#65 - What’s Truly Happening In Your Body During Midlife with Dr. Heather Awad

Your body is changing… and no one really prepared you for this. 

The things that used to work don’t work anymore. The control, the routines, the way you’ve always managed yourself… suddenly feel off. And underneath that frustration, there’s something deeper — a quiet disconnection from your own body.

In this conversation, I sit with Dr. Heather Awad to explore what’s truly happening in midlife — from hormonal shifts and weight gain to emotional eating and self-criticism. But more than that, we open a different path, one rooted in awareness, nourishment, and self-trust.

This is where you stop fighting your body… and start listening to it.
Where you soften the inner critic… and build a relationship that actually supports you.

Perimenopause and menopause are for you to remember how to live in your body again — with trust, with compassion, and with freedom.

✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

• How to work with your hormones instead of fighting them
• Why emotional eating is more subtle than you think
• What happens when you pause instead of reacting on autopilot
• The truth about insulin, weight gain, and midlife metabolism
• How self-compassion creates sustainable, lasting change

🦋 Reflection Questions

• What is my body asking of me that I’ve been ignoring?
• Where am I trying to control instead of listening?
• What would shift if I treated myself with more compassion today?

💜 Dr. Heather Awad

Vibrant Menopause Weight Loss Website: https://vibrant-md.com

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Free Gift for Listeners: https://vibrant-md.com/breakfast

🦋 Work With Kena If you're ready to move beyond knowing and start truly feeling it in your body — I'd love to support you. I guide high-achieving women back to who they truly are, beyond the roles, over-functioning, and patterns that have kept them disconnected from themselves. 

✨ Book your connection call: https://links.ivorey.io/widget/bookings/connection-call-midlife-butterfly

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Music: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Transcript

Midlife Shift And Welcome

Kena Siu 0:00

There is a quiet shift that happens at some point in midlife. It's subtle at first. Your body starts asking for something different. Your energy moves differently. The way you've always held yourself together doesn't quite fit anymore. And if you really listen, beneath the frustration, there is something else, a sense of disconnection, like you and your body are no longer in the same conversation. So that instinct is to tighten control, to figure it out to get back to the version of you that felt predictable. But what if the moment is asking for a different kind of relationship, one rooted in awareness instead of control? Today's conversation opens that door. We explore what's actually happening in the body during midlife and how this season can become a return to self-trust, to embodiment, to a deeper kind of partnership with yourself. I'm joined by a physician who has walked this path personally and who now guides women through this exact transition with clarity, honesty, and respect for the body. Welcome, beautiful soul. This is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Your empowerment guide Kena Siu, and I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you are new here, welcome to our cocoon. You've just entered a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's sacred. So let's take a deep breath, drop into your heart, and let's dive in. It's my pleasure to have Dr. Heather Award. Awad, sorry. She is a family doctor and certified coach, helping professional women at Menopause and beyond to lose the weight that won't batch. Her probing system works with their hormone changes instead of against them, showing women how to enjoy food, reset their metabolism, and achieve lasting results without dieting and willpower or willpower. She also hosts the Vibrant Menipos podcast, where she shares real life strategies for weight loss and midlife health.

Heather Awad 2:32

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Kena Siu 2:35

How would you call, just to jump in here, like this stage or season of your midlife? How would you like to call to call it?

Heather Awad 2:46

Well, I mean, I do just call it menopause, but it's I think of it as we had a big life transition at puberty, and we didn't talk about it enough, but this is this is the second one. We have two big ones, and this is the second one caused by hormone shifts. For those of us in the transition now or beyond, it's kind of surprising because our our mothers and aunties did not tell us very much about it, and our doctors don't know much about it. That's true. And so it's a little bit of a surprise, but here we are, and this is our last big one. But I love everything you said about it. You know, there's there's a big there's a shift, yeah, and there are duties.

Kena Siu 3:29

Yeah. And as you said, doctors don't know much about it. And I'm happy that uh you are into this. What actually drove you to get into this path?

Heather Awad 3:40

Sure. Well, to be a little bit vulnerable, I had my own struggle with menopause changes and weight changes. I was uh as a family doctor, I was kind of always that food, food is medicine doctor. So if you're came in and your cholesterol was high, I would say, Hey, let's talk about what you eat for lunch. And then in my mid-40s, all of a sudden my weight just started to go

Why Menopause Weight Gain Feels Sudden

Heather Awad 4:05

up. I hadn't changed anything, and it just went up and up. And so I tried the things that had worked for me, like after babies to lose weight, and those things didn't work. So I thought, well, maybe I should do an actual diet, which I hadn't really done before. And I did, you know, I tried to move more and eat less. It didn't work. I tried some diets that made me feel sick, like keto. And then I tried, I worked really hard with an app-based program on my phone, and it was pretty restrictive. I did lose some weight, and then in the end, there was no maintenance protocol at all, except to continue to restrict calories for the rest of your life. Wow. Which made me very angry. And so I quit that and and bounced back even higher. And so then I was at 50. I thought, oh my goodness, it was my body broken. I I knew I was at an unhealthy weight at that point. And I thought, oh no, I can't, I can't live like this the rest of my life because that's I could see diseases coming or things like that. So I was worried. So then my period started to drop off, and I thought, oh, wait a second, this is menopause. You know, some of us, it's like something comes up that you go, oh, wait, I think this is perimenopause or menopause. So that's when I thought, well, let's dive into the what the research says about this. So I found out that there are some ways that those changes in estrogen and progesterone affect our digestive system, our cortisol system, our sleep in ways that all make a difference in what goes on with our weight. So I thought, well, shoot, I know how to do this. I, you know, there's a kind of a specific way to eat that can really work for this. And then I also invested some money in life coaching. And at that time, one of my coaches helped me with some emotional eating I was doing that I didn't even realize I was doing. So putting those two things together, it got really simple to lose the weight. And I lost 27 pounds. And I feel like it's very comfortable to do what I do now. And I don't have to count calories or restrict. And so I thought this is something that other people are going to want. So I decided this could be my new business. And so I that's what I've been doing for the past few years now is working with other other professional women like myself with super busy schedules to lose the weight they want and feel comfortable on their pants again.

Kena Siu 6:43

Yes. Oh, I love that. I yeah, I think I discovered emotional eating a long time ago, also, but it was just like, wow, can you explain a bit what it's about to people know what we're talking about?

Heather Awad 7:00

Well, to me, I always thought emotional eating was like the movies where like there's been a big breakup and you're on the couch watching a sad movie and eating a big thing of tub of ice cream, and I thought, well, that's emotional eating. Well, it turns out when

Emotional Eating And Stress Eating

Heather Awad 7:15

I was frustrated with my teenagers and I went to eat, you know, stuff out of my pantry, that was emotional eating when I was just stressed because of work. And so I would just eat snacks at the hospital or at the nursing home. That was emotional eating. When I was excited about something, and I thought, and and then I'd snack on stuff to kind of amp up the feeling. That was also emotional eating. I just didn't realize it. I was really using food almost anytime I had an emotion. So learning to instead to stop and and notice my emotions a little bit, to be like, I'm happy. I I could call someone and tell them my good news instead of eating sugar cereal, or I'm frustrated with my kid, you know, and and my and I think and noticing, okay, I'm feeling angry with my teenager and and stopping just letting myself feel that for a minute, and then realizing, oh, I'm also angry at myself because I did not show up with my kid the way I would like to. And then I started to notice, well, maybe I should, maybe I should go back and talk to my kid about this when I feel a little bit calmer. And that was very different than just going in and and chomping on some crackers and and moving on. So by actually stopping and noticing my emotions, you know, I I have found that it's a richer life, actually. My relationships are better. A lot of things got better with that, even besides the issue of overeating. So now, because if you've noticed all my stories about going into the pantry, when I go in the pantry now, even now, seven years later, I go in and I think sometimes I think, wait, wait, wait. Am I am I getting some some things so I can make a meal for my family and myself? Or am I, do I need to stop and feel an emotion?

Kena Siu 9:14

Yeah. And it's important just to make that pause, right?

Heather Awad 9:19

Yeah.

Kena Siu 9:21

It brings us to a different, yeah, to a different perception or moment instead of just going on autopilot just to grab something and and just shoe on it and literally ignore what in the case we are feeling at that very moment.

Heather Awad 9:39

Right. And we don't want to buffer our way a lot, our life. If someone asked you, do you want to buffer away your life? You'd say, Well, no, of course not. I want to experience my life. But we're, you know, we kind of come into the menopause transition. We just come in hot, right? And without even joking about hot flashes. But we're I saw some research that said that women in kind of Western cultures come hit that transition with nine years of chronic stress behind it. So, you know, we're just sliding in there, and it's it's it's a great time to just stop and like you said, pause. Have a lot more pauses.

Kena Siu 10:17

Probably that's what that word is in there. Very menopause and menopause. I think as if after so many years of of doing and taking care of others and raising, in that case, you kids, and it's just that moment that the body is asking kind of like to slow down and really like pause.

Heather Awad 10:39

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

Kena Siu 10:41

On the other hand, I it seems like many women they feel betrayed by their bodies in midlife.

Heather Awad 10:51

Yes.

Kena Siu 10:52

Why do you think this happened?

Heather Awad 10:55

I think one of the reasons is we're surprised by it because we haven't talked about it. No one told us, you know, like, oh, this is the next thing that's coming. Yeah. So we're surprised by it. And everything changes. I remember being like, well, my skincare doesn't work anymore. And the makeup I used before now looks terrible. And I needed to find new brands. And there, you know, my there's just so many things that change. You get your this brain remodeling happens. And so the way you think and react to things is different. I used to sleep great, and then I didn't sleep well. And that, of course, wrecks your day when you don't sleep well at night. So there's just a lot of things that happen. So it's it's a kind of a storm, but also, you know, we we for a lot of us, then we start to feel like, oh no, this is terrible, and my body's broken, and all these terrible things are happening. But really, it's a it's a phase transition. And I'm I'm almost seven years out now, and and it's not a storm anymore. And I I know what kind of lotion to put on my face, and I know how to eat, and I just want to let people know that if they're in the thick of it, you do it, it evens out. Just like when you were in middle school, it was terrible. Puberty was terrible a lot of the time. And then, you know, five years later, you're like just this gorgeous young woman walking around, and so it happens again. But you're just a different gorgeous woman walking around, but you got to get through the the changes.

Kena Siu 12:29

Yeah. And I think kind of like acceptance, I think is important for this this season, right? Like saying, yeah, my body is changing. So, okay, how can I cope with it instead of rejecting it? And then I guess creating more frustration and all these emotions that I guess it can actually get worse by the symptoms your body is having.

Heather Awad 12:55

Right. Yeah, I agree. Because if you're fighting it and rejecting it and rejecting yourself, then you definitely don't feel better. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Kena Siu 13:08

I would like you to to speak about the real connection between the insulin resistance and menopause in the belly fat, because I think that's something we struggle a lot because we don't lack our bellies. I mean, you know, so what is the here, like uh yeah, the connection with it, and is there a way that we can actually

Insulin Resistance And Belly Fat

Kena Siu 13:32

work on it?

Heather Awad 13:32

So yes, there is. So one of the things that happens at this transition is we get this bump in insulin resistance, and because it's a bump, it happens kind of suddenly. We really notice it, like we feel fine, and then I'll have people who say, I gained like eight pounds overnight, or all of a sudden my pants didn't fit, or you know, it's it's quick, right? So we don't it doesn't that part doesn't sneak up on us, it it happens quickly. So when when we get this insulin resistance, our insulin doesn't work as well, so our body has to make more of it. And insulin just helps us process our food, helps us take our, you know, we eat it, most of that come becomes glucose, and our insulin brings it into the cells. We have a lot more insulin around that's necessary to process our food. The one of the things that it does is it tells our body to store fat, which is normal and should be fine, but but at this transition, it's not. You know, we have we start noticing that we're getting belly fat, that we're gaining weight suddenly. And so that that ends up being very distressing, right? Because it's part of the part of the part that you that none of us likes in the menopause transition. So if we eat to kind of counteract insulin resistance, and I and I am simplifying it because there's issues with cortisol, there's issues with sleep as well that play into this, but if we pay attention to the insulin part, that is the key to unlocking living in a normal white body again. So that's why I like to talk about insulin. So would you like me to tell you a little bit about some of the things you do? Yeah, of course, yes, I would like to know more. So some of it is looking at where is their sugar in my life? Because in the Western nations, there are three-quarters of our packaged food has added sugar now. And there is an added sugar line in the US, and I'm forgetting what it is in Canada. You guys have something else that tells you where the added sugar is. But when you look at that line on products, that will tell you where your sugar is. So if you look at a can of chopped tomatoes, there will be sugar there because all fruits and vegetables have some sugar in them, but the added sugar line should be zero. They have not added any sugar into that can. That's what you want. And the reason that's important is you want to check your taco seasoning mix and your spaghetti jar mix and your peanut butter, because a lot of those have added sugar in them. And there are wonderful delicious products that do not. So it's a good time to kind of look in your pantry because these added sugar bumps our glucose up, which makes us have more insulin, which means more fat storage. The other thing is to go back to a style of eating that was more popular in the 60s and early 70s, and that is eating meals and not eating snacks. Now, I do get in trouble. Some dietitians get really angry with me and say you're restricting, you're telling people, you're telling people to restrict. And I'm really not. I'm really giving us some common sense ways to work with our body and with our hormones so that we can live in a normal weight body again. If we, instead of grazing, instead of eating when we go to events, if we just really go back to eating meals and not having snacks, then we will, between meals, our insulin will drop low because we because nothing is going on in our digestive system. And when that goes low, our body will naturally use fat for energy. That's really what it's meant to do. So that is the key is doing that. Now I don't want, I don't want people to restrict. If you have you know a lot of time in between two meals, some people will say, My lunch is early and my dinner is late. Well, then maybe you do need a little something in between. But you want to mostly prioritize eating meals. And you want to, you may need to eat more than you have been at meals. You're making sure you're getting some good protein and vegetables at every time you eat. And and so you may eat a bigger meal than you have been when you were a grazer, but it'll that will help you go to the next meal and you'll be hungry when you show up at the next meal, and you can eat a nice, good-sized, nourishing meal again.

Kena Siu 18:15

Yeah. I yeah, I do agree also, like because I know some kind of diets they they recommend to eat that often. And I'm like, no, I do think that we gotta let the digestive system rest. And as you said, then the body is gonna take the energy that already has instead of giving it more, giving it more. And when we don't spend that energy, and of course, by default, then we're gonna get fat, and it's mostly in our organs because at the same time, that kind of fat is protecting our organs, right?

Heather Awad 18:52

Right, right. And then we get inflammation when it's around our organs, which causes disease as well as our pants not fitting. So it's it's many things that we don't want when that happens. And for some of us that work at 28, you know, to graze and eat a little bit all day long, it worked just it worked fine, it worked great, but it really does not work once you hit the menopause transition and beyond. Yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu 19:18

And of course, it also changes depending on where in our cycle we are, of course, right? So it's like just honoring, listening more to the body and then listening to say, okay, it's like, what do you need at this time? Yeah, like if it's just before, well, we want more carbs, the body is like, I want energy, but then after that, it's like I want to spend energy when we are on ovulation or something like that, right? So it's really listening to the body and and then feed it accordingly.

Heather Awad 19:48

Right. And some of those simple carbs we never really need. And so even though we might crave them, giving our nourishing ourselves with some protein and some vegetables, and then seeing if we still want something like crackers or or you know, something that's more like a simple carb after we've nourished ourselves with what we need. Some of that, some of those cravings do drop just by giving ourselves some protein and vegetables with meals and a little bit of healthy fat.

Kena Siu 20:20

Yeah, I have experienced that. So yeah, I know that. Yeah, that's that's so true. If we the cleaner we eat with all these elements, as you said, vegetables and and you know, and protein, then the body's not craving. It's usually when it's usually craving, it's because we're not feeding ourselves properly.

Heather Awad 20:38

Right. So true.

Kena Siu 20:39

Yeah. What is your take into fasting?

Heather Awad 20:45

Sure. I think that fasting can be a tool that people uh can use if they like. About a third of my clients will use some sort of fasting with it. The I think when you're, you know, when you're in, when you're still having menstrual cycles, you definitely want to pay attention to your

Intermittent Fasting Without Rigidity

Heather Awad 21:05

body and your energy levels and switch it up depending on how you're feeling. Um, because that's a, you know, there's a lot of debate. And I don't know that we have a lot of science on it for perimenopause when we're still having periods, but I would say that's a especially important time to really dial into what's going on, you know, through your cycle. When you get a little farther into menopause, it's a little bit easier. I would say the, you know, if you remember when we're sleeping overnight, we actually are fasting then. So it's not a weird idea. If people are thinking, I don't know, maybe that's a weird idea. It can be a tool to use. The one thing I would tell people too is when they are, if they want to use this for weight loss, remember that we call it intermittent fasting. And the intermittent part means don't do the same thing every day. Because our body loves to kind of go into homeostasis. It loves to kind of just even out. And so I'll get clients who will say, Well, I did the thing where I fasted for 16 hours and I ate for eight hours and then I lost weight. And after two weeks, I'm not losing weight anymore. Because our body is like, okay, this is fine. We're going to stop now. But I have other people who will have certain days of the week where they will eat three meals and no snacks. And then other days of the week where they might do a fasting window because it fits with their lifestyle and schedule. And then it becomes a great tool for them. So it's, you know, it's it can be very customizable to what's going on in your life. And again, you don't want it to be exactly the same every day because eventually it stops working for weight loss.

Kena Siu 22:53

That's very interesting. And I'm glad that you mentioned that because sometimes we are like, this is working. So we just want to keep, you know, going and continue with it. Like, yeah, but is it really working or is it not working anymore? What can you shift right in the case to continue, then losing that weight? And why does that happen? That it works at one moment and then it doesn't work anymore.

Heather Awad 23:18

It's our body is very adaptable. That's one of the reasons why why calorie restriction and some of these other things don't work that great, because our body will just adapt to whatever we're doing. Because it's like, well, I need to keep you alive and this is what we're gonna do. So, you know, you may lose five pounds with intermittent fasting with the same eating window every day, and then all of a sudden the body's like, well, this is good. We've adjusted now, we're gonna stay right here where we are. But if you keep kind of changing it up, then then you'll keep losing weight. So you can now it's very normal to have a weight loss plateau, actually. So people that work with me, we get them on a really good protocol. They're they're doing their fasting or they're doing three meals and no snacks, and then they will stop. And it's super normal. When I lost 27 pounds, I had two weight loss plateaus where everything just stopped. And all you really need to do then is just mix things up a bit. A lot of us will eat kind of the same thing for breakfast every day or the same thing for lunch every day. And then what you do when you hit a plateau is you just change it up. Like I would eat a different breakfast for a week, and then I would start losing weight again. And then I could even go back to the old one that I liked, but all I had to do was just show the body something different so that it's whatever it had adjusted to, couldn't adjust to anymore. It's very interesting. We're very, I mean, we're very magical creatures. Yeah.

Kena Siu 24:52

That's what I've that's what I'm laughing because I mean the the the brain and the body, like they are so, oh my god, like so smart. We think we can control it. It's like, no, no, no, no.

Heather Awad 25:04

Like, I'm doing it. Right. And that's to keep us alive, right? You think about people that move to northern northern places because to escape violence wherever they were, you know, our ancestors, they moved north and they couldn't, you know, then they didn't have enough food for winter, but yet they stayed alive. You know, our body is meant to adjust and do all these things. People live through wars, they live through, you know, refugee camps, all these things. Our body really can adjust. And so sometimes we have to trick it a little bit when we want to lose weight.

Kena Siu 25:37

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. It's a way, yeah, to trick it, otherwise it's like yeah. Oh yeah. So for women in midlife, why is it is it really just based on the hormones that we gain weight, or is also has to do with the the lifestyle that we have. What are different components that really like yeah, help us? Well, it doesn't help us, but you know, like, you know, make us gain some weight. Sure.

Heather Awad 26:16

Well, modern living in the Western culture is not

Lifestyle Levers Muscle Hormones Tests

Heather Awad 26:20

really set up for midlife women to live at a normal weight body. So just to put that out there, yeah. Um, we do, we have normalized overeating. Just kind of notice the next time you go to something where people are like, oh, I ate so much, and everyone puts their hand on their belly, and that's kind of normal, but that does not work for living at a normal weight body once you hit midlife, you know, and and other times as well. There's a lot more just food around. Like we, you know, when our grandmothers went to an event, there wasn't food unless it was a meal, right? And now every meeting has a has something. I I I coached a pediatrician and she said there was cake in their break room every day. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I was kind of like, well, that that is something that you have to work through, right? If there's stuff around all the time, we get used to just having treats in between meals and and that kind of thing. So the you know, the lifestyle is not set up. Also, a lot of us who are very busy and working are not exercising. And and muscle mass loss, which comes with the menopause transition, also is really the thing that lowers our metabolism. Are we start wasting muscles? All humans, men and women, start to lose some muscle in their 30s. And then when women get to the menopause transition where the estrogen is jumping around and goes low, we start to lose muscle quicker. Okay. So it is a very good time to start doing some strength training so that we can maintain muscle and have muscle is metabolically active. So when you are lifting weights, your body is actually working harder to maintain that for the next 24 to 48 hours after you lifted. So you've done that lifting. So the muscle itself, just having just maintaining that, your body needs to burn more energy for that. But when you do the lifting weights, that activity also needs more energy for the next 24 to 48 hours. So it's a terrific thing for weight loss. And also when we look at our older relatives, do we have an older aunt or parent who looks kind of frail? When we lift weights, we keep ourselves from becoming that person when we're 70 or 80. You know, we want to be strong and be able to do things. Yeah. Independent. Yeah. I remember at one point noticing that my cast iron pan, that I couldn't lift it with one hand anymore. I thought, oh my goodness, I really am getting weaker, you know? Yeah. So those those are those things are good for our again. I'm always looking at like weight loss goals and health goals. So the, you know, getting stronger is actually a really wonderful lifestyle thing to bring in. And it doesn't have to take a lot of time. It can even be just two days a week. Three days a week is great also. But when you think about it, it doesn't have to be that much time.

Kena Siu 29:34

Yeah. So beside that, which other than health goals are good for with midlife wanted?

Heather Awad 29:43

Yeah. So I what else do I like to think about? It's I think that everyone should have a conversation about hormone therapy with someone who knows about it. Because there we have new new studies that show that it can be very beneficial for a lot of women. And so it's a good time to have a conversation. If your doctor does not know about hormones, then you can go to menopause.org, and that's the North American Menopause Society. And now they think they just call themselves a menopause society, but menopause.org.

Kena Siu 30:23

Okay.

Heather Awad 30:23

There is a list there of people who have certified in menopause health. So you can look up your city that you live in and find someone that you can talk to there. And I also want to encourage people, don't feel like you're cheating on your own doctor or or healthcare provider. You know, I people worry about that. They they will not be offended. And if they are, then that is really their problem and not yours. I have a family doctor that I love, and I went to see her and I said, it's time for us to talk about hormones. I was having hot flashes. It was time to talk about it. And she said, I'm afraid of hormones. And I realized, okay, she does not know about that this. So I said, Okay, then let's talk about something else. You know, I was there for my health visit. Yeah. I added another doctor who does know about hormones. I went looking and found an OBGYN who is educated about hormones, because they not all of them are. And so I added her to my team. So you can have as many people on your medical team as you need. So now I still go to my family doctor that I love. And now I also go to this other doctor for my hormones. So that's that's maybe a long, long story uh to that, to that talk, but that's important. We also want to think about our bones. So have that discussion with your doctor. Yeah. Some of the stuff we have to, the hard part is we have to bring it up ourselves. There can be a bump in cholesterol at this transition. So that's something we want to pay attention to because those cholesterol issues and blood pressure issues affect our heart, affect our brain, affect our hands and feet. So all of these things may change and some will not. And so we want to ask our doctors about them as well.

Kena Siu 32:32

Thank you. I think if yeah, because I think it's important because we don't have that awareness. As you said, this topic is not usually something we talk about. So at least it's important to have kind of like a guidance and to say, okay, we need to check in these different aspects of the health in our healthy in general. And as you said, yes, like in that case, bringing someone who specializes in those things because each person were different. And as you said, your family doctor was not very interested in that, but it's okay. Just go search for the for the help that that you need.

Heather Awad 33:13

Right, right. Yeah. And we're and the other thing I want to say too is we are good at this. We've had to, you know, a lot goes on with women's bodies. So we are people that use the healthcare system. We can figure this out. So it's something that you're probably already good at, and this is just a new wrinkle that you can figure out.

Kena Siu 33:34

Yes, agreed. Yeah. Coming back to well, talking about the metabolism and how the body works, and then how women we are very good at self-criticizing ourselves. How do you think then our mind and that inner critique affects our metabolism? Sure.

Heather Awad 33:59

I don't know how it affects our metabolism. And

Inner Critic Self Compassion And Joy

Heather Awad 34:02

I would let I would encourage people or just let people know that the actual burner inside of you is not broken. It does change a little older, somewhere in the late 60s, that does drop a little. But right now, 40s and 50s, or if you had an early menopause and 30s, the burner inside of you is working just fine. Um, the inner critic, I think gets in the way of weight loss because it gets in the way of permanent weight loss. We we've used it sometimes, right, to get a goal. You know, we've been mean to ourselves to like get through school or to complete a project, like, come on, you got to keep going. And, you know, we talk like that to ourselves, right? Yeah. But it doesn't work that great for weight loss. And your inner critic will tell you that it does. But to just say, hey there, you know, I hear you, notice the voice and let it go. Because it it doesn't help us with weight loss. It makes it harder. And then when we get, if we let's say you lose all the weight using that voice, when you get to the end, you're gonna be tired of listening to that mean voice every day. You only deserve a salad. No weight. Why are you having that? You know that you're gonna get tired of that, and so you will stop what you're doing. I get I'll I'll have clients who come to me and say, I want to lose weight so I can feel good about myself again. And what I try to teach is that those are two separate tracks. We work on that inner critic voice and we work on weight loss. And the weight loss is mostly biology, but the mindset stuff can go on at the same time. You can start being nice to yourself, go to the mirror and make a silly face and say, Hey there, you know, say something funny or sing to yourself. I saw something online where someone said to her when she saw herself in the mirror, she said, hello, madame, or hello, your highness, or something where you start to make friends with yourself in the mirror. And that person is a great person to lose weight with because that person will be like, okay, let's look at our day. What are we gonna have? And how are we gonna nourish ourselves when we look at the schedule here? You know, oh, I've got this in the pantry, oh, I've got this planned for dinner, and you can do well with that. And then when you mess it up, like I remember one time on my weight loss journey, I worked really hard on this inner critic and not having that voice be so loud anymore. And I had a super stressful day, and we had eaten half a pan of brownies, and I finished off the rest. I was home, I ate the other half, and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that. You know, I'm halfway done losing weight, and I just ate like eight brownies, you know, and and the voice inside of me said, you know what? All right, you ate eight eight brownies. How about you just eat a normal dinner and keep going from here? And that worked, right? Because when we when we let the mean voice go, then we then we just we go down the rabbit hole and and then we start just giving up, right? Then the next three days you eat like, well, I might as well have cookies and candy today because I ate all those brownies yesterday. You know, like all that mean talk just really gets loud. But because I'd worked on on talking more kindly to myself, I was able to just be like, all right, wow, eight brownies, okay. How about you just eat a nice dinner? And then tomorrow you'll have your meals, and we will not eat any more brownies tomorrow, you know. It was like a very compassionate voice, but also it just helped me persevere and keep going. Yeah, and that's the mindset that really helps you lose weight. And then when you're done and you get to goal, you're happy to live with that voice. You're like, all right, well, let's just keep going now. Here we are. Pants fit, and and we're all we're all good with each other, we're all good with ourselves.

Kena Siu 38:09

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's so important that self-compassion, because we are so harsh in ourselves, and in in those cases that sometimes we're not even able to see ourselves in the mirror naked, or you know, it's like, or we finally look at us and we just see the imperfections. Is it's hard, and I think we don't realize how much harm to ourselves we create by doing that.

Heather Awad 38:40

Yeah. And we have the opportunity with this change to really have a lot more joy with ourselves and with other people. So it's it's it's a great time to think, well, maybe I could have, what if I decided to have more joy with myself? And my in my relationships now.

Kena Siu 39:01

What is what if? No, and the cool part is that once we change that relationship with ourselves, then the relationship with others changed as well.

Heather Awad 39:12

You're so right. I so agree. I really am.

Kena Siu 39:16

And I think that happens also, like coming back to the to the weight. If we are, you know, judging ourselves all the time, then we think other people are doing the same. But it's just our perception because we are doing it to ourselves. Once we shift that and we have we shift our vocabulary, being nicer to ourselves, and being, in this case, as you say, bringing more joy and stuff, then of course that's a reflection we're gonna see out there.

Heather Awad 39:47

Yes.

Kena Siu 39:48

And it's just it it shifts the the life, literally.

Heather Awad 39:53

I so agree with you. And it's everywhere, right? It's our it's with our parents and with our children and with our neighbors, with our partners. You know, we get people who have gotten so wound up in this that they've really gotten themselves into a point where their relation other relationships are very hard because the relationship with their self has gotten so negative, you know. And I just want to tell them, your partner just wants to have sex with you and connect with you, and they do not care that you have a little bit of belly fat. You know? Yeah. No, no, no, I you know, I hate myself because of this. Like, well, you know, are you sure that what you're telling, what you're saying to yourself is true? You know, there's you know, a lot we we do spin ourselves around a bit, don't we?

Kena Siu 40:43

Yes, we do, yeah. And talking about that truth, as you said, because you guide also women through what you do with them to that self-trust. How do you bring them there? Or yeah.

Heather Awad 41:00

Yeah. We really work right away with with talking nicer to ourselves in the mirror, and that really helps. Because once you because you also need to have your own back a little bit to do this, to eat this way, to live this way. Because when you go to the restaurant and everyone's stuffing themselves and going, oh, I'm so heavy, or you know, my stomach is so heavy, I, you know, I'm so full. And you're and you're deciding that you're going to just eat a normal amount and take the leftovers home, or pass the leftovers off to a teenager who's at the table, you know, whatever, then you have to be able to do that, even though it's a little different than everyone else is doing. So that's you need that self-trust so that you can walk through the world and do that. And sometimes it helps to think of someone you know that already does this, right? Maybe you have an aunt or a friend who's like so fun. Everyone's so glad when they come to the dinner, you know, at the at someone's house. And yet you're looking, you go, they actually do not stuff themselves. They don't eat everything, they eat what they want. And why are they and ever they're so fabulous? They look like they live in a normal way body. You know, this is available to all of us. But you you have to be willing to, you know, make friends with yourself and then you know, have your own back out in the world. Yeah. You know, so when someone says, Hey, should you don't you want to have more of that, or why aren't you eating more of that? You just say, I'm good. And then you change the subject.

Kena Siu 42:38

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true. How do you help women? Well, besides the the weight loss, of course, I I guess talking about the inner critic, when that becomes kind of like a friendship within our mind, then the way I experience it too is like it's it's a way of coming back home, you know, to to ourselves.

Heather Awad 43:11

That's beautiful, yeah.

Kena Siu 43:14

And so how I don't know, yeah, like in that case, in your personal experience, because of you went through all this process and many years and stuff, what were the different elements or points or breakthroughs, I don't know, that actually happened to you to say to feel yourself closer into your body and to accept your body at one point as as is. Sure, sure.

Heather Awad 43:44

It's a it's a very good question. I mean, I think, you know, we really in when people work with me, and what I did myself was really you start by really breaking the patterns that you already have, just really breaking them and doing something different that's more hormone alike. And we do that super specifically in my program. Then we move into a more empowering pattern of how we want to eat and making that really simple. But then we also start noticing where are the sticky places in my world with this? You know, for some people, it's a mother-in-law or a parent. For some people, it's a certain, you know, I had a I coach this client who was a manager at a global social media company, and she had to lead these different teams. And the one team just drove her crazy and she always wanted to eat out of her frustration. And kind of looking at those groups and thinking, how can I change how I think about those relationships, how I show up in those relationships, so that again, everything you can actually rebuild everything in your life so that you're more at home with yourself and you're showing up more there yourself. And it's a process too. Like I had my husband and I added something new that we're doing with some partners. And and I realized, gosh, I've got to think about being myself in this new group because they were a little, I don't know, frustrating, a little masculine. Well, how do I show up as myself? And so I can share my gifts with this group and how to not be frustrated with them for how they are, that we can all win the game, even if there's some people in that group that aren't my favorite person. You know, so there's just ways to, I would say to stop, you know, you talk about pausing and looking around and noticing doing that. Um, I had one client, I think we went through every single relationship she had in her life. She had been a big people pleaser. She was the one that took care of everyone. She was the one that cleaned up after everything. She's the one that cooked for the whole big group. She's the one that helped the mother-in-law that did not like her, and she did not like the mother-in-law. There were just so many things. And she we went one by one through every single relationship she had. And then, you know, I talked to her recently, and she said, you know, she said she was going to her cabin, which is something that we do in you probably they do that in Canada too. We do that in Minnesota too, you know. And she's like, the family is coming. My son and his partner are cooking this day. My daughter and her family are cooking this day. We've got a cleanup, you know, a cleanup chart. We're all getting to do the fun things that we want, but we're all helping out. I mean, she just really went all in, and and it helped her keep the weight off and also just helped her feel more at home with her family as it was now that they were adults. And she even made peace with her mother-in-law. Wow. So it's just, you know, in a way that worked for both of them without having to really sacrifice, you know. So it was it was really beautiful to watch her work through all that.

Kena Siu 47:12

Wow. And it's amazing how I mean it affects everything. Right. I mean, everything is intertwined. So just by saying, okay, how are you eating? How are you talking to yourself? Uh you know, host your self-trust hold these different elements. It's it's really, they're really intertwined in the way how we experience life itself.

Heather Awad 47:37

It is. Yeah. Yeah.

Kena Siu 47:40

Wow.

Heather Awad 47:40

And our people start kind of nudging us about this, right? With with the menopause transition. I, you know, I I see that you have that from your the work that you do, that you you're even if you if you try to ignore this, your your brain starts saying, I don't know, I'm not happy with this anymore. Or this is my dream. This is, you know, this isn't right. That you know, I put up with this, but I don't think this is right anymore.

Kena Siu 48:05

And yeah, yeah, that's what I think that yeah, midlife is not a crisis, it's really an awakening. Because it's like finally, you're not knocking the door, like say, hello, you've been hiding, or as you said, you know, the people pleaser, all these kind of coping mechanisms that we create to be liked and loved, and you know, belonging and all those things. And it's finally like, no, hello, there's a way, you know, coming this way and start remembering who you really are because there's another way, right? Right. Yeah. And it's yeah, but it's super interesting when we start wondering and questioning a lot of things that before, you know, we didn't even think about it.

Heather Awad 48:49

Yeah, yeah. And I talked about that one manager too, that she had that one team, she really did not like them. And there were reasons that I thought I can see why you don't like them. Um, but she she finally realized I'm never gonna be friends with them and they're never gonna be friends with me, but I can lead them so we get the results that we need for the company. And she's like, and I lead these other three teams that I like them a lot, and we also, you know, do what we need to do for the company, and we go out to dinner after the meetings because we all like each other, and I don't have to have that relationship with that other team. So there's a lot of you know, ways that we can just think of things differently now.

Kena Siu 49:39

Yeah. So for the kind of women that that you that you support, as you said, like they are like, you know, achievers and and uh you know, in business and all that, how can you help them in a way, you know, to balance, you know, movement with their eating habits and everything without burning out because of the kind of lifestyle that they have that

Simple Meal Systems For Busy Weeks

Kena Siu 50:03

is probably a very fast piece. Right. Right.

Heather Awad 50:07

Yeah, I really help them with when we break their pattern, we start we look at how can we build something that's very empowering and very customized and has a lot of safeguards. So, you know, sometimes people are like, oh, I'm gonna, I wouldn't bought groceries, I'm gonna cook healthy meals for dinners this week. And then they come home on Tuesday and they're like, I'm exhausted. There's no way I'm cooking, getting up from job. So we have backups, you know, that that are set up already. So, like, well, if I'm not gonna cook this, then I have a backup that can be on the table in under 30 minutes that still fits my health and weight loss goals. And then it's funny because a lot of weight loss programs are so rigid. You know, like people will have to, like, there'll be a fasting program that's like you have to do 16, 16 hours of fasting and eight hours of eating. And there's no science in that actually at all. And someone will say, well, actually, I wanted to fast, but I I can only do 15 hours and then nine hours of eating. And I'm like, there's that's perfect. You can have it, we can customize it completely. And I'll have people who only want to eat like when they're feeling hungry and when they feel just the right amount of hunger, and then they'll they'll go out through their day, kind of more of an intuitive eating style. There's other people who are like who say, well, actually, on Thursdays, there's this half-hour window that I want to sit down and eat with my family. And so we build Thursdays around that. And the funny thing is, is that we spend a lot of time worrying and trying to set this stuff up. But actually, once we once with our the system that we use in my program, it actually saves them time. Uh I get people who kind of like, well, I had this free time and I was like, shoot, I'm bored. I don't want to eat now, but what what can I do? What can I do? And and I say, You've just won the game. You know, we're always, you know, thinking, what if I had more time? What would I do? And I so I ask you, what what do you want to do? What do you want to create? I had this other doctor that I coached, and she ended up, she started knitting sweaters. And I had another client who started a business. And so people, you know, it actually if it bec when I work with people, I try to make it really simple and really fit their days so that it actually saves them time. They're like, wow, this is way easier than anything I was doing before. So that was important to me when I lost weight, and so I I know it's important for them as well.

Kena Siu 52:46

Yeah, yeah, I can't, I can't relate to that. It's it's simplifying because I mean, a lot of of course our day, if we are having three meals, that a lot of time goes in there, but it's like, okay, how can you simplify it or have ready some stuff for the rest of the week that you can prepare faster, or probably cook a meal that is gonna be good, you know, a main meal for two, three days during the week, you know, different ways that it can then free more time, as you said, and also stress because otherwise we're always thinking like, I'm being having that worry of what am I gonna cook this day or tomorrow or whatever. So if you do it a bit in advance and also do the groceries based on that, it just changes that whole dynamic and it makes it easier because you know what you have in your fridge and you already have an idea of what you want to, you know, to cook, even though you can shift it, but at least you know what is there.

Heather Awad 53:45

Right, right. And it's it's a good time too to ask other people to help, you know. The that's too, you know, maybe you have someone at home who can help. You know, I'll ask people and they'll say, Well, actually, my mama did with us, and she offered actually that she could make a salad every night. And I was and and I and but I told her, No, that's okay. But then, you know, then mom starts making the salad. Or I have a kid, a kid who's 26 who just moved back home because she's looking for a different job and wants to save money. She cooks Wednesday nights for dinner. So, you know, that's a big win for for those of us who are trying to get a lot done. Like, you know, we have some turn taking, or a partner, you know, has a night that they can get the food or cook the food. And and so that's uh, you know, it's a good, a good time to, you know, use all your resources as well.

Kena Siu 54:41

Yeah, true. And even, you know, sometimes when everyone can be there or not during a weekend or something, just having that family dynamic where everyone is there and then you get to chat and everyone gets to do something, you know. I think I don't know, like for me, are one of the most precious moments with my family when we're everyone is in the kitchen doing something, you know, and and it's just so much fun. Yeah, and that's that's beautiful. You're creating beautiful then. Yeah. Something that I want to mention because I you I don't know you do it with your clients, but that I learned I took at one point a certification as a coaching habits, and one of the main things was that changing habits, you know, for the eating habits. And one of the things that I've taken since then was the 80-20 approach, meaning that the 80% of the time my time during the week, I eat healthy or the healthiest possible, and then that other 20% is me giving permission to eat something that is not as healthy, but that I enjoy, and then I'm gonna eat it with joy and stuff instead of with guilt. Yeah, right.

Heather Awad 55:58

Yes, yeah, because we don't want to beat ourselves up afterwards, right? Not at all.

Kena Siu 56:03

No.

Heather Awad 56:04

Yeah. I love that too. Because I I like to, like maybe there's a restaurant where I like, you know, a certain salad with chicken, but but I can tell that the the dressing is very sweet. So I'm getting a lot of sugar, but I really like that one. So I'm yeah to eat that when I'm there. Or my, you know, I as I said, my 26-year-old cooks one night, my husband is in charge of the food one night. And it's not always exactly what I would hope for. Yeah. But I think there it is. I'm just not gonna overeat. If I need, if there aren't enough vegetables there, I can just pull out an apple or a cucumber or something out of the fridge and stick that on my plate with whatever the wonderful thing is they provided. So I can, you know, I can just roll with it and it will all be just fine. Our bodies are super flexible. So I think, you know, I I love the 8020 because as you it we don't need it to be better than that, really.

Kena Siu 57:03

Yeah, no. Yeah, as you said, the body is very smart and is gonna manage how to do it.

Heather Awad 57:08

Yeah.

Kena Siu 57:09

Yeah.

Heather Awad 57:10

I'll occasionally have a client. I have someone who just finished this winter and she had no exceptions the whole time. And I really encouraged her to have some. And I just said, okay, I I actually do alum calls. So people when they're done working with me, we do a monthly call. So if people want to come ask questions later or whatever, or coach about something, I was like, well, definitely come to those alum calls because I I worry that you know, six months from now, she's gonna be like, Oh, I hate this, being so rigid, but I couldn't talk her out of it. So I hope that six months when she hates it, she'll come back and and talk to me and I can help her have more balance. That's great.

Kena Siu 57:54

Yeah, you said that you lose weight comes with biology. I would like you to extend more on that.

Heather Awad 58:04

Sure, sure. It's pretty basic nutrition to get to get weight loss. Overall, you're gonna eat a little bit less. Overall, you're going to prioritize meals. And so just having that thing where the insulin will drop low some of the time will will work. And you don't have to be hungry, you don't have to restrict calories, but just having some time in between where things get quiet, that's the biology. If insulin drops low, it's not a problem, it's a it's a thing you want, really. Um that's the biology of of weight loss at this time.

Kena Siu 58:46

I was going to ask you something. I think that's the question, but I I just I just lost it for now. But yeah. Yeah, as we are kind of like wrapping up this beautiful conversation that I think is gonna be very useful for for you know for our listeners because yeah, I do think that we get a lot of pressure with the foods that we eat and we don't eat, and how, as we said, the inner critique and and and all that. Is there something else that you would like to add that you think is important for our audience?

Heather Awad 59:21

Yeah, the only other thing I would add that I've been thinking about lately is that we also need to eat enough. That I do, I currently have a client in my current group who wasn't eating enough, and that's why she couldn't lose weight because she was restricting so much that our body just our bodies start to feel like it's an emergency when we get really low calorie. And

Eating Enough Breakfast Guide Farewell

Heather Awad 59:45

and it's almost like our body is saying, Hang on to everything, I I don't know what's going on, but we don't have enough food. And so I've you know, I had to work with her, and this has been other clients as well. She's an engineer to get her to eat more, and and now she's eating more and losing weight. So if people feel like they're not, you know, like I'm hardly eating anything and I'm not losing weight, that's a thing. You do have to eat enough also uh for your body to let fat go.

Kena Siu 1:00:19

Yeah, thank you for mentioning that because sometimes we think like, yeah, if I'm not eating, like I supposed to lose weight. Well, the body's so smart that is, as you said, it's gonna say there's something wrong. We need to keep the fat in here. Because what's going on? I'm not being fat.

Heather Awad 1:00:35

Yes, exactly. Exactly. I'll get women who come and say I'm eating a thousand calories or 1100 calories, and I'll say, that is not enough. Yeah. We'll go through what they're eating in a day and and and make some recommendations. But yeah, we have to eat enough to nourish ourselves. That's another great word for midlife, nourishing, right? Nourishing ourselves.

Kena Siu 1:00:59

Yeah. And that's the thing, another yeah, that I learned is it's not about the color calories, it's about the nourishing foods that you are eating. Because you can eat banana and uh and uh cookie chips, you know, chocolate cookie chips with the same amount of calories, but it's like which one is actually giving you more nourishment into your body? Right, not the same thing, so true.

Heather Awad 1:01:28

Drink a soda, you know, 300 calories of sugar or 500 calories of sugar, our brain doesn't even recognize that as food and we'll be like, I'm still hungry, because it doesn't recognize calories, it recognizes food, you know, and a stretch of our stomach. And and and so when you you know drink a soda, our body's like, that's not food, I need food. And so we crave then more food.

Kena Siu 1:01:56

And so it's yeah, we need to we need to nourish ourselves. Yes, definitely. And not only with food, I think it's important also to notice how we're nourishing ourselves with with the emotions that we are feeling, with the thoughts that we are feeling, with the relationships that we are having, with whatever we are consuming, with the news, with social media, everything that is out there. Because we are holistic beings, we are body, mind, and soul, and it's important to nourish all parts of us to be as healthy as possible.

Heather Awad 1:02:30

Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu 1:02:33

Beautiful. Heather, well, all your links, how how people can reach you, I'm gonna put them in the show notes, they are going to be there. And I know you have a guide called the best breakfast.

Heather Awad 1:02:48

Yeah, it's the number one question I get when I go out and meet people on the street or at a conference or something. They're like, you know, but what should I eat for breakfast? So the best breakfast is at vibrant-md.com forward slash breakfast. It'll be in the show notes, as you said. Yes. And it gives you kind of the formula and some ideas for what to eat for breakfast if you're on a weight loss journey.

Kena Siu 1:03:11

Oh, that's great. And I would like to close with these questions. What's the pleasure that you enjoy the most?

Heather Awad 1:03:20

You know, one of the things I really enjoy, and you will understand this from living in Canada, but we where I live, also there's a lot of lakes. And I still really enjoy swimming in a lake in the summer. I've been thinking about, you know, it's March. I start thinking a little bit about summer, and I'm looking forward to to going swimming. Just for fun.

Kena Siu 1:03:41

Yeah, that sounds fun and delicious, definitely. Thank you so much, Heather, for being at Midlife Butterfly. I really appreciate your presence and and your energy. And yeah, everything that you brought here is has been goal for me. So thank you so much.

Heather Awad 1:03:58

Well, thanks for having me. It's been a great conversation. Yes.

Kena Siu 1:04:05

Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and live enjoy growth and pleasure.