#57 - 7 Ways You Stop Giving Unnecessary F*cks

Most women don’t give too many fucks because they care too much — they do it because, at some point, it kept them safe.

In this episode of Midlife Butterfly, Kena Siu opens a raw, grounded conversation about what it really means to stop giving unnecessary fucks in midlife — without becoming numb, cold, or disconnected. This isn’t about rebellion or attitude. It’s about something deeper that begins in the body, not the mind.

For many women, midlife brings a quiet but undeniable shift. After years of being the good one, the reliable one, the one who holds everything together, something inside finally says: I can’t do this anymore. Not as a breakdown, but as an awakening.

This episode invites you to pause, listen, and notice what’s changing within you. By the end, you may find yourself feeling more anchored, more discerning, and more connected to what truly deserves your energy.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected… even after doing the inner work—this is your invitation.
Join me live on April 16 for a guided Neuro-Epigenetic Breathing experience to reconnect with your bodyregulate your nervous system, and come back to yourself..

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Transcript

Welcome To Midlife Butterfly

Kena Siu 0:24

Most women don't give too many facts because they care too much. They do it because at some point it kept them safe. Welcome beautiful soul, this is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. I'm your empowerment guide, Kenasiu, and I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you are new here, welcome to our cocoon. You've just entered a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's sacred. Hello, welcome to the podcast. This episode was born from a real intimate conversation with my pot sisters, let me tell you. Where Casey, one of them, shared how her relationship with not giving more facts has shifted and how she's grown. And I've seen it, like I can see it. And she expressed herself very honestly, embodied, and deeply revealing when she was telling us her story. And if you're here in Me Like Butterfly, it's because more likely you are devoted to growth, right? Expansion and transformation. And that path asks for something radical, which is honoring yourself in a beautiful, conscious, and apologetically selfish way. Yes, it does. The kind of selfish, you know, that brings you back into alignment with who you truly are. And this conversation is not about not giving more fucks. It's not about, you know, becoming numb or hard or actually cutting people off to prove a point. No, no, no. This is not rebellion or anything. It's really about coming back into your body, your truth, and your inner authority. And your body might feel that doesn't need more approval to feel safe. Because when you understand that not giving more facts is not about a mindset shift, it's really about embodiment. For many women, you know, this awakening really arrives in midlife. After decades of being the good girl, the reliable one, the one who holds everything together. Does this sound familiar to you? And at one point, what happened is that your nervous system quietly but very firmly says, I can't do this shit anymore. And that's what I consider that midlife is not a crisis, it's really an awakening, is where your soul is ready to speak your truth. What your soul is ready to fully experience what she came here to do. And not giving more facts is one of them, or many of them as you want to. Because many of them, we may think that they are kind of like, you know, you probably haven't even noticed them. Some of them probably, yes. I mean, these are not gonna be big news, but because of the conversation that we have with Casey, this is some of the things that she came out with. And then I was reflecting in my own life, and I was like, okay, and let's add something else in here. Okay, so here we go. Seven ways you stop giving unnecessary facts. Number one, stop betraying yourself, and this starts with self-boundaries. As you hear us it, self-boundaries. It's not the boundaries that you set with other people, it's the one that you set within yourself. Your boundaries with time, with your energy, with your own truth. Are you honoring those boundaries internally? Because the truth is that every time you silence yourself, you spend energy that you're not getting back. And that energy can be many different ways. So one of the things that you gotta stop doing is betraying yourself and honoring your self-boundaries. Number two, choose values over approval. If you notice, you know, the actions that you take, more of your beliefs and the programs that you are set it by is with the values that you have. Because we live based on those. For women in midlife, what's happening a lot of time is that we know those values are at intellectual level, and we usually abandon them. Why? Because we want to keep the peace, we want to be liked, loved, or accepted, we want to avoid discomfort, you know, in conversations and having any discussions or anything. So, which are really the values that lead you? Because if you are betraying those values, you know, for approval of everyone, you are self-abandoning yourself. And if you think about it, if you are doing this, the price is super high. Please stop doing it. Number three is become self-trusting again. We go with the self, we're always focusing on the outs, you know. When we think, I'm not giving a fuck, yeah, but we usually say it about something in the external, but we're coming here, we're coming back home, so it's about self-trust. When you have trust in yourself, your nervous system comes down. So please practice it. How is it possible that you're going to trust someone else if you're not trusting yourself? We gotta shift that out. Okay. And what I mean with this self-trust is about again coming back to you, to your self-love, and say, okay, what is it telling you the truth? Are you actually living situations that drain you? Are you tolerating being misunderstood and saying, yeah, I'm okay with it? Because peace comes when your body knows that you won't leave yourself again. I'm gonna repeat this. Peace comes when your body knows you won't leave yourself again. That's why this is translated to the nervous system, to the parasympathetic nervous system. Number four, stop performing for safety. I'm sure you can relate to some of this because I mean well, we're here for a reason, right? Have you been a people pleaser of your CLEs? Are you overgiving? Are you a perfectionist? All of these are survival strategies, and if we don't go to the roots of the wounds that are causing us to cope with these survival strategies, we're gonna keep doing it. So when you take the time to heal your wounds, your nervous system, because it's gonna feel safe, is gonna know what it's triggering it, and even though when the trigger can continue there or can fade away or actually disappear, but your body is going to know that it doesn't need an approval to feel safe. Because all that I mentioned, you know, the people pleaser, the overgiving, the perfectionist is a way of protecting yourself. And once you go through that, you know, you're gonna be able to feel safe within. You're gonna be able to stop doing all this shit, you know, about other people, our situations, because you're gonna start feeling more at home with you, more safe. That kind of safety that comes from within. It doesn't come from the exterior, believe me. And when you get to that state of your nervous system, your life is going to change. And I'm certain of this because I already done it. At the same time, let me tell you that this is a continuous practice because not giving facts, it's a continuous practice of staying present, of being aware what's happening, because then we move to number five. It's your body that is deciding. We have focused too much in awareness, and I already say this, but I think we usually consider or relate awareness with the mind, having that awareness of, you know. But the truth is, the mind is one point. The mind is the one that it's receiving, but that awareness is received by your five senses and even more. As you know, it's your aura, it's your energy outside of you also that you can feel. So when you start noticing more your body and letting your body decide, instead of searching for the I don't know, the answer of the better solution or whatever it is that your mind is telling you, it's when we commit a lot of errors, if I can put it between quotes. So, what I recommend here is to tune in more with your body. As simple as taking a deep breath, put your hands over your heart, and let your heart decide. Your body knows the sensations in your body is going to tell you what is good or not for you. Because it could be good for someone else, but if it's not for you, you gotta listen. You gotta listen to your body, is the body awareness, truly what I'm talking about here. Another point, and this is very hard to do, is grieve who you had to be. You can't stop giving facts until you grieve that version of you who survive by giving them. Otherwise, you're going to continue over-explaining, over justifying, overstaying over and over again. And to be able to really survive between quotes, it's important to take the time to grieve that version of you who's no longer here. And it's hard, why? Because the ego, really the mind, she doesn't want to die. So sometimes when you are doing the inner work, when you have already, you know, defined which values you want to, you know, live from, you start self-betraying yourself and start more, you know, self-trust and all those things. That version of you, that ego that is like, but I'm not able to manipulate or to control here anymore, is going to try to pull you back over and over again. And that's why it's very important to be present as much as possible. Because why do you think it's it's a grieving process? It doesn't want to die. Your ego wants to keep surviving, even though it does, in but in a different version, but it's seriously something that is continuously, continuously, and what I do is really thinking that version of me that is dying. Because whatever I am now, it means that that version of me, or how many, I don't know how many hundreds of versions of me actually brought me where I am here now. And when I bow and honor that part of me and feel that gratitude, it really changes. It it really changed it, it feels more at ease because I am doing it from a place from of love and not of a place of lust, if that makes sense, and the last one make your facts sacred. Yes, please. So it's not about not caring about anything or anyone, it's about my facts are limited and I choose where they belong. It's really that if you think about it, because you are the one who's taking the decisions, you are the midlife woman here, and you're a woman from head to toe, and wherever you are in your life at this moment is because you freaking do it, you've done it, and I'm sure that you have the resilience and the strength and the power to keep doing it, and that also includes considering that your facts are sacred. Okay, and I'm coming back to the point that it's about the body, it's noticing your body because that's the one that is speaks to you, it's not your mind. Because when you're not giving more facts, or better say, to not give more facts, you need to check where is your energy leaking. What I mean is like when you feel you know drained or frustrated compared to when you feel peace or excitement, that kind of energy of how you're feeling, that's how you can notice if you're giving a fuck or not. Also, is notice where your body tightens, you know, instead of expanding, if it's tightening, is it your shoulders, is it your stomach, what is in it your body, that sensation, what is it that you can notice that something is off, and then also notice what feels like a quiet no. Because sometimes it's very subtle. Probably you can have a conversation with someone, and then suddenly you start having like a headache, and you're like, Oh, oh, it was this kind of conversation that I was having with this person. And then you might not notice at the very moment that it was draining you. So probably next time that you are with that person, you can say, okay, either when I either you avoid them or when you're with them, you just put more attention and shift the conversation to something that is gonna make you feel better. Because how many times do you actually say yes instead of a no? When we don't want to go to a reunion or a gathering or whatever? So when you take a moment to be into pause, into a stillness, let that silence do the work. Because that silence, when you are in presence, in total presence, you're gonna hear your body through their sensations, through pulsations, through tightness. So this is very important because again, we are on the move all the time, doing and doing and doing that. When we forget to be, to come back to a state of being, you're not gonna be able to notice those facts that you're not giving anymore, that you are actually continuing to do because you are protecting yourself. Again, those are those are protective mechanisms. I really hope that this episode brought something in you, even if it's a tingle or you know, something was touching you. Because the work is not about really caring less for people or things or situations, it's really about coming back to yourself. That's what it is about, and I want to tell you that there is a space forming for women who are ready to stop performing and stop, you know, giving facts about others and start listening. Listening, listening in a different way. So please stay tuned for home. It's coming soon. Thank you for listening again. Much love to you as usual and take care. Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and leave enjoying growth and pleasure.