we are NOT the SAME

Why “I Saw A Bird Today” Can Reveal Who Really Listens

• Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph • Season 3 • Episode 32

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A bagel, a backache, and a bold claim: attention is the real love language. We kick off the new year by setting a concrete fitness goal and running straight into the toughest part—dessert. It’s not just about calories; it’s about ritual, comfort, and why “healthy” swaps flop when they miss the itch you’re trying to scratch. That same theme of attention shows up in dating, where a 30‑minute drive somehow becomes a bill for dinner, tickets, and a bed. We unpack entitlement, first‑date rules that keep you safe, and how to spot a walking red flag before you’re stuck cleaning up the mess.

In the middle of all that, we celebrate a quiet win: 45 countries and 300+ cities tuning in. It didn’t happen by accident. Consistency, encore episodes, and simple systems beat perfection every time, especially when ADHD and autistic traits shape how we plan, remember, and communicate. Memory gaps aren’t laziness—they’re nervous systems doing triage—so we build structures that let us be ourselves and still deliver.

Then we put the Bird Theory to the test. Send “I saw a bird today,” and watch how someone answers. Do they ask what kind? Where? Why it mattered? Curiosity is a micro‑green flag you can feel. We also draw a clean line between love bombing and being truly spoiled. Fireworks fade; rhythm lasts. Thoughtful acts without strings feel different from grand gestures that vanish after the chase. And yes, we finally explain why winking is a communication nightmare for some of us—mixed signals are noise, not romance.

If you’re rethinking who gets your time, your energy, and your stories, you’ll feel seen. Press play, share this with a friend who deserves better dates, and tell us: what reply to “I saw a bird today” wins you over? Subscribe, leave a quick review, and drop your favorite micro‑green flags—we’ll read the best ones on air.

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SPEAKER_02

The same. My name's Heather. And I am Lacey. We are your hosts. Hi.

SPEAKER_01

Hello.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, is this still going? I don't know. It is. Um, have we recorded yet in the new year? Is this the first time? No, I think this is the first time.

SPEAKER_00

Because the last time we hung out, we painted. Yes, that wasn't. Or did we no, we recorded after we painted, did we not?

SPEAKER_02

Because we painted forever. We decided that it remember? It took forever. That paint by number is intense.

SPEAKER_00

Dude, we underestimated that for sure. Can we talk how old we are? Both of our backs were like, my back. Dude, I'm yeah, it's bad. I came in today, and we've already talked about anytime that I come, you always supply food and beverage. Your great hostess in that way. And now, because it's winter and my body reacts very poorly to the cold, I turn into the Tin Man. I shrivel up. It's awful. Um you're like, would you like some alive with that today? I'm like, yes, actually, that would be fantastic. So I got I got um a Hawaiian bagel with pistachio spread, half, and then half asiago bagel with pizza spread and two a leaf. And an Alani energy drink. Full fucking service over at the Gardener Residence.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes. I will bring it to you on a plate, all the things. Um, yeah. I was like, you need some alive, because I sure do. Still nursing my back injury. You gotta go to the doctor. Yeah, it's like gets better, but sitting in the car, coming back from that cheer comp was not great. But it was like oddly better on the Saturday, but I noticed the more I move around, the better it gets, which makes me so hopeful that it's just muscular. Because what happens is I'll move like all tense and it'll be like ow. So I might have just like sciatic or si joint or something. I don't know. Janessa's in there, she thinks it's coming from my right, definitely feels like that. It gets better, and then of course, I don't not do shit. Yeah. So I had like a full-on five days of legs last week.

SPEAKER_00

Because you're crazy. So I do prefer leg day, actually, which seems weird coming from me. We should do legs together. I need to lose 15 pounds by the end of March. Well, you're really good at sticking.

SPEAKER_02

We're really, you're really good at sticking to things. So this should be like a social experiment. And also like, okay, I will like coach you through this, but don't don't fuck up my reputation here. Stick to it. You will stick to it till the plan.

SPEAKER_00

If you give me a 21-day plan, I will do it for 21-day.

SPEAKER_02

No, you said from now until the end of March.

SPEAKER_00

I said I have to lose 15 pounds in that time frame.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so you I have you from after today because I already gave you bagels.

SPEAKER_00

But um Oh, you're serious. You're gonna like make me do shit?

SPEAKER_02

Yes, like I have an app. I'll do it all with you. You can yes.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, but I was just gonna walk on my walking path. Well, I can do that, but I'll set you up new. That was my game plan. That works too. I figured that would probably be enough. I gotta the hard part is I gotta give up dessert, and I can't. That's the one. That's it, gets me. What if I give you healthy dessert recipes? Is it a baked good style dessert? Here's my problem, right? Because all of the like I can get, there's these mango bars that I get from Wenco. Delicious. They're like less, they're like 70 calories. That's a completely healthy dessert option. And I love it. I'll eat it. But because I have this addiction in me that has to travel from item to item and is now on paste goods, it doesn't satisfy the craving. And so even though I fucking technically had dessert because I ate this super delicious low-calorie mango bar, I'm still gonna eat a fucking cookie. And that is the problem. So you can give me a good locale dessert, but if it's not a baked good, I'm still gonna eat a baked good. And I don't know how to break that yet.

SPEAKER_02

What if we do like protein baked goods?

SPEAKER_00

But it doesn't taste good. I mean, it's not gonna be any good. There was a long pause. I feel like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like I like them. I like them. But there is definitely a different taste between something that's protein and not.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, there absolutely is. And I I love you to death, but I don't trust you when you're like, it tastes good. I do not trust your opinion. Because you can tracks. You can literally eat like cardboard and put peanut butter on it and be like, it's so good. Let's see, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02

Anything with peanut butter on it's fucking funny. I don't like peanut butter! This is why you can't be trusted. I'm starting to wonder, like, you can't be trusted, my dear. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00

I even am getting to the point where I don't even like Reese's anymore. Like, I used to not like peanut butter, but I- Reese's? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Isn't it Reese's?

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's because I ate Reese's PCs last night. And that's when I had my realization. Because I used to like Reese Reese's. Is it not Reese's?

SPEAKER_02

I thought it was Reese's.

SPEAKER_00

I don't fucking know. I've always called it Reese's. It's probably I can't even Reese.

SPEAKER_02

Reese's.

SPEAKER_00

That's probably right. But now I'm not gonna be able to do that. But you know why I think I say it that way? It's because I have a um niece named Reese. Oh rhymes.

SPEAKER_02

Um You know what else, Rhymes? Cock and block. I love your face.

SPEAKER_00

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

I had to say it one time. One time.

SPEAKER_00

My brain didn't even function because I'm like, she wouldn't.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like just smiling at you very creepily, and you're like, what?

SPEAKER_00

The fact that my brain went to cock block. And I don't even know why. No one's cock blocking anyone. That's just like rhyme. Torturing you. Because you're like, you know what else rhymes, and instead of thinking of something that you might specifically be referring to, my brain's like, just start naming up words that rhyme.

SPEAKER_02

And the first one that comes to your nine or your mind is cock.

SPEAKER_00

It's better than it.

SPEAKER_02

I'm dead. I love that for you though.

SPEAKER_00

No, I mean it's fun.

SPEAKER_02

Someone take this girl out on a date.

SPEAKER_00

No, don't, dude. Seriously. I'm no, I'm good.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, don't.

SPEAKER_00

Technically, it's a new year, and I have to, right? I made a rule for myself however many years ago where I have to at least go on two dates a year and then I'm covered. So at some point throughout this year, I normally I do kind of bust it out between like January and March, because I'm like, let's just get this over with, and then I'm covered for the year, and then you know, I'm good to go after that. But um, so technically before the end of the year, I do have to at least go on two dates, and then I've met my quota, and then I can be like, Yeah, I'm trying. I'm not I'm not trying. I feel like I'm good alone. It's so much easier.

SPEAKER_02

I heard a story the other day. Uh-oh. About who? I can't name names because I'm sure that no, like it's it's a story of a person out there in the dating world.

SPEAKER_00

Someone that I know?

SPEAKER_02

Um, no, not firsthand. Okay. Then tell us the story. Okay, so this person is gonna come on the podcast at some point in time, so they'll elaborate on all the things, but just like decided to go out in the dating world. It's a scary place. Thought they met someone. Now, this person wasn't like, you know, from a neighboring town, right? So they come over. Instantly assume that they're gonna stay with her.

SPEAKER_00

That's such a weird thing that people do now. Right? Like, I feel like that never used to be a thing, but it's way more common than you would think. And with men. Yeah, it's always the men. Every story I have heard, yes, it is always the man who's so I guess that's okay, whatever. They think that if they travel that they're automatically, but like the whole thing is like I live in Ratchroom, that's not that far. People would be like, I traveled to you. I'm like, bitch, it was 30 minutes calm down that you did not travel. You got in a car. Like, if that's not the same difference, you know what I mean? But like, yeah, people like, I traveled to you. No, you must entertain me and keep me for the evening. Fuck off!

SPEAKER_02

And I was like, I haven't decided even if I want to talk to you for the evening yet.

SPEAKER_00

That's why you don't invite people over to your house.

SPEAKER_02

No, okay, so mistake number one.

SPEAKER_00

We're just like we've all been there. Okay, so remember the when I got catfished by the mountain mountain man midget?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, the guy, the cat pee guy.

SPEAKER_00

No, different guy.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Oh yeah, first battle.

SPEAKER_00

You're thinking the caveman guy.

SPEAKER_02

Oh god, the cave, the cave made of beer boxes. Yes, okay, so then they decide, then um, they're gonna go to a movie. She gets movie tickets. Okay, so she bought the movie tickets. So she did everything. Then they're going, ends up that she ends up paying for drinks and dinner, whatever before. Yeah. Then he's like, Well, aren't you gonna get drinks later on when they go out? Because, you know, you did earlier. Um, anyway, so it ends up going, going back to her house, hanging out, whatever. Um laying in bed, and he's like, It's um, what was it? Was it? It feels really good to lay in a bed. And I was like, hold on, wait, it's winter. He just needed a place to stay. No, I'm like, so wait, what? Apparently, like sleeps on sister's couch. So I'm like, and you weren't like, okay. Red flag? Yes. Well, yes, there's lots of them. But once you know you're in this situation, you've been drinking a little bit, maybe you haven't, whatever. You're gonna go ahead and like do whatever. Then he's like, Are you gonna go down on me? She's like, No, not doing that, nothing. Nothing, yes. That's so presumptuous. First date, right? This is a first date. Yes, first meeting. What the fuck? Yes.

SPEAKER_00

I can't believe she took him back to her house after all the like. Listen, I am big on like you don't have to pay for everything all the time. I don't, I'm not one of those girls that like thinks that it's always the man's responsibility. I do think the majority should be on the breadwinner, to be honest. Like, if I make more money, I'm not upset if I'm expected to pay more often for dinner. If I invite you out, I should be responsible. If you invite me out, you should be responsible. If we're gonna go Dutch, you talk about it ahead time type thing. So I have nothing against being a woman and paying on a date. What I do have against is like she did everything in the situation.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, and then apparently he may have gotten like a little intoxicated and like she drove. He tried to, she was like, mm-hmm, no. So that was good move on that part. Um, but just kind of like attitude, like a little snappy. And I'm like, I want to be like, okay, first of all.

SPEAKER_00

Who are you to have an attitude when I just paid for your fucking movie ticket, your dinner, your beverages, giving you a place to stay, like shut your fucking face? Yes.

SPEAKER_02

She ended up like booting him out because he got all kind of crazy and all that. So block all that.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, it's literally insane.

SPEAKER_02

Somebody who presented themselves one one way and then ended up another. So that could have been a nightmare situation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You could have ended up on a fucking dateline show.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You never know.

SPEAKER_02

You never know. So I was like, wow, it's hard out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I'll do my two for the year. That's it. Honestly, if that. I don't even know if I have that in me. Especially if you think about the last person that I went on a date with was Lemon. I know. That wasn't great. That was not great. Well, I guess technically, no, that's not true. I did go out with maybe baby twice. I did. I almost forgot about that.

SPEAKER_02

Did we ever like update everybody on maybe baby? It was his baby.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think so. Okay. I'm pretty sure. I just still call him that because I've called him that for so long. It feels weird to call him anything else. Like, I literally tried.

SPEAKER_02

I wouldn't know him any other way.

SPEAKER_00

He is very aware that that is his. So when he leaves it. I literally say it to his face.

SPEAKER_02

Like in Dart League, our whole Dart team so aware of anonymity because he knows and so does everybody else. He's like, whatever, I don't care.

SPEAKER_00

He definitely does not listen to this podcast.

SPEAKER_02

You know what? A lot of people that I would not assume. A lot of people do.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Yeah. We were just going through our.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, if you have any stories or you want to be on and talk about. We love it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

I love it.

SPEAKER_02

I do have several guests in the wings waiting. I wonder if we should just have them all on at one time and just ping-pong back, like who has the worst story. That would be funny. We could come up with a prize. Yes. Okay, so the our podcast, uh, Buzz Sprout, shout out to Buzz Sprout, um, hosting Network, uh, put together a little like year-end reviews. Yes, so says your voice was heard in 45 countries.

SPEAKER_00

So all over the so crazy to even like process that.

SPEAKER_02

45 countries.

SPEAKER_00

Like, how do you find us? How did you find us if you're in another? How did you find us if you aren't in our local area?

SPEAKER_02

Like, how did you so we are really bad? Okay, New Year's resolution. We are gonna start our social media back up again. We are not the same on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

SPEAKER_00

We are very much feel like the people listening to us do not believe us because we say it all the time. It's gonna happen now.

SPEAKER_02

But that's what we're doing. That's our New Year's resolution.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, okay, we're gonna try really hard this week.

SPEAKER_02

We are because there's 303 cities that listen to us.

SPEAKER_00

And that's among the 45 countries. There's 303 cities. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_02

Um, of course, top countries, United States, Canada, and Singapore.

SPEAKER_00

Singapore is our top three.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Hi.

unknown

Hi.

SPEAKER_02

How are we funny to you? Like, I want to know. But are we funny? Okay, so that is. Are we are you laughing with you?

SPEAKER_00

Are you laughing with us or are you laughing at us? Because honestly, we'll take it either way. They're like, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02

They say they're not lesbian and autistic, but they definitely are.

SPEAKER_00

They're definitely autistic. There's no, there's zero question. In fact, the only question is how in the fuck did I not know until I was in my late 30s? Because now everything I do, I'm like, oh, yeah, it's there. I'm like, how did I not know? How did you not know?

SPEAKER_02

I okay, so I have ADHD, obviously. Um just not diagnosed. Actually, a lot of like, there's a lot of women with high functioning ADHD.

SPEAKER_00

So many women don't get diagnosed.

SPEAKER_02

Because if you're not a troublemaker, then you're high functioning and you excel in school, and so it's like not caught.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, honestly, I got put in special classes, not like special ed classes, but like advancement classes against my will.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, it wasn't again. I liked it.

SPEAKER_00

I was always in uh I was like, why am I being punished for doing sore? Well, I don't even remember. I went to so many schools and it was something different in each school, but somehow I was in it in every fucking school. And I'm like, how am I getting punished for doing a good job by being forced to do more school? Like that I would so much.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like you would like that because you could just work and no one would talk to you.

SPEAKER_00

No. I want to do the least. I want to do the least. I do the most, but I want to do the least.

SPEAKER_02

Um, our top cities. Okay. Spokane. Yep. Obviously. Seattle. Queer d'Allain. I mean, that's kind of like that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that makes sense. Uh those are the three biggest episode.

SPEAKER_02

Shout out to Johnny Bravo.

SPEAKER_00

Not shout out, Johnny Bravo.

SPEAKER_02

Um, he loves it. You know, like when you make fun of someone and like they like it, and it's like, no, but it's not to be like flattering. Like Johnny Bravo is not flattery.

SPEAKER_00

That is exactly how Chris and Aaron Carter is. Every time we ever went to a sporting event, and like we always sat together united front for the children, you know, all the things you're supposed to do as co-parents or whatever. And like I would blatantly like make fun of him with his mother to his face, and he like just didn't get it, or like thought we were being like cute or nice or fun. I was like, no, what we're literally putting you down, and you just don't even you don't even notice.

SPEAKER_02

Like, literally.

SPEAKER_00

It was actually really fun. We laughed a lot about it.

SPEAKER_02

So this one was the ultimate con.

SPEAKER_00

That was was that the first one? Yes.

SPEAKER_02

We love what makes sense and doesn't really show me the rest, but yeah, the ultimate con. That was all right, and we are on the top 50% of all podcasts, and that is amazing.

SPEAKER_00

That's crazy. You know what I think a big part of it is there's so there's a shit ton of things.

SPEAKER_02

And we've only been active for one year. This podcast, even though hot widowed mess, we are not the same, we should have just roll them all to rolled them all together, but we had two. We decided to just put all of our efforts into one, and we've only been doing that for a year.

SPEAKER_00

And I I think the reason why we're we're in the top 50 is so many people just don't keep going, right? It's hard, it's not like Yeah, we may not be on social media, but we're here. Yeah, you don't just put your shit up and all of a sudden you're famous, or a bunch of people listen or whatever. Like, consistency is the big thing. Posting every and if you think about it, we did take a hiatus for a for a minute there because my sister got married, you had competition season, I had I was going through the ketamine treatments, and like you know, there was a two like a two-month gap. How long was it?

SPEAKER_02

It was at least a month. No, well, we filled up with old episodes, so our listeners don't have didn't have a gap.

SPEAKER_00

I'm pretty sure we still had a gap in May or June.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe there's like two weeks. Yeah, there might have been like a couple weeks, but that was it. Yeah, we did it.

SPEAKER_00

We were smart and we built up some episodes, and then now we're at a point where like we no longer have a build-up of episodes.

SPEAKER_02

But I am gonna be re-releasing older episodes that may not be on like our first episodes, our very first we are not the same. Ones from the very beginning, because they are not on here, so they will be. It's so frightening. You never listen to them so I don't. You wouldn't know, anyways. Um, no, they're great. That's why the encore episodes will be up there. So yeah, we've been doing it great. Even though you don't remember anything or have any idea what's going on, it's kind of slightly frustrating sometimes. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm like, oh wait, I don't even know why I'm talking to you about this. You have no idea. I'm talking, and you're like, wait, what? We have old episodes. I know.

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SPEAKER_00

The whole time I was looking at you, I'm like, I don't know what she's doing. I know.

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SPEAKER_02

I'm like, nothing's registering right now to her at all. That's fine.

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SPEAKER_00

I just thought we already put all the episodes up. No, there are still a few. There's that one we're never gonna put up though, right?

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SPEAKER_02

I mean, I might. I think we shouldn't.

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SPEAKER_00

You know exactly which one I'm talking about, right? Yes, it was up.

SPEAKER_02

It was up for like subscribers only, like it was behind a paywall. Yes, and we only had one subscriber. They didn't listen to that one.

SPEAKER_00

And they shouldn't listen to it. So no one has ever heard it.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe they did. I don't know. I want to put it up. That would it'd be fun. Stir some pot.

SPEAKER_00

It might, it might. That would but what would it do now? I don't know. It's been so long. We don't even associate with any of those people.

SPEAKER_02

No, it's been so long. It shouldn't be fun. We used um anonymous names too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So they Maverick. Yes. Maverick. Like we let them pick their own name. They picked Matt. And we were just like, sure.

SPEAKER_02

Whatever. That person really wanted to be on the podcast. Yeah, they begged. Yes. I think that was Yeah. That's funny. Okay, yeah, we should do that. That'd be that'd be good. That's super funny. What? I'm just checking. It says that like thing again, but it's good. It's still going. I just have PTSD from the couple times when it wasn't recording, and we're just talking to ourselves. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00

We have recorded full episodes three times now that weren't recorded.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and it's never the same. Our very first episode ever was just us getting drunk in my bed, talking to microphones that weren't even recording. When you say it like that, it makes it sound so bad. Like we're just playing, having fun in my room. And it was so funny. And then the next we're like, now we're too drunk. We have to wait till tomorrow. And then the next day, like it's just not the same.

SPEAKER_00

It's not ever.

SPEAKER_02

Like to where you talk about the same things. That's why we don't talk to each other sometimes.

SPEAKER_00

I know. I'll come over, we'll start having a conversation, and then like we'll realize that it's something that would actually be good on an episode, and we're like, stop fucking talking to me. We gotta record it. But then we'll get on the microphone and then we just start talking about other random things, and half the we've missed so much.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to the autistic and ADHD adventures.

SPEAKER_00

We're such a shit show.

SPEAKER_02

Um, but hey, people love us, and um, maybe it's because we're relatable, and all the fellow ADHD autistic people out there can follow along. Yep. Also, it's just kind of fucking funny the shit we've been through and the things that we do. We're funny, our trauma makes our funny makes us funny.

SPEAKER_00

Drama this time equals comedy. It's my favorite line. And I don't I think that one actually is me. I don't think that's from something.

SPEAKER_02

And that was a stim.

SPEAKER_00

Because I say it weird, I can't just say it normal. And I did a bit.

SPEAKER_02

You did, and I love it. Um I can't help it. Okay, so I was gonna talk about I heard this thing called the bird theory, which I had never heard of before.

SPEAKER_00

So when she brought it up, she's and you sometimes we just send each other podcast topic ideas without context. So and we weren't like mid-conversation or anything. So I randomly get a text message and all it says is the bird theory, and then I just I don't respond because I'm like, there's gotta be another one, right? There's gotta be another message, and there was, but it was like 15 minutes later because I think you were like doing something, but like you're like, I don't want to forget that. So like 15 minutes later, there's a message that says, Oh yeah, podcast topic. And I was just like, still have no idea what the fuck that means. But yeah, the bird theory. Tell us what the bird theory is.

SPEAKER_02

The bird theory, okay, this could be romantic relationships, any relationships, right? To see how engaged and attentive the other person is. So the theory is you call up that person and say, Hey, I saw a bird today. And based on like their questions or like their enthusiasm or like how they respond, can tell you if they're like intentive, attentive or engaged, or like, so if you would call me and said, Oh, I saw a bird today, I'd be like, Okay, what kind of a bird? Well, like I would ask you questions.

SPEAKER_00

You'd be confused.

SPEAKER_02

I would be confused, but I'd be asking questions to get to understand why this bird was so important to you, right? Yeah, um, that's what I want to know. So it's like, but I could see someone who I wouldn't want to talk to, I would just be like, that's like okay, good for you.

SPEAKER_00

Moving on.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. So, based on how they answer you, I still feel like you should text that person. Text that person.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know if I would get a response in time, but I will. Okay. Okay, hold on. Should I do it on text messaging or whichever one you think they would see first? It's a good question. We literally started a conversation in Messenger yesterday and then finished it in chat or in text. So I don't So it's like us. It is like us. Like literally, we have conversation on three different platforms. The only difference is like me and you have different conversations on different platforms. Yes, because we will have the same conversation on different platforms.

SPEAKER_02

See, this is where I get confused. I can maintain all of them throughout different platforms as long as we're still talking about those things in the platforms, but the they cannot like intermingle, or then I start getting confused.

SPEAKER_00

Which is fair. Sometimes I have to look because our tone is sometimes different. Like, obviously, Instagram is much more like we use that for calling each other out and calling ourselves out. You know, it's that's what we do there. And then like text is like immediate stuff, and then like Facebook is like just funnies. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it would be weird if you went to the wrong platform for the tone.

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Like if you sent me something serious on Instagram, I would be like, something's wrong. Like, did they kidnap Heather? This is not Heather. Someone is pretending to be Heather because this is not where serious shit goes. No, I text you.

SPEAKER_02

If I need a response or like anything important, it's text. Everything else.

SPEAKER_00

Or you'll text me and then immediately call me.

SPEAKER_02

I know that I'm like, because I realize I just can't wait for the response.

SPEAKER_00

That's like Which is funny because I will get the call before I even did you see my text? No, bitch. I did not.

SPEAKER_02

Like I'm like, okay, I'll just tell you then. When was the time? When was the time? I should just start with do I need to tell you what the text said, or did you see it? That's really what I want to know. That's the question I'm getting at. Like, do you need me to repeat it, or can you just tell me what you were gonna say? I need to know.

SPEAKER_00

And then you sometimes you'll call me and I can't answer because like it's a work, I'm on a work call or something, and I message you back and you're like, oh, it's okay, it's not important. But I'm like, then why are you calling me? Oh, I know that stresses you out. It stresses me out so bad. If you call me, anybody, this is for anyone in the planet. If you call me, I'm going to automatically assume something really bad fucking happens.

SPEAKER_02

Except I do it when it I can't really text because it's just easier. You're the only person I willingly talk to on the phone.

SPEAKER_00

You are one of I talk to you occasionally, I talk to my sister, and then my children, but that's more law like I'm at the store. Do you need anything? Like, it's that conversations with my kids. I don't like have conversations. So it's like you and my sister. That's it. I hate talking on the phone. I fucking hate it, and you still call me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because sometimes I have to. I'm doing things.

SPEAKER_00

You are good about you'll cause.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, and then I get off the phone pretty quick too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, all right, okay, bye. Thoughts over. Gotta go.

SPEAKER_00

I literally just wanted to know what you thought about this exact one thing, and then that's it. I don't want to get it. I just couldn't wait for the text. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

And then you get off, and then you'll text me.

SPEAKER_02

Like, and here we are.

SPEAKER_00

Our relationship. I don't call people very much. So when I call people, I feel like they have the same feeling as when I receive any call ever, because I don't call. So if I call someone more often than not, they answer like, is everything okay? What's wrong? Because I do not call people.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Unless I'm calling because you told me to call you back, then that's different. That's still on you.

SPEAKER_02

That is on me. That is on me because I said I'm like, call me.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so we are gonna wait for I sent it. I sent a text and I literally just put I saw a bird today. That's all it's I saw a bird today. I saw a bird today.

SPEAKER_02

That's so funny. Okay, I love it.

SPEAKER_00

But it is interesting because if you think about it, you can't one of the things that people talk about all the time is like active listening, right? And so like hearing someone a I saw a bird today, it sounds like it's a complete statement that's like you could just end it there. But like the whole point of like active listening is you're like, okay, I hear that you saw a bird today, but what does that mean? Like, is there something behind that? Like, did that mean something to you? What was sp like why? Or are they just ending the conversation? Why are you feeling it's important enough to tell me that you saw a bird today?

SPEAKER_02

Or are they just like, great?

SPEAKER_00

Right. See, my problem is we kind of we kind of accidentally talked about this a little bit before we got on. Is like, I think it's a little harder to tell a neurodivergence. Is this why everyone thinks you're into them? I think so. Because you ask so many questions. I like to know things. So even if I'm not sure. I do too, but I ask zero questions. I hate follow-up questions. I want to know all the things. Like, I'm the nosiest person ever. I crave knowledge and regardless of the source. It doesn't have to be academic knowledge, it can be trash knowledge, but I crave knowledge. So, like, my asking follow-up questions about that statement is not necessarily gonna show genuine interest in the person or the topic. So I feel like, yeah, it's a suit, I get why it's a super good gauge for neurotypicals because it is true. Like, if somebody can't have a conversation with you about nothing, like how like that's awful. You should be able to talk to your partner about everything and nothing, like it shouldn't have to have meaning or purpose to be able to have a conversation about it, and that's essentially what this is testing is can you have a conversation about nothing? Yes, but for me, and I'm only speaking for me because all neurodivergents are not the same, even though we present quite similarly sometimes. Um, but like I you could be somebody that I absolutely despise, that I've no interest in having a conversation, and I'm still gonna ask you follow-up questions because I don't want to be rude, and I just really want to know all the information that I can.

SPEAKER_02

This is funny because I feel like I don't ask a lot of follow-up questions because I think it's rude.

SPEAKER_00

That's so funny. I ask questions because I think it's rude not to, and you don't ask questions because you think it's rude to ask. Yes. Oh my god, he messaged me. Okay. Okay. Are you ready? So I I have a fella that I like. He's very aware. Um so I messaged him. I saw a bird today. You want to see what his response is? Yes. That's good. Three exclamation marks. What kind of bird? Sorry, it's my first day of the new job, and I'm getting my brain raped by all the training videos. Okay, why is he so perfect for you? He's at work his first day at a brand new job in. He still took the time to message me back and ask me what kind of burden.

SPEAKER_02

And you said that's cool. Like, that's good.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I love him. I love him for you. This is a good little test because that's weird how good that made me feel right then. Because it's true. Because it means that oh, and oh. He updated his LinkedIn and it gave me a I'm happy to share that I'm starting a new position. He's so cute. Oh. Stop.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, oh. Oh, you're like, you just totally he I know totally you're tired.

SPEAKER_00

I know. I know, it's stupid. It really is. I know. But yeah, the fact that he he took time out of his busy day. First day at a new job. Are you kidding? He's a better person than me because I really like this guy, and I probably would not have done that on my first day. I would have waited until like a break or a lunch or whatever. I would have still responded. But like, literally, I sent the uh It was minutes. It took five minutes to get a response. To the most randomest and literally no context. I saw a bird today. I saw a bird today. No LOL. No, and it just I saw a bird today.

unknown

That's good!

SPEAKER_00

Three exclamation marks. What kind of bird? Now I don't know where to go. I would just say because I made that up.

SPEAKER_02

I would be back and say, Oh shit. I would just say, thank you for being part of my podcast topic. You passed the flying colors, sir. Oh great.

SPEAKER_00

Just be like, you're so great. I tell them all the time. I also tell them we're gonna get married. I am the you of this situation. You are. What is happening? I am morphing into someone I don't recognize.

SPEAKER_02

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00

No, that is funny. That is a contest. It's interesting that it's something that you can do. It doesn't have to be with a romantic partner, obviously. Like this person, me and him are not romantically linked. Yes, I like him, but honestly, he is just a friend at in this moment in time until I convince him to marry me. Um we could send that to Janessa. Yes. And she would also, she would probably tell us the meaning of what it of what being a bird that's like, oh, what kind of a bird?

SPEAKER_02

This is what it means.

SPEAKER_00

Right. She's like, well, because you saw it on this week in January, and the moon is in this placement. She'd say, Do you want me to pull cards for you? She probably would. And we'd both be like, yes.

SPEAKER_02

Like, yes, please.

SPEAKER_00

Even though I still feel like my last reading was not accurate at all. But such is life. It doesn't always hit.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes you just also don't believe it. Ooh. I started a new thing. This is off topic. Um, shocker. I know. But so because we brought up New Year's resolutions and things. I'm I'm gonna start doing I don't know if I'll always say I saw a bird today, especially because now we've said on the podcast. It doesn't have to be bird, right? It can just be any random, yeah, nonchalant thing. Something, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Something that like could let them not that something that can close the door and be done, but something that like you could give an opportunity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I'm gonna New Year's resolution. We're gonna do more on social media. I'm going to try to better gauge my relationships with people. And I started a um uh 2026 bright spots versus 2026 inconveniences. I like that. And I'm gonna I'm trying to one, the bright spots obviously is like try to focus on when good things happen or whatever, so that whenever I'm in a rut, I can go back through my list and I can be like, look at all of the good things that happen. And then I have my inconveniences because like it's not a made-up thing. Okay, something weird is going on in my life. We're just that's why it's inconveniences because it's not like I don't have bad luck to the point where like really bad things happen. It's literally just everything is really inconvenient all the time. Why are you making that face? I see a spider. Oh, do you want me to kill it? Yes, it's where is it? Oh, that's way over there. Okay, once we're done with the podcast, I will see the spider for you.

SPEAKER_02

I will kill the spider for you. Thank you, husband. No.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_02

Makes you so no. I love how you just won't even. That's why I like trying to slide it in every once in a while, and you're just always like, no. It's really funny when we're out in public and it makes you so uncomfortable when you say that. I don't know why it makes people feel uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00

I just laugh and like it just looks like I get uncomfortable really easily, though, to be honest. Like, it's not something that I realize.

SPEAKER_02

Why do me and your best friend love picking at it? I just love doing it.

SPEAKER_00

I get that. I'm not even like mad that you do that because like I do that.

SPEAKER_02

That's how we show we love each other.

SPEAKER_00

It's the easiest way. It's the way that makes me the least uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02

The like ooey gooey stuff is gross. It's like, please pick on me and make me uncomfortable. That's how I like to be shown.

SPEAKER_00

Not so much. It's more like I respect it.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, good relationship is based on respect and healthy fear.

SPEAKER_00

This is totally healthy, Rudget. Totally healthy. Not at all something we should talk about in therapy. Oh my god, you know what? We'd be so fun. If we were therapists? Yes. Not when I was going, but I do think about it sometimes. Like, I am really good at giving advice to other people because I have done the wrong thing my whole life. So it's really easy for me to give advice to people. Like, especially my bonus child when he was going through all that crap with that stupid bitch of a girlfriend. I we even talk about it now. He's like, it's the you were literally like just reading my fortune. I was like, because I lived it. I knew exactly what was gonna happen and when. And like provided a step-by-step guide and and timelined. I was like, okay, so first this is gonna happen, and then like three days is gonna go by, and then this is gonna happen. And then because you're gonna make the wrong choice and you're gonna do this, even though you should do this, then a week later, this is gonna happen. And he's like, no way. And then he'd come back a week later and he's like, I hate you. So I do think I'd actually be very good at it. And yes, those who can't do teach. So that's like it. That's that's a saying for reason. And I cannot heed advice, but I can give it very well.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like you heed advice.

SPEAKER_00

I try.

SPEAKER_02

Now you're better.

SPEAKER_00

I'm way better. Like night and day difference, better. Like I can look at it.

SPEAKER_02

Or do you just not go out anymore?

SPEAKER_00

That is also part of it.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, wait a minute. Is it because there's less opportunity for the bad choice? Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And well, and I'm sober. That's a big thing, right? Yes. Because, you know, I have to think about the consequences of my actions now because I'll possibly remember them, which was not a complicated. No, you won't. I know, actually, I won't. You remember nothing. You already have dementia. I'm pretty sure. I was like early on. But apparently, the the factor that they go off of, it's like, I know who I've looked into this. Oh well, but I was kidding. My brain is not good. I was kidding. I don't remember anything. I know scary.

SPEAKER_02

It's frustrating.

SPEAKER_00

It's so frustrating. We could have a conversation and then you try to like re-bring it up to me a couple of days later, and I will just stare at you because I have no recollection of the conversation.

SPEAKER_02

I know, and I'm like, okay, well, we'll go back. It's like 50 First Dates. It's like our podcast is just like looping around and me talking to me about me, listening to me.

SPEAKER_00

At least when I go all the way, I will have that. That is when I will start listening to the podcast. That's all this is.

SPEAKER_02

All this is is documentary documenting your life so you can then remember it. I'm glad we went through all the trauma. Yeah. I'm real glad. It's great things for you to remember.

SPEAKER_00

It's it's my brain protecting me, right? From what I don't know. But then I was like, I was like, the whole thing is I understand the concept of like your brain does try to protect you in a sense, so you don't remember certain things that happened in your life. That's the whole, that's what trauma does, right? It makes you forget. But the things that I forget are not traumatic. Like I just forget everything.

SPEAKER_02

Because your brain is stuck in fight or flight and it doesn't have the ability to make and store memories because it's working on all the other things.

SPEAKER_00

It's trying to. There's a lot to do.

SPEAKER_02

You need another booster.

SPEAKER_00

He messaged me again. I see you looking at me on LinkedIn, you perv. Haha. Just kidding. I love him so much. Like actually, I was looking. I totally was looking at my head. And I showed Heather. I was showing your picture to Heather.

SPEAKER_02

You're so happy in my life. I know.

SPEAKER_00

He's adorable. But the best thing is uh he doesn't live here.

SPEAKER_02

That's the best thing.

SPEAKER_00

It means that it can't be a good thing.

SPEAKER_02

I always told you you needed a long distance relationship. You didn't mean it that way.

SPEAKER_00

I meant it. I can't it's so innocent and pure and perfect, and it can't get ruined by me being me in person. Is what I mean.

SPEAKER_02

You wanna know what's funny? Is that you are so like charismatic and engaging and flirty? Yes. And I am so not, but you would think it was like that. Did you just say I'm flirty? I don't know how to flirt. Oh, yes, you do via text and stuff. In person, no. See, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

I can't ruin it in person.

SPEAKER_02

I was making how we're different because like I'm so awkward via like text and person, I feel like where you just clam up in person and I'm always like, come on, but you're real good on the phone.

SPEAKER_00

That's because people don't have to like look at me. It's the looking. It the that's the part I don't like.

SPEAKER_02

Can you just deviate your eyes, please?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I dude, eye contact's so hard for me. It I I can look at you while you're talking to me. I can stare intently at what you're saying, but if I'm speaking, I can only hold eye contact for like a little bit of time because I instantly, my brain is like, they are judging me so hard right now. They hate everything about me, they hate everything that I'm saying. Why am I talking? Why can't I c why can't I stop talking? Am I even making sense? And then at the end of everything I say, I'm like, if that makes sense. I say that all the time because I just assume that I'm rambling, which I am currently.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like it comes out condescending. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00

That's what I'm always afraid of. I'm not saying that because I don't think you understand. I'm saying it because I don't think I said it right. I do it in my work life, I do it in my personal life, I do it all the time. I'm always like, if that makes sense, please know if I ever say that to you. That is not me questioning whether or not you can understand. It's questioning whether or not I explained it in a way that doesn't like sound retarded. And I know I'm not supposed to say that word, but I am one, so I'm allowed. Here's the little I hate that we can't use that word. It's such a good word.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, don't use that word.

SPEAKER_00

I know! Like, yeah, don't know. I'm gonna get in trouble because I used it, but like sometimes it's hard to think of a different word because you're using it in the not in the context you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just like I still say that. I say that's gay all the time, but I don't mean it in a you know we are products of the 90s. Yes, we are. These were common phrases that we would say all the time, and it's hard to just take that out of your vaccination.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, I know now it's like bruh. If Lily says bruh to me one more time, I'm like so funny. Don't.

SPEAKER_00

I always anytime so now if I accidentally I try really hard to not say that's gay because I don't want to be offensive. I love gay people. I have lots of gay friends. I was gay for a minute.

SPEAKER_02

Like we But you won't marry me. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

No, it's no, I don't like tacos.

unknown

I can't.

SPEAKER_00

I can't. I try.

SPEAKER_02

I told you you could have a boyfriend. I know. I will also have one. I'm good. Thank you. I know you don't want one.

SPEAKER_00

No, but like, so now I'll be like if I slip and I'm like, oh, that's gay, I will add, and not the fun kind at the end because I don't want people to think that I'm trying to like talk badly about gay people because I would never. Yes. But it's just because I grew up in a time where like that's what was said all the time, and like I still say I still say rad. That's not okay. And I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I also call it the Google, I do call it the Google. The TikTok and the Facebook, the Instagram. So you are literally like actually 50. Someone's fine, you get a pass. I'm sorry. Your body is actually 60, so you definitely get the senior citizen pass.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and this is how I look at it. Like, if if I offend you, it should be on purpose. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're offended and I don't like, I'm not like in your face offending you, you know it wasn't on purpose, so shut the fuck up, right? You know what I mean? That's kind of how I feel about it. Yes. Um, I have to text him back now because he's now texting me twice without me.

SPEAKER_02

You do. I was gonna segue into something. I was like, oh, that's the perfect. And then you Oh yeah, no, I got it. Woo! Pulled it back in the back.

SPEAKER_00

Your memory works.

SPEAKER_02

Sometimes I was out to dinner the other night with a boyfriend and like literally was talking in mid-fucking sentence. I was like, I forgot. It's gone and it's not coming back. And he's like, Because it might, and I'm like, Oh, this one's like gone, gone. Like, you know, when you know it's gone. Yeah. I like stood there for like I have not had one of these for a minute. I'm like talking and then like I have them all the time. No, this one is bad. Like, normally I can pick it back up again, but it was just like sore short circuit brain was like, could not remember. No, I remember what this one is. Um, it was the segue into like attention, love bombing. It was about this whole thing and why you don't I don't remember how it was gonna like correlate something with you.

SPEAKER_00

Well, like love bombing doesn't work on me because I don't like attention or eye contact. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, this is how it was. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and where I do, and you're like, Heather, that's not and you're like we had to have a clarification talk because Heather was going around telling everybody.

SPEAKER_02

No, I wasn't. No, I was not. It was in this house, may have been. I was like I'm pretty sure you said it on the podcast, but at least you told a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, that's true.

SPEAKER_02

But I said, why can't I just have a little love bombing? But then we realized that's not what I want.

SPEAKER_00

No, you just want to be spoiled. Yes. And there is a big difference between love bombing and spoiled, because love bombing is you get to be spoiled, but temporarily, right? The whole point of love bombing is I'm gonna give you all of my effort in the beginning until like it until it explodes. Boom, and then you're never gonna get it again, but you're gonna stay and try because you're like, it was so good in the beginning, and you like think that you can get that again, you'll never get it again. That is different. Being spoiled is finding a man who wants to always treat you that way from the beginning to the end. Different. That's what I like. That's what you just want someone to spoil you. Yes, yeah, that would make me so uncomfortable. This is why we're not the same. But the weird thing I want, I want that. I just don't think I can accept that.

SPEAKER_02

You cannot. You will always match it.

SPEAKER_00

Presents make me uncomfortable, but I use gifts as my love language, so I will give you a present. But if you then you give me a present back, now I feel like I owe you something. And then it's weird.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. This is how you end it up.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I like give Neon the presents. Yes, I'll take that present. Yes, I'll take that present. Yes, I'll take that present. Oh, you want something from me? My presence is your present. And that is what you want. And you're laughing because you know I'm right. The way you did that, you present is my present. This is why we need to record these meetings so people are moving. Because, yes.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, you're not wrong.

SPEAKER_00

I know I'm not. But I do want to be spoiled. That's why acts of service is great for me, because like you're doing something for me.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yes, acts of service are great too. That's just like it's the same. But all I know. You're like, no, it's not the same.

SPEAKER_00

It's not the same. I do like getting gifts sometimes. I got remember when I dated that winky guy for like four weeks. Four winking guy. Oh my god. For four weeks, and I got a ninja foodie out of it. It was the best. How many weeks did you have to endure? Dude, it was all the time. It was so awkward. I just don't understand. This is my biggest problem. I don't understand all the time.

SPEAKER_02

He was autistic as well. And you were like, I have questions. Answer them. Why are you winking?

SPEAKER_00

Well, because I he would say something and I wouldn't hear him, and I would be like, What? And instead of repeating what he said, he'd wink at me. And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you said. Like I would get I would get so worked up. It was like, don't wink at me, tell me.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, oh, you know, wink.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And I'm like, no, I legit have no idea what you said. Or like he was at my house and like I was in the living room and he's in the kitchen and I'm talking to people and he's talking to other people, and he just looks over at me and he winks at me. And I'm like, why? Why are you randomly winking at me? I don't get it.

SPEAKER_02

That makes you so uncomfortable. You're like, what do you need? What are you talking about? Is it me?

SPEAKER_00

Well, because then I'm like, are you are you gesturing for me? Am I supposed to go over to you? Like, do you need me? Is something wrong? Is this a signal that we didn't talk about beforehand? Like, I'm understanding. Spiraling. Spiraling.

SPEAKER_02

With every wink.

SPEAKER_00

I just it right. Because now I'm like, is it getting more serious? Like, is this an SOS? Am I not? Dude, it's just and then because I don't get social cues. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

What does this wink mean? What are you winking?

SPEAKER_00

What is the wink mean? I'd hate it. Did you ever get like double wink like that? I hated it. Oh my stop it. Don't ever do that to me. Stop. What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? Why would you ever double wink somebody?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. He's being serious.

SPEAKER_00

I can't. It makes even now. Even now it makes me uncomfortable. I don't please don't ever wink at me.

SPEAKER_02

Just I am not a good winker either. It was like my whole face.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna walk around the store one day and people are just gonna start winking at me because they've listened to the podcast, and I'm gonna fucking like end up in a loony bag. Yes, like in the movie smile. I don't understand what's happening. The apocalypse is here! Everybody's winking at me!

SPEAKER_02

Please, if you see Lacey out in public.

SPEAKER_00

Please don't wink. I don't know why it makes it double.

SPEAKER_02

And if you really, really want to, make the double wink.

SPEAKER_00

And she's not talking about blinking.

SPEAKER_02

No, hard wink.

SPEAKER_00

You're gonna be really uncomfortable. Hard wink. Is if you wink with one eye and then wink with the other, because then it just looks like you're blinking out of sync.

SPEAKER_02

Now we just look weird. I just did that.

SPEAKER_00

You did. And you did a double wink in one eye and then a single wink in the other. You did. Did I? Yeah. I think that's my eye twitch. I was just copying you. Oh my gosh, I'm crying. My left eye twitches all the time now. It's it's actually kind of bad how much my left eye twitches. Like I had to bring it up at my last appointment. Yeah, well, because I get the ocular migraines, right? But my ocular migraines are on the right side. And so it's my right eye that I normally want to scoop out of my face with a spoon. And then all of a sudden my left eye started twitching. And at first I was all like, okay, high cortisol, you know, shit happens. And then it just like kept fucking twitching. So then, and I get the Botox for the migraines. So at my last appointment, I was they're like, Do you have any side effects? And blah blah blah. And I'm like, Well, weirdly, my left eye twitches all the time now. And he just laughed, and I'm all like, What? He's like, that is not related. I was like, fuck. You're just messed up. I know. I do think it's just because my stress is high, so my eye twitches. You just blink at the end. So I did not mean to double wink at you if my left eye just twitches.

SPEAKER_02

No, you did the double wink on one side and a single on the other. So I thought we were doing like, I don't know, some rhythm, rhythmic pattern with our eye blinks. No.

SPEAKER_00

This is not like the Morris code. Like winking at someone is not a good test to see if they are engaged. It's not. Um well, we're already at time. Are we really that was so random and all over the place?

SPEAKER_02

No, we covered the bird theory. We tested it. We did, and he did so good. We laughed really hard. So I say it was a successful podcast.

SPEAKER_00

Woo woo. All right. Well, till next time, besties. Bye. Don't wink at me.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna wink hard. What does winking hard entail? I don't know.