You're Not Broken, You're Running a Pattern | Rebuilding Self-Trust with Katie Ruffino

Most people don’t struggle because they don’t know what to do.

They struggle in the moment…they don’t trust themselves enough to do it. 

In this episode of the Delay the Binge™ Podcast, Pam Dwyer sits down with Katie Ruffino to explore what’s really happening beneath patterns like overeating, indecision, and self-sabotage.

This conversation goes beyond behavior.

It gets to the root:

👉 the unconscious patterns
 👉 the beliefs running in the background
 👉 and the moment you override yourself

Katie shares how self-trust isn’t something you either have or don’t…

It’s something you build, through awareness, through the body, and through small, real-time decisions.

What You’ll Learn

•  why you’re not broken, you’re running a pattern 
•  what’s actually happening when you “know what to do” but don’t do it 
•  how food acts as a mirror and messenger
•  the connection between self-worth and behavior patterns 
•  why willpower doesn’t work (and what does) 
•  how to shift from judgment → curiosity 
•  Katie’s 4-step Trust Your Gut framework
•  how to build self-trust in everyday moments 

Key Takeaway

There is nothing wrong with you.

You’re not failing…you’re just running a pattern.

And patterns can change. 

Connect with Katie Ruffino

🌐 Website: https://sunnysidekt.com/home

📄 Brainz Magazine: https://www.brainzmagazine.com/executive-contributor/catherine-katie-ruffino

📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@katieinthekitchenbysunnysidekt

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bycatherineruffino

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sunnysidekt

🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherine-katie-ruffino-pa-c-mpas-511aa418a/

🌿 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/sunnysidekt

✉️ Substack: https://substack.com/@catherineruffino

Connect with Pam Dwyer

🌐 https://www.tpkkconcepts.com/

📬 Newsletter: https://newsletter.delaythebinge.com/

📖 PJ Hamilton Stories: https://newsletter.authorpjhamilton.com/

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.  And remember...

You don’t need to fix everything.

You just need to recognize the moment you’re in…pause…and choose differently.

Transcript

Self-Trust Gets Lost In Moments

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Most people don't struggle because they don't know what to do. They struggle in the moment they don't trust themselves enough to do it. You don't lose self-trust all at once. You lose it in small moments, where you override what you already know. Today we're talking about how to take that back. Welcome to the Delay the Bench Podcast, where we pause long enough to understand what's really driving our choices so we can choose differently. I'm Pam Dwyer, and today I'm sitting down with Katie Rafino, who works with high-achieving women who've gotten used to thinking their way through every decision, often outsourcing their authority and losing connection to their own internal signal in the process. With a background as physician assistant and advanced training in functional medicine, nervous system regulation, and subconscious work, Katie teaches self-trust as a skill, something you can actually build through the body in real moments over time. Her work sits at the intersection of science behavior and self-awareness, helping women reconnect with themselves so they can make clear, confident decisions and show up fully in their lives. Katie, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Thank you, Pam, for having me. It's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

You're so welcome. Can you can help my listeners by telling us a little bit about yourself and what your work is doing in your life right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Yeah, absolutely. So I am Katie. Some might know me as Catherine with a C, Katie with a K, or Sunnyside KT. And I am a bright sunshine light that my best of friends do describe me as. And I attribute a lot of that to all the work that I've done and a lot of the my own personal development and discovery. And through my own healing journey, I've learned how to uncover all of the things that really get in the way of us being our true authentic selves and living a life that feels the best for us. And so that then transitioned into what I do for work. So started off in the medical field. I knew always from a little kid

Meet Katie And Her Approach

SPEAKER_01 2:20

that I was fascinated by the human body and wanting to learn all about what makes us work and not just what makes us work, but what makes us sick too, and how we can get back to feeling healthy and vibrant so that way we can do the things that we want to do in life without these symptoms weighing us down and burdening us. And so I decided to go into the medical field, as one does when they're curious about healing. And I became a PA. I, you know, through my education, I decided that there was something so special about getting the opportunity to learn about the body in this way and have, you know, be highly educated in that. And as I started to learn about the physical body, I realized that that was only scratching the surface. There's so much more to healing than just focusing on the physical. The physical is really important, but so is our mindset and our mental health, emotions, and how those can get suppressed or stuck in the body, also contributing to disease or physical symptoms. And same thing with energy and spirituality and connection to source or God in some cases. So yeah, I've just been on this journey of really asking myself the question and discovering through lived experience and learning from others, is like, what does it mean to actually live a fulfilled life? And in what ways do we hold ourselves back from that? And lack of self-trust is a big one. And so I noticed that I've done that in the past where I've been burdened by, you know, I burden myself with indecision of really ignoring the right decisions and ignoring my intuition and saw how that actually created physical disease in the body and just mental overload and just and stress and kept me from living, you know, the path that I wanted to live and being fully expressed of who I am. You know, a lot of people pleasing came into that, a lot of perfectionism, always wanting to do everything right. And so through my own discovery and release of those things that held me back, I realized that this is there's something deeper here that I'm meant to really share with the world. And while the medical field is one avenue that I've been able to help people, I felt like there was more to this. And so here I am now. I have my own business. I work with clients one-on-one and in group settings and have courses and have been doing content creation for over 10 years now, which is crazy to think. Um and yeah, so it just continues to evolve, and the way that I get to show up in the world just shifts as I do.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Love that so much. You know that you're a rare jewel in this world because I am learning. Delay the binge, my my framework came from all of my life experiences, but I think it all started in just my search for any type of medical professional that would hear me, understand what I was trying to tell them. And sometimes they would just say, Pam, your labs are perfect. We don't know why you're almost 300 pounds, and we don't know why you feel so terrible, but maybe go get some some therapy. I finally did meet someone similar to you, and she just helped me figure everything out. It was amazing. So when listen any listeners right now, don't give up. There are people like Katie out there and the person that I found that will take the time to listen to you and and believe you.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah. So speaking about that,

When Normal Labs Still Feel Wrong

SPEAKER_01 6:00

when all your labs are normal and a doctor provider says to you it's just stress, that does not make someone feel better. You'd think, oh, cool, there's nothing wrong, quote unquote, wrong with me. I should be relieved. But that actually can cause a lot more stress and overwhelm and and just curiosity of then why am I feeling this way? Because something feels off, and that's the intuition trying to speak to us. It's our body communicating us, communicating with us through these signals. And so I too, as somebody who experienced that myself, was like, I gotta figure out what's going on. Because in school, we were taught, okay, you have a patient presented to you, these are their symptoms, this then equals this disease label. And then you can use labs and other things to kind of help you with the dis the differential diagnosis. And then once they have this diagnosis, then it's these medications that you get to select from. If this one, you start with one, if it doesn't work, you go on to the next one, you change dosing, and that's it. And I was like, there's gotta be a reason for why they're having these problems in the first place. Why don't we ask why? Why don't we look deeper? And I was one of those black sheep in my class that was always asking the deeper questions, and everyone was like, who is this girl and why is she making it difficult for all of us? And I was like, no, I feel like there's this sense of justice that I wanted to, yeah, I wanted justice for people because there's gotta be another way. And so when I graduated school, I went on the more functional medicine path and understood root causes of the gut, metabolics, um, detoxification, or environmental toxins that can make us sick as well. These, you know, even with the hidden diseases or hidden um issues that tend to go on, like mold illness, Lyme disease, all these infections that aren't commonly looked for in the Western medicine world. And so, but the thing that really stood out the most to me was when providers say it's in your head. And that is very disempowering, unfortunately. But I realized maybe it is in your head, but not in the way that we think it is. Not in that we are just making this up out of nowhere because we want attention, but it's that the mind and our beliefs actually play a big role as well in how our body responds to that stress. And so that's why I went on to study and become a master practitioner of NLP or neurolinguistic programming, because it was actually uncovering not just to be aware that there is a psychosomatic approach to healing or there's a psycho-mind somatic body connection, but that there's actual tools you can use to relieve yourself from the burden of that stress and those unconscious programs that have been playing in the background that are keeping you sick. And when I started to learn that, I felt like I had hit gold because I finally had not just an understanding of what's been happening in my body, but also in all these patients I've worked with. But I actually knew what to do about it now. I actually had a practical tool that I could use to help somebody go from feeling sick and burnt out and stressed and unsure and disconnected from themselves and feeling like their bodies at war with themselves, to actually starting to get solutions, answers, and relief and able to breathe again and be connected to themselves on a whole different level and shift their relationship with who they are.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Oh my gosh, where were you 10 years, 15 years ago? In school still. Preparing for doing what you're preparing for.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

But I am so excited that they that, you know, there is more awareness on mindset and stress and you know, the brain, how it functions and affects the way we think and and choices and patterns. So I'm obsessed with the with the neuroscience of it all. I know the listeners are too, but myself, I'm very thankful to have an expert like you visiting with us today. So hopefully we can learn something new or maybe just

Performing, Conditioning, And Quiet Depletion

SPEAKER_00 10:30

validify what we've been talking about already. So that would be so good. Yeah. What was the moment you realized you weren't actually trusting yourself the way you thought you were? Because I heard you mention that earlier.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

I think it it doesn't always come in like this big aha moment of, oh my gosh, I've been disconnected from my own intuition. I've been ignoring those signals and not trusting myself for so long. I think it's a combination of all the little small moments, all the little moments that we we self-abandon and ignore, you know, the inner, the inner calling, the inner knowing. And for me, that that showed up in food, that showed up in what I wanted to wear. It was where I wanted to go or how I wanted to react to a cer a certain situation. It'd be those little moments that I would notice I'd be showing up differently. I wasn't showing up authentically. I was trying to curate how I per was perceived by the world, whether that was in school, with my parents and relationships, friendships, and you were performing. I was performing, yes. And it was because there was all this pressure on me to be a certain way. And that was just conditioning. It was conditioning from school, you know, school systems. I, from a young age, you know, was also in musical theater and singing. And I was actually just talking about this on another podcast with my friend Hallie about finding your voice. And there were so many different times in my life where I had to prove myself. I had to prove that I was good enough at this to then get this part or get into this school program. I had to like constantly prove that I was worthy enough to have that spot. And so I was conditioned to abandon my truth because I thought that I had to be a certain way to be accepted and liked. And that's such a common thing that women especially do because we want to be chosen. We want to be accepted and liked and not, you know, stirred the pot. We want to, you know, be good. And we're taught from a young age, also from society, that, you know, this, the, the be be seen, not heard, don't be dramatic, don't be loud, don't be big. So I had all these programs running around in my unconscious mind running the show. And so that then showed through in the ways that I wouldn't trust myself with making these small decisions. And when I was starting to feel physically sick, like I had some gut issues, bloating, fatigue, I couldn't focus in school. It really became apparent to me when I was a senior in high school. And I was like, there's gotta be something that's going on here. And I would ignore it, I'd ignore it, I'd ignore it. Or I started to think that my body was failing me, or that it was at war. You know, it just when when you're not feeling great, you start to kind of see it as a negative thing. And that's what I did. I was like, there's something wrong with me. That was the conclusion that I made. And so, yeah, but I think that some of the bigger ways that I hadn't trusted myself was like in my la in my job in the clinic, I was starting to burn out because deep down I knew that there was more that I wanted to do to help my patients. I didn't, I no longer wanted to just address the physical stuff. I wanted to go deeper in the mindset piece and uncover as well on the energetic side and guide people through understanding their emotions. And but I suppressed that desire and I didn't trust that I could be supported and do those things. I felt like I had to, you know, stay in this clinic setting to be seen as an authority figure, to be trusted as well by my patients. Um, and so I thought that going off on my own would for some reason make me seem not as serious. Um, so I ignored that for a while. So that was another, that was actually one of the bigger ways that I didn't trust myself, even though I knew there was another way, until I did, until I finally listened to that and I decided to go independent as a PA. And then I went from having one job to six, which wasn't actually helping, uh, with the stress piece, because um I was just trying to like navigate and explore all these ways to help people. And so then it and then I and then I ended up going off and doing my own thing with my own business now. But um, but another piece with the self-trust, or when I denied my own intuition, was you know, in a relationship that I was in where I could feel that it wasn't the right one for me, but on paper things looked great, and he was such a great guy, and we, you know, met all these boxes. And so that was another common thing that it's easy to suppress that feeling of something feels off when it all looks good on paper. And the same thing happened in the clinic. I was like, I'm I'm here, I thought this was my dream. Like, I have a great team of people I'm working with. I my patients are amazing. I'm like, but why do I feel like there's something off? And I I thought that that intuition, what I later realized was intuition, I thought was there was something wrong with me. Like, why can't I be grateful? Why can't I just accept what's happening? And the more I started to learn how to actually tap into my intuition and trust that that calling, that inner knowing, then I my life started to flow with ease the more I listened to it. And it can be in these big ways, but it'll also be with small things like where do I want to go today? What do I want to wear? Hmm, I think I'm supposed to go and talk to this person, or I feel like eating this food. Um, or I get this weird feeling that this chicken in the fridge probably isn't good. It's probably expired or something. If you ignore that, you know, you might get sick. But if you eat it, uh if you don't eat it, you might save yourself from harm. You know, that's kind of a silly.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

But I've I was disconnected from myself for so long, and I've I've seen many others that I have coached that are so disconnected from themselves because they're performing, they're doing they're checking all the boxes, they're doing everything that they were told they're supposed to do. But they're very disconnected from who they are. And, you know, I'm writing about it actually. It's called quiet depletion. It affects a lot of women because we look perfect on the outside, we're doing everything right, but on the inside, we're mentally exhausted, and it will start affecting your behaviors, your patterns, your health, you know, because we'll do anything too uh temporary that will numb it out. It could be not exercising, overworking, over pleasing, all the things. But, you know, just trying to take a unique approach with each individual because everyone has their own story, right? And a lot of it what happened to us when we were young. But you mentioned earlier, I wanted to see if you had seen this video, it was research done, and they would ask these girls of all different ages, how do you run like a girl? And they would go, la la la la, you run like a girl. You know, how would you throw this ball like a girl? And they'd throw it real wimpy. But no matter what age, I mean, we're already being trained about our place and what we're supposed to do and how we're supposed to act. And they wonder why why we are doing this, why do we have these horrible behaviors and patterns?

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Exactly. And that's where it's it's just trickled throughout your life in different situations, scenarios, people, media, all of it, that yeah, you're taught to be small and to be weak and to listen and be be good in whatever that means. And that's where women start to feel so disempowered. And my greatest joy is when I get to work with a client and help them to get their light back and get to just overcome that. Yeah. Because I know how good it feels when you get to allow yourself to fully express who you are. And that's been like the freedom that comes from that, the joy, the peace, the way that life just opens up for you and how how good it feels and how in control you actually then become of yourself and your life when you are who you are meant to be. And then the having this, the desiring that, the like wanting the car and the house and the career and the money and all that stuff becomes so much less important because you're focused on being, not having. And we are human beings. Yes. So we're meant to enjoy all of the things of life, and that starts with shifting who you are at the center, and then the external world then shifts around you, not the other way. Not like trying to control all the situations and circumstances when you're actually feeling out of control of yourself, because you have never been taught how to actually allow yourself to be you.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Yes, and they wonder why empty nesters have such a hard time transitioning back into a life without kids. It's you know, it's because they focused purely on their children, giving them the best of the best in all aspects.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

And then all of a sudden they're they're gone.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Yeah, no clue, you know, who you are. Yes, exactly. Their identity was tied to being the caretaker, the provider. And so when that's taken away, then they lose touch with who they are because who they are was attached to that. Same thing with professional athletes. If they get, you know, retire or they get injured or they can no longer play their sport, then they feel like worthless because their self-worth is also tied with what they're able to do for others in the world. And so then that can be very disar uh dysregulating when that happens or when anyone retires from their job or their work.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Um but it happens at all ages, and quite frankly, sometimes I've noticed a lot of people get very frustrated trying to they know what they need to do, okay? They're they're very intelligent and and they know what they need to do to be healthier, to be stronger, to avoid the urges and and the unhealthy behaviors. And they always promise themselves, tomorrow I'm going to be better. I'm not going to, I don't know, eat an entire pizza ever again. But the next day they do. And so they start more and more feeling failed and like they're broken. And they just don't know how to get off that cycle, that that horrible cycle of of failing and feeling bad. And over time it just takes a toll on you. I've I've read somewhere that I loved it, and I remember it, it's you said something like, um

Food As Mirror And Messenger

SPEAKER_00 22:00

The food we eat you eat is more than nutrition. What does someone's relationship with food actually reveal about them? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

So that is a huge mirror and a messenger. Food. Well, first off, before I get into that, I just want to acknowledge that anyone who's stuck in a loop in a cycle where they're they're feeling usually stressed or overwhelmed, or there's an emotion that's wanting to be expressed, they then go towards the food or something of comfort or to suppress, to continue suppress that feeling because they don't want to feel it. And then the cycle can repeat. So there's yeah, that that's like a whole thing. Um, but often it's the they have this unconscious program playing in the background, and it's a strategy that's being run. So at the core of it, there is a belief that got installed at some time in their life from a significant emotional event or somebody telling them you are this. And often with the binge restrict or not having control with food specifically, it's that there's there's some sort of self-devaluation conflict, meaning that they don't value themselves. There's a lack of self-worth piece that comes into play with that. And so the work that I do is to help get down to what that greater problem is and what's that core belief that you have about yourself that's then causing you to act and respond in this way, because your beliefs shift your thoughts, which shift your behaviors, which shift your results. So if you want different results, you got to shift your beliefs, got to go back to the root. So for someone who's trying to shift at the behavior level, like, oh, I'm gonna just be better tomorrow, or I'm not gonna eat the pizza, or I'm gonna, I just need more willpower, I need more discipline, they're gonna continue to run up against themselves and then they're gonna think they're the failure. But I just wanna make sure anybody who's listening to this who can relate to that, there's nothing wrong with you and you're not a failure. And that's probably the hardest thing to wrap your head around when you feel like you're just running up a hill with these things and can continue this loop. But it's just a program that's running the show. That's it. And it doesn't mean anything about you. It's just a pattern that's playing out.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

So just gotta shift the pattern. I love that. That's that's so beautiful, and I'm so glad that you said that because that moment right there is when someone, you know, when someone's reaching for something that's that doesn't serve them. Yeah. And that's where I see people uh either react, right? It's not willpower, it's just finding out, pausing long enough to figure out why am I reacting instead of pausing.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Yes, exactly. And so, you know, how food is actually more than just nutrition and fuel is that food is a mirror and a messenger, meaning it me, like our patterns and our behaviors around food are a mirror to what's actually going on in the deeper level. So why do I feel this trigger? Why do I feel this desire to go eat this whole pizza? Why can't I control myself with food? Why is this so hard? Why do I just I feel like I'm out of control? I feel like there's something else doing this, it's not me. And that's the pattern that they've been playing. And so it's a matter of just not judging themselves for it, but noticing and bringing awareness to, oh, because I'm doing this, there must be something else going on deeper. Let me get curious about that. So curiosity instead of judgment leads to more self-compassion. And that's a beautiful shift that I would suggest anybody start to adapt because then you're not seeing yourself as the enemy. You're learning to work with yourself. And this is where the deeper self-development, the self-growth can really happen. Awareness is the first step. It's just shifting the bull the idea that wait, there isn't anything wrong with me? Like you're like, really? That alone is really amazing for somebody to start to realize. And it starts to put them into a place of empowerment. And being empowered means you can actually do something to shift your life so you can have a different outcome. And that brings a lot of hope for somebody who's really struggling. And yeah, so that's one piece about you know, food is a mirror in that way, and our habits, our patterns with how we eat and how we relate to food is a big mirror. And then also how our body responds to food is a whole other way that we, it's a beautiful, you know, messenger system that we can use to connect deeper with ourselves. So part of that is how is our body digesting that food? If it's if we're struggling to digest certain foods, maybe there's a nervous system issue going on. Maybe we need to take a couple deep breaths and ground and pause and be present before we start eating food. Um, so that's, you know, something that is really important when we eat. You know, they say fight or flight or rest and digest. They say rest and digest for a reason when our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, because that helps us to actually consume food and process it in a whole different way. And yeah, there's also, you know, food sensitivities and food allergies and things like that that a lot of people struggle with nowadays. Is it the food itself or is it your relationship to the food? And do you feel pressure or this, you know, need to perform even with food? Is did you actually want to eat that kale salad, or were you eating that kale salad because you thought it was the healthy thing, but it's maybe not right for you? Maybe you need the pizza. You know, like and that's a bizarre thing for some people to think about. It's like, really? Like pizza actually might be healthier for me than a salad right now? But for some people in certain situations, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Depends on the situation. I took a food sensitivity test and I was shocked at what they were telling me I shouldn't eat. I mean, it was broccoli. I mean, it was food that I assumed was healthy and good for me.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

But once I was made aware, then I would look back and say, oh yeah, I do get really bloated after I eat broccoli. And I I just thought that's what happens with broccoli to everybody.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

But it really doesn't. So that's another thing is I strongly recommend a food sensitivity test because you can do trial and error. It just takes a lot longer, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Yeah. And food sensitivity tests I always, you know, take with a little bit of a grain of salt because it does depend on it's one snapshot in time. And also with someone who has a really dysregulated nervous system, they might have more food sensitivities. So I've I've done different food sensitivities uh testing for patients, and I think it's definitely still helpful, but it also is it's just one piece of the of the puzzle. Um yeah, and I think that lived experience can be very informative um for somebody if they're willing to do the work, you know. It definitely.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Yeah, all the time.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

All the time. And that's the that's my goal now with the clients that I work with is to bring them back to listening to how their body is responding to either things they put into the body, environments, people they're around, and with again, without judgment, but just curiosity of like, how do I feel after I ate that? How did I feel after I hung out with that person? Did I feel more energized? Did I feel more depleted? How did my gut feel? Do I feel mentally clear? You know, there's different ways that we can tap into our body to guide us. And it's shifting that relationship with the body. So if somebody, like yourself said with broccoli, if broccoli isn't making you feel good, it's not, oh, my body's failing me because I want the broccoli and I can't eat it.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

It's, I don't know, maybe there's something deeper there to explore. Well, yeah, and that's developing trust in your body, right? That's self-trust. And I think a lot of people, including myself, we have trouble trusting what we think our body is telling us, but we're not sure.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Like, how does someone know when they're out of alignment and what's causing it? How can they determine that?

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

So

Nervous System Signals And Sensitivities

SPEAKER_01 30:50

aside from food, just with making decisions in general in their life, I have a four-step trust your gut decision framework that I teach. And I think it's been really helpful for me with building that self-trust. And I think that it could be helpful for your listeners as well. So basically, what that is is step one is to calibrate. So without putting any input in or trying to make any decision, it's tapping into your body, getting quiet enough to listen to what does a yes feel like and what is a no feel like. So it's actually coming back that's like resetting your system to factory setting. It's like, okay, what does my yes feel like? What is my no? So you ask, what does my yes feel like? So ask that first and you close your eyes and feel in. And oftentimes it might be different for everybody, but oftentimes it's this expansive feeling or more relaxation, clarity, you know, just kind of like uh, okay. And then reset. Okay, now what does a no feel like? And you just pay attention, you know, does your breathing get shallower? Does your body start to tense up, your muscles start to contract, or you start to feel like your shoulders go up to your ears or your chest contracts forward? You know, there's these subtle things that shift, and so it's getting quiet enough to like listen in and notice those subtle shifts. So calibration, step one. Step two is you got to ask the right question. So for I guess a good question to start with is is it in my higher self's best interest to choose this? And you can ask that, notice, then tap into your body. Did it feel like a yes? Did it feel like a no? And then you can ask it, okay, noted. Is it in my higher self's best interest to choose this, which was option B? And then you notice what happens in your body. Does it feel more like the yes or the no? And so after you ask the right question, then step three is to make the decision. You just pick the yes, pick the one that felt more like a yes, and then you just have to go with it. It's all exploration, it's all feedback, like this saying, there's no failure, it's just feedback. And when you start with the small decisions, like should I eat the broccoli or the pizza today? Which one feels like the yes? Okay, I chose the yes, and now I just number step four is to notice what happens, get the feedback. Did I feel good when I ate that? Did something feel off? And so it's it's just practice. And and the more you practice, the the clearer those yeses and no's will feel like, and the the easier it'll be to start to trust yourself. Because what you'll notice is, and you can even intentionally pick the no and see what happens, see if your body shifts in a certain way or if symptoms start to be expressed. And so, yeah, it's how you can start to build that muscle of building self-trust with the small things. So you can even pick it, uh, start doing those with what should I eat today, or what should I put on? What should I wear today? Or am I gonna order a matcha or a coffee at the restaurant? Like you can do it with the smallest things that are that have low stakes, because then you can start building the self-trust. So you can then use that for the bigger decisions, like should I move c cross country? Should I leave this relationship? Should I quit my job? Like then you have this built self-trust already that's the muscles being trained.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

So Yes, that that's um that is incredible because when my kids would ask me about a big decision they had to make, if they were gonna do A or B. And I would always tell them that to get them used to their instinct, their intuition. I said, Well, when you think about I'm gonna do A, how does that feel? And then when you think about I'm going to do B, how does that feel? And they were always so surprised that they would then that would help them with their answer, their decision. But it's the same thing, it's just training that muscle. I like

The Four-Step Trust Your Gut

SPEAKER_00 34:50

how you said that.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Yeah. It's like, yeah, you're like going to the gym. It's like you don't and also not to, you know, have such a big expectation that you're always gonna get it right. You might get it wrong, and that's okay. Like that's also it's not to then make the meaning of if you get it wrong, that there's something wrong with you. It's there's just different options, different decisions you can make, different choices, and you have to be okay with whatever the outcome is. And it's learning to surrender and let go and know that there might not be a right or wrong way. There might just simply be this or that. And so I think that the biggest, the biggest thing that I struggled with when I was very indecisive was the fear of making the wrong choice and what the consequence of that might be. How might my life look differently? Or what if this then affects other people this way by me choosing what's best for me. So especially as someone who's got a big heart and is empathetic, you start to think about all the other people that your decision might affect as well. And so that can also prevent you from making the best choice for you. So for anyone who's listening who's struggling to make a big decision in their life right now, big or small, practice this, try it out and see what shifts. And I think the biggest piece isn't just being able to make a decision, it's changing your relationship with life and what happens when you choose yourself and you listen to your intuition and trusting that.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

Yes. Yes. And at the end of the day, when everything always people are like, I don't have no idea who I am anymore. And I will tell them it's at the end of the day when everything gets quiet, you're laying down in bed, getting, you know, trying to go to sleep, the thoughts that are in your mind, that's who you are at that moment. Because there, because there's no one around for you to impress or perform for. It's just you and your mind and clearing and thinking of the day and maybe what you're gonna do tomorrow. Clear your mind and just realize, oh, this is who I am. So how do you know if you showed up in a way that feels right to you? I mean, is that d what you practice, or how do you know if you've showed up in a way?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Yeah, I think for I think for me specifically, how I know that I'm being who I'm meant to be is Yes. It's it's it's more of a feeling. It's yeah. I used to think that it was my life would look a certain way when I'm being myself, of like, oh, everything would look perfect, and I'd have all my ducks in a row, my house would be perfectly cleaned. You know, I'm like, that's when I'm being my best self, you know. And so many people think that being your best self is when you're the most like perfect in your performance. But that's also the illusion. Being my best self can sometimes be crying and feeling so overwhelmed in life. Like it's just about being authentic and it's about connecting to what's showing up right now without judgment. That's me being me. Like I had a hard conversation today, and I didn't want to have that conversation, but I knew it was the right thing to do because it felt right. And I leaned into it instead of fearing, you know, and leaning back from it. And that's how I measure being myself. It also is when I get to cater for a retreat and I am just enjoying and in so much joy and happiness getting to nourish these people and like teach them about how to change their relationship with food. Like that brings me so much joy. And I know I'm in alignment with who I'm meant to be because it's I'm doing good for the world and it's coming from my heart. And I wasn't performing. I'm not, you know, trying to be somebody that I'm not. And yeah, it's the more you know who you are, the easier it is to know when you're not you. And that's like anything is it's there was a really good metaphor about this. Um maybe it'll come to me, but I just heard it the other day and I was like, that's really good. Um, but essentially, yes, when you know who you are, anything that's not you becomes much clearer. It's not like we don't focus on all the things that are not you to then figure out who you are. Yeah, you need to explore and figure that out, but it's getting so clear and so congruent. And the way that you get congruent is doing your release work. It's clearing those unconscious programs that have been blocking you from seeing the truth. So, a good analogy of what that is is if you're putting on sunglasses and you have a lot of dirt and fog and dust on your glasses. Imagining you're looking through life with baggage. You're looking through this baggage-ridden lens, all the programming, the conditioning. You're not good enough, you're not important, you know, you suck, like all the all the things that we might hold on to, or um, you're a bad person, whatever it looks like. And so you look through these lenses and you see reality and you're like, I hate my life. This is terrible. But you start to do the release work. It's like you clear off those lenses, and all of a sudden you see life so differently because you start to see it clearly through your eyes, your truth. And then all of a sudden, it's like an opportunity you wouldn't have otherwise seen. You now see it so clearly. Or an amazing thing that happens. Oh my gosh, wow, my life's amazing. I'm so grateful. Like those start, those things start to shift. And so, same. So, doing the release work on the subconscious level, so shifting and releasing those unconscious beliefs, old programs. So that'd be like working with me, and we'd go through that process together. There's different techniques, tools to use that or to use to do that. And then also allowing the emotions to be felt, clearing any emotional burden, that also frees up the energy for you to be more of you. And then the last one that comes to mind at this moment, that's a really important one, is clearing up any tension or conflict with the people in your life. That's a big one.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

That is a big one. I always tell people, focus on your energy level when you're with someone. You know, are they draining you or are they empowering you? Or do you feel better after spending time with them? No, because a lot of times people don't realize that that is their that's what is causing anxiety, which is causing them to, you know, act on behaviors that aren't good for them.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Yeah, exactly. And that person might ignore that feeling of, oh, around this person I feel suppressed or I don't feel very good, or I'm ignoring my actual needs and desires or what I want in a healthy friendship or relationship. And it's paying attention enough to that to know that that person feels out of alignment like you shared. And then it's also doing your own work to either cut that person out of your life or, you know, set the boundaries, like whatever you need to do to honor yourself. Um, and oftentimes when someone struggles with chronic fatigue or just daily fatigue, or it could be as, you know, as severe as fibromyalgia or something, for example, often that's actually related to people pleasing and perfectionism and being out of touch with listening to your intuition and trusting yourself.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

So Yeah, and that's you know, in

Alignment, Boundaries, And People Pleasing

SPEAKER_00 42:30

my eight years of of therapy, I learned that's just my way of of a guarantee that they're not going to leave me or hurt me or whatever. I've been really working on that for many, many years. People pleasing.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

Yeah. Yeah, and it's it's a practice. It it can take time, but I've also learned that this might be a controversial take, but I think that it doesn't have to take years of therapy for someone to make a shift in their life if you get down to the root. It's simply a choice. Am I ready to let this go? And I find that things that people have been holding on to for decades, they come and they, you know, we do a breakthrough session and they're like, wait, I didn't you mean I didn't have to hold on to that belief that I wasn't good enough or that I was unworthy. Oh my god, my life could have been so much different. Because oftentimes in a lot of talk therapy, um, it's just man it's baggage managing, it's keeping the story, keep staying stuck in the story, unfortunately. Um and I think that there is there's time and place for all types of therapy. They all have their own benefits. But I think it's just giving someone the option to know that it's possible to release something quickly is is important.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Yes, it's very important. And how do you feel or teach about when people want to start this new outlook? They think they have to do it. All at once in a big bang way. But I always tell them small steps. Each day just do some small step t up towards that goal. And don't beat yourself up if you don't accomplish it. Just start again, pick up where you left off and start again the next day. I mean, do you feel feel that that helps a lot too?

SPEAKER_01 44:22

Yeah, I think that giving yourself grace and compassion is, of course, very, very important. I also think that what helps somebody to not feel so overwhelmed by all the things that they have to shift is just, yeah, like focusing, you know, picking one thing to focus on. So whenever I work with a client and we do like a full breakthrough session one-on-one, which the breakthrough session is essentially we focus on one area of life that could be career, relationships, physical health, um, family, personal growth and development or spirituality, it could be any of those things. And we pick one area of life. We don't try to fix all or you know, change all these things. We pick one area, and in that breakthrough session, it's an eight-hour process, but it's split up into two days of four-hour sessions each. And I ask very specific questions to get down to those root causes, like the root beliefs. And once you release that, then a lot of the presenting problems go away. So I find that clearing out the baggage in that way is very, very powerful. And we are just focused on one area of life. And so, you know, there's four requisites for change that I've learned. Step one is the release work, which is doing the NLP release through mental emotional release and other NLP tools. And that's what we do in the breakthrough session. Step two is to set your goal. So sometimes people will do the release work, but if they don't know where they're going or what they're doing, then they also can stay stuck in the loop and it can feel overwhelming. So giving them some sense of direction. And we do that not just focused on, you know, this is what I want to have in my life, but it's who do I want to be? Who am I when I am showing up aligned in that area of my life? So being, and then what am I gonna be doing? And then what would that then? What do I then have when I'm aligned with that? And then step three is they gotta take action. Change is not gonna happen if they don't do anything differently, but we've released the resistance to them taking the action. So now they they can go out and do it. So they gotta now prove that that shift has actually occurred, otherwise they might fall back into it. So taking that action. But again, we're focused on very small focused thing, so it's not overwhelming. And then step four is maintaining that positive mentality around what they want in their life because that's just as important. And if you don't believe, or if you don't really want that shift to happen, then it's not. Like you have to keep believing and hold hope that that is possible for me. And it is because it's happened for other people, so it can happen for you too. And I'm just became your biggest fan.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Because maintenance is never taught at any medical facility I've ever been at, and I've been to a lot. They never they may help me, they may give me a good tool to use, but I rely completely on the tool, and they don't help me learn maintenance in the prom while the tool is helping.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

Yes. Oh yeah, it's a big one. I I so I learned all this from my NLP training. So Empowerment Inc. is the company that I've trained with, and they're amazing. Shout out to them. And so I feel very, very confident in helping. I I've got I have a hundred percent success rate with every client that I've that has gone through a breakthrough session and testimonial after testimonial. And it just it it's not it's not my strategy, it's what I learned from them, but I'm able to now apply it from the lens of who I want to help and who I'm best fit to serve. And it's these women that have been struggling with being disconnected from their own power. And oftentimes the clients that I'm working with are these amazing women. Like I love my clients. Like I was just talking about this the other day. I'm like, I love the clients that I work with because they are these beautiful, powerful women that are so intuitive. They've just been ignoring it and suppressing their power. And I'm like, ugh. Cause it's like I get to help them release that power and love it. And not just love the good parts or like the skills or the talents, but loving their shadows too. And that's a whole other topic. But that's something that I've really leaned into with my own journey is not just loving the transformation

Release, Goals, Action, Maintenance

SPEAKER_01 48:40

of wow, love and light, like I'm free, but also loving the struggle too. Like, how can you love yourself and love all of you, not just the parts that you like, but all the parts, because that alone is healing.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

Well, you just gave my definition of becoming because that was going to be my next question is what do you think becoming the best version of yourself? What do you think about that? Or what's your definition of becoming?

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Well, I think that my belief as of right now, in my viewpoint, is that we are all divine perfection. Getting to be born into this world is our purpose. Now we get to play and just experience and have fun and learn and evolve and get to have that human experience. So I think we already are. It's just remembering that we already are and allowing ourselves the permission to be that and getting rid of the blocks or anything that we've kind of suppressed, or the things that that the ways we suppress that and forget that. And even with personal development work, a lot of it can perpetuate the cycle of you're not there yet, you're not there yet. There's something more to achieve, more to do, more to be. You've got to always get better and evolve and grow and be better. And that can give the illusion that you're not good as you are right now or you're not enough. But that's but what it actually is, and the best, healthiest approach, I think, is to remember that you are already divine perfection, becoming even more perfect, even more divine, and just evolving through the process. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:19

Evolving into the person you were always meant to be. I've had a lot of women say that on the show, but thank you for that. I love it. I love it so much. And and the listeners are just gonna have to replay this episode over and over. There's so many nuggets here. Thank you for your time, and please share with everybody how we can get in touch with you, find your work, follow you.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Yeah. So all the links we can put in the description below. Um, my website, SunnysideKT.com, and you can find me through there. Um, my offerings as of right now is I have my food as feedback course. So I teach you exactly how to shift your relationship with food and use it as a tool to reconnect with yourself and reconnect to how you take care of yourself through nourishment. And then I have my group program coming up called the Trust Your Gut Collective, where we go deeper into exploring how we can build that self-trust, not just through food, but also through all the areas of our life and start to reshift and reprogram our subconscious mind and release those things that have been getting in the way of being who you're meant to be. And then I also do one-on-one uh coaching as well. And then a little bit of catering retreats, hosting retreats. So all that information and anything about that will be on either my Instagram, which will be linked below, and then yeah, on my website. I have Facebook and all the other things too.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

But well, and we'll we'll list those in the show notes for sure because I'll I'm gonna be one. I'm gonna sign up for whatever I can. Love to have you. You are a much needed purpose and resource for women. I can't thank you enough for doing what you do. Thank you for helping helping us.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

It is my pleasure, and I

Becoming, Intuition, And The Closing

SPEAKER_01 52:10

am here. I am ready to work. I'm here to hold space and honor all of the beingness of any woman that comes into my life and wants to work with this practice. Amazing. And you're still young. What? It's uh it kind of surprises me sometimes how yeah, I graduated with my master's at 23, which was bizarre and been on this entrepreneurial path. And yeah, but it's uh it I think that it was an accelerated journey because I it I almost like feel like I needed to figure out all the like keys to life early so that I could then just enjoy my life after that.

SPEAKER_00 52:51

Well, and I think you're doing what you were meant to do. Yes. I mean, yes. Some of us are blessed enough to to find it. Others are searching for it constantly.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

And something to note about that for anybody who's listening who wants to know what I'm meant to do is listening to that to an intuition and know that everything else will start to not work out, or you'll meet like all these resistance, all these blocks that will keep bringing you back to the thing that you've been avoiding. So listen to that. As scary as it might be, take the leap of faith. It's so worth it on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

And you always time's gonna pass anyway.

SPEAKER_01 53:30

Yeah, you get this life to live. You get to choose. It's your life.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Exactly. Well, everybody, what stands out to me in this conversation, which is what I always share with my listeners, Katie, is that this isn't about learning something new. It's about trusting what you already know deep in your gut. Because most people don't repeat their patterns because they lack information. They repeat them in a moment. The moment you override yourself, the moment you second guess what you feel, and the moment you choose something that doesn't actually serve you. Please share this episode with anyone you know that could use it today. And remember, you don't need to fix everything. You just need to recognize the moment you're in. Pause and choose differently. One moment at a time. And I'll see y'all next week. Thank you, Katie. Bye. Thanks, man.