how wise is WORKING FROM "HOME" (while visiting family?)

We've all been there...trying to work remotely from our in-laws' house while the dog is barking, the internet is glitching, and the pressure is ON. But have no fear: we FEEL YOUR PAIN. And on this extra special, extra short bonus ep, we bring the pain...and more.

- music by blanket forts -

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Big Question

SPEAKER_03 0:04

So we're gonna get into our oh yeah Yeah Welcome to Wise Mine Happy Hour. I'm John Are you going to the family restaurant brought to you by Costco Restaurant The Billion Dollars$2.99 Bingo Oh my goodness We're gonna transition now into our How Wise Is It question.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Yes I know you came up with this, which I think it applies more to you and Josh. So why don't you start this one off? Because I think you all I want to hear your take on it as somebody who maybe this doesn't apply to as much.

Defining Work While Visiting Family

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yeah, totally. So the the how wise is it question is how wise is it to work from quote unquote home when you're away visiting family? So kind of like a lot of us do these days, especially post pandemic, post-lockdown, you know, go visit family, maybe for longer than you would have like pre-pandemic, because you're gonna not have to take PTO and you're gonna be working or like just take days off your work. You're bringing your work to do some work during the day, hang with your family at night for some of the days. Josh and I have done this a bunch at his mom's, where we'll come in like Thursday night, work during the day Friday, then like have Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning to hang with family. Or we've done it with Thanksgiving before where we did we go for the whole week once?

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Did we go for the whole week? I don't think we did. I think we went up on that I worked on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yeah, and Friday.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

And Friday.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

One time Josh had to work Wednesday and the Friday after.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Well, I don't know if I had to.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Turn the car around.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

I think I think it was a new client. I was working for Hulu. I was getting paid the most I'd ever gotten paid.

unknown 2:07

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

I'd been working for about a month.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

And you were on thin ice.

The Thanksgiving Work Dilemma

SPEAKER_02 2:12

I just I think I really wanted to, I think I really wanted to impress them. Not that they weren't already impressed with my editing work. Yeah. Um But you're the pressure felt like it was on. But they they had texted me and said, so what's the deal with Thanksgiving? And I responded. Which is like the most what is it, what is it domain? I was like, listen, I like turkey. Yeah, especially for like a new thing. So Thanksgiving's this hot. They said what yeah, so I was like, hmm. So I think I think what I said was like I'm going home to spend time with my family. Like, if I if if you need me to work, I can.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

And they said, Yeah, that would be great. So then I did.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

I mean, that's the difference between like CEO vibes and everybody else. Right. It's like, yeah, that's great. Thanks. Okay, thanks by Albion the Maldives or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

I think I was kind of expecting them to say, like, don't worry about it. Totally. But and then I thought it would be a good way of like I kind of offered to, but it's but like I'm a mensch and then I still get it off. But yeah. Which is like it just backfired.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Totally, totally.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

So I ended up working Wednesday and Friday. Cut to the chase. I don't think it's wise. Yeah. But I did it. But yeah, I think it's like so I think our culture is so work obsessed. We spend so much of the year working, and to lean into the not working feels wise to me.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Yeah. I love the idea of going into like a diatribe about our work obsessed culture when you're like trying to request PTM.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Like I think that's incredible to say, like, you know what, our culture, it's so work-obsessed. Like, if your boss says, What's the deal with Thanksgiving? I mean, in our culture.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

There's nothing wrong with being obsessed with money.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, at first blush, it seems like it could be wise from an efficiency standpoint because the way you presented it was like a pro for traveling.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Where it's like, if I could get someplace early, not have to take off, bank a few hours of work, and then I'm already there.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

I don't have the ability to do this. That seems like that would be wise. But then you gotta be really boundaried about it. And then if people know you're working, they might call on you to do more work.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Or if it's like amorphous, where it's like, yeah, what's that Thanksgiving about? It's like, what do you mean? I guess I'm working for you. Like sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Yeah, I guess you tell me.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Like you tell me what I need to do.

Culture Of Overwork And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 4:49

It's a trap. It is a good idea. Well, and I work for myself, so it's complicated because you know, the time I take off, I'm not paid for, obviously. So, you know, that does play into me sometimes choosing to work a little bit on vacations because I want to make the money. And sometimes it's the money, and sometimes it is really because most of my clients, most of the time, can easily take a week off of their weekly sessions or find another day to be squeezed in. Like between those two options, like a lot can be covered. But then it means I'm a little more crunched before leaving. Yeah. Do I really want that? Or they might want to cancel altogether. Do I really want that? In some cases, I'm like, no, I could work a full week and do this visit and be there. But then there's also the experience of doing the work from the place. Which, like, we did have a trip with the family to Hilton Head where Josh, me, and his sister Alex, and her husband Andrew were all working.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

I was actually famously out of work. But I didn't even have a corner to sit in. So I kind of spent the whole time just avoiding people and trying to read really quietly. Famously, reading is a lot extra.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Totally forgot. And I remember that was like a hard time for you. So I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Well, was there enough bandwidth for the internet you guys were using?

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Oh, the internet was a mess. That was the other thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Well, that's the other thing. You gotta be, you gotta know what you're getting into if you're gonna do this. Totally. The internet was a disaster. And of course, I didn't think it depends on the work. You have to be, if you're meeting with clients, I mean that's as was Alex.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

There were three therapists. Three therapists, one bedroom.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Were you all like, okay, your turn to talk as a therapist?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Basically, it was crazy. And I think all of us felt a little like we were tearing our hair out and we were like, okay, next time we won't do this. We won't do this. But um and then my mom's email got hacked.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Oh my god, Josh's mom's email got hacked.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Everyone in her contact list was getting fake like evites.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

So this is already leaning into this is not why. This is not wise.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

That was not wise. Yeah. That also wasn't Thanksgiving. Here's the other thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Here's the other thing. But it's a vacation, it's a trip trying to pack work into work from home with family. That's true. I think it applies across.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Oh, yeah, and it doesn't have to be just Thanksgiving for this one.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Oh, this is just on a trip.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Is it wise to work on a on a vacation?

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Or a home, a family visit.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Like a visit with family, yeah. Trying to like pack that all in. Right. Overall.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Well, here's the other thing, too. Like the internet issue, it's like, how do I not sound like a Karen asking if it's actually good internet at the Airbnb? You know, you just sound insane.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Well, you're pretentious, Kelly.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

You'll be fine doing it. It's like you sound like the worst. If you're like, so any any read on how to like what's your download speed?

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Can we do a diagnostic right now?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

But it's like then the second you get there, if the internet's fucked, you're like, well, I have all these clients, I just simply have to cancel them now.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

I can't go to Starbucks. I'm a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah. Well, therapy is a very unique way. I know that they're retired now, but my aunt and uncle were computer engineers. And so, you know, the work that they did seemed to be very conducive for as long as they had a strong internet connection, they could do their work from anywhere because they typically weren't on calls or things like that, as long as they had like their computer with them. Yeah. So I think it's also just work-dependent. Totally. Yeah. They actually were famous for taking like a month off at a time, going to Hawaii, getting up really early in the morning. They would cram out their work, and then they would just have the rest of the day in Hawaii. They so they like lived there for like a month at a time. I think they did that twice.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

What a lifestyle. Yeah, where they a couple of dinks. Definitely dinks.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Oh, that sounds like they would rent an like an Airbnb for a month, and they would basically just live in Hawaii for a month. Work, like they get up at whatever, four in the morning, do their work, go to the meetings that they had to go to, call into them, and then just have the rest of the day.

unknown 8:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Anyway, I digress. That's so wonderful. But that type of job maybe is much more conducive to it. Yeah. Also, I think it could be wise if you're looking on having some exit strategies around your family, if that is your family situation.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Some built-in boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Some built-in boundaries there.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Well, and you know, there's a lot more wisdom to Josh and I doing it at his mom's because we've gotten in a routine. I know how the internet is there. Yeah. We have a rhythm.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

You know the lay of the land. I just hole up in Josh's room mostly. And with all of his childhood toys and posters.

Hilton Head Chaos And Bad Internet

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Literally like a shrine to Josh. Yeah.

unknown 9:35

It's incredible.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

But none of it's like paging through his Pokemon cards.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Like oh, yeah. Have you gone through my pokays?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

No, I haven't, but I've got some great booklets. We should save them for Shane and West.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Oh my god, they would die. I love it. I should bring them back next time. Bring them for the Would they want them?

SPEAKER_01 9:53

No, don't give them. No, we don't need them. What am I gonna do with them? Well, they would love to look at them though.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

I'd have to discuss it with my brother.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Bring them for the Hanukkah party. Are you kidding? Sell those things on eBay. Yeah. You think they're worth a lot? I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Well, they're worth more than what you're doing with them now. So I'm sure you could collecting. Let me discuss this with my brother. You could save them for your children. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yeah, I forgot our kids might be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Because my kids really enjoyed looking through and continue to enjoy looking through my basketball cards from when I was a kid. So it was a good thing to hang on to. Anyway, working from home.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

So yeah, it's I think it's wise if you know the layout. You gotta know it. And the first time you do it in a new place, like expect to feel really out of sorts. Which is probably actually, you're not gonna feel really out of sorts if you like look at spreadsheets all day. You're probably gonna be completely fine. Completely fine. If you're a therapist trying to be like pretty profoundly present and listening and like able to connect, I the first couple times I felt like I was losing my mind.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Do you this is just uh something people might not know about therapists and I don't know about you. Do you tell people you're not in your home? Yeah, you do tell them that.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yes, and then do you put like a background on the the call? I am so anti those backgrounds. Actually, we can save that and make that another question for another pod.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

Let's save it because I really but you do let them know that you're in a different state or different okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah, I'll say I'm visiting some family. Got it. You might notice my background's different.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

You might notice some Pokemon running through.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Or I will say that you might hear some dogs because Josh is family, has two dogs. I feel like one of the dogs busted into the room one time.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Nice. That was pretty cute.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Probably right.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Those are good organic moments.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Totally. One time I was meditating at his mom's house when we were dog sitting and I was laying on Josh's bed, he was meditating downstairs. We were meditating at the same time, and it was right toward the end of my meditation and just bust through the door one of the dogs. It was so fun. I was like, I ran out of my meditation. But yeah, yeah. So I think if it's a new place, if it's like an Airbnb, I think it's not wise. If it's a new place and you're gonna be making these trips a lot and you need to get used to working, like rip off the band-aid and do it. Yes, and create as much stability and like get up a few hours before the first session, right, or meeting or whatever you do, and like really get settled, have your coffee, like be comfortable in the spot, then turn that camera on.

Job Type Matters For Remote Trips

SPEAKER_01 12:34

I think you have to be wise about knowing yourself too, because of the type of work that you do. If it's not something you can really shut off, or if you know it's accessible all the time and that takes away from connection or your trip or your family. Totally. You gotta know that about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah, and set a boundary. And I think it's like the goal is really to like mostly on vacation not be working, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Part of my issue is I love my work so much, yeah. You do, but I think when I'm away from it, I sometimes appreciate it more.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Totally. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Like I'll be like, wow, it's so nice to not be able to do this, and then I come back and I'm like super stoked to do it again to get back into it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Yeah. Well, what is it? Absence, distance, absence makes the heart grow.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

You appreciate it more when you come back to it.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Absence from work makes you love work, and work is self-care, and work is life.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

It's the work world.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

If you really want to care for yourself, work more, work more, grind it out, push push.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Grind culture, pushing grind, grinding.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

But yeah, like I think more and more I'm moving toward only working from home or my office. Like it. And letting go. That's a good boundary. Yeah. And letting go of the income that comes with that, which is okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

I can do that. But you're gaining other things, totally. So totally make an offset.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I think people need to let us know their experience of it.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Especially in different fields, because there's so many different fields where you could probably work from home.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

So write in, let us know.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Yeah. Do you do it with your family or on vacation? And yeah, what do you notice?

SPEAKER_01 14:19

I know.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Is it wise? Okay, thanks everyone. If you want to reach me, check out my TikTok. WiseMindH pod. And you can reach me if you want to work with me or ask questions or give topics or anything. I'm at kkpsychotherapy.com. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

But'utz. Jonathan at gmail.com. Email me questions, how wise is it, or thoughts on previous how wise is it questions or book recommendations, movie recommendations, music recommendations, anything. Anything. Josh.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Josh Bayerfilms.com, Bayer Like the Aspirin. And uh if you want something edited, if you want to be a guest on the pod. If you don't want to be a guest on the pod. If you don't want something edited, just please reach out.

When It Can Work: Known Routines

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Please reach out and be great if we started getting a bunch of emails. Our inbox is flooded. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

I don't care for this.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

I don't want to be a guest. It's just let me know.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

We have to let us know. We need to know. Each one teach one. We need to connect with each other. We need to know. A lot of wrestlers related to it. We want to know. Okay. Hoping to connect.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah. So it's a big blanket for it's for the music. Beautiful songstress. Okay. All right. We will catch you all next week. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Wise Mine Happy Hour podcast is for entertainment purposes only, not to be treated as medical advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please seek medical attention or counseling.