#53 - Are You A Perfectionist? Know What’s Behind Holding You Back

Perfectionism is often praised, but what if it’s hidden fear?

In this episode of Midlife Butterfly, Kena shares a raw reflection on perfectionism as a survival response rooted in the fear of rejection, judgment, and not belonging. This conversation it’s about understanding what your nervous system has been trying to protect all along. 

Through personal stories, including the one-year anniversary of this podcast, Kena reveals how perfectionism quietly keeps women stuck, invisible, and procrastinating, even when they feel deeply called to create, express, and be seen. Beneath the need to “get it right,” there is often unworthiness, people-pleasing, and a lifelong pattern of adapting to belong.

This episode gently invites you to look underneath the armor, not with shame, but with compassion. You’ll explore how inner work through body, mind, and soul becomes the bridge back to self-trust, freedom, and truth.

By the end, you’ll feel more aware, empowered, and ready to live imperfectly… on purpose.

✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

• Why perfectionism is rooted in fear and survival, not strength
• How procrastination is linked to unexpressed truth and nervous system safety
• What happens when creativity stays hidden and ideas remain unborn
• The truth about unworthiness, people-pleasing, and fear of visibility
• How inner work dissolves perfectionism and restores self-trust

🦋 Reflection Questions

1. Where in my life am I hiding behind “not ready yet”?
2. What might I create if I allowed myself to be imperfect and visible?
3. What part of me is asking for safety, not pressure?

If you’ve been feeling disconnected… even after doing the inner work—this is your invitation.
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Trust what brought you here.

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Transcript

Rethinking Perfectionism

Kena Siu 0:24

Perfectionism is often praised as a strength, but what if it's actually a survival response? Welcome, beautiful soul. This is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. I'm your empowerment guide can assume, and I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you're new here, welcome to our cocoon. You've just entered a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, it is sacred. And in this episode, I'm exploring how perfectionism is rooted in fear and why it can quietly keep us stuck, small and invisible. If you ever felt paralyzed by needing to get it right, this conversation is for you. Perfectionism is not a personality trait. I already figured this out. It's not a strength, it's not a virtue, and it's definitely not proof that you care deeply. Can you relate to this? Because what I have discovered is that perfectionism is rooted in fear, in survival. Fear of being rejected, fear of being judged, fear of not being accepted or not being loved, fear of not fitting in, fear of not belonging, you know, to a family, to a group, to a community. And the truth is, these fears aren't random. These fears they actually live in the collective because, as humans, we are actually wired to belong, to bond, and to survive together. But I don't want to say survive together. We're here to live together, and that's what I am here. Because I want to show you that it's possible to live not only to survive. Okay, and here is what it gets interesting because perfectionism, what happened, it paralyzes, it paralyzes you, right? Have you ever procrastinated? I mean, hands up, I have procrastinated so many, many times, and it's because of fear. I have self-sabotage myself, I've been trying to refine many times many things, and this is actually what my podcast has helped me with. And I want to tell you that today this podcast turns one year old, which I'm super excited to celebrate, and that's actually why I am speaking about perfectionism today, because I have it's kind of like a self-reflection of how much of that perfectionism I had to learn to let go. Otherwise, this episode and the other 50 plus would not be here. I wouldn't be afraid of sharing, or I probably will never launch it because of that perfectionism that I used to have. And the truth is that it has to do with your nervous system, with our nervous system, because our body is simply trying to protect us. That's the truth. The problem is that because of perfectionism, when we don't actually act, what happens? Your creativity dies very quietly, or sometimes it can be very loud, but you just try to, you know, hide it somewhere or get busy with something else. So you just at one point forget about it, right? Your ideas can stay unborn for the same thing. You have the idea, and then it's like, okay, later on, later on. But then when you finally come back to it, the idea is gone. Because the truth is, ideas are also going, they are in the field. So if you don't take it, that idea is going to someone else. Let me tell you. If you don't believe me, you can see it in history, right? Pyramids here, pyramids there in the other side of the world, and things like that that happened that are very similar. And at that time, I mean, we didn't have this kind of technology, or at least not that we knew, right? And then also, when we don't act because of procrastination, what happens? Have you ever feel that you have a sore truth or that you are coughing a lot suddenly and stuff like that? It's because your voice really needs to be expressed, and you're just trapped it there because you are afraid. The thing is, over time, this can become a very dangerous lie because you might think that something is wrong with you. You know, say something's wrong with me, but no, no, no, it's it's not that. The issue with procrastination is that there's trauma underneath, there are beliefs, there are programs, there are patterns that some of them can come from your life experience that you have now, or they can actually come from your family members, and a lot of them they come from the collective. The cool part is that you can work in this. I've done it, and I know you can do it as well. It takes inner work, that's the truth, again, because there is a lot of stuff going on there, there are a lot of layers, again, beliefs, trauma, patterns, all this, and at least in my personal story, what I can say that the root of all of this it was unworthiness. Does this resonate with you? Not feeling enough, not being enough, not trusting who I am, or believing that I am not lovable. And if you think about it, I'm sure this can resonate with you because these are some of the deepest human wounds that we are here to heal in this experience. Because yes, you are a soul, as I am a soul, but yeah, we are here in this human experience, and these kind of wounds and the wound of unworthiness. It's it's almost in everyone. Like I can give you a few examples. When I was a child, you know, I used to have really good grades when I was in primary school, secondary school, and I didn't realize until later on that it was more because I was searching for validation for my father. And then, like, simply when I started my business, it took me two years to show up in a camera. And simply because I was feeling afraid of judgment. And then when I used to be, you know, to go to more social events and stuff, I would rather be in the corner so nobody will see me because if they didn't see me, they didn't have to reject me, or they didn't have to judge me. So that's why I was avoiding visibility for yet a lot of time. So can you relate to this? Because I'm hearing many people, and and that's what I'm bringing it here by this self-reflection of this podcast anniversary, because I have also become a people pleaser. You know, I was shape shifting and adapting to everyone, and why? Because again, we want to belong. We are here to live this human experience of being part of a community, of a group. And the people pleaser is very, very common, and is also related with this unworthiness and reflected out through this procrastination thing that it comes from perfectionism, right? And again, we come back to the fact that it's fear, it's rejection, it's abandonment, it's about not belonging. And at the same time, we build it in a way of an armor so we can protect ourselves. Our mind and our body, they are so freaking lovable, smart, that to protect us, you know, to protect that nervous system, that's how it builds an armor in our bodies. The cool part is that we can turn this around. I've done it, and I know you can also do it. Because with the inner work, the deepest inner work that I have been doing in the past years, what I realized is that the more I accept myself, not just my light, even though we are afraid of our light too, but my shadow, accepting those parts of me that they're they we've been told to hide and to, you know, you know, the shame, the guilt, all these stories. But then the more I accepted that, and I love myself more, the more this perfectionism started to dissolve. And I remember something that is very essential, and it is the fact that I am a soul and I am here to live a human experience, and by accepting this, by understanding this, by comprehending this in my body, is how I can say that this fear I know it's part of me, and I know it's valid, and I know I can accept it because it's part of the wounds from my side, from my family, from the collective, from the conditioning, and it's also part of forgetting who we truly are before we are here living on earth again. So by doing the inner work, by working on my human, my nervous system, my beliefs, you know, my body, my emotional patterns became actually the bridge back to my soul. And it's not that they became, I mean, they are actually the bridge back to my soul, but that is the way how I was able to get back home. And I know that by doing the inner work, you know, body, mind, and soul, it has been the greatest investment of my life and the most beautiful, profound, and lovingly gift I ever given to myself. Because if I look back when I was a kid, at that time, perfectionism it looked more like a good quality, you know, something to be proud of. But as I became an adult, I realized that perfectionism was it became something that it kept me small. It kept me silent of not speaking my truth. It got me fucking stuck until I actually understood what was hiding underneath all, and it's what I just mentioned before. Today, because it's January 8th, as I mentioned before, I'm celebrating the first anniversary of Midlife Butterfly, and that's what I brought this self-reflection on how perfectionism has softened within, and of course, that's reflecting in my outer world by simply doing the work, and the most cool part is like how much freedom it has created within me, and how clearly that freedom is reflected outward. Why? By showing up, by speaking my truth, by sharing with others and with you here, by doing actually things perfectly imperfect in service of you and also of me. If perfectionism is something that is showing up in your life, just know that this is only the tip of the iceberg. If you feel actually called to explore those layers that are underneath in a holistic way, meaning through the body, mind, and the soul, I'm here for you. Because I know how it can paralyze you, how much it can get you stuck of actually building and creating a life that you love, that I would like to help you if you are open to smooth, to soothe that perfectionism that is keeping you from the life that you desire. So if you want to book a call with me, the link is in the show notes. And I know that the work that I do it changes lives. I have changed mine, and mostly like this past year with this podcast, but showing up by being there by speaking my truth, because it has brought me back home, home to my heart, home to my soul, and this is how I want you to feel because it's a more beautiful, expansive, and worth inner work to do. That's what I can say, and I want to thank you. Thank you for listening, thank you for your time, for your presence and your energy, and thank you for being part of this first year of Midlife Butterfly. Much love to you as usual. Send me a message at Midlife Butterfly in Instagram. I would love to hear about you. Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by giving follow whatever you're listening to and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those tweets and enjoy growth.