Autism Awareness from a Mom's POV | Tracy Byrd Shares Her Parenting Journey Artwork

Generational Tea

A podcast hosted by a mother-daughter-in-law duo with a mission to empower women to step into their full potential, find their voice, and create positive change in the world. Through meaningful, researched conversations and interviewing diverse voices from all walks of life, we will explore topics that inspire growth while fostering a community of strength, authenticity, and connection.

All Episodes

Generational Tea

Autism Awareness from a Mom's POV | Tracy Byrd Shares Her Parenting Journey

April 01, 2025 • Kaina | Ronnie • Season 1 • Episode 15

Welcome back to Generational Tea and happy Autism Awareness month! In today’s episode, we sit down with Tracy, a close friend of Ronnie’s from high school and a dedicated mom of two boys — one of whom is a level three autistic child who will require lifelong care. Tracy opens up about her parenting journey, sharing the highs, the challenges, and the lessons she’s learned along the way. From navigating diagnoses and therapies to finding joy in small moments, Tracy’s story is one of resilience, love, and growth. She offers insight into what it means to be a parent and advocate for a child with autism, and how her experiences have reshaped her perspective on motherhood and life.

Join the conversation: What did you think about Tracy's story? How did your weekly challenge go? Share your reflections in the comments or via our social media.
What She Said: Tracy leaves us with some heartfelt wisdom that has helped her stay strong and grounded. Tune in to hear it!
Tracy's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withoutwordsnb/
https://www.trycharlottesweb.com/
Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @generationalteapod, watch us on YouTube, and listen to us wherever you get your podcasts!
Microphone flags by Impact PBS
Intro music by Cymatix
Logo by @makariann
Business email: generationalteapod@gmail.com

Send Ronnie & Kaina a message!

0:11

There were no crimes, really. Not that I recall. No cry. No, I do not recall, your honor. Awesome. Well welcome everybody to the Generational Tea Podcast. I'm Cana. And I'm Ronnie. And today we have a special guest, Tracy Bird, is Rhonda's old friend, partner in crime. So we're so happy to have you on this podcast and cover this topic with you. Well, thank you for having me. It's yes, of course. Absolutely. So, do you wanna tell us a little bit about your background, your family dynamic, and a little bit about Noah as we bridge into why we're interviewing you? Sure. I don't know how far back we want to go. So I was thinking maybe this time we could maybe talk a little bit about like the initial diagnosis. Okay. What resources were available, how you guys were able to cope with that. And then I'd love to bring you on another time where we can talk about more, what are the resources available for parents who have an adult child with autism? How do you feel about that? Okay. Yeah, that's perfect. Because I feel like it's way too much to cover in an hour. Yeah. Yeah, it is. So if we don't get to all of it today, we can definitely do a follow up episode if that's something you'd be interested in doing with this. Yeah, we'll definitely do that. well, let's see. Noah was diagnosed when he was three and a half, and this was 23 years ago. So at that time, autism awareness was not. prevalent. The company that is now autism awareness, that foundation had not even been set up yet. And I really think that because of that foundation there is so much more awareness to it. So all we really knew about autism when he was young was Rain Man. And I will say that ignorance is bliss because when he was diagnosed with severe autism, that was my thought. So I was like, well, you know, if he can order a pizza by memory and the phone number by memory, then I can handle that life, you know? But we didn't really know what autism was. And when he was first diagnosed, we thought that maybe he could be deaf because he didn't respond to, us as we said his name. He wasn't trying to form words. And my oldest son. Is 20 months older than than Noah. So we saw that Daniel develop was developing much differently than Noah had been. So we talked to the doctor about it. we had a private sitter at the time and she is the one that mentioned autism again, didn't know anything about it. And so when we mentioned that to our pediatrician, he said, well, he can't be autistic because he's too loving. You know, just, he hugs on you, he's too much. He physically wants to be next to you. So he cannot be autistic, but we'll send him to a speech therapist, is basically what happened. And we did what was called an auditory brain response, which, was the probes on the head because he couldn't do a, a test to see if he was deaf by speaking it. And so that showed that he had perfect hearing. So we went to a speech therapist who happened to be, perversed. And autism. So then we, at that point they made us sit down with a panel. And that panel had three or four, different doctors on that panel. one being a speech therapist and occupational therapist, a developmental peds, and then a psychiatrist. And after that three hour test on a three and a half year old, um, they told us that he was severely autistic and moderately retarded. And they used the word moderately retarded. And so then my question was, well, what is that? You know, what are you saying to me? What is that? And they told us, she sat there and she said that he would never speak. He would probably never form relationships with us. We wouldn't have like son, mother relationships. He wouldn't form a relationship with his brother. He didn't know how to. he wouldn't show love, empathy, sympathy, any of that. And probably by the time he was a teenager that he would be in an institution because we wouldn't be able to physically, control him. And the funny thing about it, when I look back on it, we were young and didn't know a lot and there was no internet. You know, it was just, here's a bunch of paperwork. Read that when you have a minute. And, I think what really hit me more so than the autism was the retardation because, you know, I mean, I knew what retardation was. I understood that word uhhuh. And so that I almost focused more on that than I did the autism. Not even realizing, you know, what they were saying to me at that point.'cause I hadn't really seen what would come next, if that makes sense. So, yeah, but that's, that's the, I can't imagine like not having Google. Well, especially since I'm from a younger generation, I grew up like having technology around me and whenever I'm confused or like get something at the doctor's office, I don't understand what it is or anything like that. I just immediately go and like find all the answers to get myself a peace of mind. So I'm sure that was probably a scary moment, hearing that and wondering what all this means. and the thing about it was when we were growing up, retardation or learning disability, um, folks were like five or six people in our entire high school. Mm-hmm. I feel like, you know, it was, it was very rare. Mm-hmm. So, and it was also very disconnected. They had their own bus, they had their own schedules, their own, teachers and such. So there was not a lot of mainstreaming that was happening. There was not the interaction, I don't feel like was there. Would you say that's true? I agree. And there's a lot of stigma behind, you know, it was just, um, I think that was what was so heartbreaking.'cause when we grew up, you know, it was mm-hmm. That's, I hate to say it because once you get into the special needs community, you're very protective of mm-hmm. Of the community. And that word is so derogatory, but growing up in our generation, it was just a word that you threw around with your friends and you would call your friends that they would, the comment of, you know. you must have rode the short bus to school, all of that. So that comes flooding into your mind when you get this diagnosis. Now, the terms aren't as harsh as they were 23 years ago when, when Noah was diagnosed. Now it's, intellectual disabilities, which I like that term much better. And Noah definitely has intellectual disabilities. He's probably more like an 8-year-old in his mind, maybe eight, nine years old. in some aspects. And then in some aspects he's like a teenage boy. So, you know, it's a, it's a, a world that you have to learn as you go and it's a everyday learning experience. I'm still in it because now he's gonna be 26 in a month, and now I'm. Learning new things, you know, versus what the youth in his youth. So the, it's a journey. It's definitely a journey. I'm curious, I know you talked a little bit about when you first got the diagnosis. What was it like, not just on that day, that moment, but in the weeks following up after that, what was that like for you? well the first couple of days it was kind of shocking. And again, I think having the internet is almost like a double-edged sword because I feel like if I would've had the internet then and been able to, because I am a researcher by nature, mm-hmm. I would've gone home and researched everything I could find and it probably would've put me in a tailspin to learn what could be. So I think. It may have been a little bit easier as far as not having all that information flood my mind at one time. Yeah. So I do kind of feel for individuals who get that diagnosis these days because that's what they're doing. They're going home and immediately, just like you were talking about, researching what's to come. Mm-hmm. Because we always want to know the future. We wanna know what's to come. You know, we, we hate surprises by nature. We hate that kind of surprise, you know? so the first couple of days I was just trying to wrap my mind around what they had given me. And the pamphlets were very general, you know, it's almost like they didn't know what I should expect, but then I got focused on the nevers. The never We'll talk, never, you'll never hear him say, I love you, you'll never, see this sibling relationship. And then you start. you start mourning what they're not going to be. Right? Yeah. So I started mourning like, the first date, the first car, the first time he and Daniel jumped in a car together and went with their friends to the movies.'cause you're romanticize all that stuff you expect your children to be and to do. And even though typical children, we romanticize that too. And, and things turn out differently sometimes it's still, you know, the nevers were so definitive, he will never do this and there's nothing you can do to where he will do this. So I would say I was in mourning I was in, not because he wasn't with me, but because of what he wouldn't be. And so that was a lot of, that was a lot of crying. Yeah. A lot of, um. Not understanding spectrum of emotions. That's just a lot to process, a lot to handle. I can't imagine going through that and trying to process and think through all that stuff must've been incredibly hard. It was. And I was, you know, 28 years old with two children, right. 20 months apart. One was three, one was five. And to think what was our life gonna be like? What was, what were we gonna do, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, um, I had just really gotten into a relationship with God at that point, right before we found this out. Probably a year, maybe two years before. always been in church, but never had a relationship, didn't understand what that was all about. And then I was at that place where I was understanding and, and reading and studying and wanting to be that, that proverbs, you know, um. 31 women times, is it? Yeah. Okay. Problem. Right. So something, you know, I was, yeah, right. I was working on that and I felt really close spiritually at that point. And man, it just all came crashing down. It just like, how could this be happening? And then I had external things happening at the same time. My mother was diagnosed as bipolar and there was a lot of things going on there. My grandmother had just died, my stepfather had just died. So it was just like all this tragedy I felt like at one time and dealing with all of it at once. it was a di, very difficult, very difficult time. Yeah. Well I can already tell you're an incredibly resilient woman, so yes. She props to you. Yes, yes. Thank you. so in looking back towards, maybe right prior to, or maybe just when you got, you and Erin got married, and by the way, Tracy's husband's name's Erin. And, when you and Erin got married, I assume that, after this diagnosis it really changed How did it shape your future personally and, you know, professionally at that time once you got this diagnosis? Well, I wouldn't say right when we got it that it shaped much. we had a private sitter. In the beginning, uh, so probably three to four. And then she decided, and it may be because of Noah, that she did not want to keep children longer. And so we had to go to a daycare situation and Noah was probably there six months, maybe before we were expelled from that program. due to him being a human piranha and abiding every child and every worker and climbing walls and not laying down for naps. And so once we were expelled, we kind of looked at one another and we said, you know, and I enjoy working. I, I get joy from working outside the home and mm-hmm. I knew when I had children that I was probably not gonna be a stay at home mom because I kind of thrive in that world of, of work. Mm-hmm. the one thing I will say is I wasn't working my dream job, I'm working my dream job now, but wasn't then. And so that was a little bit easier to, to be able to go part-time. So what we did as a family, uh, we decided we wanted to live very poorly. You know, let's check that out. And, I worked part-time and Aaron worked part-time and we switched off. He worked part-time for UPS at night and I worked part-time during the day, so he would be with Noah during the day, and I would do all the night, uh, chores. And our marriage became more of a partnership and it had to be, because I kinda liken it to Batman and Robin, like they're together as partners, but they're there to protect one another and they're always having to help one another to get through whatever that. You know, is happening at that moment. And then once all that's over, they're tired. And so, yeah, they're still partners, but they're like, alright, we're gonna go into our separate caves and, you know, just kind of be until the next fight comes up and then we'll go together and, and do it again. So it's kind of it, it turned in and I thank God that Erin and I were such good friends because had we not been the best of friends, it wouldn't have worked. And I think a lot of marriages break up over special needs children and it's simply because the exhaustion and the, fear of the future and just, it's just a lot and you take it out on that person that's right next to you. So, but we made it through all of that. awesome. He's. Way, uh, more laid back than I am. So he was able, able to take the crazy and I was like, yeah, yeah, we'll do this together. You absorb the crazy and I'll be the crazy. That's kind of how it was. That's match made in heaven. Yes. But now, you know, we're great. we're together and we're stronger than we've ever been and I feel like you know what we've gotten through, we can get through anything really. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. That foundation of friendship for sure is definitely a strong indicator of relationship success and mutual respect. And mutual sacrifice. Yes. You guys came together and decided no one person doesn't get to pursue their dreams while the other one, right. Not that it was anything less than, but it was definitely different than what you had dreamed of. You guys came together and found a mutual, ground and that's, that's very admirable for sure. Yeah. So I know you texted me before the session said you were grading papers. So you a teacher now? Mm-hmm. I, I am a history professor at Tri-County. Oh, okay. So very nice. That's awesome. My dream job. I love it. It's awesome. Well, I'm glad you finally got to have that dream job. Thank you. You earned it. It is not a money maker. That is for sure. But, um, yeah. It's something you're passionate about. Yes, I'm very passionate about it. So I do get to teach American history and that's my, that is my jam. But, you know, I, now I'm teaching online. I've been doing it for about eight years now. I went back. I have an associate's degree and then I worked in accounting for years and years. When I, quit full-time work, that's what I was doing. And so I did on the side part-time and stuff, but I went back when the boys were in school, when they were in middle school to get my bachelor's in history. And then I got my master's in history and started teaching probably when Noah was 17 maybe. And still in school.'cause he was able to go to school, till was 21. And so I taught okay. while he was in school. And then now I teach online because he has to be, I don't really have any, a way for somebody to take care of him or I don't have a place for him to be. Sorry, tri County, I'm about to tell some news here, but I tried to get him to be able to come to class, but due to the law or whatever, they won't allow him to come into my classroom. So teaching online has been, you know, it really has been a godsend. I don't really get the relationship I want with my students, but it's still, it's something for me to do and I enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. That's awesome. So I'm sure there was probably times when you experienced self-doubt and feelings of being overwhelmed. Is that fair to say? Yeah. Oh yeah. So how did you navigate those moments? Well, Hormones always play a big part of that. And as funny as it sounds, I mean hormones and sleep deprivation will really, uh, from the time Noah was probably four till he was, I'm gonna say 14, he slept maybe two hours a night and then he would be up for two hours and maybe sleep an hour. and he wouldn't stay in his bed. And so we had to get up because he ma would try to go out the front door and go get on his trampoline, or he may, you know, wreak havoc in the house. And we had to make sure he wasn't disturbing Daniel. And so one of us was always up with him. And I think those are when you're in your darkest moments, because you are. So sleepy and so tired, and the thoughts are flooding. And so a lot of my self doubt came then, you know, why is he not sleeping? Why I've done everything they've said to do, but I'm not doing it right. What is it I'm not doing right. You know, that kind of thing. And, and it really, I started focusing more on me than I did on him I feel like I'm very independent in things and that I want to fix everything. I'm a fixer and I couldn't fix this. And it got to a point where something had to give because I was going to literally lose my mind if I didn't, you know, give this up and say I can't. Do this. So I, I remember one night, it was about two or three in the morning, Noah liked to pick sheet rock. So if there was just even the tiniest hole in his sheet rock, he would pick huge holes into the wall. So we were excellent, at repairing sheet rock. If anybody ever needs it, we know how to do it. One way of one that was yes, before the internet, we can, we can do it, make a YouTube video. so I was sitting up against the wall. It was like two in the morning and I would, I started playing, casting crowns, praise you in the storm. And I kind of would hit my head up against the wall and he would be over there singing or picking that sheet rock or whatever. And I just finally said, you know, I can't do this anymore. God, I, I, this is completely yours. I am. I cannot do this physically. I'm done. I'm about to lose my mind. I'm about to just. Get on a plane, go to Jamaica and never be found. I can't do this. Mm-hmm. And you know, I just prayed and prayed and listened to that song I know 15 times back and forth. And I felt like when I woke up the next morning, just this whole, weight had been lifted off of me. And I felt that peace because instead of my prayer being, please take this out away from him, please get rid of autism altogether and just let him be typical. I changed my prayer to help me find peace in all of this and just, you know, move me forward and make me the person I need to be so that Noah can become the person you made him to be. And I won't say that every day has been great since then, but the peace I have felt since then has been, you know, just. So much better than what it was prior to that. And I think we have to get to that place where we allow people to help and allow, you know, just that piece to come into our lives. However, we see that coming in and I stopped trying to fix and I stopped trying to be perfect at everything and just said, I am who I am and I can only do so much. So that's where we ended. Wow. That's definitely powerful. Well, if I start crying is y'all's fault. It's the question. Yeah, I feel cry happening. Well, we might, because the next question here, I'll let you. Oh, Lord. Are y'all trying to make me cry? Are y'all like Barbara Walters? We're gonna try to make this. No, we are not. What has been one of the most joyful and remo or rewarding moments you've experienced as a mother of a autistic child? Mm. You know, I was reading that question and I was thinking about it. you know, what I think is so amazing is that our, and I, I don't wanna call'em our typical children or, you know what I mean by that? Um, I think they call it non-diverse, uh, anyway, I'm not sure what the term is. There's some fancy term for typical children, but really, you know, they, they hit all of these milestones. You know, they walk by this age, they start talking at this age, they start talking in sentences. At this age, you know, there's every little milestone that, that children typically hit with Noah. Those milestones may never be hit. You know, hit, but they definitely aren't gonna be hit at the same time as a typical child. And so, you know, he didn't say his first real, what we call on purpose words until he was probably seven years old. And that was just, you know, we jumped for joy'cause we waited so long to hear that word come out of his mouth. And what we meant by on purpose, that's what we called it, that was our family term for it, was he just said a word for either something he wanted or, you know, an appropriate way to say the word. And I can explain that more in a minute. But, um, so the first time he said, mommy, he was 10. And so, you know, you expect that with your children as they're grown, but we get all these little fun, exciting, new things. At least expect it, you know? So to me that's what the joy I find in that. Just watching these small things that happen in his life that's just so that we celebrate so much because we never thought we would do it. You know? And, and they come outta nowhere and we're just like, oh my gosh. You know? That's amazing. And, and just Wow. Be able to, and we're still getting those little, those little joys I call'em hugs from heaven. Exactly. I mean, and it's, you know, like a little wink, God wink. He's like, I still see you. Exactly. I see you. I, and it's just fantastic. I mean, it's just so much fun to watch that. That's awesome. Yeah. That is really awesome. and too just to watch him interact with others. When they told us he would never understand relationships or love or, or tolerate physical touch, to even have a hug. The amount of people that have just fallen in love with Noah. And never even meet him, but just see him on, you know, Instagram or Facebook or whatever, and they just instantly fall in love with him. I'm like, how is he not special? You know? How's he not? And if you get a hug from Noah Bird, then his discernment of spirit is, is amazing. Wow. And if he hugs you, then you know you're a good person. So, I mean, he's just, I don't know. Well, I was thinking about having Noah on the next time you were here, but what if he doesn't hug us? Cana? Oh no. Oh, that says so much about us. He would definitely hug her. She looks like a Disney princess. I know. She should see her with her hair down. Yeah, it's a whole thing. Tracy. Oh yeah. He loves the Disney Prince. Not that you don't look like one Rhonda. I'm just saying she's, I thought you were talking about her. I was like, she does, right? She does look like a Disney princess too. No, it's the blonde hair. Oh, the blind hair. Um, so we're gonna move kind of into some of the practical aspects of pairing an autistic child. So kind of thinking back to more of the formative years, maybe preschool. elementary school area. did you have any key strategies or approaches that you've used to support his development and wellbeing? was there any like systemic approach that you were able to adopt or did you make up your own and if you did kudos? No. Internet. No Internet. Exactly. Exactly. one thing I always made it a goal to seek out people who had older children because I wanted to see what they had done and what worked and what didn't work. The thing with autism is it may work for your child, but it may not work at all for the next child. And so my motto became, as long as it was legal and as long as it. Would not hurt him physically, and it didn't go against my faith. We'd try it. And there are things that we have tried that did not work for Noah, and some people, you know, they swore by it. But for instance, and I'm not sure what they call'em now, but back in the day they called'em Dan Doctors. Do you know what I'm talking about, Rhonda? No. Okay. No. Um, they were these doctors that gave, that did testing to see what kind of, toxins you may have in your blood, the levels of mercury and all that kind of stuff. And then they would give you, like, I'm talking a box full of supplements and these pills. Mm-hmm. They were very large pills and you're asking me to try to get these pills down my 7-year-old autistic child's gullet. And that was not happening. I mean, it was just, it was ridiculous. And the, the amount of. Money and the amount of pills that came along with that was just so, that was not an option for us. It did not work, but we had speech therapy and we had OT therapy. Both of those worked very well for Noah. we had a BA therapy into which we were just blessed with that because the first time Noah received a BA therapy, which is applied behavior analysis therapy. He was, eight years old. And what happened was South Carolina had a pilot program and they did a lottery with the autistic children in South Carolina. I think there was something like 9,000 people in this lottery and the first hundred to be drawn would get this a BA therapy for free, which if you know anything about a BA therapy, it is very expensive. I've always said that autism is like a rich man's game because the more money you have. The more help you can get your child. Mm-hmm. Especially if they're on the higher end of the spectrum.'cause you don't get as much help on the higher end as you do on the lower end. so we did get a BA therapy. He was, I think, drawn at number 79 in the lottery and we got that for a few years. Again, a god thing, uh, that was incredible. we did a gluten-free diet from the time he was three and a half to the time he was 15. And I believe wholeheartedly that that helped as far as his behavior was concerned. And I think that helped because he could, Noah was considered nonverbal. and if you don't know a lot about nonverbal versus verbal autism, when he was diagnosed, he had never spoken a word he used Sounds. and he would pull on you or hit you or bite you or whatever to get what he needed. so he never formed words. Today, Noah would be considered like, um, non conversational. So he cannot actually carry on a conversation. What he uses is what they call e ele. Can we word that so he can repeat words and he will repeat words thinking that he's having a conversation by repeating the words that you just said. mm-hmm. And he also sings because all of that comes from a different part of your brain than conversational speech, if that makes sense. Oh. So he doesn't, and this is one of our still our major concerns. He will not tell me when he is in pain. He cannot express how he's in pain. So, you know, I can ask him if his stomach hurts, but he's gonna say yes. He says yes to everything. Everything, everything you ask him, um, you can say, do you wanna go burn down a house? And he'll say, yes, absolutely, let's do that. So, you know, yes, I would love to. Yes. Depends on which house. I mean he never says no. And it's because he doesn't understand the difference between yes and no. And so that's what's very challenging for us. But with the gluten-free diet, I believe his behavior was, difficult because I think his stomach hurt all the time and he couldn't tell us that his stomach hurt. And with that diet yes, and calming that gut, I think it took a lot away, all of that. Um, so I will say that was definitely the best thing that we did. And we'll probably go back to, I think it's time that I go back to that for his help anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Now I can tell you one thing that we were gonna try, if you want me to tell you the story, but as long as you're not rushed on time, we're not. I know. One thing that we did, and what we thought about is because when Noah was eight or nine years old, there was a woman in California that her son was severely autistic and she used what she called, I think his name was Joey, and they were called Joey Cookies. And y'all know, I probably know where I'm going with this, so they were laced with THC and she had her marijuana cookies and she would give him for anxiety and that kind of thing, a bite off those cookies. Mm-hmm. And she had'em in these little things. So I thought, well, what if we do that for Noah? But of course it was illegal in the state of South Carolina and I was. Very concerned about going to jail. Number one, are my child getting taken by DSS. And so I was talking to my younger brother about it and you know, we grew up in the, you know, the buckle of the Bible belt, right? So I didn't know where to get this stuff, but my younger brother, who is so worldly, he was like, oh, I can get it. You just bring the gluten-free brownie mix up here to Pennsylvania and I'll get the stuff and we'll do it. And I was like, all right, but nobody can know. I just wanna see if it works for him, right? He was so, brother was all, oh, I know how to do this. I got this. He owned a couple of restaurants and so he knew where to get it and blah, blah. So I bring the brownie mix, we make the brownies. My brother takes what he gets in this bag and he chops it up. Like parsley, like chop the stems and all just chops it up and throws it into the brownie. And so yeah. So we go to taste these brownies. Before I was gonna give one to no, I was like, all right, well I need to taste it. And it literally tasted like we were eating grass and sticks and little twigs were in this brown. And I'm like, is this how you do this? I mean,'cause this is disgusting. There's no way my child's going to eat this. And I did not give them to him. Well, you know, come to find out people, put it in butter and get the oil and all that kind of stuff and or in water. And then you make the product that way. Not chop it up. Like we mean it was, it was the funniest thing you had to be there. But, so that did not work for US State from Colorado. I am where it's been legal, so. Right. You know how No, I don't think that can do it. Exactly. Yeah. But worldly brother knew. If you knew my brother and you could see him be like, oh yeah, this is how you do it. Chopping it. Like he's, Gordon Ramsey over there. He's like, gosh. And then feeds it to his father-in-law who eats like three of these brownies. And I'm like, oh, dear Lord, we're all going to jail. But, and I don't know, oh my gosh, if it has the same effect, whatever. so I never gave it to Noah. I don't know that it would've worked for him or, or what would've happened if it had been done correctly. But I do now give him CBD oil, which is Charlotte's Web Uhhuh. That's what we give him drops. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. And that stuff's amazing. And he has not been on medication since I started any kind of other medication for behavior like he was on, Rispadol for a while, for a couple of years, very low dose, but he was on that. Um, he's not been on medication since we started the CBD drops, uh, probably four years ago. So that's been, wow. Yeah. That has been a game changer. I don't know, I'm not saying I would never do it if it became legal in South Carolina where he could do, the THCI will not give him any synthetic THC or any of that kind of stuff. The Delta eight, delta nine stuff. Right. I, okay. I don't want him to hallucinate or feel like he's outta control. That's not what that's for. And I think that Charlotte's Web takes the edge off enough that he doesn't need any of that other stuff. Yeah. So saying if you do it, that's completely up to you and I'm not judging you for it'cause. If it works, praise the Lord. But, you know, that's awesome. I, through working in holistic medicine, I, went to an autism one conference years ago and met the folks at Charlotte Web. It was just like we, they were just now, coming up with something that was regulated enough that it could be illegal, which is really sad, but Yeah. And so, um, I'm very familiar with that product and, we'll do our best to try to put just at least their website in our, in our notes. Yeah. Yeah. they've been around like one of the first ones, so mm-hmm. They've got a great product for sure. I learned about them from, from a father actually of an autistic child. Really? Mm-hmm. Years and years ago. Awesome. And we used to order it. We used to actually drive, now we order it mm-hmm. Off their website, but yeah, it's, and it's been consistent. Mm-hmm. Do you feel like it's been consistent, like dose by dose? Yes. Concentration wise? Mm-hmm. Okay. That's good to know. It's worked, so, yeah. I mean, I can't say that other things didn't help along with it, but it's been a great product for him, so That's awesome. Well, it's great that you found something that worked. Yes. Yeah. How do you manage balancing your child's needs with your own self-care and personal time? Do you see my hair just kidding? Looks amazing. No, seriously? Do you have like something that you. Are able to tune into, to kind of recharge or in the past? What's something that's been practical for you? in the past I've been able to, again, it, this, it's sad, but you know, being in school and doing that kind of thing was a recharge for me. But unfortunately, and this is probably not, it's not a reflection on other people'cause people have asked to help, but when you have a nonverbal child, it's very difficult to give that power to someone else. and that's mainly because if I pick him up from someplace and I say, how was your day? Or How did you feel comfortable being there? You know, that kind of thing. He's not gonna tell me. He, he just looks back at me or just echoes what I just said to him. yeah, and I think that's hard for people to understand because they hear him speak, but they don't understand. He can't process the speech that, that answers that question. And so I'm very, particular and I'm very overprotective and, and I'm okay with that. So there's not a lot of time that I'm not with him, unless Aaron is with him. And that's just kind of our reality. Uh, yeah. But now that he's older, he, you know, he will go into his room and do certain whatever activity he's on at that point.'cause I very, he does various activities and, you know, I'll read a book or clean the house or do laundry or whatever. Um mm-hmm. Get things done that I have to get done. so now is better. When he was younger again we, it was more of a, I will do my thing and go out and go shopping or go maybe with some friends to dinner or that kind of thing. And then Aaron would do his thing, which would be hunting or something that got him in a solitary kind of situation, Uhhuh. And so that's kind of how we spend our time Now. It's difficult because we're still kind of in that state where, you know, we're supposed to be in those years where we travel together and, you know, we've saved money to go on vacations and that kind of thing, but that's just not something that we're able to do. leaving Noah for a week to do that is just not feasible, because we don't have that, um, a place for him to stay, you know, that we feel comfortable with him staying. Right. And also that that other person feels comfortable.'cause it's a lot to take care of Noah in that aspect. Okay. And so he goes with us wherever we go. And, um, that can get pricey when you have two adult, three adults going. Yeah. And so, you know, we we're kinda like the president and vice president don't travel together and unless Noah's with us. So that's, that's, that's funny. So our, our golden years will be much different I think, than others. I'm okay with it. It, it's not like, again, not what we expected, but we are very blessed because, and I, I hate to use this phrase and I know I hear it all the time. Some men, it's terrible to say, but there are people that have it so much worse than we do as far as, not worse, as in their child is worse just. And their circumstances are so much harder than our circumstance. Mm-hmm. So I feel blessed in what we do have, if we have to take him on vacation with us, that's completely fine. Yeah. Yeah. I know he had mentioned earlier that it was difficult for him to sleep. How is that now? That has been fabulous. they have put him on a sleep medication, so now he's uhhuh taken that because our developmental peds told us that he could take Benadryl. But now there are studies that have come out saying Benadryl causes dementia. And so I'm like, what? Wait a minute. We don't need that happening. So I actually, about three weeks ago, I went to, his primary care physician and said, we need to look at medication because mm-hmm. He doesn't sleep well, uh, still. Mm-hmm. And I know this because I don't sleep well'cause you know, hormones. But, um, and I know when he's up and now he stays in his room and he is not picking up the sheet rock and he just, you know, yeah. Lays in his bed and that's amazing.'cause I don't have to worry about him getting up doing things and all that kinda stuff. But, um, so now we have him on Trazodone, which is a very common sleep medication for autistic children and adults. Yeah. And he's doing great so far. Um, we've gotten a Fitbit, I just got that last week to, so we can regulate his sleep and see how he's doing because two years ago he had a, a grand mal seizure. and that's the first one he ever had. And it scared us to death. It was horrible. And the neurologist told us that it could possibly be due to lack of sleep. And so now I'm just trying to get a, a hold of that situation. But he hasn't had one, he had one two years ago and he hasn't had one since. And the neurologist, released us and said that he probably would never have another one. So praise God for that. Oh my God, that's awesome. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Well, I love and wanna applaud you that you have like a spirit of gratitude and you really embrace that.'cause that's something we've talked about in a lot of our episodes so far is how far gratitude can take you, whether it's physical, emotional health, like just so many things. So, mm-hmm. That's great that you have that thinking. Another one of our questions, and I feel like this might be loaded, so don't feel like you have to like answer all of it, but I'm just thinking as the mother of a child who had learning disabilities and gifted at the same time, and I've. A tiny little peek out of your window we had to deal with, with the school and the counselors and whether or not they were gonna support him and when they were gonna cut him off and let him loose. So, can you tell us a little bit about like maybe challenges when you were mainstreaming school and if you have any, or healthcare or social environments? How were you able to kind of work through that? Were there any, I guess I would say, life changing adaptions, that you were able to do that we were like, well, once we figured out that this is what he needed, we were able to advocate for that. what were your re resources available perhaps? as far as the public schools were concerned, I didn't really, a lot of people my first, very first IEP meeting, I didn't know what that was. I had no idea what we were getting into. You know, in, in autism you have so many acronyms and to memorize all that stuff and understand all that stuff was overwhelming. I was just about, you know, I just need to have worry about my child and his health right now. And so the very first IEP meeting, we had the Autism Society came in with us and then it became this free for all within the meeting between the special needs coordinator, the teacher, the autism, advocate. And I didn't even know what was going on. And it was over, unfortunately, another child. So we were just kind of being, you know, lost in the whole shuffle because there were so many things they wanted to have done in the schools for autistic children. And they were kind of using my time as their platform. And so I made the decision then that. I wasn't going to have, um, someone come in and advocate for us. I was going to be his, you know, I was going to do it. I was gonna be his representative, and that's how I continued through the rest of the years. The thing with Noah is he's kind of an anomaly. A a lot of the teachers haven't really seen an autistic child like Noah because of the fact that he's able to speak, but he can't form conversation and can't form speech. And so it's not this severely autistic child who just makes noises and cannot be taught because he is so severely autistic and he's not that high end where he's, he's, um, high functioning autism to where it's more of a social situation then it is educational. If that makes sense. So he is left in the middle where he wasn't a behavior problem and he wasn't, uh, intelligent enough to go into a classroom to do an inclusion type thing. So it was difficult for them to figure out where to put Noah. And Noah became a learner in his environment, so he would learn just by watching people around him. And I was okay with that. I really was, because I had, I understand what Noah can do and I'm not limiting what Noah can do, but I understand how far he can go and how much anxiety you would bring upon him if you tried to make him read at a fifth grade level. So a lot of my, talk in IEP meetings was about Noah being comfortable about, you know, them watching him, especially in high school when he got older, especially when he got past 18. Because you know what I, my fear was that he loves girls and he loves girls that look like Disney princesses. And they will wanna hug Noah because they love Noah. And so they're like, hug me, hug me. You know, and just giving him free range in that. And him 18 and the girl 14, you know, now we're looking at, this is a, a jailable situation. I don't think jailable is a word, but you know what I'm saying? I mean, this is, he can be arrested for this. It is. Now we will put it in the dictionary, but that was a great concern for me. So my IEP meetings were always about put your eyes on him constantly. You need to always have that there. because don't let him go to the bathroom alone. who's in the bathroom, when he goes in the bathroom, right? Mm-hmm. And, you know, those were the things that I advocate the most for. And I did it in a way that I was nice about it, but they knew that if it wasn't done, I, I could not, I could be the other way if I had to be. You were right. Yeah. But I didn't, I feel like some parents go in with this guns a blazing. If that's who you are, that's, that's who you are and that's how you work. But they, I also know from experience that they will not work with you going in with that whole, I've got a lawyer in my back pocket attitude. I tried to have a good attitude when I walked in there. And they're not fun If you've been in an IEP meeting, they're boring as all get out. so I, I kind of, my, my journey was a little bit different in that it was all about his safety and all about his. Anxiety level more so than it was about his educational needs Uhhuh. So if I answered your question, no, that was the perfect answer. Okay. Noah sounds very lucky to have a mom. That's such a good advocat for him. Oh, thank you. I don't do well with compliments by the way. So if I start going Who? Who does? I'm like, Ooh. Alright. Well next we wanted to bridge into talking about societal and family support, and we wanted to ask how your family or social circle reacted to Noah's diagnosis, whether that's immediately or in years after. And how has their support or maybe lack thereof impacted this journey you guys have been on? Hmm. Well that's loaded. Choose my words wisely. I felt like there was adequate support as far as from afar. Does that make sense? Like, I love you, I'll pray for you. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but as far as let me come to your home and do whatever I can do to help you, that wasn't there very much. again, I wanna preface that by saying that a lot of it was me too, uh, as far as letting go of the reins with that, and feeling that he's safe in that situation. My parents. Had a lot going on in their own lives to be focused on that. you know, Erin's mom was really, did a good job as much as she could with Noah and, you know, she was always supportive. It wasn't like somebody would call me up and go, Hey, I think you need a date night with your husband. Let us come stay with Noah. That just didn't happen ever. But now my friends would, do things for us and ask, you know, can we help? What ways can we help? That kind of thing. But I think, I don't think it was a lack of, I don't want to do this for you. I think it was more of a, I don't know how to do this and I'm, I'm afraid that I might not do it right and something could happen. That fear that people have mm-hmm. I think was. Probably what kept them from,'cause I have wonderful friends and I have a wonderful support system, and I think that's probably more what was the issue than people not wanting to help, if that makes sense. But I would just say to caregivers, if there's caregivers watching grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, what I have said to others in the past is, you don't have to cure the autism while they're out on a date for three hours. That's not, you know, just make sure that the child doesn't die before they get home. If that, if you take them outside and they pour sand over top of their head and they bury themselves to their shoulders, then so be it. Just clean'em up. But as long as they don't die before the parents get home, you are golden. You don't have to try to like, you know, solve the world's problems and the three hours that they're gone, just chase'em. Yeah. That's all, you know. Yeah. Put your running shoes on and go. If they, yeah. Throw a plate, clean the plate up, it's no big deal. Just, yeah. You know, you don't have to worry so much. It's not like they're gonna rip your face off when you're sitting on the couch. You know? You're not, yeah. You're not babysitting a gremlin, you're just babysitting a child because that Don't be scared. Wow. Wow. That's just, that could be good for a lot of people to hear. I think. I mean, even me, I've, I haven't had a lot of experience with autism and feel like I'm already learning so much just from this interview, but I think a lot of people do have like just unsure feelings.'cause they're not, they just have no idea, like really anything about it. So maybe hearing that will enable some people to help people in their lives that have kids with autism and, and I mean. Just a couple hours is better than nothing. If that's all you can give, that's, that's perfectly fine. But just let the parents, you know, go and sleep in their car for two hours if that's what they want to do. Or just be able to go out to eat. I mean, we Right. Couldn't go out to eat with Noah because he was like the Tasmanian devil on speed no matter where we went. And I recall we took him to, Ryan's when they were open and easily, and we went through this buffet and he, he liked to, peel gum off the bottom of tables and put it in his mouth, which is so absolutely disgusting. And when you can't take your eye off a typical child for a minute, you can't take your eye off an an autistic child for a second. I mean, in a split second, the things they can come up with. And so he was acting all kinds of ways. I mean, he was just all over the place. He was crawling under tables. He was yelling, screaming. So I started signing to him sign language. Let me first say, I have no idea how to do sign language. I can spell my name and that is it. So I started signing because people seem to have more sympathy towards someone who has a deaf child because they see a physical problem there than someone who has an autistic child.'cause they don't understand autism. And so as I'm signing to him, I could see the people's faces like, oh, okay, that child's deaf. What I didn't think about was somebody being there knowing how to do sign language and go, what in the crap is she doing? Because nothing she just did is actual sign language. I didn't care though. I was just like. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so you know, him crawling under that table, eating people's gum and screaming, these people were like, oh, but he's deaf. And I was like, yes, exactly. He's deaf. So we do what we do to survive. So keep the child at home so the parents can go to Ryan's and get that gross buffet, big fat yeast roll. Yeah. I wish I had one right now they have. I don't even know they have Ryan's anymore. But that was my, there's no more Ryan. Yeah, no Ryan's, no Quincy we're done for, but just to be able to go out and eat without your child crawling under tables is just a godsend. Huge. So that's that's all you have to do. Yeah. That's all you. And you can keep a child alive for two hours. Or if you can't, you shouldn't be babysitting children at all. I'm just joking. Probably not at this. It's a two hour window. Oh my gosh. You're actually hilarious, Tracy, isn't she? I can tell her how fun you were. I just thought, I just, I know. I have no idea. so then moving on about that, is there a misconception about autism that you wish clear up for others? A misconception about autism? Not every autistic child's the same. There is a vast, the spectrum is very wide. if somebody says, I have an autistic child, that could mean that they are socially, challenged. And, but they may can, you know, have all kind of conversation with you. They just, process their thoughts differently. They process the world differently. Back in our day, they were probably just considered, I hate to use the word, but considered strange or weird or, you know, eclectic or whatever. Yeah. And so that, there's that. And then there's the severely autistic, which is, they could be nonverbal. They could rock and flap their hands because they're stemming physically, so you see a lot of like banging their heads back and forth, or hitting the wall or, you know, severe, actions that they take. they could screen, they could just, you know, there's a lot of physical things going on there. Uh, and then they could be in the middle of all that. Now, I will say statistically, Asperger's and high functioning autism is what? the main group of autism is, diagnosed in that area. So, okay. Where Noah's diagnosed is a smaller amount of individuals. The higher end is what is, what they call level one autism. Now. Now there are levels and it's considered the level of care that autistic individual needs. So, level one, being high functioning, being able to function in society alone. Just need like, a little bit of guidance in certain things, whether that be financially or, or socially or whatever. And then level three, which is Noah will, will need constant care and daily routines for the remainder of his life, unless of course there's a miracle, which I'm not limiting that, not, you know, but he will always need help with daily activities and, someone to take care of him. So. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. And again, there's more people level one than there are level three, so. Gotcha. I think it's a Netflix show. Have you ever watched Love on the Spectrum? I have. I have, I have. I was wondering if you have, me and my husband have watched, I think all the seasons makes our heart so happy. That's probably the most I've learned about autism up until this point. you know, even with that love on the spectrum, you, they're high functioning autism. That's a lot of, you know, I can go out and be on a date, but you saw socially it's awkward for them. Um mm-hmm. And so I think, I love the fact that there is so much awareness about autism, but I think when your child is on the lower level of that, um mm-hmm. It kind of takes away from that need because a lot of people see love on a spectrum or see that high functioning autism because a lot of TV shows, like there was a TV show called, um, I can't remember the name of it. Back in the day, it was a family and I can't remember the name of it now, but he was high functioning. And so I think a lot of people look at autism like, well, it's not that big of a deal because at least they can be in society and function and people can get jobs and do that kind of stuff. It is that big of a deal when they're lower on the spectrum in the levels. So, and you don't see a lot of that represented in these movies. Like the movie that just came out, well, I'm really bad at this, uh, cultural thing today. Amazing Boy or something. It just came out at the movie theater. He's higher functioning that's the picture that's being painted with autism. And it kind of, and I'm not, please hear me when I say that. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be focused on that, but again, those on the lower end of the spectrum are getting lost in that higher end. yeah. Well I definitely think you have a point there'cause me not knowing. Anything about autism and then watching that TV show, and that's about the only context I had for people with autism. I mean, I did study psychology, so I had learned a little bit about autism in school, so I knew it was a continuum and it was very varied case by case. But yeah, for a lot of people that don't have that knowledge, I'm sure they'll watch mainstream media and have an idea of what it is and what it isn't, when that may not be the case. Right, right. When it comes to, um, laws being made and, and you know, different, um, funding and that kind of thing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What concerns me is those who are on the lower end of the spectrum, of course, need more financial help and need more therapies and need, You know, they have more medical issues and that kind of thing.'cause there are a lot of physical issues that come along with autism. that if we get so focused on the higher end of the spectrum, that these children that are coming up on the spectrum are not gonna get what they need financially in order to be able to function in society later on. Because it is proven. The more help you get when they are diagnosed at a young age, the better off they're going to be as adults. And that's just not happening. Mm-hmm. You know, the, the children aren't getting what they need at three and four and five years old and, you know, I hate, I really wish they would, put a spotlight on these. Yeah. These lower end. Right now there's spotlight in something called the telepath tapes or telepathy tapes or something. As an autistic parent, it gets very irritating when people, come up with these crazy things and you feel as an autistic parent that if, I bet if I try this, I'm going to cure my child of autism, because that's how they push these products. And this, you know, it's about these tapes or a documentary about how these nonverbal children, autistic children, are able to use telepathy to connect with their parent or their caregiver or whatever. Now, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychiatrist, I am not a neurologist. But I can promise you, even though my child is considered nonverbal, we are not connected. Telepathically, wouldn't that be great? But how come your child can do that? And my child cannot See. It's just one more thing that you put on an autistic parent to say, you're not as good as this parent because this parent can talk to telepathically to their child. Okay, well I can see that. You know what I mean? I mean it's, and yeah, don't get me started about vaccines'cause it's the same way. Do I wanna know? Yeah. That I gave my child a vaccine that caused his autism? Absolutely not. I don't want to know that. I mean, I'm not gonna get in the fight right, about vaccines and if they cause autism or they don't cause autism. But I have two children, they're 20 months apart, that got their shots in the same doctor's office. My oldest has his master's and he is a, you know, he teaches history. He's extremely intelligent and you know, I, it's just hard for me to believe that these shots. That they got caused this autism. And right now we're seeing the upswing in measles. And I think it's because people are so terrified to get their children vaccinated because they're a fear of autism. There's a lot worse things than autism. And that's watching your child die at five years old because they didn't get the measles shot. or the rubella shot. And you know, it's, it's a lot of guilt that people put on autistic parents. Uh, and it's so much to deal with when you're dealing with the daily needs of your child is all the guilt. Yeah. Did you try this? Did you try that? Are you doing this? You know, I will climb down off my stairs like a big mental load to carry. Yeah. And when they focus on the high functioning, kinda what it, what I'm hearing you say is it takes the focus and the funding off of these level three. Yes. And. The folks that need a whole lot more support because we've kind of, as society and entertainment painted a different mm-hmm. picture. Mm-hmm. Of what it is and what it looks like. Right. And I'm not saying that there aren't individuals on that higher end that need that kind of help as well. Right. What I'm saying is the focus is being pulled to that end of the spectrum. Right. And yeah, again, I understand that more people that are diagnosed with autism are on that higher end, but you're leaving the ones you know, that aren't kind of in the lurch because you're not building programs and you're not building awareness. And it's just like when Noah was diagnosed, Rainman was all we knew, and Rainman was that difficult, you know? I mean That's right. That's, and he was a genius, so I could handle that. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'll come down off my soapbox. Excuse me when I climb down the back. No, you're good. I into a crowd. Is there anything you would want other women, specifically women, because that is the majority of our audience and focus group, who are parenting autistic children to know or hear? Is there like, and we've talked some of that about this, so if you say, I've already said this, we could move on. But, if there's just like a soundbite or something that maybe you could say to grab the attention of specifically women who are struggling trying to navigate. The system, connect their children and then also connect with their non-autistic children in a way that's meaningful and then still have a relationship with their husband. Oh, and by the way, they're friends. You can do all of that for simply 9 99. I'll give you this year, Mail it to PO Box. Who cares? Anything. You know, the one thing I would say is, um, and oh, there's so much I could say. I will say that I do feel for this generation of mothers who have children that are coming onto the spectrum, because social media can be such a double edged sword. I see it with my students too. But just, you know, us keeping up with the Joneses in our generation was a lot different than what. Keeping up with the Joneses is in this situation with, with social media. And I really think that people get bogged down in that, in that they have to feel like they have to be as good as that autistic mother who has 120,000 followers and she's doing this, this, and this. And, you know, your situation could be completely different than that person's situation, financially, emotionally, how you're made up. I mean, if you're an introvert, this path is difficult because you have to step into a role that you would probably never take. You know, be upfront and be an advocate and be out there and, um, assertive. And if you don't have that personality. It's difficult, but you have something that you can give. You just have to figure out your way of doing that and be okay with that. Because my way of doing it and your way of doing it could be totally different, but yet come to the same conclusion for your family. So what is best for you and your children is what you should focus on and not what is somebody said on Instagram or TikTok or whatever, right? Yeah. Because what happens when you can't, when you cannot reach what they have reached, then that's just one more, you know, soared in your heart because you can't be that person and it, it just tears down your self-worth, uh, every time you do that. Yeah. And you know, I, I would simply say what is best for your child? You live with that child every single day. You know what that child needs and, What needs to happen for him to, for his future and yeah. You know, advocate for that and don't try to do things that, that steps you so far outta your comfort zone that it brings anxiety to you doing it. I mean, that would be my, my biggest advice to mothers I mean, you can learn a lot from social media. Just don't let that be how you measure yourself as a mom. You can only do so much. You can only do so much for that other child in your family to, I mean, that typical child, it is a difficult road to have an autistic child and a typical child, because you're parenting them both so differently and you have a lot of mom guilt in the way that you feel like you've given that. A special needs child, so much attention that you forget are, are just say, I'm going to really focus on this other child that I have tomorrow. And um mm-hmm. And that's, that's really hard. It's really hard to balance both. And I have a lot of mom guilt that I still deal with to this day, for my eldest. I don't know that he feels that way, but I feel that way. You know, you have to just, you do have to set aside that time to, to put towards your, even though you have very little left, but mm-hmm. You just have to figure out what keeps you going and do that. So That's great, I will encourage moms. this girl wrote, it's only about a page long, but she wrote this thing called Welcome to Holland. Have y'all ever heard of that? Her name is Emily Kingsley, it's called, and she wrote it in 1987, but it talks about, she had always dreamed of going to Italy and so she got the guidebooks and all this and, and really saved up to do this trip to Italy. And she was all for it. She got on the plane, she was ready to go. She felt very, prepared for her trip to Italy. And this is an analogy of she's a special needs mom. So this was her analogy of what it was like to have a special needs child. So as she's on that plane, just excited about this trip, uh, they land in the, Stewardess says, uh, we've landed in Holland. And she immediately kind of started freaking out because she didn't want to go to Holland. She didn't ask to go to Holland. She didn't, she wasn't prepared to go to Holland. She doesn't, you know, didn't want to be in Holland. And then she realizes, well, it's not like this horrible place or a, a place full of pestilence and, you know, um, a dirty place, but a beautiful place and a slower paced place in Italy. And it had windmills and tulips and, you know, just this, wonderful landscape. but not what she expected. And I'll just read the last paragraph because it's just an amazing paragraph. It says, but every one you know, is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned. And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. So it's very sweet. That's amazing. That's so good. Yeah, I highly recommend it. Welcome to Holland is the name of it. Okay. Definitely check it out. Alright, we have a couple more questions for you. One about the future, and then one is our closing segment. So in terms of the future, do you have any hopes for Noah's future and his independence as he grows older? Well, I mean I, I would hope that he will be able to take care of himself independently. I mean, as much as I would. Love to age backwards or find a vampire. Yeah. So I can stay this same age, whatever. Apparently that's not gonna happen'cause that's not a thing. But I'm getting older and you know, reality is setting in that one day I'll be 70 and then I'll be 80. And you know, we don't want to think about our children going before us. So I have to really think about the future of who will take care of him when I'm no longer here and who will take care of him. Like I've taken care of him, you know, who's gonna be that person. And so I try not to dwell on it because I try to have the faith that I know God will take care of him because of how far God has brought him already. So I don't want to limit God in that. And that, you know, if he would've told me Noah when he was three, if he would've told me he was going to be like he is today at 25, I wouldn't have believed a word you said. Right. But, so I can't say that he won't be totally different when he is 35, I have to prepare for that. I have to prepare for his future. Yeah. And who, who will take care of him is always in the back of my mind, you know, what will happen mm-hmm. In that, that he has to have that level of care. Mm-hmm. Always. So was that, did I answer your whole question? I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, you did. You killed it. Of course. I wasn't, I didn't know if there was a part BI couldn't remember. I only remembered the first part. First part. Most important part. Okay. All right. So something we do to close out every one of our podcasts, I'm not sure if you listened to any of them. We call it what she said, where. Usually in a regular episode, we would just find a quote or something that connects to the topic of the day. And then in our interview episodes, we like to get it straight from the source. So in this case, you're gonna be our she and the what she said. Okay. So we wanted to know is there, and if something you feel like you already said in this episode, you can always reiterate it as well. Is there a quote mantra or just a general piece of wisdom that's helped you navigate this journey? Being a mom of an autistic child, like I say, I think when you find peace in this situation, when you stop trying to, cure autism and just right, sit in your space and lean into what you're going through, I think that it becomes an, I won't say an easier journey, but a journey that, You can travel and, not feel so overwhelmed. and, you know, do the best you can and don't worry about being supermom. Just do what you can do and, you know, love the people around you. Support your other children. Love your other children, but be real with your children. And just say, this is a, we're going through this as a family. It's a difficult situation and I understand how it is for you and how what you might must be going through as well. It's not all about the mother, it's about the entire family. So just embrace that family unit and travel it together and find peace in it all and find the good times and the silver lining. And try not to focus on, you know, the, the bad times and humor. I put a lot of humor in it. Yeah. Because there's some fun stuff autistic, autistic children can come up with. They can come up with some easy Yeah. You definitely found the humor in it, and we really appreciate your time. you've made a very difficult conversation seem, not easy, but just obtainable. What you're doing is things that you worked hard to do, but anybody can pick this up and say, Hey, I can start right here, which is really what we're about. Yeah. Like finding simple, practical things that people can implement that day. Yeah. They don't have to go and read a book. They don't have to go and see a doctor. And you've been incredible for that. Right. And we appreciate your time so much. We're gonna have Tracy back on, a little bit later. she, um, actually has, without words. Which is an Instagram page that she has, uh, recently started with Noah and it ha is going crazy and a little viral, and so we can't wait, you know? Yeah. We wanna, we wanna be interviewed on your program. Well, hey, bring it on. I'll do it. I'll go ahead and link your Instagram and our show notes. Yeah. So that when this episode releases. Okay. So yeah, listeners go and look in the show notes. You can see the link to Tracy's Instagram so you can get a glimpse inside Noah's life and a little bit more about him and all the joy he brings and how special he is. Yeah, he's pretty amazing. Thank you so much, Tracy. Well, I enjoyed it. Yes. Thank y'all for having me on. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you so much. Okay. All right. And that's the, that's the tea, baby. We'll see you later. Bye.