How I Handle Eating at Other People’s Houses

If you’ve ever been invited to someone’s house and immediately thought… what am I going to eat… is this safe… how do I not make this awkward… this episode is for you. 

Eating gluten-free at other people’s houses can feel stressful, especially in the beginning. Today I’m sharing how I personally handle it now, what I’ve learned along the way, and how you can approach these situations with more confidence and less anxiety.

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Transcript

Not Medical Advice Disclaimer

Carrie Saunders 0:00

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode. This podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. If you've ever been invited to somebody's house and immediately thought, what am I going to eat? Is this safe? How do I not make this awkward? Then this episode's for you. Eating gluten-free at other people's houses can feel stressful, especially in the beginning. Today I'm sharing how I personally handle it now, what I've learned along the way, and how you can approach these situations with more confidence and less anxiety. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Gluten Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, Kiri Saunders. In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything. But I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks, and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance, or simply choose to live gluten-free, this podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun, and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything. Welcome back to the show. Today we're talking about how I handle eating at other people's houses. You know, from the beginning, what it was like, and now, you know, I keep losing track of how much time it's been since 2011. Um, you know, how do I deal with this now? So early on, I didn't want to be the difficult one. You might relate to that too. I wanted to fit in. And sometimes that meant I might have taken risks I wouldn't take today. So if you are feeling like you don't want to be the difficult one, that you feel like a burden and it just seems so awkward, just know that you will get through this phase and it will get better. In the beginning, I tried to bring my own food, but I would sometimes feel nervous or feel like I was being rude bringing my own food. Um, I didn't really want to stand out. I felt kind of, I guess I'll say the word embarrassed again, embarrassed about having this food issue and wondering whether people would think I was making it up or not. Um, and sometimes I would accidentally eat something that I thought was safe. It kind of seemed safe, but it really wasn't safe. And I didn't want to offend the host. It was just, you know, it just seemed so awkward. I don't know how else to describe it. It was just so awkward, and I felt like I was being a princess or something. I don't know. It just seemed unreal that I had this food issue that I had no idea for over 30 years. You know, looking back, there was tons of evidence that I had celiac, you know, even into childhood. But it, you know, after 30 years of not knowing that, it was just really awkward and really weird. But what I did was I shifted and I changed over time. Now I have no problems asking questions or bringing my own food. So this all comes to confidence, and you'll just have to, if you're new, you know, you might need to practice this. Some personalities I think will, you know, have no problem with this transition, but other personalities, you know, people pleasers, which is one of the things I am. You know, I didn't want to offend anybody or and I wanted to make them happy. But you will gain confidence, you will will realize how serious cause contamination is, most likely. Most people are symptomatic. Um, if you're not symptomatic, you still need to treat it like you are. It's if you're celiac, you just really have to be super careful. And I learned from getting sick accidentally at, you know, at events that I, you know, thought I would be okay in, and I really, really was. And what I found was the symptoms I had after taking these potential risks just weren't worth it, you know, a migraine for days, you know, stomach issues for days. Um, really, I could deal with the stomach issues more than the debilitating migraines that I get when I get gluten. And while those symptoms are very annoying, it is part of it's your body telling you there's something wrong. So we need to make sure we're listening to that. So, what do I do now? I have a few different options that I do depending upon the situation. The first option usually is I bring a dish that I can eat. I love to bring our curried chicken casserole. You can find that recipe at theglutenfreeengineer.com. It's a complete meal. Others enjoy it too. I, you know, share it with others. What I do though is, you know, myself and my children and my husband will, you know, get from the dish first so there's no cross-contamination risk. Then we let everybody else have whatever they want of it. And then um, you know, everybody gets to enjoy this wonderful dish. This, you know, I know this is safe. I am contributed to the party. I'm helping out with the party, and I remove stress from the situation. It makes it much easier for us to enjoy our food when we know it's safe, right? You know, especially when you've been gluten-free for long enough and you know, just a little bit's going to, you know, bother your system because you're so healed now. It just makes things so much easier. So many times I bring a dish that I can eat, and it's usually a complete meal like that because that's got protein, uh, carbs, and veggies in it. And I think it's missing is fruit. Um, so it's, you know, it's a nice, great, complete meal to take somewhere. And then sometimes we eat beforehand. This can make sense when it's a large gathering. Um, maybe the timing is awkward where, you know, maybe that's like a later dinner and you normally get hungry anyway earlier. Um, it could be a situation where there's a high risk of cross-contamination. Um, one of my family members, you know, when we gather, there's a lot of us and we um are in a small space. Now, the funny thing is, well, not really funny, but we're finding that a lot of them have celiac disease now. So I feel comfortable, you know, eating there now when and I know which dishes are gluten-free. But in the beginning, our family was the only one that were celiacs. But now we've added uh, I think three or five more people and on top of our five people. So we're getting about half our celiac at this family gathering. So it's a lot better now. But in the beginning, many times we would just go ahead and eat beforehand so that we didn't worry about that cross contact. Sometimes the easiest way to enjoy the event is to take the pressure off the food, and that's okay. In America, here we, you know, a lot of our gatherings are surrounded by food, and it that makes it harder for somebody with food allergies or celac disease. And it can, you know, feel like you're hampering the event. But once you've realized, you know, sometimes taking the food away helps you enjoy the event even more. And it's okay to eat beforehand. That can really give you some power in your decisions in your gluten-free journey. And then let's say it's a small gathering, a small dinner party. What you might want to do is talk with the host ahead of time. You know, keep it simple, kind, but clear. For example, you might say, I have C Lac disease, so I need to be really careful with cross-contamination. Or if you're gluten intolerant but still highly sensitive, you can say similar. You know, I have a high gluten intolerance, I need to be really careful with cross-contamination. You could also say to the host or hostess, I'm happy to bring something I know I can eat. That may just cause such a relief from them to take the pressure off them. Or you can also say, Please don't feel like you need to cook anything special for me. I've said similar phrases to all these three before. And honestly, the person that's hosting will probably feel very relieved. They will probably, you know, feel like they're learning something, especially because they'll probably start to ask questions. At least that's what I've always found is they usually ask questions about, you know, what is cross-contamination? What really will get you sick and things like that. So it can open up a really cool communication and learning for both of you. Now, what are some of the mistakes I made along the way? There's definitely been, you know, family and friend gathering mistakes that I have definitely made. One time I was at an event that was, you know, just kind of like a very casual buffet party. Um, we were at a friend's house and she'd invited a bunch of her kids' friends and um the adults, either parents, too. And we were, you know, had a little buffet thing, and I went and just ate the things that I knew was gluten-free. Well, one of the things I did was there was a bag of chips that was gluten-free. I knew they'd already been opened, obviously, when I went to them and people had already gone through the line, but I thought, oh, it'll be all right. I'll just go and get some chips and you know, I it'll be fine, right? Well, it wasn't actually fine. They were after the buns. Uh, I actually got a little bit sick from it. Not like terrible, but sometimes when I get a little bit of gluten, it's worse than getting a lot of gluten, honestly, because it lingers in my system longer. And so it was really just the cross contact of somebody putting their hands in the bag that had, you know, bread on them. It can be as simple as that. It really depends on how sensitive you are as far as your cross contact. Um, really, anybody with celiac disease should not get any cross contact, even if you don't feel symptoms. Um, but for me, I do feel symptoms at low levels too. And then there was another time I was at a small gathering, and um, it was somebody that I trusted and somebody who understood cross contamination. But she cooked something in a cast iron pan that had previously had gluten in it. I figured out later. And I didn't really think about it when I got the stuff out of the time. I kind of thought, oh, maybe I shouldn't get this um food item. I don't want to say what it was, but I would just in case she's listening, because I don't want her to feel bad. But like, I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't get this food item out of here. And but I did anyway, like, oh, I'll just get a little bit and it'll be okay. I had a mild reaction, um, and it wasn't something that she thought about. You know, who who thinks about the cracks and crevices and cast irons holding on to gluten? Not really too many people, so totally not her fault. Um, I really probably shouldn't have, you know, gotten some food from there, but I did choose to, you know, say, well, maybe it'll be okay. Um, but you know, that's where we can get into trouble. So when we're like suspicious, but then like, well, maybe it'll be okay, is what we're thinking in our head. And then usually it's not. So even well-meaning people, people who are very knowledgeable, can miss hidden sources of cross-contamination, especially in something as uh nuanced as a cast iron skillet. So as you grow through this journey, if you're newer to it, or you know, maybe you're in the midst of it, but you don't have quite all this confidence, you're going to get more confidence as you do this. The more boundaries you set now, the better off you're going to be. Because you need to, you know, be thinking of this. This is about my health. I don't apologize for taking care of it. So just remember that. This is about your health. Don't apologize for taking care of it. So I have certain people that I trust to cook for me. These people understand my needs deeply. And then for most situations, I bring my own food and I don't apologize for it anymore. It's just what it is. People expect me to just bring my food. It will become easy if it's still difficult for you right now. Over time, I realize that most people just want you to be there. The food matters less than the connection. Even though it might seem that the food matters a lot in the beginning, once you start down this road, once you start getting used to setting your own boundaries, you will feel a lot less like a burden. You will feel a lot less like you're being left out. You will have a lot less anxiety before events, and you'll feel a lot more normal. I promise you will feel a lot more normal. You've just got to be ready to stand up for yourself and have those boundaries so that you can get to part where you're normal and you feel normal whenever you're in, you know, food gathering situations. So I want you to know it gets easier over time. You will build that confidence. You are allowed to set boundaries and you're not being difficult. You're not high maintenance, you're taking care of your health. Just remember that. If you want more practical tips like this, along with gluten-free strategies and recipes, you are welcome to join our newsletter. Just head on over to the glutenfreeengineer.com and you will see a link for the newsletter. And then a bonus tip I'd love to give is that if you're unsure about a situation, say you're invited somewhere and you're not sure about it and you don't have a way to ask, just bring something you know is safe. Having that backup plan makes everything feel easier, even if you don't need end up needing to use it. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Gluten Free Engineer. If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources, and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreengineer.com. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun, and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode. And we will see you next week. The Gluten Free Engineer Podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns, or advice specific to your health.