#60 - When Success Isn’t Enough & Speaking Your Truth Frees You

You built the life. You survived the heartbreak. You carried the shame.
And yet… something still feels heavy.

In this powerful conversation, I sit with Candi Rose — author, speaker, single mother, and woman who transformed a past filled with trauma, addiction, and secrecy into a life of purpose and midlife empowerment.

We talk about the shame so many women carry in silence. The identities we perform to be chosen. The success that looks impressive but doesn’t heal the wound. And the moment midlife becomes less of a crisis… and more of a spiritual awakening.

This episode is about freedom.
Freedom from your past.
Freedom from self-judgment.
Freedom to speak your truth and step into a new identity.

If you are navigating divorce, reinvention, grief, or simply questioning your purpose in midlife — this conversation will feel like coming home.

By the end, you’ll remember: your truth is not your weakness. It’s your liberation.

✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

• How speaking your truth dissolves shame and builds self-trust
• Why midlife is an awakening, not a breakdown
• What happens when success doesn’t equal fulfillment
• The truth about healing through journaling and radical honesty
• How freedom begins by breaking isolation and forming connection

🦋 Reflection Questions

1. What secret am I still carrying that is asking to be released?
2. Where have I confused silence with strength?
3. Who am I becoming when I choose truth over approval?

Candi Rose Contact Details:

Website: https://www.candirose.com

TEDex Talk: https://youtu.be/AApYIyGW6YQ

If you’ve been feeling disconnected… even after doing the inner work—this is your invitation.
Join me live on April 16 for a guided Neuro-Epigenetic Breathing experience to reconnect with your bodyregulate your nervous system, and come back to yourself..

Sign Up Now: home.midlifebutterfly.ca/freesessions

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Through nervous system regulation, Neuroepigenetic Breathing, and grounded integration practices, you create safety in your body and expansion in your life.

This is where insight becomes lived experience.

Join the Waitlist: home.midlifebutterfly.ca

🦋 Work With Me
If this episode landed in your body and not just your mind,
you may be standing at a threshold.

I offer connection calls for women who feel ready to move, align, and embody the inner work they’re already doing.

This is an intimate conversation to feel into whether working together is a true yes.

If you’re done searching and ready to choose yourself more fully,
you’re invited to book a call through the link below.

Trust what brought you here.

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Transcript

Opening Question: Success vs Freedom

Kena Siu 0:24

What if the life you built to prove you were enough is the very thing keeping you trapped? Today we're talking about secrets, the ones you buried to be chosen, the shame you carried so no one will see your past. My guest went from bulletin, nearly homeless single mom, and abusive relationships to building multi-million dollar properties and standing on a TEDx stage. And yet, success didn't set her free. Speaking, her truth did. Let's dive in. Welcome, beautiful soul. This is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. And your empowerment guide Kena Siu. And I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you are new here, welcome to our cocoon. You've just entered a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's sacred. So take a deep breath, drop into your heart, and let's dive in. In today's episode, I have the pleasure to have this beautiful lady, Candi Rose. She's an author, speaker, and storytelling coach who turned Shamefull past into a life of purpose. Once a college drop-up with a criminal record and a survivor of severe trauma, she went on to flip hundreds of homes and build multi-million dollar properties. And today, as a full-time single mom, she helps people reclaim their voice, rebuild self-worth, and step fully into who they are here to be. Welcome to the podcast, Candi. It's a pleasure having you here. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. Oh, I'm glad to have you. And I would like to start by you telling us a bit about your story. My story is pretty long. Since we're gonna dip more into not feeling enough and the transformation that you went through your life after, you know, a lot of well, the roller coaster of life, basically. So yeah, I would like you to yeah, to tell your story like regarding like that side of your experience.

Candi Rose 3:14

Yeah, I would say, like many of us women, I've been through some very difficult times in my life. I am a full-time single mom to a 15-year-old daughter.

Kena Siu 3:25

Okay.

Building Success And Carrying Secrets

Breakdown At 40 And Choosing Truth

Shame, Judgment, And Self-Worth

Candi Rose 3:25

And in my younger years, I had a lot of trouble with actually, it started off I was bullied in high school. And that's kind of what tipped everything for me. I ended up going down a pretty rough path and not really valuing myself, you know, as a hurting teen. I was acting out and drinking and drugs, and I got into a lot of trouble with the law. I ended up dating men that did not treat me very good because I didn't value myself. And I ended up getting into abusive relationships, and I ended up having a child out of wedlock, and I ended up raising that child completely on my own. You know, it was very hard. It's very, very hard, as I'm sure a lot of your I'm I'm assuming there's a lot of single moms on this platform, and it was very hard, and it was at first very was very angry when it happened, and I was nearly homeless with a baby. I had no car, no money, no job. And when I became a single mom, we never saw him again. So she doesn't know her father, and it was a very difficult time for me. I made the decision after that event to, you know, pick myself up and I was going to work really hard to build a life for my daughter and I and to make it an extraordinary life was the word that I used, you know. And you did. Yes, but it wasn't easy. And you know, it's okay that things aren't easy, you know. You know, at the time when I became a single mom, I was 31. So, you know, I was, you know, not necessarily super young, but like it kind of it was time, you know, that tipping point in life where you know, a lot of people are getting married and having families, and here I am, uh, you know, I just had a baby and I'm nearly homeless with nothing. So I felt a lot of shame about that. I felt a lot of anger. But in building it all up, I ended up building my career back and working really hard, and my faith was very, very important to me. And finally got back up on my feet, and here we are today. So things are going well today. I just did a TEDx talk on why speaking the truth sets you free. I know that. Thank you. Thank you. And just FYI, it is actually about setting yourself free from your past, from the secrets of your past. And I think as a woman in my midlife, that I've had a lot of secrets. I know that I've had a lot of secrets, and I feel that, you know, I kept all these secrets inside because I didn't want to be judged, I didn't want to be rejected, I wanted to be wanted, I wanted to be chosen. And I felt like if I had told, if I had talked about the traumatic events of my past, somehow it was gonna, somehow it was gonna backfire on me. And, you know, I think growing up, we're taught not to talk about a lot of stuff. We're taught to kind of keep it inside, you know, you don't talk about it outside of the family, you get over it, you know, you move on. And I tried, I tried to do that. But as it would have it, around the age of 40 is when I had a breakdown. And I said, no, I can't hold it in any longer. I've got to, I've got to find some sort of relief from my past. I'm I think at this point I was going through some sort of mental breakdown, and I just wanted to be free. I wanted to be free of everything that had happened in my past. And I was like, I'm gonna start talking about it. I'm going to get help. I'm going to start journaling. And, you know, journaling was very therapeutic. And I began to heal. And as I began to heal, I began to step into the woman that I was always created to be. And that was in my midlife. And that is where I am now on this journey of understanding that we aren't supposed to hold everything inside. We're supposed to, we're supposed to basically, you know, it what many of us have gone through, we're supposed to understand, like it wasn't fair that we went through it, but it's okay, and we can become stronger from it, you know, definitely. And that's kind of like my story in a nutshell. I have so much more to tell you, but I don't want to take the whole thing, you know, we're gonna dive it into that.

Kena Siu 8:39

Thank you so much for for sharing this. And I want to go back to what you said is this the secret of your past, because it's we are so suppressed, and we're being told to be the good girl, and again, as you mentioned before, because we don't want to be rejected or not be able to fit in, that we are afraid to speak our truth, and we keep all these secrets. But I I feel you because at one point it's it's just it just bottled up, and we are not we cannot be truly ourselves if we don't speak that truth.

Resets, Mindset, And Resilience

Candi Rose 9:21

Yeah, yeah. It's it's hard too because you don't you don't want to be judged, you already feel judged because you know, especially if you are now raising a child on your own, you know, people are wondering, what did what did you do to cause that, you know, as a woman. And so you're already feeling judged, or you know, I was in an abusive relationship for four years, and people I I felt judged me for why did I stay for so long, you know? And I don't know why I I know now why I stayed. I stayed because at the time I didn't have a lot of self-worth. And I didn't think that I deserved a better man in my life because of my past. And so I allowed people to treat me that way, but I didn't know it at the time. I know it now, and I can see it now with women who are in relationships that they shouldn't be in. And the only reason they're in those relationships is because they don't believe they deserve something better, and so that's like our what we need. We have to show them love and we have to show them worth like somebody else showed me. You know, I deserved better than that, yeah.

Kena Siu 10:38

Yeah, and and I think that when we're in that bubble, we don't realize it until something. I don't know, either we get out of that bubble suddenly, we are pushed, or it's it gets to a point that we are like, I'm fucking done. Like I can't handle this anymore. Yeah, and it's hard and it takes a lot of resilience.

Candi Rose 11:06

Yes, it takes a lot of resilience and a lot of uh focus, and that comes from mindset, yes, and that is very hard to do, but it is not impossible. And I think the thing about having a reset in life is understanding that you're going to feel sadness, you're gonna feel that sadness, especially if you've had somebody in your life, you know, a significant other that's been there, you're going, you know, breaking up with somebody is very hard in the beginning. It's very hard.

Kena Siu 11:42

It is because it's decades of the same beliefs, patterns, and then the collective is telling you to stay small that you are not enough. They continue to tell us just with the images of how a woman supposed to look in color of hair, of eyes, skin, the sizes, all that.

Faith And The Five F Words

Candi Rose 12:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's difficult to be your own person, it's definitely difficult. But you know, for me, my faith was a really big thing for me, and so that always keeps me centered, is you know, whenever I'm having a really difficult time, I just always have to remember to get focused back on my faith. And so I always call them F words or the best words. That's what I always say. And I say faith, family, fitness, finances, and freedom, you know, and so when you focus on those, nothing else matters, you know? It's like faith is first, you put God first, family is second, you put your kids second as a single mom. Kids come over men, ladies.

Kena Siu 12:52

Yes, I'm only talking to the single.

Cutting Dating, Alcohol, And Distraction

Candi Rose 12:55

If you're married, you're supposed to put your husband first. But if you're single, you gotta focus on your kid, and then you gotta focus on your finances. And so I I, as a single mom, I cut out dating pretty much. I mean, I don't date very much, but I cut it out for about a year and a half when I first became a single mom because I couldn't focus on everything I wanted to achieve while dating. And so something had to go. So I had my child, I didn't have any money, I needed to make money, I needed to take care of my mental health, I needed to, you know, take care of my physical health, you know. I I had a lot going on. I was very depressed, and I I had to focus on all that, and I decided, okay, I'm gonna cut dating out and I'm gonna focus on God, I'm gonna focus on my kid, I'm gonna focus on making money, I'm gonna focus on my fitness, and everything just took off. Oh, wow.

Kena Siu 13:55

It's incredible when you get to prioritize yourself, yes, because it has to be first you for other things to actually move on, and I mean move on on a way that you that you want to, because I mean, we are the creators of our own reality, and for that it's like where to put, as you mentioned before, the focus, so then to create a life that is gonna feel joyful and fulfilling from the inside out, yeah, yeah.

Band-Aids vs Inner Work

Candi Rose 14:26

And and it wasn't it wasn't easy, you know. We're created to want to be with people, you know, physically, you know, in relationships, you know. I get that, I get that, but at the same time, you gotta pick and choose what's important to you until you get to the level that you need to get to. And I just feel that, yeah, relationships are too much trouble to it's just while you're in that building phase, you know. Yeah, what and and when you're in the building phase, you're also, you know, for me going through a lot of things that I went through, very, very challenging things, my mental breakdowns, all those things, you know. When that happens, it's like, okay, I need to start reading like self-help books, spiritual books. And it's really is about filling my soul up with good stuff, you know, instead of societal stuff, you know, like going out and drinking and hooking up and dating. No, that is not gonna help us. It doesn't help us, it's fun. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, uh-huh, but it doesn't help us, and so it's like, yeah, we gotta we gotta take a step back.

Kena Siu 15:42

Yes, and I think that uh again, until we get out of those bubbles or those breakthroughs, then we say, okay, it's my time, it's until we really probably can reflect a bit more and then take the decision of going inward. Because unfortunately, so many times when I mean I'm divorced, so it could be very easy for me just to probably go dating right away. But I was like, no, I really want to go inward. I gotta focus in myself. What do I need? What do I want? And once, you know, we are able to fulfill those things within, or at least to get to a level to say, okay, I know who I am better. I mean, we're always learning who we are, but how come we are used to focusing on someone else when we don't know anything about ourselves?

Enoughness, Wholeness, And Midlife

Candi Rose 16:38

Yeah, that's funny because I was just talking to somebody about that on another podcast earlier, and he was saying that it seems like so many people are putting band-aids on their life and they're going and they're looking for somebody else to come and make them feel better. And somebody else does make you feel better sometimes, you know. But unless you fix yourself, they're never going to make you happy, you know? And you're never going unless you fix yourself, you never really know yourself. You have to, you know, you have to really go deep to to find yourself again. Like to be honest. I mean, that's I I think that's what midlife is all about for anybody, yeah. Whether we're in the cocoon environment, yeah, or somewhere else. By the way, I love caterpillars and I love butterflies. So I used to catch them when I was little and I loved them, and yeah, but and that's like I mean, spirit animal is like I've gone through so much uncomfortableness to just become this beautiful butterfly. Butterfly.

Kena Siu 17:43

Yeah, but no, but but you were saying is uh because you say fixing, but then you say it's more like remembering who we are, it's not about fixing because that fixing that we think is out there is just that we have been fragmented so many times because again, we think we're not enough, we don't fit in, we feel shame, guilt, plus the opinions and expectations of other people that we get we fragment ourselves that we think we are not whole, and because we feel that we are not whole, we think we're not enough. One the truth, the truth is we've been enough from always. The creator made us whole on earth, we're not gonna be enough, yeah.

Candi Rose 18:28

Yeah, I think I think midlife just means that we're realizing what was important, what what should have been important all along, yes, and that's our happiness and our family, and uh helping with our aging parents and giving back to the less fortunate. Uh it's like I guess, you know, it's like we have to get to this place in life to go, oh, yeah, none of that really mattered. All that stuff that we used to do didn't really matter. And I think it's beautiful, and it makes me tear up, and it must be because I'm emotional and in my midlife.

Kena Siu 19:09

But but I think it's beautiful.

Candi Rose 19:11

So I don't think it's we're not having a crisis, we're having an awakening.

Kena Siu 19:15

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. What happened in for you that it brought you to this like this awakening of then noticing, yes, uh like I'm worthy, I am enough. What was kind of like the breakthrough there, like moments?

Healing Through Journaling And Prompts

Candi Rose 19:32

So at the height of my real estate investing career, I'm a real estate investor. Okay, I had been flipping hundreds of homes, I built multi-million dollar mansions, and I even filmed a pilot on HGTV. So everything was going really well. And at the height of my career, I just closed on the biggest project of my entire career, and I was miserable. I was so lonely and I was so resentful. And I was like, why am I being resentful? I had just built a home for my daughter and I. I mean, I had everything going for me, and I knew something was wrong. Something was really wrong because I thought, why am I not being grateful for this? And that's when I decided I was going to leave the United States and move to Spain. And I did. I moved my daughter and I to Barcelona, Spain, and I decided while we were there, we were going to learn Spanish. I put her in a concertada, and I began to write my book. And so I began to write my book, and that's when I began to really try to figure out why I was so unhappy. And that's when I went back and dealt with all of the trauma and the shame that I had been feeling for decades of my life. And that's when I began to find my freedom because I began to, instead of ignoring it, instead of ignoring my past, instead of suppressing my past, I decided to face it, which was very uncomfortable, very sad. It was very hard, but it was very necessary. And that's what led me to eventually publishing my book and launching a speaking career and then getting on a TEDx stage. So it's been this process of really going back to what broke me as a child and working through that to be able to be here now, talking about it.

Kena Siu 21:26

Oh, wow. So is really your book naked, the one who propulses you to start speaking your truth then.

Candi Rose 21:33

Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And I never in a million years thought I would be an author or a speaker. So anybody listening thinking, oh, well, that's great, like understand me when I tell you this. It's a process. You don't just wake up one day and think, oh, I'm gonna get on a stage and tell everybody about my past or I'm gonna write a book. You it it's a it's a small process, it's a gradual process of of healing and finding your freedom. I don't like to say I'm not a healer, I help women find their freedom. So that's what I do, and that's what I like to basically give everybody the opportunity to find freedom, like I did from their past, so they can be happy again. Okay, you know, when you're happy. You've you when you find your freedom, that's when you find your purpose, your new purpose in life. Because it's there all along. It's just that you're lost and you don't know what it is. So when you find that freedom, then you step into your new identity and then you find your purpose over there.

Kena Siu 22:42

What is your I'm curious then? What is your definition of freedom?

Owning The Past Without Shame

Candi Rose 22:49

Freedom. Freedom from your past means no longer being ashamed of the things that were done to you or the things that you did in your past because you were trying to survive. I'm a survivor, so I dealt with a lot of a lot of my actions. Excuse me, I was trying to mask the pain that I felt. So I was did a lot of I did a lot of drinking and drugs and I was promiscuous. And I I felt so much shame about my life that I considered at one point taking my life when I was younger. So having freedom means no longer allowing your past to control you. It means embracing your past and using it as strength, you know, using it as strength instead of it, instead of allowing it to continue to break us, we take it and we we say, you know what, that's our past. It's not fair that it happened to me, but I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna grow strong from it, and I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna speak about it because when you speak about it, you help other women to find their own freedom from whatever they're going through because so many of us are suffering in silence. So when I talk about it, people are like, Oh, well, if she did it, I can do it. And then they talk about it, whoever is in their life is gonna be like, Oh, well, if she can do it, I can do it. And they just make this big domino effect of you know, women finding themselves again and finding freedom.

Kena Siu 24:21

Yes, I love that, and that's so true. What you just said, we suffer in silence because we think we're our we, I mean, we isolate ourselves because we think like this is only happening to me when that's not true. I mean, it might not be the exact same situation to another person, but we go to a lot of similar things around. I mean, we are a billion people and we're in the same planet, right? So it's like somebody is going through something similar to you, but we we are coming back to that shame and that guilt. That that's I do believe that's why we don't speak it up.

Community, Safety, And Connection

Candi Rose 25:00

Yeah. And you know, this day and age is so powerful because we have the podcast, we have communities, we have ability to connect. When I was going through all of my stuff, I was alone. We didn't, we didn't have all of this stuff. I wasn't on social media, we didn't have the podcast, you know, it was just kind of like you just dealt with it. And, you know, maybe you found a community like at church or somewhere, but even then it was still difficult because you don't really want to open up unless you know those people have experienced something similar because you are we are afraid of being judged. And it's like, oh, what if I tell the wrong person? If you tell the wrong person, they might react in a way that you don't want them to react, and it could push you back into your silence because of the way they reacted. So it's very important to find communities like yours, like mine, where you know that you can go and be safe and you're not gonna be judged. And that's where healing begins. Yes, that's where free freedom begins. I say I say healing, it is healing, but that's your your step towards freedom is breaking the isolation and forming connection, you know.

Kena Siu 26:15

Yeah, breaking the isolation and forming connection. I love that.

Candi Rose 26:20

Thank you.

Freedom Defined And The Domino Effect

Kena Siu 26:21

Yes, yeah, and I and it's funny how it is actually intertwined. This, as you said, it's it's finding that freedom, finding that community, but at the same time, by going back to the self-love and self-worth, it goes kind of like intertwined for us to be able to open up more and more. Because the more we we trust ourselves and we know we are more enough, because again, it's going through layers, right? The more we're gonna be open to talk to others, or probably from some other women, it's vice versa. Probably they need to first speak up, so then for them understand that they are already whole and and they are worthy. I guess it could be from different ways. There's no only one way.

Editing The Book And Letting Go

Candi Rose 27:13

Yeah, no, there's multiple ways, but a lot of people don't start speaking first. They, you know, for me, it was very much very therapeutic to be writing. And I know people say that all the time, oh, you should journal. You know, it's so it's so helpful. And you're like, well, what do I journal? But there's so much to journal. And I think that, you know, that's where you really have to come to terms of like that's work, it gets a little bit more specific. And, you know, when you have to journal things, such as like certain questions I'll ask in my community or in the in the workbook, you know, when they're doing something is like so, so how did that like not how did that make you feel, but like when you realize, you know, when they start, I'll say instead of you know, nobody really started with shame when you were born. Nobody had shame. We had pain. And so where did that pain come from? And then, you know, when when you have a question like that, you're like, oh, okay, well, let me think about that. It's much easier to journal when you have a question instead of like, my day was great, I had eggs for breakfast. You know what I mean? Like when you have a question like that, and then it's like, you know, when when I talk about nobody builds walls on purpose, but when did you when you built that wall, what did you think it was protecting you from? And they're like, Oh, yeah, well, yeah, I was being, you know, for me, it's like I was being bullied, so I I decided I wasn't gonna let people in, you know, I decided I was gonna, and then so what I'm saying is is there's a there's journaling, there's speaking, there's all kinds of ways to find freedom from your past. But typically, from what I've seen, a lot of people feel more comfortable writing about it first. That's kind of like the first step, and then eventually they're like, okay, I think I want to talk about it now. And that might not be necessarily showing their face, like it could be, you know, it could be them not showing their face and talking about it. There's a lot of different ways for people to, you know, do it while they continue to find their comfort level of where they are. Okay. Yeah.

Kena Siu 29:33

How I'm curious, how long did it take you to write your book?

Candi Rose 29:38

I wrote my book in probably not very, I wouldn't say like it the whole book taught me, took me maybe six months to write, but I edited it for years. Okay. The editing is like really, really crazy. And at some point you have to say, it's enough, like I'm done, you know. And I had an editor, and so she would edit it, and then I would go back in and change and add, and then finally she was like, Katie, you have to be done with this book, you just have to put it out there.

Kena Siu 30:16

Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. I can still go back and change. So that's yeah, because we're continually continuous continuously changing and reframing our past, right? Yeah, so so in that case, yeah, because you're talking about journaling. So in that case, like when since your 30s, it's when you start like journaling more at a deeper level, just to say, as you mentioned, not just what did you eat today, like more like self-reflection writing.

Being Judged And Choosing Your People

Tangible Shift: Calling And Community

Candi Rose 30:47

Yeah, yeah. For me, I just wanted to tell my story, I just wanted to get it out. I didn't, I it it's made me feel sick. So I wanted to get it out. I felt like if I could just write it, it'll I'll be free. If I could just write all the horrible things that I've ever done, yeah, or that were that that happened to me, because when I say horrible things I've ever done, you know, a lot of things happened to me that weren't my fault, right? I wasn't it wasn't my fault that I was abused, it wasn't my fault that I was bullied, it wasn't my fault, you know, that I was left to raise a child on my own. But the way I responded to those things was my fault. So it had to take a lot of it was hard. I had to take the responsibility that I was here in my life because of me. Even though those things were not my fault, the way I responded to them was so because I wasn't responding very good, it kept escalating and snowballing and all of that. So it was like I had to get to a point where it was like, okay, I've got this. And so I wanted to write about everything I did because I did, you know, I almost went to prison. I mean, I I the the book goes very, very detailed into a lot of really, really gruesome, vulgar stories of my life, right? Of like things that I did and things that I found situations I found myself in and how I felt. And like at my darkest point, you know, I'm talking about how I'm, you know, on the floor, just throwing up like profusely, because I had done so many drugs and alcohol that night. And I just remember crying out to God, like saying, you know, please take this pain from me. And I remember going to sleep and thinking, I hope I wake up tomorrow because I don't know if I'm gonna wake up because I was so sick from the substance abuse. And I wanted to write about that because I I wanted to just get it out. I didn't want anybody to think I had any more secrets, I didn't want anything to be used against me. I just I just wanted it to be out, and so I was like, I'm gonna write this book. And I put all the things in there, and then I but I put all the good stuff in there too, you know, all of the you know, ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. And then eventually it it landed on an up. So that's why I wrote it, and that's why I think journaling is great because it helps you to like purge, you know, just get out. Yeah. And when you when you write about it, you have to face it. So you're no longer suppressing it, you're actually facing it, you're just writing about it.

Kena Siu 33:51

Yeah, I love that your perspective about the book was that like getting it out to free yourself from the past. But I think unfortunately, I mean, and more as women, we are very afraid to tell our truth because we think we're gonna lose respect or you know, or safety, or as you said before, being judge.

Humanity, Faith, And Emotional Range

Candi Rose 34:14

Yeah, and you might, you might, you know, that's like the thing is is then the people that are judging you, those are not your people. People that are judging you because you want to be better and you want to tell the truth, and you wanna you wanna you wanna own what you did, or you wanna you wanna own it. It's like, yeah, I did that, you know, I shouldn't have done that. That's very hard to tell people, but I don't want to be like that anymore, so I'm telling you what I did, and I'm gonna work hard to become somebody better, you know. And I worried for a long time that if I wrote this book, I would never find a man that would love me because of all the things I've done. But then I realized I don't want to be with a man if he judges me for the things that I've done. I want to be with a man that loves me through all the things I've done. Yes, so it was very, very difficult, but it was very, very necessary.

Kena Siu 35:22

Yeah, yeah. Wow. My my eyes are watering now because that is so true. We we are afraid to show all our parts, and if we want, and not only men, anyone, any relationship. If I mean if it's true to ourselves that relationship, we gotta they gotta love us the way we are, fully. Right? And even if they don't understand it, it's just about accepting, yeah. And and that's all we need. Because we are all.

Practical Grounding And Daily Focus

Candi Rose 35:56

I mean, it's yeah. I was afraid what my two fathers would say, my step, my dad and my stepdad, they still haven't read my book. I still worry, I don't know what they're gonna say when they hear my TEDx talk because I talk about a lot of stuff on stage. I don't know what they're gonna say, but then I thought it's not for them. It's not my message isn't for them. And I just, you know, so just because, like somebody asked me earlier, they said, Do you have do you just not feel shame anymore? And I said, Yeah, I feel shame. I still feel shame. It's just that I don't let it control me anymore. Yes, and the way that you overcome the shame of your past is by not letting it hold power over you in the darkness, because shame holds power in your secrets in the darkness, and if you want to heal, you've got to get it out somehow. Somehow, you don't have to go write a book, you don't have to go get on the stage, but you gotta get it out somehow. You have to somehow get it out, and so uh there is that chance that people might judge you, and that's the chance that you have to take during your journey to finding freedom. But once you do that, you will find other people out there like you, and that's when you start building that community, and you're like, Oh, I didn't know there's so many other people out here struggling, like I was, and now you're with them, and now they're supporting you, and you're supporting them, and you're helping each other along the way, and then you start to think, I don't even care about these people anymore. These people over here judging me, I don't even want to be with them. They don't they're judging because they don't understand, they've never walked in my shoes, they've obviously never gone through anything difficult because if they had, they wouldn't judge me. You know? Yeah, of course. They wouldn't. Like if you, you know, if you're an addict, you're not gonna judge another addict. If you are a mother of an addict, you're not gonna judge another addict because it's touched you somehow personally. If you, you know, so if you're a single mom, you're not gonna judge another single mom who's out there trying to do her best job. But if you've never had to worry about that and you've been married and you know you're perfect and you've never made any mistake, she might judge a single mom. You know, yeah, they don't they people judge what they don't understand. And I guess the point is you don't want those people in your life, anyways, if they're gonna judge you because they don't understand you and you're never gonna make them understand.

Marriage, Commitment, And Openness

Kena Siu 38:37

Yeah, we don't have to. No, no, we don't have to, and as you said, I mean, you write it down, you publish it, and you are speaking it up because it you are doing it for yourself first. That as a ripple effect is you're creating community and then you're helping other women, people in general, it's it's a consequence, it's a domino effect of what you did for yourself. And I think I think what matters the most because you are not doing it for others, even though it sounds selfish. But I one of the things that I have learned that is that we have to be selfish, because that's the only way that you can in that case that you are building and you have built what you have done because you prioritize yourself.

Candi Rose 39:25

Yeah, and I had to do it for myself in order to know that it would work for other people. So yeah, I did it for myself, and now I can say it works, you should do it. Yes, please. Come on over. Tell me your secrets. I promise I won't judge. Um, and I am not, I am I am the most non-judgmental person. And I have so many strangers that just come up to me and start talking to me. And I'm I used to laugh and like in a nice way, I'd ask my daughter, I'd say, Do I have a sign that says tell me your story? And I guess it was just, you know, when you start to heal and you start to find freedom, you just have this new aura about you. You're just like, I am I'm at peace, I am happy, you know, coming from many of us women that have been in horrible situations, rock bottom situations, desperate, hopeless. I've been there, I've been there. But when you start to get to the other side, you know, you have this, I guess, this aura about you. And so a lot of people would just, I'll just meet them and they just tell me their story, their life story. And this was before I even started speaking. But now that I'm a speaker, I have tons of people always waiting lined up to come and talk to me afterwards, which I love. But it's funny to look back and see like I had that before I started speaking about me. And now it's I feel I feel honored that people would want to that feel safe enough to come and tell me things that they don't typically talk about. Like I feel honored to be that person, you know?

Naming The Season: Freedom

Kena Siu 41:04

Yeah, of course. Of course, and just like you probably feel honored for us to come and tell you our stories, of course, yes, it and it's a gift, yeah, because it's a gift to in this case for me to to receive to receive it, to receive your wisdom, your your experience, and at the same time, when we get to offer it to others, it's also a gift for them. It's it's it's just it's so it's just so beautiful, yeah.

Candi Rose 41:34

It is beautiful. Beautiful. Once again, you know, we have our ups and downs. While it's beautiful, we just have to really, really enjoy it, you know.

Joy Practices: Gym, Rollerblades, Pole

Kena Siu 41:47

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, and that's I I read this not a long time ago somewhere in Instagram that it said something like, I if God is testing you, and one of the things that I have realized is like God doesn't test us, it's it's just life itself. That's what we come here to experience as humans, and because if we think or we believe that we're being tested, it's like meaning, like, what am I a bad girl? Like, what do I need testing from God? If God is love itself, he just wants to experience through us, and it's like, okay, let's just jump, jump in in there and say, Okay, what do you want to experience through me? I'm here for it, and yes, it's gonna be all those ups and downs, but I guess it's just seeing life from a different perspective and seeing it, okay. What is it gonna be? We don't know, but we are ready, and the more we feel that groundedness and we have that faith, is is what it can't just hold us here and say, Okay, uh, I like I'm ready to whatever it is to come.

Closing Gratitude And Listener CTA

Candi Rose 43:04

Yeah, that's that's the pretty sorry, my nose is sniffles. That's a pretty strong statement. I'm ready for whatever is to come because you're like, oh, what is that gonna be? But yeah, yeah, you gotta, I think that's what it means when people say I'm being tested, is is like, are you going to you know keep the faith that things are gonna work out or are you going to not keep the faith? And you know, it there's been times that I've gotten down, even you know, being a believer and you know, having such a great uh you know outcome of a lot a lot of events in my life, knowing that my faith and God helped me get here, I've had slip-ups where I've fallen off and I've gotten really sad and I've acted out. And I don't want anybody to think that I'm perfect because I'm not like I'm human, you know. It's just that those things happened fewer and further between now. So I don't act out every time now.

Kena Siu 44:18

I'm human, ladies. Yes. I'm glad that you that you mentioned that because yeah, I mean, I say. Yeah, it was hard statement to say whatever it happens, but it's more about that, like saying, Yeah, sometimes we're gonna feel like shit, and sometimes we're gonna be angry at God, and it's it's yes, it's valid because it's again, as you say, we're humans, it's it's experience, and it's like, okay, what are we gonna experience today? What are gonna be the emotions? It's gonna be joy and expansion, or sometimes it's gonna be sadness and grief and all the range you know that we have here to to beautifully experience through our bodies, it's just yeah, and and we're women, so we have this extra, you know, uh emotional sense about us.

Candi Rose 45:10

We have these hormones that really just really play into everything. So, but I have found out that not drinking helps those. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun, I know, but that's definitely helped me a lot in you know, my my keeping more steady, you know. Yes, uh cutting out the alcohol. I know that's not a very popular topic, but I found that that that's helping a lot. So, you know, sometimes you just have to cut it out. Like I said, you have to cut out the dating for a while. You might need to cut out the alcohol. You gotta figure out whatever it is that I know there's a lot of people listening that you know, they have a lot of things going on in their life, you know, and they're uncertain about things or they're confused or they're feeling worried, you know. And sometimes the best thing for that is, like I've said in the past, is you know, faith and spending time with family and going for a walk and you know, really taking time to really see what's going on with myself and reading and really just spending time with yourself as much as you can, you know. If you have children, I get that, but there's always a little bit of time that you get with yourself, you know, whether it's in the shower or maybe they go to school or whatever, but you know, or maybe at night after they go to bed, but there's just always a little time. And instead of allowing your mind to just mindlessly search the internet or watch things, you know, you can always watch a show like yours or whatever, you know, get some some positivity in your head and stop letting societal influences come in and make you confused. Because sometimes you just have to figure out I've got to get focused. And what is that? What does that look like for me? And you will find it. You'll find it if you stay focused on the F words or the passwords. You'll repeat them again. Faith, family, fitness, finances, freedom. And there's one other word, F that we like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not that. I always say, no, you gotta take that one out. We're not doing that, ladies. We're taking that one out. Uh yeah. Fornicating. Okay, we're not doing that. We're taking that out to get us to get us in line with what we need to do. Unless you're married, then you need, then you, I don't know. Then you do whatever it is you do that married people do. Yeah, it's your choice anyway. I haven't been married actually. So I do have a daughter that's almost 15. I was engaged. I called the wedding off and when she was about one one year, four months, and then we never saw him again. So I've raised her on my own, completely, completely on my own. Never received any child support from him. She doesn't know him. I don't know how that happens because I can't ever imagine leaving my child. But you know, I've never been married, and I always wanted to be married, and then I hear from a lot of married who are not divorced say that they're never gonna get married again, and now I'm confused.

Kena Siu 48:30

So I'm I'm sure whenever, you know, whenever you get to another romantic relationship, your soul is gonna guide you, and then because at the end it's it's not uh I mean I I didn't divorce twice, like marry it twice and divorce twice. So my way of seeing it is just the a paper is not gonna give you the commitment. So it's more about that. I mean, we can be committed and not needing in that case uh a paper between so yeah, it depends what you choose to do, and that's very you know what? I don't know. I'm not gonna say no because I I don't know. Yes, I'm open to it. Let's see what's gonna happen.

Candi Rose 49:12

Yeah, that's that's good. I think that's a good mindset to be. It's like, I don't know, because I don't know. Yeah, do you want to get married?

Kena Siu 49:20

I'm like, I don't know, maybe I thought I did, maybe uh yeah, it's I don't know, it's just the flow of life, and and I guess it's it's about how we feel at that moment and with that person, and then how we want to build at the at the very moment. We we don't know until we get there, right? Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I would like to know like since now you're really like owning your story, you are speaking and you have wrote about it. What is really like the tangent tangible impact that has created in your life?

Candi Rose 50:06

When you say tangible impact, like what do you what do you mean exactly?

Kena Siu 50:09

In this case, what you said before you have the the your business, you know, like for what was it about the houses, but then it's when you realize that was not it because you feel felt miserable. But now that you are really speaking your truth, what is it that you can see tangible and also like in relationships, whatever, yeah, like what has been kind of like what you can see because you there.

Candi Rose 50:36

Yeah. So I am still a real estate investor, I just put it on pause to go find myself and write my book. But the tangible thing now is really just living in my new calling. So I feel like my new calling is to go out there and speak my truth so that I can encourage other women to speak their truth and to change lives. And I love to speak and I love to write. I have a couple other books that are half-written that I will be finishing hopefully soon. And I am creating a community now for women to be able to come in and share, speak their truth, become comfortable with facing their painful past, show them the way to their own freedom. And so that's that's what makes me feel alive. I really love it. Like real estate investing, that's fun, but this is a feeling that I have never really felt. It's like it's just an amazing feeling to be doing something that you love and helping people while you're doing it. Yeah, and it's genuinely that's what I love to do. So to be able to do what you love, they say you'll never work a day in your life. And that's what I want. I want women to be able to find freedom from their past so they can find themselves again and find their purpose so that they can live out the rest of their life doing what they love and helping others with it.

Kena Siu 52:15

Oh, I love that. Yeah. I think I mean it's been such a beautiful conversation, all your shares or your your wisdom, and and knowing that you are doing the work that you love because you did the work because of your faith, because of your your resilience for your life and how you have allowed yourself to feel that freedom by forgetting in other no, no, forgetting, forgiving your past and allowing it is just it's wow, what I can say. I think I did it, I think I do believe that it's it's it's incredible. And I would like you to share like where where can the audience can find you.

Candi Rose 53:20

So I am going to give you all of my links afterwards because I'm working on that free community right now. Okay, and I'm always giving away like free things to help people, you know, because I that's like my at my heart, like I want to help the masses, you know. And of course, there's all of other ways to do different kinds of coaching in the future, but I'm really just creating more of a community right now to show women how to take that next step towards finding their freedom. So I'm gonna give you all of the links, and then when you when you share this, they can go there and they can join the community, they can see my TEDx talk that's coming out in about 30 days. So, probably when you're gonna be sharing this, then they'll be able to, you know, join my social medias and stuff too, if they'd like.

Kena Siu 54:10

Okay, beautiful. We're I we're gonna put all that on on the show notes. And uh, I would like to know how would you call this stage of your seasoning of your midlife? How would I call it?

Candi Rose 54:25

I would call it freedom.

Kena Siu 54:31

Freedom, love it, freedom, yeah. And to close with this this question, what's a pleasure you enjoy the most?

Candi Rose 54:40

Oh, I love to go to the gym. Is that what you mean? Yeah, whatever in whatever feels you feel pleasure, yeah. I love to go to the gym. I'm actually gonna go after this uh podcast, and I also love to rollerblade. Oh nice, yeah, and I have also been doing uh believe it or not, I don't typically talk about this on podcasts because sometimes people think, uh, what is she talking about? But I've been doing pole dancing, but I thought you were going to say that it's poll tricks, ladies, not the actual pole dancing in a club, okay? I I did that when I was younger, that's in my book. But no, it's about it's pole fitness and it's so beautiful and it's so challenging. And to be doing that in my midlife when most of the people in there in their 20s is awesome. So I would say if there's anything challenging that you've been wanting to try and you're thinking, oh no, I'm too old for that. No, you're not. No, you're not. It might take you longer, but it's okay. You can still do it if you want to do it because you should try things, and yeah, yeah. I'm all about leading by example, as like, hey, I did this crazy thing, you should try it.

Kena Siu 55:58

Yeah, there's it's never too late, it's just about you know bringing curiosity and then being open to it. And I know that pole dancing is as you said, it's challenging, but I I I think it's such a beautiful way of exercising body, mind, and of course the soul is included in that.

Candi Rose 56:16

Yes, yeah, and it's more of like the pole inverting and tricks and stuff, just because I can see like people going, what is she doing? What is she talking about? But anyways, it's it's a lot of fun, it's a lot of fun, yeah.

Kena Siu 56:30

So that's what life is about having fun, sharing love and sharing truth. Uh, and what about you so much? What is your favorite things to do? To do uh rock climbing. Oh, yeah. I've been doing that. I I kind of uh last year started like it over. I tried a few times before, but last year I was like, Yes, I want to try this again. I just loved it. I mean, it's you gotta be present or present, like you don't have any other option, and at the same time, you know, you're exercising the body and it has kind of like a technique and stuff, so I just enjoy it so much. I I love it.

Candi Rose 57:10

Wow, yeah, that I that sounds scary to me. I wouldn't want to do that, but that's awesome. That's awesome that you like to do it, yeah.

Kena Siu 57:21

Yeah, yeah, it's very fun too. Yeah, thank you. Well, Candy, again, thank you so much for being here in Midlife Butterfly for sharing your voice, your wisdom, and uh thank you from the heart. Seriously. Thank you so much for having me. My pleasure. Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening to and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at MidLifeButterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and leave enjoying growth and project.