we are NOT the SAME
We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos!
we are NOT the SAME
Luck, Letting Go, And The Ego Trap
Luck is knocking, but only after you put down the picture in your head. We kick off with a collective reading that hits on three themes—release, pride, and timing—then step right into a raw, unguarded session where life’s chaos collides with real tools for steadier days. Think tech meltdowns, car issues, and a live credit card breach caught mid-chat, all reframed through a lens that blends tarot clarity, astrology timing, and grounded self-awareness.
With Janessa back at the table, the conversation goes deeper than card meanings. We unpack why collective messages resonate, how to feel when a pull is meant for you, and what retrograde actually shifts in daily life. Lacey’s reading becomes a mirror for anyone stuck between survival mode and true care. Acceptance shows up as progress. Patience looks like slowing choices. The “guardian” card lands with a nudge to stop protecting everyone else first and start building a practice that protects your own bandwidth. The sun-and-moon dynamic between co-hosts adds context to how friends can amplify better habits—or feed the mania—depending on the moment.
The most surprising pivot comes from a debate on manifestation and realism. We challenge the idea that you must choose one. Manifestation here is attention hygiene: select which facts set your state. Yes, name the hard thing; then highlight how you handled it. That shift rewires momentum without sugarcoating anything. As the cards close on offering, love, and completion, the arc becomes clear: end the cycle that drains you, offer yourself real tending instead of treats, and give luck space to land. It’s honest, warm, and unedited—proof that vulnerability can be a tool, not a trap.
If this episode sparked something for you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, and leave a quick review telling us what card or insight hit hardest. Your notes help us shape what we explore next.
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Of We Are Not The Same. My name's Heather. I'm Lacey.
SPEAKER_02:And we're joined with Janessa. My favorite. Back by Top Baggerman. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Actually, special remote.
SPEAKER_02:Special requests.
SPEAKER_00:Special requests. I am always happy to be here.
SPEAKER_02:We love it when you're here.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's always a good time.
SPEAKER_02:We do read your fan mail. We got fan mail that said, please bring Janessa back. And here she is.
SPEAKER_00:Which honestly, I think is really awesome. I'm really happy that people have to, you know, they want to hear what I have to say. And I just love sharing things. So it's it's good to be here.
SPEAKER_02:We always love having you. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:It's always a good time.
SPEAKER_01:So today we're gonna do some readings again because shit's been not great for some of us. Great for others, but not it's not a collective good time over here.
SPEAKER_00:It's never a good time for you.
SPEAKER_01:The energies are different. The energies are definitely different. So we're gonna have Janessa just kind of try to figure out what's going on.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think it's uh I think what we're gonna do, obviously we're gonna catch up with your readings, Heather's readings, and then I want to start by doing a collective reading. Uh, it seems like I'm getting a poll either from people who are listening, or maybe someone's gonna start listening and there's something that needs to be said. So when we do a collective reading, it's pulling energy that we are specifically drawn to, whoever is feeling that. And then uh I can pull cards and it'll tell me for whoever needs to hear, whoever's listening in that moment, uh, for them to be able to hear it, and hopefully that helps with whatever they're inquiring about it's interesting that you can do readings for people who aren't around you or like for multiple people at one time.
SPEAKER_01:Like that seems weird to me. But does that mean that like if somebody's listening and it just doesn't apply to them, does that mean that it wasn't for them? Like, how does that work?
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:So typically she was shuffling and I asked her a question, that was rude of me. I apologize.
SPEAKER_00:Uh typically what it is is so if it doesn't feel like it it's something that you need to hear, um, or it doesn't feel like it resonates with you, you know how you get like a uh intuition feeling, you get like a gut feeling. That's something you need to hear. If it if you don't get any kind of sign or you don't get any kind of movement from that, then it's definitely not for you.
SPEAKER_01:That's fair. Like, don't try to force it to apply. And that's so funny because me and Heather were literally just talking about like the importance of listening to your gut.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Do you do a reading the same way when you do it for a collective versus if you do it for one person? Again, asking her questions. Do you do a reading the same way?
SPEAKER_00:Sometimes it really depends on what someone is asking for. So sometimes if someone is is at a loss or they're in limbo, I like to pull three different cards, I'll have them choose, or whatever first three fly out. That's we look at the past, present, and the future. With cards, you can't really tell the future. You can know that you're going on the right path, but your path can change at any moment. I mean, anything free will, free will, that and and your choice, you know, your mind can change, your choices might be different. Um, there could be a shift astrologically wise. I mean, there's so many different uh different ways. What I like to do typically is shuffle and then whatever falls out. That's I think what is meant for somebody, and that's what we just did. And there's coincidentally three cards. Um so the first one is luck is on your side. So whoever this is for, there's a situation where you feel like you've been unlucky. Um, and I think as a whole, that's happening for a lot of people right now. There is a situation though that you're holding on to that you need to release. What do you need to release? It might be something. I think I'm getting kind of like there's an emotional attachment here, and you need to let go of that emotional attachment. And don't let pride get in your way. Don't let pride get in your way. What do you need to release? And luck is on your side. This is a pretty wide variety, a wide range on a scale. But I think genuinely, um, at this point, whoever is listening, there's something that you're you're in limbo. And luck is on your side, but you can't get your you can't let your ego get in the way, and you can't you can't force what's coming your way. You need to let go of the picture you have in your head and this idea of primarily what you're wanting to work out. It's going to work out, but in a different way.
SPEAKER_01:Do you see the irony of how this actually fucking applies to you? Do you like and the business and all the things? Are you feeling it? Because I'm here.
SPEAKER_00:This is definitely not for me. I'm just like yes. Um, and it's a lot of the time we get in our own head, we try and force a scenario or a situation. This is something where you cannot. You have a lot on your mind, you have a lot on your plate. There's some things that you need to get rid of for sure to move forward. But once you do, you'll see that a lot of opportunity is coming your way and it's opening. But a lot of the time we self-sabotage, some of us in this room are familiar with that. And it's called out.
SPEAKER_02:Honestly, both of us.
SPEAKER_00:Things are coming your way that are going to happen, maybe not in the sense that you want them to, but I think if you kind of let go of that big picture that you have, let it go and allow room for it to change because you'll still get a great outcome. It'll be an outcome that you didn't necessarily know that you needed, but it's it's going to happen for you as soon as you drop some of that control and clear space for it to come your way. I hope that helps. That's kind of what I'm gathering. That's awesome. Hopefully that helps.
SPEAKER_02:Love that.
SPEAKER_01:So we don't know who that's for. No. But you just you had a feeling.
SPEAKER_00:It could be for a few people. I I'm getting that it can be for a few people. There's and we all have things that we're looking towards, right?
SPEAKER_03:Sure.
SPEAKER_00:Things that we want to happen for us, things that we want, you know. I I have an idea for the business in my head, and it's not going to happen the way I want it to. And I know that it's hard to make room for that though.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. When you have when you have one vision. It's really difficult. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. And it was funny though, like you're reading it, and I'm like, huh. Interesting.
SPEAKER_00:Not for me, but for you. Yeah. And that's I think that's why I like doing reading so much too, is because a lot of the time when I'm reading, I can get another perspective from someone else who's listening to that reading. And I think the last time we read you guys, you both had things to say that were like about the other person's reading. Yeah. And I think the last time with Heather's reading, we did, you know, like there's a transformation, there was a transitional period. You uh hit a point where you had healed and things were coming your way, and now you're in a relationship.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I think that was part of that reading. So, and then for you. For you, for you, the reading that improve. I think the reading was improved.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:We are in a retrograde right now, so I think a lot of people don't understand. A retrograde can change a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02:It can Lacey's in a depressive episode currently. That's also so we can't really, she's just depressed, and she's gonna be her Eeyore self. So we just gotta love on Eeyore. Let Eeyore be her Eeyore.
SPEAKER_01:Apparently, I'm argumentative and I don't want people to solve my sad.
SPEAKER_02:No, so you just gotta be sad with her. Just meet her at her sadness.
SPEAKER_00:I can do that. Yes, I've been called out. No, but in a loving way. I know. Do you I think we should start with you just because let's do it. Yeah, I think we did Heather First last time, so I think we should start with your reading. Okay. It's gonna take a minute. I'm gonna shuffle.
SPEAKER_02:Don't ask her questions while she's shuffling.
SPEAKER_01:I can talk about what led us to this. Absolutely. You know what?
SPEAKER_00:If you talk about it, we're gonna get more information from the cards. So once you let that energy in, the cards are gonna either reassure or confirm or be like, nope. So we'll we'll find out.
SPEAKER_01:So it's been a while since my does this sound weird to anybody else?
SPEAKER_02:It does sound weird.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. I'm glad it's not just me. It's like echoey.
SPEAKER_02:Can you talk into it more? I ordered.
SPEAKER_01:Don't do that. Don't do that. No, I like I'm as close as I can get. I don't know why it's sounding weird. Um so I don't remember when my depressive episode started. It's been a minute for sure, because we've done at least what. Oh, that's way better.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, you were picking up on the other microphone.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that makes sense. Okay, that was way better.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the other microphone. Yeah, so it was like But this is better.
SPEAKER_01:Was it the last time we recorded or the time before that? The time before that, right? When we talked about what? When my depressive episode like first. It was the last so was it two weeks ago or was it four weeks ago? Two weeks ago. Okay, and then it had started a week before that. So we're like five weeks into this depressive episode. But like the weird thing is that I just hit one year since my mother died, um, October 13th. So that's a huge So that's definitely, I'm sure, affecting change. Which either I acknowledge or not, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Whether you want to or not, it's yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so October 13th was one year since my mom died. And then since then, literally, I had to replace two belts on my car, um, which was found while I was getting an oil change. I did have to replace it. They did show me the belts afterwards. It wasn't like I was getting scammed. Like one of them was basically not even positive.
SPEAKER_02:They didn't like bust while you were driving.
SPEAKER_01:Correct. Yes, I didn't die. So go on, go me. Um but so so that happened, and then my headlight went out, which this is a whole thing. It's all minor inconveniences, but they stack up on each other, right? So then my headlight went out, then my work laptop broke while I was trying to log in for work one day and it like paperweight. Then I had to wait for them to overnight me one. It was supposed to be there at 10 o'clock in the morning. It didn't get there until 2 p.m. So I missed two whole days of work and I was super behind. Then while I was waiting for my laptop to get delivered on the Wednesday, um, somebody broke into my credit card and tried to tried to do a balance transfer onto my account, but I'm neurotic about my emails, so I literally caught it while it was happening.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, they were you don't have 125,000 unread emails?
SPEAKER_01:No, I do not. Oh, that makes sense. Lily looked at my phone and she was like, How do you have a thousand unread text messages on my phone?
SPEAKER_02:It's disgusting.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's disgusting. I can't even look at her phone. It literally makes me sexual. But like I literally caught it mid-commerce, like the person was actively in a chat with a person, and I could open their chat in real time, and I was like, hey, by the way, that's not fucking me. And they're like, really? Oh no. And then the person bounced and they had to completely cancel my whole account. My online had to put you in a much worse state architect.
SPEAKER_02:All good.
SPEAKER_01:Removed my bank account. They changed my they changed my password by I had logged in right before they changed my password. So I couldn't change my password. Down to the second. Down to the second. I couldn't change my password because it told me my password was incorrect, but I was already in the app, so it didn't kick me out of the app when the password changed. Like it it could have been bad, but I caught it. So it's one of those things like they're like, mild inconveniences, but they won't fucking stop.
SPEAKER_00:And that's kind of what we were running into before, except they weren't mild. They were bigger.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like for her, this is like fucking the jackpot. So I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about, but you're not.
SPEAKER_01:Why are you even complaining? I know.
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, you're not in a fucking boot.
SPEAKER_01:My hip is shit, though.
SPEAKER_02:It's minor. Minor comparatively.
SPEAKER_00:Well, usually it's your whole entire body.
SPEAKER_02:No, I know.
SPEAKER_00:The hip is cold, it's cold out. And you're due for a session in a few days. Next week. Is it this week?
SPEAKER_02:I don't remember. No, because didn't we just see you?
SPEAKER_00:I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02:I don't either. How come all three of us see each other on the exact same day? And it's literally every other week, the exact same time. We're like, oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I don't remember if it's this week.
SPEAKER_02:I swear I just saw you.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like was it this last week that I said? No.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, because then the thing with the Venmo happened because I tried to log in.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, nope. We have a massage on the 29th. That's this Wednesday coming up. Okay, well fucking.
SPEAKER_02:I have no idea what happened to this last week. No, I didn't either. What happened? But it was that weird Venmo thing because I'm the asshole that didn't because you're the only one. Um I couldn't, something happened. I'm like, oh, I'll do it later. And then when I went to go do it, it wouldn't let me in. And then I'm like, oh, did I do that? And then I couldn't get back in, and then I forgot about it. And then she messaged me. I'm like, sending now.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I had I had like three or four people that I had to message. And I was like, hey, I don't know if it was the outage, but this is where I'm sitting. Yeah. But I think that's what had happened. And I like this whole thing.
SPEAKER_02:I couldn't get my transactions.
SPEAKER_00:It wouldn't even let me like Well, I can't even log into my bank account this morning. I've tried for like four hours. So it's retrograde. So I will I will say that retrograde is a hard time. Um I always like to tell people to do their research because you know, don't listen to the word of mouth because sometimes you never, you know, I can mess things up and it's retrograde. So I'm a little frazzled. Um but what exactly is retrograde? Retrograde is a is a thing where the planets almost the way that they're aligning around the sun, you know how we have um our galaxy that kind of yes orbit and it kind of revolves around. It kind of almost is like the planets are going backward. And so retrograde can actually slow and ruin technology, it can disrupt communication. You never want to get your haircut, you never want to start a new relationship during retrograde. You never joined. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So you're you're fine. Yeah, you're okay. A lot of the time you don't want to take on a new job, you don't want to quit a job because right now nothing is said and still.
SPEAKER_02:You would not quit that job anyway.
SPEAKER_01:My boss got forced into a promotion, and I am petrified. I cried, I am petrified by the city. What if you became the boss? I can't, I don't qualify. It's a clinical position, and I don't hold a clinical license, so I'm effed.
SPEAKER_02:Watch, now she's gonna go back to school.
SPEAKER_01:Weird that that's the moment I decided to fucking censor myself. I am Fox. Yeah, I'm censored.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know why I didn't. It's retrograde, like she's not being herself.
SPEAKER_02:Um that was, but I love it for you.
SPEAKER_00:So we'll get into it. Okay. Because now that you've unloaded, I am scared.
SPEAKER_01:We've gotten some things. And I was like, I need to get my resume ready. I'm gonna it's not gonna be good. I'm nervous.
SPEAKER_00:It's gonna be fine. It's actually gonna be it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be alright. So I'll start with not the first card that fell out, but we'll start with acceptance.
SPEAKER_02:Woo.
SPEAKER_00:And I know that you don't want to hear this.
SPEAKER_02:She does not. I try, yeah, does not. She's gonna fight you.
SPEAKER_01:I'm in a bad mood.
SPEAKER_02:She's gonna be an IBS all of a sudden. Stop it.
SPEAKER_01:You're so mean.
SPEAKER_02:It's okay.
SPEAKER_01:I have the nice hot girls have stomach problems. It's a thing. It's just like we had a whole conversation about my shitting habits.
SPEAKER_02:It's called peeing out her asshole.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:IBS is IB shit.
SPEAKER_02:I am actually like impressed sometimes. It's just like for three or four days. Like, I wished I could just eat a tomato and have like waterfall. Like I would have these days where I'm like firsthand, I was like, I'm impressed.
SPEAKER_00:Honestly, yeah. I mean, with all the problems you could have, that's that's not a bad thing. That you do have.
SPEAKER_02:But you control it very well.
SPEAKER_01:Like it's an on-off switch, so it's like with it for a long fucking time. So, you know, you learn.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you've accepted it. I've accepted that it's just part of my life.
SPEAKER_02:I heard you a bumper sticker that say I'd be shitting.
SPEAKER_00:I will not put that on my phone. I know people who can make that.
SPEAKER_02:He might not have a toy, but I just show up. I know where you are every other year together.
SPEAKER_01:That's what happened to T-Mobile. He came out of the wood one day and we what did it say? I love dicks or teams on his car and we never told him.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, to be fair, no one ever looks at the back of their car. No.
SPEAKER_02:So the passenger side.
SPEAKER_00:When I first moved into the house, I got baloneyed and I drove around with it on my car. And then I went to pull my sheets out, and there was just a slob of baloney on the back of my windshield, and I was like, that's cool. I've just been driving all around town with bologna crusty dried bologna on my car. Saving it for later.
SPEAKER_02:Just in case I get hungry.
SPEAKER_00:Like, I don't know if they didn't like my witchy stickers, but but bologna? Like, what happened to eggs?
SPEAKER_01:Was it when eggs were crazy expensive?
SPEAKER_03:But they're like eggs.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. We're gonna keep bologna.
SPEAKER_02:I couldn't tell you the last time I've even seen a package of bologna.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I didn't even know bologna was still a thing. I don't know why I thought that was only in the 80s.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, my mom made that like when we went hunting. That was like you got a bologna sandwich to go up in the woods with.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, gross. I would rather starve. I can't do bologna. I can't do bologna, man. So funny.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, if you're in the woods, you'll find other things.
SPEAKER_02:I think I was like nine was the last time I had that. Like, no, that's that that'd be it.
SPEAKER_01:Listen, I was poor and I still don't think I ate bologna. I was like, listen, I don't care how fucking poor I but you still ended up with IBS, so I know.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe you needed that bologna. Maybe that would have been. Also, the country croc, that margarine thing in the biggest butter only. My dad opened a restaurant.
SPEAKER_01:I so I was poor on one side, but at least I had like real food every other week. It was fine.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I'm a product of the 90s. It was that quick fast shit, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. My mom thought making frozen appetizers was a four-course meal. She's like, I should open a restaurant. We're like, I don't know how to cook. You can't even heat things up. Don't do that. Just eating things in the oven that you did not prepare. That is not you could not make a restaurant out of that. She was crazy. Anyway.
SPEAKER_00:You survived. You you survived. Yep.
SPEAKER_02:Um.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so back to acceptance. I'm glad that you're accepting everything we're talking about. So you're gonna be able to hear this. Um I think with everything going on, you've accepted that you can get through some shit. You can. Well, and I think besides that, I think that you've I know that Heather can attest to this. You've grown a lot. Yeah, you've grown so much, especially I think in the last two years, on genuinely, because you I think had everything that's been happening, especially last week, had that gotten worse or had you know, it you would have spiraled, especially in the mentality that you're at right now. And we're sitting here laughing about IBS on your podcast. So I feel like life is really good for you.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I do think like sense ketamine, like things definitely don't bother me as much as they used to be.
SPEAKER_00:I think you've learned patience, and it's funny because you got the patience. We're the same. I got none of that. But I think you have learned some. Plus, as someone who now is, you know, working for me, you've had a lot of patience with me and talk her down. I'll call myself out right there. Every like two to three months. And I tell my clients too, they're like, Oh, you just seem like you're doing really well. I'm like, that's funny. Last week I was about ready to throw this this place on fire.
SPEAKER_01:I get messages and she's like, fuck this, I'm fucking done.
SPEAKER_00:What can you not access?
SPEAKER_01:Like, I'll fix it.
SPEAKER_00:And it's really, I just can't do like business stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Five don't know it, delegate that part out. That's what I said.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's what I'm just like, hey, but you're well. She's blurry. Patience has I have fixed every problem. Yes, you have, but I think you've also with the patience, it's not just people. I mean, that's always gonna be a thing. The three of us kind of are like people suck, you know. We we have that. But when it comes to your situation and where you want to be in life, you might get sad about it. Sure, that's fine. But you have patience, you're not trying to rush through your situations anymore. And I think I think that you needed to this reading right here. I'm just gonna I'm gonna tell you, it's a lot of encouragement and it's a lot of praise. Um, so if you were I do think I've slowed things down. Yes, you've had the patience to slow things down and be like, I'm I need to look at this from all the perspectives that I can before going forward and making a decision. Your boss, that whole thing, that was upsetting for you.
SPEAKER_01:I cried.
SPEAKER_00:And that's fine, that's normal, right? I can't like at work. You're allowed to be not a good thing. You're allowed those emotions, though, and you've allowed yourself those emotions.
SPEAKER_01:That was a big thing with Lemon. That was why we got in that whole fight, was because he got mad at me because I was actually allowing myself to feel an emotion for like the first time ever in the moment. Because he's like, How dare you forget how dare you get mad at me for how I made you feel? I'm the victim. That was literally what happened.
SPEAKER_00:He was your dogs and how you had a relationship with your dogs. That was weird.
SPEAKER_02:Odd. Um weird flex.
SPEAKER_01:That is weird.
SPEAKER_02:How are you gonna be mad about a dog?
SPEAKER_01:And then he got a dog, and then tried to make me take care of the dog.
SPEAKER_02:So glad you got out of that.
SPEAKER_01:See, improvement though, because I got rid of him quick.
SPEAKER_00:And you did, and you didn't you didn't wallow in it, you didn't dwell you were like, I'm not in the wrong, I'm not in the wrong, and you knew that you weren't in the wrong. We obviously knew that. Yeah, but I think it's more powerful for you to have that understanding.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because so many times I know I'm not in the wrong, but I still cave because it's easier. Yeah. And it can be. Yeah, and this time I was like, no, fuck you, dude. Like, I know for a fact that I did not do anything wrong in this. And there were witnesses.
SPEAKER_00:I know that was the weirdest part. There was a lot of witnesses between your friends and family. So it was weird. It was weird. Yeah, it was a thing for sure. Um, Ashwagandha, you got purpose.
SPEAKER_01:Ashwagandha, I want to try that.
SPEAKER_00:Should I justwagandha?
SPEAKER_01:My sister told me I should start taking that. It's fantastic. I get in my head because I'm like, well, which one do I t pay pay I can't even talk? Which one do I take? Because then I also heard that sea moss was really good, and then I found one that was a sea moss and an ashwagandha, and I was like, but what happens when you mix it? And then I get in my head and then I end up not just getting into it.
SPEAKER_00:Do the research, yeah. Do the research. Google, I'd be careful because you know, you can't a lot of people are still against herbalism, but herbalism's been around a lot longer than modern medicine. So definitely do your research.
SPEAKER_01:I can send you a couple links. Half of our conversation in the last episode was about how it's all it's just for money and not actually.
SPEAKER_02:How like you get a drug approved is like crazy. Yeah. And the people that approve the drugs are being their salaries are paid for by the drug companies.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, and if you look at and you really don't have to have any proof of CNN, like a lot of our news outlets. It's it's pharmaceutical. Immediate. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:We are made to believe that they are there to care for us when they just so that they can prescribe us things.
SPEAKER_00:And herbalism, you get everything.
SPEAKER_02:What they're prescribing us is making us sick, like we were talking about. That's how the I was like, the diarrhea came about.
SPEAKER_01:I'm like, why is it how it came about? Why is diarrhea still?
SPEAKER_02:It was like the number one. Like, why is that? Like, here's a placebo that won't work. You'll get a list of side effects. Oh, yeah, and explosive diarrhea. Like, why is that okay for diarrhea? Well, if you know that like just let people know what it's like for you.
SPEAKER_00:So is it IBS D or is it IBS C or is it just IBS?
SPEAKER_01:IBS C. Yeah. I didn't know there were different kinds.
SPEAKER_00:I have IBS D, which is diarrhea.
SPEAKER_01:Oh. Um, constipation.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, IBS D.
SPEAKER_01:Figure it out. So because mine goes back and forth. Like I said, it's feature movement.
SPEAKER_02:She's dual. She's dual. Yeah. She's like she goes both ways. She goes, No, I don't. Which one do you prefer? The C or the D?
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, the D.
SPEAKER_00:It's just over quicker. We're not gonna get in the line. Okay, but it's gonna be over quicker.
SPEAKER_01:Because I'm I really hope that diarrhea is not in the cards.
SPEAKER_00:It is for the rest of your life. It's fine. It's not in the cards, but it's definitely in your interest. It's the acceptance guy. Oh my gosh, I'm dead. Um, so purpose.
SPEAKER_02:I keep getting an unknown phone call, by the way. We're just gonna keep like Dun dun dungeons. That never happens.
SPEAKER_00:And all of a sudden, if they do it after we're done recording, I'll answer it. Yes! Oh that'd be fun.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_00:I just Capital One called me today, and I, yeah, it was a whole thing. Anyway, purpose. So I'm gonna show you this card. It's the sun and the moon. It's us. And I've talked about you guys being each other's son and moon.
SPEAKER_01:We literally were gonna get that tattooed. I'm gonna get the moon, and she's gonna get the sun.
SPEAKER_00:That's so funny. I think that's that's perfect. And and with with the sun and the moon, you know, you have your your big three. You know, you have your sun, your moon, and your rising.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm a double capricorn because every time you say it, you're like that. Yeah. Aries on Aries. Shocking, though.
SPEAKER_00:No, it's not.
unknown:It's not.
SPEAKER_00:And the fact, I'm just gonna throw this out there. The fact that people even try to like mess with you in any kind of way, I just don't think they understand the wrap that Aries. Aries, I look very sweet. Well, that's just it. Aries and and Taurus, Scorpios, they look so innocent and bubbly and bright. They're not, they are not. It is not true. They are some of the meanest people. My sign I'm a Taurus and a Scorpio.
SPEAKER_02:You get the version that you get. Like who I am depend dependent on you.
SPEAKER_01:And my astrological sign is a fucking crab. So, and I'm Krabby, and it makes sense.
SPEAKER_00:You're only Krabby if you're cold or in pain, or people are still depressed. Or people are stupid. So we need that manic upswing.
SPEAKER_02:We're waiting for that manic swing.
SPEAKER_01:When I get manic, I I would rather be depressed than manic any day.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, actually, you sound better from the first time you came over. You just needed more me.
SPEAKER_00:Are you you're type two, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. I'm type one. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, you are. Bipolar? Yeah. So what's type one? What's type two?
SPEAKER_01:Um, so I've never been institutionalized. Is that all that it means? No, so my mania is different than her mania. My mania is much more mild, and my mania only lasts on average like four days.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna She can be manic for months. I'm gonna throw this out. So I have rapid cycling bipolar type one. So my mood swings are rapid. There's no cool down, there's no warm-up. It's this or that.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I like that though.
SPEAKER_00:And I can I can feel when mine is coming. I just can't stop. I can't.
SPEAKER_02:You're just like, oh.
SPEAKER_00:I have no idea. Okay. And then a lot of the time I'll sleep for like two or three hours a night for six to twelve weeks, and I get exhausted, but I'm not tired mentally because I'm so elevated. Um, and and my we feel emotions a lot more intensely when we're manic. So it could be anger, happiness, sadness, even.
SPEAKER_01:It's like turning the dial up to like a hundred.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and I'll give you an example. When I was in high school, my parents grounded me. I made a fake website and tried selling their house.
SPEAKER_02:That's so funny.
SPEAKER_00:Out of anger.
SPEAKER_02:So amazing.
SPEAKER_00:Like, not really, but like the sheer like got in so much trouble, but they started getting phone calls and so many because I listed it for like$20,000. It's it's a$900,000 house.
SPEAKER_02:People were like, I don't care about it. At least it was back in the day.
SPEAKER_00:It was it was like 15 years ago. It's much more now. But back then I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna lowball it. My dad, once he found out, it was Were you double grounded? I was bad. Were you double grounded? It was pretty bad. So reckless behavior. Yours is not you, it's more of like you lack impulse, and so you just you kind of do whatever.
SPEAKER_01:I yeah, I have no impulse. I'll set things on my manic, I will do everything. I that's why I spend all my money.
SPEAKER_02:That's and then when you asked me about the R2D2 fridge, I was like, Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, if you encourage my mania and you shouldn't. I'm like, okay, well, that was the time that I'm gonna be able to do that. Anytime I send you a picture and say, Should I buy it? You need to tell me no. Because that means I'm either in the beginning of my medium. Or she's like at her peak and she's already.
SPEAKER_02:I will give you every reason why you should.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I know. That's why I go to you. I'm like, because I know you won't tell me. I'm like, oh yeah, you should. When are you ever gonna see that again?
SPEAKER_00:It's the fucking loot that you need that. Sun and moon. Sun and moon. It's it's the influence. The sun influences the moon, but the moon also influences the sun. Yes. And let's talk about Guardian, because I feel like Guardian is a big one right now.
SPEAKER_01:So it's like me being a guardian or me needing a guardian.
SPEAKER_02:Both.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. I feel like I'm a great guardian. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02:But you also need one.
SPEAKER_00:You ignore yourself. Oh, yeah. And that's something that everyone who knows you deeply tracks real deep. That's literally why I'm in therapy. And it's I think it's been a great thing, but I think when it comes to the Guardian card, and let's take a look at it, you have so much capability. This card is like intuition. This card is like, you know, it's burning Palo Santo, which is a really good um cleanser for inviting. Even each telling me I need a cleanse.
SPEAKER_02:I think you need more peace and calm. I think you're so realist, as you say. You're stuck into that, like you won't even absorb any of the good because you're so real.
SPEAKER_00:You're focused. Which I a lot of the time on the things that bother you because you and this might this might not necessarily be because you're a Capricorn, it might be because you're on the spectrum. But I'm saying that lightly because I am too. We sit differently. We know this. But when it comes to like self-care, you cannot pour into anyone else's cup unless you're pouring into your fuck up is pouring into your own cup.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Yes. I'm bad at it. Yes. And I think you use you hide behind. I only say the realist in the quotes because we talked about in the last podcast. Um, how I was like Brig Martin. She's like, Well, I'm just a realist. And so it's hard for you to mentally allow any positive because to you it's just like, well, that's bullshit.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and Because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I don't want to get my hopes up, and I'm tired of thinking that I'm gonna get what I want just to be constantly disappointed over and over and over again. And now that we're touching on that, I'd rather just assume that I'm not gonna get it, so I'm not as disappointed when I don't.
SPEAKER_00:So let's talk about manifestation for a quick second. Because this is this is on subject, but it's a little off-subject. Manifestation, even if you have a mental illness, people think if you're constantly negative and you're constantly in your mental illness that you're attracting all that's not true. You are not attracting it, but you are choosing to live in it. Yes, and you're not gonna be able to do it. Manifestation, manifestation is saying, like, this is happening to me, but I'm gonna focus on this aspect of it because I'm not gonna manifest this negativity because it's poison. So manifestation isn't like I'm gonna dream about having a big mansion and the perfect man. It's not that at all. It's living in the energy that you want to live in. So when you have all these bad things happening, it's not necessarily your fault, but that's what you're focusing on. So it's going to manifest more of those things because that's what I'm saying. Were you listening to the last episode that we were talking about here?
SPEAKER_02:She was not, but I'm just saying it totally just validated. I listen, I still listen. Yeah. Hold on. No, we just recorded it just. Oh, yeah. But you articulated it in a different way, completely, but the same. Where I think same general. Yeah, where I think it like encompasses even more.
SPEAKER_01:But here is my problem though. It's not like I actively don't look at the good or for the good. No, you do, but you're not living in it.
SPEAKER_00:Because that's not my reality. Because you're a realist. And I and this is where the autism spectrum and like the spiritual side of it comes in. And I love talking about this with people because you see it, you know, what you think you manifest. No. Part of things happen to us.
SPEAKER_01:Part of my problem is that I live in the logical part of my brain.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And that's that is in a in a way a downfall. It's a gift and a curse because you can look at things that's not good for me. Well, yeah, and you can look at things through through such a blanket, you know, focus and be like, okay, this is things are happening. They things always happen to people. But when you start shifting that focus, you're changing the energy that you're in, and that's what starts manifesting for you. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, but I don't feel like I I look at it as it is what it is. Like this is it's the facts of the situation. At the end of the day, regardless of how you feel about it, that's still what happened. But that's the problem.
SPEAKER_00:You see what I'm saying? So let me let me put it- But that is what happened. But let me put it this way: it happened, but did you lose from it? Because you still have your bills are paid. Financially, yes. But bills are paid, you have more than some people, right? So look at manifestation like I am financially literate. Let's say it's 10 p.m. at the end.
SPEAKER_02:I think you're slightly OCD about finances. Me?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, for sure. No, she 10 I can't do it.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely, I'm just saying, because now I'm seeing it because there's such anxiety like a.
SPEAKER_00:Well, she also stresses, and I don't like using the word neurotic.
SPEAKER_02:No, I used it earlier. Well, no, because we were talking about how like I have the ability, the same shit stresses me out, but I have the ability to be like It affects us very differently. And to just like compartmentally and I can be like, okay, this is not gonna suit me to sit here and think about it any longer. I feel stress about it, but you won't be. I will shove it out of my brain and think about something else. I try to instantly solve it. And that's that's the problem. But there's not there's not things that can solve everything, though, that can be a problem. I know that I think because you have future dripping about things that have not even happened yet. Right.
SPEAKER_01:And that's that's where my spiral lands, right?
SPEAKER_02:And because that's where I can recognize like I am not solving this, like, so get it out of and I will move forward.
SPEAKER_01:I'm trying to solve future problems so that they can't.
SPEAKER_02:And you're stuck so you can be stuck because it's almost like you don't want to live in the present.
SPEAKER_00:And we'll touch on that. We'll touch on it here in a minute.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes. And we'll touch on it. Keep going. Janessa has more insights. Stop talking. I don't want to hear.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like I have to defend myself. No, you do not. It's not this is all love. This isn't an attack. This is this is a help shift. You know, you know how we talk about shifts all the time.
SPEAKER_02:We haven't gotten to mine yet, okay?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So back off. No, you'll be on. You'll be on, and I will be over here. So the roles will reverse.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you're just the one in the hot seat right now. It's like you wear it. I don't like it.
SPEAKER_02:It's not bad.
SPEAKER_00:But you have to look at it for a while.
SPEAKER_02:Everyone knows your Eeyore. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00:I literally bought an Eeyore ones.
SPEAKER_02:This is not news to anyone. We love you for it.
SPEAKER_00:You are wearing your heated jacket. Is that your heated jacket? No, it is not. Oh, I thought it was. I was like, wow, she's not a good one.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know where that is.
SPEAKER_02:Oh god, the ADHD meds did not help. She in fact put it somewhere where she would bear.
SPEAKER_01:Because the side effects were outweighing any benefit that I got, and I don't want to.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she got the D instead of the C.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. She wanted the D, and that's what she got in manifestation. Let's let's let me finish the manifestation to her.
SPEAKER_02:Go, go, Vanessa. I'll turn the microphone off if I have to.
SPEAKER_00:So You're the one talking. When it comes to manifestation, let's say it's 10 p.m. at night. It's 10 p.m. at night, and I ask you what color is the grass? Green. But at 10 p.m. at night, what color is it?
SPEAKER_01:Green. Grass is always green, regardless.
SPEAKER_00:So when you're manifesting, you know what you're manifesting to be true. Right? If I say at 10 p.m. at night, what color is the sky? Black. And you know that to be true because you can look up and see it. Yeah. So if you're manifesting something, it's not, it's not like you're manif you know, if you want to manifest a mansion, then do it. It's you know to be true, one day I'm gonna own a mansion. It doesn't have to be right now because time doesn't necessarily exist. Yeah, that doesn't work. But when it comes to manifestation, you know that you've manifested the life that you are now living. And yes, you have small inconveniences, we all do, right? We all know that. But the problem is that you're focusing your your focus is is on the bad and what's happening. And you're like, it's never gonna, it's never gonna stop. You're right, it's never going to stop. But when you start focusing shift on, but I'm handling it this way, I was able to catch this. I was able to get out of this relationship. You already started that shift.
SPEAKER_01:This is the thing. I feel like people assume that I'm negative all the time because I'm a realist and I don't feel like those are the same things. I don't think so.
SPEAKER_02:I just we've we've talked about how you currently in a depress depressive episode and it's very hard for you to see out of. That's what your current your current situation is. It's not always like this. I know it's not always like that.
SPEAKER_00:We're not manifesting bad things to happen to you. That's not that's not it at all. I think you are a realist. And I it's a like I said, it's a gap in the curse.
SPEAKER_02:I only did the air quotes because we talked about it in the last one.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and it's not like it's not negative. No, you're not making it negative, it's just shit that happens, and that's that's fine. But with you, like you just said, I try so hard to find a solution immediately. Instead of just being like, what is what is happening, and how can I sit here and accept that it's happening and then come up with a solution. It's not the only one that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think any of it's the end of the world.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I'm just throwing it out there. I know.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just saying, I feel like what you guys think that I do is not how I see what I do at all. Like I feel like all of these things that happen, they're just things that happen, and individually, it wouldn't be weird to me. It's only weird to me because it wasn't and then it was and it was consistent. And so me, I'm more, I feel like I'm more about patterns. And I'm all like, when it's you recognize patterns. Correct.
SPEAKER_00:You are hyper So it's not an issue for me until it's hyper aware, and that could be more of like from a traumatic stance. Sure. And so a lot of the time our coping mechanisms are actually worse for us than the healing process. And don't get me wrong, the healing process is hard, but I had to learn that my coping mechanisms that I did way back when were actually not, I wasn't coping with anything I was avoiding. You face it head on, and sometimes I think you just need to put it somewhere else. And I think that's all that the cards and that we are trying to convey is you don't actually have to make it the main focus. You don't have to make it the main event. You're the main event. Outside backstage, all of that stuff is backstage that's happening, but you still have the main stage.
SPEAKER_01:Like violet and things like put it in the house, put it in the back, violet away for another. But I think that's the problem, is I live backstage.
SPEAKER_00:I can see that. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:We always talk about it. So you're making it.
SPEAKER_02:Even in my own life. I think you make yourself the background by instead of being like Lacey and you know, yourself that's the other. It's the back.
SPEAKER_00:That goes back to the guardian card. And me feeling like I have to fix it. Because you're the guardian for everyone but your own self. Yeah. And and you are so capable of being like, I'm the main event. I'm the main person. Have you ever read anything about internal family systems?
SPEAKER_01:No, because I don't read self-help even when you tell me to.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Well, I think that it would be really good for you to like, I'll send you a book that you won't read. But it's about internal family systems and how like your different parts and protector parts come out. And I think that there's a huge one that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01:There's a protector part on that for sure, I know with outside tangible problems. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because it's easier to solve those. But I do also feel like the internal or to even unwrap the internal.
SPEAKER_01:The whole thing with like me wanting to move, like, that's me manifesting. Like, I know that this is all temporary. I have a solution already, and I just have to be patient until and it's all the other little things that are happening that you're trying to micromanage and make sure. I'm trying to make sure nothing alters the desired outcome that I can't, I literally physically cannot achieve in this moment where my life is at. And that's just that just is what it is. But like, that's not me focusing on the bad. That's me trying to, I have the dream, I have the manifestation, I know what I want, and I'm just trying to prevent anything from prevent from stopping that from happening.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I like I said, you've grown. So a lot of this is what we're saying is more past tense. And like we just talked about, you know, all the stuff with your card and your bank and whatnot. And again, you've handled it really, really well. But I just took care of it, it's done.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and like that's fun. That was good enough. But that was like fun that you gotta be right in the middle of it. Yeah, and I was weird.
SPEAKER_00:And like, uh no. The cards right now are talking about the next step because the last reading, and I remember bits and pieces, but it's been a while. The last reading that we had, you were in a transitional period, things were not gonna be what they seemed at the time. There's a lot that's working behind the scenes for you, but it's not showing itself yet because we're just not we're not there. And things, you know, everything is a cycle. And the only time the cycle changes is when we are ready and we make that choice to go into a different cycle. But you gotta think of like the orbit. We're constantly orbiting, right? So in being in human form, our soul is constantly in a cycle. And in human form and in our brain, we between the environmental, being spiritual, being you know, an astrological sign, all of these components make into what we are and what we choose, right? So, environment, if you grow up in an environment where you're being abused, you're gonna have coping mechanisms where you try and avoid those situations. You're hyper aware. And a lot of that is what we're saying is you you are aware. Yeah, you know exactly what you do right, what you do wrong. But you've also in the last, I'd say, couple years, you've made huge strides to come out of that and change the cycle. And you have been handling things great. Um there's a couple cards that are hard for me that we pulled for you. And I'm just gonna go through them. Um, offering, love, and completion. So offering and guardian come into play. Yeah, you definitely have subtitles on your face. Um offering is the tobacco card, and you can see that this person is has a pipe and they're you know, they're meditating, they're in there. Tobacco was used for a lot of like medicinal properties back in the day. Now it's weed. Same thing.
SPEAKER_02:See, do you ever dare smoke another cigarette ever again?
SPEAKER_01:And it's been almost eight years. February will be eight years since I have to do it. That's awesome. Thank God. I wouldn't. And I know that I wouldn't mean because when I play darts now, we go to a bar that allows smoking inside, and the smell is so gross.
SPEAKER_00:See, I still love the smell. When I when I quit, it was easy to quit, but I love the smell. It doesn't bother me. So, what does that mean? So, um, offering for um for offering and guardian, these kind of go hand in hand. I think that you need to spend more time doing things for yourself that are that are needed, that are necessary, not good, not self-care. You've got the self-care down, you're getting you're getting it, you're getting it down. It's it's you're learning about it, right? But offering is more of a of a treat to yourself. This isn't like taking yourself out to dinner.
SPEAKER_01:This isn't like Oh damn, because I was gonna be like, I have tickets for Illuminat, and that's just me by myself. I'm gonna take my I was like, those things are great. And then you're just like that doesn't count.
SPEAKER_00:It it counts in a way, but not in the way that this card is saying. This card is saying that you need to start making yourself a priority in in a way where you're doing the work to stretch up things that you don't want to talk about that you're avoiding, and you need to start.
SPEAKER_01:I will say I I had made a decision that I was gonna start talking about more real shit in therapy, like more like past shit and not current shit. And then my insurance started denying my claims, and I haven't seen my therapist in two months because they don't know why they're denying my claims. Every time I call them, they're like it shouldn't deny, and then they'll reprocess it and it still denies, and they're trying to fix it on their end too, the um therapy place, and they can't figure it out. So I haven't been able to go to therapy for two months.
SPEAKER_00:Would it be something that you could do without going to therapy?
SPEAKER_01:Nope.
SPEAKER_00:Why? Because just out of curiosity. Is it something that that you can't feel comfortable talking about it in general? Usually what if what if it's something that you don't have to talk about? What if it's and I'm only saying this because of the card. We also have completion and love. I feel like we're on the end of a cycle with you. I feel like the reason we pulled these cards, it's because the last card reading and now we've had tremendous steps, right? Things are still happening, but again, you handled it really well. We have love, completion, and offering. I feel like the completion card, we're at the end of a cycle where you've completed something and you're about to level up, kind of like where Heather was at the last reading. She was leveling up, she was ready for the next step, and we've seen things like that. That works out well for you. So we've seen things like that working out for you.
SPEAKER_02:I'm I'm nervous what my cards are gonna say this time.
SPEAKER_00:Well I think as a collective right now, especially for you, it comes down to you've been doing the same cycle for the last couple years that you've healed and that you've grown and that you've handled things really well. It's time to start looking a little bit more inwardly and maybe change the cycle cycle. Step out of your comfort zone. Does that make sense? Yeah. Look at it from a different perspective and try that shift.
SPEAKER_01:That's why it's really funny that literally, like the second I was like, okay, like I I've been with my therapist for a year now. Like I feel comfortable enough to like actually get deep into it, and the second I make that decision, I can't go.
SPEAKER_02:Well, we're gonna keep trying.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and that's the thing. I haven't stopped. I call the I call my insurance every week. Like, yeah, I'm just nervous that if it takes too long, that I'm gonna lose my nerve.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe you're just gonna go to ketamine and figure that out because they're still doing your insurance. I feel like we should wrap this one. Yeah, no, that was the end of it. Second one, you guys have to wait till next week for part two.
SPEAKER_01:What? We can't get to yours.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, we're getting to ours, but our listeners have to wait till next week.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, gotcha. We're already at 50 minutes. Really? Yeah. It's because I argued everything. We can check two.
SPEAKER_02:Honestly, though, I think that this is I love you.
SPEAKER_01:When I'm depressed, I'm not gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_02:I'm very aware that I be like we love you. I very much feel like that. You're fighting the love. You're fighting the love.
SPEAKER_01:You're acting like I'm hugging you.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no, I see you, and I understand. I think it's more like we're just trying to help you.
SPEAKER_01:I think that we did this while I was depressed.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's hard to- We love you. I gave you baked goods. I know. And I'm gonna hug you whether you love it or not. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's hard for you because you you have a you have a hard time accepting the fact that people can't understand you. I think you think because of maybe past experiences.
SPEAKER_02:Do you think she's so seen it's not comfortable?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I I think for you see you in a different way.
SPEAKER_02:You don't want to see I don't want to see it.
SPEAKER_00:Your whole life you've been able to see things that other people can't see. I'm I'm that way where I look at people, I'm like, how are you not self-aware? How are you not self-aware? So when people are aware with you, you're like, Well, I'm aware of you, but you are not aware of me. And I think that you have a hard time accepting that, again, either due to trauma or past experiences. But I think you take it as an attack.
SPEAKER_02:But it's not, not from us, not from us.
SPEAKER_00:Because it's it's uncomfortable. And I think that that's something that you're doing.
SPEAKER_01:And again, that's not how I feel that about it at all. I feel like what you're saying isn't how I see it or how I feel. So I feel like I don't I feel I don't feel like you see me because I feel like what I feel about myself doesn't match what you're telling. But Lacey But that's how you see me. I get that.
SPEAKER_02:No, in a depressed like I realizing she Lacey in in a depressed episode is not normal, Lacey. That's fair. Right. That's fair. No, it is because I feel like you just have an armor on where you don't want to let it be. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like, get away from me. Like, kind of like, you know, like you don't, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's where it feels like and I just altered state of mind. I think you're in very like a heightened, and so everything feels very much.
SPEAKER_00:It changes things.
SPEAKER_02:Because I yeah, and it's not.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, it literally your brain chemistry has changed when you're elevated and when you're low. I mean, this is something we learn, especially being bipolar.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Um, but it also And you're being very vulnerable with everybody right now in this all the time. And so, well, no, but I mean like to anyone right now who wants to listen, this is very you know what I mean? I don't know if you've ever been this vulnerable in this state before.
SPEAKER_01:No, because I I don't like sharing it. It might come across that way for people who listen to the podcast because I committed to like this podcast is about being real and being raw and like we don't edit where we don't edit whatever it is it is, and so I I feel like it would be unfair to not show all the sides of myself, but it is uncomfortable, and I don't I don't like that people know that I'm as broken as I am.
SPEAKER_02:I don't think everybody's fucking broken. Do you think anyone's perfect?
SPEAKER_01:No, I don't at all. But I've worked so hard my whole life to hide to hide the broken. Okay, yes. That's what I'm saying. Hide the bigger. But you don't need to. No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02:Because look at all this you should look at it as a strength. Like, look at how far you have come on your own despite everything with all the continuous trauma. Look at you now, versus that girl 10 years ago, the one that when we first met, like, look at us then. You know what I mean? Like, look at how far we've come.
SPEAKER_01:And I think about that. I mean, I used to live in a car, and now I'm on my second house that I own, and like I do have a good job, and I I started at$11 an hour, and now I have.
SPEAKER_02:You had a stalker who lived in a car watching you, and now you don't. So I mean, look at how far you've come.
SPEAKER_01:I'm doing good.
SPEAKER_00:No, they just messaged me now.
SPEAKER_01:Oh god, I forgot about that. What? I take that back. People stalk me, it's a thing. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_00:Apparently, a mutual friend of ours who I used to work with.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Thought that I would put in a good word, and it's like, I don't even like you myself, so I'm not gonna try and have you hang like be with one of my best friends.
SPEAKER_01:My favorite thing is you're like, yeah, I don't think she's interested.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I mean, you can't even spell your name right over social media. And I don't know. Don't damn text to talk. No, that is a pepite of you. You don't proofread before you send. No, don't get me wrong. Texting, sometimes I don't. I don't either. Oh, that made no sense. But then I will do someone.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, then you read it. Yeah. No, to you guys, you guys get the garbage google. It's like you get it, you read it. Sometimes shit does not make sense.
SPEAKER_00:And like there's times where I'm messaging her in a panic.
SPEAKER_02:And I can't redo my messages because you guys are not fucking Apple.
SPEAKER_00:No. Absolutely. Yeah, we're Samsung.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's so weird that the two people that like I'm close to.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah, same. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Okay. Um, but I do want to say We're not the same, Abby. I do want to say this before before we start the second part.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, we gotta close out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I hope that and I as we did the collective reading before. Yeah, yeah. I feel like this reading was also not just meant for you. I feel like it's meant for other people. Readings, energy is real. We all know that everything is made up of energy. So as a collective, you can have different people on the same page and on the same energetic level. And so these readings aren't specifically always for one person unless we're asking it to be. I think a lot of what we talked about with you, a lot of people are struggling with. And I used to be super vocal about bipolar ADHD autism on my Facebook. I'm not anymore because, like other people, I don't like being vulnerable because vulnerable got me ran over. Yep. So I I identify that in you as well.
SPEAKER_01:And that's where we kind of we kind of my struggle is it feels like giving people ammunition to use against me because in my experience, that's how it's my vulnerability. It's like I know you're gonna stab me in the back.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna make sure the knife is ready for you, and then I'm gonna hand it to you with a bow on it. So that I understand, but I'm hoping that these readings and the vulnerability that you and I shared a little bit, but mostly you.
SPEAKER_02:I'm very proud of you.
SPEAKER_00:I hope that it does help everyone else. I think I definitely hear it.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely will.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm really excited for yours. I am.
SPEAKER_02:Until next time, though. Yeah, until next time, you guys have to wait. I don't. All right. We will talk to you guys next week. Bye, besties.