What to Say When Someone Doesn’t Take Gluten Seriously

 This episode is brought to you by Find Me Gluten Free—your go-to app for discovering safe, gluten-free dining options wherever you go!
Get your exclusive discount for our listeners at theglutenfreeengineer.com/findmeglutenfree
Because dinning out gluten-free shouldn’t be a guessing game! 

Transcript

Quick Disclaimer And The Problem

Carrie Saunders 0:00

Quick reminder before we get started on this episode. This podcast is based on my personal experiences and isn't medical advice. Have you ever had someone say something like, a little bit won't hurt you, or just take the bun off, and you didn't know what to say in the moment? These situations can feel awkward, frustrating, and sometimes even isolating. Today I'm going to walk through what to say when someone doesn't take gluten seriously, how to handle those conversations without being confrontational, and how to set clear boundaries while still maintaining relationships. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Gluten Free Engineer Podcast. I'm your host, Kiri Saunders. In 2011, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, a moment that changed everything. But I was determined not to let it hold me back. With my two engineering degrees, I set out to reverse engineer the gluten-free lifestyle, breaking down recipes, safety tips, travel hacks, and everything in between to rebuild a life I love. Whether you have celiac disease, gluten intolerance, or simply choose to live gluten-free, this podcast is for you. Join me each week as we simplify the gluten-free lifestyle, make it fun, and prove that you don't have to miss out on anything. Welcome back to the show. Today we're talking about what to say when someone doesn't take gluten seriously. So most of the time, this is not about someone trying to hurt you. It's about a lack of understanding. Most people don't understand celiac disease or they don't understand gluten intolerance. They confuse it with a preference or a trend. They also do not understand cross-contamination, and they're often trying to be helpful and not harmful. At least when I first started going, you know, and found out I need to be gluten-free, it was hard to think of it in this manner. I felt like it was kind of like a judgment or attack against me. But if I look back most of the time, it really wasn't. They were just confused and really didn't know what to say. They wanted to try to relate, they wanted to try to help in some way rather than just listening and understanding my point of view. So I wanted to give you permission to, and you know, just kind of a thought of, you know, it could be they're just trying to help you and trying to feel connected with you. So they may not be trying to attack you and make you feel terrible, even though sometimes it does. So just remember that most of the time it's it's a lack of understanding here. But I do know that it feels so hard in the moment. You don't want to feel rude with your responses. You don't want to make a scene, and sometimes you might freeze and not know what to say. Uh, because in your mind you might completely understand why this is really not a good idea. And the way you want to make sure you come off, you know, in a way that is not, like I said, rude. It's so easy to feel like you're being rude when you respond to things like this. And you're wanting to just protect your health, but you're also wanting to protect the relationship. So, how do you create this balance? How do you convey your needs and what you need health-wise, but also not, you know, hurt their feelings and help them understand. What I try to do now is I try to stay kind, but I also try to stay very clear that my health is something not negotiating on. I'm not negotiating on my health. And most of my family and friends now understand this and they don't even question it. But I know when you're newer at having to communicate, this is really easy to get in that trap where you feel like you just feel trapped, really. So, what I try to do is friendly but firm, you know, willing to educate if they want to be educated. Um, you know, try to come at it from an angle where you're where you're not being attacked. You know, try to feel like they're not attacking you. That'll help you respond better. Um, many times when we have confrontation, it's a good idea, no matter whether it's, you know, a gluten-free conversation that's confrontational or not. We need to like pause for a moment, not really suppress our emotions, but we want to, you know, kind of assess the situation so that we can respond without like anger type emotions, with more helpful type emotions. And then you can adjust based upon the situation as to, you know, who it is and things like that. But we also want to like kind of do a double check before you respond, make sure that you're, you know, in a good frame of mind before you respond. That's something that's sometimes hard to do, and they're probably have snapped at people before about not respecting my, you know, needs for my body. But we will learn, you'll learn this, you'll learn over time how to take a deep breath and respond with kindness and with potential education if they seem to be open to it, and that'll be a much better and create a stronger relationship between the two of you. So I do want to give you some example scripts you could use and you can modify them to sound like you, because I find that sometimes when we have examples, it's easier to build our own version of that example rather than starting from scratch. So if somebody says to you a little bit won't hurt you, what you can say is something along the lines like, for me, even a small amount can cause a reaction. I have to be really careful. Now that is not confrontational, it's just factual, it's just stating, you know, stating your situation. So let me repeat that again. For me, even a small amount can cause a reaction. I have to be really careful. So that's a great example of how you can respond to a little bit won't hurt you. Now, what about somebody that might say, just take the bun off? You could say, it's actually not just the bread. Cross contact is a big issue for me too. And when we take the bun off, there's still a little bit of gluten left on that food item. That could be, you know, it's very again non-confrontational, just factual, and you know, making a statement rather than having questions in our response there. So then what if somebody says it's probably gluten-free? Well, you probably want to say something along these lines. I wish I could assume that, but I've learned I need to be sure. And then you can elaborate a little bit more if you want, but sometimes simpler is better. So let me repeat that one for you. I wish I could assume that, but I've learned I need to be sure. Very simple, easy to say. Now, when somebody pushes back or minimizes your situation, you can respond similarly to this. I know it can seem strict, but this is a medical condition for me. So that's a really super simple way of responding to someone pushing back on you or minimizing your situation. So let me repeat that again. I know it can seem strict, but this is a medical condition for me. Many times that will get them to back off and maybe be a little bit more open to a you know further dialogue as to what's going on. So you want to just keep things simple. I find when we keep our responses simple, not overly complex, it leads to a better longer-term conversation around the subject. When you start getting all complex about your answer, that gives them more fuel to potentially judge, or I don't want to really well say, but judge, but sometimes I felt judge, you know, judge or um maybe battle against it. Depends on the person you're talking to. Some people won't be like that, but some people will. So making it simple kind of helps for all situations. So you when you're in a situation like this, you may want to choose to either educate or keep it short. So there's some ways I try to decide whether I keep it short or choose to educate somebody. If it's a close relationship, I generally will give a bit more of an explanation. Usually I know them better and it just makes more sense. If it's a casual situation, I usually keep it very simple and the other person will ask more questions if they're curious and want more information. I run into this a lot. Also, your energy matters. Where are you right now? Do you need to keep it simple on this day and in this moment because you're overwhelmed with other things? Or is it a good opportunity to educate? Use your best judgment on your energy as well. So early on in our gluten-free, you know, journey with our family, someone close to me didn't understand fully how serious this was. And I realized that I hadn't clearly explained it yet. They didn't understand the risk. I learned I need to communicate more clearly, and over time things improved. Sometimes people don't take it seriously because we haven't fully explained what it means to us. And sometimes they just haven't been exposed to enough to take it really seriously either. So we have to be patient with those around us, or it's at least a good idea. I'm not going to tell you you have to be patient, but it's a really good idea because it's really hard to be patient sometimes, but it just, you know, really helps that long-term relationship to making sure that we are patient with this. It's it's something I had to grow to learn so much. And then I want you to give you permission to have boundaries without guilt. You are not being difficult, you are not overreacting, you are protecting your health. So this is not about you being picky, this is about you being safe. So you having those boundaries, have them and you need them. You know, just make sure they're respectful boundaries so you don't ruin any relationships here. Um, and sometimes that might take time for the understanding to happen. So I really recommend having those boundaries without guilt. But what happens if they still don't get it? What do you do? You might need to repeat yourself. There's been a few people I've had to repeat myself over time. You might need to say more no more often than not, and you may need to remove yourself from the situation when necessary. Not everybody will understand, and it's not your job to make them understand, but you can still choose what is safe for you. Just remember that. Not everybody will understand. It's not your job to make them understand. You can still choose what is safe for you. I want to let you know that it gets easier with practice. You will find your voice and you can be kind and clear at the same time. You can be gracious and still have those strong boundaries. And I bet the other person will respect you even more once you have figured this out. And if you're unsure what to say, keep one or two of these simple phrases ready. Having those in your back pocket makes these situations so much easier and helps you not be frozen and get that conversation started that you really need to have. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Gluten Free Engineer. If you found value in this story, please share it with someone who might need encouragement on their own gluten-free journey. For more tips, recipes, resources, and even links to my YouTube channel, head on over to theglutenfreeengineer.com. It's your one-stop hub to make gluten-free living simple, fun, and full of flavor. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss out on an episode. And we will see you next week. The Gluten Free Engineer Podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I share my personal experiences and stories about living with celiac disease and navigating a gluten free lifestyle. This podcast does not provide medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical questions, concerns, or advice specific to your health.