot of them. Kudos to you.
Speaker 8:Thank you so much Again. The mission is just to let people know that you're not alone, you don't have to suffer in silence and you can heal and make it through to the other side. You just have to know and believe that you're worth it. And in order for you to get there, you still have to be here.
Speaker 6:We need you here.
Speaker 8:Your life matters, you matter. That's the message. And again, you know mental health is health. Mental health matters encouraging people to take care of themselves. Reach out for support, check on your strong friends. Again, let's end the stigma. Hopefully that people will leave here today. Take the support and the resources because we talked about that. I'm glad that everybody participated in all the workshops and stuff but take what you've gotten here right. Take it and make it a part of your daily life and towards your healing. Spread the information, share it with somebody, things that you've learned and because, again, self-care is community care, so we have to learn to start taking care of ourselves and as we heal, then our communities heal.
Speaker 2:Love it, love it. So I want to ask I want to start with you and then you, antoinette where do we find you Website, social media, et cetera?
Speaker 11:The name of my website is called the J Holman House.
Speaker 2:Spell Holman.
Speaker 11:H-O-L-M-A-N. The jholmanhouseorg. There's something called the Holman House. Don't forget the J, because you're going to end up on the wrong website and then my Facebook, is the J Home and House, the place where the invisible become visible.
Speaker 2:Steph, I'm pretty sure you have a long list of social media websites and everything.
Speaker 8:Yeah, so my website is wwwtotalitywellnessorg. Our Instagram is totalitywellness. Instagram is totalitywellness. My personal Instagram is Steph S-T-E-P-H dot Carnegie C-A-R-N-E-G-I-E. My last name and just yeah, you can follow us there and you can email us info at totalitywellnesscom. Or you could just send a um org, I'm sorry. Or you could just send a message straight to our website, you know, to get in contact with us about partnerships, collaborations and to just find out more about our workshops and our programs. And just, please, be on the lookout for Butterfly's Jump to that documentary on black youth and suicide.
Speaker 9:Will that be out? You think this year, next year?
Speaker 8:We are looking to finish it this year. We actually have the short version, the 20 minute version. I was going to play the trailer here today, but it was just so much that was happening. But again, we're going to be working on some stuff. September is Suicide Awareness Month, so we have the short. It's a 20 minute short that's been in some film festivals and we're looking to complete the full length by the end of this year.
Speaker 9:So yeah, good luck.
Speaker 8:Thank you so much and thank you, guys for joining us, supporting us and for being here.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having us. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 8:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Alright, we'll catch y'all next week. Yeah, normally I'd end the show.
Speaker 9:I just feel like it's so inappropriate right now. Yeah, don't do it, we're losing it, you sure.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I'll just keep it regular.
Speaker 8:You sure. You sure Because I, I want to be a part of, like what the movement is.
Speaker 2:Traditionally we end every show by having someone just read the outro notes. But you have to do it, doing an impression.
Speaker 8:Oh.
Speaker 2:And you're going to be, is it DMX?
Speaker 9:Yeah, I'll make it bigger for you.
Speaker 11:Okay.
Speaker 8:We ready.
Speaker 5:Bring it. Bring it, please.
Speaker 8:support us by following the show, leave us a five star review or add more podcasts. Thank you so much for listening. We'll catch you next week when we share conversations surrounding real issues we deal with every day. Manhood matters. We out when my dogs at.
Speaker 1:That was awesome, that was awesome, that was awesome. Oh my God, that was perfect.
Speaker 8:Total men, take care of yourself.
Speaker 9:It's men's health month it's men's health month.
Speaker 6:Hey, I'm Allison Stefan's daughter. I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your fight, no matter what you're going through. There are plenty of support groups, including the ones mentioned on this particular episode and written in the show notes. But as a law student, it is important to note that the sole purpose of this program is to educate and entertain. It is not intended to be a substitute for a clinical diagnosis. If you're struggling with anything, please be sure to contact a licensed therapist, psychologist or doctor. In the meantime, we are sending you our strength and our love. Thanks for sharing the episode. Till next Monday.
