The Wise Mind Happy Hour
Two therapists musing about the idea of an inner wise mind and how to connect with this psychic space in different contexts.
The Wise Mind Happy Hour
💍 finding Wise Mind before "I Do" 💍
48 hours before therapist Kelly Kilgallon stands under the chuppah to wed fellow producer Josh Bayer (🚨 NOT FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE 🚨), she decides to lay bare her innermost thoughts in this revealing episode of "Wise Mind Happy Hour"...Kelly's final episode as a NON-MARRIED WOMAN.
- music by blanket forts -
Hello everyone, welcome to a special episode of the Wise Mind Happy Hour. Tonight. I'm recording. It's nighttime, so I'm doing a little nighttime recording and, yeah, I'm doing a solo episode, a solo mini episode.
Speaker 1:In the final days before I get married, I wanted to record an episode and talk about, you know, wise mind. You know my approach to contacting my wise mind in the upcoming wedding weekend and, yeah, what that like and you know, and also just like update you generally about where I am with everything. Yeah, because it's so exciting. I mean I'm feeling really, really excited. Yeah, I'm it's Wednesday, and then we have a little welcome party on Friday, obviously the wedding Saturday and then a little brunch for some people on Sunday and, yeah, it's really so exciting.
Speaker 1:And I expected to feel a little bit more nervous, or like nervous, or like ragey, crabby, stressed, and I really don't feel that Some of that came earlier with just different things, like feeling unprepared for certain things. I've talked about some of that on the podcast. But yeah, I think at this point I'm feeling like really excited about everything and, and as I'm, I think what's helped with this is I've had like a few phone calls with friends this week who are coming and or even just like text exchanges and just feel so, you know, friends, like checking in on me and being so thoughtful about even the littlest things or like the most TMI things. Mia, you know that, texting me so nicely about my, my female problems that could come up during the wedding, yeah, I think I feel so like connected to everyone and and that is, I think that's the thing giving me like a sense of serenity and peace and actually, you know, it's funny, like as a bride I I've talked about this before you you do a lot of people do all these little kind of beauty Um, I wouldn't say procedures, cause that makes it sound like I'm like going under the knife but it's like beauty appointments, like spray tan and you get your nails done and your pedicure and hair.
Speaker 1:You know haircut, hair color for some people, I have some hair extensions, you know different stuff like that. And what's actually been so nice about doing all that isn't just like, oh, getting all these like glamorous things done. It's more like it's women who are the ones Although shout out to my hairdresser, sam, who has been less involved in my wedding process because he doesn't do weddings so much, but I still love him. But, yeah, it's mostly women doing this. So I also got a massage the special kind of massage that I was hoping would help with, you know, things with my menstrual cycle around the wedding.
Speaker 1:Um, and you know, it's all women that I'm interfacing with in this and and it's been so lovely like meeting these strangers who are so nice and doing these like really luxurious things to like make me have the best day, and it feels so lovely. They're so knowledgeable too and you know, just that's been so lovely. So, yeah, I think like surprising little moments have, I think, brought me to like a more mindful state where I'm appreciating the present moment and realizing like, oh, if for some reason, I don't have the perfect spray tan, I had such a lovely like chat with a woman who did my spray tan and talked with her about a bunch of things and she made me feel better about, oh, I'm breaking out because this and that, you know, she told me all about like different struggles she's had, like with breaking out and important events, and it was very connecting and so nice. So that's been such a nice unexpected element to all of this. So, yeah, I'm feeling pretty good and yeah, just, I'm still like piecing together some not things I'm going to wear that people are going to see, but all the things you have to wear underneath, like wedding dress, rehearsal dinner dress. I'm still kind of finalizing all that stuff and it's giving me a little bit of stress, but that will get figured out and I know it will. And my sister-in-law, alex, has been so helpful with that, sending me a million things, you know, options for things I can wear under my dress, which has been so great. Yeah, so I'm feeling good. Just, you know a few boxes to check.
Speaker 1:Tomorrow, josh and I will have a pretty busy day, but we're excited, and his mom and stepdad came into town. We had dinner with them on Tuesday. My brother and his daughters came into town and his wife on Monday. So we saw them Monday in the evening a bit, and Tuesday, which was so fun. They're so excited about the wedding. God, it's going to be so fun to have them there. It's going to be lovely and so fun. I think it's really going to come together and be special in so many different ways. Yeah, and so, in terms of me approaching the weekend with Wise Mind for me I don't know if John always feels this way, which I think is great. It was part of a great um us complimenting each other on this podcast.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, I, when I contact my own wise mind, there is, you know, a like strategic element to it that's grounded, that's kind of like secular, but for me there also is a sense that I'm contacting my inner spirit and I do associate the self as a divine part inside of me and everyone else. And when we connect to that part, that is where our self-worth truly lives, that's where the wise mind is. Those are one and the same. The self is right is that, you know, for me, and it is a spiritual place as much as it is, like in DBT, the emotion mind mixed with the rational mind, those blended together, can help form the wise mind. To me it's something I mean, it's the definition of the sum is greater than its parts and it really is a spiritual place. I heard the really amazing therapist and author, James Hollis, said you know, like it's the part of us it's not the part of us that we know so well, but it's the part of us that knows us and therefore is this like transcendent kind of part of our spirit. So for me, I really do see it that way and a lot of my getting to that part of me deep within is it's a process of like shedding and like letting go.
Speaker 1:So often I'll have to think, you know, let's say, I get really triggered by something in the next couple of days, you know, day before the wedding, on the wedding day, you know, something really bothers me. I find it hard to regulate my emotions. If I can do this and I'm not always successful at this and I definitely help guide my clients toward this, help them cultivate this is, you know, slowing down, noticing that I'm in that space. You know, having not just, you know, looking at whatever situation I'm suffering over as the entire world, but pausing and looking inward, right at the feeling state. You know, oh wow, I'm dysregulated, I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm ashamed, I'm fearful, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Looking at that and like just noting it first and then kind of looking at what do I need to let go of in this moment and for me it really almost always is something to be let go of, some clinging to be released, some thing in my reality or multiple things to be accepted, and don't mind my laundry going in the back. I I would turn it off as that is professional for the pod. But I definitely have like things I have to have dry by the weekend or actually by thursday because we have to like transport some stuff over, which is tomorrow for me. So I apologize for that, but it must be. But yeah, so, finding what it is in the present moment I have to release and let go of, and it could be anything really.
Speaker 1:For example, if a friend of mine or a family member of mine, let's say they didn't show up to their slot for pictures, or let's say they came up to me and said like I don't want to be in any of the pictures, I could imagine I would feel pretty hurt and maybe, maybe I could. There would be an option there for me to suffer over that. You know, really lament them not being there, you know, like voice all these judgments about the person, probably to Josh. You know, I can't believe it. That's terrible, that sucks. How dare they, you know, really really lean into suffering there. And I definitely do this.
Speaker 1:I've done this over the wedding process with different things and usually, you know, I have to first catch, like the suffering and the feeling that I'm, that I'm struggling with, the feeling that I am not really allowing is the truth. Because if I allow, if that happens and I feel hurt and I allow that feeling, that's when I usually move through it and transcend it, because that inner, wise-minded part of me is so much bigger than that and it's completely whole. That part, the self within, is completely whole as it is. It was born that way and contacting it is like remembering that way and it's contacting it is like remembering that and knowing that this moment is hurting, I'm hurting in it. There's pain here, allowing myself to feel that I move through and really do transcend and can keep moving toward the things that matter to me and are important in the moment. And so there I'm releasing this resistance to the feeling and that's where so much suffering comes in.
Speaker 1:John and I have talked about that a bunch. But letting go of pushing, pushing, pushing against the feeling of hurt or sometimes trying to solve it right, trying to solve the feeling by bitching about the person, judging them, telling everyone with an earshot, telling every blade of grass, as I say sometimes, that this person wronged me and I'm pissed and you know more, not trying to solve it, not trying to control it, not trying to resist the feeling, just allowing that energy in the body of hurt for a moment, because that will come up. You know it's my wedding. You want it to be like a joyous, celebratory day, but it's a day In a human life. There's going to be some pain, some, obviously, some mistakes, some like unfortunate things.
Speaker 1:I've been like looking at the weather and kind of panicking. Maybe I'll look at it right now, live on air, so I can panic with all of you. Let's see. Okay, yeah, so we have an outdoor event on Friday and, yeah, there is a 45% chance of rain. You know I really could suffer over that a lot and feel a lot of pain about it. Benefit me be necessary. If it rains, it rains and we will plan around it and it won't affect the essence of the event.
Speaker 1:Josh and I getting married, celebrating with our friends and family, really trying to just allow it to be as it is and in this moment, to just allow it to be as it is and in this moment I'm finding that something I'm able to do. I'm just really excited, so excited to marry Josh, you know, and, and so happy to do it with all our friends and family and I just, you know, I can't wait. I can't wait to read my vows to him. We're both going to write a handwrite our vows in our little booklets tomorrow. Can't wait to dance. Our band is so great, we're so excited about them and it feels so special at this moment knowing everyone's coming into town and and excited and John's going to be there. I can't wait.
Speaker 1:I'm sure there'll be nerves on the day and, just like I was saying with like being pissed about something if I feel nervous, I think for me to slow down and realize I have to let go and feel this. If it's here, allow it, allow the feeling in my body and that helps me move through and transcend it. You know, that's like the very simple pathway to the wise mind. Is that? What in this moment do I need to allow that I'm resisting, that I'm pushing against that? I'm trying to solve or control? Where can I let go? Where can I shed something? And, as I always am also thinking about like shadow, and we are going to do an episode, a full episode on shadow, shadow parts, parts of us that have been disavowed.
Speaker 1:I really do in my work practice with my clients that coming to our self-worth involves like embracing all of us, all of ourselves and every human trait there could be, because we possess all of them as full human beings. So finding often this means, you know, it's easy to accept things that are pleasant about us, that we get recognition for and praise for. But usually the challenge for all of us, meaning the mission for all of us, the journey for all of us, is to accept the parts of us that are kind of, you know, we think of as ugliest, as most abhorrent, as the worst, right To use a judgmental word, that's what we try usually to hide in order to feel worthy. And my true belief and I see it in the work that I do with my clients is the reverse that finding those, naming those and fully embracing those parts of us as as parts of any full human being. This could be being vain, sometimes being aggressive, sometimes being, you know, passive, sometimes Sometimes even a word that's as harsh as like pathetic.
Speaker 1:You know, finding, okay, what are those parts of myself I've kind of tried to wall away, to feel whole to myself. I've kind of tried to wall away, to feel whole. Those are the things to embrace, to actually feel that sense of wholeness, connect to that wise mind, connect to that self-worth. So for me. You know there's a few shadows and I'll get more into this in a shadow episode but yeah, I'm thinking about those and thinking about even on my wedding day.
Speaker 1:Let myself have parts that are not so shiny and easy for people. If they're true, you know, if they're honest, parts of me as a full human being, letting them be there and accepting them and, just like emotions, shadows when we accept them, we tend to transcend them. They tend not to overtake us, which is usually the opposite of what we fear, which is, if I let myself be vain, if I let myself be stupid, if I let myself be cowardly, then that's all I'll ever be, that will consume me, and usually that allows us to integrate these parts of us into the whole and feel whole. And that's where self-worth is. Instead of feeling good and right and perfectly shiny, the deep, true feeling of self-worth is wholeness, and that's what I want to feel on my wedding day and I do think I'm feeling that now. I mean, even talking to you all about this right now is making me feel this. But yeah, I really want, I really want to practice this, coming to my wise mind so I can feel that wholeness. Notice dysregulation, notice shadows coming up, see where I need to let go, what I need to accept in the moment, what I need to embrace. So that's my intention.
Speaker 1:Going in, I also intend to just have like a really fucking good time and just you know, dance, have fun, have fun cocktails. Just you know, dance, have fun, have fun cocktails, be with my family, be with my friends have them all together in one room, which is so incredible. It's going to be that kind of like in that sort of like role where you're going around to every table and you're the center of attention so you have to welcome everyone and chat with everyone. Like a part of me is nervous about that, but not the whole of me, just a part is feeling a little pull of anxiety at that and right in this moment I'm going to expand around it and embrace it. You know that's a normal way to feel. You know, when it's a large number of people together and they're there for you, you know can feel like pressure, because it is pressure and it's okay to feel distressed about that.
Speaker 1:I'm saying this to myself as much as anyone else out there that that's a feeling to be felt and experienced, to be moved through, instead of something to be solved. So that's, that's what I'm going in with, um and yeah, as I'm sitting here tonight, I'm spray tanned, did my nighttime skincare routine, I had dinner a little solo dinner because Josh is out with his family and yeah, I mean I'm ready to roll, ready to get every last task done tomorrow and just have the weekend. It's going to be so much fun. And then after the weekend there's no more planning, the pressure releases and that will be wonderful too, and I'll be married to my best friend as cliche as it is to say, it's true. And yeah, just so many exciting things in the future. The summer is ahead. It's just, you know, the future at large. It's so great. So I'm really excited and also feeling calm.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I wanted to just pop on and tell everyone about my head state in my last hours last days as an unmarried woman Waited a long time for this. I'm 36. Definitely, when I was like a teenager, didn't think I'd be getting married at 36, but so happy wouldn't change a thing. This was my journey and again, like knowing like it's meant for me. If that's what my journey is, it's meant for me and yeah, I'm going with that and I'm accepting it. I'm not resisting any part of that.
Speaker 1:So thank you all for listening to me, basically just like live journal out loud. I hope this was helpful to some extent. But yeah, yeah, I'm going to close there. I mean, thank you for letting me, for letting me muse about this, and yeah, I will. I will be back soon with the full crew, josh and John, and it'll be great. So we will talk about things post wedding. So, yeah, I hope everybody else has a great weekend to everyone out there. Yeah, if you want to contact me, um, work with me again, as always, you can reach me at kkpsychotherapycom. And yeah, thanks everyone for listening. Thank you to blanket forts for our intro and outro music. Okay, take care, wise mind Happy hour podcast is for entertainment purposes only, not to be treated as medical advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek medical attention or counseling.