we are NOT the SAME
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we are NOT the SAME
Fiddlefaddle & Friend Requests: When Girl Code Gets Messy
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What happens when your ex-friend's ex-husband sends you a friend request? Does Girl Code have an expiration date? We're untangling the complex web of unwritten rules that guide female friendships and setting the record straight on what Girl Code really means.
The conversation kicks off with a real-life scenario that forces us to examine whether loyalty extends beyond the end of friendships. We share passionate takes on dating friends' exes (spoiler: it's a hard no), but acknowledge the gray areas that exist depending on relationship closeness and circumstances. From the infamous "90-day trial period" to distinguishing between casual dates and serious relationships, we navigate the nuanced boundaries that keep friendships intact.
Beyond romantic entanglements, Girl Code encompasses crucial safety measures like the "No Man Left Behind" policy and having emergency code systems in place. We discuss location sharing, extraction plans for uncomfortable situations, and the wingwoman duties that keep our circle protected. But we don't shy away from calling out how these principles get weaponized by mean girls hiding behind "just keeping it real" when they're actually tearing others down.
The most powerful aspect of Girl Code? Being there through thick and thin. We reflect on how major life changes like sobriety journeys reveal who your true friends are, and the beautiful synchronicity that sometimes brings friends back together after necessary time apart. Whether you're celebrating wins with solo cup wine glasses or showing up at the hospital during tough times, these are the moments that define genuine female friendship.
Ready to examine your own friendship circles? Listen in and ask yourself: Are you living by the real Girl Code or just talking about it?
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Exes and Girl Code Basics
Speaker 1back to. We are not the same and today we have a topic of girl code and what girl code means yeah, and when it applies and when people misabuse it and all the things related to it. The reason why this topic came up, I'm just gonna dive straight in fiddle faddle fucking fiddle faddle, not an active participant in my life for quite a while now at this point, if you need a refresher go listen to.
Speaker 2Jen has Notes that episode.
Speaker 1You might also remember her being referred to as slut. Cum dumpster Cum dumpster, homewrecker, all the things or same person. Her real nickname is Fiddlefaddle.
Speaker 2Yes, Anybody who has. She follows for seconds.
Speaker 1Yeah, she doesn't honor girl code. No, but this is why I got brought up okay, so she's not actively part of my life. I don't think about her, none of the things. Randomly, the other day I Almost choked on coffee. Sorry, I get a friend request from her ex-husband. No, no, but it made me think get a friend request from her ex-husband, no.
Speaker 2No See, he's confused because fiddle faddles for everyone, so he just thinks Fucking, wheezing, I can't when you're married to fiddle, faddle you just assume everyone's gonna fiddle faddle it up.
Speaker 1It's free for everybody. Everybody fiddle faddles. It's not how it is. No, no, that's so okay. But it got me thinking because, like, even though me and her are not friends, I wouldn't accept his friend request because I still believe in girl code and you don't date somebody's ex in my brain for girl code. You just don't do it. No, and he's also a piece of shit human being and I would never, even if he wasn't a friend's ex or an ex friend's ex. But like, why do you.
Speaker 2yeah, Like, why would he want to be social media friends with you? That's just weird.
Speaker 1That is weird.
Speaker 2So I think like we had a list and it was number two, but I feel like we should move it to number one, where x's are no fly zones. There they are, but okay, oh, but hold on. There is like those like if it didn't ever count.
Speaker 1So I was gonna say I. When does girl code count and when does it not?
Speaker 2I think you should always have a discussion, but I like your 90 day trial period but also, how did that trial period go? Because some people like move in with each other in 90 days. I think it's situational if they were never really like, if they went on a date and we're not like you know, like just a random date and nothing ever came of it, then that's fine.
Speaker 2But also you should still like, maybe shoot a message. If they're like a friend friend, here's the thing. Like if they're just an acquaintance and you know that it wasn't, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1This is friend circle, so girl code exists for all girls, but the level of girl code changes depending on closeness, which I agree with Because otherwise, like everybody knows everybody, you wouldn't be able to do anything Correct.
Speaker 2Spokane, washington.
Speaker 1Everybody has dated everybody. You can't date somebody who hasn't dated somebody that you know or slept with or whatever. It's so contaminated. It is basically the sewer. This is why we don't date here or at all not anymore, no, but but I do agree with you that I do think it varies. I read a story, um, I really like reading like that. Am I the asshole or?
Speaker 2am I overreacting? I love other. I love drama dude for real. I don't want to live it, but but I want to read it. We want to know.
When Does Girl Code Apply?
Speaker 1Send us your stories. You can send it anonymous. We'll read it on air. We'll give our honest opinion about it. I love it. I am such a nosy bitch. You have no idea. Like too much information does not exist here. Tell me all the things. I want to know why your kids are in your custody. I want to know what your felony was for. I want to know everything. I want to know all the things. It's it's. It's unhealthy, actually. But what was our new segment called rants and raves?
Speaker 2no, the one before that confession, one, the confession the confessions.
Speaker 1Um, oh, this is the messy one, no, the messy one.
Speaker 2Tell us why you're messy. Tell us why you're messy. Tell me why you're messy. Okay, your messy story. What was it I need?
Speaker 1people to understand. We come up with a million ideas for this podcast and then we don't implement.
Speaker 2We do. We don't implement like 90%. No, we do implement them. Okay, I'm calling you out Bullshit. We actually implement all of them. No, do we?
Speaker 1actually implement all of them? No, Do you know how many segments. I even have them on my phone.
Speaker 2I'm like we should do this segment. We should do this segment, but we have too many ideas and we pick the good ones.
Speaker 1We just have way too many ideas and not enough time to actually implement all of the ideas that I have, If we ever did this as like a full-time thing I have a list of so many segment ideas that we would be doing.
Speaker 2Tell me something messy.
Speaker 1Okay, I had to like listen.
Speaker 2I was a voice note but like I was afraid of what else I was telling her, so I had to like okay, yes, Because I always text, it's always written, and she always sends me voice notes. It's too dangerous to text and drive. I don't do that, but to your point.
Speaker 1It's also dangerous to just randomly play a voice note and not know everything that's included in it. Because our stuff goes off the wall.
Speaker 2Yes, so this is a segment that is happening. We're going to start putting question boxes up on our personal and Instagram page and it's going to be anonymous and it's going to be tell me something messy, and we're going to read them. I love that.
Speaker 1That's going to be fun. Love it.
Speaker 2I want to hear all the things.
Speaker 1Back to Girl Code. So exes, exes are automatic no-go. But I read, I read the story on the internet where, um, this girl and her best friend, they were friends since high school. This girl dated this dude in high school. They broke up. Years went by, they got back together, they end up getting married and the best friend literally like confesses her love for the husband after the ceremony. So they are legally married at this point and she thinks she now thinks it's a good idea to confess her love to the husband and this girl's like, dude, it's my husband and my best friend, like what is happening? Right, like totally confused. And then the best friend goes up to the bride and is like I saw him first because she went to prom with him. One event, one event. It was not like a thing. She went to prom with him before the girl dated him in high school, so she already had like an opportunity also high school.
Speaker 2Things don't necessarily do things time out, yeah, and you also grow up so much that it's like that doesn't count you think so, do you okay?
Speaker 1how do it? Does the level of the circle determine the time out?
Speaker 2Yes, Well, I think the level of the circle is what you owe to that person. I would never, ever talk to any of your exes for many reasons.
Speaker 1One none of them are good.
Speaker 2Well, two, I'm not attracted to any of them.
Speaker 1We have such different tastes, me either no, I am also not attracted to any of them. We have such different me either no, I am also not attracted to any of them. That is part of the problem. I do not date attractive people.
Speaker 2In fact, I will say it was really is that a question on the co-star? Can you ask them if you're going to date an attractive person, because then no, we already know the answer to that.
Speaker 1no, it was actually really funny because right before I was telling the girls that I was going to break up with Lemon, they were like we were just talking about how he's the most attractive person that you've ever dated and I was like, really Because, to me he has a very elongated head, because once I have the ick, I literally see you differently, I view you differently. That picture that you posted of him.
Speaker 2I'm like I know.
Speaker 1Janessa was like you need to take a better photo and take that down. Now I'm like, wow, he is a catfish.
Speaker 2I know she said catfish, but whatever picture he was using on his dating profile is not accurate. It was like that was Photoshop, that was AI, that was not him.
Speaker 1He did look very different from his dating profile photo. That was AI. That was not him. He did look very different from his dating profile photo. I'm like that is not the same person. That is your. That's so funny. That is somebody else. I thought he was blonde and he shows up and he's ginger and I, okay, don't like gingers. I have a thing for gingers and it's a problem. This is probably why things don't work out for me me, they don't have souls, but I do. I have a. I have a weird thing for gingers. It is a problem for me. Um, it's so well known that my kids anytime I'm like I'm gonna go on the date they're like is he ginger? And when they met limit they were like mom, I was like I. I thought he was blonde based off of the photo. This one's not on me yeah, I didn't do him any justice there.
Speaker 1That's just funny, just funny. But the okay. I think so. I guess technically because me and fiddle faddle haven't been friends for such a long time if I would have accepted it. It would not have been breaking girl code, because we're no longer. We hate fiddle and we are no longer friends because she broke girl code. She slept with my ex.
Speaker 2While you guys were still friends.
Speaker 1To get back at me for not accepting her non-pology for sexting with my ex. She was sexting with prison Aaron Carter and I think that's highly inappropriate. In fact she didn't tell me either. I found out from another one of her exes because she told that guy and that guy was like that's kind of shady, and him and one of her other friends, the one that she brought to my graduation and then made me pay for it.
Speaker 1Yes, I know yes, oh, they came together and they decided to tell me because they thought it wasn't OK that she wasn't going to tell me it's not OK, it's not OK. So that's the whole thing. If you're not going to tell me like that's so much worse than you doing it, and then you're telling me because, then I can understand, because her whole excuse was oh, I was drunk first off not really an excuse, especially because I've known you for 26 years and I know that that's not going to change your behavior. You just are who you are. You are a whore, it's fine.
Speaker 2It never affected me before yeah, so here's the thing to shame people we hate her. So if said ex-husband were like your lumberjack ginger and all the he is a ginger, that's so funny.
Speaker 1He's not a lumberjack, he and I'm not. I'm not interested.
Speaker 2Disgusting okay that's the thing, like I would say just go for it because she's because.
Speaker 1I could, but that's the thing. But I could, but you wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to, but I could, but I also.
Speaker 2I don't, yeah, I don't think there's any. I've never been in a situation where I'd want to do anything like that with someone's ex me either.
Speaker 1I don't like instantly. I get disgusted at the thought of it like I know too much I do know too much. That's a big thing, right, that's. That's the thing that made it so confusing. When she did what she did, it was because I'm like you know what a horrible human being was. You were literally there in the apple bees while I was crying and taking shots. Like you were present at that activity.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I think she wants to buy you at a certain point. I don't like that. Okay, so that going to be our number one girl code? I think so. I think so too.
Speaker 1If you get permission, it's fine. That's the whole thing. You have to have permission, you have to communicate.
Speaker 2Yeah, X's are off limits for your immediate friend circle. It becomes gray area the further you go out. But you know, use your best judgment.
Speaker 1Or send, but you know use your best judgment or send us some info, send us the scenario and we'll let you know. And I was like, and I think it also depends on how much you care about that girl, to be honest, because some girls I feel like there's a standard level of girl code that I would do for someone I don't know, but if I know you, and I know that you're a shitty person, I'm probably not going to care as much exactly, you know.
Speaker 2Yeah yeah, um, okay, so this brings us to number two.
Speaker 1No man left behind it's such an important one and it's such a scary one if you get it wrong and also your pin location is not necessarily wherever you're at, because I sent it to you one time and it was the wrong address you sent me to the wrong house.
Speaker 2It was not me, it was, it was apple, it was apple.
Speaker 1I'm like you're like I'm here. I'm like no, you're not. And I was like I've literally been outside for 45 minutes at this point because you fell like that's not, they're here. That's girl code, though, like me not leaving you in a situation, me being like where are you?
Speaker 2I will come and get you I was at a house with a Christmas tree and nothing on it and nothing else really.
Speaker 1No bed nothing.
Speaker 2Christmas tree actually randomly messaged me the other day and I'm like Shocking.
Speaker 1I feel like he always reaches out every once in a while.
Speaker 2Let's see if I can find this one. This one was funny. They're all funny, I'm like. I think I finally was like if I ever need anything, I know where you're at.
Speaker 1Thanks. I think that's a great response to any message from that from someone unwanted um, why is my phone like you're not gonna, not that one those are the other ones.
Speaker 2He's talking to himself in my inbox. That's funny oh so you want, and I'm like gross, yeah, I'm like gross people. I'm like you know no, but if I ever know, if if anything ever changes, I'll let you know I was like no, I think that's an entirely appropriate response.
Speaker 1But so and shut it down. Yeah, perfect, it was wonderful, I enjoyed it. But I do think the not leaving no one left behind is twofold. It's if you, if you all leave to, if you all go out together, you all leave together yes, and I have broken that so many times because I have put you in a cab and sent you home. But you sent me home, I just.
Speaker 2But that's not it's not my fault that cinderella can't hang past midnight but also, if I wasn't an alcoholic, I should have gone home with you. I mean, I knew to make sure, because you were fucked. Nobody's staying at the bar until 3, 4 am, and that's what you did. And I always did I could not do that every friday and saturday for two years.
Speaker 1I went hard, guys, but also it is when you need them. You get them right. Leaving them behind. You might not have been with them when they got themselves into trouble, but like dropping everything. Obviously, within reason there are things that you can't. I get, that but right for the most part. There's not been a single time where you've called me and been like I'm here, I don't want to be here where I haven't been, like okay, I literally went to the bar to pick you up with hair rollers in, I know, and then I didn't get in the car.
Speaker 1I didn't get in the fucking car.
Speaker 2I was so mad and I was like and then the night ended just the way you said it did, and I was like I should have got in the car.
Speaker 1It's like people think I can predict the future.
Speaker 2I'm glad that we're over that time of our lives. I am, too, this kind of well. These are in no particular order.
Speaker 1Let's just say these are in no particular order. No, because we didn't read them first.
Speaker 2Because they like roll from one thing to another. So code red texts have a system in place for emergency situations, whether phone call, excuse or get out of the situation. That's so important and we always do that with each other. I'm like let me know and I'll be like I'm dying. I need you now.
Speaker 1I literally added you to my life 360, so that there was no chance of you getting kidnapped, which actually makes me laugh when you're like where are you?
Speaker 2and I'm like you could literally I could look it up. I do, I don't even ask you like when I know you're coming over, I look it up and I'm like, oh, she's 12 minutes away, perfect, and you're like cruising on, I didn't even that's good, because I forget all the time to be like oh, I'm on my way, I just leave, I just look, I just look now, perfect, see, it saves us both some time.
Speaker 2That's awesome. So, yes, system, I actually have a system with my kids too. They know to send me an emoji and then I call them and I'm like hey, you need to get home, we didn't do chores.
Speaker 1That's good. Deegan will literally message me and say, hey, so-and-so wants me to do this, but I don't want to do it. So I'm going message asking if I can do it, and I need you to say no and I'll be like got it so, and then he'll go through and delete the messages where we have the conversation, and so then when he shows his friend, it looks like I told him he can't go and we do it all the time, and I love that he feels comfortable enough to be like hey, do you mind being the bad guy?
Speaker 2and I'm like not at all my kids know that they can use me for that.
Speaker 1I tell you all the time I'm like do you want me to talk to him? Do you want blame it on me? I don't give a fuck, like I'm the reason. You don't need to know. You don't need to know, but you need to have an out yeah and we learned the hard way that I suck at having an out and so we, because I yeah, if I see your location, some, some weird trailer I'm going to show up.
Speaker 1Remember when I posted that meme where, like, the friend is like in sunglasses and a hoodie and a mustache.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah.
Wingwoman Duties and Calling Out Creeps
Speaker 2I'm going to just go on dates with you now because you suck at being like I need out, I got you. Okay, let's see Next up. Okay, why are you? Just I'm looking to see which ones I want, which ones we want, to wing woman duties. Those ones are good. Um, be ready to support your friend if she's interested in someone, whether it means striking up conversation, creating an exit, exit strategy if it can go, if it goes south which we kind of just we've never, we've never had to do that for each other and because you were with luke for such a long time, but we would, so I would do it.
Speaker 2Well, now we're like. Now we're like is this a red flag? That's true, that and so it's different, it's evolved.
Speaker 1Let's say let's say every time, we're not about lemon.
Speaker 2You would literally be like red flag red flag red flag, or at first I'd be like this is a beige flag, I don't know. You gotta tell me more like let's get it longer than a week more information. I was right though about all the things you were on it, you were super on it, and you're right.
Speaker 1That is the way that we do it now, because we who's gonna?
Speaker 2go out?
Speaker 1we don't go to the bar or club. I don't want to meet anybody that way no, it's not happening.
Speaker 2No, um, call out creepers. If some guy's being a human instagram filter, totally unwanted beer hype man, shut it down.
Speaker 1Time to activate nope mode which block him this hasn't happened in a while because I feel like I've done a good job of getting most of the creeps off of my page. But there was this one guy that I worked with that was always a creeper on my page and I think it was both you and jen that like totally called him out and went off on him in the comments and he was like trying to defend himself and like he was getting a two-fold because, like you and jen were both like verbally attacking this dude about what a fucking creep stick.
Speaker 2Because he it was jen. We talk about it on jen Notes.
Speaker 1Did we?
Speaker 2Yeah, she was like wait, you went through all of the yes.
Speaker 1It was impressive. It was.
Speaker 2This one same thing. It doesn't have to be about relationships, just being honest with your friends in a way that's constructive, so you don't sugarcoat the truth, but you don't want them to make a mistake, so you're supporting while telling the truth.
Honest Support vs. Mean Girls
Speaker 1The supporting part is the part that's important, right? Because I this is where I think girl code gets misused and some girls will be mean, will literally use it as an excuse to be mean and be like girl code. I'm just being real with you, girl, you know what I mean and it's like no, you're fucking not. You know exactly what you're doing. That is not what girl code is. Yes, be honest with me, but be constructive and like, be helpful and be supportive and come from a place of love and growth and understanding, and some mean, mean girls don't do it that way. You know what I mean. Yeah, it's really frustrating to me. I hate it when people misuse girl code. I happen so much. People are like oh, you can't do that because girl code it's like that's. You know that's not what it's about. That's not what it is.
Speaker 2Stop it, girl, the fuck up yes, and you do have to watch out, I feel like, for there's a lot of jealousy girls that pretend to be your friends or not oh my god.
Speaker 1Yes, like the, the ones that, like fake, hype you up and then talk shit about you behind your back. I don't get it, I don't get the teardown, I don't like all women sit here and talk about women, empowering women. Like it's like a universally known thing that people fucking squawk and squawk and squawk.
Speaker 1And I say squawk because like it's important and I think it's how we should be, but people don't live it right they say it and then they go on to somebody's facebook page, instagram page, fucking tiktok, real, I don't give a fuck and tear each other fucking down and it's like for what? What did you get out of that? Does some fake dude now like you more? Like what what?
Speaker 2at the core.
Speaker 1It's something wrong with like yourself that you're right meaning to like you need to put other people down to make you feel good about yourself. I get that, but like I don't understand it, it's not cute I don't understand it, because I put myself down all the time, but I don't put down other people to make me feel better.
Speaker 1No, I've never done that either no, no, I don't either, um no, so also, we celebrate each other's wins, we hype each other up, yeah it popped up on uh facebook memories where, like, um, I think you got promoted in the beach body and I had just got accepted into the master's program, we threw a fucking barbecue yes, with our uh the solo cup wine glasses oh my gosh, that was a thing so trashy I love it.
Speaker 2That's why you liked them now, that's why you love them so much is because they were so trashy, I know that is exactly why I love them, they literally were red solo cups with like crystal stems.
Speaker 1They were fantastic.
Speaker 2That was like it came out back then. I remember it was like more like mimosas are going in these.
Speaker 1That was so funny but it is so important to celebrate things, especially because sometimes we don't celebrate ourselves, so we need other people to like hype us up and like remind us that even the small things are worth celebrating, because sometimes I don't give myself credit and looking back and seeing how far you really come, like what?
Speaker 2you're looking for. Yes, it's hard to to see that it's super hard to see that.
Speaker 1So having somebody in your corner that can like hype you up, bring up your energy, that's the thing that's what I love about. Like hanging out with you, like my energy automatically increases simply by being in your presence, because you're the type of person who instantly brings me up. Right, you hype me up from the second you see me I fight it, I love you.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, that was like it goes into the co-star thing. I help you see that you're the main character of your own story.
Speaker 1Oh, that was. That was weird. It's true I'm working on it, I'm gonna be the main character bitches, but I allow that's like that felt so awkward was like me, allowing you to be yeah, and that's for sure.
Speaker 2Okay, I love that. Um, standing by your friends in difficult times, offering a listen here, helping hand. We always do that.
Celebrating Wins and Being There
Speaker 1We do that for each other yeah, but I do think that's important also because I think some people skip that one. Like, like some people, someone's going through something hard or like, let's say, like becoming sober, shit like that. I lost a lot of friends because of becoming sober, and I get it when somebody makes a change like that, like it makes you kind of self reflect and things like that. But like it was a very eyeopening experience to me that I was going through a hardship, I needed help, I needed to be surrounded by people and then it really showed you know who's there for you and who isn't. So I don't feel like like we take that super seriously, that's super important to our core of who we are. But I feel like that might be one of the ones that you would assume would be followed under girl code.
Speaker 1That is often not, and that's sad, because people often like what if you're in the hospital? Like it takes commitment, like for someone to come and take time off of work and drive out there and be there for you. But like are you going to do that or are you going to be like, oh, that's too much, that's hard. People always talk about like ups and downs and like relationships and like being there when it gets hard. It's even in fucking wedding vows, for better or for worse, and I feel like people need to apply that same mentality to friendships, because those are like the people that are like gonna be in your life for an extended period of time. Those are what you should nurture, and water and all the things yeah, I definitely think.
Speaker 2Well, in my situation, my friends are my handpicked family, so it's like.
Speaker 1But I have different levels, different circles but also think of how much your friend circles have changed yes, but there's been a few core people that never changed.
Speaker 2I don't know after luke died, but it could be a whole nother topic. There was a lot of switches and there was a lot of switches. It definitely like lets you know who your real friends are.
Speaker 1Yeah, and that's that's exactly what I I'm saying is like, yeah, those hard moments, you would assume those people would be there for you, and then it's kind of crazy to see who isn't thank you for always being there welcome um, even though we've had two fallouts but they're not really fallouts I feel like that just happened one was, but we came back.
Speaker 2I feel like we needed that, oh god.
Speaker 1Yes, because we needed to be sober and we needed to be we needed to find our own way, yeah we yes 100.
Speaker 2I think it makes our friendship stronger now because we I had to actually dive into healing without numbing and you were going. You needed to end your journey with alcohol.
Speaker 1Yeah, because I I wasn't gonna ever be able to start the healing journey until I ended that one and my healing journey needed to happen because otherwise I was just like it was.
Speaker 2It's weird how our like it's different paths, but like the same scenario and we that's my.
Speaker 1That's the thing that I find craziest about our friendship is we always end up in similar places at the same time, going through entirely different ways to get there, and like it's never planned, it's just. The universe has always brought us together to get each other through those moments yes and when we were sabotaging it, the universe is like no, no, no, you're not.
Speaker 1You're not doing what you were supposed to do, you're, you took it the other way. They're like you guys have to have a time out and figure your life out and then, once you do that, you can have each other back here we are all right.
Speaker 2Um, we're wrapping up the episode for today. I am just a couple days out, guys. I am tired. We are going. You've gotten all of our episodes. Next week we'll have a little catch up and you'll hear how the show went.
Speaker 1I'm excited. I wish I could go with you.
Speaker 2I know you had something going on, Otherwise you were going to I don't even.
Speaker 1All the things, yes, and none of the funds. Well, stay tuned.
Speaker 2I'm excited, yep.
Speaker 1We'll have a big old combo.
Speaker 2Yes, and Monday we're going out to dinner.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, Because you get to eat real food.
Speaker 2Well, I mean, we're doing a little reverse, it's not? You know, I still have one more show, but yes, we're having dinner together. Actual food.
Speaker 1Because you haven't it's know the last time that we had food together. It's going to be good, we're going to take pictures.
Speaker 2You guys are going to see.
Speaker 1All right, Stay tuned everyone. We will talk to you next time Bye.