Inside the Psychiatrist’s Mind: Dr. Stephen Opens Up

 This week on Trauma Talk Thursday, Rah — Mr. Trauma Talks — sits down one‑on‑one with Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards, a board‑certified psychiatrist whose work in trauma, emotional wellness, and community mental health has changed countless lives.

Unlike his appearance on Mental Health Bytes, this episode puts the spotlight directly on him — his story, his journey, his truth, and the human behind the title “doctor.”

We talk about:

what it really means to sit with people’s pain

how trauma shapes the mind

the emotional weight doctors carry

the moments that changed him as a healer

why community mental health matters now more than ever

This is not a clinical interview — this is a raw, honest, unfiltered conversation about the man behind the profession.

Trauma Talk Thursday is where stories breathe, truth speaks, and healing begins.

Trauma Talk Thursday, Mr Trauma Talks, Dr Stephen Paul Edwards, psychiatrist interview, trauma stories podcast, emotional healing journey, mental health storytelling, trauma behind the doctor, community mental health NYC, trauma recovery conversations, mental health advocate Rah, trauma podcast 2026

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome to Trauma Talk Thursdays. Yes, it's been a while for a Trauma Talk Thursday episode, but today we have such an amazing episode and such an amazing guest who is no stranger to the platform of your trauma talks. Nope, he's none other than Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards. And let me tell you something. He is about to bring it in a different way. We have heard him in conversation with the amazing Dr. Tashray. And we're about to put the spotlight on him. And let me tell you something. When it comes to the world of trauma, people take trauma and make it into a lot of drama. And when I say this, let's bring it in like this. When you hear something about someone, and this is not the first time, in a few weeks, Ra will be on here for eight years bringing you stories of others when it concerns mental health. And for you to understand that you are not alone. And others that you actually trust and tell your story to will take it as you give it to them and make it into a gossip. But here we are going to sit with a doctor who has years of trauma experience, where it is he has helped so many and healed so many. And let me tell you, today we put the spotlight on him. So without further ado, I want to bring him up because we're excited to hear what he has to say. Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards, how are you, sir?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Well, thank you so much. That's a pretty amazing introduction, by the way. Thank you very much. I'm very excited to be here. Uh, as you just said, I uh was with Dr. Tash recently, and I know she's not well, so please give her my best wish. She's amazing. Uh, and this show is amazing, man. I mean, this is stuff that really obviously, if you've been going for eight years, there's a there's a big audience for it. But I was just looking up some statistics, you know, 52 percent of uh Americans think that they've been in some kind of a traumatic relationship, you know. And I often I ask people, you know, or people ask me, you know, um, about trauma or about traumatic relationships. And I and I uh I say to people, have you been in a traumatic relationship? Almost everybody says yes. If anybody says no, I see, well, you need to get out more often. But anyway, so I my trauma started as for most people in my childhood, right? Uh, I think most of us can say we had a traumatic childhood. We just don't know that when we're going through it as just children. We think we're the only one, right? It's not like we all go to school and then at the playground at the break, we all get together and go, Hey, are you getting some trauma? Are you having trauma? Yeah, me too. We just don't talk about it, right? And I think part of that is shame, right? Because we don't want to diminish ourselves or our family or our parents in anybody else's eyes, and so we go through it alone. And for me, uh, I just thought, and again, again, people can usually read like I felt like I was walking around my house or my home uh on eggshells or or even glass sometimes. Um, and back then, you people, you know, they used to say children should be seen but not heard. Well, I wasn't even allowed to be seen, right? So, anyway, this created a lot of frustration because you don't feel like you have a voice, you can't move, you don't can't say anything. And that was very frustrating. And all that energy is held up because it's just a very controlling, manipulative experience. So my parents would say things like, You don't want to have an ice cream, do you? Like you'd be an idiot if you said you wanted to have an ice cream. Well, you may not want an ice cream, but you don't want to say, Yeah, I do get me one, right? Because then your parents are not going to be out anyway, this kind of thing. So I used to have to, but I went to bed at night, I used to have to bang my head on the pillow until I was exhausted to get to sleep. And I couldn't do it any other way. So that's the that's gives you some idea of the frustration that I was, or the anger, the rage that I was holding, right? And so at the age of 16, I was actually put into a mental asylum, or I just like to call it a sane asylum, right? Um, and I was given electro-convulsive therapy, which um I would highly recommend to anybody who wants to go even more crazy. So, anyway, and then I was given drugs. I was actually on a high when I went in there. I was going, I was into a uh mania, right? I was experienced a manic state. And back then they used to call it manic depression. Now they call it bipolar, right? So that was a very, you know, that I had traumatic trauma at school because my mom used to send me to school in school clothes that were way too big for me, and the other kids are merciless, right? They just, you know, tease you, humiliate you, and laugh at you about the clothes, right? Uh and then I uh, you know, one day I'm in the showers at school and we just finished playing soccer, and I'm the kid that gets uh uh labeled with having a small dick. You know, it's gonna happen to some kid, and once it's you, every other kid in the school is so happy it's not them. And of course, that gets around the school. So that caused trauma for me. But as we'll get to later, every single one of those traumatic experiences has been a blessing in many ways. Uh, and this is what I love about the show. It's you know, talking about your trauma, but also turning it into a positive, right? Because it does have an upside if you look for it. And unfortunately, many people stay a victim. And it's okay to be a victim a little bit, right? But just you don't want to stay there, right? You you've got to make you it's it's like grieving. It's okay to grieve, right? It's okay to grieve, but you don't want to stay there forever, right? So when you go through a traumatic experience, yes, you're a human being. You're gonna feel sorry for yourself, you're gonna feel angry about it, you're gonna blame other people. But the shorter time you do that, the better for you. Because if you keep that anger, resentment, that feeling about like a victim, you're the only one that's carrying that energy around, right? It's hurting you, not the other person. And that isn't to say that you know, those people didn't do those things, they did, right? But you can't change that. What you can change is what it means to you for your future and live a healthy life and actually make it as you know, I was listening to um the podcast from last week, and I think it was Simone. I mean, what an experience, you know. She was almost killed. In fact, the her perpetrator uh thought she was dead, right? Hitting her with a baseball by I don't know how many times, like 50 times or something. But she's turned it into a positive. Now, not right away, not right away, but eventually she realized she didn't want to stay in that victimlessness. She wanted to be an empowered woman, be powerful, and get out in the world and help other women not have to go through that. And so she created a purpose out of it, which she wouldn't have had if she hadn't been through that experience. So all my trauma ended up being a positive in different ways. Um, but for a while, it made me feel like the world was against me. It made me feel like the world was against me when if your parents are against you, you don't think anybody else is gonna be for you. It's all psychological, right? It's what we make up in our mind. It doesn't mean it's true because beliefs are not true. We just make them up, or other people make them up for us and we adapt their beliefs. But until we deal with the trauma, we're gonna carry it around and keep recreating it, and that's why you know people say, Yeah, I've been married four times. So listen, I am I'm not the fastest learner on earth at all, right? So I kept repeating the same patterns in my relationships that always ended up in me getting divorced. Uh, so for example, when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was run away from home. Being in that house for me was just overwhelming. I just wanted to get away, right? I couldn't deal with it. I wanted to get away from that house as far as I could. I ran away eight times, right? But they kept they kept catching me and bringing me back. But anyway, I left home when I was 16. And I couldn't wait to get out that door. I had my own home when I was 17. I bought my own house when I was 17. Why? Because I was so freaking determined not to go back, right? I was driven. So when I talked about running away from home, I didn't stop running when I left home. And I came to realize I wasn't running away from the physical home, I was running away from my home, which is me. I was too afraid to look back at my past because it was too painful. You know, there was a dog that lived across the road from us when I was a kid. It was a little terrier, right? Little terrier with the Napoleon syndrome, right? He wanted to fight every dog that went by, right? And he even fought the cars that drove by. So what would happen is a car would drive by and he'd run out of the gate and he would chase that car down the road. The car's driving away, doesn't even have the dogs behind it, right? But the car drives away, and so the dog thinks, I scared that car away. I'm the big boss, right? So, anyway, one day the dog is chasing a car and the car stops. The dog then runs into the back of the car and whimpers, he's hurt, right? So he starts running in the opposite direction, full tilt. Why was the dog running? Because the dog was running away from the pain. It thought if it ran fast enough, it could run faster than the pain. And that was me. I was running so hard and so trying to be successful in the world because I thought that would make me happy. Wrong, right? But anyway, I'm running away and I'm intense, I'm so intense because of what happened in my childhood, right? And my point is that leads to every area of your life. So I'd be so intense, so focused, create success, and then what would happen? I'd burn out because you can't maintain that level of intensity. So I'd burn out, the whole thing would implode, and then I'd recreate myself again. Now, do you think that carried into my relationships? Of course it did. It full it it it bleeds into all of your relationships, and everything is a relationship, right? So I would get in these relationships, I'd be so intense, it was so amazing. And then as life happens, right, I would start to get overwhelmed by the whole thing. And what do I what do I do when I'm overwhelmed? I run away. I run away because I think this is now causing the pain, but it isn't. Something has happened or keeps happening that keeps triggering that pain. So now I associate my wife to that pain, right? Not true. We make it up in our head, but it caused me to keep running away, to get overwhelmed, to wanting to get away. And this pattern repeats over and over again until we can see it, until we could recognize it, until we can recognize ourselves in that mirror, because the other people, the career, the job, whatever it is, is reflecting us back at us. And if we're not happy, you can't change the external world. Which what you can change is your internal world. And so I adopted a belief, probably maybe too late, but anyway, I adopted this belief that nothing happens to you, that everything happens for you. Now that's easier to say than to live, right? You know, when everything is going great, you go, yeah, this is definitely happening for me, right? But when you're going through the worst trauma you've ever experienced in your life, to look at it and say, yeah, this didn't happen to me, it happened for me. That's not easy. And again, it doesn't mean by adopting that belief that you have to uh accept what somebody else did. It doesn't matter if you have to agree with it. But what's important is you recognize that there was a silver lining. There's something has come out of that trauma that is actually helping you in some way or has helped you in some way. Um, now that doesn't happen immediately, right? Um, so I wrote this book, The Venus Flight Trip, which is about a toxic relationship, right? I mean, really toxic, but also amazing. We had a lot of fun, incredible experiences, deep love, uh, incredible sex, had a sex room living in a mansion. We lived a fairy tale life, and you think, well, how do you screw that up? Well, we screwed it up because of our patterns that we had created since we were children. It wasn't even about each other. And we fell into a trap, like many people do, for a while, where you'd blame, you know, she did that to me, he did that to me, rather than finding why they did it for you. And hopefully, in a conversation with Raoul, we'll get into some stories about you know the truth about life and the truth about why these things occur in our lives, and it's deep, right? It's deep, but it's powerful as well. And if we can understand those things and we can uh start to believe in that, that'll change everything in your life and everything in your world. So, anyway, so I'm going through these experiences, and I, you know, I for one point uh I'm in England, I kind of lived a wayward life. Not surprising, right? So I got I had to find, you know, you want to find family somewhere, and kids that are that kind of are a little uh wayward tend to find that family in something less than positive. You know, here in America, it's gangs, right? Very often, and they do crazy things in those gangs. And it was kind of like being in a gang, but not with we didn't have a name for the gang. It was just a crowd of us that used to hang out. But anyway, we were doing drugs, we were doing things we shouldn't be doing. And so, well into my uh 20s, I was living a very uh let's just say rambunctious life, right? So then I came to America for the first time and I loved it. I mean, what's not to love, right? I mean, you come to America from another country. Not that England is not England is not a third world country by any stretch of the imagination, but in comparison to the United States, this is this is it, right? This is the fantasy, this is the uh the place everybody wants to live then and now. So I decided I was gonna come live in America, you know. And once I make a decision, what's happened? It's gonna happen. That's just how I am. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get it to happen. Now, part of that, of course, is my energy, my focus, my vibration, all that stuff, envisioning it because I'm intense, right? But also, does you got to do your part physically as well? And I did. So I came to live in America and I decided when I got on that plane. Well, I wasn't when I got on the plane before I got on the plane. I'd made this up in my mind. This was my belief, right? Doesn't make it true, but my belief is well, you know, everybody in America is really healthy. Everybody in America works out. I'm gonna be left out if I don't start taking care of my body, I just don't start working out, don't start eating healthy, and putting positive things in my mind. Now, didn't take me long for me to get here to realize that's not exactly true, but I still was spent on this cleansing my body, getting also rid of all the physical toxicity and the mental toxicity. And so I started to read books, listen to audio programs, and I got the audio program by Tony Robbins, right? Great program. Most of you probably had it by Gusty Renker, right? And anyways, way back when. So, anyway, I'm listening to this audio program, loving the audio program, implement implementing all this stuff. So I became a you know a zealot for using this stuff that Tony was talking about, you know, doing the the uh the goals every day. Anyway, and I still use that today, anyway. So the next thing, a friend of mine calls me up and she says, uh, hey, listen, I got some tickets to go see Tony Robbins tomorrow. You want to come? See how it works, how you manifest stuff, right? So I go to see Tony Robbins and I look up and I would just my business had just failed. See what I mean? Failure, recreation, right? So uh I look up it on the stage and go, I'm gonna do that, right? Just like that. I'm gonna do that. Uh now that sound that makes it sound easy. It wasn't, it was really difficult, but I was committed to that. I was gonna find a way, and I actually wrote a book about that too, anyway. So I get to work with Tony Robbins, and I ended up traveling all over the country and sometimes the world. I became I was actually on the board of directors in the end, right? But then finally I went, yeah, that's not either, right? So then he introduced me to more spiritual teachers, people like Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer. Some of you going, Who the heck is that? It's going back a while, right? So, anyway, and then other and then I got in I got into other spiritual teachings by let people like Neil Donner Walsh, James Redfield, all these people, right? And um, I really was I was really um uh attracted to that. I was drawn to that, right? So then I left working for Tony and I started my own mind, body, spirit events. And then people would come up to me at the end and say, Man, that was amazing. You know, would you be my coach? And I go, Well, I don't have a license you to do that, right? So and I I thought I'm not gonna go to school, I'm not gonna go to college for anything, right? I mean, when I left school, it was my it was the one of the best days of my life. I hated school and school hated me. Why did I hate it? Because it was discipline, because it was doing as you were told, it was authority or authoritarian. And where did that come from? My father, what didn't I want? I didn't want anything to do with that, right? And so the idea of going to college for me wasn't even discussed, wasn't even thought of, right? And so going for seven years, are you kidding me? No, no, there's no way, but anyway, I then found out from one of my spiritual guides, and he said, Look, you can actually go. Uh, there's a university back then, it was in uh Ventura, California. It's called the University of Metal Metaphysics, where you can go and learn how to be a spiritual counselor, and it only takes half the time. Said, okay, I'm in. So I did, and it and it was studying something I was interested in, and all my life I'd always thought I was an idiot. Which actually, when you read the book, you will probably think I am an idiot, and to a large degree I still am, but I didn't think I had the intelligence to learn, right? But I went to this to study this, and it was what I loved, it was what I was excited about, it's what I wanted to know more about, and so it it was relatively easy, right? And that's what I say to people find your passion, go after what you're passionate about, you will be successful. You might change it, you might change what you think you want to do. That's okay, it's a part of a journey, and you're gonna learn the things you need to learn to be who you really are. Remember the things that you've forgotten so you can be who you really are. You really know who you really are, in essence, but you've just forgotten to come into this existence and have an experience. But anyway, then I get a PhD in that, and then I start counseling, and then uh, you know, so I've got the I've got the personal development side, I've got the spiritual development side, I've got a lot of experience with trauma, all these things that all add to the palette of colors that I can help people create their own masterpiece with. And what I've learned is amongst other things, is that we all want to go home. We all want to go home. But most people don't know where home is, and your home is in your heart. When you start tapping into your heart, now you now you're on your way home. And it's so it's kind of crazy, really thinking about it. The ancients have been telling this for millennia, you know, live from your heart, speak from your heart. If something is true, it will be heartfelt. So, what I do in my coaching, if you want to call it, is to help people reconnect with their heart. Because if I can help them do that, the answers are already there. Your intuition is there, and your intuition can guide you where you want to go if you'll allow it and trust it, right? So I call myself a heartist, right? Because I've I'm getting people into their heart, me too. And with all the things I've learned from personal development working with Tony Robbins and many others, all the books I've read, the the spiritual development, the spiritual counseling, the PhD in spiritual counseling, have given me incredible, an incredible palette of colors, tools, resources that I can use to help people get back to being who they really are. Uh while also doing it for myself. And I believe the future is going to be heart-driven, that we're going to get more and more out of our minds and into our heart. Because if you focus on the external world to try and get certainty, that's the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get a different result. You're not. In fact, it's going to get worse. When we look at misinformation now, people lying and saying whatever they want to say to get what they want, it's almost impossible to get any certainty from the external world. So where do you go? You got to go within. You've got to go within to get that certainty. And it's there. You know, we've been told since we were children that we've got to, in order to talk to God, you've got to go through an intermediary. You've got to go and talk to your pastor or your minister or your rabbi. It's absolute bullshit. You do not need an intermediary, you have direct access to God. How do I know? Because it's because God told me. What do you mean, God told you? You mean you can speak to God? 100%. And God answers 100%. You do not need any intermediary. Now, what you do need to do is practice, just like practice with your intuition. Some people, it just comes naturally. Other people have forgotten about their intuition, and so they've got to relearn how to connect to it, how to trust it. I use the analogy, it's like if someone gave you a violin today, if you've never played a violin before and you start playing a violin without being played. It's not going to sound too good, right? And you're not going to be very good at it. But over time, when you practice and you learn from a tutor, you can play that violin beautifully and you can make beautiful music. But you have to be patient. You've got to be committed to learning. You've got to be committed to playing that violin. And I think the same thing of intuition, right? It's there. We just got to get we have practice using it and trusting in it. And the you know, the verse for a while, you're probably gonna suck at it, right? You're probably gonna go, Yeah, my intuition told you. No, it didn't, right? But you're not you're confusing your intuition with your ego, right? Because you want to do something, you might say, Well, yeah, I'm pretty sure my my intuition said that. So we've got to be able to separate those things, and it's a practice, it's a practice, you know, being a doctor, it's a practice, right? So that's a little bit about my story. So then I end up in this situation where I'm ending my fourth divorce. Fourth divorce. It seems crazy when I say it, but it's true. Fourth divorce. What had I done? Again, got overwhelmed, running away, been completely burned out on what I was doing, traveling for five, six, sometimes seven days a week, getting up at five in the morning, meditating, then working out, then doing my juice, then spending from nine to seven in the evening speaking on stage, then finishing that, meeting with the team, getting something to eat and going to bed day after day after day. That's a freaking prison, right? And so eventually I just went, I can't do it anymore. Enough, right? I gotta stop. And so that was another implosion, right? And then I started to I'm gonna start to rebuild it, but I gotta have a break first. So now I'm experiencing this divorce going through this fourth divorce, and I'm very depressed, I'm not happy, and and I don't know what I want to do next. So that I gotta there's a void there in my life, and you know the universe abores a void, and it's gonna fill it with something or someone, and this is when that amazing woman that has become known as the Venus Fly Trap walked into my life, and all hell broke loose because she was my focus, she was my um uh magnificent obsession, she was what I put all my intensity into, and that's when the fun began. So I don't know, Raul, is that enough or uh how are we doing on time?

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Well, I am just blown away sitting here listening to you. I'm like telling myself a lot of things, it's like, oh my god, I feel so good that I'm not the only one that feels like this, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:36

And that was one of the reasons I wrote it, right? Exactly, man. We think we're alone. It was like, are you kidding me? There's so many people out there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

You see, I um about a few months ago before Dr. Tash took on mental health bikes, she was introduced to me, and she did the same thing you're doing right now, yeah, trauma Top Thursdays, and she told her story. And when I came back from backstage, I was like, um, you are me, I am you. Yeah, it is that that sense where oh my god, I connect so much, it's the same person in a different way, a different story, and I felt the same way today. Thank you so much for that. And like I had so much, I was more focused on your book because I know, like, from reading your bio and everything, I felt how you know these people who connect and genuinely want to make a difference. Yeah, and when I say this, it's like you feel a person, and I from what I read about you, I can tell. And then you you go into the little because I didn't get time to be honest to read your whole book, yeah, yeah. I realized one of the things I realized and I wanted to ask was it's like in a romantic kind of way, like you're putting the fantasy in the book to using your clinical expertise. How how and why did you sway away and made it into that in you know that rhythm of it?

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Yeah, yeah, that's a great question, man. I'll be honest, man, it's evolved. You know, when I first writed the first started writing the book, I just wanted to get it out because I knew it was an amazing story, and I thought the very least people are going to be entertained by it because it's extremely entertaining, right? And then as I was writing it, I'm thinking, this is good stuff, right? This is really powerful stuff. And then as I I asked the same question you just asked, which everybody asks me, how does somebody with your background in spiritual counseling, personal development, all that stuff, how do you end up in a toxic relationship, right? What's wrong with you? Well, there's a lot wrong with me, right? More than I realized before I got in that relationship, right? So sometimes, and you know, I know you believe in a higher power, and uh, you know, some people call it the universe, some people call it God. It doesn't matter, but there is a higher power, I know that for sure, right? Um, and that higher power sometimes is gonna put you on your ass, put you on your butt, and say, Okay, you've been running away. You've done a lot of work, but you got more work to do, and you're not doing it right now. So I'm gonna put you in a position where you have no choice, where you're gonna go through something traumatic, right? Not for the first time, but again, because you need it. So I'm gonna bring this person into your life. They volunteered, and they're gonna be your master teacher. Now they're gonna kick your ass. This is gonna be painful, but I promise you, on the other side, it'll be worth it. Now that's what happened, right? And I didn't see at the time because I wasn't supposed to, right, Raul. I mean, so you've got to go through some things, and if you remembered everything, you couldn't have the experience, right? So I go through this whole thing, and it's freaking hilarious. The book is hilarious, right? The stuff, the stuff we get up to doing to each other, you know, uh, two powerful characters, two individuals. She's the the uh the heiress, her father's a billionaire, right? And uh she's a brat, right? She's been used to getting whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. And so she just walks in a room, she's 5'11, right? I mean, she's drop dead gorgeous. So all those things combined, she could walk in any room and do anything she wanted, and she knew it. On the other hand, there's me who wasn't born into that, but has worked my ass off to be successful. So I become a bit of a brat as well, right? I expect to get my own way, right? So you can imagine these powerhouses coming together. I say it's either a recipe for a great marriage or nuclear disaster, you decide, right? So we came powerfully together. Um, and then it's hilarious because you know we were both suffering from the trauma from our childhood, and part of trauma means usually very often you've been in a very controlling environment, and so you're afraid to be controlled by anybody. But what you don't realize is the only way you can not be controlled is be controlling, right? So you say to people, you're very controlling. I'm not controlling, I hate controlling people, right? But they don't realize they are being controlling to not be controlled. So we were both in that situation, so that and that's part of the hilarity, right? And the uh the conflict and drama between the two of us, plus the making up was pretty good too.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Well, obviously, the making up has to be the best part, right? I mean, we listen, you must put as I told um some people this week, you must have some ice in front of the cake sometimes, or it's in the middle of the cake. So, with this, you you said so many things, and especially um you know what? I want to tell you, congratulations on your book. I know you said you have more. How much tortured books do you have out there?

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Oh, okay. Well, I I have I've written four books earlier, right? That's been a while ago, and for different reasons. Um, this is the first of a trilogy, right? So when I first started writing around, well, I thought, you know, I get all this in one book, right? I didn't realize how much story there was, right? So it's actually three books. The second one has just come out, and the third one is three-quarters done.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

So, yeah, it's truly and congratulations, and like we want everyone to know about the Venus fly trap, you know, and it's so catchy. I don't know who did your logos and everything, but when I opened the email the first time these girls introduced me to you, I was like, Oh my god, this did we gotta have this person on here. We have to know more about Dr. Stephen. We want Dr. Steven to come out here and share all this wisdom with everyone on your trauma talks and trauma thought Thursdays. And Dr. Steven, you know, you spoke about something that only this morning I opened Instagram, and I'm being honest, social media can be as bad as some people say, but as good as it is as well, because it can motivate you in many different ways. And I open because for the past few, I would say months leading up to about two weeks ago, two weekends ago, I really was burnt out. And it's saying, and I read this saying that it, you know, in today's society, people who are very strong seem to be getting burnt out and they are not understanding why. And you just explained it so beautifully. When you say you were like living in a prison, some people keep going on and on, and they are following all the steps yoga, meditation, they do their prayers, they they go to the gym, they're eating healthy, but yet I'm stressed, yet I'm burnt out because guess what? It's more it's more than how it used to be, and this is how I see it. And most of the times a lot of people are stressed because it's not happening, and when it's not happening for you, what do Mr. Traumatops tell you? Week after week, what is meant for you shall never pass you by, and what passes you by was never meant for you. Remember that you have to think about it, step into it, understand it because you would say it, but if you do not understand it, it will still bother you. And when you think you're down and out and you cannot make it, I'm telling you, remember, I'm not just telling you that the person next to you has a problem worse to worse than you, but I'm telling you that there once was a man who had the blues because he had no shoes down the street. He met a man who had no feet. So listen, your problem is all temporary. Remember that and remember who you are. Believe in yourself and don't believe in yourself today and forget who you are tomorrow. Because today's problems will be carried over to tomorrow. But how you handle it while tomorrow brings you something extra. Dr. Steven, I love this. I love, love, love this. And I want to say before anything happens, I just want to say thank you so much for doing this again. So I have so many questions for you. And another one was uh, you know, you talk about Tony Robbins and we talk about Deepak Chopra. And if we go back further, Les Brum, we talk about um even Forbes Riley. I was on a um platform with her once, and I'm just blown away. I love this lady, even back from her times with her ads, you know, she is called the pitching queen. And a lot of us, I would say, always have this magnetic pull towards someone in today's society. I think a lot of the younger generation has a pull to, like, let's say Jay Shetty. Why, let's just say, for your instance, what would be something that magnet like would pull you towards someone in society that could you could continuously speak about court and you will always show that how this person has helped you?

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Yeah. Uh just want to go back to one thing real quick. Uh the point you brought up, which is so powerful. Uh, that people they do all the things they've been told to do, they meditate, they journal, uh, they eat all the right foods, they do all the right things, but it's still not happening for them. Um and and let me give you and again give you an example, and and and it actually helps explain the reason. So obviously, being in the world of personal development and spiritual development, you know, we tell people, I'm sure you do, to journal, right? It's very powerful to journal. And I did. And I had hundreds of journals, right? But you know what I never did, Raul? I never read any of them. I was just doing something because it was supposed to be the right thing to do. And so people do a lot of things that they've been taught and told that that's what you're supposed to do, how you're supposed to live, and they do it, but they're not doing it, and you said it right at the beginning, because they're not doing it because they're passionate about it, they're not doing it because they want to do it, they're doing it because they've been told they should. And so you really want to be careful. You can't do everything, right? So you've got to pick and choose, you know, maybe uh, you know, one day you meditate, one day you journal, or maybe every other day you meditate and once a week you journal, whatever it is. Uh, but it has to be something you look forward to doing, and it has to be something you really want to do. I think that's one of the biggest pieces that are missing for some people. So, in terms of people I follow that I I talk about all the time, there's so many. Some of them I haven't necessarily, you know, they haven't been their personal mentors, haven't been my personal mentor, but I've really studied their work. Uh, and I, you know, I I know if someone says something about them or gives a call, I usually know who it is. But I have to say, obviously, working with Tony Robbins was was life-changing. I also worked with Robert Kiyosaki, and that was life-changing. Got me into the world of accepting the relationship with money and understanding how money works. Um the other thing I'm gonna say, which is gonna sound strange, the the greatest teacher of my whole life was this relationship in the book to Venus Lightroom. So uh Tamars came into my life, and I and I believe this. She came into my life as a master teacher for me. And before we even came down here, she'd already decided that she was gonna do that. And so we're probably at the very least, we're kind of soulmates or part of a soul group. Um so I'm very grateful to her for that. And I fell in love with her very deeply, very strongly, and I still love her. I just don't want to go through that again. Does that make sense? I'm not that same person anymore, right? I'm not attracted to those things anymore. And how do I know that? Because you know, people would ask me, Stephen, are you healed? Right? And I would go, I have no idea. You go, what do you mean you know idea? You haven't dated anybody for three years, you've been working on yourself. What do you mean you don't know? And I said, Well, I will only ever know if I am put in the same circumstances as you see how I react, right? So, as it would happen, right? I was presented with the exact same circumstances, and I wasn't even it wasn't even a temptation, it's just like no.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

It is true though, you can every single person I think I have um interacted with in a relationship, in a intimacy kind of thing. It's like a difference and a reborn and a certain places, but then there are certain things you don't go back to. Yeah, and that's something I say when I look and I think about certain relationships I was in, I like I could still talk to that person, I could still be there for that person, uh you know, support that person if they need, but there's certain boundaries that you do not cross when it comes to certain relationships in your life.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Um, I just wanted to say what I wanted to say one thing before we forget. That's a very romanticized depiction of the story, and there were times like that, obviously, right? But for the most time, it was completely different, right? It was insane. And and I wanted to share, if there is time, and Raoul, you have to guide me here, I wanted to share a couple of very short, quick stories that would give you a better sense of what was going on. Okay, so first of all, people say, Where'd you come up with the name, the Venus Fly Trap? So, what happened when we first met? We met online, we met on an uh international dating site, and um as soon as I saw her photographs, I mean, I was hooked, right? I was done. I was toast. Some of the pictures that are in that video were in there, like her riding equestrian horses. She lived in Miami, she lived in Los Angeles, she lived in Paris, she lived in Brazil, she lived all over the world, and all this you could see on this website. So I didn't know yet that she was a former international supermodel, but it didn't surprise me, right? Because she's looking at it, and so I set about trying to get a date with her, which was a hill, which was a freaking comedy in itself, right? Uh, because I felt like a schoolboy looking across the the uh the the uh the dining room looking at his first love, right? So anyway, but I managed to get a date with her, funnily enough, or coincidentally, whatever you want to call it. She only lived down the road from me, right? Now, this is an international website. Usually people live in Paris or Monaco or London or you know, New York or whatever, and and then it's a long-distance relationship, but she was just down the road. So, anyway, I managed to persuade her to go. The best I could do initially, Raul, which is pretty weak, is I got her to agree to go for a coffee with me. I mean, are you kidding me, right? That was the best I could do. And she made she agreed to go for a coffee with me on one day, the next day she canceled. Well, oh no, right. So then I and then I set about getting a date with her again, and I finally get her on a date, right? And that was a funny experience too. But anyway, she agrees to go on a date. So I'm thinking, well, I can't let her cancel again. I gotta tie this down, right? So we're texting backwards and forwards, and I asked her, I said, What's your favorite flower? And she texted back, Bird of Paradise. And I'm you know, I joke, right? So I joke in with her. I said, nah, mine too. I said, but it's a bit expensive though. So what's your second favorite? I mean, who says that to somebody, right? But she came back right away, Raul, Venus flytrap. She named herself, she named the book, right? So on the one hand, she was this beautiful bird of paradise on the X on the external and on the internal, she was the Venus flytrap, and I was the fly. And so that's the perfect background for the story. And anyway, so to give you one example of how there were so many powerful experiences that were in the book, we were broken up again. We broke up a lot, and then we got back together again, and we enjoyed getting back together, the makeups, the whole thing, right? We're probably addicted to that as much as anything else. So she was addicted to drugs, to alcohol, to sex. And all these things together create a volatile, very volatile relationship. I didn't drink before we started dating, and the next thing I'm drinking. So I I entered her world a lot a lot more than she entered mine. But anyway, we're broken up at this point. So I had to go away at a speaking event, and she knew I was going to be away for four days. She'd abscond, she'd gone on a binge somewhere in one of my cars, and I didn't know where she was, but I had to leave. So, but she knew what time I would leave. So she came back to the house that night, or she came to my house that night, and she broke into the house, right? So now there'd been a really uh there'd been some kind of uh criminal activity in the neighborhood in the recent past, and the director of the community had called the police of chief and said, you know, you just took too long to get out of here. We you know, we pay all these taxes, blah, blah, blah. So, of course, he's not happy about that. So the alarm goes off, and so he goes, Okay, let me show you how hot we can come out, right? So they send six squad cars, two SUVs, four police dogs who are running through everybody's gardens. The police lights are flashing, it's like one o'clock in the morning. Woke up the entire neighborhood and basically saying, Here we are, right? We got out. So I'm like, oh my God. I'm four, I'm I'm like 3,000 miles away. So then that then they call me, the police call me. And as you read the book, you'll see that this was by far not the first time they'd been out there, right? We're almost all on first-term basis for various reasons that you get into in the book. Telling, oh, you know, she's here. I go, oh no. Well, whatever you do, do not let her in that house. Do not let her in there because I'm going, oh my God, she will tear it to pieces. So anyway, he says, Well, let me call you back. So uh he calls me back, he says, Listen, I talk to the chief of police and he says we've got to let her in. I'm like, no, right. So anyway, finally when I get home, obviously she's not there, right? I go in the house and I look around and everything's fine. Nothing, no damage, nothing, right? I go, wow, that's amazing. So then I go in the kitchen and I put the kettle on and I leave the kitchen, and then I come back to the kitchen and the kettle isn't boiling. Well, it should be at least boiling by now. So I go look at the kettle, I click the switch on and off, nothing's happening. I look behind the kettle and she's cut the wire to the kettle. Now, it takes you a second to realize that's not the only wire she's gonna have a cut, right? She had cut the wire to every electrical product and appliance in the house lamps, uh, TVs, everything, right? So then I sit down and I go, Yeah, that's not gonna be it either, is it? That's not, she's not finished. So then, and I mentioned this earlier in the story that I had when I went to school, I used to have to go to school. My mom sent me to school in school clothes that were like, you know, eight size, I don't know how many sizes too big, but they drowned me, right? And of course, kids are merciless, right? So they they tease me and laughed at me about these clothes every day. The teachers weren't any better. So I had to find a way out of that pain. So by the time I was nine, I was buying my own clothes, and then clothes became very important to me. I always wanted to dress immaculately and look good because I didn't want to be laughed at. So now, coming back to the present day in the story, I'm sitting there, and of course, at that time I was making it, I was making a lot of money, right? So my wardrobe was to die for. And I went, oh my god, no, please. No, don't tell me, right? So I go to the closet, I look in the closet, everything's fine. Wow. So then I go in the closet and I open the clothes up, and of course, she's cut them to shreds, right? So this isn't, I mean, I don't even want to tell you how much that the value of those clothes were. And the women are gonna really empathize with me now because I'm gonna tell you she did the same thing to all my shoes, and I had I don't know how many pairs of shoes. Now, you know, I told you earlier that I'd adopted that belief in my life that nothing happens to you, everything happens for you. Now, I also said, you don't get that right away, right? You're a human being. I was so angry when it happened. I say, listen, I didn't want to hurt her, but I did want to kill her. So I went through all the emotions, anger, frustration, resentment, the victimness, how she could do that to me, right? All that stuff. That's that's not gonna go away. What we don't want to do is stay there, right? So I don't know how long it took me to calm down. It wasn't that day, and it's probably late into the next day or whenever it was. And finally, I sort of crashed into the armchair, looking out over the lake, and I'm going okay. So this happened for me. I want to hear this one. This is gonna be good, right? Because you know, I talk to myself like you do. Anyway, it doesn't happen immediately. It doesn't, you don't get it and go, Oh, yeah, this is why it happened for me. You go through a process. The first thing that'll happen is you'll come up with something that's pretty pathetic, right? That's not gonna make you feel really any better, and it's not gonna give you the message, the mirror that that is there that you're trying to see, but it's distorted. So first thing that came to my mind was that was any kind of semblance of reason was, well, you know, it's just clothes. I can replace clothes, and then your brain's going, Yeah, that's bullshit, man. Those were really nice clothes, right? So then I go, so then I just keep going. I don't know if it was the next day, that day, or three days later, but eventually the light bulb went on and I went attachment. I was attached to those clothes to the point where I thought it was a part of my identity, which means it's a part of me, and I'm not those clothes. Now, once you make one realization, it doesn't end there. It's now it mirrors, it snowballs through your entire life, it mirrors through your life, and you can see where it came from. So, and that was the beginning of me letting it all go. But my point is, or the other point that I wanted to make is this if I had not worked on, been committed to that belief, had found the mirror, the gift in all of that, I would still be angry at her to this day, and it would still be causing me dis ease, and she wouldn't even know.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

You know, sometimes you glance through something, and you know what I'm talking about, right? So, like I had to, I really didn't have time this week, and I had some a lot going on. So, like this morning, I was like, Oh, rah, come on, you're a fan of Dr. Steven. He takes like you all these different things. You you you love him, and you didn't read his book, or go through Sastan, going through some other parts of it. I'm like, rah, you gotta read the entire thing. I gotta catch up on what's going on from here to there. You can't do this. So I now I'm even more excited. Like, I have this book from someone, they just gave it to me, and I was like, I put it right here. I have to read it, I have to read it. So, guess what? That's gonna get pushed back again because the chapters I have of your book, I gotta get it, or I gotta get it online and finish it. Like, and I'm one of those that if I pick up a book, it's done. You I gotta keep going till it's over. Many people tell me my book, Untold Stories, Hidden Truths. I have a good friend, she's a psychologist in Trinidad and Tobago. Her name is Dea, and she we call each other twins, and she is so full of love. And one day she says, Ra, I just took it, I made myself a cup of uh tea, I think it was, she said, and she sat there for two hours and just finished it, like continuously, she didn't put it down, and it's a great child talk to her. So I I'm very excited to pick up that book and just keep going with it, and we give you a feedback on it. But Dr. Stephen, I you know, I I want to say, you know, hats off to you. Give yourself a pattern the back because I always tell people, like some of my friends, most of my friends that I hang out with and I I have conversations with, because these days I have not much really close friends, and and you should I think you would connect when I say this, and um you you do it no matter what, you do it every single day for yourself. Things I'm a I have fear of inside, which you teach yourself every day, you don't look forward, don't look to think about what's gonna happen next, but make sure and and figure out what's happening right now, right? But you always have to be excited about something new, it's gonna slap you in the face as much as it's stressful on here.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Raul, Raul, can I ask for one moment? I just need one moment real quick to do something really important. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

Uh, just a quick shout out to everyone on Spotify on iHat Radio, uh, wherever you're listening to the podcast from. I just want to say thank you so much for the love that you all show us week after week on your trauma talks, on trauma behind the glamour. You know, within 12 hours, we just dropped one podcast, and within the last 12 hours, I am mind-blown by how many downloads and how many listens. And it's, you know, I just want to shout out to Chris Leon Johnson for coming out as a New York and sharing his story. And just quickly here, let's shout out to anyone who is always listening with us live on the live stream. That's why we tell you all, come out, you can comment, ask a question. We have Isha Vinu Chopra, the daughter of the amazing director, award winner of Bollywood movies in India, and she by herself has an amazing book. She was on your trauma talks. She's saying, Hi Rahul, it's good to see you. Your perseverance and commitment to the cause of mental health and well-being is incredible. Isha, we love you, and thank you for joining us today. Yes, Dr. Stephen again.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

I apologize about that. Listen, I love that you're talking about Bollywood. Yes, you know, Bollywood is taking over America, it's taking over Hollywood. Did you see uh at the I think it was the Lincoln Center, um, when they just had the um right? The gala, yeah. And there were so many directors and people from Bollywood movies, and of course, it's booming, right? Absolutely booming over there. So I think that's a that's gonna be very exciting, man, for the movie industry, for the entertainment industry. Uh that's awesome. So good.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

But Steven, just before I would like for you to tell everyone where they can find you, all your social media handles, your website, your um your email address, wherever you want them to contact you, because this is where you got to speak it out, and don't forget to spell it out because this is where they're gonna hear you on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 52:33

Great. Okay, so the first thing is, and uh, you know this, Raul, I sent you a link that people can get the first three chapters of the book free. Uh so you can read the first three chapters, and by the end of three chapters, you're gonna be hooked and want to get the book. Um, I also do my counseling now, and not just on relationships, but a lot of it is on relationships, and but also, you know, I have a background in finance, I have a background in personal development and spiritual development. So if you would like to go deeper into any of those areas, you can you can click the link that I sent to Raul that will give you a complimentary 30-minute session with me so we can see if there's a connection, we've got a vibe, and you if you want to continue from there, we can. Uh, my the website for the Venus Fly Trap is VFT, V for Victor, or V for Venus, F for Fly and T for Trap. Venusfly Chap23.com. Um, and you can find everything on there. All our social media is on there, so I'm not gonna read off a bunch of social media sites that you're only gonna forget. Go to the VFT23, all the social media is there. There's tons of blogs on there. That song that you hopefully you heard is also on there, so you can listen to that. And then there's much more about the book, about me, more in-depth, about Tomas in depth, uh, our background, our history, and also uh some uh more information about the book. And that I think is about it, Raul.

SPEAKER_01 53:57

Dr. Stephen, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. This was so amazing. And you know, there's always a last question, right? Um, so with that being said, is uh, you know, this is mental health, and we don't meant mean to trigger anyone by anyone's stories or anything like that out there, anyone that's listening, and you may feel down and out. Many people are going through it, and it's not me telling you that for you to feel better, but I do want you to feel better to understand you are not alone. So we have the amazing Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards on here today. He has helped so many. I'm talking probably, and let me tell you, he has a podcast as well, his books is all there, and he's no stranger to when it comes to mental health. And I'm sure by him helping, let's just say a thousand people, that thousand people probably has gone out there and tried to help someone within their life. So you see how he keeps connecting and touching. So, Dr. Stephen, before you leave here today, I would love for you to share some insights as to how chaotic things are in today's society and how people are handling stress in a different way, in a different manner, and it's actually harming 1.3 billion people on this planet and more that we have we don't know of. I want you to let them understand why and how it is you can connect with them to allow them to know you are not alone.

SPEAKER_00 55:32

Man, it's a great question. That's deep, man. That's great. Well, um, I I think because I've been through it and lived it, number one, you know, I've had a lot of trauma in my life, which gives me a deep empathy and also a deep sense of compassion, you know. And also because of those experiences, it's like I'm not gonna sit in judgment of anybody, right? I have been through it because I've done it, I've done all the things the wrong way and got through it. And that's why, you know, what Raul said there is so important that you realize you're not alone. You know, there's so many people. Unfortunately, people rarely talk about it, which is why, you know, what Raul is doing and what I'm trying to do, what I am doing with VFT business and what Raul is doing with the uh trauma Thursdays, is create community where you can calm and you know, hear other people's experiences, feel better about yours, you know. You made the story, you know, about uh Blue because no shoes and went down the street and went a guy with no feet. There's always someone worse off. And you don't have to, as with this podcast, you don't have to share yourself just by listening to what's gone on for other people can be very healing. But most of all, keep in mind that nothing happens to you, everything happens for you. I'm not saying that's easy, it's not an easy belief to really live, but I will tell you that it's worth it. And when you're prepared to look at yourself and see that everything that you're looking at outside of yourself is simply a mirror, that there's no point blaming, there's no point judging, there's no point being a victim. You don't want to stay there. It's time, if you haven't already, to come out of that mode and start living the life you were born to live, the life you deserve. Be who you really are.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

Wow, beautiful. It's like you were talking directly to me as well. Listen, to all those of you listening on the podcast, even looking back at the live streams, we want to tell you that you have to believe in yourself, you have to get out of your comfort zone because no matter what you do, as Ra tells you all the time, things that happen in your life that you cannot control, you are born and you will have to die. The same with that being said, from a baby, an infant to wherever you are, whatever age you are right now, you have to know that change is inevitable and you have to accept it. And to accept it, you have to understand it. This is Ra and the amazing Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards. We want to tell you thank you, and Dr. Stephen, I would love to say thank you once again for being here and doing this for us. This is Ra, Mr. Traumatox, again, and Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards. Thank you.

unknown 58:22

Thank you.