Feel to Heal: Why High‑Functioning People Break Down in Silence

 Mental Health Bytes, hosts Rah (Mr. Trauma Talks) and Dr. Tash Reddy sit down with Sharyn Nichols, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Life Guide with over 30 years of experience in emotional wellness, trauma‑informed healing, and holistic mental health.

Sharyn works with high‑functioning people who appear strong and capable on the outside but silently struggle with overwhelm, numbness, overthinking, people‑pleasing, and survival‑mode coping. She reframes these behaviors not as failures, but as intelligent survival strategies shaped by the nervous system.

Sharyn introduces her Feel to Heal framework — a practical, compassionate process that helps people pause, ground, name their emotions, understand what’s underneath, and respond with clarity instead of self‑abandonment. She explains why healing isn’t about “getting over it,” but about creating enough safety in the body to feel what’s true without shutting down or becoming flooded.

This conversation blends trauma‑informed education with heart‑centered guidance. Viewers will learn how to break repeated emotional patterns, build self‑trust, and reconnect with their true selves. Whether you’re overwhelmed, disconnected, or tired of pretending to be “fine,” this episode will help you feel seen — and give you tools you can use immediately.

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high‑functioning anxiety help

emotional overwhelm support

nervous system regulation

holistic mental health

CBT for trauma

Kundalini emotional healing

Feel to Heal framework

therapist Sharyn Nichols

trauma‑informed therapy

mind body spirit healing

coping with stress and trauma

emotional numbness recovery

mental health podcast NYC

Your Trauma Talks / Mr. Trauma Talks
 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello everyone, welcome to Mental Health Bites. It's Ra, Mr. Trauma Talks, and I am here excited because today I've realized that not only have we been bringing you guys all my rasters, these amazing golden nuggets laden with diamonds with these mental health bites conversations, but we are actually communicating with some of you because I realized that a lot of you have been asking questions. A lot of you have been commenting and saving the clips as well, especially with what Dr. Tash Reddy all the way from South Africa has been bringing for all of you. And yes, mental health could be heavy, it could be triggering. So we are not here to trigger anyone of you, we are not here to hurt anyone of you in any way. We are here that when we have a discussion and a conversation where something could mentally uh hurt you, stress you, uh, send you into depressed places that you understand you are not alone. And I'm super excited, very, very excited because my guest that's coming up today to have a chat with us, to actually uh give you some of the golden nuggets that she has learned through all the years and from live experience plus uh her clinical background. Let me tell you, she's here to help you if you're going through some sort of problems, maybe with your marriage, couples who are having problems. Maybe something she says today will spark something in you and you would understand that you are not going through this alone. And she will be here in New York City on June 11th on stage at the Palladium Times Square, along with Grammy winners and a past president of a country. So, before we go into that, as you see the poster big up on top, and there she is, right on the right corner, right there, Sharon Nichols. So let me bring up the amazing Tash Reddy, Dr. Tash Reddy. Hello, Dr. Tash. How are you? Hi, Raw, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Oh, I'm excited to be here with you today, and you know, it's always a pleasure doing this with you.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

I'm really excited too, and like you were saying, you know, we tell the truth, right? We're not lying about anything, and we give raw stories that and experiences that come from our own lives, and we're not it's not to hurt anyone, it's not to uh offend anyone, but to help them in their mental health uh journey. So we're here to help them and to be there for you. Uh today we have an amazing show. It's called Feel to Heal, and we have um uh someone so special and wonderful, she's so gorgeous as well, um, Sharon Nichols, and we're going to talk to her about high-functioning people. Um, and it's so funny, Rock, because I just had a patient who I went through that with yesterday. And uh I'm a high-functioning person myself, so I recognize it, I identify completely, and I know that you are too. So we're going to get some lessons in being high-functioning and uh feel the heel while you're being high functioning. So I'm ready to do this, Rao. Let's do this.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

So, yes, everyone on my rasters, all of you. I hope you've been having a great week. All those who are listening on Spotify, who's listening on iHat Radio, Apple iTunes, Amazon Music, wherever you're listening to the podcast from, remember to share it because someone out there definitely will need to hear it. Today on our mental health bytes, our guest is uh very, very important. Her name is Sharon Nichols, and she's a licensed marriage and family therapist and life guide with more than 30 years of life experience helping people reconnect with themselves. She blends clinical uh expertise with yogic traditions, human design, cognitive behavioral therapy, and kundalini practices to help high-functioning people who look strong on the outside but are overwhelmed, numb, and stuck on the inside. Sharon's work is warm, compassionate, and deeply human. Well, I could hear that from just what we're reading. She teaches people how to stop repeating the same painful patterns, how to understand what they can and cannot control, and how to move from survival mode into emotional clarity and truth. Today she'll be sharing her uh Feel to Heal framework, a simple, powerful tool that anyone can use to name their emotions, understand what's underneath, and take one aligned step toward healing. Ladies, uh, gentlemen, Raz Rasters, let's welcome the amazing, the talented Sharon Nichols.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

Thank you. Thank you so much for such an incredible introduction. Um, I I hope I I just I I guess that's me. And I I, you know, in terms of being a high functioning person, and and I know you also mentioned human design. I'm a I'm a two-four in human design, and the two part means that I have all these incredible talents that I don't know that I have. I need to be called out appropriately. So thank you. Thank you for that incredible introduction, Ma. I really appreciate it, and I'm so grateful to be here. So thank you, Dr. Tauch. Talk to me.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Welcome, welcome, Sharon. It's so great to hear. Um that was such a good intro. Thank you. I know this is new to you, and you have two people who are going to pick your brain. So I know when you say you have all these talents, but when you hear someone say it, it sounds so different. It's like, is that really me? Are they really talking about me? Am I that special? Um, but I think when you're high functioning, that's one of the things that uh that uh comes because there's so much that you can relate to, and so it's so you do things so quickly that you don't really take time to process it and to um understand that that's what these are all the things you did because you uh to you just think it's normal, right? That everyday people do the same thing. So um what's so what's so amazing about it? I think that's one of the things high-functioning people struggle with. It's that what's so amazing about doing something that wasn't a big deal for me.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

Well, the the thing is really actually where I where I start is that your mind is not your friend. And so all of us high functioning people, we can when we're when we're out in the world, we can we can keep it together. That's what makes us high functioning. We you know, we have we have a lot to do, we have a lot to say, and and we can keep it together. It's those moments when you get into the car after holding it together that you then lose it. I mean, how many of us have kept it together and then or we walked through the front door and you know and just collapsed either on the floor or on the couch because we've kept it together, because your mind is not your friend, your mind's job is to keep you safe. It's gonna keep creating the same scenarios over and over and over again because it's that's its job. So it wants you to, you already know how to react. So you already know how you're gonna think and feel based on based on you know all situations, based on because there's a finite amount of themes we've all experienced. So you already know, you already know what you're going to think and feel when somebody says something that hurts your feelings, when somebody does something that that makes you go, huh? Did I do that? Or or where's where's the communication that I need to make here? Like, what did I actually what is going on? It's your mind is going to just keep bringing you back, keeping you on this loop of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I mean, I know we've all heard this, we've all heard this a million, a million times. And so it's about slowing it down, recognizing it, because your your best friend would not tell you and would not replay conversations over and over and over again where you felt as though you had done something wrong, or where you were reading a text message and there was a punctuation difference. So therefore, then you read it, you read, you read it wrong in terms of the tone of how it was even written. Like we automatically go to the place of what did I do wrong? And we are we are the best at beating ourselves up. So high-functioning people get it done out in the world, but then usually are spending so much time beating themselves up and replaying all the things that they that they did wrong. 30 years ago, I did this workshop, and the at the end of the day, the prompt was to bring in all of your failures the next day. And I went, oh no, I have to bring in my, like, I'm gonna have to get up in front of this room full of people and and share all of my failures. It I didn't sleep. I was like, oh no, what am I going to do? Because of course I had a laundry list of all the things that I had done wrong, all the things that people had told me I had done wrong. Like I had this incredible loop. And so show up the next day, and actually, there was one person who brought in a bag of of of little, literally of failures, of things that she had done wrong, like on paper. And I was like, oh no, like, did I not do the assignment correctly? Like immediately my mind went to a million different places, and then it just turned out that no, it was just talking about failure, and it was talking about um forgiveness and being okay with where you are in your own self, and that all all failures are actually jumping off points, they're incredible places of learning because failure is actually your friend. It can be. When I get going, and this is also what high-functioning people do, is just take pause and just receive a breath because I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be going now. So should I just keep talking? Do is there are there more questions?

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Um you know you were doing such a good job, so we didn't want to disturb you. Uh, it was so nice listening to you because I identified with so much of that we hold ourselves to a very high standard of surviving and being safe, um, keeping everyone and everything safe and keeping ourselves safe. And I have this little thing that I do every night at before bed, and I do this little dance, and I say to my little girl, I made it through this day. I made it through another day. Because for me, that is just the place where the moment in my day where I can just let it go. Let it go. And then I go to bed, and yes, it's like, okay, did I do that right? I mean, just now with introducing you, I was saying, did I do that right? Did I did I say the right things? Did I speak exactly? Yeah. So we do that, right? We we we second guess ourselves all the time, but it's because we hold ourselves to such a high standard. Um, we don't leave room for failure or for um, you know, and then when we do stutter or or fall or stumble, or you know, because we're human, we will do that. Um we we we hold ourselves extremely accountable and then start to figure out uh yeah, and then let it, like you said, that loop of replaying it and replaying it, replaying it. But you know, the thing is we can't go back and change it, we just have to go forward and make it better, right? So we do that.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Yes, I agree 100%. So, yes, most of us either live in the past or or worry about the future, and so we're not actually staying in the present and being present in the presence. And so I talk a lot. Um, I actually have a podcast, it's actually called Feel to Heal with Sharon Nichols. I'm on Spotify, I'm on iTunes, um, it's on the Inspired Choices Network, and um I did it for I did it for a year, and and and for the year of the podcast, I then actually I turned it into a book. Um because I had I spoke for a year and had so much to say. And I believe, I believe we all have a message, all of us high-functioning people, we all have a message because we've all in order to be high functioning, we've figured some things out for ourselves. And and so we all have a message, and I don't think I am not saying anything that hasn't already been said. I am not looking to reinvent the wheel. I'm just saying it the way that I that only that only Sherry Nichols can say it. And therefore, then whoever is supposed to hear it from me, because I do believe in, I do believe this, whoever's supposed to hear the message from me will actually, it'll find them if they're open to it, if that's what they're putting out into, if that's what they're putting out into the universe, into the world, into the energy, the energy the collective energy. So to your to your point and what you were saying, that we're all human, we are, and we all have our I believe we all have our own path, we all have our own our own way of figuring out ourselves, except we still go back to doing the beating up of ourselves more. So when I was younger, um I let's my mother, my mother wanted to punish me for something, and she actually stopped and she said, you know what, Sharon, you beat yourself up way more than I possibly could even punish you. So you know what? I'm just gonna let you be. And I and I look back at that and I was like, wow, yes, I did. I used to beat myself up. I spent so much time being in the past, I spent so much time being depressed. And then and then I started working through, you know, I worked, I worked with a therapist, I've done a lot of workshops and trainings. I did kundalini, I'm a certified kundalini yoga teacher, so I could learn how to breathe. And I mean that I'm saying that, of course, sarcastically, because two of the oldest healing modalities on the planet are breath and sound. I'm assuming I make a lot of assumptions. I'm assuming most people already know this, although I repeat it all the time, because I know me sometimes I need to hear something three or four times before it actually sinks in.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Yeah. Sharon, do you often feel as a high-functioning person, do you often feel misunderstood? Um because we figure things out, right? And we sometimes just take it for granted that everyone's figured it out. And so we go about doing things without the the consciousness of people are not at that level yet. So we feel very misunderstood because we we kind of like um very isolated in the things we figured out. Um, so this happens to me, and maybe you can give me some insight. Or I feel very misunderstood. It's like people just don't get me. And then there's Ra who tells me, people love what you say, and I'm like, but I just don't feel people get me. And um I feel very misunderstood because sometimes I feel that um people just have not figured out what I figured out.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

Yes, well, we are like I said before, we are all on our own path. So my question to you then is what would you what do you think you should feel in order to to believe that actually that people do understand you? Because we again we psych ourselves out. So so what do you do to not psych yourself out?

SPEAKER_02 18:05

So so here's the thing, right? I sometimes feel that I have to shrink myself in order to fit in with everyone else, and then I get angry at myself for shrinking myself because me figuring things out came with a lot of hurt and pain and hard lessons of survival, right? I had to endure many, many, many, many really painful things to figure things out, so of course, we all have having to shrink then to put well uh I've also been saying for the longest time no one gets out of their childhood or even their adulthood unscathed.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

So, yes, so I understand exactly what you're saying, and what I keep hearing is you've moved out of victimhood. You have accepted, you've moved more into acceptance that this is your life, that these are your experiences, and and that, and that you that that you're okay with them. I mean, of course, we're not we're never okay with anything that actually truly happens to us, although you've made peace within yourself, you've forgiven. Because you know, forgiveness isn't about making it okay, it's just that you are okay. Forgiveness doesn't say doesn't say that that what you did was okay, forgiveness is I'm okay. And and so it's about moving out of victimhood and being into being in acceptance as to this is your life. So, yes, there are times, you know, it's it is also about reading the room, and again, I it Dr. Tash, you have this incredible message that you need to give out, and so sometimes we do have to read the room, and therefore then, and and it's just it's speaking about yourself, and it's it's not about intelligence ever, and so maybe maybe that's that's a part of it. Um, I don't know where I just went in my in my brain with with that. It's I'm gonna take a breath.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I I think it it really I come across as arrogant sometimes. Um and I really am not arrogant. It's just that, yeah, I really am not. I have I have the biggest heart in the world, so I really am not arrogant, and I don't try to be, or that's not my goal, but it's something that people often say I am, and that I come across as a touch me not, and uh, you know, too too up there, too, um too high and mighty, as they say. But I don't, I've I'm like the the so choke, as my son would say, and my daughter. I'm so chill and I'm so cool, and I'm so I'm like, you know, but for some reason I come across that way, and then I'm like, wait, and then I beat myself up about it. Like, what makes me what about me is doing that? Um, and I realize it's that my people, and I've been told this, is that people say the things I've gone through is almost and and survived and still I'm strong about is almost impossible. Right. So I'll give you an example. I had a um I had a heart attack two weeks ago. Right and um I'm glad you're here.

SPEAKER_03 21:58

Thank you. I'm so glad. You're here.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

All right. So then everyone's saying, but you should be in bed and you should be resting, and you should you shouldn't be doing stuff. Why are you here? Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? Now for me, it's I don't know how not to do it.

unknown 22:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

So I wouldn't allow something like a heart attack to stop me from doing what I'm programmed to do. Um and maybe you can help me with that.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

Okay. Yes, I there's a there's a lot to unpack in that. But first I want to, I wanna, I just want to, I want to go back to the arrogance part. And then yes, I will definitely talk about you and your physical health and how the physical your physical health absolutely affects your mental health. And here's the thing that I've really that I say all the time to myself, it's none of my business what you think of me. So again, this is your mind not being your friend. This is your mind telling you that you're, you know, that that you come off as arrogant. When I when I met my best friend or one of my best friends years ago, when I was, this is when I was 20, I was 22. We'd I'd gone out, I I didn't know a lot of the people at the table, and I was just sitting quietly. And afterwards, you know, years later, we were having a conversation, and she thought that I was the biggest bitch because I wasn't speaking, I wasn't contributing, and I'm the farthest thing from that. Like that's that's the last thing that I actually get described as. And I just started, I started laughing because I was I was so I was so in my head, I was so depressed and not happy with where my life was. So I didn't think I had anything to add to the conversation. And so, so now, you know, I laughed about it. We laughed about it because, of course, once she got to know me, see, that's also part of it. How does actually somebody get to know you? Because everyone makes assumptions, everyone takes things personally. I've been saying that, you know, I don't know if the four agreements, Don Miguel, Ruiz, the four agreements. I believe I truly have a job because of the second and the third. The first agreement is be impeccable with your word to yourself. The second agreement is don't take, don't make assumptions. The third one is don't take things personally. And then the fourth one is always do your best. So now, and even if your best is just 10%, it's just still always doing your best, whatever that is. And it's gonna change from moment to moment. It's gonna change based on what you're thinking and how even you're physically feeling. So, Dr. Tash, only you know yourself. And if you for you to heal, if you getting up and you coming and you doing, you know, two weeks later, you doing this this podcast is what's gonna help you heal, don't listen to anybody else. They don't know you, they're not living inside of you. Only you know. Follow your doctor's advice, yes, for sure. You know, physically follow your doctor's advice. I mean, if your doctor had told you to stay in bed, would you have listened?

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Nope.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

Okay. Oh, you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have listened. Well, you know, here's the other thing. You know, a lot of people are worried. You know, you worry people because you scared, you scared people. Having a heart attack scared people, not in a bad way or a good way, but they possibly could lose you. And the thought of that, so that's why they just want you to now, they want you to be safe. So their mind is telling you what you should do in order for you to stay safe.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Yes, I feel that that people respond to you the way they would respond to a situation and then automatically expect you to do the same. Um, so I find that is I find that all the time. And you know, I am just me. I can't, I don't follow. Um, so that has been something that I beat myself up about, but I don't think I am the personality. I don't think I have the personality that can follow. Um I um I feel there's this urgency that I have to get things done.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

Yes. So you said you said before about how um you you were talking a bit about expectations and and um and responding, and I totally lost my thought. I hit a great one and it just flew out of my head. So um, let's see, I'm gonna, I'm you were talking, you were talking about ah, it came back. See, this is what this if you take a breath. I just took a breath and it came back. You were talking about how how you the I guess some of it is the assumptions that you make, and then it's how people don't think like you think, like you, you know, and so no one thinks like you do. No one, no one has had the exact same experiences and the exact same thoughts as you. You know, I can predict probably within 90% accuracy as to what my husband is going to do, how he's going to react. However, there's still that 10% because he's human, we're all human, and we could change on a dime. We could choose to do something different. So, you know, as a cognitive behavioral therapist, I believe we have our thoughts and our feelings, and they don't change. What we have control over is our actions and our reactions, and so what keeps happening is we keep acting, we act, and then and then someone reacts, or someone acts on us and then we react to them. And that's part of the loop that we find ourselves on because we keep doing the same thing over and over again because your mind wants to keep you safe. So, Dr. Cash, what what is your mind? What is your mind telling you to keep you safe? And it's okay. I have conversations with my mind all the time. I was like, thank you so much. I really appreciate what you're telling me here, and I'm gonna try something different because my ultimate goal is to still stay safe. I want to keep myself safe, although I want to step out of the box, out of my comfort zone, because highly functioning people do that. It's the ones that keep themselves stuck in the loop that it's so hard to get out of. I mean, it's not it's not except you did it. And here's the other thing: I am no different than you. You you did it, I did it, so therefore anybody else can do it. Everyone, everyone has access to this energy all the time, except we want to keep ourselves in the same place because that's safety, and now I will be quiet and let you speak.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

No, I was saying that. Um, see, the thought went away from my head, too. Okay, take a breath.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Um I just want to um add in.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Sorry, I was just uh thinking that um but uh Dr.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

Tash, I've been having some real bad technical difficulties. As you can see, you maybe not see me online. I'm freezing a lot, it's frozen up. So I'm backstage listening, and I can't really come back and forth. But this conversation is going really good. I have so many um amazing questions. Like, uh, if you all can hear me, I know you can hear me. Is what do you wish every high functioning person knew about their emotional life? And what's the biggest myth about healing you want to break today? I know you're speaking about the mind all the time, knowing what it is, protecting yourself, doing the first thing. And how does these high-functioning people connect with you or learn more about your work? So, those questions you could all combine it together. And those of you listening, you know what Ra say every week. What is meant for you shall never pass you by, and what passes you by was never meant for you. Just as when you feel done and out and you think that there's nowhere else to go, because just this weekend I had the amazing opportunity to interview some amazing people, some amazing souls who shared their stories with me. And we talk about this every single week. And one of the people that I actually interviewed was missing a leg. And listen, remember when you feel gone out, there once was a man who had the blues because he had no shoes. One day down the street, he met a man who had no feet. So think about it when you think the world is on your shoulders. Always remember there's someone out there that has it a little worse. So, you ladies, those are my three questions. You'll answer them and have fun. Thank you, Ra.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

And um, Sharon, do you want to uh expand on what Ra said?

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Us, sorry, yes, in terms of the healing, the healing, how to know because yes, we've talked a lot about the mind. So healing, it's part part of it. So the the bridge is since your your mind does your mind is not your friend and it does most of the talking, your mind will also keep you isolated. And the the the way to truly heal is for you to realize, for you to accept, for you to get whatever that is. And I'm point I'm not even necessarily pointing the finger at you, you, you, is you're not alone. Because we think, because we think, so it's the flip side of no one thinks like I think. So therefore, then if we if we know that no one thinks like we think, then we think we're all alone, except there's a finite amount of human themes. We've all experienced, we've all experienced grief and loss, we've all experienced trauma, we've all experienced love, I would like to think. Like we've all experienced anger, we've all experienced sadness, like we've all experienced all of these emotions because we're all human. So we need to remember that we are not alone. And and so it's the message, like it's the message, and like Roger said, if it's supposed to get to you, it will get to you, and if it passes you by, it wasn't meant for you. It's about a belief in yourself that you actually do know what you're doing, that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. And I want to I want to also talk about change because there actually is stability in change, because change is always happening, it's no matter what. So the problem is that when we're when we're on a high and we're really happy and excited, we want that to last forever. And and it's impossible because moments which make up life are fleeting, they change again. There's stability in that. You know that you know, and even if when and so then when you're feeling bad or you're unhappy, or you're angry, or you're sad, or all of those those those lower-based feelings that we all have, we get we get stuck there because we need to now move out of where we were to heal, to to. I lost my thought. That's me trying to bring it back.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

I remembered what I was gonna say. I was going to say, yes, so it took a long breath for me to remember. So uh, you know, you said that everyone has the the energy, the same kind of ability inside them to get through. Um, because we just respond to things differently, but it doesn't mean we can't overcome them if we set our minds to it, right? And I think where it comes, when it comes down to change, it's about how we adapt to that change. And um people struggle uh with adapting. So making peace with where you are and who you are and what you are and uh what you've been given. And I think that's where um I feel misunderstood because I'm I can say I had a heart attack and laugh about it, right? It was like, oh, because I've had 33 surgeries, like 33 life-threatening surgeries. So for me, it's just ah, another pig in the, you know, uh uh on my chart. It's it's not not a big deal for me. And for someone who hasn't uh experienced that or has just experienced one, um, then they're going to think, oh my god, you know, that's that's huge. For me, it wasn't a big thing because last year I had a quad bypass. So um so you're a walking thing. For me, it was like see, that's what I don't look at myself as a walking miracle. I just feel that whatever I am, anyone anyone can be and do. Nothing, nothing is extraordinary about me. Um it's just my means to survive.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

You know, I I mentioned human design when we first started, and um and the reason why I love human design, first of all, it's an incredible tool that I use to explain you to you. I use it with a lot of my clients, but the the most important thing that I get from human design is that everyone is unique, everyone has their own human design, and we're all unique. Everyone, so no one is special because in order for somebody to be called special, somebody has to be less than special, so but everyone can be unique, that's universal, and so so that that's what I'm when I'm when I'm saying to you, Dr. In terms of you being a miracle, you're unique and you clearly have a purpose, and clearly are supposed to still be here on the planet, sharing your incredible message, sharing your incredible word words, your wisdom, your your your wealth, whatever that is. Um, meaning I don't necessarily mean monetary wealth, your wealth. You're here, you're here to share with us, and and you keep getting and being given all of these incredible opportunities to still be here, which is awesome. So I'm so grateful. I really am so grateful. And so I'm gonna just can I just, you know, just can I just point my finger and say, stop feeling bad, stop it, just stop it. I don't know if you there's an incredible um clip of um Bob Newhart where he talked, where he's interviewing. It was from uh a comedy show, it's a comedy bit, yeah, where he just says, stop it, because this woman is afraid about being bury alive, buried alive in a box. And yeah, and it's just it's a cute little bit, but he just says stop it because really that's part of the healing is just stopping what you're doing, breaking the cycle, even if it's just for a moment, because then if you could stretch, because life is moments after moment after moment. So if you can stretch a lot of moments together, you can heal of these positive moments. So I want to go back though, if I may, to change and transition. So a lot of a lot of us growing up were not taught how to actually transition. We were not shown how to how to be with change. Because in our and our brains, in our three-year-old brains, in our six-year-old brains, and our 10-year-old brains, not fully formed, prefrontal cortex isn't formed till you're 25. It's the executive reasoning and functioning. I'm I'm assuming I'm assuming you've heard this before, and that this isn't necessarily new. Except it does go back to, and our parents, presumably, even the ones, even the ones that are were younger than 25, still assume that we thought like them, that we saw the world like them, that we understood the world like them. And therefore, then change should just be easy, or we should just deal with it, or we should just move with it. And then there's also the shame that comes in when we don't do it right or correctly, and I'm putting all that in air quotes. And so, yes, it does go back to our childhood, and so then it's accepting that your parents did their job. Do you know what the only the only job that a parent really has? I'll answer. Their job is to actually just keep you alive until you can keep yourself alive. Yes, that's the only that's really their only, that is truly their only job. I mean, we think, you know, we think our parents owe us so much more, or our parents tell us that we owe them so much because of what they did. It's just it's this it's this relationship usually that ends up morphing and changing. Again, there's that word, that change. I'm gonna pause because I feel that you have a lot to say right now.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

I think it a lot. No, actually, I love listening to you. So so much of what you say makes sense, and and you answering um Ra's questions, and uh you really so much of what you say makes sense. And I was looking at you and listening to you and thinking, she speaks so well. I need to learn how to speak like her, because you don't do the uh and uh and uh you you just let it flow. And I love that about you. I'm always overthinking things, so I do the uh uh uh uh and um see, I did it again.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

For me, it's just literally because you know what? There's nothing else, there's nothing else that I look, I have ADD. I, you know, I I just I've worked with myself enough and know that the only way that I actually can be is just stay present. And I'm not thinking, I'm truly not thinking about okay, what's the next thing I need to say or I want to say. I'm just staying present, which is why, which is why I sometimes trip up because I haven't prepared what I'm going to say, which serves me. And then yes, I can go back and I can beat myself up for for all the for the moments where I went, I I don't remember what I'm gonna say, or the the thought just fell out of my head. And it's just also then just it's just me modeling being a human being. You know, I you know, when I first started as a therapist, I did a lot of work with teenagers. And in the textbook, it says that you should model for them. And I realize that I I you know I also learned in the beginning that you shouldn't overshare. Like as a therapist, it's not about you. Of course, it's about the client, although they don't need to know what's going on in your life. It's not, it's not about counter-transference. They're not your therapist, you don't need to tell them what's going on. Although, with teenagers, I truly believe they need to know that they can think and feel and have the experiences that they're having, having, and come through the other side. Again, because the prefrontal cortex is informed they don't have the executive reasoning and functioning to run their experiences through. So they make we make a lot of decisions about ourselves when we're teenagers that we then carry through. And so it's it's about taking out taking those experiences and then now running them through the the new filter that you have as you get older. And that's why I think therapy is that's why I think therapy is really important because we make so many assumptions. Like I said, we make assumptions and we take things personally because your mind's job is to keep you safe. And so, therefore, then we take things personally to keep us safe, to keep us in the loop. And so it's just truly about being in the present moment because there really isn't anything else that I could be doing right now, other than having this conversation. Yes, you know, keeping my word, I made this commitment to be here. Okay, so I have many, I have a choice. I could be here and be thinking about all the things I still need to get done today, or I could just be present and just be in the moment, knowing that it's going to change. Eventually, Ra's gonna come back and say, Thank you, Sharon. Thank you, Dr. Tash. You did a great job here, and now time has ended. Okay. And so then I will move into the rest of my day. It's about just staying. Staying in your lane, staying focused as to just what's in front of you and what you can handle right here and right now. I mean, yeah, there's a million things I could give you my laundry list, literally, of the things that I could be doing and why.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

Well, I actually love this, and I'm here. I just came off camera because it's reason, it don't make sense, but I love every single thing. Where do I find amazing people like myself? Oh my god, because you sound exactly like Dr. Tasha myself. Since I you like we did start a mental light season two, this is what we've been bringing the raw truths about it. It is the truth. Change is something I tell everyone all the time. It happens every fucking day. You have to accept it to deal tomorrow. The pandemic was the biggest eye opener for change. And if people cannot understand that afterwards, they're still stuck and they will never get out of it. Sad to say that, but it is the truth. And you can't sit down and think about your bucket list and put your mind at idle. Everything is already written. We were supposed to sit here, as we all said, and I love how you said you connect with people and especially teenagers and understand them. And I say this all the time, even at 25, I think I will go all the way with the new Gen Zs and all these new set of generations. I think they need to go all the way to 30 to start to develop because I like you. Yeah, the ones at 35 ain't even developed yet. And I was grateful that I always tell my story that I went to India, and this is how I did the transformation seven and a half um seven plus years ago of doing your life experiences with draw, bringing the stories of others out. But I think it was when I hit 40. It wasn't spiritual, really only a spiritual awakening, but it was because you hit 40. You start seeing life differently. At 48, you start accepting things in a different light. It is so, so different when you understand and accept. Coming up on the 25th of April, our mental health conference, our 10th mental health conference, where you would hear the amazing Sharon Nichols, you would hear Dr. Tash ready, you're gonna hear so many amazing souls who are going to tell you their story of acceptance. And yes, I am grateful you guys still have 13 minutes to roll. So have your conversation. It's going amazing.

SPEAKER_03 46:36

Thank you, Rama. And you can find you can find me. You can find me. I have a I have a website, feeltoheal.com. There's a theme here. My my email is also Sharon Nichols at feeltoheal.com. So you can find me there. You know, click click on the the link to to find a time to work with me, um, or just have an introductory conversation. I would love, I love talking, I love listening, I love I shouldn't say talking, I love having conversations, I love the exchange because it is all about the energy and it is all about, I like I said before, I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said. I'm just saying it my way. And so, so, you know, I do say a lot that that, you know, when I do speak, that this is not coming from my ego because I feel as though I have to qualify. I'm assuming you do a lot of qualifying, Dr. Cash. You qualify things before you even say them.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

I do, I do. I was going to say to you as well, one of the reasons I actually stumble or I take my time and pause is that I've been conditioned to not say many things. I mean, just today I had my mom say to me, don't talk about that, and don't talk about that, and don't don't mention this happened. And I'm someone who's very open. I just let everything out. Uh, I will tell you, it's been my experience, that is my experience. It happened to me, and that's it. It's the truth, right? But I found that a lot of people don't want anything exposed, even if it's the truth. You know, they want to, like you said, stay in that victimhood. And I'm so out of the victimhood, right? So I can't understand why you can't just accept it as the truth. That's who you are, that's what made you, that's uh who you've become, that's what uh shaped you to be the person you are, and you cannot deny certain things in your life, but you did catch me out, I have to say, Sharon, you caught me out there because when you spoke about being present, I was actually, and you were talking about it, and you were talking about a 25-year-old, and um you were talking about high functioning, and then I went back in my head to when you said your mom didn't punish you because you did enough punishing on your own, right? I my little girl does the same thing. So there's no so I my mind instantly went back to my little girl, thinking, oh my god, she does that. She she punishes herself so much for things I don't even consider wrong. She apologizes for that I don't even think is wrong, but she she somehow interprets it uh as a wrong action. And then I have a 21-year-old who I believe really has to. I'm thinking, oh my god, I need to wait four more years for him to get it.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

And then and then it's even a little bit odd. But yeah, yes. So if I may, if I may speak to you said a lot of things in there. Um and of course, I lost. So the little girl. We all have a little girl or a little boy or a little them. We do. We all have that inside of us. And it's about it's about growing them. It's about allowing, it's about giving them what they what they need or what they didn't get when they literally were younger. So it's about it's about reparenting, you know. I like all these words are not, you know, are cliche to me. However, I I I do acupuncture weekly because I it's it's what keeps me, keeps my energy and helps me stay centered. And we talk a lot, I talk, we talk first, and I talk a lot about what's going on with me. And if I wish I had, I wish I had a dollar for every time my acupuncturist has told me to put the bat down and stop beating up my little girl. So I'm I'm I am now pointing the finger at you, Dr. Tash, and saying, put the back down. Stop beating yourself up, please, because you have such an incredible message, because you do have such this incredible, this incredible energy and this incredible spirit about you that the world needs. And I know you know it. So here's the thing: I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. You know this to be true. Again, let's go back to the truth. So you know the truth of who you are. So that's what that's you know. I'm bringing up the book. It is a guide to feeling, healing, and living from the truth of who you are. Yeah, so we have a question.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

Oh, we do we uh yes, you blend cognitive behavioral therapy. My size is so bad.

SPEAKER_03 52:01

Sharon, please read it. Yes, you um Ra is asking, saying, Again, I blend cognitive behavioral therapy, human design, and kundalini. How do these worlds come together in my work? Well, like I said, human design is it's a it's a way really awesome way for me to explain you to you. We all have, we all, you know, because we're all human, so we all have the same thing, we all have access to the same energy. And then um, so with cognitive behavioral, with the cognitive behavioral therapy, like I said, I believe we have our thoughts and our feelings. And so a lot of our thoughts and feelings come from the human design. So 71% of the population are generators, and so we are here to wait to respond. So waiting to respond with is then I with the thoughts and the feelings, I offer another perspective or perhaps another way to respond to the same thoughts and feelings that you have. And then the kundalini, I use it's breath, it's breath work for me. I I will pause you know with clients and just just say, you know what? Let's just receive a breath. Let's just let's just take a moment be to to let what was said actually land. Let's actually so we can hear and so we can be stay present and not go off. And yes, you know, I've said so many things that I am assuming have set your mind off because you're normal. It's a normal human being. That's also what an what a high functioning person does. You trigger, you triggered so many things in me. And so what I then where I then go to is if it pops back into my head three times, if like the thought comes back based on something that was said, you know, minutes ago, then I feel as though, excuse me, I need to repeat it or ask it or speak it into speak it into this the energetic space. Why is the body such an important part of trauma healing? Because the body stores everything. So in or that was Ra's question, and so the body stores everything, and and you know, I I had a massage like 20 years ago, and by by someone who had never massaged me before, and they got to my calves and I burst into tears. Like I I couldn't, I don't even know what it was about. I had never experienced anything like it before, but I it was a release. I mean, the tears, you know, I just I went with it and I apologized to the masseuse. I was like, I'm sorry, I've never experienced this before. Don't worry, I promise you I'm okay. So your body stores everything, so that's why crying and really guttural deep crying is so good for you because you're releasing, you're getting it out of you. And and you know, and and I've also I've I've recommended to a lot of clients who hold a lot of anger to do kickboxing or take or just boxing because the act of punching, and I used to play tennis, and when I did, I would imagine the ball being whose ever face it was that I was really angry at and that I was whacking, and so it's it's about getting it out, it's not about storing it and holding it, it's about having it come up and out. Wow, I told this to someone two weeks ago why a massage is so helpful, says Ra. Last question. Yes, yes, Ra. What does it mean to connect with your true self in a practical everyday way? In a practical everyday way, it's about taking a breath, taking a moment before you speak, truly. Because you what you have to say is important and we all want to hear it. You have your own special message. It's about knowing the the truth of who you are, that your usual that your best intention, that you're always doing your best. Really, what you know what, Dr. Tash are I'm assuming that you come and live from your heart so much, and that your heart is constantly breaking on you, maybe literally and figuratively. And so it's the truth of who you are is that you live from you come from your heart, and it doesn't matter then what anybody else knows or sees or says, because you know the truth of who you are, you know your truth, so it's about knowing, accepting, and just living it, just living your truth. I am a fallible human being, I make mistakes all the time, and yet, you know, some a really dear friend of mine last year on Mother's Day said something to me. She's like, you know, as a mother, I did a million things wrong. And I went, Me too, I'm in that million things wrong camp. And she said, and I also did a billion things right, and I had to sit back because I'm so because so good at beating myself up, and yeah, a million things wrong. Wow, however, what is the we lost Dr. Tash.

SPEAKER_00 58:09

Yeah, we lost Dr. Tash. It's okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

What is okay, okay, okay. So so what is the percentage of one million to one billion? It's one percent. So, yes, we all do a million things wrong, although we all do a billion things right, and we beat ourselves up and focus on the one percent that we do wrong.

SPEAKER_01 58:35

You know, this this Sharon, I I was just telling, I'm on TikTok live as well, and um, I was just telling them, I was like, I waited two months to have this conversation with you, and like everything you're saying is so like on point, like exactly how I feel, how I think. No, I'm not a therapist, but you guys seeing patients all the time, right? I am actually here doing this for seven and a half, seven, eight, seven years, eight months, I've been going with with all the things, caring, listening to people, my research in psychology, all the different um disorders, every single thing that I bring it together. Like I was talking to someone the other day, and I hear people who diagnose people just like that because they read something on the internet or they saw something on social media. But sometimes when I sit and I listen, you could be telling me a story about someone, and in my mind, I already know hey, is this person doing this, that, and the other? This person definitely has traits of bipolar. This person, actually, oh my god, that's BPD all over the place. But at the end of the day, still you have to think in your mind to ask questions. Hey, did they sit with someone? Did they see some a professional? Did they do this? Did they do that? Because you ain't going to tell them, hey, I think that person is X, Y, or Z. No, you cannot do that. But when I listen to you, everything you're talking about, mind, body, soul, and the connection with it, taking a breath and every single thing like that, it all came together today. And I can't tell you, thank you enough for doing this episode of Mental Health Bites Today with Dr. Tash and myself more and more because I'm very grateful.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:19

And what so much for this opportunity, I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

Well, we are going to have you back on your on Trauma Talk Thursdays, where you can tell your story and have your spotlight. Then we are gonna see you on April 25th for the conference, and then we are I'm excited to meet you. It's actually like when I tell people you wouldn't believe when we had the first conference on Broadway. I I um was actually able to stand just before the entrance of the stage, and you can ask my speakers, and before each one of them went up on the stage, step up on those steps to uh get on the stage in that theater, I was able to give them a hug. And that energy, that connection, they were so excited, they were so nervous, they were so happy. But when you hear, like I always use Melena because she was the first one, she went up there with cards and all, and you know, she took the cards and she put it down and she said, You know what? I don't need these. And she went through it, and then she comes back and says, I don't know how Ra does it, but he's so amazing. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I love the connection of good energy. It actually brings out your energy. So like we have Dr. Tash Baxter. Oh, she's frozen again. I can't even bring her up. So I wanted to bring up to say bye. But everyone of you listening, please share this. Someone out there definitely needs to hear this. We'll next week on mental health bites. We are bringing back the amazing Lindsay. You have heard her on the conference that she was on Love Yourself, and she brought some really amazing points. We are gonna have Lindsay next week on Mental Health Bites, and we are going to hear more from Sharon Nichols. Sharon, did you tell these amazing people where to find you on social media and where they can find you all around and where we can get that book?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

Um, you can get the book on I'm on Amazon. You can just put in my name, Sharon Nichols. Feel to heal is the title of the book. I my website is Feel to Heal. I'm also on Facebook, Feel to Heal. I'm also personally Sharon Nichols. Both pages reach out. I would love to continue the conversation. Um, also my website, ww.feeltoheal.com. Last question, yay!

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

No, feel to heal. Oh, there we go. Dr. Tash is back.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:50

Hey, welcome back. I missed you.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:54

I'm sorry, there's a huge storm here. So so um I just went offline and I was really enjoying everything you were saying. So I just want to tell you, it's a you know, I have this connection with Ra and I love doing what I do with him. And today I really felt a connection with you, and everything you said just made so much um sense. And I'm sure the view is really related to what you were saying, and and it's it's about your personality and your energy as well. You just let it out, you don't hold back, you you just let it out, and um, you do it in a way that's so human, uh, without all the clinical jargon that you one would usually use. You do it that in a way that's so human. And that's what I think Ra and I love about you is that we are both very human. We we we say it as it is, we you know, we say it in the most lame in language that you can use, just so we can get ourselves understood in places where we're misunderstood, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

And you don't feel the same, you or or be okay, show them, yes, or be okay with being misunderstood because you still know the truth of who you are. I love this, yes, yes. So thank thank you, and I love this Sharon.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:20

I love talking to you. One of the things, Sharon, I really have to ask you quickly is uh you do you work with marriages, and I think a lot of people uh are struggling with their marriages right now, and I'd love for you to be able to share with them what you do with marriages and how you can help.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:37

Well, how I I work differently with with couples in terms of I I'm not I work, I do an hour and a half as opposed to just the 60 minutes, because I truly bel what I do is I will meet with one person for 20, 25 minutes, I'll meet with the other person for 20, 25 minutes, and then we come together. Because like, because like like you were like I was saying, you know, I know I know that I said things that triggered you or made you think something or feel a certain way. And so I'm I'm really good at helping helping individuals reframe what it is that they're actually feeling, thinking and feeling, so the other person can actually hear it. And so it helps if they're not in the room. And so, so I I I teach how to communicate differently because you if you it's all about how you show up. And if you keep if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you're gonna keep getting the same results. And it's about it, I help people get out of their own way, their own loop, so they can actually start hearing each other. And and and and and it's not it's not an easy task. I mean, I've been I've been doing this now for I've been licensed for you know over 25 years. I've been this for more than 30 although I started my whole my whole spiritual mental physical all of it 20 years ago so yes I've I can show up and believe me I I've had those moments where I I I I was losing it minutes before I had to speak and then I did I did that one time and I'm like I don't ever need to do that again why why do I need why did I create that for myself no one did that to me I did it to myself why am I doing it and that's and so I I I now laugh at myself in in in an appropriate way when I recognize how I'm taking myself out of my behavior and yes ra you need to speak that no just as as Dr.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

Tash said you you make it you all make it that we are so human and this is the thing that people don't understand. And you know one of the things I tell people all the time one of the major things especially when you make a mistake or as as you say before you speak and you make this mistake and then you look at it when you reflect and you can actually recognize that hey I made a mistake and I I made that mistake I don't want to do that again. That is not me that is your steps of making sure you don't repeat those mistakes and that is plus plus plus most of the times this is what people don't do and they always tell you this and the teaching is there for a reason that two wrongs do not make a right or two people quarreling and one if you don't shut up the other one is going to keep going and it happens you get what I'm saying so when you could recognize that you were wrong or you were a million times right but you know when to stop and you reflect and you understand the situation and you don't want that again trust me your life will get better well okay I sorry that you what you just said triggered something in terms of people people want to feel heard yes and feeling heard you're you're not hearing me and that's why they keep getting louder and louder.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:14

Except it's not that we're not hearing them because we understand their words we understand their language if we speak the same language literally it's we're not validating them. We're not telling them that they're right and so I tell everyone your thoughts and your feelings are right. They're yours and I can so so I will validate that I understand that they are your thoughts and your feelings and feelings are not facts.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:46

So and we make our feelings into facts we make assumptions about what you know you you mentioned something about diagnosing and labeling and I I only diagnose when I have to because highly functioning people we all have we all have things everyone has something that is that is abnormal because you can't have normal without abnormal and you can't have abnormal without normal yes they they have to be together and so and and everybody's always trying to put someone on a spectrum and so where are you there you go all right before we close here I just need to say this because for everyone week after week we have to keep advertising this you can get your tickets on Ticketmaster I was so blown away like a few nights ago I just decided to Google resilience resilience is at StubHub it's at every single major ticket outlet and I was like I immediately text Freddie I was like bro we are all over so get your tickets for resilience you want to hear and some of you with VIP tickets will get a photo up with the amazing Shari Nichols Grammy winner of full force Paul Anthony Grammy winner three time Grammy winner Jerry Wonder who produced for Shakira Lady Gaga all the big names out there and you're coming to hear these people on stage give you that wisdom of lived experience of their life struggles from where they were how they got there to where they are today and everything that happens and you some of you with VIP tickets can actually meet them and greet them in person and get a photo with them and a sign autograph photo for yourself so don't miss this you have the ambassador of the UN you have Lavari billboard chats billboard artist and actor he's right now in Las Vegas with a big movie premiere and he's the host of this event he's gonna sing live for you and you are coming to meet the amazing the one the only Mr Trauma Talks and listen this is Broadway and we really bring it so all of you listening online please get your tickets at Ticketmaster Resilience on June 11th Ra loves you all this is amazing Sharon Nichols and Tash Dr.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:26

Tash really from South Africa we love you and this is why we do this have a great day anything quickly you guys want to add thank you Sharon I just think you're amazing and I want to say that I feel like we Ra and I found a friend for life and uh I feel that way too thank you and I just want to say I'm I'm just so in awe of you and I want to thank you for giving us your time and being present with us today. So I really thank you for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:57

Thank you thank you for your wisdom as well I appreciate it. Thank you for sharing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:03

Thank you all good day take care