we are NOT the SAME
We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos!
we are NOT the SAME
Unveiling Pretty Privilege
The concept of pretty privilege might seem straightforward, but as our candid conversation reveals, it's anything but simple. We're diving deep into how physical appearance shapes our daily interactions, opportunities, and treatment from others—often in ways that those with the privilege don't even recognize.
"That, my dear, is pretty privilege," one host points out when discussing how her co-host regularly receives gifts and attention from men without requesting them. Meanwhile, the same experiences remain completely foreign to others. From discounted meals to free drinks and special treatment, we unpack real-life examples of how beauty bias operates in our world.
But the conversation takes a fascinating turn when we explore how pretty privilege intersects with body dysmorphia—that disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. Even those society deems conventionally attractive often struggle to recognize their own beauty or physical achievements. A competitive bodybuilder shares how strange it feels to see photographs of herself on stage, thinking, "Wait, that's me?" while her friend admits to keeping an unflattering photo to remind herself she's "not that fat anymore."
We don't shy away from controversial topics, questioning whether the body positivity movement has swung too far from its original purpose. "Why can't we just focus on being healthy?" we wonder, advocating for balanced approaches to body image that neither glorify unhealthy habits nor shame people for their natural bodies. The conversation explores how childhood experiences with food, family dynamics, and societal pressures shape our complex relationships with our bodies.
Whether you've benefited from pretty privilege, struggled with body image, or simply want to understand these pervasive social dynamics better, this episode offers raw insights and honest perspectives from two friends who aren't afraid to say, "We're not the same."
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We are not the same. That was cheesy.
Speaker 2:I like it.
Speaker 1:I'm Heather, I am Lacey and we're your hosts. Yeah, welcome.
Speaker 2:Hey, glad you're here. No, I like the shit show it is very much chaos. Maybe we should be like there is a podcast already called Karma and Chaos and I'm like'm like, fuck, that's a good name for us that is a good name.
Speaker 1:Um, we talked about changing our name before, but it always just falls back to this because we say it to each other so fucking often, like it's the most used phrase that we like we'll just be talking about something and one of us will be like yeah, we're not the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's nice because we have like differing but similar opinions on things. Also, the best friendships, I feel like are forged from being different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we push each other out of our comfort zones, which is always good and healthy, like I think, everyone should push themselves out of their comfort zone. But we also understand each other and like support each other and all the things, and the more like we were looking at our like astrology signs and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Like I allow you to be like seen in yourself and it seems like I'm the only person that does that for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even what was it?
Speaker 2:the co-star said something about that the other day yes, I screenshotted it and I'm like oh, it's true, which is why we're gonna get the sun and moon matching tattoos someday, apparently we, we are I actually really want it on my I.
Speaker 1:I don't have wrist space we don't have to put it in the same spot though.
Speaker 2:No, but I was just thinking where would I put it? I want somewhere oh, I wouldn't mind a cute little arm, like something there. Somewhere that I could always see it, to remember you.
Speaker 2:That's the thing, but anyways, yeah, off topic per usual. So welcome to the fucking shit show. No, welcome to the add hamster wheel. God I know where there's cul-de-sacs randomly taken at any moment in time. I don't even know. It's a hamster wheel that has like that's like slits right and then the slits randomly fall out and the hamster like shoots off into random places and then eventually you put it back and then it's running again and it shoots off in some random direction and then you gotta put it back.
Speaker 1:Can't it just be like the whole cage with the turns and the pipes?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and eventually you come back around, but you'll shoot off randomly, like there's nowhere to go.
Speaker 1:You gotta get back to where you started eventually.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we'll get there and we're back.
Speaker 1:Pretty privilege, yeah, privilege yeah, um yeah, we're definitely not the same on this one, because you experience it and I don't I don't know, maybe okay pretty.
Speaker 2:Privilege refers to social advantages and preferential treatment that individuals perceive as as physically attractive often. Why can I not fucking read anyways, if you're pretty, you get a bunch of bonuses and nice treatment. So they're saying, manifest in career opportunities, social interactions, general perceptions by others. Benefit from pretty privilege, might receive more positive attention, better customer service or even higher salaries. The concept highlights how biases based on physical appearance can lead to inequalities and unequal treatment in both personal and professional settings.
Speaker 1:It 1 million percent exists and it's prevalent and people just kind of ignored that it's definitely a thing, it's definitely a. Thing.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I think there's a spectrum too. Yes, a hundred percent, and it's.
Speaker 2:It's not a gender specific thing, because pretty men can get away with more than non-attractive men, exactly just like pretty girls can get away with more than non-attractive girls people in general, objectively, of course, people in general like I mean, if you put someone, okay, we could probably do a science experiment, right, we could take me just normal and then like, put me in a fat suit, dishevel me, make me look like I'm not put together.
Speaker 1:I was like where are you going with this? And then like see what happens.
Speaker 2:Like the same difference, yes, the same social situations and see what happens yeah, it's totally true, like I also have to say that it would make me uncomfortable. Okay, so say that I were hiring someone because I've done HR stuff like that, right, yeah, I'm hiring someone and I have two people that come in. One who is could be physically attractive but also presents himself very well, right, like so nice clothes, nice hair.
Speaker 1:Presentation matters.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. And then I have an overweight individual who comes in sloppily, not put together. I'm obviously going to go for the other person, regardless if I think they're more physically attractive. They're more put together. So are we talking about?
Speaker 1:this is a spectrum thing yeah, no, that's fair, because that's perception is a big part of it, because I think there's some voluptuous women that are actually like very gorgeous, absolutely and they present themselves very well I don't mind a girl that's got a little thickness to her.
Speaker 2:I think it's attractive, so I like it yeah, I think then it goes into, it could go into like so are we talking just like stereotypical pretty I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think you can't have the conversation without talking about the spectrum, because I do think that matters, because there's also people to your point that might be considered attractive by society standards, but if they don't have their shit put together, the presentation you're not going to necessarily come across as much, but you might get away with more, right. So the person who is moderately attractive has to be put together in order to present the best package versus somebody who's extremely attractive, couldn't put in less effort and might. Someone might be like oh oh, I wore sweats today because blah, blah, blah Even though it's like a job interview and you shouldn't wear sweats and someone's going to be more forgiving to that person simply because they're attractive, versus if the less attractive person were to show up in sweats, they'd be like dude, you're not prepared.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:The perspective is different. Yes, but I like not.
Speaker 2:not, it's hard because do you remember when you yelled at me about my face because I said that I was in?
Speaker 1:I was just thinking should I queue up that video?
Speaker 2:okay, we were going out and I'm like, but I don't have makeup on and I am in like sweats and you're like, but your fucking face looks like that all the time like it doesn't.
Speaker 1:Nobody gives a fuck if you're in sweats because your face looks like that, like it's just the fucking truth, though, like I have been chubby, I've been bigger.
Speaker 2:At one point I remember I would get the comments like you're, so your face is so pretty. And I remember being like I'm fat. But there was a point in time when I was fat, but my face has always been pretty apparently when I tell people they're pretty, it's normally because they say something stupid.
Speaker 1:I tell okay, I shouldn't tell them, they'll be like oh, you're so pretty, um, do you think that?
Speaker 2:we get. Do you get different treatment with me versus like?
Speaker 1:like when I'm out with you, yeah, um, that's a good question. Sometimes, me and you, I think, don't go out in that type of setting anymore, but when we would like go to the bar, you would have gentlemen who would want to like purchase a beverage for you and not off, do you? Oh, my god, yes, we went to a fucking restaurant once. I don't even remember what it was. It pops up on my facebook memories. I'll have to. Next time I see it, I'll have to grab it. We literally were at a restaurant and the waiter came over to ask if we needed anything. I ordered another beverage and you didn't, and he brought you one and not me.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure it was a hop jack and I was like are you fucking kidding me right now? So yes, sometimes it's different when I'm out with you, treatment like you're we. We get different treatment, like with your non-pretty friends like you. Don't have to name names, it's fine. I will say um hey, we got a discount on hop jacks the other day.
Speaker 1:I'm used to it because I have the same experience hanging out with you as I have hanging out with my sister.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say oh do you remember that one time when we all went me, you and Jen, and Jen popped in later and she was. I have it on video and she's like hello, I want to eat too.
Speaker 1:I went to eat too, please. That's funny, but so I'm. I am used to being around people that have pretty flip privilege. That's hard to say over and over again.
Speaker 2:I just say why it's not just me call it pp. No, I'm like did you see my face? No, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't hear it in my head before I said it I do that all the time. We're not doing that but um so jen gets freaky all the time, and we were literally just talking about this at family dinner yesterday. My sister, she is very much universally attractive, like everybody. Men find her attractive, women find her attractive, but she's also small and cute. So she's like she's hot and cute because, let's be real, those are not the same and treatment for those two people are not the same.
Speaker 1:Being cute and being hot, it's not. And also in pretty privilege we have.
Speaker 2:I'm just lumping myself. Me and her both have this personality where we're kind of like out there very outgoing, very confident confidence matters as well and I have to say personality matters in pretty privilege, because if you have a shit nasty personality you may get in the door, but you're someone's not going to continuously like.
Speaker 1:If you're not a nice, I will say to an extent, I do think that there are situations where a horrible person it makes them ugly on the inside, yeah, but some people don't care about that.
Speaker 2:No, but like I think, hollywood, no, but like in daily, like if somebody is like a nasty personality, I'm sorry, but their vibe and everything, just it's just negative and I can't I guess. Yes, I feel it's fine, but like I could not, yeah but like it ruins, like there's no filter for your energy or your personality.
Speaker 1:You can't fix that no, but some people literally do not care. Some people are so fixated on it. Goes back to our previous episode from last week um about like collectors and stuff like they don't give a fuck what type of person you are really. They just want to show off. They just you know.
Speaker 2:So some people don't care, but I do think more people care than don't yeah, I still feel like, yeah, collector, but I feel like the collector has to have a certain level. I mean a level of it because they keep them, they keep them friendly, right, they keep everybody like. I just feel like you have to. The person that you're choosing has to maintain I don't know, because if somebody was like crazy, that's not going to be a good collection because they're going to blow the shit up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but some dudes like crazy. Yeah, I don't get it, but some dudes like it.
Speaker 2:Some women do too yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, they do. Some people are like don't look at me, I don't like crazy, I just attract it. It's not the same.
Speaker 2:I pick for my available options because I don't have pretty privilege. Okay, this is the part calling the kettle black, as I'm like waiting for court from the con artist's ex-boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Thank you, pretty. Privilege does not save you from narcissists. We'll just say that it might be a narcissist magnet, because Well, you don't got to be pretty for that, because, again, case in point.
Speaker 1:But somebody who's pretty would stroke their ego because they're like look what I have yeah, hence the difference between someone trying to show off and be like tag me in every single photo that you ever take ever versus don't let anybody know that we're dating. And when we go out to denny's you're gonna have a panic attack because you're gonna be scared someone's gonna see us these scenarios sound very targeted. They don't sound like scenarios that are made up.
Speaker 2:They sound very specific, like the first one, maybe for me the later for you, I definitely Fat Roger.
Speaker 1:Definitely.
Speaker 2:I remember when I saw him out at that fucking little rock bar, the rock bar. I don't know why I was there. I was with a friend we were having. It was a long time ago.
Speaker 1:And he was there with another girl.
Speaker 2:This was like when I was like 29 two other girls and I said weird, you're so busy you can't go out.
Speaker 1:But you're out with, not with not my friend, when not your girlfriend with literally other girls. Yeah, we won't get into that.
Speaker 2:I'm like where's my friend?
Speaker 1:so I think the I think the thing is that a lot of girls that have pretty privilege don't realize that that's what it is. But as being like the outsider looking in, I can clearly see something that happens to you as being pretty privileged, where you might just see it as something that just happens to you because it's normal for you it's. It becomes pretty privileged when, like it's not normal for everybody else but you don't, when like it's not normal for everybody else but you don't know that it's not normal for everybody else. Can you give me examples?
Speaker 1:normal for you have examples for me, for you specifically um, I think yes, but I don't know if you want me to say it out loud, I'm gonna uh, you would literally have men just send you money for nothing in return, yeah, yeah, that doesn't happen to normal people. That, my dear, is pretty privileged. I've never had a man just message me and be like, hey, you like gifts, would you like one? And me be like yes, and then them send me money. That has never once happened to me, ever that happened to you this week.
Speaker 2:Like that, yeah, so, yes, but it was a new thing for me.
Speaker 1:I was like okay but not really like yes but no, you just it. You aren't aware of it when you are in a relationship because you are dedicated to your relationship and you're not single a lot, so you don't necessarily see it, but every time you have been single, men in general very much want to buy you things.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. Yes, one person.
Speaker 1:You know who I'm talking about the communications oh, totally different people, okay. So there you go, there you go just providing your own fucking examples. But yes, communications ugly duck it. Yes, so it might not happen often because of the circumstances of your life, but it happens every time that it can yeah, for you. I've only had it happen one time where I had somebody send me gifts and it I didn't. I never found out who it was and it was creepy I really wanted a thousand dollars cash.
Speaker 1:That was amazing. I got a watch in the mail sent to me no return sender, no notes, no anything. I got a necklace. I got got ear iPhone ear pods which obviously this person doesn't owe me because I'm definitely not an iPhone person and then I got an envelope no note thousand dollars cash. So it was like once every three months for a year and then it stopped and I never figured out who it was and like it was creepy. But also send me more money.
Speaker 2:I want to know, I still want to know.
Speaker 1:It was years ago at this point, I never found out who it was, never figured it out, especially because the envelope that had the money on it did not have a stamp on it, so, like it was put, someone knew. And I have one of those stacked mailboxes where it doesn't even say your address on the outside, so that makes it extra creepy. How did you know which one was my mailbox, my mailbox?
Speaker 2:is a3, that you don't know. That's my house. Somebody else was supposed to be.
Speaker 1:It's fine you know, I had my name on it. Oh, all of them had my name on it. It's so weird. And yeah, stamp. And then I did one time see, I only get it when it's a stalker, like the creepy.
Speaker 1:That means this person was like outside your house and watch me get the mail or something I don't know. I mean, I took the money and I was grateful, but but that's it. That's the only time that's ever happened to me. Like I don't on the regular, like even when I used to drink, I would go out. I did not have boys clamoring to buy me drinks. Did they do that to me? Yes, you didn't pay for shit when we went to the bar. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2:maybe this is why I cinderella'd myself I'm like sure, or that time you're like, do not drink, that do not drink that and I'm like, solve the problem. I just threw up in this cup right here. You're like we need to go to the bathroom you have to go.
Speaker 1:I'm like what you told me not to drink it, so I evacuated it into the cup, and then the few times I did get gentlemen there was this one time I got blackout I'm just gonna, by the way, this was like 15 years ago, 12 years ago, 10 years ago so we have no conception time. This, yeah, this was?
Speaker 2:this was nine days. This is like 10 years ago.
Speaker 1:Has it been 10 years, mm-hmm, because well, it's been at least six but Lily's 12, she was like two.
Speaker 2:That was the only time that we didn't make me feel really old.
Speaker 1:I know, not talk about.
Speaker 2:You are the one who brought that up, because I just had to put like a psa out there. This is, this is not recent, this is not new.
Speaker 1:No, no, okay. So I have a friend. She's beautiful, I love her. Um, I'm just gonna call her d, she'll know who she is.
Speaker 1:Um, for her birthday, it was just me and her and I got blackout and drove, because it's what I do. No one can tell when I'm blackout. That's part of the reason why I don't drink anymore. Um, I, somehow we ended up at um curly's, which doesn't even exist anymore, which is crazy and sad. But like so we ended up at curly's and then like the next day, whatever me and her talking, and or it's like a week later at this point, because I didn't want to admit to her that I was driving her blackout, because that's a horrible thing to do. Don't ever do that to your friends. Um, but I admitted to her.
Speaker 1:I was like I have to tell you something. She's like what I was, like I don't remember, after we left Jackson Hole, and she's like are you kidding me right now? I was like no, not at all. And so she's updating me on the events of the evening. And apparently we there were two gentlemen um at Curly's, and sorry, it makes me laugh every time.
Speaker 1:I was like so was I nice? And she's like well, you were you and I was like so I wasn't. She's like no, not really, but they still bought us food and drinks. So apparently if I'm blackout I can get people to buy me drinks, but on the regular, no, I didn't. I don't have pretty privilege where, like a gentleman will just come over and offer to buy me a beverage unless I am with you or I'm with my sister, because then they want to impress you so much that they are like I'm gonna buy a beverage for you and your friend. Like have you ever seen the movie dilf? That's me right, I am like the sidekick friend, but I know my place, it doesn't offend me, I'm okay with it, but that's just like. That's you not recognizing that you have that?
Speaker 2:pretty privilege. Yeah, we don't go out, so we don't really have those scenarios Not anymore.
Speaker 1:I'm not like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, we're just kind of like home bodies, or we go out and then we come back. Oh, I never resonated from last night. The comedian was talking about being home by eight, 45.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I'm like God. I hope I am. And then you were home.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm like I love this. I don't think I could start a show at 10. I remember when I went to be on wonderland and I'm like, wait, the headliner is like midnight one o'clock.
Speaker 1:Fuck. I know why don love that even I went to a daytime festival. I'll go all day I went to the offspring and even the lead singer.
Speaker 2:I would do early. Let's do a sunrise concert.
Speaker 1:He's like why can't we do this at noon? Why are we starting this so late? He's like it is 9 pm. I am like almost 60. I am old. He's like this is late, so late. It's funny.
Speaker 1:But I do think that pretty privilege, because one of the things that we were also kind of talking about is like pretty privilege versus body dysmorphia and how they kind of correlate. Because then you have you have the people who are like naturally pretty, that like like you, like your face looks like that you wake up, you don't have to put on makeup, you're going to look like that, it is what it is right. And then you have people that are pretty with makeup. And then you have people who are pretty that like they, but they gotta put the work in, like sometimes people are naturally thin or they naturally have like this hourglass va va va voom figure, like they were just blessed, and then other people have to work for it and then so like I think this is where this is why I don't think you recognize your pretty privilege, because you still struggle with your idea of what you look like, like when you look in the mirror.
Speaker 1:I don't think you see what everybody else sees.
Speaker 2:Definitely don't, I know, I don't, I definitely don't, I think, because my body changes so much with bodybuilding, not so much, but like just over the years, really.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean, you've been pregnant four times yes.
Speaker 2:And then I completely reshaped my body, like I lost multiple times tons of weight. You got way too skinny at one point in your life gosh, there was that one part where I just didn't even have. I literally had a concave ass. Do you remember that? I was like a two by four like two by four.
Speaker 1:stick with like little biceps yeah.
Speaker 2:And no boobs, nothing.
Speaker 1:You had no fat on your body, no, anywhere.
Speaker 2:And now, like shaping to where, like, I'm just muscle.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And but like post show, I definitely. I'm up like right now with everything like from like show day, like 10 pounds, nine pounds, eight, nine pounds, which is like with fluid and everything kind of nothing normal, it's kind of. I mean, some people don't it's everybody's so different.
Speaker 1:I'm just like a larger, more substantial human, like I'm just not a teeny, tiny person do you feel like you get treated differently now that you're all muscular than you did in any of your other stages of your body?
Speaker 2:I think I forget that I'm muscular and like really how? Because, like I, it was funny, we were walking me and lily, this was when I was like right before stage I was going oh, I ran into that guy from that. I didn't know who he was. He's like heather, remember, I don't know who it was, and he's like, oh, the front, that knows you the guy that I ran to at walmart oh yeah, yeah, fiddle faddles x okay, and I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:Now that I know that I'm gonna be like fucking fiddle faddle, a sorry for you. Anyways, choices. I had no idea who this human was. And I'm like, oh, hi. And then he's like you don't remember me and I was like when did? And then he's like you don't remember me and I was like when did we meet? And he's like, oh, you were going through a hard time. And I'm like, oh, right, after Luke, yeah, the strip club is where you met him After we dressed like Clueless.
Speaker 2:Was it our Clueless night that turned into a day? Yes, the Christmas tree, the wrong ping.
Speaker 1:That whole where we turned my, my bunco group sober that was a long night oh, that was a lot happened a lot happened.
Speaker 2:I don't think any bunco really happened though I don't remember bunco at all. We had it at your house yeah, but we were up here, we were so messed up there was for like, consecutively, like almost 48 hours.
Speaker 1:I didn't sleep for 36 hours straight at least it was a long night.
Speaker 2:It was a lot. There was a lot of things that happened. We lived a lot of life.
Speaker 1:I'm not surprised that you didn't remember him.
Speaker 2:I looked at him and well, because that whole window of my there was like a couple months post Luke where I was like, or that whole window where it was like a good six months, where we like until the end of the year, so like between, really between june and like december when we stopped talking I was like just trying to fucking survive, yeah, 100, and there was a lot of alcohol involved, and when the kids would go to sleep I would leave.
Speaker 2:I didn't like to sleep at that time. A lot of bad thing. I just couldn't do it. So it was either me, yeah, anyways, I was numbing myself in a lot of ways. So I was like, yeah, I'm a lot better now. I got into bodybuilding.
Speaker 2:And he's like I can tell, and I'm like, oh yeah, I'm like right out from the shop but then people can look at you and tell, like you don't have to tell people because it's like warm outside, so I'm like in shorts and like a tank top too, so it's like it could be winter outside and you are shorts and not not a tank top, not so much, no, not like no, because I get cold, but like it's hot, like, not like you, like you're always cold.
Speaker 1:I'm in blankets currently. I have a blanket on. See, I'm actually, but you're half out of it. Yeah, it seems really warm. It's because your room is an icebox at all times.
Speaker 2:I have to be cold. I like to be cold warm. I like to be cold on the outside, warm on the inside. So like I have lots of blankets, but I like to be freezing on the outside when I sleep. Also, my room is like there's not a lot of airflow, so it has to stay cold, or with it being like 90, yeah it gets too much, so I'm like I'll just keep it ice boxy um.
Speaker 2:But anyway, we were going off of. Okay, body dysmorphia yes, yeah, so many different sizes. So, like the whole muscular thing, we okay, this is the story that I was telling. So me and Lily were walking somewhere and I'm like, is there something in my nose or something? She's like no, why. I'm like, is there something on my lips? She's like no, mom, you're really muscular right now.
Speaker 1:And she's like and I have a six pack and I'm like, yes, you do, dear, she's so cute, she does and she has little quads like me.
Speaker 2:She wants to do fitness. So I'm like, oh yeah, I guess people don't normally see people like me like just walking around no I'm always like what people are looking at me.
Speaker 1:I'm like what's wrong with me? But listen, you have that body with that face. So that's the thing, right, because I think a lot of times people would associate bodybuilding with, like, a more manly looking lady. Yes, I don't know if I worded that in a way that didn't offend anybody. I tried to like how do I say this In this political? Climate I don't know how to word things. You're fine, but you know what I mean thing. You're fine, but you know there's a spectrum there.
Speaker 2:There's there, especially if you look back, definitely for like body, women, bodybuilders from like back in the day yes, because they have a tendency to look more masculine, yes, okay, so like I am, I use some performance enhancers very little, but I am very careful with what I use. There are things that you can use that change your femininity, yes, and there's different levels. So I'm in wellness. You still want to be feminine, I. It's really important to me to stay that way, so I would never take or utilize certain things to change that. But as you go up in categories physique okay, so there's figure, physique, bodybuilding, right, so they go up you need to obtain, usually to win, a level of muscle that you need to use performance enhancers that can alter your femininity like testosterone specifically, or other things.
Speaker 2:Well no, because, see, we use hrt through a doctor. So there's other things too, but, yes, an overdosed level of that. Um, there, I'm not super educated on things because, like other things, because I don't use those, um, but like things that a man would use, got it that interfere with your sex hormones, that can alter your appearance, um, but I don't utilize those do you feel confident in the way that you look now?
Speaker 2:coming off post show. I guess I had these grand ideas that I was going to stay lean for a while. Feel confident in the way that you look now Coming off post show. I guess I had these grand ideas that I was going to stay lean for a while. Currently, yes, I feel I like that. I kind of shift my focus because I've been focusing on getting lean for so long. Now I'm like I just want to feel better. I want to push more weight in the gym and I don't want to be so fatigued. So in those areas I like how strong I'm feeling. I love the peeled look.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I'm a little fluffy, but I don't feel like bad about it. This is where it gets crazy to me, because like you look in the mirror and you think that you're fluffy, and I look at you and I think that you're like you have no, no fat on your body at all, like I can see all of your muscles. And so it's weird to me that when you look at yourself you think that you're fluffy, but when I look at myself in the mirror I think I'm huge. Like I specifically wear tight clothing on purpose, which seems counterintuitive for somebody who thinks they're fat to purposely wear tight clothes.
Speaker 1:But I need to wear tight clothing because I have to actually see my body, I have to see my shape, because if I'm wearing something that's more boxy, when I look at myself in the mirror, all I feel like I'm that shape. So if I wear like a boxy dress or a boxy shirt, I literally in my brain that's the size of my body and it fucks with me bad. So I have to wear tight clothes so that I can see the actual shape of my body, so that I don't convince myself that I'm like five times bigger than I am. So like I get it, I get how you can look at yourself in the mirror and see something different, because I do that, but I don't get it because I shut my mic off.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm like what happened? I'm sorry I shut my mic off.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I just panicked, but I don't get it, because I see you and I know what you actually look like.
Speaker 2:So it's weird to to just like see body dysmorphia from both sides. Yeah, and you've seen me.
Speaker 1:Every shape and size, every shape and size um you've lost weight. Now um I. I fluctuate. I'm in a weird spot but you like.
Speaker 2:Do you think that you notice body dysmorphia more when you're smaller? No well because I feel like getting lean, being lean, being like super lean and chasing that, I think just bodybuilder. I don't know the body, it's not. I also feel like because my mind for so long because I did a really long prep was get lean, get lean, get lean. It has taken like a mental shift for me to be like and I know your body, not yes but I also know I'm reversing right.
Speaker 2:So what my body is doing is try to equaling out, so it's like doing all these weird things. I know it will equal out and I trust the process, because I'm not being an asshole, no, and I'm following my reverse and I'm eating the same things. I actually enjoy my foods, it's just more of it now, um, and I'm still, you know, following my reverse.
Speaker 1:I think, part of the difference, though, it's like you. You literally compete based off of what your body looks like, which is like oh my god, I would never do that in a million years why do I love it so much?
Speaker 2:I don't know, it gets me so excited.
Speaker 1:But like you literally look at other people's bodies and then you have to compare your body to their body because of, well, what you do, for like you are a pro bodybuilder, like that's literally we were talking about this.
Speaker 2:So it is like I am always constantly looking up to, obviously, and in this world of the best physiques, right? So like I'm on stage in open wellness with the top physiques of wellness, physiques of the world, basically like these, and so I'm comparing my body to the best of the best, right, like I'm not visually seeing. This is what average 39 year olds yes, I'm 39. My whoop age is 31.2, though, so yay me, um, but it is like when you compare my body to my body, I'm a 39 year old woman.
Speaker 1:We don't look at anything. They're different.
Speaker 2:Yes, um, but when I'm like comparing myself to a 27 year old, 30 year old who's been, you know it's that that could contribute to the body dysmorphia. But I also love doing that because part of bodybuilding is shaping. You know, like your body building, you're building your body right, so taking the feedback and applying it and this is what I love the science of learning how to grow your body and shape it. All that the nutrition aspect. But then it's like art, because you know I'm in the building phase and so now I'm going to take a couple months to build and grow and then with that I have to nourish properly and be in just enough caloric surplus to gain that muscle, knowing that I will again cut, but also not trying to shoot myself in the foot. I know last off season I put on body weight Like I lost like 40 pounds in this prep and I don't want to do that again. I don't want to do that again.
Speaker 1:I think it's interesting because I, for somebody who's so conscientious about my body and I, literally I weigh myself like every fucking day and I always look at myself and I I don't compare my body to other people, I compare my body to me and what my I have been to where I think is my perfect body, and when I get there, cause I I fluctuate a lot, um, I get told that I am too skinny and I look sickly and like other people don't like what I think is my ideal, which is weird for me.
Speaker 2:And then when because our ideal, though, is like fucked up because of, like the heroin, chic, low rise, teeny tiny, no boobs, nothing.
Speaker 1:Do you remember when that was like now? Think about the 90s low rise jeans are back.
Speaker 2:By the way, lily refuses to wear anything. She's like no, they're high-waisted, I'm like okay, because look at her though.
Speaker 1:Because she has that ideal body, they're bad. She has the body that can fucking rock that and look amazing.
Speaker 2:I don't she is like. I see cheer girls all the time though being made fun of before their muscular bodies, and that disheartens me because people see this or other girls. Usually it's just jealousy. I said, yes, jealousy. Um, like there was one girl that was called fat who had a six pack and shoulders, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Those girls are jealous of you. They don't have a body, that's why, they're like, but it's like that.
Speaker 1:I know girls are mean well, and that society is fucking mean. Are you kidding me? Now it's ozempic skinny.
Speaker 2:Sorry if you take ozempic, but I don't know people that take ozempic and work out the things that I've seen, or like ozempic you don't really eat anything, and then I look at them as the inflatable. You know those inflatable people at the car lots the tube people.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Those are ozempic people, like you know, like the two arms and legs, and they're just tubes.
Speaker 1:There's no muscle, yes, and then the collagen is like sagging when, because to me my ideal weight in my brain is 120 pounds and every time I get to 120 I get told that I'm too thin and people are like you need to eat and people give me shit about it literally. Um, but the problem is, when I was getting larger I'm, I automatically think I'm larger anyway, so I didn't mentally notice when I was actually getting larger, because I look fat. Anyway it. I got up to 160 pounds, which for somebody myself I'm only 5'4, I have a small frame 160 pounds on me is it's fat?
Speaker 2:okay, well, I'm 5'6 and well, right now, currently 160, but you know I have a lot of muscle so there's a lot of muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat, so it's very different. I look, and I'm actually smaller and I'm more compact at this weight than I was at 143, 135 because I how you wear it matters well when you put muscle on and you shape, it's like completely different. Yes, composition and these 100%.
Speaker 1:Have you seen these wheels? My ass that she is showing me her butt right now I really am.
Speaker 2:I'm like check out my every part in every look at, look at my hamstring separation. Look at my tie-ins.
Speaker 1:Okay, anyways, look at my quads when I got up to 160, I didn't even realize I was fat until you were not. No, heather, stop, that doesn't do me any good. I have a photo, and when I saw this photo, that was the moment I realized I was fat.
Speaker 1:I'm putting down the big and I looked at my sister and I yelled at her because I was like we had a fucking deal that if either one of us started getting big, the other one would tell us and she's like, honestly, I didn't notice because it was gradual, but like so then I overcompensated and I went. I literally lost 40 pounds. I went from 160 back down to the 120 in like six months. I was 40 pounds in six months, um, which wasn't maintainable. And again I people, now people. So I was too big, now I'm too small and it's like right now I am 10 pounds over. I'm what I feel comfortable with. Like I want to be 120. I should probably be 130. I'm currently 140, but I the only thing that makes me not like hate myself about that is that I'm still 20 I'm like it's baked goods.
Speaker 1:I do hate the book. That's why I can't be 120. It's because of the baked goods, um. But I at least like the thing that holds me together is I'm 20 pounds down from my heaviest, so I was like, as long as I have that it's not as bad. But it's like it doesn't matter what size I am. My brain still thinks that it's huge. It's crazy how your brain can trick you. But when society tells you your whole life that the skinny fucking model is the ideal, when that's not even what she really looks like, they edit the shit out of that and then sell it as real and then tell you to achieve literally the unobtainable did you watch the fit for tv documentary?
Speaker 1:on netflix, I did the biggest loser one.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, it was sad um, I I feel like they should have given them more counseling, but this is also, I feel like they really put like a lot of negativity on the show when they did help them and give them the tools they did not give them 17 seasons.
Speaker 1:Come on, you don't have a show like that for 17 seasons.
Speaker 2:Look at all the lives that they actually changed the people that were like oh, they hurt me, blah, blah, blah, and gained all the weight back.
Speaker 1:I feel like they're blaming them I agree you got to a certain situation in the first place.
Speaker 2:You're probably not healthy because look, you came into this 400, some pounds, at like 30, some years old, like do you think your body's healthy?
Speaker 1:no, this is where I think they fucked up. I think they fucked up in the sense that they didn't teach them how to maintain it afterwards, afterwards they should have just been a real life, but like that's also their adults.
Speaker 2:They could have been like, they could have learned enough and like, gotten a reverse plan, like or done something you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like this show did it in a controlled environment.
Speaker 2:They're like yeah, you can, you can do this, but you have to exercise eight hours a day who also has to follow a plan like they just need to also take accountability and say you know, I didn't want to fucking do that, I just wanted to eat and I fucked up, like that one girl that said she gained 20 pounds on the way home that's, that's crazy and I'm like that's a choice.
Speaker 2:That's like a post-show binge right there, like you did that to yourself and once you fuck up like that, you cannot go back. Yeah, and if that's what she was doing, yeah, it's gonna all come back. These are emotional eaters. These are addicts. We keep forgetting that, like because I have a child unfortunately the short one, who is very food motivated, who I'm feel like is on the verge of like a food addiction. I think she numbs a lot of feelings and things like that. So we're working on this. But, like, I also am someone who's been, who's used food previously in my life yeah, or who was taught that at a young age and had to overcome certain things.
Speaker 1:So it's like you literally have to like, it's a choice yeah, it's part of it is, and I I think having realistic expectations is also part of it, because, yes, you lost all of this weight.
Speaker 2:I do think that there's also very few people that lose weight and maintain it forever well and or at least maintain all of it.
Speaker 1:Like like me. I lost 40 pounds, but that wasn't a maintainable, so I gained 20 of that back, but I didn't go back up to my heaviest right you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So I think that's part having a realistic expectation where, if you aren't going to maintain that, you're going to gain something, but you have to make some changes so it doesn't go all the way. What was the guy's name?
Speaker 1:Which in what the?
Speaker 2:guy trainer.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 2:God. Anyways, he did say if you have, always had.
Speaker 1:I like him.
Speaker 2:I do too, and, like he made a really good point, if you have always had to watch your weight or work at your weight, it's never going to go away. Yeah, you always feel like just because you get to that magic number. No, now it's going to be harder because your body is adjusted. That's why I have to reverse diet out, that's why my body puts on weight easier now, even with I mean more carbs, just like a little bit more, you know, just a little bit gradual. We're trying. Anyways, go off on that tangent.
Speaker 1:It is easy for you to put it back on you have to be very smart, well, and it fucks with your brain when you already see yourself as different, right, you already don't see what other people see. And then you have society around you telling you certain things, and then we live in the day and age of the bully.
Speaker 2:Like I feel like. Nowadays, though, fat is like, there's the fat acceptance movement, and being overweight is actually like I feel like. Now, thinness is more like looked at a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yes yeah yeah, kind of and like the thinness is the minority, because when I was in seventh grade, god I wouldn't have been tiny I'm probably 100 pounds pounds, and I was the chubby kid.
Speaker 1:I was the chubby kid, no, and see, I had a certain gentleman obviously not a gentleman, total fucking piece of shit, human being. Tell me every single day in PE that I was fat to the point where I literally started purging because this one individual made it a point to like. Tell me every single day that I was. I wasn't fat, I was. I was in seventh grade, even if I would have been a little bit chunky, like oh there's I hadn't grown into height yet, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like I was. You want to hear something really fucked up. Yes, always lily, lily last year tiniest little girl in pe. This boy is calling her lazy. He's like, oh, you're lazy, you're lazy, and I go did you just do some flips in front of him? And she goes, no. And then she shows him to me at because his little sister is in the concert that kinsley's in and she goes mom look over there to the right.
Speaker 2:He's a chunky little kid he is like doesn't even have a neck, like this sixth grader, is like 250 pounds. His parents are easily my 600 pound life, the next cast. I'm like that's the fucking kid. And I look at her. No, no, I look at her. I am this mom and they're like on the other aisle, but they're right there. It's him and then the parents and he looks over and I make sure he sees me and I'm like out from miami like a couple weeks.
Speaker 2:So we're like fucking peeled yeah, that was like we're peeled and I look over. I'm like that's the kid that called you lazy and I said it again so he can see me. And the mom looked over. I'm like he called you lazy and I said like then I look at him and we fucking make eye contact and I don't stop until he looks back. And the mom looked at me, then looked back really quickly. I'm like no, you're not gonna fucking bully my kid. That kid and we saw him riding his bike the other day and he looks like he gained another 50 pounds. He could not ride that bike, he was not fitting on that bike and I don't mean to be rude, but don't you dare.
Speaker 1:No, some people need to be put in their fucking place like what the fuck? I don't care that you're a child, I do not care also why is my kid lazy?
Speaker 2:I'm confused. Are you projecting your own fucking laziness? For sure, and I will not I will not let a boy bully my child. She's like yeah, also really strange. Um, some random boy got in my car, so then it's like also because I'm the hot mom, then they do weird things and lily's like get out of the car. It's really odd. We were at the mall and I'm like I'm sorry, I'm sorry lily.
Speaker 1:She's like I'm gonna say something that might be considered an unpopular opinion. I think that the body positivity movement has gone too far and is now working against body positivity.
Speaker 2:I just. Why can't we just do from a health perspective? Why can't we all be healthy?
Speaker 1:yes, listen, do I think everybody should be a size two? Absolutely not, that's, that doesn't even make sense. But do I think everybody should be a size two? Absolutely not. That doesn't even make sense. But do I think that we should praise people that are a size 34? No, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:That is not okay for you, and don't be mad at me for me caring more about your fucking health than you do. I'm sorry that I don't want you to fucking have diabetes and fucking struggles and body pain and fucking have to get new knees because you can't carry your own body weight and I'm. People are going to be fucking mad at me and I don't even give a fuck, like I shouldn't care more about your health than you do, but I do. I don't think it's OK. I don't think like Lizzo. I'm sorry. I don't think it was great for her to come out and be really, really big and try to tell people that it's great to be big. I don't agree with that.
Speaker 2:I think everyone can love their body at any shape, but you should also try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, as, whatever that is for you Now, I love helping people. I was 243 pounds before at six weeks fucking postpartum. Six weeks postpartum, you should not you lost all the baby stuff.
Speaker 1:You should not. You lost all the baby stuff like you should not.
Speaker 2:Be well, I mean, but that was like my starting point yeah, and then I got really I lost all the way and then more, and then started, you know, shaping and things like that. Anyways, found my love of fitness. I've always done it like when I was a teenager, billy blanks taibo in my fucking basement oh my god, we did taibo too I like, had to teach myself nutrition and all that so I've been, and that's the thing it's.
Speaker 1:It's about having a healthy relationship with food.
Speaker 2:There's no easy fix either it literally is diet and exercise. It is, it is both and okay. So, like I train people, I'm an online coach. If you want to come train with me, I do have a few more spots. It's a little plug, it's fine. I do a few more in-person spots. Left um, but I teach like lifestyle. I'm not going to harp on you. You're not going to stage, we're not doing that lifestyle Right, 80, 20. This is something maintainable. That's the thing. We are not looking for a quick fix. We are looking to change your lifestyle.
Speaker 2:So that you can actually maintain yes and as a result, you are going to become healthier now, whether that's losing weight or shaping your muscles or becoming more toned, whatever that is, you're going to obtain that as a result of you changing your lifestyle. If you want to do a crash diet, sweet, let's do a crash diet. You're going to gain it all back within a couple weeks. Yeah, if not a weekend, and it's possible and it sucks, but it's true, yeah, well, and that's.
Speaker 1:I think it shouldn't be body positivity, it should be.
Speaker 1:Let's promote healthy relationships with food, because you can be skinny and not have happy or not have a good relationship with food, or you can be large and not have a happy relationship with food. Like it's not about. If you are a larger person due to circumstances and because you're healthy, but you go to the doctor and like you are genuinely healthy person, then great. There's no reason for you to push yourself to be smaller than that. But you cannot tell me that there's a single 400 pound person on this planet that is healthy. It's. It's scientifically. It's not possible. So it's about finding the healthy relationship with food to get your body and also your heart to get your body healthy.
Speaker 2:Yes, and your heart needs to be moving so that you can pump, like also as we're aging if you stop moving big risk. Oh yeah, I'm, and I'm more cloudy. I'm factor five.
Speaker 1:I'm a cloudy person I remember because when uh way back when surgeries, it's always a concern for you. I do the lovinox injections all the time you have to just be able because you are at a higher risk, and that's that's just health. Like you know, that's separate from weight. That has nothing to do with weight, with you but there are things that, like weight, can cause factor five is a blood.
Speaker 2:It's a blood clotting disorder yeah, yeah, um yeah, we got off on that tangent. But I know, but it still, it still has to do with like it does no, it really does.
Speaker 1:And and I guess it's weird for me to have body dysmorphia, because I do see the body positivity movement and there are people that are very comfortable in their skin in a way that I couldn't help in. I'm not comfortable in my own skin now. So it's weird to see somebody so confident and comfortable and me not. And the confidence is good. You need to apply that to. It's weird to see somebody so confident and comfortable and me not.
Speaker 2:And the confidence is good. You need to apply that to. There's like some movements. So I watch some YouTubers, like on TikTok and things like that, and it's like my life is a fat person and they eat like a thing of like frosting and all this shit and it's just like that's not.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:That's the shit or the mukbang or the pretend there's like, yeah, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:That's the stuff that bothers me.
Speaker 2:I do have a weird unique perspective on it, just because of my children, so they're all so vastly different. Like Brayden could just eat anything he wants 24-7 and never gain weight Endless fit, that's Ashton.
Speaker 2:And needs to, but also he doesn't have any food motivation. So the kid. But he also only eats like fucking mac and cheese and pizza and I call corn dogs buttholes and lips. But that's fine Hot dogs, all that I call buttholes and lips because I try to get him to not eat at one time and I'm like you realize it's buttholes and lips right, Like they spray the carcass and whatever's left. They just like and then one time.
Speaker 1:I realized yeah, he does not care.
Speaker 2:He still eats it. And I said this when Kinsley was like little, when she was just talking, and then she told somebody, bubba eats buttholes and lips. Oh, no, buttholes and lips.
Speaker 1:And I'm like oh God, don't say that, don't say that.
Speaker 2:And it was in her cute little like buttholes and lips. I'm like, oh God, anyways, so he eats that and like that and, like Lily follows, she'll eat chicken and rice with me, wants to be a bodybuilder like, wants to do all the things and she's like. But she'll also like enjoy food and snack. But she can because she, and now Kinsley because she works hard yes, kinsley, anytime she sees food, she needs food anybody's eating, she needs to have it so there's all of us in the house, we all eat at vastly different times.
Speaker 2:She's so food motivated and I have to be careful because it's just. I mean, girlfriend came out at 36 weeks, eight pounds, four ounces, okay, started nursing right away. Like I'm not kidding you, she sucked my like, was like latching on. The nurse was like oh, she's hungry. I.
Speaker 1:I was. That's why she came out early.
Speaker 2:This is, this is wild this is like I and it's never changed and I've done some research and it is just hard wired in some. Yeah, and so we. I just don't want her to go through any like teasing I did as a kid things like that. I just want to help her in a way like I feel like I didn't have and I don't ever want her to feel like.
Speaker 2:I felt like you were a chubby kid oh, I 100 was, and I was never like given any nutrition. It was like there was a lot going on in my household so it was just like here's some fast food for your selfish type of thing.
Speaker 1:I ate a lot of mac and cheese and ramen because it was cheap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean mine was more just like here's. It was just, it was to shut you up yeah, I think there was a lot of like dysfunctional, I don't know a lot of things happening anyways, so it was just very like I don't know. I think I used food as a comfort when I was a kid too. I think I was taught that, and then that was like yes, as a way to like, here's all the snacks you want and all the movies.
Speaker 1:Go to your room all weekend and don't bother us yeah, I have an unhealthy relationship with food in the sense that, like, my mood very much dictates my ability to eat. If I am depressed, I will eat everything in front of me, I will not be hungry, and it's just like this insatiable need that I can't really explain. I don't know why it's there, but when I'm in a depressive episode I will eat and eat, and eat, and when I'm stressed out, I can't eat, like I'll eat half of everything, because I literally get so sick to my stomach because of all my anxiety and my worry. So, like that's part of the reason why my weight fluctuates a bunch. So if you see me and I'm on my heavier end, I'm probably really depressed, and if you see me and I'm on my thinner end, I'm probably really anxious.
Speaker 2:I just have learned to like. I notice I get more cravings and stuff when I have like more anxiety which is weird than depression.
Speaker 1:So you're opposite than me.
Speaker 2:But I've just learned to shut everything off and food is dual so I don't.
Speaker 1:I think that's mindset. I've done that for a long time, like I learned.
Speaker 2:You look at food differently because and I took myself out of that like I think I realized God being so fucking self-aware, like as teenage, young, 20s. That was like when I would utilize food I guess more I don't know, because I got into like fitness it was mid-teens, I kind of just taught myself fitness and like nutrition and things like that. So it was kind of like then was when I stopped utilizing it and I was like, oh my god, she's fucking poisoning me my only interest in fitness depends on who I'm hanging out.
Speaker 2:I also feel like not her fault. I feel like parents that the 90s generation all the fast food came in and it was like a treat. Yep, we're just treating you right. So showing love by treating with food, I think that's more what it was.
Speaker 1:That's fair. And it was like that.
Speaker 2:That was what it was, and there was a lot of that like making. It was just a lot of like food as love being shown, and I felt a lot of like obligation to eat things that were given to me that's very much.
Speaker 1:My family is still kind of like that, to be honest, without even maybe necessarily realizing it, because most of my family will give uh food as like christmas presents, like they will make food is a love language, and I love cooking for people too, so I do it too.
Speaker 1:I absolutely love if I cook food and then people like what I make. It makes me feel really fucking good. I fucking love it. So I get that for sure. And then, like my, when I was young and we would stay at my grandma's house, uh, my mom and my sisters would stay in the guest room and I would stay in my grandma's room because I was the youngest of all the grandchildren, so obviously the favorite, um, and we would wait until they would go to bed and we would army crawl to the kitchen and sneak ice cream and like it made me feel like so special and so like. When I get, I eat dessert to this day every fucking day. That's all right, you can. My kids eat dessert every day because like there's something about it to me that's like special and like I'm obsessed with dessert because it brings like I don't know it's. It's just weird how our brains work.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, rolling back around to pretty, we're like we're already at time wow I told you I don't want to talk about we do with the subject because it hits so deep and I feel like it hits so many people and it's not really talked about open. Like everyone knows it exists both pretty privilege and body dysmorphia and like everybody knows about it but it's not actively like talked about that much. But I feel like more people have it than you know what people realize here for body dysmorphia.
Speaker 2:Just record yourself and look it back. You're like what that's me. I know there's pictures like me on stage and I'm like, wait, like I see video, I'm like that's me. It's hard for me to like recognize myself sometimes. So see, we see it different.
Speaker 1:I look at pictures and I like that's me, that's my motivation. You look at a photo and you're like God, I can look like that again. I did so great. I look at an old photo of me and I'm like what the fuck happened?
Speaker 2:Why did?
Speaker 1:nobody Poof pictures. Oh yeah, we don't go back to the poof. Don't ever go back to the poof, never the the one photo that made me realize that I was large. Like. I keep that photo specifically, I screenshot it and I have it saved in my phone. So if ever I start to like feel bad about myself, I look at that photo and be like God, at least I'm not that fat, which is fucked up. But you know, that's the way my brain works. Also part of it, my mom was really large and I don't want to be anything like my mother ever. So there, that is an underlying thing for me. As part of my body dysmorphia, I so much don't want to be her that, like me, getting large instantly makes me panic, that I'm like morphing into her I won't let that happen to you, don't worry don't, please don't.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was at a friend's wedding. I know we're almost at time where we are at time we're fine, I went.
Speaker 1:I went to my friend's wedding and, um, my family went as well, because she's basically like a sister, and um, I'm walking up to my dad and my stepmom and my sister and her husband, and my dad literally says, for a moment, there, you kind of looked like your mom and I my response was, ew, gross, why would you say that to me? And then he's all like she used to be pretty and I was like I don't believe you. That is not my mental image, which is, you know, fucked up, but I'm just saying, your mom did some fucked up shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she deserves it. It's fine, but it also that is an underlying factor for me. So, like I don't want to, get bigger because I associate that with her, and I don't want to be her and I am in therapy.
Speaker 2:I will remind you guys, I am actually in therapy that was the not wanting to be like my dad, yeah, the motivation for me to not drink anymore.
Speaker 2:Because, even though I wasn't like we were at different places with drinking, I just was like I don't want to be him and wake up one day and not be able to stop drinking like I'm like where is that line where I'm using it to numb now, yeah, yeah, and then all of a sudden I'm dependent, I mean, and then I'm dead off topic but like also like thank the lord that we were able to both get sober because we lost.
Speaker 1:We both lost parents because of alcohol and like yeah, we saw what could have been our future and we broke it. We broke the curse. Now, if only we could break the body dysmorphia curse, we would be fucking killing it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't mind, it keeps me in check. God, we have different viewpoints but we do right like I don't think. I think I have a healthy your body dysmorphia benefits yo and mine. Mine fluctuates so much too, depending on the day, the hour, all the things, yeah mine's always negative.
Speaker 1:Mine is always. I look in the mirror and even if it's not even my whole body, even if it's just my face, I feel like. Even right now, I feel like my face is pudgy and I have a double chin and it grosses me out. You do not, but I think I do. I see it. I look at photos of me and I like the goat yoga. We posted, or I posted, a photo with the goat on my back and all I can see is the rolls in my shirt that I'm creating because I'm wearing tight clothing. But I have to wear tight clothing or else I think I'm fat. It's fucked.
Speaker 2:And on that note we will talk about we'll do our flirting next week. We'll get there eventually we covered all the topics about that. So next week. All right, guys, till next time, bye.