we are NOT the SAME
We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos!
we are NOT the SAME
Men Had No Idea Women Did These Things
Ever wondered what goes through a man's mind when he first discovers your collection of hair ties scattered throughout the house? Or the moment he realizes those cute jeans you're wearing don't have real pockets?
In this laugh-out-loud episode, we dive into the world of male enlightenment that happens when men enter relationships with women. From the shocking revelation that women use substantially more toilet paper (not just for shaking dry, gentlemen!) to the baffling discovery of how expensive bras actually are, we explore the Reddit threads where men confess what they never knew before getting a girlfriend.
We share our own experiences and observations, including the telltale sign that a man is in a relationship: the distinct scent of fabric softener. As it turns out, single men rarely invest in Unstoppables or Febreze beads! We also tackle the mystery of women's hair – how we can lose what seems like pounds of it daily without going bald, and why bobby pins seem to multiply exponentially throughout living spaces.
Beyond the humor, we delve into deeper relationship dynamics: the importance of asking "do you want comfort or solutions?" when your partner is venting, the challenge of vulnerability in relationships, and the different ways men and women approach problem-solving. We even share some thought-provoking questions couples can ask each other to deepen their connection.
Whether you're single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, you'll find yourself nodding along or laughing out loud at these universal truths about gender differences and the beautiful chaos that happens when we share our lives with others. Listen now and let us know: what surprised YOU most about living with someone of the opposite gender?
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not the same, but sometimes we are, I know I'm lacy.
Speaker 1:I'm heather welcome to another episode today we are talking about what men found out about women once they got a girlfriend. Because, let me tell you, this shit makes me crack up, like not all of it's hilarious, but like a good majority of it is fucking really funny. Because, since we are women, like we don't, we don't think about it, like, no, you don't think about the fact that these are things that they don't know. But you don't know what you don't know. How else are you going to learn? You would think maybe from your mama, but I don't know. Apparently not. I guess. As moms, we do a good job of like keeping our boys away from some of those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, I do have to say that I have a separate bathroom, so I think that alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no same, I have a separate bathroom.
Speaker 1:Yes, that could be part of it.
Speaker 2:One that I just want to add because I just think this is so true. Um, one that I just want to add because I just think this is so true um, men that smell like the unstoppables. They have a girlfriend, because no man that is single or a bachelor or has not. Yes, no, I have never. And I like pooled my friends and asked them, like ask your husband, things like that. I've asked no also like if he smells, like fabric softener, how many men?
Speaker 1:know how to do laundry when they first move in with you. Like I have had to teach multiple dudes how to do their own laundry, do the laundry prison. Aaron Carter did not know how to do laundry when he moved in with me. I made sure that my boys know how to do laundry.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to let my boys go out into the world and do that to another woman? Nope, but it is amazing how many men do not know how to do laundry until their girlfriend shows them, and even if they do laundry they are not spending the extra.
Speaker 2:How much to put in the little beads to smell better?
Speaker 1:No, but I will say my 19 year old has a love of fabric softener. I love that. I love that I did have to teach him how to do laundry when he moved in, though he didn't know how.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's a skill, so that's one so if you want to know, if, a man is single or not, just sniff him. Sniff him, does he smell like fabric softener? Yeah, you want to know if a man is single or not. Just sniff him. Does he smell like fabric softener?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to sniff the clothes because the cologne is going to fool you. Don't let it fool you, although there is a specific scent. Yes, you know what I mean. Like you can tell, like is he putting those Febreze beads in.
Speaker 2:Yep, it's not him, it's his wife and or girlfriend and or, and, or, and or, and I didn't mean and I mean on.
Speaker 1:It, could, it, could, it could very much. There's a lot of weird relationship styles now, so there are okay, go ahead and um, okay. So we're reading off of, like, some of the reddit boards yes went through and yeah, this one says bras are far more expensive than I realized and fuck. Yes, oh, people like dudes think just go get another one. I don't have 60 to 100 lying around to go buy a bra.
Speaker 2:Thank you, um, I don't wear bras anymore and I have a ton of them. I really like sports bras, yeah, or like little tops that have bras built in, that are tops or or yes, sports bras as shirts.
Speaker 1:I do. I wear a bra every day, which is funny because I don't have to, but I still do. Yeah, but I wear like the, the very thin, like no padding or whatever I'm down for, like the feeling it, girl, whatever. So I got like two for 40. So it just depends what you're looking for, but still, my boobs don't necessarily fit into anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like they're just large, like I do have some bras that fit, obviously, but they're just not as comfortable like when you have fake boobs, especially mine. They're just like, just not comfortable. I did wear a bra going to the thomas rec concert with lily because my outfit was not just like a lulu top, appropriate thing, um, and that was weird, but it was cute so.
Speaker 1:But sports bras are expensive too. For good ones, yes especially lulu ones.
Speaker 2:They're like 70, 80 bucks still exactly.
Speaker 1:And how many sports bras do you? Can we not talk about it?
Speaker 2:that whole thing is covered. That whole thing is full. That's full. There's another three drawer one in there and it's full. Those two over there are full. Let's not talk about it.
Speaker 1:You're like I don't want to come to that realization right now.
Speaker 2:There's like 10 drawers and I don't even want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:So see, that's a fair thing.
Speaker 2:I used to not think that I had a lot of clothing until I'm like, oh, I have one closet.
Speaker 1:Really, are you kidding me? You have three closets.
Speaker 2:And they're full.
Speaker 1:And they're awful and it's just your stuff.
Speaker 2:And I've been stripped of 75 pairs of shoes.
Speaker 1:I know, and you still have so much shit.
Speaker 2:It's a lot, it's a lot.
Speaker 1:Okay, next one.
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm looking around. I'm like, yeah, just a little bit Okay. So what? Guys don't know until they have a girlfriend? Oh, whoops, I clicked on the wrong one. Hold on Hold, please. So the fabric softener was mine. Do you use the Unstoppables, by the way? Did you know that they have some that now I can't afford?
Speaker 1:that shit.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love it.
Speaker 1:I would use it if I was in a financial capacity to do so, but that's an expensive extravagance.
Speaker 2:In my world, a lot of these are like how much they shed, that's so fair.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you, even when I was younger, I like thought I had cancer because of the amount of hair.
Speaker 1:No, your hair just like turns over. Because I did not realize, I know, but like when you're a kid and you don't know shit, again you don't know what you don't know. I didn't realize that it was the treatment for cancer that made your hair fall out. I thought it was the cancer so I was like I wonder if I have cancer, because the amount of hair that I lose in a given fucking day is insane. Taking a shower, just ripping out just clumps of fucking hair, it's like how am I not bald? That's a fair thing. They lose their hair and they become bald. We lose the same amount, if not three times more, and no hair looks the same.
Speaker 2:It is kind of crazy.
Speaker 1:God and it's everywhere.
Speaker 2:This. This is so funny the breeding patterns of hair clips. They multiply at exponential rates, quite like I don't know what that was must be a rip triples. It must be like a europe anyways yeah the breeding pattern of hair clips, uh, bobby pins. I don't use them anymore, but I used to um hair ties.
Speaker 1:They everywhere, everywhere yeah, I have clips and hair ties literally everywhere. I have them in my car, I have them in my purse, I have them downstairs, I have them upstairs, I have them in my room, I have them in the bathroom, like because you never know when you're gonna have one on my wrist. You just don't know toilet paper women use. It's damn near criminal okay okay, because we have to use it for everything. We don't just fucking shake dry, thank you no our toilets are a lot cleaner too.
Speaker 1:Thank you the fact that that's all they do is.
Speaker 2:Can I just call out johnny bravo as being like I don't know why he could and I called him out so many times like why can you not pee in the fucking toilet?
Speaker 1:I don't fucking get it.
Speaker 2:I do not get it and I would would get like you're not going to come in clean.
Speaker 1:And then I dated Sam for six weeks. It was a fucking piss. Oh my God, I freaked out one day.
Speaker 2:Yes, I freaked out one day. I'm like you, this is not me, so you fucking clean that.
Speaker 1:I am not your maid.
Speaker 2:Oh my God does not do that. Well, like just fucking aim your kids do not do that. Just aim Right, it's not that hard. Why are we peeing all over the toilet Are?
Speaker 1:you just putting your hands behind your head and just fucking. Oh my God, the visual right now, the visual I can make it, I can make it, and then you don't, I don't understand.
Speaker 2:And then also, what common decency wouldn't be like? Let me grab some toilet paper, clean it the fuck up, you know why would you let it get dry and crusted?
Speaker 1:because you don't clean up after your fucking.
Speaker 2:It would take two seconds to wipe your pee dribbles up I don't, and okay.
Speaker 1:And also, how is it on the bottom of the bowl? How is it?
Speaker 2:and not anywhere. Were you literally like swinging it around like a fucking helicopter?
Speaker 1:yes, yes, to dry it, I don't understand. I do not understand, so don't get on me about my toilet paper.
Speaker 2:At least my stuff is clean god, yeah, I didn't know that, although I am very I didn't know that some men pissed everywhere but the fucking toilet like until I was in a relationship. Something was never like that either. That was only a johnny and I remember I got so pissed like how are you gonna come into my fucking house? Yeah and do that and expect me to fucking clean?
Speaker 1:no, nope also you do it, peppy, for me, them not putting the seat back down, and then and then, when you try to talk to him about it, their fucking response is well, you don't put it up for me. Get the fuck out of my house, my fucking house and also you do it why is? It common courtesy is because you're gonna fucking stand, so it doesn't matter what if you want to sit?
Speaker 2:what if you have to take a shit?
Speaker 1:you gotta sit one of my favorite things I've ever seen on the internet was when a dude actually sat down and the seat was up and he's like, when that cold ass water hit my fucking balls, I fucking apologized to every woman in the goddamn world that day and it's like, yeah, that water is cold, I don't want to fucking splash in it, like no. So oh, no I'm sorry I got really heated on that topic, you did I didn't realize how much that pissed me.
Speaker 1:Okay, I have one here. Women don't have pockets and men don't know that.
Speaker 2:No, that's why we have the bags. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not like it's become a fashion thing, because out of necessity. But I would prefer to just carry what I need to carry in my pockets. But no, because I have to have a bag now I have to carry 80 million things.
Speaker 2:Because I fucking can, because there's space for it like I mean, you just need the lip gloss and the eye drops and the wallet and the phone charger.
Speaker 1:Medications in my purse oh, not me. Mine's just lip gloss, my wallet, my charger, my backup charger yeah, I have muscle relaxers ibuprofen and danix at all times because just because I don't know which I'm gonna need at any given moment because of shit, so yes, oh, this is how great it feels to have someone to cuddle up to you on a cold winter night.
Speaker 2:God, I miss that. You know what's not If it's a backpack, even if it's a warm backpack.
Speaker 1:I am all for cuddling ish. It's not my first choice, the only time you liked.
Speaker 2:That was when you were high on mushrooms. And you're like I'm cold and I'm like let's cuddle. I know you took advantage of the situation.
Speaker 1:Let's be real. You're like this is the only time she'll let me do it, but if I'm in a relationship and they you know, love languages, like they need physical touch. Like I am an accommodating person to an extent, like, but like if it is bedtime, you cannot cuddle me while I need to sleep, like I, we can cuddle up to a point, but then it's like okay, sleep time, you need to go away and not touch me I like being a little spoon, but I'm very particular, so I have to have, like, my body pillow on one side of me and then you can spoon me from the back and I have to like.
Speaker 2:So, basically, I'm spooning my pillows while you're spooning me. You need to be in the same way. That's what you're saying. Oh my God. Yes, that's what I've been missing this whole time. I just figured it out, that's what I need. I just figured it out. I just figured it out. That's what I need. Okay, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:I mean yeah, yeah, having at least one and a half bathrooms is indispensable. Yeah, yes, yep, my house has two and a half baths and it is a godsend, because my kids are not allowed to do anything in my bathroom.
Speaker 2:No, lily's the only one that comes in, and now it's because, well, she'll sleep with me and she's like my little mini me but she uses like my products and I'm not about to let like, okay, that bathroom, like the kids bathroom, has like Kinsley in it and so I'm not gonna buy expensive products that she then destroys.
Speaker 1:Yes, so we just share, so she's in my back. Yeah see, I don't have to worry about that, because she's also like a little woman now. So it's like fine, because we're yeah but the boys's fucking bathroom upstairs is disgusting. Yes, you don't go in there listen, their bathroom is directly across the hall from the laundry room and they still will throw their fucking dirty used towels on the floor brayden puts his dirty dishes right next to the sink I don't.
Speaker 1:When my kids do the dishes, they will only wash the dishes and I have a dishwasher so it's not like they're doing a lot but they will only do the dishes that are in the sink. They will not use their peripheral vision for anything on the counter, on the stove. They're like I did the dishes. I'm like no, you fucking did that.
Speaker 2:No, they're like putting things out back on the counter, so like.
Speaker 1:That's something that I have learned about dudes just from being a mom. Not even like living with dudes, but like their inability to fucking see something unless it is directly in front of them. Directly in front of them, facts.
Speaker 2:That's right in the pantry and he's like where is that? And I'm like, look right there, it literally was right in front of his face. It's so weird but then I talked to other boy moms and they're all like, yes, it's, it's it's so weird when you look it up their brains actually don't fully mature until 25.
Speaker 1:Yeah they are not actually fully mature until 42 shit.
Speaker 2:So they're out of adolescence at 25, yes, and then they become men at 42 that's science.
Speaker 1:That's not even me being fucking rude like you can google that. Yes, no I know that, but also women.
Speaker 2:I think ours is like 35 yeah, but we probably the maturity factor in, like lily and even kinsley, even though she's irrational trauma makes you kind of mature faster but.
Speaker 1:But it is crazy to me, like because these are things that have frustrated women for centuries. Like how in the fuck can you not just see? Like why do you put your clothes next to the hamper instead of the hamper? And they're like I didn't see the hamper and I'm like how the fuck did you not see the hamper? But like it's, it's real. It's crazy to me, mind-boggling, that that is a thing that continues to happen. I was like that alone ruins relationships yes it really does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's crazy. Um their shirts button on the opposite side. This blew my mind. I don't know why. That is like men's shirts button like the buttons are on one side and on women's shirts the buttons are on the other side because it's a fashion statement. But why? What? By the time it's buttoned it's all middle. So what is the purpose? Just fashion, just to distinguish that this is a man's shirt versus a woman's shirt. Hell, half the people in the country can't even determine what a woman is, so they're fucking buttons.
Speaker 2:There's buttons you can wear, yeah.
Speaker 1:Next time someone asks that, question me like well, what side are their buttons on? That's, that's apparently a determining factor.
Speaker 2:Weird. Ok, this is actually sweet. I'm coming across the sweet ones. Look at me. You're cynical versus sweet Optimistic. What a massive motivation it can be to get your shit together. If you love her, you will work hard to be successful, to be worthy of her. I think this counts for anyone in relationship, but young men especially need external motivation to grow up and get after it. A girlfriend who has her shit together can be that for the guy. Is he single like?
Speaker 1:it's like a thousand and three up up votes, so that's.
Speaker 2:Is he single? I have like a thousand and three up upvotes, so that's Then somebody commented, or it will make you feel like a babysitter. Obviously, this is a girl. When one party is too dependent on the other one, it sucks because it makes you feel like you have to take care of someone else Else's child, not a life.
Speaker 1:Yes, I want a partner. I have kids, I don't need another kid.
Speaker 2:I don't want someone to make I think that person no, I would expect the person I'm being with to want like to in to motivate me to want to live the best life for us together 100.
Speaker 1:I want someone I can grow with. I want someone that's going to push me to be a better version of myself, but it's like almost extinguished.
Speaker 2:It did not mean that that's because that's what happened last.
Speaker 1:Yes, um, and here I am rising again I know I told you like a phoenix that you fucking are.
Speaker 2:Like that situation. Now I'm so far removed from it.
Speaker 1:It's almost been a year now since I fucking left him in Seattle. I was thinking about that the other day in October.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so crazy and now I'm so far removed from it, but it was so traumatizing in the beginning.
Speaker 1:It's literally like you are. I don't want to be your mom, right? I want to be your girlfriend or your wife or whatever.
Speaker 2:I don't want to know I don't want another person to take care of.
Speaker 1:We take care of each other, yeah and one of the worst things that can like a person can do to another person is weaponized incompetence, where you pretend that you don't know how to do something to get the other person to do it for you and to like take over the responsibility of like that chore or whatever, because you pretend that you're not fucking competent enough to do it, and then she just gets so frustrated that then she just like, as soon as that happens, it's gonna end. Just know that. Just so you know, yep, because the resentment will start the resentment.
Speaker 1:oh, it gets huge. Yes, why would you not want somebody that, like, wants to give you their all? That's what I want. That's literally what I want. I want somebody to put as much energy into me as I'm willing to put into them. The phrase do you want comfort or solutions is going to save you a whole lot of headaches, and I think that is probably one of the best things of advice that men could learn.
Speaker 1:I missed the first part, using the phrase do you want comfort or solutions I like that, because men in general try to solve any problem that you bring to them. And then we get frustrated because I'm like I am just venting, like I can fix this on my own, I just need to get the fuck out. So then you providing solutions comes across as condescending yes, that you don't think I can handle it, when all I want to do is get the frustration part out so I can move on with fixing so maybe we also need to be like I'm just venting, although I've been really good about that.
Speaker 1:I work on that because, because of this exact sentiment, because I agree with this very much, like it's important. Okay, this is not like a relationship.
Speaker 2:But we you know, me and my mom have a complicated relationship, but there's times where, like she's just my sounding board. So now I know where it's just like I'm, you have to do that yeah, and I'll do that to you too at the end I'll be like I just need to vent to feel better. I'll just like ramble and then be like okay, done.
Speaker 1:Right, because literally sometimes you just need to get it out and then it's not weighing on you anymore and then you can move forward with whatever you need to do in that situation.
Speaker 2:And, like I, that I am going to need you help.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm realizing. I need to be more vulnerable in relationships because I run Shocking yes, shocking road.
Speaker 2:I don't let any struggles come across, I'm just fine, I got it.
Speaker 1:I don't let people help me, even when I desperately need and want help. Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do Like hyper, this whole hyper independence movement or whatever. I am one of them and I fucking hate it. It boggles my mind that there are women out there that are striving to be where I am, because I hate every second of it. Like I want a man who is going to protect me, who is going to support me, who is going to provide. You say that, but that's a lie. I want it so bad but you don't.
Speaker 2:It scares you, run away. You're gonna have to have a man that's like so obsessed with you.
Speaker 1:He's just running away and holding you and you're screaming the entire time yes, and people it's gonna look like you're kidnapping me over and over and I'm gonna be like it's fine, you didn't do that because of I need someone to. Oh, my god, I don't trust it.
Speaker 2:I just realized the glass animal song where it's like, where he's like tied up in the back of the car and he's like this is the happiest place I've ever been like this is you? I'm gonna send that to you. It's so much different now.
Speaker 1:I thought it was so creepy before you're like no, it's just for broken people.
Speaker 2:Hold on, I need to like oh my god, I need, I need to play this for you because you're gonna die it literally.
Speaker 1:I used to think it was so creepy like that is the thing, like I know what I want, but I am petrified of it and I don't trust anyone who's trying to give it to me. So I do need somebody that is going to be patient enough to maintain that for a long enough time so that I can trust that it's real and that I can like depend on it, because in my history when I depend on people, they let me down fucking hard. So it's very scary for me to be vulnerable and allow myself to depend on another person, because my natural instinct is that they are going to let me down, and it does not matter how tall of a man you are, you are all the same size when you let me down.
Speaker 2:Hold on. I actually kind of have to go back. She'd like her. We're just grooving. Hold on, the chorus is coming. He's in the back of a trunk, by the way. That's where he wants to be.
Speaker 1:I'm like in the back of a trunk, okay, of a 1995 corolla.
Speaker 2:That's what I deserved see, now it's your song and I can't. I can't hear it anyways. Glass animals, what the hell is happening?
Speaker 1:yeah, so like it's gonna be really hard to find somebody oh my god.
Speaker 2:The song title even explained your life. What the hell is happening.
Speaker 1:That's the name of the song. I'm going to send it to you and you're going to, don't you like it. I'm going to add it to my meat and music folder, because that is the when people are like describe yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm like.
Speaker 1:I'm going to send you a playlist. This describes me and my life.
Speaker 2:I love that music. It's like four hours long oh, we listened to it at one point, like this is dark. You're like it gets better and then it gets dark it ebbs and flows, it's fine. Oh my gosh, I'm dead, okay. So, oh, that was funny, that was okay. Going back to reddit, there was some, um, a lot of.
Speaker 1:They shower with lava, yes yes, I told you I read this dude was all like I am an idiot. I did not know that I could let the shower warm up before I got in it. That's so funny to me. That's what he learned from his girlfriend, because he would complain about how cold the water was. And she's all like well, why do you get in right away, why don't you wait until the water's warm? And it had never once occurred to this fucking man that that was even an option. And I can't even process how your brain never once thought of that. That's crazy to me.
Speaker 1:But I feel like we are very logical creatures, for the or incredibly emotional, it's really one way or the other. But like the logic side of us is like we problem solve every day, for everything, all the time. So like it's second nature for us to think about things like that. And I just assume that everybody does that. They do not. They absolutely do not. But yeah, I love the hot shower. Like when I get out of the shower my body is red because of how hot the water is. I love it.
Speaker 2:I love hot water.
Speaker 1:I do like a cold shot at the very end, because I know cold water is good for your skin and your hair, but I cannot get myself to take a cold shower a lot of hair.
Speaker 2:Hair in my ass crack.
Speaker 1:Yes, I find hair everywhere oh, doing your own makeup is an art. It's hard. Sometimes I will literally just sit there and watch her do it. That's true. I cannot do makeup Like I watch beauty videos, just because it's really fucking impressive what these people can do to their face and I know how to do my makeup one way, one way. It is definitely an art. Some dudes don't appreciate it, so it is nice to see that there are people.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:A lot of dads are really mean to their daughters.
Speaker 2:That one's sad. That is sad. This one's funny. Didn't know till I was married for about a year that I was circumcised. Just never came up before, so I assumed I wasn't. My wife set me straight what.
Speaker 1:What? Yes, my wife set me straight. What, what, yes? How do you not know that that's fucking weird, right, I guess I have never seen an uncircumcised penis in person, ever. That used to be like a jewish thing, and now it's like come, it is the mainstream thing. Oh yeah, now you have to go in.
Speaker 2:So brayden had his done in the hospital, but now it's an. Now you have to go in. So Brayden had his done in the hospital, but now it's an out. You have to wait till they're older, like a week or something Like when we are boys, the done right away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the next day or two it was in the hospital. Yeah, before I went home. Yep, yep.
Speaker 2:Not anymore.
Speaker 1:That's weird.
Speaker 2:Now it's yeah I mean you can opt out of it yeah but it's so like mainstream now.
Speaker 1:Like it. Now I don't know how it became mainstream. When it was, it literally started as a jewish thing only, and I always think back to um men in tights. Have you ever seen that movie, mel brooks movie? It's making fun of robin hood. Yes, I've seen it, but for so long ago. I watch it all the time because of course I fucking do. And now, always when, like he comes up and he, like the rabbi, comes up and he offers them like a circumcision or brisk, and they're like, oh, I'll take one, I'll take two. And they're like what is it? And he's like it's when I take your little thing and he takes a carrot in like a little handheld guillotine and he fucking chops off the tip oh my gosh, I don't remember that part so fucking hard every time how come I don't remember that I?
Speaker 1:don't know, we haven't seen it in forever then? Because, like, it makes me laugh every fucking time okay, we'll have to watch that. It's such a traumatic thing to do to people.
Speaker 2:Yes, especially later on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but yeah, I've never seen an uncircumcised penis in real life Interesting side fact about me Interesting side fact. But I don't know how, as a man, you don't know that about yourself.
Speaker 2:I have seen and I will share with you who it was. When we're off Secret time yes, I can't say the nickname, because I can't say I feel like maybe I should leave that one. I don't know Right, although I just said what my son circumcised. It's fine.
Speaker 1:All of our sons are. I don't know how we decide what we share and what we don't. It's very random and off the cusp, I don't know, I don't.
Speaker 2:It's very random and off the cusp and like I don't know, I don't know, I don't think it matters when you enter a relationship, you suddenly become much more likable to other women.
Speaker 1:That's a shitty fact isn't that weird? Yeah, I think it depends on if, like that person like talks about how great you are and all the things you do well, I think part of it is because when great you are and all the things you do, well, I think part of it is because when something you can't have, something partly, part that partly.
Speaker 1:That's not a word, see, that does not turn me on instantly I would never but I think part of it is like if someone's like you're single, people are like why are you single? But if you're taken, then they're like well, somebody wants you, you're at least desirable on some level. I think that might be it. I agree with you. I it the second. I know that you're in a relationship. I mean I'll be butthurt maybe, but I'm like dead right done. But other women they're like oh so you are boyfriend material or you are husband material. Yeah, I'm like I don't know why you feel that way, but there are a lot to do.
Speaker 2:It's weird the other way too, though must be men with women. I bet you go the other way.
Speaker 1:I don't know yes because remember, I used to wear a fake engagement ring to nine to try to prevent people don't care from hitting.
Speaker 2:I also don't not care. I think men who are single and fuck boys don't realize that that's the wedding finger and this isn't oh, that's, maybe that's true like I don't think they even know, I know goes on that finger.
Speaker 1:Like why are you wearing that? I was like I don't like getting hit on and literally makes me uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:I don't want oh, here's a good one.
Speaker 1:How fucking expensive it is to be a girl yes, oh my god, the pink tax, fucking bullshit, and the amount of stuff that we just have to buy, like the sheer amount, like they have like a 12 and one, yes, yes, can I talk about the maintenance, the upkeep on this?
Speaker 1:yeah I I'm running out of, like I need moisturizer, I need concealer, I need shampoo, I need conditioner, I need my hair mask, I need like I'm running out of everything at the same time and I have to like pick and choose because I'm like this is going to be like $300 for everything at once, and that's insane.
Speaker 1:That's insane, it is insane. It's bare minimum shit. It's not even like I don't even own 80 makeup palettes. I don't own like I own one eyeliner, one mascara, one blush palette. I don't even think I have eyeshadow.
Speaker 2:I use my highlighter as eyeshadow. I have so many that's like.
Speaker 1:And even that's expensive as shit. Our razors are more expensive because they pretend like it's different.
Speaker 2:Oh see, I use men's razors because they have more blades and I think they get closer. I like the ones that have like the built-in moisturizing stuff. See, that's not if anybody gets a spray tan. Those moisturizing strips are not good for you. I'm just pointing it out there. But it's fine. Normally those only have four blades. I use the shave oil and then I use the men's razors because they just shave closer. I like them better.
Speaker 1:I like convenience of only having one step.
Speaker 2:I used closer I like them, better. I like convenience of only having one step. Um, I used to always do because luke would use the same one, so we would do like the harry's club or whatever the dollar shape, whatever they'd ship. But now I don't go through them as much, so they're at costco and like every time they're on sale, I buy one, and then, by the time they're back on sale again, I need another one so it's been working out.
Speaker 1:Oh, this one's funny. I realized my mom couldn't cook for shit. That's super fun. I am a good fucking cook and every guy that I've ever made food for has always been like damn woman, like that's hot and I'm like I know. So ladies, learn how to cook like they have that phrase the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It's there for a reason. It like fully accurate, no, but like let me tell you if you can cook for your man, they fucking love it love it.
Speaker 2:Cooking I love it. It's fun. There's just like half of the year where I don't do it, or it's meal prep. It's meal prep I mean, I do it, it's just prep food. Yeah, it's not, it's different. Um, all right, do you want to switch uh paths and just ask each other some questions.
Speaker 1:Okay, hold on, but I have one more, that's really that when they're hungry, it's the most frightened you'll ever be in your life.
Speaker 1:Women do get angry yes we do, and it's so like if your girl is like starting a argument with you, like, seemingly out of nowhere, go buy her some wendy's or something like, and like she will be fine in five minutes, like she probably doesn't even realize that she's hangry, but she is like, if it, if there's no reason for it whatsoever, either she caught you cheating or she needs food. Either way, give her the food first and then reevaluate the situation.
Speaker 2:That's so funny, but tell me I'm lying you're not at all no, there's times where I just have to be angry, though well, again you're.
Speaker 1:You're special, I know I choose this life and I don't know why, because I love it. I know you do, it's good, it's good for you.
Speaker 2:All right, I'm going to go to we're pivoting. We're pivoting. We're going to go to the questions about each other. We have questions.
Speaker 1:I do like the questions. They're fun. We found questions. I do like the questions, they're fun. We found um because, uh, targeted editing on fate editing what the fuck? Why can't I talk today? Talk targeted ads on facebook. That was really difficult for no reason. Um, they get me and they know. And I saw this new like card game thingy where it asks like really in-depth questions that, like you wouldn't normally think to ask but it like helps you get to know people better and I think I'm going to buy them because I think they would be fun to do on here.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But they are $40 and I'm cheap, so we'll see how long it takes me to actually do it.
Speaker 2:Let me turn this sound off, okay, oh. I was like is there sound? Oh, I kind of like that background music. Um, if I suddenly lost my memory, how would you convince me that we're friends?
Speaker 1:literally just show up. I think that's all it would take. Like I'm here, bitch, yeah, it's me, bitch, it's me honestly. I would tell you to look at your phone.
Speaker 2:That's all I would need to do, like I'd be a go to snapchat memories, yes I was just gonna say I would show you, I would show you the video of us singing. If I were you.
Speaker 1:I want to be me as dear with the deer filter every time that song comes on. My son hates that song and every time it comes on my playlist I'm like, oh my god, I love this fucking song. It makes me think of heather and dears. And he's like mom, you're fucking crazy. And I'm like I don't. I love it. If I was you, I want to be me too.
Speaker 2:I love it. Oh my gosh, my cheeks hurt. Oh, my cheeks hurt. Okay, you go. You're the one with the question.
Speaker 1:I can't go okay. Okay, if you woke up in my body for a day, what is the first thing you would do? Probably pop some pain pills so fucking fair.
Speaker 2:And then that Xanax that you have in your purse and a muscle and then I go back to bed, that's fucking honestly, I would cry because I'd be like, does this mean I have to work out? Oh, I would eat pastries. I would eat all the pastries. I'd be like we're getting 10 pounds a day.
Speaker 1:I yes, that's normal that is my.
Speaker 2:You'd be waking up and doing fast.
Speaker 1:I'm literally every time I come over here she provides me pastries because she just knows, and I eat my own great yes, I have pastries perfect two different kinds.
Speaker 2:Which one would you like? Okay, god, that's funny um, if you had to bet on on one thing I'd never do, what would it be?
Speaker 1:I love the intensity. Hold on, I'm like I have to think about this. You've done everything.
Speaker 2:I know a lot about you. So, why is this so hard? Because I've done a lot of shit.
Speaker 1:I know I've done, I'm always down, I'm always down, I feel like you're the type of person that, like like me, I'm like I'll try anything once. For the most part like so, but like in the grand scheme of life, good or bad I will try because I feel like I can't honestly say if I like or not like something without doing it.
Speaker 2:There's one thing that I would never do again.
Speaker 1:Again, though, see, maybe that's the problem, is I'm thinking overall ever.
Speaker 2:Let's just say again, because neither one of us what is something that I've done that I would never do again.
Speaker 1:I told her my answer away from the microphone. I mean sorry, that one's just for us I'm not a person okay, well johnny, bravo, there we go. Okay, that's a good one, that's an appropriate one that I can say on the microphone I mean the other one may be coming.
Speaker 2:Future episode, future episode. I'm like, oh, that's as bad as my charades one the other day. You know, when we start recording we're gonna forget we're recording and do that kind of shit.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's gonna be funny you know how many times we're like we're gonna record. We even bought a camera.
Speaker 2:Well, it's okay because we have it set up, but then this morning I rolled out of bed like this. So it's fine, it's we'll get there.
Speaker 1:We have a little setup we're gonna do so.
Speaker 2:It's easier to like record and have it all ready to go perfect okay, so what's?
Speaker 1:are you gonna answer the question for me?
Speaker 2:oh, do you have them now? No, well, I'm giving it to you. I just scrolled and then gave it to you because I haven't read it yet. Oh god, I don't want this one slide slide. There's other ones too.
Speaker 1:You said if you had to give me a compliment, what would it be? I don't want you to compliment me. It makes me uncomfortable. Okay, what animal best describes my personality?
Speaker 2:Okay, like Disney character Eeyore In real life a sloth.
Speaker 1:Those are both really accurate.
Speaker 2:But a funny sloth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love sloths so much and I appreciate that they are very slow creatures. That's why I'm late for everything, because it just takes me forever to do the most basic tasks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 1:What's one thing you think I should let go of in my life, and why?
Speaker 2:Okay, this is going to get serious and you can't get mad. These ones all are. We shifted focus.
Speaker 1:They're more serious okay I think that you need to not focus so much on needing to have a man around. I don't think I do. I think you do more than you think you do I think that there was just.
Speaker 2:You know the situation ships has presented itself again. But I really enjoy being single too.
Speaker 1:Do you yes, you don't date when you're single.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I'm exploring the opportunity.
Speaker 1:I think I just get worried because I always see you as your best self when you are by yourself, because men have a tendency to dole your shine Right.
Speaker 2:This is why we're not letting that happen. Yes Anymore. No, no, because it's also taking things very slow. Big step for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, maybe that's it, it's the quickness.
Speaker 2:But maybe it's not quick because the comfortability, because it's been going on for so long for this one, yeah, yes, but I see that I also really like myself single, so maybe that's why this is different, because I do enjoy being single so much, you know. Yeah, I don't know, but I, I very, I like myself a lot solo, because I've never had the opportunity, because I was married for so long. Brief little period.
Speaker 1:But I also think that that's part of the reason why, like it's comforting for you to have a man around, because you're more used to having a man around. That could be, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I'm also partly you and freak out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ok, what was your first impression of me, and how has it changed?
Speaker 2:I always thought you were fun and I don't think it's ever really changed because you've always been you. Um, I just think now of you more, like as another appendage of me, like a twin. That's not a twin, you know what I mean. Like I don't even want to say sister, because it's like we're closer. We're like so close, like I don't know, our bond is so incredibly close. We're like the same person, but we're so fucking not.
Speaker 1:We're not at all, but I get what you're saying. Yeah, like this, like I can speak your language, we can have conversations with eyes, we can, like I literally know what you're thinking without you having to fucking say anything and same. Yeah, yeah, like we'll just look at each other and then we'll both instantly start laughing because we both know exactly what we're fucking thinking yeah, I had to flip through a couple till I got to one.
Speaker 1:That was good. You're doing a lot of sliding. I know we're going to the next one. Okay, are these like different categories?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're just like kind of different questions, but yeah, like different kinds. What's my most lovable flaw?
Speaker 1:That one's fun that you're spastic, I was just going to say my ADHD chaos, yes.
Speaker 2:Because it's like bubbly spastic chaos and I'm always like oh my gosh, and let me come back to this and like, okay, I get that, because sometimes it annoys me. I'm like God, if I could just finish one task Right, that would be great.
Speaker 1:And then the back and forth.
Speaker 2:Oh, I forgot this. Oh my god, I'm like shit. We've been on 25 cul-de-sacs. We'll get back around. We'll get back around. I need some smoke signals to find my way back, but we're good this one's good are you ready?
Speaker 1:yes, if you could put a warning label on me, what would it say?
Speaker 2:does not play well with others that's so funny but you do it in a lovable way it depends on just like the time that you had Johnny Bravo convinced that you liked him. I don't know how I wasn't trying to, you were literally roasting him to his face. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was rude to him in every instance.
Speaker 2:Anybody who takes being called Johnny Bravo as a compliment Fair.
Speaker 1:Also I will say I think people have a hard time distinguishing if I'm kidding or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like the whole laughing with them or at them. Yes, they think it's with them.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's rarely with them. It's rarely, it's always. Actually, I don't know if it's ever with them, it's always. Listen, I made that joke at your expense and you started laughing. So, therefore, I started laughing and then I laughed harder because you didn't get it and then I kept going because you kept laughing.
Speaker 1:This is why it's funny that's what come like when me and prisoner and carter would have to like hang out at the boys's sports events. Me and his mom would just roast him and he was too done to like be in on the joke and so like he would laugh without realizing that we were making fun of him. It was the best. It's what got me through soccer I love this that was really funny silence.
Speaker 2:If somebody asked you, are they always like that? What would they be talking about? My children?
Speaker 1:and the answer is yes yes, I love that yeah because my kids, my kids are very much like me, but each of them is a different aspect of my personality to an extreme so. So it would be a fair question to be like are they always like that and they also.
Speaker 2:I mean, Ashton is definitely like his dad A bit In some ways, I think it's the looks for me.
Speaker 1:He looks exactly like his dad is and being very charming and smooth with the ladies. Yes, since the age of five. Since the age of five. If someone told you that I went viral in a TikTok video overnight, what would you assume I was doing in the video?
Speaker 2:oh, you took us up on the offer for 60 bucks and went and um confronted sir, tiny ankles, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:I would have done that for free, I know. I was like why is there even money on the table? Do you need me to just take care of this, because I will that's funny.
Speaker 2:There has been several Johnny Bravo sightings. Apparently he doesn't make eye contact with anyone and looks very unsure of himself. I mean, you would have to to know that you robbed a widow and her three children.
Speaker 1:Everybody knows now he can't hide anymore because enough people know, whether it's directly through us, through the podcast, through friends, through friends of friends, like everybody knows now.
Speaker 2:That he is a criminal who? Is a con artist who robs women and pretends to be in relationships to steal. It's so fucking weird. If you would put a little effort, but even 20% of that stealing from me that you would have into a fucking job. You wouldn't even need to steal Dude. I feel that you wouldn't even need to steal.
Speaker 1:People give me shit because I have a crazy fucking signature. I have a crazy fucking signature for a reason because the boy's dad would forge my name on checks and steal money out of my bank account. So I had to change my signature to what it is now.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, what is wrong? I don't know so there's a new netflix show, love con revenge, or love con whatever, and it's about women who have been conned.
Speaker 2:So the Tinder Swindler girl, the original one she's like the host of it and her and a PI go and help these women that have been love conned, and so it's like a new thing, it's like a profession. Now it's fucking weird and they play the long game, yeah, and it's like, oh, my fucking fucking god and it's becoming so like mainstream that like I don't know if you've seen the paper.
Speaker 1:It's like a cheesy show like the office. It's super good. You should watch it. Um, but they did a storyline about a dude.
Speaker 2:That was because it's so common now it's like literally in prime time type of stuff. Yeah, yeah and it's actually there, they'll be there's new laws that they're trying to pass like, but they are'll be. There's new laws that they're trying to pass like, but they are. It goes under. I don't know. They're holding people accountable. It's a lot of times these people get away with it because there's not a lot to protect them because you're willingly giving this person money sometimes, sometimes, yes, like that's the whole thing and so it's like a civil matter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yours is different in the sense that, like your, con was the facade of the relationship he did con me. I mean, I paid for fucking everything he had a free ride.
Speaker 2:He didn't fucking do anything he pretended to work. He used my vehicles. For like a good year and a half, I was like, unknowingly, she would say something to me and I'm like heather, he doesn't have a job he would lie about like no, he doesn't the money, like he's like oh, my check didn't get deposited, can I have this?
Speaker 1:he would promise to do things and then have stories about it you would not find out that things weren't paid for until you showed up. And now you had to pay for it.
Speaker 2:remember when he pretended to have a stroke so that he could get out of paying for the hotel, yes, yep. Or when he does that. He pretended to have the stomach flu when we were supposed to fly to Vegas and then just told me he was a habitual liar Like, yeah, I would. I would have such anxiety knowing that I created all these lies.
Speaker 1:were there, heather?
Speaker 2:I know I look back now and I watch these shows and I'm like, oh my fucking God, yeah, but it's the thing. Like you don't believe people are like this. The thing is they pick people that they know are naive.
Speaker 1:Yes, they target people, they're a vulnerable person and they feed off of that Like okay. So it's the same thing Like you want. I well. I love documentaries, not anymore.
Speaker 2:I'm really fucking smart. By the way, hot lemon. Like I know, you were the only one who from the get-go.
Speaker 1:You're like something's not right about it because it mirrored too much what I had just been through in the beginning and at first I was like, oh, this is weird but cute. And no, it's not fucking talking about facial expressions, you're like fuck you.
Speaker 2:I remember thinking that I remember in the beginning there was red flags like this is not fucking normal. But then I'm like but you're not used to dating and maybe that's just really cute because he's just so no love bombing and I didn't recognize it because I've never had anybody actually show they care, so it was weird for me.
Speaker 2:I love that with what is currently going on. There is no love bombing, it is just real connection that's growing over, like that's really nice, yeah, which makes it maybe so unstable feeling for me, because I'm used to that, because I was trained with the fucking last one it feels unstable because it's been unstable facts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it is what it is. We're just gonna stop. We're just gonna next question if someone oh wait, that's the same one, same one, we're just you know, here we go.
Speaker 2:If you had to piss me off with three words, what would you say?
Speaker 1:heather seriously again oh my gosh, okay, not even mad about it um, okay, if you were gonna set me up on a date, what type of person would you match with me? A lumberjack ginger who's also into nerd shit, perfect I don't know why I have a thing for gingers. It's a problem. Yes, it's a fucking problem. I'm not allowed to date.
Speaker 2:It's gonna be a ginger librarian who dresses like a lumberjack. Hipster who has tattoos, loves the fucking nerd shit. Can also cook with you.
Speaker 1:Emotionally mature lives eight hours away and text you good morning and good night and otherwise let you initiate I don't know if I want to be the one that always initiates, because one of the things that really bothers me is, like you want, you want communication. You want to be the one that always initiates, because one of the things that really bothers me is, like I always plan.
Speaker 2:No, I mean like communication, like he's not texting you more than that.
Speaker 1:Don't leave my house and then call me, don't you fucking do?
Speaker 2:that. That would annoy the fuck out of me. I can't believe you put up with that.
Speaker 1:No wonder I didn't talk to you for so long, See this is the thing I am overly accommodating when I am in relationships.
Speaker 2:You need to work on fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1:I'm literally a therapy boy. When I started therapy we had to rate my like percentage of holding boundaries and guess what? My starting no it was three, oh sorry Three, and I think at our last check in after over a year, I think we were at like 24. That's good and I know progress, Progress.
Speaker 2:I'm doing better. I'm holding boundaries 24% of the time, still failing, but we're good. It's not failing as bad. We're not at zero. I'm not counting the 3%.
Speaker 1:No, I feel like I got big points for the lemon thing though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she did Because.
Speaker 1:I recognized in the moment I was like no. And then instantly I felt different. It took me a week and a half, but I knew that I was done. Yes, yeah, that was good. I do need to work on my you know efficiency in getting rid of people.
Speaker 2:I think you have All right. Well, we are already at a time today.
Speaker 1:That was fun. That was fun. I like those questions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don fun. That was fun.
Speaker 1:I like those questions yeah, you don't plan that, just happen. Uh, the questions are fun, I love them, and it was also funny to hear about the things that men don't know about. If you're a dude, send us something I want to know. What did you not know until you got a girlfriend? Or, honestly, if you're a girl, what did you have to teach your man? Yes, because that's basically the same thing. I'm interested, I want to know, I, I do too. Send us, let us know. Let us know Until next time.
Speaker 2:We will talk to you next week. Besties, Bye.
Speaker 1:Bye.