#71 - Why High-Achieving Women Feel Exhausted from Self-Abandonment

Many high-achieving women think they’re exhausted because they’re doing too much. But beneath the over-functioning, caregiving, people-pleasing, and constant responsibility, there’s often something deeper happening: self-abandonment.

In this episode of Midlife Butterfly, Kena Siu explores the emotional exhaustion that builds when women spend years disconnecting from their own needs, emotions, desires, and truth while staying endlessly available for everyone else. This conversation dives into the hidden cost of being “the strong one,” how achievement and productivity can become emotional survival strategies, and why midlife often awakens the parts of ourselves we’ve ignored for decades.

You’ll hear reflections on nervous system overwhelm, identity loss, emotional numbness, resentment, and the quiet longing many women carry to finally feel alive again. Kena also shares how embodiment, self-awareness, and emotional honesty can help women reconnect with themselves gently and safely — without needing to become someone new.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally drained, disconnected from yourself, or unsure who you are beyond your roles and responsibilities, this episode offers a grounded and compassionate invitation back to yourself.

Because exhaustion is not always a sign that you’re failing. Sometimes it’s the soul asking you to stop leaving yourself behind.

🎙️ Key Topics Covered

• Emotional exhaustion and self-abandonment
• People-pleasing and over-functioning patterns
• Achievement as emotional survival
• Nervous system overload in midlife women
• Identity loss beneath caregiving roles
• Midlife awakening and self-remembrance
• Embodiment and reconnecting with the self
• Learning to stop overriding your needs

✨ Listener Takeaways

• Self-abandonment can look highly capable and successful
• Emotional exhaustion often carries deeper truth and unmet needs
• Midlife can become a powerful season of identity reclamation
• Your nervous system responds to how often you override yourself
• Coming home to yourself happens through small moments of honesty and awareness

🦋 Coming Home Reflection Question

Where in your life have you become emotionally absent from yourself?

🦋 Work With Kena If you're ready to move beyond knowing and start truly feeling it in your body — I'd love to support you. I guide high-achieving women back to who they truly are, beyond the roles, over-functioning, and patterns that have kept them disconnected from themselves. 

✨ Book your connection call: https://links.ivorey.io/widget/bookings/connection-call-midlife-butterfly

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Music: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Transcript

The Real Reason You Are Exhausted

Kena Siu 0:00

You are not exhausted because you care too much. You are exhausted because you've disappeared inside caring for everyone else. Welcome to Midlife Butterfly for high-achieving midlife women ready to stop self-abandoning and feel alive again. I am Kena Siu, Identity and Embodiment Guide, and here we explore self-remembrance, emotional truth, nervous system healing, and what it really means to come home to yourself. Inside this episode, you will discover why so many capable, successful women feel emotionally depleted even when they appear to have everything together. The subtle ways self-abandonment becomes woven into achievement, caregiving, and people-pleasing. What it actually looks like to reconnect with yourself gently, honestly, and safely without needing to become a completely different person. The exhaustion beneath the functioning. Does this resonate? Because it's this kind of exhaustion that it doesn't matter if you rest, if you sleep well, that exhaustion is still there. Why? Because you want to be dependable of other people, you want to be always there for them, serve them, rescuing them. Right? You want to be the person who's capable of solving their problems or helping them at all times. Or probably, you know, you are high functioning for your kids, for your parents at work. And the thing is, you trying to hold all the things together all the time, it's freaking tiring. It is. So

Overgiving Creates Resentment And Guilt

Kena Siu 2:29

it is common that you feel this exhaustion because you are all the time overstimulated to whatever is happening out there because you're never taking time for yourself. You are so disconnected from who you are that what happens is you create resentment with other people because you are there for them all of the time, and they might not be for you there. You do things and that in a way you might be looking for reciprocity, and when you don't get it, it's like you feel this kind of resentment. But if you think about it, it's like who's really creating this situation. Or not sorry, but it's you because you want to be there all the time for everyone, and in a way it's okay, but what happens is that if you don't take care of yourself first, that resentment, that tiredness, that sometimes frustration, it comes all together because you keep self-abandoning yourself. And it's funny because sometimes we as women we kind of like praise about it, right? Oh no, I am such an easygoing, I'm so accommodating, I'm super resilient, you know. I love giving. Yes, that is wonderful, but at what price? You know, a lot of women became experts at managing life. But at what cost? When you are abandoning yourself inside of that life that you're actually living. Women are often taught to override themselves. Yeah, we do that so often that then that disconnection with the self starts becoming normal, and that's why your exhaustion is to a limit at this moment. That's why you might be so fed up with your life and with people around you, and with any situation that is happening to you. Because some women haven't asked themselves how they actually feel in years. When was the last time you actually asked yourself, how do I feel? You usually just ask, okay, what does it need? What do you need to other people, but not to yourself, and that's the overexhaustion that you are having. Because you when you're caring for everyone, when you are the last in the list, you know you get lost in there. And then it could also happen that you feel guilt when you know that you need that rest, when you know that you need that self-care moment during the day, during your wake. Another

Achievement As Emotional Armour

Kena Siu 6:48

thing that happens is that achievement can become a survival strategy. Does this sound familiar? You know, we're being thought to do do do all the time instead of being and being, which is more in our feminine energy, and that productivity, we really relate to that identity of being productive all the time, you know, and then then it comes this overfunctioning of everything that we have to do, and of course, all this we also relate it to achieving. Why? Because we take achievement as a safety place, because when we achieve, we can feel accepted, we can feel that we belong, we can feel loved. For many women, achievement became the place they searched for worth, control, approval, and safety. And that's what this exhaustion is not really a weakness, you know, it's actually your body carrying years of emotional self-neglect because you are in this energy of productivity and achievement all the time, that of course, at all times your nervous system is constantly, you know, scanning for all these things out there or for the needs of other people, that eventually your own inner world becomes almost inaudible. Meaning you are not able to hear your inner voice, that voice that is your soul, that is your intuition, and that's why your body tends to disconnect because you are all the time in your mind, and your nervous system is all the time in this fight and flight, you know, that at one point it gets used to it, to those levels of fatigue, of anxiety, of numbness or irritability, you know. Why? Because I mean you cannot be performing at all times, and the only way to stop it is by really taking care of yourself. Really, really taking care of yourself and leave this survival strategy. Because the thing is, the more you connect with who you are, the more you start knowing who you are, the more you start accepting and understanding yourself, the more you care and the more love is gonna grow towards you.

Midlife As An Awakening

Kena Siu 10:58

And instead of survival, you're gonna shift it for living living life, not survival, surviving life, and that's what I believe that this midlife period of time is that sometimes we you know we call a crisis, it's what we commonly call it, but it's really a calling, it's an awakening because it's really an identity reclamation after surviving for so many decades, after being in charge of so many people at the same time, and you being the last on the list, your soul is calling you back, women. She wants you back, and no wonder why you say, Oh, something is wrong with me. Why can I handle things the way I used to? Or you probably wonder, why do I suddenly feel so emotional? Or why am I questioning everything? And the answer to that is that the woman underneath the roles is finally asking to exist too. She wants to exist now, it's midlife, there's no more time to waste, and this time when we feel that offness of our own identity, you know, sometimes you might feel that there is like grief coming up, or longing, or the need to speak your truth, to live your truth, or sometimes there's a lot of anger and you know, and frustration surfacing, and this exhaustion that you've been going through, all this that you might feel is actually information. It's information because midlife is not about becoming someone new, not at all. You are beautiful as you are, it's about reconnecting with who you were before this survival became your personality, and sometimes this exhaustion is really the soul asking for honesty because your soul wants to know, okay, who are you truly? Who are you truly? And sometimes we have issues answering this question. It's like, who am I? I don't know. Why? Because we get lost with all the roles and all the labels and all the hats that we get to wear during two, three, four, five decades. Who knows?

Listening To Body And Intuition

Kena Siu 14:41

So, my invitation for you is just listen. Listen, be aware of what your body and your mind are trying to tell you. Do not ignore it, do not ignore it because sometimes when your body, you know, you have a bit of a pain somewhere, your body is calling you for attention. There's something in there, and if you don't take the time to listen to it, to slow down, it might come a moment when your body is actually going to scream at you, and when that moment arrives, oof, it's fucking painful. It can be very, very painful. When you really listen to what your body is telling you, to what your mind is telling you, but from that voice of your intuition of your soul, not the voice of the critical ego or the logic mind. When you really listen to that voice, you're gonna be guided. Home, meaning that home that is within you, because home is not a place, it's a feeling, it is a feeling, and the more you attuned with yourself, with who you truly are, when you really come into this space of being calm, well then with your nervous system, that's how you're gonna feel safe and embodied. That's whenever you choose to actually rest, you don't have to excuse yourself for doing that, and then you know, allowing your body to have preferences, not to limit it to whatever else or whoever else is saying, because your body is here to express in many different ways. When you come home to yourself, you speak more honestly because you know who you are, you know what you want, and you know what you don't want, right? So only when you tune in more, and it's step by step, okay, it's moment by moment.

Boundaries And Small Daily Shifts

Kena Siu 18:06

That's the only way, it's not a jump, you know, because your life is built in habits, so it means that what can you shift in those little habits every day so you are able to come a little bit closer and closer and closer to your true self, because aliveness for this beautiful life that you are experiencing returns when you stop abandoning your own experience? Because if you want it or not, this is your experience at this moment. So, what is it that you can shift for you to improve that experience? Is it a boundary that you need to set? Is it a self-care practice that you can implement in your day-to-day? Is it a conversation that you gotta have with someone or even with yourself? Those are the things that you get to do every day to really rebuild that trust with yourself, so really start like you know, noticing. Start noticing during your day, like okay, oh, this is causing me like a contraction in my chest. Oh, this is giving me this tension in in my shoulders. Oh shit, I say yes, and I really wanted to say no. What are those little moments that you can notice during your day to really put attention with what is in there calling you? Because each of those moments probably the beginning is what I mean. Like, you're gonna be like, okay, oof, this is happening. Oh, I'm repeating this pattern again, things like that. But the more awareness you can have and start kind of like planning actually in advance, what can you do instead of it? Right? What I mean with this is let's say you are people pleasing someone, and you say, Oh, I'm pleasing this person again. Okay, practice, just think about okay, what can you do next time to actually set a boundary over there? This is what I mean. So start honoring yourself, stop overriding yourself. Because every time you do it, your nervous system is gonna feel calmer. And that overexhaustion that you have at this moment. Gonna start to slow down.

The Self Abandonment Pause Practice

Kena Siu 22:08

And I have a practice for you today. It's about taking a self-abandonment pause. So this week, noticed one moment each day, I just talk about this, where you are actually automatically move into the performance mode. Meaning when you are helping or fixing or managing, pleasing, over-explaining, pushing through, or any anything else that you might usually tend to do, just pause. Pause right there, put a hand on your chest or your stomach, and just connect with your breath. Connect with it. You can breathe into your nose and exhale through your mouth, relaxing the body as much as possible, and there you can ask, what am I actually feeling right now? What do I need in this moment? What am I overriding? What will feel more honest now? And when you are in that breath, in that stillness, notice also how is your breath? Is it deep? Is it shallow? Is there tension in your jaw? Is there tightness in your chest? Are you going through emotional numbness? Because awareness is where self-return begins. That awareness is how you come back to yourself. Remember that it is your birthright to feel alive inside your own life. And I'm going to repeat this. Remember that it is your birthright to feel alive inside your own life. You deserve it. You are here to live, not to survive.

Key Reminders And Closing

Kena Siu 24:56

I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for being here in Midlife Butterfly. And today we explore why so many high-achieving women feel emotionally exhausted and how that exhaustion is often connected to years of self-abandonment hidden underneath capability, caregiving, and overfunctioning. These are the key reminders. Self-abandonment can look highly successful. Achievement often becomes emotional armor. The nervous system keeps score. Midlife surfaces what has been suppressed. Exhaustion carries wisdom. Reconnecting with yourselves begins through honesty, embodiment, and safety. And as a final reflection, coming home to yourself rarely happens all at once. It happens moment by moment. Every time you stop leaving yourself behind.