The Wise Mind Happy Hour
Two therapists musing about the idea of an inner wise mind and how to connect with this psychic space in different contexts.
The Wise Mind Happy Hour
Gettin Wise w/ Comedian JOE KILGALLON
Comedian Joe Kilgallon gets intimate with us and covers everything from his recent forays into DBT therapy to a near-death experience...buckle up, this one's a doozy.
- music by blanket forts -
Welcome to the Wisemind Happy Hour. I'm Kelly.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm John. Welcome.
SPEAKER_05:Welcome. And we have a guest here today that we're gonna, for the first time ever, we're gonna bring into the intro. It's my blood relative and cousin, Joe Kilgallen. Welcome!
SPEAKER_01:Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_05:We're so excited to have you. You have your very own podcast, so you're a pro. You're I think you're the first podcaster to be on our podcast.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, wow. How about that? Yeah. Yeah, that's great. I'm excited to be here. Good to see Josh again.
SPEAKER_02:How long have you been podcasting?
SPEAKER_01:Oh geez, since 2012.
SPEAKER_06:Whoa. That's wild.
SPEAKER_01:I'm clearly not very good at it because I don't have like a big following from it or anything. Although I've got a small little group of people, and that's all I need. That's great. Yeah. I enjoy it. It's a very fun medium. Yeah. Um, yeah, because you know it's intimate. You're right in someone's ear. Yeah. And yeah. And I I I like podcasts like what you two are doing, where it's like, let's recap our week and then get into it a little bit.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, totally. Yeah, that's what we're doing. So, okay, maybe I'll let you two start it off. John, how's your weekend? Great.
SPEAKER_02:I loved it. Um, no, you know what I did? I went thrifting this weekend. I took the boys, I took the boys thrifting.
SPEAKER_06:Oh my god, tell us everything.
SPEAKER_02:It was great. We so Sarah went to the No Kings rally downtown. So I had time with the boys. And you're like, not for me. You know what? It's gonna be crowded. Grandpark on a Saturday. A lot of people, you know, not really for me. Yeah. Um, Wes had gone to a rally earlier and it was great. He like really liked it, and then he was like, I don't know if I really want to go to this one. I was like, that's fair. So I was with the boys, and I was like, let's just go thrifting.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And so we went. So we went to two places. One was on Clark, it's Mount Sinai, which is like right between like Wellington and Um Diversey.
SPEAKER_05:Sometimes those like hospital ones are the best ones.
SPEAKER_02:It's got tons of furniture in it. Yeah, that's like one for furniture, not clothing, um, for sure. And it was great. The book section West got like five books, they're all two, like every book was two dollars.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, love. And he like good titles.
SPEAKER_02:He was like floor. There is a whole stack. He's into this Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Oh, yeah. And there's like a whole stack of them there.
SPEAKER_07:Love it.
SPEAKER_02:So that was a big find. And then Shane found this. There's just like toys everywhere, like there's no organization, right? There's just like toys everywhere. And he found this Power Ranger sword, and it was two dollars, of course. And I was like, sure, we'll get that for you. And we got in the car and he's like, I've been waiting my whole life to get this. And I was like, Really? Have you? And he was like, Yeah, two dollars sword from the store. So he was yeah, he was like beyond. So we went there and then we went to uh in Roscoe to the um uh Discount Village, which is right there in Roscoe, and it's a good that one for clothing. I would rec highly recommend for clothing. Yes, so Shane got a bunch of like uh almost like soccer jerseys, but they're like from used leagues all over the place, so it's really funny. Uh, but they did have some, you know, Cleveland Brown jerseys and no jersey you're looking for, but you know, it was it was like yeah, definitely. Yeah, and they have a downstairs there which has toys and stuff. Um but yeah, it was a great experience. And Wes couldn't get over just like the amount of money for you know the amount of stuff you got, like that ratio. He was like, wait, we only spent that much for the and I was like, exactly. Yeah, I was like, it's great. So Shane ended up getting shirts and some clothing. So it was a nice way to spend the afternoon, and then we got lunch at Potbelly's. It was fun.
SPEAKER_07:Oh, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And it wasn't that nice of a day, so it was like something fun to do.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um, and also just like you don't have to buy everything new. I feel like Yada, like it's hard to teach, especially with and I don't know, you're a parent as well, but like teaching your kids like don't just order off Amazon every single day because you'll just like get something new in the mail in two days or whatever. It was like I think just even shopping in general, yeah. Actually going to a store, my kids have a kind of a low threshold and patience for that because a lot of stuff we just get delivered. Right. So wow, but also just the value in like used stuff.
SPEAKER_05:It you know, it's so interesting. Like, do you do you shop vintage?
SPEAKER_01:I love thrift shopping. Uh when I go on the road, I will go to the local Goodwill or whatever I could find. Yeah. Um, my son Matthew, who's eight, I got him this sweatshirt. It's he loves Reese's peanut butter cups. Oh, and I found a Reese's peanut butter cup sweatshirt. Oh my god. Orange. It's got the you know, it's official and all that, and he wears it all the time. Loves it. It's that's so cool. You could find treasures, yeah. Things you wouldn't expect to find. I got a bear shirt. There's have you been to the new Goodwill on Addison near Kimball? I haven't. That's our stop, though. That's pretty good. Um and you're from Milwaukee. I am. So someone who was a Milwaukee sports person, they dumped. They dumped a lot. Because I texted a couple friends because I was there about a week ago, and there was a Wilson Contreras, not Wilson, uh William Contreras bobblehead. Nice, the catcher for you know who his brother played for the Cubs. For sure. And there were um like Milwaukee Bucks t-shirts. There was like all sorts of stuff where I was like, man, if I was a Bucks fan. It's again it's new, so it's very clean and the staff's nice. Um but I found a Chicago Bear shirt where it's Mike Dick uh riding a deep dish pizza. It's ridiculous. That's right. And Chris Farley, super fan on it. It's this wild design.
SPEAKER_07:It's like someone not from Chicago made it. You gotta love it.
SPEAKER_01:Someone, you know, graphic designer who thought I could make a bear shirt and then just threw all the stereotypes under one shirt. Yeah. Uh, but you know, Kirk Obein got me into it. Not personally, I don't know him.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Name dropping. Yeah. Yeah. Uh I remember, you know, watching YouTube clips of him, like must have been like 20 years ago, um, when YouTube was first big. And he talked about how, you know, now that I'm rich, I could go buy a store, but that's not fun. I kind of miss being poor. It was nice to go into a thrift store and then you found a certain thing, and then you put things together and that pair of jeans that fit just right. And yeah, I was like, Yeah, that's kind of cool. And the books, I'm a big, you know, I yeah, I you know, I'll buy a new book here or there, but for the most part, I got into the Jack Reacher books. Yeah, I'll go there, buy them for a dollar. You know what I mean? Um, why not? And yeah, so they've you a lot of sometimes you get some good book selections in there. I was surprised. Like I had never read Outliers, the Malcolm Gladwell book. Got it like about a year or so ago out of Goodwill.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I never read that book.
SPEAKER_02:Good book. There's also just something to be said about the feeling you get when you get the find at the thrift store, like that Reese's sweatshirt. That must have been like you don't get that walking into Target and shopping. It's like you go to the thrift store, you don't know if you're even gonna come out with anything, but when you get a find, it's so worth it. Absolutely. You just can't like get that at a chain store.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I never would have even thought to get that for him. I mean, right, exactly. I was walking down an aisle, I saw it, I was like, oh, he would love this. Right.
SPEAKER_02:Finds you, good finding you. Plus, I do like those personal like shirts, sidebar, like the t-shirts. Like what you're saying, like somebody maybe made that for like a class or something of like, oh yeah, this will be funny, like Dick uh riding a pizza. Yeah, or like just shirts that say like I had a shirt that said, like my cat walks all over me, and it was just like paws. It's like you're never gonna see that shirt anywhere. I know like yeah, those are the types of t-shirts that are great. Yeah, thrifty.
SPEAKER_05:God, there must have been something in the air because I have gone recently down like a rabbit hole of looking for vintage Levi's online. And I ordered a pair that Josh does well. I love them, but of course, I'm like immediately I got a little like stain on them and started freaking out about it. Started to look for other pairs, and like I went cross-eyed, like thinking about this. And when we were like waiting for because we went away this weekend, like, you know, searching every time I was like had a down moment. So there must be something in the air, like vintage.
SPEAKER_01:We're all wanting to the best vintage store, because I consider that a little different than thrift, because some vintage stores to be a little bit more expensive, although their prices are great. Uh I'm blanking on the name, but it's at the corner of uh Roscoe and Halstead, right at the corner. They've got a but it's two floors, too. What is the name of that? I'll I'll look it up later. But it's so good.
SPEAKER_05:Oh wait, it's not um Ragstock.
SPEAKER_01:No, that's on Belmont.
SPEAKER_05:That's in Belmont.
SPEAKER_01:This is right at the corner of the cross street from Roscoe's, uh, which is like a famous um if you're listening in the Philippines, this is a little weird for you. It's a it's a fun bar that has late night food, so people like it a lot.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Shangri La Vintage. Oh, Shangri-La. That is not the one. I've never been in there. I've always wanted to go.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Looks very like swinging 70s. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Are you thinking of the village discount? Is that what you think?
SPEAKER_01:Beatnix. Oh, beat. That's what it's called. It's called Beatnix. Wait, beat it. Right at the corner of Roscoe and Halstead.
SPEAKER_08:I can't picture it with a bar with an X at the end.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, right at the corner. Try it. Wow. Oh god, I gotta go in there.
SPEAKER_01:They've got multiple floors and they've got some really cool things.
SPEAKER_05:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:And they've got weird random stuff. I've got a friend who's a big fan of the rock. And yeah, and they this someone did a cool Photoshop of the rock, but he's got like really big breasts, like female breasts. I love it. And it's a cool shirt. That's right. And I was like, I gotta get it for him. And it didn't fit him, but I was like, whatever. Thought that counts. Uh, but yeah, they got cool things like that there.
SPEAKER_05:Nice. Okay. I love it. Cool. Well, what else did you do this week? Anything else?
SPEAKER_02:Um, Sunday was what did we do? We hung out with some friends, uh, really struggled through the Packer game. That was a nail biter. They ended up winning, which was fine. One against. Um, who did they play?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, who'd they play?
SPEAKER_02:Uh, they played the Arizona Cardinals.
SPEAKER_05:Uh oh my god, Jerry McGuire. Wasn't that the team he was on in that movie? Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he definitely wasn't on it. Yeah. But he yeah, one of his players. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, Rod Tidwell, um, for sure, was on it, receiver. But um yeah, so we went over to our friend's house to watch the game, and uh it was really funny because my oldest son was like pacing the floor like the whole time, just like wearing oh yeah, very much into it. And after the Brewers just completely got annihilated by the Dodgers, they didn't even win a game. He he's been like heightened for a win, so it was good to get a win. Um, and then Shane had a bunch of play dates that Sarah was very busy, boys.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, wow. I know your kids have like a popping off social calendar.
SPEAKER_02:It's great for them. For them. I'm just taxiing them around everywhere.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but yeah, that was fun. How about your kids? Do they have a ton of shit going on?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Uh Matthew had to get his appendix out on Saturday. Oh my god, yeah, I was in the hospital all weekend.
SPEAKER_04:Oh no.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he started complaining about belly aches on third, like my picked him up from school Thursday. He was like, My tummy hurts and all that. Because it's weird, like he Dylan is in first grade, Matthew's in third grade, but first grade gets out like five minutes. Kindergarten first grade gets out five minutes before the rest of the school. Oh, and which I guess is a new common thing, kind of makes sense.
SPEAKER_05:So you don't get bullied.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, maybe but they're running around the playground, stuff like that. Matthew comes up to me going, Could we just get Dylan to go? My tummy hurts. I'm like, Oh yeah, all right, let's go. Just when we get home, lay down. And then um, he didn't sleep throughout the night. And so then, like, went to the doctor, and the doctor's like, go to the ER.
SPEAKER_05:Whoa. And so then we just How did he know ER?
SPEAKER_01:Because I guess some of the testing, uh Oh, okay. He did test like the like when your white blood cell counts, I I know so little about something about that when they're really high. That means your body's usually fighting infection. Got it. Yeah, and so then they ran tests, and then they were like, Well, they're even higher. And they did it um an MRI and all that stuff, and then the surgeons were like, Yeah, let's just take it out.
SPEAKER_05:Take it out.
SPEAKER_01:Luckily, we caught it like early on. It wasn't like about to burst, which is terrifying.
SPEAKER_05:That's painful, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, um, but yeah, so it was the they ended up doing the surgery early Saturday, like Saturday morning, and then we got out of there like Saturday evening, and then um just been relaxing the last few days. Wow, so that's all I could really do for a while. No gym or recess for a couple weeks.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, no recess. Oh, that's cute. Yeah, but yeah, that was the weekend. Sit inside and from the window, watch the theory. Yeah, that's so scary.
SPEAKER_05:I'm sorry. My college roommate during our like senior week, senior week it was she was you know, like at a school, like a week of just like drinking pretty much and like doing different activities. And I swear she willed herself an uh appendicitis, like appendectomy or whatever, because there was this guy, and I remember it was like two days before she was like, Did you hear about Nevin? This guy Nevin we went to college with. She's like, He had appendicitis, like maybe because we were like drinking, it can sometimes irritate it, you know, whatever. She's like, Isn't that crazy? I was like, That's so crazy. And then the next morning, I was like, Oh, I really don't feel good, like just regular hungover. And she was like, Yeah. She's like, Does it really hurt on your side? And I was like, No. I was like, Does yours hurt? She's like, Yeah. And like when I stand up, it really hurts. And I was like, Oh, weird. I wonder what that is. And then it was like getting worse and worse, and her parents are doctors, so she called them, and they were like, You probably have appendicitis. And she was like, No way. She's like, I can't have just thought about another person having one and then suddenly have one. Sure enough, she had one. Wow, she had to get it taken out. It was crazy. It's wild. Yeah, it's like it's all fun and games, senior week, and then you're in the year.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, my son Dylan was trying to say, My tummy hurts, maybe I have one too. And I'm like, they're not contagious.
unknown:Totally.
SPEAKER_01:Nice try. You just want to get out of school.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. For real, though. Once you see somebody have something, you totally think you do. I definitely have that.
SPEAKER_05:Actually, what's so funny is we went to a wedding. Josh and I went to a wedding this week, and I was gonna talk about this, and that was a joke in the vows. My friend Jesse said that her husband, every time she's sick, he's like, Yeah, I think I feel pretty sick too. And she's like, It's so annoying every time I can't just have my illness. He has to be like, Yeah, actually, my throat's kind of scratchy.
SPEAKER_02:I can't be taken care of. So we have to be sick with me, we have to together be.
SPEAKER_05:But yeah, so we went, Josh and I went, my friend Jessie, who maybe you I don't know if you guys met. Did you meet at my wedding? You were at her table.
SPEAKER_02:I thought so.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, you met Jessie. Right.
SPEAKER_02:I was at there, I was like, Wait, this isn't another personnel.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, so yeah, I don't know if you met her, but she um she got married in Carmel, California, which is like this beautiful. Did you ever you lived in California? Did you ever go to Carmel?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_05:My God, it's where Clint Eastwood lives.
SPEAKER_00:I heard it's really nice.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, it's so great. And we we went around to like Carmel by the Sea, which is like the little quaint part of it. She got married in Carmel Valley, which is like a little bit outside of there, but it was great. It was so fun, right, Josh? So fun. I'm like, right, Josh. It's so fun.
SPEAKER_02:I had fun. How long were you out there?
SPEAKER_05:We were there. We got in Thursday night, so it was like Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And we were supposed to go with my two friends. Like when I was in grad school, there were like four of us that were like the four me, Kathleen, Megan, and Jesse. Jesse got married, and Kathleen, Megan, and I, and Josh Ross was to stay in an Airbnb, and then Kathleen got sick, sadly. So basically, you were replaced this weekend by our friend Megan and our alternate thruple.
SPEAKER_08:What? We're in a few thruples.
SPEAKER_05:We're in a couple of thruples. Unbelievable. Yeah, but it was really fun. Josh had not really spent a lot of time with Megan yet, and she's so fun. Shout out to Megan. Shout out Megan. Shout out Jesse, shout out Justin and little Oscar, their son, whose face I have tattooed on my arm.
SPEAKER_02:So wait a second. You came back Sunday?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know my next question. Did you check a bag?
SPEAKER_05:Yes. We did check a bag, and they also forced Josh to check a bag. Or did they?
SPEAKER_08:I hate when you get forced.
SPEAKER_05:I hate the force.
SPEAKER_08:I was pretty, I volunteered pretty aggressively. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_05:But I kind of made you. I was like, they're saying check all the roller rags.
SPEAKER_08:There are a lot of microaggressions.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. And then you went up to the counter and the woman was like, you don't need to check this.
SPEAKER_08:The second time.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Right. I was like in a long line, and everyone, she's like, Yep, check it, check it, check it. And I went up. She's like, please just bring it on the plane.
SPEAKER_02:I guess for a wedding, you're having multiple outfits. I thought maybe with that amount of time.
SPEAKER_05:There were two events.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So it's like we're in that transitional time where you're like, because my friends, it was colder there than it is here. Because it's like Central Coast. So she did text me like the week before. She's like, I'm kind of having nightmares that like everyone's going to be too cold at my wedding. It's going to be terrible. And I was like, I had a bunch of nightmares about our wedding. Like everyone's going to hate this or I'm going to look terrible in my dress or whatever. But which I talked about endlessly on the podcast. But she's like, we recommend wearing layers. And when we went Friday, I had like a sleeveless, or did I? No, I guess I had a sweater. But during the day at the wedding, sleeveless dress, like a summer dress. Yeah, it was warm. And then like a coat by the end of it, which is so California or so like San Marcosco mid-coast, like it's like boiling hot in the day, and then you're frozen at night. But it was actually lovely. Like when we had the layers and everybody was smart and did, it was great. So, but we had to bring coats, we had to bring boots. I also brought like non fall stuff. Like, there was no way I was getting away with it.
SPEAKER_02:You're checking then.
SPEAKER_01:LA in the winter was like that though. I will I remember the first time I ever visited LA, I crashed. A friend of mine had like a three-bedroom thing, and one of his roommates was out of town. So I got to crash in his room and the window was open. I'm thinking, no big deal. I go to sleep, I wake up freezing. Yeah. Like I thought there was something wrong with me. It didn't make sense because I wasn't prepared for that. Yeah. Because it was like 75 and nice, and then it drops down to like 40. Yeah. You know, because it's the desert. It's a desert. People forget that like LA is the desert as well. We don't think of it that way. But yeah, and Central Coast gets that wind. Yeah. It's wild. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it was breezy, but it was so nice. I was saying to Josh, like, I mean, I don't think this is true. I know this isn't true of all of California, but like this area of California is so just like chic. Like use a pumpkin patch, and it's so like tastefully done. You know, there's nothing like everything, every meal we had, places that had like no business having good food. Like late night where Josh and I were like post-wedding because the events were pretty early, so we got food afterward. I mean, you know, like a random bar, the best pizza, like spokenopoly level pizza. And we were like, okay, this is crazy. And basically, like the soup even was like so good. The latte. I had I we were at like a glorified diner, and they brought me an ice latte. And I was I was cross-eyed. It was so good. I was like, what is this? Is California? Like the baseline is higher. Like Chicago has such great, like fine dining and such great, like lowbrow dining. Yeah. But kind of your average middle of the road place is like fine. But in California, I think like all those places are like good. And as you know, a little bit healthier.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:From living there. I mean, really, like you like can't turn a corner without like a kind of healthy place.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I had some bar food last night after a show I did, and there was not one healthy option on the menu. Where LA bars will at least have a they'll have your your typical wings and stuff like that. Yeah. But then they'll have a couple healthy options.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, like a couple of salads. And they're like, we look at the ingredients, you're like, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, pretty good.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. So of course, like I was, as we always do with trips, we talked about this on the pod. Like, you know, you dream of living there, like, right? And you're there for three days. You're like, I think maybe I'll live here. And actually, someone said to us, they were like asking Josh about being documentary and all that stuff. And he's like, So you used to live in California, and now you live in Chicago. He's like, What? Why? Like he was so confused. He's like, Why would you it must be great there? Why would you leave California?
SPEAKER_08:But then I told him how great the dating scene was in Chicago, and he was about ready to leave his wife.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Well, he's like, I gotta check this out. And she looks at him, she goes, You're married.
SPEAKER_02:But I think that's also a just coastal bias in general, where it's there's nothing in between LA and New York. It's just barren wasteland. Like my wife is from Philadelphia, and she, when she came here for graduate school, you know, her grandparents would like send her articles from the New York Times as if like there weren't like news publications here. And you'll you wouldn't guess what's happening in the world, Sarah, because now you're in Chicago. And it's like, why are you sending me physical news clippings? Times where it's like you don't when you're on that coast and you kind of are laser focused on it. It's like, why would anybody live anywhere other than hair?
SPEAKER_05:Everything else is fine.
SPEAKER_01:You're not alone though. I know a lot of people have moved from California to Chicago and California.
SPEAKER_08:Still a common migration.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, my friend, shout out to my friend Brittany if you if you want to get your hair done. She has she rents a chair at this pretty nice place in Belmont and like near Ashland. Uh she was I met her in LA, she was at a show, um, and I had a joke about how bad my current haircut was. I had a really bad haircut like that day. And she came up to me and she's like, Your haircut sucks. And she's like, No, I'm I I'm a stylist, but I would like to cut your hair to fix this. And she was nice enough to fix it. Yeah. And then I didn't see her again until like because she moved out of LA to Florida, and then she hit me up randomly, like a little over a year ago, saying, Hey, I'm I like to travel. I'm thinking about coming to Chicago this weekend. Are you around? I'm like, Yeah, you know, I she came to a show, I met her, she hung out with some of my friends, and then she was in Chicago for two days, and she's like, I love that city so much, I think I'm gonna move there. I go, get out of here. She three months later, she moved here and she's been over here for over a year now.
SPEAKER_05:Wow. Yeah, I love it. And she was people do, I mean, I love Chicago so so many things about it I love. Yeah, but it is funny. Like, it was almost like we were saying we lived in like Kansas or something, where he was like, Why would you leave? It was like genuine concern for us, which was well.
SPEAKER_01:The Philadelphia grandparents are a little shocking to me. Well, that's a little bit of an East Coast bias still, but like Chicago's a bigger city than Philly. So true. The nerve.
SPEAKER_02:The nerf. I know. I don't think that was too wise. It's definitely not wise, definitely not wise to prefer a total grandparent thing to send you clippings, right? Physical clippings. I love it. Don't look at the New York Times online at that article. Right. We'll send you the clippings of it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. God, that's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you do get that in New York too, where it's like, how could you live not here? You know.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Where it's like, well, some of the people.
SPEAKER_01:I know New Yorkers who think New York's the only city in America. Right. Like they go, America's one city, it's New York. Everything else is a suburb. That's what they're they're wild.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I guess it is like it is so intensely a city, but I don't know if that always makes it better.
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes I love I love New York too. I always have never had a bad time there.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But there are times where I think about my New York friends and the way they talk, and I'm like, relax. Just because you live here doesn't make it, you didn't achieve anything.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you can afford rent. I guess that's wild. But like still.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but we were when we were there last year. Shout out to Jonah Tulis. We were talking about how much we loved it. And I was like, the one tough thing would be the rent. And I love the way Jonah just said he was like, you know what? You figure it out. And I was like, what a great attitude.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. He just told me that today about how I didn't get that job.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:It's like, you figure it out. Josh, you'll figure this out.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Yeah. Josh, Josh was like on the hook for a job while we were on this trip.
SPEAKER_08:They wanted me to live in Los Angeles. Oh. Full circle.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Um, but that mostly hasn't been an issue.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:But you're usually thrilled that I live in Chicago.
SPEAKER_05:You were, yeah. Josh was like having to like call this guy while we're like in transit from San Francisco to Carmel. And then eventually it was like, we went with someone else. Like, oh my God, so annoying.
SPEAKER_00:When you visited me in LA, was that your first time in LA?
SPEAKER_05:I think so, yeah. Yeah, I don't think I think that was my very first time. That was such a fun trip.
SPEAKER_01:It was a great trip.
SPEAKER_05:I loved it.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Although I remember, I don't know, I'm gonna embarrass you if I bring this up. What? You had almost an emergency. Do you remember that?
SPEAKER_06:My eye.
SPEAKER_01:Was it your eye? I thought you would do it to the bathroom really bad and we had to find a bathroom ASAP.
unknown:You did.
SPEAKER_01:Was that me?
SPEAKER_05:You were literally at the laugh factory about to go on stage, and you kept talking about your stomach hurting, and I was starting to get my stomach was starting to hurt, thinking about you having to be on stage feeling that. I remember it like it is your but then I did have an eye. Yeah, what happened with your eye? We were ailing left and right. I would sometimes get this or my eye would swell.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I got you.
SPEAKER_05:I learned later it was like an autoimmune symptom, but it would swell, so it was like looked crazy. So I wore sunglasses inside, and then I looked incredibly pretentious. Well, very LA though.
SPEAKER_01:Very LA.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but that was such a fun trip. Yeah, that was my first time there, and we went all around. We went to Venice.
SPEAKER_01:That's right. Yeah, I remember we went to Venice.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_05:I love LA. I mean, I don't know what it would be like to live there, but I like it.
SPEAKER_01:It had its perks. Yeah. You know, nice weather all day. The weather's really nice. Uh, if you like Mexican food, it's a great spot to be. If you like donuts, shockingly, it's a big donut town, which is why.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we had the best bagels of our life at Courage Bagel, which I think started after you left.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So good. We waited like an hour and a half to get them. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love California. It was so nice to go. And we I went to Palm Springs a couple weeks ago for a bachelorette. So we've had a nice little dose of California. You went to Palm Springs too in the summer.
SPEAKER_08:Oh, yeah, yeah. We we we covered that on the pod. Yeah. Aggressively. Yeah, I went for a film festival for a little homelessness uh documentary that I edited last year.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, cool.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Yeah. And touring that around the film festival. Palm Springs is nice. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I was there for a weekend once.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's nice, but but we live here.
SPEAKER_08:We live here. You get a date shake?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, did you have a date shake?
SPEAKER_08:I did not.
SPEAKER_05:No one gets it. I mean, it's like I want to meet someone who's had one, other than like a Californian. Because like that's their famous thing. A date shake a milkshake with like ground up dates in it.
SPEAKER_01:Oh wow.
SPEAKER_05:John thinks it sounds gross. Do you like dates?
SPEAKER_01:I don't have enough to have an opinion.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Someone was asking me about cilantro the other day, and I was like, Yeah, if the taco comes with it on there, I'm not gonna tell them to take it off. But I don't ever go out of my way to get it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but people have strong takes up. But then you probably don't have the soap gene. If you've if it's on your taco and you don't mind.
SPEAKER_00:People say it tastes like soap, cilantro.
SPEAKER_05:Genetically, for some people, it tastes like that.
SPEAKER_00:That's a genetic thing, huh?
SPEAKER_05:That's what they say.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Now I think sometimes it tastes like soap, and sometimes for me it doesn't. And my brother told me that's not a real thing, but I do think it is. Because I once had I had here's what I had a huge dose of it. I accidentally at Whole Foods bought cilantro pesto. Oh so it was like, you know, a big scoop of it. And I didn't know the pesto was made of a cilantro, I thought it was just regular pesto. And it was like I took, I I took a bite of it, I remember, and I was like, this is someone like dropped soap in this. Like it truly tasted like a mistake, you know, kind of like if you have that St. Louis cheese that's really disgusting. To me, it's like this tastes as though it has gone bad. Or I remember I had a lasagna with it, and I was like, I think they baked like tin foil into this accidentally. Like I truly was like, this can't be right. Yeah, no one would eat this, no one would make this. But yeah. So anyway.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you don't most people have you either have that strong reaction or you or you don't.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. And you love cilantro.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. I don't think it tastes like soap. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I think because people who don't either, yeah. People who don't like it can even tell if there's a trace amount. Like I know for a fact that Sarah can tell if there's like a very small amount. I'd be like, oh, is there slantro in there? Like, I don't you wouldn't know. She can pick it up because it's so off to her.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That soap, whatever they're doing.
SPEAKER_05:People are like that with onions too. Which I like. I love an onion.
SPEAKER_08:Soap? Is it soap there too?
SPEAKER_05:Well, I don't think it's soap there. I think it's just they don't like the taste. How could you not like an onion?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, what's wrong with them?
SPEAKER_08:Spicy. It's flavor.
SPEAKER_02:I can see not like in different ways it's prepared, but overall I like or maybe a textural issue, but oh, speaking of, we went to In N Out when we were there.
SPEAKER_05:We got raw onions. Double double raw onions.
SPEAKER_01:In N Out's great, but their fries are the fries are terrible. Terrible fries.
SPEAKER_05:Josh thought they were okay. We got them well done. Yeah. Have you had it in and out?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they have like a secret menu of certain things. I I loved In N Out. What I would get when I when I go back and when I live there often, I would get two cheeseburgers instead of fries and then get a chocolate shake. The milkshakes are great.
SPEAKER_05:We thought about a milkshake.
SPEAKER_08:We were like going to a wedding and we were like Yeah. Yeah. I could just fit into my tucks. Oh man.
SPEAKER_05:It's hard. Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah, I love love in and out. I thought the burger was I think the burger is exceptional and the fries are bad. I think ideal would be McDonald's fries in and out burger.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:Heaven.
SPEAKER_01:Have you ever been to Red Hat Ranch in Chicago? People love it. Yeah, there's one on there's two. There's one on Armitage and one in Ashland. Ashland, yeah. But the owners got the idea from In N Out Burger. It's similar.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:I think In N Out uses a better bun, personally.
SPEAKER_02:Ferry in Ashland? Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Right there.
SPEAKER_05:Yes. Josh has never had Super Dog.
SPEAKER_01:Right. That's great, too.
SPEAKER_05:So good.
SPEAKER_08:What's the better dog?
SPEAKER_01:I never get the hot dog at Red Hot Ranch. You get the burger. I get the burger, always.
SPEAKER_05:I think Red Hot Ranch is one of the best burgers. They always advertise the hot dogs.
SPEAKER_01:The hot dogs in their logo, but I think their burger is just exceptional. And someone told me their fried shrimp is great.
SPEAKER_05:Let's go.
SPEAKER_01:Let's do it.
SPEAKER_08:Hot date.
SPEAKER_01:But super dog is.
SPEAKER_05:It's still a hot date there.
SPEAKER_01:Probably like a top three hot dog for me in the city. I've never made a rankings, but it'd be up there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:What else would be up there? To me, nothing else would be up there but Superdog.
SPEAKER_01:Superdog is probably number one now that I think about it. I also like there is this. Oh, there's a place not to uh Budaki's everything. Budaki's is really good. Also Wolfies on Peterson's. Oh, Wolfies is serious. Wolfies is great. I like the hot things where you can when you bite into them, there's like a snap to them. Yeah, Wolfies is that time. Yeah, I think Budaki's gonna be a great thing.
SPEAKER_02:Budaki's might be number one for that. I love that place. There used to be a place on Belmont Murphy's um that closed. R.I.P. I love that place. That was a great place. I used to love Murphy's.
SPEAKER_01:It was um like Belmont and Racine kind of uh it was great. They did like the chard style where the hot dog would split.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, like that. Yeah, some people don't like a chart stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Damon, Damon and like Montrose, or Wilson and Damon.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:We live near Byron's, which is basically inedible. We at least it now it is. Byron's great. They have a picture of Obama, like it's his favorite place. We couldn't even finish the meal. It was so bad.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it's inevitable? Is it that bad?
SPEAKER_05:I thought it was horrendous.
SPEAKER_01:I've only had it like once. I don't remember being terrible, but I thought it was overweight. You know, see, they use um Chicago Red Hat instead of Vienna Beef.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. Enough said.
SPEAKER_01:And Super Dog's its own thing. I don't even know what Super Dog uses. It's not either, but they're like their own thing, which is why people drive far for it. You know, I have friends who like live in Pilsen that will drive up to Superdog, which is like Norwood Park edge of the city.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. We gotta go. We're going. I keep saying that to you, and then I'm the one who doesn't take us.
SPEAKER_08:We're doing I know. Because it's not on my list. I gotta put it on my list.
SPEAKER_05:That's what my friend Jesse. Again, shout out to Jesse. She said, she's like, you keep saying you want a date shake, and every time I say let's go, you're like, I don't want one right now. It's like in theory, I want one. Yeah, but we'll do it.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Maybe this weekend.
SPEAKER_08:I'm done. Let's make plans on the pod.
SPEAKER_05:Let's do it. Let's let's get open our schedules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, maybe this is our perfect time to segue into our topic. We basically today are going to talk about Joe was telling us, you know, he's a comedian. We're like, we could talk about that. But one of the more interesting things he mentioned today, of the many interesting things, is that he started DBT therapy. And as John and I have backgrounds in DBT, it's a huge pillar of the pod, huge pillar of what we do. We're selfishly so curious what it's like as the recipient. So tell us, tell us first, like what made you decide to go.
SPEAKER_01:Well, first, I gotta acknowledge uh to everyone before we hit record, and I mentioned it, you two lit up. Yeah, you were both very excited. So that was very fun to see. Um, it got recommended for me. I had been in therapy um CBT, and I the guy the therapist I had for a while was all right. And then after a while, I'm like, I joked with my friends talking about humor. I'm like, do I dislike him because he kind of looks like Fred Armiston? Because I feel like after a while, I'm like, I don't think I'm getting anything out of this. And then we started talking about comedy, and then he was it it became things where he's like, Have you tried reaching out? I'm like, You're not in this world. I had to kind of like get a little snappy with him at one during one session because he it felt like every comedian has a joke about how we always have some family member that doesn't get how the business works, where it's like, have you tried emailing Jimmy Fallon? Like it was like you know, first of all, I don't want to do that show anyway, but also so that's what a lot of our sessions turn into, right? Sure become such a waste. I'm not getting anything out of this. Um, but I've always had problems with emotional regulation, yeah. Um you know, in regards to might run in the family, yeah. Uh which family?
SPEAKER_00:Which generational trauma.
SPEAKER_01:Um yeah, so I I had talked to my primary care doctor, and she, you know, recommended it basically. Yeah, so that's why and then I looked up a few names and um I remember asking you for a few names. Yeah. Um, but at that point I was I found like right when you got back to me, I was I found someone that friend recommended. And then she even was like, yeah, because she was CBT. Yeah. And she was fine. I I was getting along with her pretty well. Um, but then I decided to go in person too this time. Yeah. I feel like online started in 2021 because it was like the pandemic. Right. And it was it was nice. I I thought like this is great. I could put, you know, at the time I'm like, I could put my son Dylan, who was two at the time, down for a nap. And Matthew Placement toys, and I could get this done. Um, but I feel like you get more of a sense of accomplishment when you go into the office. Oh, yeah. It's like I got of the house, I did something. And so far, her couch, very comfortable. Yeah, nice. I'm into that.
SPEAKER_05:But now the question is, is it comfortable or have you just become so comfortable in the space? Whoa. I mean, I my when I think about my first therapist office, or my like second therapist, really. It's like it wasn't like the greatest office ever, but it was like it was my space with her. Just food for thought. I mean, I do think it is like going in person, it becomes this like sacred little burrow.
SPEAKER_01:This means nothing, but that's a great thought. I'm gonna actually think about that now. But perhaps.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Also, it might she might have a great couch.
SPEAKER_01:She might have a great couch, but there is a calming feeling. I did realize I had two friends who specifically I would vent hard around them.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then later I realized, oh, it's because they created an environment where I felt like I could really go off. Totally. Um, yeah, because I had to remind my buddy too. I was like, dude, I just snap and go crazy around YouTube because I know you guys are giving me that space to do that. Yeah. But if I go too far, let me know. And also know I'm not don't take everything I say seriously when I'm in this mode. I mean, I don't actually want to strangle the people I say I want to strangle. Good lord, dude. Um, you know, hyperbole, my man. Um, but yeah, it it is a comfortable office. I actually noticed she had outlets on her ceiling, and she didn't know that. I'm like, that's kind of cool. There's an outlet on the ceiling. And she looked up, she's like, I had no idea that was there.
SPEAKER_05:An outlet? I wonder.
SPEAKER_01:So it's like a ground level. And I remember saying, like, you could put you could plug in something like a Halloween decoration and have it right on that window.
SPEAKER_05:She's like, just I do that or like a hanging lamp, or it's almost like a rorshock. It's like, what do you think of that on the ceiling? Oh, what does it make you feel?
SPEAKER_01:What kind of therapy is that, by the way?
SPEAKER_05:Like the Rorschach that would be more psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, probably psychoanalytic, like kind of old school, like Freudian depth work.
SPEAKER_01:I've always wanted to do that though, because you see the movies and TV shows. Oh, totally.
SPEAKER_05:I would totally do analysis. It's a little cost prohibitive. True. And you have to go like five days a week.
SPEAKER_01:They must feel very frustrated when the person's like, it's an ink splotch, dude. That's what I see. Right.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. The and that's more like testing. So they would give it to you like in a battery, like a psychological battery. Yeah, now they would do that. They would kind of do it more like as a test, and then they would interpret the results and then like go over the results with you. But yeah, in the movies, it's kind of shown as like in real time, they're showing it to you as a projective. Like, what are you gonna say about it?
SPEAKER_05:Maybe Freud did that back in the day.
SPEAKER_02:Probably back in the day. But he like the testing. Yeah, and before it was standardized or anything. Totally. Jeez, name a therapist who still does that, huh?
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I wonder.
SPEAKER_02:I wonder too. We're gonna get VJ back on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Well, Vijay, who we had on, who's a psychiatrist, and he's psychoanalytically trained. Maybe he does it. He probably knows that. Shout out to VJ, we can ask him.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. I do think though, in person for myself, in my therapy, even, there is it's just different. I get a lot more out of it when it's in person than when there's the screen. Um, not to say that I don't get something out of the the, you know, the sessions, but I do think there's a different energy to it. And I also feel like there's something even though I don't know, I feel like I'm almost I can hide, which is a weird thing to say. Yeah. Because the therapist is looking at you through the screen, but I almost feel like I'm not as exposed. Yeah. I think I feel like that leads me in in my own therapy to not be as vulnerable. Yeah. I don't know.
SPEAKER_05:I think that definitely can happen. I feel like I switched with my old therapist from in person to during the pandemic, we could only do virtual. And I remember I felt a little more like I was just talking to myself. Which maybe that was a little bit the point we were in therapy because it was more depth work, more like psychodynamic, almost psychoanalytic. And yeah, I remember feeling a little more like but then also maybe I was doing that. I wasn't like yeah, it was easier, I feel like, to open up to like her presence when we were in the same room. And I did like driving there and back because I like like organizing my thoughts there and kind of digesting that's a good point.
SPEAKER_02:Because when you're like at home, you just get right back in. You just go back, you're back. You do whatever you're doing, you don't even like reflect on it really, maybe, or yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And sometimes I'd be sobbing, so I had to like get it together on the ride home. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I've never cried in therapy, but I'd like to. That sounds like it'd be refreshing.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, I feel like I cry every session.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's kind of what we talked about a little bit last week with her. Not last week, on Monday. I went in person on Monday because you know my son had normally I go on Fridays, but I was in the emergency room all day Friday. So uh luckily I didn't get hit with that cancellation fee. Yeah. Um I got weighed actually.
SPEAKER_05:Um usually if you reschedule in the same week.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Well, we rescheduled for Monday, and then I'm still going Friday, so it's a two this week. Two nice. Yeah, I don't know. I think growing up, I grew up in a you know, not that far from you, but different neighborhoods. Um it was I loved the neighborhood I grew up in. It was really cool, a lot of great people, diversity, and all that, but it was very blue-collar. So it wasn't like you showed your emotions, you know what I mean? Um, so that's why I think anger was such a quick one to get to. Yeah. Also, people found me funny when I was angry. So I think I started to lean into that.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I hate to say it, Joe, you are funny when you're angry.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you. Yeah, I don't know if I should be saying thank you to that, though. So yeah, I still take it, I still take it as a point of pride. Um, yeah, I don't know. So I just, but then in my head, I'm like, it it became the quickest reaction to everything. Yeah, and it's got exhausting. And then I remember one time, I can't remember what the hell I was mad about. That's another thing, too. Just going to these like you know, rage-filled rants. Um, my I remember one time my two friends were like, You were cracking us up. But then my buddy Danny, who you've met a million times, Danny Cal. Shout out to Danny. He said something, he's like, dude, you're not 26 anymore. And to be honest, it wasn't that cute back then.
SPEAKER_05:And I was like, What? When a friend is kind enough to cute. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I talked about him with my therapist actually, because she was asking about like friends that like are like go-to support people. And I go, he would be like number one, number two, or one or one A. Totally. And we have a thing though, him and I, where he had told I remember telling him he was in a relationship for a while, um, and you know, had a breakup.
SPEAKER_05:Are they not together anymore?
SPEAKER_01:No, not together anymore. They're good for like eight years, but afterwards, started going to the gym every day, started taking care of himself. I mean, this was a guy who I never saw eat a vegetable in the first 15 years I knew him. Um, so he, you know, I remember telling him, like, Damn, I'm really proud of you, man. You're doing great and all that kind of stuff. And then I have to throw an insult in there. And he has to do the same thing. We just had the thing. Well, I remember I'm really proud of you taking care of yourself. You know, you've you're you're going to the gym every day, you look wonderful, you're drinking water. Come on, man.
SPEAKER_02:Great job on the line. You're still a little bitch though.
SPEAKER_01:Like, you know, I have to throw that, like, and he did the same with me, where he's like, now I'm glad you're back in therapy, you've committed to not drinking. It's really awesome. I mean, you're an ugly bastard, but like you still, all the things, you know, we just we both that's why I think I get along with him so well. We kind of grew up similar circumstances. Yeah, he's a couple years older, but you know, we both come from that era.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, that's great. Okay. So tell us what's the how is the therapy now different than the last one?
SPEAKER_01:I noticed that she listens a lot. Where not not I'm not saying that he didn't listen. Write that down?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, uh listen to your clients.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, listen to clients. Uh that sounds basic, but I felt like with the CBT, it was more of a free-flowing conversation of back and forth, back where he would give his opinions or try to relate, where I feel like I'll tell her things and just be going on and on, and then she is listening, takes a beat, sits with it, and responds in a way that does make me think. Like, even the way you were like, is it a comfortable couch? Or are you just comfortable? You know, so I kind of appreciate that a little bit more. Although I really wish I didn't just this is where comedy's gonna come in, I guess, a little bit. I had just finished watching the Sopranos from episode one through the end. Yes, about two weeks before I started with her. Yeah, and one of the things in the Sopranos, yes, Dr. Melfi, often she wouldn't say anything, she would just stare at him.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, she's analysis, yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So then my first session with her, I noticed she was doing a little bit of that, and I'm like, Are you Dr. Melfiing me right now? Because I don't know how I feel about that. You know, I have to get used to it. But again, like just to give clarity to the listeners, I I've had three sessions so far. I just started it. Um you know, first session was just her kind of like figuring me out a little bit, I guess, you know. Uh, but I do feel good about it from what I've read about it, from what we've done so far. Yeah, I am excited for the direction it's going in. Um but yeah, I mean it's uh I could tell I like it better than the other style. Not that their style's bad. I'm sure CBT um works well for a lot of people. Yeah, totally. Yeah, but I think I'm gonna like this better because I know I'm gonna need to I'm gonna need to learn these tools, these skills. Yeah. Um, just going forward. Just I feel like um without realizing it, it's probably held me back in certain avenues of comedy and my career and things like that. Um like overall, I think most of the people I've worked with and most my friends in comedy will be like, Oh, Joe's super great guy, nice guy like that. But then you get their reputation of being a hothead, and then when it starts to get to some other opportunities, people might be like, uh what's Joe are we gonna get that week? Sure. You know, so yeah. So yeah, that that part of it started to dawn on me over really over the last couple years. But you know, it's hard, you know. You have kids, yeah, it's hard to get into routines sometimes with children. Um, yeah, you know, my sleep sucks. Yep. I'm not the best with that, prioritizing that. Um but yeah, that was some of the stuff we talked about too. I have to get to a you know, talking about California's baseline for food. I gotta get to a baseline of sleeping, water, eating vegetables, eating healthier. Totally. Because it's very easy to in, you know, because of the late night lifestyle. Um like I was I had a show at nine o'clock last night. Here's how old I'm getting um at Butch McGuire's great bar. Nice, and it's a great show, it's packed. The show was packed, the show was really fun. I connected with the crowd, great time. Um, and I remember going into it, not having a lot of energy, but I've got that adrenaline rush that you get after you perform. Yeah, and then I'm like, I'm starving. What's open that's healthy at that time? Right, yeah, nothing. You know, and I had a healthy day up until that point. Yeah, I tried my best. I went to um a friend of mine runs an open mic, so I stopped by his open mic and I got a buffalo chicken wrap. Okay, wrap. But that was the best I could do at 10 30 on a Monday. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_05:You know and sometimes that is the healthiest thing, like what's there and like some kind of nourishment.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, sometimes you just need something.
SPEAKER_05:Totally.
SPEAKER_01:You know, because otherwise I'm like, I'm not gonna sleep if I'm starving. Right. And I knew I'd have much to eat at home.
SPEAKER_05:So yeah, yeah, that is tough. Like the late night. Well, that's actually a big thing in in DBT, and we know this. Like, really, like in therapy, you can easily go into like analyzing things and going higher order, and then it's sort of like, how much caffeine is this person having every day if they're this anxious? You know, how much sleep are they getting? Like, it's something I can miss a lot because I love what I do and I love like going to the like depth, but sometimes you really have to like slow down and look at like what's your self-care or your seeds, your sleep eating exercise. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I just started a medication too, and I want this medication to work as best as possible because I was on a previous medication that wasn't doing it for me, dual oxetine. Okay, I wasn't a fan of that. Um, and then well, butrin. So I was as reading about how to get the best out of it. A lot of it was like cut back on all the stuff. I'm like, oh man, yeah, like I drink a Celsius a day. I love it, but it's not good for you.
SPEAKER_03:You're flying.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, no, it's getting to the point where I could drink a Celsius and fall asleep five minutes later. Which makes me think the caffeine the caffeine does nothing to me now.
SPEAKER_08:It's Celsius, what's like Celsius compared to a coffee?
SPEAKER_01:Uh I actually I've heard an extra large coffee is close to a Celsius.
SPEAKER_08:Okay. How big is how big is this if it was full? I'm showing Joe my coffee.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Uh because Celsius is 200 milligrams.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I think an extra large coffee with that would probably be close, like 180 or something.
SPEAKER_08:All right, then I'm I'm flying pretty high. But even Red Bull, Red Bull's 120.
SPEAKER_01:I thought Red Bull was would have been close to Celsius. Red Bulls actually consider yeah, simply less bad, yeah. Diet Coke's like 43 or something.
SPEAKER_05:So does not that bad capital.
SPEAKER_01:It's really not the but the sugar. Well, Diet Coke doesn't have sugar, it's got something in it though.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, um yeah, it's got like cancer in it. I feel honestly, I aspartame.
SPEAKER_01:I think I had a while where I was like, why do I feel bloated all the time? And then I realized it's stammed Diet Coke. Yeah, but then I cut back on Diet Coke and I was feeling less bloated. So there's definitely, yeah, that that aspartine, I think, is part of what makes you a little bit like that. Um, yeah, weight the thing is again, the caffe caffeine does I've had so much of it, I drink so much of it, I feel like it doesn't have an effect on me anymore. But it's almost like the security blanket. Yeah. I wake up in the morning, I have a Celsius, the same way some people have to have, you know, a cigarette or something like that. That's what it became to me. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No, but I do think that taking a look at those things is really important when doing any type of self-work to really optimize not just functionality in the therapy space, but just day-to-day functionality. And that's really hard with kids and the industry that you're in that's gotta be so tough because of the I don't know anything about it, but my guess would be a lot of late night shows, and that's just that's when the audience is coming out to see you, and that's really hard to do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I've learned I was talking about this a little bit with her. I'm like, I've accepted that there's gonna be some some nights and some days where I'm like, I'm just not gonna get a lot of sleep that day. Right.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, but then I have to make up for that in other ways. Right. Yeah. Um, I have to find, or it's so I was already talking with her. I'm like, I'm gonna start planning out my calendar better, looking way ahead, where it was like, like even this week, I knew I'm like, okay, I've got Monday and Tuesday things to do, um, but I've got nothing Wednesday, Thursday. I'm going to bed at like eight o'clock on those days. Yeah. Um, just because you know, I I don't know how well this is gonna work out, but I'm gonna test it. Like if I could get nine hours one day, when I get six the next day, will that you know, over instead of looking at sleep by night, maybe I could look at it as a big week-long thing. We'll see how that works. Maybe it will help. Maybe it won't.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's what you can do. Have you ever struggled with like insomnia in any way?
SPEAKER_01:Not, I mean, not I wouldn't call it insomnia. Well, what's the like how bad you have to be for insomnia where you can't sleep like at all, right?
SPEAKER_05:Well, I always think of it because to me, I think the people who most need to do like I go to bed and get up at the same time, the or the people who like most will suffer if they don't do that are like insomniacs. So people who like maybe chronically can't really fall asleep or stay asleep. Do you feel like chronically that's an issue?
SPEAKER_01:I don't think it's chronically. Okay. That's why that's why I had to clarify. Yeah, I thought I thought I remember one time talking to you about her and knowing that you liked it. You ever see that scene where Chris Pratt is just like, what's wrong with you? He's like, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like life's per pointless. I get no joy out of anything I love anymore. But but they asked me if he was depressed, he said no, but then he went on to describe everything that is the symptom of depression, right? Um, and uh not with insomnia, but I remember something like that where I was like, No, I don't. Well, how often do you have to have that for that? I'm like, oh no, I do. Yeah, totally. No, I'll have certain nights where it takes me a while to fall asleep. Yeah, same. Yeah. And she was kind of like, if it's up to like an hour, get out of bed and do something different. And then reset yourself. Yeah. I think it was an hour or was a half hour. I can't remember the time. I'll double check on that this Friday. But um, yeah, for the most part though, I could just I I'm pretty good about falling asleep. Yeah, but I also have bad hair. I like to watch TV and do stupid things like that that just keep you up. Yeah. Um I love that stuff.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I'm frying my brain on TikTok until my head hits the pillow. It's yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, that's but exactly. That's like the time where it's like finally time for me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And so it's hard to be very disciplined with it. Yeah. It's especially like, come on. From my perspective, when like my kids are down, then it's like finally the the moment has arrived where I can read or watch something, or and then when you look at the clock, you're like, no, I'm not gonna look there again because I don't want to know how late it is, and so it's just so hard.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_02:You know, because your days are consumed with work and kids and appointments and emergencies that come up, and yeah, it's just so limited. I'm curious too about the or even your past experience, how therapy has maybe influenced just your comedy, if it if it has.
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, it definitely has. Yeah. Um well, some of the jokes are right themselves. I remember when I first started therapy, I told I didn't tell anyone for like the first six months. I don't know if I had that stupid, you know, Chicago Irish bullshit where it's like, you know, let's keep that to yourself. Right. Um and Irish American for any of the listeners in Ireland, like to differentiate, they get so upset about that. I I've told them though, I've started to go on a side tangent here, but um, people from Italy, all over Europe, they get mad when Americans claim their heritage and all that. And I had to remind them, I go, listen, if I'm in Ireland, I'm American. If I'm around you, I'm American. I don't go running around saying I'm Irish and I'm like, right. But if I'm talking about personality traits, guess what? Those followed across the ocean. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_05:Those don't rub off. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It's not like grandma nylon came over and was all of a sudden like, you know, I like apple pie. And no, it's you know, they still had the shit they liked over there, right, right. And that goes down the line. Um, I bring that up because I saw a clip of Colin Quinn and Tim Dylan talking about their Irish grandmothers. And they were both like, yeah, when you're raised Irish, and then all these Irish people in the comments are like, We're raised up, you're American, get it right. But then some Irish people were like, you know what they fucking meant? Shut up, you cunt. Like, you know, oh sorry, I don't know. Has anyone ever said that word on this podcast?
SPEAKER_06:No, you're the first word. I'm the first C word?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we could bleep it. Bleep it, please. If you want to, you don't have to if you don't want. Yeah. Um, but that was the direct quote. That's why I said it. Yeah, they love that word over there. You know that, Kelly. You've been there a bunch of times.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, yeah, like in the UK and Ireland, that has a different valence, Australia too. Wow.
SPEAKER_01:I hung out with some Australian guys once, but and they use it in every different context. Yeah, I heard them use it as an insult, a compliment, a noun, a verbal. Every way you could use the word, they've used it there, and they just don't get why we don't like it. Um, anyhow, so with therapy and comedy, because you're with comedy is so much about observations. You know, you're making observations that other people really aren't making, and then you're going up there and trying to relate to the audience and try to let them in your world. I've for the most part, I'm pretty biographical on stage. I got into that early on because it's like you could never be accused of stealing jokes if you're talking about your your own life and your own thing. Yeah. Um, I mean, I've got some that are just completely, you know, every now and then I'll throw out like a little 45-second Mitch Hedberg style one-liner. But for the most part, I like storytelling and things about my life. Um, so yeah, I mean, the one therapist I had, I was seeing him for like a year, and I said I told him about how I was at a bar and these girls at this table, where it was after a show, I'm hanging out with some comedians, and this girl goes, uh, that jacket is so 2017. And this was like in 2022, and I was upset about that. I was like, 2017 was like a minute ago. How is this not in style anymore?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:I got like, and he could tell I was getting revved up about it. He's like, Man, I didn't know you were really that into fashion. I'm like, I'm not. I'm into people being wrong and putting it towards me.
SPEAKER_05:Into correctness.
SPEAKER_01:And then he said, uh, I'll never forget this. He goes, I'm not really into fashion either. I I guess I didn't get that part of the gay gene. And then I was like, I didn't know he was gay. Not that it matters, of course, it doesn't matter at all. Uh the advice is so great. I don't care. I've got tons of gay friends. But it made me laugh to myself, not to him, but later on that day, I was like, How did I not know that? Did he bring it up before? And then I'm like, Well, I think next week we need to talk about how unaware of things I am. Like, you know, like I that just that made me laugh right then and there. Because then when I told the joke, um, I made it where it's like, is he saying he's gay? Or do we all have the gay gene? That's where our fashion sense comes from. Like, where is he going with this?
SPEAKER_05:Like, I just I just had no idea that Yeah, it's almost a little cryptic where it's sort of like if he had said, like, well, as a gay man, like I'm stereotyped to like be into fashion.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not really into fashion. Yeah, but he slid it in a way and just threw me off. So yeah, you you you find humor in anything. Um, I would I would do jokes about how I first realized I needed to go to therapy because my two-year-old son told me to relax. I'd be like, he I didn't know he knew that word. Like, you know, he was two. Yeah. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And so my my youngest, there was a a phase where he would would say to me, Anger issues, dad.
SPEAKER_07:Anger issues.
SPEAKER_02:And I'd be like, that would actually make me certainly more angry because I was like, Oh god, like it and he's like, anger issues, because I would be like upset, or I'd be like, You gotta do this, or this and that. He'd be like, anger issues. So yeah, it's funny when your kids, when your kids reflect something to you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, buddy.
SPEAKER_06:I love it. Yeah, it's funny.
SPEAKER_01:I did anger management a separate thing. It was like a six-week course. This guy in Lincolnwood. Oh, I don't I thought I was getting something out of it. I think I was, but then Emma was born, and then my routine got thrown out the window. You know, yeah, you know, so yeah, you need really a routine for so much of uh things to work. Right. I mean, he was all right, uh, but the very first session, he was 20 minutes late, and that wrote itself on purpose, and you know I that's what I speculated in my joke. I go, maybe he does as well as first time, right? Yeah, because if he walk if he shows up 20 minutes late and I'm very chill about it, he's probably thinking this guy's gonna be a breeze.
SPEAKER_02:Right there, that's a roarshock. Arrived 20 minutes late to the first anger management session to see how people respond when you walk in.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, wait. So this was the anger management guy, or this was a therapist?
SPEAKER_01:This was the anger management guy. So I stu I saw my therapist from like almost like 2021 to halfway through, I think I stopped seeing him like May of 2024.
SPEAKER_07:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And then I started the anger management because I thought maybe if I just work on that specifically, I'll be okay. Because I wasn't getting anything out of the therapy before. At first I was. At first I liked him. At first, it was like the things I felt like I needed in a lot of ways. You know, not beating myself up so much and other such things. Then when it's then it started to get to a point where it was again, you know, I'm not naming his names, but he was he was a wonderful guy, and I just think we kind of outran he our the course at the time. Self or I don't know. Yeah, outgrew each other. Yeah, I got lost on the word there.
SPEAKER_05:Um, I'm sure there's clients who feel that way about me.
SPEAKER_01:I remember one time just telling him about something, and he was like, uh, because I was like, Yeah, my, you know, yeah, yeah, you know, you have to have a high Instagram account these days, and you have to do this. And he's like, What do you how many Instagram followers do you have? And I was like, I don't know, like 5,000. He's like, That's amazing. And I'm like, I know what you're doing, but like it's not amazing comparatively in my community. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, it's yeah, I'm thankful for them. But like there was stuff like that that he was trying to do the positive reinforcement thing, which is great. Sometimes you need that. Um, but not when the person who's doing the positive reinforcement thing sounds like a grandparent who's sending you clippings of something where you're like, this is just isn't your world anymore. You gotta touch.
SPEAKER_05:Um well, you know what? Actually, it's funny you say that because sometimes you and I, we've talked about this on the pod where if sometimes if I'm in a really bad place, like it really bothers me if someone doesn't recognize like this is bad. This isn't good. Like if someone tries to cheer me up, I just feel like they don't see me and they don't hear me. Like I'm suffering and I don't want to be pulled out of this. I want to be known in this and cared for in this. Yeah. And it's like, because at the end of the day, and we this is like our whole podcast is premised on this. It's like you have the self within you that will eventually pull you out of that. So you don't need a therapist to that. What you really need is to be like loved in that place, given the space to like move through it and be in pain. Like there is such value in like feeling, like you know your industry, you're the expert in that. Right. So if you look at it and you're like, I really do, I had a different goal for myself here and I'm here. You can feel pain about that, or even hopeless about that for a moment. You know, I think that's totally fair. And you know, DBT is great for that, I would say. Yeah, I think it can be really great for like letting you be with the reality that's there and not escaping it.
SPEAKER_01:That was part of when I DBT was explained to me. I remember thinking, yes, I could use that. Yeah, because it's like people like you were saying, where it's like they're not seeing you. I think it's you know, they're having good intentions, they get so consumed with I need to make you feel better, I need to make you feel better. But it's like you're not listening to me, right? You're so in your head about how to make me feel better, but I I need you to listen. Yeah, like and if you were actually took a step back, you would know I need you to not do anything right now, really. Or just you know, be an ear or something. Yeah. So um, but yeah, so I stopped seeing him in April or May of 24, and then right around September, October, um, I felt myself not controlling my anger. I was getting quick, way too quick again. So I was like, maybe I need something specific for that. And it was like a six-week thing, and you know, it was it was good in some regards of like just recognizing certain things and you know, trying to create a routine because I was looking at myself, I came up with this analogy. Um, I don't want this therapist taking credit for it. Um I'm gonna go through, but um, I had felt this is how I really felt like I was like a glass of water filled way too high. And so any little thing, now I'm spilling all over the place. Yeah. So I realized I have to do certain things to bring that water level down to where I could carry the glass around without worry. Um, so that would be like, all right, so for a good stretch, it was helping. Like I was waking up in the morning, I was drinking water, I was reading, I was trying to journal the journaling was helping for a while. Yeah, I was doing like all of these little checklist things to get a morning routine going so I could start my day from a place of feeling calm instead of rolling out of bed, scrolling through social media apps that usually enrage me. Um, was I triggered? Because I had nothing to do but wait around for the you know, surgeons and all these people because you're in a hospital, there's nothing to do but waiting around.
SPEAKER_02:And that's a high stress, distressing situation.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because you're worried like crazy and you're worried about him and all that stuff. So all I was doing was going on, yeah, you know, and the big the big march was over the weekend.
SPEAKER_02:So that is when, and I've mentioned this on the podcast before, that is probably when I feel the most helpless in myself, is when my kids have some sort of physical health issue. My youngest has asthma and he's been hospitalized for it and things, and those moments are like there I feel so I can't do anything, almost paralyzed because I'm so like just feeling like something is gonna happen and I just have no control. And so then I feel like I can't move in any direction. And so those situations are so highly distressing to begin with, and then to think about looking at what's going on in the world, maybe I'll take a break from this situation. And then that doesn't, yeah, I would be in the same boat where that would just like tip me over the edge.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you definitely feel I agree. I feel like the most helpless in those situations. I actually got my um or had my uh fight or flight response extremely tested in early August, so a couple months ago. I don't know if you've heard about this. Um, I took my sons to go visit my mom who lives in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. And um this was like on the Saturday, I think. She's part of like the neighborhood association. They have like their annual picnic at this park a couple blocks away, and it was a nice event to start. Um, and nothing about the event was anyone who coordinated the event's fault. So it was just like a picnic and they had games for kids and stuff like that. And it was nice. I'm showing them how to play um horseshoes. And all of a sudden, this mom who's maybe 40 yards that way, she just starts screaming, run. And I turn around, I'm like, run. And then I look behind her. There's an SUV that's now driven into the park. God. Yeah, at a good speed. And then there's three squad cars behind the SUV, their sirens are on. So I got my sons right next to me, and I'm like, but which way do I run? Yeah, I don't because it's an SUV. Like, if I ran this way, the thing could turn that way. So I'm kind of like still for a minute, but I'm holding them next to me. Then I look in the other direction, there's cop cars coming into the park. They're all swarming into this spot.
SPEAKER_06:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Backstory is this guy stole a car like seven miles in the other direction. So it wasn't like that again. I've told people I'm like, it wasn't the park's fault. And like you know, that's just where it landed or it ended up. Um, guy had stolen a car and like threw a seven-year-old girl out of the car. A bad situation. So once I saw the cop cars coming from the other way, that's when the instincts kicked in. I took Matthew, my eight-year-old, put him underneath my arm like this, grabbed Dylan, put him underneath my arm like this, and I'm running full speed, carrying both of them.
SPEAKER_06:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Then shots fired. I dive to the ground and cover them both up because the guy came out with a gun and the police had to shoot back. So it was like a little, it was a shootout. Oh, it was insane. My yeah, God, that wouldn't even feel real. It didn't. Um, yeah, it was it was very bizarre. Jesus. And a lot of people did anyone hurt? Yeah. The guy. The guy, okay. Yeah, he didn't die though. Um but he but he picked some bullets. Um tell you what, in that moment, you become different in the sense where I don't hide my politics online. Um I used to be way more political. This is something I want to ask you guys in a second, too. Sorry, it's getting jumbled. Um I used to be pretty political in my comedy when I was first coming up. Then, as I started the headline and the way the world became, political comedy didn't feel like it was hitting anymore because you know, we had 24 news networks in everyone's face, Facebook became a news source, which it isn't, Twitter. So it's like, all right, any joke I make at eight o'clock at night, they're already sick of that topic because they've been on it all day long, right? Then you started to get that worry of like, oh man, I don't I don't want people who like my comedy, then all of a sudden seeing my politics and be like, I'm not gonna come see him next time he's in town. So I got a little bit cowardly with that. But then I feel like the more I start, the more secure I feel with myself, and the more I like myself, that's when I'm like, I'm gonna talk about all this shit. And if you don't like it, too bad. Right. You know, I don't care if I lose you as a fan. For every one of you I lose, I'll find someone who I'm more like-minded with anyway. Yeah. Um, so normally, you know, when you hear about police shootings and stuff like that, I tend to I've seen enough video evidence where I'm like, they are way out of control, a lot of them. In that moment, when it's your children, you're kind of like I shoot them in the fucking head. You know what I mean? Like, again, excuse my language. But it's just in that moment.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because you're you're just thinking like this psychopath driving through a park with crowded children, you know, you're just filled with like, I can't believe I had to experience that. I can't believe they had to experience that. Right. I took them to visit their grandma for a weekend, right?
SPEAKER_05:You know, uh but that and you, I mean, I know you know this, that's way different than someone that stole cigarettes. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like where so much police brutality happens. Yeah. Your situation, I mean, it sounded like a violent.
SPEAKER_01:No, yeah, he didn't he they didn't kill him. He got shot, he's in jail for a long time. Yeah, I'm not saying that. I just I remember later thinking, like, wow, I can't believe I was filled with that much like hate towards that guy. Yeah, well, sure. Yeah, but yeah, that's probably pretty natural. I imagine most people would have been filled with that at that moment, too. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_05:This was well, that guy, if he was in a different position, might have felt that, you know, if he were in your shoes at a different moment.
SPEAKER_01:Um, but yeah, it was pretty terrifying. I I have started talking about humor with bad stuff. I have started to make a joke about it. Um, mainly because this woman, random person I didn't met, but she was at the picnic thing. She came up to me and she's like, I saw what you did. The way you grabbed your sons and just carried them and ran. That was that was incredible. I'm like, oh, thanks. You know, I just instincts. And she's like, No, you're a great father. That was awesome. I'm like, Oh, thank you. Do you think anyone filmed that by chance? I mean, no one took out a phone. People take out their phone for everything. No one took out their phone for this. I could really use the press. You know what I mean? I've had a referee. Um, so yeah, I've been doing that as a joke right now.
SPEAKER_02:Mastine press, or even just when your kids are not listening, you're like, roll tape. Yeah, and then play back. That's me. Yep. Remember when I saved you both that day? Yeah. That was me. So clean your room.
SPEAKER_01:That's funny. But then I say, Yeah, great dad, terrible son, forgot my mom was even there. I remember she came up being like, Oh, yeah, how are you? Never came across my mind. Uh, but she didn't care though. She's like, You said my grandchildren, that's what matters most to me. Yeah, yeah. But it's not like I see again, the the shooting was 50 yards. I ran far enough away where we were probably fine, but you don't know that we don't know. You don't ever know. You just don't know when you're running.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, do you so did you?
SPEAKER_01:And they're in feelings therapy. They'd already been in it. So when my friends, some of my friends were like, How are they gonna adjust to this? I'm like, well, we already have a support system, you know, we already have them in place where they'll be okay. Yeah, and they've been good about it. They haven't been like, I'm never going to Iowa again. Right. Well, though that was one of my jokes, too. I'm like, I can't wait to get to back to Chicago where I feel safe.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, one murder capital to the next. Um, what was I gonna say? Um, do you so in therapy? Did you talk about that like in the weeks after, or did you feel like that was scary?
SPEAKER_01:And well, I wasn't in uh no, I did. I was I did talk about that. That's right. I'm sorry, I thought I I got confused. Uh need to sleep more. Um I haven't talked about that in DBT yet.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:We haven't gotten to that yet. Um but I did talk about that when it was happening, or like when I was in CBT, the other therapy. Yeah, okay. Um when I was still doing online. Um yeah, it was good to talk about it. Positive reinforcement made me feel really good about that, where it's like, yeah, you know, my kids are that important to me. Like that just it wasn't even a second thought about my own safety. It was like, where are they? How do I save them? Yeah. I didn't, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_01:That was just, you know, because you don't have time to think in a situation like that.
SPEAKER_05:You know what's funny? We just watched that famous movie that's about this very thing called um the Swedish movie. Or is it Swedish or is it Danish?
SPEAKER_08:Um it's that director that also did that other movie.
SPEAKER_05:The Dad Runs.
SPEAKER_08:The Dad Runs.
SPEAKER_05:Wait, what is it called? Force majeure.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So basically, this family's at this like ski lodge in I think it's in Denmark. Have you heard of this movie?
SPEAKER_02:No.
SPEAKER_05:The family's like all like dining, like having breakfast in the morning. And they're looking and they're on, you know, it's a like a really nice resort, and they're like on the side of this like the Alps, maybe it might be the Swiss Alps. And they're like, Oh wow, look at that. It looks like an avalanche, and it kind of looks far away. And then all of a sudden people are like, wait, wait, wait, it's it's almost here, and it's like coming closer and closer and closer. And like a bunch of people get up, the dad runs from the table, and the mom covers by himself takes off. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_05:And the mom covers the kids, but then it's really kind of a fake, it's just a little bit of dust that they thought was a real avalanche. And when it actually hit them, it's just for a second, it's kind of like there's snow and whatever, but everyone's fine. So then the dad just kind of like moseies back to the table and they don't speak of it. And then, like, the throughout the movie, the wife is like so upset by this, and she kind of is like disgusted with him and can't get over it. And they're like dealing with the fallout for the rest of the movie. It's interesting, it's an interesting concept.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's also like the Seinfeld episode where there's a fire and George pushes everyone out of the works.
SPEAKER_05:She's George Costanza this. Yeah, except they do a much more like unspoken version of it. I will say to me, the movie dragged a little bit, but it's an interesting concept. You really liked it.
SPEAKER_08:I was really liking it. We didn't end up finishing it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Kelly was like, we need to go to bed. Also, there was cover there was commercials every seven minutes because we were watching it on what, like Pluto or it's like one of those where you don't really have a subscription, but they like let you watch it anyway, like Tubi or something.
SPEAKER_01:I've heard good things about Pluto lately. Um, Tubi apparently has like wild low budget movies that you'll watch and be like, that was amazing, but also so stupid. Like fun, like things like that.
SPEAKER_05:I would love to watch that.
SPEAKER_01:I have a friend, Erica, who she literally watches everything.
SPEAKER_05:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:I think her whole life was watching. She needs to have a movie podcast.
SPEAKER_05:She really should have a bad movie podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she's like, is that just like a web browser? You just like go to the website and stream it from their website? No, there's an app for Tubi.
SPEAKER_01:You could download Tubi as an app. I mean, they have some modern stuff too.
SPEAKER_02:Nice.
SPEAKER_01:I've flipped around Tubi once or twice. I had I there was some movie like Better Off Dead with John Cusack. You ever see that? Yeah, I've heard of it. I was trying to find that forever, and I think it was on Tubi. So I remember downloading the app and then watching that. And then as I was scrolling around, I'm like, oh, they've got like some pretty modern movies. Like she's all that. They're like movies where you're like, oh yeah, that was like the seventh highest grossing film of that year. Yeah. But that's like their wheelhouse. Right.
SPEAKER_05:Movies that you would know, but yes, but forgettable a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:But like HBO's like, you could have this.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. You know what I mean? Right, right.
SPEAKER_02:I do think that's interesting. A concept of like when the shit hits the fan. What happened? What are people's reactions? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Because you don't know what you're gonna do. Yeah. And how meaningful is it? And I think that's what that family was grappling with.
SPEAKER_02:Like I mean, the way you described it, I want to see the dad come just back. Yeah. That's the scene I want to see. It's pretty subtle.
SPEAKER_05:And then they just start eating breakfast again. Him just and you're kind of like back into the And then it's like the wife is like pulling away and doing different things. And then she kind of starts uncontrollably laughing when they're like at dinner with another couple. And it's it's pretty great. Yeah. And the only recognizable actor in it is if did either of you watch Game of Thrones? Yes. You know the redheaded, like wildling?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Him. He's in it.
SPEAKER_01:He's in it.
SPEAKER_05:I think he's Danish, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:I know the Jamie Tart is Danish.
SPEAKER_05:Jamie Tart who's not Jamie Tart.
SPEAKER_01:Uh Jamie Twitter. No, that's Brianna.
SPEAKER_02:You just referenced uh Ted Lasso, yeah. Jamie Tart. Love Jamie Tartar.
SPEAKER_01:Jamie Lannister's Danish in real life. I thought that guy was Scottish, the big uh red-headed guy. Maybe he's not. I don't know.
unknown:Wait.
SPEAKER_01:I know the Wildlings woman, that redhead, she married Jon Snow in real life. She's Scottish. Her and Kit Harry.
SPEAKER_05:I don't know. Yeah, it's like that Viking.
SPEAKER_01:He probably is.
SPEAKER_05:But he was good in it. He's like, they're the couple like that are their friends that are helping them try to figure out like what to feel about this. It's it's really interesting. But yeah. Yeah. There's a little maybe we'll watch it for the pod again.
SPEAKER_08:Sure, yeah. Time number two.
SPEAKER_00:Put the title in the show notes for me.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_05:So you can see it. But yeah, okay. So tell me, like, maybe we'll round out our discussion on this with telling us what like let's say you worked with this therapist for like six months or a year. What would you want to be to happen at the end or be different at the end?
SPEAKER_01:Number one for me would be uh just how to handle my emotions and not go zero to sixty as quickly as I do. Um for the sake of just every relationship I've ever had, really. For the sake of all that. Um because I've literally had friends told me that I've I have the worst temper they've ever seen. And that's not something you want, right? Sure. And like again, it's okay to get mad, it's okay to be angry, of course. You know, I'm saying things you guys have probably told people a million times over. It's basically just a reaction to it, you know. Also, as you get older, you feel anger and rage physically way more than you do when you're younger. That's the big thing I've noticed. Um yeah, because that's the thing too. Like I I've I noticed now, uh you know, we I think we were talking about some stuff a little bit before the podcast about Gen Z and shifting or or using humor, I guess you guys talked about in a previous podcast. I've noticed people maybe it's a good thing on there, and they're setting boundaries. Sometimes it makes me a little sad because I feel like people have thrown away friendships over certain events. When I was growing up, if one of my friends was being a jerk and you got mad and people have fought a little bit, like verbally, not physically, of course, two days later the next day, you're fine. It's almost like it never happened. You went right back to it. I don't see that as much lately. Maybe that's a good thing again. Maybe people are setting boundaries where it's like, no, that behavior's not cool. Yeah, great. But then I'm also hearing stories I've I've experienced it firsthand, and I've also had other friends experience where it's like, yeah, we were really good friends, and then we had a bad night, and now we don't talk anymore. And I'm just like, really? Whole friendship gone like that. But it's usually people where it's like, yeah, we were only friends with it for like a year or so. I think the longer the friendship, the more you get leash on certain things because you've established yourself where it's like, oh yeah, this guy's default. Because I really do feel like I'm I'm a silly person overall, and my default setting is to be happy and have fun and and see the best in people. Um, but then you know, switch flips, and you know, there's that side that just has it's really just no control. And then I feel bad, I feel horrible in that situation because I'm like, well, I just fucked up the evening, and then I like almost it gets exponentially worse because then I get mad at myself because you know you can't unsay the things you just said or whatever. Um, yeah, and then you just feel that compile.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, if I could get at six months from now, you know, obviously it's not a cure, it'd be something I have to work on consistently, but um where I'm at a place now where I'm more confident in handling that, that'd be great.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's what I would like.
SPEAKER_05:I love that. Yeah, that's great. No, yeah, it's like being able to like well, the dialectic, right? Being able to feel those feelings and have that like steel bar of like self that helps you decide like what do I do with this? Like, is there a way to channel it that's value aligned, or you know, do I just like feel through it and digest it? You know? Yeah, that's great. I love that. I think DBT can help with that. Definitely helped me in my life with that. Like being a DBT practitioner, like using it. I mean, the reason it was like the very first therapy I really used, and I felt like I loved it because I thought all the concepts resonated with me in my life, like radical acceptance and the wise mind and and all that, definitely.
SPEAKER_02:And I think the routines you're trying to build in, and this is you know, take this with a grain of salt, obviously, but that sets up a foundation for better emotional regulation for all of us. Yeah. Like the setting up more of those base level things that we need, like sleeping and making sure that we're what are we consuming and what is our, you know, um self-care look like, we will be more effective at regulating our emotions if we're taking care of those. And I think we do sometimes as therapists, to your point earlier, we overlook that because we just want to get over there and start doing other stuff. Or somebody comes in and immediately is like, I have this thing I need to talk to you about.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And before we know it, we're off and running versus tell me just a little bit about your week, like how'd you sleep this week, or what you know, because that stuff can be contributing to I went from zero to sixty. Well, I only got two hours of sleep last night, and I, you know, and it's like, okay, well no wonder. Yeah. Not that that's the cure all, but that stuff's certainly important. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's very yeah, and when you have two hours of sleep and you lose control of your emotions around people that you love, and they then, you know, are pissed off at you for it, you could say to them, Oh, I was only at two hours of sleep. And it's like, I don't I mean, I'm sure they care, but in that moment, they're like still have to manage.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you still have to manage, too.
SPEAKER_01:That's totally, but it's not an excuse. Right?
SPEAKER_05:That's what I try to look at the way sometimes. It's best to give the reason to yourself for that self-forgiveness. And then you have like better access to those skills because you're not also fighting yourself. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, I had two hours of sleep. No wonder I'm like that glass is full, you know. Yeah. Well, I wonder, do you have any, as you have two therapists here, any questions for us on DBT or anything?
SPEAKER_01:Well, just as a general, do you two have uh like a favorite uh client? Do you guys call them client patient? You have a favorite like patient where you're like, you see, you're like, oh, my Wednesday, one o'clock. Oh yeah, they got some good stories. I can't wait to find out. Oh yeah, they're they're let's see if this polyamorous thing is working still. Whatever, you know what I mean? Not to knock that, but I just felt like that'd be a juicy one, you know?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, it's a good question. Sorry for you, Jimmy. I think that I think it's every comedian thinks they're gonna answer for a lot of reasons.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's hard to answer because my mind went to some of the difficult clients that I work with end up being some of the ones that we do such enriching work, yeah, that it is almost like not your favorite, but I look forward to those sessions because of either maybe the resistance they had to therapy and now we're in a different place, or how much they were struggling with some of the concepts, and now there's more clarity. And so sometimes you're beat, you know, for me, I'm beating my head against the wall a little bit early on, and I'm like, oh, we're not gonna, I feel what am I not doing? We're not getting anywhere. And so it feels like sometimes my knee-jerk reaction is, oh no, I'm working with that person because I I feel like maybe I'm not doing something, but then it turns into like, oh, now I really look forward to like doing this because of like the changes. And what I will say is there's some people who come in and they're just really likable people. Like it's just like life. Like you have people come in that generous spirit, yeah. Exactly, or they're just like naturally a funny person, and they just like or they get it, or you know, or they're so even just people who are so honest and vulnerable, I find that they're just it's like, wow, that's what a breath of fresh. We don't even have to like go into like, you know, you're not really maybe tapping in there, or you know, you're not like leading them in that direction because they're just almost like an open book. Um, yeah. So yeah, I remember, yeah. It's hard because it's like there's so many examples of it that come in different forms, yeah, um, at different times. But certainly, I mean, I'm human. There's people that you just enjoy working with and they're just like great people, of course. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_05:I remember like when we would do group therapy together, I would always feel particularly moved when like certain clients would give really like thoughtful feedback to another client and really take the time to like be present with their story and like even sometimes give them hard feedback or whatever. I always found that so moving. But you know, it's like this is such a therapist answer. I do find if like I'm really feeling in me like this resistance to someone so much of the time, it's because they're bringing up my stuff. Totally, you know, where it's like this is replaying a relationship I have in my life, or they're embodying a trait of my own that I struggle to accept. So I'm trying to get it out of them by hating it in them or by whatever. And it's like if you can slow down enough, you really recognize like, oh, this is actually like a very important moment for me to have because I'm in so much distress about this. And you know, sometimes the ones that are easier to sit with, like it's so great and it's so enjoyable. But like I might learn less about myself or even grow less as a therapist in that relationship because it's like I'm not being like called to something challenging here. And really, like, I mean, like transference, counter-transference, like like a Dr. Melfi and like what Tony brought up in her. It's so important to like mine that stuff, like as a therapist. But I think as a human being, like I grow so much from my work. And then and bringing it into my own therapy is huge too. Like, I got so triggered by this thing. Like, what is it creating in me? And and how can I? And then once I work through that and notice it, I often become such a better therapist for that person. And then it's like, even though that was difficult and we really snagged on that, we both feel like a release from it. And and you know, I actually like sometimes I'll even like it'll trigger me enough. I've had this, like, I talked to Josh about this recently. I had a situation where I felt like I kind of invalidated a client because I was kind of overwhelmed by some of the stuff they were bringing up about the news, and I was feeling a little bit like bombarded by negativity, and I didn't hold the space well, and it bothered me like kind of the whole week. And then I came back and just like sort of shared that. Like, I don't think I held that space very well, and I'm really sorry about that. And they were sort of like, Oh, I didn't even notice that. And I was like, they're like, I thought when you shut it down, that was probably actually pretty helpful. And I was like, I knew I wasn't being my best self, so like they were just probably like trusting of me, and I had earned some like capital there with that. But I definitely did feel like, wow, like the way that felt in that moment, and I and I got a little bit like sharp with it. I noticed like this is you not wanting to tolerate something that's in your reality, right? That like the news and like the world around us is really painful, and you're wanting to like avoid that pain. Yeah, is that realistic? And yeah, and it is, it's like so overwhelming. And you know, I could so easily like put on this therapist hat and be like, I know best. Like, let's just not talk about that. And it's like, that's ridiculous. Like, obviously, it's happening all around us. You're just like drowning in it too, a bit. So yeah. And then I kind of had a breakdown later in the week about it. I'm like, oh yeah, this is really affecting me. I'm like not doing well with it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:You know, it's what makes you a good therapist. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So it's sounds like it to me. The following week, I was a good therapist.
SPEAKER_08:Every other week you're a good therapist.
SPEAKER_05:Every third session.
SPEAKER_02:As I do also have a soft spot a little bit for like people who are of and maybe it's because I'm getting older, but like people who are like over 80 who are coming to therapy. Oh my god, love. And I'm like, yeah, it's the the work's never done. Like, there's I have a soft spot for people who are still seeking out like how could I be a better person in this world? And I just threw out 80 as kind of like just a number, but like you've lived some life. Like you could teach me some things and and people that are still like seeking. Um, but to your question about like, do you have like a favorite or something like that? And and I don't know if it falls under the favorite category, but just like an inspiring, like, yeah, I kind of want to be that person. Like when I'm yeah, I'm still working on myself. Yeah, like in that age, still becoming, I still want to be like trying to form a better life for myself. So that that's always kind of like wow, like I just think that's incredible. Somebody to be like, I still have work to do here on this earth, you know, like I haven't figured it out. Yeah, yeah. That was just something I was thinking about.
SPEAKER_01:Totally. Yeah. How do you like patients to start? Because sometimes I sit there and I'm like, Do you want me to just go right into it?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:She never like says, So what's on your mind? I just go into it. Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_05:So she just sits. I'm Always so curious how other therapists start sessions because I think, and this is probably my stuff, I always start. And I'm like, tell me what's on your mind, you know, or what are you noticing? You check in with yourself, like I'll say that. And so you're probably sensing that I'm a talker.
SPEAKER_02:You don't uh you don't end the session.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Have you ever noticed that about Kelly? Yeah. Because having shared an office with her and been a friend with her for years, anytime she would enter an office space, it would always be like, okay.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, all right, okay. 6,000. Your mom, Josh's mom, she's like, I started saying it.
SPEAKER_08:And then I started saying it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's like between things I do too, I'll be like, okay, so now I'm gonna do three. And it's like I have to like.
SPEAKER_02:And there's different, right? There's varying levels of it. So I just figured you started your therapy session. I know. You would think okay, all right.
SPEAKER_05:Let's get started.
SPEAKER_02:I love that. That's so great. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05:I I fantasize.
SPEAKER_02:Shortly followed by, I was listening to this podcast. And uh let me tell you what I heard on this podcast. Yeah, all the celebs. Um I um but you go in, you start.
SPEAKER_05:I do, and I wish I fantasize about being the therapist who's just like sitting there and like letting someone talk. Like you're a therapist. That sounds great. I mean, it sounds like you got a great one. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Great so far. Exciting. Because then you really like don't guide it, and then whatever's organic will just kind of come out. Right. Yeah. I used to to my old therapist, Melissa, who is wonderful. I saw her for many years. She, I would say, like, I didn't really prepare what I was gonna say today, and she would go, good. Like she wanted it to just flow. And I'm like, Oh, that's right. She doesn't want me to prep it.
SPEAKER_01:There are times where I'm thinking, all right, what do I want to get off my chest? What do I want to go into and things? But yeah, sometimes I I could see it having a benefit of just let it come out. Just go. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:My therapist certain times would and this was in person more than on Zoom, but we would sit down and then it was just a very short prompt, let's begin. And that was it. And it was it was on me to begin. It was kind of like that was I don't know, it wasn't explicitly said, it was just like, let's begin.
SPEAKER_06:Let's begin.
SPEAKER_02:And then if that was it.
SPEAKER_05:Maybe I'll try all this stuff.
SPEAKER_02:I'm also gonna steal your water. I had stuff always to talk about and want to process. Yeah, but I always took that as like, okay, that's the cue. You don't need to ask me anything else. It's just but this is yeah, you're settled, I'm settled, let's begin.
SPEAKER_05:Let's begin.
SPEAKER_01:I like that too. My comedian friend of mine, Roy Wood Jr., he he would start sets by being like, let's start, and then just go. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh God, I wish I could do that. Because it almost centers people to like because if I do, I'm stealing from him. We can't do that in comedy.
SPEAKER_05:That would be so funny if a comedian went to the mic and just was like, let's begin.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it would be. God, maybe I'll try that. I don't think anyone does let's be able to get it. It's close enough to Roy's, let's start. You know, yeah. Uh, this one comic, Alan Strickland Williams, funny dude. Um, he because this is a lot of times comedians don't know what to start with. You gotta start with something that lets you into the world. Right now, I'm fortunate enough to start with and I the day keeps changing. I'll say, as of today, I'm 231 days sober. Wow, and then it gets people clapping, and then I still do lots of cocaine. But then you know, I just it's a joke. I'm like, you gotta have a vice, you can be raw dog in life in 2020.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01:Um but yeah, it's the starts are hard because you can come up with a great joke, but if you lead off with it, it's not a leadoff. Right. I try to tell young comics, I'm like, look, I can't teach you to be funny, but I could give you a little bit of tips on how to structure your act.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because you want to build towards something. Like you could have the greatest joke in the world. If you start with it, it's a three. If you end with it, it's a 10. Right. Because they get to know you a little bit, you establish your character, all that kind of thing. Um, but with I think I lost my train of thought here. Totally. Um starting.
SPEAKER_08:Let's start a set.
SPEAKER_01:So Alan Strickle Williams, I always love the way he started. He would say, My name is Alan Strickle Williams, and I'm gonna tell you 11 jokes, or like whatever the number was. It would change. Number would change. Yeah, that's how he started his Conan set. He got booked on Conan and he started with by saying, My name is Alan Strickle Williams. And I'll tell you 11 jokes. That's great. And I don't even think he numbers them all. So sometimes as an audience, you're like, Was it 11? Is that 11?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you're counting them. Some like really pedantic person would like count them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm sure someone on the internet has counted right. It's the internet, right? Totally. There's always someone for something.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Okay, well, maybe we'll drift into our how eyes is it?
SPEAKER_02:How wise is it?
SPEAKER_05:How wise is it to have a wedding hookup?
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_05:Let's begin.
SPEAKER_01:It's a good one. We've all been on lots of weddings. You're fresh off of one.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I'm thinking, you know, we have a cousin for the sake who hooked up with another one of our cousin's friends at a wedding. Do you remember that?
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:I think so. We'll talk about it off air. Um, I'm cool with it. I think it's wise. There's love in the air. Uh love is in the air, yeah. That's true. The circumstances are usually like, all right, we're all staying at this hotel. A lot of times, hotels and not all weddings, but a lot of weddings have a hotel that people go to afterwards, and there's hotel room parties. So I, you know, I feel like it's if ever there was a wise reason to hook up to have a one-night stand, I think a wedding is a pretty good one. Yeah. You're dressed up, all this kind of stuff, and it's kind of fun. I feel like it gives the people who are there something to talk about later. Yeah. Like, did you see who did? And I would think, I don't think there was any flings or one night stands at my wedding. I don't know if there was any of yours, but like maybe I if there was almost. If there was, it'd be a fun thing to talk about.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, it's all we talked about.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:We got married, which was wonderful when we talked about our wedding a lot, but we spent a lot of time talking about like, can you believe? Like, I wonder if anything could happen in the future. Like, really thinking a lot about it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, this is a little off topic, but I had a friend who recently hooked up with a woman after a funeral.
SPEAKER_06:A funeral. She'd met her a couple times.
SPEAKER_01:That's about avoiding crashers. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Um wow. Well, it was like the wake and then the rest uh luncheon thing afterwards or whatever. Yeah. Um I mean, I get every detail from him, but he I said I'm like, did you not know her at all? Because that's what I thought at first. He's like, no, I met her a couple times, but I didn't seen her like four or five years. Okay, wow.
SPEAKER_05:Was it like comforting for him, or was he able to name what he got?
SPEAKER_01:They're never gonna hear this. I could talk about it. Uh well, hopefully they will. This is a great podcast. I wish this is uh nobody's never gonna hear this. No, I just meant like, yeah, well, this is on no one. No, he listens to sports gambling podcasts, so I think uh anyway.
SPEAKER_02:Um I like that you're before you answer that. Your question is to go like very emotional. Like, was that comforting for him? Well, this is the thing which it might have been. I just love that take on it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, there's a vulnerability, right? For sure. Uh he said that they were all back at her house because like a bunch of people were crashing there after party. It was a funeral that a lot of people came in town for.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, got it.
SPEAKER_01:And so she offered up her house. Um, she's single, lives in a three-bedroom by herself.
SPEAKER_00:So she's like, come on. Wow, she's a catch.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And uh he said, I go, Well, how did it start? Like, were we flirting? He goes, Not really. That's the weird thing. Wow.
SPEAKER_04:And I go, What happened?
SPEAKER_01:He's like, she I asked what bedroom I'm staying in, and she's like, I'll show you. And it was hers. Wow.
SPEAKER_06:Oh my god, so slick.
SPEAKER_01:It was slick. Wow. I said that was.
SPEAKER_06:She'll be singing with me. Yeah, wow.
SPEAKER_01:He said he wasn't quite ready for the because he didn't think that was where it was leading. So he said he threw him off at first.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but then obviously then he was fine with it. Yeah, they're both, yeah. Happily willing participants. God, okay.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, so interesting.
SPEAKER_01:But he said at first he was just like, oh, whoa, okay, this is happening. Okay, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Now he's going to funeral.
SPEAKER_01:And you know, that's almost in some ways, like if you're looking at obituaries in the newspaper. Where's the next one? Perfect. But no, I think I think um, look, there's got to be somewhere where it's wise to have that one night thing.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Life is short. If uh the two people are hitting it off, maybe they were dancing at the wedding initially, uh, or maybe they've met in passing a time or two before and kind of had in the back of their head where it's like, oh, he's cute, she's cute, or they're cute. And that, you know, and then they're at the wedding and it's like, this is the chance. Yeah. You live in Denver, I live in San Diego, let's go. Like, or whatever it is. So, yes, I say I say it's wise.
SPEAKER_05:Totally. What do you think?
SPEAKER_02:I think it's wise. Yeah. I mean I think the the idea of the energy, like you said, love is in the air. I think the energy of a wedding is very infectious. And yeah, I think it can be a place that I think people are maybe less inhibited in the sense of like even just dancing on the dance floor, or like, you know, because they're around people they love and it's you know, that type of thing. And so you maybe you get to really connect with people because you're truly being yourself a little bit at these functions, and and you meet somebody and you hit it off, and you're like, Yeah, I'm feeling it because I'm really being myself here, and this person's digging me because I'm really being myself.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you're most yourself if you're like at a wedding, like this wedding we were at, like, we know Jesse, we know Megan. I like know Jesse's family a little bit, but they've always been in the Bay Area, so it's not like I see them a lot. And her friends from childhood are all in California, so it's like we were like kind of like strangers in some ways. And you do feel kind of free being that, like almost most yourself, because you're like, I can just be as I am. I don't have to like perform it too much.
SPEAKER_02:And I mean it can be awkward, certainly, the next day, but I think maybe it's also wise because in the back of your mind, again, depending on the circumstances, it's like I might never see this person again. I'll put up with uh you know all the things.
SPEAKER_01:People are looking their best at weddings. Yeah, looking your best to dress well. Both parties involved are most likely wearing their best underwear. Totally. Yeah. Because even as even as dudes, when I'm getting into a nice suit, I'm not wearing like laundry day underwear. Yeah. And I'd imagine when you were in a nice dress, you're going the same way.
SPEAKER_05:To be honest, sometimes you're wearing like all this like uh shape wear underneath. Sometimes the way dresses are these days, like Josh and I face this where I was like, I grabbed this crazy thing underneath, but not always. You also could plan for that if you're single. That's true. That's true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I've been you're right. The way dresses are, I've been to I was at a wedding not that long ago, and I remember looking at I don't think the bridesmaids dance much. Because the way their dresses were, it looked like they would have ripped. Yeah. They just none of them look comfortable.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, totally. That can happen. Yeah. Oh, my God. Your bridesmaids look comfortable. I didn't have any bridesmaids. Oh, you didn't? No. But who was sitting at your table? Those people? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they just wore whatever.
SPEAKER_02:But I think everybody was comfortable. But they had the flip-flops, which worked out. The flip-flops were.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you know, I'm embarrassed to this. I walked in about 10 minutes into your ceremony. I came into the back. I was running a little late. No, that's okay. We didn't even notice. Oh my God, I forgot your wedding card again.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you're fine.
unknown:Oh, you're good.
SPEAKER_01:So I texted Kelly to be like, what's your address? I'll send it to you.
SPEAKER_02:Don't you have a year?
SPEAKER_01:Um, you have a whole year, but I always just want to get rid of it as soon as I can. I can get rid of it buttons. But no, I was cleaning up after mine. I remember this was like probably two months after the wedding. I was cleaning up my car because I remember texting you, maybe three months after. Yeah. And underneath my seat, I was like, what the hell is this? I'm like, oh, that's right. Because I remember being at the wedding being like, It is hard. Oh, because I was running late. So I got out of there, I parked and hauled ass. And the venue was fantastic. I love the venue you chose. And I like Bridgeport a lot. Bridgeport's I have a funds for Bridgeport. Because I grew up going to day camps in Bridgeport because my dad for the park district at the Bridgeport Parks. And so um, anyway, running late, I forgot it, but you'll laugh at this too. So when I texted you to get your address, I was like, cool, all right, got the address. And then I'm like, I don't have any stamps. And then I'm like, why can't they sell individual stamps?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then I just got so overwhelmed by that. I'm like, you know what? I'm around that neighborhood enough. I'm gonna slide it in stampless. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. And then I just forgot it. But I'll don't worry. There's no stampless level coming up. Do you guys have a mail slot that's easy to put something into? Oh no. No, I didn't think so actually. Now that I'm talking about love.
SPEAKER_02:But you can buzz off your eyes from parking lot. Just tape it to a baseball and toss it up here.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you can actually do that if you want to. Oh, you guys got a good balcony.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I couldn't really tell because the lighting. We're gonna record out there sometime.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That's a dream.
SPEAKER_05:The city noise will be great.
SPEAKER_02:What do you think, Josh, about hookups, weddings? It's wise.
SPEAKER_05:Have you ever had a wedding hookup?
SPEAKER_08:Let me think. No. Uh I so here's so it's interesting because I feel like I've definitely been at weddings where I maybe was imagining it would happen.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Um, you're actually the first person I ever hooked up with, Kelly.
SPEAKER_05:I knew it. Um first person you ever laid eyes on and brought love for.
SPEAKER_08:But no, I it's funny because I was thinking I I was initially gonna say, well, I feel like it's wise, but like don't get too set on it. Because I feel like you could kind of be like, I need this to happen, like this is my nun, and then like everyone kind of gets like taken, or there's like two single women and like seven single men and it doesn't work out, or like you get rejected, and it's like then you're like down all night.
SPEAKER_07:But that's a good point.
SPEAKER_08:Honestly, like I'm thinking back at all these experiences because yeah, I think the answer to that question, unless I like have amnesia, is no. And I never felt too bummed out. I think it would be like, oh, there's like cool people out there, and like maybe it didn't manifest, or like I was kind of flirting, and then I ended up just like hanging with my friends, or like but I think it's I don't know, I think the spice is nice, and yeah, it's wise.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's wise nice.
SPEAKER_08:The spice is nice.
SPEAKER_05:Well, actually, it's funny because there were a couple single women at this wedding at our table. Um, and I mean, great, all three or four of them are, you know, to me, total catches, like so great. Just hadn't met their person yet. And they were talking about having been at different weddings where there would be like four single girls and one single guy. And I was like, oh my God, that's a movie script. We gotta write, like the whole night trying to figure out who's gonna go for the guy, or the reverse, right?
SPEAKER_00:It's an episode of New Girl.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, actually, they said that. Yes, someone at the table said that it was an episode of New Girl.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Jessica Beale was the guest star. And then that one dude whose name I always forget, but I like him. He's on VEP. Um, he's really good in Veep. I can't remember his name. He's I know one of the main dudes, young, good-looking guy.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um dark hair. Yeah, dark hair. Yeah, yeah. Uh, he's the single guy. Um Jessica Beale are battling it out for him. Yes, I love that. Jessica Beale plays it really well. Like the way she like gives off her stats, where it's like, there's no world in which you're a better caption than me.
SPEAKER_04:I love it.
SPEAKER_01:She's like, I work out seven days a week. I have a master's degree from Harvard. Like she's going over like crazy things. It's like, okay, that person doesn't.
SPEAKER_05:But then at a wedding hookup, it's like, do you care about any of that? No, nothing cares either. You want someone who's just like cool and fun. I was set up at a wedding. So I think this sort of counts. And my this is right before I met Josh.
SPEAKER_08:Whoa, like day of?
SPEAKER_05:No, it was like a couple of minutes before. Um, and my friend was basically just like, I'm gonna say you two together and I'm out of it. You know, like what happens happens, which I do think is the best way to set someone up, not like pressure it and constantly ask them all night. And she was the bride, so it's not like she was gonna like be uh uh vigilant about this.
SPEAKER_02:Did both parties know about this or just you?
SPEAKER_05:So I think we both knew. I think. Okay. But like I could sense, I was like, oh, I think he might be like a little bit shy. And her wedding was she had a beautiful wedding venue in New York. It was like in the middle of Manhattan, like on a rooftop. It was so gorgeous. But it was like the room was a little packed in, kind of like New York, you know, like at a restaurant, you're sort of sitting closer to people. We were like, I was basically on his lap. It was like where I was like, oh my God. So I just was like, I guess I'm your dinner companion, like kind of like, I guess I'm gonna break the ice. And from then on, we like kind of hung out the whole night. And it sort of worked out. We didn't have like a full-blown wedding hookup. But then the next day we spent together before our flights, which was really fun. And it's like what wasn't for me in the end, but it was a very like, you know, it's like a memorable thing where you're like, oh, I met that person. He was from he lived in London and was just like in town. And it was like, oh wow, like this is like a chapter of my memoir, essentially. Like, even like what you learn about yourself in this experience where you kind of like let go and like hang with a stranger all weekend and do different like New York touristy stuff. It was fun. So for that reason, I'm like, oh, I think it's very wise, especially because like he was vetted, he was like a friend of the groom, I'm a friend of the bride. It's not like a total stranger that they could like be a wedding crasher or someone like a serial killer. So that part was nice, but yeah, it was like the precursor to my one and only Josh. And yeah, it was like a fun moment.
SPEAKER_08:Wow. Yeah, warmed you up for the for the big leys.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's also just wise from a spectator standpoint. Totally. So people just keep doing it because when you go to a wedding and you're not, it's just great, it's great conversation for the next day. Oh, we I remember one time a friend uh had this epic story the next day about how they hooked up with somebody who was like on the wait staff. It wasn't even somebody who was invited to the wedding, and that was like that was great, incredible, or like a part, like you want to hear a story about like a band person in the band like that.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, definitely.
SPEAKER_02:So just for the observation of it, it's great.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, we were like looking for the single men for these women at the wedding, like we'll vet them out, we'll see, we'll tell them about you. It was so fun. Yeah, because the couple, I mean, you love it, but they're a foregone conclusion, drama, exactly, and same with us, same with us.
SPEAKER_08:So we have to live vicariously through these uh right.
SPEAKER_01:I also think it's a sign that your wedding was really fun. Yes, yes, you're so right. Because I'll be honest, I've been to a lot of great weddings. If you told me right now, all right, um, you know, cousin Brian's wedding, well, would you eat? I can't tell you. Right. But I can tell you that the bridesmaid gave one of the drunkest mate of honor speeches of all time.
SPEAKER_05:Like, you know, that's the groomsman.
SPEAKER_01:Usually, but I at that wedding specifically, Annette's friends. Oh, you mean Brian Duffy.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, we're talking about Brian Kilgallen's wedding.
SPEAKER_01:No, I couldn't make it though.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, yeah. That was that was the worst speech. Actually, I heard that was really bad. Yeah, yeah. They had to just like pry the mic out of his hands. Yeah. So, like, yeah, those are the things you remember.
SPEAKER_01:And then you remember if someone hooked up, and you remember if someone threw up and got too drunk. And like, yeah, that's the kind of love the story. I mean, because you know, the meals and the dancing, that's all great. That adds up to it. But years later, yeah, you're not gonna remember if you got the chicken or the vegetarian apple. Totally. You want the story, you know, Bobby and Jessica or whatever. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I also think if like like you were feeling a little bit hung over after the wedding, it's like, if you're not feeling a little hungover, you didn't do it right. Totally won. Unless you don't drink, which is fine. But but even then you could feel just like hung over from tiredness. Exactly. Hung over from joy.
SPEAKER_08:I think I said I'm feeling no joy at the airport. We were looking at that starboard chicken sandwich, and I was like, feeling no joy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you did you two like fly out for honeymoon the next day?
SPEAKER_08:No, no, this is the wedding.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, the one you were just at. Oh, I thought we were talking about your wedding right now.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, no, I felt Sunday. I felt a little joy the day after our wedding. So much joy.
SPEAKER_05:So much joy, but I've never been that tired in my entire life. Yeah, for sure. I mean, exhausted. We went to dinner with Josh's mom, and I was like crawling to dinner.
SPEAKER_01:By the way, second Jewish wedding I've ever been to. I love the traditions with the Yeah, the horror. Some good chair stuff. So fun. It's great.
SPEAKER_05:This wedding they tried to get the horror going because my friend Jessie is Jewish, but she was too scared to go in the chair, so she just like ran from the dance car. So we just like went in a circle.
SPEAKER_08:A chairless horror.
SPEAKER_05:A chairless horror. I was sad. I've heard I've heard stories of people falling. Yeah. What did you say? Someone was afraid to hold my hand.
SPEAKER_08:I feel like everyone was afraid to hold my hand. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Except for me. They were like, he's the only Jewish other Jewish guy here. He's gonna know how to do this, and we don't know what we're doing. Exactly. They were shying from you. I know. I was kind of like, is it on us to like get this going? It was, and we failed. We failed. Yeah, yeah. That's okay. Well, yeah. Okay, well, we've decided it's wise to have a wedding hookup. Okay, well, that that's our episode. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. I had a great time.
SPEAKER_01:It's wonderful talking about it.
SPEAKER_05:It's so fun. We would totally have you back. Talk about how it's going down the line with DBT.
SPEAKER_01:Would 100% come back for sure, of course. I love that. Okay. It'd be weird if I said nah, not for me.
SPEAKER_04:It's really not a good one.
SPEAKER_01:You both had an audition and failed. So at least we know where we stand.
SPEAKER_02:Boundaries. It's an important part of the work.
SPEAKER_08:This was kind of a one-time thing. Honestly, this see you at Thanksgiving.
SPEAKER_02:Peace. Yeah. See you at Thanksgiving. I'm never coming back on, but see you at the holidays. Won't be awkward at all.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Okay. So tell us where people can find.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, where plug you.
SPEAKER_01:Um, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. I those are the three I'm most active on. Uh JoeKillgallon.com. I do have a website where I update shows and things like that, traveling around. So yeah, just pretty much my name. I luckily enough to get my name on everything. You'll find this funny. Um, for Venmo, there's a dude I actually talked to, really nice guy. Uh lives in Dublin, same name as me. Oh my god. And his he had to change his Venmo to not the comedian.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Because I couldn't, that's Venmo's the one thing I couldn't get my my name on. I'm Joseph on Venmo.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. Yeah. Oh, Joe Gamo.
SPEAKER_01:I write I text Joseph when people go, Hey, what's your Venmo? But they just look up Joe instinctively, I think. Sure. Because everything else I was able to get my name because being in comedy, we're so like, what's the new app? And get it right away. Um but yeah, I mean, I'm not the only one with this name. But yeah, I talked to him, he was really cool. And then he said, I'd change my name to this. And then he did. And every now and then I'll have people send me a screenshot being like, This guy's cool, huh? And I'm like, I know. Oh, you're he was nice enough to actually send me the money that he got sent on accident.
SPEAKER_05:Wow. Only someone in Ireland would do that for sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Very good dude.
SPEAKER_05:It's incredible. Okay, John, where can we find you?
SPEAKER_02:Uh email me, butzbutz. Jonathan at gmail.com. Uh and yeah. Email me about how wise is it. Yeah. Quests. Or even any previous ones. If you have any strong opinions, we always want to hear those. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Hot takes. You can text us now. I I enabled that option. You can send us fan mail. I can't believe I didn't have that enabled.
SPEAKER_05:Wow, what's the number?
SPEAKER_08:I it just appears on the I know on Spotify, like there's a little link and it's like text us. Oh, perfect. I don't know. Check it out. I don't fully know how this works. I'm a professional.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, you tell us how we are.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, yeah. Let me look more into this and we'll talk about it next time. It should be user-friendly.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, Josh, you want to give any plugs?
SPEAKER_08:Plugs. I mean, yeah. I've been given music plugs now.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, give us one.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, one. Uh Sudan Archives. Really good. Oh, yeah. Really good. I've been thinking I've been thinking all day about how I was going to describe this album, and I'm totally drawing a blank. It's like some Afro futurist shit. It's it's if like FKA Twigs was fun.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I mean, I less sad.
SPEAKER_08:F FK Twigs is like probably number seven on my list. This is like, you know, just uh ranked it at number two today. It could fall, it could rise.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, Josh and I had to sit separately on the plane, and like the first contact we had with each other after a four and a half hour flight, he's like, Sudan Archives, maybe number one on my year end list.
SPEAKER_06:I was like, hi. And you were like, I have a headache.
SPEAKER_08:Anyway. So Josh. Joshbearerfilms.com. You can find me there, and uh I'll edit stuff. I'll film stuff too.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Okay, and I'm um, if you want to reach me, you can find me at kkpsychsotherapy.com. I have an inquiry page there so you can shoot me an inquiry. Questions, you want to work with me. Um yeah. Thoughts about the pod, you want to be a guest on the pod. You can shoot your shot. Yeah, and we'll see.
SPEAKER_02:And we'll thank uh blanket forts. Yeah, always.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, thank you, blanket forts. And one day he'll be a guest, maybe. Maybe.
SPEAKER_01:I thought you said blanket farts. That too. I blanket farts said that in the old type.
SPEAKER_08:That's my favorite blanket forts joke. Okay. I think I did say it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Now I'm replaying it. Yeah. Blanket forts.
SPEAKER_05:One of us said it. Blanket forts.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. We'll see you all next time.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, thank you so much. See you next time. Bye. Bye. The Wisemind Happy Hour podcast is for entertainment purposes only, not to be treated as medical advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek medical attention or counseling.