Coaching, Life, and Excellence

🎙️ Terry Yoffe on Dual Coast Podcast | Reinvention, Executive Leadership & Business Coaching

What does it take to continually evolve, lead at a high level, and reinvent yourself throughout life?

In this inspiring episode of Dual Coast, we sit down with Terry Yoffe to discuss her journey from childhood and early life experiences to becoming a successful executive in the business world. Terry shares the lessons she learned throughout her corporate career, the leadership principles that helped shape her success, and how those experiences ultimately led her to spend more than a decade coaching and mentoring others.

We also dive into the power of reinvention, how Terry embraced change later in life, pursued a new path with purpose, and continues to help professionals and entrepreneurs unlock their full potential. Whether you’re navigating a career transition, building a business, leading a team, or searching for your next chapter, Terry’s story is filled with valuable insights and practical wisdom.

🔥 In this episode:
• Terry’s upbringing and experiences 
• Building a successful career as a business executive
• Leadership lessons learned in the corporate world
• Over a decade of business coaching and mentoring
• The mindset required to reinvent yourself at any age
• Finding purpose, growth, and fulfillment through change

If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to like, subscribe, and share with someone looking to take their career, business, or personal growth to the next level.
  
#dualcoastpodcast  #TerryYoffe #BusinessCoaching #Leadership #ExecutiveLeadership #Entrepreneurship #PersonalDevelopment #CareerGrowth #Mindset #BusinessSuccess #ProfessionalDevelopment #LeadershipDevelopment #Reinvention #WomenInBusiness #SuccessMindset #GrowthMindset #PodcastInterview

@Dualcoastpodcast @Russellrogersofficial @Danscoca

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What's up, Dual Coast fans? Welcome back to another exciting episode of Dual Coast Podcast. I'm your host, Dan Skoker. Jumping on my West Coast co-host over there, Russ Rogers. Russ, I'm thrown off.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

You didn't clap at the beginning of the show. No, you you always go, hey, doggone to do coast.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

You are absolutely right.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

I was thrown off.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I thought I'd change my antics today. Usually I get a couple of times. Man, I was I'm like, what? What? We're out of rhythm. I know. Must be your red spirit throwing me off. Yeah, that's it. Going red today. That's it. So what do we got going on today, Russ? Talk to us.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Well, let me let me let me just first bring to everybody's attention what I received in the mail yesterday. Baby, this is wedding day.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Well, not today, but I did not think you were going to show that.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

And let me just tell you, okay, this envelope, if you look at it closely, I don't know if they use glue here or what, but I could not like just you know stick the finger under and just you know swipe through. No, this thing, this thing, baby, this was glued. Nice. I don't know. Or somebody's got sticky tongue.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Oh man. All right, enough of the wedding. Um looking forward to it, man. That's gonna be great. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I got rant. I got your face is as red as my shirt.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Oh my god. Didn't expect that. Uh also okay. Why are we here? I don't even know why. Why are we here? Well, we have an amazing guest coming up in a few minutes, Miss Terry Yoffi, who's backstage with us right now. She's gonna be coming on in just a few minutes to tell us a lot about what she does for her work, what she used to do, her coaching business. But we got something real quick to discuss with us with the with the fans right now, and that's the dual coast store, right, Russ? Yeah so as you can see, me and Russ both wearing dual coast hats, snapback. Beautiful, awesome fits, great looking hat sweatshirts that I'm wearing. Russ has one backstage right there. I think he does. Yes, he does. I do, right here. We have there's the back, look at that t-shirts. Yep, simultaneously. This one comes in black, same logo. Russ just showed on the sweatshirt. And Russ, show us that water bottle you're drinking out of the body.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Dude, yes, and it does not come with these marks right here because I chipped it. I take this thing to the beach, it's got water in it right now, it's got sand on the top. Um, but I absolutely love this water bottle because super slim fit, great in the hand, easy to drink, just and I love this top because boom, yes, you could just right there carry it, you know, while you're walking. Um, you know, you're at the beach, walking out to the beach or whatever, man. And and then the water stays cold. So that's that's beautiful. But I I love that orange because it just really pops, just like the color of this hat. Yep, everything I love our logo. Did a great job.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yep, they did an amazing job.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

No, you did an amazing job.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Putting it together.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, appreciate that. Dual coast store, everybody, is at dual coast podcast store.printify.me. I'm gonna put that in the comments. I'm gonna put it on Instagram in our bio as well. You can find all these products at the Dual Coast store. Something wanted to review today for all our followers, all our guests, minus the chips Russ is showing in his hand. What is that?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

What is this right here? What is that right there? That's a dumbbell, baby.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

That's a dumbbell.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

That's a dumbbell. Lady Liberty with the dumbbell. Yes. That was up. That's fantastic. So if nobody has seen this thing up close, Lady Liberty, Statue of Liberty with the dumbbell. With the dumbbell. Yep. I love it. Hey, we're all about health and wellness.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

I bet I bet Terry right now is just going ballistic right now on backstage. She's just like, you said two minutes.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Without further ado.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

So without further ado, welcome to the stage, Miss Terry Affi.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

Good morning. Good morning. Hey Terry, what's happening? Good morning. One of my favorite people, Russ Rogers. And I have to say my second favorite. It's broken up.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

All right, I'll take the second though.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Just remember, Dan, you're always number two.

SPEAKER_05 4:24

I think, I think um, Russ and I have this little history going since we met each other. It's been a um kind of a mutual admiration society.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yes, there's sure.

SPEAKER_05 4:37

I I really that's the clean version.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Exactly. We have sat across the table and had breakfast together. Won't tell you where, but we did have breakfast together. Right, right.

unknown 4:50

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

It wasn't New York City.

unknown 4:52

Yes, it was.

SPEAKER_05 4:53

It was.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_05 4:55

We ran away to Stanford together on the train.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Yes, you did. That I knew. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

I even have a picture.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Little ghetto.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

We have a picture. I know. Oh, Terry, it's so great to have you on Dual Coast today. Yes. Such such a privilege, such an honor to um to share this with you. Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 5:16

Thank you. I really I'm so grateful and so appreciative to be with Russ and Dan. Dan is a newer friend than Dan is a newer friend than Russ.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

That's correct. Yeah. Well, we've also all crammed in the backseat of a car. We have. Together.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

I can't forget that.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

We did.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

There was like five of us in the back seat. I mean, it was that was hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 5:42

It's it's amazing we didn't get stopped.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Yeah. And and Terry complained about my hair because she was like right here.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Got the reel up and go.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Still still complains. I haven't cut it since then.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Gotta be a little bit of a trim, maybe necessary at some point.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Nah, well, maybe August 21st.

unknown 6:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Terry, you didn't see this. You were backstage, but right here, look at this. That invitation to the wedding right there.

SPEAKER_05 6:12

Oh wow. What's her last name?

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Amend the Larry. Amendment. Don't ask me.

SPEAKER_05 6:18

Is that Italian?

SPEAKER_00 6:19

She's Italian. Jen. Just call her Jan.

SPEAKER_05 6:23

Very nice. Very nice. I'm very happy for Dan.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Thank you. Really, I am. Thank you. Yeah, they're they're a great couple.

SPEAKER_05 6:31

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Thank you. But speaking of great couple, tell everybody how long Terry Yaffey has been married. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

This August will be 43 years. That 43 years.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Does he know about our breakfast?

SPEAKER_05 6:49

And our train ride and our getaway.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

We've been all across the country, Terry. We have.

unknown 6:56

We have.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Congratulations. 43 years.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Congratulations. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Yeah, that is awesome. There are not, you know, the older generation definitely stays together longer. Um, but you know, I my hat's off to you for 43 years for you and your husband. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_05 7:13

Thank you. Um, I think back in the day, people stay together more out of well, we're married kind of a thing, um, versus maybe today where there's real com I mean for me, there's communication, there's um respecting each other, there's having some common kind of foundations. You know, we are very different people, very different. He's left brain, he's mathematically, scientifically, I am right brain, but we have the same underlying values of what's important to us, very important to us.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

And family is very important. Family is very important to you.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

Yes, very soon.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Yeah, and uh, you're over on the East River looking high above over New York City.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

Yes, I am a couple of blocks from the East River. I live on the 24th floor, I can see the river. So um, I used to be able to see more of it, however, they have built buildings.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

So have you ever been to the whole coffee shop?

SPEAKER_05 8:41

The what?

SPEAKER_00 8:42

The hole. The hole. It's uh oh man, it's it's Craig, it's Craig Siegel's go-to.

SPEAKER_05 8:48

Yeah, oh the hole. That little place on the corner that has that has really bad coffee.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

I've only had a latte, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 9:01

Yeah, yeah, yes, I've been there a few times.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, it's a it's a cool place. It's not right on the river, it's across the street of a busy, it's a very busy uh intersection there.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

But it's a it's a cool joint because it's all windows and it feels very airy, you know. I've been there when it's warmer, I've been there when it's freezing cold. Um, but yeah, it's a it's a great hangout. Yeah, for sure. I don't know why. I always have to go to him. Why does he come to me?

SPEAKER_05 9:26

Yeah, I I have actually run into him three times on the street.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Oh, really? Why were you running?

SPEAKER_05 9:37

No, twice he was.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 9:40

And once this is so weird, I was meeting a friend and I was getting off the bus, and he and Olycia what walked right past me as I was getting off the bus.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

I mean, that doesn't, you know, that's synchronicity. Yeah, absolutely often. But yeah, we still stay in touch.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Good, good, good, stay in touch. Good dude. Good dude. So take everybody back, you know, for those of you that don't know you as of right now, which we'll get to, take us back to uh the early years of your development. So let's just talk about what happened in the early years.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

So um I grew up in a two-income family. My mother was the breadwinner. Back in that day, that just didn't happen. And where I lived, the mother didn't work. Um there was it was a chaotic family environment. There was, and so for me, I came out of it feeling very unloved, um unworthy. Only for the reason that my limiting belief looked out and saw nobody around and a parents that did not have the best relationship. So, of course, what went on in my head was if they're not around, it must be me. And I never fit in, never. I never felt like I fit in, I never felt like I belonged, and I think I developed a depression, which you wouldn't know because my mother was a narcissist, and we always had to look good and smile and be a reflection of her. So I grew up with that mindset, and I had a saving grace, which was I found a therapist when I moved to New York City. He was an analyst that when he suggested I come three times a week, you can imagine how I felt when I walked out of his office and stood on the sidewalk and thought, am I crazy? Do I need to go to Bellevue now? That's a mental hospital. People don't know. People don't know. And I'll remember the defining moment for me. He didn't say much. And I didn't know what to say, I was walled up to hear. And I remember getting the up the courage to say, Aren't you gonna tell me what to do? And he looked at me and he said, If I tell you what to do this time, you won't know what to do next time. At that moment, the light bulb went off, and I realized there was nobody coming to help me, to save me. That was on me. And I think the f the second the first biggest commitment I ever really made was agreeing to spend seven years on a couch three times a week. That's a big commitment in your 20s.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Oh man, I was gonna ask, I was gonna ask how old you were.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

But it was in my 20s, and um it I realized that there was no way I was going to be getting married, having a family, which everyone was doing because that's what they did in my generation because doing this was more important to me than anything else. So my history is I went through that, I studied Buddhism, I had many modalities, and through all of that, I was able to dig deep enough to find out who I was that I could feel worthy, that there was a strength, a courage, and a brave person. And I realized if I could go through that and come out alive, I could do anything. Because that probably was the toughest, one of the most toughest challenges, it's not right wording, that I think I have ever, ever done. And it helped shape me into who I am today.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah. I I've got a title for you, From Bellevue to 83, how my journey.

SPEAKER_04 15:15

I didn't go to Bellevue.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

No, but you could just throw it in there, you know.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Right. People don't know Bellevue.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

I certainly don't. I don't it's still around.

SPEAKER_05 15:29

I don't know what it is today, but I think the structures there, I don't know what it is, quite frankly.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, not so much what it used to be, it's more of a hospital now, right?

SPEAKER_05 15:38

Probably okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Yeah, but yes, correct.

SPEAKER_05 15:42

Right. And here I am at 83.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Yes, and proud. Yes, and very proud. That's right.

SPEAKER_05 15:51

I'd like to be a little younger, but you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Well, I you know, and we're gonna we'll dive into it, but you know, I think that people, you know, we wanted to have Terry on here because she she is continuing at 83 to continue to evolve, continue to develop, to want to learn more, to want to engage in people's lives and develop them and coach them, uh, and teach them along the way. And she's looking at ways of how I can continually create a new her into helping other people. So I applaud, I applaud you for all that.

SPEAKER_05 16:25

Thank you. I just FYI, I just did a course called the Neuroscience of Relational Trauma.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 16:37

Uh so I have I passed and I got a new certif, new certification.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Wonderful, very nice.

SPEAKER_05 16:44

And it's all about working with victims of narcissistic either families, relationships, uh work environments. So it's it's something I'm very interested in. So yeah, I did that.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah. Wow, that that's amazing. You know, I know that I know how I know that you're in New York City because I just heard just a moment ago a horn honk in the background. You know, out here in California, we uh hardly anybody uses their horn, you know. And I heard it in the background while you're talking, not to you know, change subjects, but anyway, we're we're so happy to have you. Congratulations on that. Congratulations, yeah. Yeah, and and passing that. That is awesome. Way to go.

SPEAKER_05 17:30

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Um, so my I think my mission, my goal is to really inspire people that a at any age you do not have to become irrelevant. People think, oh, 83, you know. Um when people in the news or whatever talk about I mean, I'm elderly, that's the word they use. I'm elderly, I'm whatever other word they use. And the point is, is that I am choosing to live my life the way I want to, not by what societal norms talk about. Because if you, you know, the tr I've never I've never listened to or did societal norms. Like people got married in their 20s, they got married at 40. People, you know, have careers, they're done, they have 2.5 children. They um at 65 or maybe later today, 70, they retire. They go and play pickleball or golf, or and there's nothing wrong with any of that. I think that's great for those that want to do that, but I'm sure there are many, many people that don't. And we're never too old or we're never too late to do what we want, and I am not going to leave this earth with all my desires and dreams left on the cutting room floor. It's just not going to happen. And I don't have, I'm not the only person that could feel that way. Um it's also one of the things I do work on, aside from, and I started coaching at 60, where people looked at me and said, What? Wait a second, and then I got three certifications. I didn't have to. You know, I wasn't, you know, people 40. And I started my podcast at 78 again. Podcasts. Are you crazy? Well, what are you doing that for? There are so many. Yeah. Even though I had health issues that I had to take a step back, and I haven't really started a new podcast, although I've been doing Encore podcasts, old podcasts that I've put up as encores, I'm in the top 1.5% as per listen notes.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

I mean it's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 20:46

I'm I'm not done yet. Um, but from that kid in Queens, I never thought I'd get to this place and never in a million years thought I'd be this person today. Never.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

There's a there's a lot to fill in in your journey, you know? And and the journey is not over.

unknown 21:10

No.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

You have you have not written the final chapter.

SPEAKER_05 21:13

I don't think so. We'll see. Um, I did have to step back because of my I had health issues, and really again reevaluate where's my next act. What what do I want to do? Um I think last year and the year before, it was like an old identity. Oh, you gotta do this, you gotta do this, you gotta do this, you gotta do the podcast, gotta do the coaching, gotta do the speaking, gotta do the writing. And it affected me, my health. And um, so I am writing a new chapter as I talk right now, where I don't have to do as much, and I can be as efficient. Effective.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Yeah. That's awesome. Amazing. Amazing.

SPEAKER_05 22:05

You know. Russ and I have talked about this, and what's our word for the year?

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Yeah. And your your and your word is?

SPEAKER_05 22:17

Intention. Really very focused intention. What do I want? How am I going to get there? What do I have to do? What don't I do? Um to make that happen.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

So you are an incredible woman, Teriaffe, with one E.

SPEAKER_05 22:46

Funny. Funny.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Sarah, you've been a coach for a long period of time now. What would you say separates people who transform their lives from those who kind of stay in the same cycle?

SPEAKER_05 23:00

Not a good thing. Quite frankly, you're right. Who I was 22, 23 years ago is not the person I am today. Right. Right. So when I started coaching, very different because of who have I become to how I coach today. And one of the areas that is really important to me as I've grown, as I've evolved, if you will, and had a consciousness change, is it's really helping people master their mind, master your life. Because unless you can become so self-aware of what runs you, which is that piece of machinery called your mind. Most people are on autopilot because they listen to the voice, which they think of themselves, but the whole purpose of the mind is for safety, is for security. And if you think about it, that's its job, is to keep you in survival mode, although you don't know that's what it is. So people that want to really move up in the world and don't master the mind and what it's going to spew out won't really get there. And if they get there, there will be a lot of behind the scenes stuff going on. I'm working with a client now, he's a very high-level person, and he realized he sabotages himself, no matter what he does. He's set up to sabotage. Not a good look if you're in a high-level position or even within yourself. And asking someone to turn their eyes inward rather than outward, because that's what we're trained. Look out. You know, you want the new job, you want whatever, it only happens because you can look outward and not have it happen because your inner being is not setting you up for that. It's tricky, but that for me, and it's probably more of a circuitous route to take people. Um, and that's that's my passion, is really aligning people from the inside out, and working from the inside out, what's not aligned within you. And people sitting listening might think, what is she talking about? I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

We're all fine. We're all fine.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

Exactly. So that's that's not where I started in my coaching journey, but that's where I am today. In um working the it's inside out, not outside in. Yeah, and there's a lot of a lot of resistance to doing that.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

You know, Terry, it's it's important for people to have a coach, uh, to have a mentor in their life. Like we should be mentoring other people, but we should also be getting mentored as we go through life, right? And um, you know, uh my buddy Dan, you know, he's like, he's like, uh, you know, it's important for me to learn from different mentors, different coaches. You've you've learned from different people in your life, different coaches, mentors. Can you tell me something, tell all of us something that has was really a key moment in one of your coaching sessions that you that you can recall that was a pivotal moment for you in in your coaching career, or maybe it was prior to coaching, or but just really something that triggered you that elevated you to new heights?

SPEAKER_05 28:03

I have have a mentor coach, which you probably both know, she's amazing, and she she has helped me really grow. And one of her her comments, her usual comments, stop negotiating, stop negotiating, you know, like negotiating is over, you can't see me, over on the right, go to the left. Um, and even though I had so many years of analysis and working on myself, I do that every single day. It just doesn't stop. I'm always looking at myself and listening to myself and saying, okay, what's working, what's not. So I'm doing my own coaching sessions. Um, but she helped me grow in on so many levels. Um, I don't know, is it okay if I mention her name? Of course, of course. Dana Grant was somebody we met, I met a couple of years ago. And not only are we friends, um, but she has been somebody that has really been pivotal in opening my eyes to uh you know of who I could become and what was important and where was I negotiating with myself that wasn't helping me. So um she's she's like my soul sister, if you will, on many levels. Um and I think one thing, if I could impart anything, is please start looking at how you operate every day, meaning being hyper-self-aware. Being self-aware can really help somebody start to look at. Are they doing something because it's automatic? Is it because they were told that's what they should do? You know, we get these from childhood, or is it something you, the real you, wants to do? And always being aware and looking out and seeing, am I doing this because how can I change it? Yeah, so that's something that is very important to do because most people just go on autopilot.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Yeah, sure, sure. Terry, you've you started coaching at 60, you started your podcast at 78, you've chosen to reinvent yourself at a you know at all different stages of life. That's true. What advice would you give somebody who feels they've missed their opportunity? What would you say to them today?

SPEAKER_05 31:37

I don't care what age you are, you never ever miss an opportunity. And if you're hearing you missed an opportunity, that's the mind telling you don't do it, be safe. You don't want to go outside the lines, you're gonna stay in the little box. So I'm hoping to live to a hundred. I'm hoping to continue working. I mean, one of my icons was um God, Iris Apfel. You probably don't know, you might know. She was an icon in the fashion world. The costume exhibit in at the Met had a whole thing with her and about her. She wore these big glasses and all the jewelry. She died at 102, still living, kicking. She was an amazing, amazing woman that was doing ads at 95 for glasses, for rugs. She was still moving along, and she's my icon of who I want to be as I get into my much older road of life these days. So um, you're never too old, you're never too late, and don't listen to what the naysayers say. Because if I would have listened to any of them, I wouldn't be where I am today.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:29

So um, and my coaching, it will probably take on a different persona, a little different as I move along. Yeah, and that's okay. Um, and it's scary, even for me, going starting something, you know, at this point, evolving and moving into another level of reinvention, it's scary. I think anytime you question one identity or one reinvention and you go to another, you're walking on you're not walking on steady ground for a while until you become familiar with that new level.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:22

So, you know what? I'm an ordinary person, truly. I was no different than anyone else, but I chose to have an extraordinary life. I chose that, and that's huge. Yeah, anyone that says, Oh, look at me. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I wasn't born rich, you know. We were middle class, lower middle class family. So it's not that I was born with a pillow under me in case I fell, right? Or a silver spoon. If you want something and this, you have to do the work. Everyone wants something, but they don't want to do the work, they want easy. Easy doesn't cut it. You either do the work and put in the time because you believe in something, you, and you want something for yourself. You've got to do the work no matter what it is. Um, but I think today people nobody's going through seven years of analysis for sure today. Um, but I did, and I got what I got because of what I did to get there.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Yeah. What caused you right now to go through the uh these uh classes on the neuroscience and narcissism? What what inspired you to get to that point to to help people?

SPEAKER_05 36:03

Well, my mother was a narcissist, and her entire family were narcissists. Entire family. And that she was a product of that. Okay, I think for me, I kind of ended that generational uh line um because I feel passionate about it. I feel there's a purpose. There are not a lot of relational trauma coaches that work with, especially narcissism and being in narcissistic relationships. I was young, I I had no way of getting out. I had to become who my mother wanted me to become, somewhere I figured out what was wanted and needed at that moment. I don't know how, but I did. And in a way, it served me, but it didn't serve me because she wanted to own a piece of me. That's the way it went. They own you until I decided to leave and move to the city, and I think for a long time she was not happy. I mean, this is very funny, and I'll say it. I was on a call with her, and she said, you know, you're a slut.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Okay. How do you really feel?

SPEAKER_05 37:58

Um it it was it was her own way of saying you left me. Because what they do is, and what she did, she'd buy us clothes with my first apartment. She she furnished it for me. And it's for narcissists helping and doing things, what they want in return, they want something, and they're not capable of love. But I I found I realized that taking the course, that the only way she knew how to love was conditionally. Even though I know she cared deeply for us, she was already damaged. Um, and in the end, I wound up taking care of her, and I healed through that, through being the caregiver, really. The caregiver. And you know, luckily I had a husband that was there, and that we could take care of her until until she died. Um, and I healed through that.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

That's powerful. Yeah, you know, I I think to you know, learning all these years, right? That you know, from the narcissistic family that you were a part of to all of these years that you turn around, you take care of your mom, and now you go in and you start studying and taking courses in this um to turn around and help people in in an area where there's not a lot of help. So I I applaud you.

SPEAKER_05 40:02

It's it's not easy. Um, I believe that in my 22 years of coaching, I don't remember one person. And you can't coach a narcissist, you can't. Yeah, it's the victims, and they are damaged, they are really damaged. Um, not that they can't be healed, they're traumatized. So um, I don't think I other than this one person that was a narcissist, I don't think I coached. I I may have victims of narcissistic people. I would have noticed it, but I don't think I did.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:57

So um, yeah, that's my story.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

And um hopefully powerful, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:04

Hopefully, I've got a new one. Maybe in six months. Russ and I'll talk, I'll say, hey, I've got a new story.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

From Bellevue to 83. From Bellevue to 88.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

And I I think the last thing is I took, I went to speaker school last year with uh Brandon. Even though I'd been on the stage my entire career, it was different. Um, it was more fashion-oriented than than where I am now. So I think coaching and maybe having a podcast starting in the fall, one a month, not two. Um, and starting to speak, that's my goal to really start speaking, because I have something to impart that most other people don't. Most other people are in 83.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Firstly, very true, very true.

SPEAKER_05 42:07

But what I've learned and what people can do to wake them up and to have them understand they can take control of their lives and create what they want.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:23

So yeah, that's my story.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

Terry, you're you're amazing.

SPEAKER_05 42:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Yeah, you know, I I just um, you know, you're very, very well thought out. You know, you're not rushing to, you know, to say something else. It's like, and now I know that you're also in New York City. But um, you know, I I'm I'm grateful for our friendship.

SPEAKER_05 42:54

Thank you. Me too.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

And Terry and I stay in touch a lot. Um, and we have become good friends over the last number of years. Uh and I I just uh you know, I'm grateful for you, and you're you're such an inspiration to me.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

Uh to, you know, you were on Next Gen Visionaries a couple of times and just you know, talking about how you have reinvented yourself, which is also the theme of our impact live events of is reinvention. How do we reinvent ourselves in health and wellness? You're helping people who are narcissistic. And so it's um No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_05 43:34

You don't help narcissists, victims of victims, victims. Big difference.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Yeah, big difference. Yeah. Um and so I just, you know, I'm I'm just um you're an inspiration to uh to me for for what you're doing and you're just you're just continuing to redevelop yourself. And I I just uh I applaud your effort.

SPEAKER_05 43:56

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 43:59

Yeah. And I I know that there are many that are gonna hear this podcast, that are listening right now, who are just gonna be that f that are gonna feel exactly the same way I feel, be inspired, whether they're in their 40s, their 60s, 70s, not to give up. Don't give up. Don't think that retirement is all about sitting in a rocking chair and watching television for eight, 10, 12 hours a day. That's not what life is about.

SPEAKER_05 44:27

No.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

Right? You die mentally and then you die physically.

SPEAKER_05 44:31

And that's that is true because statistics show people that retire within a certain amount of time die that have had active lives at work. And the problem is that's their identity. And once that identity is taken away, they don't know what to do. Oh, I become a golfer, I became a this, I became that, but there's definitely something missing for them, and that's what happens when we take on identities of who we think we are, right? We all go around with these labels on us, but which are placed on us without a inner foundation of who we are, who are we at our foundation, at our core. And once I think people get that and can say, I love myself, I feel worthy, I feel whatever, and they build on that foundation, the structure that comes from that is much stronger than being built on I make a million dollars, I'm uh CEO, I'm a this, I'm a that. That can be taken away. But who you believe you are cannot be taken away.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

Yeah, yeah. Boom, boom, mic drop.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

It's on mic drop, okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 46:18

Uh, this has been an amazing show, Terry. Thank you so much for all your insight on everything today. Terry, where can people find you? Where can they find you?

SPEAKER_05 46:27

Well, my new website, which is try trycoaching.com. It's my initials, or they can reach out to me, Terry at trycoaching.com. They can email me. I would love to have a conversation with anyone listening that feels maybe there is more to life, and there is. It's just really finding it.

SPEAKER_01 46:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you look her up under Terry Yoffey, remember it's one eight one eight.

SPEAKER_05 47:03

You're right. That is right. And honestly, I can't thank you both. Russ, I've known a long time. Thank you. Dan, we got to be very intimate in that car.

SPEAKER_04 47:18

Family show.

SPEAKER_05 47:23

So thank you both very much for having me. I really absolutely appreciate it and feel very honored.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 47:33

Be well.

SPEAKER_00 47:33

Oh, you as well. Thank you. Thanks, Terry.

SPEAKER_05 47:35

Good luck.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Really appreciate your time. This is an amazing podcast. Incredible information. Please check out Terry on my coaching. Check her out on Instagram, Teriafi1E, as Baruss. Please check us out at Dual Coast Podcast on all social media handles. Check out Terry, like I said, on all her social media handles. We will see everybody next week. Thank you so much for listening. Terry Affi, thank you again.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Thank you. Thanks, Terry. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

Love you a bunch.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

Bye. Bye bye.