MENTAL HEALTH BYTES
“Your Trauma Talks” proudly presents a new chapter in mental‑health education and real conversation.
Welcome to MENTAL HEALTH BYTES, where Dr. Tash Reddy, an esteemed Doctor with deep clinical expertise, joins Rah (MrTraumaTalks) to break down the truths we all need to hear.
This series offers rare, accessible, and evidence‑based guidance on mental wellness — delivered with honesty, compassion, and real‑world insight. Together, Rah and Dr. Tash demystify mental‑health disorders, unpack emotional struggles, and bring clarity to the topics most people are afraid to talk about.
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MENTAL HEALTH BYTES
Betrayal, Boundaries, and Mental Health
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Understanding Love, Trust, and Emotional Disorders
This week on Mental Health Bytes, Rah MrTraumaTalks sits down with trauma informed empowerment voice Dr Tash Reddy for a powerful conversation about betrayal, emotional wounds, and how certain mental health conditions can complicate relationships and trust.
Betrayal cuts deep. Whether it comes from partners, family, or friends, the emotional aftermath can leave lasting scars. In this episode, Rah and Dr Tash explore how experiences of betrayal intersect with conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and ADHD, and how emotional regulation, attachment patterns, and trauma history can influence relationship dynamics.
Dr Tash shares insight into why individuals struggling with emotional regulation disorders may experience relationships more intensely, how betrayal can trigger deep psychological responses, and what both partners and individuals can do to navigate healing, accountability, and boundaries.
This episode is not about blame. It is about understanding human behavior, emotional triggers, and how people can move from cycles of hurt toward healthier relationships and self awareness.
Through honest conversation and trauma informed insight, Rah and Dr Tash unpack how betrayal affects identity, trust, and healing while offering listeners tools to recognize patterns, set boundaries, and rebuild emotional stability.
Because healing does not come from silence.
It comes from understanding.
Mental Health Bytes podcast
Dr Tash Reddy interview
betrayal trauma recovery
BPD relationships explained
bipolar disorder and relationships
ADHD emotional regulation
healing after betrayal
trauma informed relationships
mental health and trust issues
relationship psychology podcast
I see that you have a lot of questions. I understand. This is a lot of coming up to see. I understand more than anyone else. I mean how a lot of things are offered something. Remember that you are not just a sharing part of yourself. As well as believe in the influence you have cultivated through your followers. Your city is in vibrant part of energy. I have no doubt that many of your amazing followers will be eager. I'll meet you in person. As well as experience incredible energy. You have your presence for those who resonate with your message. You see, I speak from experience. I see this conference. It's an opportunity for you to make a significant. I want to encourage you now to click that link. Help me to make a difference. Right now, all you need to do is take the first step of invest in yourself and register Ra. We'll meet you in person in New York City where we can connect and share more powerful energy. Remember, this is Ra. We can always connect and share more powerful energy, and that's the beauty of this. Hello everyone, welcome to Mental Health Bytes. And yes, it is always a difference on every single day. Things happen unexpectedly when we don't expect it to happen. This is mental health bites, and this is why we do this. So today we are about to speak about some different type of let's just say it's not really a different topic because it happens in everyday life, and this is why we really want to talk about this. So backstage I have the amazing Dr. Tash ready, and she is ready to talk to you all about all different types of betrayal, especially when it comes to disorders bipolar, BPD, ADHD, even the different types when it comes to people not understanding how a person's mental health can be, and how betrayal can hurt them into a worse way than they are already there. You know, I am betrayed in so many different ways. You see, betrayal just doesn't happen because of being part of a relationship, it can break the identity, the stability, the emotional safety of people that already is navigating with different disorders. When they cannot say no to something, and they keep moving and saying yes. As of recent, I have been betrayed in so many different ways, and I still sit back and I still keep moving forward. As simple as we just saw that in-person conference happening on June 11th, right here in Times Square in New York City, to put together that conference. But we are um we are so excited because we have some amazing speakers who are coming to share their story of resilience. And what three of those people are the fifth president of Trinidad and Tobago, His Excellency Anthony Camanu. We have two Grammy winners, Paul Anthony and the amazing Jerry Wonder joining us together with the governor of the Grammys, the Philly chapter, Rob Swartz. He is also gonna be there. So, y'all, we have some amazing lineup of speakers coming for you. But my betrayal comes when from October to January, having at least seven speakers who call themselves motivational speakers. Yes, Ra, I am doing your conference, and yes, I'm calling them out. They know who they are because when they do this and you put them down as numbers there, you're ready for them. And when the time reach, they don't even say no. They go, Yeah, yeah, I'll be doing it, yeah, yeah, I'll be doing it, dragging you along, pulling you along. But why? Don't you understand? This is not just you saying yes or no, it takes a lot that goes with it. So if you cannot do something, simply say, I cannot do it. Say no. So, with that being said, let's bring up the amazing Dr. Tash ready because I have so many amazing questions for her, and I want to hear what she has to say about some of these. So, Dr.
SPEAKER_02Tash, how are you? Dr. Tash.
SPEAKER_01Hi, Ra, I'm very well, thank you.
SPEAKER_02Amazing. Looking forward to hearing what you have to say today. Tell us a little bit about you. How was your week before we move forward?
SPEAKER_01Hi everyone. Um, so my week's been very uh eventful, and I had a lot of extremely good experiences with my kids uh in the way they achieved things and the way they handled certain situations in their lives. And it when I look at them achieving things, it makes me feel like I'm doing well because I believe that my kids respond to life the way I respond to it. So I'm extremely excited. I've had a good week, I've had um well good news. I can't say that it's good news, it's bad for other people, but for me it was an um affirmation, a validation that karma is real and it exists. So um that's been very good. But I'm looking forward to talking to you today about boundaries and rejection and um bipolar. You you always put me on the spot. Do you know that? I have to tell everybody. You always put me on the spot, but I'm so ready for you, Ralph. Like I'm I'm so ready for you. Let's let's get to it.
SPEAKER_03Are you sure? Are you sure you're ready for this? Betrayal is one of the deepest emotional wounds someone can experience, and you know this as well. From a psychological perspective, why does betrayal affect people so intensely I didn't get that wrong? Okay, can you hear me now? Can you I think you're having some internet problems. You wanna come back in with your phone? Dr. Tash. So for everyone who's listening, you know that Dr. Tash is coming in from all the way South Africa, and she always says she has these internet outages. We can see you, Dr. Tash. Can you hear me?
SPEAKER_00And I'm really gonna switch it out.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, sure, switch, no problem. So Dr. Tash is having some technical difficulties, as normal that this thing happens sometimes. So we want to talk about betrayal today, betrayal in different ways and stuff like that. You know, like I love, love, love coming out here to talk about these type of things. You know, sometimes people don't mean to betray you, yeah. I I I have I have noticed this for a lot of times, whereas you know, we as human beings we meet someone, we chat with them, we talk to them, we uh wrong them, you you love them, you care about them, and your intentions is not to betray another person in any sort of way whatsoever. And when I say that is you don't meet, I don't meet, I didn't meet Dr. Tash and decided, okay, I am going to betray her. No, that's not how it works. But during the times, people are all human beings, and human beings think differently, and certain parts in life you might cross into a different way and think differently, and it just doesn't work out, and it might seem like betrayal to you as well. Dr. Tash, you're back. How are you?
SPEAKER_01I'm I'm sorry, Ravi. I I think we're having internet problems again, but I'm here. I'm here that's okay. I know you hate me using my phone, but I I don't have any options.
SPEAKER_03Don't say that, it's just such a powerful word, and um like coming to our guests for tomorrow. I I just got on a thing with her, and she has such an amazing story. She's from Los Angeles. I met her when we were there for the Grammys, and um, I just wanted to, you know, bring her on. I told her the same thing. Listen, it's your phone, it's your it's your computer, whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter. So at this point, it's the story, it's the message that we convey is it's very important. So I was saying betrayal is one of the deepest emotional wounds someone can experience. And from you, from a psychological perspective, why does betrayal affect people so intensely?
SPEAKER_01Well, you're your neurosystem in your in your brain, right? You build to survive, it's a survival instinct, and what you your body needs all the time is stability. So for all of us, the one thing we need is stability. We want to be in a safe space. But we now in we go from a relationship or a friendship or a or a work um situation where we felt stable and suddenly there's uh there's there's a something that shatters that. Okay, so our stability is then broken. It's then broken, and it triggers in us a feeling of doom and a feeling of uh the thing with bipolar disorder, you see, you see things um you either perfect or you either not perfect. You see one or the other, there's no in between. So you want stability, but when that stability is threatened, then you feel you your entire foundation shatters. And then your your brain and your your your neurological system feels like um it needs to go into survival mode. So you will feel like the person that you have the stability with and the person who caused you betrayal will now become your arch enemy. Okay, and your body feels like you're gonna have you're now in a situation where you're at war. So it's very difficult uh for your body to regulate because when you're going through whatever condition you have, BPD, ADHD, um it is everybody needs stability and rejection, the biggest fear when you when you suffer from BPD, uh ADHD, the biggest fear you have is a fear of abandonment and a fear of rejection and a fear of not fitting in and a fear of someone not wanting you or you're not good enough. So when that actually happens, you start to internalize it and you start to respond and become reactive. Um so it is a mechanism you use to, again, your body and your brain uses to safeguard yourself, to safeguard who you are. But the betrayal shatters the very core of you. The betrayal now then starts asking, uh making you ask yourself, okay, um, who I who am I? Um why did they do this? Uh why wasn't I good enough? Uh, did I make a mistake? Is something wrong with me? Um so it shatters your entire belief system. Uh and I think it doesn't just happen for people with BPD, it happens across the board for anybody, and it causes a trauma um trigger. It causes a trauma trigger where that feeling of abandonment, that feeling of rejection, that feeling of not being good enough, because people who suffer from BPD and ADHD and and all other psychological um uh conditions, their biggest fear is the fear of abandonment, is the fear of not being good enough, is the fear of um someone not wanting and accepting you, or something not accepting you, or not fitting into someplace. So when that is taken away from you, you immediately go into survival mode. And listen, betrayal is one of the most devastating things you can ever go through because you've put your trust and your faith and your entire entire belief into uh something, right? And then when that and you you in that moment when you put all of yourself and you started to believe that that was your safe space, that place then um broke. That bubble that you created of safety, it burst. So you are and you left in feeling um anxious and you you're feeling stressed, and your body is reacting in ways that you can't explain, and you you you feel overwhelmed, and you start to feel fear and panic. Uh, what's going to happen next? What do I have to deal with next? What what am I even going to be able to get through this? And that is when you start to um compromise yourself and compromise your boundaries and compromise your beliefs, compromise everything because you want that safety net again, you want that safe bubble again of stability, of um feeling like you are good enough, like you are worth it, right? So it's natural for anybody, especially with rejection. I mean, I think if anybody knows about rejection, it's me, right? Everybody knows my story. Oh, I thought, well, not everybody knows my story, but um I suffered a double betrayal where um I lost someone uh after 20 years to uh my uh to a friend who I thought who was very close to me. Um so it's in that example itself, right? You have someone who is a friend who you shared your secrets with, your uh shared your your experiences with, shared your fears with, shared your triumphs with, shared your happiness with, shared your concerns with. And you thought that they really had your best interests at heart and that they really cared about you, and that they really um, you know, wanted the best for you. And then you have another, the other person who you built a life with, and you you trusted more than anything in the world, and you believed that would be in your life forever, and then that person suddenly betrays you with the person um that you also considered a safe person, a person who wanted the best for you. So when that betrayal happens, and I can tell you from my own experience, right? When that betrayal happens, first it shocks you. You're left in a state of shock. Uh a state of shock that uh that sometimes makes you now not even able to comprehend the magnitude of the betrayal, right? Um, because you then go into stages of um, it's typical, it happens with everything. First, you start to deny it. You start to deny it, and you say, no, it can't be. Uh there's no possible way. You can see it right in front of you. It's there, but you're saying, no, it can't be. That can't be it. It's it's it can't happen. These are two people I trust. These are these are this is a space I trust, this is a space that's my stability, there's a space that's my foundation. No, it can't happen because how could and then you start to internalize and you start to blame yourself and you start to say, how how didn't I see it? How could I have been so so blind? What what what was wrong with me? Why wasn't I good enough for the friendship or for the relationship or for anything? You know, in my experience, I'm telling you that I I started to internalize it. I was like, why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I why why why why were the two people I trusted so much? Why did they betray me? Why did they turn on me? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do that caused that? So then I it became an internal conflict, an internal war inside myself, where I started blaming myself for everything that happened. And then your body responds to that and it starts telling you telling you start to to you know you know the right response, but then you start to create another comfort zone. And the other comfort zone is one of retreating and one of isolating, okay? So because you don't want to face the betrayal and you don't want to acknowledge it yet because your body is not ready to deal with it. And healing, many people think that it's something you can just snap out of, it's something you can just get over, look at the facts, it's it's clear, and now just get back and um just you know fight, uh fight it and and and go on with your life, it's not that easy. Healing for everyone is different. For me, it can take uh two months, for you it could take 10 years, and that's what people don't understand about healing. Healing is a journey, right? But when you have disorders that have conditioned you to respond to things in life, uh like abandonment and rejection and betrayal, you immediately then start to blame yourself when it does happen. And it it takes a while before you come to a stage where you can actually find the strength to reorganize that chaos to make it complete again.
SPEAKER_03Dr. Tash, amazingly put. And I love how you broke it down. This is what I will say, right? Do you remember Julius Caesar? He said, What? Yes, too brute. You know, like he's telling Brutus, I can't believe it's you. You know when I learned that? Do you know who I learned that from? Do you know who taught me that?
SPEAKER_01Who taught you that? I wanna know.
SPEAKER_03So you were part of the conference that we had virtually recently, and it was called Believe. Right? The previous conference was Love Yourself. On Love Yourself, I told my story in a different depth. That person who took advantage of me was the same person who taught me that a few weeks before. Now, how you put betrayal, how it is you telling me you put betrayal, you're holding betrayal into a part where the person you trust so much is putting a knife in you who you didn't expect to do that to you, and here you are being betrayed by that same person. You know how that you can imagine, just like how you broke it down. So this girl, you trust her, you tell her your secrets beyond, like me. Last year, right before my conference, around the same time. One day I'm walking, I'm talking to a person I think is my friend, and I started getting emotional. And I said to her, I said, my biggest thing in life is feeling my mom. Not me, not me, but my mom. And I told that person that with love, here, and like whatever I taught about her as a friend, and then on a call with two other people. Now there's four people on this call, myself included, has nothing to do with that, and you're gonna throw it into my face in front of these other people that I never said this to, even my even my person who I care about and love so much, who stands with me and supports me more than you. I was confiding in you at that time, and you go and throw that out and say, That's why you you you will fail your mom, and and that's why you have to worry about that in front of these people, like something I personally just said to you. Because just because you did not step up, and that was the whole story behind it betrayal to the max. So I understand how you felt.
SPEAKER_01Yes, especially because when that person, like you said now, when that person you've told that person things that comes from your heart, right? And then they take it and twist it around and add more stories to it, and and create an entire lie and make that the truth, and then present it to the the other person you trusted, and then tell you, and then they both look, they look at you as if you're the failure, you're the one with the problem, you're the one who um betrayed them, right? So it is a a a how do I say it? It it is a an absolute, I can't say the word on uh on here on a public platform, but it's an absolute mind um a changer. It's it's it's messing with your mind, it messes with your mind to the point where wait, this is what I said to you, and I said it with so much innocence and love and trust, and and so much of my soul said it to you, right? But there you go, and then you take the one thing I'm most afraid of, like you know, that my biggest fear in life was going through a divorce and and having my children uh in what the society calls a broken home, having my children grow up in a broken home. So you knew that was my biggest fear, yet you used what I told you from my heart, and then you created you you padded it with more versions of what would benefit you, and then you used it against me.
SPEAKER_03Wow, do you understand? Do you understand? So I think the word you were looking for, it will your mental stability, a person's mental stability, and uh according to how it is, how you betray them. You see, this is the thing for individuals who are living with conditions like BPD, right? Borderline personality disorder or or bipolar disorder, how can you when you not how this is exactly what we're talking about? The intensity, the impact in the trust of that relationship, what it does to that person's mental stability, basically, and it's basically what we just said both of us in different ways. Now, you had your friend, and this is this is what hurts the most. You take someone out of your zone that these are the people who I love and trust, and they love me back because we are supposedly to be blood, but here I am out of my zone, dead, and I'm here with you who I trust in a different way, connect up, chains. We clawed on, and guess what happens? You decide to do exactly what Brute just did. So, how it you know, the emotional intensity when someone has a disorder, like how you speak about abandonment and BPD goes one-on-one together, because most of the times that's what happens, right? You tell me how it is that betrayal actually hurts the person to that that point where the emotional intensity causes a real unless unbalanced mental stability.
SPEAKER_01Like I said before, Rah, betrayal is I think one of the most devastating things that can happen to someone who has BPD or um ADHD or any other condition, or even someone who doesn't. Betrayal means that your entire the safety net, your safety net, what you call, you know, we say um what's home to you, what's home to you. When you build a life, you create you build one with safety nets so that uh you can you can secure everything you love and secure everything you that's part of you, right? And then that those safety nets fail on you. It's like the Titanic, right? They strongest ship that was ever built. Uh it'll never sink. But um a little engineering problem caused it to sink. And what happened? It sunk. I mean, and what happened? It it was uh uh it was the very thing that they believed would not make the the ship sink uh that made it sink. So my thing is that even in a betrayal, it feels like that. It feels like all your safety boats, your lifeboats, that that you thought would save you, you thought were your your your comfort, your stability, your stability and your foundation. You thought that you had, no matter what happened, you had that that cover, those covers protecting you. It's gone. And when that happens, it shatters you. It completely shatters you mentally, emotionally, physically, even. It it manifests physic physically, physically. Uh, we go into a state of panic, we go into a state of um not knowing who we are, not knowing what to do. We are in constant fear, in constant um uh uh denial, in constant in constant bargaining with ourselves, in constant um, in constant need to affirm to ourselves that that safety net, those lifeboats are still there, even though we know that they're now defunct, that they are now not operational, we want them to still be operational. So then we go into a state of wanting to make them operational again, okay? Instead of fixing ourselves, we want to now make that operational again. So we start making excuses for that. We started trying to fix it, we started trying because one of the things we do, because we crave uh stability so much, we crave safety so much, we're so afraid of rejection and abandonment, one of the things we do is we try so hard now to go back and fix it and make bring it back to its natural form. So we go then and instead of fixing ourselves and working on ourselves, we go then and try to make that part work again. But even though we told you that it's not gonna work, you then train your mind, you train yourself now to go and make that part work again. Because you your your mind does not want to accept that it is not working anymore. Because you've invested so much time, you've invested so much of yourself, you've invested uh you've put effort into it, and that effort now just seems and that time and that that that everything of you that you put into just now suddenly disappears. It feels like you were not you didn't mean a thing. You didn't mean a thing.
SPEAKER_03And this is this is the beautiful part about every single thing, you know. I like I say this all the time, and there's there's there's reasons you say things, and what you say is actually it comes out of here, and that's how I I see you all the time. I didn't know you, I did not actually to be honest with you, I put the description up of you, I typed it up on every single thing, and I still did not know you. I did not know you when I was introduced to you. But when you came on your trauma on trauma talk Thursdays and you start opening up, I was like, wait, I have this friend in Trinidad that I call my my twin sister because she's born on the 4th of November, and then she's a psychologist, and she likes we really interact. Her name is Dia, and I love her. And I always we always have so many things in common, and there you are, you're opening up like you're raw, but you're living raw in South Africa in the body that you're in, and I'm like, oh my god, she sounds exactly like me. I told you this already. This is how we connected because you were raw about it, you're telling the truth. This is what happens to people, and they don't understand. You know what I mean? We talk so much about betrayal, especially. You see how bad it is when people don't know what another human is going through, especially when it comes to disorders. How you need to treat people gently with kindness, you know. Sometimes people confuse lots of different symptoms of disorders, like with intentional harm. We know that, right? How do how do people separate mental health struggles from personal accountability in relationships?
SPEAKER_01I don't I don't think that you can because once you have a core belief, uh, once you have a disorder, you have a core belief. You have a core belief that you are um you you have core beliefs of fear. You have core core beliefs that you are not good enough. You depending on what what your conditioning has been in your life, you have core beliefs of something that is going to um that is going to impact you in a way you've never been impacted before. So you you those fears and those doubts and those um those um uh what anxieties are always going to be there and you cannot separate it in a relationship. A relationship requires trust, first and foremost. A relationship requires effort, a relationship requires um you to be involved, a relationship requires um you to accept accept a relationship, requires you to compromise, a relationship requires you to a part of you that that is all of you, okay? So otherwise you're not going to have uh a fruitful relationship. So when you when you give all of that in your relationship, and then there's a sudden betrayal, right, from the person who knows all of that about you, that you have a mental uh that you have PPD or that you have ADHD or that you have the fears of being rejected and abandoned. And then they use that same fear, that same fear to uh your disadvantage, then that is a problem. But sometimes I know what you're saying is that can we separate it? We I can't and I can't see how uh forming a relationship with someone uh would require you to separate your mental uh your mental state. Because um your mental state is always because you've been conditioned, your mental state is always preparing for abandonment, rejection, hurt. Um so so you constantly, even in a relationship, overcompensating, over uh trying too hard, trying to make things safe. So you're constantly doing that. Uh so they and that person in the relationship with you is obviously seeing that as well. So not everybody has the same mindsets. I mean, let's look at the person that that causes the the betrayer. The betrayer has a a um a weak narcissistic tendency, right? A feeling of grandiose, a feeling that um you know they are right about everything and everyone else is wrong. So they will use the things that are uh your weaknesses or the things that you are most afraid of, they will use that against you. They will use that in the moment that it benefits them because everything they do is for their benefit. However, people with BPD and ADHD and who people who have gone through immense trauma, they always they are they tend to be more empathetic and and compassionate, and they tend to try to not hurt someone the way they've been hurt. But then when they are hurt, they they will, like I said, they go to war. But it takes a time, it takes time for them to first accept the situation, to accept that this really has happened. But when they accept it, they go to war. You become the whoever's hurt them or dismantle their safety, after they try to fix it, and and I they will try to you will try to fix that rejection, right? If the it does not work, because when you try to fix it, that person that that in my experience, that person keeps coming at you. It keeps whenever you try to fix something, they they they break you more, and they break you more because you feel like you need them more than they need you, so they break you more and they betray you more and they betray you more. I remember I remember, and I have to share the story with you, right? So even after the betrayal, after even after the betrayal and me getting the shock of my life that all of this happened, and we were in court and uh for maintenance, and um and it was a simple thing, like I thought it's a simple thing. You you you you know you need to pay for the kids, simple, and and then I hear the words the my client does not believe it's his his child, and wow requires requires a paternity test. And this is this is now she's she's 10 years old, right? This is now you betrayed me with my best friend, and then you now asking. I I promise you, Ra, in that moment I felt something get stuck in my throat. My chest, my chest felt heavy. It felt it locked, it locked, I couldn't breathe. It couldn't, I could not breathe. I was looking at him straight in his face, and he had his head down and refused to look at me, but was adamant that it wasn't his and he wanted a paternity test. I don't think anything ever shocked me. I don't think there was a bigger betrayal like than that in my life. That hurt me on levels I cannot explain to you. And so I had to go into deep self-reflection and I had to understand that it was not a result of me having a reputation for being promiscuous or or you know or having affairs or or doing anything outside of the marriage. It was him just trying to create shift blame, shift blame, right? From being the betrayer to making me the betrayer. And it took me a while to understand this, it's actually strategic if you think about it. So it took me a while to remove the emotion and see the strategy behind that, that in most cases the betrayer will make you the betrayer, and they will become the innocent one. So in that feeling, you need to now separate the the separate the the manipulation. You need to separate the manipulation from your emotions. And and how you going to, and then you need to respond to the manipulation without the emotion. And that is one of the most difficult things you can do. The most difficult thing you can do is stand there and look the person in your face and say, I got you. And uh, I I'll, you know, like you you play a game of poker, you say, you know, put that down, and and I however it works, I don't know, I'm not into gambling. But what I am saying is, um, yeah, they say, Okay, I got that, and I'll call you on this, right? So I had to stand there, and although my chest felt like I like rather weight in my chest felt like I was going to, my knees were trembling. My nose was trembling.
SPEAKER_03You alone know the truth. You alone know the truth. You know the truth.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I know the truth, and I had to remind myself of that. I had to then take a moment of stillness and say, I know the truth. So I will stand you, I will stand up in front of you, and I will prove the truth to you. You will not be, I will not be the betrayer in this situation. You are the betrayer. So I will show you that you are. So when the paternity test results came out and it was proven he was the father, I didn't feel a sense of victory or a sense of ha ha ha ha ha. You know, that's you. I didn't. Do you know why? Because I already didn't have anything to prove.
SPEAKER_03Yes, exactly. I love, love that. You know, I like you know, bringing in this right there, right? Because you continue with this, and you see, now Dr. Tash is Dr. Tash. Now she's not diagnosed with ADHD, she's not diagnosed with glycol, she's not diagnosed with BPD or something like this. So when we say this, it's not that is any stigma with it, because this comes to my question. Let others know because we have this is this is what we're using today. We're talking about people with disorders and how their mental stability hits them when it comes to betrayal. And here we are. Do you think that it intensifies in a way that we could never understand who who is not on the spectrum? It how it intensifies someone like that when someone is betrayed, like who is battling with themselves with BPD. As you say, uh, like bipolar, there's no um in-betweens in the thinking, it's either in or out kind of thing. So there's no in-between there. So you now tell us like in what way do you think it intensifies? Like in a scenario that you just went through. First thing you slapping, you telling you this is how it is, knowing that the truth, but you now know the truth inside the truth that's in your mind, the truth that never swayed. There's nothing else about you. This is the person you are, this is how you were thinking. This is this your child is your child, it's not someone else's. I didn't do anything, I wasn't with anybody else but you, and here we are, and you're asking for this, no problem. So you're gonna get it, you're gonna see it. But how are you going to feel that you're treating me this way? The person you you said you love, the person you said you care about, we're building a life together, and all of a sudden you switch. Now, people talk about taking out the mask, those are not masks, my friend.
SPEAKER_01Those are two faces that were always there, is there so how we just refuse to sit with a disorder or a person with you know on the spectrum will feel, you know, it's very difficult to when you and that's why I'm saying let's not just focus on BPD or ADHD because this is a common human reaction, right? I have not been diagnosed with any of those things, but it's a common uh human reaction. But for someone with BPD and ADHD who who thrive on stability and thrive on uh having a sense of safety and a sense of grounding, that can complete a situ a scenario like that can completely shatter them. In my case, in that moment, yes, I felt extreme, I was shocked. My body reacted, I physically reacted. My mind didn't react, I physically reacted. So uh I because I knew the truth, and I so my mind didn't allow me to react emotionally. I stood there and I said, okay, that's fine, let's do it, right? But for for a person who already has those fears, they're going to suddenly doubt themselves. They're going to suddenly think, wait, did did did something happen? Did where did it go wrong? Why, why is he suddenly it becomes why is he why why is that person thinking that of me? Do other people think that of me as well? Is is did I do something wrong? Did what so you then start again, again, with someone with BPD and uh with ADHD on the spectrum, they then start to um to internalize and think, okay, no, I'm I cause this, I cause this, and they still glorify the person that didn't, although they they know that that person is wrong, right? But they do that to maintain safety. But when you go through such intense, and let's call it trauma, let's not call it BPD and ADHD and all of that, let's just call it trauma. When you go through that amount of trauma, it completely changes uh your, it shifts, it shifts your mind, it shifts your body, it shifts your emotions, it shifts your neurological system, because then you go back into survival mode. And that survival mode, uh, you will either decide whether you want to go to war or you want to choose peace. In in most uh cases, we back away because we feel that creating a boundary would be like we pushing people out of our lives, right? But creating a healthy boundary is what people on the spectrum need. Healthy boundaries does not mean that you are uh rejecting, you are kicking people out of your life. Healthy boundaries means that you're putting yourself first before you putting their needs first. Because what we do sometimes is we pour so much into the other person, we want so much to fix the other person because of the pains we've been through in our own lives, that we stop pouring back into ourselves. And I think everyone, you can't identify anyone on the spectrum when it comes to trauma, when it comes to rejection or betrayal or or uh or hurt or pain. You can't you can't put anyone on the spectrum, it affects everyone in the same not in the same way, but it intensely. Let me use that word. It is an intense re emotion uh when someone betrays you or when someone rejects you or when someone um someone deceives you. It's a an intense, intense, traumatic event in your life that's that that you need to recover from that requires you to heal from.
SPEAKER_03This is this is what we talk about. So you can be betrayed, and it's it doesn't matter the spectrum or putting someone or your disorder or something like that. This was the topic today. We want to speak about betrayal when it comes to the intensive intenseness of being on spectrum with DPD or bipolar having ADHD. That's so here we call in a trauma, right? Now, when you go through a trauma, you can always heal, and you could you do not need to heal today for tomorrow. No, you can take 10 years to heal, it's fine. Your pace that you heal with and who you are, it all depends on you and how you bring it down for yourself. And all with Dabby saying saying that it's as well is that you have to love yourself, you have to be able to love yourself enough to understand, and this is what Ra tells you every single week on mental health bites, trauma behind the glamour, your trauma talks, trauma talks Thursdays. You have to be able to tell yourself thank you, give yourself a pat on the back. Allow you to know that you are grateful for you. You have to allow yourself to see yourself in the mirror. That self in the mirror, we are not speaking about you standing in front of a mirror, but that mirror that you see when you could look inside of here and see that person, you say, Hey, you I love you, you are amazing. Thank you for all that you do. When you do these things and appreciate yourself, love yourself, you would uh start to reflect, and reflection plays a huge, huge part in anyone's healing because you have to reflect, like coming up on my new next conference, our next virtual conference happening on the 28th of March. It is called forgive yourself. So we have all these speakers coming to speak, and I can't wait to hear the story. But Rat Trick in that is it says exactly what I want you to speak about. Forgive yourself. When you reflect, you actually have to listen, look back at the whole scenario, not be one-sided. You have to look at the entire scenario. If 10 people is in a room, if the scenario took 10 years, you look back at the whole thing, don't matter, reflect. And when you reflect, you would say, Hey, no, I was wrong. But when you say, hey, I was wrong, you can also do this, but you know what? You have grown from there, you have learned, you do not want to be that person. So, guess what? I forgive you. And here's what we're doing further. We are not going to make those mistakes that we made then, and this is where most people in society today do not understand when they see someone from 10 years ago and they look at them and they go, like, oh, I know her, I know him. Oh, no, you do not, especially someone on a different pathway than you. I look back at people that I know from five years ago, I don't judge, but just by seeing exactly what I have on social media right now, there are certain things that are real. People portray themselves as they are, and guess what happens? You look and you're like, oh my god, that person definitely did not change five years ago, and this is the same person you were. That's okay, it is fine. Maybe you have nothing to reflect on, you have nothing to heal from. But one of the greatest ways to heal and to carry yourself through this trauma and make things better for you. As we say all the time, right? What is meant for you shall never pass you by, and what passes you by was never meant for you. And when you really listen to that, there are people fighting for stuff all the time. You see, Caribbean people, well, it's not I realize it's not Caribbean people alone, it's Indian people, and it's it's people from all over the world, always fighting for land. And at the end of the day, is we we know the story of the things that that at that Caesar, we were just talking about Caesar, right? Was it Caesar? And you let you open your hands when you're going, you know, you all the money you have, all the coins you have in the world, it will never go with you. And where do you end up? Where do you end up when you die?
SPEAKER_01Just gone. You know, uh, yes, I and I think one of the things uh one of the fatal mistakes we make when leave this, you know, when you we go through intensely uh intense rejection and betrayal and uh uh some deceit and lying and and uh trauma, right, uh as a whole, is that we want we society and our communities expect us to respond to it the way they responded from another time in another uh uh era in another constituency of beliefs and values. Like many people said to her, oh, said to me, Why what is wrong with you? I would have gone and broken every bone in her body, and I would have let her let her know, let everyone know what she did and and how and and you know all of that. I have not said a word to her to this to this day. I have not said felt a need to say anything to her. So the even the to the even to the other person who who deceived me, I have, I don't feel a need to say anything. I I am not going to fight and um and you know draw swords and go into battle and and and what what is it going to do? What is going to become the be the outcome? It's just gonna cause more friction, uh, more more hostility, more hate, more um so don't don't make the mistake of having people tell you how you need to respond and react to the trauma you are going through. Don't don't don't don't fall victim to that.
SPEAKER_03What about what about sorry to cut you there because it's it's just it adds in an idea. What about when you tell someone someone else and they just take their hand or something and their past ah forget about that? Like, bruh, like when someone do that, like bruh, you do you I tell people this all the time, and this is the truth. Listening plays an important part in suicide awareness, and you do that. And be like, you're my friend, and you just tell me that, or you don't know, you know, my best friend is Anna, and she taught me that. I was like basically like that before, because you learn, you reflect, you learn, right? You want to change, and especially when someone teaches you something, then you start thinking now, oh wow, and she said something we were thinking about, but because I heard her say it so many times, I did that, and she's like, rah, you just realize what you did, but she corrected me in a way that not like oh F out of here, you can't be like that with me. So no, she was like, Did you realize what you did? And I was like, No, she's like, You don't ever do that to someone, and even when she was in that scenario where she was telling me, but she's healing from it, so now she wouldn't get angry or hurt because I said that. She picked up on what I said, and that's the thing about it. But you have to be able to listen to learn from it, and I love, love, love that you said that you can't you the thing about it is forgiveness, and when you you people talk about forgiveness all the time, everybody, there are people who come on here preaching about God and Jesus, and they are going to be condemning other people's gods. How could you be like that? The same way you have a belief in something and you love this so much or love God, you cannot be condemning because you're hating, and that is something you don't realize. You're hating, and you're spreading the thing that you're trying to teach people not to do, but you're doing it. I don't know where their mindsets are. I saw a woman today who my mom looks at, and that's how I end up knowing her. I wouldn't call her name to give her any type of um fame because I think she's uh are already famous now. She's crying all over the place, but she was just cursing someone about God, and then she's crying about a scenario. The same thing I, you know, people they talk about manifestation. Who you are in here, it shows up afterwards, don't matter what. There are people who have to go on trials and tribulations in their lives, but those people on the right pathway keep moving through the darkness, through the throne, they keep walking through it until that one day it turns into petals. This is where trauma comes in, and this is where betrayal comes in, and this is how you have to know when you have to heal by listening, understanding, reflecting.
SPEAKER_01And let's look and let's look at it in a in a bigger picture, or now that we're talking about you know, people come bringing God in. Um, when Shiva rejected Parvati, what did she do? She chose herself, right? And uh to heal first. Judas uh betrayed Jesus, right? Uh, what did happen in the end? He went and he begged Jesus for forgiveness, but Jesus didn't hold any hatred or any contempt against him, right? So if we go back and look into all of our religious, religious um beliefs, nobody teaches us that we need to respond with hate or respond with with uh an uh uh antagonism. Everyone teaches us respond with love, respond with the part of you that creates the most safest and most peaceful path. Respond with love. God is love, that's all you need to know about God. It doesn't matter who you what religion you are, what your belief system is, God is love. And when God says He loves you, how can you not love yourself? How can you not love what God loves? That is how important you are. That is how important you are. You need so you need to experience God's love. You don't need to preach to the world that that is what you believe or that is what you don't believe. They will see it in you. But let your purpose and what God's purpose for you, let that come through with love, not with hatred, not with antagonism, not with anger, not with resentment. Because you know what? That only damages you inside. It only causes the weight you feel to be heavier. But when you let go of it and you forgive yourself and you forgive everything and trust that all of it work together for good, then you understand that loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for you.
SPEAKER_03Wow, and the world, and the world. See, so so you know, my my question for the last question I typed up was for the listeners who are listening on the podcast on iHat Radio on Spotify, we like to shout you guys up. We know you listen, we know you download, we love you, and thank you so much on Amazon Music, on Apple iTunes, wherever you listen to the podcast from. I want to tell you, I wanted to say, you know, for the listeners, those are listening who are watching back the live stream, you know, some people are stuck in a cycle of toxic, emotional, unstable relationships, and you know, they just can't take that first step. I think today's episode on mental health bites really blew them away because at the end of the day, you guys got, as I say, golden nuggets that people say all the time, but our golden nuggets is laden with diamonds, you can't go wrong with that. We give it to you, raw.
SPEAKER_01We are you, you are I am who I am, as you are who you are, but we are all connected, all and I am because you are, and you are because I am. So we how can we disrupt that? You know, we whether it's negative or positive, we decide what we want to take from it, but I am because of you, Ra, and in in some small way, you are because of me. So love that about each other, love that about the world. I love, you know what? Can I tell you something, honestly?
SPEAKER_02Honestly, I'm listening.
SPEAKER_01You just went to this whole quote. So yesterday I got nominated for an award, right? Oh, congratulations. So it it it was woman of the year in counts, uh counseling and therapy, change change leaders um uh of the world. Uh so I have to tell you, so I I I laughed because in that moment I thought the one person I would go up on stage and thank is the person who betrayed me, because she actually created this version of me. And I would I give her my heartfelt thanks. I hold no resentment, no hurt, hate, no anger. I give her my heartfelt thanks because that created this version of me. That that betrayal, that deceit, that rejection made me build different boundaries and different goals for my life that put me on that that's putting me on that stage. And I think of it. So look at the betrayals as positive in building you.
SPEAKER_03Betrayal is one of the deepest wounds a person can experience. It's not just about someone breaking your trust, it's about the moment your heart realizes the person you felt safest with has become the source of your pain. You know, many of you go for betrayal, but one of the things Ra loves to teach you all is letting go. Think about your betrayal today as a busted up, beaten up, as Dr. Tash mentioned, the Titanic earlier. Think about the anchor laying at the ocean's floor, and somehow you pulled it up, and you're holding it with that tick tick chain that's holding on to that ocean liner, and you're dragging it. That's your trauma. And while you drag it on the seashore, you're picking up excess baggages. Your excess baggages is the dirt, the garbage that it accumulates. While you pull it on the seashore, and that, my friends, is that trauma, is that betrayal, is that unstable mental state of mind. And today, Ra wants you to drop it, let it go, and take a deep breath and say to yourself by knowing that you love you, you don't deserve that, you do not need that. Think about your dreams, who you want to be, and know that you can, you shall, and you will. Remember if it's not happening for you, or you're dung and out today. There once was a man who had the blues because he had no shoes. Down the street, he met a man who had no feet. Love yourself, believe in you, know that you are enough. Dr. Tash.
SPEAKER_01Yes, thank you, Ra. That's exactly what I was saying. The most important person in your life is you. It's not your children, it's not your spouse, it's not your friends, it's not your most important person in your life is you, and your relationship with God is a personal one. No one has to tell you what to do or how to pray or what God is going to say. It's personal. You and God have a relationship, no one can penetrate. So I want you to believe in yourself. You're going to come across situations in your life that's going to cause you pain. You may be betrayed, you may be hurt, you may be lied to, you may have your heart broken, you may lose everything you worked for and have to start again. But hey, hey, starting again only means you get to build a version of you you always dreamed of. And we believe in you, and we are here for you, and we hope that you take this today and make it your strength.
SPEAKER_03I love this, I love this. Mental health bites, everyone. Join us next Wednesday. But first to begin, join us tomorrow for trauma talk Thursdays. We have an amazing guest. I don't want to sell out the story, but you all will be blown away by her story when you're here tomorrow, 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time from New York City and South Africa. 6 p.m. Yes, it's Africa Time. South Africa Time, 6 p.m. with Dr. Tash myself is going to have well. We give our guests a spotlight. So you're gonna hear a story, and all things are not drama, we bring trauma, trauma that people have overcome. They heal, they are still healing, just like you. Whatever you're going through, know it's temporary. This is Ra and the amazing Dr. Tash Reddy. We love you all.