Imaginary Friends, Real Boobs, Zero Filters

What happens when two best friends ditch the outline and say the quiet parts out loud? We grab a stack of questions and tumble through childhood memories, pop-star crushes, and the bizarre charm of reality TV before landing on the real stuff: effort as love’s currency, the masks we wear around sensitivity, and why resilience is earned in the dark long before it’s praised in the light.

We get personal about body image and breast implants, separating health questions from cultural noise and choosing comfort without apology. Music debates—shuffle chaos versus curated vibes—turn into a map of compatibility, showing how tiny preferences mirror big relational patterns. We also talk sobriety and the quiet revolution that made mocktails mainstream, celebrating how options create dignity and ease for anyone choosing a different path.

Along the way we name the needs we usually hide. One of us admits attention matters more than she lets on; the other confesses effort is the deal-breaker she won’t negotiate. We unpack why some compliments never land—being “only” pretty in narrow windows, or feeling like a good mom without a blueprint—and we practice saying the praise we actually believe about each other. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood by your own face, matched someone’s low energy to protect your heart, or wondered whether fame could fit alongside privacy, you’ll hear your echo here.

Come for the laughs, stay for the honesty, and leave with better questions to ask your favorite person. If this hit home, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs it, and drop us the question you want us to answer next. Your stories make this space work.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Welcome back.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

I feel like I'm coming down with something, so my voice sounds really weird. Oh, sorry, I'm like, welcome back. That was supposed to be much more like It was very sing songgy. It was supposed to sound better.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

It was light and feathery. Welcome to We Are Not the Same. Totally forgot to, you know, say that part. I'm Lacey.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

My name's Heather. We always forget that part. We do. But we need to have our intro lady say that instead of just bodybuilder Barbie. But I think the problem is that the co-host whose voice is whose, which is crazy because we sound nothing alike. Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

I think I have a very distinct voice.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

I hate my voice, but and mine is like sounds lower, but if we record and we laughed a lot, and like I always like, well, no, I just had to blow my nose and was laughing super hard, so I feel like I sound more nasally. After like our separate or second episode, depending on if we laughed a lot or cried, I don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Sometimes you do, but it's not like it's always just tears because you're laughing too hard.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Oh, yeah, no, I do cry when like laugh until I cry.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah. I just full on cry.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Um, we are doing a lighthearted episode today of questions.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Questions because we love questions. I don't care if you guys like it. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

You know, get to know us more, and also these are fun questions for you to ask like someone else. Your friend.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yeah, so we have different lists. Mine is 100 questions to ask your best friend to strengthen your friendship. We are not gonna go through 100 questions, of course not, but these are I have some as well. Who's going first?

SPEAKER_03 2:15

You.

unknown 2:16

Okay.

Childhood And Imaginary Friends

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Do so mine has different categories. I'm gonna ask a question in each category. Let me find. So the first category to get you in the right mindset is questions about your childhood. Um did you have an imaginary friend when you were little?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Me either.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

No, I did not.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

I wonder what like causes someone to have an imaginary friend. Because I was always kind of associating that stuff to like trauma, but like I got drama and I definitely did not have an imaginary friend.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Yeah, I never did either.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Have you ever seen the movie Drop Dead Friend?

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Yes, and I love that movie.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

I love that movie. If you guys have not seen that movie, you gotta see that movie. It has to deal with imaginary friends, so it is relevant. That was good. So funny. Okay, your turn.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

Um have we done these ones before?

SPEAKER_00 3:15

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Hold on, hold on, hold on. She was not prepared. I was. No, I thought I was. Um you go again.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Is there something that you pretend to like, but you secretly hate?

SPEAKER_03 3:45

No, I'm very vocal about everything that I dislike. I am not. I know, so tell me, what do you hide?

People-Pleasing And Doing Things We Hate

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Um what do I specifically pretend to like? I I don't think it's like a specific thing. I think it depends on like I will do it for specific people. So if somebody likes a certain type of food, that's a okay. So Ashton really likes Chinese food, and I do not. But almost every single mother daughter or mother-daughter, mother son date that we go to. Do you want a daughter? I have a tiny one you can borrow. Zero percent. She's seven. She loves you. I I okay, you set me up because I so badly wanted to say the feeling is not neutral, and then I'm like, I can't say that about a seven-year-old.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

To be fair, I don't know if she loves anybody.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

So but like, so I will I will pretend to like something like if my significant other or my children or whatever, like I've done things for you that like I didn't want to. Like I when we went to go look at when we went to go look at gems for like hours because you were on body suit. You were uh when you dress me, like I secretly fucking hate it, but I let you because I know how much it makes you happy.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

I'm like, you wear bodysuits for me. You're like, yeah. I took my shoes off my feet and gave them to you when you were taking pictures with a stranger.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Which you also hated.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

That was awful, but that that was not a secret. No, I hated that.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Do you know how much like joy it still brings me thinking about the uncomfortableness on your face and that you were just going with it?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yeah, I'm listening I'm a trooper. In fact, there's a couple people when I self-imposed. I used to work at West as a call center. I don't know if people remember it. Um and there's there's a person there who that was his nickname for me. He always like, you're always just such a trooper. Every time he saw me, what's up, trooper? Because it doesn't matter if I like it or not, I'll fucking do it. That's just who I am as a person. I can push through pretty much.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

That's why you have me as a best friend. So that you I speak up for you.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah. When I let you. Most of the time on my gather. No. Did you find a question?

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Um, yes. What's the most random thing I do that you find oddly charming?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

When you get frazzled. Not angry, but like frazzled. Like you do this thing. See, this is why we need video. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna show you. You do this thing.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

And it's so cute. I had no idea I did that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Because it's like a hop and a shimmy and like a face.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

How come I do that? I've never known that I've done this.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

It's so cute. Like, I don't know. And then you do it, and then like it's the movie. It's like you're resetting so you're no longer frazzled, and then you just move forward. You're like, all the frazzles out now. I shook it out. Then you move forward, and it's adorable. I like that. It's cute.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

I like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

You're supposed to answer the question too, fool.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Um I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Um, I okay. I don't know if it's like the most I don't know. I think it's always I like how you always show up before me to my own house.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I do. I didn't today, but the only reason I didn't today is because you're like, give me 15 minutes before you leave. And I waited 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

And I also didn't text you right away. I waited until I at least had 10 more minutes on you just in case.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

But I would definitely say 98% of the time I get here before you. And I just walk into your house. I don't knock or anything because everybody here knows me.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Yes, you're like your family.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

So like you walk in and you're just every time you're like, damn it.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

I know when I pulled down the street and your car is there, I'm like, I didn't be there. Today I was like, yes. That's funny that you secretly like that. I do. I'm like, oh, there she is. Look, I should start being like, honey, I'm home. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Then I will be late.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

What was that?

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Oh, banned. The kids, the kids cheer. Banned. Oh. The app. It could be many, many, many millions of different things.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Um, who was your celebrity crush as a teenager?

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Um in sync, Justin Timberlake. Really? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 9:02

It's so gross.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

And Leonardo DiCaprio also. I think those two were like, Jack, I would never let you go.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

I would never let you go.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

Um, those those two. Yep. My bedroom was full of in-sync posters, especially Justin Timberlake. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

So I recently learned that I like Backstreet Boys better than InSync. Nope. I was in sync all the way. I was never like big into them back then, but like lately I've been real. She just took the bye bye bye but in front of my fucking face. Oh my god. Instead of doing an Irish goodbye, you should just start doing that.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Oh, okay. So on our last episode, we were talking about how like I am not good at saying goodbye, and I would just much rather like deck out, like just be like, bye. So I'm gonna start doing the bye-bye bye.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Start doing that, and then while you're always want to break out in songs. People would be like, Did she just do that? It would be so funny. Please do that. So mine were Johnny Depp.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Okay. Tracks for you.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Yeah. I know. God, and then high school, uh, teenager. Who else would it have been? Um, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, which explains prison Aaron Carter. Oh, yeah. Because prison Aaron Carter very much looked like Jonathan Taylor Thomas when we were teenagers.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

I just think is he gross?

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Oh, well, he's gross now.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Is he gross? I can't unsee it.

Teen Crushes And Pop Nostalgia

SPEAKER_00 10:46

I know. I look at it sometimes. Like, looking at my dating history is like it's offensive to me.

unknown 10:55

Like, what the fuck is wrong?

SPEAKER_03 10:58

I know. You're like, I only date unattractive people. I'm like lazy.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Unattractive people. I don't know why. Because attractive people aren't into me, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

You are so nerd pretty. Like, I know. Thank you, question mark. Yes. Like, you know, like you can't.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

No, I know. I get like a big thing.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

Like, I'm like the stereotypical, I guess, pretty, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:21

You're Barbie pretty.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

But you're like pretty. But like you read books and like Star Wars pretty. Like, I read books too, but you look at you and you're like, oh yeah, she likes books.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

It's because I look like a librarian.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

A little bit. But you have really big tits.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

So then that, like, they're nice. They are nice. I very much like.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

We used to be booby twins, but now mine are bigger.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

They don't seem like they're bigger though.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Are they though?

SPEAKER_03 11:47

775.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Okay, but they're bigger based off of the implant size, but I think actual boob size, I think, were the same. Because I'm lucky enough. At least when I get you have your boobs that have gotten bigger. Yes. Yes. They are bigger than after I got them done.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

So much so that when I had to get them replaced because uh hot sauce popped one, um, he took a photo after he took them out and um before he put the new ones in to show me what I would look like without them. And he's all like, Lacey, and I was like, What? And he's like, You basically be a D at this point, even without them. And I'm like, really? He's like, Yeah, I don't know what happened. I was like, I gaped a bunch to weight, and then I lost that weight, and they didn't go down when I lost it.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

They do look really big from this angle. Like, they look really big. Yeah, pretty big. Mine fluctuate with my weight, they will also go down, and then I just have ginormous implants.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yeah. Well, it's normal for them to like fluctuate with weight.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Apparently, I'm Some people, some people don't. Some people don't have that stores really in their breasts.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Yeah, because some people can put on weight and not have boobs. That that's a real thing. And let me tell you, those people get real angry about that.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

That's why you just get aftermarket. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Aftermarket. Aftermarket parts. So funny. But at least I know that if I do decide to take these out someday, which I've actually have you ever considered taking yours out? Because I have. No. You haven't? Mm-mm. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I like them.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I like them too, but sometimes people all the time assume that I hurt because of them. And I'm like, I've been hurting since I was 14, and let me tell you, I definitely did not have these when I was 14. But sometimes I think about I wonder if it's making things worse. I don't know, but I really like them. And I think they look so pretty. I don't think it's that and natural. I think mine look good on me. Yes, they look really good.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I don't know. I guess we could talk about breast implant illness at another point in time, but not this topic. Okay. Would you rather I control your playlist for a week or your captions for a month?

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Captions for a month. No hesitation whatsoever. You can say whatever you want on any of my stuff. I don't care. You don't touch my music. We do not listen to the same music. And I feel like even if you were like going through my playlist, my biggest issue is the way that we listen to music is different because I want everything on random and you don't play that game. You like you pick a vibe.

SPEAKER_04 14:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

And like you'll listen to stuff on random, but you'll keep it within that vibe.

SPEAKER_04 14:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

I go from like weird Al Yankovic to Eminem to Garth Brooks to like I'm all over the fucking place. To modest mouse, to all the things, you know.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

I'm very much in like a certain yes. I have different playlists, I guess. Okay, so I would also um well right now, the way I don't ever post.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

You really don't anymore.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

No, I'll get around to that again. Um I'd say playlist for a week.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

You could let me know.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Yeah, I might let it may let me.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

So I wouldn't I would just put all of your songs on shovel.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Yes, because you like to people please. Hear a people pleaser. You'd give me what I want.

unknown 14:58

I would.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

I wouldn't even question it. I'd be like, just tell me what you want and I'll pick it, and then it satisfies the requirement of me doing it. Yes. God, it's a problem.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Oh, satisfy the requirement of me doing it. That just popped something into my head. Uh oh. What? How do you not know what I'm talking about? Bare minimum satisfying requirements.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

I mean, my brain is in mm like so many places at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

No. Oh. By the way, I heard everything you said. But no. No!

SPEAKER_04 15:36

I got it right! What are you talking about? You can hear everything you say. No, it was no. I heard it. No, because I said it to you. The microphone was the microphone was down here.

unknown 15:49

You cannot hear that.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Did they hear it? Oh, oh well. I said it. I don't feel bad about it. It's my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

It was. It is. It is. Yes. Anyways.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Moving on. That's so funny. I can hear everything you said. I don't even feel bad about it, to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Um, I got oh, here we go. Wait, no, where'd it go? Hold on. Where did it go? Oh, here we go. Wait. I lost my questions. Oh, it's yours next, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 16:30

I don't know, probably. Um, do you believe in love at first sight?

SPEAKER_03 16:37

I believe like there's a lust. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Do you believe in lust at first sight?

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Love is built on like trust and like a lot of other things that cannot be just like, have you seen Love is Blind? It's definitely fucking blind.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I mean, I try not to, but it's definitely part of the terrible television that you force me to watch while I keep it residue.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

While I'm doing cardio, but I'm only doing 20 minutes at a time, so I'm only on episode six.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Every time I come over here, this television is on TLC. And let me tell you, it really messes with you.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

That one's on Netflix, though. Love is blind.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Oh, TLC. Oh, well, or A E or Wii TV, any of the real Bravo.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Any of the reality television that is trash.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yes, you do. And you force me to watch it when I'm here.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Because it makes you feel so much better about your life and you know it.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

We were last time I was over here, they were doing we were on TLC. I don't even remember what show was to. Oh, my strange addiction is what was on. Yes. But they were doing like a commercial for other TLC shows. And like they they do a clip of a dude that literally looked like he was melting. Like, I understand that he probably had some sort of medical condition, but the problem was I was seeing this as we were coming out of our ketope treatment, and I was very confused about whether or not that was what was actually on the TV, or if I was just seeing shit. But it was actually on the TV. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

Yeah, there's the my strange addiction is fucking weird. Yeah. People are crazy. Um, would you rather I read your last 20 texts or your last 20 searches? Let me look at them, Mark. Can I just look at both?

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Oh, definitely my searches.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Why are you talking shit about me on your phone? Show me your text now. Just kidding. You can look at those two, honestly. I don't have anything to hide. No, I don't either. I was like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

But my searches are so innocent. My searches are like 90 grunge, look for women because I had grunge bonko. Uh time calculator. Can dogs have onions?

SPEAKER_03 18:48

Oh my gosh. Yeah, my search.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

And then it's like the credit union and different movies. And I did I did put, is the US going to war with Iran? That was one of my Google searches. What did it say? Um, what did it say? Oh, it just brought me news articles about the the strike.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

See, like, I don't care which 20, I wouldn't care which one you read.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

No, I mean, even my text message, I don't talk to people. I talk to you.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Actually, I send you a lot of my text messages, so it doesn't really matter.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

I talk to you, I talk to California, I talk to my children. That's mainly it.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

You'd be very entertained by me and Lily's texts.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Oh, I bet. Oh, I she's funny.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

She cracks me up.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

She is so funny. Um, would you rather be be stuck on a road trip with no music or no AC?

SPEAKER_00 19:41

No AC, because obviously we've already talked about how important music is.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

And we both love music so much.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

And if you're driving, because it's a road trip, you can just roll the window down and you can buy little makeshift fans and shit. Like you can accommodate that. But what do you think?

SPEAKER_03 19:58

She's like, I would break the rules.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

How is that breaking the rules? No AC. All it said is no AC. Okay. It didn't say no hand fans, no window down.

SPEAKER_03 20:06

I didn't say that's true. I would do that. I we have to have music.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah. Uh, how do you think you take after your parents? There was such a hard eye roll right there. Do you think you do?

SPEAKER_03 20:24

I think I have like my mom's work ethic.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah, that's fair. Your mom works hard.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

And I think I have my dad's like personality. Like he was always like lots of fun with his friends when he was, you know, there was just he was always had a lot of friends. Yeah. And it was always like the life of the party. And everybody loved him. Like he no one ever had anything bad to ever say about him. Just his family. I was like, Well, I mean, but you know what I mean? Like, he was a very charismatic charismatic.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yes. You're charismatic for sure.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

So I think like I have that uh extroverted, energetic, charismatic personality. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Um, I definitely got my dad's mouth. We both I honestly feel like I'm like a female version of my dad. We both work really hard. Um, we both love to cook. We both And you thought he wasn't your dad. For six whole weeks.

SPEAKER_03 21:20

Yes, I know. We talked about that's how traumatizing it was. That is traumatizing, and the whole time he's just laughing about it this kind of time.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Yeah, and then obviously from my mom, I got my mental illness and my stubbornness. And unfortunately, I very much think I look like my mother. Um, some people tell me I look like my dad, but like there are moments when I look in the mirror and I literally see her and I go, ugh, and then I change whatever about myself instantly. Whatever I see in that moment in the mirror. Like, we gotta make a change. I look like my mom. We're not doing that, not doing that. Ugh.

SPEAKER_03 21:58

Would you rather swap lives with me for a day or swap bodies for an hour? Bodies for an hour.

Parents, Traits, And Identity

SPEAKER_00 22:06

I don't want to do your fucking your routine. I don't want to eat your yucky food or do your workout. I couldn't do it. You could. I could not. You your dedication to it is so impressive, and I couldn't do it. Like, literally, the second I would feel some pain, I'd be like, and I'm done. And you'd be like, you just started. Like we haven't even begun yet. You're like, this is literally the warm up. But if I had your body for an hour, I could just go and get hit on a whole bunch and feel real good about myself and then move on with my life. What about you? I feel like it's a no-win situation for you.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

I know. Because your body fucking hurts all the time. And then so it's like I get a day of hurting or an hour. No, I just have to live your life or be a rest. Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

You would just have to live my life.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

Okay, I'll live your life. Okay. And be a rest day.

unknown 23:11

Fuck you.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Well, I wouldn't have to go to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

No, but you would have to work like a minimum of three jobs in that one day.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Well, can it just be your one job now? No.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

That's not how my life is led.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

You really want me to do your job?

SPEAKER_00 23:25

No, I would get fired. I really don't like your job.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

Like, Lacey, what do I do?

SPEAKER_00 23:32

I'm pushing the button and. Oh my god, that would be so stressful for me. Oh my god, I couldn't handle it. I'd be like, switch back!

unknown 23:39

Switch back!

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Like it literally could not mentally handle it.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

I'd be fine.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

SPEAKER_03 23:48

A marine biologist.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Really? That surprises me. I don't know why, but it I guess I've never heard you talk about it. I've never heard you talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

I hate things that swim in the ocean. Then why? I'm fascinated by him, but it makes me want to vomit.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Dude. Like, have you seen some of the images of like the D. Yeah, I don't want anything to do. I'm interested.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

But like through a TV screen.

Swap Lives Or Swap Bodies

SPEAKER_00 24:21

That's alright. I I really wanted to do forensics, but like I don't think I could do the blood stuff. So I want to do ballistics because I was like, I want to get paid to shoot guns. That sounds fucking rad. And I couldn't be further away from doing that as a career. But I have seen every single episode of Forensic Files. And I love it. I find it very fascinating. The process of it's fascinating.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

I think it'd be fun to be like, not like, I don't know, I want to be like a police officer or detective, but just I wanted to be nosy and know all the things going on. I don't really want to be involved in any of it.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

Like I don't actually want to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

So maybe like a reporter.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Maybe a reporter.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

You'd be good at that, actually. You're you're really good at getting people to just do and say what you want.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

Is that a strength of mine?

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

I like that. Yeah, I think you'd be really good at it. Um until you got to the part where you had to write it. And then as long as you would do great if you didn't get high.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

It's called AI now, okay? I can just put in the gist of it and then it'll spit out what I need to know.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Walk it with Jason!

SPEAKER_03 25:33

You know, it was a direct quote. It was a direct quote.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Dude, it was the funniest thing I've ever read. The fact that that still sticks out in my mind tells you how it was the funniest thing I'd ever read. Plus, you wrote two paragraphs that were exactly the same, only slightly different. Because you didn't realize that you'd already written the paragraph.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Probably started and then stopped and then started again. Probably. I'm like, mm, this is for lazy to figure out. It's before we had AI. Um, you were my AI. Okay, what did you assume about me before we were close?

SPEAKER_00 26:05

That's hard just because I've known you for so long now. So I gotta go way back. Because when I first met you was when CTO. Well, I think we met at the parent pickup.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Oh, yeah, but Luke went more than I did, I think, at and then we met.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

But yeah, because when I met you, you were both there.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Yes.

Careers We Wanted As Kids

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Yes, I met you both at the same time. What did I assume about you? Well, I mean, I assumed we'd be friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yes. Like, I remember like we didn't have like a long interaction. It was basically our kids being like, oh, this is my best friend, and then meeting you and be like, oh, hi.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

I assumed you weren't traumatized.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

You'd be surprised how many people assume that. I'm doing a really good job masking.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Like, what I had no idea the depths to which I would know you. For real. That's fair. And how amazing you are despite all the shit. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

That's so nice.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

So, yeah, I would have never known. You survive uh CPTSD well. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

I think yeah. I think we should really give ourselves credit for that because honestly, there's a lot of people. This is gonna be my soapbox for just a second. There are a lot of people out here that are taking advantage of trauma, which is really gross to me. Like people like claim it like it's a badge of honor when they don't deserve it, and that sounds rude, but like you know what I'm trying to say. I do not everything is trauma, right? And like when we joke about our trauma, we're not trying to like rub in the fact that we have trauma. That's literally a coping mechanism. It's literally a way to try to process the fucking trauma. Like, it's weird to me that people will go on there and like be proud of the fact that they think they have trauma, and then when you ask them what the trauma is, you're like, so a Tuesday? Like, what are you talking about? That's not like somebody telling you no is not trauma.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

Like no, and I'm not trying to think is traumatic.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Right. And I'm not trying to undermine people who have been through real trauma, but that's the whole thing that's what you're doing. Like, when you claim that you you are experiencing trauma and you want people to cater to your trauma, that's my first indication that you haven't experienced real trauma because people who go through real trauma do not expect people to cater them at all. Because most of the time they're trying to hide the impact of their trauma. So when you're like, you need to like speak differently to me because of trauma. No, excuse me. Now I don't think your trauma is real. Sorry, that's just me. But you know what I'm saying? Too, I think it's become too romanticized. It's just a hot topic word. Yeah, all the things are hot topic words anymore. Like, it's crazy. It's like we're gonna be able to do it.

First Impressions And Hidden Trauma

SPEAKER_03 28:55

But I do love that, like, it's not like you can be and not automatically assume that in the 90s with parents who were alcoholic and or addicts, so um and there's a lot of us, like we're a big group, yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

See, also props to our generation for like I I very much feel like our generation is leading the movement of making alcohol not be the standard. I love that. Don't you think? Like, even to the point where like restaurants and bars are offering like mocktails and stuff like they never did before. When even just four years ago, when I first got sober, there weren't options, and now they're everywhere, and it's great, and I love it.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

Same. Oh, is it my turn? I don't know. No, it's your turn.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Oh, who cares? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

What's something about me you notice that other people miss?

SPEAKER_00 29:50

That you're really sensitive. I think because you're really good at hiding it, because you keep things close to your heart and you process it on your own or with me. You know what I mean? Like you don't show that side of you to other people, and you are such a confident, extroverted type of person that the energy that you radiate, I think that's I you know what I mean? You are very thoughtful and you are very sensitive not just to like what people say or do to you, but like what people say and do to the people around you, and I don't feel like a lot of people see that side of you because you hold it close to yourself.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

That was really good. Thanks. Um, I think that people don't see how incredibly smart and overachieving you are. I feel that. Like the way that you're trying to navigate life, what it's thrown at you, become super successful, very well educated, and you have like amazing kids and they're doing well. And like, you know what I mean? Like, all on your own? Like, it's not by chance, it's because you worked your ass off and like made it happen. Every day. Every day, it's a despite all the things that have been like thrown your way and all that.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

I love that. I do, like, it is funny that like people are surprised when I'm smart.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

I'm like, don't I listen to the stuff? I don't even think that it's just like smart, because yes, you're smart, but like the levels of which, like, you're street smart, you're book smart, like financial savvy, like you're just in all the areas. I got it covered.

Trauma Culture, Sobriety, And Mocktails

SPEAKER_00 31:34

I try. Real hard. Real fucking hard. Okay. This says three, but I'm gonna go with one because I feel like three might be hard. What quality do you admire most about yourself? Resilience. Yeah, oh, that's such a good one. That's a really good one, and I especially for you.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

I think that's the only one I got right now. Just the ability to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

What's the top three? I'm like, no, we're gonna do one. All right, we don't like ourselves that much.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

The ability to be resilient, yeah, in fucking all situations and to keep showing up for resilience. I think you said that. Yes, because like with if you didn't listen to our last episode, um, or you haven't listened to anything in general, like my husband died on me, my dad died right before that. My brothers passed recently, my mom just almost died. My mom's going through medical. Yeah, we don't really know yet. We're waiting on the cancer biopsy or whatever's going on. So, um, her surgery and stuff, and then stop it all off the dryer stopped working again. I really hate that dryer. And if it's not everything, it's everything. It's just like the that's a little thing in comparison, but it's just like everything. So in Braden's foot, Braden breaking his foot, being all like all the there's been a lot. Yeah, and his foot's not getting better. My back, this year's been this year for me has been your normal year.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. I mean, it's one of the the fact that you like correlate those things as equal, I understand. Because like I've got to be.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

I've been thinking about you a lot lately in all different scenarios.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Don't, don't, don't. I'm gonna say it. Don't, don't, because I'll say it.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

I'm not. It's between us. That one's staying between us for now.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Oh my god, it's so funny though.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

My cheeks hurt. Oh my god, it's so funny. It's like yes, not yesterday. Why did I say yesterday? It was like the other day when we were trying to journey and the tangerine was tingling our cheeks. That's what it feels like. I'm like shoving in your cheeks. Wait, that sounds really bad. I really should be careful of the things that come out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

Oh, why start now?

SPEAKER_03 34:03

I don't. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

We've gotten to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Am I going to? Nah.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

We don't think about it first, we don't censor after, we just raw dog it. And hope for the best.

Sensitivity, Strength, And Being Misread

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Hey, it's worked out in our favor.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

It's worked out so far.

SPEAKER_03 34:19

Because otherwise, we just go back and cut things out and like, nah, you're just gonna be here with us.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

No, because the whole thing is like vulnerability is important. I think it's part of our message, right? Like, everybody goes.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Or just welcome to what an autistic and ADH brains uh brain, brain, brain sound like. Hanging out.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Like, it's so important to talk about things with whoever. And that's why that's the thing I love most about this podcast is the fact that like whatever we say, we say. We stand by it, we own it. I'm I've definitely put my foot in my mouth more than once on this podcast, but like at the I'm pretty sure. When?

SPEAKER_03 34:54

I don't know. I don't feel like double down on everything.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I stand behind, like, I really feel like I I would stand behind everything that I've said. I say put my foot in my mouth because there's probably some things that I've said that like I shouldn't have, but like I still believe what I said. I would say mine is my determination because like I find a way, like I feel like I am really good at finding a way, whatever it is, whether it's me working five jobs, whether it's me, you know, whatever it is, I'm gonna find a way to do it. And it doesn't have to be for me, right? If somebody else needs something, I will find a way. Like I'm really good and I won't give up ever, which is part of the problem. That but I I pride myself on the fact that I am a determined person and a capable person because I am a determined person. So I do like that about myself.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

I love that about you.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

I also think I'm funny.

SPEAKER_03 35:52

You are, you're very funny. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 35:55

You're funny too. We're funny together.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

It's the trauma.

SPEAKER_04 35:59

Um trauma plus time equals comedy.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Yes, yeah. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

It's a true story.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

What do you think I pretend doesn't hurt me? Lack of attention.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Don't be mad.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

It's not my fault that I want the person I'm with just fucking be infatuated and obsessed with me.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

I I just don't think anyone would realize that it would bother you as much as it bothers you.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Oh, because I act like I don't care? Correct. Oh, yeah. Deep down I'm just a big softy.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Correct. That goes back to my sensitive thing. This is why people don't realize that you're sensitive because you hold it as well.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

It's not like an over needy attention sort of way.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

It's just like you need to like it's just you know what level makes you feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

Yeah. It's also because Luke very much gave me all the attention all the time, and I'm very much used to that.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

And I'm very opposite because if somebody gives me too much attention, like it I get suffocated very, very quickly because I'm not used to anybody giving me attention, especially to like that extent. So like I instantly I'm like, what is happening? What is this? I don't like it.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

Because I think that's one of my lovely like I affection is one of the ways that I show and give and receive love. So and if that shifts at all, or if there's you're big on shifts.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

If you feel like there's been a change of anything, you panic.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Not panic, it's just noted in why. Like I want to know why. Like I can definitely tell like there's a reason.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

You're like, this feels different.

Resilience, Determination, And Showing Up

SPEAKER_03 37:32

Yes. Tell me why. You're very intuitive that way. Yes, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Because then I just like I ask questions. I'm not gonna like. Okay. What do I think you pretend doesn't hurt you? Yeah. Why did I say that backwards? You know what you meant. Trying to read it for you. Um that lack of effort. Like, I feel like you want, you will never ask, but you note when it's not given. And there's no going back, but you won't say it either. Like, you won't be like that hurt me, but you'll note, and that will be like a determining factor. Like, that will be somebody's out, but they'll never know, and you'll never admit it. Like, that's so accurate.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

You that's so fucking accurate. Level of effort is probably my number one most important thing in any type of relationship, whether it's family, friends, member of opposite sex, whatever it is. I let yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:35

And it's something that you do not ask for and you will not let them know, but you're noted internally, and you will never move the same with that person.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Yeah, yeah. It it will entirely change the way that I interact with you going forward. I will give you a very high level of effort in the beginning, always. Yes, and then when it's not matched, I will now match your level of effort. So now you think that I've changed, but I'm just not giving you more than what you're giving me anymore. Because why? Yeah, that's what yes, I won't tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings. Because then I become a burden. But that's a whole different issue.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

But you are so feel yeah, I also feel like there's a certain point where like you just don't want to say what you need because it's like also that it's also allowing that person to give their choose not to. Yes, yes. It's like because you're just matching, because you're not gonna ask for it, because then it's not necessarily you know me so well because that's all fucking true.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, because it hurts more if I tell you what I need and you still don't give it. If you don't give it because I didn't communicate that enough, then that's partially on me too. And I'm really big on I would rather be at fault than you be at fault. So I'll take that on and be like, it's safer for you if I don't tell you what I need. Because if I tell you what I need and then you still don't give it to me, that's gonna that's gonna ruin everything.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

To be fair, I don't know if anybody that I'm thinking of could even be capable of meeting anything. My needs? Yes. I don't think well just because the the history of the I think even if you were to vocalize it, I don't think it would have sunk in.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

So I'm just gonna No, because look at the quality of people that I date because I'm like a cowardly lion, a scarecrow, the tin man.

SPEAKER_03 40:21

Literally, Dorothy.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

You are I know what is wrong with me.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

What am I then?

SPEAKER_00 40:28

You are Barbie, you don't need Ken, but you want Ken.

SPEAKER_04 40:32

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

The way that you are Barbie and every fucking ounce is crazy. Okay, you really are. Um, would you ever want to be famous? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:49

And no. I mean, I say yes because I I love, but it would be I would have some follow-up questions. Like for what? Like famous for what? Like just being me already like doing fitness.

Unmet Needs, Effort, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Without you having to change your values or who you are as a person. Yes. Yeah. Like if someone came out to you and was like, hey, I I want to just like follow you around and do a reality show of your life because it's interesting and you've been through so much, you would be down. Oh God.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Means you'd be involved too.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Oh God. I don't want you to be famous. I don't want to be famous. That's why it's so interesting that we do the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Because like you're doing your part to not make it famous by not listening, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

It's like a la if I don't acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

My co-host refuses to listen, listen more. Give it a like, subscribe, follow us, share with your friends.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

The only reason why this works is because it's for me, it's I'm just having a conversation with you. Yes. Right? We're locked in a room and nobody else is around and nobody can see. And so it's like I say things that I would never say if I in the moment remembered that.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

So also don't tell Lacey that you listen to this because she doesn't like that.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

It just stresses me out so fast.

SPEAKER_04 42:04

Just tell me, tell me. Tell me.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

My big thing is like I I really enjoy privacy, and I the the everything that comes with being famous is like scary to me. Like, I don't like it. I feel like you can be famous and also not let people necessarily who like have had long-standing careers, but they for the most part stay out of the spotlight. But it's hard. Like, I don't want to be going places and then feel like I always have to be on. Like, look at look at this. Like, I went grocery shopping like this today. I went like I wouldn't if I thought someone was following me around to take my damn picture.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

I would go out like this all day.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yes, because you look like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

But I have no makeup on.

SPEAKER_00 42:51

That's not helping. That makes me more upset. Oh, I love you. Because fuck you in your face.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

I have that video that. Oh my gosh. Yes, me in my face. Okay, that was funny.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

See, and I feel that way, sober or not. Because in that video, I was not sober. And now I am, and the sentiment is the same. Fuck you in your face. Because you look like that without makeup. I have to put on makeup to look like if I go out without makeup, I think that's you. I look like no, I look like I got punched in the face because it's so hollow and sunken and dark.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

It might be your nutrition or your medication or your diseases.

SPEAKER_04 43:33

Your diseases.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Your autoimmune diseases.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Can you please specify that?

SPEAKER_03 43:39

You sound so dirty.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

I sound like a prostitute now. Like your diseases.

SPEAKER_03 43:44

Your disease. Your autoimmune diseases. Your medical conditions. Yes, that calls your eye, your eye bags, not like something else. Not like I was referring to the eye bags, not nothing else. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 44:00

Um what's a compliment you don't or you think I don't believe yet? A compliment that you don't believe about yourself?

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Yeah, and what's a compliment you think I don't believe yet?

SPEAKER_00 44:12

That you're fucking gorgeous at all times. At all times. You think that you're only pretty in these small moments, and it's fucking frustrating because you look like it all the time. Like our simple sorry, I'm getting all heated. Let me bring it down. Let me bring it down. I'm like lecturing her. I'm like pointing my hand at her. Let me bring that down. The the clock. Conversation that we had earlier today is proven point because the simple fact that you think that 10 pounds made such a difference that like you weren't pretty and now you're pretty because I'm like, bitch, you're the fuck insane! Like and you don't believe it when you're off prep, you you literally like put yourself down and you feel that about the way that you look, and it's mind-boggling to me because the amount of people who would literally murder to look like you when you're off prep is insane and you don't see it, and that's my two cents.

Fame, Privacy, And Being “On”

SPEAKER_03 45:11

Okay, um, all right, and I'm gonna answer for you now. I'm sorry, um that you don't believe you're doing a really fucking good job, and that you are a really good mom. And don't make me cry. Like, and that you are nothing like the mother you came from.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

I really needed to hear that. It's true. You're really gonna make me cry right now. Oh, I know. I'm such a fucking wuss. No, but because it me like you really you know, you know how much I need to not be my mom.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

You are nothing like her.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Thank you for saying I'm doing a good job. You are I don't feel like it.

SPEAKER_03 45:57

I think because you don't know what it looks like to you've never seen a good mom wit like so I think in your mind, you you're doing an amazing job and you're doing everything right, but in your analytical mind you've never seen it mapped out and lived it, so like I don't have to kind of like compare it to. Yes, yeah, you're like you are doing everything, there is no map, but I think for your brain, you're like, because you it's not the white pick events and the married and all this stuff, but your kids are so amazing, they really are, and you did that all on your own. Thank you, and they love the shit out of you.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

I know. Honestly, I will say, like, the one thing that makes me feel like I am doing a good job is the fact that my 18-year-old will still give me hugs and kisses in front of his friends, and he goes out of his way to make sure, like, if I accidentally go to leave and I didn't give him hugs and kisses goodbye, like he gets personally offended, like he will come into the garage and stand there and be like, excuse the fuck out of me right now. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, and I have to get out of my car and run and give him hugs and kisses goodbye. And like the fact that he feel they feel comfortable talking to me is I feel very grateful, but I I don't think I take credit for that, and maybe I should, but I don't like I just feel like they're really amazing people, and I got really fucking lucky that that's who my kids are, but yeah, it's hard, it's hard, and I think you hit it spot on. Like, I have my stepmom and my stepmom is great, but I only you know she wasn't around the whole time because I didn't live with them, right? So I didn't have and I very much fought her tooth and nail in the beginning because you know, stepmom. But thanks.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

I love you.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

I love you.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Let's do one more.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

Okay, yeah, I don't want to. I didn't actually cry, but my eyes were wet.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

What's my tell when I'm low-key noid?

unknown 47:55

Your face.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

Same fair. Same. I know. I can't hide it.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

I also can't hide it. Like, that's I can't even there's so many times I checked out.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

I don't think I ever try to hide it. I'm always, I just let.

SPEAKER_00 48:11

I'm not aware that I'm doing it most of the time. Like I am and I'm not. Like there are certain times where obviously I can tell that I'm making a face, but there are literal times where I think that I'm holding a straight face until somebody else is like lazy.

unknown 48:26

And I'm like, what?

Compliments We Don’t Believe Yet

SPEAKER_00 48:27

Your face. And I'm like, really? And they're like, yeah. Yes. Even so much so that like COVID era when there were masks and stuff, I joked with my boss at the end. It's because it's your eyes. Yes, and that's what he said. Because I was like, hey, at least now, because we have to wear masks everywhere, at least I'll finally be able to get away with people not knowing what I'm thinking. And he's like, You sure about that? And I was like, what? And he's like, She's like, it is your eyes. He's like, everybody is very aware of what you're thinking at all times. I was like, oh shit. So I'm very glad that I work from home and not in real life meetings anymore. Because for now, I feel like that might be bad for me if you could see my face all the time. I only turn my camera on when I am. This is why we don't have video yet, but we will soon. We shouldn't even say that anymore. We will. We will eventually. We have a camera. I bought us a video camera. Down we just need our little setup.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

We need a little setup and we'll keep going.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

If we had like a permanent setup, it would be so much easier. It's just right now, we just do this when we can, right? So we do our best. We're doing and hey, you're listening. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're consistent, way better than we used to be when it comes to consistency.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

So well, I hope you enjoyed our episode of questions. Um send us a text and answer some of them for us. We want to know you guys. So, all right, besties, till uh next week. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Can you do that whole like I can't bye bye? I don't even know the dance. I just know the hand.

SPEAKER_00 49:58

That's okay. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

I definitely do not know the dance. We're gonna find it, we're gonna figure it out. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

Lacey will be, I'm definitely till next week. No, bye. Bye.