#69 - Fragmented, Exhausted & Disconnected: How Self-Abandonment Shows Up in Your Taboo Body Parts

What if the disconnection you feel from your body isn't a problem to fix — but a doorway leading you back home to yourself?

 This episode is for the woman who's been doing everything right and still feels like something's off. In Part 2 of A Doorway to Home, Kena goes deeper into why midlife isn't a crisis — it's your soul calling you back. We explore the invisible weight of the roles we carry, the cost of living in constant doing mode, and a revolutionary body-based practice — neuroepigenetic breathing — that rewires the nervous system and brings the fragmented parts of you back home. Honest, grounded, and deeply human.

🦋 You'll Discover:

• Why that quiet "something is off" feeling in midlife isn't a flaw — it's your body asking to come home.
• How so many high-achieving women stay exhausted despite doing everything right — and why doing more isn't the answer.
• What neuroepigenetic breathing actually does — and why it works with your taboo body parts.

✨ Coming Home Question:

Where in your body are you holding tension you've never given yourself permission to release — and what might become possible if you finally did?

💜 I created Coming HOME for the woman who has done everything right and still feels something is missing. It's free, it's private, and it might be the most important thing you listen to this year — sign up here!

🦋 Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Music: Back Home by Alex Productions and  Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Transcript

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:00:06] Kena Siu: What if that taboo part of your body is exactly where your healing has been waiting?

[00:00:13] Welcome to Midlife Butterfly, for the high-achieving woman in midlife who has spent years showing up for everyone except herself. This podcast is where emotional exhaustion meets nervous system healing and where people-pleasing gives way to self-remembrance. I am Kena Siu identity and embodiment guide.

[00:00:38] Because I know you are doing the inner work, it's time to settle that wisdom from your mind into your body so you can feel alive again.

[00:00:52] In this episode, you will discover why the quiet something is off feeling in midlife isn't a [00:01:00] flaw. Is your body asking to come home? How so many high-achieving women stay exhausted despite doing everything right, and why doing more isn't the answer. What neuroepigenetic breathing actually does and why it works with your taboo body parts.

[00:01:18]

[00:01:22] Kena Siu: Hello. Welcome back beautiful ladies to A Doorway to Home. And this, it's our second session, doing neuro epigenetic breathing, a kind of, breathing technique that is very revolutionary, and I am so excited to share it with you today. And, so but before that, we're gonna talk a bit about how we live life kind of like in midlife, right?

[00:01:52] And why you're probably 

[00:01:54] Something Feels Off in Midlife

[00:01:56] Kena Siu: here and, and I am re- here too because we are, you know, in this, [00:02:00] in this beautiful path. And I do think that one of the things that is bring us to this place and more when we are more conscious and we are more aware of who, of who we are, and we start kind of like, you know, getting little pieces here and there that is like, okay, like, hmm.

[00:02:24] We start questioning life, better said, right? And it's because we think that, like, something is off, like something feels off within, within us. And, um- When the truth is, like, nothing is wrong. It's just, like, we get here after, you know, decades of a lot of stuff that we have been doing, and, or things that, that we were, you know, with the programming, the conditioning, and everything that has happened through our lives, that I think it comes to, 

[00:02:58] we come to a place at one point [00:03:00] that is like we start questioning, and it's like, yeah, no, that doesn't really, like, resonate with me. Or it's like, you know, it's, it's just that, not resonance anymore with many things. And not even with things, it's also with people that we used to, you know, have a perspective of, of them.

[00:03:26] But then because of our perception of life starts changing, then we are like, "Hmm, why I'm not really, like, liking or really in alignment with that person anymore?" And I think it's because through life itself, very little we get so into life that we just go with it in, like, in autopilot in a way. And when suddenly we just take, make that pause and say, [00:04:00] "Oh, yeah, no, this feels off," it's then there i- comes a moment that we cannot ignore it anymore.

[00:04:10] Because it's just like, you know, it's like the body, like, if we don't listen to it, at some point it's gonna scream at us. I think it's the same, and it's probably the same body calling us, like saying, "Hey, I'm whispering to you," like, "This is not good anymore." And, and it's when we ... then the mind i- it starts, like, questioning more, more And I think it's, um, because all, of all the, the roles that we have been playing through our life since we are kids, right?

[00:04:42] the way we ... or our bringing is, the way, like education, culture, religion, 

[00:04:48] The Roles We Play

[00:04:48] Kena Siu: everything that it has been from us there, and we ... This is the way that we have been living for years and years. And then more when we come to, mm, closer to midlife, like at least our 30s or 40s, that if, you know, I know you ladies are moms, and then if you have a husband, then also taking care of our parents, and things like that, that we start putting everyone else first on the list.

[00:05:18] And by doing that, um, we start to forget who we really are because there are so many roles that, um, either we choose to, you know, to take them, or we were pushed to take them because that's life. Like, sometimes it's like we get pushed to do things even though we don't have, you know, an option. And then from there, it's like, okay, I have to be like the strong one for the family or you become the, you know, the the savior or the, the, you know, the rescuer and all these kind of [00:06:00]roles that in a way we have to do it a lot of times because of others, but many other times we do it so unconsciously to, to be loved, to be accepted, you know?

[00:06:16] And, um, and, and it's normal to, I mean, to take those roles or to be like that because, of course we want to belong, and we don't like to be rejected, which is something, you know, that ... I mean, we are ... As human, we're here to be in community, to be part of something, to be, you know, more than just in this individual being.

[00:06:43] Like, okay, how can I then contribute to others, or c- how can others help me at the same time? The thing is, as women, I do believe that it's, um, the roles that we take, we take it more [00:07:00] strongly, and sometimes we get more into our masculine energy of just doing and doing most of the time instead of going with the flow of the feminine of more being.

[00:07:13] And, and then it's when this kind of like imbalance comes within. And as we evolve during midlife and we start questioning life, as I say at the beginning, I think it's because we start out- outgrowing those roles. We start shifting and more with the fact that, we usually have a checklist, right, to follow.

[00:07:37] Like, okay, you have to study, you get a job, you get married, you have kids, da, da, da, da, da. Plus the material stuff that you're supposed to, to gain with 

[00:07:47] The Midlife Awakening

[00:07:47] Kena Siu: all that checklist. But what I've noticed is that we ge- when we arrive to midlife, like what else? Like, there's no more to follow. And what I have discovered is more like, okay, like I think that's why it's an awakening, this part of our life.

[00:08:10] It's not a crisis. I do believe it's more like an awakening. Like, okay, the soul, you know, really calling you back here, home. And, um, and it's because, that awakening is more like, okay, it's time to come home to yourself. It's time to let go of, um ... Yeah, the ... You're already filling the checklist. Probably yes, probably no, but it's like what about if now you start writing each of those things that you want to create from now on, that you, because you choose it consciously, hopefully, that you can experience in life

[00:08:55] And I think it's a very [00:09:00] cool, like, season to be in midlife because we are more aware of what we want, more conscious of what we want to experience. And since you are actually the creator of your own life, so it's like, okay, so what are you choosing today? You can really choose how you want to, to feel, h- what you want to experience, either only with yourself or if you want to be with others.

[00:09:29] And by having that awareness, um, is how you can create the, a reality that aligns more with who you are and it has this kind of coherence, right? Living in that coherence of what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and what you are doing are in alignment. Otherwise, that's why we feel then this offness because we are not

[00:09:57] What we are thinking, feeling, and doing [00:10:00] are just like, you know, crumbling out there. And, um, again, like, this happens through the years, right? 

[00:10:12] And I think it's, one of the things is that we get too mental, like too much in our logic head to be, like to be doing everything that we're supposed to do, the tasks with the, you know, with the family, with the marriage, with work, with, I don't know, like, um, having a promotion of, you know, if you're an entrepreneur, like all those little things that we get too much in the head.

[00:10:39] But there's a moment again that the body is the one calling us back. We get that disconnection with the body. And, this, I mean, this machinery that we have is just so beautiful and so 

[00:10:55] Reconnecting with Your Body

[00:10:56] Kena Siu: complex and, is literally the avatar that we have to have [00:11:00] this human experience, right? And, um, the more we get to reconnect with our body, the more, you are actually going to feel home again Because we usually say the mind and the body even though the mind is part of the body.

[00:11:23] It's just, you know, our, what ... The neck is the one kind of like making that connection through it. Um, and, what a lot of scientists and, you know, and, mentors, what they really work with is the mind-heart coherence, which is super important. What I loved about this method of neuroepigenetic breathing is the fact that it also connects our sex part, meaning, like, you know, our pelvis, our pelvic floor, you know, our [00:12:00] womb, the organs, everything that is there, our sex itself because we are all this.

[00:12:07] We are l- we are sex, love, and consciousness And when we get to balance and to work with these three elements that at the end is where all our energy centers are, the more in coherence you're going to be Because 

[00:12:30] Sex, Love & Consciousness

[00:12:30] Kena Siu: then the mind is there, but then who's the one feeling more? It's usually more like the heart, but also your hand can be feeling something, you know?

[00:12:40] Or your feet can be feeling something. And then from when we have these two incoherencies, when we really can, take that action that we want to create something that is in alignment with what we really want to experience in life[00:13:00]

[00:13:03] And by working or, yeah, like with the whole body itself and reconnecting with it And then allowing ourselves to live, to experience that, the emotions that we have. Because unfortunately, we were not taught how to experience our emotions. They were, like, put aside. It's like, "No, no, don't cry," or, you know, "You're the good girl."

[00:13:34] Like, you know, since we are kids, they are constantly being programmed and conditioned how to behave, and there's no wonder why now, like, we come to midlife and we don't even know how to move our hips And it's just crazy

[00:13:53] And, and I, at least for me personally, one of the reas- the reasons is because [00:14:00] sex was a taboo at home the whole time. We never talk about it. Still, we don't. So one of the things that brought me to neo- prem- neuro epigenetic breathing was that part of also putting sex in the equation of the heart and the mind

[00:14:23] And it just had, you know, it had blown my mind. Because it's, it's different how I can now experience the body and, we keep a lot of trauma in the pelvic floor. Most of it is, is kind of like there, and that's why we have struggle actually 

[00:14:47] Trauma Stored in the Body

[00:14:47] Kena Siu: moving our hips or connect, reconnecting with our womb because all that is just contained.

[00:14:55] Just the fact that, um, we [00:15:00] usually are tighten, our, our asshole. If you notice, like... And it's a way of protection. The body does it like that. If there's something happening, the first thing we do is tense the body, and that includes, includes the asshole, and that's why it's one of the things that we do with this kind of breathing is really release, like relax that part of the body because it's basically the base of our body.

[00:15:33] So if we are here, you know, as an extension of, of Earth, right? And an extension of Source, then we gotta, you know, we are the channel, so it has to flow. And if we are tightened over there, how is the energy from the Earth gonna flow through us to go up to, to Source, to [00:16:00] the Divine, to that connection with God?

[00:16:04] 'Cause we are an extension of all of it

[00:16:10] So by working in, in these areas of the body that we consider, you know, like we don't supposed to talk about them or that, you know, we consider a taboo. But why if it's also a part of our body, like our ear or our lips? You know, the pelvic floor, the, the womb, the vagina, the perineum, the, the 

[00:16:37] Breaking the Taboo

[00:16:39] Kena Siu: prostate for, for, you know, for a man, the gland is also part of the body.

[00:16:43] So why do we tend not to talk about them if it's part of us? And I think once we kind of like open or just change that perception little by little is how we can then start exploring more and seeing, [00:17:00] "Ah, yeah, that's part of me." So then that disconnection that we have starts kind of like fading away, like little, little by little, 'cause at the end it's just the perception.

[00:17:16] But we're always ... We can always change our pers- our, our perception just by seeing something from just a two degrees angle. From that it's just a different way of seeing things, and I think that's one of the good parts that our mind can do and that we can do if we choose then to see things with a different perspective

[00:17:49] And, um, yeah, and I, mm I think it's about then normalizing, you know? [00:18:00] Not there is anything wrong with us, and then just normalizing that we are all this. We are sex, we are love, we are consciousness. Because also sometimes it's like, how am I gonna say that I am love? Like, why not? How can you not say that you are love?

[00:18:21] If you are here, it's for because of a, a greater design. Yeah, it's... Or par- or biological parents that give us, excuse me, life here, but it's more than that. It's really the grandmother and the grandfather who said, like, "There you go." Because how can you explain sometimes that they are mothers and they are 60 years old, you know, when they're supposed to be in menopause or something like that?

[00:18:50] It's like, yeah, it's really the divine who chose you to be here for one, for one reason and another. So the more I [00:19:00] think we can normalize that we are all this, and start putting together those fragments of what we think that, that probably you can feel that I am not love, that yes, you are love. It's probably the way

[00:19:15] you were taught that love is, is very different. But what about when you start connecting more to who you truly are, and you're gonna start experiencing love in a different way, and you're gonna say, "Ah, yes, that's true. I am love."

[00:19:45] And it's interesting how through our life, because of the different experiences and relationships and circumstances that we go through, one of the things what ... that happened is [00:20:00] that we start kind of like, um, fragmenting ourselves. You know, if we have a, a relationship, we leave parts of us in, you know, in that 

[00:20:14] Shadow Work & Fragmentation

[00:20:14] Kena Siu: relationship, in that person, and it's something that we don't realize.

[00:20:19] Or it's also part of us that we divided within ourselves, and it's mostly what we consider our shadow, you know, are things that we don't want to see because in the, spectrum of society or culture or religion, it's wrong according to them. And then we tend to shame or to feel guilt for certain part of us because it's like, "No, I don't, I don't supposed to feel jealous or, feel envy or to do something bad," but it's like, [00:21:00] bad according to whom?

[00:21:01] You know? It's then coming back to that questioning because if we just leave it like that and we don't question it, it's ... we hide that part of ourselves. And it's when we feel that disconnection because we hide those parts from the being, and then when we actually leave part of ourselves to others for, for a kind of different relationship that we have.

[00:21:36] It could be a romantic relationship. It could be, you know, like my deceased father. It could be my ex-husband. So leaving all those parts of us-

[00:21:50] I think that's part of that offness that we feel within us because we're not really aware [00:22:00] Off leaving those parts away from us. And the more we come, you know, with the breath and we come to

[00:22:17] co- put together all those pieces because it's the cool part of this. It's not only the, reconnection within the body, but it's also the connection of the energy that is out there. It's the connection with the divine, God, source, wh- whoever you want to call it, also back to you. Because the body, it's finite, but the divine, it is not.

[00:22:45] It's infinite. So once when we realize that we are an extension of it, it's like, oh, wow It's like we are much more than this. [00:23:00] We are much more than this body only, but i- imagine how much more we are if we are an extension of God, what everything is infinite Imagine how much actually love you can feel, more abundance you can feel, more joy you can feel by knowing that you are much more than simply this body

[00:23:30] And that's why, by doing these, free sessions, what I'm, ... My aim is to actually invite you to home, which is, a new membership that I am opening, by doing the certification in neuroepigenetic breathing and by knowing how to put all of the fragments back into me and feeling home here It has been such a powerful [00:24:00] work and such a powerful 

[00:24:01] Coming Home to Yourself

[00:24:01] Kena Siu: experience that of course it's a continuous practice

[00:24:08] And it's so fulfilling, it's so satisfying, um

[00:24:17] To be who I'm truly are at this moment. By shedding so many layers, I have so much trauma and memories and stories that some of them were mine, but a lot of them, they were not even mine. They come from my family, or they come from the collective. And just by, by breathing, by connecting to your body, to your emotions, it is amazing how, of course, you can transform yourself because you are transforming your nervous system.

[00:24:56] And at the same time, you are rewiring your mind. [00:25:00] The cool part of the system, too, is that it's working, with the, with the three brains that we have. So it helps rewire m- mm, the mind itself, and it's just by breathing, and you don't really have to talk about it. You know? Which is really cool because so many times, like, yes, when we work with coaches, you know, or with, I don't know, therapists, which of course it, it is a great support to have there, but sometimes what we're 

[00:25:31] Neuroepigenetic Breathing & Nervous System Healing

[00:25:31] Kena Siu: doing is rewiring those stories.

[00:25:34] And, and I think that the cool part with this system is the fact that you just, you breathe, yeah? And there's, of course, there's gonna be emotions coming through, and there's gonna be things moving inside. But then at the end of it, you kind of feel at peace. you come back to a place where your nervous system is just calmed.[00:26:00]

[00:26:01] And what's the ... I mean, with the calm nervous system, I mean, that's, that's peace. It's coming back here little by little. Because if we are always, you know, in fight or flight, we're not gonna be able to feel at home

[00:26:24] And that's, and that's a good part of, of this, of this system because I do believe that, home ... I read this and I now, and now that's the way I, I feel it is that home is not a place. Home is a feeling. And once you feel home here in your body, you can be everywhere. It doesn't matter where you are.

[00:26:51] You're always going to feel safe. You will always going to feel, um, at peace, even though [00:27:00] there's chao- chaos over there, but you're gonna be able to manage and come back to peace in here because by re- by you being able to regulate your nervous system, I mean, it's just about taking a few breaths and coming back to that space again where you feel safe, where you feel calm And by doing that, I mean, of course, y- your life changes.

[00:27:30] You transform your day-to-day because you feel good within yourself. And of course, that is transmitted to whoever is around you.

[00:27:43]

[00:27:46]

[00:27:46] Kena Siu: In this episode, you learned why the quiet something is off feeling in midlife isn't a flaw. Is your body asking to come home? How so many high-achieving women [00:28:00] stay exhausted despite doing everything right, and why doing more isn't the answer. What neuroepigenetic breathing actually does and why it works with your taboo body parts.

[00:28:13] If something in this episode landed for you, if you felt it rather than just heard it, Coming Home was made for that feeling. Free, private, and it's waiting for you in the show notes. Spoiler 

[00:28:27] Episode Recap & Coming Home Invitation

[00:28:27] Kena Siu: alert, it includes a neuroepigenetic breathing practice mentioned on this episode. And we close with a coming home question.

[00:28:36] Where in your body are you holding tension you've never been giving yourself permission to release? And what might become possible if you finally did?

[00:28:46]