Imposter Syndrome is Lying to You

 Ever feel like you're one wrong move away from being exposed as a total fraud—even though you’re crushing it? Same. In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on imposter syndrome: what it is, how it shows up (spoiler alert—it’s sneakier than that one ex who keeps watching your stories), and how to fight back. Whether you've just landed a new job, started a creative project, or still can’t take a compliment without awkwardly deflecting, we’ve got you. We’re talking self-doubt, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and why your inner critic needs to take several seats. Tune in for personal stories, mindset shifts, and tips to help you stop spiraling and start owning your seat at the table—without needing a secret decoder ring to prove you belong there. 

• Join the conversation: Is there a time in your life where you have struggled with imposter syndrome? How did your weekly challenge go? Share your reflections in the comments or via our social media.
• What She Said: "I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find me out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’" — Maya Angelou
• What She Said: “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” – Lori Deschene
• Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @generationalteapod, watch us on YouTube, and listen to us wherever you get your podcasts!
• Microphone flags by Impact PBS
• Intro music by Cymatix
• Logo by @makariann 
• Business email: generationalteapod@gmail.com

Transcript

0:11

Every like few weeks or few months, I'll cycle through different foods that I just like am so fixated on. That's all I can think about. I love it. What are you fixated on right now? Right now fixated on cucumbers with lemon pepper seasoning and ranch as a snack. And then for breakfast every morning I've been having protein oatmeal and it's actually been really good. Really? I'm in my healthy girl era. I'm trying, imagine what you, you're away from your mother-in-law. It's so much easier, I imagine. No. Well I know Weston is a product of you, so it's actually not easy. Oh, poor. He's obsessed with zebra rolls right now. What? Oh my God. They're actually pretty good. I'm trying to hate on them, so I don't. Want to eat. Hey, that's like, that's that plastic, literally. Oh God. I know. I'm like, if we're going to eat sweets, can I at least like bake us something or make us like a healthy alternative? But he hates everything. I make them healthy, so I blame you. Well, but see, now I did when they were smaller, they did not get any like cookies or anything like that. We did the little cutoff cookies so you couldn't just grab the bag of cookies, you had to actually make'em. But then Weston realized that they tasted so much better raw. So yeah, they do. That thing was a party foul for sure.'cause he was not having that. Well, yeah, we were arguing about this the other day. Well, not even arguing, we were just discussing how I want to eat healthier and I wanna make like more of a variety of foods. And I have been, I've been cooking all kinds of meals with like tons of vegetables and for the most part he is getting them. But he was telling me that you guys actually made the meat pretty healthy. We did. It's true. It's true. Except not as healthy as my family. My parents were making like avocado brownies and my mom was just raw dog and spinach for breakfast. So disturbing. But I mean, I do like healthy food now, so I thank them for that. But sometimes I was like, why are we eating avocado brownies when we could have real brownies? Right, right. So, yeah. welcome everybody to another episode of the Generational Tea Podcast. I'm Cana. And I'm Ronnie. And today we are digging into something that is probably gonna be a personal therapy session for myself and probably a lot of you out there'cause it's something a lot of us deal with. And we're gonna talk about the insidious imposter syndrome and how it can infect your life if you let it. If you've never heard of this term before, which I had never heard of it, probably two or three years ago, and I came across it and I was like, holy crap, I have felt this my entire life. I've never been able to put a finger on it. I was just so shocked that I'd never heard of this term before. And definitely that realization of, oh. This is what I'm doing to myself. This is why I have these feelings. This is why I am always feeling like this in all kinds of situations, was a great first step, but I know that I need to really dig into this more because I probably realized this happens to me two years ago and I still struggle with it, maybe a little less than I did in the past, and I'm able to kind of talk my way out of it but it's, it's insidious for sure, and I'm glad we're gonna talk about it today and really dive into what it is and how to combat it. Because awareness is always the first step before we learn to grow and move past things. So what is it? Imposter syndrome is a persistent self-doubt, despite evidence of competence and willingness to work, learn, and get better. You ever, ever felt that, oh my goodness. I too, um, am just now learning about imposter syndrome this week or last week when we had the outline ready. I have felt this way my entire life. My entire life. I mm-hmm. So into my head. Um, and, and I, I wanna make sure that people understand this imposter syndrome does not mean that you're not confident. it's in between your ears and you can fight through it or whatever. And I guess over time you learn how to deal with it differently. But yes, I have always felt like, um, I don't know. I felt like if people could unscrew the top of my head that they would absolutely, you know, be so disgusted with how, yeah. I felt to myself. and not as much now, but definitely I can just see in different stages of my life. It can wear a different hat. It can look very different. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, so that's, mm-hmm. This really resonated with me and like I said, I had never had a term to put on it, never until when we started this outline. So yeah, I'm looking forward to it for sure. Yeah, it's just that little voice in your head. And I think there was like a comfort in me when I found out about it. And I also found out how pervasive it is across really the whole world and all kinds of people deal with this. And I, it kind of made me feel better. It was like, it's not just me. Other people feel this too. I'm not the one that's constantly questioning whether I'm, I'm supposed to be here or I'm qualified enough to be here. But that being said. Even if a lot of people struggle with it, that doesn't make that little voice in your head any more, right. Or any more justified'cause it's not. It's not. Okay. Anyways, let's get into some stats. Studies show around 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their life, especially women in minorities. So particularly in high achieving women that are probably in male dominated fields or just minorities because of historical oppression and all kinds of stuff. telling different minorities, you're not supposed to be here, you're not good enough to do X, Y, and Z. So we can see why that would be a trend within those certain groups. can you think of a specific time in your life when you dealt with this? Maybe stronger than other times? yeah, for sure. in my early thirties, I had the opportunity, to travel and do some, um, events for women. giving them encouraging messages. a lot of them were, um, maybe another's, Saturday brunch for Mother's Day. then they kind of went to another, like maybe then I was doing retreats and, you know, I was in my late twenties, early thirties, and most of the women that I was talking to were, you know, at least 10 to 20 years older than me. I had peers there, people my own age, but for the most part, because I was so young in my life, obviously there were gonna be a lot of women that were much older, and I struggled so badly with it. I mm-hmm. Not doing what it was. But the big thing with, with me and what got in my head is who am I to think that I can give anybody wisdom? Much less. But you know, women that are in their forties and fifties, sixties, seventies, they have so much more experience in life. I still had smaller kids. I couldn't speak to raising a teenager. I couldn't speak to really grief. I hadn't lost anybody really close to me at that time. I, um, really, struggled and, I'm happy to say that none of that crippled me that I was able to get through it, but it was a constant thing. It was constant. And once I got on the stage and, you know, like, or at the platform or whatever, once I was able to talk just a few minutes, then I could really rest in the fact that I, I worked for this. I've studied, I am not coming here based on luck I'm coming because I feel like I have a message. And I want to encourage other women in their walks of life. Mm-hmm. Whatever that looks like. thankfully I did not get, that, uh, feeling too young was never reciprocated. probably it's, I'm sure some folks thought it, but I did also try to, when I told personal stories or tried to relate, I would try to do it in overly authentic way. It was like, almost like I had to overdo my personal experiences, not to make them not exaggerate, but you know, they had to be really in depth so that these, these ladies knew. I'm coming from a place of lack of experience and I'm sure you guys are probably have, more information and or have a lot more knowledge than I do. But in this specific subject I had worked my butt off. I had done the stuff, you know, I did do start off small and build and build and build. So, yeah, some of you ladies right now be thinking, what in the world are they talking about? Well, if you ever felt like you were faking it, that's imposter syndrome because we feel like we're faking it, but we're not. We have worked for it. We have earned it, we have taken care of it, specific care of whatever that it is. If it's your work, if it's a relationship, if it's your influence. And I think folks with a gift of influence really struggle with this. And I think it's what holds people back. It holds folks back from putting themselves out there. So that's my personal story. And I was able to work through it. that's definitely a great example and a lot of relatable things in there for me while you were talking, I was thinking over my head like, Hmm, like what parts of my life haven't I struggled with? Imposter syndrome, because honestly, that's what it feels like. It feels very, I don't know, I think it's just infiltrated my head. And I think a lot of it comes from a lack of self-esteem and. Some deep rooted self-loathing that I'm still working through today. But what caught my eyes when you were talking about those who have the power of influence or have the desire of influence. Yeah. and it's interesting today because just this past week my, my dad and I do a book club and we're talking through this book that's talking about mimetic desire and how to just really like take inventory of the desires we have and which ones are thick and which ones are thin and which ones are rooted from other people making us want this, or is this something we really desire anyways at the end of the most recent chapter we just went through, it was kind of talking about identifying your core motivational drives, and after thinking through it and reading the book and talking to my dad about it. Like some of the examples that the book was talking about was you either have some core motivational drives will be like the desire to influence, to educate, to create, all kinds of stuff like that. And I feel like one of my core motivational drives is to influence. I mean, that's why I wanted to start a podcast and put my voice out there, right? But for years and years and years I've been telling myself, who am I to do that? Like you were saying, like who am I to do this? Who am I to put my voice out there? I am 25 years old. I don't have that much life experience. these are things I'm telling myself like I don't know enough. I don't read enough books, I don't have enough experiences. Like I'm just a homebody with no life experiences. Like it's crazy that things I'll tell myself, and this is a pattern with me, like anything I'm doing, like I was an athlete for 11 years. And I had imposter syndrome the whole fricking time. Not kidding you. I always felt like I wasn't good enough to be on that team. I wasn't good enough to hold that position. Like it's crazy. And just while I was doing this outline, I was thinking back in my life and I was like, oh my God, I've struggled with this and almost everything I've ever done. And it makes me like so disgusted by the hate I have or like the self-doubt I have for myself. So it's good talking about it because clearly something I struggle with and my being aware of it isn't enough for me to get on the other side of it because I would like to deal with it less and less. I've been podcasting since August of last year and it's still, I still have that voice in my head saying, who am I to do this? Why would people like this? That's just how it is. I'm just being very transparent. But it sucks, Makes me feel a little better knowing that more people deal with it than you think. Yeah. So if you see that super confident person acts like they has it all together, they could be dealing with it too. Yeah. Yeah. And like I said, I don't think it comes from a place of inauthenticity. Mm-hmm. And I think, particularly probably more in the South, I feel like, definitely not now, but just over time as I look at myself from a very young child all the way up, women didn't, speak up. The women that I knew, they didn't speak up. They, I know they had amazing things to share and just never shared them. Mm-hmm. And I don't think it was because they were dumb or inept. I think it probably had to do with them in their heads talking through and, particularly living like in the Bible belt. Um, and some churches. And still today. And we just had a local church that made a big move and withdrew from a big association, because of the barrier of not allowing women to be in leadership or to have a platform of influence within, the church, the association, whatever it is. I'm so glad we're on the other side of that. I'm so glad that, those things aren't holding me back anymore. And that more mm-hmm. People, even in my own town, county, around my state, because of this church making this big move, there are gonna be so many more free ladies out there, who have an amazing gift of influence. The thing about, I think a powerful woman that may, make us. I'm not saying better, but there are certain things and certain, people that we can influence is the fact that we do have an emotional connection mm-hmm. To whatever we're passionate about. Yeah. We, when we are influencing others, when we are talking passionately about something, just because it has made an impact in our life and we have a feeling we have something underneath that we're not just giving out information. Mm-hmm. What we're giving is because we've lived it, we've seen someone with it, we're learning to live with it, or we know that we're not immune to it. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it does. For sure. I like it. you know, we're gonna probably share a lot of personal stories about us dealing with imposter syndrome today. So if you wanna share your own story. Yes. I think it helps for women, like you were just talking about, we're all emotionally connected and we like to learn from each other and. I think women empower each other by sharing stories. So if you wanna share when you've dealt with imposter syndrome, maybe you're dealing with it now, or maybe you've dealt with it in the past, share it on social media and tag us so we can repost it for other women to see. Or if you wanna DM us, keep it private. We'd love to hear that too. We'd love to hear from you. So go check out our social media at Generational Tea Pod and that's the story. DM us, comment, whatever. Let us know when you've struggled with imposter syndrome. Yeah. While you're at it, hit that follow button. You know, you want to oh my gosh, that's too funny. Let's get into what is it and get into the backstory of this term. So it was coined in 1978 by psychologist Pauline Clance and Suzanne IMEs, and I love that it was founded by women and they actually identified. Five types of imposter syndrome. So we'll see if we can relate to any of'em. I am pretty sure when I was writing the sound line, I related to every single one of'em, so here we go. First the perfectionist feels like anything less than perfect is a failure. And I feel like, golly, a lot of women can probably relate to this one. Yeah, I think we tend to be more perfectionists than men do, and perfectionism is oftentimes my worst enemy, I can see where that would be that way. I, deal with a lot, but that's certainly not one of them know, she would know that I'm just like, closest is good enough and let's just keep on going. But, yeah, my dad was a, chronic perfectionist and he would tell me all the time as, as I got older and as, he settled down just a little bit in his own life, he was like. Be so grateful that you're not a perfectionist. He said it is a prison within your own mind. You literally are in prison. You are never happy, not just with what is out there, but what you're doing more importantly. And so that just really stuck to me. And I, I am grateful that that's not one. Now I have some other people in my family who still deal with that, but, so maybe you need to hear that, that it is a prison between your own ears. And, it just helped me to, to have more compassion. Yeah. And not see it as this person's annoying and they're insecure. They, you know, it's within their mind. I think for me it comes from a place of not feeling good enough, and so I feel like I have to do everything perfect to compensate for that. Yeah. I feel like that happens a lot where I feel like I have to be at this ideal standard of what I consider perfection to be, to enable me to participate or do or whatever. Uh, and just talking about, I'm like, why? Why am I like this? But in the moment when you're dealing with it, it, it doesn't feel like that. Right. But yeah. Um, the second one that, the ladies mentioned is the superwoman or Superman. And, this person is that person that pushes themselves to work harder and everyone to prove that they belong. So, um mm-hmm. The outside, it may look like they're a fierce competitor. Mm-hmm. But they're not competing with you. They're competing within themselves. Yeah. And that can almost go hand in hand with people pleasing. Mm-hmm. Because I can think of in some jobs where I've always felt like I didn't belong and I had to. Work really hard to do it and make sure I was making everybody happy at the same time, just to like, give myself this validation that I was meant to be there. Yeah. Which is so silly because I think I let my boundaries get trampled and my time management was crazy. My self-care was non-existent at that time. And looking back at it, I just wish I would've settled into like, I belong here, let me do my job, but let me also take care of myself and maintain my values and my boundaries and all that stuff. But once again, it's easier said than done. Oh my, this next one. Go ahead. The, the, the third type is the natural genius beliefs. Things should come easily and then you feel like a fraud when they don't. Yeah. Yeah. I've had that happen. Yes. Yes, for sure. It's a little more like almost embarrassing for, uh. Yeah, these, these folks are, are, a lot of these folks are in leadership. That's how they rise up. the next one is called the soloist, which refuses to ask for help because it will reveal their incompetence. Um, yeah, I've definitely struggled with never wanting to ask for help to either like, draw attention to myself or like feel like I need help.'cause especially like maybe in a classroom setting, if no one else is asking for help and you're the one person who's like, I don't understand this, you feel like, ah, yeah. I mean, that can happen in a lot of areas too. Yeah. Yeah. Oh gosh. This next one. So the expert, once again struggled with this. It feels like they need to know everything to be legitimate. And that's how I felt actually before starting this podcast. I was like, I have to read like a million self-help books and I have to like. Just get my together. And I realized that that wasn't realistic and it also didn't matter, and that I could do this just the same as as I am now, and learn and grow through it instead of feeling like I need to achieve X, Y, and Z before I actually get to it. Right. Right. Because I, I do feel like people, want to learn with you. Mm. Yeah. So as you're learning, just having the confidence that other folks wanna learn alongside you. So some of the, examples of imposter syndrome in the workplace, is not asking for the deserved raise, not speaking up in meetings to assert your ideas because you consider yourself lesser, than your counterparts. And, um mm-hmm. That is, that is a big deal. I was in a corporate situation, I've had a very good job. Was not uneducated, not educated for it. I had the least amount of education as anybody else in the room and couldn't even believe I got hired. So that was something that I had to kind of just work through and realize that I'm here and I did earn it. Yeah. I In a different way. Yeah, definitely. The next place we wanna give an example from is relationships.'cause, well, I feel like I don't struggle with imposter syndrome as much in relationships as I do, like external groups or activities or jobs or whatever it is. This is still a very real thing in relationships. So maybe it just looks like feeling not good enough in a your friendship group or with your romantic partner. You're, you're telling yourself like, I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with this person. Like, I, I don't belong in this friend group. They're all better than me. It can, it can take a myriad of. Ways to present itself, but at the end of the day, something to look out for.'cause if you're in a relationship with someone, they're in it with you. Like you're responsible for your own choices at the end of the day, and so is that other person. So if they're choosing to spend time with you and invest in you and be in a relationship with you, don't let that little voice tell you that you don't belong with that person, or you don't belong in that friend group. Mm-hmm. You just have to trust yourself and also trust that other person that they see stuff in you that maybe you're having trouble seeing at the moment, but at the end of the day, you're both still there. And don't let that little voice take away from the present and the value of the relationship in front of you. That's great advice. This one here, I'm sure. anyone that's a mother I'm sure relates at some point in their life of, just, you know, one of the, uh, examples of imposter syndrome and motherhood is, comparing yourself to the perfect mom. you know, and now with social media, thank God I didn't have that when I was raising my kids. I can't imagine the pressure, that, mothers deal with now because they're not just seeing other mothers, they're seeing other mothers in their perfect life, but they're also seeing someone else's child in its perfect life too. Mm-hmm. You know, it's, it's a slippery slope and I don't believe there's anyone that, cannot get trapped in this. I, I really don't at all. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Especially with social media. Like, I'm not even a mom yet and I'll find myself on mom talk or whatever and see all these things trying to tell you how to parent, how to do X, y, and Z and then just showing highlights of like their happy baby and they look so happy and put together. And once again, it's the highlight reel. It's not the reality. Yeah. And at the end of the day, you have to trust your own instincts to raise your own children. Right, right. I think, I don't know, but I think seek some solid advice. the one thing that was great piece of advice that was given to, Jim and myself as a couple, we were told to find a couple who's where you want to be in five years or where you wanna be in 10 years. Find somebody that's raising middle schoolers. We had little kids, we had preschool age or, high schoolers. See how they're doing it and they're doing it well. and look to them, ask them to mentor you yeah, definitely. While we're talking about social media in terms of imposter syndrome. Just thinking about it. I feel like I would be way better off without social media because I think it feeds my imposter syndrome a lot. and it's not like just that, comparing yourself to the perfect mom. Like be comparing yourself to other 20 year olds your age, comparing like what you're eating in a day, to what they're eating in a day, to how they're working out and how they look to all that. And then all that stuff in your life, whether it's something you're actually pursuing or goal or desire that can give you imposter syndrome, but also it can just really. Tank your belief in yourself and the confidence in yourself and make you think, I'm not doing it right. I need to be doing it that way because I don't look like that or feel like that, or whatever. Mm-hmm. I don't have that many followers. It's just so dangerous. I don't know. Yeah. I'm feeling so frustrated with social media lately. I'm thinking about deleting my personal Yeah. Or just like archiving it for a year. Yeah. And just having like the social media for the podcast, which I obviously have to do, but it's so dangerous. But I, I definitely recognize that it has fed my imposter syndrome and I'm aware of it. It's either gonna limit it or get rid of it. Right. Right. I've had a lot of, even ladies my age that are like, I had to get off for six months. and I, I certainly kudos to that for sure. Mm-hmm. It's not easy. So another example is creative pursuit. It's who am I to write this book, start this business or create this podcast? And I know Cana and I had a lot of, introspective, time that we had to really think about, is this something that, uh, we can do? And, and the greatest thing is, and I love this about partners in anything, in podcasting, in life, in motherhood, in, marriage, we have a partner. it's so great because the chances of you both going off the rails at the same time are usually pretty unlikely. So if I felt like, oh my gosh, we cannot do this. I have nothing to say. Tina was feeling encouraged, you know, so she was able to encourage me and then vice versa throughout. Yeah, it's not like a one time thing, but just, um, when you have a great partner, um, in whatever you're doing. One of the things that you lean in on them about or with is when you feel like you can't make it, you can look to them because they're gonna be encouraged at that point, you know? Mm-hmm. That's how I feel like we've been able to help each other already through the podcast. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And we talk about in a lot of episodes, just the importance of having societal support in your circle. And I think this is important for any kind of imposter syndrome you're experiencing in any kind of arena. Whether you have work colleagues or maybe friends that know you and know that part of your life and they're able to help you talk out of that in your, in your worst moments. Right.'cause I think even if you are never gonna get to a point where you totally beat imposter syndrome, but you can get to a point where that little voice doesn't bother you, and it's not so insistent. And I think part of that is having people who lift you up in those moments when you're probably fighting it the worst. Yeah. So, yeah, just a way to turn the volume down. On it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely. next we wanna talk about why we experience this. I mean, this helped me thinking about why I fight this so much. And for me, like I said earlier, it was just realization of things from growing up in my childhood that made me feel maybe less than, or like an an outsider. I was homeschooled and very sheltered. And by the time I got into school I had very bad social anxiety and always felt like I was the odd one out or whatever, whatever. And I think all this led up to a lot of self-esteem issues and some self-loathing of looking at myself and hating what I see or hating why I am the way I am. And so that's what feeds into my imposter syndrome. I'm sure there's other things as well, but it, like I said, it did help me to have awareness of why I am feeling like this. So then I can start to work towards like, okay, how do I get on the other side of this irrational belief that I have? How do I get on the other side of the self-loathing and move to more of like self-compassion and self-love? So that was very helpful for me to understand where, where this is coming from. And it can come from a lot of different places. That's why we wanted to have a little section on. It may help you in your journey to overcome it, just knowing where it came from. Or maybe this will get the thought process started. If you want to journal on it later and think, why am I experiencing this? What does it look like? What areas of my life have I felt this way? Was it warranted? Probably not. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, we're just trying to get the ball rolling on a lot of things for you. Right? Yeah. So the first thing on why we experience imposter syndrome is cultural and societal expectations. So whether that's gender roles, the perfectionist culture or pressure to prove yourself within that. And I think the hustle cul culture too maybe plays into that'cause I think there's a big hustle culture where. You just see and perceive everyone working so hard and then always feeling like you're not working as hard as them, so maybe you don't deserve X, Y, and Z or you don't deserve to sit at the same table as they do. Right. But again, I think the hustle culture is highlighted by social media and the highlight reels that people put out. So it's not realistic. Right, right. So you do belong, you do deserve to sit at that table. Don't let yourself think other ways. That's right. That's exactly, yes. Just thinking about the gender roles, it's something that we laugh about in my family because it is comical, but just the fact that I don't like to cook, I really don't know what to cook. I can get, that can get me down because I'll, I'll maybe see recipes or people like, oh, I just made this amazing meal. And, um, Jim does the cooking in our house and, we like it that way and he doesn't mind it. So what. Even in a place that I am, you know, in my early fifties, I can, that can rear its ugly head up. Mm-hmm. Okay. I mean, yeah, I get that because there is that, that gender role and then that idealistic, especially in the south, that the women are supposed to be the homemakers, the chefs, the whatever. Right, right. I actually still be a homemaker without cooking. Yeah. You can be the homemaker, it's your life. Build it the way you want. Exactly. Exactly. Of a blank slate. As long as it works, works out for you and your family and your partner, who else cares. Mm-hmm. The business, they don't get a slight seriously and that. Mm-hmm. That's a part of, uh, social media too, or just in general. be careful who you allow to vote in your life. Tell. You never know. That's right. Not everybody that has an answer deserves to be heard. Well, we are kind of already touched on this too, but I think comparison culture within social media is, can also be a reason why we experience imposter syndrome. It may feed it like it does for me, or maybe that's like where it originated from. Maybe you never had imposter syndrome voices in your head before you were on social media. I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, I mean the constant comparison will just only exacerbate it if you have it, or it can lead to it if you're not careful with limiting your social media and limiting the influence it has on you. Yeah. And also it doesn't just have to be on social media. I was just thinking about, at the community pool. This, this mm-hmm. Where the moms are all sitting around and have their, some of them are gonna be just really in shape, others not so much. And you might fall somewhere in the middle of that. So it doesn't even have to be, you can be completely off social media and still deal with this. yeah, definitely. So the next one, and this is the one I probably relate to the most, is internalized beliefs. that can be where imposter syndrome originates from. So maybe it's feel, fear of failure, fear of success, or deeply ingrained self-doubt. Guilty. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Um, the fear of success I think is very, interesting. I know I've had, friends, that have struggled with their weight, women friends that struggle with their weight. And when you get down sometimes to the, the brass tacks of what's going on is they are good to height, they don't wanna be seen. And if they lose the weight, folks can feel like. Okay. If I lose the weight, then I'm gonna be putting myself out there. So I, mm-hmm. I have had, I was a diabetes educator for, about six years. So dealt with both, juvenile onset or type one diabetes and type two. So type two has a lot of the, one of the big components is, obesity. Mm-hmm. you know, um, I found this to be a really common thread, not just in women and, but in men. And I think, um, just that fear of success, fear of putting yourself out there. we all get comfortable behind our little smokescreen. Yeah. So that's what I think about when I think about like, fear of success or fear of failure. Um, yeah. It almost sounds funny when you hear of it, like, why would I have a fear of success? Right. But I think that's one of those things that's so subconscious. You kind of have to dig it out because it sounds crazy, but I, I realize that I have like this, not like, not like deep fear, but it's just like a little fear of like, if I do go big on these platforms, which is obviously the goal, which is why it's funny that I'm also afraid of the goal in a sense, but I am afraid that when, well, it's, it's that little voice. It's telling me like, what if my podcasts go big, I have this huge platform, and then all these people are making comments, whether they're like pointing out all the things we're doing wrong or pointing out like, this isn't that good. Or just like finding out that I'm a fraud because now more people have access to me, they're gonna see it. Right. Which is so, so silly and so crazy. But it's, it's very real. And it's, it's laughable at first. Yeah. But again, it's that little voice and it's, it's doing things to your perception of reality and your perception of yourself, and it's not good. Right. Which is why we're gonna get into how we can recognize this and combat it, because at the end of the day, that's what we want. Right. We probably all have dealt with imposter syndrome and we wanna give you some tools and some tips and tricks to not let it rule your life. Right? Right. So the first thing that we, thought that you guys might, might help with you recognizing and combating, um, imposter syndrome is challenge negative self-talk. that needs to be a whole nother podcast and, and we'll get mm-hmm. I've had some recent really good information about that, that has to do with mm-hmm. Physics and how we talk to ourselves, which is it can shatter you only to rebuild you in a perfect, better way. Not perfect, but you know. So, um, you might wanna think about practicing reframing your thoughts. I don't know everything. To, I'm always learning or why me versus why not me. Mm-hmm. Um, just those little things. And, and I do think this again, is where that partner that you have can help you. You have to allow that partner to speak into your life. So when, even if it is self-talk, because what's in our hearts comes out of our mouth, so it, it is self-talk that you're doing to yourself, but sometimes we just have gotten so used to it that we just say it out loud. And so having somebody go to be there, and Kane, I know you've done that for me, especially in just like this last year dealing with, um, life. You, you've been able to say, you know, stop doing that. That's not good. I appreciate that a lot. Yeah. I'm glad I can help. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I'm aggressive with that. I'm like, stop it, Ronnie. Stop it. I need that. That's the method. Stop telling yourself that you gotta come down hard on me. Well, I figure that's what you respond to. So it's it's, you respond to the passion. Yes. Yes. The passion. Absolutely. More passion, more energy, more foot, more footwork. Alright. Okay. Anyway. Hilarious. Um, the other thing is track your wins. And this is where, journaling, and I know that that might be kind of an ancient or like a used to be term. Um, but even if you don't write down every day, just taking five minutes at the end of the work week or at the end of a vacation and say, wow, this is what I did. Well. Experience those, celebrate those wins. It's really difficult though, in the middle of a struggle to remember those wins, and that's why mm-hmm. I am such a proponent of writing it down, keeping, you know, just like a little, even a journal that says my wins and every day you just put down one or once a week. You just think back specifically about, what you did well that week. Yeah, I've seen two on Pinterest. I think that you could do like a wins jar, so just get like this little sticky note or a little piece of paper, write down your wind, crumple it up, toss it in the jar, and then either like when you need it the most, maybe when you're struggling with those thoughts of self-doubt the most, you open it up and start going through'em, or you can save it till the end of the year and do that. Oh, I love that. I need to start doing that. I'm trying to make it a goal right now to be more intentional with journaling, because it really does help me work through my thoughts. Yeah. And I definitely would like to track my wins, because I get in to the end of the year and I'm like, I'm the same person. That sucked. I didn't do anything to make my life better. And then later on in the future I'm like, no, I changed so much that year. I did so many little things. I'm a different person. Right. But in the moment, it's easy to doubt yourself. Right. But anyways, this is, I think, a very good one. You can document your achievements, your even compliments. If someone set a compliment about you, that's not just, oh, you have a pretty base. Right, right. But it's like you are so compassionate, you are so influential. Whatever it is, if it makes you really feel good and feel like you've accomplished something that you've been setting out to do, write down the compliment. Put it in the jar. Yeah. Or in the journal, whatever it is. It's just moments of growth to look back on when you're feeling imposter syndrome, the sneak back in. Right, right. And, and for your friends, give meaningful compliments, instead of, oh, I like that dress. Your hair looks great. Whatever. You know, those kind of things are so, they're fleeting, they're like tiny. They're not really getting into the core of who you are. You make feel good when they happen, but does it change you? Does it help you get out of your own head? Mm-hmm. when we practice that with our circle of influence, we're kind of teaching others how to treat you, which is another thing that we just talked about in our previous podcast. Um, the other thing is to reframe failure. So our failure doesn't define us unless we let it. Um, it teaches us to prepare for the future moment to be better. yeah, one of my big things is, is when you blow it, you know, admit it, and then pick up and go on. That's a, that's a time where maybe you, um, said something that, really offended someone or, or whatever that would be. actually writing that down and then going back and looking and, seeing, hey, what were the factors there? Why was this a, why was this such a failure? A lot of times our own failures aren't really failures. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's important and I feel like it's a lot harder than same concept, but with reframing your thoughts where reframing failure in your head is definitely hard. Especially I think when you struggle with imposter syndrome maybe as much as I do, when you fail, it can feel like all those voices in your head were right. Instead of looking at it like, this was a moment and I learned something about myself, and you know, It's helping make me into the person I'm becoming. And at the end of the day, like whatever it was, you put your effort, you put your time into it, which are valuable things. Don't let that little voice in your head tell you otherwise, I think everything you put out into the world will come back to you or it'll make you a better person. So. Trying to look at it a little more like that. Yeah. And the next one I kind of already talked about, the importance of societal support and surrounding yourself with people that uplift you, support you, and also celebrate your wins.'cause I think that can be another asset in your toolbox to overcome imposter syndrome is when you have people that believe in you and uplift you and they're just always a hundred percent rooting for you. Mm-hmm. So, mm-hmm. so Cana and get real right now. Okay. Is there a time you overcame imposter syndrome through a mindset shift? Yes. Actually becoming a podcaster was probably the most prominent example I can think of.'cause like I've said, I've struggled with imposter syndrome throughout my life. F many, many times, many different kinds of situations. Uh, I've felt it all and it sucks, right? And I mean, I've talked about on this podcast how frustrated I was just trying to find a passion and a career for myself after college and finding out who I was after college athletics. Like it's just been a mess. And I feel like I had a mindset shift almost out of desperation as like, I can't just keep working jobs I hate and being mean to myself and all this stuff. and I got really into reading fantasy books and they actually helped me through a lot of mental health struggles. And I think they also contributed to that mindset shift of looking at myself with more compassion. I realized my first podcast that I started in last August is the first one. And. I just caught the idea of blooming and it made me really excited because one, I love fantasy books and I also love, and like I said, one of my core motivat motivational drives is to influence people by putting my voice out there. And so the two passions of mine just met in the middle and I was like, this is it. Like this is what I want to do. Like I wanna do this so bad. Like I know. I would love it. Yeah. And I am hoping to have it be a full-time job in the future, so fingers crossed. But I, once I had that idea, I was so excited about it. And then immediately that little voice in my head came in and was like, why should I do that? I don't know. I haven't read enough books to do that. I'm not well spoken enough, like I'm not smart enough, whatever it is. But I think I was just so frustrated with where I was in life and not feeling any fulfillment in the things I was doing, that I did have that mindset shift of like, why not me? Why not do it like. Screw it all. Let's, let's, I'll dive in and do it. And I did and I realized how much I love it. And I think podcasting has helped me build up that confidence and kind of silence that little voice in my head a little bit more. I still deal with it for sure, but I think that's probably the most prominent example of overcoming it and having a shifted mindset towards something. That's great. I love it. That's really good. Another question. What's one belief, Ronnie, one belief about yourself that you're working to reframe? Wow. I don't want this always to be about hormones or menopause, but I have mentioned on other, podcast episodes, just the struggle of, just feeling like somebody else is hijacked my body. Mm-hmm. Typically emotionally, uh, intellectually, all of it. And one thing that I've had to reframe it about is I've never really had a weight problem. I have had periods where I was more in shape than others, and I'm so grateful and blessed that I have a really have metabolism or have up until this because, um, I pretty much have not been really good about. Restricting my calories or, um, I try to eat more healthy, but just over the years it hasn't been like I'm on a diet, I don't like diets, that kind of thing. But what I've found in the last probably three or four years is just the amount, how, how much my physical body has changed. Like mm-hmm. I wear the same clothes, same, same, same clothes, exact same clothes, same size, same clothes, they fit differently, or they don't fit at all now. and then also just, with my, with my relationship with Jim, my husband, like I really struggled with, why would he wanna be with me? Mm-hmm. Like, he has to look at me and think what happened to her. And he had been in fitness all of his life, and so. I knew and, and my husband is gonna, you know, he's just in incredible shape all the time. Just great genetics. And I, I really, it has been a struggle to like get myself mentally passed because what has happened is it's taken a lot of my, obviously confidence in my relationship with him, intimacy, not just in the bedroom, but just in general. Like, I get in the car, we go to dinner and I'm looking in the mirror, putting my lipstick on and I'm like, oh my gosh, this man must be so embarrassed. I really felt like he would be embarrassed to me because I had changed so much. And, even this morning as I was getting ready, um, you know, you walk past. You get outta the shower and you walk past the mirror. I try to like do it really quick so I'm not slowed down by it. But I got a glance, I glimpse at myself and I was like, oh, a poor gym. This. Oh gosh, no, no, Ronnie, stop it. That's what I said to myself. And good. Immediately I took that thought captain and I said, no, ma'am, he's with me because he loves me. If he stopped loving me, he wouldn't be with me. If he was embarrassed to me, he wouldn't go anywhere with me. So, no, this is not a gym problem, Rhonda, this is your own feelings that you are reflect or you are projecting onto. And what we can talk, uh, this is a whole nother podcast, but that's what happened. We feel internalized things and then we end up projecting those onto people. And the very thing that we feared the most, and I have had, within like the last year, I have really pushed people away, especially Jim pushed him away and I've almost caused the thing that I scares me to death, which would be for him to lead me. I've almost created it and I am not gonna be that person. Good. And so I've been doing some self-reflection and I'm working to reframe, my relationship with my husband and to, to, to stop putting things into his head and his mouth that have never been there, will never be there if you know him, you know, he would never be that person. that's my thing that I'm reframing right now, specifically. Good. I'm glad to hear it. You can do it. You can do it. There he is. I like how you use the visual of like taking that thought, thought captive.'cause I do that a lot too.'cause I think visualizations in my brain will help me actually, like, feel like I've moved past stuff. Mm-hmm. So anytime you have a thought about imposter syndrome, you just grab that joker by the throat. Yes. You toss it in a garbage can in your brain. You light it on fire. Yes. Then you. Beat it with a baseball bat. Yeah. And you never know that. You never exactly know that. Um, for sure. It's like, nope. Yeah, I'm gonna grab that and that is out. I'm not gonna bring that into my house or into my beat. Yeah. Yeah, I can. So I hope you guys have enjoyed this, topic. And as we close out, we have our, what she said and this Yeah. This one is by Maya, an angel, and she says, I've written 11 books, but each time I think, uh, oh, they're going to find me out. Now I've run a game on everybody and they're going to find me out. Maya. That's how she felt. Yeah. This is, this is just saying, I mean, she is, her name is probably familiar to probably almost everybody. She was a highly celebrated author, poet, and civil rights activist. Yes. And she dealt with imposter syndrome. So that little voice in your head is not a reflection of your actual capabilities. It's, it's just something that we all struggle with. It's something that we all have to work through. So hopefully we've got the ball rolling on some thoughts for you guys, and you guys are maybe able to think about how this happens in your own life and how to work through it and get over it. Well, not get over it, but move on the other side of it, right. To where it's not ruling your thoughts about yourself and your life. I actually included a second what she said, I, for forgot until now, and I, I just wanted to include it because I, I felt like it really struck a chord with me. And the second one is we can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we love. And that just sat with me for several days after because my imposter syndrome comes from a place of self-doubt and self-hate. And just thinking about that, like me telling myself I'm not good enough and I don't deserve to be here. And pushing myself to work harder, to prove to myself that I belong in these, in these places is just a, a losing game. And I can't hate myself to be better'cause I'm never gonna love myself if everything I'm doing is coming from a place of trying to escape self-hatred. Yeah. So that's great. There's that. And also the, the girl that said that is Lori Dene and she's the founder of Tiny Buddha, a community dedicated to personal growth and mental wellbeing. So there you go. I like it. This week our challenge is that we want you to write down three things you're proud of and practice some self affirmation. I love the jar, the, the wind jar and also mm-hmm you could do celebrating wins and self affirmation, and compliments. Meaningful compliments. You could put all that in a jar the same. Yeah. And then you just pulling out random stuff. But think about this. I am capable and I belong here. You are your loudest voice, so be your biggest fan. Yeah. Be your own advocate. Be your own advocate and your biggest fan. Um, absolutely. Yep. Yeah. Just remember that self-compassion and awareness are our strongest tools to overcome this, or at least begin the journey to overcome. Yes. Yes. Imposter syndrome. So there you go. Let's rewrite our own narrative. We're not gonna listen to that voice in our head anymore. We are going to create the life that we want, and we're gonna love ourselves into a better version of ourselves. Yes. So share your challenge. Maybe it's your affirmations, it's your story on imposter syndrome. Whatever it is, share it with us on social media, whether it's commenting, tagging us in a story or a post, a dm. We love to hear from you guys. it makes our day knowing that we're helping other people grow and begin the process of growth.'cause that's, at the end of the day, what we wanna see and why we wanted to do this is to help other people grow. So tag us on social media, a generational tea pod. While you're at it, like I said, you hit that follow button, pretty please share our post or our podcast with, a couple friends, maybe some folks that you're thinking about. Hey, I think they would like that. we ask you to do that as well. Yeah. Maybe you know someone that struggles with imposter syndrome Yes. And you think this episode might help them. So share that episode with them directly. Right. You know, may just be, it may be the segue into a meaningful conversation with that friend.'cause sometimes it's hard to know, how to start that conversation. If you see somebody that is like self. Through their imposter syndrome. But that's it for today. Yep. And that's the tea. That's the tea.