The Winning Mindset
The Winning Mindset is for empowering athletes, parents, and coaches to excel in sports and life. We focus on building mental toughness, positive attitudes, and promoting personal growth through shared insights and motivational content.
The Winning Mindset
The Winning Mindset – Episode: "When Your Kid Wants to Quit"
Every parent or coach faces this moment—your kid wants to quit a sport. Is it just a rough patch, or is it time to walk away? In this episode, I break down the difference between pushing through adversity and knowing when to step back. We’ll talk about the lessons sports teach, why pressure isn’t always a bad thing, and how to guide your kid through the decision in a way that builds confidence, not regret. Tune in for real talk, personal experiences, and practical advice on handling one of the toughest conversations in youth sports.
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Winning Mindset Podcast. I'm your host, chris Mullins, Very excited to be back recording episodes for this year. Excited to be back recording episodes for this year, I took some time off after episode two just to shift focus to enjoy the holidays with friends and family and then the new year kicked off and working with sports with the kids. I was in the middle of working on, you know, winter training workouts with the football team, kind of getting them prepared for the upcoming season and and really just shifting my focus, focusing on getting the year started off right with work. So I I took a little bit of time off, kind of put this on the shelf for for a couple months. Uh, but I'm excited, like I said, to be back recording this. Um, this episode is called when your kid wants to quit, um, and I'm.
Speaker 1:I think this is something that hits close to home for everybody and if it hasn't yet, it's going to at some point. I really, even though I haven't been recording, have been posting some content on Facebook, kind of some q&a hey, what would you do in this scenario? Post that. I'm excited because I'm going to use some of that content and information into new episodes as we kind of go through those topics. But I love getting the feedback from you guys. So, for everybody contributing, thank you so much. I love it. I love the feedback, I love being able to learn from other people and and their perspectives on what they're doing with their family and what they've chosen to do with their family in those situations. So, to those that have shared information, thank you so much. But with this, with this episode in particular, you know, I think we're all going to face this, if we haven't already faced this at some point in our kids journey. You know, and we may be fortunate to have a situation where our kids don't want, you know, don't want to quit a sport, and that's fantastic and even better of a situation to come across. But I do think that we're going to see these experiences in life where our kids are like maybe not in love with the sport, maybe they're feeling discouraged and frustrated, and then they come up to you and it's mom, dad, I think I want to quit, you know, and you know, for me, I think incident reaction for me would be kind of low key, freak out a little bit and be like wait, what, why, you know, but I'm excited to kind of share these key points and things from insights, from talking with other people about hey, what would you do in this situation? What did you do in this situation? Just to hear from other people and get insight on how they handled a certain situation. So let's dive in, let's get started.
Speaker 1:I think one of the most important things that we need to understand with this situation specifically is we need to understand the reason why kids quit sports. Right, what are the main issues and main reasonings that we see kids walk away from sports? Research shows that 70% of kids drop out of organized sports by the time they hit middle school. Why, why is this happening? Number one reason is burnout. They practice too much, they're playing too many games, they're playing too many tournaments, they're playing, you know, multi-teams. You know they may be playing rec ball and may be playing for a travel team. You know there's so many, there's so many caveats and dynamics to that um, they may just be feeling way too much pressure. Right, they are kids, um, and it just stops being fun for them. They're not enjoying it anymore. That's, that's a balance. That's important to make sure that we have that. Yes, I think pressure is important to to nurture development, but I think that we have to make sure that pressure is not so strong that they collapse underneath that pressure.
Speaker 1:Another reason is changing interest right there, as they grow, they're gonna start formulating their own opinions and their own mindsets and they're're they're going to be drawn to different interests that maybe weren't what they were interested in while they were kids, or younger kids. I should say, but yeah, so I think, I think that's something important to understand, that, you know, maybe they played baseball their whole life and all of a sudden now they're drawn into basketball. Or maybe they play basketball their whole life and now they want to start playing football, and, and so those interests are going to change. And and even beyond sports, right, let's, let's be honest, it may be a situation where you know where your son or daughter, you know, played sports their whole life and all of a sudden, now they're interested in music, maybe they're interested in different forms of of the arts. Right, as parents, you know, and kate and I, my wife, have this conversation all the time. It's kind of a it's kind of a what-if conversation right now, but but it's something that I think that we're we're having these conversations to hold ourself accountable to it if we ever cross that road or cross that bridge. I should say, um, if our kids decide, hey, you know what, I'm gonna join theater, know what I think to encourage you as parents and this is tough for me to say as a football coach, but I'm going to hold myself accountable to it If that does become the case, if our kids are drawn to those type interests, encourage your kid in what they're interested in.
Speaker 1:Right, we can't. We can't force our kids to to, to be into into football if they're not into football. We can't force our kids to be into baseball if they're not into baseball. Because what's going to happen is we're forcing the round peg into the square hole. We're forcing them to be something that they're not, and what you're going to do is you're going to create an unhealthy frustration and an unhealthy dynamic between the two of you, because you're forcing them into something they're not going to be interested in, they're not going to love, so they're not going to try their hardest, they're not going to put forth the effort that's required of them, and so there's going to create a an unhealthy frustration. So I just encourage you as a parent, if that is something that that happens. Please, yes, have your kids involved in things, but make sure it's something that they are interested in. Um, you know, I've got, I've got friends, that right. All american dad, you know, and and and their kid isn't interested in sports. And you know, and we've had those conversations where, yeah, it's hard, it's weird, but we encourage our kid and we love our kid because they're our kid, right, but but they want them to do something that they're interested in and they and they support that and I absolutely love that and I just kudos to those parents that that are encouraging their kids and supporting their kids and showing up and letting them be interested in what they want to be interested in.
Speaker 1:The final, the final reason of the top three reasons are are team environment issues right? Maybe the kids just struggling with confidence, maybe it's a dynamic with the teammates, or even the coaching style, right? I know I've coached for, for this will be my seventh year going into football. I know that my coaching style isn't necessarily the coaching style for every kid. You know I, I, I am a disciplinarian when it comes to coaching.
Speaker 1:I, you know, by no means am I, you know, treating it like a drill sergeant, but I, you know I have non-negotiable standards and and and discipline is is a big factor into how I develop our kids as far as making sure that they, they, they play as a disciplined athlete. And so you know if, if a kid slips away from our expectations, you know there's, there's, there's conversations, there's there's, you know there's consequences to, to not putting forth the effort that's expected of you and not showing up with the right attitude and and and. So I know that sometimes my aggressive coaching style isn't necessarily what's, you know, going to help a kid and what, what a kid's going to love. Now I will say that, like, I make sure that my kids understand and know that I love them. I think that's important that they understand. It's an iron to iron mentality that you know I'm doing this because I love you, not because I'm trying to, you know, win a championship, right, that's not it.
Speaker 1:My goal is to develop these young men as athletes, and so sometimes it does take, take a, you know, a hard conversation and an iron to iron mentality. You know, I always tell my boys, right, swords aren't formed from feathers, right, we, you know, swords are made from, from heavy, constructive conversations. But I think also what's important to make sure, first foremost, is that they know that you love and care about them and you want the best for them. And as long as there's that understanding between the coach and player dynamic, then then they're going to be willing to listen to you.
Speaker 1:But when our kid comes to us and says, mom dad, I don't want to play football anymore, mom dad, I don't want to play baseball anymore, right, that may come as a shock to you if you feel like it comes completely out of left field. Right, maybe it's a situation where you're noticing it, right, you're picking up on it. They're not excited about showing up to practice anymore, they're not excited about going to games, and so maybe maybe you have your finger on the pulse and you realize like, yeah, that's, you know, I can tell something's off and they're not enjoying it anymore. Or, like I said, it could be a situation where they come to you out of the blue and say, hey, I don't want to play anymore. Right, as parents, you know, I encourage you to make sure that you do have an open mind with that conversation. Right, when your kid, your kid, wants to quit, try not to just jump to conclusions or react emotionally. Instead, I think we should make it a priority to listen first, you know. Ask open-ended questions like what's making you feel this way, why do you not enjoy that sport anymore? Or why do you still enjoy that sport? And what's challenging you with it? Right, you know? Another great thing is right. If, hey, I don't want to play baseball anymore, okay, what would you like to try instead? I think listening without judgment is going to create a safe space and a safe conversation space with your kid for them to be able to share their thoughts and feelings, you know. I think it also shows them that their voice matters and they are being heard, which I think is going to build trust and strengthen your relationship with them as your child, as an athlete, I think, as they get older right, my son is 10, going on 11. You know, he's my oldest I think, as he is growing up, I think trust is going to become more and more of a important aspect of our relationship, because he's going to learn that, unfortunately, there's a lot of things and a lot of people in this world we can't trust, and so, I think, making sure that he feels that trust and that bond with with trust between me as his father and him as my son. I think that's important and going to be a crucial aspect of our relationship.
Speaker 1:But let's talk about pressure. Right, pressure is not inherently a bad thing, right, with kids, and I think I mentioned this a moment ago. But, you know, I think I think that pressure does teach kids how to push through challenges and develop resilience. I think that pressure is important, right, we don't want to just be lax, right With our kids, and sometimes, without putting a little bit of pressure is not going to. You know, pressure sometimes instills movement. Right, pressure is going to result in movement and what I mean by movement is, you know, giving that little bit of pressure is going to encourage them to try harder, going to give them, you know, the push that they need to go outside and hit 100 baseballs every afternoon off the tee just to get some tee work in. And so I think pressure is important. But we have to balance that pressure right. We want to, you know, we want to positively put that pressure on our kids and not put so much pressure on them that it negatively fractures them. You know them emotionally, them mentally, right, we don't want them to feel like they're caving in under pressure.
Speaker 1:From my own personal experience as a parent and as a coach, you know I've learned that it's not always the sport that's causing the frustration, right, sometimes kids just need a break. Right, sometimes they just need to be kids. We've learned that with Harlow, you know, when we were going basketball, baseball, football, wrestling, like you know, just four sports constant, nonstop. Right, and we could feel it, and we could sense it with him that we needed to create margin in his life just to give him the opportunity to breathe, right, the opportunity to be a kid, to come home from school and go jump on the trampoline, come home from school and just chill and watch something on TV, right, if they're constantly going at nine and 10 years old, right, that's that's where that they're going to start feeling that burnout. And so I think it's important to make sure that you're having conversations with them, of saying, hey, when you're starting to feel that fatigue, when you're starting to feel that lag of like way too much is happening, it's okay to have that conversation with them. It's also okay and important for you as a parent to to keep a sense of what's going on with them. You know, sometimes they don't know how to express that that they're feeling that way and, and you know, I mean think about, like, what we do day in and day out.
Speaker 1:As a parent, right, I'm a coach, I'm a football director, I'm on the football board, I'm, you know, a manager with us, with it, with a company. I, I'm a dad. Most importantly, I'm a husband, even more importantly, right, and I juggle so many responsibilities within each of those realms, right, so, but I'm an adult, right, I've grown to learn how to handle that. But even, like, for me that can be too much at certain times and I just have to breathe. Right, I have to figure out and learn how to create margin. But now take that as a 35 year old, right, who can do that? And think about a, think about a kid, right, think about a nine, 10 year old, right, they don't know how to, how to, how to juggle all of that and it can, it can feel like a lot on them. So I encourage you as a parent, right? I'm not saying, you know, I figured this all out. I think sometimes we're like Whoa, that was too much. But you know, I think I encourage you to make sure that you do keep, you know, keep an eye on that and you know, you kind of keep your finger on the pulse of that, that, you know, if you're noticing that, that fatigue that lag with your kids, you know, create that margin for them, create the ability for them just to stop and pause and be a kid.
Speaker 1:I think another thing that's important that we take to account when we're figuring out sports for our kids, or figuring out whether our kid continues to play a specific sport, is we've got to understand if the sport is the right sport for them to be playing, right. You know, as a football coach, I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation. Yeah, I signed my son up to play football to toughen him up, right, I'm going to be real and hopefully this doesn't come across too blunt where parents are like, geez, you know I'm as a football coach, it's not a coach's job to toughen your kid up. Can a coach push a kid to the next level as far as that mental and emotional toughness? Absolutely. But to be real, to be a dad of two boys, it's your job as a dad to toughen boys up, right, it's. It's your job as a parent to toughen boys up and teach them important life skills. And and I know that there's so many different family dynamics out there where maybe, unfortunately, dad may not be present, you know, and I understand that.
Speaker 1:But it is important that that a kid is a certain level of toughness before they walk onto the football field. And I say that because I've had conversations with parents where I say, hey, he's not ready, he's not mentally and emotionally ready to be playing the sport. Because what happens is, you know, a kid who you know is not aggressive by nature, has to turn around and go one-on-one contact against a kid who loves violence and loves to be aggressive on the football field and that kid gets hit once or twice. They're done, they're frustrated, they, they don't enjoy it, they're not loving it right, and then you expect them to come out every single practice, every single game and do that over and over and over again. They're not going to love it, they're not going to love it, they're not going to enjoy it. I, this past season, had a conversation with a dad where I said I fear, if you allow him or force him to continue playing the game of football right now, where he's at mentally and emotionally, he's going to hate the game of football. And I don't think that that's what you as a parent and it's definitely not what I, as a coach, want to have happen I just don't think he's ready to continue playing football and I think that's an important thing that we need to make sure that we remember when we are signing our kids up.
Speaker 1:Are they mentally tough? Are they physically tough? Do they have that mental edge that you know they like violence, right, and I don't mean, you know, pull out a knife, kind of violence, but but you know football is a violent sport, and so I think it is important that we make sure that our kids have that mental edge and toughness before we sign them up to play football specifically, right, but but there's other sports that we we'd have to realize that our kids may not be equipped for, you know, and that's okay. You know we have to find what they enjoy, what they love and what they're built for to be playing. I think football can teach incredible lessons like discipline, teamwork, perseverance, but the athlete has to be ready to be able to embrace those challenges. If your child isn't there yet, forcing them into the game is going to cause more harm than good. Well, let's talk about the value of stepping away. I think sometimes, stepping away from a sport can lead to incredible growth within an athlete.
Speaker 1:First, you know, first, harlow, right, he wrestled for a season. He enjoyed certain aspects of it but wasn't really mentally and emotionally ready for the pressure that came with wrestling. Right, it's an individualized sport. Right, you're on a mat, it's you versus somebody else. You know, and I don I don't know that he, he loved the aspect of wrestling at first and the pressure that it created, you know. So, you know, he, he kind of came to us during the middle of the wrestling season that year, said, dad, I don't love this, and you know our our, our agreement and conversation that we've had with every sport is that's fine. And I had several people, you know, on the Facebook chain, when I asked about this, said the same thing right, it's important to teach commitment with our kids, and I wholeheartedly agree with that. You know, you made a commitment to this sport, you made a commitment to this season. You may not love it, but you're going to finish. You're going to finish the season with this team and that's what we did with Harlow. You know we made him finish the season out.
Speaker 1:He did a couple of tournaments, you know he did well, we were super proud of him for his first year, honestly, you know, wrestling is such a technical sport too that you know he didn't know a whole lot. But he did well for not knowing a whole lot, right, and was learning and was still, you know, green behind the ears with it. But, you know, in, instead of, instead of forcing him to return back, we said that's fine, if you don't want to play again, you can take. You know, you can take a season off or two seasons off or never return back to it. If that's not something, that's that's for you, right, um? So we did that. He played basketball, um, and then this season he got back to wrestling, right, he did it again.
Speaker 1:You know what the agreement that we had with him was. You know, hey, I'm not going to force you to do a lot of tournaments and do a lot of meets, but I do want you in there on, you know, on practice nights and giving it your all. And and I think wrestling is important because it does does help you build skills like strength and body control, which are beneficial to every sport, right, beneficial for him as a football player, beneficial for him as a baseball player. I think that it did help him out a lot and though he didn't do a lot of meets, it definitely, I think, helped him with some self-confidence things. He's already a very confident kid but I think him seeing that he could rise to the challenge and meet the challenge where it's at and actually did really well against kids that have, you know, that have wrestled for a while, I think it helped, you know, instill some confidence in him, which was awesome to see. You know that was the agreement that we had again, that that he wouldn't do a lot of meets, but he did one and we were super proud of him for that.
Speaker 1:But I think sometimes taking a break can be important and necessary for just a mental reset, right? You know, certain sports are going to require a lot of us emotionally and physically and sometimes kids just get overwhelmed and it's okay for them to take a step back and take a break. You know that time can help them. You know, recharge, reflect and rediscover the joy of why they love that sport. I've got a specific athlete in mind that you know recharge, reflect and rediscover the joy of why they love that sport. I've got a specific athlete in mind that you know he he plays football for me now.
Speaker 1:He played last you know this this past season, but the season before that he took a year off and he took, you know, took some time away from it. You know he, he came to a lot of the games and cheered the teams on and, you know, I think halfway through the the season, I think he really started to to wish that he was out there on the field and and, and I'll never forget that. You know, you know I'll never forget seeing him, you know, at like one of our last games and I was like, hey, you're gonna come back next season and he was like, yeah, definitely. And then he came back this season and and, to be honest, he absolutely crushed it this season. I was super proud of him. You know it's, it's it's with football, you know things, things grow and build on each season and he showed up this season and worked his tail off and you could just tell that, you know he, he had had reconnected with the joy and love of playing the game of football and you know his, his effort was another, you know, was another level. His, his abilities were at another level and it was just awesome to see him back out there. I think you know he had an incredible season and I'm super excited to see what next season holds for him. But, you know, I think a lot of that benefited to him just taking a break, right, him taking a season off and and kind of reflecting and and and re introducing himself to the, to the joy and love for the game of football too. So, you know, I attribute that to him taking a break and taking some time off.
Speaker 1:I think another important thing that we need to make sure that we're doing with our kids is is is not be so one-dimensional with sports. Right, I think being a multi-sport athlete is so important for these kids, especially at younger ages. Right, like you know, at 10 years old, they shouldn't be specializing in a specific sport and and that may be an unpopular opinion to some people, but but so many people encourage that. Now you hear all these professional athletes. Um, jeff rencourt has his, his podcast, where you know he he talks about that and and encourages it. He had chipper jones on the same podcast. That encouraged the same thing. John smoltz has encouraged the same thing. I mean, I know I'm naming Braves players, but you know I highly look up to those guys as far as being dads and being coaches and being former athletes, that that they encourage.
Speaker 1:Being a multi sport athlete, you know, I think that it prevents burnout because it switches the sports up for the kids, right, it keeps, you know, keeps them from feeling, you know, overwhelmed. And it helps them from losing interest, right, because it's not the same thing over and over and over and over again for them, right, their football season's over with, now it's on to baseball. Baseball season's over with, now it's back on to football, right, and we dabble a little bit of basketball and wrestling in between all of that. But I think that it keeps them interested in what's going on. I think it keeps them from being too bored with what's happening. But I think it also helps build versatile skills, right, different sports develop different strengths and, you know, I think basketball improves agility, while baseball may sharpen hand-eye coordination, and I think that those you know those abilities will help and translate to other sports that they're playing. Those abilities will help and translate to other sports that they're playing.
Speaker 1:Another reason why multi-sport athletes are great and why it's good for your kids to be playing multiple sports is it reduces injuries. Playing one sport year-round can lead to overuse injuries. Think about baseball pitching as they get older and they start pitching. If we're having our kids pitch year-round, that's overuse on their arms and on their bodies. You know, by by being multiple sport athlete, it's better balanced physically and, you know, they're less prone to certain injuries. Another huge reason right, dad's listen up, turn the volume up a little bit on this, right, it boosts recruitment opportunities for kids.
Speaker 1:Statistically, 88 percent of NFL players were multi-sport athletes in high school. 83% of NCAA athletes said playing multiple sports helped them succeed in their primary sport. That's mind-blowing, right. Think about that. I know I saw a statistic a while back that and gosh, this was probably like five years ago now. So I know all quarterbacks have changed. At this point it feels like in the nfl, but all starting quarterbacks at that time were multiple sport athletes all the way through high school. Right, those kids were playing multiple sports. You think about that. Now I mean specifically right, super bowl. Patrick mahomes had a baseball. You know, had a baseball opportunity for major league baseball and an NFL opportunity because of being a multiple sport athlete.
Speaker 1:We had an awesome dinner that we went to a couple weeks ago for Kennesaw State's baseball team. It was their their season kickoff banquet and Brian Jordan came and spoke, who played professional football and professional baseball. Brian jordan talked about how he literally chose what college to go to only if they would allow him to play both baseball and football. If they forced him to play one sport he wouldn't go, and so that's how he ended up choosing what college to play for was that they allowed him to play both sports. Then he got to turn around and go do it professionally as well, and I know it's not so common now with professional sports, because I think professional sports are, you know, becoming a lot more strict with what they you know what they allow their athletes to do. But I think it just goes to show that allowing them to be multiple sport athletes helps them develop a lot faster than a singular sport athlete.
Speaker 1:I know, specifically for my football team, that the best athletes that I have on my team they play another sport outside of just football. Right, I've got basketball players, baseball players, I've got wrestlers. Some of them do all three of those things outside of just football and I think it makes them a well rounded athlete. I think that those skills transfer across each sport in it and it makes them more adaptable. That versatility is good for performance, and I think it also just helps them build, you know, more confidence and resilience as an individual athlete.
Speaker 1:It's not just about sports, right, it's about raising happy, healthy and confident kids, right. Whether our kid chooses to stick with one sport, move to a different one or just take a break altogether, they've learned important lessons within those sports that they've played right Discipline, teamwork, perseverance, and those things will stick with them for their entire life. I think it's important that we normalize the idea that it's okay for our kids to grow and change with interest. Right, I think their interests today are not going to be the same tomorrow, and I think that's a good thing. Right, that means that they are growing, they are developing, they are formulating their own opinions, and I think that that's important. I think you know we have to, as parents, give them the freedom to explore. I think we have to help them discover their passions and develop them into well-rounded individuals outside of just sports.
Speaker 1:So here are the key takeaways from today's episode. Number one I think it's important that we listen first and react later. Right, I think we have to take the time to understand why our kid wants to quit, why he or she wants to walk away from a sport, walk away from a team, doesn't want to continue playing. I think that we have to make sure that we are open-minded and that we listen and don't react instantly because they say that, right, there may be something that we can do as a parent to help them work through why they're feeling that way and then they they continue their commitment with that team and with that sport. I think it's important that we support exploration with them. Right, I think we have to encourage them to try other sports or activities, because it's a great way for them to grow as an individual. Number three, I think it's important that we teach commitment. Right, I think that we have to help them understand they have to finish what they started, but we can't force them into something that isn't right for them as an individual athlete. And then, finally, I think it's important that we focus on the bigger picture. And what is that bigger picture? We have to remember it's not about the game. It's about building strong, resilient and happy kids, and we have to remember that giving our child space to step away or try something new can lead to incredible growth for them as an athlete. It's just like I said for Harlow and for the young man that plays on my football team. They both came back to something they walked away from and they came back stronger than they were before. Hey, thank you so much for listening today's podcast.
Speaker 1:If you've been faced with this situation with your child and you want to share your experiences with me, I would love to hear from you. Please reach out to me on social media. There's the winning mindset Facebook page. You can reach out to me on my individual Facebook page. You can reach out to me via social media. There's the winning mindset Facebook page. You can reach out to me on my individual Facebook page. You can reach out to me via text if you've got my my phone number. I would love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:I would love to to learn how you handled this specific situation. I think it's important that we have that open conversation where you know this is how I handled this situation and it worked for us. This is how I handled the situation and it didn't work and it backfired. I think it's important that we hear from each other If you disagree with something that I said. Hey, you know what you said. Do it this way. We did it that way. It didn't work. Hey, you know we actually did it this way and it worked better for us. That that's awesome. I would love to have that, that one-on-one conversation, where you know we can learn from each other's experiences. So please reach out to me. Please don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with a fellow parent, coach or even a friend. But until next time, remember, it's not about winning the game, it's about winning at life. See you next time. Bye.
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