we are NOT the SAME

Eeyore & Tigger Energy

• Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph • Season 3 • Episode 18

Share episode

Send us a text

The mic caught us on a hard day—and we kept it rolling. Lacey names a depressive episode with no clear trigger, and we talk through what sadness feels like when it’s lodged in the body, why masking becomes second nature, and how a simple ritual—cranking music right after you “skip feeling”—can help release what you swallowed. No gloss, no edits, just the practice of showing up when you’d rather hide.

From there, we let joy elbow its way in: book-club onesies, our Eeyore-and-Tigger energy, and the small acts that keep the floor from falling out. We pivot to dating with eyes wide open—love bombing, credential fakery, and the value of warning others without turning into a witch hunt. Honesty sits at the center: almost anything is repairable if the truth shows up; disrespect and lies aren’t. Along the way we talk boundaries, emotional availability, and why communication beats performance every time.

Parenting and money get real fast. We weigh experience-first spending against spreadsheets, share practical tactics like holiday sinking funds and admit the tug-of-war between saving and making memories while kids still want to make them with us. 

Wrapped through it all is a simple promise to our people: we’ll tell the truth on the hard days and keep chasing light where we can. If you’re navigating depression or boundary-setting pull up a chair. Then tell us what you refuse to cut from your joy budget. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend, and leave a quick review—your words help others find a space where real life is welcome.

-

Support the show

SPEAKER_00:

My name is Heather. I am Lacey. And we are your hosts. Yeah. We've been going for a while now.

SPEAKER_02:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm proud of us.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, like me too. Very consistent on the podcast land. We're still working on the social media, but you know what? You can't be perfect in everything. This is a good time to segue into like how you are making yourself show up today, even though Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So part of the reason why the social media hasn't been great, at least on my end. So we're not shy here. Everybody knows our past and our history. Well, not all of our past, let's be real, but like enough of our past.

SPEAKER_02:

You have the Cliff Notes edition.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, you know enough about us at this point to like know that we have trauma and we have depression and all the things. So like I am very actively currently in the middle of a depressive episode that started Saturday morning. Um, it is now Wednesday, so it's not going away. Um, but I I knew too.

SPEAKER_02:

I talked to you on the phone, and as soon as I hung up, I called you and I'm like, You don't sound okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I know. I knew too. I got off the phone with you, and I was sitting next to my bonus child, and I was like, how much you want to bet she text me? And he kind of laughed. And then, like, 30 seconds later, I says, By the way, why do you sound sad?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, that sounds way more like me.

unknown:

By the way, why do you sound sad?

SPEAKER_00:

Just literally, we got off the phone, and within one minute you text me, by the way, why do you sound it was a burning question in my mind.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm like, it's not normal.

SPEAKER_00:

It's I mean, it's my normal. Well, I know, but you know, you know, I I you can tell it's a good idea. And that was my way of being like, I see you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I know it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but I showed up and I'm here and we're gonna do it. And because the whole thing is we've always prided this podcast as being real and being raw, like we it's uncut. We don't we don't edit anything out of it, even if we probably should, but we don't.

SPEAKER_02:

We don't.

SPEAKER_00:

But this is my reality, and this is my real life, and like I suffer. I'm clinically depressed, diagnosed, I do all the things. I'm in therapy, we've done the ketamine, like I it's a but it's my real life.

SPEAKER_02:

So But it ebbs and it flows. It's like nothing is ever gonna be like magic pill, but it gets better.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and the crazy the craziest thing about depression versus all of our trauma shit is like this doesn't need a trigger. Like, I lit like nothing happened. There's no reason particularly why I mean like shit's happened, let's be real. Like the world's crazy and on fire and all the things, and like I've had some trouble with my therapy stuff, like the insurance claims getting all denied for no reason and all the shit. So, like, there's reasons, but like that's not the reason, you know what I mean? Like, it literally was like, I just woke up fucking sad. Like really to my core, like it physically hurts my body how sad I am right now.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry. No, it's fine. I I um wanna segue into this because I think mine is like slightly different, so it's like I provide a different perspective. Yeah, maybe I mask mine, but I go into like maybe not maybe I don't identify mine as like depression or I just like feel off sometimes. And I'll tell you, I'm like sometimes I'm just off.

SPEAKER_00:

That still can be depression. Like that, I think I think we're learning throughout the world. Literally everything is a spectrum, right? Like even depression is a spectrum. There's people that are more depressed than other people, that's why there's different medications and different strengths. Like I'm technically bipolar one, so I have depressive episodes and I have manic episodes, and then there's people that are just depressive and don't have manic, and then there's bipolar two, who's like crazy manic. Shout out to our favorite person, you know who you are. I'm not gonna say it.

SPEAKER_02:

We know who you know who you are.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but like so there's different levels of it, right? So I think that any time that you feel off, if it if it results in like a a sadness because of feeling off, it can be depression. If it's just feeling off, it could just be feeling off.

SPEAKER_02:

I do have to say I've just been in a I've been feeling great lately.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you've been great, which is awesome.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I I there's always that phrase that like misery loves company, but I d I don't think that applies to people with chronic depression. No, also I just want to bring you down.

SPEAKER_02:

You never do. In fact, I just want to like help you out of it, and I just want to be my more tigger self. But I would just give you space to do your thing. Do you want to hear something kind of funny? I also know you'll hang out with me in any any regard. So any regard.

SPEAKER_00:

It doesn't matter my mental state. If you if you're like, hey, you should come over, and I have the capacity to do that, I will do that. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I love it. In fact, today I'm like, all right, we have like a two hour hour and a half window. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So we're only doing one. One and done today. We haven't done that in a while. I don't know. It's hard to fit time in though. Um, but so I for my book club, um, for our October book club, we're all gonna dress up in onesies. I don't know why we decided it, but I fucking love it. I'm here for it. I'm excited. Um, I don't fucking know. I'm like, maybe I want to join for this one. I did order it today um off of thrift books. I love them. If you don't have like if you're a book lover, do thrift books, it's awesome. You get used books sent to you and it's hella cheap, and I love it. Um, but anyway, so I was like, I need a onesie. I don't own a onesie because of course I don't own a onesie. I do if you need a onesie. I'm sure you do. But I was looking through, and some of them were weird. They had like Perry the Flatoplass from Phineas and Furb, and it made me laugh real hard, and I almost bought that one.

SPEAKER_02:

See, this is where we're not the same. I have like retro ski Barbie onesie. I have a unicorn onesie.

SPEAKER_00:

I have like scrolling and guess what I found? What? Eeyore and Tigger onesies, and I was almost like, we should get those. We really should. Yes. Because it's really funny. That's what we are. It is. I'm literally in this moment right now. This is probably the most um realistic depiction of us being awesome. People can see us right now.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm like, do you want an eye mask? She's like, yes. Okay. I went to the case.

SPEAKER_00:

And you're bouncy and happy, and life is good, and I'm just like, things are okay. That's okay. They're gonna get better. I'm okay. Like, I've it's I will say, listen, I have suffered from depression. I think I was diagnosed at 11. I think is when I got diagnosed. Um, so I'm fucking used to it, right? I'm really good at depression, which is a weird statement to say, but I am. I'm really good at it. And that's why I can like force myself to still do the things that I need to do because I've had lots of practice and it's a skill that you fucking. Oh, it's called mask.

SPEAKER_02:

We're really good at masking our emotions, is what it is.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. Okay, yes. So I I literally cracked out the crazy.

SPEAKER_02:

But do you mask so much that you don't even know what this is what I was actually journaling and reflecting on. Do I mask so much that you don't know that you're masking? No, that I just like don't feel emotions because I'm just constantly trying to mask them. Like I do, I'm very more aware now, but I realize I mask more than feel.

SPEAKER_00:

That's fair.

SPEAKER_02:

I do for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

So this is why I accidentally made myself cry on the way here today. Did not mean to cry on the way here.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, what's it like to spontaneously cry?

SPEAKER_00:

It's weird. It's weird because you have to find out why before you can get it to stop. And here I'm like, maybe one day I'll cry. If you're just crying, one day I'll cry. I literally don't know why you're crying, but you cannot, you cannot get yourself to stop until you figure out why you're crying. At least this is my experience. I'm not speaking for everybody because everybody is different.

SPEAKER_02:

Standing at the funeral and being like, I'm done crying because I need to be strong, or I'm just done crying as I looked around and I just like it.

SPEAKER_00:

Some people are like my sister's like this. My sister can control if she can control the cry, as I word it's not like that. You can control the cry.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I don't even know if there's crying coming. There it could be a cry anymore.

SPEAKER_00:

I think so, but it it will be a controlled cry. It'll be what you allow.

SPEAKER_02:

Sometimes there's like a tear or two, and then it's like yes, because I was like, I've seen you.

SPEAKER_00:

We should be able to do it. But like you right. And normally, if I'm not in a depressive episode, I can do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Shove it down. You suck it in, you shove it down deep.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like that. What's that mean? The pumpkin lady where she like does the fucked up workout videos. We should do those. Oh yes.

unknown:

You suck it in.

SPEAKER_02:

Such suck it in. Shove it down. Oh my god, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_00:

We should do that. We should do a video for that.

SPEAKER_02:

That is like when the tears start, we're like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But so I'm like you, right? I in the moment I don't allow myself to feel the emotions. I go straight to why, which I'm learning all the reasons why I do that and why it's bad and all the things, and I'm working on the emotion part. But like music, right? Music is my escape, music is my savior. I'm not like, oh, I worship music, but like kind of. Um, because it allows me to get out those emotions that I am not allowing myself to feel. And I had that realization in the car on the way here, and that made me cry because I was like, I was singing so much in like every ounce of me, I was putting it into this song, right? If someone was driving past me, they were like, This bitch is possessed because I was like in it, right? Because it was allowing me to get out all of the fucking emotions that I was feeling that I was repressing, that I wasn't allowing myself to feel. So now I've come up with an idea and I think it's kind of genius, and I'm gonna test it and see. Okay. So anytime that I have a situation where I instantly bypass my emotions, after I leave that situation, I'm gonna immediately listen to music and see if that will allow me to get those emotions out right then and there instead of building. Isn't that a good idea? If that works for me, I mean that you know, yeah, but I don't know if it only works when it's big or if it will work all the time. That's that's what I'm testing. I'm doing science, guys. I like it. Science. I'm like, mmm, I need to get come back, come back next, come back next week and see how it goes. Yeah, I'll try it for a week. We'll see.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, I like that.

SPEAKER_00:

See, at least like that's the difference now with my depression versus like 10 years ago. Like it would knock me out and I couldn't even like think clearly. And now I'm like, let's just solve things. Let's try to fix my life while I'm sad.

SPEAKER_02:

I like that. It's functional depression.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a new term, functional depression. When I am depressed, is when I'm not. You turn all your mental illnesses and depression.

SPEAKER_02:

This is that you don't use that I don't use. Stop doing that.

SPEAKER_00:

I already had to turn myself off of Amazon because I already started looking up self-help shit this morning. Like, I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02:

You just wait. Do do the library thing where you can get them on your phone for free.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I have the Libby app, but then there was some weird like dispute in the library network in my area, and I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, I love the Libby app. It's where I download and read all my books. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I do live close to a library though, but it's really convenient on your phone. I know. I'd rather read a physical book than an electronic book, though.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, same, but it is convenient and it doesn't cost anything.

SPEAKER_00:

So it is nice if you're like in the doctor's office waiting room or something. You don't have to pull out a big old book. Yeah, that's the track.

SPEAKER_02:

I would too, but then having it packed with you, knowing you're gonna need it.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, and then there's the danger of, and I've done this now on two separate occasions where I brought physical books on a trip with me, and then I left the fucking books. I did rebuy them.

SPEAKER_02:

And there goes the money problem. I know. It's okay. The lights are.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't make me more depressed. Don't bring let's not talk about finances. That'll make this worse. Let's talk about you. Oh, okay. Like, okay. Yeah, see, even just listen to the difference. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I just had an amazing massage, so I'm like slightly massage drunk.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm having mine after this. Gendessa has us in a sandwich on every other Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02:

It's I think it's for her pleasure.

unknown:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

Right? She'll start with you, and then there's some random dude in the middle, and then she ends with me, and it's great for her.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know why I'm sneezing.

SPEAKER_00:

That was aggressive.

SPEAKER_02:

That was an aggressive sneeze. Well, I think my head was being in the thing for a minute. I don't know. Anyways.

SPEAKER_00:

I have sneezed more this like I didn't know I had seasonal allergies. I've I've never in my life had them before this year, and then I've been sneezing nonstop for months, and I'm like, what the fuck is happening?

SPEAKER_02:

Pacific Northwest.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Shit's crazy up here.

SPEAKER_02:

Um no, I'm good. Things are, I think we kind of touched on like um I decided to uh oh, here I am. Hello. Here you are. Um I decided to kind of be like the the yo-yo timing seems to work out. Also, when is this gonna be the first person that goes things are up right now?

SPEAKER_00:

He's holding on strong to that yo-yo. We'll see what happens.

SPEAKER_02:

It's good. Things are good. I feel like timing-wise, like looking back at it, it could be like this is now like timing. It's good.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm gonna give this the benefit of the doubt. For now, yes, you do. I'm trying so hard to be supportive. You are actually very supportive. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

You are takes effort, it takes effort, but you're doing it and it's great. So we're just writing this out. We'll see.

SPEAKER_00:

As long as things go good, it's okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Very much enjoying it.

SPEAKER_00:

Good. I am happy for you. I am genuinely happy for you. I'm just cautious.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, yes, the same I was with lemon, so that's fine.

SPEAKER_00:

The difference is you didn't like lemon from the very beginning.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I told you I had a good first date, and I think that was the only time that you ever really said something positive about it. You're like, oh, I'm so happy for you. That's great that it was great. And then even like there was like a pause, and then you're like, but we'll see.

SPEAKER_02:

But we'll see.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, I feel like there's love bombing already. That was the nicest you were about the whole thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, because in everything I it was like red flag, red flag, glaring red flag, like they're burning.

SPEAKER_00:

I'd never had someone try to love bomb me before I just came out of it. I didn't understand what was happening. It was very confusing for me. And you're like, no, this is bad. And then you're just bad at accepting the love. Right. So you're like combating the love bombing. Like, that's not true.

SPEAKER_02:

He's like, fine, I'll just be my shitty self then to you.

SPEAKER_00:

That is matched with me because he's like, This usually works. I know. He he's like, I love you. And I was like, no, you don't. That really happened. That's so funny. Someday, someday I'll learn to accept love. Maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe. I'm working on it. I think you will. It'll just be like when you least expect it in the right timing. Yeah, people say that. It's just nobody around here. I don't think that like what you're looking for is here.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02:

I yeah. Oh my god, how did I almost glare over? Not glare over, forget to give everybody a fucking Johnny Bravo update.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I knew we'd get there.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, it's just now like I was just thinking about all the shitty people, men in particular, in the dating pool around here, and then how I was sent his dating profile by someone who will rename Anonymous. Oh, I'm like, where did you go?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm sorry, I turned my mic off on accident.

SPEAKER_02:

She's like mic drop.

SPEAKER_00:

This is the funniest thing about it, right? So she gets it and she instantly.

SPEAKER_02:

I guess we can actually post it on our post it.

SPEAKER_00:

Why not? I think we should because it's public. And it need like, listen.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, he's cruising the Seattle area.

SPEAKER_00:

I have no guilt about warning women about bad men.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't appreciate the uh Are We Dating the Same Guy pages so much because not all of it is legit. Like some people misuse it. Yeah. But there is a legitimate need for warning girls about bad men. How many fucking like con artist shows are there?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, have you worked the new con revenge?

unknown:

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh, it's about romance scams.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, see? It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_02:

It is, and it's more and more common.

SPEAKER_00:

I watched the paper, which is like the new office, and it's funny, and you should watch it if you're into the office. Um, but they even did a storyline on it. I think we talked about that because it's so mainstream now. So um, yeah, no, I don't feel bad at all for being like, hey, this guy's a con artist because he is.

SPEAKER_02:

He literally is.

SPEAKER_00:

He he did that.

SPEAKER_02:

And he's still claiming to be a mental health.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes! Oh, that irritated me. So she sits me his profile and we're looking at it or whatever, and he's still saying that he's like a mental health therapist. Is that the word he used specifically?

SPEAKER_02:

Mental health.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna find it.

SPEAKER_02:

Counselor, mental health counselor, or something. Hold on, let me find it. I have it's really funny. He still looks like the dumbest.

SPEAKER_00:

The way to win me over is actually get to know me, have a conversation, emotional availability and maturity, because he wants you to pay for everything. Yes, okay. It says therapist. He is claiming to be a mental health therapist, but he is not licensed, and that is not his job. We learned in court, he's basically a glorified assistant.

SPEAKER_02:

Of a DSHS worker. Yeah, so like it's not like somebody who inputs people's information.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like data entry, essentially, is what he's doing. And so, right out the gate, he's already trying to con people. Yes. Again, straight out the gate. This isn't even resolved yet. We still have to go back to fucking November. Yeah. It's crazy to me. And this is the mentality of these people because they are like, oh, I'll get away with it. He still thinks he's gonna walk away. Crazy. Fucking crazy to me. And he's looking for a long-term relationship in monogamy. I think the biggest lie on here is that it says straight.

SPEAKER_02:

Facts. Facts. Like, did you see the pants? I honestly no. Okay, we can also talk about this.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so maybe so dude, dude. Heather, why?

SPEAKER_02:

I know. I also like it's so gross. Queen also talked about his penis is like two inches big.

SPEAKER_00:

I can't telephone that because I don't know. Thank goodness.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I don't know. I think I don't have a picture.

SPEAKER_00:

Um I don't want to see a picture. I know.

SPEAKER_02:

I wish I had evidence to show you, but like nobody with a two-inch penis would send that to someone because then that's like you know what it looks like. Um also, okay, maybe you wouldn't, but like also have no idea what to do with it. Like, or anything, or your way around a vagina, or at all. Like the fact that I was asexual for so long and I thought that like this is just life now. Yeah. No, it was just hate.

SPEAKER_00:

If I listen, if I don't have good sex, I could go forever without it. But if I'm getting good sex, it makes me crave sex. Like, that's just facts. That's how that works, you know? As I'm over here, just like Yeah, I see you. Um, but like that's a real thing. Like, if you're in a relationship and your girl doesn't want to have a lot of sex with you, like there could be other things. Let's be real. There's hormones, there's there's conditions, there's menopause. There's so many things that could be causing it, but it could also just be that you're bad in debt.

SPEAKER_02:

We're not even close to menopause and the fact that you mentioned that. Well, there's pre-menopause. But we're not close to menopause.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, bitch, we are. We're old. I don't think you understand how old we are. Yeah. When premenopause starts. Or perimenopause. Yeah, it says it typically begins mid-40s, however, it can start as early as late 30s. Oh, well. So yeah. I know at least two different types of people.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm pretty I I'm good.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not happening. I don't think you get a control when that happens, but it's good that it's not happening. That's like I'm good. I can just stop it. It's fine. It's like the dudes who think that women can just shut off their period. That's the scariest thing ever, is finding out how little men know about stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02:

That was a good segment that we did. Um, so he's out. Okay, so uh Tiny Angles is on the loose looking for his next victim in the Seattle area.

SPEAKER_00:

Didn't you just say that he like unblocked you to send you something? Or no? That was Yes. Got it.

SPEAKER_02:

You for you see, that's why nicknames are important.

SPEAKER_00:

That is why nicknames are important. That's funny. People I think people who do that are funny. People like you stop talking to someone and they block you. And then they unblock you, and they message you, and then they reblock you, and then months go by and then they unblock you. And so what do you do? What do you what do you think you're accomplishing by this? Like, we stop speaking. You're just showing me.

SPEAKER_02:

That shows emotional immaturity and unavailability. I want to run or red flags. I value honesty, loyalty, communication. Yeah, communication above all, and also honesty, because like I can understand anything. I don't understand a lie. But I can if you did something, I can understand your reasoning and how you got there, and maybe it'll suck.

SPEAKER_00:

But like, because we're really traumatized. But lying, I just like don't fucking lie to me. Honestly, lying is my biggest fucking pet peeve. I have forgiven the unforgivable because they were honest. Like, you know what I mean? Like, we can work through that. At least, at least that shows me that you have respect for me. If you lie to me, you don't respect me, and I can't respect you if you don't respect me because I've done nothing to give you a reason to disrespect me.

unknown:

Facts.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what I mean? It's that's just the way that I look at it. So everything else you can work on, but disrespect, I will not tolerate it anymore. I'm done.

SPEAKER_02:

I am really enjoying the situation. Uh it's not even a situation. I guess I'm like, we're like No, you're like full on, it seems.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, you're not like official official, but like Yeah, wait for the hard launch. That's that I think that's gonna be the thing because that will make it feel not so yo-yo-y because you guys haven't really gotten to that point before.

SPEAKER_02:

No. This is actually as far along as it's like. And it's very solid and it feels very natural and very comfortable.

SPEAKER_00:

And your horoscope's on your side. It's telling you to be patient about it, but it's basically saying this person is. But I like that. Yeah, because I don't want to learn how to do it the right way. So that's good.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and I'm I would be scared if it got rushed, I think, like too much because of the love bombing thing, but I also am finding myself, you know, moving forward, so which I haven't felt like that before in any circumstances, so like that's good.

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's good that you guys are giving it time, making sure that you're both getting what you want out of it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I think that's big. The communication is really, really great there. I just keep like not talking in the microphone, anyways. Because you keep seeing with your iPad pocket. I know because it keeps sliding down my face. Um Brayden's 18. I know, Jesus. That's that happened. That's a lot. That's crazy. Um took Lily to her first concert. Oh, I wasn't the best. Yes, I have been so off social media. My own. He's country. I've got my own social media. I've been off. So I have like, I didn't make Kinsley a real for her birthday. I have all these pictures I didn't post. Like, oh my gosh. I think.

SPEAKER_00:

That was a weird to like I knew that. Like, I know that she, you know, but it's still I don't know. It's it creeps up. Yeah, because like like Braden turned 18, yes, that's big, but like Deegan's also turning 18 soon, so it's like I feel that, but like Kinsley to you is still baby. Right. She is the baby, she's the baby of all of it, and she's seven. Like when she turns ten, that's gonna feel fucking weird. Because she's the baby of it all.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And Lily is just like, oh my god, Lily. So she has created um my iPad. She went on my iPad and got in my Canva because you know, I pay for Canva, do all the things. So she had created a um slideshow of all the things that she wants for Christmas, but she didn't tell me that she was creating it yet. So, like in my phone, I'm getting all of these, I'm just taking these fucking things off.

SPEAKER_00:

I think we've left them long enough.

SPEAKER_02:

That she's created, there's all these pictures of things that she wants, and then yesterday she's like, okay, mom, so I have this, she's created a full-on slideshow with all these options. That's hilarious. And then if I choose to get her one of her. Well, then that way she'll still get a surprise. Well, she's like, okay, and if you choose to like not get me any of that and just get me A or B, then that's fine. But if you just get me this, then it's fine too, because it's really big.

SPEAKER_00:

That's so at least she's practical about it. No.

SPEAKER_02:

No. There's so much shit on there. I'm like, my kids are relatively practical. Um, no, she just likes a lot of things. She's so expensive.

SPEAKER_00:

Deegan likes the expensive stuff, and then Ashton likes clothes. So, and I break it up um based off of amount. So you each get the same amount, and then so Ashton gets way more shit because he likes cheaper shit. But they're both okay with it, so that's all that matters. And I have a savings account where like$50 of every paycheck goes into that, and that's what I have for holiday spending. Perfect. I know, it's helpful.

SPEAKER_02:

I like doing experiences, but with the short one, it's like she just ruins everything and does things. It's really hard on her.

SPEAKER_00:

I also like experience. One of their um presents, since I know my kids don't listen to this, um, Nitro Circus is coming. It's actually coming before Christmas, so they'll get their present before Christmas. But I bought for all four of us. So it'll be me and all three boys, and we're gonna go to Nitro Circus because I think that'll be super fun. So that's one of I agree. Like that's one of their Christmas presents. And then uh for Dean Your uh Jesus Christ, I cannot talk. Deegan senior trip. Um, we're going on that cruise with my family, so that's part of their Christmas because that's expensive as fuck.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

But now that they're older, they get it and like they're cool with it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Braden is very like thoughtful with money and he doesn't ask for a lot of things or want a lot of things, it's just the middle one. She thinks that she's me.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean, she leads by example to the case.

SPEAKER_02:

I like walk into my room and she's sitting there on my iPhone in the middle of my bed. I'm like, hello. She sleeps with me every night now. She just like yes for any particular reason. No, she just started it and she doesn't want to stop. At first it was like during the summer because it was like hot, and I'm like, Yeah, you can sleep with her and whatever. Yeah, and so really she didn't have to, but she wanted to. And then now it's just been like, and then she started moving all of her stuff into my bathroom. So funny. And then she makes my bed and like chops the pillows and stuff every morning. I'm like, well, see, now you're just like trying to sweeten the deal.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's different though, because she's a girl. Like, my kids couldn't move into my bedroom. Hell no. Like, they're not even allowed to use my bathroom.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, my favorite thing about No, Braden does not come in my room. He's like, he knocks. And I don't think he comes in my room unless I tell him to. He just takes his head, Mom. Although he's been really busy, it's really weird. Like, it's just life is busy.

SPEAKER_00:

So, what's he what is his plans? Because I know he got at least one.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, well, the one combine, the one combine that we were going to this weekend got cancelled, which is so fucking weird. So we're just gonna do another one and then see how where it goes. So, whatever is the best. He wants to do computer science. So that's good. He may stay local and try to get it done as quickly as possible if there's no like great scholarship cheer opportunities. Um, but otherwise he'll go somewhere.

SPEAKER_00:

It's also funny how different our kids are. Like, we're different, but like our kids are different. Like your kids do like cheer and Degan does machinery. Well, they both started out in karate. They did. They did.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Braden took it all the way though. We couldn't afford that. That shit got crazy expensive. I don't know how the hell you did it.

SPEAKER_02:

I've always invested into their like I know.

SPEAKER_00:

It was like it costs Of course back then, like you had two incomes.

SPEAKER_02:

I know. Now it's like now I just live to cheer.

SPEAKER_00:

The only time I've ever had two incomes is when they were both my income. And technically I have like three or four incomes because I do multiple jobs because you know, no help.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry, my training client just messaged me. He wanted to come in earlier. I'm like, yes, what time?

unknown:

I can do that.

SPEAKER_00:

How many clients are you up to? Because that's going very well for you too. Everything's kind of going good at the moment, which is awesome.

SPEAKER_02:

So, like Tisa did say that everything that I touch will, you know, turn to will multiply. She's like basically like gotten rid of the dead weight. And this was like, oh my god, it's coming up on a year now that I almost it was October what?

SPEAKER_00:

Like 5th, 7th, 3rd. So like hella close.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, like in a week. That's great. If even I will have be one year free of fucking Johnny Bravo and his tiny goddamn ankles. Great. Okay. Um now I know no longer have to worry about my stuff being stolen underneath me from underneath me while I sleep. Well, I mean, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Now that Lily's moving in there.

SPEAKER_02:

You might have to worry about that again. That's like my expensive ass. She goes, Can we go by the mall and get this face wash? I'm like, Yeah, sure. I look up the face wash, I'm like, I call her back. Nope. I'm not spending$60 some dollars on a face wash for you when mine is only like$30. Nope. Yeah. Why? You and your little 12-year-old face.

SPEAKER_00:

I sacrifice my face for my for Ashton. Let's be real, it's not even Dean. Dean buys all of its own shit. But Ashton really wanted this specific backpack and it was like$60. And I was like, fuck, okay. Fine, I'll do that. I can wait on my shit. And then he wanted this jacket and it was like$60. And I was like, fuck, god damn it. Okay, I can still wait to find. I'm literally to the point where I'm gonna have to like start putting like little bits of like my eye drops into my concealer to make that shit fucking last longer. Because like, and it's not like constant, it's just even if it's one thing a month, that shit adds up, man.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, now it does. Yeah, because now all my products that I use go twice as fast.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and that shit's not cheap either.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, we know how I am.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm bare minimum, so even I've actually I'm proud of myself in the sense that I've gotten more comfortable um like going out in public without makeup on.

SPEAKER_02:

I do, I I don't wear a lot, like I will do mascara. I don't even do all my lashes all the time like I used to, and it's really just a tinted. I use like the drunk elephant glow drops with my moisturizer, like that's my daily. It's just like a little tinted drop that you put with your moisturizer, and it that's it. And then I like put a little mascara on, and that's what I roll with on a daily. Yeah, I went to darts and no makeup on my face.

SPEAKER_00:

None whatsoever.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, it's better for me.

SPEAKER_00:

That's fucking cute.

SPEAKER_02:

Actually, it is more of a clean girl era now. It is minimalist. There's not a lot of like for a while, the full beat was a thing.

SPEAKER_00:

For a long while. Well, and let's be real like I'm slowly morphing into like a forest switch.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, I'm at Oh, is that where you're gonna meet your lumberjack?

SPEAKER_00:

That's hopefully good goddamn, it's not working here. Um that wouldn't be great. And As long as they I want them to wear suits too. But only for fancy occasions. I want a suited lumberjack, fancy occasions. I love that. Um, but like I've I purposely have added gray into my hair twice now to embrace the fact that I'm going gray. Like instead of fucking trying to hide it and like dye my hair all the time. I'm like, let's embrace it. So I have a bunch of gray that I purposely put in my hair. I love it. I do too. Sonia peeked at it. She did a fantastic job. Highly recommend her. She actually specializes in gray. Like she does everything, but like it's a skill that she's that she has. Because I mean I have dark hair, so to go in one session from that to gray is pretty good.

SPEAKER_02:

It looks really good. No, it's like the best I think it's ever looked.

SPEAKER_00:

But like, so I feel like because I'm embracing that, like I feel more comfortable to just embrace all of it. Like, I if I'm going someplace nice or fancy, I'm still gonna want to doll myself up slightly, but I don't feel the need anymore to like if I'm going to the grocery store, I don't care what I look like.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh pizza. Piedaho. Had this weekend. Like pie daho. You know, like in post falls, there's that little like food truck pavilion thing. Okay. You have to try it. This pizza with I don't know, it just made me think of it. Um the dates, pistachio, not make it frostomic.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I knew you'd like this. Not that. No, not that. I'm talking about my face without makeup and she's like pee.

SPEAKER_02:

No, us going somewhere. Us going somewhere. It was the fact that I actually put makeup on this weekend to go somewhere. And I had that. That's what made me think of it.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, thank you for that connection. Because I'm all like, I actually have food skin. You would really like that. You would really like it. And it's like I can't, you said figs though. I can't eat figs. It's dates. Oh, okay. I thought I heard figs. Dates. I'm allergic to figs. Because of course I am.

SPEAKER_02:

Dates. No, it's dates, pistachios, uh, balsamic drizzle over the top. Balsamic. Love it. So good.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I had never heard of that.

SPEAKER_02:

We need to go eat again soon.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, it's always on you. I eat literally all the time. I'm working. I need to stop because I am putting on weight. I need to stop. See, and here's also that should have been a sign for me that I was going to go into a depressive episode. Is if I start eating more, then nine times out of ten, I'm gonna end up in a depressive episode. It's weird. I don't get depressed because of the eating. I eat because I'm depressed. But like I don't go into a full-blown episode until like after the eating is started.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Does that make sense? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_00:

But it should be a red flag for me to be like, oh no, I'm gonna be real sad real soon. And then if I get really stressed and I'm not in a depression episode, then I I don't eat and then I get really thin. So you can tell if I'm stressed or depressed based off of my weight.

SPEAKER_02:

When I'm happy and not stressed, I'm good. I feel you know, I just love food. Also, my body, I'm very much like in bodybuilding season or not. Right now, I am kind of I am You're still eating. 12 pounds. Am I 12 pounds? 11 pounds? 11 pounds above stage weight. We're like eight weeks out.

SPEAKER_00:

The difference is 11 pounds on me, you can see it. 11 pounds on you. I can't really want to say how good I feel.

SPEAKER_02:

Good. You look fantastic. Did 135 pounds on the Saxon squat, which is basically like a sissy squat, so fucking heavy. My strength has been up. I've been feeling really good. Like my sleep has been great. My cardio is way down. So I'm like, I don't mind because I have to, you know, you gotta give me a little bit. I feel like you like this.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's just like my muscles feel really full. Yes, it's the fullness. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't my stomach is still flat. I have like lines still, but I don't feel like I'm dying. I have energy and I still have hunger. So one thing I do like is like last time I kind of fucked up my reverse and I ate, and then I didn't feel hunger again for like a long time. Like it's just really weird.

SPEAKER_00:

But you overdid it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and I think your body just kind of like then you kind of fuck your metabolism up and it's like out of the mode. Where now I still eat every like two to three hours. I will have a few, like one or two. I had two this last week, untracked, um, free-ish meals where I'm enjoying myself and I'm not super structured, but everything else is like always hitting protein still structured and my body's responding really well. And you didn't do that last time? I was just more free, like let myself eat whatever I wanted. Made sure I hit my protein, but I definitely like enjoyed a lot more free stuff, and I did not reverse as well as I did this time, but I had like negative influence.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, it's amazing what you can do when you don't have things to do.

SPEAKER_02:

And all that stress that I was going through, yeah. So because I had game off and he's like, Oh, you don't need to, you know, just kind of was negatively influencing decisions. That's because people like that, like they Oh, we don't even talk about I don't even have even said on the podcast how he sabotaged me and faked all my supplements. Have I even oh we've talked about that in the beginning. So I found out after that he had been faking all of my supplements and everything, which is super scary.

SPEAKER_00:

Honestly, that alone is a felony. Like you cannot fuck with people's food and things that they ingest. Like it's literally a felony to fuck with people's food. I remember reading a story about this and this is relatively common shit that happens, right? Like the kill someone. Yes, because like somebody couldn't eat something because they were allergic, and somebody substituted something because they were trying to make them vegan, but it was like it included the thing the person was allergic to, and they're like they're like, I bet you didn't even notice the difference, ha ha. And then the person goes into anaphylactic shock and had to go to the hospital. Like, well, actually, I really charge that girl with um God, what do I it was a felony though? Like it was causing harm. Yeah, like it's you can't fuck with people's shit. No, you can't.

SPEAKER_02:

You cannot.

SPEAKER_00:

It's super scary.

SPEAKER_02:

People are crazy. It is. Um, well, as we're kind of wrapping up the end of our show, I did want to add more questions. I thought the question was.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know if the people like them, but I like the. I know.

SPEAKER_02:

We've just kind of been rambling, catching you up on all of our chaos. We do have more segments planned, but these are actually really fun.

SPEAKER_00:

Plus, it's really hard for me to like shout out to that one weekend in Seattle.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know who spread the word about it. Yeah, so we get like little story, right? We get um weekly so funny. And it was during our shit show times. I actually think that I'm gonna do some encore episodes. I'm gonna start doing bonus encore episodes where I replay off of our shit show days and have their co-host AI like figure out, you know, how like it gives us all of our descriptions and stuff, and then you can just read them. You can just synopse it.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, perfect, so I don't have to listen because I still don't.

SPEAKER_02:

But they're so funny, they are so funny. We were funny, we are still funny, but like the things that we the chaotic situations that we put ourselves into, and I mean these stories go back from like a long time ago. So PSA, it's not like it's recent, but they're still funny.

SPEAKER_00:

No, because even when we recorded them, they weren't recent. They were things that had happened years prior when we decided to record. But the whole thing is like, I don't even like remember 90% of that.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you remember the time that we went to go um with to Disa's house to so he could show us how to podcast to be shown?

SPEAKER_00:

And then we ended up as guests on his and we didn't know. We were very fucked up. We were so fucked up, I felt awful. Oh my god. I was like, you should not have us on your podcast right now. We are really, really, really fucked up.

SPEAKER_02:

I was so proud of myself I asked a question, and you were like, I just fucking asked that. You're like, I've been waiting this whole time to ask this question. I was so proud of myself for even getting a question out. And you're like, bitch, did you even listen to what I just said?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, oh, didn't they have like a discussion about whether or not they could beat up a horse? Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And I'm like, I was like 10. Like, how many punches would it take?

SPEAKER_00:

Like 10. You're like, I could kill a horse in 10 punches. I was so confident. We were so fucked up on that. I thought. Oh my god, I was like aggressive. Dude, I was like, God have put us on there.

SPEAKER_02:

It was funny.

SPEAKER_00:

We weren't ready.

SPEAKER_02:

Can we go back? It was funny.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, hold on, we need more alcohol.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00:

We were it was we were bad. It was bad.

SPEAKER_02:

It was funny though.

SPEAKER_00:

But like, yeah, so it's great when I do remember moments like that because realistically that whole there's like a good six months that was like just a blur.

SPEAKER_02:

It was funny though. There was some really funny moments.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, thank God for your Snapchat videos. Because she was recorded everything. And now we the places I took you, the things we did. Dude, we we would show up at new people's houses and I have social anxiety fucking shocker there, right?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't even know how I willingly went to these people. I was just you were so I was just always down for the rise.

SPEAKER_00:

You were so nice. You just said you were in your yes era. Like you just fucking said yes to everything, and I just followed along to make sure you didn't die.

SPEAKER_02:

And then I would get there and I'm like, I want to leave.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then I would anytime we'd go to a new place, I'm like, Do you have a pet? And then I would spend both. You're like, is there an animal here? Animal to try to like make me not have a panic attack, that we're in some stranger's house that you're just like la la la. And I'm like, we're gonna die one of these times.

SPEAKER_02:

Like it was only a red flag when there was just the Christmas tree. I'm like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that that was the moment where she like was like, wait, am I possibly making bad choices? And nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

I look around, how do you get here? How does one get in a house with just a bare Christmas tree and everybody's hanging around the island having a great time? Yes, and it was like normal for everyone. And now I'm thinking and looking back, and I'm like, do you think those people are still hanging around somebody's random island with nothing in their house?

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, they might have stuff in their house now, but it's probably from Ren Center. Don't ever speak my name if you're sitting at a table. That's from Rena Center. All right, you don't have a right to speak on me. That's so funny. That's true though. Oh, apparently my bonus child told me that when I get depressed, that I get a little mean. And he's like, it's not even purposely mean. He's like, you're just short and you tell people what it is. Oh, so it's like me when I'm hangry on prep. Yes. That could be an equivalent, yeah. Um I just feel like be I'm not in a place where I can deal with people's shit. So just don't. That's all.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, alright.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you find questions?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I have a bunch that I send to our podcast page.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I am also behind on looking at all the memes that you have sent me, and that I have like certainly.

SPEAKER_02:

Just start over fresh. But like I'm not gonna look at any of the other ones, so I'm just starting over.

SPEAKER_00:

I think I have to. I went like three weeks just like not opening it. It's gonna overwhelm you. I'm so there's so many. So why don't you just start fresh and pretend? There's like six of them because there's one with you, there's one with my sister, there's one with um CSE guy, um, the owner's husband, mean him. We just make fun of each other constantly. He's fucking hilarious. There's one with Janessa, there's one with me, you, and Janessa. There's one with the podcast. Like, there's just so many of them. There's one with Kayla. Like, and they all have unread messages, and they all have like lots of unread messages. So I think I might have to start over.

SPEAKER_02:

You do, you just need to be like, okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_00:

But then I'm gonna send you something and you're gonna be like, oh, I already saw that. And you'll be like, I didn't know because I didn't look at it. I got too overwhelmed and I couldn't. Sometimes it's just too much.

SPEAKER_02:

If I invited you over and said, bring gloves, what would you assume we're doing? Spray tanning. Oh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a good one. I that is the first thing that came to my mind. Which is also really funny because it's like the concert thing. Like, no matter how many times we've said that you should spray tan me, you've never spray tanned me. And no matter how many times we make plans to go to a concert, we've never gone to a concert because even the one that we were gonna go to in August, we didn't go.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I was so we both had tickets to it too.

SPEAKER_00:

We had tickets and we didn't go.

SPEAKER_02:

It was country though, and I was so dead I would have been like this.

SPEAKER_00:

I wasn't gonna go without you. There's no way. I was literally only going so we couldn't.

SPEAKER_02:

Everyone looked like they had a lot of fun. They did. I just was not alive. I was like in the throes of prep. So now we know. I wasn't supposed to be in prep. I was supposed to be out of prep, but I did that max fit.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was uh So that was when we bought the tickets last year. So now we're like now I don't want to go. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

We're just I'm not dude, I didn't care.

SPEAKER_00:

I still don't even know the name of the person.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, it was Chase Rice. Short Um Lily, her the Thomas Rhett, that those tickets were from Christmas. That was her Christmas present. Last year. Yes. So she'd wait that long. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

That was like the um me taking Skylar and Ashton to uh offspring.

SPEAKER_02:

That was Should I answer the question too? So we both answer if okay. If you said bring gloves, I would think we would be like doing something in your backyard, like doing some share gardening. Like I'm bringing up gardening gloves.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, all right, let's do some loving relationship with my backyard. I it has the potential to be so pretty. Not when I I have not kept up with it, so it's not in great shape. And so, yes, I would love help if you want to help.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, this one's funny.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

If someone needed proof I'm not normal, what story would you first tell? Oh my god. Oh my god, don't hold back.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just so there's so many to pick from the bottle story from that one weekend in Seattle, because that's such an intense, like the fact that I thought my brother was lying, and then you told me the same story at a different point in time.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm like, oh shit. Maybe they're not lying. My brother was like, Do you remember what you did last night?

SPEAKER_00:

And I was like, that's the first time I've ever had a moment in my life feel like I was literally in a movie. That's what he said. He said it was movie style. It was like I stopped and looked around and was like, where are the fucking cameras? Because there's no way that that just happened in like real fucking time. Like in the case.

SPEAKER_02:

And then everyone's like, let's get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I mean, that should have been a red flag for us to know that you were done.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I think it was. We were very quickly in a car after that. And I was like, why?

SPEAKER_00:

But then that's when everything went downhill. But literally.

SPEAKER_02:

Heather apparently left the chat.

SPEAKER_00:

Someone else was definitely present, but it wasn't fucking you. It's fucking Patricia.

unknown:

It was Patricia.

SPEAKER_02:

Literally. I know. Who does that? Because literally the next day, my romper's on backwards. When I wake up, you're fucking gone. And you're just like Justin looks terrified of me.

SPEAKER_00:

Are you fucking kidding me? I know.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm like, Justin, where is she? He's like, I don't fucking know. He looked terrified of me and now I know why. And he's like, Do you remember what you did last night? I'm like, what do you mean? And he's laughing.

SPEAKER_00:

Literally, like you could like see a switch flipped in your brain and your eyes went black, and you were like, Yeah, it's gonna be.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't fuck with me.

SPEAKER_00:

So, yes, that is the story because it's so like it's one of those things that you almost don't believe. But then I'm like, no, I have so many witnesses.

SPEAKER_01:

Like it really fucking happened.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so you have to answer the question too.

SPEAKER_02:

Alright, so what story would you tell?

SPEAKER_00:

Very different reaction than mine.

SPEAKER_02:

Not normal. Fat Roger.

SPEAKER_00:

Just show a picture.

SPEAKER_02:

Your dating history.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh god, a dating timeline is just hurts my feelings. Yes. Mine one. I wonder why I'm depressed.

SPEAKER_02:

Mine too. No, hey, I feel like now it's going uphill. I feel like we're on the upswing. Also, your we'll talk about your eclectic music style, the way it jumps around, your reading, eclectic reading habits. Basically, just all your tisms. All your tisms. Your tisms show on a daily basis. There's a list of them. And I love them. I actually love them about you. And for some reason, I can keep up on them, and to me, they're endearing qualities. But also they're just, it's not normal.

unknown:

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00:

My bedroom door is painted like the TARDIS. Because then it's bigger on the inside. And that makes me really happy.

SPEAKER_02:

It's showing again.

SPEAKER_00:

I love all of my nerd shit. Oh, I my nerd shit definitely gives me away all of my collections. Like, apparently, collectors, that's like a sign. Didn't know that. But it makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Hyperfixation.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Didn't associate those two things. But yeah, that's.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I didn't either, but it didn't hit hard. I'm like, oh, makes a lot of sense why I eat the same fucking thing every day.

SPEAKER_00:

Why you had 74 pairs of Nikes? Yeah. Hyperfixation.

SPEAKER_02:

75 actually. Because we've some well, I had more than that, but that was the number that he pawned. Yes, that he sold.

SPEAKER_00:

What number are you at now? Because I know you're starting to replenish when you get it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, but now um I think I'm up to like close to 20 total pairs, but they're not all Jordans. I've kind of branched out a little bit. And I'm loving the new balance 9060s for like my everyday working out shoes. So Deegan loves New Balance. Honestly, can I say something? I am entering a like a minimalistic like Heather where I have not like shopped like normal and I've been wearing like the same clothes. It's fucking weird. I haven't shopped. Like I'll buy things out of necessity now. Like I need a new pair of their rundown. But maybe it's because like money, right? Maybe it's not about finances. Maybe I shouldn't be over here like talking about like, oh guess what? I haven't been. It's like, but you know, it's not there to spend. Also, I just feel like I, after Luke, definitely used things to make myself feel better and have always been trained as it from growing up. Like my dad would be exceptionally mean, have a bad, like drunken night. He would buy things. Yes. And so I was very conditioned to that.

SPEAKER_00:

So I'm trying to not to take myself out of that because I'm very much of like that's that's actually awesome. Like, yes, the money thing, but like the fact that you can mentally associate the fact that that is part of why you do the shopping.

SPEAKER_02:

Like that's huge. And so now I'm doing more things that like make me feel better in like and also I know like working out for me and the cardio and the little bits are like my mental health. Like if I don't do them, then I don't feel as good. Like doing things taking care of my body is a form of self-care of buy same thing that like buying myself something. I get the same dopamine hit as if I went and like did a great workout or got a new floor.

SPEAKER_00:

I wish I had that. Like I work out and I everything just hurts. And it's not just the muscle thing, it's because it my body creates lactic acid and I have an intolerance to lactic acid, which is fucking crazy. But like we could find something else. I've shed tears while I've yeah, but and what what is the meaning of the tears? It fucking hurts. Oh like it's not emotional pain, it's actual physical pain. But that's because you are put you are literally pushing your body to the limit. I'm trying to just make mine not get worse. Facts. I will say my pain level right now, that it's the best that it's been in a long, long time, especially since I've been sober, right? Because that was one of the things that really sucked about getting sober. Like, yes, lots and lots of pros, but that was a big con for me was I got sober and I could no longer numb my pain, both emotionally or physically. And so that's when things really got bad for me. And like I've had the pain since I was 14, but like it became way more prevalent after I got sober. But we're finally in a place where it's like manageable. It'll never be zero. It'll never be zero.

SPEAKER_02:

No, but manageable.

SPEAKER_00:

If I can get a four and like maintain that, even if it's not the whole day, like that's fucking huge for me. Yeah. And I'm getting that. So it costs a lot. That's part of the reason why I'm so fucking broke. But it's the quality of life.

SPEAKER_02:

The quality of life is something that you can't give up because I've seen such a huge the ketamine, I've seen improve and I'm so glad you finally did it.

SPEAKER_00:

And then I get the Botox, so I don't have migraines anymore. Um I still get some headaches, but it's less. Um, I've only had two of the Botox sessions, though. So you said at my next session that hopefully they'll just go away all the way. So that's good. So but like it's expensive, but I am getting some benefit from it. And it's it's literally like I have to balance the what is more important, like the quality of life, like you said, or financial stability.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, quality of life. Finances will always come and go. One thing that we've learned, money will always come and go. Um yeah. And you may die tomorrow and then it's all gone. So, anyways, on that note, I thought I was the one in a depressive. No, I I always think that though. Like, I think part of my thing is is like I spend money on experiences and things for my children, and maybe I don't save as much as I should, but in the long run, I'm like, well, shit, I'm here right now. I'm gonna make the best of like what I have right now because I've been in a situation where we were trying to save and do all these things and for this later life that we were planning on living, and guess what? We've never gotta live this later life. Yeah. And he, I mean, I think back like we could have done more, but we could have done more things and not worried about saving because I could have spent more time with him. So I guess in my mind, it's like as long as we're not like I mean, we have everything we need. It's just like I just spend more than probably the average person on things. Well, also, what other like widowed mom has two kids and all-star cheer?

SPEAKER_00:

That was a choice. It is a choice, it's very much a choice.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm just saying, I get it. I go. Well, actually, there's a lot of widowed people that probably do that, but I mean that's a choice. That's a choice that I make that a lot of people probably wouldn't make because that's like a whole mortgage payment.

SPEAKER_00:

I take my kids on vacation every year, and it cost me, you know, between five and eight thousand dollars, depending on what we're doing, and it stresses me the fuck out. I'm stressed out the whole time planning it, saving for it when we're on it, but like it's still fucking worth it. It's still worth it because when my kids look back at my child or their childhood, the things that they're gonna remember are the things that we did. Like those are like, yes, they have dramatic things that happened, and yes, they'll probably remember those things. Everybody has dramatic things, correct? But like it won't be like the main takeaway from their childhood. Their main takeaway is that they always had what they needed, and mom always made an effort, and mom always, no matter what, I don't care how many fucking jobs I have to work, if I have to work six fucking jobs to maintain the life that I've provided, then it's worth it to me, no matter how miserable I am.

SPEAKER_02:

Also, it must be said that trauma happens to everyone. Everybody's process, deal, and then carry on. Yeah. That set the example for your children and you showing them that even though traumatic things happen, you can still get stronger and grow and make it through. Like you're not gonna die. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna suck, but it's gonna be okay. And us being examples of that is like the best.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and like when Ashton came to me and was all like, Mom, I think I want to go to therapy, like that was that was huge for me because like that I who knows how I would have ended up different if I would have had the opportunity to go when I needed to in the beginning, you know. So, like to me that the I'm like you're saying, setting the example, like it's hard and it sucks, but I do it because it's important, and then I make sure they get it and I talk to them about it, and then they learn from that, and so I want them to also learn. Like, it's important, yes, it's important to work hard and pay your bills and do all the things and strive for a good life and all that. That's so important, but your mental health is also important. And me going to concerts and going to plays and spending the money on those things is so important for my mental health. Yes, yeah, yes, so it stresses me out, sure. But it also like It's like good stress though, too.

SPEAKER_02:

I catch 20. Because if you didn't have stress, maybe you wouldn't be worried about it and you'd just be swimming in credit card debt. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's true, because I have a lot of unavailable credit that I could be way worse off than I own. Exactly, exactly. My fear of it keeps it in check. Same. That's a hundred percent accurate. That's a great point, actually. I need to look at it that way more.

SPEAKER_02:

Because I feel like a little bit of it it does that for me anyways. It's a little bit of the stress, it keeps you motivated.

SPEAKER_00:

It's just hard when I look at how much money I owe. And then I'm like, oh, but I'm also still gonna go on this vacation.

SPEAKER_02:

It's fine. Let's and on that note, let's go to the end day. We actually are gonna have Lacey give us a little financial 101 on like savings with finances. We should our next episode is actually gonna be that we want to hear your favorite apps that you use, how you track your spending, your favorite things, the tools, tips, tricks. Give us um speak to me. Speak like you're speaking to me. Okay, okay, give me a crash course. Give me a crash course.

SPEAKER_00:

So that might be.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, but I mean like any tips and things that have helped you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, and I yeah, I can't.

SPEAKER_02:

As like a single mom, but then really you've always been on your own with finances and making it work, um, and all that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, since I was 14. I was I was told my mom was done raising kids and to figure it out. And I did.

SPEAKER_02:

We'll do a like nutrition exercise one. That's a good idea. Yeah. So our next two episodes finances and wellness. Love that. Okay. All right. Till next time, besties. Bye. Bye.