The Morning After Social Anxiety

Your brain ever wake up and decide you’re the villain of yesterday’s perfectly normal conversation? We go straight into that morning shame spiral where you replay every word, assume everyone secretly hates you, and somehow turn a good interaction into a cringe highlight reel. We talk about how common it is, why it hits hard in the morning, and what it looks like when you’re used to masking and delaying emotions until you finally sit still.

Then we pivot from life chaos to relationship patterns. Between cancer treatment stress, nonstop schedules, and the weird way some of us feel calmer when everything is on fire, we start asking the bigger question: what does “emotionally stable” even mean? From there, we dig into attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant), how “vibes” can be your nervous system scanning for danger, and why past emotional abuse, love bombing, and childhood unpredictability can wire you for the push-pull.

We take an attachment style quiz on mic and both land on fearful avoidant (disorganized). That opens up the real frustration: we’re painfully self-aware, so why does change still feel so hard? We close with a candid talk about trauma and memory, why your brain might not “press record” during survival mode, and how healing can be less about knowing the label and more about practicing safer patterns over time.

If any of this hit a nerve, listen now, share it with a friend who overthinks everything, and leave a review with your attachment style and what helps you feel secure.

-

Transcript

ERR

SPEAKER_02 0:34

With absolutely zero evidence. Honestly, almost every day.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

You think about it. It's awful.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

I believe I sent you a text the other day. I was like, I don't know why. I just think everybody hates me. I woke up and I'm like, I actually even ran it through my chat GPT. I'm like, why do I feel apparently it's really fucking normal.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

That was actually eye-opening for me. I'm glad that you did that because I think about that a lot. Where like I will think I have like a good social interaction, and then the next day I've completely convinced myself that I fucked it all up. And you just like question it. It's a thing in the morning specifically.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

It is. And it happens to a lot of people. Yeah. So there's that. Yeah. That's fun. I used to think it was only like when I'd wake up from a night of drinking, probably because like I had fun, but I don't know if anyone else did. If anyone else or what did I deliver all of it? Or like I checked, maybe I still check to see if my ropper's on backwards. I don't know. If you want to know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

The rest of your life.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

There's uh that one weekend in Seattle episode. You can listen. Do I sound okay to you? You're a little echoey. It sounds a little weird to me. Okay. So we're gonna go like here, here. Is that better? Is that better? That's better. All right. I'm not gonna annoy myself anymore now.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

That was I could tell you were annoyed because you were fidgety. Like, what is this? Why is it sounding like it? It was definitely echoey. I don't know if they heard it, but I definitely heard it.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

I hear it not as much now. No, it's way better. Okay. I know I heard it and it was throwing me off.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

You know, I always think that people hate me after I meet them. In fact, we we kind of talked about this randomly in my book club. We were reading one of those self-help books, and I I've learned that I absolutely despise self-help books.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

It's not my jam. Which I love. So I'm like, can I be a part of book club and only I want a book club of just personal development?

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Yeah, we did two in a row, and I'm like, I'm gonna leave my own book club if we don't stop.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

It's personal development, not self-help. Maybe work lazy would like it.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I no, I don't think so. We are two separate people, but very much so. Which is so funny because like you've always known, but you've never witnessed it. And then for those who don't know, me and Heather have actually started working together.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Because it was funny because we like needed somebody to like take money and shit. And I'm like, and shit. Not very professional. No, but that's I am normally very good. Yes, I do. I do just fucking with you. I do. Just they're just more, way more legs. Yeah, we're just yeah. Um, and I'm like, who do I know that's good with money? Ha! I know. I know it's Lacey. Now, like, because we were so busy last weekend, yeah, I didn't really like see you that much.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Yeah, we were much more separate last weekend because there was no like time in between. It was just appointment, appointment, appointment, appointment.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

It's a little more casual this time around.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Well, but so she was able to come out and sit next to me and watch me literally turn it on and then turn it off.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

And I love it. Well, because it's like it's different, Lacey. Like, where is this Lacey when I'm around? Like, I fucking love this shit.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I I am a boss when I need to be a boss.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

But now I think I know why you like it when I take charge when we're around. Because I don't have to. Yeah. Yeah, you always do. Yep. Yep. 100%. Oh, we were just talking about how she has dementia, and I got really fucking excited because guess who gets to take care of her?

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Me. You guys, the level of excitement literally is frightening.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Oh, by the way, she doesn't have dementia, actually. We should probably preface it with because I literally just told everyone you have dementia, and I got creepily excited.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

If something that bad now happens to me, you have just made yourself the prime suspect. She wants to turn her into a vegetable so she can take care of her. I don't want you to be a vegetable.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

But like if you couldn't move, that'd be fine.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

That is closely the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

I need your brain working because you're funny.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

My brain is what's going.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

So I'm gonna be funnier. The dementia, yeah. Actually, I can just keep telling you the same thing over and over. You do anyway.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

So this way it'll be like Do I maybe I'm the one that has dementia?

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Or do I do it like uh let me remind myself? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Yeah, no, it's funny though, because yeah, I don't remember anything. I'm a different person when I'm at work, when I'm not at work. I'm just like this complicated creature that's just doing her best. And that makes me assume that people don't like me. Are you still messing with the sound?

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Yeah, because I think you were turned up really loud now.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

That's so much better, also.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Yeah, so we need to be at a five. We were at a seven before.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

You are in charge of the sound. I don't know. The buttons got pushed. Because you throw it in a box.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

No, not that. No, I take care of our podcast unit. This is the un um untainted one with all the working holes.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

All the working holes. She gets her money's worth.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Although we only use two of the four. As of right now. But we can have two more people come over and utilize those holes.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Oh my Christ. I hope nobody jumps in at that point of the podcast. Could you imagine sound bites? I'm gonna turn this on. We can fit two more people to use the holes.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

When we first did that and we laughed so hard about like the three holes or the what's the third hole, then Kimmy the fourth hole. The fourth hole, but okay, so Kimmy, this is where the third hole comes in, was at the gym with our new glute ham developer, and I'm like showing her how to use it or whatever. And I'm like, you just have to get it set up on like just remember what hole you're on. And I'm like, the third one. And I'm like, but what's the third hole? And then she posted that video clip, and I'm like, okay, there's a backstory. There's a backstory for the one knows. That poor girl. I just am like and by girls. And I even made it like a I did a I probably did a stim with it because I was like, what's the third hole? Yeah, the whole voice and everything.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

And isn't it like, doesn't it make you get the feel-goods and stuff? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

It does.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

I love my stims.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I do too.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I don't love that I realize that they are stims, but I do enjoy the little bit of dopamine that they give me.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Um, so on that note, do you think you're emotionally stable?

unknown 7:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Oh my Christ. You're like crying laughing now.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

That broke you. That's that case in point right now. My reaction to the question is proof in the pudding. Like, I am stable in a lot of ways. Just not emotionally, because according to my therapist, I don't allow myself to feel emotion. I'm just like, fuck that.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

I agree. I feel like because I'm used to masking and shoving things down, it's like now, like, I'm like, wait, what is that feeling? Can I get a chart?

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I know. So my new I need a chart. I had to get a new Fitbit because my old Fitbit crapped out on me. I use my love. You need it at work. I can't afford that. Listen, I got this bitch for free using my reward points at work. That's the only way I got my first Fitbit. That's how I got my second Fitbit. That's how I got the replacement Fitbit. It's with my work points. But this is the.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

What are these work points you speak of?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

I don't know. When people think I do a good job, they give me points. And then I get a buy thing. I bought our 55-inch television with work points. I bought my sister um concert tickets to Foo Fighters for her birthday with work points. Like, it's legit shit. So that's nice. Not just my branded laptop backpack that I've gotten three Christmases in a row. I literally have three. So if you need a laptop backpack, please fucking let me know. Because I don't need another one. Um, but it this one has a new feature where like if it thinks my like heartbeat pattern is like abnormal, it checks in with me and it's like, how are you feeling? So do they do that? Are you frustrated? Are you sad? Are you depressed? Are you happy? Are you calm? Like, but it, I mean, yes, it does. But it makes me now have to like sit down and think about like how am I feeling? Because I'm just I just don't allow myself to feel until I unwind at the end of the day, and then I go through like the whole day's emotions in that 15 minutes when I first sit down. Now I have to like think about it in the moment.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

What are emotions? Something apparently I'm not stable with. Yeah, we just we don't have those. We don't have those. All I know is if I have muscles, I work out.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Do you think that you're emotionally stable?

SPEAKER_02 9:20

I don't know. Can we talk about different periods in my life?

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Can I give you my opinion? Yes. I do not think you're emotionally stable, but I think you're getting better at it. Yeah. Because you got off your rocker a little bit. Justified reasons, things happen. I mean, yeah, when you almost died. You used to be, then you weren't, then you kind of were for a minute, then you weren't.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

And then like I said, different periods. I feel like this is the most stable.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah, you're on the upswing to stable.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

I am like freakishly stable, actually. And it's weird.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Mine's stuck at the bottom. Mine's just weighted too much.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Why is it so freakishly stable? Is it because everything in my life is imploding? And so I'm the stable force now.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

It's just we do better when there's chaos around us. It's what we're used to.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

Thank you, parental units, for that.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

At least they gave us something.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Yeah, I'm eating a rice cake if you can't hear it.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

You're always eating a rice cake.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

A little ASMR for you.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Is yours frosted?

SPEAKER_02 10:23

No, they're plain.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Why? Plain? Why? No, absolutely not. That's the smelling. No! I I already know that smells like styrofoam. I'm fully aware from here.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

The fact that you said styrofoam now makes it taste like styrofoam.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Because that's basically you're basically eating packaged peanuts. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

One molecule away.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Oh, it looks sad. She just gave me complete eye contact while she took a bite of her styrofoam. I did. Gross. Um I can't. So. I'm so lost now. I don't even remember what we were supposed to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Emotionally stable. We got there. Oh, what we're talking about, we're getting there. But we're gonna do a little life update. Let's do a little life like what's been chaotic in our life lately. You wanna go first? Cancer.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

I'm sorry, that's so.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

No, it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Just like sorry. In general, cancer's not funny. It's a very serious thing. But the way, yes, my delivery. With your little fucking rice cake. Just la la la.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Fucking cancer, yeah. Cancer's been uh since like the end of February. We've been deal well, obviously we're gonna keep dealing with it for a while, but it's been uh been chaotic since then. Yeah. Um draining. Yes, mom's not feeling great, but doing better overall. Yeah. Um, Tuesday is gonna be round three of 12 chemos um that she does go home with. We talked about that. And then we'll do radiation after. So yeah, that's just like navigating all that and then the in like the things that come along with it. Um and with that, you know, being down, basically she's like my fill-in. Um she makes solo parenting not as hard because she helps. So um with her being down, it's just been busy. I feel like I've just been busy.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

So life is super busy.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Life is chaotic because it's from one thing to another. Like I get up at like three or four in the morning and I don't go to bed until like really late, although tomorrow I get to sleep in, so that will be nice. Um and then you have Florida coming up. Yes, uh, on Wednesday, we're going to Florida, so that's chaotic.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Um you're gone for two weeks?

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yeah, from the 22nd to the 5th of May.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Damn, girl.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

13 days? 14 days. 14 days because the kids compete. Worlds is the this next weekend, and then the weekend after a summit. So Braden's competing in Worlds and they're both competing at Summit with Riot. So yeah. And the boyfriend will be joining me in Florida.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

That's nice. This will be his first time joining for the bigs.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

For the yeah, we did go to the one cheer comp in Spokane, and he's been to like a showcase, but this will be the big one.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Yeah, because this is like much larger. Yeah, this is like the biggest.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Yeah, worlds is the biggest cheer. It's the biggest um cheer event. So, like in bodybuilding world, this would be like the Olympia. In football world, this would be the Super Bowl.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

My chiropractor, because I I finally went back to the chiropractor after literally it's been over a year. Apparently, uh last time I went was February 2024, so I got a lecture and a hug. Um he was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I know, I'm sorry, but I'm here. Um, apparently he has a friend that does bodybuilding, and they have their own show that they like host, and he wanted me to ask you if you'd remember, but I have dementia. And not really, but I don't remember what the person's name was. If I heard it again, I would know it. But okay, yeah, you'll have to. So there's me asking you about it because I don't remember the first night. Yeah, I I go back on Monday, I'll have to be like, hey, what's that name? I got to I have to text it to her right now because I relied on my own devices, and therefore it's you have dementia. It's bad. I lose like chunks of I don't remember nothing. Well, I'm pretty much self-diagnosed on everything, and then like 10 years after I've diagnosed myself, the doctors are like, Oh yeah, you do have that. So it takes that long. It takes so long. No one believes me until they have like evidence in front of them. Whatever. It's fine. I don't need to remember things.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

I got you. Don't worry. Don't worry, Lacey.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Okay, when you say it like that, I am petrified.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I am looking at you kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

The look, it's all it's the with the fucking rice cakes. The last one, I promise. You remind me so much of Dolores Clayborn. Just the concept of like, I'm gonna take care of you. And in order to do that, I'm gonna fucking beat in your legs so that you can't use them, so you can't leave me.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

That got really oh good idea.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

It's because I'm listening to the shining by C.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

I wouldn't beat you, though. I don't want to cause you pain. Just strap you down. I'll drug you, then you'll be happy.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

We won't talk about why.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

I think I know why, because you're a freaky. You just don't have anyone to like experience.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

They've never been used.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

They're just there.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

No, because I'm very picky about who I would share that type of.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

I know. This is you who goes into Victoria's Secret and spends hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of dollars and doesn't have a boyfriend or anyone to wear it with. And you're like, nor do you wear underwear. So I'm like, how did you spend$600 on literally nothing?

SPEAKER_01 16:06

You literally just made me choke. Don't something I think about often. I'm like, I know that you want to take care of me. We don't need to start that today. Stop trying to take me out.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

I like things.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

I do too.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

I haven't even stepped inside of a Victoria's Secretary.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

That's like over and done. I'm just like, I wear Calvin Klein.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

I think I have like a feeling it girdle and a shaper mint bra.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Like it's because I don't wear like actual bras. I used to only wear Victoria's Secret bras, but like I wear like sports bras.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

I was gonna say, do you wear anything other than a sports bra?

SPEAKER_02 16:45

My boobs are just they just no, not really. I do have other ones and I will wear if I go out or something, but they're just like I even I have more so many bras and so many things I just don't wear.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

I have more sports bras than regular bras.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Oh, I have so many.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

But I never wear them anymore because I don't work out anymore.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

You don't wear anything.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

I wear a bra every day of my life.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Ah, that's sick.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

To protect my today's protect.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

You used to never wear them.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Um I correct. I used to after my first implants, I stopped wearing one completely. And then after my replacement implants, I wear one all the time. Yeah, I wear one.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

I always wear like a lounge bra at night and then at least a sports bra. Just because like they're heavy. Have you seen how big my boobs are? They're like they're of substantial size. 775 CC's.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

It's crazy to me that you have like twice as many CC's as I do. And they look similar. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

It's because I got fat and then lost weight, but I did not lose the additional weight in my boobs. So after I had my first surgery, I was at a double D, and then I got fat, and then got skinny, and then I was at a triple D.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Mine shrink a little bit when I get like really lean.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Even when I went, yeah, that makes sense. Even when I went back because I had to get the replacement because hot sauce popped my titty. Um, because that's a story. Um, he took a photo of what I would look like if I because he told me if it pops again, he won't let me get more. I'd have to take them out. So he took a photo to show me of what I would look like without them, and I'd still be a D cup at this point because I've gained so much natural tissue from my weight fluctuating. I was like, so damn, you're telling me if I would have just been more patient, I would have been fine there on my own because I can't control my fucking weight. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So glad I've paid you thousands upon thousands of dollars. But when I got them, I was tiny. I was a I didn't have anything when I started.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

I don't remember because it's been a long time. Yes, yeah. Um, so chaotic in your life.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Um, my bonus child's work is screwing him over, and that therefore stresses me out. But really, I don't have a lot of chaos. I have, you know, the the zombies that keep creeping. Because motorcycle is on his way currently driving to the area.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Um, you have two dates lined up.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Not dates, meals.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Two meals.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

I have two meals lined up with two different people on the same day just because it happens to be that way. It's the only day that works for me because I have shit to do with my life. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

They aren't really dates.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

They're just No, I'm going to lunch with creepy neighbor and I'm going to dinner with motorcycle.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

Make sure you go to someplace you've been wanting to go. Where are you going for lunch? I know where are you going for mother? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

The only thing, he's like, what do you not like? And I just said, I can't have spicy food. Other than that, I honestly don't care.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Or tomatoes or lots of other things.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

No, I'll still eat it. I'll just bring Tums with me and probably cry a little in the bathroom. It's fine. It's fine. I do it every day.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Worth it.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

The only emotion I feel is IBS.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

You know how many people probably relate that to that so hard.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

It's it's way more common than people think it is, first off, especially almost any person that has an autoimmune disorder also has IBS. Like they go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Well, like I joke around to my mom all the time that like now she knows how you feel because of half a colon and half your small intestines, it just runs right through. Like, oh, so that's how lacey is.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Except literally on fire.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

So yours is a fire liquid where the cancer is just the liquid. So the cancer gives you the liquid.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

I'm sorry, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

And the IBS gives you the fire.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

It is ava. Choose.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Choose. What are the other? Also, why is diarrhea, explosive diarrhea at that, a symptom of everything? It's like, oh, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Why did you add the word explosive? I never once. I can contain that.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

I feel like when it comes to us fire, it's gonna be explosive.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

That's just on this like mental image.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

I'm tired of sounding like I just imagine you fighting for your life way too long.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Okay, let's move it along. So on that note. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

So what we're talking about today. Nothing to do with anything we've talked about. Oh my god. Attachment style.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Girl. Oh my god, I'm crying. Me too.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

We have to go be somewhere pretty soon. So we better like pull ourselves together. Get it together. Oh my gosh, I have literal tears running down. Okay. Whoa.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

We're so dumb.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

And I have tubing mascara. It's gonna be on my face in a second.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

I do like tubing.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

But the second it hits water, it's like over.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Which is I like about it too. Hop in the shower, move. I don't cry, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

You're crying right now. But of laughter. Of laughter. Okay. Attachment styles.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Okay. Not related to poop.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Okay. No. No. Everyone, we kind of touched on this before. We went over like the basic attachment styles type thing in one of our previous episodes, I feel like. We kind of, or we didn't like, I don't know if we it was the main topic, but we hit on like the what they are. Like briefly, I think we touched on them. Um, but what do you think your attachment style is? Because we're gonna take um do you have what? Do you know what they are?

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Tell me my options and I'll tell you what I think I am. Okay.

unknown 23:09

Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

You think I would just have this like in the chamber because of all of the therapy and mental illness.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

I don't. So they're secure, anxious, avoidant. Wait. Apparently there's several different depending on what we can do. Okay, well, I mean I've secure the four main attachments secure attachment, anxious, preoccupied attachment, dismissive, avoidant attachment. So do you want me to tell you what they mean, though? Should we do that? Okay, secure attachment, obviously. You're comfortable secure, you're comfortable with intimacy, independence, an individual. Yeah, possess high self-esteem and then manage conflict effectively.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

I do not fall into that category.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

You know. Okay, next one. Anxious, preoccupied attachment craves high levels of intimacy, often fearing abandonment and needing constant reassurance. They may act cleany, clingy, or insecure in relationships. Are you trying to say that they may be me? I feel like this is very, it can be very relationship dependent as well.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Sure. I don't think that your attachment style is necessarily consistent with the stuff.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Some of those are some of those, yes. No, some of those hit. Not gonna lie. Um, dismissive, avoidant attachment values independence and freedom, often uncomfortable with emotional closeness, tend to withdraw, suppress emotions. I just feel like this is lacy.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Guys, straight eye contact right there. Like you're reading it and you look at me, and you read it and you look at me, and you're reading it and you look at me.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Um, we know where you fall and where I fall. I feel like I'm a mix of both of these. That's fair. Um, and then the next one, fearful, avoidant attachment, a combination of anxious. Oh, anxious and avoidant. So that's me. Um wow, these individuals desire, intimacy, but fear being hurt, leading to unpredictability, conflicting behaviors. They often alternate between clinging and pushing partners away.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

That is you to a fucking T. Oh, wow. It's like they've met you. I deserve that. It's I love you with all my heart, but it is a roller coaster being your friend sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

I know. I tell you too. I'm like, just so you know, I know this is batshit crazy, but I'm gonna tell you what I'm thinking because it makes me feel better.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

I appreciate when you preface. You're very self-aware. You're like, I'm about to go off the rails, and I need you to just come along with me, and we both know eventually I'll get there.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Yeah, it's because like I know it's irrational, but for some fucking reason, talking to you, just I'm like, oh yeah, we I looped it back around. It's just like verbalizing it to you, but then sometimes I am on the money. You just need to go on your journey to figure out and they're really quick, they're not even journeys, they're just like little like cul-de-sacks. Not even a cul-de-sac, it's like a block.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

Most of the time, it's the same conversation, like it doesn't take you a long time to get there. You're like, I'm thinking it's this way, but wait, maybe I'm not considering this. Oh, and I guess there's this too. Wait, am I the one? And then I'm like, hi.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Yeah. Um, I feel like we all know about the awful relationship that I was in. I don't yeah, I feel like that led you there. There's a lot of like trauma in that, and there was a lot of emotional abuse. A little bit, yeah. And so I now and I had been gaslit and like all these horrible things that Johnny Bravo like just did that I now see as manipulation tactics to steal from me, rob, do all the fucking awful shit that he did. But it still plays a part in your head because you've been through that. So like so it makes you question things. Yeah, and then I'm like, but this is a normal. Also, he love bombed and lied verbally. Like, so I was like, there was just so much outwardly showing like false attention, love things like that. So now, like, I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, I'm used to that, and that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Well, and part of it is like you don't want to get hurt like that again because you got hurt over and over and over again. So that's I think that's why you go back and forth between you get clingy because like you want to have this happy, healthy relationship. So the clingy part, right? And then you panic the second you think something is wrong or something feels different or whatever because you're so used to being on old Heather from that.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Old Heather would be like burning the fucking bridge down now, who cares? Um, Heather now is like, Lacey, this is what Heather wants to do, but I feel like this is what I should do, and then this is what we're gonna do. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

But I used to be so much more mature than we used to be.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Oh my gosh, so much. Even in like my marriage with Luke, I definitely was like, Yeah, I feel like a lot of it stems from childhood, things like that. Having an alcoholic father, very unpredictability. There's like, what is that book? Children of alcoholic like children of alcoholics or whatever, just like the unpredictability or drug addicts, anything. Like, I don't know. My situation, my dad was like really high functioning, so I feel like that masks a lot of things and makes it work.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

I feel because that's my mom was the same way. She had a decent paying job, and nobody there would have known that she was like a crazy alcoholic drug addict.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Like they would have never known. And it just like perpetuates the sickness and the abuse that goes on in the home.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

And if you question things, that's fair. It's a hundred percent fair.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Or just like, because you never know. Like, I kind of realized like I never knew. Well, another thing with trauma, like, we scan situations and read people, like, we don't necessarily take people for like what they say.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

We like read between the lines with their Listen, I loved it when vibes became a thing. Because you can tell. I fucking explained the way that I evaluate people in a way that I never really could before. Like, I would try to explain to people like people would like this person, and I'd be like, I don't like this person. And they're like, Why do you not like this person? And I'm like, I don't know. It's just like this feeling that I get. Like, I don't feel like this is a good person. And for the longest time, people are like, that's weird. And now people would be like, Why don't you like this person? And I say, vibes, and they're like, Oh, I get it.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

I think that now I love the word vibes. Like in the 90s, it was very, you know, 2000 growing up. It was very like, I don't know, show, kind of like a show. Like you can just hide things nowadays without it's you can't hide shit because of the authenticity is like valued, and talking about your feelings is more like it you're supposed to, right? Like it's more talked about, more like personal development is something you do. It's not just like grin and bear and get fucking through. It's like find yourself, be like, listen to your intuition, but also you can us being ADHD, you being autistic.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

I don't know, I must be on the spectrum somehow because we're I think we all are on the spectrum to an extent. Um I just have a more extreme autism and a more extreme ADHD than you. That's all.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

That's all. That's all. Just uh same type, different font, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yeah, yes. I just love that so much. That's exactly what it is. Mine is more cursive and harder to read. It is. But I can read it.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

But I can read it, don't you worry.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

No, stop with the oh my god. I am concerned about my well-being.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Don't worry. You'll still be on the podcast every week.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

I can't even like I'm freaking me the fuck out. It's like you turn into a robot. It's so scary.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Oh, that's the other Heather. Button spread. Oh. Um, yeah, so attachment styles. Cold as that coming back around. So I so after reading those, we did a fearful avoidant, disorganized. Okay, hello. I try to be organized, which is weird because organization is.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

It's like it is not my strong suit. That is for damn sure. If it's not on my phone calendar, it is not ever happening.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

And you're dismissive avoidant.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

I'm dismissive, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

So yeah, that seems correct.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

We do have a quiz that we can take. Take. Yes.

unknown 31:43

Fast.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

We should do that.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Five minutes.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Alright. Should we do it together?

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah. There's a lot of buttons to get to it. Start the quiz. Click, click. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

This will be fun. Okay. Current situation. I'm in a relationship. Very happily. He's great.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

I am single.

unknown 32:07

Very much so.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

Um. How old are you? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

You're so lucky. I thought for sure you'd have to click a different bubble than me, and I was gonna rub it in your face. No. I only get a couple months where I get to do this. Where are you from? I don't like that you automatically put in the state I'm in. I know that's weird. Because I'm not even from that state.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Okay, so I'll read the questions out loud when you get there. Oh, it says please answer the following questions with respect to your mother or mother-like figure. If this person has passed away, we would like for you to answer these questions with respect to how you felt when they were alive. Okay. Okay. Um, whoops. I worked one. That this person won't care about me. No, what are you in the wrong one? No. I'm on one of nine. Yeah. It says I don't feel comfortable opening up to this person.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Oh no, we have different questions.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Oh, wait, no. Wait. Did I go to the wrong one? I might have pushed. Minus steps two of nine. Are you on two of nine?

SPEAKER_01 33:13

I'm on relationship stroke structure, mother, caregiver number one.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Yes, okay. So number one for me is I don't feel comfortable opening up to this person.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

We have different questions.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

Alright, okay. We can't do it. No. Okay. Are we just gonna go fast? Yeah, but I'm wondering if I messed up and pushed a button.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Oh no, it's just in a different order because that's my three of nine. Okay, so we'll just You read, I'll find.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Okay. I don't feel comfortable opening up to this person. This is in regard to your mother.

unknown 33:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Strongly agree.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

I worry this person won't care about me as much as I care about him or her.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

If it's your mother, why is it a him or her option?

SPEAKER_02 34:00

I know, because you can you can be anything now. Stop. I'm afraid that this person may abandon me.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

I talk things over. So you have to slow a little. I have to find the questions on mine, because mine are in a different. But I do have the same questions.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Are you worried she's gonna abandon you? Okay, found it. You're good. I talk things over with this person. Okay. I prefer not to show this person how I feel deep down. I find it easy to depend on this person. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with this person. I often worry that this person doesn't really care for me. And then it helps to turn to this person in times of need. Next is father caregiver. Which is funny because I have a better relationship with my mom. You have a better relationship with your dad. Correct. So my dad was like your mom. Right. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Well, my dad is not equivalent to your relationship with your mom.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah, me and my mom are really close.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

I didn't even have like a conversation with my dad until I hit that elk.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

Oh, yes, but you talked about this on the podcast. So you usually discuss your problems and concerns with this person. No. Um I don't feel comfortable opening up to this person. I worry that this person won't care about me as much as I care about him or her.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

I'm a good sorry, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

I'm afraid that this person may abandon me. I find it easy to depend on this person. I often worry that this person doesn't really care for me. I prefer not to show this person how I feel deep down. It helps to turn to this person in times of need. I talk things over with this person. Next one is relationship structure, romantic partner.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Okay, I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Alright, yay. I'm afraid that this person may abandon me. Same questions.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

So, okay, but I don't have that. So that's just you only you don't have to. Why it's giving me those questions? Because I marked that I'm single. I don't have a person, so that doesn't work.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Well, it's saying it's no, it's asking you in your romantic, in your romantic partnership. So it's telling you if you are currently not in a romantic relationship, please answer these questions with respect to how you felt in your most recent meaningful relationship. Ew, okay, do whichever one that you can do.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

No, well, the most recent one was scar uh cowardly line.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

Yeah, yeah. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with this person. It helps to turn to this person in times of need.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Is it just the same questions over and over?

SPEAKER_02 37:53

I don't think you need to keep I often worry, but the person doesn't really care for me. That's so weird. Some of these are just like, it's just weird. Um feel comfortable opening up to the person. You don't feel comfortable. I prefer not to show this person how I feel deep down. Find it easy to depend on them, and then you talk things over.

unknown 38:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Our next one, our general attachment style. Boom, boom. All right. I find it easy to depend on others.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

The fact that we both fucking chuckled. No, I can't just- That's gonna be a strongly disagreeable.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

Yeah, you're like the only person that I count on, besides like you're the you're you. You you and you know, I would, but we also don't ask each other for anything. Like, and we do, but we don't. Like, we will if it's like, but we don't like, you know how some people like automatically go to others to ask for help and things like that. Like, I wish I had that bone in my body, but I do not. I'm like, the only time I'm asking for help was the first time the universe was like, I'm gonna make you stranded in the middle of fucking Lake T Lake Tahoe when you have no way to get anywhere. So you I had to ask for help. You had to. Um, and that really was like the universe is trying to tell me something we laughed about it after.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

By the time I if if you get a phone call from me because I need help, by that time, like you know that I've literally exhausted every possible option that I had available to me to do it without having to call.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

So you don't talk things over with people either. I worry that others won't care about me as much as I care about them. I often worry that other people do not really care for me. It helps to turn to people in times of need. No. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with others. No.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

Um there's a lot of no's on this list.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Don't feel comfortable opening up to others. Well, but we agree with that one. I prefer not to show others how I feel deep down. Um, I'm afraid that other people may abandon me. Abandon in? Did I just say that? Abandon me. Okay. I've been up since 3, 4 a.m. Gross. It's got my cardio done though. I'm afraid that oh, abandon me. No. Okay. I don't care. Or what if you don't care?

SPEAKER_01 40:24

I don't care.

unknown 40:25

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

Okay, now self-esteem. I certainly feel useless at times. I take a positive attitude towards myself. You better put strongly disagree. At times I think I am no good at all.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

That sounds like a sad conversation.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

I feel that I have a number of good qualities. I feel that I'm a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others. I feel I do not have much to be proud of. Okay. I wish I could have more respect for myself. Interesting. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself. I am able to do things as well as most other people. All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Um my god, I just I'm so proud of myself. I had to stem so hard and I kept it in. I had to breathe through it.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Emotional regulation. We're almost done. I have difficulty making sense out of my feelings. We just talked about this. When I'm upset, I have difficulty getting work done. When I'm upset, I start to feel very bad about myself. When I'm upset, I feel ashamed of myself for feeling that way. When I'm upset, I have difficulty thinking about anything else. When I'm upset, I become out of control. When I'm upset, I believe that I'll end up feeling very depressed. When I'm upset, I have difficulty focusing on other things. Oh my gosh, this is so long. There's 16 questions. When I'm upset, I feel like I am weak. When I'm upset, I become irritated with myself for feeling that way.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

When I'm upset, my emotions feel overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

There are a lot of questions.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

What the f We're almost there though. I am confused about how I feel. When I'm upset, I believe that there is nothing I can do to make myself feel better. When I'm upset, I feel out of control. Did they not just ask us that?

SPEAKER_01 42:46

I have no idea this. I'm so like low. I am. I had to. I had to give up listening to you.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

Yeah, I figured you could just run through them because it would be fine. Uh when I'm upset, I have difficulty controlling my behaviors. Is that it? Gosh. Attachment at work.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

Oh my goodness. I'm not even there yet. Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Okay. Well, you can just go through. I'm just gonna read. Okay. I usually discuss the problems and concerns I have with my work with my coworkers. I'm afraid that all my co co-workers will quit. That would suck for you.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

I would be gone in a heartbeat. Well, no, actually. Co-workers are employees. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:25

Employees, yes.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Employees, I would be out. Co-workers.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Yeah. Um. I find it easy to pen on my coworkers. It helps to turn to my co-workers when in need. I often worry about my coworkers do not really care for me. I don't feel comfortable opening up. I talk things over with them. I am concerned that my coworkers won't care about me as much as I care about them. I prefer not to show my co-workers how I feel deep down. Okay, that's it. Uh the attachment project is continuing. Okay. What is this? You can skip a section. Okay, so mine is in I have like things. Oh, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. You have to say what's happening. It's asking me to like talk about like dates that I like and stuff, because it's like doing a I don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 44:29

Date that you like?

SPEAKER_02 44:31

Yeah, because it's doing a um it it's doing like a Survey based on my attachment type, like something else, and I would click on it.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

They're trying to get data off of you.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

Okay, well, mine's not surprising.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

It's exactly what we thought it was. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Fearful, avoidant, disorganized. I don't like it. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

I got the same thing!

SPEAKER_01 44:59

We are the same, Heather!

SPEAKER_02 45:03

We are.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

We are.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

Okay, so on that note.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

I don't know if that's like a win or a loss for me compared to what we thought. Does that mean I'm worse than I thought?

SPEAKER_02 45:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 45:19

I'm just as bad as we thought.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

So that was the one thing that I thought I had up on you because I'm normally worse on every other thing that we've taken. And so I was like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

I don't know if it's worse. I just feel like we I I don't have one or the other explosive. Yeah, it's like we have both of the bit of the bad ones.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Yeah, but I was really open to only have one this time.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

The push and the pull. Go away. No, come back.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

It explains me recycling and the zombie and all the things.

SPEAKER_02 45:51

Yeah, because you let but I don't do that. When I cut someone off and I fucking cut them off, like I who?

SPEAKER_01 45:58

I wish I was as good as that.

SPEAKER_02 45:59

I forgot the Flash's name.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

I got it. I'm so proud of myself. I remembered something.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

It took me like it was weird on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 46:10

I had to say it off mic.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

I yeah, and I was like, wait, what the fuck was his name?

SPEAKER_01 46:14

I do that a lot. Like sometimes the nicknames fucking take over, and I have to like sit and really fucking think about it. Or sometimes I ask my children and I'm like, hey, who is this? And they'll sometimes they know. So they'll tell me. Yeah, because some I'll use the nickname so much that then I will forget the person's actual name.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Like Hawaii. I don't know anyone's real name.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

So if you're the horse teeth, horse teeth, I forget his real name a lot, which is weird because I literally have a shirt that has that name on it, not because of him, but for something else. And I still forget that person's name from time to time.

SPEAKER_02 46:56

The horse teeth.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

It's such a horrible nickname. I'm a horrible person.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

No, it's not. It's very accurate.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

It makes me laugh.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

All the nicknames make me laugh.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

I just feel like they're for it. And I feel they are relatively accurate. So okay. Fearful, avoidant, disorganized. That sounds awful, actually, when you put all that together.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

So now that we're learning this, is it gonna change how we act? I mean, I feel like we know. I feel like we've been on our healing journey for a while and read I don't think this has anything to do, like our attachment style, like doesn't mean it comes out in whatever. It's just like we got fucked up in childhood.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

Well, we're better than we used to be. So we are working on it.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

But I also like I feel like I think for me, because I'm actively in a very healthy, loving relationship, so it's like healing and part of like, you know what I mean? Like, I think you don't. I think when you find that it will because it is, it's very like it's good to go through the normal again.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Like this is very much my whole thing is like I think this is why therapy doesn't work so well on me, is because like part the main part of therapy is to make you become aware of this type of information about yourself, so then you can make an adjustment and like move on. But it's like I already know all of this about myself, and yet I still for some reason can't make myself do better. Fix that, and then they're like, I don't know how to fucking fix that. I just know how to make you become aware of it so you can fix that.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

You're like this, I'm self-aware. That's not the problem. That's not where I need the we are also both so so self-aware. So self-aware.

SPEAKER_01 48:48

It's like it's not helpful. I almost sometimes I'm like, I would way rather like be ignorant to it. Dementia.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

This is where you're you're asking dementia to come in. Asking for it.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

I'm asking the universe for help, and it's like best I can give you. It's dementia.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

You'll forget about it from time to time. That's all I can do. Oh my god. You should have like reframed that. You should have been more specific because you're fucking luck. That's exactly how you're probably.

SPEAKER_01 49:34

The best I can do is defend. Oh. I'm gonna make a meme and post that on Facebook. No, Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 49:46

You think you're stable in any in any area, you're some dementia. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

Oh. Honestly, though, because like at this point, I don't remember like almost anything before I was 14 years old. Like, that's all gone.

SPEAKER_02 50:04

Oh, that's trauma.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

That just doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

So on our next episode, we're gonna talk about how when your childhood is spent in survival mode, your brain is like, oh, we don't need that shit. We're gonna forget that.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

No. But like it didn't get real bad until I can remember. So my brain, like, instead of being like, we're kinda cut off the most traumatic part, it's like that's where your story begins.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

That's how But I think like your memory is skewed when you have a lot of trauma, though, because you're not storing. Okay, so this is my theory.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

I am not storing anything.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

No, this is my theory. So, you know, like when you get blackout drunk, your brain's like, we're shutting off because there's too much shit going on.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

We just don't press record.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Yes, because it's like we need to worry about all this alcohol. So to keep you alive, we're just gonna shut off the non-functioning parts, like your memory.

unknown 51:04

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

So that is a really great way of wording that, but scientifically, that is correct. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

It's like you're not doing well.

SPEAKER_01 51:13

You didn't use science words, but you explained that really well.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

So, see, I'd be a good scientist.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

People would love you. Oh my goodness, you'd be so famous in the science community.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

Like, oh her. Oh, they would not like me. They would not.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

Yes, they would because you look like that and you would be talking science. Like they would fucking love you. Are you kidding me? Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:40

Well, my next venue. Yeah. Uh, next venture. Okay, so then, so yeah, your brain, you know, your dream, whatever. So then my theory is like you just have all the trauma and your brain's like, what the fuck are we doing? And so it just like chops off all that memory. It's like, we have to process now. Get rid of anything that we don't think. There's no room for this. No, so it's like childhood, fuck it. You don't need any of that.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

As much as crap as I give my own brain, because it is its own thing. We are two separate individuals trying to control the same body, and it's not going well. But I will give it credit where it picks and chooses because it's like, does she need to remember this traumatic traumatic thing that happened to her? Or does she need to know the song lyrics from every song that was made in 1963? And it picks the music every time. So good job, Brain. Good job. Good job. There's only so much space. And it decides to fill it with joy. No, it's just buried fucking deep, and that's coming out of your body. That's why you fucking hurt. It's literally pushed into the basement, which is my body. And now it's overflowing from the bottom.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

It doesn't know what to do. It's like oozing out everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

We're running out of room.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

That's why your body hurts. It's like no more music. We can't take it anymore. No more song lyrics, please.

SPEAKER_01 53:13

Push it down. So basically, my song lyrics is like the trash compactor for all my traumatic memories.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

I love that. And on that note, we'll talk to you next time. Oh my god. Lacey will be here. We'll we'll cue you in on the dementia how that's progressing.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Not even just like this one, but like the journey of this show is a fucking ride, man. It is. It is. I love that you guys go on it with us. Oh, more of you every week. We never know. Okay. We never know when we're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

We're gonna restarted this podcast from ground fucking zero. I don't know why we did that. That was not a smart move. But, anyways, we're like, let's just fucking rebrand and start over again. Um, we are like over 5,000 downloads.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

We have 75 episodes.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

Yeah, we're like cruising time for season four. That's gonna come out. Maybe that should be next week. Season four. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

Why do you gotta say everything like it's a threat?

SPEAKER_02 54:18

What is wrong with Mega Aries? Mega Aries. I am Mega Aries, by the way. And it's Aries season. It was my birthday. It was my birthday not very long ago. Oh, we talked about that in the last episode. Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 54:31

We have to stop. I'm not gonna make it. We have to go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:34

Oh, we gotta go rub some people down. That sounds really weird.

SPEAKER_01 54:37

We gotta go to work, guys.

SPEAKER_02 54:41

Go ahead, let your imagin run wild. Imagination run wild. Bye guys.

SPEAKER_01 54:45

Bye.