You’re Not Lazy You’re Just Trained to Feel Guilty for Wanting Freedom

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You’re Not Lazy You’re Just Trained to Feel Guilty for Wanting Freedom

High producers often look successful from the outside, but behind the scenes, many feel trapped by the business they built.

In this episode, we talk about why successful agents and team leaders feel guilty wanting more freedom, why being the solution to every problem becomes a trap, and how to start shifting from “hardest worker in the room” to true business owner.

If your team depends on you for every answer, every approval, and every decision, the problem is not success. The problem is that you have become the default fixer.

You’ll learn how to audit your time, identify what actually creates revenue, stop doing work that only reassures you, and build a business that can run without you being tied to every detail.

You’ll learn:

- Why high producers feel guilty wanting freedom
- How success can turn into a trap
- Why being the default fixer keeps you stuck
- The difference between revenue work and reassurance work
- How a time audit can reveal what needs to change
- Why your identity as “hardest worker” may be holding you back
- How to start building a business that runs without you

Chapters:
 0:00 Why success can create guilt
 0:12 The trap of being the solution to everything
 1:33 Why successful people feel stuck
 2:42 Running a bigger business with a small-business mindset
 3:53 Why a time audit matters
 5:14 Revenue work vs reassurance work
 6:31 Choosing a new leadership identity
 7:39 Stop making yourself the answer key
 8:46 Are you really the best leader for your organization?
 9:52 Build around your strengths
 11:37 The real trap of success

If success has started to feel heavier than it should, this episode will help you rethink what freedom can look like in your business.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It was funny because I think what gets in people's minds is they feel guilty for being successful.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

The trap isn't success. The trap is being the solution to everything.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Today we're going to talk about why high producers feel guilty about actually wanting freedom now. And it's a thing that comes up, I'm sure, all the time with your coaching clients. It comes up with my agents all the time. And I think it's really interesting we talk about it because I think it's a big, you know, it's a big brain mess up.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Yeah, the first realization that I have when we were talking about this is it people feel conflicted. They don't realize they're an attractor pole. And it's like it's like I want freedom and I feel bad for having freedom. It's it's kind of like I want to be rich, but I also feel like money's bad. There's this like constraint going on unconsciously that that holds a lot of the backs. I'm I'm excited for us to kind of kind of work through it. I'm you've worked with tons of people on this, um, you know, doing doing lots, and I've I've coached, you know, thousands of people around this, and and I think we both struggle with it. So let's uh yeah, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Yeah. So before we get started, guys, real quick, go ahead and hit that like and share button with us, or actually like and subscribe. And then honestly, if if you got somebody in your company, or maybe it's you, or maybe it's your spouse, like share this with them because it's just gonna be a real honest conversation about going about it. Like we're not preaching, but hit that like and subscribe so we can keep these coming to you. And for those of y'all that don't know, this is Wayne Salmons. I know you should know this now because we've done a couple hundred episodes. Um, badass coach at Hero Nation, owner of it. And I'm Brad, right? Brad Allen, I'm uh one of the owners of a uh you know independent uh company. Um so let's just get back to it. Um, real quick. So here's what I when I was thinking about this, when we had this conversation the other day and we're we're kind of mind mapping, it was funny because I think what gets in people's minds is they feel guilty for being successful. And I think when people want to be successful, I was literally having this conversation yesterday, and I think it was even with my kid. I was like, you have to shed some things. But they're like, Well, I'm successful because I haven't shed them. And so they feel guilty because, like, well, this is what I wanted, and now it's got me locked in. I have to keep doing it, or I'm not gonna be successful.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Yeah. Well, and then they I think they feel guilty. If they are successful, then they want time away. They want downtime, they want freedom, they want time to go work in other things or whatever it is. So I I think that that it's sometimes a signal that you are a great, great person and high achiever, but like staying there is not gonna work. I don't I don't think. I think we gotta we gotta have some shifts around this.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Well, I also it's not uncommon to feel this way. I mean, like it's very common. I mean, I've felt like this way for for years, to be honest with you. Like we've built an awesome product, we built an awesome company with awesome people, and then just feels kind of stagnant. Now, still being fine, like still making money, still doing all that. But like, I'm like, what's next? And I feel like if I don't come in here every day and do my one-on-ones with my agents and do the trainings and do this, which really is not feeding my soul, then the whole house of cards is going to come down. And I bet most people listen to this probably feel the same way.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think it's it's like you get trapped because you're running a bigger business with the mindset of a small business. Yeah. Right. So, like in the beginning, you know, your its success was kind of dependent on how long you worked and how much you did and everything else. But then as it grows and you're succeeding through others, you you sell this mindset that like if I pull back too much breaks. Or like, I haven't, you know, I don't deserve if if other people are working, this is an interesting one. Like, if other people are working, I should be working. And I see that so often. Like, if they're working nine to five, I should be working nine to five. And that's not necessarily true.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yeah, it's that whole like first one in, last one out. And I I've fallen for that. I had a um a coordinator years ago, and he was like, dude, you and he wasn't kissing up to me because he never did that, but he's like, You're the hardest working dude I've ever worked with. And I took as a badge of honor, and then I didn't want to stop because I was like, that felt good. I was acknowledged for working hard. I'm acknowledged for building this, and I don't I gotta keep going because I know if I'm here, but now I've realized how many hours I'm wasting by just sitting in the seat because I think I need to sit in the seat, you know.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

So so here's the thing, we talked about this at E5 the other day. Like, if you're not doing these things, what should you be doing?

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

And I think most people haven't figured that part out.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yeah. And so I mean, I think that goes back to the time audit we always talk about. I think if you're having this issue or if you want to talk to somebody's having this issue, get them to do a two-week time audit. And yes, that sucks. It's two weeks, it's every 15 minutes. It sounds like a lot, and it can be a little daunting, but it's not that bad. And if you do this, this is the price to pay to get some freedom. But it's going to show you in real time, real paper, real math about what you're doing that you probably shouldn't be doing. And then you layer it on with, what do I actually like doing in this stuff? And I bet you're doing a lot of stuff you don't like that doesn't serve your soul, that doesn't give you ROI, and you feel stuck because you're doing the wrong jobs.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Yeah, but but I think that's it starts with like you gotta have a vision of like, I want to be able to go out on a two-week vacation and not have to work. Like you gotta start with the vision of like, I want to be a business owner, not just a business worker. So you gotta figure that out and then go like, okay, what are the things I should be doing? Then how do we build a bridge to how do we build a bridge to get there? Like figure out the small things we get rid of.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

And I think what that comes with, either this time audit or not, go back and look at your text messages or your Slack messages with your team or your company for last week and just compile them and then try put them in AI and say, what are the themes here? And I think what you're gonna find out is you become the default fixer, the approver, and the answer key to everything. And I bet your people are smart enough to figure out most of the stuff if you let them and get out of your own way.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

So, what did you mean about the difference between revenue versus reassurance, revenue work versus reassurance work? What I mean by it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Well, so I I I found it very helpful in the buy back your time book. The and we've all seen it, we've all talked about it, 10 different self-help books, right, or business help books. But it lets you put into quadrants like what feeds your soul and makes you money, what feeds your soul and doesn't make you money. What doesn't make you money, but feeds your soul, you know, so it goes or what you hate and what so what it does is allows you to go. I know like podcasts, like what we're doing here, it feeds my soul because I feel like I get to share and tell people about some scars that we've gotten, but we ain't making a lot of money off this. I think I made 57 cents off my Facebook ads last week. Uh so there you go. That's a prime example of not a lot of ROI, but feeds my soul. And then I looked at, okay, what drains me energy wise, but brings the highest ROI. And by looking at it, it was recruiting. And so I had a decision to make. I offload the recruiting to somebody else, which we know doesn't really work, or I get serious with it and I jump in all in and I get good at it and I make it, I make myself like it. Or I look at it like eating my vegetables and I just gotta eat my vegetables every day. Just got to do it. No, it's it has to happen. That that's what I meant by. Is that that explain a little bit better?

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Yeah, no, it totally does. And I think that goes into this thing where most people are frustrated because they feel like they are leashed to their business, right? Like they're stuck to this thing. They can't get more than two feet away from it without getting pulled back in, right? You know, they can't get six hours away from it without getting pulled back in. And I think that if I was talking to somebody right now, I'd be like, okay, what identity do you want to have? Do you want to have the identity of I work the most hours, or look how well this runs without me? Which which identity do you want to have? Do you want to have the identity like you were saying, like, I'm the hardest worker around here? Or do I want to have the identity of like, look what I've built, look how good this runs without me? And I think that that's what most people often, but you gotta switch that identity and and start building towards that.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Well, I mean, I think it's a fair feeling to feel like if I'm not there, everybody's gonna leave and it's gonna fall apart, right? Like, yeah, I have looked at that for years where I see people like they have real estate companies or any kind of company and they are checked out and everybody's still running smoothly. And I'm like, dude, if I did that, all hell would break loose. But I think that's more of a therapy problem for me than an actual reality, right? So I don't think that actually happens to people. I think and also don't think that's everybody's goal either. So I mean, again, if if people are listening, like that's not me, that's fine. Be a grinder. But I would say be a grinder on stuff you like and not on the other stuff you like, you know?

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah, well, and I would just say, like, stop being stupid. And stupid is I wrote the same email for the first time 40 times, right? Like, like instead of making it template, right? Like, like the right, like it's it's stupid to not just write down the password and have everybody have to come to you every five minutes asking you what the password is. Like, like that's the simplest version of this. So if you want to build something that you get freedom and fulfillment, this is what you actually actually begin to do. And I I mean, hell, I think at like E45, we start giving belts away to people that went on a two-week vacation and didn't touch their phone. Like, I think that needs to be part of the price. Like, what do we have two weeks? Didn't touch my phone and my business didn't fall apart. And it's like, cool, like, what am I gonna do to make that happen? It's start writing down the things, like, oh, this cable across the plate. Why did this question my plate? Right? Because I don't have the answer written down somewhere. Yeah, I can't write down the answer, right? Why is everybody asking me where we order paper from? Because I didn't write it down somewhere on here's where we get shit from, right? So, like, like stop making it complicated and and and and but like you said, it's all about identity. I want to be proud of what you built that can run without you. I want you to know everything and and only do the most important things that only you can do.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

And I think that leads back to the question everybody needs to ask themselves are you really the best leader for your organization? Right. Because I think some people have been voluntold they're a leader or have volunteered to be the leader, but really deep down, they're like, I'm a badass listing agent and I just want to be in peep in front of people's dining room tables all the time. And I don't want to deal with the aid or the training, which I think is also fair. And that might be why you're stuck because you're doing a bunch of stuff you don't want to do.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

And dude, I think that's so I'm so glad you brought that up because one of the interesting things that that you and I believe in that most people disagree with is there are so many different ways to build a business. And I think that that in order to make it commercially markable, uh, companies like Keller Williams, all these other ones said, like, here is the golden path, right? You follow these exact seven steps. And there's some truth in there, but guess what? There's so many different ways to do this. And to your point, we've had people like, hey, I don't mind going to listing presentations. I love going, I'm bad as listing presentations, I love going to list presentations, cool. And they hire someone to run the operation side. Like, I want nothing to do with that, just tell me where to sign checks, and I want to go on listing appointments. You can build it so many different ways, and I think that there, especially in America, there's this whole stint towards be good at everything you're bad at. And I don't think that's always 100% the case. I think somebody's like, go be best in the world at what you're good at and get people around you to help with what you're bad at. Now it's not an excuse to not know your numbers, it's not an excuse to not like have your pulse on the business, it's not an excuse to not do your check-ins like that. But man, there's so much to it. So, like, if you feel like maybe you're not in your strength zone, hey, maybe have a conversation with us or maybe come to E4E5. Because I tell you what, it is one of the hardest things to figure out on your own. You you need an outside perspective to help you really get that down that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

And when you're just talking about that whole like listing of presentation stuff, I'm just thinking my mind, some of the people that we help that, yeah, they get the listing and they go back, they drop it. We've helped them train their people that that's all they're doing. Rinse and repeat. They're not doing, you know, they're not compiling the PLs, but they definitely have to have the CEO hours. That's part of it too. Like, let's define our CEO hours. Yes. We have to sit down. Dude, I look at 17 different PLs a month. I hate it. But you know what I also do? I have two people look at it before I do, so I can kind of see their notes and I know it's already been looked over. And I'm like, oh, that makes sense. Oh, okay, cool. And so a lot of so again, it's the leverage and structure that um a little brackdocious that we bring to people and companies and teams that allows them to leverage that and not fall in the real trap of success, right? And that that's the thing. You don't have to be stuck, you don't have to be where you are, but you do have to take the first step, and that's either identifying your own problems yourself by doing like buy back your time, or like reach out to us down the um the description, there's a link to a 45. Fill it out, see if you're a good fit where you can get real honest answers from other team leaders, not just us. And I think we can get you unstuck, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:32

So I think we hear those stories all day long. And I love, I love what you wrote down. The trap isn't success, the trap is being the solution to everything. That's so good. So yeah, if you're tired of being burned out, burning up, or missing out, it doesn't need to stay that way.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Yeah. So y'all watch the next episode. It's gonna be on burned out but afraid to slow down, right? So, same kind of concept, but a little bit different. And so we want to take that for you, the performers that kind of get into weird circles and cycles, and uh, we want to talk through that. So make sure you hit that button up top, watch the next episode so we can start working through that phase of your life. Absolutely. Hey, real quick, if you're liking this content, imagine having a full day immersed with people that are on this, like us, that are learning from each other.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Man, we do these kind of events, these intensive, a couple times a year. And if you know that you are the smartest person in the room and you need to get into the rooms, this is the place to be, right? So apply, send us a message right now. We'll send you the application link and see if you are the right fit to be in one of the rooms.