Sparks of Clarity: When ADHD Meets Menopause with Gemma Bromfield

🎙️ In this episode of Find Your Spark: Real Life Menopause Moments, I’m joined by my friend and fellow HR professional, Gemma Bromfield, founder of Go Beyond HR Consultancy.

Gemma shares her powerful story of being recently diagnosed with ADHD, alongside traits of autism and OCD, and how that intersects with her perimenopause journey. We talk openly about what it’s really like living with a neurodivergent brain, the challenges of late diagnosis and the relief of finally having answers.

Gemma also reflects on the impact of perimenopause, from heightened ADHD symptoms and mood shifts to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and identity loss. We explore how hormonal changes exacerbate neurodivergent traits, the misconceptions around ADHD (especially in women), and the importance of self-education, validation and support.

This is a raw, honest and incredibly relatable conversation that shines a light on the often-overlooked connection between ADHD and menopause. Whether you’re navigating perimenopause, living with ADHD, or supporting someone who is, you’ll take away comfort, insights and practical advice.

✨ Topics we cover:

• Gemma’s journey to ADHD diagnosis as an adult woman
• How perimenopause amplifies neurodivergent symptoms
• Coping strategies, routines and medication
• The importance of self-compassion and asking for help
• Why awareness and education around this intersection matter so much

This episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about how menopause and ADHD collide and how understanding the overlap can be life-changing.

If you would like to connect with Gemma, please find her at; (2) Gemma Bromfield (ACIPD) | LinkedIn or Go Beyond HR — Studio Arlo

I'd love to connect with you on LinkedIn;

www.linkedin.com/in/⭐alison-allen-chartered-mcipd

Transcript

Episode 9 - Sparks of Clarity: When ADHA Meets Menopause with Gemma Bromfield.

[00:00:00] Are you or someone you know and love going through the menopause? If this is you low and welcome to Find your Spark, Real Life Menopause Moments. I'm Alison and I'm excited to guide you through all things menopause. In this empowering podcast, we'll dive into honest conversations, share real life stories, and bring in guest insight to help you feel supported through every stage of the menopause transition.

Hello and welcome today to Gemma Bromfield of Go Beyond HR Consultancy Limited. Thank you so much for agreeing to be a guest on Find Your Spark Real Life Menopause Moments. Just to explain to the listeners, we've known each other probably for about seven years now. We used to work together corporately, in our HR roles.

We were HR Business Partners on the same team. [00:01:00] And um, so we've known each other long while and you were amazing when I set up on my own, in my own consultancy, in my own HR consultancy business, um, you were so supportive and, and we've kept in touch, you know, and we catch up regularly and. I really wanted you to, to be a guest on the, um, on my podcast, and I'm so delighted that you said yes.

It's because you are neurodivergent. You recently diagnosed neurodivergent and you've also recently started your own perimenopause journey. And we know that by looking at research, 94% of women reported a worsening ADHD symptoms during the perimenopause years. And you, there's, there's a lot of connections to exacerbating symptoms of ADHD, exacerbating symptoms of menopause.

So, you know, it's a topic that. Really on its own needs, a lot of awareness raising. So I'm absolutely [00:02:00] delighted that you've agreed to, to join me today. So welcome Gemma, and please introduce yourself. But as you were only recently diagnosed with ADHD, you know, what, what started those thoughts in you and, and how did you move from having thoughts of that?

You, you could be neurodivergent to actually getting that diagnosis? Hi everyone. I'm thank you so much for having me on. I'm like, I'm buzzing to come on and speak with you. Well, I've always known that I'm different and I know I can see you smiling 'cause you've worked with me. You know what I'm like at work.

Um, crazy, crazy. Always known that I was different. I've always like thought to myself. I call them Gemma-isms. I thought, oh, well, you know, as I get older, I'll go out with these things and I'll get better and you know, I'll do some. And I think, why have I just done that? Why? Or I'll go out and spend like mad amounts of money on something [00:03:00] and then think, oh my God.

Or I'll meet someone for the first time and I'm like, woo. Like talking the red dot and sharing all of stuff like I've known him forever. Like people don't really do that. And there's a load of other stuff that goes with it as well. Um, and I just, I've always thought that I would grow out of these things anyway.

When I got made redundant three year ago, I noticed Theisms were getting really loud. And I think knowing what I know now, I put that down to the fact that I was no longer having to mask anymore because. I, I was setting up everything for myself. I set my consultancy up, go beyond, um, and all of a sudden that I didn't have to, you know, wear business, dress.

I didn't have to wear makeup, I didn't have to conform to anything I could have my music on. Um, I, I, I could just [00:04:00] be me and. These things started getting louder and louder and louder, and I thought, oh, there's some really, really not okay with me and I need to understand what it was. And I think it, I culminated in one day.

So I, when I'm particularly triggered, there's no filter. So, and things just come out and I'd said something and about the look that I got off my husband and he just went, you cannot say that. I'm like, mm. And I was really, really upset and like, and I thought, I'm after doctors. I'd convinced myself as well at this point that, well, maybe I've got like bipolar, or maybe I'm some form of personality disorder.

'cause the, the switch can be really quick. I can go from being my hypo crazy self to something will trigger me and I can be like absolutely fuming. Like. [00:05:00] In a rage and then that's it for the rest of the day. Like I can't, I'm in paralysis and I can't do anything. So I made a big list of all of the things, took it to the doctors, read it out to him.

'cause he's my gp, doing my GP for a long time. And he says, well, what do you think is going on? I says, I personally think I'm mad. I said, I think I'm absolutely crackers. And he said, he just laughed. He said, no, you're not crackers at all. He says, look, I can't diagnose you because I'm not a psychiatrist. But he said a hundred percent.

He said, that's ADHD. And he said, and I question autism as well in OTD. I went a DH, ADHD. I got that because. Well, I'm not a boy, an adult, you know, isn't that for naughty boys? Like type thing? Because that's all about that. I knew about it. I didn't really, you know, or, or you see stuff in the media that [00:06:00] just portrays ADHD as this hyperactive, crazy condition and, and it really isn't.

Um, yes, there is a bit of hyperactivity. Well, if that, what type of ADHD you've got, which, lucky for me, I've got combined. Woo-hoo. So. Yeah, I went, he, his next breath said to me, well, um, I can't refer you because the waiting list is five years for a diagnosis. I'm like, five years. I can't wait five years.

Much more of it. I said, I, I need to like get sorted and start getting cracked on with stuff. So I'm in private and in June last year. I was diagnosed combined ADHD, um, and traits of autism and OCD. So finally I had answers so I could then go away and start educating myself on how to support myself because what I didn't ever want [00:07:00] to, the words to come out of my mouth, it being, oh, yeah, but it's my head.

Oh, but it doesn't this, I needed to learn. How to live and work with my brain rather than against it. I think that's really, you know, really good advice for anybody to take away. If anybody's thinking this, you know, this could be me. You know, it's learn to live, educate yourself, and learn to live mechanisms in place that are going to support you moving forward.

So just like you said, a lot of people have a misconception about ADHD. That it is, that it was a not boys at school, you know? So from, for, for somebody who doesn't know really what it is, how does that manifest in a, I know there's different types, but you know, in a day-to-day basis, week to week, what does it look like for, for you?[00:08:00] 

So, for me personally, 'cause it is important to see that each person. Can present differently. For example, um, one of my very close friends, she is her happiest on a gray day. If it's raining and it's blowing a girl where that'll tip me off the edge. I watch about, I like sunshine, warmth, and, you know, but a typical day for me, as soon as I wake up, my mind is 5,000 miles an hour.

I have to go outta bed because I can't deal with it. It, it's, that's the overwhelming part that's there all of the time. Un unless you're medicated and it just sort down a little bit, but it just starts up right. Uh. Feed the dog, feed the cats doing this empty dishwasher. Get this, do that. Oh, I might this, oh look, there's a bird out the window.

Oh, I might go and send an email. No, I'm not doing that. Now I'm do it somewhere else. Oh, I might do [00:09:00] the hoovering. No, no, no. Oh, I must remember to text this person. Or I'm gonna check if I need this, uh, thing on the shopping. And that's literally how he brains going, oh, no, no, no, no. And it, as quick as the thought comes in, it goes off.

So if you were to look in my kitchen within the first half an hour of me being up, you'd be like. What on God's name is going on in here? 'cause I start things and the can't come, like finish them. So there would be covered doors, open the dishwashers off and did back doors. Open the dogs off in garden. Um, I'll have things out in the fridge.

Coffee machines switched on. But I haven't put the milk with it. It, it's just carnage. And then I take my medication. Things start to slow down a little bit and my head starts to slow down a little bit. The thoughts and everything isn't racing [00:10:00] and intrusive like it was, so that's better. But then all obviously with the OCDs always there, so I have to, my morning has to go in an order of how I want it or.

I can't go. So I once my husband, I do all of these things that make his bait and once he's gone out the door, that's it. Like, boom. In the garden, I have a cigarette, I do my gratitude, my affirmation, come back in, cleaning downstairs, hoovering upstairs, make it bed. So everything has to be like done. That's why normally I don't go into the office till about half nine, 10.

Because if I, if I don't do all of that before I get in my office, well that's it. I just can't, I can't do anything. So [00:11:00] I've got better now in terms of like, I use like a focus mode because otherwise I, I'm horrendous If I had apps or notifications interrupting me, that's it. I, I literally, everything else go out the window.

I forget to eat. I forget things. I've got a list thing now that's constantly on my second screen because if that's not there, well there's nothing getting done. And then by the afternoon it's always afternoon. About three o'clock. I hit this point of like. How about No, it seems like someone switches a foot, like flicking a switch and that's it.

Done. But I have been having, um, medication, like a little small dose in the afternoon, um, [00:12:00] which pre all of this perimenopausal hell was, um, fine. So I could kind of like get through, but. Afternoons have always, always been an absolute horror for me. And I have this thing about time as well. I total time blindness, but equally I'm focused on it.

It's all, it's like a bob of torture. Like it really is. So you look, I look at the co continue and if I think, oh, it's getting near three o'clock. Oh, well the day's nearly over and, and then the thoughts start up again and you know. Um, stemming as well. Like I have quite bad vocal stems, so that is where I will either repeat a word over and over again or I'll home or I can talk to somebody.

And my, it was my husband who picked for this actually. He says, [00:13:00] how do you notice, like when you're saying something and you go, Hmm. Afterwards, I'm like, no. But then that. I started to realize, yeah, you're right. I, I am doing that. Um, or I'll start just singing a song and I'll just keep repeating it over and over again.

He thought I had, um, Tourettes at one point, but um, yeah, and then tea out. I don't like that 'cause I have to start thinking about food. I hate cooking 'cause it's like I'm having to think about these things and it's just, I find it all traumatized. I don't like that. End of the day. I've lost interest in like things by that point.

So yeah, it's It's full on. It's full on. And I think when they intersect with autism, OCD trauma or menopause, well that is a whole new ball game. Yeah, I mean if you look back, obviously, you know, you've, [00:14:00] you you've always lived with, with your, as you call them, gems and it's only a recent diagnosis where you've got this, um, I suppose answers and then you could go off and educate yourself and, um, get your medication and, you know, so it is still quite a recent thing for you really, isn't it?

So. When you were diagnosed in June, you then went on, you decided to go on medication and did that help? Yeah, it was unreal. I remember the first day I took it and I'd convinced myself that it was gonna do some up to me. 'cause this is another thing. We catastrophize everything, so I was not. If it interferes with my spinal medication or what if I, what if I stop breathing or what if, and you go through all of these stupid things all on loop in your head.

So I decided I'd go on a Saturday and I remember [00:15:00] within an hour of taking it, all of this noise in my head, I just quietened off. And I could do a task, I could finish a task without getting distracted. Um, I could. Make sense of certain things. Um, the impulsivity went like really low, like, 'cause the impulsivity is horrific.

Um, and that slowed off, but it was just like somebody turning down the volume a little bit. Um, and you are a lot more considered in what you're doing. Um. Instead of having a list and me looking at it and going, oh God, no, not today. I'll systematically work through it and stuff like that. And just realized I said June and obviously if anybody's listening, they won't [00:16:00] know when we've recorded this.

So we now in July a year on, yeah, so, so we're, we are a year post diagnosis. So for, for a while you felt that things were looking up, you're educating yourself, you're on this medication, you were, you were feeling more in control. Fair. It's important to mention as well, 'cause this is the side of ADHD, um, and also that people don't see, 'cause a lot of people see what the media portrays and they portray it as fashionable.

And everyone's getting diagnosed, but they're not. Right. And it's not fashionable. 'cause one of the things, the key things that I wanna mention, 'cause I link it to the perimenopause, before I knew what were going on with me, I would have some, a lot of time, like on a morning because I had to go out to work and, and I, I couldn't get done what I wanted to get done and, and I didn't wanna be [00:17:00] going and being like.

I had to be out the door. That was stressful for me. And a lot of the time I just lie on the floor in pure anxiety, like crying, trying to, trying to do breath work because I knew I had to do, I'd known like, 'cause I'm, I'm into all of the meditation and all of that kind of stuff. So I knew that. I knew it was anxiety.

I'd think, why am I getting so anxious? Like, why? But these things have happened a lot over my life. Everything's extreme. There's no balance. It's either, my mom's typical phrase that used to say to me is, for God's sake, there's just no happy easier. You're either up there or you're down there. There's nothing in between.

And. When I went on the medication and when I started to educate myself, I massively reduced this [00:18:00] massively. Like it was crazy how, how things like kind of changed. I mean, yeah, don't get me wrong. There's certain things, if you are severely overwhelmed, overstimulated, that anxiety can come on quite quickly.

But until. The last few months I noticed this anxiety was coming back and just little things I started to notice and I thought, I don't think my medication's working anymore. Maybe it stopped working and it hadn't stopped working, and I'm one of these people where I guess. I always say that I've avoided women's talk, women's things, so like thought of period like that ever since I was 13 and that started up, I hated it.

I was roast out quiet [00:19:00] like, but. I don't wanna talk about that. If like an advert comes on the daily, so I'm like, oh, they have a tied in them bar. Like for God's sake, what do I look at that for? Everyone needs 'em every month anyway. We don't need reminding. And you know, I don't have any children, so I've not gone through all of that like birth stuff and you know, and I heard people talk haunt menopause and I'm like, oh, well that, that's years off that, that's when you get to about 60 I.

Oh no, it isn't because I started the, the subtle things that were starting up. I mean, I, I've always been somebody who's quite warm all the night anyway, but I was waking up like, like full on, like horrified and boiling hot and sweating. Now when you are neuro divergent with sensory issues, this is not good.

Because I'm literally wanting to peel my [00:20:00] skin off. Um, so I was like getting in the shower at like 5:00 AM in the morning. Um, total like that, you know, cognitive function again was like rub. I sit there thinking, what am I doing? Dunno what I'm doing, and then, oh, well I'll just go for a walk. And you know, like all, all these kinds of, the anxiety, the hot temp, my hot temper had come like back with a vengeance, um, days where I would just sit and cry and I think, why am I crying?

I, or, or that it would be something very, very minor. I remember one day, and I think this is the day I text you actually. No, it was, there was somewhere, but I'd, I'd gone downstairs and I was so tired 'cause my [00:21:00] sleep was massively interrupted again. Like my sleep had got better. But I mean, my sleep's never good.

I wouldn't ever meet an ADHD person that said they had quite, yeah, sleep all night, get eight hours and like I, I woke up and I just went downstairs and it was five o'clock and just sat on the floor and cried. Because I, I just, I thought to myself the only way I can describe this is that I feel like since I've turned 45, something has invaded my body and don't even recognize myself anymore.

I don't know, like, you know how you just feel in yourself normally. I, I just felt like something had taken over me. I was like feeling that my stomach had got, was I stomach was bloated all the time. Uh, this impulsivity [00:22:00] was back with a vengeance and I just thought, what on earth? And 'cause I did not know that the perimenopause and the menopause exacerbates ADHD symptoms.

Because of the hormonal imbalance. And actually if you, um, have ADHD and you are particularly susceptible to that hormonal thing. Anyway, so one of my friends at that time of the month, she's totally like the symptoms just go through the roof. Now this is another thing with me. I was on a mini pill, so I, I don't.

No anything. It's always been like, well, what anything could be going on? I don't know. Um, so all of these things, headaches as well. Forgetfulness became even [00:23:00] worse. And I just thought, I said to Ben, I, I think, look, that bloody pair of menopause are starting. I really do. And that's when I thought I need to speak to you.

Um. And I'll say at this point, your journal that you very, very kindly sent me was like literally my savior. That one day, another day I sat there absolutely again, early. I was in the morning, just sat crying and I thought, I cannot go on like this. Like this is just, it's like I'm being tortured and I thought I'm gonna go.

Because I'd had the journal true to me. I'd had the journal for about four days and it was on the side of my office because I, I'm a nightmare with my dune piles. I thought I'm gonna go and get that, um, journal. So I sat there, zooming me [00:24:00] up and the animals, and I'm reading. I'm like, oh my God, there's things on here.

Because the way you've set it out, it's not jargon. Not medically speak, it's just normal. Like women talk. It's like you, you sat speaking to you. Do you know what I mean? And then I went through all these things and I'm like, oh my God, it, well, it really is it I can see now. But then I started filling the little journal bit out and it really, really helped.

'cause I am somebody or anywhere and it really helped. I mean, I was working on it for a good few months, and the idea came to me because I wanted, you know, another way of helping people who were, who were, maybe they, they didn't fully understand perimenopause, menopause, post menopause, but also self-help techniques and to get to know their [00:25:00] own body, to get to know the symptoms for, if they did want to go to the GP for, for HRT as an example, and.

It was a, a labour of love for months and the fact that, um, you know, I asked yourself and a few others to, to test it for me. I remember waking up one morning that morning. It must have been receiving your message. And it just, it made me, I can't think of the words, I mean, but it, it brought home to me exactly why I did what I did to get that reaction was amazing.

So, you know, I remember you saying, I felt validated. Stop sick because until then, I literally think, I literally thought that some had like overtaken my body. And the thing is as well, I felt like I did feel like really alone because I, unlike a lot of women that I knew, um, obviously the mini stops [00:26:00] period.

So I had worked for like 13 year so. Everything that I was reading was like, oh, your periods irregular. Have you had not had one for eight weeks? How's your period suffer? Oh, bloody, oh, I'm on this. Damn, I, I go, what the hell is going on with me? So I'm thinking, well, is he perimenopause or is it something else?

Like, you know, I mean. If my husband was here now, he'd be, well, well, you know, I've got everything known to man. You are like a walking medical dictionary 'cause of, I do have a lot of medical. So I was like, I just thought what god's. And then as soon as I picked up that book, I thought, I just felt validated and I felt okay, I'm ready to address this now because.

This is, this is a hundred percent what's going on. And then I went and started to educate myself further [00:27:00] on how ADHD and the perimenopause and menopause basically are like a baptism of fire. It's like horrific. I suppose you'd gone from living in with your, with your normality, you know, and, and everything that you've always experienced.

Then you had your, your, um, diagnosis. You went on medication and everything quietened down for you. And then, you know, you haven't had that long of, I know you don't even know what to call it. Reprieve. Re no, that's the wrong word, you know, but you haven. Yeah. Yeah. You had much breathing space and then you've gone into your, you know, you've started your, with your perimenopause.

So it is, it's been a lot, you've had a lot over this last 12 months really haven't you? So what you, you know, 'cause I [00:28:00] know, you know, I know, um, and you've explained it. You are want to research and find everything out, you know. So what have you found then with the connection? Between ADHD and perimenopause.

'cause we do know that there's lots and lots of ladies will get to the perimenopause years and that's when they get the diagnosis of ADHD because of the, um, you know, what you are finding the heightened symptoms, the heightened sensitivities, um, to hormonal changes, et cetera. So, yeah. What have you found from doing all your research?

So the key things 'cause. Is the impulsivity. So because with ADHD, you have, um, decreased dopamine in our brain. So we, we are nicknamed dopamine seekers and this impulsivity like just doing things without thinking and come back and I'm thinking. [00:29:00] I don't, I don't like this because I start feeling unhinged and like, you know, I'm just impulsively doing things and like wanting things and looking at things and convincing myself that I need them and I really don't, um, my mood.

So literally I can be really balanced. One minute, then I'm raging, then I'm crying. Then I'm like. Dancing round the house, hypo as hell. And I'm like, Hmm. And, and, and the question that I kept asking myself every day. I didn't say anything to anyone for a while, but I thought these medication, maybe he's off Clat, hold on.

And Right. Maybe he's, they're just, they're not working anymore. And. So the key things that I noticed, the mood a hundred percent, like the cognitive [00:30:00] function. So in ADHD pregnancy function is reduced anyway, but on the medication it supports it. It was like I wasn't taking medication. 'cause, uh, and, and, and the key thing as well that really upset me was I nearly, nearly forgot my niece's birthday.

Who means the world to me? I'm just forgetting things all over the place. Um, losing interest in certain things or liking some at one minute, then don't like it anymore. That's a major ADHD thing, but it was heightened where it had gone down a little bit. Um, sensory issues as well are absolutely rampant, so.

The tiniest bit of noise and I'm through the roof, absolutely through the roof, where normally I would just [00:31:00] think, oh, I don't like this. This is one of my triggers. Put my loops in to protect my ears or my headphones. My had my headphones, but the rage just comes like so quickly and this hot and cold situation and.

All of that, everything to do with, all of the stuff with ADHD that impacts on you carrying out your day-to-day life. Well, it was like it had gone into overdraft when previously it had been dialled back a bit with the medication, um, and, and obsessing about things as well. Yeah. I remember, um, a chat we had a few weeks ago and you were saying that, um, somebody had suggested, uh, had sent you a, a link for Oh, the supplements?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. So like natural [00:32:00] supplements. Yeah. Well, I'm going to give everyone a big warning. Be careful because again, when you are desperate. You'll try anything and there's unfortunately, there is some companies out there who are doing these supplements for like perimenopausal women and that, and I, in true Gemma style, didn't even contemplate any of my ADHD medication, my spinal medication, which is opiate based or none of that.

I got. My sister was like, oh G, maybe if you try this stuff before you go to the doctors' and look at HR Tech. Oh yeah. Right. Brilliant. 20 quid. Yeah. I love that. It was at Ashwaganda. Was it that I said to you, Ash, magnesium, bloody side, Lucy, turmeric, some other magic mushroom blades, lion in there. And that's it.

Yeah. [00:33:00] And some else. Anyway, tuck. I read, she says, you take these there and that one on the night. Right. Brilliant. Took them and didn't do much the first day. But what I noticed was the three clock situation had got very much worse. I would fall asleep. I just couldn't cold. I was like, Ugh, I'm out Cold. And then this, this got worse as the days went on.

This extreme fatigue and I mean, you're fatigued anyway naturally with this situation. With this me, I mean heavy minute apart, but it was awful. Like I was my, my husband took me out and I was just like, I fell asleep in car when I went and researched it all. Can't take them with ADHD medication. Or you, more importantly, your opiate medication because it can slow down your breathing to such an extent [00:34:00] that it can stop.

Great. So I cured none of my menopause, ADHD, interceptive crazy symptoms, and I nearly killed myself. So, you know, I'm like, just stay away from them. Honestly. Just stay away from these FLA things unless, but do your research. Research and they, if you, um, if anybody is interested in taking the actual supplement, you know there is a place for them.

But speak to somebody who's qualified. Make sure that they're not gonna have an adverse impact upon your medication or the medications. I'll tell you one thing that is helping though, in terms of that afternoon, evening situation. Um, I have trip. Drink. Um, so you can get Magnesium one and get CBD. I like the CBD one.

I have it in the afternoon, late afternoon, and I find it just helps me a little bit. And then [00:35:00] before about half an hour before bed, I have the magnesium gummies and they just seem to calm me down a little bit. Otherwise, I'll sit with Paul like watching True Crime. And as, as we've heard, you know, you've put it very, very, you know, you've explained it very well, the, um, intersection of ADHD and menopause and, you know, in some, some cases it can cause, um, people to feel like they get to a crisis point.

You know, it, so, you know. As you said, you thought, well, we were talking about a ADHD. You thought that you had bipolar. If people don't understand whether it's ADHD, whether it's menopause, whether it's at intersection, if they don't have that full understanding, it's so easily understandable why people do start feeling that they've got bipolar, like they've got, um, early onset dementia.

You know this because [00:36:00] we just, we, we overthink and think of. Extremes in many cases. Um, and I mean, my husband said to me, who God love him. He has gone through some dreadful mental health episode. You, he had a nerves breakdown and, you know, I had a relapse. I year, he said, he actually said to me, I think you're depressed.

And I said, I'm not depressed. I said, you know, like when you, this is another thing about ADHD. When you get your laws. 'cause you know, contrary to popular belief, if we're not racing around all there going like absolute, really, like there is the side of a ADHD that people don't see, which is where we're, we're desperate, we're hopeless, we can't see getting through the day.

And that was there with a vengeance. And that is the key thing for me. Well, this perimenopause is. [00:37:00] Actually, are people being diagnosed with depression when it isn't? Because the key thing is as well as strong as it comes and as purely hopeless as it feels, and it's awful. It can be that within an hour you're feeling back, okay, again.

Or it might be the next day or. You know, where as we know depression is sustained feelings of like complete worklessness and, you know, sustained alterations to how you would normally live and your enjoyment. They, you get in certain things where this isn't like that, but that's exactly what it is. ADHD is like, yeah.

Imagine it's like it's tripled up. Yeah. And I think as you said, so many people are misdiagnosed purely on perimenopause. [00:38:00] So many people are misdiagnosed as having depression go on antidepressants. And yes, some people may need them, but it's not always the first option. It could be that treating the symptoms of the treating perimenopause could, could prevent or, or alleviate the need to go on those antidepressants.

Um. It's a minefield really, isn't it? I mean, especially when we think, um, from a menopause point of view, your menopause brings about hormonal shifts. You'll have the decline in the fluctuation of oestrogen. And as I think you said before, oestrogen is, plays a critical role in our brain function and that cognitive, cognitive function and everything to do with the brain.

And I know we've touched on dopamine and oestrogen influences dopamine. Which is essential for tension and focus. Yeah. Which obviously fits in with everything we've been talking about. The this affects your, your memory retention, your mood [00:39:00] regulation, and then the decline in the oestrogen can lead to, as you've said, increased forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, heightened emotional sensitivity, and it further complicates, uh, your ADHD symptoms.

So it is a bit like a. A vicious surplus bottle, isn't it? Yeah. It's like a vicious circle. And you, you just feel desperate. So, so now we're a few months in. You know how, hopefully you're not feeling desperate now. How, how, how are you feeling? Because I know what's going on now again, when I know something.

And I can understand it a bit more. I almost begin to cut myself a bit of slack and you know, it's like with me and there'll be many other, [00:40:00] uh, women, ADHD, who might be listening, I'll think. Yeah. Um, we tend to over commit. We tend to, um, just think we could do everything and this, that, and the other. And what I've noticed since this, like I've got to be extra careful how I'm managing my diary.

So like I said to you when I was talking to you before Wednesday, I, I booked in back to that meeting. So by the end of the day I couldn't speak, literally couldn't string a sentence together. I couldn't, I didn't know what the hell was going on and I was just, husband was like, right, we'll go out for a walk.

When I get in nature, that helps me anyway. Um, but especially now, but now I'm making, I have my counsellor, I have my counsellor since I got diagnosed. Um, and she's helping me a lot, but I've thought to [00:41:00] myself, right, let's do some more research. And I also know that my friend who's just recently gone on HRT and she has ADHD as well.

It's like a revelation. So I am going to book an appointment with my menopause nurse at GP 'cause I should have done it weeks ago. But you know, guess what? I forgot.

So, you know, he's just, my counsellor always says at the end of our call, Gemma, please be kind to yourself. And she's right. I think. Please talk to people. Like talking to you has helped me massively because it's given me validation, but it's given me an avenue to go and explore and understand. And then, you know, I've, I had my review recently with my psychiatrist [00:42:00] and they were brilliant.

So I've now increased my, uh, medication. That's take on the morning from 50 milligram to 60. That's helped massively as well. So I'm no longer just sat like staying in space stuff. It's like fired me back up again. But they have said to me that they want me to go and see about the HRT. Yeah. Specifically I think with the oestrogen side of, because that.

They were able to tell me that that massively when that massively reduces or becomes imbalanced, and you've already got in, in ADHD brains, we don't have the dopamine levels that your typical brains are. So you've got the hormonal thing going down, your dopamine levels are lower, and it's just like a, a melting pot, but [00:43:00] worsening everything.

But again, now I know these things, you know? And then, and then another thing, like I have this thing where I like to be covered in the weighted blanket. My bed cover is like 5 million talk because, and his mom's like, we waking up sweating during night. Like, why, why have we still got this veil? And I'm like, yeah.

So we've got like a seven point that, and that's better. It's just, yeah, education, education and just cut yourself it slack, you know? Yeah. I mean, before the call, I had a look at some, um, I suppose hints and ticks, you know, that are recommended for, um, people who are going through the menopause who are a DHD.

And, you know, I think you've covered [00:44:00] lots of them. So it's about educating yourself, structure and a routine. And you talked about not overcommitting yourself, um, relaxation techniques. You know, you talked about your breath work. You talked about meditation and reducing stress, um, seeking supports, talking to people.

Using time management tools, um, having professional therapy, looking at your sleep and getting, as you know, as good quality sleep as you possibly can, learning to de de learning to delegate. And then it also talks about considering your diet, so, oh yeah. Have you made any changes to your diet? Yeah, it's got worse so. When I was younger, um, I was diagnosed anorexia. Well, we now think that our, that wasn't the root cause. It was the sensory and the, I also have [00:45:00] reflux, so most food I look at and I think, oh, that, I'm scared of that 'cause it brings that on. Um, so. What I've noticed, and I'd read the book and everything's like, we need more protein X, Y, and Z.

It would give a great list of foods. And I'm like, hit that. Hit that. Hit that. Don't want that. Can't imagine yourself eating that. No, no, no, no, no. And I'm like, why? I say, why? Like, and and, and I've noticed that my food obsessive things has become worse. Um. I don't know if anyone else has experienced that, but, and that's your ADHD?

Yeah. Um, but it seems, it, it has coincided with this perimenopause stuff. 'cause I was, I was getting really good, I was like, I was having a lunch, for example, like, like just my little, but I was having a lunch where [00:46:00] it was like my, I, I was forgetting to eat. But then when it came to like food on a night, I don't know what I want.

I can't make a decision or I'd eat some my bowl. Oh God, get that away. I don't like that. But it was something that I liked the week before and it's, it's difficult because I think as well, when you get older. You get this realization that you really need to start looking after yourself because things, you know, it's like a car, isn't it?

Things start dropping off and your TV rating when you get older and I'm, that is I born condition as well, so I'm meant to like have lots of calcium, which is we meant to have when you've on this menopause and then to more gross and you know, all these things lay off the. Alcohol and cigarettes. I'm like, huh, how about No, I mean, I don't drink excessively.

I used to, well not, you know, every [00:47:00] day, but again, it was a door for me thing. Um, but since my diagnosis haven't been really interesting alcohol, but like it said, oh, you should consider stopping smoking. I'm like, are you mad? Like, no. So I'm. That's a challenge for me. I think it doesn't, probably doesn't help because I am vegetarian as well.

So the thing is, you know, it's looking at getting, um, you know, a balanced diet, but looking at the protein sources and there's, there's different protein sources that you can, um, consider on a vegetarian diet. Isn't there? There, there's plenty. There's loads of, of things, like a lot of the, um, like corn stuff and that, that's quite hard.

Or it. You know? Yeah, because, and there's another thing, like as soon as I read eggs, were had protein, what did I have for me? Tea for a week? Eggs. Well, you're getting your protein in, you know, so he is looking at protein, [00:48:00] um, looking at you. Um, making sure we get a good array of fruits and vegetables every day.

Looking at, um, you know, uh. A rainbow of color, of fruit and veg. Keep it a bit interesting, reducing down the foods that aren't good for us. So our refined sugars or processed foods, as you said before, alcohol, you know, it's, it's having things I balance, isn't it. Um, but, you know, we know that these can help not only from an A DHD point of view, but also from a menopause point of view as well.

I'm lucky I don't like --- food. I stay away from that. And I'm not a fizzy pop, pop drinker. 'cause my mom, when I was little, she used to say to people, for God say, don't give her a, because she'll be like a, a wild animal. Like, just don't give her. And I don't, I've never, 'cause I never had any really, like, taste of it and stuff.

So I drink water. Well I was going to say, you know, another huge, um, self-help tip that we can all do is to [00:49:00] increase our hydration levels. So whether that's plain water or juice or the decaf tea, um, or having, um, the, the herbal fruit tea I al's good. Um, especially if you've got the water in as well. Yeah.

It's all that increasing that hydration because sometimes when we're, when we're thirsty and slipping into dehydration. Then we can also experience symptoms that are menopause, like such as your brain fog, your headaches, feeling sluggish. So just by increasing water can help us to feel much better. So before we finish, for anybody who's listening, thinking, flipping at this could be me.

Any tips? Yes. Talk to all of them. Talk about it. You know, I have a horrendous habit of internalizing. Stuff like that because I didn't wanna talk about it, you know, [00:50:00] and all these mad things happened to my body and like thought I'd got a grip on everything with the ADHD. So I was like, I don't really wanna talk about it, let pretend it's not happening.

So I got to a point where I couldn't. So I think if you start to notice things are off, speak to somebody about it, look at what you can do that is in your gift to do, educate yourself. And again, just be kind to yourself. If you are on ADHD medication, I would absolutely recommend that you have a review with his psychiatrist because they obviously are the specialist in this area.

They know about how the two interact and yeah, it's funny because both me and my friend have noticed that since we've had our set, our reviewing and the medication's been increased. We we're feeling. Better, not so desperate and the symptoms come down bit. [00:51:00] So yeah, check that if you are on medication and yeah, I think don't try, don't race off trying to fix everything.

'cause we have a tendency to do that because I nearly shout out the breathing out. So, yeah. And, and sting, if you, JP surgery has a menopause nurse. Because that reissued me. Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining me today, Gemma, and for anybody who wants to know more about ADHD. You've also got a podcast where yourself and two friends have, have talked about, uh, your, your journeys and, and all different aspects of ADHD, and it's absolutely fascinating.

I've listened to it. I've told many people to listen to it, so I know that lots do, so I'll put the details in the show notes. Um, I'll pop your contact details in the show notes if anybody is after conflict [00:52:00] resolution, conflict coaching, mediation. Um, you would have coaching, say again, sorry. Training you would Diversity training.

Coaching, exactly. Um, from a HR perspective, as she said, neurodiversity training, coaching. Gem as you want to go and speak to. So I'll pop your details in the show notes. Is there anything else that you want to say before we finish today? No. I just want to thank you for having me, and thank you for raising awareness and trying to help people with ADHD going through this crazy time.

You are more than welcome. Thank you for joining us today. Thank you so much for listening to find your Spark, real life menopause moments. If you'd like to learn more, visit www.sparkshr.co uk. Please share this episode with others navigating their Menopause journey or supporting [00:53:00] someone through it.

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us to spark, change and connect with more people. Let's keep the sparks alive and continue this journey together.