My GPS Said “Two Minutes Away” Then “Fourteen” And Honestly Same

Ever been “two minutes away,” then suddenly fourteen, then two again? We start with the comedy of autopilot driving and glitchy GPS, then follow the tangents to where life actually happens: cheer season’s hidden workload, why counting beats matters more than people think, and how left versus right becomes chaos when stage directions flip. It’s the gap between what we assume kids know and what they’re rarely taught—timing, rhythm, body awareness—and why those basics can be the difference between panic and poise when the music cuts.

We share the ADHD reality of starting six tasks and finishing one, the reward breaks that become detours, and the small systems that help close loops anyway. From there, the conversation sharpens: hypnosis, past-life regression, and the placebo effect get a skeptical but curious look. We acknowledge the mind’s power without surrendering to magical thinking, emphasizing safety and consent when “healing” crosses into performance. Then comes pregnancy honesty—high-risk protocols, bile-soaked mornings, and the myth that enjoying pregnancy is universal. Body autonomy is the anchor, including a frank discussion of continuous birth control when it’s the right medical call.

The final act is sex without shame. We confront the orgasm gap, normalize the need for direct clitoral stimulation, and call toys what they are: smart tools, not insults. Partners who collaborate make intimacy better for everyone. We also set a hard boundary on substance use and driving—nostalgia isn’t a pass for unsafe choices. Through it all, the throughline is agency: over your focus, your routes, your routines, your body, and your pleasure. If that mix of candor and humor feels like home, press play, subscribe, and tell us the hot take you’re still arguing with. Your stories make this conversation better—drop us a note or a review and keep it going.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:35

Episode of We Are NOT the same. I am Heather. I am Lacey.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

We had to like stop talking because we were talking about what were we talking about? Every single time. Oh my god, I remember what we were talking about.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

We were talking about how we can't fucking remember.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

And that's normal. And you were like, no. So is it normal to be driving along and space out and not No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

There's a difference between spacing out. This is a great conversation. There's a difference between spacing out and forgetting where in the fuck you're going. Right? I space out all the time where you go on like autopilot. And then go the wrong way and then be like, where in the fuck am I and where am I going? And I had it happen on multiple occasions in the same trip. In the same trip, I fucking forgot where I was going.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Is this like a long trip or is this like a five-minute trip or a little bit of a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

This is like going to the grocery store and I forget I'm going to the grocery store and then I'm on a different road. And I'm like, why would I be on this road? And I can't think of anything. And then randomly I'm like, oh yeah, I'm getting groceries and I'll start going the right way. And then I'll fucking forget again and turn. And it's like, why? If I don't know where I'm going, why am I turning? Like, fucking explain it. I don't know. I don't think that's normal.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

No. The more you explain it, I'm like, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

I thought you were just like, that's totally normal.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

I thought you were talking about like when you're driving and you're like, when you're driving and you're like, wait, who's been driving for the last five minutes? Or text? I don't remember anything. I cannot recall turning. I don't know if I was even going to the speed limit.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

I should know who was doing that, but it was not I. But you were safe and you got to where you were supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah, it was like a blackout, but a sober one.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yes. Yes. I feel like that's normal. That is normal.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I thought that's what you were talking about. I didn't realize that you need a person to accompany you twenty.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

It doesn't even matter.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Ashton was in the car and I did it twice a day. Yeah, but I feel like he's half your DNA, so it's kind of like the blind leading the blind at that point.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I did it. I did it coming home from the fucking casino after Deegan's birthday, and he's like, Why did you turn? And I was like, I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Okay, I've I did that though the other day. Um I'm like, why did I get off on this exit or why did I not get off on my exit? A lot of it, I think, is like autopilot though. For me, where was I going? I don't know. Your brain is just like, here we go, off on a ride.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

It's just so used to fucking random left turns in my life that it's like, yeah, that made sense. That seemed like we'd been going straight for far too long. We needed some excitement. We needed to make a random thought. Turn. Turn. At least it was like on a road and not like off a bridge or something.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Oh my god, sometimes survey has told me to like turn, and I'm like, that's literally a cliff. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Yes. So I DoorDash, right? And let me tell you, the fucking navigation for DoorDash does not play well with construction. It gets very confused where in the fuck I am. And so then it just especially like um around post falls where they're doing the 41 interchange and shit. It's like all fucked up and they've moved things around. And it Oh, I love it. It's so it's so much nicer. Yes. Like massive improvement, but like it confuses the fuck out of Google because it thinks that I randomly went from a side road onto the freeway and then back onto a side road. And it's like, how are you doing this, you magic girl? It's so funny. It'll be like, you're two minutes away. You are 14 minutes away. You're magically two minutes away again. How did you do that?

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Oh my god. That okay, this reminds me of we went to a cheer comp and it was like on the board, our hotel was like on the border of like Vancouver, Portland, right? Sure. And so this fucking Apple Maps. I don't use Apple Maps because she's a fucking bitch.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

And you are an Apple girl.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Okay, but she's been to fucking take a lap. Like, that's what she makes me fucking do. And I'm like, where's the hotel? Okay, so like if you do Google Maps, it tells you where to get off, and you get off and you go correctly, right? So Apple Maps, it took me like several fucking times to figure this shit out. It's like, I'm like, there's the hotel. Why is it we're in Washington again? And now, like, it made me go across the bridge to come back around. She's like, take a fucking lap, I'm not ready yet.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

And I just had a reason. She needed time to figure out what it's like. So either.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

And with Apple, she's either like fucking on it, like way too much to where she's annoying, or she's like, you should have turned 50 feet back there.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Dude, I went to Portland once. We were trying to go to breakfast. I don't remember if it was like an iHop or Denny's, but like we couldn't fucking get there. We never got there. We like got donuts or something like that. She told you to take a laugh. She's like, keep lapping. I was like, every time I turn, I'm on another freeway. How am just I just want some fucking pancakes? Like, what's passing?

SPEAKER_00 5:26

I see it. Just send the pancake.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Portland, because it's so confusing.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Because we're going there for a cheer comp first weekend of December. So that's cool. I thought you were done with cheer for the year. Oh, honey, that was like our last. That was like, we're in it now. It's comp season. Starting over again. It's comp season. Already? You only get you only get like a summer break. Yeah, it was my comp season. Now it's their comp season. It's crazy. Uh well, the summer break wasn't even a summer break. That was when they learned all their choreography and did all their stuff to like perform. So yeah, no, cheer's an all-year thing. Can I tell you Braden's almost out of it? So it's like I feel like my bank account's gonna like me a little bit more. Oh yeah, because is he gonna stop doing it? He has to. He has to. He has to. He ages out because he's 18. So this is his super senior. He could do an open team. And uh, we Lily keeps sending me cheer teams like she wants to move. Um, it's so funny. Because like she's she wants to change teams? Yeah, she's not like she just wants you know, every team, every team in every season has its challenges or its things. I would love to give her more opportunity on to be on a team that she could really just like thrive and utilize her skills and just like really good. Yes. Yeah, so she sent me a lot of people. Both her kids are really good. Florida. I'm like, Florida, I know, Florida. I know, but I can't move for two more years. I know. She'll still she'll only be 14, it's fine. We're also she wants to do fitness, um, which at the age of 16, she can do it with parent permission. I saw some with 14. Yes, so she would like surprising to me.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

I don't know why that's surprising to me, but that is surprising.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

So OCD is um natural, all natural to different federation than the MPC. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

So I guess that makes more sense. It just seems like I don't know, because I know the things that like the work that people put into that. And like that seems crazy to have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

She already like does it though.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Like she's already yeah, it's like yep. It's the cheerleaders, it's the gymnasts, it's the people who are already.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah, and she's in the gym. It's not like she's not working out, she's already doing it all the time. Yeah, she's like built, she already has little legs and everything.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Dude, she's she's a six-pack. She's a solid, she's the tiniest solid.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

It's funny because like she flies and everyone's like, she's heavy, but she's little. You wouldn't expect because she's all muscle. 100% she's just like a little muscle, like you'd think she's like this little petite thing, and no, that girl is just straight muscle.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

And it's so funny because like she's solid and Deegan's solid, but in very different ways.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Very different ways.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Deegan is like a brick, like Kinsley. Yeah, yeah. Kinsley is a brick.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Kinsley is a brick. She got a little taller, but that girl is thick. Solid. I love it. She'd like her dick. She can move her hips though. Like the way she dances, I'm like, me and Lily have none of that. That's funny. We are so awkward. Lily doesn't know. I keep trying to teach her counts, and it's the funniest thing because, like, cheer, you'd think that that girl would have eight counts like ingrained in her. Yes. Especially with me, like like aerobics, like, you know, group fitness, everything.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Like, to the And she's gone to your classes for years. Yes, no, she memorizes things. But she doesn't know the count? No. You know what? That's fair because like I can sing, but I can't like write music.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

You I did have to be like to learn the counts. I remember to like musicality, right? You have to learn that as a group fitness instructor. Yeah. You cannot just memorize everything. So I'd be like, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, two, two, three, four. Oh my god, to every song forever. Until like now it's like the beat just like comes. But it's funny. If you are at a public event, it'll happen this weekend at Showcase, and everyone's starting, oh, if the music goes out, people start clapping to the beat. And I want to be like, don't fucking clap, because they end up clapping like it starts out and then it starts getting like really fast. And I'm like, you're trying to like cue the people that music went off and it's getting faster and faster, and they cannot keep up.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

You're like, you are fucking this up. And also, I'm like, no one knows how to fucking count. No one. That's so that's literally a primary skill.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

I feel like they should just teach them that. Like, if you can't rhythm count, like if you can't do an eight count like rhythmically, that's crazy to me because how do you make sure that you are where you need to. Okay, because she knows like this part, like she just memorizes it versus like counting it. So it works for her, but it doesn't really work for her because it's like they know she knows where she needs to be on what count, and they all like talk to each other and do all the things.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

But like I get memorizing the routine, but like the timing to memorize timing without having to count, it's kind of crazy. I know.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

And I wonder how many other kids on that team don't know how to, and I wonder if that's the problem. That's really also does not know her left and her right, and I feel like that's a major problem. She puts Ellen Yes, I and I think it's because she's like so embarrassed about it now. I'm like, how do you not know? Listen, but she is also left and right-handed, and I blame Luke because he would give her like stuff and because he was left-handed, so he would like have her do both, and now she's all fucked up. She's like, I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Listen, the girl I was in the threpple with in high school.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

I don't want to know about this in high school.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Yeah. I I've lived an interesting life. No, but the point is that I don't have a proper nickname for her.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

How are you not in a threple now? I feel like that would be a good situation for you.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

No, I do always joke that I'm gonna uh my hashtag worksbestfriend. I always joke that I'm just gonna join their marriage because I'm like me and him are basically the same person.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

You would do that over marrying me. I'm so fucking offended. You have to leave now, and I'm not giving you a drink, a beverage, or a pastry. You need to leave. I brought my own beverages. I'm not gonna offer you one. Thank you very much. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

No, the point was she was a grown-ass adult and she didn't know her left from right either. And she literally would put, like, she would draw the L on her hand. I'm like, it makes an L for you. I know you don't have to.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

So if anyone ever watches Lily and she's doing that, that's how she's like. Is that what she does?

SPEAKER_01 11:11

She puts up her hand, she's gonna be like, No, but she does.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

It's like I can tell sometimes when she thinks about it because she'll be flying, especially when she goes over to Adam and he's like to the right, and she's like, and I'm like, you the fact you don't know your rights and your left. So I always fuck with her. Well, in the grocery store, and I'm like, right, she doesn't know. That's wrong, right.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Well, and it's like she needs to be able to differentiate between stage right or you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

That's actually that is why she gets confused. And okay, the right and left thing, because of hering. But she overthinks it. She's like, wait, you're right, my right. Okay, I now I understand because I do that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Actually, that's fair. That's more fair though.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

But you know what? It's her right or left. She just needs to figure it out. It's not that complicated. I feel like at this age, and the things that you can do, you need to figure that out. If you can flip your body like that.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Listen, as a left-handed person.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

She has both. Her dad did her like a disservice. I remember he like putting like the crayons and all the scissors in her other hand. I'm like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

He's like, Dude, I feel him. I tried so hard to make Deegan be left-handed and I failed. I failed so fair.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Now Lily just has anxiety over left and right in a complex. Yeah, you look at her and she's like, just like.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

No, I mean, I gave up like within a week. I I realized very quickly that I was not winning that battle.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Oh my god. Lily, ADHD. This was the funniest thing. I'm watching her the other night. What was she doing? Oh, okay. I had a spray tan. I was like, speaking of ADHD. Yes. Okay, just like I'm like, I have my spray tan here. Put the groceries away. I come out of my spray tan. She is. What was she doing? Some sort of fucking project that had nothing to do with the groceries, nor did she take the groceries out. I don't even know how she got sidetracked. School-related thing? No, just like starting doing something that she saw and she's like, I'm gonna like fix this up or organize this or something fucking random. And then she got sidetracked. Oh my god, it was. I'm like, this is me. I see this now.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Dude, I do it all the time. I started washing the dishes, but then first off, end of story. I did not wash the dishes, but like I started washing the dishes. I got one dish washed and into the dishwasher, and then I walked away for something and left the dishwasher open. I left the cupboard open. I walked away, and then like I did whatever else. My brain randomly was like, oh, I need to do this now. And then I just went and sat down because I completely forgot that I was washing the dishes.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Okay, so I finish all the ta all the tasks, but I definitely start multiple.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Do you finish all the tasks?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

I do because I can't sit down unless they're done.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Shut the fuck up, really.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yes, it gives me anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

But that's why it's like That's impressive to me because you can't.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Oh, see, I will finish them. I don't.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Like I will eventually, but it will take time.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

But I start like six different things at once.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Yeah. I do that.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

I do finish them.

unknown 13:46

No.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Except that clothes pile that we talked about. It's gone right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Okay, you moved it. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

No, no, no, that no. Remember my clean clothes pile that I had? Oh. That was gone. No, there is a laundry basket that I moved my bed to the ground. It's in the laundry basket. It's just hey, that's brand new laundry too. That's a fucking plus.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

That's a good joke.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

See, when I do laundry, like I will I will end up doing like four or five loads in a day, and I will bust it out and I will get most of it done. And if I'll fold like all of it too, until the last load for some reason. And then my brain is like, you've done enough. And then I won't fold that load for like a week.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Oh, remember that reel that I sent you with the guy that was like cleaning and he's like takes the edible and he's like, I'm gonna get as much cleaning as I as I can done before the edible kicks in.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

No, I don't remember this at all, but I feel like that's a very funny concept. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

I feel like it would just make me clean more.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

I wish. Oh yeah. Listen, I didn't get blessed.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

We're doing marijuana wrong. You're doing marijuana wrong.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Like, I didn't get blessed with any of that desire to clean. Like, I was like, why couldn't I have gotten that type of OCD? Like, that would have been great to have that kind where like shit has to be clean. I would love that. I will start a task and then like reward myself with a break in the middle of completing that test.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Yes, do you remember when we did the swimming pool?

SPEAKER_01 15:09

That took all day.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

And then we decided to reward ourselves with drinks and a happy hour without filling up the pool. Yep, and then the pool got blown away. The pool blew into the neighbor's tree. Yeah, and we're like re-put up the fucking. We had to like take it down. We're like, yes, look what we did. We don't need a man.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

We're like, we don't need no man. We were all proud of ourselves, and then we were drunk idiots, and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

I didn't think about the fact that the water should probably be in there to hold the pool down. Hey, we fixed the problem.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

We got it eventually.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

How did my neighbor just sit there and watch us? Dave, remember his name was we don't remember his name.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Why don't we remember?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Dave was just like I remember him out there just like it's in my tree in my fence, and just like, you're not gonna help me at all. Thank you. That reminds me. Let's just watch me struggle.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

So I have a snowblower because I live in restaurants. That was so random.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

And I'm like, I don't, it's been proven it's not. And he's like, that's a lie, actually. And I'm like, I just can't talk to you. That was a long time ago. Dave, I hope you're doing good. Earth is still round.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

I one year my snowblower is. Is that a hot take? That it's round? No, the hot take is that people think it's not. Still to this day. My favorite is when I post.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

I have a story for you.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

My favorite is when a flat earthers posts about like their group around the world. And it's like, do you hear it? Do you hear what you just said? Do you hear it? Your group around the world that you think is flat. Okay, okay. Okay, Susan. Dave. Susan and Dave. Okay, Dave.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Okay, what's the story?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Oh okay, so you can't back off now.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I'm gonna say it, but I have to definitely like I don't know. Can I I can't use names.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

See, that's how come I had to refer to that one girl that way. Because I was like, I don't I don't have like an official, I don't talk about her much.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

So I just like a random stranger that I've never met before. Okay, so like spray tanning people, obviously. So there was you meet an interesting group. Yes, okay. So I didn't I don't spray tan the women, I usually spray tan the men, but um, I guess an interesting woman came over and Diane was like Was this at like a competition?

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Oh yes, this weekend, yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Oh, just now yes, the Northwest Natural, and I will show you when we get off of here the video. Maybe I'll show you now, just so you can see, because it's fucking wild. Okay, so Diane's like, Heather, get over here. I'm like, all right, what's up? And she's like, I think you left it in the bathroom. Oh, okay, I'll find it. Okay. Um, she's like, there's this girl over there, and she says she's from the cosmos. Like beyond.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

She's from the cosmos.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yes, because you know we always talk small talk, right? Whatever. Sure. And she's yeah, so she says I'm from the cosmos. Diane's like, so I'm thinking it's like, you know, like a little small town somewhere, whatever. Sure. No, from beyond.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

I'm from space.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And so they, whatever, um, very interesting lady, and then she gives Diane her business card with like a bracelet in it. And the next, so that was the day. Was it the next day? Anyways, we had a break. It all flows together. It was a long ass weekend. So we are like sitting there, like at our lunch break, whatever. I'm like, I'm gonna look this up because it says it's like she's like a doctor of something. I'm gonna grab my phone, hold on so I can pull it up.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

She's a doctor.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Of something. So I'm like, I'm gonna go to her.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

On her home planet or here. What kind of doctor is she?

SPEAKER_00 18:48

And mind you, I had not.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

They can't hear you. You're not on the mic.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Okay, so yeah, a doctor of something. I'm like, a doctor of what? I'm gonna go to her website. So I did her little QR code scanner thing, and it did not work. It said YouTube took this shit down because it's fucked up. So I then go to her actual website.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Imagine handing out business cards with a QR code that just takes you to a website that says like, no, this shit's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Like, you should just divert. Do not do not interact with this individual. So, Yasha the Ancient One. Yasha The Ancient One, number one. It's a real one. Yes, number one. Okay. Oh, okay. She D H S C Doctor of Health Science, Q H H T, practitioner, one K-R-U, one guru teaches all something. I don't fucking know. Journey with me to infinity and beyond.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

That feels very made up.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Reconnecting with very reconnecting to your original soul. Two, all the twos are with a new number two. It's just so then I go to the website. Yes, it's just so wild. So then I go to the site and then it says, You are you 21? And I'm like, why does it need to know if I'm 21 or older? Okay, so then there's okay, whoops, where'd it go? Um So I'm like, I'm gonna take one for the team and I'm gonna enter my information because I've already come this far. You have to enter your weirdest shit now. I'm gonna get the weirdest shit on my phone.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Because you don't check them and you don't unsubscribe to the show.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

No, it just asked me for my like my date of birth and shit. Like, wants to make sure. And so I'm scrolling, and like all of her videos are like, you can't see them, can't see them. And then I'm reading, and it's like the Illuminati is real, energy manipulation is real, spirit attachments are real, paranormal activity is real. I can't wait to show this to Vanessa. Vanessa, why did I say Vanessa? I'm gonna tell her that tomorrow. It's because I was reading.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

They're called you Vanessa.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

No, no, I was reading that a lot. I was like reading. I mean, you know, I'm reading. Yeah, justify it as well. Anyways, so I don't even know if Okay, so I go to this one and it's like her.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

This is like she claims Awaken the purple light is what it says.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

What in the fuck? Yes, uh, she's apparently saying that she's possessed, her husband apparently took so it describes the video up here. She describes this video. And I like through my phone, I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Let me describe because we can't post this.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

No, we cannot post this. I can't believe YouTube let that one go up.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Y'all, the video is literally this lady naked, convulsed like fake convulsing on the floor.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yes, and she's like kind of acting like she's choking or whatever. So she's saying, so her husband, I guess, took that video of her and she was saying it was her possessed or whatever, and then she went into a mental instance all on the website.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

It literally looked like she was trying to masturbate poorly.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Yes, and it all says it's on the website.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

So then it talks about like that video, her how she then was committed.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

She was there.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Was she competing?

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yes. Shut the fuck up. Yes. What? So I'm like, okay, maybe she's like healed now or whatever, right? We're like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 22:13

She's healed now.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

I'm like, whatever. Okay, so then I I am glazing her for final. I didn't spray tan her, Daino. Okay, so then I glaze her, right? After we had seen this shit, and then I'm like, I like did not want Braden to have any part of like this. So I'm like glazing her, and then she starts moaning, and I've never had someone moan before. And normally you stand there and your muscles are very like stiff, and I glaze you, whatever, right? She goes limp and is moaning like on this video. And I'm like, I look over and I'm like, oh my god, save me. Anyways, I never saw her again. She like busted out right away. But I was like, what's that? Crazy. So she was saying that she was possessed by energy manipulation, and then her husband like sent, okay, she's just like, I think, mentally ill. I don't think I think that's why you were in a mental institution.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Right, usually.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

And then there's all these videos.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

If you're possessed, normally you have an exorcism. You don't usually say that this purple light.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

So now, so I looked and see. She thinks that purple light is the cause? No, is the healing. If you look on her site, so then all those weird certificates. Why is it so blue? Yeah, turn the sound on. Nobody wants to hear that. God. Okay. Um, why is it still going?

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Her phone is off and it's still like playing the sound of the video in the background. And this it sounds like she thinks she's a it literally has no sound and it's doing it.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

I can't. Okay. I'm not even going back to the website. So, what those qualifications or whatever she put on there is.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

But they're not real.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

No, but basically it's uh well, it's like anybody can say they're whatever, right? So what she's doing is she's saying she takes, which is really odd that it happens in a bedroom and there's pictures of a bed. Um it's this purple light that she like guided.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Definitely not real.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

I know, right? I mean, I don't even know. Um, so we were reading and it says that she takes you back through your past life via hypnosis and cures you.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Dude, I would never, ever, ever be a room, even in a room with that woman while hypnotized. And that was on her website.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

What part of that would make you want to go join her? That was her selling point. That was on her main page of her website that she's handing cards out to now.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

That was like really bad homemade porn as well. What that was.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

I don't know what you're selling, but I don't I don't want no so that was my wild story. But fucking. I've never had the experience, but people are people are wild.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Would you get hypnotized? Not in this circumstance.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yes, I wanted to do um Tisa referred me to someone who does past life regression, and I really want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

What is that?

SPEAKER_00 24:56

So they like hypnotize hypnotize you basically and like take you back through your past lives, and like you live your deaths, and you kind of learn about how you are now.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

That would be fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Like Tisa said she had shared with me.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Maybe not she was like, I'm pretty sure I I murdered people in a past life. I want to know get this karma.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

So she said that you actually like feel things and it's like it's real. So Tisa, when she did hers, she had her powers in her previous life, but was like kept captive by like somebody like a king or somebody at one point in time, and then he murdered her because she wouldn't give any information anymore because she stopped because he was using it for bad. So she went and like relived murderous, like multiple murders and things. That's crazy. I'm like, I don't know if I want to know.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

I was like talking about like at the fair, but then Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Yeah, no, I'm like getting deep.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

I'm like, no, guilty real fast.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Well, yeah, because you know me, you know, I'm like, I'm into like I want to know, but I don't, I'm scared too.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

If like I like the idea, the power of suggestion, and so I'd be like, dude, it'd be so rad if like somebody could hypnotize me and be like, oh, you're gonna just fucking remember shit, and then I just fucking do, or like when I was trying to quit cigarettes, be like, just you're just not gonna fucking smoke cigarettes anymore. I mean, I didn't, I just stopped, but like it would have been nice if someone could just be like, You're not gonna crave it, and that worked. Like, but then I think if that really worked, wouldn't it be like a way more popular fucking thing? Yeah, you know what I mean? So then I'm still a problem. I don't know if I I don't know if I even a lot of it is just placebo effect, to be honest with you. Right, that's what I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

I don't know if I even believe that it's real. All the studies that I've been reading in that book, The Lost Connections and everything like that. It's basically your mind is so powerful. If you believe something, there's like an 80% chance you can make it happen. It good or bad. Yeah. It's true.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Like I bel I believe in the power of suggestion. That's what I'm saying. Like, I just have to actually believe it.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

You can't just be like, oh, I'm gonna, you know what I mean? It has to be something like you wholeheartedly believe is gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Yeah. Well, I think that's why like this is gonna get it. Like if you're like, oh, this like this is a good thing. But like that's why there's like people who like have false pregnancies because they fully convince themselves that they are to a point that their body actually starts acting in a way like it is, even though it isn't. And that's crazy. That's like a real thing.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Anyone wants to be pregnant? I know. Gross. I fucking nope. Never would I ever.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

No.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Hot take. Pregnancy sucks.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

It's miserable. It's so weird to me when people enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

I I guess because mine are always high risk. I've almost died, and then I have to have low-vinox injections in my stomach. I remember the nurse would always be like, Are you okay? Because I'd have like the bruises on my stomach. I'm like, read my fucking chart. I have to give myself shots every day, okay? I'm not pinching myself or punching myself.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

My blood just sucks.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Yeah, it's really clotty, okay? I'm a fucking clot.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Oh my god, that's my new nickname for you. I'm just gonna call you fucking clotty. That's so funny. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

I'm not a bleeder. In fact, I clot. Stop. I'm not a bleeder or a bruiser. So funny.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

No, being pregnancy was the fucking worst. I had morning sickness like forever.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Kinsley made it so I couldn't drink coffee. I would throw up the smell of coffee. I couldn't drink coffee for like ten months. I thought I was gonna die.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

I threw up every two hours for seven months.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah, I remember like being at blush with Kinsley, like I would just puke and come back up to the front.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

I just felt so bad for the people that sat next to me when I worked. Um, because I had Ashton when I was working at the same fucking company that I still fucking work at. Um but I was different position. Different position for sure. I was only a pharmacy tech way back then. Um, but I would just sit at my desk because my job was literally just to type in electronic scripts to send it to the back end pharmacy to be fulfilled. Like so I could just jam, listen to music, zone out. It was a really cake job. I really enjoyed it. Um but I would sit there and then just be tip tip tip and then like just gagging nonstop. And these poor people who had to sit next to me were like, is there any way that you cannot do that? I'm like, no, sorry. I had like my my top drawer was all like my work shit and the bottom drawer, my cubby, and like food, just constant, I need snacks, so then like not like fucking awful. And pregnancy throw up, I'm sorry, it's gonna get gross, is the worst type of throw-up. Because the bile. And because like it's it's undigested food, so it's like a paste coming back up when you're throwing up every two hours. So you eat and your body hasn't had any time yet. And so it's like I'm gonna make myself sick, even talking about it. It's literally like solid paste coming out, and I was the worst, and I did it twice, and I almost died twice. And it's like, fuck that. Fuck pregnancy. That's my hot take. Damn.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

I got really aggressive.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

I know. I don't know. It gets me mad thinking about it.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

I don't have the correct parts to do that anymore anymore.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Fiddle Faddle loved being pregnant. She had four children.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Well, hence the nickname fiddle faddle. You don't get that nickname not liking that. That's why she'd spread it for anyone. That's why she fiddle faddled. She would let anyone fiddle faddle. Yeah. Fiddle faddle. I wonder how she's up to it. You think she has like more children?

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Uh, no. I don't.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

She someone should be able to do that. She tried to reach out to me. Um I did not open it. I did not respond right now.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

I want to respond.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Um, but like in the no, this was years ago at this point.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

I'd be like, fiddle faddle, how you been?

SPEAKER_01 30:34

She Knows that's her nickname. Good. Uh she was she told me that she was moving to Hawaii and she wanted to like make amends before she moved, but then I found out after the fact that she got sent to rehab there. So it was so her making amends was part of her 12 steps.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

She's ridiculous. She's like, sorry, I'm required to make it.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Well good for her. I hope it's stuck. I have no idea. I know.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

At this point in your life, you should just like not have four children and be going to rehab and still fiddle faddling around with the whole fucking town.

unknown 31:12

Ew.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

You know what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 31:13

Ew for everyone who fiddled in that.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Uh get tested.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

That's where all the syphilis boards are coming from that are up all around Spokane now. Because of fucking fiddle faddle. No, but really, I was driving. I'm like, why am I seeing like seven syphilis fucking boards?

SPEAKER_01 31:29

I live in Idaho. We don't have that problem.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Yeah, yours are like, do you lot watch too much porn? God will help you. Do you have unpure thoughts? God will cleanse you.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

There's probably more of those. That's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

That's an accurate comparison. That's how you know it's changed and the billboard don't prepare. Yes. There is that. I do believe it literally says he like it's like beat your wife, Jesus. Does right outside Hayden. Right off of 41. That's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Oh my god. Hey, another hot take. Being like having a baby at our age. Just like, could you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 32:16

I know people that are doing it.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

You know how weird it was for me when you had Kinsley?

SPEAKER_00 32:20

When you did that, and you're like, and you plan and you planned that you did that on purpose? Like, are do you hate yourself? That's what I think about people now. I'm like, that was an accident, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Like people I went to high school with, or people literally like my my exact same age, a girl that I worked with as a waitress, like my exact just had a baby. Just had a baby.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

And I'm like, I'm all for people procreating. That's wonderful. Is it like first-time baby or like multiples? Okay, see, that's where I'm like, that was a fucking mistake.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

That's fair. I think there's differences too, right? Like if you haven't had a baby, maybe you struggled having a baby. Or you didn't find someone later on. Or you were like, if you have a 20-year-old and you also have a one-year-old, like that's a problem. That's a great call out. Because yes, that's the difference, I think. Yes. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Um the 11-year age gap, fucking wide.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

I feel like if I didn't have a baby by now, I wouldn't have had babies.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

But that's my personality. I feel like if I would have had Kinsley first, I would have never had any more babies. I also agree with that. She never slept, still doesn't. She's like, siphons the energy. Love her dearly.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

There's something about that third child.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

That's why I only had two.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Luke convinced me, and I very much was like, you're fucking stuck with me forever, no matter what, we're never getting divorced. Ever. He's like, loophole, I'll die. Okay, it's funny, but it's not. No, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

I shouldn't have laughed at it.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

No, I shouldn't have made the comment, but it really was funny. It's so fucking funny. Because like I literally think about that, like we had this conversation. You promise.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Listen, it makes me laugh every time. And I'm sure that says a lot about me.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

If we don't laugh through it, I'm like because let me tell you.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Every time I'm in therapy and I crack a joke that I'm like really proud of, and her response is, there's that dark humor again. And I'm like, bitch, you're not appreciating it to the level that I want you to do.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

I'm like, that one was good. I should have just rolled with it.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

I'm a kid.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Because sometimes I feel like he's the lucky one in the scenario. On some days, they get really testy.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Yeah. There's a lot when it's just you.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Oh my gosh. Lily's gonna fucking hate me talking about her. Um, the other day she was like crying because I wasn't like, I'm with her all the fucking time. So I was leaving to go do something and she's gonna hang out with a boyfriend. And she's like, I just miss you. And then she starts eating a brownie. I'm like, are you gonna start your period? She's like, I don't know. Yes. Yes, yes. I'm like, you have never been aware. You didn't even need an ask that question. It was so weird. She like like started crying out of nowhere and then like ate a brownie, and I'm like, oh do you want to hear something that's kinda funny? You want a child who's seven. No named Kinsley. No, yes, zero percent letting her be like, part of the reason why I won't marry you. Not because she'll hang out in the kennel with a dog. Listen. I should not also say that. That's awful. She would and she would like it, and you know it.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Well, my kennel is large, so there's that. Yeah, we should talk about that. And there's access to the kids. It's an indoor outdoor kennel, guys. It's not as bad as it sounds but and I have six dogs, so she would love them.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

I know the dogs. She does love them. Except when they run at her, then she gets scared. I'm like, now you're scared of all the things you act. She's like that little dog that's like all big and bad. Yeah. And then when the big dog comes over and wants to let yeah, then she's like You want to hear something that's kind of funny about periods.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

Yes. Okay. So I am on continuous birth control. So that means I don't have periods. I'm not planning on having kids again, ever, ever. So I just hot take, you don't need a period. Hot take, you don't need period. And like if you think you do, like my gynec my gynecologist told me I didn't. So get mad at me if you want, but I got medical permission. So I purposely take my birth control in a way to not have a period. And then randomly, when we went to Denver, hooked up with motorcycle, got a period.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

And he's like bruise your uterus because you guys were like in the fucking he's not capable of that.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

You are giving him far too much credit. We never talked about it. I don't know. No, it's mediocre events. Sorry, that's he's not reaching my inside. Like, it's it's it's there, I can tell, but that's it. Um, but it was weird because like I was like, oh, I haven't had a period in years, years, like nine years, I haven't had like a full-fledged period. I've had some full fledged period. It was a full week long fucking period.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Did you forget your birth control?

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Nope. Nope, never forget it. And then so he randomly came back this last weekend, and uh I just I realized really early on, like he came over on Friday, and I realized that like I'm done with it. I was like, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

I don't know if we talked about this on air, but you definitely talked about it last time that it was just like uh and we were just gonna let it run its course until it wasn't fun anymore.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Exactly. And it was just, I don't know, it was awkward. Not fun anymore.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

Also, hot take, hot take. If I'm not into you, I'm gonna get myself off because two minutes a lot with myself is a lot easier. Two minutes that makes me sound really bad.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

No, no, it makes you sound efficient. I'm I am team efficiency, all right? I have a lot of judges.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

I'm in a relationship very happy, so like I don't need to do that, but not in a relationship, like you're not yes. So yes, the fact that you're like not funny, it's not worth it anymore.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

If it were amazing, mind-blowing, like hell yeah, get me off all the time, sex, then yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

Oh, we also need to talk about the fact that you are one of many women who have issues climaxing.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

Yeah, yeah. We can talk about that. That should be like another let me finish.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

We don't ever finish.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

So, no, I don't, that's the problem.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

You never finish. So you want to start now.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

No, so okay, so he comes, we hook up on whatever on Friday, and then immediately get full full-blown period. It's like my body is rejecting him. That's fucking my body's trying to cleanse me. It's setting your uterus all, like your uterine lining.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

It's like no.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Yeah, because I haven't had one in between those two instances. The only two I've had in nine years were both after hooking up with him. My body is literally like, ew.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

We need to do a cleanse. That is so funny. I'm like actually fucking dead.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

I know. I told Janessa and she's like, dude, your body seriously like is in control. I'm like, I know. But yes, I'll take. I am I think there's like I don't know what the percentage is, but it's like a real thing where it's very difficult to get off for some women, and I unluckily fall into that category.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

Um like what is the issue? Is it like penetration? Is there not enough clitoral stimulation?

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Yeah, there has to be, there has to be some sort of like vibration to assist. Like it you need an assist and don't feel bad. It's not you, it's me.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Yes, no, I was we were just talking about this the other night. Like, some men get like don't like toy use. Yeah, they get offended. Very much appreciated. I'm in a great situation, very much like from the get-go, just was like, here, we're gonna use this, and that's like yeah, it's smart.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Like, and like it's gonna benefit you, trust me. And a lot of just so why don't we? But angles matter too. You know, like there's so do you just not ask for it?

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Um, you know that you need that. So is it hard for you to be like, you should just pack it with you everywhere you go?

SPEAKER_01 39:45

When is the last time I've been in a stable enough relationship to like feel comfortable to have those types of conversations? And I'm not gonna just have that conversation with everybody.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Okay, so last, okay, lemon, did you guys ever have that conversation?

SPEAKER_01 39:57

No, because we only hooked up three times total because it was the worst I've ever had in my entire life. He couldn't even get full heart because he's got mushrooms all the time.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Okay, when you're like when you're non-stop munching mushrooms and not the kind that you like find on pizza, like these are the magic ones. Red flag lately.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

I know, okay, but I didn't realize how often it was in the beginning. Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Nobody recreational, nobody does shrooms and hangs out in real life. Like, that's not a thing. You don't just like take shrooms in the morning. You do not just take shrooms in the morning and live life.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

No, no. No, no, it's a pre-planned event in my life. Even if I'm microdosing, it's a pre-planned event. It was very much like anything. And it's not an everyday like not like with people. I don't go into normal day-to-day events.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Could you imagine? I could not love driving when I'm on them, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

I would not talk about that. I know it's not safe, so I don't do it, but it is like my one of my favorites. You I know.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

You would tell me that. You're like, it's like a video game. And I'm like, It is like a video game. I feel like you should not. I know, I don't. Hot take. You should stay the fuck home when you're fucked up. No driving.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

I don't do anything now, so it's fine. This is all old shit that I can't get in trouble for.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

You know what I did talk about the other day. Um, I was just talking about how you're a really good drunk driver too. And we did the wet lab thing. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

And they I didn't even get drunk. Dude, I did. Wait, I didn't at the one I did with the one. But there was the one that I didn't know. The one that I went with um Quinn. AK. You did not.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

They're like, this bitch got drunk last time. We're not doing it again.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

I know. I was so because the very first one I did, they're they were trying to keep everybody between like a 0.08 and like a 0.1. Like very I blew a 0.167 after five officers told me they or said they wouldn't have arrested me. I did field sobriety tests and six with six different people, and only one said that they would have arrested me, and then I blew a one or a.167, and they were all like, fuck. And I'm like, did you guys just fail because of me? You're welcome. Yes, I'm a very good drunk driver. That is not something to be proud of, but I was for a really long time.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

Now that I watch it back, I'm like we were not intoxicated.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

I feel like Yeah, because you never feel like you are as much as you are.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Like, I'm glad we snap. We should have some Snapchat videos on all that. I'm like, we were fucked up. Yeah. It's fine though.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

No, that's a good hot take, though. Like, yes, please. And it and anything. Just don't drive on anything.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

On anything, especially mushrooms that make you feel like you're in a fucking video game.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

So fun. Especially when it's foggy out. Oh my god, it's the best.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

It just keeps getting worse and worse. She's just digging that hole deeper and deeper.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

It was high school. It was so long ago.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

That's fine. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

I can't get in trouble anymore.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

No.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

When over 20 years old.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

As you hear the sirens going in the background, they can't hear that. No, you because I'm like in you. It was like perfect timing.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Oh, alright.

SPEAKER_00 43:09

Um we're already at our time for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

Are we? We just randomly talked about literally just the most random stuff.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Well, it was we were gonna do hot takes, so I guess we have a couple minutes we could be like, what is your we kind of did random ones. We just did random ones. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

It works better when it's organic.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

Yeah. No, I thought that was that was good. All right, well.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

We didn't run out of things to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

So I have to cut us off so I can be like, we need to get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Plus, at this point, if you guys have made it to this episode, you've stuck around long enough to know that this is just we it is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

We had random. I feel like we did a very good job. Today's episode was funny. It was funny. I laughed very hard.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

Probably about things we shouldn't have laughed about.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Going back to the memory I know, right? Like going back to the memory thing, I don't even know. But that's how this episode started. Exactly. I'm like, we got all the way back around. We did a full cul de sac. We looped all the way around. Go us. All right, guys, next week. But for us, it's gonna be in five minutes. Talk to you soon. Bye.