I Tried To Sleep In Silence And My Brain Said NOPE

Silence isn’t silent for everyone. We open with the weird whoosh of tinnitus and how a quiet bedroom can feel louder than a city street, then work our way through sleep debt, anxiety, and the hopeful promise of habits that actually stick. One of us lives by a structured wind-down and eight-hour average; the other battles insomnia, racing thoughts, and the urge to clear every notification before bed. That contrast fuels a practical, funny, and unfiltered look at what real rest takes when life is full and emotions run high.

We compare Whoop and Fitbit beyond the marketing—sleep debt vs sleep efficiency, readiness vs recovery, and how HRV, resting heart rate, and restorative stages map to the way you feel when you wake up. There’s also the all-too-relatable moment when a wearable congratulates a “workout” that was actually a panic spike in a crowded store. The takeaway: use data for patterns, not punishment. If your brain is buzzing, it’s not a character flaw; it’s a cue to try different inputs—brown noise, earplugs, earlier wind-downs, and boundaries around late-night scrolls.

We get honest about emotional fatigue during the holidays, grief anniversaries that hit harder in the dark, and the rare times we actually call each other instead of stuffing it down. Safety gets real too: drowsy driving, rumble strips, and why pulling into a rest stop for a 20-minute nap can be the most responsible move of the night. We wrap with caffeine guardrails, small habit swaps that lower cortisol, and a reminder that consistent routines beat heroic fixes. Rest isn’t a reward you earn; it’s a resource you protect.

If this resonates, tap follow, share this with a friend who needs permission to sleep, and leave a quick review telling us your go-to trick for quieting a loud mind.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 1:10

Hello everyone and welcome back to another amazing episode of We Are Not the Same. I am Heather.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

I am Lacey.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

And we're tired.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

So fucking tired.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

It's early.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

You made me come so early. Our schedules.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I told you we could do it at night, and you're like noopa busy. I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I'm always busy, or you are always busy, or we are both fucking always busy.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I said.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

And that's why we're so fucking tired.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

I know. I'm like, bitch, get your ass here. I have coffee and pastries.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

And you did. You supplied me with both.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

When you walked through the door, in fact.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

And I was on time. Not even ish. Like I was on the dot.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

And I had everything set up for us. Oh, should we do early morning more often?

SPEAKER_01 1:52

No. Fucking no. Oh. No, because I suck at sleep. And so you just took away one of my few days where I could have slept in. What?

SPEAKER_00 2:04

It said write error on there, but I see us and it's still going, so we're good. I hope so. I know. I'm like, oh, what is that message?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Is that gonna be another one where we think we record it and we don't?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

It is still recording.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Okay. And then we've done that like three or four times at this point.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

So done that before. But I had the other microphones on this entire time.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Is that why it was like so fucking loud in my head? Do you like it now? Yes, this is a million percent better. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Can you hear that, guys? I don't could they? I don't know, probably the feedback. No, no, because we get um Oh, we get it all cleaned up. Yes. Yeah. But otherwise I have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

It was like living in a wind tunnel.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

I was wondering what was happening. I'm like, I don't know. Okay, so you know what I mean? We had invisible microphones.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

So we're okay, so we're talking about sleep because we're fucking tired. So we're like relevant topic. Relevant. So that sound, right, that you and I heard, which it sucks that they're not gonna hear it because they're gonna just think of Shh like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

But very low.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

I have come to a realization that that is why I hate silence because I don't hear silence. That is what I hear in my head at all times if there isn't other sound. And it made me kind of go crazy a little bit when I had that realization because now gosh, I have a Christmas present for you when I try to sleep because that's all I hear is that whoosh sound, and I hate it. I think it's because I have tinnitus. Okay, so there's these things, these loop earplugs, the loop earplugs. I have some.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Oh my god. And I've never opened the box. I bought them. I'm like, look, I have a solution. She's like, so I bought it. My ADHD said we needed it, and then it said, put this box away and opened in case we ever want to, but no.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Exactly where it is.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Okay, I give you shit, but I do the same fucking thing. I'm not even gonna lie. I do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

It's literally on my headboard. Yes. Because I was like right by my bed. How fucking convenient.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Can you please put them in and tell me if it works?

SPEAKER_01 3:59

I will try them. Okay, so I freaking kind of forgot that I had this.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

You should put a thing upon our Facebook and be like, I have tried them. They do work or they don't work.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Because I'm curious.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Yeah, because it sucks. Having that. So do you that's why I like I like chosen background noise. Yes, I like having the TV on. I've been sleeping without the TV on for like almost a year at this point because my therapist told me that it would help with my sleep. And let me fucking tell you. No! No, it fucking didn't. And you know why? Because I hear that static. So I'm like, that's worse. Because then I might my choice. Does it irritate you?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Are you just like, shut the fuck up?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

My choices at that point are to hyper focus on the static sound and get so annoyed and just like scream at myself internally until I finally pass out. Or option two is actually allow myself to think my thoughts. And like that's the healthier option. No.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Why on earth would we ever do that?

SPEAKER_01 4:57

You shut it down, bury it. You suck it in and shut it down.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Literally.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

So those are my options. So yeah, I suck at sleep. Fucking suck at it. And you took away when I'm asleep in days.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Oh, I know. Me too.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

No, you you've kind of mastered sleep a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yes. Now I can sleep. I can sleep when I want to sleep. And I'm really good about sleeping. I think it's a bodybuilder in me.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Because you're good at structure and routine. And even though I crave structure and routine, I am it. You cannot do it. It sounds so good. I want it. I want it.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

I just want it without me having to put it in the effort.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

You need a uh executive assistant.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

I yes. That would be amazing. I'm gonna be like, can you schedule this? Can you go to this? Can you make sure I take this? Like, can you just follow me around and like make me a better person?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Do all the tasks that I forget to do?

SPEAKER_01 5:57

God, that would be amazing. Can you work while I take a nap?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

You're like, put it into HRs. So I kind of need an executive assistant, not from them at home, like in my home.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Like at live in. Live in.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Can I get that?

SPEAKER_01 6:11

That might help with my sleep. Although, okay, I'm gonna admit something that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

No, but wouldn't you be making sure the other person was getting enough sleep? No. Because that's a people pleaser in you. Like, are you okay?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Do you get enough sleep? Do you need a beverage? I basically shell it. Are you upset? Do you need a hot beverage?

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Do you need that's me.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

A little bit. It's me. I wasn't gonna say it. Okay, so what is your how many hours do you get on app on average? Because we got trackers and shit.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yeah, so I use the Whoop app and I've used it now for like four years. Whoop. I know, right? And I have like the medical one too, so it tracks everything. But my sleeve.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I have a Fitbit because I'm I am middle class poor. So I mean, I wouldn't say I'm in the I'm in middle class though. There's that. I've done it. I've succeeded. Okay, let me get to my sleep. So mine does not track as much as yours, but mine does track my sleep. I actually did pretty good last night.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Okay, so are we looking for like trends last night? Okay, trends. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Well we can talk well last night you didn't.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

No, we didn't talk about last night. Yeah, because I didn't sleep very I went to bed late too.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

So um I did so good last night. I got seven hours and twenty-three minutes, and I didn't hit my goal. My goal is seven hours and forty-five minutes, but I don't really ever hit that unless I take a nap.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Okay, so my sleep performance, hours versus need, hours of sleep versus hours.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Yours showed me what you need.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Yeah, mine is hours need, needed versus hours that I got. I need that. And then see, hours versus need. And then mine's restorative sleep versus just regular sleep. Sleep consistency. Yours is way fucking fake. Mine just shows me like hours.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

It does tell me how many times sleep efficiency.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

So like Thursday woke up. My Wednesday night sleep was a 91% efficiency. Oh, me. So, and my sleep debt, I knocked out all my sleep debt that night.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Dude, I need that.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Um, and it'll tell me my sleep stress. If I'm stressed, here's my thing. I have a sleep stress monitor. It will tell me just always be on. It's like, what was I doing last night? Like, I must have been having a bad it literally will show me if I'm stressed. High stress, medium, low. And that will tell you if you have restorative sleep order. You need this.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Dude, I need this.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Look at this is like I can go back, and so hours versus need. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

This is so much better than what I have.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

And I can go back to six months. Look, it'll say six months. I can go back to a year. Okay. My six months view. So it'll show me like, oh, you were doing real good there, you were doing bad in August and September. Well, it's because I was like coming off a prep, and I'm like, I'm gonna have fun and do all the things. And then back up to 10% in October.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Um I can do my yeah. I want to see what yours is versus mine. How much hours I sleep? Yeah. Average for the year, how many hours per day do you sleep?

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I don't want to have anything.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

She has to go through so many options to find this.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Would it be sleep consistency, sleep restorative? Okay, restorative sleep in hours. Yeah, hours. Okay. Oh, it's been going down lately. Um over the last six months. Okay, okay. Oh no, that's just restorative sleep.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

That doesn't count because that's just like the deep Yeah, mine will show me deep sleep and stuff, but um only if I look at like a day. Let me look. Because it breaks mine breaks down time awake, time spent in REM, time spent in light sleep. Yeah, mine.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

If we're looking at time in bed here, like time in bed, that sounds so funny. Um here are my hours.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

So that's just seven hours and fifty-three minutes is your average over the last six months.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Girls. Over the last week, it's eight hours and twelve minutes. Over the last month, it's eight hours. So over the last six months, it's so basically I get eight hours a night every night.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

That's okay. My my yearly average is six hours and forty-seven minutes. And this is with naps.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

I never napped.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Six hours and forty-five minutes. My week is six hours and fifty-three minutes, and last night I did great at seven hours and twenty-three minutes. You're averaging you average eight hours? That's crazy to me. That's awesome. Sleep is super fucking important. I'm just I'm mystified that you're capable of doing that because you are so busy.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I go to bed like right away.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

What do you have like a set bedtime? Do you follow a schedule?

SPEAKER_00 11:00

I am like winding. Well, it depends on if the kids are cheer or if I need to stay up for it, depends on what's happening. But like I'm winding down like by 7:30. Shut up. No way. Yes. Like I want to be in bed by nine. Like I want to be in bed, possibly asleep. And then I get up at like 6 30. Now before you see. Yeah, usually 10 at the latest, but I have to. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

That's crazy. I fall asleep probably between 11. 9.45. Between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. This is your problem. I know.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Because you also wake up before 6. 5 45. So this is your problem.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Okay, but you need to go to bed like me. This is where I get in trouble because I do log in and I do some work in the morning and then I take a little nappy nap because I hope nobody rats me out.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

But I I hope nobody listens to this that you work with.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I know. I take the same thing. They're doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

They're doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

It's I only do it if I can. Like if there's a gap in my schedule and I'm all caught up on work and it's not gonna like cause a problem. But because otherwise, like I'm you need the sleep debt thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

I'm curious about your sleep debt.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

I'm also curious about because I'm tired of this will tell you all the fucking time.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Okay, but this will also tell you your recovery. So based on your heart rate variability and your resting heart rate, all that, it tells like your recovery. So like today I'm 42%. How much is this? This um it depends. There's different options. You can get the whole whoop for free, and then it's like just a monthly fee, or you could pay one time for the year or like forever, or you could just buy this and like like the d device and like a device not do the subscription, I think. I don't know. But I just got mine for free and then just I pay the subscription. But there's like different levels, but I have the one that's like everything. Yes, which you wouldn't need it. It does all this too, but might do the EKG one because I was like kind of worried when I was doing all the heart, like on all the cardio and stuff. I'm like, I wonder if my heart, like I don't know. Anyways, it affects like AFib and all this stuff. I know. You maybe actually need this one, it might be covered under your insurance at this point.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Okay, so I recently started doing um deliveries for Walmart as like a fourth job because it pays more than DoorDash. So um, but yeah, you were there the uh the other day for like ever. I have social anxiety really bad, and part of the Walmart deliveries is you actually do the shopping for the person. Like, I don't think a lot of people realize that it's not Walmart people grabbing your groceries. Sometimes it is, but 90% of the time it's me doing the shopping and the delivery for that singular person. So I have to go shopping at Walmart like multiple times in one day.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Are they like, here she is again?

SPEAKER_01 13:53

My fucking anxiety cannot handle it. So recently my Fitbit keeps congratulating me on my workouts and I'm not working out. I'm literally just having panic attacks in Walmart while doing deliveries.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

You oh my god, if you would have like screenshot and sent that to me, like Heather, look, I'm working out and it was just your panic attacks.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Let me show you.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

You're like, I'm doing so good today. Congratulations, panic attack.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

When did I work at Walmart?

SPEAKER_00 14:23

This is my monthly work. Meanwhile, my heart is so conditioned, even when I'm working out, it's like not detecting that.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

These ones that are over the target but are lower, that's DoorDash, and then that's working at Walmart.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

That's so wild. Mine detects that okay, so this is why you need it. It's bad, guys. Okay, so mine would detect that as stress.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Yeah, no, mine thinks that I'm working out because I have a raised heart rate.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Yes, but like mine because it gets to know you over time, sure. It'll tell it'll detect, but also working out is a form of stress.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

It does tell me my daily readiness score, and because I like I slept, but it wasn't super great. Um, my daily readiness is only a 53. I'm only 53% ready for the day, and yet I'm living it.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Yeah, well, mine's at 42 today. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

You had a rough night.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Yes. Oh, my sleep debt increased to 58 minutes from last night.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

I'm really intrigued by this sleep debt. Yeah. What is the longest you've ever gone in your whole life that you can remember without sleep?

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Um, I mean, there was that one time where we didn't go to bed a couple days or a day. I think that's about it. That's it? And I even think I napped then. I'm definitely sure I found a bed and went to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

So here's the longest I've ever gone with like naps.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

I say a couple days, I'm like, that was just like a 12-hour period overnight.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

When I have I've always struggled with sleep. When I was in high school, I was an insomniac, and there was a stretch where I went 16 days without like full sleep. I would take like 20-minute power naps, and that was it. And I just couldn't. My mom tried everything. She handed me I know, because we're tired. She handed me four um melatonin. No, they were like uh uh ambient and four and I was at die. No, and it was on me because she's like, here, take these, and then she turned around to grab like a beverage for me and then turned around. She's like, So take one now. And I was like, one, and she's like, Did you just take all of them? And I was like, Yes. I still didn't sleep for 36 hours.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Like she wouldn't have. We were doing that weird ambient shit where you're just a given project.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

She's like, hey, someone in my work's having a baby since you can't sleep. You just knit a baby blanket and I would just sit on the couch and not be able to fucking sleep. I don't know. Child labor. I suck at sleep so I'm way better now.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Meanwhile, she's just drugging you so you stay awake.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

She's like, God damn it, I need to make that blanket. I don't want to do it. Just sprinkle it a little meth in your drink.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

This'll keep her up. Those were ambient, those are those trucker pills that keep you up.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

She'd share. She would never. She would never. No, that's funny. No, I've just I've always been bad at it. And then that's part of the I've been on every medication under the sun, it feels like. For sad people and people in pain and all the things. Lots and lots of fucking meds. But now you're off. 90% of them. One of the side effects is insomnia. And they're like, they're preaching to me about the importance of sleep. She keeps yawning every single time.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I said sleep. My body's like, Yeah, we can do that. I literally have an ability. The boyfriend's like, it's really weird. You can like go pee in the middle of the night and then be back asleep in like two seconds. I'm like, Oh god, I can't do that. And then I was like, I sleep pee, and I'm like, no, I sleep walk pee to pee. Then it just sounds like I'm just free peeing at night. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Cold the sack for a second because I'm not gonna be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

I have an ability to go to sleep so well.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

I was camping with a friend when I was in high school, and her mom sleep peed. Like her mom, yes, not sleep walk peed, sleep peed. She got up, quote unquote, got up. She was asleep. She sat up, she walked to the end of her own bed, sat on the bed and peed there, got up and went and laid back in the bed because she was asleep the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

I've always went to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

I was all like, what just happened? It was not okay. And we've camping in an RV, so I was like, what do we do? She just went to bed. Because even then I couldn't fucking sleep.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Oh my gosh. That is so funny.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

What have you- I used to be a good sleeper when I was like little, little, little.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

I don't remember. I think I've always slept good.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

I've slept in weird places. Like my very first concert ever was New Kids on the Block.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

You want to talk about sleeping in weird places. I am Cinderella. You are. Ask me if I sleep good, and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm fucking Cinderella. Have you ever had me is there any place that I have not been able to go to sleep?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

See, I used to, but when I was like five.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

I think about the audacity of me just going into someone's house and being like, I'm asleep.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

I'm just gonna sleep. And you've done that more than once. Yes. Yeah, you've we've just arrived at a location. Where is she going? I'm like, she's sleeping. It's fine. She just needs a little power now.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Gonna go to the bathroom and I found a bed.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Give her an hour and she'll be back.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Or not. Or not. We'll talk to her tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

That's fair. Honestly, it's more or not than.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Or not. It's hard to wake me up.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Yes, it is. Yes. I fell asleep at a concert one time.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

That's what I'm saying. When I was five, I fell New Kids on the Block. First concert ever fell asleep before they even got on stage. Never saw the concert. I was five, but I slept through the whole thing. Fucking concert. And one time we were at Skate Plaza, and for anyone who doesn't live in the in the Northwest, it's a is it still around? Yeah, it still exists. It's owned by the church now, so that's fucking weird. They won't play music with words in it anymore because weird. Yeah, you'll go to hell. Don't you know? It's don't you know. Don't you know? It's Idaho. I told you, remember when we talked about that?

SPEAKER_00 20:27

It went from the syphilis signs to the You need Jesus. Beat your wife. You need Jesus. Cheat on your wife. You need Jesus. Jesus stop. Literally, one was like, Do you like porn? Jesus. And there was like a 1-800 number and Jesus on the cross. I'm like, wow. I'm gonna start taking pictures of these so we can share them with all the listeners who are not local.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

It's the weird thing about the United States is like just drive a little bit and you're in a different fucking place. It's weird. People are strange. Yeah, but I fell asleep in the middle of the skating rink. Like people are actively skating around me, and I'm just like skating, skating, skating. I'm tired. Boop, out. And now you had narcolepsy. And now it's turned into insomnia.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Oh, I feel like the dogs could do it too.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

I don't sleep with the dogs in the bed anymore. I I do everything fucking right and I still can't fucking sleep. That's what pisses me.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Isn't this the story of our life? We can do all the things right and we still get no.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Therapist was all like, you need to sleep in silence. So I started fucking, I shut everything off and I just lay there with the fucking static in my head and then.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Do the leap things. I'm really excited to hear if they work. I cannot believe that's the most lazy thing I've ever heard, though. Oh, I have them.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Two years ago, too, and I've never tried them.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

You're like laying there in bed. I wonder if I can solve this problem somehow. Oh, they're right here next to my head, have been for two years. Hmm. Weird.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

I think what happened was I tried I was gonna use them and I took them out like one time, but they had the really big um earpieces, and I needed to replace them with the little ones, and I couldn't because of my stupid fingernails, and I got-boys that would be happy to do it. I'm just frustrated, and I was like, I'll do this later, and I've never done it since.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Oh, speaking of your nails are nice.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Aren't they cute? My nail girl is super good.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yes, she has. Yeah, I love her.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

I always make her do fucked up crazy shit. These are relatively simple for the things I make her do. I know I uh Thanksgiving's hard. I don't want fucking turkeys. I don't like holiday stuff. No, you've always been on the classy side of nails. It's always pretty much either white or black. Very minimalist on the design. Yeah, and I'm all like full every because we're not the fucking same. We're not. You're on opposite ends of the nail spectrum. Yours are also pointy and mine are.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Yes, I do like the almond.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

I did almond for a little bit and it made my hand look really stubby. And my fingers look fat.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

No, it's because we have different hand shapes. No, I have chubby little hands. I have to do that. I have little sausage. I have little sausage fingers. Look at that. It's like chubby.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Your fingers are slightly taller.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Okay, my ring size is like a seven and a half, maybe an eight right now.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Really?

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Mine's like a five and a half. I told you I had like big little fingers. Big little fingers. And I have like little toes proportionate. Little feet, like a seven and a half and okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Your toes are always done, huh?

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Yeah. Always white chrome.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Always white chrome.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

I've been doing the moon chrome right now. It used to be the unicorn chrome, but the moon chrome is like slightly blue tint to it. The unicorn is more pinky when it hits the light. This is more blue. So yes, always white with moon chrome. I always get red if I do my toes. And it used to always be black, remember? Like my soul.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yours is light. Okay, this might be part of the reason why you're Tigger and I'm Eeyore because you fucking sleep and I struggle.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

I didn't realize I slept so much because I feel like I'm always tired.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

But is it your brain that's tired or is it your body that's tired?

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Because I feel like there's different types of tired Okay, well, emotionally, I probably just real fucking tired. Like I think I've just been holding up um I stuff and mask a lot. So I think about it on this time, it always like highlights more that like Luke is gone. And not so much like, I mean, obviously I'm always gonna miss him, all that kind of stuff, but like just being like the solo person to take care of everything gets to be like weighing a lot. When it's holidays and stuff, because you have kids' birthday and then and Luke's birthday and then yeah, everything just kind of like piles, and then it's like Christmas. Oh no, it's just like I'm just one person, and I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

I get that. I'm emotionally tired because I just stuff and stuff and stuff every time. There's been like maybe three or four times in the past month where like tears have like tried real hard to fucking come, and I'm like, no, you fucking don't. I'm gonna shove that shit down.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Oh my god, I actually didn't shove it down and I called you.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

I know. I'm very proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

That was like the first time that's happened since like for years.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

It's good though, it's important because really you can you literally can only shove shit down and cherish that.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

It won't be uh it my ability to shove the shit down.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Hey, and I put aside the fact that I absolutely despise speaking on the phone so that I could be there for you.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

And you did.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I did. And then I hate For like 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

That's weird for me too, because I hate the phone.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

I fucking hate the phone.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Me and you both are like that. Are we the only like females that are like that? I actually like is it so weird because I feel like I used to always be attached to my phone in one way or another.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

I think us not liking the phone is for different reasons.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

I just don't want to be attached to it.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Yeah. See, mine is like I worked in a call center and I had to cold call people all the time, and I'm like, I don't ever want to speak on the phone. Or then I was at another call center and I was working in the returns and exchanges department for uh Virgin Mobile. So I just got screamed at on the phone all day, every day, while I was pregnant with Deegan, and it was emotional and like traumatizing. And I'm like, I fucking hate talking on the phone. No good ever comes from it.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

I don't know why. I think I'm just burnt out from the phone.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Plus, if you my memory thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

That's an Aries thing with the phone.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

My memory is shit. And if you tell me verbally something, the chances of me remembering it are way less than if you send it to me in writing. So I prefer everything to be in writing so that I can accurately remember.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Oh yeah. Also, I never delete anything, so I literally have every single text thread from yeah, you're like you You don't. It's do you want to see how many emails I have?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

No, because it'll give me anything. Do you want to see how many?

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Oh, this is how we're not the same. We're just getting off on the sleep topic.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Um, but it's related to sleep because it's me throughout the day.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

How many unread text messages do you have? None. Oh. Why would I have any? Do you want to know? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

I don't even have Do you know how many people send me text messages? The answer is not a lot.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

I don't want to. But right now it's like, why does it give you anxiety?

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Do you want to Okay, just okay, we'll go over or under. Same enough, like, okay, over, over or under.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

25.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Oh, wow, how over. Gross.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

500. Over. No, we're done.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

1,298 text messages.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Look.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Look, does it Okay, so this is that look, is that buggy?

SPEAKER_00 27:35

All those things.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah, I'm not even gonna look at your phone. But this also might be part of the reason why I struggle falling asleep because I have to clear all of my notifications on everything before I can lay down. I have to play all of my video games or on that are on my phone up to a stopping point. What? Yeah. It's I You know what I do?

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Peace. I just walk away from stuff half-responded to, which is why everybody who I never get back to, here's the thing. If you text me, I'm either gonna Don't be offended. Do not, do not be able to. If you get hear back from me, oh, you are one of the very few that got through. If you never hear from me, it's because I text you probably in my head, or you're lost in the void and the abyss. And don't take it personal. Try to get back to the top. There is 1,298 unread messages. You gotta come back to the top.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Honestly, if I don't message you back, it's because I thought I messaged.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Yes, but you pinned it.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

And I forgot to hit send. It's probably drafted.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

We're at a different level. I'm just like, I'm like, um, hello. We're like, question marks. Did you read that? Or I just call. I will text you and then call. And I'm like, did you see that? You're like, literally, you just called after. I'm like, okay, I'll be I'll wait on the case.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

I haven't even had time to open it. And I'm like, I'm on top of it.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

And I'm like, go ahead, you open it right now, I'll wait.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

That has happened. That has happened.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

I'll wait for your response in real time. Go ahead. Why didn't you just call in the first place? It was that intrusive thought of Mike, send oh, I'm just gonna call. No, I can't. Okay, now that I think about it, I have my email. I'm the one that gives you a lot of like right now.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

I have email, I have seven emails on my phone so that I can go through and I can delete them. Oh, I have so that when I actually go in to utilize my email, I'll get it. Okay, no, I don't want to know. But I do this.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

56,131.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

I don't know how you do that. I literally have to do all of this before I can go to Because this is what I do.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

I go like this. Lacey. New all it oh, I don't need any of that stuff?

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Okay. You don't even clear them from your God. If I get too many on here, I'll hit clear all and then I will manually go through every app to try to clear out the notifications. You have come so far, Lacey. That's great. There's no going to be a good one. Why are you fucking just follow asleep? It takes me two hours to clear all of my notifications.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

All you have to do is just have a level of I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 30:03

I can't do that. I feel like it's very freeing.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Just take my phone for a day. I also I would get it back with zero notifications.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yes, I would fucking clear out everything.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Annoys Lily so badly. She tries to go in and like, I'm like, all right, whatever. If you want to clear them out for me, it's fine. But then she like to try to like organize my phone and stuff, and I'm like, don't do that, then I can't find anything. She does the weird thing where she puts everything like in one color, and all the apps are like not the actual apps, they're like little stickers of like the theme that she'd shoot, and I can't.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

No. We're too old for that.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

I was like, I don't want to do that. That sounds like mice base coding. That's do you remember doing that?

SPEAKER_01 30:47

Um, ish. I know I had one. I know that I did all the things, but I don't actually remember doing it. I couldn't do it now.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

You know what I feel like we should bring back?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

What?

SPEAKER_00 30:56

The top eight. Or your top four, your top whatever. Remember when you could do that?

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Oh my god, she moved her out of her top eight.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

What happened? Or then when you could do like, oh, only top four? I was like, oh yeah, I'm really cool. I'm only gonna have a few. You're gonna be real select.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Listen, I don't know. I've never had a lot of friends. I've never been like I'm pretty sure I only had eight. So it's just like, what order are you in today?

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Like Um I wish we could go back and look at our MySpaces.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

I know that's the they're there. You just have to remember how the fuck to get in it. I know, but how do you go find them? I think you just go to MySpace. There's no way. There's no way. My way. Myspace.com. It's trying to open. Oh it's trying. It's a clickable link.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Literally, is it yours?

SPEAKER_01 32:05

I don't I would have no idea what mine is.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

We need to do MySpace and then your name.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

I have no idea. I couldn't even tell you the last time I was on MySpace.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Yeah, I don't know, but also Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Okay, it says I can sign in. Let me see. Oh god, what the fuck would my forgot your details, yep?

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Actually, yeah. How would we Okay guys, we're doing this.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

I'm trying.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

We're going down the MySpace hole. This is crazy. Then we're gonna have to share with everyone.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

I don't know what my email would have been at that time, but it's not my current one.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Oh my gosh, I've had the same email forever.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

You might be able to get in.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Yeah, because I've literally had the same email.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

I thought that I've only ever had this email, but apparently not. But I've had this email for ever. I was really glad that I didn't make a weird email when I was. I still have my weird email.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna roll with it. I've come this far.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

I know what your email is.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

I know. And it's gonna be that forever.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Isn't that weird that I just know that? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Uh I know yours too, your work one, apparently. You're like, quit emailing me at work. I'm like, oh sorry. I did have to tell you that. I'm like, oh, I don't know. I just was pushing reply. You're like, Heather, this is my work email. I'm like, oh shit. Sorry about that. I am that friend. I am that friend. I am like the most loyal best friend ever, but you kind of have to tell me things sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

I'm like, oh, I just assumed we would they changed my work email um within the past month because now we're we are a different company name. I almost outed myself. I'm like, oh, I work here. I'm sure I have probably a lot of times. I don't think so. I no, I don't want to. If I did, I effed up. Which you know probably. Sometimes you don't realize that you don't want to say it until after you say it.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

And then you're like, whoops. And then you're like, damn it. I wish I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Don't edit anything.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Which could be really bad for us one day, but in the meantime.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

I know. I'm all like we had a we had a side conversation before we got on the mics today.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

That we can never have on mic.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

We can't. And I was like, you if we cannot express our opinions about certain things, regardless of what side of the issue we're on. Like we're just certain topics are off limits on this podcast period.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

And it's not like we don't want to share them, it's just like we don't need it's I don't need to be on recording for anything that I say.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Because sometimes I see it.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Well, because your opinion can be your and I have kind of an aggressive opinion, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

I've been told. It says that I got I got email instructions on how to get into my MySpace.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Did you really?

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I literally did look at reset password. I did Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

I love it. I want to see so bad. I hate that. I literally have no idea what mine would be. Like I couldn't even fathom.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

We're literally doing this.

unknown 35:20

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Whoops. I can't believe it's the same. Okay. Hold please. Talk to them. How do you still have the same email? I told you I never get rid of anything. Yeah. Is that bad?

SPEAKER_01 35:35

No. No, because let me tell you, one of the things that I do at my job is I make my team document everything and save everything because there are so many times where people in this life will try to fucking blame you for shit that you didn't do. And it is important to have evidence of that. You can prove so much with just your phone for years and years. You know what I mean? Like, ain't nobody gonna be able to tell you nothing.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

It's like making me put a new password and it's saying they don't match. Yes, it does. What doesn't match? Ooh, my phone volume was on. Um, my password. It's making me do a new password. You guys, we're about to get into MySpace. This is so weird. So exciting. This is so weird.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

That's the weird thing. As close as we are, like, could you imagine if we would have met in like high school instead of after we had kids?

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Right?

SPEAKER_01 36:37

I wonder if we would have been friends. I probably are you still picking a password?

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Nope, I agree. Okay, all it did was to get me to how do you go to my it's weird, it's different.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

It's different.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

It's not owned by Tom. Oh, it's still going.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Okay. I don't know what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Oh do people still use it?

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Oh, I can post? What? That's weird. It says it's still updating, though. I don't it's not like it used to be, guys. It's not like it used to be. Sorry, I'm like sniffling in the microphone. That's probably the most disgusting thing ever. Still recovering from the sickness.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Ugh, don't get me sick. No, I don't have it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

I successfully sick, which is good. Okay, so here we are in MySpace. But can you see your stuff?

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Because right now you just see a feed. Is it like an app now? I have no idea. Sorry, I was drinking my coffee. Um I have made myself coffee for almost every day for like the last week. And the last time I did that was before we lived in our current house. We've lived in our current house for almost seven years. I'm very proud of myself for actively making myself coffee on the regular. But caffeine doesn't help me. So I don't get as much sleep as I should, and I can't even drink caffeine to wake the fuck up. I think B12 is the one thing that kind of helps. Like I feel like zip fizz actually kinda helps. Coffee, no. Energy drinks, no. I don't get any sort of like lift from them. I just think they taste. Well, I think it's not meant for like a phone. I think you need like a real computer to look at it.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

It's so weird.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

Because it was never designed for for phones.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

They like, see, it shows there there's just nothing there. It says top eight. I have six photos on one of I don't know. There's stuff there, but it's not there. Anyways, that was a rabbit hole we just went down.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

I think you went down. It was there, but it's not talking about coffee.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

I wanted to see the pictures. I wanted to see this the crazy. What how long ago is that? What it was like.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Um anytime I find old photos of me, it's always so weird. Because like I had a my first phone was definitely like a Nokia brick, so it's not like I have everybody had one of those? And then I had the um the razor. The meat. I had it when it very first came out.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

I worked in a cell phone place, and so I had it the second it came out. Of course you did.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

So you've always been that way.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Oh yeah, I like my new electronics, my new phones, my new phones. Yeah, this is also why we're not the same because you and your Android.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

I'm Android, and she's Apple, and she gets really pissed off that I'm Android. I don't really care that you're Apple, I just don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

I don't get yours. The blue bubbles freak me out. The green bubbles, excuse me. The fact that you don't have blue bubbles, that sounds weird. The fact you don't have blue bubbles.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

I mean, on my side, I'm purple and you're black. Oh, no. I can change and make it whatever I want, and I can change it for one individual person, or I can change the whole scheme. Everything on my phone is dark. I like dark mode.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Lacey, it's green. Oh, the sourdough. I have become a sourdough master. I mean, I wouldn't say master, but I've definitely figured it out. That's awesome. Um, yeah, she has a name. Her name is Well, because the first she has a name.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

She has a name. That's good. I'm glad she has a name. Do you want to share it?

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Yes, I do. Okay, so the first starter was Bready Mercury, but then he died. So we took we we got rid of him. He we just didn't feed him correctly, so it's my bad. Anyways, threw him out. He's in the garbage. So then we got a new one. This is Dowie Parton.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

I didn't like Breddy Mercury, though. That was that was a good one.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

Right? Lily didn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Where did you get your starter from?

SPEAKER_00 41:03

Um, this one that I have now is from Natasha. Do you want one?

SPEAKER_01 41:08

No, because I would kill it for sure. I cannot bake.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

I showed you the loaves. Wait till you they're so good.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Yeah, you sent me photos.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

I was gonna make them for you now, but I didn't think you wanted a big hunk of sourdough for first thing in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

It was I mean, I was probably a good thing that I can't bake because I have no self-control in the body.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

It's a croissant loaf. I shaved butter in it on fold two and three.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Look at you. You're so excited. I did I get it turned. People could see your face right now. Like you're so fucking excited.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

I am like the sourdough, like there's just something about it. Like when the loaf comes out, it's like, look what I did. I turned that fermenting.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

I tried to make biscuits once and they came out as flatbreads, and I still don't know what I did because I followed a fucking recipe and I can baking powder in there. I followed the recipe to a tea. Like I double checked everything because I suck at baking, and it's just I can't you can cook though. I yeah. I made mac and cheese for Thanksgiving dinner specifically because my niece requested it, and like I brought a 12 by 13 pan full of it, and it was completely gone.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

That's good. Yeah, I was like, um, your Thanksgiving picture, you guys looked cute by the way. I didn't even take one.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

I had to make sure I was like, hey, will someone take my photo with my children? Because I they're older now, so I don't have any photos. The last time we did any sort of family photo was like three years ago we did a Christmas photo, and that was the last time I need updated photos.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

You really do? That is expensive. Okay, well, I think so. Our topic of sleep. I know we totally went off. We need it. Um also coming back to driving tired is worse than driving drunk.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

I agree. I have nodded off in the vehicle multiple times. That that one weekend in Seattle when I left your ass because you went fucking psycho. I was I kept like tracks. Tracks. I kept hitting the fucking rumble strip because I was so tired. Because I didn't even leave Seattle until two o'clock in the morning. Again, you know, we had been well, except that we had been up and partying and we we worked out all morning, and then we had been drinking since like noon, and it was 2 a.m. And I was expecting it. We were with my brother. Yeah, it was just, and me and you had been fighting, so like my adrenaline was wearing off, and like I didn't have anything. My phone was gone. So like I was just like in fight or flight mode while trying to drive home by myself, and like I was so exhausted because all of the adrenaline went away, and I kept hitting the rumble strip. I had to keep pulling over into rest offs and taking like 20-minute long hours. I so many fucking dress. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

Can't believe someone didn't be like knock on the window and it's like, are you working right now?

SPEAKER_01 43:51

I had my jacket, so I used my jacket as like a little fucking blanket, but like, yeah, I was a slunny little dress. Yeah, it took me eight hours to get home from fucking Seattle because I had to keep pulling over because I kept falling asleep at the wheel. I didn't get home until 10 a.m.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

At least you got home. And then I'm like, what are you doing? You're like, you fucking psycho. I'm like, where are you at? You're like fucking home.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

I'm literally, we were messaging on Facebook Messenger because I had to be on the computer because I didn't have a fucking cell phone.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

And then just this past uh summer, me and the boys, when we drove to Denver, it was a 15-hour car ride, and like we left at two in the morning, and we were so fucking tired, and like it got to a point I looked at Deegan and Ashton's already passed out, and I was like, we gotta just pull over in a red stop and like sleep for half an hour because I cannot keep going. It makes you more tired. Yes, you know what I mean? Like the the lull of the fucking freeway.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

It definitely does. All right. Well, on that note, we will uh stay awake, everybody. I'm gonna keep yawning.

SPEAKER_01 45:01

I know. You've been yawning this entire episode. I've been drinking my coffee. I mean, it doesn't do anything. It tastes delicious, but it doesn't do anything.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

Should we shotgun an energy drink?

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Fuck no. I no. That's so funny. I literally had this conversation at Thanksgiving dinner last night. No, I'm too old to do that shit. When when I worked at Texas, the fucking girls, the waitresses at Texas would literally fucking shotgun Red Bulls before shift. And I'm like, I that is a moment when I was like, I know I'm old now. They could just take a do that.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

They could just take a caffeine pill and it would do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

No, but they'd film it and put it on TikTok. It was a whole thing. I'm not a part of that crowd.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

I'm like, I don't, I was joking when I said that, but now should we do it? Not seeing we did. I don't care. All right. You let us know if you are gonna shotgun an energy drink. I want to see it. Send us videos. Send us videos. We want to see. Are you shotgunning an energy drink? Don't not any random the way that we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Dude, don't die, though. Like, that's dangerous shit.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

Yeah, do a low, low caffeine one. Make sure you don't consume above 400 milligrams per day total in totality. No more than 200 at a time.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

You can look that up. That's a real fact.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Yes, no more than 200 at a time. All right.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Stay safe out there, guys. Get some sleep.