we are NOT the SAME
We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos!
we are NOT the SAME
Unpacking Our Past: From Massive Poufs to Parental Drama
Ever wondered what happens when two friends record their lives during a complete emotional spiral? That's exactly what we did in season one of this podcast, and now we're looking back at those wild times with a mixture of horror and amusement.
In this deeply candid catch-up episode, we take you through the evolution of our friendship and personal journeys, from questionable fashion choices (like that four-inch hair poof that required half a bottle of hairspray) to the dramatic relationship revelations that continue to shape our lives. One shocking story involves discovering a secret child that had been hidden for five years during a 9.5-year relationship, alongside other disturbing behaviors that came to light all in one overwhelming day.
We don't hold back as we discuss the challenges of co-parenting with difficult exes, managing strong-willed children, and trying to provide stability despite complicated custody arrangements. There's something uniquely therapeutic about being able to laugh at our past selves while acknowledging how much growth has happened since those early recording days. We share our struggles with finding structure and routine—especially for those of us with ADHD tendencies—and our dating patterns that we're actively working to improve ("unattractive, unmotivated, usually addicted to something" being the type we're trying to avoid).
Between planning fitness competitions, family trips, and celebrating important milestones, we're navigating life's complexities with honesty and humor. This episode perfectly captures why listeners connect with our unfiltered conversations—we're all works in progress, making mistakes, learning from them, and occasionally recording the whole messy journey for everyone's enjoyment. Join us for this raw, heartfelt discussion that proves sometimes the best stories come from our most chaotic chapters.
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We are not the same, although sometimes we are. I know it's weird how the older we get, the more alike we get, like when we tell old stories. That's where you really hear how different we are.
Speaker 2:And then now in our old age, I think that we need to do a revamp of a few episodes, like an encore of season. One needs to come back and then we can talk about it on the next episode, which means you need to actually listen to it but it'll be funny because it's like you from a long time ago from such a different time in my life like same. I listen to some of them and I laugh like who was that? We?
Speaker 1:literally recorded our spiral for everybody's enjoyment.
Speaker 2:I don't think people understand. You want to listen to season one.
Speaker 1:It is the downfall we were literally in the middle of a downfall I mean we had an emotional state in our our friendship and just everything great time we, we were there was several highs oh few lows what a roller coaster of a time that was oh, but it was funny.
Speaker 2:The situation I remember looking around one day, one bright early morning.
Speaker 1:How do you end up in a?
Speaker 2:house with just a Christmas tree.
Speaker 1:The funniest part is that you knew it only had a Christmas tree and you still made the decision to stay. And this is a bare Christmas tree, by the way.
Speaker 2:Let's just say and it was not real.
Speaker 1:My ability to ignore a red flag back then was so fucking like. On point Right, like I am much better now at identifying, I'm not as great as running away from it, working on it, getting better.
Speaker 2:But, like then, there was no hope for me and there was no hope for you and no just like just during the recording christmas tree randomly reaches out to me or comments on my stories on instagram. He talks to himself in my inbox. It's quite hilarious. I send it to you.
Speaker 1:I screenshot it, I know well, see, and that's like that also is different for me, like my inbox back then versus my inbox now is a very different experience. I'm like I because listen, boys, you may not think you love crazy, but you love crazy, you love a crazy girl. And like I had so much more attention when I was a crazy girl versus now we documented our spiral.
Speaker 2:Then I was all about the Instagram stories and the Snap stories. You have so many photos and videos that I was unaware that you had, because you literally recorded everything, everything. And I have it. This is why I have Snapchat, only to save.
Speaker 1:For our memories.
Speaker 2:Yes, there's a lot of like Luke too, so I keep that on there. So I keep all that stuff. But then I get reminded of, like it's, all of the Luke memories and then it's like five years of like shit, not shit show, but the first, definitely first two years, year and a half after he died. It was a hardcore like. I went through a lot of transitions. I went through phases of outfits too. There was like the hippity dippity that you called me hippity, dippity, bitch.
Speaker 2:Yes, the fucking flare bell bottoms that were so large they were the biggest bell bottoms I've ever.
Speaker 1:I when you go big literally.
Speaker 2:Are we talking about the poop? Are we talking? About the fucking bell bottoms like you, never fucking half-ass anything anything you're like oh, this is the trend, let me double it wasn't even the trend, it was just what I was into, your trend it was. But now it's funny because then they start like coming around. I'm like, did I set the trend or was I?
Speaker 1:like that fuck. That photo that I posted of our 10 year side by side comparison makes me fucking laugh.
Speaker 2:Every single, like the fucking hype on that and that wasn't even the highest it's ever been. Nope, I went to nashville for a beach body convention and I showed up with that poof and I remember ashley who commented on it. She like spooned my poof, like put a spoon right through it and it didn't fucking move. There is a picture.
Speaker 1:Well, the amount of hairspray that you would have to use in order to get that to stay. Listen, I have poofed my hair before. I'm not totally innocent in all this, but like the height is the height for me, right? Like I would get like a little baby poof just to be like, look, I have volume.
Speaker 2:I'm a product of the snooki jersey shore days. Okay, have you seen her now? On the new I randomly came across they're still rolling. They're still rolling, family vacation, but now they're just like. Am I thinking that I'm much younger than I am? Because I'm like they look old, not the guys, but snooki and listen.
Speaker 1:I'm like men age like wine and women age like cheese. And it's not fucking fair like why do men get more attractive as they get old?
Speaker 2:not all of you listen, not no because I will talk about how I re-downloaded um hinge and everybody is you made it three days, well, and I only was on it once and I was very not impressed although you did, oh god, you sent me the funniest message.
Speaker 1:You told me that I should get on him because there was a lot of redhead lumberjack lookers on there, or?
Speaker 2:that look, they're outdoors. That could be considered lumberjack, I'm like they look like they're gingers. Are you not allowed to say gingers anymore? Is that offensive?
Speaker 1:okay, people are trying to make it a thing, but I know that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my head ever like how is that? That's literally. That's the color that's. Your hair isn't red. I'm sorry, look in the mirror your hair. If your hair is red, that is artificial as you have dyed it. Your hair isn't red. Your hair is the color of ginger this is when she.
Speaker 2:that is it, that's theof, and that's when she decided to spoon my poof. Oh, that was there is definitely a spoon through, oh, but my hair was down that day, so that was good. That's good, okay, so I definitely need to.
Speaker 1:Just the level of effort. How long would that take you to make that poof? What did we name him? What did we name him? I don't know he.
Speaker 2:I can't like.
Speaker 1:I don't know how to politically. Hold on, we're going to turn all the microphones off so I can get a nickname now for respect of the situation, we had to have a nickname. I haven't thought about that person me neither we'll call.
Speaker 2:this is like the biggest poof. I'm going to go ahead and send you these photos so we're going to share. How fucking big is that? Why?
Speaker 1:I just don't understand.
Speaker 2:I don't either, but that day I was like we're doing this.
Speaker 1:Which is the funniest thing, also, because when's the last time you wore a poof?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. 2015.
Speaker 1:Right, I think these photos might be the last time someone was like I was we should have had an intervention is what we should have done this is also when I had no muscle.
Speaker 2:Look how tiny my arm it's that one, it's that one.
Speaker 1:Holy fuck. Okay, it makes you look like you have the biggest fucking eight head in the world, like because your hair is blonde and you're four. Oh my god, it's that one. It makes you look like you have the biggest fucking egghead in the world, like because your hair is blonde and your forehead oh my God, it's that one. It's fucking that one.
Speaker 2:Why did I think that that was like?
Speaker 1:Shit like this is what makes me wish that, oh wait, hold on. Dude.
Speaker 2:Look, we were traveling. That was what I decided to wear. How long would that take you? Oh, do you want to see how it started and then how it ended? Like the progression?
Speaker 1:Yes, because one time Cindy took a picture. That's what we should do. Is we should post the progression? Okay, when I used to have colored hair right, remember the colored hair? Yes, that was a couple years, that was a long time you did that Rainbow color.
Speaker 2:Yes, hold on, I'm getting it.
Speaker 1:It takes you a long time to go through your phone because you have like millions. You have to have millions of photos by this point, because she'll take 80 photos of the same thing, only slightly different, and not delete any of them. It's mind boggling to me. That was just to get it high.
Speaker 2:you look like you have a crown and that was like before I did that was just to get volume to my hair, so imagine how it would look.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because that wasn't even it would just be the front and then I would comb it up. So that's how it was achieved, just slightly different, and we're going to share all these photos. A hair, half a bottle of hairspray. I would use the poof like the powder stuff, the power root stuff. So you spray that on and then you fucking backcomb the shit out of it. You backcomb and as you backcomb then you spray with like the spray and play the red can. It had to be the red one. It was because because it was like or people would be cheap and use the aussie one, but like that shit was cement so you could go there.
Speaker 1:Listen, all I would do was take my comb and I would tease it and then I'd spray hairspray, and then I'd tease it and I'd spray hairspray and I'd comb over it and I'd call it. That was. That was my level of effort to do a poof, but also mine was like a quarter of an inch to half an inch and yours is like a solid three and a half inches to four inches, maybe six, I mean it's hard to tell from this angle and how old those photos were well, it's essentially the size of your forehead doubled.
Speaker 1:So how big is your forehead?
Speaker 2:the average size. But we're like what? Three fingers in four, fingers in four. Like three and a quarter, so like six inch. No, that's like two like four inches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like four inches.
Speaker 2:We're talking four inches. That was a lot.
Speaker 1:It's that one that's straight on for me, because, like from from the side you're like okay, like, yeah, it's a poof pony like, but like I don't know, for some reason, from the side you're like, okay, it like, yeah, it's a poof pony like, but like I don't know, for some reason, from the front it's really fucking aggressive.
Speaker 2:I ran the glow in the park with a poof so much poofage um, did we ever say the name of that person, adderall? Oh yeah, so that person, just like the adderall, only knew me with a poof and I feel like that's just very sad. That's well.
Speaker 1:No, not only is a poof, but that was the poof era, that was the poof era, I literally forgot about that person, and you know what we used to call them what moobs, because he had the man boobs I know, but now that also covers I forgot, but guess what that also covers tiny ankles okay, but he already. Oh, my god, I remember now, because I was like ha, yes, yep, yes, we called, oh god I remember he should be so long ago.
Speaker 2:He should be movesobz.
Speaker 1:That's so long ago, not ever all he should be Moobz, because that I will always realize who he is. Because the way when you told me that story I literally fell out of my chair. I was laughing so hard because, like you reenacted it, do you?
Speaker 2:laugh harder at that, or backpack Because they both were, are just the same amount of HA.
Speaker 1:I think the moves one, because that's a full frontal view of you. You know what I mean, like you saw and touched at the same time, versus someone coming up behind you and jumping on you like the fucking monkey from Dora Very different. Someone jumping on your back or cuddling your back, I think, is less of a scare than looking down because you feel something that doesn't feel right and then realizing you're squeezing a move that shouldn't be there.
Speaker 2:also super funny that you've never been around moobs before no, because I was very much like in a relationship forever yeah, I know and then there was moobs, and then just so I also had long-term relationships.
Speaker 1:My big thing like went after like me in prison, eric carter split, so we were nine and a half years long time we have not touched on him.
Speaker 2:Being on, shall we just really quick? So?
Speaker 1:yeah, that was a. That was a bad day for me, just in general. Can we just talk about the whole of the day?
Speaker 2:can I say I'm shocked that tiny ankles has not been posted at all.
Speaker 1:I also am and why are you calling him tiny ankles and not johnny bravo?
Speaker 2:johnny bravo because everybody calls him tiny ankles and so like I just figured that was more adopting Johnny Bravo, Because in his head Johnny Bravo is like a compliment.
Speaker 1:He's not offended by it, which is funny, but he is very insecure about his tiny ankles, which is also very weird because he literally highlights them in his high water pants. So why are you emphasizing an area of your body that you're insecure about?
Speaker 2:He thinks that the high top shoes hide it. He thinks that the high tops hide it.
Speaker 1:No, it just gives more like emphasis that your toothpick angle is sitting inside it emphasizes it like you can, especially all of it right, because he's a triangle, so it's like he's coming down to a point at his tiny ankles, like every, everything is directing your line of vision to them his outfit choices, body shape, all of it is insecurity. It's all there all of it it's like a map this coffee's really good it's very pretty very.
Speaker 2:I think that like makes half of the reason why it's so good.
Speaker 1:The nespresso makes it nice and I have been spoiling myself and I have bought coffee like two times in a month congratulations thank you. I even did a vault uh coffee flight. I saw that. Who were you with um?
Speaker 2:my friend david okay, I knew it was a guy. You want to know why? Because of the stuff that was on the table yes, yeah, and I was gonna ask you, but then I was like, oh, it's creepy, I'll ask her. Instead of asking her when she can just like respond in private, I'm gonna ask her on podcast we're not gonna talk to each other anymore unless it's on recording.
Speaker 1:Well, we start to and I'm like shut up, I know we do. We're like stop talking and then we'll talk on the podcast and not even talk about the shit because we already talked about it so many other things because we can't redo it.
Speaker 2:It's like part of the draw of this podcast is the authenticity, the rawness of it and like who we are, which, again, we're gonna do an encore of apparently we are one of our season one we need to find our favorite episode, and so the next episode is going to be an encore, and then the one after that is going to be our topic on. Is it adhd or?
Speaker 1:trauma. I don't think we should do the encore one next, because I haven't had time to listen to any of the things. It's only an hour.
Speaker 2:I'll send you the one that I think we should do and just pick it then. Okay, and then I'll send it to you and you listen to it. Oh, you mean because we won't be able to listen to it today. Okay, you're right. I get really excited, but we can do a bonus encore episode. We'll figure it out Our encores can be bonuses, because we know you guys love it when we throw in a bonus episode, so, um, we can do that.
Speaker 1:So okay, so yeah, prisoner and carter okay, so this is not the first time that he has been posted. Last time he was posted, all I did because I got tagged in a bunch like a bunch of bunch um, all I did was I commented, you know, like I know him pretty freaking. Well, I'm the mother of his children, well, I can't even say it that way, allegedly I mean, it's true, but there's another one, but we'll get to that. Um, I don't know if we've never talked about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we kind of talked, I mean a little bit, but not like so.
Speaker 1:Okay, because this all happened in the same day, right, so he gets posted a second time. I wake up to 13 pages of screenshots, 13 of comments on this post, dude, and it is the most fucking unhinged shit. Like I, I was sharing it with my bonus child because I'm not going to share with my kids, right, like I'm not no, you're not that no I'm keeping that away from them as much as I possibly can.
Speaker 2:I mean, who knows? They also know their father. They know their father.
Speaker 2:They can see with their eyeballs, I know, it's not too hard to see a functioning parent and an unfunctioning parent, one that goes to jail, one that doesn't, one that has a house, one that doesn't, one that has a car and that doesn't. One that's never had a job, one that's always had a job, one that, like, I don't even know if he can read, one that has a master's like there's a big difference. One who claims to be 29 one who says her own age.
Speaker 1:That's the whole thing. Like he, he claimed that he's 29. He says that he has a vasectomy. He does not, because he said that he got it while me and him were together after we think this is how he impregnates everyone. Let's go ahead and talk about your your children's half sister yeah. So for those who don't know the reason why, me in prison eric, we were going to get married on our 10-year anniversary and I started the downfall by being like, oh he, he was just tattooing on some girl's ass.
Speaker 2:Remember I showed you at a pta or whatever. And I didn the downfall by being like, oh he, he was just tattooing on some girl's ass. Remember I showed you at a pta or whatever and I didn't mean to show you.
Speaker 1:That was like, well, I thought it was like you had known, or something like that he was hiding that from you and then all the other things that came out yeah, because people were posting on the page saying that he, uh, apparently, allegedly everything is allegedly. I don't have any, all I have is what other people posted, right, like don't fucking sue me, um, apparently like he's gonna sue you. I know like he'll ever even fucking hear this um, apparently he was trading tattoos with underage girls for sex, so found that out. That's fun, that's fucking fun.
Speaker 2:Well, he pretends to be a lot younger than he really is, so I believe it, even that that makes it even worse, right, because he is almost 40 y'all he will be 40 in september and he's telling these girls he's 29, he's saying he has a vasectomy.
Speaker 1:He doesn't have a vasectomy. Um, we broke up because, uh, five months before our wedding that I had paid for entirely myself, out of pocket, out seven grand. Um, a girl messaged me and said hey, I'm the mother of carrie's daughter. Okay, you should reach out to me. And I was like what?
Speaker 2:the only reason she reached out is because she wanted more money that his mother had been paying her to keep secret right?
Speaker 1:yes, so her mom knew five years, yeah, for five years, yeah, yeah, the been for five years, yeah For five years. Yeah, the child was five years old. Our child was five years old, so we were pregnant at the same time. That child was born in August and my child was born in November.
Speaker 2:This was not like. Oh, guess what. Five years later, it's popped up. No, this has been a secret kept from you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how long they knew, but it was an extended period of time Enough to where there was a legal court order for child support that I didn't know about. She worked at the bank with prison.
Speaker 2:Aaron Carter's mom.
Speaker 1:I mean, I just said it, it's fine, there's no last names, because listen. Cheryl is a very generalized name for that age group and back then me and her weren't good, so I don't feel like can I tell you when I visualize Karen's mom like a Karen, her mom is Cheryl.
Speaker 1:That's really good. She is a big, scary German woman. Listen, I'm not gonna lie, that's not what I imagined. That's what she is, though. She is a big, scary German woman. Listen, I'm not going to lie, that's not what I imagined. That's what she is, though she's a big, very loud, very boisterous German woman.
Speaker 2:Then how did her fucking kids end up the way they did?
Speaker 1:Because they didn't discipline them.
Speaker 2:She should have used some of that yelling towards them.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm sure she yelled, but sometimes you've got to not enable the behavior.
Speaker 2:I'm going out. Queen of the enablers, let's be real Prison.
Speaker 1:Erin Carter lives in her house for free. She pays for literally everything His cell phone, his tattoo, stuff, like literally weed. She pays for literally everything, so he doesn't have to have a job.
Speaker 2:He hasn't had a job.
Speaker 1:Since I've known you, since I was four months pregnant with Deegan, so De since I was four months pregnant with deegan, so deegan will be 18 in november. So yes, he hasn't had a job in in 18 years, was that job um it was. We both worked at ict together. Very, very short lived, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:well, this is the fucked up part.
Speaker 1:I'm like we live together, did he?
Speaker 2:get past his probationary period.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, but listen this is what this is what makes it fucked up I remember we lived together, we worked together, we worked the same shift. We were on different teams because they wouldn't let us be on the same team, because we were dating and, honestly, thank god, because who wants to spend 24 hours a day with somebody not fucking me so?
Speaker 2:this is why you need a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1:Oh gross. So I don't, I'm sorry, I don't, I don't like it, it's suffocating. So we worked the same shift, we rode together and somehow this motherfucker got fired for attendance. And I'm like how in the world did you get fired for attendance when I didn't? When we drive here together and have the same shift, I don't fucking get it. Like, what do you do, fucking? We both get here and you just walk away. Who fucking knows? I don't know, but anyway he's a piece of shit. So same day I get all these things. Some of the messengers said he was like sending videos of him fucking a pillow to people like that. That is where bonus child stopped reading he.
Speaker 1:He couldn't read past that I can't, I'm here, that he was like he's like this is too much and I was like, yeah, he has to be on drugs there's still like four more pages, so the worst thing for me personally to find out was while we were still together. The person said this happened 15 years ago. My youngest is 15. His other secret fucking love child is also 15, so this means that he either had two pregnant girls or two very brand new babies while this behavior was happening.
Speaker 1:Apparently he was actively stalking a 17 year old girl and he got banned from her place of business and like it was like a whole thing. So while he had two brand new babies or two pregnant bitches, he was also actively stalking an underage girl. So that was fun for me to learn. So I learned that in the morning, because that's what I woke up to. Yay. Then my youngest child asked if I could meet his sister, said sister that is only a couple months older because I hadn't. I've never met her. She, president Aaron Carter, denied her literally forever and ever and was like no, that's not real. And I'm like there's a court order.
Speaker 1:I think, it's fucking real.
Speaker 2:He just believes his own lies.
Speaker 1:He even tried to tell the girl he got engaged to after me that it wasn't his kid Right, and then randomly like he's a narcissist who like he just creates, like I honestly believe because I experienced this with Johnny Bravo.
Speaker 2:Like they just say things and they're hard to it, I think, eventually in their weird fucked up minds like it becomes the reality.
Speaker 1:I completely agree with you. So like what was it? At this point now, I was like two and a half years ago Memorial Day, it was the same it was my six month anniversary weekend trip with Cowardly Lion Same weekend. All of a sudden, this girl pops up. So Ashton's what? 13 at the time? And I'm just like wait, what? Like she hasn't been around for 13 years.
Speaker 1:And now it's a very weird dynamic because Ashton and her are like besties and Deegan and her Deegan wants absolutely nothing to do with her, and I respect both of their decisions. Like they, they have the right to feel how they feel about it and it is what it is. But so I had to like meet her for the very first time after I just got all that juicy fucking info about her dad and I was just like this is awkward and uncomfortable for me. And then she and his new girlfriend was also in the car, so and it was like the first time I was really meeting her. And then these girls proceeded to tell me their life story, like all the things, like things that you don't tell, like your boyfriend's mom, the first time you meet them and they're very damaged.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's sad.
Speaker 2:Lots of trauma, some and they need somebody to like they need like therapy and like all they're reaching out, but that's not your wheelhouse, so don't take on any more kids. You're like don't this sounds really bad? You're the local shelter for troubled teens and dogs.
Speaker 1:I like to help people, but the whole thing is like this is you're like the collector of the broken and damaged and dogs. I like to help people. It's what I do, but the whole thing is like this is the first time I've ever, you're like the collector of the broken and damaged.
Speaker 2:Fuck, you're the Pied Piper of the broken heart, the broken souls.
Speaker 1:That explains my dating history as well. I know You're like come on, I can fix you. Why do I think?
Speaker 2:I can, and your own sinking ship as you're burning and going down.
Speaker 1:I know, like I'm, this is fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, let's talk about you. What can I do for you? I know, I know, but then I also felt so bad because I'm like, obviously these girls feel like they have nobody else to talk to.
Speaker 2:You, like, like why else are they talking to? Me her mom chose to go be with a man that she knew.
Speaker 1:I don't know this. I'm like. I'm not going to get into specifics, so it's like I mean I don't know, that was a bad choice.
Speaker 2:Everyone made bad choices, so just deal with it. I don't know, I'm a widow, so I'm like you're a little hardened. Well, yeah, I'm like also I kind of get offended when people like, oh, I'm a single, like what are you gonna chose that? You chose that life. Like if me and luke were like not together, I would not like if he were not dead and we were just like split up, like well, there was a point in time for like almost, for, yeah, like basically a year where we were not together.
Speaker 2:I was never like oh, poor me, I'm a single mom like you, just pull your shit together and you do it. You just get it fucking done.
Speaker 1:Well, and she wasn't a single mom. That's the weird part.
Speaker 2:She the whole reason why, I guess Carrie no, I mean she's so damaged I'm saying in general, people in general and her daughter is damaged because of what she's done, gotcha, and it's her responsibility to fix it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that was my one stipulation, though I was like, listen, I'll meet you because you've done a lot for your kids and made sure that they weren't fucked up.
Speaker 2:As much as their dad and tries to fuck them up, you try to undo the fuckery. So at least there's that you're just playing catch up and you're just like erasing as he's messing it up.
Speaker 1:You're just erasing, it's like okay, so it's like you're vacuuming and someone is coming and they're like.
Speaker 2:They're like dumping crumbs on the ground, and so you have to circle around fucking round.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of work to break even, yeah, I will say, because our schedule sucks like summer. We're week on, week off, right?
Speaker 2:so like at least they're old enough.
Speaker 1:Now they can kind of escape, fine, but like when they were little, like kids need structure and routine and I think it's very important and, yes, I like big I need structure and routine yeah, no, we're gonna fix you, it's okay like I need it.
Speaker 2:I know I should thrive on it that and just torturing myself with. I love working out like that but yeah, I need that.
Speaker 1:No, I get that I want. I want structuring routine. So bad and we'll have to talk about this on the adhd episode. Because, like, I buy all the journals and I have all the good intentions and I want to be organized and I can't fuck be organized if my life depended on it, like I cannot do it, but I crave it, I want it. It would help me.
Speaker 1:So bad I feel that, and I just am not capable of it yeah, it drives me crazy but like so, but I'm, but I'm good with it for other people it's only when it's only me that I'm a shit show. Right like my shit showness only affects me, I can manage other people like nobody's business. That's what I do. I'm a boss, I'm great at what I do.
Speaker 2:I don't know why I suck so bad internally, because I'm great at managing other people there's something that I think that you don't think that there's value in managing yourself, um, that you'd rather manage other people, because by the time you're done doing everything else, there's nothing left for you to pour into you, and you do not carve out the time. But maybe you will, because they're giving you some medication.
Speaker 1:I got prescribed meth.
Speaker 2:It's so funny. We were talking about how, like they tried putting me on medication when I was like 21 and I was like so offended that my therapist was like, here, fill this out, we're going to try it. And I was like so offended that my therapist was like, here, fill this out, we're going to try.
Speaker 1:And I was like I never went back and I'm so excited that I, because I've been trying to get it for 20.
Speaker 2:Well, now I'm like I don't know why I was so like against it. Maybe it would help.
Speaker 1:But that's the next episode.
Speaker 2:Yes, we'll talk about that then.
Speaker 1:If anybody questions whether or not we have adhd, they just need to listen to an episode of this fucking podcast, because we cannot stay on topic if our life but we always come back around and I feel like that's half of the appeal, like you never know what you're gonna get.
Speaker 2:What rabbit hole shall we follow?
Speaker 1:random, random fucking bits, random ramblings, but they always get to a point. We try to always bring it back to the main.
Speaker 2:We always do, except these catch-up episodes are literally just us catching up, it's no.
Speaker 1:There's no plan to you don't listen.
Speaker 2:They're actually really good I don't listen.
Speaker 1:I listen it's. It's solely because I hate the sound of my own voice, like he hasn't broke it over it it has nothing to do with anything other than I absolutely despise the sound of my own voice and I have a thing with sounds.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but just put it on in the background.
Speaker 1:But then I won't listen to it.
Speaker 2:How do you watch?
Speaker 1:shows, then I don't. They are my emotional support. Background noise it's comforting that it's there and when I look up.
Speaker 2:I can pay attention, but listen if you've ever sat and watched't watch.
Speaker 1:TV. I rewind it 80 million times.
Speaker 2:You're. You don't need to listen to them like every word. Just have them on the background because you remember, because we talked about things, and then you'll pick up on my memory. Yeah, and it's just good to like brush over and listen to. Like I've learned I say and do weird things that I would have never picked up on if I didn't listen.
Speaker 1:See, I don't want to be self-conscious about my mannerisms because, I'm weird as fuck. Yours aren't bad.
Speaker 2:I tell you I'm like. I just straight up and tell you I'm like.
Speaker 1:So I'm very aware that I fucking cackle, I can't stop, I love it, I I never say anything about that.
Speaker 2:The only time was like we cut each other off a lot, yes, and then when you don't eat the microphone you get very mad at me when I don't. It feels uncomfortable other than that you're very eloquent. It's me that says like and um a lot and I use filler words when I start to get in like to start feeling things. I've noticed since ketamine my anxiety is like calm down a lot, my mood has improved a lot and it's easier for me like, as I say, like it's easier for me to get through.
Speaker 2:I I love brain fog. The dissociation is not as bad, because there was points where I could not sit through, like Really, the time of year to, though, brings a lot back flashbacks, memories, things like that, but the dissociation is real and it was way worse than it had been in a long time. I, my brain would just go and I could not focus or concentrate on anything. It's hard to, as we both go silent.
Speaker 1:I know, because I'm thinking about a million things, because that's the way my brain works.
Speaker 2:So I am currently 31 days out from Max Fit, so that's going to be my last show of the season.
Speaker 2:That one is also in Florida Florida dustin, florida, um, and I am going to bring my mom with me because she's just watched the kids the whole time and she loves the ocean, so I want her to. She likes watching me, so it'll be good for us to. We haven't really done a lot of things since luke's past. I think we were trying to mend our relationship and we were in a really good spot and then he passed away and then it's been like a little rocky, yes, and then also it has been, but we were like actively doing stuff, like to work on our relationship and doing things together, and I feel like now not, I feel like this is how it is.
Speaker 2:She's the only other person besides that I have right. So if I'm doing something, she's watching the children, so we do not it. Also we have to like kind of work on things. I think like I'm triggered a lot by certain things and the death brought up a lot of stuff. So our relation, but we can't really do things together because if I have the kids then I don't know. So it'll be nice to do something because you're like you watch the kids so I can do this.
Speaker 1:And then you're like okay, now I'm going to watch the kids so you can go and do something, and spend time with you, so then you guys don't ever really get to spend time together, because then who's going to watch the kids?
Speaker 2:and I think we need that, yeah because, like, life is too short yeah, so we're going on, not she comes with us a lot to like Florida and stuff, but the kids are always there can. I tell you, trips with the short one are not trips, they're fucking work. She's in a really hard time in her life right now and the whole johnny bravo situation like re-traumatize the trauma, so re-traumatize the trauma. So the counseling route is being taken with her. But she is a very strong-willed child and yeah she gets really angry really fast, yes, which.
Speaker 1:So I have that same problem with asha. When he was younger, like I, we would blow up at each other because he would be so angry about something else, and then he'd take it out on me and then I'd get mad because I didn't do anything fucking wrong and I'm like I don't deserve to be treated like this, and then we'd have to separate and then both of us cool down, then we could come back together and we could talk but she's like six and doesn't right because she doesn't cool down she amps and she doesn't know how to.
Speaker 1:She doesn't know how to like communicate with you about what's really bothering her.
Speaker 2:She just kind of shuts down and yeah it's, I can see the like, I see the hurt, but like it doesn't. It's so weird because, like I don't get hurt either, I don't cry. I get like angry, right, like that's me. Like I get it, kim's, I get it, but it's like hard.
Speaker 1:I cry when we're different um, it's hard to articulate. Yeah, so I get that for her so where are they gonna do when you're in florida? Oh?
Speaker 2:she's gonna go stay with luke's mom. Oh really and cami I yeah, yes, so that'll be her first, and then the kids have the older two have cheer camp, so brayden will go off with his other family oh, so that just kind of worked out well she has a few people that have offered to take her, so we'll see where she wants to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that worked out well. Yes, and Kinsley's really excited about that and she, luke's mom, just came up this last weekend and they talk on the phone a lot, so I think it's good. I actually reached out to her and I was like she because she's very curious as far as Luke goes and asks a lot of questions, I think it would be good to have like direct info, yeah, and like healing as far as, like realizing that he you know what I mean just having more of a connection to him.
Speaker 2:Um, I think she needs that, because I think she just feels like lost and left out and it's like, no, you're six years old and we all have a lot of life going on and you're crazy. Outbursts like this is where, like, the parenting comes in, because it's a lot easier for me to give her whatever, but it's like no natural consequences or consequences as far as like your behavior and yeah, consequences are very important.
Speaker 1:Yes, because if not you turn into prison.
Speaker 2:Yes, and for strong-willed children. It is very hard, yeah, and it takes a lot of work. Yeah, so we're going through that, but, yes, 31 days out, um, and then, yeah, good night.
Speaker 1:And then so what? Okay, because I think you're gone, and then you come back, and then I go, because me and the boys are going to colorado for a week yes, but we are celebrating luke's birthday on august 19th.
Speaker 2:We're gonna I'll, that's when I'm back. It's like, right you?
Speaker 1:have it. No, I'm here. Yeah, you said it was in your calendar. I have it. I'll prove it. I'll show you. Hold on, I will prove it. I know for a fact that I have it. Ha 19th.
Speaker 2:Luke's birthday Perfect Ha ha.
Speaker 1:I have it, it's in there. Yes, because I don't leave until the 24th.
Speaker 2:Perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then, like as a family thing, like you were talking about spending time with your mom, so we're doing a senior trip because, um, deegan and my niece zoe, who is amazing and just did a fundraiser- through killer burger.
Speaker 2:She's not cute, that's not a word. She's a woman. Now she is gorgeous. I know she's almost 18, oh that's scary, um, but um.
Speaker 1:so they are both seniors together. They're only. They're born only four weeks apart. Um, so for their spring break this year we are going on a cruise and it's going to be my family and Zoe's family, so my sister and her husband and stuff, but now it's been expanded and, like my dad and my stepmom are going and my stepbrothers and their spouses are going and Nate's daughter and their spouses are coming. So like it went from like this little just Jen's family and my family to now it's like our entire immediate family is all going on this cruise, and at the end of March, early April. So that'll be interesting, that'll be fun.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I'm like rubbing out my shoulder at the same time I'm sitting here. Oh, speaking of massage, we have Janessa coming on later.
Speaker 1:Yes, she's going to read our cards.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited yes, she's gonna read our cards. I'm so excited. I'm very excited. Oh, do you want to do your co-star really quick? Yeah, why not? So if you listen to our previous episode co-star confession. So now we've been, although my co-star and I don't know yours is way more accurate than mine and I think it might be an apple to android thing, because mine is a lot different.
Speaker 2:So, um, mine, I have not read it yet, so now I will. It says let yourself be. You've been editing yourself to fit in those odd thoughts you keep private. They're your real power. People crave authenticity more than perfection. The quirks you hide might be exactly what opens the next door.
Speaker 1:See, yours is always like fucking on point. It's almost weird. It's kind of eerie.
Speaker 2:I know I'll send them to you sometimes.
Speaker 1:I'm like like ouch, yeah, because I mean it's not afraid to call you out. Okay. Mine says um, your beautiful heart will bring you beautiful things. Someone is actively trying to get closer to you. A chance to connect honestly with them requires lowering your guard just a little. You have what it takes to make it happen. This month. Your sense of well-being relies on your willingness to do something unusual with someone. What? This is a commendable move for someone who has a bad habit of promising more than they can deliver. Your freaky wildcard self is yearning to come to the forefront. Let it shock and amaze you.
Speaker 2:Alright, that was all over the place, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it also leans quite heavily on me meeting a person, and I'm not even putting myself in environments in which I would meet a person.
Speaker 2:So again, I feel like mine is not accurate at all.
Speaker 1:But I feel like yours is yeah, we'll have just see what the cards say. I know, so stay tuned for that that's normally. That always freaks me out because of how accurate it she's read for me. I think three times now, and each time I literally stopped talking to the situationship because of a reading that janessa gave me. Me and him didn't talk for like two years and then I broke. But we're actively not talking now. We haven't. The last time I saw him was when he helped pull my car out of a ditch.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, I remember that yeah, it's the last time we talked it's safer that way that's good, because I you know I have a history of repeating the same mistakes, since motorcycle you got your leftovers back.
Speaker 2:I got my leftovers back. That was the only thing on my mind. I'm like did you get your leftovers? This time it's a little repeat, a little remix. We'll swing on back through to get my right now. You technically got leftovers in multiple ways, but they were your own both of them were leftovers so left no crumbs. Takes a whole different uh I'm fucking dying over here god I need to make better life choices.
Speaker 1:I thought it was fine. I thought it was fine, it's fine. It's fine Janessa did say because I made a comment, we have a group thread, oh yeah, I did read that.
Speaker 2:She said it was fine.
Speaker 1:I know because I was all like. The universe is punishing me for making the same bad choice over and over, it wasn't really a bad choice, and she's like it because of a person. I was like okay, because you know, a person I feel is punishment. It was.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:And I ran into a little pea and that was weird. Last time I saw that person, I literally snuck out of their house while they were in the shower because I didn't want to have sex with them. Like I'm out. It's like, no, I'm leaving. Oh man, I'm out.
Speaker 2:It's like no, I'm leaving.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I'm awful, sometimes I don't mean to be, but I am, I own it, I'm self-aware.
Speaker 2:It's fine, it's fine, I'm working.
Speaker 1:I'm continuously working on being a better person at all times. It's balance. I have to balance the good Samaritan part of me somehow right the bad choices part of me.
Speaker 2:I don't think bad choices, I just think you may you meet questionable men I.
Speaker 1:I attract a type, that's for sure unattractive, unmotivated, usually addicted to something oh, my god, the accuracy, though. I'm sorry, I mean I'm fucking you're getting better. You're getting better I do feel like lemon was an attractive no, okay, no, when I saw the picture you posted. Okay, that was a bad photo, but it was because even even when I, like, went to the wedding there, people made comments that he was the most attractive person.
Speaker 2:That I dated.
Speaker 1:And I was like, well, that's too bad.
Speaker 2:There's only up from here. There's only up from here because the bar is real low. It's so low all right, men, she's taking a oh, I'm on sabbatical.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not. That's why I know my co-star is off as fuck. Because, like I am, no, because listen I'm not actively shot.
Speaker 2:You can go ahead and send us a text no, no. On the app it says right there, whatever app you listen to us on, it says send us a text.
Speaker 1:No, we're not going to get any responses. You want to take Lacey out? I don't think a lot of dudes listen to our podcast, except the ones that are actively stalking, which, by the way, hello, how are you today?
Speaker 2:How's move working out for you?
Speaker 1:That's so funny, oh, oh god, that is funny.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, it's like I don't even want to know any details, and yet they still get like shown to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's the thing, right, like I purposely unfollow and block people to like because I don't need to know things about them. But let me tell you I always find out all the things because people want you to know. And I don't know why people want you to know, but people want you to know. Like when there was a post a couple years ago about prison aaron carter, potentially um doing underage ladies and it went. It was like circling on facebook and I got sent it at least like four times before I posted on facebook and asked people to stop sending it to me people just like being mixed up in the drama three times, or they think that they're doing good by helping you right, I think some people.
Speaker 1:If it don't affect my kids, then especially your situation, because it's so far removed it's been a long time, but that's also why it's so crazy to still be learning new things. Like I always knew, he was horrible and I knew so many bad things.
Speaker 2:His horribleness was going to change because no, not that.
Speaker 1:No, I mean about finding out about additional things that he did while we were together like, so it makes it even worse than it already was.
Speaker 2:No, no no, it was just. He's a shit person at his core and you, finally, are now a witness to all the things that you didn't see before, but he was always a horrible person and doing all these horrible things. There's probably more. I knew so much. Nope, there's probably more children you don't know about there's probably more of that.
Speaker 1:Well, the reality of it's true. I don't want my kids all right.
Speaker 2:Well, mr vasectomy prisoner and carter does not have one, and that's my thing.
Speaker 1:Right, I need to inform people like also mind-boggling to me that he has been able to get this many people to sleep with him in general, like 13 pages. Mind-boggling to me, mind-boggling. But anyway, fair warning to anybody out there. He has had stds, he does not have a vasectomy and he will not put a condom on, so I'm just warning everybody please stay away, please.
Speaker 1:This is my public service announcement or if you don't, you know like then that's on you that, because go back to the pick me girls right there are always gonna be there because that's how, remember, we got in a fight last time because I said I said if you have questions you can ask me. But I'm not going to bad mouth him like openly on the whatever.
Speaker 2:We got in a fight.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, Me and him. Oh, I'm like wait, because some girl immediately saw the post on Facebook about him being in the time and ran and told him and those are definition.
Speaker 2:Fucking pick me, but they're always going to be there I know, but it's mind-boggling to me. They're like why would you want you just always know that there's going to be a handful of them, so just always crazy to me like, why?
Speaker 1:how would you look at that? And you see all that shit that all those people are posting and be like baby, that's the one I want because imagine what their life is like if that is a prize to them.
Speaker 2:That's crazy.
Speaker 1:There's always gonna be someone, and I say that with my dating history there's always someone lower.
Speaker 2:I'm so picky now. I'm trying to be and on that note we're gonna wrap it up for today alright, we will talk to you next week. Make good life choices, guys bye besties.