we are NOT the SAME
We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos!
we are NOT the SAME
Healing Through Dissociation: Our Journey with Therapeutic Ketamine
Have you ever wanted to peek behind the curtain of an emerging mental health treatment that's changing lives? Step into our world as we share our raw, unfiltered experiences with ketamine therapy—recorded just hours after Heather's infusion session.
Ketamine therapy isn't just another wellness trend. This FDA-approved treatment is revolutionizing mental health care by helping people process trauma, reduce anxiety, and break free from treatment-resistant depression. We take you through our parallel journeys—Heather as she completes booster treatments and Lacey during her initial six-session protocol—offering candid insights you won't find in clinical descriptions.
From the bizarre sensation of "dissolving" to feeling like you're living inside Fantasia, we describe what dissociation actually feels like and why it's therapeutic rather than frightening. We share practical advice about setting intentions, choosing the right music (hint: skip the lyrics), and what to expect physically as your body processes the medicine. The conversation reveals surprising benefits neither of us expected, including dramatic reductions in physical inflammation and muscle tension that linger long after treatment ends.
Whether you're considering ketamine therapy for yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply curious about cutting-edge mental health treatments, this episode offers valuable perspective from two different people at different stages of the ketamine journey. Listen as we flip-flop between patient and caretaker roles, proving that healing doesn't have to be a solo journey. Ready to explore what happens when we allow our minds to access parts of ourselves we've kept hidden? Join us for this intimate look at what happens when we let go and allow healing to happen.
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hello, everyone welcome to.
Speaker 2:We are not the same we're so the same.
Speaker 1:Now we're different.
Speaker 2:I will say as we age, we have been becoming more similar.
Speaker 1:So yeah, now we're in season three.
Speaker 2:We're we're same thing, only different the same but different.
Speaker 1:That's how my dad words it he says same thing only different.
Speaker 2:Same thing only different that's exactly how it is, yeah we have a lot more in common than we used to, but then it branches off and we're different. Am I not eating it again?
Speaker 1:no, because you keep going like this and then it's out of here. See how it goes like that. It's like we're on a ride and I can't tell what's happening, so we got to stay with it. Anyways things never change.
Speaker 2:I will never be good with the microphone, so there's that, that was, I took that was. My headphones are heavy and it's making my head fall backwards I love that for us oh, that's so funny. Okay, I'm not used to it I'm turning it up.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, all right, I'm turning it up a little bit.
Speaker 2:Is that better? That's better.
Speaker 1:Okay, great, I think it's great. So our topic today, our topic today.
Speaker 2:So, it seems like a follow up, but it's kind of a standalone because we've done an episode about ketamine before, but that was specific about like learning about ketamine, and we had the wonderful Tina on and she gave us a bunch of information. Now we're going to talk about our own personal experiences because, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, I just picked heather up from a ketamine infusion and so she's still um, not 100 herself. Yes, no, we're gonna anyway.
Speaker 1:The residual effects are definitely still there.
Speaker 2:Hold on yeah it takes a while. I'm playing with the microphone, let me turn it down. Is it the?
Speaker 1:cord. No, I think I was turning it up and I meant to turn it down, is that?
Speaker 2:not so much better, that is better. Oh my gosh, because it was too loud. I was trying to tell you okay, we tried to prep for it, but apparently we failed. You just picked me up from ketamine. That's fair, that is true. She's gonna be in and out, probably not like not in and out, but like my brain works fine my emotions are slow.
Speaker 1:To it, yes, yes, things are just in slow-mo at the moment. Okay, um, yes, I just had my second booster from November 2023 was the last time I had one, and then I had one booster a few weeks ago and then this one, so I've had two.
Speaker 2:Are you doing another one or was it just the two? I just did the two because boosters are just as needed. Right, yeah, the initial is the six. So, in a weird, crazy turn of of events, I have now actually started my own ketamine journey. I have gone to two because the initial is the six. I've gone to two, I got four left. So today I picked heather up from ketamine and tomorrow heather's picking me up from ketamine and it's gonna yeah we're just flip-flopping it, flip-flopping it flip-flopping it.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, I had a great, great session. Actually it was sorry carbonation um, it was really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely had like good intentions which I am going to prep you on and I actually want to talk about on the podcast how I set my intentions and things like that going yeah I need to know because so so far I'm not, I'm not down talking to ketamine, right, but my experience so far has been just like I'm really really high and it's fun and it's great, but I don't feel like I've actually processed anything yet. But I think to your point, like I'm going in there like open minded and whatever happens happens.
Speaker 1:And you said that you go in with a specific like intention and yeah, yeah, setting intention, yes, I do okay very different experiences. I will tell you, though, it is fun, it is super now you know what I say when you go you're like there, but you're not there well, I didn't, so I didn't get that the first time I know, I said they did not give you enough yes, because the whole point is to matters dissociate, you have to.
Speaker 1:To get the ego death, you have to dissociate. It is very much like a macro mushroom dose where you, oh, that sounds so much better. Does that sound better? Does it sound better?
Speaker 2:you're just gonna mess with the sound the whole time.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just saying I feel like I was so loud okay now we're good.
Speaker 2:Are you better? Is that better? I don't know, is that better? I'm asking you and your headphones I was fine, but so yeah, it's great. My voice was very loud. It wasn't.
Speaker 1:You're good, I promise maybe it's just the ketamine it might be we're not gonna touch that anymore.
Speaker 2:Maybe it wasn't a great idea to then podcast after.
Speaker 1:I mean, like I'm fine, but definitely like it's just like a slower, like you're coming out of anesthesia.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's how. That is exactly how I described it too. When they were asking um like, my friends and families were like well, what is it like? That's how come I knew that I didn't disassociate in the first session was because I literally was while it was occurring. My brain was like how am I gonna describe this to people?
Speaker 1:I'm like analyzing it, I was because you can fight yourself out of it too.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh, I've learned that. I learned that at my last appointment because I was totally in it and out of nowhere, like I brought myself back and I got all mad at myself and so I had them increase my dosage. Just send me, send me back send me back. Send me back. I don't like the wave of it. I wish I could just like so you don't have a titration.
Speaker 1:Yours isn't on a titrated thing, no, it is.
Speaker 2:Oh, but for some reason I yeah they like increase the amount that they're giving me it at one time, um, but you know, to your point, like your brain, your brain's fucking wild man like the things that I see it to me. The best way I can describe it is like living inside fantasia, where, like the music that you listen to, affects what's happening in front of you. I don't know if you have that. Do you have that?
Speaker 1:No, I actually just like totally lost what you were saying. So I was like Fantasia and then I was like off thinking about that movie when I was a kid, and then I just lost everything that you said. I feel like I was on Fantasia. I was focused on Fantasia. What's been forever since I've seen that I know, I don't even know the last time I actually watched it all the way can you even watch it anymore?
Speaker 2:probably on disney plus. Would you want to like? It's a, it's a weird thing it's very weird yeah, but like that's how I feel when I'm on. It is that like the music is playing and then whatever is happening in front of me visually, like colors and how they're moving, and all of that is very dependent on what I'm listening to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is. It is like you can kind of like train your brain where to go.
Speaker 2:Train your brain. Train your brain where to go.
Speaker 1:That's like. Is it that by? I have a whole thing in here in my notes section hold?
Speaker 2:on hold. Please look at you.
Speaker 1:You were organized oh, that's not my notes section kind of organized. I'm like I'm pushing the wrong buttons, um.
Speaker 2:So the playlist it is you have like specific songs that you chose for your playlist, or did you just pick a random playlist?
Speaker 1:no, I pick certain songs but like the more I go into it, I realize you don't want words, because words correct guide you into ways that you don't. You don't want to be like influenced or guided. Yeah, like so nothing with, but it's. Oh, my god, why can I not pronounce words? Words are hard right now the words are hard, words are hard. This right here, this right here what? Let me see it binaural beats, yes, okay, so binaural, there we go and it's part of your brain so it lights up.
Speaker 1:Yes, I know this word and I can't look at it and right now I'm just like I'm gonna fuck that up. Okay, so binaural, I know this because I talk about this we've talked about I've talked about this before yeah, so it lights up different pathways on different sides of your brains. Right your brains, it's all. Right your sides of brains, it's all the same, you're good.
Speaker 2:Sides of your brains, right. Your brains, it's all right. Your sides of brains, it's all the same.
Speaker 1:You're good sides of your brains, yes, um, anyways. So it will light up different neural pathways. So picking playlists that um have binaural patterns or that light up that pathway will. Then it's on, I promise I know, I think I found the sweet spot. These microphones are different than the other ones. Okay, because there is one spot on the microphone that works better than the others. Okay, I will leave you. Okay, so that's why it works.
Speaker 2:That's why the, the playlist works so at first I thought that I could just listen to. So here was my thought process is, if I'm supposed to go back to my trauma and like heal that or fix that or whatever, then me listening to my specific playlist because I made a playlist on Spotify that's like me and music. If I had to like explain myself to a stranger and I wasn't allowed to use anything but songs and don't ask me why my brain was like I need to create this because I don't know. But I did. So I have a playlist specifically that's titled me in music. So I was like that will take me back right, Because every song on that playlist is choked in with purpose, because it reminds me of a person or an event or something from my past. So I was like that's perfect. And then I get there and she's like do not use words. And I was like fuck I told you that too.
Speaker 2:I don't remember I believe that you do I literally told you that I'm like this.
Speaker 1:No, this is like the standard, like when you tell your husband something and they don't listen, and then somebody else says something they're like oh yeah, I was like fucking really, when you tell your husband something and they don't listen, and then somebody else says something and they're like, oh yeah, I was like fucking really when you text me that I text you about it I was like I told you I felt it through the phone.
Speaker 2:You were like bitch shut up.
Speaker 1:I was like I fucking told you that I literally told you that.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you don't listen to me I literally do not remember, but that I don't remember anything. Don't take offense, I know I literally don't remember.
Speaker 1:I was like learn from, like me, because there's times where I had playlists like curated where I thought they would be fine, and then words were like sending me on weird fucking adventures inside my brain I accidentally did that to myself, so I just picked that's your phone, not my phone.
Speaker 2:Where's my phone?
Speaker 1:oh no you just oh, I have it, I have it I know, I know it's the adhd in me.
Speaker 2:I lose everything like 80 million times a day, so I use spotify.
Speaker 1:Spotify is my jam because I pay for it, and I'm apple music, of course you are of course you are.
Speaker 2:So all I did was search. Um, so literally the playlist I chose says no lyrics, chill songs. I was like great, perfect, play that on shuffle, because, even though I don't know any of them, for some reason my brain thinks all music should be on shuffle no, I don't know.
Speaker 1:You just screwed yourself over, didn't you?
Speaker 2:well, it says no lyrics and, like the second song, you have to say instrumental.
Speaker 1:I don't want like classical music, you don't have to, just instrumental means there's no lyrics.
Speaker 2:It says no lyrics yeah, but there's people making noises then no, there were actual like it, because it some of it was almost edme and so there were like the random, like singular words or like sentence and you're like what is this?
Speaker 1:yes, like I was like what is happening? Who's speaking? Is there somebody in this room?
Speaker 2:and then I was like why do I know I'm in a room?
Speaker 1:I'm not supposed to know I'm in a room it's a whole thing like it took me out of it. I told you, I know I told you, but you don't remember.
Speaker 2:I don't I don't remember. I don't remember, but it was.
Speaker 1:It was an interesting experience at how quickly that made a difference in the room when I started singing one time.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was also in the room when you almost fell out of the recliner, did I, do you not remember? No, yeah, you got. You were like so disassociated and for some reason your angle just wasn't the best in the seat. Like you didn't have your legs up enough, I guess, and like you melted into the recliner and started to like slide off oh yeah, no, I'm fully reclined and the way to blame it didn't actually fall off, but like you started moving and I'm like what?
Speaker 2:and then then like the nurse saw and like came in like it was the whole thing, but you get like into it deep yeah which is good. That's where you're supposed to go.
Speaker 1:I do yeah. I definitely. Maybe I need to explore that more allowing yourself to go deep. No getting pulled down, like I always feel like I'm getting pulled okay.
Speaker 2:so that's super interesting, because the reoccurring theme I've had so far with both sessions is a feeling of emergence from like underwater or holding my breath and like all of a sudden there's a moment where I feel I know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I wasn't sure if I should tell you, but that's that's some a reoccurring feeling for me, but you have trauma with water, I do so.
Speaker 2:This is your, this is your drowning trauma maybe I am processing something and I'm just not aware of it, because it definitely feels like all of a sudden I get I'm heavy, I'm heavy, I'm heavy, and then I get really light, and then I feel like I'm taking a breath for the first time and I feel like if you were in the room watching me, you would see.
Speaker 1:You would see that with me, remember before remember, remember, you said that you could see, you could like. That was like how to experience, describe my experience when you said you could feel like the like I would breathe and like let go. Maybe that was that with you, I don't know I don't know, there was there was three people of you. There was three of you guys taking shit. We were taking turns. Yeah, um, yeah, taking care of you there was three of you guys taking shifts with me. We were taking turns.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, taking care of you, yes, yeah, for sure, but I just thought it was an interesting thing, one I didn't even think about the water correlation, but you're correct, I did almost drown when I was nine. But also one of the things that I'm working on in therapy is the fact that I hold my breath constantly. Like I get anxious, I hold my breath. I get panicky, I hold my breath. I like I get nervous, I hold my breath. Anytime that I'm I'm away from center, I hold my breath, and so I thought it was so weird that there was such a huge emphasis on breathing, like during my sessions.
Speaker 1:That's good. Maybe you're like finally able to breathe and letting it go. I hope so. You should focus more on that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so focus on that specifically or focus more on no, we're going to talk about individual events. That's where I don't know what to do this is what I'm going to send this to you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so set a clear and meaningful intention for your ketamine infusion. Okay, I just keep burping. Sorry, it's just this carbonation. Nobody can hear, oh God, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:That's because I had rice with mustard and asparagus.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's the asparagus. You know, asparagus it's fine and I can smell it.
Speaker 1:Yes, is that diet?
Speaker 2:soda, it's fine.
Speaker 1:It's fine, okay, anyways, back to this. This is like so off topic. This is like the worst fucking podcast we've ever done.
Speaker 2:It's fine.
Speaker 1:No, it's not. No, it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not. Maybe it's just because I'm over here like woo, You're just loopy and you don't know.
Speaker 1:No, I'm comfy. Good, we're in bed. We are in your bed. It's comfortable. Infusion is a powerful way to guide your experience. Look at me like making it so that I'm all do this every time, okay. So, number one, reflect on your goals. So reflect on what you want to achieve. Consider like just what you want to achieve, just like what you want to achieve out of this session, and then use positive language. So frame your intention in a way that focuses on what you want to bring into your life rather than what you want to eliminate this shit, that'll be hard.
Speaker 1:I know this was hard for me, and I worked on this with allison too, my ptsd specialist. She's like you need to think about the positive because you don't want to, because I was always talking about, like, getting rid of the negative, and she's like, no, you want to talk about bringing in the positive. So use positive language, framing your intention in a way that focuses on what you want to bring into your life rather than what you want to eliminate, and this shifts the emphasis to positive changes.
Speaker 2:Okay, that complete. Okay, now I have to like rethink about how I'm gonna go mind body connection.
Speaker 1:acknowledge the connection between your mind and body. Your intention can include elements of healing and harmony between these parts and then write down. Phrase your intention clearly and write it down. This solidifies your commitment to it. So maybe even bring it with you on a little post-it and look at it before you go in. Okay, I do that.
Speaker 1:I have my notes up and then your intention should resonate with you personally. Spend time meditating on it before your session. So just like, even before, just like, have it up in your notes If you want. Just kind of look at it as you're just like drifting off.
Speaker 2:Hmm, okay, I use eye mask, so that way, if I open my eyes, it's still um.
Speaker 1:I have the dark, dark.
Speaker 2:They um, so we go to different places. She goes to the Spokane ketamine clinic ketamine clinic of Spokane there you go Ketamine clinic of Spokane and I don't know the name of mine, I just assumed ketamine clinic, I'm not, I don't know.
Speaker 2:And TMS I know that I know they do TMS there too. The room that I went into they have like um, like the fake stars on the wall and then like a swirly thing, like uh, it's almost like a lava lamp, but not that. It's projected onto the wall. But I'm like I don't need that. So I put the eye mask on and then I caught myself. I'll be sitting there and I'll be like opening my eyes and closing my eyes and opening my eyes and closing my eyes to see if there's any difference. And there's fucking not, because I have an eye mask on. So I don't know why my brain is like is there a difference? Is there a different? No, because it's still fucking black, because I have an eye mask on you're so weird, but I love that for you.
Speaker 2:I'm just sitting here like thinking about it because I feel like my, my first one, I did not have a high enough dose, because dosing matters. But they don't know, right, they it's trial and error really in the beginning until they figure it out, um, but if you have um, partook in hallucinogens previously in your life, you most likely need to start at a higher dose. They'd already told me that they were starting me at a higher dose than normal because of my past history with microdosing and things like that so um, I guess I'm just stubborn.
Speaker 2:And the first time I just got really, really high. I didn't disassociate at all and I just gotta be super high for an hour it's fine, I mean, I guess it works.
Speaker 1:No, the ketamine in your system, though, does remap neural pathways, like whether, like it is super effective on the journey, even if your journey is not really deep, because, like I feel, like each one is that's fair, so individualized, and this time on mine, I didn't do the bolus up front, so I let it come on more slowly and I felt like that was better.
Speaker 1:Not as intense or yeah, so, but I still feel like mine is like over, like I pull myself out of it really quick or I'm just like ready to go, like once it starts coming down, cause like it peaks, and then you're down.
Speaker 2:Well, you definitely told me you were ready to get picked up like 25 minutes earlier than I expected you to be ready to be. Yeah, I got.
Speaker 1:I went in earlier though too. Oh OK, I went in like 20 minutes early.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because there was definitely a difference for me between my first appointment and my second one. So the second one they upped it.
Speaker 1:They also definitely like wow, I need help walking out of here.
Speaker 2:Well, even when you were walking to my car, like you'd already been sitting for 20 minutes and I could still, it was very slow motion.
Speaker 1:And I'm like hi, I'm like this is totally a vibe.
Speaker 2:It was like that is what you said.
Speaker 1:The sun and my sunglasses. I'm like hi. I just walk up to your car, like I'm a weirdo, like walk up to your, your window, and I say, hi, it's a vibe.
Speaker 2:And then I get in the car. It is not the weirdest thing you've said in my car. One time I picked you up when you were doing your initial treatments or I was with you and we were leaving, and you're staring out the window and you keep looking back at me and looking out the window and looking back at me and I'm like, are you okay? You're like, yeah, it's a movie. It looks like the movies. You literally said it like that. It looks like the movies.
Speaker 2:I was dying, oh it was really funny, yes, yeah, the first time I was like, oh, I could totally drive. The second time I was like I get it. This is why you have to have a driver, because I would not have been able to drive it. I would would have convinced myself that I'm like, I'm fine to drive and then, I would not have you are not allowed to drive yourself to these appointments. No, they do that on purpose, and there's good reason.
Speaker 1:Cause you definitely shouldn't know.
Speaker 2:And it is like coming out of anesthesia. It is yeah it is an anesthesia, yeah.
Speaker 1:An anesthesiologist has to give it to you. Yes, Administered. Yes, okay, so we went over proper ways to set an intention.
Speaker 2:Yes, I will work on that before tomorrow.
Speaker 1:So we will come up with an intention. Let's do that now together.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:God.
Speaker 2:Right here with everyone in the audience. Everyone's going to be on my journey with me.
Speaker 1:Okay, what do you think you want?
Speaker 2:to focus on. Okay, so that's super hard. I'll come up with it for you. You just tell me.
Speaker 1:Tell me like generally and I'll come up with it.
Speaker 2:Well, my initial thing was to try to get over the Fat Roger stuff. Like the stuff that, like, I'm fine with the stuff that we joke about, but like all the things that I don't tell people about. Because, let's be real, that was a very traumatizing relationship and lots of really bad things happened that I don't usually talk about. So, my, I need to get over that, to put it just bluntly, because it affects me now. Right, to put it just bluntly, because it affects me now. Right, I, I'm not normal when it comes to certain things because of what happened from that specific relationship. So so it's hard because my, my brain was like, okay, I'm gonna focus on getting rid of all of the negativity associated from that. And now you're like, oh, you have to make positive statements. I don't make positive statements as a, like natural state. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist, but that tends, in this shitty ass world, to lean more towards negative thoughts than positive ones. So that is more difficult. Are you chat gpting what I? I?
Speaker 1:am, I am. I can tell by the way that you're looking at your phone. I am.
Speaker 2:But hey, it started with my ideas yeah, they're just helping me refine it well, chat gpt is not currently on ketamine, so that is a fair call.
Speaker 1:Yeah I mean I'm coming off.
Speaker 2:I know you're not on it, I know it's just fun to give you a hard time, I know I'm like yes, I am I pay for the premium. Okay, right, premium chat gpt, not premium ketamine, there's only oh yeah, premium chat gpt.
Speaker 1:I mean I'm assuming it's the premium ketamine.
Speaker 2:Right, there's only one, only one kind. I mean, it's the medical kind, so not the.
Speaker 1:Okay, I intend to release the emotional hold of my past relationship, embrace forgiveness and cultivate inner peace and self-love. I open myself to healing, allowing my heart and mind to recover and grow stronger.
Speaker 1:Okay, you have to send that to me because I'm not going to remember that, or we can do a more in-depth one. I set the going to remember that, or we can do a more in-depth one. I set the intention to embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery with courage and openness. I choose to release the lingering pain and emotional chains of my past relationship. I seek to understand and untangle the lessons from my experiences, allowing wisdom and clarity to replace old wounds. I aspire to foster forgiveness, both for myself and for my person, for the person involved, acknowledging that holding on to resentments hinders my healing. Although we hate him, by forgiving I do not condone their actions, but rather liberate myself from the burdens of anger and hurt.
Speaker 2:love that okay, so love a lot of that. But I will say and this is an unpopular opinion, and I don't care if I get flack- for it I do not think that I have to forgive to heal no, you don't.
Speaker 1:I don't think I have. No, I just think you need to just like let it go. You don't have to forgive it, but you can just let it go out of your energy. You can release it from your energy. Correct and not for you it's. Some things are unforgivable. I agree that person is unforgivable, yes, and they don't deserve it and I.
Speaker 2:People always have the argument like it's not for them, it's for you. Well, bullshit, how is that for me? If, if, if that's not something that I want, how is that for me? You know what I mean. Like that, I just I don't. If it works for you, great, I'm happy. It doesn't work for me. So I do like the idea of focusing on you know the me part, without the forgiving him part. Yes, I like that. All right, so I'll read that to myself. The short one, let's be real I know I don't have the attention span.
Speaker 2:No, we didn't even read.
Speaker 1:You didn't even let me read the whole thing, it was still going. It's too long.
Speaker 2:It has to be concise. I have adhd, I cannot. It has to be short and sweet and to the point, like bullet pointed items for me. Great love the format. Take all the fluff out. Just tell me what I need to know. Love that to the point. Let's go.
Speaker 1:Let's go all right, so your session is tomorrow. So now everybody knows what you're focusing on. Um, I have kind of been healing and releasing some. Just you know, trauma, trauma is luke trauma there's, you know, that kind of like still surfaces. I mean we're, we're really close big anniversary.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like super close like yeah so I was not. When you told me that you were getting a booster, I was zero percent surprised because I was like, yeah, I would expect you to get boosters going into it and, honestly, I would expect you to get a booster going out of it.
Speaker 1:Miami Pro was a huge mental drain too.
Speaker 2:Oh, I bet.
Speaker 1:Which we'll do on the catch-up episode, get more in-depth in that. Which happened already, so you can listen to that other episode on our catch-up, to go more in-depth with my show.
Speaker 2:But yeah, that's a lot of strain on your body and mentally trying to prepare for that.
Speaker 1:It being your very first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Plus still the freaking Johnny Bravo. Shit isn't over.
Speaker 1:So there's that too, and I was cardio and lifting and the little food, yeah.
Speaker 2:Dude, you guys we didn't see each other very much because we had a lot of shit going on Again. Listen to the last episode. But the one time I did get a see you, it was like the first time I got to see you in like a month and a half bitch. You were so hangry like I was also felt awful.
Speaker 1:I know I could like, I just didn't feel good.
Speaker 2:We were on a podcast and I looked at you and I was like let's just, let's just do this. I know I'm like thank you just like sitting in the best.
Speaker 1:It was great. So, yeah, ketamine, ketamine is great for all it. I'm like coming more out of it as this episode keeps going on. So I'm like more and more alive.
Speaker 2:My brain is catching up to the how long would you say it takes you to be 100 back to like normal four hours really. Yeah, my, my dose isn't high enough, because I would say so the first time. I was five by the time I got to the car a little before one, and it's five now.
Speaker 1:It's five.
Speaker 2:I forgot how late I picked you up today because, I worked a full day and then, and then you picked me up. We haven't seen each other and it was like hi, I know it's a vibe, it's a vibe, that it's a vibe.
Speaker 1:That was so funny. I'm like hi, it's so funny, it's awesome, yeah, so we also want to answer all of your questions about ketamine.
Speaker 2:I know that there's a lot.
Speaker 1:It is really hard to explain, I like to say it is a deep tissue massage for your brain. Everyone needs it. People use it actually a lot in Silicon Valley for creativity and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:I could see that. I could see that it does make me more creative.
Speaker 1:I do have to feel like, or it makes me feel more creative. I also think it just like lessens my anxiety, which allows me to be more creative.
Speaker 2:I will say so. My body's all sorts of jacked and inflamed all the time and my muscles are tight and my joints, everything's just bad all the time. And I will say that there is a noticeable difference in my body. Um, after, even on the first session, even though I didn't disassociate, I um went to janessa, our lovely janessa from intuitive touch whom we love, love, love yeah.
Speaker 2:So I went and had my very first ketamine and then, uh, three hours later I went and had a 90 minute deep tissue massage because mind, body and soul, right, like just do it all, um, and it like she was like what is happening? She's like your body is almost like a normal human body and it's weirding me out. Did it feel better?
Speaker 1:yeah, it was so I would allow you to relax for the first.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, Because I don't even stored in your body like, yeah, I do I like beat it up in the gym and get it out.
Speaker 1:Yours is like stored.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, because I don't have a release. I haven't cried in six months because apparently I'm emotionally stunted at the moment. I can't tell you the last.
Speaker 1:Well, I broke down crying for like 15 seconds in the car, like three days out from like the. Miami Pro, but before that it's been forever, and I stuff it down and I shove it really deep and I mask it up and I put a pretty face on it. Well, and then the whole thing is now you've got your body Right now.
Speaker 2:it's a sunburned face.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about that. I'm just trying to get a little color on my face and a little red.
Speaker 2:Her face is slightly red. It's not even burnt. To be honest, you're going to wake up tomorrow and it's going to be fine it intensifies everything Like all senses Seeing, smelling, touching, tasting. Yes, yeah, do you? Never mind, I can't even ask you that. I was going to ask if you have a special thing that you crave or want to eat after.
Speaker 1:Oh, that chicken and rice and asparagus was so good.
Speaker 2:It didn't smell good when you burped it in my face.
Speaker 1:Sorry, we were very close together and I just had to burp and I didn't move anything.
Speaker 2:How much I love you.
Speaker 1:It's fine, I know it's that mustard man, trader Joe's dill mustard, so good.
Speaker 2:You love dill everything. Let's be real. The one time I saw you and you were all sorts of fucking hangry. You were eating dill salsa and you literally I didn't say a fucking word and you yelled at me and you're like don't yell at me about my disgusting looking food, Because you always tell me how gross everything I eat is.
Speaker 1:That is fair.
Speaker 2:I do because you eat disgusting fucking food.
Speaker 1:You fucking do when your macros are low. You know what? Egg whites on shredded lettuce with dill pickle salsa, which apparently is a pickle I really feel like it was just really tiny.
Speaker 2:Cut up pickles, that's all it was. That's all it looked like pickled to grill, I think it's the grillo, but I know, but I think it was pickled to grillo, because that's what it's like granolaled Grillo.
Speaker 1:Grillo, but I know, but I think it was pickled to Grillo, cause that's what it's like Granola's pickles.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think that's what it is, but anyways, it's basically just shredded. It was just pickled Dill pickles, dill pickles. But it was just so funny because, yes, normally I definitely give you shit. Normally I didn't even say anything, I was so hungry and dying on the inside, and then you ate, and then you're like, okay, I'm good now for like five minutes, and then I was still dying.
Speaker 1:I had no energy. It's fine, it's fine here we are. I have like carbs. Now you're allowed to eat carbs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she gotta eat rice. Yeah, I wanted the mini churros from jack. I hate jack in the box. I think of jack in the box as hangover food or drunk food, because I realized I literally only ever ate jack in the box when I left the bar because they were open and so I would eat jack in the box. And then, as soon as I got sober, I was like I never eat at jack in the box and so I ate their sober ones and I was like this is why I don't eat here, because the food is absolutely garbage.
Speaker 1:Just, I don't know why you eat a Jack in the Box, because I was drunk, I know, but you're such a foodie.
Speaker 2:I know, no, I don't eat that Jack in the Box, but those mini fucking churros, because I'm addicted to sugar.
Speaker 1:Oh, do you want to see what a churro that I had in Miami?
Speaker 2:Yes, oh, you're going to die, was it?
Speaker 1:stuffed.
Speaker 2:Yes, and it was fresh.
Speaker 1:Because that they have a filling. I'm easy to please Me and Trish shared these. One was Tres Leches Yum and the other was Nutella.
Speaker 2:See, I'm not a big fan of Nutella.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it wasn't my favorite, but I feel like it's too strong of a flavor. For me it was good though, because oh, here we go.
Speaker 2:I'm surprised you found it.
Speaker 1:That was like you guys?
Speaker 2:have you looked at this photo? I'm sorry, I have an inappropriate mind and that looks like dirty porn.
Speaker 1:It's Nutella coming out of a hole, and it's chocolate and caramel coming out of a hole.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:They made these fresh like out of the like and fried them right there. That would be like the food in miami. It was really good, although, yeah, on the ketchup episode, if you have not listened, go there yeah but yes, food after we used to have our little food. Dates after ketamine when you pick me up republic pie.
Speaker 2:That pizza was really good that was the first place that we met up for food, um, after our hiatus too so then we would go there after your ketamine, or that's why we went there, because we went there for your ketamine next to it.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, yes, oh, that pizza. In off season we're gonna have to get it again.
Speaker 2:Brussels with balsamic, so good the fact that, like she's like, okay, I'm gonna finally get to eat pizza, and then the pizza that she chooses has brussels sprouts on it, yes, and balsamic, no, don't get me wrong, it's delicious. It's just really funny because to you, that is, your cheat is eating yes, and I don't like a lot of cheese. I want little cheese I want all the cheese you put more on your stomach. Doesn't want it I cheese doesn't upset my stomach.
Speaker 1:Give me all your sauce.
Speaker 2:Literally everything else does.
Speaker 1:That is so funny, so yeah, so.
Speaker 2:Were you nervous when you first went, like your very first appointment?
Speaker 1:Yes, because I had no idea what to expect and, unlike you, I had never taken. Seen someone be on it.
Speaker 2:No, never taken psychedelics oh oh, oh, we had different childhoods. Yeah, like I mean, I had years.
Speaker 1:Let me rephrase okay, I had taken mushrooms one time as like a teenager, but just a very small dose. I had never like experienced any sort of microdosing, like purposefully. No, well, we did the microdosing thing before or whatever, but no, like I mean, I've never macro, I've never hallucinated or seen anything or had like any sort of a psychedelic experience before. So I didn't know what I was in for sure and I never wanted that because I was always afraid of that. Like I don't want to see weird shit, like that's not something that sounds fun for me, so that so that's actually the weird thing for me is I?
Speaker 2:everybody talks about like, um, hallucinogenics and like what they see and all that stuff, and I've never felt like I've seen. I think there's one time, um, and it was with ac. You know what I'm talking about, yeah, okay. So, um, we were in the woods and I was on a carpet and I saw shapes and stuff and it was like the first time I've ever seen anything and it was just geometric shapes over everything. And I was on a carpet and I saw shapes and stuff and it was like the first time I've ever seen anything and it was just geometric shapes over everything and I was like oh this is what it's like, and I'd done them so many times by that point.
Speaker 2:I couldn't believe I was finally seeing something. And then I thought I could climb a mountain and I fell down and is that where your story of hurting yeah Like?
Speaker 1:is this where the hurting yourself starts?
Speaker 2:Fuck, like is this where the hurting yourself starts? I'm stuck out of my leg, apparently. I've been hurting myself my whole life, but that's neither here nor there. But so I didn't think that like I would have had some sort of tolerance or anything, because I always just feel like mushrooms make me happy, like they bring a lightness, it takes a load off of my shoulder. That's the you know the niceness of it for me. But I've only ever actually seen stuff one time. So I kind of was nervous, um, going into it because I was like, what if I see nothing? That was my concern. So I was on the other side of it where I was like I don't normally see anything, so what if I don't now either? And then it started and I was like, oh, okay, I think this is good, this is.
Speaker 1:I like this. Yeah, this is gonna work. Um, I don't really see much. I like dissolve and I like yeah okay become like there was um.
Speaker 2:This is how I knew when I disassociated on. The second time was because there was a feeling of like it came, something was coming up and once it passed through me, I was no longer solid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the the dissolving the dissolving into like yes. Yeah, it's like I get yes, I get like absorbed by I don't know, I don't know, like whether it's foam or it's, you know, like shaped weird things, like you just get absorbed and you become like different things each time. I've had different journeys, so it's become different each time.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you're controlling that a little bit with your intention? No not at all, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's totally just however it falls. I think the music can play a huge role into it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because.
Speaker 1:I feel like I've tried to chase the same kind of journeys to get more depth to them.
Speaker 2:Sure, it never works out Like trying to go back to something and you can't find more meaning and things.
Speaker 1:Um, it's never worked out. I feel like the playlists are good. At first, when I started, I would do music that really like sunk me into connecting with luke in a different way, or my journey through that, but now it's like, yeah, just the no, no words, blackmail is really good. They have a lot of like different ones. I'll send you a playlist. Um and the oh, my god, I'm gonna say it by binaural.
Speaker 2:I'm so like why is she pausing?
Speaker 1:got it. I'm like that word that I can't say now that. I can say it Binaural, the binaural sounds that light up the different pathways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I don't care what I listen to. I mean, I do, but I don't you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just kind of have to like not focus on the music aspect and just let it be in the background.
Speaker 2:That's what? Because music is not about the music.
Speaker 1:It's about your brain's journey, and the music is just lighting up the different pathways inside your brain.
Speaker 2:But I feel like just in general, music has played such an important factor in my life it does too. You know how much we vibe on that, but like I don't know how to not focus on the music I know Like just don't turn it up super loud and just let it be in the background. You will, because this type of music is not something that you're gonna be. You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean sure, I mean I'm not like rocking out, yeah, it'll like it's very uh, it'll need you.
Speaker 2:My stupid thing is playing and she has music on. Right now I have music on right now, but not on purpose, and now I have to rewind it to the last song I remember listening to, because that is how I work. I love you Even though I have a playlist of 4,700 songs and it's on shuffle.
Speaker 2:I know, I'm very aware. Yeah, so I don't know, like the disconnecting from the music I definitely think will be hard for me, but I enjoy Because I have it on shuffle. And again, this is going to I'm going to make myself sound crazy and I'm very aware of that, but I'm going to say it anyway, because what the hell? In general, so I have 4,718 songs on my playlist and I just have it on shuffle and I very much feel like the universe uses my playlist to like help me get through moments, because songs will come on and I'll be like, oh my God, how did it know? And then it will continuously play songs that like keep me in that emotion and it's random, but it doesn't feel random, you know what I mean. And so, because I went into it with that mindset, like when a song played that would bring me to a darker part, I felt like, oh, this is intentional, like this is supposed to be happening. This is me processing something, but really it could have just been the music. So I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Um, I'm curious to see what this new playlist I'll send you like a good playlist and then like the binaural, and you can see which one you like. Like a good, non-lyrical one, like one that you can still get into.
Speaker 2:Well, I like the one that I found, other than a random words. It doesn't work Because I'm just playing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm just floating. It is not working for you Floating through the colors.
Speaker 1:So stay tuned for another episode of Lacey. We're going to do this to you tomorrow. We're going to flip flop because tomorrow I'm going to make her podcast after and see how it goes oh. God, but what will we talk about?
Speaker 2:The same thing Really. We'll smash them up together, we'll have yin yang episodes.
Speaker 1:Yes, they won't be back to back but it'll be like you coming out of it versus me coming out of it, and I feel so much better. That session actually was really good. I had so much pent up like anxiety and panic. I was like stuck in fight or flight for like since coming back from Miami, my heart rate was like running at night and that's not normal for me.
Speaker 2:Right it is for me. Right it is for me, but not for you.
Speaker 1:No, I can do very little activity. It's back to normal now as of last night. Crazy, that's good yeah, so we're good, um, alright, well, stay tuned for that next episode we are back tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Yes, part two tomorrow. It won't be tomorrow for you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah it will not be tomorrow for you, stay tuned. It'll be like a whole nother week for you guys.
Speaker 2:Maybe even two. We like not be tomorrow for you. Stay tuned, it'll be like a whole other week for you guys, maybe even two it's not going to be back to back, but for us it will be. Yes, but we are glad to be back.
Speaker 1:Maybe we need to post some things on our Instagram. Stay tuned, I'll be back on there. Facebook you need to get back on that, I know no-transcript.