Leadership Gets Heavier After You Grow

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Leadership Gets Heavier After You Grow

Most team leaders think the goal is to “make it to the top.”

Nobody talks about what happens after you get there.

The pressure.
The isolation.

The feeling that everyone depends on you but nobody’s checking on you.

If you’ve ever felt burned out, disconnected, or like your business owns you instead of the other way around this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we break down:
-  Why leadership starts feeling lonely
-  Why your team shouldn’t revolve around you
-  The dangerous trap of trying to carry everything yourself
-  Why coaches, mentors, and community matter more as you grow
-  How to stop building a business that slowly burns you out

This isn’t just about scaling a team.
It’s about building a business and life that actually feels sustainable.

If this hit home, drop a comment with the part that resonated most.

And if you’re building a team, brokerage, or trying to grow without burning out, subscribe. 

We’re talking about the stuff nobody else is willing to say out loud.

Chapters:
00:00 – “Who’s Got Me?” The Hidden Weight of Leadership
01:48 – Why It Feels Lonely at the Top
03:17 – The Mistake Team Leaders Make With Their Team
05:48 – Why You Need People Pouring Into YOU
07:35 – If You Feel Alone… It’s Because You ARE
08:32 – Stop Expecting Your Spouse to Carry Everything
09:48 – Goals vs Problems: The Leadership Mindset Shift
11:40 – The Advice You’d Give Everyone Else

📌 Next Steps:
1. Apply 1 tip this week
2. Check out [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UytRQA-yFhM ]
3. Reflect on your #1 leadership blind spot
4. Join our Mastermind [ https://linktr.ee/realestateuntucked ] 

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Brad → @bradallensc
Wayne → @waynesalmans


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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You feel lonely at the top. It's not because you're all alone, but it's because you feel like you've got everybody else. I've got everybody, but who's got me?

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Guys, I've you've probably heard this statement before, and uh I live it sometimes. I'm sure Wayne does too. Like it's lonely at the top. And there's a reason for that, but there's also a reason it doesn't have to be. So I think a lot of us think that being lonely because we're the leaders is just a natural way of having leadership. But I don't think that's what it has to be. I think you can have your people that surround you, but also not be friends with them and then find your tribe of people that can be on your level. That's my two cents when it comes to that. And I think we're gonna dive into a couple of different topics in a couple of different ways. If you're feeling a little lonely in your own company or your own team, like how can we I don't know, feel a little more inclusive? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Uh let's get untucked. If you're feeling lonely, uh, this is for you.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

It's like a late night DJ voice right there.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

There, there you go. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, who was who was that DJ in Seattle? What I can't remember her name. Uh Delilah did you ever listen to Delilah the back of the day? Oh my gosh, the late night, late night love, love, uh, love queen. Uh, it it can feel lonely at the top, right? And and it's here here's what I think that is is one of the things. As you go further up the mountain, there are just fewer people that have gone through what you've gone through, dealt with what you've done. It's kind of like what like I would imagine if you've been in the military and you went through some crazy stuff, you come back, and you know, Joe that's never left their small town is like, Man, that I totally get it, brother. That must have been you're like, you don't know, you don't know what I've been through, you have no idea. So the more you do, the more battles you you go through, the more things you do. Like it can get lonely because there's simply fewer people to have those conversations with. There's fewer people that have been through what you've been through. And here's one of the main reasons I think it feels lonely, and this is such a great analogy. I think somebody at E4 and E5 shared this, which by the way, if you haven't applied to be at E4 and E5, you are missing out. It's the greatest day of the year. So uh drop in the links and apply for that. But here's what they said you feel lonely at the top. It's not because you're all alone, but it's because you feel like you got everybody else, right? Like you're responsible to make sure everybody else gets paid. You're gonna do whatever it takes to get everyone taken care of. Yet when you're by yourself, you go, Who's got me? Right. Like if we're having a hard month making payroll, guess what? Nobody's worried about me making payroll, nobody's worried about helping me make payroll in this in essence, right? But I'm worried about taking care of everybody else. Lonely at the top a lot of times, I've got everybody, but who's got me? And I think that's one of the reasons that it can really feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah. I mean, there when I think of this, like there's a reason that is sort of like a pyramid, right? There's only one leader at the top. And unfortunately, unfortunately, you asked for this. But I think the loneliness is a necessary evil. Well, let me phrase that. Uh feeling lonely inside your own company is a necessary evil. You need to have that separation. You need to have those boundaries, which we're gonna get into in a little bit. But I think sometimes this happens overnight and people don't realize it. I think there are the, like you were saying, like they're up late at night because not sure if these closings are gonna happen in time for me to do X. Maybe I have to take that out of savings. Or maybe you found out most of your company went and had a happy hour and you were invited, which happens. Nobody wants to hang out with their boss, right? And I think that's a good thing. I think when that happens, y'all, if that's ever happened to you, like that's a good thing because you've built a culture that is so strong they're willing to go hang out with each other, but also they need a little brazen room. They don't need to be around you all the time. Like, you don't need to, there's that's not the healthy kind of team when like there's just you're the center cog and everything revolves around you. And that's good. That's good because when you have that, that also means they can handle stuff when you're not there, which is a whole nother topic. But I mean, yeah, you're gonna wait.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Like your leadership role should change, your your relationship should change as as as things go in the being, right? When it's just you and two buddies, it's like we talk about everything, right? As as you grow and develop, what what we know and we've all been taught is the the the problems go up and the winds go down, right? So it's like like you got issues, you don't talk to that about about your, you know, for lack of a better word, subordinates, right? You talk to that about the people that are above you, right? If if you're having an issue or challenge, like those go up and the wins and the high fives and everything else go down. And um, so it it should change from like like you said, from peer to leader as we have boundaries. You know, there's and there are there's some great what we jokingly call 530 conversations. And 530 conversations, like, hey, you want you want to complain about something you you you want to have a moment of like venting? Cool, that's at 530 with maybe other people somewhere else, because I'm at home with my family at 530, right? But that's feel free to have the 530 conversation, just not here, not with me.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yep, yep. And again, I think this is healthy when you start feeling this boundary shift. I really do. And I think you need to own that and you need to lay into it. And let's be honest, the first people on your team, if you're just starting out with a team, they're they're gonna leave you, right? Or you're they're not gonna be friends of yours anymore at some point. Like that will happen. So are you gonna run a business? Are you running a group of friends? And so that's where you need to decide. You you can't run a group of friends and be successful, I don't feel like.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Well, and I think it it shifts over time. Like I was interesting yesterday, or I guess two days ago, I was able to have coffee with um one of the founders of ACN, which is a huge multi-level marketing company, right? They're in tons of countries, they're doing a million, you know, a billion a year, whatever it is, right? And it started with four buddies, and they're still they're still doing it. But what was interesting is they've they've grown, which is incredibly unique because most will never get there, but they're also very defined in who does what. Hey, you do this, I do this, you do this, and I'm sure they've had lots of struggles along the way. But but can you get through the white water to predictable success? And and it it it definitely is is a process to doing that. So one of the things I think is is it does feel lonely to the top, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do anything about it. And I we are big believers in if you want to be the best, you know, if you want to go the fastest, go by yourself. If you want to go the furthest, go with other people. So it's funny at E5, especially we have people write out their org charts a lot of times. And what's interesting is you see the org chart starts with them and then and then they start going down and branching out all this other stuff. What you and I have started to do is we have us, but then we have and everybody else, but then we have the people that are pouring into us. So above our org chart, right? It's like, hey, here's Brad, and it's it's therapist, it's it's it's it's it's your coaches, it's your mentors, it's things like that. So I think you need people above you that are pouring into you. Usually you're paying for those people, right? That are pouring into you. Then the second level is you have people that are on the journey with you. So those are people that are like in a similar space, they they're on a similar path with you. They're they're your friends and your buddies and your peers, but they're you're kind of commiserating and helping each other with others. Then you have the people you're pouring into. You need all three levels. Most people are insanely shy on anything above the people that are pouring into them.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah. Cause I think, well, one, a lot of people think they have to do it themselves. Like, I'm the one, I'm the reason I'm successful, I'm the reason I'm here. And I bet if they took a second and go, well, was there maybe a sports coach back in high school that poured into you? Or was there a college professor or uh a godfather? Or like there were people that did it. And the problem is we've gotten older and those have gone away. And so we still need it. And this is gonna be the my probably my biggest sale for E5. But like with E5, it is getting in a room with other company owners, team leaders, whatever it might be, and you can commiserate. That is your tribe, and that's what it's turned into. You bring your problem like, oh, dude, I had that two years ago. Here's what I did. Or you're not wrong for feeling that way. You're okay to be pissed off like that. That's okay. It's good. Or you should feel shit about that.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

We need to change it before you walk out of this room. Like, either way, you're gonna get the truth, right? So, like, but that's what you need.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Yeah, and you need to be around people that have been there and that can help you or that are on the journey with you and and can take a couple steps off. So, again, I I I I feel that you need to be in this room. So click that link and apply.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Yeah. It's funny. People are like, I feel lonely. And I'm like, you should, because you're alone. That's messed up. Like, like, let's not feel that way anymore. They're like, I I shouldn't feel lonely. Like, who's supporting you? They're like, nobody. I'm like, well, then alone is the feeling that comes along with that. It just doesn't have to be that way moving forward, you know, and not being not having people support you. It's like, ask any of these people that have have a a kid that is great at their sport and say, would you put them on a team without a coach? And they're like, no, that would be crazy. It's like, yeah, then why are you doing it?

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it's also funny we talk about loneliness as a leader, but sometimes you feel lonely at home because you're sacrificing at the office. And I I know people are like, I know I hear all the time, you're working too hard here, the spouse is mad, but like, it's legit. Like, legit, legit. Yeah. And you want to talk about being burnt out. Go watch our video on burned out. Like, that's an easy way of getting burned out when you're not wanted at the office and you're not wanted at home. And you're not making money at the office, you can't pay the bills at home. Dude, that's a life struggle right there. That is legitimacy.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Well, and also, and this this will piss people off, but I don't think your spouse is supposed to be everything, right? Like, there's a lot of people that go home and they want their spouse to be their emotional support animal. They want their spouse to be their business coach. They want their spouse to like, like, bro, love you. You you you need a freaking coach. You need a community to have some conversations with instead of every day you come home and you dump all your stress and anxiety and these decisions on somebody else. Like, I love the support and the encouragement of everything else. That's phenomenal. I hope you have that. That's great. But stop expecting your person to be every freaking thing because you're too cheap to go get some actual help.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Yeah. If you don't get help, it's gonna lead to burnout and burnout is gonna lead to resentment. And guess who people don't want to work with? People that are bitter and resentful, right? So that's why I think you specifically need to look at that and go back and look at why you really started your team. Look at the vision. Hopefully you wrote that down. Hopefully you did an actual business plan. Like, go back and reread that. I wonder if you're still working that way under those same you know pretenses. Or have you gotten off course? Can you get back on course? So I think you got to make sure you're still in alignment with what you started with and that made you excited to do this. And I think if you do that, you'll be able to put the right people in the place, you'll have the right mentors, the right coaches, and you will feel like a million dollars. I feel like I don't know. Wayne, do you see something different on that?

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Man, I I think that your life is about problems or goals. I think your business about is about problems or goals. I think your relationship is about problems or goals. You either you either get hyper focused on the problems and and everything goes to crap, or you're focused on the goal and the problems are just part of the part of the things you go through through to get there. So I think that one of the great things about a coach, one of the things, great things about E45, um, is that you it we work through the problems, but we're focused on the goal. And if you don't have a goal that you're working towards that excites you, uh go back and rework the goal. And we see that all the time. People are like, I'm like, if you hit these, this, this goal that you set for the years, that can be a hell yeah. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, we need to go back to the drawing board. We're gonna spend 12 months for up and that's hitting the goal. This is some bullshit. Like, we we better figure this out. You know what I mean? Like, what do you actually want? This could this gonna be great. And we go back and we tweak some things, we add stuff in, but like if you go like, yeah, my one year, my my one year goal is survive. Like, trust me, I've had some some times like that where that was where it needed to be. But if that's where it is perpetually, like, we got a problem.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Yeah, no, I get it. Well, y'all, I hope you uh got some value out of this video. I hope you if you're feeling lonely in the top, like you're not alone. Yeah, see how I did there. You're lonely on the top, you're not alone. But you're really not.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

So if you're feeling lonely in the top, you might be alone, but you don't need to stay alone. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

You don't have to be miserable in your own life. And you also don't have to be burnt out. You don't have to be resentful, you don't have to be broke, you don't have to do any of that shit. But we've told ourselves we have to. So if you're feeling that way, shoot us a DM. You know, tell us what's up. Let us let us talk to you. Get on a call with Wayne for a couple minutes and just test out the waters. See if there's some things that you can easily tweak and do that can help you get back on track. If you really want to make a commitment, put the grab the link below, apply for E485. We'll put you in the right room, come try it out. If you like it, come back. If you don't, cool. But I think the people that show up and do it, they don't feel alone at the top anymore and they feel supported and they feel like they're being successful, whether their money shows that or not.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Take the advice you would give your best friend. Take the advice you would give your child. If you're if your son called you in the exact same scenario, 20 years from now, whatever it is, and goes, Dad, I'm feeling burned out, I'm feeling alone, and blah, blah, blah. You'd be like, go get in in part of a community. Go get some support. Go get what you would tell them to do that. So I my challenge is for myself as well, right? Take the advice you would give somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Hey, real quick, if you're liking this content, imagine having a full day immersed with people that are on this, like us, that are learning from each other.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Man, we do these kind of events, these intensive a couple times a year. And if you know that you are the smartest person in the room and you need to get into bed in the rooms, this is the place to be, right? So apply, send us a message right now. We'll send you the application link and see if you are the right fit to be in one of the rooms.