Modern Traditional: Choosing Monogamy In A Mix-And-Match Dating World

Dating today can feel like a grab bag: monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, friends with benefits, even lavender marriages. We’ve sampled the spectrum, lived through some wild chapters, and come out choosing “modern traditional”—a partnership built on exclusivity, clear roles, and mutual respect, without giving up autonomy, careers, or a voice at home. Think: you cook, I’ll do the dishes; you fix the car, I’ll pack the lunch; we both show up, and we both have a say.

We open with the terms people toss around—polyamory versus polygamy, open dynamics, beard relationships—and then get personal. One of us has a family history of polygamy that shaped how we view choice and consent. The other navigates widowhood and co‑parenting in a culture that moves fast and judges faster. From there we dig into asexual seasons after bad relationships, why kissing is an underrated compatibility test, and how great sex can blur boundaries while bad sex can erode a good match. We’re honest about friends with benefits, why it so often tilts lopsided, and how to stop mistaking chemistry for commitment.

Our practical takeaways are simple and sturdy. Try the 90‑day rule to see past the honeymoon gloss—most façades crack by eight weeks. Watch patterns, not promises: communication, effort, consistency. Set roles you both actually want; split work by strengths; keep space for separate hobbies while making each other the clear priority. We don’t think masculinity is toxic by default, and we’re not reenacting the 1950s. We’re aiming for a relationship you can live in every day, where attention is obvious, intimacy is mutual, and decisions are shared.

If you’re rethinking your relationship style or ready to align your values with your dating choices, this one’s for you. Hit play, share it with a friend, and tell us where you land. Subscribe for more candid, unfiltered conversations, and leave a review to help others find the show.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 1:13

Maybe we are. Although today do we talk about we kind of we are?

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Today we kinda are. Like it it's weird because we're so different in like 95% of the ways, I would say. And then like on this one core issue, we actually like almost full on agree.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Literally.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

And it's not the thing that I think people would expect it to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

No. You have no idea what our topic is today.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

No, you don't. So what are we gonna talk about?

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Um, we are gonna be talking about relationship styles? Styles. Yes, is that the appropriate or yes, styles?

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Relationship styles. Because it's so different than it used to be. Right. Right? Like, now there's a whole grab bag.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

You can do all kinds of things now.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Monogamy, polygamy, polyamory.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Um there's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

There's a lot.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

There's asexual.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Um there's also like furry people.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, amateur.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Um yeah, but what do they call that?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

No, I don't know. What do they call it? I'm all a good. But then there's also like I would have some weird shit over here.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Within that, there's like Lavender marriage.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

That is the new up and coming thing that I've been hearing all about. Yeah, which I'd never heard of it. Now and people are like okay with it. We will talk about more.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

I feel like it used to have a different name. And as soon as I say what I think the old name was, I think it's gonna give away what it is.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

What do you used to think it was?

SPEAKER_02 2:55

A beard. I don't know what that means. You've never heard of a beard relationship? Uh uh. It's the same difference.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

So a beard relationship is like you're dating somebody for appearances only. Oh, okay. Like it's normally like a gay man who is has a girlfriend, but that girlfriend knows that that's a gay man, and that's just his beard relationship. So, like, people from like highly religious type of So laugher marriages take it even a little bit step further.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Get married.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

It's like beard 2.0.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

It's like uh the next generation relationship business arrangement.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Yeah, it works for both parties, but it's not mutually beneficial, yes, but love is not an element, no, or sexual.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Oh, not that part either. I don't know. I think there's all different levels to it. There's some people that like actually love each other and are intimate, but just like keep it like they're still open because they just know.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yeah, so open relationships, that's a whole fucking category. No thanks. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

I really just like monogamy.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Me too. This see, this is this is why it's weird, right? Because we have all these different life experiences, we've gone down different paths, but at the end of the day, me and you want the same fucking thing. Yes. And we are both traditional. I can yes, we are. I consider both of us modern traditional because we're not so extreme as like the trad wife thing that's like trending and stuff like that. But like, kind of, like I love the idea of gender rules in the home. I do not mind doing the cooking and the laundry. And do I want your help on things? Sure. Like if I make a nice dinner, yeah. I think that you should do the dishes. That's where the modern part comes in. Like, but I like you do the yard work, I do the inside stuff. Like, I'm all about that. Like, you fix my car and I'll make you lunch. Like, I'm good with that. Yeah, I love that idea. That's the type of relationship that I want. But I still want a job. Yeah. I still want to have an opinion and like not fully fall at the feet of my husband. So, like, I believe in traditional, but I am modern about it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

So I'm the same.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

I'm like, I'm gonna make you sourdough.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

I know. You have really leaned into the traditional aspect of it. Like, she is now a sourdough queen and she's baking all the time, which really benefits me.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

I don't think you want some sourdough. I made two kinds.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

Yes, like and the baked goods that you made last time on here. So good. See, I'm such a wifey. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

I'm just waiting to be wifed up.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Well, and I think people are surprised to, I think for almost for both of us, like for different reasons, though. I think people are surprised that we have that mindset because of the way that we live our life currently. But it's like, am I a strong, independent woman? Yes. Do I fucking want to be? No, this is not my choice, people. We want to be submissive to our man, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Submissive to your man. Um it does require an actual man to be submissive to.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

And man, not boy. Yes. Yeah. I'm not good at picking other people to share in my vision of what I think a relationship should be. And it's like, yes, I have a high-paying job and I work real hard and I own all these things, and I've put the work in and I can do all of this by myself. I can't. I just don't fucking want to. I want a big strong man to fucking do nice things for me. I do. And I like I like a traditional style man. I like, you know, I want you to come across as manly. I don't being in touch with your feminine side is cute, but like to an extent. I don't think mascul masculinity is toxic. I do believe that it can be, but I don't think in general being masculine is toxic.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

I would concur.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Yeah. That's all that's all I'm looking for. A lumberjack and a suit. That's it. That also likes nerd shit. I don't care if someone's into the same shit as I'm in, as long as they don't care that I'm into it, to be honest. Like, because and part of that is because I, while I want to have like a loving relationship and the cuddle time and quality time is very important to me, but I also want to have time apart and I want to have my own things, and I want like I don't you don't need to do everything together.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

See, and I'm on the I like doing everything together. I like I want to have the same.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

That's why it's weird that like ultimately our idea of a r relationship is similar, even though we want different things out of a relationship. Yeah, because I'm like, go have fun with the boys. I don't care. Or I mean BR do things, and then like I'm gonna go to book club and I'm gonna go to Bunko. If you want to go to Bunko, cool, come to Bunko. If you don't want to come to Bunko, I'm not gonna be offended. Okay, I also do like my I mean I have my own things that like you you do your hiking stuff and you do your water stuff, and it's like if you want to come great and stuff. She's your mom stuff.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I feel like that in itself is a hobby. Which the case is a forced hobby. Yes, of course. They're doing so good though. Yeah. Um, we gotta bid to Florida. We are we'll be in Florida.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

When have you not?

SPEAKER_00 8:06

I know. I keep saying that.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

I'm like, maybe this year, like, yay, we gotta bid. I'm like, you always get a bid. I know.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

I'm like the first combat of the season. I'm like, maybe this year we won't, because of all the trials and tribulations at that team, and I'm like, maybe this is the year. Darn it, don't gotta spend all that money. Darn it. You should have no money. Some kid at school was telling Lily she's a liar that she does not go to Disney World every year for the past five years. I'm like, actually, it's six, and if he needs my phone number, go ahead and have him call me. That's a weird thing to not believe. I know. She's like, mom, the kids like you have photos every single year. I'm like, they could actually look on ESPN. Yeah. Look you up because your computer at ESPN, the Wild World of Sports, in Disney World on TV. So funny you are. Um, middle school kids. Yes, middle school. And she's really pretty. Braden never dealt with this because he's like really sweet and a boy. I was gonna say it's a boy versus girl.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

And he's also weird because it was a boy in cheerleading and he didn't get bullied or anything.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

No, he never has, and I was wondering about that. But you know what? This day and age is so different. Yeah. Um, and he's very nice and he's like friends with everyone, so it's like they just think it's cool because he does all these flips and stuff, and he's very like kind. He's very kind of like.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

And he has the karate part, so it like balances out.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Well, and they do like the Verde Loco, so he does the performance, he does all these flips. They this parkour is really cool, so he like hangs out and he's like so himself. Like, he's like, I'm a nerd, I love Pokemon, I don't care. And I love that. I also love that. It's so much different for boys than girls, though, because I feel like boys can be whoever they want. Girls, if you're pretty, girls are just fucking mean.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

I think girls are just mean. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, because they're mean if you're not pretty, let me fucking tell you, because then you get bullied like a motherfucker. So let me tell you, it's some middle school girls. Middle school girls are the worst group of people on the planet.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

They will destroy your soul. And that's why I just like love Lily. She's so mean. Actually, she's has a good group of friends, but yeah, there's just and the boys. There's a couple like group of boys that like call her lazy, and I'm like, and then I saw them, and I'm like, do you need me to go talk to them? Because I feel like she's like, Mom, no, I'm like, I won't right now. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Maybe later. Well, and uh like you were saying, like, things are so different now, though. Like their whole view set on life is different than what we're used to, and like it's a hard realization when you can't like you're trying so hard to like relate to your kid or to help your kid or provide advice to your kid, and you like fucking can't because you're like, I don't understand. I don't understand what you're going through because I never went through shit like that, you know. Because it's different, and then it's like that's probably how our parents felt and stuff like that. But then, so that's why it's so weird to me, like how the dynamic of relationships has changed over time, not just like kid to parent, kid to kid.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Um, what's also really different with us is like Luke dying, being thrown into like the dating world and all this kind of stuff, like us putting through where like you are being forced to co-parent, and basically I don't have the burden of another person doing it solo. You have the burden of another person and you're doing it solo. Yeah, that's awesome. So navigating those, it's like different, but we still, you know, want the same thing. Yeah. Well, I had the traditional role. I stayed at home. Luke went and worked and did everything. I took care of the house, I cooked, I cleaned, I was the mom. I I enjoyed that. I chose to go back to work, and then that was just like extra.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Yeah, I never had that opportunity because prison Aaron Carter got fired when I was four months pregnant with my first child. Still doesn't have a job.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Still to this day, he sleeps in till past noon. Yeah. That's wild. I know. That is like crazy to me. You have like full grown sons who need you. I know. One in particular. We're gonna go to the show. And you're just like, I'm gonna sleep until three.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

I know. It's crazy. And that's the whole thing, too. And his mom's like, you know, he's sleeping. We're just not even gonna go there today. No, we're not. I'm just saying. Because that could be a whole show. All on its own. But like that's the weird thing, right? Because like I my my values and what I've wanted from a relationship have not changed. Like, I've always kind of felt this way. In fact, I used to be more traditional and have become less traditional over time. Like when I was in middle school, high school, my first high school boyfriend, I was literally in training to become a housewife. Yes, because you, your family is a long line of. Oh, this wasn't even for my family.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Okay, so she was born to be one of many wives. So it's in your DNA. Talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

So most people know what um polyamory is. It's where you have more than one.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

I just started watching Seeking Sister Wives. Not seeking Seeking Sister Wife, not the one with all the wives, but there's one of the things. Not just the sister wife. Where they're like, yes, and it's fucking wild.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Yeah. They're growing up with it and not knowing. That's the okay, so yes, my dad's grooming. My dad's side of the family are polygamous Mormons. I don't know how actively they practice it at this point, but they very actively practice it in the past, to the point where one of my aunts, her, so she was the first wife, and then her husband had a second wife who like lived in a different house and had kids with my aunt and with this second wife lady. I don't know if I ever met second wife lady, I have no idea. Um, and then his third wife was my other aunt, direct sister of his first wife. So I'm like, that's fucking sister wives. Like, TLC does not understand the fucking definition. Where is our show? I'm just kidding. I do not want to be not.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

I actually have connects, I have connections to uh to that. I do not want to be a part of that at all.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

Let's pitch this idea. Yeah. So where you go in and you uh you interview your family. News.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Nope. Nope. Not happening at all. My grandpa's brother was on a 1996 Jerry Springer exclusive because he had nine wives and 22 children. Can I pull this up somewhere? He owned an probably an entire town in Utah, and he like his family ran it because his family was so fucking large, they didn't need to like hire a people.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

He was like the mayor of his town.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Jerry Springer went to his house in Utah. Like, it wasn't like he wasn't he didn't go to the show. Jerry Springer went to him, and like he had a contract. Can't believe I'm saying this shit on the show. He had a contract with his youngest wife's family when she was like nine. They didn't do anything or get married until she was 18, but she was she was tied to him at nine years old that once she was old enough to be legally married, that she would be his ninth wife. Like, it's fucking crazy. Did she end up being the ninth wife? And I met him once. We did a Did he try to wife you? No, I'm family. Okay, well, you never know. You never know. I know I did just tell you about how my aunt's husband married her since.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

I didn't know how these work. I didn't know how ancestral it got. I just I was a child when I met him.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Well, you never know.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

We did I know. Everything you're saying is fair. Everything you're saying is valid. Okay, so you're good to know.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Yeah. No, so like we had to like rent out a park in California because our family is so large when there's that many of them, right? And so, like, he he came and he brought like four or five of his wives. And all their children, some of the kids, so I didn't meet the whole family, but I didn't mean to four or five wives. When I was like 11 or something, I didn't I didn't understand, I didn't know what was going on because like it was never talked about. Like, I literally did not know any of this about my family until I was older, and I was already away. Like my dad moved away, so we he didn't live that lifestyle at all. So I didn't even know it was like a thing. And then once you figure out it's a thing and you think back to things that you did, so we would go and visit a lot because we loved our big family. Like, my dad's the oldest of 19 kids. That should have been a fucking red flag. I should have known something was off. Like, that's weird? 19. My dad is the oldest of 19 kids. So many. Could you imagine? Listen, I have two aunts and two uncles who are younger than me.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

So weird.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

I know. When we were kids, we would like fight, and then they'd be like, You have to listen to me because I'm your aunt or I'm your uncle. I'm like, bitch, I am older than you. Like, sit down. It does that matter. That does not matter in this situation. I'm like, Yeah, but like, so we would go and we would visit them, and they were like, they lived in a mountain, so like it was country, you know, and um that lifestyle of country, and we would go and they would have dances at the high school, and like we're like, that's semi-normal, right? Dances at high school, totally normal. And then once you get there, you realize that it's literally like they're putting the women on display for the men. So, like when me and Jen went, like we were dressed like city folk, and so they had to change our clothes and dress us in appropriate clothing, which is like country dresses, and take us to the dance. And then if the rule was like, if a gentleman asked you to dance, you were not allowed to say no, because they were fucking wife shopping, and I didn't know, I didn't realize it. Like it was they tried to like poor Jen, because she was the older one, like she was of age, she was 14.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Like, here's a new one, here's a new one.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

It's crazy to like have these revelations about your own life later in life because in the moment I had I was just like, We're at a country dance. There's you know, like hay bales in the gym. It's normal, it's not normal. Not normal, not normal. Yeah. So I still put on dances.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Your family put on dances.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

I think it was the town.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Well, the town was your family.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

I I'm pretty sure I'm related. I was at one point for sure related to every single person who lived in Pinesdale, Montana. How would we go anywhere? And then someone Pinesdale, she's like, What? I'm like, are we related? And then we know we are every time. Yes, every time.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

I witnessed this, and I have no family. It's just like me and the children, so it's so fucking another reason how we're not the same. There's like, I have no family anywhere, and there's you are so you don't have cousins or anything. No.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Do you know how many cousins I have? A ton on just my dad's side. Not okay. My mom is the youngest of 12, by the way. Like I come from a huge ass family on both fucking sides, but they're not they're not polygamous and they're not Mormon. They're just horny Christians. They just produce a lot. So I mean, it's different, but I got a big family on both sides. So on just on just my dad's side, I have over 80 first cousins alone. Just first cousins. 80. Because they all have like eight kids each.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

See, my family did not really reproduce. My brother had no kids, died. Well, I guess there's like Luke's family, right? There's different things.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

I think that's your kids' family, not necessarily yours.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

True.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Because they have made it clear that they don't want to be. So fuck them.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

I know. I still think it's odd when it's like I want to know who did their photoshopping. And I would have given you, like, how did you photoshop me out of everything? And then have okay, this is what my guy.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

I'm used to my photos also being stolen by a grandparent, but like I'm not ever taken out of them.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

It was odd when it's like here. Well, that's fine, and that's one thing. But then to like put it in front of my face, like, look at all my videos.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Let me show you all the photos I've stolen from you and then cropped you out of.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

I wish, I wish I would have been like, I should have just like been my sarcastic self and been like, who did your photo shopping? You should have. But I was so taken aback. And I also was like, I'm in the middle of the woods with them. They could literally kill me and put me somewhere, and I wouldn't never be wiser. They would not be able to kill me. But um, no, I was very taken aback. Like, oh.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Yeah, that's a weird thing. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

They should have never showed me. Like, you should not have taken me over to look at that.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

They did that on purpose. They did that on purpose. People do fucked up shit like that on purpose. But yeah. So families are weird. My family's weird. I'm not a part of it. Like, I gotta make that super I'm not Mormon. I'm not, I don't I I would never, I couldn't. I cannot share. Okay. I've been cheated on so many times, and let me tell you, that's the worst thing in the world. I cannot share a person. Why would you want to? I don't, that's I don't understand the open relationships. Like, I'm not down talking it. If it works for you, then good. Then great. I hope everybody ends up with the type of relationship that they want to have, but I don't get it. And it scares me.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Okay, so if you are listening and you are in like a polygamy, polyamorous, I want to hear from you. So like do that little like send us a chance to.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Polyamory is crazy to me. So technically I dabbled, right? I was in a thruple. That's what it was called back then. The difference between the things. Do you still call it that? Do they still call it a thruple? Okay, so I was in a thruple, obviously, for a very short time. It was senior year of high school, and I was on a list of alcohol and just turtle. No.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

That's not how that went out.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Okay. Well, it was like a it was a very weird audience.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

It was just I was dating him for a minute and then we blinked, and then I was dating his friend. That was not the same.

unknown 22:10

That was not the same.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

And I only dated the one because the other told me to. That's what I'm saying. Turtle. Turtle.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Hey, fucking kid. I could never see a segue the same way.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

No, I'm talking about in high school. Like Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

I know that now it's clear, but I was for a second just thinking about turtle.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

Yeah, but like, so like I'm just saying at one point, I it didn't even seem weird to me that that's what we were doing. Like I didn't question it. Two girls, two guys. It was two girls and a guy. So it was me, my best friend, and then another fella.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

So now did you all three hang out and do everything together, or was he dating each one of you?

SPEAKER_02 22:52

So so that was the problem. So we were all dating each other in the beginning, and then at some point. This is this is why none of this.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Were you all three ever like do anything sexual?

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Against my will. I was ripped out of a shower.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

So yeah. Is this why you because you're very much like you'd never be with a woman. Is that why?

SPEAKER_02 23:14

That is not why, actually. I feel like I'm sharing a lot today.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

You should have questions. You can ask me.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

I know this. That is not why. So I I have had a full-on just female to female encounter because of the photographer. It was supposed to be a three-way that again I didn't sign up for. I got locked in a room. It's a whole thing. Um, but he passed out, and then so it was just me and her. And then in that moment, I was all like, I might as well find out, right? Like, I might maybe, maybe this is my problem the whole time. I've been lusting after men, and maybe I should date a woman. Nope. Nope. Nope. I don't like the taco. I'm sorry. I tried. It is not for me. No. Did you stop midway where you're like, no? No. I mean, that would have been rude.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Did you actually get a finish? No. You this is your problem.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

They attempted, and it was I just couldn't, like, I wasn't feeling it. And like, you can't if you're not into it.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Especially you in your head. I could just imagine you being there.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

I know.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

I can literally like make myself. I was not, but that's not true.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Just being like, are you dying to do that? I was bored.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

I have literally asked people to stop before. I'm not gonna lie, because I'm like, this is not doing anything for me. Like, at this point, it's awkward. I need you to please come up.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

I can I need you to come up here and just stop that.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

I feel weird at this point. This has been going on for a long time. We're not getting anywhere. Like just stop doing the work. You don't really know what you're doing. And this is a good thing. This would like to be in and of itself, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

But if it was a woman, you would think that that she would be.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

She was a woman gynecologist, for Christ's sake. You would think if anyone fucking could, she could and she couldn't. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Well, those who can't teach. Or doctor, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

That's so funny. But at least now I know. I know for sure. Like, and the reason why, like, because I think people are like, why would you question it? Like, wouldn't you know? And I'm like, no, because I like making out with girls. Even as a straight woman, I still like making out with girls. I think making out with girls are inherently better kissers, in my opinion. Because for the most part, all girls want to be kissed the same way. So when you're kissing a girl and she gets it and you get it, and it's fucking hot, and I love it, and I'm here for it. And I love boobs. Who doesn't love boobs? I love motorboating. I think it's funny as fuck. And I do it not so much now because I'm sober and it's a lot weirder. Oh my gosh, I remember you were. I mean, I can't motorboat. I would make bets with boys at the bar. I'd be like, I bet you a drink that I can get her to let me motorboat her. And they're like, oh, you're probably friends. I'm like, I don't know her for fucking Adam. Like, you can come with me.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

And I'm really good at the time. I remember you motorboated me once or twice.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

I've motorboated everybody. I'm like, here, hold my fucking glasses.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Oh my god. You're like, I don't need these.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

I need some because I can't hold them because I get my hands involved. It's like full. Yes, I can do it.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

You're full face. You're yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

I am the best. If you've never been motorboated, I remember then. Have a professional duo. I think I'm fucking good at it.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

You shocked me. I remember.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

I make girls feel so good about their boobs. I can't even do it.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Oh, well, I thought you were going in for a little one and you went in for a big one.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

I don't do little. You go in all the way. I go, I give all the way. I give 110%.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Oh my gosh. I feel like now you need to motorboat me on video so that everybody can see. Oh my god, that's so this is going way faster. We're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

I learned that I wasn't a lesbian.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

When you're shocker, that relationship with that dude didn't work out because that was our fourth date.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Like shocker.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Sometimes when I think back on my life and the things that have happened, I'm like, how is this all the same?

SPEAKER_00 27:19

I know sometimes you forget to tell me all the details, and then I'm I don't know what you know and what you don't know. Well, no, but you used to hide some details from me, or you just would leave them out.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

I don't know if it was on purpose, though.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Like you just forget. And we just start.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I know stuff, I tell Jen Mesa some stuff, and I don't know who knows what.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

We need Jen back on. I know, we do. Jen has lots of notes. Okay, so three-way, failed three-way. You decided that you're not a lesbian.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Yeah. And so I don't know. I so part of the the way that relationship ended was so we were all good in the beginning, everyone was on the same page, and then it got to the point where he decided that he only wanted to date me and not date her. And so, like, that's what scares me about people who are in like or the idea of a polyamorous relationship. No, yes? Polygamous? No, the polyamorous. Yep. They're too close together. Yes. Polygamous was the previous story. We're now we're on polyamory. Because I fall into every category, apparently, at least some point in my life. Yes. Um gotta try it. But you know what I mean? Like, what happens if like that's a dangerous slope, is all I'm saying. Like, when one person develops more feelings for one, and then like, or what if you get jealous because someone's spending this time or whatever, or the obligations of trying? It's really hard to like have a relationship with one other person. Like, trying to have a relationship with two other people all of the like that's gotta be complicated as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

No, I'm just gonna throw my two cents in here. And I am such like, if I'm with you, like I just want all your attention.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

I couldn't be like You want more attention than any single person could probably generate.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

I'm like, yes, I didn't listen to all that you were saying. Hold on. No, not true. I mean, kind of true. Okay, here's the thing. I just the per like I just expect to get more attention than anyone else. I get that. That's fair. Like in your life, like I deserve a special kind of attention that no one else gets different less than no one else gets. Yeah. Like, I don't demand it all the time, but yes, you should honestly there should be a noticeably difference. Yes, yeah. Like we could just be next to each other, group of whatever, and they're gonna know that we're together by the way you're talking, touching, speaking to me, even if you're talking to everybody else. Yeah. That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

That's what I require. I also I feel like that would make me really uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

It probably would, but I like it.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

I want to like it in my brain. Uh that sounds ideal to me. I want someone to be proud of me. I want someone to show me off and all the things, but because I'm conditioned to be a background person, background person, like it goes like it's screaming. My body would be screaming because I'd be like, people are looking at me.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Please don't look at me. No, I just, yeah, I want the extra attention. Again, like I don't get really like I don't get jealous.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

But that's why you couldn't do a polyamorous thing. No, because like I would want to be the number one.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Yeah. And then I want to be number one. And then I wouldn't let you have a number two. I wouldn't let that happen. I just would, I don't know. I'm not made for multiple people. Again, like I only ever give my attention to one person, and then it's like, so I just the same.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Yeah. I mean, I tried it, I didn't like it at all. Like, never tried it, would not like it. No, you wouldn't. I can I know for a fact that you fucking wouldn't. Because let's talk about it. But I only tried it because I was young. I was 17 years old, and I was on a lot of drugs and drinking, so it seems like a great idea at the time. As an adult, as somebody who is like sure of who I am now. Like, I could never.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

No, I could never. I mean, me talking to you. I think that maybe I got one little slice less of attention and I'm gonna blow the entire thing up. That's me.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Like, do you think? I will say you if if something shifts even in the slightest. I'm all over it. You are all over it. I get I got called twice yesterday. And it's just to like talk it out. Yeah, I'm like, so is this a problem? Is this not a problem? Am I am I self-sabotaging? Is this something I should be? You know what? Which honestly good though, because you're like, Yes, you're talking it out instead of letting it fester in your own brain and rotting, because that's you know normally what we do. Look at us growing up.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

It doesn't rot. It becom I'm a problem solver. I'm a problem solver, so I'm gonna have like 10 exit plans, all of which may be quite elaborate and theatrical.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

And then I'm like, just let it run its course. It'll if it's gonna implode, it'll implode. If not, great.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

And then we just all decided that maybe you were overreacting a little bit. No, I wasn't overreacting. It was just like it comes down to the oh, I just I don't know. No, we don't know yet. We're just playing everything out.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

I don't think you are, and I don't think it's a thing. I think it's just the it's it's like when you get a house. This is so stupid, but it's like when you get a house and like it has to settle, right? That's you have to learn the ins and outs of that's what a relationship is in the beginning is learning what works for you, what doesn't work for you, learning about the quirks about a person, and like trying to figure out how things fit together. Because I don't know if you've ever watched Daniel Sloss. Um he's a comedian. I love him. If you don't know who he is, check him out, he's fucking hilarious. But he does some dark shit, and that obviously would be why you love it. Why I would love it. Um, but he talks about relationships as like he talks about like your puzzles, and the problem is each person is an individual puzzle, and then they feel like they're missing a single piece, but like you can't just have a person come in and be a piece because they're coming in as a whole puzzle, so you have to somehow figure out a way to mix your two puzzles together. We just got all serious with that, but like, but it's such a smart analysis, right? Because it's like, and so that's what makes it hard. That's what you're you're trying to figure out if your puzzle is a fit, and that's not only that's completely valid.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

We've talked about how like I was in a very amazing, loving marriage who we grew up together, so learned each other in and out, so then was thrust into dating. Um and then you had that really negative experience, and it really like tainted so I which this is me at the core, like it makes you not or not trust yourself. And I just you just kind of want to like jump. Um I am notorious for just jumping ship. But you're doing good, you're not doing that. No, not anymore. I don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

I'm actually like that's the whole thing. It's we're so different now. That's that's why it's crazy. Like when I think back to the things, it's I'm so far removed from the idea of a thruple. Like, so funny. You know what I mean? And like, I don't know, it's just weird. What else is there? We talk oh, asexual. I very much feel like I became asexual in my last relationship. I think that's something you can become and come out of, yes. Right? I very much feel that because after Nathaniel. After Nathaniel, I very much was like, mm-mm, nope, I'm good. I don't, I'm not interested in anything. I'm not like I literally I could not get a crush if my life depended on it. Like there was just literally no interest whatsoever. What is the official definition of asexual? Yeah. Let me look it up. Just in case people don't know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

I feel like everybody does at this point because all this stuff relating to the instincts uh process. So um basically you no longer there's no sexual drive feelings or desires.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

Like you can't. No sexual attraction to anyone.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

You can be, and there are people that are in asexual marriages, so you just have like a relationship without sex. You can still cuddle and kiss and stuff like that. There's just no sex, and there's no desire for it either. It's not like you're being celibate and you want it. Yeah, there's no your body just doesn't have a physical desire for it.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Which is yeah, and that's why I think it's something that you can fall into and fall out of. Yes. Because once you have like a really negative experience, and especially if you have a really negative like sexual experience with somebody, like it fucks with your brain, right? And so it can it can turn you off from the act of even if it's something that you used to enjoy like tremendously, like you're just like, I have no want for this in my life. And I was that way for an extended period of time for sure.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Like, and I've talked about it on this podcast, how I was God fucking Johnny Brave was just awful as a person, as a human, and had a tiny penis and didn't couldn't do anything with it. So I'm like, I don't want this ever. So then when you go so long without it, you no longer want it.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

Yeah, absolutely. I'm definitely the type of person, like, the more I get it, the more I want it. So the less I get it, the less I want it. That's like just how I function as a person. So if I'm not getting it, then I can go longer periods of time without having it because it's no big deal to me at all. Yeah. At all. Same. And like it's an important part of a relationship. I don't care at the end of the day, it is an important part. Kissing somebody is important, it's intimate. It's do you feel something? Is there a connection? I think kissing is one of the most important things that you can do to find out if you like somebody, to be honest. Like, I can think that I like someone and then kiss them and be like, nope, I don't not like that. Like, I like them as a person, but I have no chemistry with them. I don't feel a spark. There's nothing there for me in that thing. So I think kissing is super important, but sex is also super important. Like, you can have a relationship with someone, and then if you have bad sex, you have to determine how good is that really like can that counter that? You know what I mean? Like, fucking lemon, literally the worst sex I've ever had in my entire life ever. So it made me way less willing to put up with this bullshit. You know what I mean? And a good dick will ruin any girl.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

I don't know. I don't know. You don't think so? I think it could, but like I also think like I like not it could not be the basis. But I mean, like, I couldn't just have that. Yeah, that's fair. Like, that's a bonus, but it wouldn't be like that's the reason I would stick around or something.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

So that opens up a whole new category of friends with benefits, and that also never works out. But that's essentially what that is. If all you're getting from somebody is dick, or for the gentleman's yeah, you know, if you're only connecting on like a sexual basis, that's all it's gonna be. Yeah, then it's a friends with benefits, and that's also a super dangerous slope because more often than not, one of them is gonna catch feelings, and I've also had that stupid experience.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

I've never been in that situation because I guess I always a serial dater, not a serial dater, but I just get in really again. I'm monogamous, I like being in relationship.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

I I had a friends with benefits for probably like two years, I think, after Fat Roger. Yes. Um, that did not work out for me. That was emotionally tormenting myself because I caught feelings, and I I will give him credit because he never I don't personally feel like he led me on. Um, I know other people don't agree with that statement. I know my sister specifically does not agree with that statement, and he did some shady shit. Absolutely. He burned me more than once, but like I put myself in that situation.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Okay, yes, okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

I couldn't think if I had a nickname. No, but that's fine. Now I know.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

I was like, who is this?

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Yeah.

unknown 38:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

But I put myself in that situation. You know what I mean? That was my own fault. I knew what I I knew when I was getting myself into, but there's always like the hope and the potential, and like this could be more, or it would be so great if like I'm This is a really good learning lesson when people show you who they are. Believe him.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Yeah. But also, you knew going into that that nothing was gonna happen. It just sucks because your feelings did get involved.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

Well, yeah, because I did it to myself twice. The first time I it wasn't like Don't we do this all to ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

And it takes me a long time to learn lessons, let me tell you. Because I definitely like it, we were together for a minute as friends with benefits. I caught feelings, it imploded a little bit. I stepped away because I was like, this isn't healthy for me. Like, I know this isn't gonna be a thing, and I don't want to torture myself by like purposely being around you and hooking up with you, knowing that this isn't gonna be anything. Like, why am I doing that to myself? So then we didn't talk for like a super long time, and then something happened, and I don't remember either I reached out or he reached out or whatever, and then we fucking did it again, and I was like, why am I doing this to myself? It's going to be the exact same fucking situation. Because you have a hard time with finding someone who can oh, you know, we call him, we call him Hamprint because he was the one. Oh, the ham.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Yeah. Jeanesse is like, do I need to report this? Like, nope, it was willing.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

So funny. Um, so yes, and that's that's why I that's why I lean on the like the dick will fucking ruin you, girl. Because like it it matters. It'll make you stay in a bad situation. It makes you like for some re I don't know why, I'm sure there's science behind it, but like you'll literally justify bad behavior more.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

It's because like when you like obviously, sex, dopamine, all the things like your body, you're just an animal at the end of the day. If you're wanting it, I guess you're gonna go back to where you like it the best.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

Yeah. Unless you're not getting it, because then you're like, it's fine now. Now it's fine. As long as I'm not getting it, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

But also, we talked about this before. We can take care of ourselves really quickly without any.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

So it's such a low, it's a like it's a low priority item, however, it still has to be a thing. Because like I couldn't have I could not have sustained a a long relationship with lemon with it being that bad. I just it wouldn't have worked because I would rather have not had it than had that. And then that's a problem. The lemon in general, I know I know, but I'm just saying. So even though it's a low priority item because I can take care of myself, it still matters.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

Yes, no, it 100% matters. It matters.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Have you ever done a friends with benefits on anybody?

SPEAKER_00 40:36

I don't think not that I know of, so it wouldn't have to be forever ago. No, because I've always been just like relationshipped up. Yeah. Like Luke, and then out of that situation, then there was that really quick Flash situation and then Johnny Bravo, which I totally forgot about Flash, like forgot about all of that. Sure. That was a rough time.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

Yeah, but I was gonna say that that was a different time.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Um Yeah, and so I've just always been Yeah, I feel that.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

I feel like I'm not against

SPEAKER_00 41:09

I mean, yeah, no, I'm not against I guess I wouldn't be if I I don't know. I I'm open to like but I also I've just I don't know. I don't think I'd ever do that because I'm just so a monogamous relationship person. Like I just wouldn't be until I'm in a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

Yeah, I'm that way now, right? So like I went from um my high school bull boyfriend, Mole, to prison Aaron Carter. Mole, mole, mole. Yeah. Um to prison eran carter to fat Roger. Um, and that was like a two and a half year relationship, a nine and a half year relationship, a two and a half year relationship. You know what I mean? So I literally was like boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. And I had little spurts of like little things in between, but not and honestly, from from um prisoner and Carter to Fat Roger, there was no in between. There were six months between when me and you know, the one split to when the other started. So but turtle happened, so there was always something small in between.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Um just don't count because they don't go on the permanent record.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

They're less than 90 days, they don't count. They are trial, period. And I will, that is a hill I will die on.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

Like I will also die on that hill.

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Because people you don't know who somebody is.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Because you're allowed to date. Here's the thing people like, oh, you're dating. Like, yeah, how do you find somebody that you want to be with? Like you date doesn't mean you have to like sleep with a person or but dating, dating is to find out what you like, what you don't like. If they don't progress, that does not count.

SPEAKER_02 42:33

Yeah. Yeah, you're you're finding out whether or not you're compatible with this person. And let's be real, everybody for the most part puts their best foot forward when you're at the beginning of dating somebody, right? You're like, you're trying to impress this person, you're trying to make a good impression. That's the entire point, right? So, like people aren't exactly who they are in their natural state in the beginning of dating. So if you wait 90 days, it's really hard to hold on to a facade for that long. Eventually, cracks will show, usually around the eight-week mark. And then that gives you that buffer time to be to process whether or not this is a deal breaker for you. So I feel like 90 days is very reasonable. Because I've never like dated somebody like 120 days. It's either less than 90 days or over a year, like there is no in between for me, you know what I mean? So that's for me, that's a good healthy indicator.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

It is. I agree with it. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

I think it could be our well, we already do enforce that, but I just wish that I did better at um kicking some people out at 90 days.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

You are doing so much better.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

I'm doing so much better, and now I'm like, I since me and uh Cowardly Lion broke up, I have been like, I'll go, I'll try with two people per year. And then I hit my quota, and then like I'm done for a year.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

So it's a new year. All right, lumber drives.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

So I have to give two people a a shot.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Yes. Shoot your shot. Uh send uh send us a send the show a text.

SPEAKER_02 44:13

No, it's fine. I'm good. I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

All right. Well, I mean, on that note. Are we at time? We are basically at time, yeah. We can wrap it up with we're modern traditionists. Forever and always. I love it though.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Yes. Someday. Someday I'll have it.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

You will. You just gotta wait. And just your picker is so much better now and weeding them out.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

Once I move, I'll have a whole new crop.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

I feel like I'm definitely like in my my situation, my relationship, in like those roles, basically. Like, I don't know, we haven't, you know, next time.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

I just I don't know if you guys have are have been together long enough for that to really define itself yet. Right. Because I feel like that's definitely that's a good thing to bring up though, actually. I know we're at time, but like that's a good thing to bring up because that's not necessarily like you don't go into it right from the gate. Like it's something that you need to build to over time.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

But people align on those levels, the value stuff.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

It's important to be on the same page with somebody. But I definitely think it's one of those things, like you don't just go in and you're immediately like this role and that role. No, because you have to like find the balance. Yeah, and you're still like your own individual people for a really long time, to where it's like it is like a balance to like morph into it's smarter to do that at a slower pace, I think, because it gives you time to figure things out as you're going instead of trying to like force things and being like, oh, we'll deal with that later. It's like, no, you need to deal with it now because otherwise later ain't gonna work, you know what I mean? So I think it's smart.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

Definitely. Anyways, all right. All right, shoot us a message. Let us know if you like this episode, what you want to hear next, and we will talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.