The Wise Mind Happy Hour
Two therapists musing about the idea of an inner wise mind and how to connect with this psychic space in different contexts.
The Wise Mind Happy Hour
We Had A Wedding - Wise?
Josh busts out of his tux, Jon steps on glass, and Kelly legally changes her first name to "Bingo" - all of this and MORE in this exclusive (and somewhat wise) look into Josh and Kelly's recent wedding.
- music by blanket forts -
okay, well, welcome to the wise mind. Happy hour yay, the wedding spectacular yes, we're so excited we're here, me and john, of course of course your lovely co-hosts. And josh is here, our producer, my now husband, wow wow, we're talking about the red wedding.
Speaker 2:For those who aren't uh in the know, what's interesting is the the last episode we had. I forgot I called in.
Speaker 1:I just thought about that right now, yeah, yeah, so we did that by phone and now I'm back in the studio, and now you're back from the airwaves and you both look different. Yeah, really.
Speaker 2:Married. You guys looks different, are you?
Speaker 3:saying that truthfully. I think so. Wow, there's like an aura.
Speaker 1:I love that. I feel like Josh looks different. And let me tell you, we went to a sushi restaurant in Delray Beach where we did our little mini moon, the guy who seated us. He said to josh he goes, have you seen our portfolio? And josh was like we both didn't even know what he meant well, yeah, what does that even mean?
Speaker 1:he's like oh, I'll come by later. And he like showed us on his phone all the different like location branches that they'd opened up of this sushi place across the world, almost like he wanted josh to like invest and I was like, honestly, I feel like you wearing your wedding ring like made this guy the gears. I've got a high roller yeah like something about your vibe yeah it was wild. I was like a portfolio. I was like, I guess, has anyone ever said that to you?
Speaker 2:um, no, well, you don't wear your ring, but I yeah. Maybe that's the reason to wear one.
Speaker 1:But no, I think it is palpable.
Speaker 2:I think it's different.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow.
Speaker 3:The energy, I feel lighter. Yeah, me too Makes sense, I think part of it is the stress of the planning being over. Yeah, I do think part of it is being married.
Speaker 2:I do think part of it is wearing the ring. Yeah, and those are the three parts. Well, maybe we should. I mean, it's bold, but previous episode how wise is it? Question was how wise is it to have a wedding? Yeah, so yeah we had thoughts, we had before and now and we have thoughts.
Speaker 1:What are the thoughts? It's almost like the thoughts are the same and the thoughts are different because it's like we were more than I mean you had had your wedding, obviously, so you were speaking from direct experience. We were in the middle of planning but maybe hadn't had some of the most extreme stress come up yet, Most kind of difficult parts um most kind of difficult parts.
Speaker 1:So I think I still would say it's wise to have a wedding, because the wedding itself spoiler for our own episode was a great from my perspective. It was a dream come true truly in every way. It was like from friday through sunday. I mean I had the best time.
Speaker 1:The one thing that was hard and my brother said this, he's like your own wedding is very almost like drug fueled in the experience, because it's like every second you're turning to a new person and I will say like there were moments I was like looking at my table of friends, which you were at, a little bit being like, oh, there's a part of me that wishes I could like just hang with this crew, my cousins.
Speaker 2:I see all the time there was one of me that wishes.
Speaker 1:I could like just hang with this crew. My cousins I see all the time. There was a part of me feeling a little guilty about not getting enough time with my cousins, but I see them so much that I felt less bad about that. That group of friends, our old coworker Maddie shout out to.
Speaker 1:Maddie, you know, being in town, and my all my friends that were in town, you know it, my friends that were in town, you know it's like they're never all together, that group right. So yeah, I think that was was like almost just like a what do they call it? Like dangling the bait, like a tease, a little bit um, and I wanted even more time, but then sunday, I feel like we got to sit together I got to sit with my other friends too, and yeah, so that I mean it was a dream come true, yeah I thought.
Speaker 2:I mean from my perspective, it's like 100 wise especially. There's the the guilt in saying this, but I had nothing but fun and enjoyment at it. There's no stress being the friend and the guest yeah and it was amazing, the, the venue was amazing, the like, just everything about it was great, I mean I was able to get up and get a cappuccino at us.
Speaker 3:You had a barista yes, black, that was what was the coffee place black and tan your mom, I never saw this. I never saw this. Well, it was incredible because once they got the, the desserts, out.
Speaker 2:Yes, sarah reminded me. She was like do you want to go get a cup? I was like I am gonna go. Well, it was incredible because once they got the desserts out, sarah reminded me. She was like do you want to go get a coffee? I was like I am going to go get a coffee. It was like this is great.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Josh's mom loves desserts.
Speaker 2:But even like the, just like hearing your vows and like all of that stuff was like I mean, mean, this is why you have a wedding like this is beautiful, it's so heartfelt, it gives you chills. You know you hold, you know I'm holding sarah's hand, or we're looking at each other because it's like it's just like all the warm, all the fuzzies and it's of course, it's like 100 wise oh, that makes me so happy that you two like felt it and it made you, yeah, like vibe together.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so wonderful. That's been my favorite part hearing people react to the ceremony and say they loved that because, like, there's plenty of weddings where the ceremony is tough, you know, or it's like kind of a non-thing not as emotional.
Speaker 3:Yeah, more religious maybe, which could be important to people for religious reasons, but usually the less religious the more emotional.
Speaker 2:If I were to be biased, yeah yeah, I mean I I felt like it was a nice mix of tradition with your own spin. Okay, I'm glad.
Speaker 3:Every time the rabbi started speaking hebrew, I like started to panic a little and I was like, is kelly okay with this? Is this gonna? Feel like too jewish like I'm like I don't know, I'm the jew here, I don't know what he's saying. Like this is our wedding.
Speaker 1:Like this suddenly feels not personal, uh, but then you know that wasn't the overall I thought it was great yeah I think it wasn't as much because, really, like, we actually just went to a wedding on saturday that was a full Catholic mass. Yeah, that's like an hour, right yeah it was an hour it felt really the wedding itself that my cousin had was amazing, but the ceremony was pretty impersonal. The priest got all their information wrong and said my cousin's name wrong several times. And I forgot it one other time. Who so?
Speaker 3:She said they met in med school and um they said that her husband went to med school.
Speaker 1:When she went to med school, which of course then brings up like some gendered stuff.
Speaker 2:Right, right, you know. Yeah, no, it felt like it did not. It didn't feel too religious. It felt very personal and it felt very um you like both of you like that to me and and I like some tradition. You know, I like the idea of having some traditional things embedded in, but not a full. You know, it doesn't have to be like a full-blown thing. So yeah, I don't know, that was just my perspective. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was great. Oh, I'm so glad you say that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, two things I have to bring up Number one about your wedding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Now, I didn't tell you guys this before, so I'll drop a bomb here. I'm excited.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I've never seen people do this. The flip flops were huge. Yes, love the flip-flops. For those of you out there, if you're gonna have a wedding, do it the way that josh and kelly did it, which was for those people wearing high heels yeah as dancing began, just what? Four boxes full of just flip-flops different size flip-flops. Yeah, and maddie immediately ran and looked at my wife sarah and was like what size she was, like the smallest ones and they were going fast.
Speaker 1:They were going fast, people were running to get flip-flops, totally, which was someone had to tell me they were there because I was like my feet are killing me and my friend jesse was like there's flip-flops, just get the flip-flops.
Speaker 2:There's tubs of them, oh my god.
Speaker 1:And then I ran and got mediums and I put them on. I was like, oh, I definitely need a large now my feet are even more uncomfortable. I was like man, I was really open, I was a medium.
Speaker 2:The second thing was whatever was in those to-go those like that noodle appetizer was amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that was vegan and gluten-free.
Speaker 2:Really, because people were like bird-dogging those things across across the room, I stepped on broken glass to get one. Somebody broke a glass, dropped a glass on the floor on the floor and sarah's like I gotta get one. I was like and, and I think dana's husband evan wanted one or something and I was in dana wanted one, and I was like I see them. So I was going over there and one of the people who was working was like oh sir, there's a glass there. I was like yeah, yeah, and I stepped.
Speaker 1:I like stepped on it. Nice try, nice try.
Speaker 2:I'm getting one of these to-go containers with chopsticks, because they were amazing.
Speaker 1:I love it, we. It's funny because I don't even think we predicted that that would be a hit every time we were just seeing people with them, but nobody walking around like no, because of the waitstaff, because they were just taking them, so it was like you would turn around and there'd be somebody else with this to-go container, wow.
Speaker 2:And we were like where are these coming?
Speaker 3:from.
Speaker 2:We thought there was a table that was like maybe serving, so we were walking around, but then when I saw that woman I stepped on broken glass for it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. That was the sacrifice. I'm obsessed with that. I love it, oh it was great though, oh, I'm so glad I feel like what I we didn't get to experience so much due to like running around was the cocktail hour piece yeah, you all were doing your cake and stuff at that.
Speaker 2:Were you taking pictures with the cake? We?
Speaker 1:did. We did like our own little break where we got to like breathe and be together and be married for a second, just the two of us, um.
Speaker 1:And at one point when we went in that little back room, josh's um step sister, erin, was pumping in the room oh yeah, which we were like all right, um, but then we got out of there, or then she got out of there, which was nice, but yeah, um, that that was the part, and we really like we had gone to a wedding where, like, the bar was in a different place at the wedding and it created a little bit of like a bottleneck, so we were really insistent about that square bar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was not an issue to get a drink. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. And there were like multiple bars, because once you had dinner there was the whole bar in the dining area.
Speaker 1:Yes, which I do think shout out to your mom, who really like I'd never thought about this, but like the flow of a party is so important. It's not just the stuff you have, but it's like where you put stuff creates like movement. So people aren't like waiting in line for a drink or a snack or whatever and, yeah, it's like having a little bit more the venue like kind of put up a stink about us doing the square bar, even though the production team was like, oh, we could do it in a square and we were like genius, his mom, josh's mom, lisa shout to Lisa got some serious pushback about that but she held strong it worked really well.
Speaker 1:We're doing it, so I'm so glad that worked out Beautiful venue. I love that venue.
Speaker 2:Great space and the team.
Speaker 1:when I saw the room, I just started crying, Like no one was even in there.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean the amount of flowers you had alone in that room was wild.
Speaker 1:I couldn't believe. It was a dream come true.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was like your mom. I love how your mom would say about she's like the circular tables. We need drama, drama. She kept saying that about those plants and I was like you know what they were drama, and I also love the long table with, like, the little flowers you know, so you could see over, so fun it was beautiful now.
Speaker 2:So that was two things. Maybe I had three. Is your nickname kelly bingo? Yeah, do you?
Speaker 1:want to take us on a job. Now it is. Now it is yeah.
Speaker 3:So my grandpa gave a speech. Grandpa Papa Sandy Routport, who I believe we've talked about on almost every episode.
Speaker 3:Yes, and he lived up to the hype he lived up to the hype so we were going to have him not give a speech, because he can be a little long-winded. He can be known to like give it 20 minutes like rambling speech. He's like one of the funniest people I know, but he's not always the most um succinct, so we actually didn't give him a slot. We were gonna have him and my grandma do like a blessing, like I I said 30 seconds to a minute tops and they were going to give us a non-denominational blessing, just of love and marriage, marriage blessing, yeah. So my grandpa gets up, takes the mic. I think was he the last speech? Yeah, uh, was he, I think it was before your mom and alex, and yeah, he was before yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but maybe after my dad.
Speaker 3:I can't remember.
Speaker 2:I think he went after your dad, okay, anyway.
Speaker 3:He generated his own slot, took the mic.
Speaker 2:Love a rogue agent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and called me, introduced the two of us. He called me Josh-oo-ah.
Speaker 1:Which he does call you, because he said that to me when I first met him yeah, my brother's name is zach, and he would say joshua zachua and then.
Speaker 3:So that's a known nickname to at least our family and if you know me, like joshua, that's not a stretch.
Speaker 2:So even if you don't, if you don't know, then you know.
Speaker 3:And then he says Joshua Kelly, bingo yeah, which no one had ever heard.
Speaker 1:I had never heard that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he might have. He made it up. Yeah, but then he explained it. If you were listening to the speech he said because when Josh met Kelly, it all clicked into place. It was like bingo.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bingo, yes, yeah, met kelly. It all clicked into place. It was like bingo yeah, bingo yes, yeah, yeah. No, I got it. It was just, it was funny, incredible. It's so great delivery.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and he did tell me originally that meyer had said that thing like oh, I think we just met josh's wife, because you told me that later right, which is so sweet.
Speaker 3:Um, I did win bingo and you know what was so funny.
Speaker 1:I was like we we hadn't been dating that long and josh's whole family was in town and my friend leo was in town for the weekend so I was like you know what, this weekend we might just end up not really seeing each other.
Speaker 1:I said that to josh and you were kind of like you didn't want to put anything on the calendar. And now, knowing your family, I know why because there's tons of plans and all that stuff and it was a bat mitzvah. And then, right when we were like parting ways and I was like probably won't see each other, you were like, well, let's just like play it by ear. And I was like, oh, play it by ear that I might meet like your entire family, essentially. And then it was like sunday afternoon and you guys were like getting ready to send your family back and you were like do you want to come down to Alex's apartment? And like meet my grandparents, my mom, my stepdad, my cousins and I had met Alex, but only once, and her husband and I was like Whoa, I was kind of like I hadn't even like showered that day.
Speaker 1:You know, it was like Sunday. I was with my friend. We like woke up and we're just like hanging out. And leo was so funny, she's like I mean, you're going, you're gonna meet them. She's like just roll your pants and go. And I was like, oh, thanks for telling me I definitely need to roll my pants I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I like was like I guess I'm meeting like everyone, so I went and bingo well actually I think I told maybe I told you this. When I walked in, his grandpa started laughing. I could not stop laughing, like to the point where I was and I looked at josh and alex and they were like I have no idea what's going on and I was like he, I mean he could not stop laughing.
Speaker 1:He had his hands over his face, just laughing and laughing, and I was kind of like okay, I guess I haven't even done my best material. I kind of didn't know what to say right but I think it was like I, he wasn't what I wasn't what he expected, or in a good way and maybe in a good way.
Speaker 3:When he finally explained it, when I had a chance to ask him not in front of you, he said I was laughing uncontrollably because the second I saw her I knew she was the person you were gonna marry. Oh, that's so. It was like a laugh. It was like a joyous kind of psychic laughter of like wow, josh just met his life partner just like giddy yeah, yeah but he was like couldn't breathe I mean he couldn't stop.
Speaker 1:I think he was like embarrassed oh man, yeah, and was too.
Speaker 2:Have you worn the Obsession perfume yet? Yeah, I think, or at least eaten the Red Rope licorice, or?
Speaker 1:whatever I have not done either, because I believe those were also gifts from him. Yes, yeah, he brought the Obsession to the wedding.
Speaker 2:Well, to the, to the welcome party, no, the brunch. That's right, he put that down. Yeah, which?
Speaker 1:was great. Oh my God, your grandfather gave you an obsession.
Speaker 2:Just like puts them on the table as we're eating brunch. That's great, yeah, incredible. Lived up to the hype.
Speaker 1:Incredible.
Speaker 2:Exceeded actually.
Speaker 1:Totally, totally, Very different than like Catholic grandparents of course yeah. But no so great. And then my niece Saoirse who's? Four and a half, when we saw her, she kept calling Josh and then she called me Bingo.
Speaker 2:I was like nothing gets by her. Did you all feel like you were in the? I mean because it is the Wise Mind. Happy Hour.
Speaker 3:Did you feel?
Speaker 2:like you were in the flow, like in the wise-minded space, like you were able to embody that, be present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you think?
Speaker 3:I would. I would say more than I ever have been, almost ever.
Speaker 3:Well, it was funny because I was saying beforehand I was saying in a, in a hopeful way, that I was like I feel like this could almost be like a mushroom trip, where like it's overwhelming in a way that's like so overstimulating, but in a way that almost like forces you to be so insanely present, like almost in a fight or flight way, but it feels really good like, not like almost, I guess, like almost a little scary, but in a way that feels like pretty much 100 positive. Yeah, and I mean that's how I felt the whole weekend.
Speaker 3:Like just kind of like constantly stimulated, like I was being like ping pong balled from like person to person and like so much time with Kelly and just feeling like all this love from like everyone and just I guess like really feeling like, oh, this is why you have a wedding, like it's a celebration of how much you love each other, and you say the vows and you really like viscerally feel like, oh, this is the person I'm spending my life with and then you have like literally all your favorite people around you, kind of just like sharing in that and getting everyone together. Who's like never together and yeah, I think I was. I wish I could be as present as I was that weekend and the rest of my life.
Speaker 3:But it's funny because the the 48 hours before the wedding I was like really kind of starting to panic and like almost was the most anxious I'd been during the whole process. I was like I feel like there's all this pressure to have like the best night and the best weekend of my life. I'm like I I'm like worried, I'm gonna like choke basically sure like I saw my mom.
Speaker 3:She came to town and it was like the wednesday night before we were getting dinner together and I just like, was like dead inside, like I was like I was like she was like what? And I was like I feel like you've like put so much energy into the wedding and like so much money into it and so much planning, and like I like can't get it up for you right now, like I'm just like feeling stressed and like all this pressure to have so much fun and that's a josh thing.
Speaker 1:Like you, if someone expects you to have a good time, you like go cross-eyed and it's like I can't and I'm.
Speaker 1:I luckily don't suffer from that, it's like I can sort of like oh yeah, you know I can. Now, if I'm like pissed off, I can't do it really. But I think on like a general day, if someone's like, oh yeah, let's just have a good time, like I can sort of get myself there, yeah, and I. But I think also like you know it's funny, I recorded that episode the pre-wedding like oh, here's my headspace, and then basically I was telling John this basically immediately after that, you and I like oh, in a fight, well, I blew it all up well no, I think I did too, though, because it's like you know, I wanted to go in like with that, you know, like that wise minded, like spaciousness of, of you know, whatever comes up, if I open to it, that's the best route to
Speaker 1:feeling present to letting it be the best it can be. And then immediately, you know you were in an anxious mood and I just resisted that. I was just like how dare you be in this mood on my wedding weekend? And I think I mean I know that wasn't fair and I think I didn't say that to you, but I said that was my energy. You know where it's like can't you just like be cool about this and like we only get this once, like can't we just like enjoy it? And I think those, I know, are all the wrong words to say when you're in that place. What's actually more helpful is like okay, you're here, let's move through it, let's open to this energy because it's here and we can't control it and I was way more like you need to shut the fuck down and like be cool right?
Speaker 3:yeah, no, totally, and I and I think I think it was helpful because it did, in a way, ultimately help me snap out of it and be in like not the best mood of my life but have a little bit more of a positive energy. Yeah, but I feel. I mean, I guess I'm curious Am I pivoting? Am I not answering your question enough?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:No, you stressful time.
Speaker 2:Oh, it totally is.
Speaker 3:Being like worried, kind of being like I can't imagine, like like I feel like I can't handle the pressure almost. And then I know, like Friday, like the second festivity started, I just was in like the best mood ever and then I was like for the whole weekend and it was this abrupt shift.
Speaker 2:so I'm curious how yeah, no, I think that's 100 accurate, I think leading up to once the train or whatever like leaves the station, where it's like events start happening. I feel like you're in like a dead zone of you're waiting for people to arrive, you're waiting for things to start, but they haven't started yet, and then you've taken time off work or whatever so you just have like you just have like idle time yeah, yeah and whether that's 24 or 48 hours or whatever it's like, you're just kind of like sitting in this space and for us anxious people probably, the anxiety just starts it just takes hold because you don't know what else to do, you and there's nothing
Speaker 2:really to do at that point because, again, most things have already been done, so the only thing to do is just catastrophize everything that's gonna go wrong. So, but I think, from my recollection of of my wedding you're I think the way you described it is very accurate it's once things start like, once the events start, then, yeah, it felt like because then, right, you're starting to interact with the people you love, you're starting to see the people oh yeah there's still some stress, but it's just, yeah, it's more of like that, oh, like this is why you're being seen which is very important right like this because this is something to be you know,
Speaker 3:for people to witness and yeah, yeah, I think I actually told the first like 25 people in her I interacted with. I was like, honestly, I've been feeling like really stressed, like but now I'm feeling great and then after a while I like stopped saying that, but it was but it was almost like helpful to like say that to people and like have them, like laugh at it and be like, oh, like typical.
Speaker 3:You like this is so exciting and like yeah I was a little bit like yeah, of course, that's how I'd respond and like yeah everyone's still here anyway, and they're not judging me for it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, that felt really good I remember one of my friends having like, right before you know that, the ceremony, just like kind of having like a panic attack and and almost like he was like god, like I've not, like I'm having like shortness of breath and this and that and you know he was like talking to me about it and and you know I was like, yeah, it makes sense, like this is a big deal, right it's not you're not doing anything wrong like this is a big deal.
Speaker 2:And so, you know, I think just voicing it and putting it out there and having people respond to it in a way that's like yeah, like either sure, classic you, if they know that you're anxious and also not making a big deal about it, or like I think that that is cathartic in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know something that's funny. I've just realized, like when you said the thing about like being seen, that was like such a struggle for me in the whole planning process and I've talked about in this podcast so much and I think I even mentioned it last week that like totally fell away for some reason. The like discomfort with being seen, like I don't, I almost felt like in this way, like princess diana, like totally comfortable, just like I don't know what it was. It was like maybe it was like there was such a high volume of attention I couldn't even conceptualize it, like I just had to experience it and it was. There wasn't almost even an option to like shy away from it, it was just like bombarded.
Speaker 1:So I was kind of like all right, I guess I'm just gonna like roll with this be on display and enjoy it and I think I really did like I don't think I did a good job of like at my bachelorette party, like I think there were in my showers I struggled with it. Where it was like being at, like you're on stage, it really felt a lot more like a community experience and that helped too. Where it was just like we're all just like love, love, love and yeah, like I'm so glad that that happened and hopefully for other people that comes up too. I don't know if at your wedding, you felt that like able to just like take in the tension.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it didn't feel, yes, I yeah. It felt like it was just people getting together and yeah um, I mean, my wedding was considerably smaller than yours, so there wasn't as many people, but it didn't feel yeah, it felt good to have people almost like pay attention, like yeah and want to like seek you out and want to like get a moment with you right and want to like say kind words or, you know, like yeah that feels good when people are like seeking you totally, yeah, it felt good.
Speaker 1:How about you, josh, did it feel good?
Speaker 3:yeah, I feel like I I mean, I feel like I explained that part of it, but you were explaining it so beautifully well, no, I mean the part of like. Did it feel good to like? Did it feel good to have the spotlight?
Speaker 3:on us yeah yeah you, I mean what you were saying. I just like felt a hundred percent and I think you described it so beautifully just like almost like having that much attention on you forces you to like let go of your ego in a weird way because it's, yeah, it's like so overwhelming that you just like have to give in a weird way because it's.
Speaker 1:It's like so overwhelming that you just like have to give over to it you know, it's like almost like people being like get up on stage to karaoke or 10 people oh my god, physically on stage you're like I guess I'm up here, I know and I guess I experienced that with karaoke.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, like maybe by halfway through the song, I'm like whoa, this is like fun yeah, but then it's like over, but it was like a whole weekend of karaoke so, and maybe even that too, the, the, the amount of events which I think helped to like bring down the pressure for me a little totally where it's like it's friday, get to see a bunch of people and then, saturday a bunch of people, and then sunday too was like felt like a little more was there to grip on to, which was nice.
Speaker 1:But even then I'm like man. I wish it could be a week. I could like hang with my friend I know different events.
Speaker 3:It is over.
Speaker 2:I'm sure if you're like paris hilton, you do that totally yeah a wedding week so I back to the how wise is it?
Speaker 3:of it all, I feel like you and I, at least to some extent, enjoy performing. To some extent, yeah, yeah, we have a podcast. We have a podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're performing right now, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:This isn't real. And then I was in theater up until high school and now I'm not, but one day I would Community theater, community theater. Yeah, I don't know, I like I'm not. Like I love being behind the camera and editing and like I feel like that's a little more my calling, but like I don't hate being the center of attention yeah um, and I think my family really like fosters loving it.
Speaker 3:It's like it's your turn to take the spotlight and, like my family really wants everyone to like shine and be bright and shiny, but like, if you're the kind of person that really just like hates all that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Do you think it's still wise to have a wedding?
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's. Yeah, it's kind of like are you having a wedding or are you having, like, just a ceremony or something?
Speaker 1:like that yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, because maybe the wise decision is to, if it's important to you to have like a ceremony and it could just be the two people, right Right right or when I think of wedding, I think of what you all had, which was more of a celebration with a lot of people and the ceremony though if you just have a sit, maybe a wedding ceremony like, maybe that's nitpicky, but it's. But yeah, I mean, I think that would be highly uncomfortable for someone. It might not be the wisest thing.
Speaker 1:That might actually throw you and take you out of the moment, because yeah it could be so overwhelming for somebody if it's yeah too large, too much, totally and distract from, maybe, the importance of what the wedding means to them yeah, well, but I wonder I might say it's wise to tailor it to your personality and not necessarily that, like every element, has to be in your comfort zone.
Speaker 1:But you know, within reason, outside of your comfort zone like, if I mean, there are people like my friend megan is doing like a uh, I think it's like a larger, like dinner in when in february, and I think that sounds amazing and we're going to go and you know, getting to be part of that will be great and I think that's what she feels comfortable with, you know, and yeah, I think I think it is wise to have it, the version of it that fits you and even if there's elements that are a little scary, it can still be, it can still be wise, it can still be really meaningful to even.
Speaker 1:You know, because a lot of people even say that we talked about this before with the ai episode. You know, a lot of people these days I've been hearing are like, oh wow, you did your own vows. Like I can't believe you did that. I'd be too nervous. And Josh's mom had gone to a wedding recently where they did more traditional vows. We went to two different weddings where it was just traditional vows and a lot of people said, even after our wedding my cousin said to me, a wisdom in moving through that discomfort and declaring out loud, in your own words, how you feel about your partner. Cause a couple of people said to us you know some people that didn't know us that well, maybe some, like family friends of yours that I've only spent a little time with, or vice versa, did say to us like now I feel like I know you a little bit more and have like a sense of your voice and who you are, and I think that felt good, because it's like I wouldn't want to invite someone and have them not at all get a taste of who we
Speaker 1:are. You know, ideally you hope that you you get time to know everyone there, but sometimes that's not the case. Sometimes they're there more for other family members that are key players in the wedding and yeah, I think that felt nice. And sometimes when I go to a wedding where there isn't the traditional vows, I don't necessarily feel as connected to the dynamic between the couple and what they feel for each other. And that's okay. You know, some people don't want that to be known or on display. That's more private and that's I mean. People do private vows, you know. I think that's totally fine, but I think there's a lot of wisdom in stepping through that anxiety and saying personal vows and having a wedding. I do think it's wise. Yeah, I think there's self-worth in there.
Speaker 2:To each their own.
Speaker 1:To each their own, yeah To each their own.
Speaker 3:And then there's the whole money aspect, just to play devil's advocate with every element of the wedding.
Speaker 2:He has a wise to spend.
Speaker 1:Because we.
Speaker 3:I mean full disclosure. We were privileged enough to like. I feel like we put money out, but I can cut this if you're not comfortable saying this. I feel like you were giving me a look like I have no idea what Josh was about to say no, our parents helped. I paid for the whole wedding. Yeah, our parents pretty much paid for the whole wedding.
Speaker 3:And it was a big wedding Again, you could have a much smaller wedding and, I think, accomplish all the things we accomplished and but like I think it's hard to do for no money. Yeah, to do for no money, yeah. And I I definitely have, you know, at least one friend who, like, has you know, was about to have like his second kid, and they kind of eloped and like initially they were like, well, maybe we'll have the money, we'll have the wedding later. But they were like it's just really expensive and like I don't think it makes sense for us to do it and like, yeah, I don't, like I'm genuinely asking myself like, well, should they have just like done it one way or another because it's like such a special thing or like it's almost bringing me back to like or how wise is a question of like is it wise to get a tattoo?
Speaker 3:Because I'm like, uh, I kind of like think it could be cool and like I I'd be hard-pressed to say it's not wise, because it just like feels like this wise thing to me. But I also feel like it's something maybe I'll never do because, like, I'll never get around to it. Yeah, and I almost feel like someone could treat a wedding like that, like well, it's not like I like don't want to have one, but like I gotta like pay for my baby and like work is crazy and like my life is so chaotic and like I don't know it's not like and I think for the friend I'm talking about, at one point he was like, yeah, we will have a wedding, and then over time he was kind of like, yeah, we're probably not going to have a wedding and that's like how I feel about it.
Speaker 1:I love the phrase pay for my baby. It's a fair.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know it's fair to look at the privilege of it to be privileged to have a wedding whatever that looks like so. Certainly there's circumstances that are that could.
Speaker 1:It might not be wise to to do that yeah, and you know, I think it's almost like like the question could be right, like is it wise to own a home? I think yes in so many ways and I think like we're not in the position at the moment to own a home no, I don't think it would be wise to do now no, but I also think it's like it's wise in general, but also like there are sometimes wise things that you don't have access to right.
Speaker 1:It can be timing dependent yeah, and it's not, like you know, because we had a wedding, like we have access to everything that's wise, like Like.
Speaker 3:Is it wise to have a baby?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:To pay for a baby. Yeah, yeah, to pay To finance a baby.
Speaker 2:To finance.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I think it's like.
Speaker 2:Low interest rates on those babies.
Speaker 1:I think it's like I still stand by that. I think it's wise and sometimes we, you know like there's many things in life like that are wise to do if you can do them, and you know, like you never know, your friend might like have some kind of party, or some people do like a vow renewal, you know, at some point, or whatever, um, because they are married, right, yeah, yeah, so I think I do think it's wise. Now the question of like what expense is wise and to be clarified, just so our parents, you know like the money Josh and I put forward is like for like hair bows, you know, for like very small items. Our parents were incredibly generous and kind to like give us a wedding.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I think it's like I do stand by that. I think it's wise, and I think it's like I do stand by that. I think it's wise and I think it's okay not to do one completely, of course, and totally but I think if you can and you're wanting to and there's some version of it you can make happen, I think I would say it's wise and go for it go for it, invite me.
Speaker 2:I had a great time, yeah, so definitely wise time with you.
Speaker 1:I was so wonderful having you there. See you, it was amazing. There was a part of me that like wished your boys could be there. I I almost feel like I should have had them come to the brunch.
Speaker 2:That would have been so fun, but maybe yeah it does give an excuse for us to have a night out yes, which was and get dressed up, which was fun to like you know, dust off the suit. Yeah, put my dancing shoes on so fun so yeah, it was like a nice on so many levels, but also it kind of feels like a date almost. It's like, oh, we're going on a date, you know yeah, so fun and you know what we didn't even say this.
Speaker 1:This is just like a funny. I don't even think we told you this. J Josh wore the wrong tux.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Ben's warehouse gave him two tuxes. One was the correct size, one was too small. He, in the panic of everything, the wedding planner grabbed him the wrong one. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:Why they gave me both. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's like we're going to give you just to make this more fun, we're gonna give you the tux that fits you and the one that doesn't fit you yeah what yeah it? Was crazy, yeah, and of course you felt pretty uncomfortable well I literally the videographer had just showed up.
Speaker 3:I'm like drying off from the shower, like I can't go into like our wedding suite because kelly's getting ready in there and I'm not allowed to see her. So I like don't really have my own space.
Speaker 1:Although you saw me all morning, not until I had my dress on, yeah well, exactly, I'm cowering behind the bathroom door trying to decide.
Speaker 3:I was like, how dressed should I get, because they're going to film me getting dressed with my stepdad and my brother and my stepbrother Shout out Andrew, zach and Jeff helping me get dressed. I'm like am I going to come out naked? I kind of asked them. I was like, how should I come out? They were like whatever you're comfortable with.
Speaker 3:And I stopped putting my clothes on. None of it's fitting. My cuff buttons on the vest are popping off. The vest wouldn't fit on and it was funny because my mom and my sister were um, it was supposed to be boys but they were being encouraging. They were like it's okay, like you look great. And then my brother zach was the most helpful. He was like, yeah, your neck looks like fucking huge. And then I started laughing and I was like, okay, this is like funny and then we were that the whole night yep the whole
Speaker 3:night I ended up getting a new my stepdad actually ran to nordstrom for the third shirt got me a new shirt. Meanwhile there's a suit that totally fits me in the bridal suite hiding, but I'm so sad for you about that. It didn't that. Here's the thing. Though it like was such it was probably the worst part of the day and it like, honestly, now is a funny story like I'm glad it happened how dressed should I get for the videographer? Is it wise to be nude for your?
Speaker 2:wedding video is going to have a blurred out section of you coming out of the bathroom. That would be incredible. Every year on your anniversary you watch this video.
Speaker 1:Oh, poor Josh.
Speaker 3:You don't really think about it until it's happening and I was like, wow, I'm like a cowering animal at my own wedding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good stuff.
Speaker 1:So funny also. I will say, like god, it is hard to get enough to eat. Oh my god during the days, because you're talking so much, so it's like I didn't eat that much friday yeah I didn't eat that much saturday because I'm like entertaining my friends from 7 30 am the makeup and hair started.
Speaker 1:I was like light-headed at one point yeah, josh and I, as we were getting pictures taken at the art institute gardens. We get back on the bus and I'm like are you hungry? And he's like I'm starving. And I was like I'm starving too, for some reason. I was like really craving a bagel dog.
Speaker 1:I was like I need something something I could just like pop in my mouth like so unbelievably hungry so yeah, there's like little things like that about what you experience where it's just like there's so much going on. You're like I need water, I need food, right, I need something um well, this, you know.
Speaker 2:This starts the the stories and the yeah yes the hearing. These I, these stories are just going to live on in your life, which is really like heartwarming to me too that, like you guys, are going to have these memories and relive these moments like moving forward, which is so. That's another wise thing, about a wedding is you have all of these little nuggets and then you get to hear other people what they experienced at your wedding and you're like oh my God, I didn't know that happened and it just adds to the overall narrative of your lives together.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, it was great. It was great. There was like some little love connections. There was like friends meeting friends. My friend Leah saw Josh's friend Josh, who's going to be on the podcast Josh Berkowitz, and she saw him at the brunch and she was like you are a really good dancer and he goes immediately she goes. Thank you. Why didn't you tell me that yesterday?
Speaker 1:oh at the wedding and she goes. I did and he was like really, and then she goes. Oh wait, maybe. I just said to my husband that's good, that guy's a really good dancer. I was like you just thought it to your husband that guy's a really good dancer it was like such a cute interaction like between two of our worlds.
Speaker 3:I know, I loved it.
Speaker 1:It's so great.
Speaker 3:I had a nightmare about Josh last night that I didn't even tell you. It was actually about Josh's dad, my friend Josh is it wedding related?
Speaker 1:no, it.
Speaker 3:It wedding related. No, I was back at my bachelor party and apparently my friend's dad had paid for some aerobics workshop for us to all go to. But then I couldn't go, but I still owed him the money for it and I kept getting distracted and not Venmoing him. And then Josh, kept coming up to me being like you keep forgetting to Venmo, my dad, for this aerobics class.
Speaker 2:Aerobics.
Speaker 1:I am obsessed with that, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I got distracted and I guess a whole day had gone by and I hadn't slept. And then I was drinking whiskey in the bathroom alone at like six in the morning and my friend Stephen Cantor came out and he was like you, drinking alone and I was like I guess, so he's like it's okay, man. And then Josh comes. He's like you still haven't Venmo'd my dad.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Wow. Yeah, you know, I have those dreams where it's like I haven't done something.
Speaker 2:You have like a task and there's like barriers, you just can't do it.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's like homework or it's like starting a group. I would have it with groups all the time Group therapy. I would look at the clock. I'm like I'm supposed to be in there and I'm not in there yet and they're waiting for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there's no reason why you can't do it, but there's some reason you can't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's like time keeps elapsing, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's like aerobics. Yeah, I had a couple dreams stop it.
Speaker 1:I know to venmo my baby. Yeah, pay for my aerobics baby. Oh my god, okay. Well, I mean, maybe that's maybe that's where yeah but yeah, it was so great. I mean, oh, I wish you could almost relive it, but not plan any of it that's the dream, right there. Yeah, just have it, just have it no planning. But it was so great, it was so fun.
Speaker 2:It was great.
Speaker 1:And shout out to everyone who helped us and helped us make it happen like Bridgeport and Elena's Garden. Some of the shout outs yeah.
Speaker 3:Lakeshore Encore's best wedding band of all time. Oh man they were great.
Speaker 2:Charon Corps' best wedding band of all time. Oh man, they were great. They were great, Great bands.
Speaker 1:They're so fun. Yeah, they have such a fun vibe. I loved them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, shout out to everyone at the wedding.
Speaker 1:Shout out to everyone.
Speaker 3:Everywhere.
Speaker 1:Everywhere, all humankind.
Speaker 2:You're going to our next wedding.
Speaker 1:If you're listening to this, you're going to the next wedding, which is a vow we're known. Neither of us are marrying other people.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Just each other.
Speaker 3:From now on, yeah. And we'll die on the same second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, perfect, exactly I told Josh today that he can't die Ever.
Speaker 2:I'm not allowed.
Speaker 1:I'm not allowed to die. It's not in my allowances. It's not happening. That's fine, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, thanks everyone for listening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe a little self-indulgent, but Sure, sure, whatever. Hopefully you're as nosy as I would be listening to any podcast and you'd want to hear about the wedding.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Okay, thanks everyone. We'll see you next time, if you want to. If you want to contact me, you can reach me at kks psychotherapycom at the contact page there. And how about you, johnny? Email me at butts butzjonathan at gmailcom find me at josh bear b-a-y-e-r filmscom okay, thanks everybody take care music by blanket for famous celebrity wise mind happy hour podcast is for entertainment purposes only, not to be treated as medical advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek medical attention or counseling.